The Name of the Game
by Inthemadhouse
Summary: An Accident on the Football Field leads to new feelings between Finn and Kurt.  This is slash, my pretties, so be forewarned.
1. Chapter 1

Kurt POV

God, football sucks. I spent most of my games sitting on the bench, bored to death, waiting for someone to score so that I could actually do something. It wasn't that I wanted to be out on that field. Not only would I end up filthy and covered in grass stains, but the thought of being crushed underneath a pile of sweaty gorillas was absolutely nauseating. Now, if I was underneath just Finn, and we just happened to be naked….

Which brought me to the saving grace of being on the team. Finn Hudson in tight football pants. Or, better yet, in the locker room naked after the game. Yeah, I had it bad for him. Not that he noticed. Finn seldom noticed anything unless it was edible or came in an extremely short skirt. I supposed that was a good thing, since I didn't want him to freak out or anything. He seemed to be fine with my sexuality, in theory, but it was a different matter entirely to find out the creepy gay kid had a crush on _you_.

I ran my eyes over the sea of red and white, looking for him. He was the tallest player on the team, but, even if he hadn't been, I would have recognized him in a heartbeat. He was going over a play with the other guys, hand moving rapidly. His face was hidden by the helmet, but he turned in my direction twice. I wanted to think he was looking at me, but I knew better. Rachael was right: she might be the last choice, but I wasn't even on the radar. I just had to be content with watching from afar and reminding myself that I would be out of this stupid, homophobic town in a few years. I could go that long without a boyfriend. I would have to; there were just no other choices.

The team all got into position, and I started let my attention wander. Finn called out a string of numbers, which was probably a play of some sort, not that I bothered to learn them. If there was no dancing involved, I had no interest. Finn took the ball and launched it at Mike Chang instead of Puck.

Because I was watching Finn instead of the ball, I might be the only one who actually saw what happened next. Finn was halfway up on his toes, watching Mike run, and failed to see the opposing player until he was slammed to the ground. Startled, he flung an arm out to catch himself, and ended up taking their combined weights directly on it.

The resulting snap could be heard all the way where I was sitting.

The crowd fell silent as the entire McKinley team jumped up and charged onto the field. Finn didn't get up, didn't even move, even after the other player got off of him. Matt got to him first and held him down with one hand on his shoulder and the other on his hip.

I was halfway to him before I even realized I was moving. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Puck throw himself into the offending player. They went to the ground in a tangle of limbs, rolling back and forth. I sidestepped them, reaching Finn at the same time Coach Tanaka did.

I didn't want to be in the way, so I stood back a few steps, watching as the coach assessed his player. My stomach lurched when I saw the thin trickle of blood that had appeared from under Finn's helmet, trailing down his throat. Then I heard his voice. It was strained and thick with pain, but at least he was conscious.

His answers must have satisfied the coach, because he eased the helmet off. Once he did, I could see that the blood was coming from Finn's lip, which he was still biting down on. "Hang in there, son. We're going to take you to the hospital. Is your mom here?"

"No, she's at work." Finn was struggling to get up, so Matt helped him into a sitting position. Even with his right arm folded up against his body, I could see a lump in it that hadn't been there before.

"Do I need to call an ambulance? Oh, crap, why don't we have a nurse..." Coach Tanaka was starting to panic, which was never a good thing. Time to step in.

"I know what to do. Get him back to the locker room." I forced my voice to be calm and authoritative. "You need to get his arm stabilized before he makes it worse."

Two years ago, a jack had collapsed in the garage, crushing the shoulder of one of my dad's employees. None of us had known what to do, and we all ended up flailing around screaming (ok, most of the screaming was coming from me. My girlish squeals may have been what finally convinced my dad that, yep, his son was queer) until the ambulance had arrived. Because we hadn't kept Dale's shoulder stable and still, he ended up having to have surgery. After that, my father had forced his entire staff, plus me, to take a class in first aid. So I knew that the first priority had to be keeping that arm as still as possible.

Mike and Matt helped Finn to his feet. He was wobbly and pale and I prayed he wasn't going to pass out on us. Both the referee and the opposing coach were yelling at Puck and the other player, their voices eerily loud in the silence that had fallen. Coach swore under his breath, then grabbed my shoulder. "Kurt, can you handle this? Because, honestly, I don't know what to for him. Let me sort out Puckerman and what happened, and I'll take him to the hospital."

I stared directly at him. "Yes."

"Do it then." He looked helplessly at Finn. "Shake it off, Hudson, alright?" 

I personally thought that that was a rather appalling thing to say, but Finn nodded weakly. It must be some sort of guy code, like hitting each other to show affection or teasing each other mercilessly. I apparently hadn't been programmed with that particular code.

Dimly, I head the coach ordering the rest of the team to quit crowding Finn and get their asses back to the sidelines. They had a game to finish, didn't they? "Chang, Rutherford, take him to the back." He handed me a set of keys. "Use the gold cart."

Mike drove, with Matt riding shotgun. That left me to ride in the back with Finn, who leaned heavily against me. His face was white, and he was sweating bullets. Part of our first aid training had been to recognize the signs of shock, and Finn was starting to show them. I lightly touched his leg. "Hey. Stay with me." I tried to be forceful with him, but my voice always softened when I was talking to Finn.

Much to my surprise, he laid his good hand over mine. My heart jumped, thumping against my ribs. _It doesn't mean anything, Kurt_. My inner diva was in a bitchy mood tonight. _He's a toucher anyway, and he's scared and in pain right now. Stop thinking about getting into his pants, and act like a friend. _

Galinda (as I referred to my diva), had a point. Finn touched everybody, male and female, without seeming to notice or care. It was part of his charm, his easy affection. I curled my fingers around his. His skin was clammy, another really bad sign. "Stay awake and let me know if you feel sick."

"Ok." His eyes were half closed, but flickered open to meet mine. "I really fucked myself up, didn't I?"

He had, but I wasn't about to say that. "I don't know. Don't move your arm, ok?"

The cart stopped, and Matt was holding out his hand to help Finn up. I nodded at Mike. "Get a towel and roll it up as tightly as you can."

Matt guided Finn over to one of the benches and patted his shoulder. It suddenly occurred to me that I had never once heard Matt speak. He sang, and sang beautifully, but was otherwise silent. "Matt?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Can you go get my bag out of my locker? Code 12-52-10." Most of the guys didn't bother locking up their stuff, but I had several hundred dollars worth of facial and hair products in there, not to mention the clothes themselves. Plus, I was tired of having my stuff messed with. For the most part, the guys had accepted me as part of the team, but there were a few that still enjoyed picking on the fag.

Finn, and more recently, Mike, Matt and Puck, took up for me whenever they heard it, but it just made the rest of the guys sneakier about their tactics. As much as I wanted to just follow Finn around, clinging like a desperate puppy, I knew that I couldn't. It would keep me safe, certainly, but I knew that rumors were already flying about my relationship with Finn, and I couldn't do that to him.

The towel and the gym bag arrived simultaneously. I rummaged around until I found the scarf I had been wearing today. Luckily, it was a long one, and would serve its purpose well. I took the towel from Mike and gently tried to pull Finn's injured arm away from his body. He tensed and shook his head.

Mike gave my shoulder a quick pat. "Matt and I are gonna find Coach, alright?"

I appreciated him giving us a little privacy. "Finn, you have to let me see." His dark eyes met mine, and I could practically see the gears turning in my head as he tried to determine whether or not to trust me. I tried to look as nonthreatening as possible. "I won't hurt you."

After what seemed like forever, he nodded, and allowed me to straighten out his arm. Once it was out, I could clearly see the break. The bone looked to have entirely separated, with one end having slid up over the other. He was lucky that the bone hadn't broken right through his skin. 

By the sharp intake of breath, I knew that Finn knew all of these things, too. "Hold still." If you were firm enough with Finn, he usually wouldn't fight you. _He likes being dominated, Kurt, you can do that. _

I told my inner voice to shut up, then returned my focus to Finn's arm. Moving as slowly and carefully as possible, I slid the towel under it, to provide a temporary brace, then wrapped my scarf (which, by the way, was freaking designer silk and was now going to be ruined by sweat and general grossness) around both the towel and the arm, anchoring the towel in place. "Now don't move it, ok? If you move it around, you're going to make this worse."

"Kay." He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. I slapped his leg, startling him back awake. "And don't go to sleep! You pass out now, and you're going to the hospital in an ambulance, alone, hooked to an IV, instead of with Coach Tanaka in his car."

It was a low blow, but I knew that it would scare him enough to try and keep conscious. Finn was both terrified of needles (something that Puck had accidentally revealed in my hearing, right before team physicals), and miserable when he was left alone. He gave me a long look. "You're coming, too, right?"

"What?" I could feel my features moving into that stupid face I always made when I was shocked.

He must have read my face, because he looked down and jerked his shoulders into a shrug. "You don't have to. I just thought that…I don't know."

I had never been able to stand it when Finn looked sad, so I made a hasty promise. "I'll stay with you. We'll figure something out when we get there, ok?"

A soft smile lurked around the corners of his mouth. "You're great, Kurt, you really are."

I would have given anything to hear those words in a different context, and to know that he actually meant them. I looked down, not wanting Finn to be able to read my eyes. For someone who, for the most part, appeared to be about as smart as the average dodo, he was sometimes very perceptive. Every time in interacted with him, I ran the risk of doing something that would finally make it all hit home. But I couldn't stay away.

"So, what happened?" I changed the subject as quickly as I could. "I didn't think they were allowed to touch you if you didn't have the ball." That was the reason I had cut the dance routine a little short the past few games. I was by far the smallest guy on the field, no matter who we played, and I lived in fear of ending up with an injury like Finn's. Or having my hair ruined.

"They aren't supposed to. Either he didn't realize I had thrown the ball, or he was deliberately trying to take me down."

The other boy hadn't even started running until Finn had thrown the ball, so it had been a deliberate effort to injure the best player on the opposing team. It was such and immature thing to do. I really wanted to feel superior about that, but I couldn't, considering the number of times I had considered 'accidentally' knocking Rachael off the risers at Glee practice.

I didn't want Finn to know how closely I was eye stalking him, though, so I just made a noncommittal sound. I wanted to keep him talking, to keep his mind off the pain, but I was running out of topics. 'I want to get into your pants' would certainly be a conversation starter, but I was trying keep him calm, not cause him to have an aneurism in addition to his other problems.

"So, how come you threw the diva-off with Rachael? I've been thinking about it for, like, four days, and I can't figure it out. Rachael's really good, and I was kinda rooting for her, but you're good too.

As was my habit when startled be something, I tried to deny it. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I thought I could hit the high note, but I couldn't. Better to find that out in rehearsal, than mess up in front of a thousand people."

"Yes, you can. Hit the note, I mean. Well, you could probably screw up in front of all those people, too, but I know you can hit that note. I heard you do it in practice."

Maybe Finn wasn't as stupid as I had first believed. He was certainly looking at me now as if he knew everything that I was thinking. I leaned back against the wall next to him, so that my shoulder was almost touching his. "No you didn't." He couldn't have possibly heard that, since I had been so careful to only practice my upper range when I was alone. No need to invite more teasing or questioning of my true gender.

"Yeah, I did." He turned to look at me, so close that I could have leaned over and kissed him. "Not during regular practice, after school. I know I don't know as much about music as you or Rachael, but I do know what an F sounds like. Well, except when I confuse it with a G." He squinted one eye. "But I'm a lot better than I was."

"Of course you are." I mostly said it because I was hoping to sway him off subject, but it was the truth. For someone who had never had any musical training, except in percussion, he had adapted well, learning to read music in just a few sessions. Dear God, was there anything he couldn't do well?

_Remember to use some protection so he doesn't get his slut bag of a girlfriend knocked up, or have you forgotten about that? _The thought stopped me cold. No, I hadn't forgotten about Quinn or the baby, I was just choosing to strategically block them out of my mind.

It was useless though. Finn was nothing if not honorable, and would stay with Quinn, whether her liked her or not, for the baby's sake. Not having his own father around had made Finn determined to be there for his daughter. Seeing her every other weekend and on holidays wasn't enough for him. As long as that baby was there, nothing the rest of us could do would break them up. Even if Quinn did treat him like a loyal but stupid dog rather than a boyfriend.

I had drifted into my own thoughts, completely forgetting where we had started. Thus, it came as a surprise when Finn nudged me lightly. "So how come you blew the competition? You were really good, and Rachael would have gotten over it eventually."

Somehow, I doubted that. Rachael was absolutely ruthless, to the point where she had actually gotten the last Glee director fired. Not that I didn't think there _was _something going on between Mr. Ryerson and Hank. But thinking something without any proof was a lot different then tattling to Figgins because you lost out on the solo you wanted. "I just…" I stopped there, because I was faced with two choices. I could either tell Finn the truth, and trust that he could keep a secret, or lie. I would have liked to pick option two, but absolutely nothing came to mind. "Ok, but you have to promise not to tell anyone, ok? Not that I blew the note on purpose, and definitely not why."

"Sure." Finn was giving him an unusually deep look, as though he sensed the gravity of the situation.

I leaned even closer, lowering my voice to the barest whisper. It was just Finn and I, but Coach Tanaka would be here any minute. Actually, he should have been here already. "It's because of my dad."

Finn mimicked my whisper. "Your dad? But I thought he was cool with it. I mean, we all heard about him getting Mr. Shue called into the office." His brows drew together as he tried to figure it out.

It took everything I had not to kiss the wrinkle that appeared on his forehead when he did that. "Some guy called the garage. I usually get the phone, but I didn't get there fast enough, and my Dad got it. The guy called me a fag and hung up. The look on his face…I just don't want him to be hurt. If I got the solo, people would know, and the calls would keep coming."

Much to my relief, Finn nodded. "I get it. I would have done the same thing for my Mom. If she had wanted me to quit Glee, I would have. You know what she said, though? She said my Dad used to sing, too, and that he had serenaded her on their second date. I didn't know that."

It was nice to be able to talk to Finn like this. Of all the kids in Glee, he was the only one who understood what it was to lose a parent, and to know that the only person in the world who would be there for you was the remaining one. I smiled at him, and was rewarded with a small grin back. Then his eyes squeezed shut. "My arm is really starting to hurt."

The adrenaline that had been coursing through Finn's veins had dulled the pain until now, but it was wearing off. If Finn thought he was in pain now, he was going to be in agony in a little while. I didn't know what else to do, so I patted his knee. "Breathe. In though the nose, out through the mouth, just like in practice."

He did so for a few minutes, before the locker room door burst open and the coach came busting in flanked by Puck and Quinn. Puck had dirt running down his face, and a bloody nose, but he was smiling triumphantly. "I busted him up for you, Finn. No one hurts my boy and gets away with it!"

I supposed that was sweet, in a Neanderthal kind of way. Finn weakly raised his good hand, curling it into a fist, and Puck thumped it with his own. He flinched a little, since his knuckles were scraped, but there was an obvious camaraderie between them.

Quinn was a different story. She approached Finn carefully, as if she were afraid, her small hands fluttering up without touching him. If Finn had been my boyfriend, I would have been rushing to hold him, to stroke his hair and tell him it would all be ok. Shit, I had made it to his side faster then she had, and I was almost all of the way across the field. Had she even paused in her cheerleading routine? I had been so focused on Finn that I couldn't remember.

Finally she made her way over to him, one hand raised. The other, I noted, was on her stomach, covering the barely there bump. What did that mean? "It'll be alright, Finn. Your coach is pulling his car around, and he's going to take you to the hospital. Do you want me to go with you?"

In a movement that was so subtle I barely felt it, Finn actually flinched against me. "No. I mean, well, it's not good for you to be in the hospital. You know, with Baby Drizzle and all. I don't want her to get sick."

Finn might be good at many things, but lying wasn't one of them. He twitched and looked down every time he tried. Oddly, it seemed that I was the only one that noticed. Quinn's eyes narrowed. "For the last time, we are not calling the baby Drizzle! We aren't calling her anything, because we aren't keeping her! Honestly Finn, does your brain function at all?"

Did she really need to pick on him right now? If they weren't keeping the baby (and that decision seemed to change day to day), what did it matter what Finn called her? It would be the only bond he would ever have with a baby that he would always consider his own. He might not be the brightest scarf in the drawer, but his heart was in the right place. He was more concerned with the health of his baby and its incubator (better known as Quinn Fabray) than he was with his own comfort.

"Quinnie, lay off of him, his arms broken. Jeez.." I never thought I would be so glad to hear Noah Puckerman's voice. He leaned over Finn. "You want me to go with you, Hudson?"

My chest tightened. Of course Finn would rather have his best friend with him then me. He and I had Glee, and an unspoken arrangement where I helped him with his choreography in exchange for him getting me on the football team, and that awkward bond that comes with having a dead parent, but he and Puck were best friends. They had a history I couldn't hope to compete with.

"Nah, it's alright. Kurt's going with me. It's only the first quarter, and you need to go out there and kick their asses." Finn gave him a weak smile.

Puck visibly puffed up. "I already kicked the ass of that pussy that busted your arm like that. Fuckers have no idea who they're messing with."

Coach Tanaka was jittering back and forth, more upset than either Finn or I. "Alright, everybody out. Finn, we're trying to get your mother, but she isn't answering her cell. Is there another number we can try?"

Finn licked his dry lips. "Uh, her work number's in my phone. It's in my gym bag. She might be out, though."

I braced a hand behind Finn's back and gently pushed him upright. He seemed steady, so I grabbed his bag, easily finding the cell phone in the front pocket. This may or may not have had something to do with the fact that I spent way too much time watching everything that he did, and thus knew exactly where he kept everything. 

"Is there someone else who can come meet you there?" Coach Tanaka took a hold of Finn's uninjured arm and started leading him out to the waiting car.

"Uh-uh. It's just me and her, you know that."

The Coach opened one of the car doors, and I hurried around to the other side. I figured that Finn would have trouble getting in one handed, and I was right. I had broken my wrist when I was younger, and it was amazing how many things required two hands. Things that you didn't even think about until you couldn't do them. I took his hand and pulled, giving him the leverage he needed to get into the seat. He leaned back, his eyes half-closed. I buckled his seatbelt for him, and he nodded his thanks without speaking.

"Don't go to sleep." His color, which had improved a bit while we were talking, was gone again, his freckles standing out in sharp relief. "Talk to me, Finn."

"'Bout what?" His voice was slurring a little. In the dim light of the car, I couldn't see his eyes, but I was pretty sure the pupils were starting to dilate. He was going into shock for real this time, and he needed the hospital, now.

I grabbed his chin, giving his face a light slap. "About the fact that Mr. Shuester is hot for you!"

That woke him up, and quickly, too. "What?" 

_Yeah, Kurt, what? _I had no idea where that had come from, other then the fact that I needed something that would startle him back to consciousness. "Have you seen the way he looks at you? It's totally obvious!" 

I was going to burn in Hell for this, I was sure of it. It was no secret that Mr. Shuester favored Finn, but not because he wanted to sleep with him. I mean, not only if Finn his student, but he's only 16. It's kind of illegal. _Not for you and him, Kurt. It would be perfect for the two of you. _

"It is?" Finn was sitting up straighter now. "He really wants me…like that?" 

No, not really. Mr. Shue loved Finn, that was true, but only in a paternal way. I sometimes thought he considered Finn his practice piece, so he would be more confident when his wife had their real baby. Finn absorbed any affection that Mr. Shue was willing to give him, so their relationship seemed to work. "Maybe. But then, what do I know?"

Coach Tanaka blew another red light, making me cringe back against the seat. I could see the hospital two blocks up. "Hang in there, ok? We're almost there."

"Mr. S wants me?" Finn was still hung up on my earlier lie. He sounded….confused? Possibly a tiny bit intrigued. That surprised me. I would have expected to hear at least a little disgust in his voice. _Maybe you can sway him to your side after all_.

We parked in the ambulance bay, and eased Finn out of the car. In the harsh lighting, he looked worse than ever. The triage nurse took him, closing the curtain around him and giving us a very pointed look. I took the chance to try calling Finn's mother again, thankful that he had her in the phone under 'Mom Cell'.

A harried voice answered. "Finn, the answer is no. I want you home tonight."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. "Uh, no. This is Kurt Hummel, I play football with Finn?"

Her voice softened. "Oh, hello, Kurt. You do Glee with my boy too, right? He's always talking about you. If you're calling me, what's Finn done now?" 

Wait a minute, Finn talked about me all the time? I could feel my face flushing at the thought. "Finn got hurt during the football game. I think his arm is broken. Coach Tanaka and I are at the hospital with him right now, but I'm guessing he really wants you."

She gasped, a sharp and painful sound. "Oh, Finn. Tell him that I'm leaving work right now, but I'm out of distract so it's going to be about 45 minutes before I can get there. You won't leave him alone, will you? Please Kurt, stay with him."

I hardly needed to have my arm twisted. "It's alright, Mrs. Hudson, I'll take care of him. I won't leave until you get here." I could hear her soft sobs through the phone, and I worried that something would happen. "Please drive carefully."

When she spoke again, her voice was strong. "I will. Thank you, Kurt."

The phone disconnected just as Finn came back out, led by the triage nurse. He looked absolutely panicky until he saw me standing there. "You stayed." It was more of a rush of air then actual words. "Where's Coach?"

"Getting out of the ambulance bay before he's towed. Do you want me to go back with you?" _Please say yes, please say yes._

"Yes." He gave me one of those funny half smiles, the one that made my heart start thudding.

"Are you family to Mr. Hudson?" The nurse's tone suggested that she didn't think so.

I cocked my head and stared her right in the eyes. Time for my inner diva to surface. "I'm his brother. Stepbrother, actually, but I'm the only family he has right now. His mother is on the way." I was little, but I knew how to do a rather intimidating stare down. It was the only thing that had kept me from getting the crap beaten out of me every single day.

I knew that she didn't believe me, but Finn chose that moment to stagger and almost collapse. "Alright, fine. Let's get him to a room."

It was only after she got Finn to lie down on the bed that I remembered how much I hated hospitals. After all, it had been in this building, two floors up, that I had sat quietly and watched my mother die. Bile rose up in my throat at the memory, and I had to sit down. Cranky Nurse gave me a quick look. "We're backed up for the X-ray machine, so it might be a little bit of a wait. Watch him and let me know if anything changes with your _brother_. I'll be back in a minute with same pain medication"

Her sarcasm brought me back to the present. "Oh, don't worry, I'll be here."

Once she was gone, I turned back to Finn. His eyes were half open, and focused on me. "Thanks for staying, Kurt. You're a good friend."

My heart sank a little at the word 'friend', but I covered it as best as I could. "Brother. Remember, I'm your stepbrother."

"Right." Suddenly his head jerked up in horror. "Do you think that pain medication is going to be in a shot? Because I really have this problem with needles." Even as he spoke, he started to tremble.

_Oh, fuck._


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt Pov

Of course it was a needle. Not just any needle either, one that looked like a sword out of Lord of the Rings (hello, Orlando Bloom in tights). Without thinking, I lunged forward and covered Finn's eyes.

It was the closest I had ever gotten to him, except in my fantasies. I mean, I've touched him multiple times in rehearsal, or during choreography, but this was different. This was…intimate.

Finn froze when he lost his sight, his entire body going still. His breath blew across my wrists as he exhaled, making me shiver. Much to my surprise, he didn't either demand to know what the hell I was doing or pull back. He just stayed there, my hands resting on my skin.

Then again, Finn wasn't doing much that wasn't absolutely necessary. I had been trying to keep him upbeat and talking to me, but he wasn't really responding any more. As the pain increased, he had gone from talking to me, to one word answers and finally just grunts or head shakes. I don't know if I've ever felt so helpless in my entire life.

I took a steadying breath, forcing my voice into a mask of calm. "The nurse is here with the pain meds, ok? It's a shot."

He started to struggle immediately. "No." Unfortunately for him, there was nowhere for him to go except backwards against bed. That just gave me more leverage to hold him still.

The nurse looked uncomfortable, as though she was trying to decide whether or not she should call the huge orderlies I had seen milling around. I met her eyes and held up one finger, silently asking for a minute to try.

"Yes. Finn, you need to let her give you the shot, alright? I'll sit right here, and I won't let her hurt you, and you don't have to look, but you have to let her do it." I pushed a little closer. "I'll keep my hands just like, this, and it will all be over in a minute." 

It was a testament to how badly Finn was feeling when he just gave up and went limp against the bed. He was still shaking his head, but he didn't try to fight me any more. "Fine." It was a half sob.

He still hadn't told me to get the fuck away from him, so I kept my hands in place while the nurse put on a blood pressure cuff and found a vein in his left arm. "I'm going to have her count to five, and then stick, so count with us." To the nurse, I quickly mouthed _"on two"_

She nodded and the three of us started to count. "One, two-"Anything else we might have said was covered by Finn's yelp of surprise as the needle hit home. It was a dirty thing to do to him, but I was afraid that if I waited, he would tense up so badly that the needle wouldn't go in. The nurse expertly depressed the plunger and had the needle back out before Finn could get himself together enough to pull away.

I took one hand down to pat Finn's shuddering back. "See, it's over and now you're going to feel better." Even I could hear the false hope in my voice. He pulled away to glare balefully at me, his dark eyes telling me how betrayed he felt. I sighed. "I'm sorry, Finn."

He turned away mutely, laying on his side and facing away from me. His injured arm was tucked against his body. I waited a few seconds, but his anger never materialized. He just remained still, apparently bent on ignoring me.

I tried not to take it personally. Finn wasn't my boyfriend, shit; he was barely even my friend. There was no reason for him to want to talk to me at the best of times, much less right now. Maybe I should have let Puck come with him after all. Sure, I wouldn't be getting anything out of it, but at least we wouldn't be stuck in this awkward silence.

A minute passed, then two, with neither of us saying a word. Finally, unable to bear the silence any longer, and banking on the fact that Finn would be unable to get up and beat the crap out of me, I stood up and put a hand on his shoulder blade. He didn't turn towards me, but he didn't pull away either.

I suddenly realized that I hadn't even told him that his mother was coming. At least it would break the silence. "Your Mom will be here soon."

His response was immediate. "Someone called my Mom?" I couldn't tell if he was happy or not.

"I did, while the nurse was checking you in." I checked my watch. "She should be here in a half hour or so."

Now he did turn over, flinching when he jarred his arm. They had removed the brace I had applied and put a professional one on, but it somehow made things look worse. There was still some blood on his face and neck, a bit smeared from where he had swiped at it hastily. He smiled softly, and I was reminded again why I had fallen in love with him. God knew, it wasn't for his brains. "Thanks, buddy." Then, in a move that almost stopped my heart, he patted the edge of the bed in an invitation to sit.

What sort of friend would I be if I refused? _The sort that isn't completely pathetic, that's what. _I pushed that thought aside and perched on the edge of the bed, taking care not to get too close. You know, so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. _Yeah, cause it's not like you aren't going to be pressed up against him no matter where you sit. It's a twin bed, Kurt, don't even pretend you haven't noticed._

I ignored Galinda and sat down; choosing not to acknowledge that she was right and my leg was pressed against his. Now that I was this close to him, I could smell the sweat and grass and the vaguely chemical odor that had to be the biofreeze. I had always wanted to be taller, but if being tall meant not being able to walk correctly sometimes because your bones and muscles couldn't keep up with how heavy you suddenly were, I would pass.

"It's definitely broken. I'm out for the season, plus basketball, too. Fuck, I'm probably out of Glee, aren't I?" I had never heard him sound so unhappy.

There wasn't much for me to say about either sport, but I could reassure him about Glee. "You won't be about of Glee. It's just you arm, not your voice."

"But Mr. Shue-"

I cut him off. "Mr. Shue will work around it. After all, you'll only be in a cast for a month or two. It's not the end of the world." As soon as I said it, I wished I could take the words back. Of course it was the end of the world to Finn. For some unknown reason, he loved sports. Then again, it was the only time that he wasn't tripping over his own feet, which, by the way, were huge.

_You know what they say about guys with big feet…_

Luckily, Galinda's inner musings were interrupted by the nurse appearing with a wheelchair. Even more luckily, it wasn't the same nurse who had tricked Finn with the needle. She was pushing a wheelchair and looked like she was praying for her shift to be over. "I need Finnegan Hudson for an X-ray."

"Just Finn." We spoke at the same time, then exchanged those goofy smiles that people always did when they jinxed each other. I helped Finn sit up, steadying him a bit as he got into the wheelchair.

"You'll be here when I get back, right?" It was the second time he had asked, more like begged, for me to stay with him tonight. If he would only say the word, I would stay with him permanently.

"Of course."

"You're sure, 100%?" He looked so worried and confused when he asked that.

"Yes. I'll be sitting right in this chair when you get back." The shot must have been starting to take effect, because he didn't really look like he understood me. Or maybe he just didn't believe me.

Once Finn was gone, it took approximately 15 seconds for me to get bored. There was nothing to read, no interesting medical paraphernalia to sort through, and my eye candy was being wheeled around somewhere else. I hadn't thought to grab any of my own things, or Finn's for that matter. All I could do now was lean my head back and count the holes in the ceiling tiles.

I was at 694 when the pair of them returned. The nurse looked as crabby as ever and Finn appeared to be half asleep. It broke my heart to see him like that. The Finn I knew would be chattering away, begging to be allowed to wheel himself around, or trying to convince Nurse Grouchy that he would heal much faster if he was allowed to have a Snickers bar to help him along. He wouldn't just sit there, slumped down and looking defeated. When he saw me, though, he perked up a little bit.

"The doctor will be in to talk to you two shortly." One corner of her lip raised in a sneer. "Brothers? Is that what they call it these days?"

My face flamed red, but Finn didn't seem to hear her. Or maybe he did, and just didn't understand what she was implying. I gave her my iciest glare. "He's my stepbrother, not my biological one. And, I'm sorry; did I actually hear you imply that if he was my boyfriend, there would be something wrong with it? I'm sure your superiors would love to hear that you made a homophobic remark in front of a patient. Not only that, but a minor patient who doesn't have a parent present."

Normally, I would have just shaken the remark off. After all, I heard worse every day, over the phone if not to my face. But I was tired and scared and on edge from all of it today and I found myself unable to turn the other cheek. Not this time, not when Finn was involved. I didn't get up, but I made it deadly clear that I was serious.

She backed down, but she never cowered. "I would hardly consider it a homophobic remark. What I meant was, you two are clearly not related, despite your claims. Furthermore, as you are not a blood relative, and Mr. Hudson is, as you pointed out, a minor, I have no reason to let you stay in this room. I'm guessing you're a minor, too?" Her tone told me that she knew I was, so I didn't reply. "Then you certainly shouldn't be here. This is a hospital, not a high school. I'm bending the rules to even let you stay."

In other words, if you even hint you'll make trouble for me, I'll have you thrown out of here. I wanted to call security, call her bluff, do anything but sit here and cower like a child, but there was nothing for me to do. She was right. I could take the high road and make the report right now, but that would mean leaving Finn alone, not even a half hour after I had promised not to do so. So I settled for glaring and biting down on my tongue, my mind burning with hateful thoughts. She had won this round, but that was fine with me. I was capable of holding a grudge that would rival any woman scorned, and I knew how to bide my time. Nurse Grouchy was going down, even if she didn't know it yet.

She turned away from me and busied herself with Finn, helping him back into bed and asking if he was cold and wanted a blanket. He nodded, then shook his head, then nodded again. I was well versed enough in Finn-speak to know that he had no idea what he was, or what he needed. Someone else needed to speak for him. "He needs a blanket." If he was cold, he could use it, if not, I would save it for later.

The blanket arrived in short order, straight out of one of those heaters that I desperately wished I could have at home. I loved having the entire basement to myself, but it tended to get a little cold down there in December. I covered him up without thinking, my attention mostly on the nurse, our third of the evening. I wondered if I had scared Stabby and Grouchy away. To be totally fair, it was more likely that Finn had scared Stabby with his over the top reaction to what was, in hindsight, a pretty minor shot. I had just let his reaction get to me.

"Is he allowed to sleep?" It was head injuries you were supposed to keep awake right? Oh, who was I kidding? I knew some basic first aid, but I was useless beyond that. I did watch Grey's Anatomy, but mostly so I could look at Eric Dane in nothing but a very low-slung towel on. And once I saw that, there wasn't enough blood going to my brain to pay any attention to the actual medical cases they were showing that week. It was all too busy heading southwards.

She took Finn's pulse, smiling gently at both of us. Apparently she thought I was Finn's boyfriend, too. Fantastic. Wouldn't Mrs. Hudson be surprised to find out that her son had jumped the sexuality fence and gotten himself a boyfriend just a few weeks after getting his girlfriend pregnant? Wait, did she know about that? I would have to ask Finn before she got here. I took pride in my ability to keep a secret (see Finn Hudson: crush on), and I didn't want to be anywhere near the Hudson family when this little debacle came to light. "If he can. The shot should make him sleepy. Do either of you need anything else?"

I shook my head and Finn grunted something that sounded a lot more like "no" then it did like "yes", so she left. I hovered at the side of the bed, not sure what to do next. He had welcomed me before, but now he was trying to sleep, and might want a little space. But then, I've never been particularly good at denying myself what I wanted (and let's face it, _this_ opportunity was never going to come knocking again), so I sat down on the bed next to him. "Hey, Finn?"

"Huh?" He sounded almost asleep already, which wasn't going to work. I shook his shoulder until he turned to me, blinking heavily. "Yeah?" There was as slur in his voice that hadn't been there before.

"You mom, does she know about Quinn?" I wasn't sure if I wanted him to say yes or no.

"Not about Baby Drizzle." He huffed a soft sigh, his eyes trained on the ceiling. "She's going to be so disappointed in me."

I understood that. When you only have one parent left, you want to do whatever it takes to make them happy, whether it's joining the football squad or hiding the fact that your girlfriend is pregnant. "She loves you.""

"I know, that's why she's gonna be so disappointed."

There wasn't much that I could say to that, it was the truth after all, so I settled for resting a hand on his shoulder. "Try and sleep a little, alright?"

When he turned and grinned at me, there was a little spark of the old Finn in his eyes. "Sing me a song? How about 'Trying Gravity?' You're good at that one." 

I smacked him with the pillow. "It's 'Defying Gravity', jerk. And you promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that."

"I didn't. You already know so it's not telling." He closed his eyes again. "Can you turn the lights off, then come back and sit with me?" He sounded kind of lost and pathetic.

"Of course." My throat was too tight to actually sing anything, but I hummed softly, my arm still resting across his back. I didn't pat or rub, though in his current state, he probably wouldn't have minded either. To appease him, I did end up choosing Defying Gravity, but made sure to keep away from the high notes. He ran his fingers back and forth across the bed in a hypnotizing movement, fairly quick at first, but slower and slower as he drifted off.

I thought that he had fallen asleep, so I jumped a little when he spoke. "Hey, Kurt?"

"Yeah?" I was leaning closer to him now, trying to hear the mumbled words.

"Can you keep a secret?"

_You're madly in love with me, and you want to kiss me right now? _No, wait. Those were my own thoughts, not his. "Sure."

He was quiet, though, so quiet that I thought he might not reply at all, that his words had been nothing but meaningless sleep talk. When he finally did speak, it wasn't something I would have ever expected. "I think Quinn is cheating on me with Puck."

For a second I couldn't find my voice at all, and when I did speak, it sounded breathy and foreign. "Why do you think that?"

"I don't know. They're just…she used to look at me like that. Now she always wants to be with him, and he's staring at her all the time. I mean, she's pregnant with my baby, even if it was an accident, but that doesn't matter. I love her, you know."

Which only meant that I hated her. It was unfair, of course, to hate Quinn for no other reason then she had what I wanted, and she was willing to throw it away. For _Noah Puckerman_, none the less. Now, if I were going to hate her for cheating, or spying, or just plain being a bitch (and believe me, I hated her for those things, too), it would be marginally better. But I didn't say any of that to Finn. Instead I went with meaningless comfort. "I'm sure she loves you. She's probably as scared as you are right now, and isn't thinking clearly."

"No, it's more then that." His voice was slurring now, on the very verge of sleep.

"Like what?" _Like a gut feeling, Kurt. Jesus you're stupid sometimes. You ought to be happy about this. Quinn's a cheating bitch and Finn knows it. Now listen to Galinda. Don't do anything. I know you, and you're first instinct is to create some overly elaborate scheme that will end up blowing up in your face. Just sit back and let him come to you. He will, trust me on this._

But this time Finn didn't reply at all. Whether the shot had had its tranquilizing effect, or he was just worn out from too much pain, or excitement, or adrenaline, he was finally resting, leaving me to wonder just what it was that he saw with Quinn and Puck.

Once he was actually asleep, there was no reason for me to keep sitting there. I had to stay in the room, of course, considering I had promised his mother I would. Plus, I didn't want him to wake up and be afraid. But I could stay in the room and watch him from the chair. I didn't move though. I very seldom got the chance to be alone with Finn at all, much less actually touch him, and I wasn't about to let this one get away. Yes, I'm fully aware that I was crossing into creepy stalker territory, but come on, we've all been 16 and in love.

Unfortunately, I didn't get much of a chance to enjoy my new closeness. Within 15 minutes, the door came flying open and a middle aged woman entered. I had never seen Mrs. Hudson, but I would have recognized her anywhere. The running mascara and wild hair told me that she had broken several speed limits to get here, crying the entire way. She took a deep breath as she approached Finn, her face hardening into a steely resolve. This was the same woman who had raised her infant son to adulthood alone, without any sort of support system. She wouldn't back down now.

I let her take my place on the bed, suddenly feeling unneeded. Her voice was quiet as she whispered "Oh, Finn." Soft as she was, though, he woke up immediately. "Mom?" 

Once he determined that she was actually there, and not some hallucination he did something that surprised me. He burst into tears, throwing himself into her arms. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry. I got hurt and I think my arm is broken."

I caught Mrs. Hudson's eye and mouthed that I would be in the cafeteria. There had to be something in there that I could eat. I wasn't sure if I should stay at all, I didn't have anything better to do. Mercedes was at a family thing, Artie wasn't speaking to most of us right now (I think it has something to do with Tina), and I would sooner kiss Puck then have anything to do with Rachael. I really needed some more friends.

It wasn't until I was actually down there, eying the bruised looking fruit, that I realized I had no way to pay for any of this. Crap. My money was in my bag, which was in the locker room, along with my clothes and cell phone.

Then something even worse occurred to me. I was out in public, where anyone in the world could see me, and I was dressed like a _football player_. Why didn't I just wear those hideous colored zebra stripes that I had secretly stolen from Mercedes's closet? She was practically my sister, and a good brother wouldn't let his family wear something so ugly.

As if the football uniform by itself wasn't horrible enough, I had on an oversized grey hoodie that hung down to mid-thigh and constantly needed to have the sleeves pushed back. It had the unfortunate effect of making me look like a 10 year old wearing his father's clothes, but the hoodie had once been Finn's, and that meant I wasn't giving it up.

It had taken about a week for me to figure out that I didn't own any clothing suitable for playing sports. Normally, this would have been a cause for celebration and a massive shopping spree, but I just couldn't summon any enthusiasm. After all, I got a uniform when I joined the team, and I wouldn't be caught dead in most of what the other guys wore.

Of course, it didn't take long for me to regret choosing fashion over comfort. Ohio gets cold early, and within a few weeks I was freezing my ass off during practice. Finn, who could really be observant when he put forth the effort, had offered me his hoodie, which I had gratefully accepted. I had washed it that weekend (after sleeping in it until it didn't smell like him anymore, but he was never going to find _that_ out) and offered to give it back, but he had just shrugged and told me to keep it 'for now'. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but now I was keeping it at least until the end of the season, possibly forever if I could get away with it.

A pair of hands touched my shoulders, and I nearly bolted out of my skin. "Easy, Kurt, it's just me."

Somehow, Finn's mom had found me. Before I could ask her how he was, she hugged me tightly. "The doctor said things would have been much worse if you hadn't gotten that brace on his arm. We both owe you."

That was a relief. "So, he's going to be ok?" I wondered why he wasn't with her now. Maybe they were putting a cast on right now.

"He's going to be fine. The break is very clean, he's young and strong." She took a deep breath. "They're going to have to operate on it though, since the bone is totally separated. They were just waiting for me to sign the papers, since he's still a minor. If it all goes well, he'll be released tomorrow afternoon."

It was like the air had been sucked out of the room. I hadn't ever thought that it he might need surgery, even though it made sense. "Can I say goodbye to him?" My voice quivered a little bit.

When she looked at me, I though she might be able to tell that I had a crush on her son. "I'm sorry, Kurt, they already took him to the OR. I can give him a message for you, though."

I couldn't say what I was really thinking to Mrs. Hudson, considering that I couldn't even say it to Finn, so I settled for a quick smile. "Just tell him I hope he feels better, and to call me if he wants some company."

"Do you have a way to get home?" She was going into worried mom mode. "I can take you if you need a ride."

Actually, I didn't. Coach Tanaka had driven, and he had had to go back to the school to try and sort out the liability issues surrounding the accident. He had offered me a ride, but that would have meant leaving Finn alone, and I had refused. "Uh, my Dad is coming to get me."

My father would bought that excuse, but I had forgotten how perceptive mothers were. And considering Finn Hudson and the trouble that he always seemed to get into, I was willing to bet that his mother was more perceptive then most. "Really? When did you call him?"

My blank look must have been answer enough, because she pulled a cell phone out of her purse. "Call him now."

If it had been anyone else, I would have probably had a rude comment about my ability to care for myself. But this was my future boyfriends mother, and she already had enough to worry about. So I dialed my father, praying that he would be home.

He was. "Hummel residence, this better be Kurt, who was supposed to be home an hour ago." I noticed that he didn't sound particularly upset. He was still hoping that I would make more friends on the team, not counting Finn, Matt or Mike, who were in Glee and thus automatically suspect.

"Hey, dad, it's me. I'm sorry I didn't call, but Finn broke his arm at the game today, and I'm at the hospital with him right now. I don't have any way to get home, so can you come get me?"

"I'm on my way. Where do you want me to get you at?"

I had a sneaking suspicion that Mrs. Hudson wasn't going to be satisfied until she actually saw me getting into my father's car. "Can you come to the cafeteria?"

"Yes." His voice sounded a little strained. "Are you alright, son?"

"Of course, I'm fine." Much to my surprise, I wasn't really lying. I had been so focused on getting through each moment of what was happening that I hadn't had much time to dwell on my own worries.

We said our goodbyes, and he nearly hung up before I could get the last bit out. "Dad?"

"What?"

"I-I love you." It came out stammery and weak, betraying how little I actually said the words.

"I love you, too." His voice was gruff, but indulgent. He, too, had trouble getting it out.

I hung up and gave Mrs. Hudson her phone back. She smiled gently at me. "Do you want something to eat?"

It surprised me to find out that I did. I was always too nervous to eat much before a game, even though I didn't usually do anything, and I was ravenous after. I fixed myself a salad, dressing on the side, and chose two of the freshest looking bananas to go along with it. Then I decided, screw it, and got a hamburger to go along with it. Stress burned calories like crazy, and I had had plenty of that today.

Neither one of us spoke while I added some ketchup and mustard and she found us a table. She was watching me, and I squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze. "Mrs. Hudson-" 

"Carol. If we're going to sit together in a hospital cafeteria, we're close enough for you to call me by my first name. Now, what exactly happened?"

The memory of the bone snapping made me feel sick. "He was…" I took a steadying breath and a sip of my water. "He threw the ball, and this guy from the other team just slammed him. It wasn't fair, and Finn wasn't ready and they both kind of came down on his arm."

She flinched, and I felt terrible. "Sorry."

"It's alright." Mrs. Hudson- no Carol- looked up for a second, mouthing words that I couldn't catch, but that looked a little like a prayer. "It's going to be alright, me and you and him."

I couldn't see how, but even I knew not to bring that up. Instead I forced myself to be as cheerful as possible. "Sure. I mean, its Finn we're talking about. He'll probably wake up complaining that he missed dinner."

"Kurt!" My fathers voice boomed across the cafeteria, making both of us jump and causing everyone to stare at us. Normally, that would have been cause for extreme embarrassment on my part, but, under the circumstances, I couldn't help but stand up and rush to him.

He didn't hug me, of course, but he did put an arm around my shoulders and pull me closer to him. The entire evening caught up with me right there, and it was only through the barest sense of pride that kept me from crying in his arms just like Finn had done with his mother earlier. It was a close call, though. 

Carol stood up and came over to introduce herself. For some reason, I felt shy with the two of them there, so I looked down at the tile instead. They spoke quietly, a few words filtering over to me. "Finn….glee…mother…brave…thank you."

Then they were both quiet, and I forced myself to look up again. I didn't want to watch them talk or, dear God, were they flirting? As unbelievable as it sounded, they were. It was downright nauseating.

Apparently, being stared at by your sixteen year old son was a bit of a mood killer, because suddenly they were backing away from each other, making excuses about signing hospital paperwork and needing to get me home. I was starting to turn away when Carol suddenly gave me another hug, this time kissing me on the cheek. Apparently being overly affectionate runs in the Hudson family.

It all happened so quickly that it was over before I could react. I just stood there, mouth gaping open, as my father led me away. We were actually in the car before I came out of my stupor. I love my father, and I'm fully aware that I couldn't have asked for a better reaction to the Big Gay Revelation (it always had capital letters in my mind), but he wasn't a physically affectionate man. I could count the number of times he had hugged me on one hand, and I couldn't even remember the last time he had kissed me. Plus, it was different when Carol did it. She was a woman, but more importantly, she was a mother. They just…well, they just kiss in their own way. It made me miss my own mom even more than usual.

"Kurt?" My father has this special tone that he uses when he isn't sure what to say to me. It's one that suggests I might either start screaming or start crying and he wasn't sure which.

"Yeah?" I offered him my most winning smile, the one that reassured him that his son was not a crazy person, just really, really gay.

"Son, I think we need to have a talk."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for all the nice reviews, and for those who put this story on alert. It really does make my day to know that someone out there is actually reading this! Most chapters will be from Kurt's POV, but Finn will get a few of his own. We all know who has more opinions of the two of them!**

Nothing good ever came from those words. Never once had my father said 'we need to talk' and then followed it up with 'I'm increasing your clothing allowance' or 'I got us sixth row seats to Riverdance this time'. "Okay." The word came out a little more nervous then I would like it to.

"This Finn, the one who got hurt, he's the boy who sings with you, right? The really, really tall one?"

Finn's height was the first thing that everyone picked up on. Of course, at 6'3", which was a good four inches taller than any other member of the Glee club, it was a little hard to miss. "Yes, the one with dark hair." And the dreamy, dreamy, brown eyes, but I somehow didn't think that was something my father would notice. I wasn't quite sure where we were going with this, so I didn't say anything else.

"Is he…I mean, does he…." He smacked the wheel in irritation. "Shit, Kurt, I'm not any good at this. What I mean to ask is…."

I took pity on him. "Are you asking me if Finn is gay?"

He adjusted his baseball cap. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Then the answer is no. Finn is 100% straight." _Unfortunately_.

"But, uh, you like him, right? Like you would want to be his boyfriend, or something?" Dad was getting more and more flustered as he talked.

Was I really that obvious? It seemed that everyone knew how attracted I was to Finn, except for Finn himself. But let's face it, he isn't seeing much other than Quinn these days_. That's right, Kurt, keep Quinn in mind. Just because she's a bimbo and a bitch, doesn't mean she isn't carrying the Mini-Finn._

"Kurt? I asked you a question."

_Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to figure out how to answer you with the least amount of humiliation to myself_. "A little bit, I guess. He's just really sweet, and he sings so well and he spends time with me." Well, he spent time with me when we were in Glee, or at football practice. "He always stands up for me if the other guys on the team say stuff."

There was no need to elaborate on what sort of things the other guys were saying about me. Dad narrowed his eyes. "They still doing that?"

"Not so much anymore." I looked down so he wouldn't be able to read the lie in my face. "I've made a few friends." Those 'friends' consisted of Matt, Mike and Finn, but there was no reason to tell him that. "Finn's cool. He just…he accepts me just the way I am."

It was the truth. If I had been straight, that would have been fine with Finn. If I was gay, well, that was fine, too. When I wore the corset to school that one time, he gave me kind of a funny look, but he got over it a few seconds later. Truth be told, I probably had Finn to thank for the rest of the kids accepting me so easily. The all looked to him for guidance, whether he was taking over the club while Mr. Shuester was flirting with being an accountant, or setting off the storm out when Rachael decided to hire that midget with the bad facial hair and grating voice. What had his name been? Nevada? Since Finn didn't have a problem with it, neither did they.

He took one hand off the wheel and lightly touched my shoulder. "Sorry about that, Kurt. You'll…uh…well, you'll find someone eventually."

_But I wanted Finn_. "I know, Dad."

"I knew that boy had to be something special to you, but don't go and get your heart broken over him, alright? You can't make him into something he's not, and it's not fair to him to try."

Except I wasn't as sure that Finn was straight as I claimed to be. True, he only seemed to be interested in boobs, boobs and more boobs, but sometimes, I thought I saw something else. Like the way he would stare at the male lead during the movies Mr. Shue had us watch, far too closely to just be trying to figure out foot and body placement for the steps. Or even the way he looked at me on occasion. It wasn't an appraising look, or a flirting one. It was more of a confused expression, like he couldn't quite figure me out.

The bitchy part of me was trying to point out that Finn probably couldn't figure out the kid's word jumble without help, but I pushed it aside. There were a million ways to be intelligent, and being book smart was only one of them. Finn might not get the quadratic equation, but he understood people, and that was a skill that would get him everywhere in life, if he was willing to use it.

Or maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see, and not what was actually there. After all, they said that 10% of the population was gay, so there was a 90% chance that Finn was straight. Then there was the small matter of Quinn, and the fact that Finn was attracted to women enough to get her pregnant.

Then something my father had said finally caught up with me. "Wait, what did you mean you knew Finn was something special?"

His eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. "Kurt, you called me from the _hospital_, because you went there with him when he was hurt. You haven't voluntarily entered a hospital in 10 years." 

In other words, since my mother had died. "Yes I have. Remember when I had the flu so bad a few years ago? You took me to the hospital then."

"Yes, and you kicked and screamed the entire way. Someone called the cops in the parking lot because they thought I was kidnapping you. There you were, with a 104 degree fever, incredibly dehydrated, and it still took me and three nurses to hold you down." 

I didn't remember any of that. "No it didn't."

"Trust me, it did. You never get over seeing your child that sick." His eyes grew distant and sad.

Even if he had trouble with the words, I had never been more sure of my father's love for me than I was at that moment. Luckily, I didn't have the same problem. "I love you too, Dad." 

He flushed in the dim light of the garage. "Yeah, well…do your homework and go on to bed. Unless you want to watch the ball game with me?" It was our nightly ritual. He would ask me to watch some sport, and I would tell him that I would rather wash my hair or iron my clothes or any other excuse I could think of.

But tonight I was reluctant to be alone. Plus, all of my homework was in my backpack, which was still at school. "I need to take a shower first, but then I'll come back up."

The smile that lit his face made me regret all the times I had turned him down. After all, not only was he the only father I would ever have, but he _did_ go to Riverdance with me every year. He even let me choose his clothes for the evening.

I rushed through the shower as fast as I could, cutting my usual skin and hair care routine by almost half. Our new father son bonding wasn't going to prevent me from putting on the avocado face mask, though. I was nearly finished when a shrill beeping cut through the air. It took a few minutes of searching to locate the source of the noise, which turned out to be Finn's cell phone that I had carelessly shoved in the front pocket of my -Finn's- hoodie. The display showed the name RACHAEL in big letters.

Just my luck. With a heavy sigh, I flipped it open. "Hello?" 

The silence that followed would have been delicious if the situation wasn't so desperate. "Kurt?" 

"Yes?" It was mean, but I couldn't help but draw out her torture. I hadn't had anyone to pick on all night.

"I heard that Finn got hurt, and I wanted to know how he was. Where is he?" 

_In my bed, sleeping off what we just did together. _ Words could not describe how badly I wanted to say it out loud, but I forced myself to show a little restraint. After all, Rachael Berry showing an interest in someone who wasn't Rachael Berry was quite an improvement. "He's at the hospital. His arm is broken and he's going to have surgery."

She started to cry, though, with Rachael, it was always hard to tell which emotions were genuine and which weren't. This time, I was pretty sure that she was genuinely upset. I had seen the way she looked at him, like he was the most important person in the world. It was a look I recognized from my own face, and somehow it made me feel something more that constant irritation for her. "He's going to be fine. His mom said that they were going to let him go home tomorrow.

The sobs stopped, and a new hardness entered her voice. "So, why do you have his phone?"

There were a few things I could have said to that, but I was too tired to bother. "I used it to call his mother, and I guess I just put it in my pocket afterwards. My Dad is waiting for me to come back up, so call Finn's house tomorrow." _Or don't, I don't really care._

"But-"

Without seeing what she wanted, I hung up the phone. Then I tossed it on the bed and went back upstairs. My father had a football game on, and I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. I might not give a shit about football, but at least I had a vague understanding of the rules.

It was only after I sat down that I saw the plate on the coffee table. There on one of our dinner plates, was as splat of hummus and a handful of Ritz crackers. Sure, they weren't arranged artfully like I would have done, and he had missed that you use the pita chips with hummus, not crackers, but that didn't really matter. What mattered was that he had put out the effort to make me happy.

I also knew that drawing any attention to that fact would just embarrass us both. See, I did know at least a little bit of the guy code. So I sat down next to him and popped the top on the bottle of water that was sitting next to his beer.

The game passed in a contented silence, which I was grateful for. I had been afraid that he would ask my opinion on what was happening, and I would be forced to admit that I had no idea which team we were supposed to be cheering for. I personally liked the guys with the green and yellow uniforms, but I was pretty sure that I wasn't supposed to pick our guys based on their fashion sense.

Even more importantly, Dad didn't bring up Finn, or my humiliating crush on him. For once, we were just two guys, watching the game together. We didn't actually touch each other, but we were close enough that we could have.

By carefully watching my father and his reactions, I was able to discern that our team was the blue and white one, and that we seemed to have a really good quarterback. Not as nice looking as Finn, but not bad. Despite my best efforts to remain aloof, I found myself studying the kicker. He was small and graceful, looking more like he was dancing then playing sports. When he stepped forward for his third kick of the game, I actually found myself leaning forward in anticipation. When the ball went through the posts, I nearly cheered.

"I've never seen you so interested in sports." Dad set down his beer and wrinkled his nose. "You aren't checking out the players are you? Because, Kurt, that wasn't really what I wanted you to watch for." 

Since things were going so well between us, I decided to try joking with him again. It hadn't gone over to well when I had done it a few weeks ago, but I needed to try again. I knew that he accepted me, and that he had known for longer than I had, but knowing it was different then hearing it out loud. There was a distance between us that hadn't been there before and I hated it. All I had was my father, and I was scared of losing him. "Well, do you look at the cheerleaders?" 

This time, he was able to smile back. "Point taken. How about I don't discuss their breasts and legs with you, and you don't talk about the player's asses with me?"

"Ok." My throat closed a little, this time with relief. The first few months after coming out would be the hardest, they had to be. Once he had some time to get used to the idea, things would be like they used to be. Hopefully.

Our team won and, for once, I found myself disappointed that the game was over. I had actually felt like the two of us were bonding, and that didn't happen very often. I loved him, and he loved me, but, for as much as we had in common, I might as well have been dropped on the doorstep as a baby. Most of the time I was alright with that, but sometimes, like tonight, it really hurt.

Still, I didn't want to ruin what had just happened by hanging around too long, so I said goodnight and prepared to start my bedtime beauty rituals. Dad gathered up the plates and bottles, then stopped in the doorway. "So, you like being this boy's friend? It doesn't bug you that he doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about him?" 

Of course it did. But I liked Finn as a person as much as I liked his body, so I was able to answer him honestly. "A little. But I'm ok with just being his friend. Why?"

All my life, I've been told that I have my father's mannerisms. That every expression I make is a direct copy of one of his. I've never really believed it, until I saw the sneaky gleam come into his eyes. Believe me; I recognize _tha_t expression from the mirror. "When are they releasing him from the hospital, or do they know?" 

"Tomorrow afternoon." I still couldn't see where this was going.

"Well, it might be nice if you called his mother, and told her that you and I would be willing to make dinner for the pair of them. You know, so she won't have to cook."

My father was actually a pretty good cook, though he didn't get much chance to do it. Usually I started dinner when I got home from school, and we ate whenever he got home from work. "That would be good." I could hear the doubt in my voice, not because I disliked the plan, but because I wasn't sure why he was suggesting it. What did he get out of it?

Galinda snorted heavily. _What do you think he gets out of it? You get to moon over your crush, and he gets a better look at his._

No way. He hadn't even spent 10 minutes talking to Carol, there was no way he could have developed feelings for her that quickly.

_It didn't even take you 10 seconds to develop feelings for her son. The Hudsons are apparently quite charming_.

But I was 16. I was supposed to have overwhelming crushes that flared up quickly and died out just as fast. Not that my crush on Finn was showing any signs of that, but still. Things like that happened to teenagers, not middle aged widowers with teenage sons! Plus, my father had a wife. Granted, it had been years since my mother died, but he was still a married man.

_No, he isn't. He _had_ a wife, past tense. Just because he hasn't dated anyone since she died, doesn't mean he shouldn't have the chance. Grow up, Kurt. He loved your mother, and he will always love her, but what do you want him to do? Become a monk in a tomb, praying to her instead of the Virgin Mary? To completely end his life because hers was ended?_

No, I didn't want that. Actually, some terrible part of me really did want that. Not because I didn't want my father to be happy, of course I wanted that. I was just that…well; I didn't want him to replace my mother. I wanted to be able to see him single and be able to think '_see, he loved her that much. So much that he never even dated after she died because no other woman would even cross his thoughts_.'

Unfair? Absolutely. My father deserved to have love in his life, the sort of love that I couldn't provide. After all, I would be leaving this shit hole town in two years anyway, and what would happen then? Dad couldn't just uproot the garage, and, plus, I didn't want him tagging along after me. It wasn't right of me to expect him to be alone forever, just so I could play out my fantasy of the perfect love.

"Kurt? Would you like to call Mrs. Hudson?" My father's voice yanked me out of my inner musings.

My inner bitch roared to the surface. "She said that _I_ can call her _Carol_." I don't even know why I said it, except to let him know that she liked me more than she liked him.

To his credit, he didn't rise to the bait. "Great, let me know what she says."

I stalked down to the basement, tossing my hair as best as I could. Not that it moved much, since I had sprayed it into place at least 6 times today, two since I had gotten home from the hospital. Even if my hair had moved, my father wouldn't have seen it, but it did make me feel better.

Once I was down there, I pulled out Finn's phone and just looked at it. Despite my earlier bravado, I had a little trouble actually doing it. Then I forced myself to man up. I was Kurt Fucking Hummel, and I wasn't going to cower away from Finn Hudson and his poorly dressed mother. Maybe I could convince her that the denim look was over and she needed a makeover. No, that was getting ahead of myself. First, I needed to make the call.

The phone rang only twice, and a tired voice answered the phone. "Hello?"

My courage faltered. "Uh, hi. This is Kurt, from the hospital?" 

"Of course, Kurt, what's going on?" She wasn't exactly friendly, but I couldn't really blame her for that. I wouldn't be in the best mood either.

"How's Finn?" It wasn't what I had wanted to start with, but suddenly it was all I could think about.

"Asleep. They just brought him up from the OR a few minutes ago, but he's still pretty sedated. They fixed his arm, though, and they think he'll have full use of it back in a few months." 

"Are they still going to let him go tomorrow?"

"As long as there are no complications, they should release him about 3. Is there any way you can pick up his homework for him? I hate to put you out, but he's going to be out for the next few days, and I don't want him to fall behind."

Somehow, Finn had managed to hide the fact that he was already behind from her. Still, it offered me an opening. "Sure, I can do that. Uh, my father wanted to know if you wanted he and I to make dinner for you tomorrow. That way you could focus on Finn, and not have to worry about anything." 

She was quiet for a minute, and I felt compelled to say more. "He's actually a good cook, and I could help Finn out with his homework at the same time. If he's feeling up to company, of course. If he's still feeling bad, I can come over another time. Oh, I also still have his cell phone, so I can bring it over."

"That would be really kind of you both. How about you call tomorrow after school and I'll let you know?" There was a noise in the background, and she spoke softly so someone. "I have to go, the nurse is here. I'll call you, ok?"

"Ok. Tell Finn I hope he's feeling better."

It was only after I hung up that I realized what had just happened. I had a dinner date with Finn for tomorrow. Well, I had a dinner date if he was released from the hospital and he could manage to stay awake that long. Somehow, when I put it that way, it didn't sound nearly as good.

I didn't want to get too excited, considering that this might not even happen, but I couldn't help it. Though Finn seemed to enjoy spending time with me, I had never been to his house and I was curious.

Thoughts and plans swirled around in my head as I carefully laid out an outfit for school tomorrow, then went through my usual nighttime rituals, including the face mask. Maybe no one else in this hick town cared, but I was not about to end up with a face full of wrinkles before I was 30.

I usually slept in Finn's hoodie, but tonight it absolutely reeked of the hospital, a smell that was rapidly turning my stomach. So I tossed it in the washer and pulled on a long sleeved shirt of my own. It fit better, but somehow lacked the same comfort. I snuggled down under the covers, hoping that I wouldn't be too excited to fall asleep. Luckily, my iPod had only played a few songs before I crashed, still dreaming of my date tomorrow.

Going to school the next morning was agonizing. News travels fast, and everyone knew about what had happened to Finn. Or at least they thought they knew. By the time I made it to first period, I had already heard that Finn had broken his back and was paralyzed, that he had a massive concussion and was in a coma, and that he had ruptured his spleen. I, myself, had become somewhat of a minor celebrity, since I had not only seen what happened, but had accompanied him to the hospital.

A part of me enjoyed getting some attention that didn't come complete with homophobic slurs or being tossed in a dumpster. For once, I knew something that no one else did. Well, something that didn't involve fashion or skin care. Sometimes I felt like I was the only person in Lima who knew anything about either of those.

"Kurt!" A hand seized my shoulder and spun me around. "You and I need to have a serious talk."

It was Mercedes. I wanted to protest, but her arm tightened around me as she forced me into an empty room. "I leave you for one, count it _one, _night, and you are chasing after Finn Hudson like a bitch in heat. I thought we agreed that you were going to get over him and find yourself a nice boy who's actually gay." 

Boy, she was really going to be pissed when she heard about my plans for tonight. "I was hardly chasing after him like a bitch in heat. His arm was broken, Mercedes, what did you want me to do?"

"Let Coach Tanaka take him to the hospital! Let his mother come get him! Anything but stay with him and coddle him and end up hurting yourself even worse!" She must have realized how that sounded, and sighed. "Listen, I like Finn, too. White Boy is very sweet, if more than a little clueless. It's nice of you to stick with him, but you could have sent Mike, or Matt, or even Puck with him. You didn't need to be the one to go."

"He didn't want one of them to go. He specifically said that he wanted me to go with him, not one of them. He didn't even want Quinn to go." I wanted Mercedes to understand how important this was to me, because I needed someone to tell me what I should do next. I obviously didn't understand Finn, maybe someone with two X chromosomes would.

Her eyes narrowed. "He actually said that? He looked at you and said 'Kurt, I want you to go. I don't want Quinn or Puck, I want _you_.' Because sometimes, Kurt, you think you see things that aren't there."

I thought back, carefully going over everything that had been said last night. "Not exactly."

She sighed and sat down on one of the desks. "Ok, tell me exactly what he said."

"He said that he didn't want Quinn to go because she was pregnant and he thought she didn't want her to be exposed to sick people. Then he didn't want Puck to go because he wanted Puck to go back out and beat the other team."

"Uh-huh." One eyebrow was up, and her tone left no doubt that she didn't think this was as significant as I did. "That's all he said?"

"Yeah. But he asked me to go with him before they even came in. He did want me around."

"Of course he wanted you around, Kurt. You're a great friend, but that's all he sees. A great _friend_."

"I know." There were a million ways to interpret the strange, searching looks Finn gave me sometimes, and even I had to admit that it was long shot that he had feelings for any man, much less me. You know, the short one who talked like a girl. "But I'm alright with just being his friend."

Mercedes gave me a smile, something that I had always told her was her best feature. At least it was when she didn't look so sad. "No, you aren't. But I can't tell you what to do. All I can do is be there to pick up the pieces when he crushes your heart with that oversized body of his."

Sometimes I wished I was straight, just so I could comfortably date Mercedes. Or possibly I just wished that she came complete with a penis. I wanted her sense of humor, and her way of telling it exactly like it was, and her way of knowing when to bust my ass and when to just give me a hug. "Thank you, Mercedes. Now, I'm going over to his house tonight, what should I wear?"

That earned me one of her patented 'oh honey, I don't know whether to smack you or chain you up in the basement until you come to your senses' looks. "Why are you going over to his house? Is he even there?"

Luckily, I could blame someone else for that one. "My father thinks it would be good if he and I offered to make the Hudson's dinner tomorrow. I swear, it was his idea, not mine." My nose wrinkled on its own accord. "I think he might be attracted to Finn's mom." 

She burst into hysterical laughter. "Kurt, that is all sorts of wrong! Runs in the family, huh?"

Her laughter broke some of the tension in the room and I found myself laughing back. "It's not funny! My father can not be looking in the same family that I am! It's practically incest."

She laughed even harder. "No, it will be practically incest if they get married and Finn is your stepbrother! But just think, it'll be a lot easier for the two of you to go on dates. All you'll have to do is walk down the hallway."

"That is just sick. Anyway, you know that Finn won't notice what I'm wearing, except if I show up naked, and possibly not even then. Plus, he's going to be so doped up that he'll probably sleep through the whole thing anyway. But I do want to impress his Mom."

She looked me up and down. "Do you really want my advice, or do you just want to bounce all of this off of me. Because, Kurt, you've never needed my advice before."

The bell rang, startling us both. "I guess I just wanted to bounce. Thanks, Mercedes." I leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "You're a good friend." 

"Only the best." She stood up and dusted herself off. "Call me after this goes down, not matter how late it is. Dress nice, but not too crazy. Your full fashion sense shouldn't make an appearance until the third date at least."

In other words, leave the corset at home. "Point taken."

I was as familiar with Finn's schedule as I was with my own so it was easy to approach each teacher during the day and ask for his work. It didn't hurt that he and I shared three classes, either. 

As soon as the last bell rang I pulled out my cell and called the Hudson house. Carol picked up on the second ring. "Hello, darling, how are you?"

In less than 24 hours, I had gone from being a stranger to being 'darling'. It was the sort of thing that only a mother could pull off. Her easy familiarity made me feel shy, and I lowered my head. "I'm good. More importantly, how's Finn?" 

"He's alright. He's in some pain, but they let him go. He's resting now. Does the offer for you and your father to cook some dinner still stand?"

"Of course. What time should we be there?" Inwardly I was dancing a jig. Hah, it was a date!

"Whenever is good for you. We don't have a set dinnertime, and Finn's not too interested in food right now anyway. I have some steaks and chicken in the freezer, if you want something else let me know and I can pick it up."

"No, either one of those is fine. You need to be with Finn. I'll talk to my dad and give you a call back, ok?" 

"Ok. Make sure you tell your father how much I appreciate this."

"Don't worry about it." Now, I had to get home and choose an outfit. Vogue just didn't have sections on how to choose an outfit for this particular occasion. Of course, 'What to Wear to an Almost Date to Have Dinner with the Straight Guy you have a Gay Crush On and His Mother' wouldn't quite fit as a headline.

Clearly, this was going to require quite a bit of thought, so I decided to skip Glee and go straight home. I felt kind of bad about it, but I had yet to miss a practice, and, anyway, I thought that Mr. Shuester would understand. He loved Finn, no matter what.

Sure enough, he nodded quickly when I explained the situation. "That's fine, Kurt. We're going to be choosing partners for ballads today, but I'll just go ahead and pair you up with Finn. That way you won't miss anything." He looked at my face and raised an eyebrow. "Is that alright with you? You don't mind being paired with him, do you?" 

Of course I didn't mind. I was just shocked that, for once, something was actually working out in my favor that I was momentarily speechless. Not only did I have an almost-date with Finn, but I was actually going to get to sing a ballad with him? Had I died and gone to heaven? No, because the outfits here were still too atrocious. "That's fine, as long as you don't think Finn will be upset."

"He'll get over it. After all, it will give the two of you something to talk about." 

Sometimes I think Mr. Shue knows about my crush on Finn, and it felt like he went out of his way to put the two of us together. He wouldn't do that if I had no chance with Finn, right?

It was all too confusing, so I just smiled at him. "Thanks, Mr. Shue."

"No problem. Tell him that the entire Glee club is pulling for him, and that we hope he feels better soon."

"I will." I was squirming now, eager to get back home and get ready for my pseudo-date. Dad had agreed to close the garage early so that we could get over to the Hudson's at a decent hour. I hoped that that translated to fairly early, because I might explode if I had to wait for too long.

My baby was waiting for me in the parking lot, gleaming in the bright sun. The jocks of the school might think that me and my clothes were fair game, but not even the moronic hockey players were willing to deface my car. She was my princess, my darling girl, and she had never once let me down.

Once I was home, I laid out an outfit for my father, then took a hot shower to try and sooth my nerves. Honestly, you would think that this was an actual date, rather than a pity mission. I went through the closet once, then twice, not seeing anything appropriate. On the third try, I found a shirt that was slightly frilled, but still worked for a family dinner. If I paired it with some nice slacks and that hat that Finn liked so much. All and all, it was a pretty boring outfit, but it would have to do.

By the time I was dressed and ready, it was close to 4:30, and my father was waiting at the door. He looked me up and down, a muscle near his jaw working. "You sure this boy isn't queer?"

I wasn't, so I shrugged instead. "He's dating the head cheerleader." That was true, but didn't answer what he had asked.

"The tiny blond thing?" There was something unreadable in my father's eyes. "Could've fooled me."

I had too much pride to ask him to clarify what he meant, but, luckily, I didn't have to. He continued on. "Because, I could have sworn I saw her kissing that other player a few games ago. You know, the one with the Mohawk." 

The world crashed down around me, and all I could hear was the echo of Finn's words from yesterday. _I think Quinn's cheating on me with Puck. I think Quinn's cheating on me with Puck. Think Quinn's cheating on me with Puck. Quinn's cheating on me with Puck. Cheating on me, cheating on me, cheating on me…._

"What!" Now I knew I had died and gone to heaven. Then I felt terrible for having such a thought. This was going to destroy Finn. As much as I hated her, I knew that he loved her. Then an even worse thought hit me. Drizzle. Was she Finn's, the way we had all thought? Or was the Mini-Finn a Mini-Puck?

It was the sort of thing that soap operas were made of. Did I tell Finn? On the one hand, Finn trusted me, and if he found out I was keeping this from him it would be as painful as Quinn's betrayal. On the other hand, they used the term 'shoot the messenger' for a reason. I needed Mercedes. Or better yet, Artie. He always seemed to know what to do, and would die before he revealed something told to him in confidence. I wouldn't say anything to Finn tonight, then figure this out in the morning.

Belatedly, I realized my father was still talking. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"That girl, she's not the one you have over to practice your…whatever it is you do down in that basement. She's smaller, real pretty. She's the one I saw kissing that boy." 

In other words, he wasn't talking about Brittany. I had never really considered that it might be, since I was pretty sure that Brittany and I were sitting on the same side of the sexuality divide, but it was still good to get that out of the way. It would be awkward to make an accusation, only to find out that Puck was hooking up with Brittany instead of Quinn.

"Don't even think about it." Damn, my father knew me too well. I gave him a look that hopefully didn't seem too guilty. He wasn't fooled for a second. "Kurt, I mean it." 

Since when was my father in cahoots with Galinda? "I won't." Whether Finn should be told at all was still up for debate, but that was a matter for another day, when we were both stronger. "I promise I won't."

He adjusted his tie, fussing with it nervously. "Ok, are you ready for this?" 

Oh, yeah. I was ready.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you again for all the nice reviews. I have posted this story on another site, so if it looks familiar, that is why. That also means that there are several chapters ready to go for this site, though the story is by no means finished. Next Chapter will be from Finn's POV. For those waiting for another chapter of my Twilight story, it's with the beta, I promise.**

Kurt POV

Even though I had never been to Finn's house before, Lima was small town, and I had the address from his mother. It was a nice house, tiny, but more than enough for two people. My father squinted at the numbers on the mailbox. "This it?"

"I think so." My heart was threatening to pound out of my chest, and I took a slow breath before I panicked. "Yeah, this is it."

Dad had insisted on stopping at the grocery store and picking up an apple pie, plus a chocolate cake in case one of them didn't like apple. From what I had seen, there was no danger of Finn not liking pie (or any other type of food- I swear he eats more than the rest of us put together), but I got the impression that it wasn't Finn's opinion he was so worried about. I took both boxes, just so I would have something to do with my hands.

Carol greeted us at the door, looking even more tired than last night. "Hello, Kurt, Burt." I didn't miss the quick flash in my father's eyes when she gave me a hug. I didn't really know what to say to her, so I held out the boxes. "We brought pie."

"That sounds wonderful. Kurt, Finn is in his room, it's the door on the left. He was awake a few minutes ago, but he's been sleeping most of the day. The pain pills are knocking him out."

"Are you sure you don't need my help?" _Please say no, please say no, please say no._

"No, it's alright. I think he needs some male company. Your father and I can handle things down here. Unless you would rather stay here."

Hmmm…let's see. Would I rather stay down here and watch the awkward flirting of two middle aged parents, or go up and get to admire my crush in bed. No contest. "Please call me if you need help."

There were pictures on the wall behind the stairs, and I found myself pausing to look at them. Finn's father was in a few of them, though only one with his son. Finn was very small in the picture, probably less than a year old. His father was dressed in his fatigues, with Finn cradled in his arms. He had put the military helmet on Finn, though it nearly covered the baby's entire body. It was tilted at an angle, so you could see the huge smile that Finn was giving his dad. Comparing the two, I decided that Finn looked much more like his mother. That smile, though, that smile was exactly like his dad's.

The door on the left was closed, so I knocked gently. "Yeah?" Finn sounded groggy and out of sorts.

"Can I come in? It's Kurt." I really wasn't sure why I bothered telling him that. Finn was great at picking out voices, and I had to admit that mine was rather distinctive.

"Yeah, that's fine"

I pushed the door open before he could change his mind. The room was tiny, barely enough room for a bed, dresser and TV. Finn was sprawled out on the bed, rubbing at his face.

He looked rough. I could tell that I had woken him up, because his eyes weren't quite focused on me. He yawned a few times, then gave me a sleepy grin. "Well, if it isn't Kurt Hummel."

He tended to say my name like that, first and last. I hadn't been quite sure why, until Mercedes pointed out that it was the same way I addressed him. It was just a silly little thing, but it was something that we shared. "Yeah, it's me."

"Hey." He sat up and patted the bed. "Whatimeisid?" The words disappeared in another yawn, and it took a few minutes for me to figure out what he was actually asking. 

"About 5. Did your Mom tell you that Dad and I were coming over to make dinner?"

"Uh-huh." He tried to get up, but failed. "Ok, I'll just stay down."

Aww, he was so sweet when he was doped up. I reached out for him, taking his left hand and pulling him up. His right arm was in a sling, cradled close to his body. "So, can I sign your cast?"

"Oh, I don't have one. They couldn't put one on in case the cut got infected and my arm fell off or something. You know, if that happened they wouldn't be able to sew it back on, because the cast would still be there. Wanna see the cut?"

A certain part of me did, but the larger part was grossed out. "Absolutely not. Not only is it totally gross, it's unsanitary to boot. They put bandages on it for a reason."

"Yeah, I guess so. It hurts to move it anyway." He yawned again. "Then I take pills, and it still hurts and my stomach gets sick, too. I think I've been awake for about an hour all day long. This sucks."

"Sorry." I wasn't sure what I was apologizing for, but it seemed like the appropriate thing to say.

"S'ok." Then he did something that would echo in my mind (among other body parts) for the rest of my life. He came over and pressed dry lips to my cheek. "Thanks for going to the hospital with me. I know you didn't want to, and it was really, really cool of you to stay. Especially after I kind of freaked out about the shot. You are like the coolest guy ever."

I was so busy trying not to swoon that I couldn't form words. My voice stuttered embarrassingly. "N-no big deal."

He smiled gently. "Yeah, it is a big deal. I'm not stupid, Kurt. Ok, maybe I'm pretty stupid, but I do know some things. You were scared to be there, I could tell."

Sometimes he was too observant for his own good. "I guess I was, a little." I probably wouldn't have admitted it to anyone else, but this was Finn. He wouldn't tell anyone or make fun of me. "My mom died there." 

"Oh." He gave me that charming head cock. "So, like I said, you're really cool for staying. Oh, and for wrapping my arm up like you did. It helped a lot."

"You're welcome." I was running out of things to say to him, especially since I had to continually suppress the urge to declare my undying love, so I was grateful when he took the lead. "So, you want to watch a movie or something?" 

"Of course, but _I_ get to pick." God knew, if I didn't, we would end up watching Die Hard 11 or some Rambo movie. 

Finn's eyes narrowed. "No chick flicks."

"Deal." There had to be something we could agree on.

He lumbered back down to the living room, his gait more unsteady then usual. I looked over the choices, then held up Hairspray. "Is this acceptable?"

He looked suspicious. "Isn't that a musical?"

"Yeah, but it's a fun movie." I tried to look as sweet as possible, something that worked on all the girls in school.

Finn was no girl, but he melted all the same. "Oh, all right." He flopped onto the couch. "But I reserve the right to turn it off if it gets too chick mushy."

As it turned out, Finn didn't last long enough for any mush. He started to lean against me almost before the opening credits were over, and fell asleep during the second song. One hand curled loosely against my leg, and his head dropped onto my shoulder. My breathing stopped.

The Hudson house was small, and I could hear Carol and my father chatting in the kitchen. Their conversation mixed with Finn's soft muttering and the soundtrack of the DVD, not to mention the roaring in my ears, to create a confusing tunnel of sound. I leaned my cheek against the top of Finn's head and listened to his mumblings, trying to make sense of what he was saying. A few words came out, but they didn't seem coherent. "Kitten…later…touch….that one time….I said don't….hey." Or had that last one been 'gay'? The words were mostly spoken into my neck, so they were hard to understand.

After a few more minutes of grumbling, Finn got quiet again, his body totally limp against mine. Tracy was dancing her way though the halls of the school before Carol poked her head into the room. She smiled at the position I was in. "Kurt, if he's bothering you, you can just give him a shove. The pills make him groggy, and he sleeps like the dead anyway."

"No, he's fine." She gave me an odd look, so I felt compelled to clarify. "I mean, I'm used to being really close to him in Glee, so he's alright."

"All right then." I could tell that she wasn't buying it, but she had enough instinct not to push. "Would you prefer a large steak or a small one, and how would you like it cooked?" 

"Small and well done." I tried to avoid red meat as much as possible, and ecoli was not a good look on me.

"How about I take the biggest one and split it between you and Finn?" She was giving us both that unreadable expression. "He's not going to want much to eat."

"Sure, that would be great." The words were whispered into my chest. I don't know why I kept getting so uncomfortable around her. She had been nothing but nice to me, even with all the stress she was under. I just really, really wanted her to like me. Maybe I just didn't want her to think that I was about to molest her son. "Are you sure I can't pour drinks or anything?" 

"Oh no, you're the guest. I'm going to have your father throw your steak on the grill." She smiled at me again and left the room. 

Dad was a guest, too. What she was basically saying was that she wanted me out of the way, so she could flirt with my father. Despite my earlier promise to myself, I couldn't help but feel betrayed and irritated. He was _my_ father, my family, not her family.

Finn yelped and jerked his head up. "What, what?" 

I realized that I had inadvertently dug my fingernails into his arm. He gave me a startled look, but I couldn't think of any explanation for it. Instead I shrugged at him.

Luckily, he didn't demand an explanation. Instead he looked at the television screen. "Did I fall asleep?"

At my nod, he gave me a sheepish grin and scrubbed at his shadowed eyes. "Sorry."

"It's alright. Do you want me to restart the movie?" I was afraid that if I started talking to him, he would move to one of the chairs, and away from me. For the moment, he didn't even seem to realize that he was still leaning his shoulder against mine, his hand on my leg, and I didn't want to disturb the small peace between us.

He blinked owlishly at the screen, probably trying to figure out who all of these characters were. "Is that John Travolta in, like, lady clothes?"

"It's called drag, and yes."

There was a moment of silence, while Finn furrowed his brow and tried to figure out what was happening. I could have enlightened him, but he was just so darn cute when he looked like that. Finally I took pity. "Edna Turnblatt is always played by a man. It's a Broadway tradition."

"Oh! Cool." He straightened up to find the remote, but resumed his former position after he had started the movie over.

I realized that I was holding my breath, so I inhaled slowly. The fact that Finn was leaning against me meant that he was comfortable and still a little sleepy. He was generally affectionate and liked being touched. It didn't mean that he had any sort of feelings for me.

We watched the movie contentedly, the silence only broken by Finn's occasional questions. For someone with his…intellectual shortcomings, he had a surprisingly good grip on the social commentary of the film.

Queen Latifah was singing about being big, blond, and beautiful when Carol appeared in the doorway. "Dinner, you two."

Finn jumped to his feet at the mention of food, leaving me a little disappointed that he didn't need help getting up. _Patience, Kurt, patience. He's already starting to come to you. If you move too fast, you'll scare him away._

My father was portioning the steak out onto plates when we came into the kitchen. A quick scan of the table revealed that there was also a platter of raw vegetables, fresh fruit and mashed potatoes. "What would you like to drink, dear? We have water, milk, juice, and soda."

I only wanted the milk if it was skim, but I didn't want to come off as sounding too prissy by asking. "Water is fine, thank you." 

Everyone seemed to be filling their plates, so I helped myself to large servings of fruit and vegetables, as well as a tiny helping of potatoes. I might be a guest, but I was not about to stuff myself with empty, fattening, starches, no matter how appealing they suddenly looked.

Once we had made our plates up, Dad and I waited awkwardly. We never said grace, but the Hudson's might. Or did we just start eating? Carol smiled at us. "Well, everyone dig in."

It only took a few seconds to see that Finn was in trouble. With only one arm, he couldn't cut his meat. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he looked at first his plate, then his mother, then his plate again. I understood his problem. He couldn't do it on his own, but he was embarrassed to ask Carol for help in front of Dad and I. I nudged his leg under the table until he looked at me. "Want help?" 

He gave me that sweet, perfect smile and nodded. I took his plate and cut the meat in silence, double checking to make sure he would be able to eat it all one-handed. I pushed the plate back over when I was done. "Thanks, Kurt."

I didn't know why we bothered whispering to each other. Dad and Carol didn't have eyes for anyone but each other as they talked about their lives to this point. Caught up in the challenge of trying to feed himself with only his left hand, Finn was oblivious for the first few minutes, but even he figured it out before he was done with his potatoes.

It was pretty comical to see the look on his face as he watched his mother act like a giddy schoolgirl. Then suddenly it wasn't so comical, and his eyes were darkening, turning nearly black with anger. _Shit_. If I didn't do something fast, this entire dinner was going to blow up in our faces.

I could tell he was getting ready to say something rude and probably outrageous, so I swept a hand out and knocked my entire glass of water onto his plate and into his lap. The ruse would have been clear to anyone who was actually looking at me, but, luckily, no one was. "Oh Finn, I'm so sorry. Here, let me help you out." I grabbed his arm tightly enough to make my intentions clear and all but drug him out of the room.

He was tense against me, still seething about what he had just seen. I had never really seen Finn lose his temper, but I had heard stories about it from the other guys on the team. The general consensus seemed to be that if Hurricane Finn was getting ready to touch down, you wanted to be as far away from him as possible. He was seldom violent, but he was quite emotionally astute, and he knew how to get at your weak points and be as verbally hurtful as possible. His anger tended to burn out as quickly as it flared up, but it didn't take long to really tear someone apart. Since I was the only one left for him to attack, I steeled myself for what he might say.

But he didn't say anything. He just let me pull him across the living room and up the stairs without the slightest hint of stubbornness. Encouraged, I loosened my hold enough that he could pull away if he wanted to. He didn't. In fact, he seemed to lose his fight entirely.

Then he groaned softly. "Ok, probably shouldn't have eaten. Temper and food not so good for the stomach."

I didn't want to be around if his dinner made a repeat appearance, but the thought of going back downstairs and watching the flirt-fest was just about as nauseating. Please God, if I ever get that pathetic over anyone, including one Mr. Finn Hudson, take me out back and shoot me. I might be a bit of a drama queen, but that's a little much, even for me. I nudged Finn to sit on his bed and lightly patted his shoulder. "Take a few deep breaths and close your eyes. You'll be fine."

I wasn't sure if his sudden nausea was the result of the pain pills he had taken, or if he had a similar opinion about what was going on downstairs. There was a glass next to the bed, so I filled it with water and had him take a few sips. "Better?" 

"Yeah." His eyes met mine, dark and strange. "Did you know about this? Was this all some scheme of yours?" The words came out harsh, but there was an underlying desperation that nearly broke my heart. "Tell me you didn't have anything to do with this."

For all of my soul searching and pouting last night, it had never occurred to me that Finn might have feelings of his own about our parents. I guess I had just assumed that since Finn had never known his father, he wouldn't care that much about mine. In an odd way, I felt more entitled to be upset, because I had had my mother for the first six years of my life, and would always compare another woman to her.

The two of us were walking the same line, just from different sides. I was mourning my mother and what I had lost. Finn was mourning his father and what might have been. I patted his shoulder. "No, I had nothing to do with this. Your mother was sitting with me in the cafeteria when Dad came to get me and they just started flirting. It was one of the most horrible things I've ever seen, and that includes what happens when Rachael Berry is allowed to dress herself. I couldn't stop them." 

His eyes searched mine for any sign of a lie. Finn might be clueless in many ways, but he did try. It was that probing look more than anything else that convinced me that I had to tell him about Quinn and Puck. Not because I was petty and wanted Finn for myself, but because I was his friend first, and he trusted me. If I broke that trust now, things would never be the same between us.

But it didn't have to be tonight. Tonight, it could just be me and him, before all of this came crashing down. "Finn, I swear."

"I believe you." He let his chin drop down to his chest. "You wouldn't lie to me."

Of course I would. I had done it before, about things that were both stupid and important. I had told him I wasn't gay when I obviously was, that I couldn't hit a high note that I knew I could, and a dozen other things that seemed insignificant at the time, but were actually pretty important. Not to mention the number of times I had seen invisible dirt or lose threads on his clothes, or told him that I needed to correct his choreography just so I would have an excuse to touch him. "Your faith in me is quite touching." It wasn't the actual truth, but it wasn't quite a lie either.

He looked like he might want to say something else, so I interrupted before he could. "Why don't you get out of those wet clothes?"

One eyebrow flicked upwards, but I combated it with my best diva face. "Please. I'll turn my back to protect your precious dignity."

Finn started laughing. "Yeah, whatever." After months of showering together in the locker room, there was really no need for us to be modest in front of each other. Well, no need except for the fact that I was 16 and it was a constant fight to keep my body from betraying me. Stupid hormones.

I kept my word and turned around, counting on the fact that Finn wouldn't realize I was now facing the mirror and could see him anyway. I bounced from foot to foot trying to blow off some of my nervous energy. I was so distracted that I didn't realize that Finn had said something until he repeated it. "Earth to Kurt!"

"What? Sorry, I was distracted." _By your ass._

"I asked what was wrong with you. I mean, usually you jump at the chance to pick out everyone else's clothes, and you haven't said anything about mine yet." Did he actually sound a little disappointed by that, or what it just my imagination?

Years of practice allowed me to recover quickly. "Well, I was going to give you a break, considering that you're fresh out of the hospital, but you asked for it." I went through his dresser, trying to find something that wasn't too bad. When I'm not having sexual fantasies about Finn, I have reoccurring dreams about taking the poor boy shopping for decent clothes. Then, after a two day spree, we burn all of his old clothes together. Then we fool around next to the fire. Ok, so there are no daydreams about Finn that are totally nonsexual.

I finally located a grey button-up shirt and a nice pair of jeans. "Here, put these on."

He started to take them, then shook his head. "I can't do those little buttons one handed. I could barely do the one on my jeans."

I had to bite my lip to prevent from blurting out that I would be glad to help him with the buttons on both articles of clothing. "Right, right." I looked again. "Long or short sleeves?" 

"Long." There was absolutely no sense of organization in Finn's dresser, so I found myself carefully choosing and refolding most of what was in there. Finally, I found a red shirt that passed muster. Barely.

"How about this?" I held it up and was gratified when he nodded. 

"Yeah, that's good." He stripped the shirt he was wearing off and fumbled with the catch on his sling. It released, which made him drop his arm suddenly and yelp in pain.

Dear God, he was going to rebreak his arm before the night was up. Before I could stop myself, I jumped forward. "Stop it before you hurt yourself. Now come here." Before he could even think about formulating a protest, I took the shirt from him. "Now, put out your arms."

I helped him slip the T-shirt on, then rebuckled the sling. It was only when I had finished, that I realized I was practically standing on top of him, my body close enough to his that I could feel his body heat. Finn must have noticed, but I didn't draw away and neither did he. He just looked down at me with those unreadable dark eyes, so much like his mothers had been earlier.

We remained frozen like that for a few minutes, barely breathing. Finally, Finn lowered his chin to his chest, bringing his face almost level with mine. I raised my head slightly, so the tips of our noses touched. Electricity crackled between our bodies. Finn stopped there, still watching me. I could close the gap between our lips in an instant.

_Don't do it, Kurt. If you touch him, he's going to freak out. Back off and let him chase you a bit. Trust me, it will drive him crazy and make him want you even more. _

It was a good piece of advice, one I had read over and over in Cosmo, but I didn't know if I actually had the courage to carry it through. What if Finn wasn't willing to chase me? After all, he already had Quinn.

Still, I had to listen to Galinda, since she was the embodiment of my instincts. Plus, she had yet to lead me astray. So, instead of knocking Finn backwards onto the bed and having my wicked way with him, I took a step backwards, out of his personal space. "So, is that good?"

He nodded jerkily, his eyes hooded. Most of the time, it was easy to tell what Finn was thinking, but, right now, he was blank to me. Was he interested? Disgusted? Possibly he was still seething about what was going on downstairs.

"Alright then, put your jeans on and we'll go down and get some pie." Normally, I wouldn't touch it, but I figured that a show of solidarity couldn't hurt.

Of course, I watched in the mirror. After all, I only had to play hard to get when he might actually notice, and he was so busy trying to do the zipper and button with only one functional hand that there was little chance of that happening. Damn, Finn had a nice ass.

"Ok, done." He looked ridiculously proud of that accomplishment.

Even though Galinda was already reminding me of the agreement we came to not 3 minutes ago, I couldn't help but hold out a hand. I wasn't being desperate, I was just afraid the Finn would fall down the stairs if he didn't have me to steady him. After all, I'd seen him stumble over his own feet when he was healthy and had two arms to steady himself. For a few seconds, everything hung in the balance, before he tentatively placed his hand in mine. His fingers lightly enclosed mine, the difference in size bigger than I thought it would be.

"Do you think it's safe to go down there? I mean, ew." He did that cute little nose wrinkle again.

"Want me to scout it out for you?" Not that I really wanted to let go of him.

He grinned. "No, we can do it together. You know, be stealthy, like ninjas."

I had to bite back a laugh at the though of either one of us being a ninja. Finn was huge and uncoordinated and a ninja head covering would mess up my hair even worse then the football helmet did. Plus, black clothing washed me out. "Alright, ninja, let's go."

We met Finn's mother on the stairs. She gave us a strange smile, and I realized that I was still holding Finn's hand. I loosened my grip so he could get free, but he didn't really seem to notice. "Mom, what's up?" 

To her credit, Carol didn't make a big deal out of it. "You two didn't come back down and I got worried. Are you done eating? You barely touched your food."

"Yeah, my stomach's still a little funny. I think it's the pills or something."

Her worry was palpable, and he jumped in to try and help. "Can I have pie, though?"

"Of course. Kurt, would you like some also?" 

I would be stuck on the stairmaster for two hours working it off, but I nodded. "Please."

Finn dropped my hand when we got back to the table in favor of attacking the piece of pie his mother put in front of him. I was amazed at how quickly he could go from having a sick stomach to eating everything that was put in front of him. I ate my own, much smaller piece, slowly, enjoying the rare treat.

I drug it out as much as I could, knowing that we would probably leave as soon as I was done eating. While I had been upstairs trying to keep Mount Finn from blowing his top, the adults had already cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher. There was only so long I could do it, though, and I was finished within a few minutes.

My father was giving me the look as he gestured for me to get up. "Thank you for having us, Carol, Finn; it was a very nice dinner."

"Thank you for cooking. I just didn't feel up to it, and I hate feeding Finn so much takeout."

There's something forced about their words, and I suddenly wonder if they had said more, much more, to each other while Finn and I were still upstairs.

Dad was talking again. "I hate to cut this evening short, but Kurt has homework and I don't want to wear Finn out." 

Now that he mentioned it, Finn was starting to yawn again. I raised my fingers in a wave. "I'll see you later, Finn."

He ducked his head, running a hand through his hair like he always did when he got nervous. "You, uh, you can come over tomorrow or the next day. You know, if you want." 

Why yes, yes I did want. Quite badly actually. "Glee practice tomorrow until 5, but I'll come by after. You and I can work on your homework."

When he grinned at me, all was right with the world. "How about no homework?"

Carole interrupted. "How about I know what your grades are and you should be asking for all the help you can get?" Her tone was sweet, but left no room for argument. 

Finn turned back to me. "How about you help with my homework after Glee?"

"Ok, I'll be there." _You bet I'll be there_.


	5. Chapter 5

Finn Interlude

I'm not stupid. Maybe I'm not as smart as Rachael, or Kurt, or Artie, but I'm not dumb. I know I can come off that way, and I'm certainly not in competition for any sort of academic award, but I squeeze by.

It's just that I kind of panic when I get asked up to the board, or there's a test in front of me. Then I can't do it, and everyone laughs. Alright, no one laughs since I hit my growth spurt and tower over most of the other kids, but they used to. It's just easier to pretend I can't do it at all. Eventually the teachers give up and move on to someone else, passing me just to keep Coach Tanaka off their backs. Can't have the quarterback flunk off the team, now can we? Sometimes it's to my advantage that Lima is such a tiny, sports-obsessed town. After the eight grade or so, rumor spread that I was dumber than a box of sand, and people quit asking me to even try.

My mom says I'm just shy and I don't handle pressure well. It's not true, but we both pretend to believe it. After all, I star in both Glee and football without blinking. See, my mom's real protective of me, and I feel like I have to be just as protective back. That's why I can't tell her about Quinn and the baby. She's worked so hard to get me out of this town that I just can't let her know that I screwed it all up.

The pressure isn't the problem. It's just that I can't stand to be yelled at, or even talked to in a harsh tone. Do that and it's a guarantee that my stupid brain shuts down on me, leaving me looking about as smart as the average turnip. The only person whose yelling and I can tolerate is Coach Tanaka's, and that's mostly because I've never heard him do anything but yell.

People must think that my mom is the biggest screamer ever, because I've been told I actually flinch when the yelling starts, whether it's directed at me or not. She's not. My extreme reaction to people being upset is a lucky souvenir from one of her old boyfriends, Seth. Bastard.

Seth is the boyfriend who came right after Darrin, also known as the Emerald Dreams God, which is actually kind of gross now that I think about it. Anyway, I really wanted Mom to be happy again, even thought I didn't like Seth from the beginning. But he made Mom happy, and that was enough to convince me to at least try.

Seth was a yeller. Not in front of Mom, of course, but as soon as we were alone. It's bad enough when you're 10 years old and still can't tell your left from your right, and can barely read, but when an adult is constantly screaming and humiliating you about it; it kind of makes everything worse. About the only good thing I can say about Seth was that he wasn't a hitter.

Final word? Mom dumped Seth, in a glorious fight that involved screaming on both sides for once (I had been sent to bed, but was spying at the top of the stairs), and that was the end of her dating for a long time. Until tonight, when she looked like she was all but ready to sleep with Burt Hummel on our old dinner table. Also, I still can't tell my right from my left and now I choke when faced with any academic challenge.

Which brings me back to my original point. I'm not stupid. I know that, despite what he might claim, Kurt is gay, and he has a major crush on me. I've actually known it for a year or two, since, let's face it, he's not exactly subtle. I had never really thought too much about it, since he never actually approached me. But now we're in Glee together, and it's a little harder to ignore.

Kurt's crush on me bothers me a lot. Not because I think there's something wrong with being gay, but because I'm not. I do like him, even if he is really prissy. He's funny, and really smart, and is the only one in Glee brave enough to put Rachael in her place. This whole thing was going to end with hurt feelings, and I didn't want to lose him as a friend.

I guess I could have gone to Mom and asked her what to do, but I felt really awkward bringing up sex stuff in front of her. We had never actually had the dreaded 'talk', because she was more embarrassed about it then I was. Maybe if we had I would have known that you _can_ get a girl pregnant in a hot tub, and taken some more precautions. I think that she just thinks that I learned it all in school and from the celibacy club. Which, when you get a public school education in Lima Ohio, are pretty much the same thing, except sex Ed class had more STD pictures.

Maybe I should just wait and play it by ear. If Kurt wasn't ready to approach me about things, or even admit out loud that he was gay, there wasn't much I could do. It was just….well he was starting to look so sad when he looked at me, and I hated it when he looked that way. He had such pretty eyes when he was happy, and they turned dark and dreary when he wasn't.

Wait, did I just think that Kurt had pretty eyes? Of course he didn't have pretty eyes; he had normal eyes, eyes that I didn't even notice because dudes don't notice those things about other dudes. We talked together, and played X-box or football, and sometimes fought, but we didn't notice nice features on each other. And if we did, we used it to rag on them, we didn't think about it constantly.

For a brief moment, I wondered if Kurt had put something in the water he had given me earlier. Some sort of gay-inducing super drug. Ok, that was just dumb. You're either gay or you aren't, and Kurt was and I wasn't. Period. Things were just really weird with Quinn right now, because of the baby, and I was 16 years old. I just noticed that Kurt had pretty eyes and nice lips because I was horny and Quinn didn't even really want to kiss me anymore.

Ah, Quinn. I just don't know what to do with her any more. I love her, I think, but, like I've said several times, I'm not stupid. She doesn't love me back. She needs me, especially now with baby Drizzle and all, but she doesn't love me. If I hadn't gotten her pregnant, she would be long gone by now.

I know that she's feeling trapped by both Drizzle and I, but I'm just as stuck. With every day, Drizzle gets bigger and the walls close in even tighter around me. She doesn't want to keep the baby, then she does, only how is she going to tell her parents, and obviously, I'm too stupid to be a good father to it, so maybe she should give it up after all.

I wouldn't be bad father to Drizzle. I mean, sure, I don't know how to do things like change diapers or give a bottle, but I could learn. My dad didn't know how to do any of those things either, and my mother always talked about what a good father he had been.

Really, though, I probably wouldn't be a great father to her either. I would try, and try harder than anyone's ever tried at anything before, but even I know that a baby needs more than someone who loves her desperately. Babies need parents with jobs, and more than a high school education, and $685 sonograms. Then they need diapers and formula and a crib and a million other things that Quinn and I had no way of getting. Quinn already resented me for landing her in this mess, how long would it be before she and I hated each other, and little Drizzle spent her nights listening to us scream about the bills and how our lives had been ruined? Or even worse, how long before one or both of us started to resent the baby that had gotten us into this mess in the first place? No, I loved her, but I could see why giving her up might be the best thing for all three of us.

Just thinking about it, though, made me want to cry. Once I gave her up, that would be that. No changing my mind, no second chances, no baby. I wouldn't get to hold her, or know how she was doing, or anything like that. I don't even know if I would get to look at her or if they stop you from doing that. Probably, because I know if I got to see her, I would never give her away.

I really needed someone to talk to about this, but there wasn't anyone. The Glee kids knew, but it seemed strange to talk about it with any of them. Almost like I was asking them to choose sides. I already knew how that would turn out. Brittany and Santana would jump to Quinn's defense, Rachael would take up for me, and everyone else would try and get out of the way. Usually, Puck is on my side, but lately he's been defending Quinn at every turn.

There's a nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me to examine that a little closer, that there's a reason for that, but I pushed it away. If I thought about it too much, my brain might explode.

Speaking of explosions, what the hell had been going on with Kurt tonight? I did appreciate the company, but did he really have to bring my homework along? At least he's coming back tomorrow to help me with it. I like it when Kurt helps me, because he's patient and doesn't tell me I'm a moron like Quinn does. Rachael doesn't actually say that I'm stupid, but she does that chick thing where they sigh real loud and let you know that they think you're dumb for not getting it on the first try. When Kurt gets frustrated with me, he just looks at the ceiling for a few minutes and tries something else.

There was a minute there, when we were both in my bedroom, when I was sure that he was finally going to try and kiss me. Instead of doing what every other dude would have and pushing him away, I actually put my head down so he could have better access. When he pulled away from me, I actually felt disappointed. Did that make me gay?

I flopped backwards on my bed, trying to puzzle it all out. No, I couldn't be gay. I still liked women, and looked at women, and I thought exclusively about women when I jerked off. In a contest between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, I would choose her without a single thought. I didn't look at the guys in the locker room, and I didn't choose movies based on the male lead. Unless it was Matt Damon in one of those Bourne movies. He was so bad ass in those that it didn't even count.

So what was the deal with Kurt? Why did I look at him and notice his eyes, and his lips, and the way he said certain words? I could have blamed my actions today on the fact that I was half stoned on pain pills, but it had really started much earlier. From the first time I saw him, right after Puck had slammed him into a bank of lockers, I found Kurt interesting. No, interesting wasn't the right word. The right word was one I had heard on TV a few weeks ago. Intriguing. Interesting meant you were curious about something. Intriguing meant that you wanted to know everything about it, because you might die if you don't. I know, because I asked Rachael about the word later, and she knows things like that.

I hadn't done anything to act on that intrigue, because I hadn't really known what to do. I was a jock; therefore I had jock friends and dated the head cheerleader. Kurt was…well no one was quite sure what Kurt was. He sang, and he wore a corset to school, and, in some ways, was like an honorary girl. They told him secrets and fussed over him like he was a particularly adorable puppy and even allowed him in the girl's bathroom. Whatever he was, he wasn't a jock, and therefore was too lowly for me to bother with without having the rest of the football team shave off my eyebrows.

Then Glee came along, and suddenly Kurt and I were on more equal footing. Unlike some of the members, he wasn't intimidated by me, and was always willing to talk to me. Of course, it was mostly about fashion and skin care and other things that I didn't quite understand, but I always listened. Still, we didn't spend any time alone, and I couldn't figure out what it was that kept pulling me towards him.

It wasn't until he came and asked (more like begged) me to help him get on the football squad, that he and I were even alone in the same room. It was sort of a disaster, considering that he was really too small to effectively knock anyone down. Come to think of it though, he was so determined to be able to do it that I think he attempted to tackle me at least 10 more times that was actually necessary to figure out that he couldn't do it. The last time, I let him take me down out of pity.

Yeah, that was it, pity. It had nothing to do with the fact that I kind of liked being able to grab him and wrestle him to the ground. By the way, that's not gay either. I wrestle with Puck all the time. For as small as he was, Kurt was surprisingly strong and muscular. It had been more of a struggle to keep him down than I thought it would be. In the end, I had to put a knee on his chest and pin both arms above his head. But like I said, it wasn't gay. Even if I may or may not have gotten a hard on from it, which had never happened with Puck. But let's face it; I'm 16 and get a hard on like a million times a day. After that, I decided that maybe Kurt would make a better kicker. You know, something where I didn't actually have to touch him and risk embarrassing myself. Though I was pretty sure Kurt got a hard on from it too, which made me feel at least a little bit better.

Turns out, Kurt's actually a really good kicker. He had trouble at first, until I got the idea of setting the kicking moves to music. Beyonce wouldn't have been what I chosen, but, hey, whatever works. By the time the night was over, he was getting the ball where it needed to be almost every time, and we were both laughing our asses off. It was a more fun to be with Kurt then it was to be with Quinn lately. All she ever did was scream at me. I mean, I know it's my fault that she got pregnant, but it's kind of her fault, too. It takes two to waltz, or however you say that.

After the game, he had found me in the locker room and launched himself into my arms. He had said something, probably thanking me for the help, but I had been too distracted by the feel of his body against mine and the blood rushing in my ears. He had been gone before I could figure out any sort of reply.

Since then, things had kind of settled between Kurt and me. There were mash-ups to perform, and a brief spin with that Vitamin D, which kind of sucked because it got Mr. Shue in trouble, but did get me caught up on my homework. Then I saw Baby Drizzle on the ultrasound, and the rest of the world kind of stopped. It had been hard to think about giving her up before, but now it was almost impossible.

In other words, my life had been a confusing mess before I hurt my arm, and now it was even worse. It hurt really, really bad, a sort of deep pain that was hard to block out. The sling immobilized it, but I kept unconsciously moving it whenever I tried to do anything. I had pills, but they gave me a sick stomach, and made my head feel all fuzzy and sleepy.

Puck had ditched last period and Glee practice to come over and sit with me for a while. He brought over some magazines and DVDs, so I wouldn't be bored. He also brought Quinn's regrets, but she couldn't make it today. Dinner with the parents and all that. I tried not to be bothered by that fact, but I guess I was kind of obvious. Puck had lightly punched my good shoulder and reminded me that she wasn't good with sickness or anything like that. I knew that, but it still hurt that both Puck and Kurt were turning out to be better girlfriends than Quinn was.

Eventually I fell back asleep and Puck left. Mom woke me up a couple of hours later, telling me that Kurt and his father were coming to make dinner and I needed to take a shower and make myself presentable. I really tried, and actually made it as far as the bathroom, but I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to shower with only one hand, and then I got dizzy, so I gave up and got back in bed. I guess I crashed out again, because the next thing I knew, Kurt was knocking on the door.

Honestly, I was grateful for his company. He was more affectionate and helpful than Puck was, but he didn't smother me like Rachael would have done. Plus he didn't seem to care that I basically passed out on top of him almost as soon as the movie started. Kurt's chill like that, which I think is pretty awesome.

I had been worried that things would be strange between us, since I knew he liked me a lot, but they weren't. Kurt was actually much more restrained then usual, like he felt he had to hold back or something.

_He's playing hard to get, Finn. Duh_

The thought came from the back of my brain, where things tended to gather up and slosh around. My Mom calls that voice my conscience, but I don't know about that. It doesn't really tell me right from wrong, it just mostly points things out to me that ought to be obvious, but usually aren't. At least not to me.

I don't really like that voice, even though it's usually right. It's just always so nasty to me. I mean, shouldn't your own inner voice be nice? It usually sounded like a combination of Quinn and Seth, always telling me what a moron I was. Even though it was usually right, I still hated it when it spoke up.

It was kind of an interesting theory. If Kurt had decided to back off and let me make the choices about a relationship, it would totally let me off the hook. I could keep on pretending that he didn't like me, and eventually, he would get the hint and pick someone else.

_Do you really want that? Think hard, even though I know it's very difficult for you._

Of course it was what I wanted. I might not be the smartest (though definitely not stupid), but I do try to be fair. Fair is Kurt finding someone to love who can love him back. Fair is letting us be friends, without the awkwardness that sometimes happened. Fair was me being able to focus on Quinn and Drizzle.

On the other hand, fair was also not being tackled by some guy when you don't even have the ball. It was having two parents, no Osama bin Laden or cancer to take one of them away. It was getting something better than a dead end life in Lima, Ohio.

But I couldn't do anything to change that. All I could do was change my part in things, and that meant not leading Kurt on. He was a great guy, smart, funny, a little on the obsessive side, but still, he should be able to find someone who can love him like he deserves.

_Sometimes you drive me crazy, you dumbass. If you can't figure this out for yourself, I don't have any use for you._

What was that supposed to mean? Was it wrong to want Kurt to be happy? Or should I not feel that way because he was gay? I waited, but the inner voice had made good on its threat and fallen silent. After five minutes or so, I gave up and picked up the homework that Kurt had brought.

Let's see, Math, which I didn't understand, English that I didn't have the book for, and Spanish, which I sucked at. That last part bothered me the most, since Mr. Shue was the teacher. I really wanted him to be proud of me, but I had enough trouble with English, so Spanish was kind of out. Except for the curse words that Puck had taught me. For some reason, those stuck pretty clearly in my mind.

Maybe I should just wait until tomorrow, and ask Kurt to help me with it. I was still musing over it when a soft knock sounded at the door. "Finn? It's your mother, can I come in?" 

Mom was always really cool about respecting my boundaries, even though it's technically her house. Sometimes I think she's afraid she might walk in on me naked, or, even worse, jerking off. God, nothing would be more humiliating then that. I would rather Kurt walk in on it. Wait a minute, why did that thought turn me on? I hastily shifted position. "Yeah."

She sat on the edge of the bed, her hand coming up to rest on my shoulder. I cuddled closer, laying my head on her shoulder. She sighed a little and ran her fingers through my hair. "Can we talk about tonight?" 

I didn't want to; I guess that I didn't have much choice. I had been acting kind of bratty, and I needed to face up to that. "Ok."

Her hand moved back down to my shoulder, scratching lightly. "I know that it was hard for you to see me with Kurt's father. It's been a long time since it's been anyone but you and I, huh?"

I appreciated her making the effort. "Yeah." It was selfish as hell, but I didn't want her to be with anyone, or even think of them. She was my Mom, not some woman for men like Seth and Darrin to fool around with. She was way too special for that.

_Maybe Burt Hummel thinks she's special, too. You date, you do enough to get a girl pregnant, why shouldn't she be able to have a nice dinner without you throwing a five year olds tantrum?_

I might hate that little voice, but sometimes it was exactly what I needed to hear. I mean, Kurt loves his Dad, and he wouldn't lie, so Burt must be alright. I didn't have to like it, but it would probably do all of us good if I did accept it.

Which meant that I owed Kurt big time now. Actually, I already owed him big time, since he had actually known the right things to do last night when I got hurt, and he stayed at the hospital with me even though he was scared to. But now I owed him because he had gotten me away from the dinner table before I said something that couldn't be undone. Saying thanks didn't seem like enough, but I didn't understand him well enough to try anything else. I had to walk the razor thin line between being grateful and leading him on. Fuck, this is confusing.

"Finn, are you awake?" Mom's tone told me that she knew I wasn't sleeping and I better quit playing possum on her.

"Uh-huh." I had been so busy thinking about Kurt that I had lost the thread of our conversation, which was kind of disturbing. Had I always thought about Kurt this much?

She was quiet for a few minutes, so I sat up and looked her in the eyes. When we sat side by side like this, it was obvious how big I had suddenly gotten. All my life, I had looked up to my mother, and now she had to look up to me. Weird. I had to fight off the sudden urge to throw myself into her arms and confess everything about Quinn and Drizzle. But I didn't. I had put her though enough already with my arm, and I couldn't dump anything else on her.

"Baby, I had a good time tonight with Kurt's father. He's a good man, and he asked me on a date. I told him yes." She stopped there, her eyes worried. I knew that she was waiting for me to freak out, and I was, but only on the inside. I couldn't let her see that it was hurting me, because if she knew, she would cancel her date and be unhappy and it would be all my fault.

I knew she was waiting for an answer, so I softly whispered "oh."

Mom seemed to take that as my blessing. "I wanted to let you know know, because I don't want us to keep secrets from each other. You never need to be ashamed to tell me anything. You're my only child, and I will always love you." 

Ok, now she was creeping me out. Did she already know about the baby? Was she testing me? Seeing if I trusted her as much as she apparently trusted me? My throat closed, and my eyes burned. It took several tries, but I was able to force some words out. "I love you, too." It wasn't a confession, but it wasn't a lie either.

If she was disappointed that I didn't share, she hid it pretty well. Instead she kept talking. "So, how about Kurt?"

The quick change in topic was confusing. "Huh? Oh, Kurt's cool." Seriously, what did she want to know about him? Kurt was Kurt, that's it.

She raised one eyebrow, giving me that funny look. You know the one, the one that says that there's a joke, and everyone but you is in on it? Yeah, that one. I groped for something else to say to her "Uh, he plays football with me, he's the kicker. He's really smart, too. He'll know how to catch me up in class." Maybe that was what she wanted to hear.

Her lips moved slightly, and I could tell that she was thinking about saying more, but she abruptly shook her head. "That would be nice. You aren't dumb, Finn, but you need to try harder. If you want to go to college, you need a scholarship, and you aren't going to get one with C's."

"I know." I really did. College just seemed so far away that I had a hard time working towards it.

"I know you do. Now, about Burt Hummel. Are you alright with me going on a date with him?"

No, I wasn't. But I couldn't justify (what a great word by the way, I learned it from Artie the other day) telling her that. She hadn't snuck around behind my back, which would have given me the right to bitch. No, she had not only told me beforehand but actually asked me for my permission. "Yeah, I guess."

When she kissed the top of my head, I felt like a worse person than ever. "You're such a good boy. Even when you were a baby, and it was just the two of us, you were so good natured. You hardly ever cried. Everyone said that you were the happiest baby they had ever seen."

She so seldom talked about those days that I was interested despite myself. "But my dad was there then, right? You always said he was a good dad and a good helper. So it wasn't just the two of us, it was the three of us"

Something wary entered her eyes, the same look that Mr. Shuster got whenever Sue Sylvester decided to stop by. It was a look that meant he needed to tread carefully, because there were landmines everywhere and you might get blown up into a million pieces or something. "Of course he was there. But he was working then, to try and support us, and I was home with you during the day. Of course, then you turned two and became a holy terror, something you haven't quite grown out of."

I knew an attempt to distract me when I heard one. Only why would she do that? My dad had been there, I've seen the pictures. Babies are pretty smart about who likes them and who doesn't, and it's obvious how much he and I loved each other. "But…" I trailed off there, because I didn't know what else to say. My mom's the only person in the whole world that I can trust completely, and I don't want to do anything that might upset that. "Nothing. It's fine if you want to go out with Mr. Hummel."

"Thank you, Finn. Do you need help with anything before bed?"

"No, I'm really tired, so I'm just going to lie down and sleep." See, this is why I'm not stupid. I deliberately had Kurt pick a shirt that I could sleep in also, so I wouldn't have to face the embarrassment of asking Mom for help. I'm practically a genius like Stephen Hawking, or that guy that invented Velcro.

She tightened her arms around me, and I leaned down to kiss her cheek. Sure, she was confusing me right now, but she was my Mom, and I still loved her. "Alright, Finn. Do you want me to stay with you tomorrow, or go back to work? They said I can go back Monday if that would be better."

I did want her to stay home, but that would mean her taking an additional three days off work, and we couldn't really afford that. "Nah, it's cool. I can manage on my own."

"If you're sure. " She didn't sound convinced. This was my last chance to have her stay, but I didn't take it. Instead I just nodded at her. "Ok, I love you, then. I'm going to call Samantha and trade for the afternoon shift, so I can be with you in the morning. What time did Kurt say he would be here?"

He hadn't, but it wasn't too hard to figure out. "About 6. Unless he has to go home and change clothes and do his face stuff and…stuff."

Mom laughed a little. "Goodnight, Finn." She turned out the light when she left, leaving me in only the dim light from the street lamp. I shrugged out of my jeans and curled up. My arm hurt so much that it was a struggle to keep from crying, but I couldn't bring myself to call her back. I was just going to have to suck it up and act like a man for once. Usually, I liked lying on my side, but that put too much weight on it, so I was turned on to my back instead. I was still confused as hell, both by Mom and Kurt, and laying here wasn't fixing anything. Instead I watched the numbers on the digital clock turn over, humming softly and tunelessly and patting the blanket in an attempt to soothe myself. Finally, sometime after 10, I melted into a restless sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm glad you all liked Finn's POV, because it was really hard to write. I guess I'm more like Kurt (the scheming, drama prone part, not the fashionable one) so he's easier. This chapter does contain some homophobic slurs, but nothing you haven't heard on the show. Thank you for all the reviews, I love reading them!**

Kurt POV

I was still floating on cloud nine when I got to school the next morning. Not only had I actually gotten to spend some time with Finn last night, but we had both had a good time. Plus, he wanted me to come back and visit again.

My good mood lasted until just before third period, when I found myself pinned against the lockers by Karofsky and his goons. It was hopeless for me to struggle, so I settled for glaring deeply into his piggy eyes. "Put me down, you cretin." I didn't yell or scream, just kept my voice level and frightening. Sometimes they would back down if you didn't show them fear.

Unfortunately, this didn't look like one of those days. The three of them exchanged looks and smirked. "What are you going to do about it, queer bait? Your boyfriend Finn isn't around to save you. You're all ours, little fag."

For the first time, I realized how much protection Finn actually afforded me. It was something that we had never discussed, though I knew that he had been on the other player's cases about it. He had been holding them back, but like dogs that had broken their chains; they were back and meaner then ever. There's an old saying about cowards in a pack having their own courage, and I was afraid for the first time.

_Don't panic, Kurt. You're in a public hallway, and they can't do much to you. Just hold still and get ready to scream._

Karofsky must have been having the same thought because he let me drop to the ground. He spun me around and started for force me to the doorway, one hand clamped over my mouth. This was bad, this was really bad. If they could get me outside, they could do anything they wanted, and there would be no one to help me.

"Hey!" The voice was familiar and extremely surprising. My knight in shining armor had turned out to be none other then Noah Puckerman, my former tormenter. He slammed his shoulder into Karofsky, his dark eyes glinting with rage. "Back off of him."

I had thought I sounded tough, but compared to Puck, I sounded like a wet kitten. The hand fell away from my mouth, and I backed up, moving away from all five of them. Karofsky snorted. "What, Puckerman, you on his side now? That stupid group turn you gay, too? Damn, it already got Hudson, now you. Glee club is like some sort of sickness"

Puck's eyes narrowed. "He's under my protection, _David_. You put a finger on him, and you're a walking dead man. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it." His eyes swung over to me. "Looks like you got yourself a couple of guys willing to fight over you. First Hudson's telling us to leave you alone or he'll kick our asses, now you have Puckerman doing the same thing. You got lucky this time." Then he turned to Puck. "So, what is it, winner gets to screw him? He's_ almost_ pretty enough to be a girl." With that parting shot, he sauntered off.

As much as it absolutely galled me to do this, I turned to Puck. "Thank you, Noah."

He gave me a feral grin. "It's Puck, lady man, and no problem. Finn called this morning, though you might have a little trouble with these guys. He told me to keep an eye on you. Come on." He started back towards the classroom, not bothering to see if I was following him. 

"He did?" I tried not to sound too eager, but failed miserably. "Finn said that?"

"Dude, haven't you noticed that you haven't seen the inside of a dumpster in weeks?"

Now that I thought about it, it was true. "I guess."

"Yeah, well, Finn pounded the crap out of Karofsky right after he joined Glee club. Told him to leave you alone, and then told the rest of us that he would beat us up if we did it again. He was pissed."

Be still my beating heart. Finn had all but rode in on a white horse and protected me from the inside of McKinley High's most disgusting dumpster. Ok, so it wasn't exactly flowers and roses, but the sanctity of my clothing was far more important than any of that. Before I could stop myself, I felt that dopey grin spread across my face.

Puck paused at my classroom door. "I'll be here after class, to keep those morons off your back, so try to hurry it up." His voice tried to sound mean, but I knew that it was just a cover. Believe it or not, Noah Puckerman did have a softer side, at least when it suited him to have one.

"Hey, Puck?" I was rambling a little, but I didn't want to lose my small amount of courage. "How come you came after me? I mean, you could have just told Finn you tried your best but didn't see it. Then you could have saved face with your team."

It didn't make any sense. Puck tolerated me, though he was very careful to make sure we never touched, just in case my gay cooties rubbed off on him. He and Finn were friends, but I had seen Puck turn Finn down for favors much less than this one.

His eyes were intense when they met mine, and for a minute, I wasn't sure what he was going to say. Then he shrugged. "I owe Finn one, big time. Be here right after class or you're on you own." He spun on his heel and marched down the hall.

Did he owe Finn because he was cheating with Quinn? Most of the guys tended to shun me, but I was pretty sure that there were complex rules that governed when it was and was not appropriate to kiss a friends girlfriend. Number one was probably that it was always inappropriate when the friend was still dating said girl. If it was anything like the rules that girls played by at least.

True to his word, Puck was waiting for me outside after class, and dutifully escorted me to math. He didn't actually talk to me, but he did glower at anyone who seemed interested in beating me up. At the door, he paused. "I somehow pulled your girlfriend to sing a ballad to, so I have to meet with her after lunch. Think you can make it to your class all by yourself, or do you need me to hold your hand?"

Ah, there was the Noah Puckerman we all knew and loathed. "I'll be fine."

Hearing that Puck and Mercedes were stuck singing a ballad together made me realize that I needed to talk to her. She would be dying to know how my evening had gone, and I needed to catch up on the Glee gossip.

Luckily, math was the last period before lunch, and I only had to tolerate 45 minutes of droning about imaginary numbers and parabolas before the bell rang. I all but bolted from the classroom, not even remembering to ask for Finn's homework, desperately scanning the crowd for Mercedes.

"K-K-Kurt, come on." Tina materialized next to me, the neon green streaks in her hair allowing her to stand out. "W-We want to know how F-Finn is."

I allowed her to lead me to the cafeteria, where the entire Glee club, minus Puck (and interestingly enough, Quinn), was waiting. Mercedes pushed a tray full of my favorite foods towards me. "Spill, Kurt."

I had no idea how much they already knew so I started as simply as possible. "Finn broke his arm really bad. The bone was kind of separated and pushed over like this." I did my best to demonstrate with my hands. "Um, Coach and I took him to the hospital, and he they said he needed to have surgery on it. So, they did that the same night, and they let him go yesterday."

Rachael rolled her eyes. "We already know all that. We need to know how soon he can come back to Glee, because Sectionals is coming up, and we need him"

Honestly, I knew that she wasn't as shallow as she often came off as. Rachael loved Finn in her own way, and was genuinely concerned about his well being. It was just hard for her to express it. Once this whole thing with Quinn blew up, Finn would probably go to her for comfort and end up dating her, making the same mistake he had made with Quinn. They both wanted him because of what he could do for them, and what they thought they could make him into. They didn't want him because of who he was, right now.

_You do. You love him because he's Finn and that's good enough for you. Well, except for his horrendous fashion sense_.

"I didn't know that he was released from the hospital." Artie's voice was soft, but it carried across the table. I shot him a quick, grateful, smile. He always knew the right thing to say, which was a trait I envied.

"H-how is he?" Tina's eyes met mine. "I mean, does he seem ok? Do you know what the doctors said about his arm? Is it going to go back to normal or is there going to be permanent damage?"

Whenever she was really passionate about something, Tina very seldom stuttered. "Dad and I went over there for dinner last night so I got to see him. He was in some pain, but he mostly seemed alright. His Mom said that it would take a few months, but his arm should be alright."

"It sounded really bad when he got hurt. Like a branch snapping or something." Brittany was playing with Santana's hair, a sleepy look on her face. "I thought bones were stronger then that."

It might have been the most intelligent thing I had ever heard come out of her mouth. "Britt, if you throw 400lbs on top of someone's arm, it's going to break. Anyway, his arm is up in a sling, but no cast."

"Did he make you look at the scar? Because let me tell you, it's pretty damn gross." Puck appeared out of nowhere, pulled out a chair and sat on it. "It's very Frankensteiny."

Despite my best efforts, I felt a small smile tug at my lips. Puck was Puck and it was impossible to be too angry with him for long. True, he was an egotistical asshole most of the time, but he never pretended to be something that he wasn't. He was lying to Finn, but, right now at least, that was Finn's problem, not mine. Later, with any luck at all, it would be something we shared, but not yet. "He tried, but I wouldn't look."

Rachael's eyes narrowed. "So, did everyone but me go over and visit?"

"Yes, Rachael, we all got together without you and went over and bothered someone who was just a few hours out of the hospital. It's all a big conspiracy against you." I tried to keep the nasty out of my voice and didn't quite succeed. "I didn't know Puck went over at all."

He shrugged, obviously a little embarrassed to be caught actually caring about someone else. "Yeah, well, Finn's my boy. Stupid fucker needed someone to look out for him." He stood up, apparently bored with us. "Didn't make much difference though, he was so doped up he barely even knew who I was."

"But he seemed alright?" This time it was Santana. "I mean, he's going to get better pretty soon, right?"

I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or Puck. When they were together, they didn't have eyes for anyone else, but when they were apart, they wouldn't even acknowledge the other existed. The problems was, the rest of the Glee club never knew if they were on or off on any given day. Most of the time, I suspected they didn't know themselves.

Luckily, Puck answered before the silence could drag on. "Back to school on Monday, unless he can convince his mom that he's still too injured to go. I doubt it, though, Carol's tough."

It was Thursday now. That meant I had just three days, four if you counted today, of Finn's attention, before he wouldn't need me any more. Once he went back to school, he would hook back up with his real friends, and that would be that.

"Anyway, Finn's gonna be fine. Ok? Fine. There's no reason to bother with him any more." Puck was edgy, his eyes darting from side to side. "Mercedes, are you coming or not?" 

Her eyes met mine, silently asking if she should go with Puck, or if I needed her. I did, desperately, so I jerked my head at her. She nodded minutely. "Sorry, White Bread, Kurt needs me right now. Later, guys."

Her hand was warm on my arm as she steered me out of the cafeteria and into an empty classroom. "Alright, what happened? Did Frankenteen do something?" She grinned and nudged me gently. "Or did he not do something? You don't make that worried face for nothing."

How did I explain this? "He did, but he didn't." I sat on one of the desks, taking care not to wrinkle my clothes. "I think he wanted to kiss me."

"Uh-huh." Her voice was heavy with sarcasm. "So, Finn, who is painfully straight, not to mention about to be a daddy, has suddenly decided that he likes cock."

"Mercedes!" I was no prude, but somehow, it always creeped me out to hear her say that. "I didn't say he did kiss me, I just said I thought he might want to." Hurriedly, I went over what had happened, from him kissing my cheek when I first got there, to the strange scene right before Dad and I went home. Try as I might, I couldn't properly explain the look in Finn's eyes as he had stood toe to toe in his room. It was the most intense feeling of my entire life.

To her credit, she listened quietly, even though her eyebrows were rising higher and higher. One arm came around my shoulders, pulling me to her body. "Oh, Kurt, this is a hot mess right here."

I laughed a little at her blunt honesty. "So what do I do?"

"Good question. I don't want to get your hopes up, but it does sound like he's at least interested. What did he say when you stepped back? Did he get all weird or anything?"

"No." Even the memory of that look made shudders run up and down my spine. "He just stood there."

"Alright, let's think about this. Finn Hudson, the man of your, as well as the entire female population of McKinley highs, dreams, might actually have feelings for you. Kurt, what do you want?"

The answer came without my having to think. "Finn."

"Do you?" She was probing now. "You wanted him before, when you didn't think you could have him."

My anger rose. "No, I wanted him because I wanted him. He's cute and he's funny and he's, well, not smart exactly, but he's so sweet. He actually treats me like I matter."

"Alright, Kurt, just chill. I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't ask."

Grudgingly, I had to admit she was right. I had to be sure that it was actually Finn I wanted, that I wasn't just attached to him because I thought he was off limits. I leaned back and thought hard. I thought about Finn's lopsided smile, and his expressive eyes, and the easy way he touched me, even thought he knew I was gay. I thought about how he carried Artie in and out of Glee practice every day, without every doing anything to make his friend feel like a burden. True, his mouth was about three times as fast as his brain was, which could lead to awkwardness, but his heart was in the right place. "I'm sure he's what I want."

She gave me a devious smirk. "Well, then. We have to get you one Finn Hudson, served up on a silver platter. Suggestions?" 

It was a testament to my newfound restraint that I didn't immediately come up with the most outrageous plan possible. Finn was like a skittish alley cat right now, and grabbing for him would cause him to bolt. I had to charm him to my hand, and that meant being subtle. Plus, there was a not so small (though getting larger by the day) impediment to my bliss: Quinn Fabray.

As if she could read my mind, Mercedes stopped. "What about Drizzle?" 

The fact that the entire Glee club referred to the baby that way drove Quinn absolutely insane, which may or may not have been the reason that I, at least, continued to do it. Petty was not a good look on me, but I really couldn't help it. "I don't know."

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her about Quinn and Puck, but I couldn't make the words come out. Mercedes and I had never kept secrets from each other before, but this was different. This was Finn's secret, not mine, and it wasn't right for everyone to know before he did.

_Kurt, darling boy, he already knows. He has to be half knocked out with pain and drugs before he can admit it, even to himself, but he knows. Just be gentle to him, alright? He needs to face the truth head on, and you need to be there when it all comes crashing down on him. Because baby? It's going to hurt him _so_ badly._

The voice was so tender that I barely recognized Galinda. She was right, of course, she was always right. Finn was sensitive, which was one of the things I loved about him, but sensitivity came with its drawbacks. Namely wearing your heart on your sleeve and making it easy for others to destroy it.

And this would. Finn might have been shocked about Drizzle at first, and scared, but he had really come around to the idea of fatherhood. Not having a father of his own had marked him, and he had promised himself that he would take care of Drizzle, no matter what. I might be able to compete if it had just been Quinn, but the baby tipped the scales.

_Being there for Drizzle doesn't mean being there for Quinn. She treats him like a dog, and you both know it. He puts up with it because he doesn't know any better. You have to show him that he's worth more. _

"Kurt!" Mercedes snapped her fingers in front of my face. I gave her a guilty look and an apologetic shrug. "Drizzle." 

"I don't know. I can't take him away from the baby, but I can share him with her. That's enough, right?" There was more desperation in my voice than I was comfortable with.

"It's a start. Don't worry, Kurt, we'll figure something out." Suddenly she grinned again. "So, want to hear the latest gossip? You'll love this, I promise."

"Coach Sylvester was caught in a torrid affair with Figgens?" It was the most bizarre thing I could come up with.

"Better." She was giggling now, so it must be juicy.

"Uh, Brittany hooked up with both Mike and Matt, at the same time?"

"Kurt, that was last week. No, even better."

I leaned in closer. "I give up, what?"

She did the same, mimicking Finn and my pose from last night. "Guess who Rachael Berry is chasing after? Someone in Glee Club…"

Anyone but Finn, anyone but Finn. No wait, if it was Finn it wouldn't have been plain old gossip, much less the juicy kind. It couldn't be Puck; the two of them had already been hooked up. Matt and Mike were out, and she barely had the time of day for Artie. It couldn't be one of the girls, could it? "You?"

Mercedes jerked backwards. "Kurt Hummel, bite your tongue. If I was going to go that way, it would be for something a lot better than Rachael Berry. No, it's Shuester!"

"The teacher?" _No, Kurt, the other Shuester in Glee. Yes the teacher! God, sometimes you're dumber than Finn is._

"Yes, Will Shuester, our teacher. You missed it all yesterday because you were playing nursemaid to your man crush."

I decided to let that comment slide, at least this time. "You're kidding."

"Nope. She was full on Fatal Attraction, bunny's on the stove, eye stalking him. It was beyond creepy."

A quick check of my watch confirmed that there were only a few minute left before the bell rang. Once that happened, I wouldn't see her until Glee. I had actually been considering skipping it again, to go and see Finn earlier, but there was no way I was going to miss this train wreck. I grabbed her hand. "Mercedes, tell me everything."

Ok, so it wasn't the nicest way to act. After all, who knew better than me the pain of having a crush on someone you knew you could never have? Shuester was married with a kid on the way; Finn was dating Quinn Fabray with a kid on the way. Had it been anyone else, I would have had a lot more sympathy.

But it was Rachael Berry, who had absolutely everything. Was it so unfair to want, just once, for her to try her absolute hardest and still not got what she wanted? She had already gotten my solo, not to mention more than her fair share of talent, so why shouldn't she get to know exactly how the rest of us felt sometimes?

Well, maybe a large part of my nasty was coming from the fact that she had gotten all that, and was still chasing after Finn, too. Shouldn't I get _something_?

I realized that I was dangerously close to going on a mental whining streak, and checked myself before Galinda could do it for me. I was Kurt Hummel, and I was not about to give in to melodrama. No matter what happened with all of this, I would keep my head high, and keep counting the days until I was out of here.

Glee was kind of boring today, since everyone was practicing their ballads, and I didn't have a partner for mine. I busied myself picking through some old sheet music for inspiration, and furtively watching the rest of the club. Mercedes looked like she might want to strangle Puck, who was happily mooning over Santana. And Brittany. And Quinn. He even raised a suggestive eyebrow at Tina. Staring was rude, but I really didn't want to miss it when Mercedes finally let him have it.

I continued to watch them out of the corner of my eye, checking out the rest of the club. Brittany and Santana were totally involved in each other, squealing and laughing. They certainly didn't seem to have a problem singing with a person of the same gender. Maybe Finn wouldn't either.

_ Uh-huh. Do you really think that? Come on Kurt, you've seen the way they look at each other. They don't have a problem with it because they're already together. Plus, Finn is Finn, not Brittany or Santana._

Not possible. The more I watched, though, the more I became convinced that it was true. Britt stared at Santana the same way I did at Finn, though if I looked that desperate and dopey I was going to have to commit suicide. I made a mental note to watch myself for that.

However, the most fun of the day was watching Mr. Shue try and fend of Rachael's rather obvious advances. I did regret missing the Endless Love fiasco from yesterday, but apparently she was going to give me plenty of material today, also. Mr. Shue had the petrified look of a deer in the headlights, and Rachael had the deep stare of a wolf. It quickly became obvious that the man needed help.

"Mr. Shue?" The words came out without thought. "Can you help me with my ballad, please?"

Relief flooded his eyes. "Of course. Rachael, I'm sorry but Kurt needs my help."

Her disappointment was palpable. "Oh, that's alright." Suddenly, she brightened up. "You and I can just rehearse together later. Maybe you could give me some private lessons?"

I was pretty sure I didn't want to know what sort of "lessons" she was talking about. From the look on his face, and the way he kept nervously adjusting his tie, Mr. Shue didn't either.

He sat down next to me. "Thank you, Kurt."

"No problem." Now that he was actually here, I didn't know what to say to him. "I, uh, I don't know what to pick."

He nodded. "Well, I paired you with Finn, right? Just go with what you feel."

Somehow, I didn't think that would go over too well. Finn was slowly coming around to my way of thinking and I didn't want to scare him. "What if I don't know what I feel?"

"That's what the music is for. No matter what your feelings truly are, there's a song for you. I have more music in my office, if you don't see it right now. Just go from the heart, Kurt, you're excellent at that"

I glanced around, but everyone was distracted by their own ballads. Even Rachael had disappeared. "You know, don't you? That's why you put us together for the ballad" 

To his credit, he didn't attempt to play dumb. Instead he gave me that strange smile. "Yes, I know."

"So, what do I do?" I hated to sound so weak, but I was totally out of my league here. Why I was asking him was somewhat of a mystery, considering what a mess his love life was, but he was close to Finn, and maybe he would have a suggestion. "Do I even have a chance?"

He sat on the floor next to me, his eyes distant. "I can't tell you that, Kurt, because I don't know. The only one who can know that is Finn, and he's only going to tell you if you ask."

"But…" The next part was hard to say, and I very nearly lost my nerve. "I don't want him to hate me. If I ask, and he doesn't feel that way, he's never going to want to talk to me again."

That, of course, was my biggest fear. I could put up with the dumpster tossing, and the name calling, and my stuff being ruined, because I knew that the people who were doing it were creeps that were going to end up working at McDonalds in a few years. But if Finn joined them….I couldn't even imagine it.

"He's not going to hate you, Kurt. Just be honest with him. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, he'll respect you being brave and putting it all out there."

I guessed that was true. Finn appreciated honesty and directness. It was just that I wasn't even out to the rest of the Glee club, just Mercedes and Dad, and, considering how absolutely dense Finn was, this was going to come as a complete shock to him. Still, there was no excuse for wimpiness, even more than then there being no excuse for bad fashion. "Thank you, Mr. Shue."

He patted my shoulder and stood, looking around nervously for Rachael. "I know how hard this is, but I'm going to tell you something, Kurt. Not saying anything isn't going to change your feelings. It's just going to lead to things building up until it all explodes, and you don't want that to happen. Regret's ugly, and you don't need to have it so early in life."

Maybe the fact that his life was so screwed up meant he was the one I should really be listening too. After all, we had all met his wife, and seen the way he looked at Ms. Pilsbury. If anyone had regrets for the direction their life had taken, it must be him.

None of the music here was right, not for Finn and I. "May I be excused early from practice? I need to think about my ballad before I choose."

"Of course. I wasn't expecting you to show up at all today, so I don't really have anything for you to do. I'll see you in class tomorrow." 

I was standing before he added. "Oh, and tell Finn I hope he's feeling better. He can have an extension on his Spanish homework if he needs one."

"I will." I wasn't expected over at the Hudson's until six, but I could use the extra time to get ready. I had a brand new red shirt (since Finn had told me once that red was my color) that needed ironing, and I knew he liked the way a certain shower gel smelled. It was a little on the manipulative side, but I wanted to go in as confident as possible.

Finn Hudson wasn't going to know what hit him.


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt POV

My baby was purring at me today, her engine a familiar vibration through the seats. I had pulled up to Finn's house a few minutes ago, but I couldn't force myself up and out of the car. My stomach was rolling and nervous, and I was still trying to decide whether or not I was going to get sick.

_Buck up, you wimp. So what if Finn Hudson doesn't like you back. You'll move on to someone even better, someone smarter and with better fashion sense. But I'll tell you something else. If he does like you, he likes the boy who stands up for himself, even when he knows he's already beaten. So stop acting like a little girl, and get in there_.

Harsh as they were, the words propelled me up. I turned off the engine and hurriedly stuffed my iPod in the front of my backpack. A quick scan in the rearview mirror told me that my hair was in place, my clothing unwrinkled and my lips perfectly kissable. In other words, I was ready to kick ass.

Dignity forgotten, I all but pranced up the steps, ringing the doorbell with a firm push. Should I tell Finn right away, or after we had done our homework? I didn't want to lose my nerve, and if I did it quickly, we might be able to forget homework entirely and spend the evening doing much more interesting things.

The door flew open so quickly that I had to jump backwards to avoid being hit. It bounced off the side of the house with a slam that made me cringe backwards and reconsider this entire plan. Finn stood in the doorway, larger then life and looking like he wanted to kill me. His voice was a low snarl. "I fucking told you to-" Abruptly he broke off, seeming to see me for the first time. "Kurt?"

It was starting to look a lot less like I was going to be kicking ass, and more like it was _my _ass that was going to get kicked. "Uh-huh." My voice squeaked embarrassingly. I backed away cautiously, trying to determine if I should make a run for it, or if it was ok to stand my ground.

Finn visibly deflated, his head dropping against the doorframe. "Jeez, Kurt, I'm sorry. I thought…" He sighed and stepped backwards. "Never mind. Do you want to come in, or did I scare the crap out of you?"

Yes to both. I came towards him cautiously, but his anger was gone, leaving us both still standing. Once we were face to face, I could see that his eyes were red and puffy, almost like he had been crying. Actually, it was looked exactly like he had been crying.

My heart went out to him. Was he in that much pain? I had never been injured that badly, so I had no way to compare. First order of business, figure out what was wrong, and how I could fix it. "What's wrong, Cowboy?"

Oh, God, had I just actually called him that out loud, instead of just in my head? Yes, I had, but he didn't seem to notice. Instead he shrugged limply, closing the door with exaggerated care. He didn't say anything, just stood there passively.

Once we were in the brighter light of the kitchen, I noticed a series of reddish-brown stains across the front of his light blue shirt. It almost looked like- "Finn, is that blood?"

He looked down, seeming surprised and not overly concerned. "Oh, yeah, I guess so."

How could he be so calm? "Ok, where is it coming from?"

Finn seemed to think for a few seconds, then held up his left hand, revealing swollen and scraped knuckles. Oh dear God, what did he do now?

"You, bathroom, now!" My voice was hard, and he allowed me to push him in the right direction without a fight. "Finn, you only have one working hand, what in the world did you do to it?"

I plugged the bathtub and started some cold water running in both it and the sink. The blood on his shirt was dry, and I was pretty sure it was going to stain, but I had seen him wear this shirt multiple times, and it was one of the less offensive pieces in his wardrobe, so I wanted to save it if it was at all possible. "Shirt off, then let's see that hand."

It was a simple T-shirt, and he was able to get it off without needing my help. I tossed it in the tub, then gently eased his hand into the sink. He hissed and flinched slightly when the water ran over the cuts, but he didn't pull back. Now that I had a clear look at his injury, it looked suspiciously familiar. "Finn, did you hit someone?"

"Uh-huh." He was eerily calm right now, which wasn't a good sign. It meant that he had already gone through rage, and tears, and was just too tired to keep on fighting. I had been there, and it was a miserable feeling, to be suffering but not have the strength to express it. "I think I broke Puck's nose. Then his eye. Also, I threw something in the dining room, and it broke, too."

Uh-oh. Apparently all my worrying about what to tell Finn about Puck and Quinn had been for nothing, because he had managed to find out on his own. "Why did you break Puck's nose, and when?"

Finn did that funny half smile thing that he always did when he thought. "About a half hour ago. That's why I yelled at you when you came to the door. I thought it was him coming back to apologize, and I didn't want to see him. I didn't expect you until later. Sorry if I scared you."

"It's alright." His hand didn't look too bad once the blood was rinsed away. I patted it dry and stepped back. "Why did you break Puck's face again?"

He pulled away, his body tense for the first time since I had arrived. "I don't want to talk about that."

Far be it from me to push him. "That's fine, but I'm willing to listen if you decide you do want to talk. Now, have you eaten?"

"Not hungry."

That cemented in my mind how bad this entire situation was. Finn Hudson was always hungry. It takes a lot of food to keep a body that size going. Looking at his sad, broken, eyes, I wondered how I could have ever considered telling him the truth out of spite. I decided to try and different tactic. "Homework then?"

"Yeah, that's ok." He was completely unenthusiastic, but he usually felt that way about school.

It was the last thing I wanted, but I felt like I had to ask. "Do you want me to leave? You seem very…tired."

"No! I mean, I really, really, don't want to be alone right now. Mom's at work, and she won't be home until late." It was as close to begging as I had ever seen him come.

I nodded gently. "Come on, then. Where do you want to work?"

He led me back down to the kitchen, playing the good host by offering me something to drink. I divided the work into piles while he went upstairs to find another shirt to put on. Any chance of me either confessing my feelings or us fooling around had gone out the window, so we might as well get some work done.

I decided to start with English, where we were reading poetry. I opened the book to one of Yeats longer poems and turned it so Finn could see. "Read it."

"Out loud?" He wrinkled his nose. "I don't know, I'm not a very good reader."

The nice thing to do would be not push it, but I really, really wanted to hear the soft, loving words come out of Finn's mouth. Even if they weren't directed at me, I could at least pretend they were. "Just do your best."

Listening to Finn read was….interesting. He either poked along, turning each word into a sentence, and got every of them right, or he read at a normal pace, and transposed the words every few lines. He could always tell when he got it wrong, and backed up to start again. Other then that, his pronunciation was good, and he seemed to know what most of the words meant. The whole thing was kind of weird.

After what seemed like an eternity to me, and probably even longer to him, he stopped and looked at me expectantly. I decided not to make a big deal out of it. "Ok, so what is this poem about?"

Despite having just read it, he looked confused. "Uh, poetic stuff?"

With so many stops and restarts, he probably didn't retain much of what he read. I took the textbook back, my hand brushing across his, and read the poem out loud myself. Naturally, I had managed to pick the one poem that wasn't about love at all, but the end of the world. Hopefully that wasn't some sort of omen for our relationship. "Now, tell me what it's about."

"The rapture, right?" He seemed pleased with himself for figuring that out. "You know, the beast slouching towards Bethlehem, that's the antichrist."

For once, he was right. "I had no idea you were religious." Depending on how religious he actually was, this could be another kink in my plan.

He looked down, the miserable look back in his eyes. "Quinn. She was always threatening me with the rapture when…." He trailed off and picked at his sleeve. "Mom and I don't go to church or anything, though."

"Dad and I don't either." Even though I ached to go over and hold him, I forced myself to be still. I knew what the problem was, but he didn't know that I knew. Until he was actually ready to admit it out loud, I could do nothing but watch him suffer. "I think you're right though, it is about the antichrist."

The relieved half smile on his face told me I was making the right choice. Since Finn was right handed, I made two sets of notes for us, so he wouldn't have to struggle to write with his left.

Once we had dissected the poem to my satisfaction (Finn's satisfaction had been reached about 20 minutes before and his suggestions were becoming increasingly silly), we moved on to Spanish. Again, Finn showed the same poor comprehension when he read, but seemed to get it when I worked with him verbally.

About halfway through the assignment, I noticed him flinching and rubbing at him arm. I paused in the middle of a discourse about my imaginary trip to the library to look at him. "Does it hurt?"

"Yeah. The cut doesn't hurt at all, really, but it's like a really deep down pain."

This time I did get up and put a hand on his back. The muscles shuddered under his thin shirt, but he didn't freak out or flinch away. "Did they give you some pills for pain?" I couldn't imagine they would send him home without anything, considering it was a pretty major surgery.

"They make me sick to my stomach if I don't eat."

"So eat something. If you aren't that hungry, just have some eggs or something. I don't want you passing out on me." If I could do nothing else, and it was looking like I wouldn't be able to, at least tonight, I could at least comfort him by feeding him. "Come on, I'll make us both omelets."

He softened. "I'm sorry, Kurt, I didn't even think that you might be hungry. You should have said something." 

"It's alright. Now, where are the pans?" 

Finn kind of hovered over my shoulder while I cooked, not saying much. The Hudson's stove was kind of old, and I found it took most of my attention. I was aware of his eyes on my back though, feeling like he was boring a hole in me. "Go get some vegetables out of the fridge, please."

He poured us two glasses or orange juice, slopping it a little with his left hand. I said nothing, though. Finn was going to be in that sling for a long time, and he needed to learn how to get around it.

The omelets finished, and portioned them out onto the plates that Finn had set out. "Here you go, Cowboy." Damn! I had done it again.

If Finn noticed the affectionate nickname, he said nothing about it. Instead he was giving his dinner a funny look. "Why is it that color?"

For a second, I wasn't sure what he was talking about. Then it hit me. "Oh, it's an egg white omelet. There's no yolk, so it doesn't have that yellow color to it. It's much healthier this way."

Luckily, he didn't fuss about it. Instead he started eating, using the side of his fork to cut it into small pieces. Every few seconds his eyes would dart up to me, barely making contact before he looked down again. He was also squirming uncomfortably. He wanted to say something, I could tell, but was he was having trouble getting it out.

Finally, he sighed heavily and set down his fork. "Kurt."

His tone was serious, and my heart dropped. Here it came, he was going to tell me that he knew all about me and my crush and he wanted me to back off. I sat up as straight as I could and looked him right in the eyes. "Yes?"

He poked his meal twice more and rubbed at his face. Twice he started to say what he needed to, then stopped before he could get the words out. Then it all came out in a quick rush. "Puck is sleeping with Quinn, the baby isn't mine. That's what we got into a fight about, and I don't want to talk about it any more."

_See, Kurt, it's not _always_ about you_.

I tried to figure out the right thing to say. "Finn-" 

"I don't want to talk about it any more." His voice wasn't angry, but it was clear he didn't want to argue about it. "I just thought that you should know. Don't tell anyone else though, alright?"

"I promise." For a few seconds, we just stared at each other, his dark eyes searching my blue ones. That feeling was back, the one that told me something far deeper then what I understood was happening.

The he gave me that goofy, but pained, smile, and he was just Finn again. "Good. I knew I could trust you."

The words tore into my chest. He couldn't trust me at all. If I had been honest with him last night, and told him the truth then, he wouldn't be sitting here with his knuckles all bruised and scraped.

_No, but he'd still be sitting here with a broken heart. Skin heals a lot faster than emotions do. Now get off your scrawny ass and go give the boy a hug._

My ass was _not_ scrawny! I had actually been told several times that it was very cute. Granted, all of those times were by Brittany, but at least someone noticed. And if anyone should know about cute asses, it was Britt. After all, she had seen nearly every guy on the football team naked, so she had plenty to compare it to. Still, the rest of the advice was sound, so I stood up and slipped my arms around Finn, laying my cheek against his shoulder blades.

From my new position, I could both feel and hear his heart drumming. It sped for a few seconds, then slowed back into a steady rush. His breath was stuttery and his muscles tight, and I knew how hard he was trying to hold it all together. After a minute or so, he breathed in so deeply that my entire body moved and twisted to slip his good arm around me. I allowed him to pull me gently to his side, one arm still resting across his back.

Finn was very, very gentle when he squeezed me, almost too gentle. I wasn't Quinn, and I wasn't going to shatter under his hands. I moved to put my arms around his neck and hugging him as hard as I could without cutting off his breath. That seemed to get the message across, and his grip around my ribs tightened also.

I really hoped I was doing the right thing here. Teenage boys weren't supposed to hug other teenage boys. For the most part, you gave them a rough punch on the shoulder and told them to man up. If the situation was truly dire, and that meant that a close family member or a dog had died, a pat on the back might be alright. A single _pat_, not rubbing and definitely not a hug. If Finn freaked out, I had only myself to blame.

For a few minutes, we were quiet, nothing to mark the passage of time except the thumps of both of our hearts. Then his arm dropped away, telling me to release my grip also. When he looked at me, his eyes were dry, but so very, very broken. Then he gave me a weak smile. "Thanks, Kurt. I think that was exactly what I needed."

"Glad to be of service." Now was not the time to think about all the other services I would be glad to provide for Finn.

He leaned back in his chair, studying me as if I were some strange new life form. This was the look I had failed to describe to Mercedes, the one that said he didn't quite know what to make of me, but he was determined to find out. "Can we do something else for a while? I'm kinda tired of homework." Then he gave me that half grin. "I think my brain is full."

"Nice try. The more you use your brain, the more capable it becomes. But sure, we can do something else. What do you have in mind?" _Please let it be anything but video games._

"I don't know. Talk maybe? You have no idea how bored I am in this house with no outside contact. Well, other then Mom, of course. What's happening at school?"

He carefully picked up his plate as he spoke, balancing the empty glass on top of it. I waited expectantly, my body tense, but he managed to get it to the sink without dropping or breaking anything. I picked up my plate and followed him. "You're still the hot topic of conversation."

"Really?" Both eyebrows rose. "Cool." 

"So, which story would you prefer? The one where you're in a coma or the one where you have the shattered spine? Because I can spread either."

"Which one do you think would get me more chicks?" He was suddenly intense. "No, that's stupid; you can't get chicks when you're in a coma. Tell them about the other one." 

I grinned back at him, trying to hide the fact that my heart had dropped into my designer shoes. Of course Finn was interested in chasing girls; it had been foolish for me to even consider that he might feel otherwise. Those looks he gave me meant nothing. I blinked hard, forcing back tears. I would get over this, I would have to.

Luckily, Finn was blissfully unaware that he was crushing me. I already knew that I could sing; now it was time to see how good of an actor I was. "Consider it done." I was pleased that my voice didn't waver or crack. I had told both Mercedes and my father that I could be happy as just his friend, now I needed to prove it to myself.

Suddenly, Finn sat back up. "You know what? Don't tell them that. Fuck girls, they cheat and lie and they pretty much suck. Screw them all." 

I kept my tone as noncommittal as possible. "They _are_ a problem. I suppose they have their uses, though." Not any uses I would be even remotely interested in, but uses none the less. I jumped up to sit on the counter, just so I wouldn't have to strain so much to look up at him.

He snorted. "Shit, I didn't even get that. Quinn figured it was a one way ticket to Hell. I guess just for me, though, since she could do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted. Screw her."

I never thought I would see the day when Finn Hudson sounded so bitter about something. He was one of those people who was just built to smile, who could bounce back from any crisis. Only now he was at the end of his rope. Then something else he had said hit home. "Wait, you didn't have sex with Quinn?"

He flushed a little. "No." 

"Then why did you think you had gotten her pregnant?" I wasn't trying to pick on him, I was actually pretty confused. Sex causes pregnancy. Without it, the girl can't get pregnant, period.

"Well, see, there was this hot tub-" 

I cut him off there, not eager to hear the details of his and Quinn's groping. "Finn, you do realize that it's not possible to get a girl pregnant without sex, no matter what you may or may not have done in a hot tub?"

From the look on his face, it was pretty obvious that he didn't. "Uh…."

Oh, God, this was a bigger mess then I had thought. "You can't. Didn't-" I managed clamp my mouth shut before I blurted out what I was thinking, which was 'didn't someone teach you anything about sex?'. Of course no one had. Sexual Education at this school was the worst sort of joke, seeing as it mostly consisted of rather graphic pictures of STD's, and reminders that abstinence wasn't just an option, it was the _only_ option.

My father had sat my down and given me the talk when I was 13. It had been a terrible, terrible hour or so that neither one of us could look back on without shuddering, but at least I was left with a basic understanding of human reproduction, gross as it was. Of course, I had to find out everything that might relate to gay issues from the internet, but at least he tried. Finn didn't talk about it much, but I kind of got the impression that his mom didn't date much, and there hadn't been much of a male presence in the house when he was little. It was entirely possible that she assumed he had learned it from either school or his friends.

A surge of hate for Quinn raced through me. She had to have known how trusting Finn was, considering that it was obvious to anyone who spent more than 10 minutes talking to him. This wasn't a case of her making a mistake one night, and not knowing which of them was the father, it was deliberate deception on her part. I wouldn't have given her credit for being so sly.

"But Quinn said…" He trailed off, no doubt coming to the same conclusion that I had. "But she lies. God!" He slammed the side of his fist into the counter, the sound like a gunshot in the empty kitchen. Despite my earlier bravado, I found myself backing up a step. Finn closed his eyes for a long minute, dropping his head and breathing heavily. Then he looked past me, into the kitchen. "You know what the worst part about this is?"

I wasn't sure if was a rhetorical question or not, so I kept my mouth closed. I never took my eyes of his though, trying to lend him strength through my silence. The silence stretched on and on, and I started to wonder if he was waiting for me to speak after all.

Then he shrugged. "If she had just said to me 'Finn, this baby is Puck's, but I know he can't be a good father. I need your help.' I still would have stayed with her. But she lied instead. How can I trust someone who lies right to my face?"

That definitely sounded like a rhetorical question, but his eyes were searching my face, asking me to tell him what to do, how he could possibly fix this. Only I didn't know what to tell him. "You're asking the wrong person, Finn. I can't tell you what to do here. Quinn lied, and she lied for a long time. But you have to think about why she did it. I don't really think she did it to hurt you. I think she did it because she's scared. How would you feel if you had to rely on Puck for the next 18 years?"

He gave a soft little laugh, the breathy kind that was really only a step or two from being a sob. "Not so great. His mom won't even let him have goldfish, 'cause he can't take care of them."

I jumped up to sit on the counter, which put us much closer to being face to face. "I'm not excusing her at all, but she's got to be terrified. You, and only you, can decide if this is something that you can forgive."

"Am I, like, a really bad person if the answer is no? I thought she was just mad because I knocked her up and everything, but she's always screaming at me and telling me I'm stupid and stuff. It's not even my fault, so why is she always picking on me?"

I could have gone back to the 'she's scared' excuse, but, honestly, I didn't feel like defending her any longer. "You're not a bad person, Finn. Actually, you're a pretty good person, which is probably how you ended up in this situation to start with."

"Except I'm dumb enough to think you can get a girl pregnant in a hot tub, and I don't know when I'm being lied to."

"Hey, no one's perfect." I nudged his shoulder. "Believe it or not, not even me." I completed the statement with my best smile and head toss.

That did make him smile. "Well, you can be a little diva-like. Sometimes even worse then Rachael. You're cool, though." Suddenly he gave me a feral grin and swept one arm behind my back, pulling me forward and off the counter. I tried to regain my balance, but he was far stronger, and able to toss me over his shoulder with very little effort.

"Put me down you Cro-Magnon brute!" I thumped at his back, but without any real fight. He was moving one handed, and I didn't want to do anything that might cause him to drop me.

He didn't put me down, of course, and, if I was being totally honest, I didn't really want him to. Finn was really powerful, and this would probably be the only time he would ever hold me. He walked us over to the living room, tossing me gently down on the overstuffed couch. He looked at me for a second then flopped down next to me, his eyes glinting. "So, what's a Cro-, Cro-, whatever, you know what I'm talking about."

Finn so cute when he was confused. "It's a caveman. The sort of caveman that throws someone over their shoulder and drags them around grunting!" It was impossible for me to sound really angry with him. Actually, it was very nearly impossible for me to keep from laughing at the playful expression on his face. I much preferred this version of Finn to the quiet, miserable version of a few minutes ago, and I was willing to do just about anything to keep him this way.

We sat together on the couch for a while, not really talking, but just catching our breath after everything that had just happened.

Without warning, and as if we had never paused in the conversation, Finn made a soft chuffing noise. "I wasn't grunting, Polly Prissy Pants." He gave me another heart stopping grin. "These are very good pills. They make me feel all better. So Quinn's a bitch, and Puck's an asshole. It's not the end of the world."

Stoned Finn was happy Finn, so I decided now would be a good time to tell him about his Glee assignment. "So, about Glee."

"Oh, yeah, Glee makes me feel all better, too. Except I'll have to look at both of _them _and that won't be better. That will suck. Everyone's going to find out, and then they're going to know what an idiot I really am. You'll still talk to me, though, right?" 

It was hard to believe that Finn Hudson, the popular quarterback, was concerned that _I_ wouldn't want to talk to _him_. I leaned back so we were touching, my entire side pressed to his. "Yeah, I'll still talk to you."

There it was again, that smile that suggested all was right with the world, at least for the moment. "What about Glee?"

"Well, we're doing ballads this week. Do you know what a ballad is?" 

"Sure, it's a mushy, lovey, chick song, right?" He was slumped back against the couch, leaning in a way that would have made him the perfect height for me to put my head against his shoulder. I didn't, though. "Nah, I'm kidding. A ballad is a story, but you know, with music."

How in the world had he known that? I hadn't even known what a ballad was. "Yes, actually. I'm very impressed with your musical knowledge."

Without warning, he broke into song. "Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed. Poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed. Then one day he was shooting at-"

I interrupted him before he could get too into that horrible southern twang. "Ok, point taken. Mr. Shue paired us up for ballads, and he put you and I together."

I waited for drama and wailing, in which he complained about having to sing to me, but he just shrugged. "Ok." 

His easy acceptance threw me for a loop, and I made mental note to see what sort of drugs he was on, and figure out how to procure some for the entire football team. It would be so nice if they were all like this, so gentle and easygoing. Finn gave me a contented yawn. "So, are we supposed to sing the same song, or to each other, or what?" 

"To each other." Again I tensed up, but he nodded serenely.

"What did you have in mind? I can't really think of any songs right now. Except for the Beverly Hillbillies, that's kind of stuck in my head.

After a brief debate, we both decided to retrieve our iPods and see what we could come up with. He wandered off upstairs, taking forever to find his. While he looked, I sat on the couch, thinking about today. It had been a lousy one for Finn, but he would get through it. He was tough, whether he realized it or not. I hadn't gotten the chance to tell him how I felt, but Quinn was neatly removed from the picture, which was a point in my favor.

Finn came crashing down the stairs at a speed that made me worry he was in danger of breaking his other arm. He resumed his previous position, putting us shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip.

It hadn't been best day for either one of us, so what? Right at the moment, it was just Finn and I sitting together on the couch and listening to music in the dark. And right at the moment? That was enough for both of us.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Wow, everyone seemed to like the last chapter. I got the same response when I posted it on the other site, and have come to the conclusion that everyone liked it so much because there's no one in it but Finn and Kurt, and that's the first time that has happened. So, here's number 8!**

Kurt POV

Mercedes was giving me that look again. That look that said 'Kurt, if there was a competition for being a dumbass, you would win hands down'. I hated that look, since had the unfortunate effect of making me feel about three inches tall. "Do I even need to tell you what a bad idea this is, or do you still have some sense in that oversprayed head?" 

We were sitting together in the auditorium before school, safe in the knowledge that there were no dumpsters or slushies in the near future. "Come on, Mercedes, it will be fun. We never get together outside of Glee, and this could really bond us as a group."

Her dark eyes rolled. "The only bonding you want to do is the sort that involves Finn Hudson with his pants off, so don't even pretend it's something else."

"That is not true!" She glared again and I capitulated. "Ok, it's kind of true, but it's still a really good idea. We've never had a Glee party before, and I'm dying for a chance to try. Think about it, for once, we'll be the popular people there."

She was softening, I could tell. "Isn't it kind of short notice? I mean, it's already Friday. People to make plans, you know."

I snorted. "Please. How many times have I told you that we're in _Glee _Club? The only ones who could conceivably have something to do on a Saturday are Puck and the Cheerios. Well, Britt is more likely to have some_one_ to do, but I'm sure her plans can change. "Please? I can't do this without you."

"So, you're telling me that you want to throw a party for the entire Glee club, at your house, tomorrow, with no plan or supplies yet, because you feel like it."

"That's the plan. We can ask everyone today, and get the stuff tonight." I laid my head on her shoulder. "What do I have to do to get you to agree?"

"Nothing. I'll do it because I'm your friend. But I don't have to be nice to Quinn or Rachael do I? I can just talk to Tina?"

Right at the moment, I didn't want to be nice to Quinn either. Actually, I didn't even want to invite her, but it would look suspicious if I didn't, and Finn had specifically asked me not to tell anyone. "No, you don't even have to look at her."

She looked down, then back at me. There was no trace of humor in her eyes, no smile. "Kurt, there's probably something you should know."

"Oh, God, what's wrong with my outfit?" She didn't smile at all at my attempt at a joke. "Alright, what is it?" 

She shook her head. "Finn's not the father of the baby, Puck is."

All this time spent worrying about not blurting the truth out to her, and she already knew. "How did you know that?" My voice did that embarrassing thing where it shot way up.

"Puck told me yesterday. Wait, how did _you_ know?"

"From Finn. Apparently, Puck was in a confessing mood yesterday, because he stopped by before I got there."

She whistled. "How did Finn take it?" 

"Well, according to him, Puck has a broken nose and a broken eye, so not well. It as all over by the time I got there, but I think he was crying about it, too. You know, he had that look."

"So you think it's a good idea to put them together at a party? Do you want Finn back in the hospital? Not that I wouldn't want to see Puck get the crap beaten out of him, but Finn can't take him with only one hand." 

Maybe my plan wasn't so great after all. I just wanted a chance to get Finn out of the house, and let him see his friends again. "Maybe we don't have to invite him."

"Then everyone will know something's up. We need a better plan."

She was right of course, but I couldn't help but feel irritated with her. Why couldn't this just be easy? "Maybe Puck will have other plans. You know, there are plenty of girls for him to deflower. Most of them are even dating someone else, which is apparently the icing on the cake for him." 

"Kurt, if you tell anyone this, I will hide all of your hair products for the next month, but I actually miss having White Boy around. It just isn't the same without him. Plus, Rachael's so busy staring at him that she leaves the rest of us alone. But let him fight his own battles. You can't go all mama bear for him. Yet." The last word was said with a smile.

I knew that Mercedes really did like Finn, despite his clumsiness and constantly moving mouth. He listened to her and took all of her suggestions in mind. Plus, his sweet nature of evident to anyone he talked to. "So, we invite everyone, and start taking bets on the fight?"

She put her hands on her ample hips. "You leave Puck to me. I think that, deep down, he feels really bad about this, which is why he confessed to Finn. Ok, so it's _really _deep down, but it's there."

I doubted that. Maybe my emotions were colored by all the times Puck had oh so graciously hazed me for no reason other than I was small and I was myself, but I couldn't see many redeeming qualities about him. Yesterday was the only time he had actually been nice to me, and was only to try and assuage the guilt he was feeling towards Finn.

The bell rang, and we both climbed reluctantly to our feet. Mercedes smiled at me. "So, this party is basically to get you your man?" 

Kind of. "Well, that and I really want to try my hand at party planning. This way, if I suck, no one's going to notice because it will still be better then anything _this_ town has ever seen."

We paused at the doorway, carefully scanning for any overly testosteronized hockey players. The coast was clear, and we snuck out. Mercedes gave me a quick hug. "Alright, I see Quinn, Artie, Mike and Tina before lunch, so I'll ask them. You get Matt, Rachael, Britt and Santana. If you don't want to talk to Puck, have Matt ask him instead."

"Got it." I kissed her cheek, always thankful for her friendship. It was true that I didn't want to talk to Puck, but I was kind of curious to see what Finn had done to him.

As it turned out, I didn't have to wait long. Even before I saw him, the state of his face managed to displace Finn as the hot topic of gossip. Rumors flew; mostly centering on the idea that Puck had been jumped by a gang of guys that he had managed to somehow offend. I was willing to bet that he would do nothing to dispel those rumors. After all, he certainly wasn't going to admit that he had been beaten up by Finn using only one hand.

I managed to find Britt and Santana in the hallway after second period. They were oblivious to anyone but each other, which afforded me an opportunity to stare at them. Santana was fixing Britt's hair, a dreamy expression in her eyes. It looked…intimate. Far too intimate for them to just be friends, even though I knew that girls are allowed to be more affectionate with each other then boys are. Not for the first time, I wondered what was really going on between them.

"Hello ladies." I have more luck with girls then boys. I tended to threaten the masculinity of the boys I encountered, like gay was catching or something. Women, on the other hand, found me adorable and wanted to cuddle and fawn over me. "Can I ask you something?"

"You just did." Britt's voice was devoid of sarcasm. Sweet and talented as she was, the poor girl didn't have much going on in her head.

Santana sighed indulgently. "Britt, let me handle this. What do you want, Hummel?"

I wasn't at all put off by her tone. Bitchy was Santana's default setting, and we just learned to deal with it. "I'm having a party tomorrow for the Glee club. My place, both of you are invited."

Brittany's smile could have lit up the room. "What are we going to sing this time? I really, really want to do Madonna."

Thank God for Britt, who was willing to try just about anything. "I haven't made any rock solid plans yet, but, sure, we can do some Madonna." 

"What time, girly boy?" Santana was smiling slightly herself.

"About 2." That would give me plenty of time to not only get set up, but make sure I was looking my absolute best. After all, I might play football, but I didn't have to dress like I did.

"We'll be there, ok? Should I wear my unitard?" Britt's eyes were sparkling, no doubt filled with visions of 'Material Girl'.

Far be it from me to ruin her happiness. "Wear whatever makes you happy."

Santana rolled her eyes. "I'll help you with your clothes, Britt. Lady Man, we'll see you at 2."

Well, that had been easy. Matt was so easy going that I knew he would come unless he had other plans. Rachael might be a little harder, but I had a secret weapon to use against her: Finn. She would come if she knew he was going to be there.

I knew just where to corner her, too. If she wasn't in the auditorium, she would be in the library, looking up obscure show choir rules and regulations, mostly those that worked to her benefit. Or she might be in Mr. Shue's office, flirting up a storm. I barely repressed a shudder. If she was in there, she was going to have to find her own way to the party.

But, as luck would have it, she was in the library, her determined face inches from a computer screen. I popped my sunglasses on and strode towards her, trying to appear as confident as possible. Truth be told, I was always a little bit intimidated by Rachael, though I tried not to show it. She was just so confident. She knew exactly what she wanted, and what measures she was going to have to take to get it. I was beyond jealous. That, in addition to the fact that Finn was attracted to her and not me, made me more than a little bitchy towards her.

"Rachael." My voice was calm and slightly snotty, just how I had planned it. Perfect.

"Kurt." Her tone was an exact replica of mine. I knew that she hadn't quite forgiven me for my shortness the night Finn got hurt, but I stood by my assertation that there had been more important things on my mind. "What is it that you want?"

I kept my chin up. "I've decided we're having a Glee party tomorrow at my place. 2 o'clock, you're invited."

Her dark eyes searched mine for any evidence of a trick. "Why?"

"Because I'm inviting everyone, that's why." She didn't look quite convinced, so I pulled out all the stops. "Look, Finn is about to start tearing down the walls at his place and, as wonderful as my company is, he needs to see other people. I'm doing it for him." 

She stared at me so intently that I could almost hear the gears turning. "Oh my God." The words were barely above a whisper.

_She knows, baby boy. Congratulations, you are officially screwed. Rachael Berry can't keep a secret to save her life, even if she wanted to. And let's face it, Kurt; she's not going to want to. _

Even as Galinda talked, Rachael kept on going. "You want Finn. That's why you're being so nice to him. I'm right, aren't I?" There was a triumphant gleam in her eyes.

I tried desperately to salvage this situation. "I do not want Finn. He's my friend and he's lonely. Besides, my dad is kind of dating his mom, so he's almost like a stepbrother to me."

It was a good try, but she wasn't fooled. "He might be your friend now, but you want more. You want him to be your boyfriend. I have two gay dads, Kurt, I _know_ that look. You do realize that you have zero chance with him, right? Finn's straight, but beyond that, he's mine."

Deep down, I was afraid that she was right. After all, what were a few looks and one strangely electric moment in his room when it was compared to 16 years of chasing girls? Not to mention Rachael had gotten to kiss him four times, three with tongue. Yes, I knew the number, since she had announced in so many times in Glee. "I wasn't aware that he was property to belong to anyone. Here I thought he was a human being."

I could tell that that particular comment had hit her hard. Hey, honey, truth hurts. Both Rachael and Quinn were guilty of treating Finn like the big teddy bear at Cedar Point. They didn't want him because of what he was; they wanted him for the status he would give them. Because having Finn was like carrying the big bear around the park: everyone saw that you had the very biggest and best. But then you got home and the bear ended up in the back of your closet, completely forgotten.

_You wouldn't do that to him._

No, I wouldn't. I wanted Finn for his goofy, wonderful, somewhat stupid, but always caring self. He wasn't just a prize, the was _the_ prize. I stared her down, my eyes locked on hers.

To my surprise, she backed down, at least momentarily. I wasn't foolish enough to thing this was the end of things, but I did appreciate the break. "Well, may the best _woman_ win then. I'll see you tomorrow at 2." She spun sharply on a heel and left the library.

I left too, only I was headed for the bathroom with all possible speed. My breakfast was rolling around in my stomach, and I needed a few minutes to recoup. I wasn't ashamed of who and what I was, but I was about to be outed by Rachael Berry of all people. In an ideal world, I would leave Lima without giving anyone the satisfaction of confirming what they had suspected all these years, but if I was going to be outed, I had wanted to do it myself, on my terms.

I leaned back against the bathroom stall, careful to not wrinkle my clothes or let any part of my skin touch the trillions of germs multiplying on every square inch. No matter what happened, no matter how many people Rachael blabbed to before next period, I would keep my head high and act like I didn't care.

_Hey, at least Finn's not here to find out this way. He's safely at home, unaware of either your sexuality or your perving on him._

For some reason, it was that thought that made the tears actually start. The slushies, and dumpster tosses, and name calling was bad enough, but once this got out, things were going to be even worse, and I might not be able to count on Finn to protect me. Shit, he might be so disgusted that he would be in on all of it.

"Kurt? Dude, you in here?" I only vaguely recognized the voice, and animal instinct had me freezing and going silent. Heavy footsteps entered the room. "Come on, I've checked almost every other boys room in the school, and your car is still here. Mercedes and Tina are freaking out."

The voice wasn't angry, just worried, and I forced myself to open the door. Matt was standing there, looking at me. "Oh, there you are."

It was obvious to anyone with half a brain that I had been crying, but he was nice enough to mention that. He just ran a paper towel under the faucet and handed it to me. "Wipe your face." His voice was gruff, but caring underneath. "I don't want people to think I hit you or something."

He waited until I was done, then moved away from the sink. "You ok, man?"

"Yeah." _No. I have about 45 minutes until Glee practice, when Rachael will inform the entire class about my sexual preference, and ruin any chance of a relationship Finn and I might have. Actually, she'll probably ruin the tentative friendship we've struck up also. Other then that, though, I'm fine._

I tried to reassure him with a halfhearted smile. "Hey, you talk."

"Yeah, for 15 years now." He gave my shoulder a thump, wrinkling my clothes. "I didn't get to tell you Monday, but you were really great when Finn got hurt. It's good that someone knew what to do."

Being with Matt afforded me some protection for the other jocks, which did wonders for returning some self confidence. We were almost to the auditorium before I remembered what I wanted to ask him. "So, I'm having a party tomorrow for the Glee kids, and I wanted to invite you. Be there at 2." _If you're still talking to me after Berry opens her big mouth, that is._

"A singing dancing party, or just the regular kind?" He stood close to me as we walked; shooting death glares at anyone who dared to go near me.

Honestly, I hadn't thought that far ahead. "Both, probably."

"And the whole Glee club is invited?"

"Of course." It was hard to do anything with just one guy, because he inevitably thought I was coming on to him. Please, have some of these guys looked in a mirror? I mean, I know we're in Lima, but I do require a minimum IQ and a full set of teeth, something most of the boys here are lacking. Broad shoulders, dark eyes, and a lopsided grin were bonuses.

"Awesome, Puck and I will bring the booze!"

Before I could tell him what a bad idea that was, he kept on talking. "Speaking of Puck, did you see his face today? Looks like he tangled with the entire hockey team."

_No, just one very pissed of ex-best friend_. I had promised Finn I wouldn't say anything about that, though, so I made a noncommittal noise. "No, I haven't seen him at all. Listen, if you see him, though, will you go ahead and invite him? If not, I'll do it at Glee."

"Sure." Anything else he might have said was cut off by Mercedes shrieking. "There you are!"

I barely had time to react before she was throwing her arms around me and kissing my cheek. "Where in the world have you been?"

I wiped ineffectively at the sticky lip gloss that was probably already clogging my pores. "Chill, Mercedes, I was in the bathroom. Do you really want details?" 

"For an entire hour? Either you're lying or you seriously need to see a doctor."

It hadn't been an hour, had it? However, my watch told me it had. Apparently I had been crying longer than I thought. "I'm here now."

Tina appeared at my other side, giving me an affectionate pat. "W-What's wrong? You l-look like I killed your p-p-puppy."

Her words brought my confrontation with Rachael back to the forefront of my mind, and I had to fight to keep the tears from starting up again. Crying was absolutely horrible for the complexion. "It's Rachael. S-she…" My breath caught and I had to swallow before I could keep going. "She knows everything. She's going to tell everyone at Glee, then she's going to tell Finn and it's all going to be ruined." 

Mercedes paled, her beautiful chocolate skin turning a sickly grey color. Tina just looked confused. "What is it that she's going to tell everyone, Kurt?"

Great, I had just outed myself, rather then waiting for Rachael to do it for me. At least it was just to Tina, who I knew wouldn't mind. "She knows that I'm gay. Even worse, she knows that I have a huge crush on Finn, and she's going to tell him and now he's going to think that I'm being nice to him just to get in his pants and I'm not!" 

They both started talking, the words overlapping as their forms blurred through the fresh tears that I was too proud to let fall. "Oh honey what are you going to do?...You being gay was a secret?...Going to kill that bitch….Maybe Finn won't figure it out…C-come here, Kurt." Then Tina's arms were around me, squeezing me so tightly I could barely breathe. I buried my face in her hair, smelling the sweet shampoo that somehow didn't smell as good as the stuff that Finn used.

"W-what are you going to do?" Her fingers ran up and down my spine, hitting all the right spots. I hummed appreciatively at her.

"I'll tell you what we're going to do. I vote we kill Rachael and bury the body in the woods. Problem solved, plus I get more solos. Perfect."

Much as I liked Mercedes suggestion, I had to admit that it was probably futile. If it wasn't Rachael right now, it would be someone else. I just had to suck it up and face the consequences. "We're going to do nothing to Rachael. We're going to go to Glee, and keep our heads high, and not react to anything anyone says. I won't cower and I won't be ashamed. Tina, if you want to go in separately, I'll understand."

"N-no. I'm with you g-guys."

"Ok, then. Come on ladies, we're all in this together." I delicately wiped the tears from my eyes and stepped forward. I might not be the most confident person in the world, but I could do a damn good job of pretending that I was.

With Mercedes still muttering death threats at my side, I stepped inside to face the music. The entire club was there already, minus Finn of course, mostly milling around in pairs as they warmed up or worked on their ballads.

"Finally. Damn, Mercedes, if we're stuck with each other, you could at least show up on time." Puck's words were slightly slurred through a still swollen lip. Normally, I wouldn't have looked at him at all, considering how far beneath me he actually was, but I was so shocked by his appearance that I couldn't help but stare.

Finn hadn't been kidding when he said he had broken Puck's face. The jock was sporting two black eyes, one of which probably resulted from his broken and hideously misshapen nose. The other eye was swollen shut, even an entire day later. Finn had beaten the crap out of him.

Yet, by all appearances, Puck hadn't fought back. Finn's knuckles had been scraped, but there hadn't been a cut or bruise on the rest of him. Even when he had taken his shirt off, his chest and stomach had looked ok. Well, they had looked more then ok from where I was standing, but definitely no bruises. Maybe Mercedes was right, and Puck had accepted the beating because he felt terrible, and, deep down, he knew how much he deserved it.

Still, I needed someone go at right now, and this might by the only chance I ever got to get back at him. "Oh, my God, what happened, Noah? It looks like Sue set all of the Cheerios on you."

I knew what had actually happened. He knew that I knew. But he wasn't going to announce any of that in front of the entire group, and lose any of his macho man credibility. Instead he threw me one of his patented Noah Puckerman smirks. "Listen up, girly boy. There's only one part of me that those Cheerios are interested in getting their hands on, and it's below the belt, if you get my drift."

Let it never be said that Puck was lacking in the ego department. Let is also never be said that he wasn't more than capable of backing that statement up. I could only name three female Cheerios that he hadn't slept with, and that was only because he claimed he wanted to save something for his senior year. "That's disgusting."

"Kurt, when you start getting women of your own, come back and we'll have a talk. Until then, enjoy the sandbox." 

At any other time, I could have come up with a million different retorts to that, but his words threw me for a loop. Puck still thought I was chasing women, which meant that Rachael hadn't blabbed the truth. What was going on? 

_She hasn't blabbed the truth because you weren't there. What's the fun in revealing the big gay secret if she can't see your face when she does it? Then she can call Finn and tell him before you have a chance to recover. Which, naturally, will lead to sexual confusion on his part, and a need to reassert his masculinity. Conveniently, Rachael will be right there to show him just how straight he really is. Then, she'll probably leave him for Puck._

That thought, and the accompanying mental images, were nearly enough to back me down. Don't get me wrong, Puck a body that I'm totally attracted to, but his personality is enough to sour anyone with more than a room temperature IQ. That may or may not be why he has such good luck with the Cheerios.

I looked over, but Rachael was deep in conversation with Matt, who had become her new partner. She was paying me absolutely no attention, which was starting to creep me out. Mercedes gave me a nudge and a confused look, which I returned.

Mr. Shue allowed fifteen minutes or so for work on the ballads, before shutting that down to pass out new music for sectionals. It was a conglomeration of songs from the musical version of the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and nothing I had ever seen before. I was tracing a finger over the notes, trying to sound them out in my head, when Rachael made her move. "Mr. Shue? I have something I would like to say to the entire club, especially Kurt."

Mercedes started to rise, but I shook my head at her. Honestly, I was so tense worrying about when Rachael would out me, that it would almost be a relief to actually have her do so. Tina's hand came down to rest on my knee, squeezing lightly.

"Alright, Rach, let's hear it."

She took a deep, steadying breath, and looked me right in the eyes. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I've come to a difficult decision. I no longer want the solo in Defying Gravity. Kurt, it's all yours." She sat with a flourish, crossing her legs to avoid flashing us due to her obscenely short skirt.

Everyone froze, then started talking at once. Never once, in the entire history of Glee club, had Rachael Berry given up a solo without a fight. I supposed I should have been more suspicious, but I was unable to hear anything or formulate a single thought over the rushing of blood in my ears.

"That's very nice of you Rachael, but-"I cut Mr. Shue off before he could complete the thought.

"I can't hit the high note." Of course I could, but there was no way she could know that.

_Just like you thought there was no way Finn could know? My God, Kurt, Finn's dumber than a box of rocks and he figured it out, what makes you think Rachael "knows everyone else's business better then they do" Berry couldn't do the same?_

She shrugged. "You came really close, close enough that you could do it if you worked really hard. Or set it in a slightly lower key. If you really want it, you'll figure something out."

I did want it. Suddenly, I wanted it more than I thought possible. My father, my pride, even Finn all faded into the back of my mind as I saw myself performing the piece perfectly at Nationals. I was getting a second chance.

Mr. Shue clapped his hands. "Well, if that's what both you and Kurt want, and the rest of the club agrees, I have no problem making the switch. Kurt, is this what you want?" 

I nodded dumbly, unable to make my mouth work. Not only had she not revealed my secret, she had given me the most amazing gift. I gave myself a quick pinch, to ensure that this wasn't a dream. Of course, the lack of Finn Hudson with his clothes off was a tip off that this was real, but I had to be sure. Yep, this was real.

"Then we've switched Kurt for Rachael on Defying Gravity. Both of you please speak to me after practice. Now, let's run through this number. "

For the first time since joining Glee, I barely put forth any effort. The music washed over me, but I was too busy trying to figure out what was going on. Rachael was never this nice to me, never. What was she up to?

Practice flew by, and before I knew it, everyone was packing up to go home. Mercedes touched my arm. "Do you want me to stay? I've been dying for an excuse to take Rachael down."

"No, I've got it." Mr. Shue had run back to his office, which would give Rachael and I a few minutes alone together.

"Alright, call me."

Once everyone else had left, I turned to Rachael. She was slipping each new piece of music into an individual holder, then filing them in a special Glee binder. I stalked over to her, sitting heavily in one of the chairs. "What was that?"

She was nowhere near as good at playing innocent as I was. "What do you mean? I thought you wanted the solo."

"I did, but why would you give it to me? Why would you be nice to me at all, when I know you're just waiting for your moment to embarrass me in front of Finn and the entire Glee club!" My voice rose in anger, but at least it didn't do that horrible squeaking thing that it usually did when I got upset.

"What do you…" She stopped there and looked deep into my eyes. "Did you actually think I was going to tell all the Glee kids that you were gay?" 

Actually, that was exactly what I thought she was going to do. "Yes." It came out a dejected whisper.

She leaned towards me. "Kurt, let me tell you something. I don't like you, and you don't like me. You and I are competing for Finn, a competition which I _will_ win, because I'm a girl and you're not. You're bitchy and nasty to me most of the time. But, like it or not, we are team mates, and we do have to show a modicum of support for each other."

Now I knew I was hallucinating. Everything she was saying was true, but she wasn't screaming or acting hysterical about it. In fact, there was something gentle in her eyes, something I have never seen before. Not to mention she was making me feel a little bad for my behavior, something that very rarely happened.

"I could out you in front of everyone, but that would be beyond cruel. I have two gay dads, and they would disown me if I ever did something like that. When you come out, or if you do, it's entirely up to you. I would never push you into something you weren't ready for."

Well, knock me over with a feather from my overstuffed down comforter. Had Rachael Berry just agreed to keep a secret that would exponentially increase her popularity if she told? I stuttered for a second, then forced myself to speak. "Thank you, Rachael." If it had been anyone else, I would have hugged her. Then I thought again and tossed my arms around her neck. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." The words were barely audible.

"No problem. I just hope you'll remember this moment the next time I ask_ you_ for a favor."

Honestly, I would never forget it. "But why did you give me your solo? I know how much you wanted it." Almost as much as I had.

She smirked, and she looked just like the old Rachael again. "Well, two reasons. First of all, you don't have my talent, so you're going to have to work pretty hard to get to where you can hit the high F. That will give me plenty of time to work on Finn. Plus, once I actually get him, I figure you won't have anything, so I let you have the solo."

Once she was acting like her old self, instead of a gentle, compassionate stranger, I found it a lot easier to react. "Well, I'll let Finn know that you thought he was roughly equal to a single solo. I'm sure that will make him feel good and ready to date you."

To my surprise, she laughed a little. "Game on, Hummel."

It shouldn't be a game, and really it wasn't, but I couldn't help but grin back. It felt good to dispel the tension I had been carrying since the library "Game on, Berry."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: No pitchforks for this, alright? If you kill me, you will never find out what happens after this, so keep that in mind ****. Thank you all for such great reviews, and for everyone who put this story on alert.**

Kurt POV

Let me just say one thing. Party planning ROCKS! I spent all of yesterday surrounded by menu ideas, decorations, and cute little party favors. This morning was filled with Mercedes, Tina and I all baking a couple dozen chocolate cupcakes decorated with powdered sugar musical notes and singing along with the soundtracks of 5 or 6 major musicals. For the main course, we were just going to order pizza. A part of me rebelled at that thought, but even I had to admit that it would probably be a little much to plan a fancy meal in addition to everything else. So, pizza it was.

My father had been surprisingly cool about the whole thing when I gathered up the courage to ask him last night. He had thought about it for a while, asking twice if it was just going to be the Glee kids, then given his agreement. His agreement had come with one caveat, however. He was willing to trust me, but if this party got out of control and anything was damaged, I would be grounded for two months, and it would be the end of my social life, pitiful thing that it was.

Personally, I think that his easy acquiescence had more to do with the fact that he was using tonight to take Finn's mother out, and he didn't want any opposition from either one of us. Still, I thought he was being pretty great about it all.

"So, everyone is coming at two, right?" Tina was distracted as she tried to hang a banner. Just like always, when she was concentrating on something else, her stutter vanished.

"Yes."

"What time is _Finn_ coming?" She finished it with a little giggle. Ever since she found out about my crush on Finn, she had been teasing me mercilessly.

I didn't think there was anything even remotely funny about the situation. This may or may not have been because I suddenly realized that I had neglected to extend an invitation to the guest of honor. Crap!

"Kurt, you did remember to invite him, didn't you?" The look I was getting from Mercedes told me that she knew I hadn't. "Well, this is a hot mess, now isn't it? Get him on the phone, now." 

Luckily, I had his number, so it was a quick thing to pick up my cell. It rang a few times, then his voice came on, sounding grumpy and disoriented. "Hello?" 

"Hey." Nerves closed my throat for a minute, long enough for him to know who was calling.

"Hey, Kurt, what's up? Are you coming over today?"

It was a fair question. I had come over to see him almost every day so far, helping him with his homework, or working on our ballads, or just generally hanging out and keeping him company. "Not today. I'm having a Glee party today, and I thought you might want to come. You know, actually see someone other than me? The entire club is coming."

Much to my surprise, he kind of hedged about it. "I don't know…"

"Come on, you have to come." He had spent most of yesterday complaining about the patterns on the wallpaper, until I had finally agreed to take him to the diner, just so he would shut up for a while. He had given me that heart stopping grin and paid for my food, which made it almost as good as a date in my book.

He grunted slightly, but didn't say anything. I decided to try a different tactic. "Ok, why do you not want to come?"

Another soft sigh, and I could almost see him squirming. "It's just that my pills are still making me feel really tired and stuff. I'm falling asleep at like 8 o'clock every night, and I can't drive anyway, because my mom's car is a stick shift and I don't have a right hand. So I wouldn't be able to stay very long, but I wouldn't be able to leave either."

Two things about what he had just said struck me at once. First, he really wanted to come, the longing was obvious in his voice. Second, I had just had an unbelievable opportunity laid at my feet. Now I just had to keep my voice from cracking when I made my suggestion. "How about you pack a bag and just spend the night? That way if you get tired, you can just lay down for a while. Our parents are going to be out most of the night on their date anyway."

There was a long silence, and only the soft sound of his breathing told me that I hadn't lost the connection. "That could work, but where would I sleep?"

"I guess I could let you have my bed for the night. It's in the basement, and no one is going to be allowed down there, so you can have a little peace and quiet. I'll just sleep on the couch." 

"Dude, that isn't fair. I can't just throw you out of your own bed. How about I sleep on the couch?"

In other words, Finn was on the hook already. All I had to do was reel him in. Dear God, did I just use a fishing metaphor? Gag, gag, gag. "Finn, the couch is short and you're ridiculously tall. It's easy for me to curl up on it, but you can't. Its fine, I promise."

He grunted again, and I found it a bit disturbing that I could correctly interpret that noise as meaning 'We'll see about that, Kurt'. "I need a ride."

Much as I would have liked to go get him myself, I needed to stay here and finish getting things set up. "I can have Mercedes come get you. She's going to pick Artie up anyway."

"Ok. Are you sure you're cool with me spending the night? I mean, I'm not very much fun these days."

"Of course. Now pack some things, and I'll see you at two." Both Mercedes and Tina had given up any pretense of not listening in at this point. I swear, if it had been possible to pick up an extension, they would have.

"Thanks, Kurt." He hung up before I could say anything else.

I clicked the phone off, triggering both girls to squeal. Mercedes slapped me a high five. "Damn boy, that was smooth! Not only did you get him to come, but you've convinced him to spend the night in your bed. You saucy little minx!"

"T-t-total love whore." Tina couldn't resist adding her piece.

I could feel a blush spreading over my face, which was all too obvious against my pale skin. "Shut up both of you. It was the only way to get him to come, and that's it. Plus, you haven't seen him the past few days. I could all but blast an air raid siren down there and he wouldn't even wake up. Those pills are powerful"

They exchanged looks and both started laughing, though I couldn't see what was so funny. Must be that girl ESP that I desperately wanted but would never have.

Finally, they took pity on me. "Alright, this place is decorated, the food is ready, and if you make me rearrange one more thing, I will run your pasty white ass up a flagpole myself. Kurt, go take a shower and do whatever you need to to make yourself pretty for Finn today. Tina, you stay here and act like a good hostess, I'm going to go get Finn and Artie."

I appreciated the chance to get ready because, let's face it, looking this good takes a lot of effort. There were scrubs and moisturizers and a million other things that caused my father to make a baffled face whenever he was forced to use my bathroom. He was of the opinion that you needed some soap (the kind that came in a bar, not the kind that poured out of a bottle) and a bottle of cheap shampoo and that was it. Conditioner might be alright, but it was still a little suspect in his book.

Lima is a tiny little town, and it wouldn't take long for Mercedes to get Finn and Artie. Usually, I would have sent Tina, but there's something wrong between her and Artie right now and I'm not quite sure what it is. For a while, they were getting really close, but now they won't even look at each other. I puzzled over it the entire time I was in the shower and choosing my clothing. Red, again, because I hadn't quite gotten the chance to dazzle Finn last time like I had wanted to. Tonight was going to be the night, I knew it.

I was putting on my anti wrinkle cream when the doorbell rang for the first time. Voices sounded down the stairs, and I rushed through putting on my clothes. A critical once over determined that I looked pretty darn good, considering the amount of time I had been given to get ready.

The first two to arrive were Mike and Matt, both of whom were trying to conceal bottles of alcohol under their jackets. I rolled my eyes, but even I knew that there was no way to stop them. "Just put in one of the punch bowls, ok? Some of us have to drive home, and Finn can't have any alcohol with the medication he's taking."

I wasn't 100% sure it was true, but it sounded plausible enough that I was convinced that they would obey my wishes. I led them into the living room, smiling a little at their whoops of joy when they saw the chips and cupcakes. Matt thumped my shoulder. "This is awesome, Kurt!"

Usually, I was disdainful of the other guys, but it was nice to feel like part of the team instead of the token little gay boy that they used to score field goals and hazed whenever the mood struck them.

Before I could say anything else, Brittany and Santana arrived. Britt wasn't wearing her unitard, something that left me surprisingly disappointed. Sure, she wasn't the smartest model on the catwalk, but I couldn't help but love her for all that she was. "Hi, you two."

"Where's the music?" Britt cocked her head, looking exactly like one of those adorable little dogs that gets carried around in a purse. You know, the kind with bows in its topknot and nothing in its head.

"Probably in the living room. Why don't you go set something up?" Santana's voice was hard, but held something that even I could understand. She loved Britt, whether she realized it or not.

"Ok. Oh, Puck's not coming. I told him that he wasn't allowed to, because Finn is, and he made Finn cry." Brittany had paused in the doorway.

"You just came right out and told him that?" I was shocked at her audacity, though I supposed I probably shouldn't have been. After all, this was a girl who had survived two years of Sue Sylvester and not had every bit of goodness shamed out of her.

"Of course. Finn's mom is my mom's friend, so we kind of grew up together. Then I stopped growing, but he didn't, which is kind of strange." She stopped there, apparently having confused herself. "Anyway, I told him that if he came, I would tell everyone he was bad in bed."

She gave us all a lazy grin. "He's not. Actually, he's really, really good in bed, but I lied."

I needed to get her alone, so I could find out exactly what she knew. "Come on, I'll show you where the music is."

As soon as we were out of earshot, I turned to her. "Why would you think Puck made Finn cry?"

"Oh, I heard my mom talking on the phone with his mom, and Carol told Mom that Finn told her he was crying about Puck, but not why. She was really sad."

So there was no chance that she would blurt out the truth in front of everyone. Hopefully we could still get out of this evening intact. "Wait, how did you know what Carol was saying?"

"Oh, I was listening in on the extension." 

"Why?" I didn't mean to sound accusatory, I was just genuinely curious.

She shrugged. "I thought she might be talking to Santa and telling him what I wanted for Christmas. Then I could know what I was getting early."

That begged more questions, but talking to Britt was a lot like being Alice and getting tossed into Wonderland. Nothing ever made sense, and it was stupid to even try and figure it out. I decided to just cut my losses and show her the music. "Just pick whatever you want." 

By the time I made it back to the kitchen, Madonna was blasting out of the speakers, and Britt had drug both Matt and Mike into dancing with her. Santana chuckled and joined them, focusing more on a sensual dance with Britt then having anything to do with the boys. Not that they seemed to mind. Actually, they were both staring with open mouths and glazed eyes, cupcakes forgotten.

My phone beeped, telling me that I had a text and distracting me from the primitive orgy happening in my living room. _Here with Finn and Artie, need help ASAP_

With his injured arm, Finn wasn't going to be able to help Artie out of the car like he usually would. I called Matt and Mike out of the living room to help, noticing how reluctantly they both came. They liked Artie, though, and were good sports about it.

I peeked out the window as everyone came back inside. Finn was ambling along, gesturing with his good hand as he tried to explain something to Mercedes. He was wearing that long sleeved shirt that I really liked, the one that was grey with the thin green stripes. It worked really well with his skin tone.

"Kurt, d-down boy." Tina gave me a quick poke before I embarrassed myself.

Even now, Finn looked tired. He had special pills that were supposed to help him sleep at night, but I knew the pain was keeping him up. He wouldn't tell Carol, though, because he didn't want her to worry about him. It was sweet. Stupid and self destructive, but sweet none the less.

As soon as he saw me, he smiled. And not just a little smile either. It was the sort of full on grin that he usually reserved for busty cheerleaders and all you can eat buffets. Tina snorted. "He's got it bad."

I loved both Tina and Mercedes with all my heart, but they were about as inexperienced as I was in the romance department. They might _want_ Finn to want me, because it would be so romantic if he did, but that didn't mean that he actually did want me.

It didn't help her case when Finn bounded in the door and gave me an enthusiastic one armed hug. "Hi, Kurt! No way, did you make cupcakes? Can I have one? Where should I put my stuff?" 

He was so high on his pain pills that he was all but hitting his head on the ceiling. It was an eerie reminder of when Mr. Shuester's wife had given us that vitamin D, only this time it was actually alright for him to take them. The only problem was, I had become very closely in tune with Finn and his pills over the past few days. When he got all lively like this, he was taking the maximum dose, which meant he was having a hard day as far as pain went. Normally, it wouldn't be a big deal, but he tended to crash hard when he took that dose. Good thing I had already asked him to spend the night.

Still, his enthusiasm was catching, and I found myself laughing along with him. "Yes, I made cupcakes, yes you can have one, and you can take your stuff down to the basement, it's the first door on the right."

"Cool, cool, cool." He grabbed a cupcake on the way, somehow managing to cram the entire thing in his mouth. _Note the lack of a gag reflex, Kurt. This one's a keeper!_

My face burned for the second time today. Galinda was a sex crazed manic, and her observations were embarrassing, not to mention more then a little arousing. Luckily, Finn was already gone, his footsteps echoing down the stairs. I forced myself to calm down, running some cold water over my wrists.

_Oh, please, _I'm_ a sex crazed manic? Face it, Sweetheart, I'm you. Not that I blame you at all, Finn is hot. But don't blame me for your own reaction._

A pair of hands seized my shoulders. I jumped and turned to the side, coming face to face with Brit, who was grinning at me. "Come on and dance with us Kurt, we need another guy."

She and Santana certainly hadn't needed a guy a few minutes ago, but it was hard to say no to her. Even though she was taller then I was, she let me twirl her and even do a few fancy dips. Finn reappeared and danced with Santana. He was more content to let her lead, which probably had as much to do with Finn's lack of dancing skills as it did with his current lack of a right hand.

We kept our partners for two songs, before Britt and Santana decided that they would rather dance with each other again. The logical thing would have been for me to ask Finn to dance with me, but I was on my way to rapidly wussing out.

_Man up, Kurt. He's so stoned he would probably dance with Puck if he were here. Look how cute he is, with that dopey smile and big brown eyes. Just ask the boy, he's not going to offer_.

"Come on, Kurt Hummel." Finn was holding out a hand to me, a playful look in his eyes.

_Or maybe he will. Still think the boy's 100% straight?_

I told Galinda to go fuck herself and gratefully took Finn's hand. Much to my disappointment, it wasn't a slow song, though he probably wouldn't have asked if it had been. Still, beggars can't be choosers, now can they?

There were a few minutes of awkwardness, as we both tried to figure out where to put our hands (all three of them) and feet, but we got it in the end. Finn was fine with letting me lead, which surprised me a little. I would have thought he would slam me into the female role, just to assert how absolutely not gay this was. But then, a lot of things about Finn Hudson were starting to surprise me.

We danced through three songs, both of us loosing up as time passed. I started letting him spin me, which was a lot more fun when you were the one spinning then it was when you were the spinner. Every turn brought me up against his chest, then back out to arms length. There was the perfect size difference between us, making me feel safe, but not like an Oompa-Loompa standing next to him. Not to mention that orange skin tone would do nothing but clash with my hair.

The music abruptly slowed, and I drew back, not sure of what Finn would think. He had already gone further then I would have thought possible, and if things stopped here, I would still have a great memory of us dancing together.

Finn, too, seemed confused, that little forehead wrinkle appearing like magic. His mental gears tended to turn slowly, and the song could be over before he came to any sort of conclusion.

"Mind if I cut in?" The voice was all too familiar. Damn Rachael Berry and her impeccable sense of timing! With any other person, in any other situation, I might have admired her ability to smoothly work her way in, but she was screwing up my chance to slow dance with Finn. I glared evilly at her, which made her smirk in response.

"Sure." He gave me an over exaggerated bow. "Until next time, good sir."

Ok, stoned Finn was officially the cutest thing ever. Once he got like this, he was totally himself, free of any expectations that everyone else seemed to heap on him. The worries about grades, and Glee, and Drizzle just melted away, and he was totally Finn, not to mention oh so sexy.

I laughed a little and bowed back. "I'm so glad you made it Rachael." _Hands off my man, bitch._

She adjusted herself, draping her body all over Finn's. "I wouldn't miss it for the world." _Watch this, girly boy._

I really didn't want to watch her all but dry hump him in my living room, so I gave a lazy shrug and went back into the kitchen to get myself a drink. Mike had left the empty vodka bottle next to the bowl he had spiked, which put me in a rather interesting position. On the one hand, I had a very clear memory of the infamous April Rhodes incident, where I got drunk and puked all over Ms. Pillsbury's shoes. Well, they were ugly anyway. Actually, her entire outfit had screamed 'old cat lady', which hadn't helped my nausea at all. The last thing I wanted to do was repeat that experience.

On the other hand, Rachael Berry might end up in a shallow grave behind my house if I didn't get something to take the edge off. I was pretty sure that vodka was the stuff that you couldn't really taste, so I needed to very carefully monitor not only my own drinking, but everybody else's. My father had been quite clear that if anyone got drunk, they needed to stay at the house, and I wanted it to be just Finn and I, preferably naked.

I grabbed a drink and headed back in to the living room. It was way too quiet in there, and I was a little bit afraid of what might be going on. The Glee kids were a generally good bunch, but silence almost always meant something was up.

As it turned out, everyone was gathered around Finn, admiring the surgical incision on his arm. I had yet to actually see it, so I took a peek as well, finding it just as disgusting as I had thought it would be. The incision itself was much longer then I thought it would be, nearly six inches, and a row of shiny staples held it closed. "Pretty gnarly, dude." Matt sounded totally impressed.

"Yeah, I think it's going to leave a pretty cool scar."

Ug, what was it with men and the desire to disfigure themselves? I would have already had a plastic surgeon on call, and been back under the knife as soon as I got the medical ok.

Finn poked lightly at the staples. "One of them fell out last night, and my mother about threw up. It was great."

Artie gave a low whistle and ran his finger across the line of metal. "When do you get them removed?"

"Monday." Finn leaned back, reveling in being the center of attention. "I wonder if they'll let me keep them?"

"Finn that is positively repulsive. Do you have any idea how many millions of germs are on those things per square centimeter?" Rachael's voice was indulgent, but incredibly patronizing. It was the way she usually talked to him.

He gave a disinterested shrug. "So what? I'll dip them in alcohol. Speaking of alcohol, do we have any?" 

Mike gave him a high five. "Vodka in the punch, dude!"

"Awesome!"

Rachael's face contorted in an attempt to choke back another lecture. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… "How many times have I told you that alcohol abuse by minors is one of the leading causes of death in young adults? You could be in a car wreck, have some other sort of accident, corrode your liver, or just plain lead to a lifetime of alcohol abuse and despair. Why don't I make you a virgin drink?"

_Why doesn't she serve it to him in a baby bottle also? Good God, she's all but cut his balls off already. Run, Finn, run! Kurt has plans for those balls later._

I sniggered to myself at Galinda's comments. This might well be what Rachael had been referring to yesterday when she said I was nasty and bitchy.

Finn narrowed his eyes. "I don't want a virgin drink. I want the punch with vodka in it." He wasn't whining at all, his tone suddenly adult and not allowing for any argument.

_Damn he looks good when he takes control_.

For once, the pair of us were in total agreement. "I'll get one for you. Everyone decide what they want on the pizza, and I'll order it in a few minutes."

He cocked his head at her. "See, _Kurt_ loves me and wants me to be happy."

"I'm sure he does." Her tone was dry, but true to her word, she didn't say any of the scathing and catty remarks that were undoubtedly floating around in her head.

I left the room, listening to the suddenly spirited argument about toppings with only half an ear. Finn and Mike both wanted pepperoni and extra cheese, and were going by the toddler theory that the person yelling the loudest would get their way.

There must have been something to the theory after all, though, because in the time it took me to pour Finn a drink and bring it back, they had settled on two pepperoni with extra cheese, two plain cheese, one vegetarian, and one with everything. There didn't seem to be any hurt feelings, and everyone had moved on to discussing Sectionals and which numbers would sound the best. I gave Finn the glass, which made him chuckle for some reason. "How come everyone has airplane cups but me?" 

Normally, I would have asked what he meant, but this time I was sure that by 'everybody', he actually meant 'Rachael', and I refused to think about her serving him anything, whether it was in an airplane cup or not.

Our debate over the music lasted until the food arrived, at which point we had decided to go with Proud Mary and Don't Stop Believing. The ballad was still up for debate, with Rachael arguing for something in her range, and Mercedes insisting she had the perfect song. I decided to throw my hat in the ring. "Well, I want to do Defying Gravity."

Rachael rolled her eyes. "Kurt, there's no way you could possibly be ready in time. Training to hit a high F requires weeks, if not months, and even if you can do it in practice, you'll probably choke in competition. You just haven't had my level of experience."

_No she didn't! Get her, Kurt, get her! _I gave her a sickly sweet smile. "Oh, I don't know about that. I think I'm pretty damn good in a competition."

"I'll bet Kurt can do it." Luckily, Finn stopped there, not letting everyone else know that I could already hit the note. "He doesn't strike me as the type to choke."

Damn my pale skin, because I could feel myself turning red. Finn hadn't meant it sexually, but it was putting all sorts of images in my head, images that had no business being there.

Rachael glared at both of us, making me smirk and Finn shrug. I noticed that he had only eaten two slices of pizza, which was unusual. Between him and Puck, I had seen them eat an entire large pizza, then an order of hot wings, followed by two slices of pie. I caught his eye. "You tired?" I tried not to sound like I was babying him. That was Rachael's fatal mistake, and I wasn't going to repeat it.

Really, there was no need to ask. I knew Finn by now, and I could read the answer in his shadowy eyes and strangely slow movements. "I guess. Can I go downstairs?"

"Yeah, come on." I glanced around, but no one seemed to be paying us much attention. They were back to arguing choreography and song arrangement.

"Finn, do you need a ride home? I have to get going anyway. Those myspace videos aren't going to post themselves, and I need at least 9 hours of sleep per night to maintain my complexion."

My breath caught. Finn probably would prefer to go home with her, which would ruin my plans for the evening. Rachael Berry was managing to ruin my night, without even knowing she was doing it.

"Nah, I'm spending the night here. Thanks for the offer, though." Finn yawned heavily. "I'll see you Monday."

Mercedes stood to see Rachael out, and I led Finn down to the basement. "I'll turn on the heater for you, but it takes a while to warm up down here. There's an extra blanket on the bed if you get cold."

His brow wrinkled, and I knew he was getting ready to pick a fight over his occupying the bed again, so I cut him off. "You can sleep there for now. I'll take it back tonight if it's that big of a deal to you, but there's no reason for you to be uncomfortable right now."

He didn't have a comeback for that, so he nodded instead. "Alright, I guess. Can you wake me up at 10, so I can take my antibiotic? It would suck if my arm got infected and rotted off"

"Sure." I turned my back while he slipped into an old T-shirt and pair of pajama pants. "Do you need anything else?"

"Nah, I'm good." He climbed under the covers and closed his eyes. I turned out the light, and was almost to the stairs before he spoke again. "Hey, Kurt?" 

"Yeah?" Hopefully he would want a kiss goodnight.

"No one can come down here, right? You aren't going to let anyone draw on me or shave my eyebrows off?" There was genuine worry in his voice. 

He needed some more mature friends. "I won't let anyone do that."

"Great." He snuggled down under the blanket, his breathing growing slow almost instantly.

There was nothing left for me to do here, and even I had to admit that it would be creepy if I stood there and stared at him while he was trying to sleep, so I made my way back to the party. Mike was trying to teach Matt and Britt how to pop and lock, something that wasn't going over very well. Britt was actually doing pretty well, probably as a result of all that training that the Cheerio's had to endure, but Matt was laughing too hard to get it, and that made everyone else laugh, too.

Mike rolled his eyes at both of them. "Kurt, why don't you try?" 

Not in a million years. I chuckled at him and shook my head. "No way."

"Come on, K-Kurt, the rest of us already tried." Tina looked a little flushed and giggly, and I made a mental note to make sure Mercedes took her home tonight.

"I want to see you do it first." She had to be lying, right?

As it turned out Tina was not lying about having already attempted to pop and lock. As it also turned out, she wasn't half bad at it. Sure, she stumbled a bit, and Mike had to call out instructions, but with a little practice, she could be really good.

Now that she had demonstrated, however, I had no choice but to try myself. I watched Mike give a slow motion demonstration, which was more than enough to let me know that there was no way I could do this. I tried, though, my awkward movements making everyone laugh. Sorry, girls, but this outfit is designer and I'm not going to risks stretching or tearing it just for my pride.

We hung out for a while longer, before everyone started saying goodnight. Mercedes and Tina were going to help me clean up the mess, even though I insisted that they didn't have to. We chatted about light stuff, too tired to delve much deeper. Party planning might rock, but it wore you out.

Tina was right in the middle of a discourse about how strict her mother was, when Mercedes looked past me and smiled. "Hey, White Boy."

I jumped, and turned around. Finn was leaning against the doorframe, looking sleepy and adorably rumpled. He gave us all a wide eyed look. "Did I miss the rest of the party?"

"It broke up about an hour ago." Tina made it through the entire sentence without stuttering, which was a rarity for her. "How are you feeling?" 

"Ok." He rubbed at his eyes, trying to focus better.

_God he's cute. I can definitely see the appeal._

Finn stretched absently, causing his T-shirt to pull up over his stomach and all three of us to gasp. Damn, he looked good. "How about I help you clean up then? I mean, I'm totally took over your bed and everything, it's the least I can do."

"Works for us. Come on Tina." The smaller girl looked like she might try to protest, but Mercedes pulled her along. "We have girl things to discuss."

By 'girl things', she meant that she and Tina were planning on leaving so they could give Finn and I some privacy. What had sounded wonderful two hours ago suddenly seemed daunting in reality. I shot her a pleading look that she understood instantly, and ignored completely. "Bye Kurt, don't forget to call me tomorrow."

She'd be lucky if I ever talked to her again. Luckily, Finn was as oblivious as always. He was scouting around the kitchen for abandoned cupcakes, not paying the rest of us the slightest bit of attention. I took advantage of his distraction to mouth '_please_' at them. Tina seemed swayed, but Mercedes gave her her patented diva look, and she backed down.

Finn had found the last two cupcakes and a cold soda, which he started in on happily. "You want a bite?" He held out a half-eaten cupcake.

"Please, do you know how many calories are in one of those?"

"Nope, and I don't want to." He popped the rest of the cupcake in his mouth. "'Kay, where are your trash bags? It's actually not as filthy in here as the parties I usually go to."

Wow, he actually did plan on helping clean, instead of just watching me do it. "Under the sink."

Since I had two working hands, I held the trash bag open while Finn picked up the empty soda cans and paper plates that littered every surface in the kitchen and living room. With both of us working, it didn't take long before the place was decently clean. It still needed to be swept and vacuumed, but that could wait until tomorrow. I tossed the last Coke can in the bag and let Finn tie it closed. When he leaned down, he was close to my level, and I felt the electricity crackle between us again. He straightened up, then paused, not moving away.

_Screw waiting and luring him in. You missed your last chance, Kurt, and if you miss this one too, you might as well give up totally. _

I really liked it when Galinda and I agreed on stuff. Ever so softly, I stretched up on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around Finn's neck. He shuffled a little, drawing even closer. My eyes met his for the briefest of seconds and he nodded minutely. It seemed that our every motion had shrunk to the smallest possible twitch. Finn didn't struggle at all when I finally pulled him down to we were face to face. A sudden surge of bravery overtook me, and I pressed my lips to his.


	10. Chapter 10

Finn POV

I knew that Kurt was going to try and kiss me tonight. Shit, if he didn't try, I was going to have to kiss him, which I didn't want to do. Not because I didn't like the idea, but because I didn't really know what to do. I mean, I've kissed lots of girls, but maybe it was different with a guy. There were no boobs to try and feel up, and I was pretty sure Kurt could hit a lot harder then Quinn if I tried to grab his ass. I had only tried that once on Quinn, and her slap had left a red handprint on my face that lasted for almost an hour. Kurt's hand wasn't much bigger than hers, but he was pretty damn strong. Anyway, I thought it might be better if I let him take the lead.

That didn't mean I was totally unprepared, though. Rachael used to claim that I had all the planning skills of an intoxicated monkey (intoxicated means drunk, by the way), but I think I did pretty well this time. I made sure I brushed my teeth before I came upstairs, because my mouth was kind of rank after my nap and Kurt worries about things like that. I would have taken a shower, too, but that might have made him think that I wanted to go further than I actually did. I don't even know what kissing a dude will be like, and I can't even think about doing anything else without my head trying to explode and my stomach getting all clenched up.

Then I used all of my secret, subtle, skills to get rid of Mercedes and Tina. Ok, it hadn't actually been that hard, but at least it had worked. Kurt was giving me that funny look out of the corner of his eye, like he was trying to figure out what to do. A few times he got a far off look, like he was debating something with himself. I just watched him quietly and tried to look as cute as possible. My mom says I have bedroom eyes, which I think is a good thing, and Quinn used to say I was like a puppy, which sounds good, but I don't think she meant it that way. Either way, Kurt seems to like what he sees, which I guess is all that matters.

When we were done picking up the trash, he suddenly looked at my mouth very seriously. This was it, my last chance to back out. I could already feel that strange buzz, though, the one that had suddenly started up whenever I got too close to Kurt these days. I had felt it with Rachael once, way back when she was trying to get me to hit the high B, but not as strong. This feeling was more like when Puck and I were younger and he convinced me to lick the exposed end of a big battery. It was a sort of vibration that made your lips go numb and your head feel funny.

Even when he put his arms around my neck, it wasn't too late to say no. Kurt might be strong for his size, but I'm bigger and stronger. I could have pushed him off, could have run, and could have done anything except allow him to pull me down so that we were face to face.

Only I didn't do any of those things. Because, really? I had been sweet and held back and done everything right for Quinn, and she still fucked my best friend. If she had wanted sex, I was right there and would have provided it without a second thought. But no, I wasn't good enough for her. Puck was though, which was something I was never going to forgive either one of them for. Ever.

Kurt wanted me. He was funny, and smart, and he was willing to kiss me, and maybe more. He was cute too, if you were into guys and all.

_Oh, you aren't into guys? Really, Finn, you don't like guys? Because you're getting ready to kiss Kurt Hummel, whom I'm pretty sure is one._

There was that voice again, the one that was bitchy and sounded like Quinn when she was on her period. Of course Kurt was a guy. I know that for sure, because I checked him out in the showers right after he joined the football team. Not because I was gay or anything, but because I just had to be sure he was a dude. I was like 98% sure, but he did sing soprano, which I pretty sure is always the girl's part. Plus he had really pretty lips, much nicer than Rachael's and even Quinn's. But a 5 minute sneaky stare session confirmed that he had all the necessary dude parts, and none of the lady ones.

_Five minutes, Finn? It took you five minutes to determine that Kurt Hummel does, in fact, possess a penis? You were checking him out, don't even deny it._

I had _not_ been checking Kurt out! I had only been having these weird thoughts about him since I got hurt. Well, except for that one really strange dream that I had right after I joined Glee, the one where he and I were performing "Push It" again, only it was just the two of us, and he was the one I had on top of me instead of Rachael. The whole thing had felt…not right exactly, but not as wrong as you might expect. I had woken up from that with an extremely uncomfortable hard on, which had required immediate attention, to thoughts of women, thank you very much.

Except for at the very end when I flashed back to Kurt on top of me, and that was what ended up putting me over the edge. Later, I just figured that I had been half asleep anyway, and everyone knows that weird shit pops up in dreams. Maybe it had been more then that, though.

Which brought me back to my current situation, and the fact that Kurt had just gotten brave and pressed his lips to mine. Huh, look at that. It wasn't as different as I thought it would be. Kurt was a little bit taller then Quinn, which meant I didn't have to strain down as much to kiss him, and he felt much more solid under my hands. There was nothing dainty about Kurt. He was all hard planes of muscle and strong grip and I really, really liked it. It felt like Kurt could give as good as he got, and for some reason that turned me on. Plus, his lips weren't all sticky with gloss, which is a nice bonus. 

Kurt seemed nervous, like he wasn't quite sure what he was doing. It kind of surprised me, since I didn't think there was anything that he couldn't do, and do perfectly. Even though I just wanted to grab him and take control, I made myself hold still. He would figure it out, he's pretty smart.

Sure enough, after a few seconds, he got brave and licked gently at my lips, his worried eyes flipping up to mine. Clearly, he thought I was going to spaz out on him. I opened my mouth for him, gently tightening my hold on his hips. It was a probably a little closer to problem areas then I should go, but I was afraid that I might crush his ribcage if I put my hands there. And that? Would be really, really bad.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Kurt's hands sliding off my shoulders and down my back, scraping my spine and making me shiver just a little bit. If the current situation in my jeans was anything to go by, I _really_ liked kissing guys. I guess that does make me gay, at least a little.

_Finn, what in the world are you doing?_

That stupid voice was interrupting me, so I gave it a mental growl. _Making out with Kurt Hummel, what does it look like? _See, two of us could be rude.

_Exactly, you're making out with Kurt Hummel. What was the reason you didn't want to do this in the first place? Oh, yeah, because you knew it was going to end with both of you hurt! Dumb shit, do you really want him to be your rebound girl?_

It wasn't like that. I wanted Kurt because he was funny and sweet, and, for some stupid reason, he wanted me. And because he had really, really, pretty lips, much nicer than Quinn's. But I was aware enough to know that I was thinking with my dick and my heart, not really with my head. I wasn't over Quinn and what she had done, and it was unfair to drag Kurt right into the middle of my mess. The smart thing to do would be to sort all of this out in my own head, not all but molest Kurt in his own living room.

Then Kurt decided it was the appropriate time to palm me through my jeans, pretty much causing all rational thought to flee. Grinding was fine in Quinn's book, but the wrath of God would come down if she actually touched me, even over the clothes. I bucked softly against him, reflexively pushing him back against the counter. He was as hard as I was, which made me feel like a total stud.

Any chance of stopping this was gone, but I did have the presence of mind to know that it wasn't right to do this here. Even Quinn had warranted the couch, and Kurt was more special then that. "Can we take this downstairs?" My voice was all hoarse and cracking, but he didn't seem to notice.

"O-ok." He looked all dazed and rumpled, which were two things that Kurt Hummel never looked like. Again, I felt a little smug that I had been able to do that.

"C'mon." I put a hand on his back, pulling him away from the counter and steering him down the stairs. He seemed a little unsteady, something I totally got. I was feeling a little weak myself.

The trip down the stairs should have been enough to remind my again why this was a bad idea, and give me a chance to stop things before they went too far. But Kurt was looking at my expectantly, and, let's face it, I've never been very good at self control.

My reactions must have been enough to give Kurt some new confidence, because he didn't even give me a chance to speak before he pushed me back onto the couch. Honestly? It's kind of hot to have someone else be the pursuer for once.

I had forgotten to turn the light by the bed off, and it cast a flickery halo around the bed. The couch was up against the opposite wall, and all I could see clearly was Kurt's eyes, and brief flashes of his pale skin.

I didn't feel the same need to hold back that I had before, so I rolled him to the side, putting his body between mine and the back of the couch and making us the same height. It was easier to kiss him that way, even if we were getting too into it to be careful. His teeth went across my bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood, but I barely felt it. My head slammed into his when he thrust up against me, but when I tried to apologize, he cut me off with another kiss. Apparently he wasn't feeling much pain either.

Guilt surged up in my gut, and I made one last, halfhearted, attempt to stop this. Sure, my dick was so hard that it was painful, and it wasn't like I was hurting anyone. After all, we both wanted this, right?

_Do you? Do you want Kurt because he's Kurt, or because he's here and he's saying yes?_

That thought finally did it, and I tried to move away. I didn't want to use him, especially considering my newfound knowledge on exactly what being used felt like. But Kurt had other ideas, and managed to get his body on top of mine, trapping me against the couch. He was making those soft, needy, little noises that went straight to my heart, right along with my crotch.

_Fine, do it. But don't come crying to me when you realize just how badly you fucked up._

It really irritated me that I had been waiting for permission from some stupid voice in my head, but, now that I had it, I was determined to make the most of it. I ran my good hand down his body, fumbling a little with his jeans. They were tight and looked really good on his body, but would have probably been hard to get off even if I had been able to use both hands. And speaking of hard, apparently Kurt was as into this as I was.

I finally managed to get his jeans down and wrap my hand around his cock. I didn't feel as strange as I thought it would, and definitely not as strange as it had been with Quinn. With her, I had no idea what I was doing, and she wasn't about to give me any hints. I wanted her to enjoy things, but girls were kind of confusing, and even though Puck had given me some suggestions, but none of them worked over the clothes, and she wasn't really that interested, anyway. I think she just liked getting me worked up.

This time, though, things were easier. I just started with what I liked, then let his body tell me what to do. Turns out, Kurt's really, really noisy, which I liked a lot. Quinn was always trying to shush me, afraid that one of her parents would hear. With Kurt, I can immediately tell what he likes and what he doesn't, just by how breathy his moaning gets.

Oddly, I found it much easier to keep myself under control when I had someone else to worry about. Not that I didn't desperately want some relief, because I did, but it just didn't seem as important as everything else right now.

"Stop." Kurt was so breathless that he could barely get the words out. "Finn, stop right now."

He had to be kidding. When did Kurt turn in to Quinn? Then I thought that I might be moving too fast and scaring him, which I didn't want. "Why?" I was proud of the fact that I managed to sound non-snappy and not even a millionth as frustrated as I actually was.

He shimmied up on the couch so he was propped against the arm. "Finn, do you have any idea how long I had to save up to afford this shirt? I am not getting cum stains all over it."

I wanted to offer to help take it off of him, but it looked kind of delicate, and the buttons were too small anyway. So I just watched while he did it himself. It was really, really hot, like being at that strip show that Puck knew didn't card minors, only better because he was right there and I could trail my fingers over his skin as it became exposed. The muscles in his stomach jumped under my touch, and I could tell that this wasn't going to last much longer. He was so tensed up that he was barely breathing. I leaned over and kissed his neck, feeling the pulse throb. "Breathe, Kurt."

He let out and explosive rush of air, tossing the shirt behind the couch. "O-ok."

It seemed like we would be able to kept going now, but I was starting to feel a little confused. "You sure?" _Please tell me what to do, because I'm so afraid of screwing up._

The blue eyes narrowed. "Are you?"

"Yeah." _No._

"Then yes."

Great, now I had officially lied to someone to satisfy my own libido. I was slime and I didn't even care. Kurt was here right now, and he was telling me that it was alright. "Ok."

"Can I…" He trailed off there, flushing bright red. "I mean…"

I never thought I would see the day that Kurt Hummel was stumped for words. Then he made a gesture that every man in the universe, gay or straight, understood perfectly. I was totally getting a hand job out of this. Awesome. I struggled to keep my voice calm. "You can, but you don't have to." _I just really, really, want you to._

For once, luck and karma and the baby Jesus were all on my side, because he nodded determinedly and shoved his hand down the front of my pants. Holy shit that felt good! Now I was the one whining for more. It probably should have been embarrassing, but I couldn't quite bring myself to care about that, either.

I must not have been the only one who liked a noisy partner, because Kurt's eyes fluttered shut at the sound, his body relaxing further against mine. Good thing, too, because I could move his body in a way that made it easier for me to…well…..

_Finn, darling, if you're going to do this you should at least be able to say the words to yourself._

Fine, it would be easier to jerk Kurt off, happy now? Actually thinking those words should have been enough to startle me out of my extreme stupidity, but it wasn't. Quinn, Puck, the baby, Glee, none of it mattered right now. The only thing that mattered was both of us getting off, and soon.

He gave another soft whimper, his hips jerking against my hand. I nipped his neck, but very, very lightly. His skin seemed so delicate that I was terrified of leaving a mark, even though a part of me very much wanted to. I didn't though, because I would see it later, and that would make this all too frightening and real.

I kissed the side of his head, lightly running my thumb over the head of his dick, smearing the pre-cum and making things easier. He was whimpering continually now, barely able to keep up a rhythm on me. Apparently I'm pretty good at giving hand jobs. I ought to be, considering the amount of practice I get with myself.

Abruptly, his entire body arched up, a string of swear words coming out his mouth and very nearly making me loose it right there. Kurt was always so restrained and proper that it was absolutely fantastic to see him lose control. I licked his neck, feeling the heat from where I had bitten him a second ago.

That was all it took, and he came all over my hand and his stomach. I jerked my eyes between his face and his body, not sure which I wanted to look at more. It was hard to see anything at all, considering I was getting that silvery edge to my vision again. Kurt's breathing was still stuttering, but he managed to find his tempo again. The familiar white lightening raced up and down my spine, and everything turned bright and shimmery.

When I came back to myself, a few seconds or hours later, Kurt was watching me with wide eyes. "You ok?"

_Not by a long shot. _For some reason, I tended to black out when I was having a really good orgasm.I rubbed at my face with both hands, trying to get my bearings back. "Yeah, it happens sometimes. It's cool." My voice was rough and shaky. "I think we made a mess." It was a really dumb thing to say, but I needed to get back on solid ground.

He looked down at us and the couch, both of which were soaked in sweat and cum. "Oh, God, this is never going to come out of the leather." The horror in his voice made me snicker and lightly stroke his shoulder. "Think of it as a little reminder of tonight."

"I'll think of it as disgusting. How am I supposed to let anyone sit on this couch from now on?" He was trying to get himself worked up, but was still too lazy and calm from his orgasm to pull it off.

Now was probably not the best time to tell him that I had jerked off on my own couch a bunch of times, and he had sat there. Something told me that that would be a bad move.

If I didn't stop him, though, he would go into full on drama king mode. I eased myself to my feet, forcing my knees not to buckle. _Shake it off Hudson, you can do it. Just because that may have been the best orgasm of your life, you don't need to act like a fucking girl._

Luckily, Kurt had his own bathroom, and it was as short walk to get a wet washcloth for the cleanup. Yeah, I maybe jerk off a little too often, so I know the best way for clean up. I stayed in there for a few extra minutes, trying to get my head screwed back on straight and wake myself up a little. I made sure that I _didn't_ look at myself in the mirror.

Kurt was sitting up against the couch when I got back, but his eyes were barely open. I patted his shoulder. "Wake up, now, time to get cleaned up."

"Don't care." His head lolled down to his chest.

Clearly he had never fallen asleep like this, because what was just sticky now was going to dry and become extremely uncomfortable in a few minutes. OK, so he was kind of cute. I ran the washcloth lightly over his stomach, tickling him in an attempt to get him moving again. He let me move and turn him so I could wipe him down, but didn't really wake up. Definitly cute.

When I had done the best job I could, I pulled him to his feet. By the way, that's not as easy as it sounds. Kurt's small, but it's hard to pull someone up when they're deadweight and you can only use one hand.

He came easily enough though, curling up on his bed and falling asleep almost immediately. I thought about trying to get some pajamas on him, because it's pretty damn cold in here to try and sleep naked, but it seemed like more trouble than it was worth.

I had fully intended to sleep on the couch tonight, but Kurt was right, it was sticky and gross. Of course, I had also fully intended to just let Kurt kiss me, instead of fooling around in his basement, so I guessed that it had been a rather confusing night all around.

With that in mind, I nudged Kurt gently until he rolled over and made room for me on the bed. It was a squeeze, but we managed. He laid his head on my chest, his breath on my throat. It was lulling, and I found myself drifting in and out of sleep.

I couldn't totally settle, though. My brain kept running in circles, and all it ended up doing was making me dizzy. I had messed up, big time. Worse, I had drug Kurt into my drama. I knew how he felt about me, and I had made the worst mistake possible, just because I had gotten a hard on at a bad time. I liked him, tons in fact, but I just wasn't ready to be what he wanted.

I know Kurt, and he isn't going to be satisfied to let this be a one time thing. He's real romantic, and he's going to want flowers and dates and a commitment, all the things that I know I can't give him. I had tried that once and look where it got me: no girlfriend and a baby that wasn't mine, but I loved like she was.

An ugly rush of hatred filled my chest. Quinn had lied to me, for no reason other then she could. Sure, I got that she was afraid, and I wouldn't want Puck to be the father either, but she _lied _to me. I could have gotten past the cheating, but not the lies.

My Mom's always had this thing about telling lies. She's honest with me, and she wants me to be honest back. That's why it hurt so much to keep the secret about Quinn and the baby from her. But I had promised Quinn that I wouldn't say anything, and that promise was just as important as one I made to my Mom, right? All I had wanted to do was throw myself into Mom's arms and cry, begging for her forgiveness. I had even tried to think of ways that she could "accidentally" find out, like leaving an open hospital bill where she could find it, or letting her walk in while I was looking at the ultrasound. That way I didn't have to lie to her about Drizzle, but I wasn't lying to Quinn either. Except none of it mattered, because I was the one getting lied to the whole time.

How could I possibly trust anyone else after that? Of course, it's not Kurt's fault that Quinn is a hell bitch liar. It's not anyone's fault but hers, and maybe a little bit of mine for being so stupid. She had knocked me down and kicked me in the nads a few times, and I just wasn't ready get back up and try again.

_ Which is why I tried to tell you not to do this with Kurt. He's been a good friend to you, better then the rest of them, and you repay him by molesting him one night and bolting. Nice, Finn, real nice._

It wasn't like that! I had really wanted to be with Kurt. It hadn't seemed this complicated when I was actually doing it, so why was it so hard now? I just…I just needed a minute to think.

One minute became two, then a half hour, and I was no closer to figuring things out. The only thing that happened was that my head started to hurt. After a while, my arm started throbbing too, a pain that beat in time with both my heart and head. I needed to get up, needed to take those pills before it got too bad, but I couldn't move.

Instead, I looked down at Kurt, who was sleeping peacefully. I kept my touch as light as possible; even though I was pretty sure it would take the marching band to blast him awake at this point. With one finger, I traced over his face, using the pad of my thumb over his eyebrow and down his cheek. Across the lips now, causing him shift a little and cuddle closer. I stopped, but his eyes never opened.

Even more carefully, I stroked the lines of his jaw, running all the ways back up to his ear. Kurt's ears stuck out just a little bit, and I really liked that for some reason. I was really trying not to think the word 'precious', but it kept popping up in my mind.

_Don't do this to yourself. This can be so easy, if you'll let it. Sure, you'll have to put up with the morons on the hockey team, and the football team, and probably every other team, but does it matter? Really, deep down, does it matter? They're all going to be those creepy gas station attendants after high school anyway. Are you going to give this up, just because one girl screwed you over?_

Yes. No. Yes. Fuck, I didn't know. These were questions for someone much smarter then I was. I just knew that I was teetering on the edge of something here, one foot out over empty space. I had to decide whether I was going to pull back, or jump.

_Yes, you do. You can get up right now, Finn, and pretend that none of this ever happened. You can treat Kurt like he's nothing tomorrow, or just like he's your friend. Sure, it'll break his heart, but he'll get over it. After all, look how well _you're_ doing. But whatever you pick, you need to pick now and be sure. Is that too much for you?_

As if he sensed my thoughts, Kurt jerked his head up and looked blearily at me. If I let him say anything, it was going to be over for me, so I eased his head back down to my chest. "Go back to sleep, ok?"

"'Kay." It was a slurred mumble. I ran my hand down his back, counting the bumps of his spine. There were 7 that I could feel clearly. His muscles shivered under my touch, reminding me that it was cold down here and he was naked. I pulled the blanket up over him, still trying to think. As gently as I could, I eased out from underneath him, sitting up on the side of the bed.

One thing was for sure. If I got up right now, I was giving up the minute my feet hit the floor. I could stay here, and wake up with Kurt in the morning, or I could run like a coward.

Only it wasn't just me that I needed to worry about. Kurt didn't deserve to have to deal with me and my problems, no matter what he claimed. His first relationship should be fun, with someone who could just love him without constantly worrying that, Kurt, too, would betray him at every turn. He deserved some normalcy, and I needed a little time and space to figure my shit out.

I waited to hear from that voice, but it must have gone to sleep because it wasn't talking. I was completely on my own, and all of my choices seemed wrong. Ok, Finn, think. Think, you can do this. You can make this choice; it's not that different from any other one.

The sound of my feet hitting the floor sounded way too final.

**A/N: On the bottom this time, because I didn't want to give anything away. Thank you for all of your reviews/alerts/favorite story stuff. It really tickles me to be able to see all that. And for those of you who want to kill Finn right now, just imagine what Kurt's going to do to him next chapter. Finn will get his, plus some.**


	11. Chapter 11

Kurt POV

Finn was gone when I woke up; I knew that before I even opened my eyes. My bed was tiny, and there was no way we could have both fit on it without being on top of each other. Disappointment surged up into my throat, but I forced it down. Finn was going to sleep on the couch, we had agreed to that before he even came over yesterday.

But that had been before everything happened. I would have at least thought he would want to cuddle afterwards, but apparently not. Maybe we had, though, everything got a little fuzzy after what could realistically be termed the best orgasm of my life.

Honestly, when I was planning how things would go with Finn (yes, I planned it, so sue me. I've had a few years to think about this), things had certainly, well…lasted a lot longer. Plus, there was much less embarrassing whining and whimpering on my part. Dear God, had those sounds actually emerged from my throat? At least no one had been around to hear them but Finn, and he certainly hadn't minded.

At least not when he was in the moment. By now he was probably having second thoughts, if he was still here at all. It was not only possible, but probable that he had called Puck to come get him after I fell asleep last night, and he would be long gone when I opened my eyes.

_So what if he is? Then you've discovered he's a closet case and an asshole and you're better of without him. You got a fantastic hand job out of this, and you'll know for sure if he's worth pursuing. So open up your eyes, you wimp, and face the day, with or without Finn Hudson._

It was nice when my diva woke up at the same time I did. Her snark always made me feel much more ready to get up and greet the day. So I stretched lazily and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

Finn wasn't gone. He was stretched out across the couch, his legs dangling off the side and his body curled awkwardly. His face was snuggled into the crook of his arm, and his breath came in short pants. He was a little restless, though I couldn't tell if it was due to bad dreams or just an attempt to keep his entire body on the couch.

I debated waking him up, then decided against it. He would wake up on his own, either when he was ready, or because he had finally pitched to the floor. Either way, there was no sense in bothering him.

Somehow, a magical fairy (probably one named Finn) had come and cleaned the worst of the mess off of me last night, but I still felt rather disgusting, so I decided to take a shower. I gathered my shower stuff out of my bathroom and went upstairs; loathe to bother Finn with the noise of the shower.

My dad was sitting at the kitchen table, reading over the sports page. "Morning, Kurt. How was last night? Was it what you thought it would be?"

"Excuse me?" Did I have a big sign on my forehead that said 'Kurt fooled around with Finn Hudson last night'?

His eyes narrowed as he lowered the paper. "With your party? You were careful about the drinking, right? I know it's what teenagers do at a party, but you need to be smart about it."

Oh, the party. Right. Some of my enthusiasm came roaring back. "It was great! The entire club was there, except for Quinn and Puck, which is probably a good thing, since I don't want to have to try and get blood out of the carpet today. We sang and danced and managed to get a few things sorted out for Sectionals. And yes, I made sure that everyone who drank had a DD to drive them home." 

The look on his face suggested that he wouldn't have found the party that fun, but he tried gamely to look interested. "That sounds…nice. Wait, what do you mean about blood and the carpet? What happened?"

I was torn about telling him. Finn had asked me not to tell anyone about all of it, but I'm not sure if he meant my father or not. Plus, Dad already kind of knew about Puck and Quinn, so it wasn't like he had no idea. I battled with myself, then finally backed down. "Puck and Finn are fighting at the moment and you know how boys are."

_Does he? After all, you're all but a girl to him_.

Galinda was only fun when she was turning her bitchy side on other people. When she turned on me, it was a different story. Especially since I was more than a little afraid that she was right. Dad was a guy's guy, and I know that some part of him wants a son just like Finn. Someone he can talk sports and girls with, and who would much rather go to the pro game then Riverdance again. I pushed down on that thought. Dad loved me, and wouldn't trade me in for anyone, so that was all that matters.

"Yeah, I remember those days. Finn find out about Puck and that girl?" He put out an arm, and I gratefully leaned into it. It may have been Carol's influence, but he was suddenly touching me more often, and I liked it.

His touch broke down the last of my reluctance. "Dad, it's worse then that. There's…there's a baby."

His head snapped up. "Kurt, do _not_ get into the middle of this. If there's one thing you should never, ever, do, it's get in the middle of a domestic dispute. Especially when a baby is involved."

_Too late for that, Mr. Hummel. But if you had given Kurt that advice 12 hours ago, it would have helped a lot. _

"It's not Finn's." I was pulling at straws here, desperate for him to think I was making a good choice.

Dad rubbed at his forehead, as if he could already feel a headache forming. "Are you sure about that?"

Unless the hot tub method had become a new fertility treatment, I was sure. "Yes."

"Does he know that he isn't the father?"

"He does now. That was kind of what caused the fight." _Please, Dad, tell me what to do._

The paper was forgotten on the table top now. "So, let me get this straight. You have a...well, a crush on Finn. Finn, at the same time, is dating this Quinn girl, who is sleeping with Puck. Now Finn is not sleeping with Quinn, which is the only way we can be sure that the baby is not his. Am I right so far?"

It sounded so tawdry and wrong when he put it like that. "Yes." My voice was a soft whisper.

"But Finn does think that the baby is his, at least at this point?"

"Right."

"How long are we talking about here? A few days? A week? A month?"

I had to think back. Finn had known long before the rest of us did, and we had found out in late October so…let's see…"Almost two months, I guess."

He flinched. "That's not good. Kurt, you need to leave this boy alone, at least for now. I've been there, minus the baby part, and it takes a while to get over a betrayal like that."

My father was speaking from experience, but he was saying exactly what I didn't want to hear. "But…"

"But nothing. Kurt, I know you aren't into sports, but you know how boxing works, right?"

"Yes, sir." I was pouting, and I knew it, but I couldn't force myself to care.

"So these two guys are going for each other, and pretty soon one of them is going to win. So he knocks the other guy down, and the guy gets up. So the first guy hit's him again, and the guy gets up again. This goes on and on, and eventually the other guy is on the floor, and he just can't get up this time. If he's lucky, he's still conscious. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Not really. I was too creeped out by the thought of two guys attacking each other and calling it a fun sport. "I don't think so."

"Finn's the guy on the ground right now. That girl is pregnant, punch one. He gets up. She cheated on him, punch two. He gets up. With his best friend, punch three. He gets up. The baby isn't his after all, punch four. Somehow he staggers back to his feet. He shatters the bones in his arm, needing surgery, punch five. He's barely standing right now, Kurt. Do you really want to hit him one more time? Because he's on the verge of breaking down right now, and I don't want either one of you to lash out and do something that ruins everything. I'm sorry, son, I have no idea how to use that metaphor in fashion terms."

His words made perfect sense, which only served to piss me off. I had waited for so long to charm Finn Hudson into my bed, and now that he was finally there, everyone was telling me how badly I had screwed up. The worst part was, I knew they were right. I had taken advantage of Finn's emotional state, and pushed him into something that he wasn't ready for. "I guess that makes sense." I could hear the tears threatening in my voice.

Dad's arm tightened around me. "Kurt, I'm not saying that it has to be forever. You like the boy, and it's always possible that he might like you back someday. But if you rush this, it's not going to happen. Trust me; a little mystery goes a long way. Keep your clothes on."

Now was probably not the time to remind him that Finn and I had seen each other naked a million times for football, or to let him know anything that had happened last night. I did however; need to let him know that we had a guest. "Right, be mysterious. Just so you know, he's downstairs right now."

Dad choked on his coffee. "Kurt Anthony Hummel! Did he, I mean, did you- do I need to get my shotgun? God, I should have had this talk with you yesterday."

_Yeah, that would have been nice, now wouldn't it have been?_ Still, I didn't want Dad to wake Finn up with the business end of his gun, so I rolled my eyes. "He's on the couch, fully dressed. Would you like to double check that? Anyway, you knew there were plans for him to spend the night, I told you that yesterday"

He must have remembered, because he started looking significantly less like he was about to have a stroke. "And you didn't….Oh, God, Kurt, you are too young to be having sex, with men or women!"

If there was ever a time for the floor to open up and drop me into China, this was it. I loved my father, but this was just…no. "Dad, I did not have sex with Finn, alright? Now I have a shower to go take." I marched off with as much dignity as I could muster, which really wasn't much, but at least I didn't slink off like a kicked dog. I still had some pride, and I hadn't actually lied to him. Technically, I hadn't slept with Finn, it had just been a little harmless experimentation, and then Finn had taken over the couch. See? No harm done.

Except emotionally. I had not only hurt Finn by pushing things, but I was hurting myself also. Now that I knew what it could be like, the thought of letting him go hurt even worse. But I had to. For Finn's sake, I had to be strong.

I'll admit it, I stood for a long time in the shower, just hanging my head and letting the water beat down on me. I was just so tired to trying and losing out, especially when victory was right within my grasp. Actually, it had literally been in my grasp last night.

I took an extra long time in the shower, since I didn't have any plans for today, and Finn practically entered a coma every time he fell asleep. If he woke up before noon, it would be a minor miracle.

Which was why it was such a shock to hear two voices coming out of the kitchen, and my father's laughter. I stopped on the far side of the door and listened in.

"Yeah, well, a busted arm is a hell of a lot different then a blown knee. You'll be back out there next season, better then ever. Now turn that a little bit, so I can see better. No, the other way. Perfect."

Wait, was he telling Finn about blowing his knee in college? Why was he telling Finn that? They barely knew each other! I was his son and I had to wait sixteen years to find this stuff out about him!

_Kurt, get a hold of yourself. _Galinda sounded as if she was rolling her eyes. _Are you really in competition with Finn over your father's old football stories? The ones that bore you to death? You should be happy that he has someone else to torment with them, someone who actually cares._

Only it wasn't about the football stories. It was about the excited way my father was talking. Real excitement, not the kind he had to force like when I was rambling on about fashion design. It cut more deeply then I thought it would.

There was no way I was going to stand here and listen to anyone, even Finn, steal my father right out from underneath me. I took a quick breath and bounced into the room, not giving them any warning. I'm not sure why that seemed so important, since it wasn't like they were making out or anything, but I did. "What's going on in here?"

My father gave me his usual affable grin. "Hey, Kurt, what's up?" He was holding Finn's arm in one hand, finishing up wrapping a bandage around it.

Finn wasn't nearly as friendly. Actually, he ducked his head down and refused to make eye contact. "Hey, Kurt." It came out as a strained mumble.

Fantastic, he was ashamed of what had happened. Dad gave him a funny look, but shrugged it off. I had overheard him tell Carol that teenagers were strange and moody creatures, and had they ever been like that? "We were waiting on breakfast until you finished up there, but it's almost lunch now. What should I make you boys?"

My father was a good, but very limited cook, so we were going to be stuck with either hamburgers, sandwiches, or pot pies from the freezer. I gave Finn an expectant look, which he cringed away from. "Whatever Kurt wants. I'm not fussy."

"Finn and I can make ourselves some sandwiches, Dad, there's no need for you to cook." I gave Finn a hard glare, and he hunched down further.

"Ok, then." He stood up and patted Finn's shoulder. "I'm going to go to the garage for a while, look over the books. Come on back for the game, next weekend, Finn, alright? Kurt, I'll see you for dinner." It didn't escape my notice that he didn't pat my shoulder. In fact, he didn't touch me at all.

Jealously swelled up in my chest. What made Finn so damn special? My vision blurred and I slammed the fridge open. "What sort of meat do you want?" I was furious and I didn't bother to hide it.

"Uh, anything, I guess. Whatever you're having." He looked worried now, just like he always did when someone was angry with him.

"Fine." My words were clipped and angry. "You're having lean turkey breast on whole wheat. No mayo, it's full of empty calories and cholesterol."

"Um, ok. That sounds good!" He was attempting to be perky now, no doubt trying to appease me. Not a chance Finn, you fucked up big time.

_Kurt-_

I barely let Galinda get the word out before mentally telling her to shut up. She might be my voice of reason, but I wasn't in particularly reasonable mood right now. I slammed two sandwiches together, dropping one in front of Finn. It was a testament to how upset I was that I didn't bother to garnish either plate with a little parsley sprig. Let him eat it plain.

I sat down and started nibbling at my sandwich. I had no appetite, but I needed something to do with my hands. "You slept on the couch last night." _Good job, Hummel, way to sound like a girl._

Galinda just didn't know when to quit. Still, I wanted to give Finn a chance to redeem himself. There had to be an explanation here, other then the obvious one. There had to be _something_ that wouldn't end up breaking my heart.

He shrugged. "Oh, yeah, about that. I actually did stay with you for a while, but my arm started hurting really bad, and I got really restless. I didn't want to bother you, so I took some pills and laid down on the couch. I guess I fell asleep there."

There was no reason to assume he was lying, but I was cautious. His explanation sounded a little too good to be true, plus, it didn't explain his behavior this morning. "You could have woken me up, you know. I would have sat up with you until you felt better."

He laughed, the sound sweet and merry. "Kurt, I all but carried you to bed last night because you were passed out. I couldn't have woken you up if I tried."

I didn't remember that, but I supposed that it would explain why I had fallen asleep on the couch and woken up in my bed. "Oh, sorry."

"It's alright. After all, we all know what a stud I am." He sounded way too amused and I forced myself to smile back. I had no one to compare him to, but he had been pretty fantastic last night. So sure, I guessed he was a stud.

We fell quiet then, neither one of us willing to bring up the gigantic gay elephant in the room. Finn was probably too embarrassed to do so, and I just wanted to preserve the peace for a few more minutes.

He ate his sandwich quickly, never taking his eyes off of me. He was almost finished before he spoke. "Listen, Kurt, about last night…."

I wasn't going to listen to his awkward explanation of how he really liked me and all, but he wasn't in love with me. About how he was just horny and it didn't mean anything to him. I still had a little bit of my pride left. "It was a mistake, I get it." I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"You think so?" His voice was hurt, but relieved underneath.

"Yes." It was tiny and sad sounding, so I forced my voice to firm up. "You were taking pills, and we're only sixteen, and things happen. It doesn't have to be a big deal. We can just pretend it never happened."

"It's not you, ok? I think you're really great. It's just…it's me, alright?"

Of course it was. Please, I spent most of my formative years watching romantic comedies. It was a classic 'let them down gently' move. In a way, though, I guess it was true. It wasn't Finn's fault that he was straight, any more than it was mine that I was gay. "I said its fine."

"Cool." There came that smile again. "So, what's the plan for today? Unless, you know, you have plans or something. I can have my mom come get me if you do."

Just a few hours ago, I would have been thrilled to spend the day with him. But now I just wanted to call Mercedes and have her come over and tell me that this was not my fault. I honestly hadn't meant to take advantage of Finn; I had thought that he wanted it as badly as I had.

_You know, Kurt, this is every straight guy's nightmare. He's nice to the cute little gay boy, and somehow they end up in bed together. He's always been pretty accepting of you, but this is over the line. Good job, kiddo_.

"Actually, I'm supposed to meet Mercedes at 1. I can give you a ride though."

_Liar, liar_.

"Sure, let me get my stuff together. Hey, do you think your dad would want to watch the game tonight, or he'll be too busy at the garage?" He was already ambling towards the basement door, so he missed the expression on my face that would have told him to back off. "That would be pretty cool. My mom's too much of a chick to watch with me.

Rage exploded in my vision. This was too much, too soon and my senses overloaded. "No, he doesn't want to watch the game with you! If he's going to watch the game, he's going to watch the game with me!" My voice was rose until I was almost screaming.

Finn's eyes widened. "Chill, dude, it's not that big of a deal. I didn't even think you liked sports games." He sounded confused, which I understood. It wasn't every day that the guy you fooled around with the night before turned into a shrieking harpy when daylight hit him.

"Yes it is! He's my dad, and just because you don't have one of your own, doesn't mean you can have him!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs now, which was not a good look for me, but I couldn't help it. Dad had taken so easily to Finn, patting his shoulder and talking sports with him, when he couldn't even bring himself to touch me, his own son.

It was only when Finn visibly flinched that I remembered how badly he hated being yelled at. I could almost see him shutting down on me, his dark eyes fluttering shut and his shoulders hunching up.

A strange feeling came over me then, one that I hated to admit that I even possessed. Finn was actually afraid of me right now, and you know what? I was _glad_. I was glad that he was afraid, and that he was the one in the vulnerable position. I was hurting, and I wanted to hurt someone back just as badly.

It was a terrible personality trait, this cruelty, but right now I just didn't care. Finn was backing up, and I pushed forward until he was up against the counter. He put up his hands. "Alright! Kurt, you need to calm down. Ok? I don't want to take your dad. I have a dad, even though he's dead."

Those words seemed to give him some courage, and he stepped forward so we met in the middle of the floor. He towered over me, and I started to lose my nerve. The adrenaline was wearing off, leaving me tired and more than a little ashamed of actions. My father loved me, I was his son. There was no reason he couldn't strike up a friendship with Finn.

_Except for the small fact that Finn just broke your heart, and your Dad might love you, but he likes Finn, and not just because he has to. Just think, Kurt, maybe he'll marry Carol, and then Finn will be his son too. Then you _will_ be screwed._

For a few minutes, we both stood frozen, a foot or so apart, breathing heavily. In the movies, this would have been where he stepped forward, sweeping me up into his arms, and gave me a breath stealing kiss. This wasn't the movies, though. This was two scared high school boys. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and strained. "Is this about your dad, or about what happened last night?"

Both. Neither. Mostly last night. Honestly, I didn't know. "I'm just tired, Finn, and so are you. This…this just isn't the right time."

What I had meant was that this wasn't the right time to talk about this, but he seemed to take it a different way. "Right! It's not the right time right now, but that doesn't mean that it will never be. See, we're on the same page after all!" He sounded so happy that I didn't want to tell him I had no idea what he was talking about.

I stepped backwards, out of his space. Suddenly, I was as exhausted as I had claimed I was earlier. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

He gave me that crooked smile. "I'm sorry I made you mad. Really, Kurt, I'm not trying to take your dad away, I promise."

"I know that." I reached out, lightly patting his back. "I don't know why I got so pissed off with you. So, how about we pretend that nothing after Mercedes and Tina left last night ever happened? Ok? Just friends?"

"Yeah, of course. Friends, right?" There was something strange in his eyes when he said that, but I just couldn't deal with sorting it out right now. "Cool. I'll get my stuff, and get out of your hair."

I probably should have offered to help him, but I didn't trust myself to be with Finn right now. My emotions were all over the place, from love to hate and back again, and I was starting to get a headache.

Within two minutes, I heard him come thumping back up the stairs. It would have taken me a half hour or longer to get myself together, but I supposed all Finn had to pack was his pajamas and clothes from last night. He hadn't even gotten a chance to take a shower this morning. When he hit the top of the stairs, overnight bag over his shoulder, I noticed that he took care to stay a few feet away from me. Clearly he was afraid that I would freak out on him again.

Funny, all the time I had spent worrying that he would flip out the minute I made a sexual move on him, and I ended up being the one doing the flipping. I tried to smile in a nonpredatory way. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah." He was quiet the entire way to the car and for most of the ride to his house. Normally, I would have started up a playful game over what radio station to listen to, but this time I just left it on a rock station. Neither one of us was up for any more games today.

We were in his driveway before he spoke. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I really, really didn't want it to be this way."

I smiled at him, though even I could tell how sad and false it was. "I know." The thing was, I knew it was true. Finn never meant to hurt anyone, it just sort of happened. "Do you want a ride to school tomorrow?" Usually Quinn picked him up, but I somehow couldn't see that happening now.

"That would be great." His jaw worked strangely for a minute, like he wanted to say something else, but nothing came out. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Alright, Cowboy, I'll see you." There I was again with that stupid nickname and, again, he didn't notice.

I watched him go up to the front door and let himself in, his movements slow. Once I was sure that he was safe, I pulled out of the drive and drove to the nearest gas station. My baby didn't need gas, but I needed to text Mercedes. I found her number and fired off a quick text, asking if I could come over. She replied almost immediately, telling me to come on and that she had ice cream. How she got that things had gone poorly from a four word text was beyond me, but I was grateful for it. I confirmed that I would be there at one, then just sat, unable to do anything to help myself.

I crossed my arms over the steering and laid my head on them. How in the world had I screwed things up so badly in just 12 hours? Finally, now that there was no one here to see me, I took a shuddering breath and started to cry.

_**A/N: So, what do you think? Do you think Finn got what he deserved, or Kurt went way over the line? If there's one thing that neither one of them is short on, it's dramatics. Next chapter will be from Finn's POV, because Kurt really upset him.**_


	12. Chapter 12

Finn POV

The house was quiet and empty when I got home, which meant Mom was already at work. Usually she doesn't work Sundays, but she had asked for yesterday off so she could go on her date with Mr. Hummel, so it would just be me today. 

The house was really cold, since she doesn't run the heat when no one is there. She says it costs too much money, which worries me a lot. I know things are really tight, since Dad's benefits only went so far, but whenever I ask, she tells me that we're just fine and not to worry. Of course I worry, she's my mom. I turned it on, but low and decided to go upstairs and take a nap.

I was still feeling bad about what had happened between Kurt and I, so I pulled the quilt off of my bed and took it downstairs. My Dad had this old recliner that he had insisted that Mom drag from base to base, no matter how inconvenient. I went there now, flopping down and pressing my face into the worn leather.

It was sort of pathetic, but this was the only way I had of being close to him. I could imagine him curled up just like this, his face exactly where mine was. More than any other time, I wished that he would come home, just once, so he could tell me how to fix the mess I had gotten into. Unless he came home as a zombie or an evil ghost, like in that story with the monkey foot, that would totally suck.

The house is kind of old, so it was taking forever to warm up. I wrapped the quilt around myself, snuggling up and trying to think. What would my Dad have said about Kurt? I want to think he would have been ok with it, but I don't know for sure. Actually, I don't really know what my Mom would say if I told her. Like I said before, we've never really talked about sex and stuff like that. I can't imagine her not loving me though. We have to stick together; all we have is each other.

_Why do you even care? It's not like there's going to be anything to tell her. You told Kurt off, remember? _

No, I hadn't. I had just told Kurt that right now wasn't the best time for us to pursue something. He had even agreed with me, which had taken a load off of my mind. Then he had sort of freaked out on me, which was confusing.

_Really? You're really confused about what his problem was? Finn, you're a sweet guy, but you are so damn stupid sometimes. Take a nap, and when you get up, maybe the wizard will have brought you a brain._

Quinn-voice was still being a bitch, but, for once, she had a good suggestion. I hadn't actually gotten any sleep last night. I had stayed with Kurt for as long as I possibly could, because I knew that it might be the last time I ever got the chance. Even though my arm started complaining, then shrieking with pain, I held out. I only got up when I actually started crying, because I was afraid that my chest jerking would wake him up.

Once I had taken the pills, I laid down on the couch, hoping that they would take effect soon. Kurt breathed softly from the other side of the room, and I counted his breaths, just so I would have something to focus on other then myself. It helped to block the pain until the pill could work their magic.

Now, I would never ever abuse drugs, because my Mom would be so disappointed in me, but Vicodon is fantastic! Not only does it make the pain go away, but it has a way of making everything seem alright, at least for a little while. So I had screwed up and basically molested Kurt to make myself feel better. Who cared? I certainly didn't, at least while I was stoned. I could see why people got addicted to this stuff.

My high had pretty much faded by the time I heard Kurt waking up. Call me a coward, but I pulled my arm over my face and pretended that I was asleep. He got up and stood close to me for a long time, just looking at me. I knew he was doing it, because Kurt has total laser eyes, just like in the comic books. You know, they ones you can feel cutting right into your brain? Yeah, he's like that. I just kept on pretending to sleep, though, and he eventually went away. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him; it was just that I was too ashamed to look at him right now.

Once I was sure that he was gone, and not just hiding somewhere to try and catch me, I cautiously sat up. No Kurt on the stairs, no Kurt in the corners, no Kurt anywhere I could see. I almost checked the bed to see if he was hiding underneath it, but I kind of thought that might be a silly. Kurt would never get under a bed and risk wrinkling his clothes.

_Unless he was naked, stupid. Did you hear him getting dressed? Because I sure didn't._

I think that that thought was a supposed to be scary, but all it ended up doing was giving me a major hard on. What can I say? I was sixteen and Kurt looked really, really good without his clothes on.

I gave Little Finn a strong reminder to behave himself and started upstairs. Kurt and I needed to have a talk, where I apologized and explained that I hadn't meant to do what I had done, but I didn't want to do it downstairs. If there was any way that I could actually see the couch we had done it on, chances were good that I would just say 'screw it' and push him down for round two.

Kurt wasn't in the kitchen when I came through the open door, but the room wasn't empty. As much as I didn't want to have this talk with Kurt, I liked the thought of having to talk to Burt Hummel even less. Quinn's parents always gave me the evil eye whenever we were together, like they could see into my brain and knew that I wanted to get into her pants. I didn't even want to think about what Mr. Hummel would do if he found out I had defiled (thank you Quinn, for that word) his only son.

Turning tail and hiding in the basement until Kurt came back from wherever he was seemed like a pretty good idea right now. Unfortunately, Mr. Hummel picked that moment to look up from his paper. "Finn, is that you?"

I might be terrified of the man right now, but Mom had raised me to be polite. "Yes, sir." My voice was all but shaking with nerves.

He pointed to the table across from him. "You don't have to hide downstairs, I don't bite. Kurt just went upstairs to take a shower, where he'll be for the next hour at least, primping and moisturizing and….well, I don't know what else. Come on and sit, I'll make you boys some breakfast once he's done."

"Ok." My stomach was way too tied up to try and eat.

"How's the arm?" I looked down at it, suddenly realizing that I had forgotten to change the bandage on it last night or put it up in its sling. "It still hurting you?"

"It's better. Um, I was supposed to fix the bandage on it last night and I forgot, so I better go downstairs and do it now."

He laughed at that, but it didn't sound mean. "Finn, how are you planning on rebandaging that one handed?"

Good question. "I guess I don't know. My Mom's been helping me."

As soon as I brought Mom up, he got a stupid smile on his face. "Your mother is a wonderful woman." 

Ew, God! Was it possible that he and Mom had- Oh, God, I wasn't even going to finish that thought. If I did, I would probably be traumatized for life. Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew!

_Why do you find that thought so shocking? She's still pretty, and Burt likes her a lot. There hasn't been a man around the house since that asshole Seth, so you know it's been a while. Just think, they could have been doing it at the exact same time their sons were._

That was wrong on too many levels to count. Though, to be fair, I really can't count that high. Numbers have always been confusing for me, especially when you get into the hundreds. I always mix them up, which makes me kinda suck at math. Still, I could feel bile building up in my throat.

Burt's eyes widened. "Finn, you just went white. Sit down and let me get you something to drink."

I was kind of hoping that he would offer me a beer, but no such luck. He just put a Sprite down in front of me. I hated Sprite, it always reminded me of puking, but I wasn't going to do anything that might get me on his bad side, so I drank it, and I did feel a little less dizzy.

Burt had seemed a little suspicious of me at first, so I did my best to look innocent. It was kind of hard, because Quinn always said that every though I had flashed across my face as soon as it formed. Actually, what she said was that every thought that made it's way out of my pea brain showed up on my face, which was why I was never, never going to be allowed to speak to her parents, but that was pretty mean of her, so I just picked up on the nice parts.

After a few minutes of probing questions, during which I was wise enough not to reveal anything that may or may not have happened in the basement last night, he seemed to give up and started talking about sports.

Now this I could get used to! I never have anyone to talk sports with, except Puck, and obviously he's out right now. My Mom tries but she just doesn't get it, not like a guy would. We talked about the chances of McKinley's various teams making the playoffs. None of their chances were any good, but it made for a good debate.

"So, how's that boy of mine doing? He looks so little out there compared to the rest of you."

At least that was something I could answer honestly. "Kurt's doing great! He's a really, really good kicker, and we make sure he doesn't get flattened."

When Mr. Hummel heard that, his eyes just lit up. You could tell how much he loved Kurt, and it actually made me kind of jealous. Would my Dad have gotten that look when he thought about me?

He made a hand gesture at my arm. "Why don't you go get the bandages for your arm and I'll help you get it fixed up?"

"Really?" I wasn't used to people, especially dudes, offering to help me out like this. "Yeah, that would be great."

I was pretty pleased with myself as I went downstairs to get what I needed. See, this was going pretty damn good. Whatever happened between Kurt and I, I didn't want to screw everything up for my Mom. She had been right, she deserved to be happy. Burt Hummel and I were male bonding, which was never a bad thing, right?

Mr. Hummel whistled when he saw my arm. "Ouch."

"Yeah, I know. I'm out for the season, and maybe forever. I have to start physical therapy in a week, and we'll see how it goes from there."

"Just work hard when you get there, no matter how much it hurts." He started wrapping it up, making it about a thousand times neater than I could have made it on my own. "You know, I played football until I hurt my knee."

"Awesome, were you the quarterback?" I knew I sounded like an overexcited little kid, but I couldn't help myself. It was really cool to have a guy's attention all to myself. This was almost as good as having Mr. Shue's attention. Sometimes I even faked trouble with songs or dance steps just so he would pay attention to me.

"No, I was the running back. Blew out my knee in the bottom of a pileup and that was the end of that. I was never that good, but it did get me a scholarship."

That was what I was hoping for, since, let's face it, my grades aren't all that good. Mr. Hummel had been so nice to me so far that I felt like I could confess something to him. "I'm afraid that I screwed up my arm really bad, and I'm not going to be able to play again. Then I'll be screwed when it comes to college."

He chuckled, gently twisting my arm so he could secure the bandage in place. "Yeah, well, a busted arm is a hell of a lot different then a blown knee. You'll be back out there next season, better then ever. Now turn that a little bit, so I can see better. No, the other way. Perfect."

I was about to thank him when Kurt appeared out of nowhere. "What's going on in here?"

To anyone else, he would have sounded just like always, but I know Kurt Hummel. He was pissed off, big time. Mr. Hummel greeted him cheerfully, not seeming to notice the shit storm that was brewing up. I made myself as small as possible, the same way I used to when Seth was still around. "Hey, Kurt."

He barely even looked at me, and I found myself looking over to Mr. Hummel for support. He seemed confused by his son's behavior. "We were waiting on breakfast until you finished up there, but it's almost lunch now. What should I make you boys?"

When Kurt looked over at me, I could see the fury lurking in the back of his eyes. What the hell had I done wrong this time? Well, other then screw around with him last night then ditch him. I think they were waiting for me to say something, but I was so tense that nothing was going to get past my locked up throat. "Whatever Kurt wants. I'm not fussy."

"Finn and I can make ourselves some sandwiches, Dad, there's no need for you to cook." The icy blue eyes were locked on mine, and I suddenly wondered how Karofsky got the courage to pick on Kurt.

I'm pretty sure that Burt still had no idea what exactly had gone wrong between us, but he knew when to cut and run. He stood up and gave me a quick thump on the shoulder, which made me feel good. "Ok, then. I'm going to go to the garage for a while, look over the books. Come on back for the game this weekend, Finn, alright? Kurt, I'll see you for dinner."

Kurt's fingers tightened so much on the table that they turned completely white.

As soon as Mr. Hummel was gone, he lunged to his feet and threw the fridge open so hard that a bottle of something fell out and rolled across the floor. He didn't seem to notice though, and I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to tell him. "What sort of meat do you want?"

This was one of those times when no matter what I tried to say, it was going to be the wrong thing. I recognized the look on his face, considering that it was the same look that Quinn used to give me at least twice a week. "Uh, anything, I guess. Whatever you're having." I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible. There had to be some way for me to fix this.

If anything, I seemed to have pissed him off even worse. "Fine. You're having lean turkey breast on whole wheat. No mayo, it's full of empty calories and cholesterol."

Only Kurt could worry about calories when he was so furious he could barely see straight. Since letting him have his way hadn't worked, I decided to try kissing a little ass. "Um, ok. That sounds good!"

I wanted to ask if he needed help with anything, but I liked having my balls attached to my body, thank you very much. He made the food quickly and smacked it down in front of me so hard that I'm surprised the plate didn't shatter.

My stomach was rolling, but I was afraid to not eat. Plus, taking tiny, measured bites gave me something to do besides stare at Kurt and make him even madder. He seemed to calm down after we ate. "You slept on the couch last night."

Oh, so this was what it was all about. Maybe if I explained myself well enough, made him see that none of this was his fault and I was sorry for what I had done, he would stop being so mad. "Oh, yeah, about that. I actually did stay with you for a while, but my arm started hurting really bad, and I got really restless. I didn't want to bother you, so I took some pills and laid down on the couch. I guess I fell asleep there." There, that was the truth and I hadn't made it sound like anyone's fault.

He gave me a cautious smile. "You could have woken me up, you know. I would have sat up with you until you felt better."

I had to laugh at the sweet way he worried about me. God, he was cute. No, no he wasn't! I had to stop thinking things like that about him, it was only going to make it harder on both of us. "Kurt, I all but carried you to bed last night because you were passed out. I couldn't have woken you up if I tried."

His cheeks turned red, which was a really flattering color on him. "Oh, sorry."

"It's alright. After all, we all know what a stud I am." Now that his mood seemed to be improving, I wanted to make him laugh. He grinned at me, and my throat loosened enough so that I could finish my food.

I wanted to just let things go right there, but that wasn't fair to either of us. We needed to clear the air, otherwise we were going to go right back to him checking me out when he thought I wasn't looking, and me trying to find creative ways of ignoring it. I took a deep breath and started. "Listen, Kurt, about last night…."

He cut me off. "It was a mistake, I get it."

Oh, thank God. He understood how badly I had screwed up, and didn't seem angry about it at all. Maybe we could get out of this intact after all. "You think so?"

"Yes." He sounded so miserable that I had to look at him again. Maybe we weren't quite understanding each other. "You were taking pills, and we're only sixteen, and things happen. It doesn't have to be a big deal. We can just pretend it never happened."

I wasn't sure if I wanted that. I mean, yeah, maybe I shouldn't have done it, but there had been something there when I touched Kurt, something that went beyond just fooling around. I gave it one last try. "It's not you, ok? I think you're really great. It's just…it's me, alright?"

"I said its fine." He sounded perfectly happy now, so I guess we got it all sorted out. Thank God, because I hated having people mad at me, especially people I cared about.

My mind was already moving on to other topics. "Cool. So, what's the plan for today? Unless, you know, you have plans or something. I can have my mom come get me if you do." Hopefully, I could. Now that I thought about it, she might be working today.

"Actually, I'm supposed to meet Mercedes at 1. I can give you a ride though."

Kurt is good at a lot of things, but he's not a very good liar. He hadn't had plans with Mercedes until about 10 seconds ago. But it was cool. If he needed a little space, I got that. Time to pack up and move out. "Sure, let me get my stuff together. Hey, do you think your dad would want to watch the game tonight, or he'll be too busy at the garage?" It would be a lot of fun to watch the game with someone who actually wanted to be there, as opposed to Mom, who just got roped into it. "That would be pretty cool. My mom's too much of a chick to watch with me.

That was about when the shit hit the fan, big time. Kurt absolutely lost it. "No, he doesn't want to watch the game with you! If he's going to watch the game, he's going to watch the game with me!" He had gone from calm to screaming in just a few seconds.

I wasn't quite sure why that was the wrong thing to say, but I backpedaled in a hurry. "Chill, dude, it's not that big of a deal. I didn't even think you liked sports games."

It didn't work. Angry Kurt was much, much, worse than angry Quinn. Shit, he was almost as bad as angry Seth. "Yes it is! He's my dad, and just because you don't have one of your own, doesn't mean you can have him!"

Oh, so that was the issue. Kurt was worried that his Dad liked me better then he liked him. I could have told him how stupid that was, that if he could see the way his father looked when he talked about him, he would never think he was unloved again, but I didn't. There are times when you just don't want to hear the truth. So I held my hands up in surrender, just like Kurt was holding a paintball gun on me. "Alright! Kurt, you need to calm down. Ok? I don't want to take your dad. I have a dad, even though he's dead."

I took a couple of steps towards him, just to let him know I wasn't going to be pushed around. I had let Quinn do it, and I had let Puck do it, and now they had each other and a baby and I had nothing.

_You have Kurt. At least you did before you fucked everything up_.

I chose to ignore that comment. Kurt had frozen, his anger disappearing as fast as it came, but I wasn't stupid enough to think that it was gone forever. No, it was still there, like one of those volcano gods that was ready to spit fire at a moment's notice. I walked up to him, but didn't touch him, even though every thought I had was telling me to gently lift his chin up and talk about this until we were exhausted. "Is this about your dad, or about what happened last night?"

He actually thought about it for a few seconds, which I respected. Then he said the one thing that made me sure that we would be ok. "I'm just tired, Finn, and so are you. This…this just isn't the right time."

See, he got it. It wasn't that I regretted what had happened, or that I was disgusted by him. At any other time in my life, I would have been perfectly happy to at least explore what was happening between us. But right now, any sort of new relationship was just too much. "Right! It's not the right time right now, but that doesn't mean that it will never be. See, we're on the same page after all!"

When Kurt smiled at me, I thought we had it all worked out. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

I didn't want him to think I was mad, so I smiled back. "I'm sorry I made you mad. Really, Kurt, I'm not trying to take your dad away, I promise." I wouldn't have minded watching the game with him, but not if it was going to make Kurt unhappy.

"I know that." His hand lightly ran down my back, which wasn't doing much for keeping my libido quiet. "I don't know why I got so pissed off with you. So, how about we pretend that nothing after Mercedes and Tina left last night ever happened? Ok? Just friends?"

It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but I would rather have a friendship then nothing at all. "Yeah, of course. Friends, right?" Suddenly, I wanted to get out of here before anything else went wrong. "Cool. I'll get my stuff, and get out of your hair."

I stuffed my clothes back into my duffel, refusing to look at the white couch that had been the start of all of my problems. It took seconds to get everything ready and I went upstairs without looking back.

Kurt was spinning the keys in his fingers when I got back. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah." We were both quiet on the ride to my house. He looked tired, his eyes circled and his face pale, and I was afraid of saying the wrong thing and ending up with him screaming at me the entire way to my house. I found cars a little claustrophobic (at least that's the word my doctor used) anyway sometimes, and the thought of being stuck in one while someone yelled was even worse.

Once we were at the house, though, I couldn't help but try and apologize one more time. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I really, really didn't want it to be this way." I had wanted his first time to be perfect, with someone who wasn't too fucked up to care about him totally.

He gave me a fake smile. I could tell it was fake, because he didn't get those little wrinkles around his eyes like he did when he really smiled. "I know. Do you want a ride to school tomorrow?"

Maybe things could be alright between us after all. "That would be great." I wanted to say more, to explain everything and make it alright, but I couldn't find the words. Maybe Quinn was right. Maybe I really was that stupid. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Alright, Cowboy, I'll see you."

This was the second or third time he had called me that, but why? Don't get me wrong, I liked it, it was just that-

"Finn." Someone touched my face, and I startled back. Mom was standing there, looking worried. "Finn, it's four in the afternoon and you're curled up asleep. Are you feeling alright?"

I looked around, confused about where I was and what was happening. Mom put her hand on my forehead. "You're not running a fever. Baby what's wrong? Did something happen over at Kurt's?"

"Ummm…" I wanted to tell her so badly, but I had no idea where to start. "I…" 

She sat on the arm of the chair and wrapped her arms around me, just like had had done when I was a little kid. I laid my head down on her shoulder and sighed, feeling one hand brush my hair back. "Tell your mother."

As soon as she said that, I started to cry. Not just a little manly sniffle either, flat out sobs that made my chest ache and my nose run. I blabbed everything to her. Quinn, Puck, Drizzle, Kurt, it all came out in a broken rush. I don't even think she could understand half of what I was saying, between my crying and the fact that I couldn't seem to put any of the events in order. Was I upset because Puck had fooled around with Kurt and I had gotten Quinn pregnant? Maybe Puck had gotten Quinn pregnant and I was the one who fooled around with Kurt. Or was it that Quinn had fooled around with Kurt and Puck was the idiot that got pregnant? I didn't know any more, only that everything had run together in one huge fucking mess.

She just let me babble on though, until I had the hiccups and I had worn myself out completely. "I messed everything up Mom, I'm so sorry."

I have to give my mom credit. She didn't either assume I had been possessed or that I needed a stay in the nuthouse, both of which seemed like pretty logical choices to me. She just rubbed my back and made those feel-better Mom noises until I could get myself back under control. Finally, we both just sat there, me sniffling a little and feeling kind of sick, the way you always do after you cry really hard.

"Alright, are you calm?" Mom was taking control of the situation, which is really what I had wanted all along. She would fix things for me, she always did. I nodded. "Now tell me the story again, but slowly and right this time. I'm almost certain that Puck isn't pregnant, and Quinn is, but how does Kurt fit into all this?"

So I explained the entire situation again, starting with my Baby Drizzle and everything I had gone through for her. "Like, I tried to get a job and everything, and Rachael got me in at the restaurant, but I had to pretend to be a wheelchair and I got caught, so I got fired there. I lasted two weeks though, and made almost $800, since everyone felt bad because I was, you know, all crippled and stuff and they gave me really good tips. I gave it to Quinn for the baby, but I don't know where it is now."

She was making the same face that she made a few years ago, back when Puck and I had decided to put her make-up on each other, just to see what we would look like as girls (hint? We would have been ugly chicks). It was a look that said she didn't know if she should horrified or just start laughing. "You pretended to be in a wheelchair just so you could get a job? Finn!"

Honestly, I didn't get why she was so upset. "Well, I had to. We needed money for the ultrasound, and how else were we going to get it? You always tell me to act like a man, and a man takes care of his baby."

There was a long silence while we both thought things over. "Alright, so you got Quinn pregnant. How long did you plan on hiding this from me? Baby, I thought we could tell each other anything."

See, the reason I didn't want to tell her was because of the sad face she was making right now. If I hadn't already cried myself into exhaustion, I would have started up again right there. "I didn't want to make you sad."

Now there were tears in her eyes, and I felt worse then ever. Was there any relationship I had that I wasn't going to fuck up? "Finn, I know you think you have to act like the man, but you're only 16 years old. You still need to be bringing your problems to me, because I'm the adult in this relationship. Yes, it makes me sad, but mostly because I thought you trusted me with all your secrets, and apparently you don't."

"I do. It's just that…" Well, honestly, it was just that Quinn was so upset at the thought of me telling anyone, including Mom. "She didn't want to keep her, so I thought, you know, everyone would be happy in the end. Drizzle would get a really good home, and the Fabray's wouldn't burn Quinn at the stake, and you wouldn't have to worry about me."

She sighed, deep down, like Kurt does when he's being dramatic. It's the sort of sigh that isn't for you, it's to prove a point to the person you're talking to.

_Don't think about Kurt._

"Let's talk about that part later, alright? So, explain Quinn and Puck." She was making that face again, the one that said she already knew the truth, but wanted to hear me say it out loud.

"They had sex." Normally, the word would have never left my lips, not in front of Mom, but I was too tired to care. "He says it was just once, but that was more times then I did it with her, so the baby is his, not mine." Even now, three days later, I could barely get the words out. I had loved Drizzle so much, still did, and that hadn't stopped just because Quinn was a liar.

"Oh, Finn." Her voice was so full of pity that it hurt.

"Anyway, so I broke up with Quinn, and I punched Puck in the face a few times, and now here we are. I'm sorry I screwed it all up and didn't tell you."

I thought it had been a pretty good fakeout, but Mom's too smart for me. "Now tell me how Kurt got into the middle of this mess."

This was my chance to tell her everything, but I was too afraid. I just stuttered and stammered, my face turning red.

Mom took pity on me. "Finn, I want you to be honest with me. Are you in love with Kurt Hummel?"

Why did everyone have to bring love into it? How could I know if I was in love with Kurt, when I had really been hanging out with him for less then a week? He was funny and great and had a really cute smile, but love? Not yet. "No." My voice trembled and cracked.

"Alright, let's try something else. Did something happen between the two of you? And don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

Please God, don't let the word 'sex' come out of her mouth. My jaw started to tremble as well, and I nodded my head. "Yes. Do you hate me now?" My entire body was shaking. If she hated me, I wouldn't be able to take it.

"Of course not! Didn't I tell you that the other day? I will always love you, no matter what. You should never be ashamed to tell me things."

I remembered that, kind of. But I had thought…"Oh, was that what we were talking about? I thought we were talking about Mr. Hummel, not Kurt! No, we weren't doing anything then."

She gave me that smile, the one that said she thought I was being stupid, but she loved me anyway. I think the word is 'indulgent', but I'm not quite sure. Indulgent might be about dessert. "So, these feelings for Kurt, the ones that led to…whatever happened, they just sprung up out of nowhere? Or do you have any feelings for him? Was it just a physical thing?" 

Could I just die now? Mom and I had never, ever, talked about anything like this before. But she was the only person I could talk to, and God knew I wasn't dong a very good job on my own. I stared down at my hands, remembering just what they had done last night. Then I remembered running them down Kurt's back, feeling each tiny bump. "Yeah, I have feelings for him. But it's not right."

"Finn! I raised you better then that. It's never wrong to love someone, male or female."

"I know. But it's wrong for me to like Kurt." I needed for her to understand this. Because if she was my Mom, and she didn't understand, how could I make Kurt understand?

"Is it because I'm dating Burt? Because I've only been out with him once, and you and Kurt aren't actually related."

I actually hadn't thought about that at all. "No, it's not that. It's just that he deserves more. I'm…I'm kind of fu-I mean messed up from Quinn, and he doesn't need that. He needs someone who can focus on just him."

She sighed. "Did you tell him that?"

Why was I starting to think that I had screwed up? "Yes."

"And how did he take it?" 

"He told me that it had been a mistake and he knew it." That part still kind of hurt to say out loud. "He said we could pretend that it didn't happen, so I guess he didn't think it was that great." 

Mom rubbed her eyes. "What did you say to him first, before he said any of that?" 

My own mother was going to blame me, just like everyone else. "It's not my fault!"

"Finn, don't yell. I'm not saying it was your fault. However, you and I both know that sometimes you think you're clear when you aren't."

I guessed that that was true. "I didn't say anything to him. I just said that he and I should talk about what happened. Then he said it had been a mistake."

She stroked my shoulder again. "Do you want to be with him?"

"Maybe. Not right now." My eyes were heavy and I wanted to go back to sleep.

"Finn, I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone before. When I first met your father, I was getting over a bad break-up. Christopher was, oh Finn, he was so charming. He would come over and spend time with me, even when no one else would." She smiled, lost in the memories.

_Are you listening to her, Finn? Your dad came over when no one else did and kept her company. Does that sound familiar to you? Even a little bit?_

I wasn't that stupid. I was Mom in this story and Kurt was Dad. Jeez, I got it.

"He wanted to be with me, but I kept telling him no. I wanted to wait, I wanted to be ready, I wanted to wait a little bit longer, I just wanted to be friends. No matter what he tried, I had a smart reply when the truth was that I was too afraid to open my heart again."

"What happened?" This was exactly what I had wanted: someone else to tell me what to do.

"He found someone else." My head snapped up at that thought. Kurt might not want to be with me, but would he really get with someone else?

_No, he's just going to wait around forever. God, you are so fucking stupid! You turned him down, so why should he stick around?_

Sometimes I wished that I could get rid of the Quinn voice as easily as I had gotten rid of Quinn herself. "What happened then?" 

"I realized what a fool I had been. But at that point it was too late, and I had no one to blame but myself. I just had to wait until things broke off between them naturally, which eventually they did, thank God. Now, I'm not saying rush into something you aren't ready for, but keep your eyes open. If you don't, you might miss something wonderful. Also, talk to Kurt. Make sure he doesn't feel like this is his fault."

Why would he feel like that? I was the one who had pushed, and the one who had panicked and bolted in the morning. "Ok. I love you, Mom."

She kissed my forehead. "I love you too, baby. Are you hungry?" At my nod, she continued. "How about we order a pizza, and you go to bed a little early. Remember you have school tomorrow, and I'm not going to believe that you're sick."

"Ok." Her words about Kurt thinking that this was his fault were kind of haunting me, so I pulled out my cell phone as soon as she was gone. It rang so many times that I didn't think I was going to make the connection, but I finally heard Kurt's voice pick up. "Hello, Finn Hudson." No 'Cowboy', I noticed. Not this time. "What can I do for you?"

I took a deep breath, my heart thumping in my chest. "I think that maybe I screwed things up. Can you come over a little early tomorrow so we can talk? Please?"

He was quiet for 28 heartbeats, though I don't think it was that long since my heart was beating so hard. Finally he answered. "Ok, Finn. I'll see you at 6:30."

Score! Now I just had to figure out how to fix things. Something told me that it would be harder than it sounded.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So, we've gone from wanting to kick Finn's ass to wanting to kick Kurt's ass. Personally, I think they could both use a good kicking at the moment. Thank you for all the reviews and alerts!**

Kurt POV

Once I finished with my little tantrum in the parking lot, I just sat there, drained and tired. I know full well that making mistakes and getting my heart broken is a natural part of life, but somehow I had never actually believed that it would happen to me. At least not with Finn.

_Go to Mercedes. She won't care if you're a little early, and she'll help you sort all of this out. Do something, because you look like Hell._

Oh, now she had some good advice? Wasn't Galinda the one who had told me to kiss Finn in the first place? That if I didn't do it right then I was going to lose him forever? Well, guess what? I listened to her and lost him anyway.

_Oh, no, Kurt, don't blame your mess on me. I told you to give him a little kiss. I did_ not_ tell you to jerk him off in your basement. Actually, I believe I told you several times to take it very slow with him. Face it, Sweetness, you have only yourself to blame._

The fact that she was right made me take a shaky breath. I could have stopped what had happened at any time, and I hadn't. Finn would have understood, I'm sure of it. He's kind of dumb, but he understands boundaries, and I when I had asked him to stop so I could take my shirt off, he had done so immediately. He hadn't been happy about it, but he had stopped.

I took a deep breath and found my cell, which I had thankfully remembered this morning. The number was as familiar as my own, as was the voice that answered. "What's up, Baby?"

"Can I come over right now?" My voice was subdued.

"Uh-oh. Of course you can come over. Do I need to haul out the ice cream?" 

I knew just how bad things were with the next words that came out of my mouth. "Get the real stuff, not the fat free. Do you have any whipped cream?"

She sighed heavily. "Do I need to kill Finn Hudson?" 

"No. Listen, I'll explain everything when I get there."

"Alright." She definitely wasn't happy, but she accepted that she would find out in a few minutes. "You drive safely, ok? Don't get your cute ass in a wreck just because you're upset."

"I know." I had a brief debate about whether or not to go back to the house and clean myself up a bit, but decided I really didn't care. So what if my eyes were red and I was having trouble breathing through my stuffed up nose? No one was going to see me that way except for Mercedes, and I was pretty sure I was going to start crying again when I got to her place anyway.

Luckily, she was waiting in the driveway for me, ready to give me a hug. Sometimes I wonder how I made it almost sixteen years without having Mercedes in my life. Galinda was right; she would fix this for me.

Mercedes sent me on up to her bedroom while she made us sundaes. I sat mutely on the bed, trying to figure out what to tell her and how.

"Why are you crying?" The voice was small and easily tracked to the doorway, where Mercedes little sister, Victoria, was standing. She was a cute little girl, with her hair in those fancy cornrows that sometimes made me wish I really was Mercedes' brother, just so I could pull the look off.

"Am I crying?" I hadn't realized that I had started up again.

"Yep." She came into the room with far too much seriousness for a six year old. "Did your Prince Charming leave on his white horse? That made Cinderella sad."

Apparently I was so gay that even a small child could figure it out. Was there _anyone_ left in Lima who didn't know? But I didn't have it in me to be rude to a little kid, so I wiped my eyes and smiled at her. "Something like that."

Her skinny little arms wrapped around my neck. "Don't worry, he'll come back. He did for Cinderella, then they got married and it was perfect. I'm going to be Cinderella some day."

I cleared my throat. "I hope that you are. I hope that Prince Charming makes you very happy, and you have a beautifully designed wedding dress, and that you don't make your bridesmaids wear those horrible butt-bow on their dresses."

She giggled. "You're silly."

"Tori, leave Kurt alone. I made you a little bowl of ice cream, but you need to eat it downstairs."

The whining began. "Why can't I stay here? Kurt's my friend, too!"

She really was cute, and alright for a little kid. My father always said that he and Mom wanted at least three kids, but she had gotten sick and I had ended up being his only child. He was quick to reassure me that I was a perfect son, but I'm pretty sure he still wonders what else he could have had. 

Mercedes pointed at the door. "You can't stay here because you make a mess when you get ice cream. Plus, Kurt and I are going to talk about kissing." She shot me a sideways look and muttered. "And that better be _all_ we have to talk about."

_She's going to flip out when she finds out about what you and Finn did, Kurty-boy. Or maybe she'll like it._

"Ewwww! You kissed someone?" Her mouth gaped in horror, showing me the gaps where her front teeth were missing. "Why?"

_Because I'm a moron_. I didn't say that though. There would be enough time for Tori to learn the truth about the world. "Don't you plan on kissing Prince Charming when you find him?"

"No! Kissing is gross. I'm just going to marry him and live in a castle and get a horse." She shook her head in a cascade of little barrettes. "Maybe _you_ can kiss him."

"Tori, leave! Kurt needs to practice keeping his lips to himself right now."

With a dramatic sigh, the little girl left. Mercedes sighed. "That kid drives me crazy sometimes."

"I wish I had a brother or sister. I'd even put up with a little one like her." I was trying to get Mercedes off topic, something that rarely actually worked.

It didn't work this time either. "Uh-huh, so lets talk about your almost stepbrother Finn. What happened last night that was so bad you have to eat ice cream and cry to me rather then hang out with him?" Her chocolate eyes narrowed. "Kurt, did he hurt you?" 

"What? No." He did kind of break my heart, but I knew that wasn't what she meant.

"Did he try and make you do something you didn't want to? Because I don't care how damn big he is, no one picks on my boy and leaves with his balls intact."

I had no doubt that she was capable of following through with that threat. "No, he didn't push me. Actually, I think I pushed him and that was the problem."

"Oh, boy. Alright, tell me about what happened."

I started with kissing him, how he had put his arms around me and let me set the pace for things. Mercedes chuckled a little at my gushing tone. "So, was it everything you thought it would be when you were practicing on yourself?" 

Honestly, it had been more. There had been an electricity that had shot through my body, something I had never felt before. Mercedes slapped me on the shoulder. "It was, wasn't it? I can tell by the look on your face."

I leaned back against her, feeling a smile spread over my face. "Mercedes, it was. It was everything the movies make you think it should be, only better, because it was Finn."

She touched my cheek. "So, what happened then?"

That sobered me instantly, and my face burned. Mercedes was my best friend in the entire world, but I just couldn't tell her what else had happened. It was too personal.

"You slept with him, didn't you? Kurt Hummel, you dirty little slut! Was he good in bed?" 

Apparently I was the only one who found it embarrassing. Mercedes herself was dying for details. "I don't know… I mean we didn't…You know what, if you're going to enjoy this so much, I can just go home."

She put an arm around me. "Come on, Kurt, I'm just trying make you smile a little. You came in here looking like someone had burned all of your clothes. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

It was a classic ploy to get someone to tell you something. If you act like you don't care, people will fall all over themselves to talk. Unfortunately, it worked as well on me as it did on all of the other people I had tried it on. "I didn't sleep with him. There may have been a little…uh, hand action." I'm sure at this point my face was clashing with my maroon Marc Jacobs sweater.

"Damn, Kurt. You actually got Finn Hudson after all this time. Him or you?"

"What?"

She gave me another sassy smile. "The 'hand action'." She made a gesture that left no doubt that she understood exactly what I had meant by the term. "Did you get it, or did he?" 

"Both." Her easy acceptance made it a little easier for me to talk. "It was….God, Mercedes, it was unbelievable. Afterwards we fell asleep together and it was perfect."

"But I'm guessing not so much this morning? Did he freak out?" Her tone told me that she thought he had.

Now I had come to the part of the story that painted me in a less then flattering light. "No, he didn't. I did." 

The words unlocked something in me, and I quickly went over what had happened, from my waking up alone to the blow out over my father to our awkward conversation outside of his house. I didn't cry any more, but only because I was too worn out to do so. Rather then vent my pain that way, I turned it inward and devoured not only my ice cream, but a good portion of Mercedes' as well. Wisely, she didn't say anything about it.

Finally the word vomit ceased, and I was left staring at her, empty eyed and licking the last of the whipped cream off of my lips. "Am I a terrible person?"

"Of course not. A little crazy, and you think about things too much, but you aren't a terrible person. Ok, let's try and get this sorted out. What did Finn say, word for word, and how did he say it?"

It was easy to answer, because the words were seared into my brain. "Well, I asked him why he had gotten up to sleep on the couch, and he said it was because he was restless and his arm was hurting. He said he didn't want to wake me up."

She nodded. "Alright, that makes sense. Was he all defensive about it?"

"Uh, kind of. But I had just totally gotten pissed with him for no reason, so he might have been defensive about that."

She stared me down. "Really? You got pissed for no reason at all?" Her voice told me that she didn't buy it for one second.

One of Mercedes more charming and irritating traits was that she wasn't afraid to call me on my bullshit. I spun my spoon restlessly in the bowl, feeling a little sick from all the sugar and possibly some shame. "I got out of the shower, and he and my Dad were talking football. I've never seen my father so excited. He was fucking touching Finn! He never touches me like that." My voice cracked a little.

Her eyebrow quirked. "And this was Finn's fault?"

"No." It hurt to even admit it to myself. Finn was like a big puppy, and would respond to anyone who was at all affectionate towards him, and even those who weren't. Quinn Fabray being a good example of that.

"Kurt, I'm going to tell you something. I know you don't mean it like this, but you can be very…." She stopped there, clearly looking for a word that wasn't offensive. "Fierce. You just get this look, like anyone who fucks with you is going to leave without one of their hands. Your father sees that too, and he may think that you don't _want_ him to touch you."

There was a certain amount of truth to her words. I knew the look she was talking about. But what she didn't understand was that I _had_ to use that look. If I didn't give off an air of nonchalance and barely contained aggression, I would be dead by now. Those jocks would have been on me like piranhas on blood.

When I did show some vulnerability, though, my father was more willing to hug me. Like when I had confessed that I was gay, or at the hospital when I had been too scared to keep up the façade. Maybe I didn't actually scare my father, but it was certainly easier on both of us to pretend that I neither wanted nor needed his affection. It was an interesting theory, and one that I would have to think about later. But for now, Finn.

The steady arm tightened around me and I leaned into her. "But back to Finn. Did you guys talk about what happened?"

"Sort of. He seemed ok with it at first. He was kind of joking about being a stud and all that. Then he said that it had all been a mistake-" I stopped there, because something had become suddenly clear. _Finn_ hadn't said that it was a mistake, I had. Actually, now that I thought about it, Finn hadn't said anything that meant he didn't want me. Had I really misinterpreted things that badly?

Mercedes tapped my shoulder. "Kurt, what is it?"

"I was the one who said it was a mistake. Finn might not have felt that way."

Her hand came up to cuff me in the side of the head, messing up my hair. "So, you screwed around with Finn, which we both agreed you wanted, then told him the next day that it was a mistake? Ouch, Kurt, how would you have felt if he said that to you?"

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" Even though everything she was saying was the truth, it still hurt to hear.

She snorted. "I am on your side, Baby Boy. But part of being on your side is telling you when you act like a jackass, and this is one of those times. Why in the hell would you think you made a mistake with Finn after you tried so hard to get him?"

I snuggled closer, just so I wouldn't have to look at her when I confessed the truth. "Because I took advantage of him. I knew how upset he was about everything that happened, and I didn't care. It was wrong."

"You think too much. Did you give him a chance to say no?"

Several times. He could have said no when I kissed him, could have refused to go downstairs with me, and could have backed away when I stopped us so I could take my shirt off. I had even asked before I had touched him. "Yes, he had chances."

"And I'm guessing he didn't say no?" 

"He didn't."

"So, why did you think you took advantage of him? What specifically made you feel like he was pushed into something he didn't want to do?"

There was no way to answer that, because there wasn't anything that I could point to. I had assumed that I knew what Finn was going to say to me, and cut him off before he could get the words out. "Nothing. I thought he was going to say it, and I was afraid."

"So you know what to do then, right? Apologize to your boy, then see where to go from there."

Since I had already told her most of it, I might as well confess to the rest. "It might not be that easy."

"Oh, Jesus, Kurt, what did you do? And don't pretend it wasn't you, either, because I'm only seeing one person acting like a moron here, and, for once, it's not Finn."

"I was really, really mean to him about Dad. I mean, deliberately scared him and acted like a raving lunatic. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want to talk to me right now." 

Mercedes gave a long suffering sigh. "Let me guess, you started screaming at him?" The entire Glee club, with the possible exception of Rachael and Quinn, knew how Finn felt about being yelled at. Actually, I think Quinn knew how upset it made him, she just didn't care.

"That wouldn't be incorrect." Now that I was out of the heat of the moment, I was totally ashamed of my behavior. Just because I was hurting, there was no reason to take it out on Finn, who really hadn't done anything wrong.

"I'm guessing you already know how wrong that was, I so I'm not going to make a big deal out of it, but Kurt, you need to get over yourself, alright?"

The truth hurt, but she was right. "I know."

"Give things a little while to settle, then give him a call, alright? Explain that you were an idiot, and you know it, and you want to talk things out. _Talk_, Kurt, not fool around, got it? That's how you got yourself into this mess"

"Got it."

"You better. Now, come over here and get a hug." Her wide smile told me that she still loved me, even though it was really my fault that things had gotten screwed up. I leaned into her embrace. "I love you Mercedes."

"I love you, too. Now that you've pulled your head out of your ass, let's do mani/pedi's and watch a movie. We have to get you looking good for your boy, right?" 

Only Finn wasn't my boy, and might never be again. "Alright."

Tori had commandeered the only television, but I was able to talk her into letting Mercedes and I use it by promising we would do her nails also. Her doe-like eyes narrowed. "Can mine be red?"

I sat on the floor next to her. "Sure."

"Can they be pink?" 

"Sure." 

"Can they be like a rainbow?" 

"If we have that many colors." I could only imagine the looks I would get if I showed up with my nails painted in rainbows, but I supposed it would be cute on a little girl.

She hugged me for the second time today. "Yay! Ok, you and Mercedes can have the TV. I'm going to go potty then come back and get pretty like you two."

Her tiny feet pattered on up the stairs. Mercedes pulled out the nail kit and smiled at me. "You're really, really good with her."

I really liked kids. Sure, they were noisy and wild and pretty much walking germ factories, but they were cute, too. "She's a very sweet little girl."

"Do you want one of your own? Someday I mean, not right now like Quinn."

I had thought about it before, but I wasn't really sure. I mean, I really loved the thought of having someone to love me, and depend on me, and make me feel good when I didn't, but kids were such a responsibility. I knew I wouldn't be able to do it on my own, so I would need a partner to help. Then what if something happened to one of us? It would scar the kids forever, just like it had scarred Finn and I. "I don't know. I'd need a partner first."

_Hmm…I wonder if Finn likes kids?  
_

"You'll get one. When you aren't acting like an idiot, you have a lot of good qualities. You just need to stop worrying so much. If you would let go and just trust in other people's good intentions, you would have an easier time. Now, do you think you can do tips for me?" She extended her hands.

"I can try." After all, how hard could it be?

Tori came back down and perched in her sister's lap fingers extended. "I'm ready. Like a rainbow please."

So I painted her nails, holding her tiny, fragile little hands in my own to steady them. She babbled on, telling me everything about nothing, and that was a little like Finn, too.

Once I had turned her into a rainbow princess, I started on Mercedes. Thankfully, she refused my offer of rainbows, instead opting for the classic (and classy) French manicure.

We didn't talk much, because we didn't need to. She had told me exactly what I needed to hear, even if it wasn't necessarily what I _wanted _to. Anything beyond that was superfluous. Plus, Tori was still hanging on our every word, and I didn't want to reveal anything that would traumatize her for life.

Once her manicure was complete, Mercedes painted my nails clear, putting oil on to keep the cuticles hydrated. "What movie do you want to watch?"

"Shrek!" Tori was still hopeful about being included. Mercedes gave her an indulgent sigh. "Kurt, is that fine with you?" 

Honestly, I didn't care. I was tired, and wanted nothing more than to lie down and nap. "Sure."

Once she got the movie started, Mercedes sat down on the couch and I laid my head down in her lap. One hand (with perfectly manicured nails, I could always fall back on a career in that if nothing else worked out for me) brushed through my hair. She was messing it up, and it would undoubtedly be a mess of cowlicks and static by the time I stood up, but it felt so good that it was completely worth it. She lightly touched my cheek. "You sleep now for a little bit, alright Baby? Things will look better when you wake up, they always do."

They certainly couldn't look much worse. My eyes grew heavy, and I was asleep even before Shrek and Donkey made it across the bridge. I dreamed a little, snippets that confused Finn and Shrek and the Donkey and I, but mostly I just slept the heavy sleep of someone who's completely exhausted, mentally and physically.

I was woken up by a vibration against my hip and a loud rendition of "Single Ladies". What the hell? I sat up, dislodging a My Little Pony blanket as I did so. The song continued, but I still couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

"Kurt, phone." Mercedes was laughing a little, but it didn't really penetrate my sleep fogged brain.

I dug my cell out of my pocket and looked at the caller ID. Finn. Great. Still, I wasn't going to let him see that he had made me nervous, so I forced myself to be perky. "Hello, Finn Hudson. What can I do for you?"

Galinda had plenty of suggestions for what Finn and I could do together, but I pushed them all aside. Please, God, don't let Finn be angry with me, even though he had every right to be. I could explain everything, if he would give me a chance.

Finn must have been worried, too, because his voice was tense through the static. "I think that maybe I screwed things up. Can you come over a little early tomorrow so we can talk? Please?"

I had no idea why he would think that he was the one who had screwed anything up. I puzzled over it for a few seconds, before realizing that Finn was still there and waiting for an answer. "Ok, Finn. I'll see you at 6:30." That would give us plenty of time to talk and still make it to school on time.

His voice was noticeably lighter when he told me he would see me there and hung up. Mercedes gave me a knowing smile. "So, he wants to kiss and make up, huh? See, you didn't mess everything up, and you are not a bad person. Now just be honest with him, and it will all work out."

Alright, I could do this. Right? All I had to do was meet Finn and talk it out. I even had an entire day to think about it. There was no reason to be nervous; I just had to tell him how I felt. It would be good, right? Right.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait for this chapter! I have no internet at home, and my library closes for the entire week and a half of Christmas/New Years. Hopefully it was worth the wait!**

Kurt POV

By the time Monday morning rolled around, I was so stressed out that I was nearly sick. Finn hadn't sounded angry on the phone, but how could he not be upset? Maybe he was just saving his anger for when we were face to face. But that didn't make sense either. Finn might have a nasty temper on him sometimes, but he seemed virtually incapable of hanging on to his anger. His temper flared, he blew up, and then he was better almost immediately. Plus, Puck's face notwithstanding, he wasn't violent, thank God. I don't know what I would do if Frankenteen actually took a swing at me. Bruises are not a good look on me, and he might ruin my clothing besides.

Dad was already gone, so I made myself some cereal that I didn't really want to eat, but would anyway because of the fiber, and got ready to leave. I was already jittery, but Finn liked coffee, didn't he? Maybe I should pick some up.

In the end I didn't, figuring that the fewer hot things that could be thrown around, the better. If he wanted some, we could stop on the way to school. Plus, my hands were already shaking against the wheel.

The Hudson's house was lit up when I got there, and I could clearly see both Finn and Carol moving around in there. It was only 6:15, which left me with the choice of either sitting in my baby and getting more and more nervous, or getting out and risking Finn saying something in front of Carol.

_Oh, please, like he hasn't blabbed to her already. Face it, Finn is a total Mama's boy, something you should know all about. After all, you used to be a Mama's boy once too, didn't you?  
_

Finn wouldn't have dared, would he? I thought hard, and realized that I wasn't sure. The relationship between a teenage boy and his mother was a nebulous concept to me at best, and a mystery at worst. Furthermore, Finn was unusually close to Carol, and might reveal what other boys would keep secret.

I killed the engine in a single, nervous, twist of the key. No matter what I was actually feeling, I could be strong. With that thought in mind, I walked up to the front door, my jaw set. There was no doorbell, so I tapped on the door itself.

Carol answered immediately. "Hello, Kurt, why don't you come in? Finn's just finishing up getting ready." Her hand was light on my back as she guided me inside. "It's freezing out there. Do you want something to eat?"

"No, thank you, I ate at home." I searched her face for any hint of disgust, but found none. That was good, right? Carol was a really nice lady, and I liked her a lot, but I had violated her son, and that wasn't something a mother forgave.

_Maybe she doesn't care. Your father didn't_.

He would when he found out, though. It was one thing to accept that I might like boys, and he had admitted that he had trouble with even that, but to actually have a boy show up at the house, wanting to take me on a date? Yeah, he was going to flip out. Especially since he had specifically told me that I should leave Finn alone.

_Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you? Don't you think you should make sure Finn isn't about to break your face before you start planning your dates?_

Oh. Yeah, that would probably be for the best. My thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of Finn thundering down the stairs. He gave me a quick, anxious half smile, then kissed Carol on the cheek. "Bye, Mom. I love you." 

"I love you, too, Sweetheart. Remember, you have my work number if you need me to come get you, alright?"

"Yes." He rolled his eyes in a long suffering gesture that had me absolutely fascinated. If my mother had been saying those things to me, I wouldn't have rolled my eyes. I would have been down on my knees thanking her for caring so much.

_No, you wouldn't have. You would be rolling your eyes, just like Finn, and you would probably be flipping your hair, too. You just think you'd be better because you know what it's like not to have a mom. If you had one, you would take her for granted, just like Finn does._

It was an interesting thought, but I didn't get much time to dwell on it, because Finn was already at the door, making gestures that told me he wanted to leave. I'm pretty sure he thought they were subtle, but Finn as a rule is about as subtle as Rachael Berry's miniskirts. Still, there was something charming about it, so I gave in to him. "Bye, Carol." 

She smiled gently at us both. "Goodbye, Kurt. You have a good day, too, alright?" 

"Alright." I was never really sure how to respond to Carol. Was it ok for me to like her? I really, really wanted to, but wasn't it sort of rude to replace my own mother like that? Or was it alright, as long as I didn't actually call her 'mom'? 

It was chilly out, and still dark, but I could see Finn's breath fogging in the glow from the porch light. He could too, because he blew out heavy, joyful puffs of air, smiling goofily. I could feel my own lips stretch into a smile as well, just from watching his play. Finn wasn't really a morning person, but he was good at making the best of a situation, and if talking to me meant having to get up early, then he would compensate by having a little fun.

I could have watched him forever, but we weren't here to play. We were here to talk about what had happened between us, and determine where we were going to go from here. Reluctantly, I hit the automatic doors, and my baby beeped appreciatively at me. Finn got the message and hopped in.

He really was learning to compensate for his injured arm. So far this morning he had managed to dress himself, feed himself and swing his abnormally large body into a Navigator with absolutely no help. Well, I was going to assume he had dressed himself, since I couldn't quite imagine him asking Carol for help.

The air in the car was thick with tension, and I found myself unable to do anything to break it. We weren't fighting right now, and I just knew we would be before this was over. Finn didn't seem to know how to start either, because he was drumming out a nervous rhythm on the dash. I took a deep breath. "Do you want to stop and get some coffee?" 

When he gave me that full out grin, I knew there was no way I was _ever_ getting over my crush on Finn Hudson. Not when he could still smile like that, and at me for a bonus. "That would be great."

I took a detour to the nearest Starbucks, while Finn twitched and drummed nervously in the seat next to me. We were nearly there when he finally talked. "So, uh, don't freak out or anything, but I kind of told my Mom what happened." 

"What!" Despite already suspecting that, the word came out as a shriek. "Why would you do that?" I was never, never, going to be able to look Carol in the eyes again. Oh, God, what if she told my father? 

Finn pressed back against the seat, his eyes wide and nervous. I forced myself to be calm. _Think of nice clothes, think of a self tanner that doesn't make you turn orange, think of Matt Damon shirtless…_ Once I was sure I wasn't going to flip out again, I looked him in the eyes. "Why did you tell her about us?"

"Uh, well, she kind of already knew. Like she came home yesterday and wanted to know what was wrong, so I told her about Quinn and Puck, but she knew it had something to do with you, too, and when he flat out asked I couldn't lie to her. Please don't be mad. She won't tell anyone, I promise." 

_How mad do you actually plan on being? You told Mercedes, and probably in a lot more detail then he told Carol. You both have your confidants, and Carol is Finn's Mom before she's your father's girlfriend. If she told Finn she would keep it a secret, she will. Plus, between Mercedes and Carol, who is more likely to let it slip to anyone who might tease? Something tells me that Carol isn't exactly hanging around a bunch of high school students. You're just jealous because Finn is so close to his Mom, and you aren't to your Dad. _

Galinda had a point, several actually, so I nodded slowly, forcing myself not to yell and ruin this before it even started. "It's alright."

Once he had brought the first part up, Finn really started talking. "Ok, listen, I'm just going to say this, and let me say all of it because I really mean it. I'm sorry, Kurt. Ok, I know I screwed up and I took advantage of you and I'm so sorry. I didn't want any of it to happen, well I did want it to happen, but it shouldn't have. So, yeah, I understand that you're really, really mad at me, and you don't want to talk about it, but I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry. Oh, and thank you for the ride and I get it if you don't want to give me one home." 

It took me a few minutes to even figure out what his words had been, he spoke that quickly, and a further few to decipher their meaning. "Wait, why do you think you took advantage of me?" If anything, I had done it to him. 

Now it was Finn's turn to look confused. "Well, you know." 

I waited, but that was apparently all that was forthcoming. His dark eyes met mine, worried and soft. One of us was going to have to speak, and apparently it was going to be me. "Obviously I don't, know, so why don't you tell me?"

He huffed out a breath of air, stretching his long legs as best the car would allow. "Well…I kind of already knew that you had a crush on me, and I was lonely and feeling really bad, and you were so nice to me that I thought maybe things could be different, right?" 

He was saying everything I had dreaded hearing. Basically, I was his experiment, and he had found being with men, and more specifically, me, lacking. I forced my tears back. "Oh."

Finn's eyes narrowed as he thought, that forehead wrinkle appearing like magic. "No, wait, I'm messing this all up again. What I meant to say was, I wasn't really thinking about your feelings, just mine, and that wasn't very fair. Even though I really, really liked it, and I think you did, too, I shouldn't have done it." 

His interpretation of what had happened certainly cleared up a few things about his behavior, but I had to be sure. "So, let me be sure that I understand you correctly. You regret what happened, not because you find it wrong or disgusting, but because you feel that you were unfair to me and my feelings?" 

"Well, yeah. Why would I find it wrong and disgusting? I actually thought it was kind of great."

It was one of Finn's more charming traits. He was emotionally intelligent, but sometimes totally clueless. Granted, he might change his mind about what was disgusting and what wasn't once the merciless teasing set in, but right now, at this moment, he didn't seem to care about the difference between homo and heterosexuality, and I loved him fiercely for it.

I pulled the car over the side of the road and tossed my arms around his neck. He grunted in surprise, but quickly squeezed me back. "Ok, so what did I say right? I mean, clearly it was _something _I said because you aren't screaming and calling me a rapist."

"I think we would actually have to have sex for you to be considered a rapist, Finn."

He grinned at me, his teeth startlingly white in the growing light. "Is that an offer?" 

Was it? _No, Kurt, not yet. Sex is a big step, maybe the biggest, and you can't do this on a whim. Plus, hello poor planner, do you have any supplies? Condoms? Lube? No? Maybe you need to think this out a little better. _"No." I loosened my hold on his neck and leaned back. "What exactly are we doing, Finn?" 

"Getting coffee. Talking like chicks. Sitting on the side of the road." He was grinning at me still, knowing exactly what I was asking and was deliberately holding out with his answer.

"Cute." I reached out to touch his good arm. "Really, though, what's happening between you and I?"

He sighed heavily and leaned back, staring at the roof of the car. "Uh…" 

"Listen, Finn, if this is a matter of convenience for you; I need to know right now. I'm not going to be your go-to whore just because I'm dumb enough to put out for you. Then it really _will_ be wrong."

He was already shaking his head. "No! No, it's not like that at all. I mean, if I wanted that, I could probably get it from Rachael." He flinched abruptly. "That was a really dumb thing to say, wasn't it?" 

"Yeah, it was." In a way, I was thankful for it though. The thought of Finn and Rachael together was a pretty effective libido killer, and greatly decreased the chances of me just climbing on top of Finn and having my way with him. "Listen, if it was just a one time, physical thing, just tell me. Otherwise, we need to talk about it."

"Do _you_ want it to just be a one time thing?" He looked searchingly at me. "Because, you know, it takes two to drink Tang."

"Tango, Finn. It takes two to tango." Sometimes I wondered how he had made it this far in life. "And no, I don't want it to be just a one time thing."

"Huh, two to tango. You know, that expression makes so much more sense now." He was smiling, just a little.

If I didn't say anything right now, he would puzzle over his newfound knowledge until we made it to school, and I would lose my chance to speak to him. "Finn, focus. You and I, do you want an actual relationship out of this?"

Finn might not be the brightest guy on earth, but when he was truly focused on something, he gave it all of his attention. I could almost see the gears in his head turning as he thought. It was nerve-wracking, but there was a part of me that appreciated it. Finn wasn't telling me what I wanted to hear, or giving me an off the cuff answer. He was really deciding what he wanted.

Since I didn't want to stare at him and actually look as desperate as I felt, so I started the car back up. We were stuck in the drive thru at Starbucks before he spoke again. "I don't want you to be mad when I say this, cause I really, really like you and all, but I have no idea what I want."

"I'm not mad." Surprisingly, I really wasn't. Finn was just getting out of a relationship where his heart had been crushed, and he had suddenly started having feelings for someone of the same gender. Of course he was confused, and rightly so. "And I guess I'm kind of sorry, too. I overreacted, and that wasn't right."

_See, Kurt, when you actually bother to think, you're very good at it. Keep that in mind the next time your temper decides to get the better of you. You know who you are, you've known since you were little. Finn's been blindsided with all of this. _

"Really?" He was giving me that tentative, lopsided smile, the one that you couldn't help but smile back at. "Cause, I wouldn't blame you if you were."

I placed our orders (skim milk in mine, regular coffee for Finn), then smiled back at him. "Really." A little hurt maybe, but how could I justify being angry? "So, where do we go from here?"

"I don't know." He looked past me for a second then gestured to the window, where our drinks were waiting. "Coffee." 

I gave him his cup and busied myself adding just the right amount of sweetener to mine. He sipped cautiously, then smiled. "My mom doesn't let me have coffee. She says it makes me spastic."

Of course, now was when he decided to say something. "Don't tell her then." I took a sip of my own, and nearly burned all the skin off of my tongue. Ow! How in the world did Finn stand to drink his, when mine had to be cooler due to the milk in it? He snickered a little, which made me want to smack him.

I handed him my cup. "Blow on this, please. I'll take it back at the first red light."

_Oh, Finn, blow on something else, why don't you? Or just do what you did on Saturday, that would be great, too. Come on, baby, you know you felt something other then my hand on your dick. Jeez, Kurt, obvious much? Didn't I tell you to play at least a little hard to get?_

Obvious enough that even Finn got the reference. He blew lightly across the surface of my drink, but not before evilly muttering "I'll blow something."

Those words pretty much guaranteed an instant hard-on. More then that, though, it made me look at Finn again. "So, does that mean you want to try something? I'm not asking for a relationship, not right now, but there's no reason we can't at least do a few things together. Unless, of course, it would be too gay or weird for you."

He looked at me over the rim of his cup. "It _would _be kind of weird. I don't know, though, I think it might be good weird, not bad weird, at least for me. Wouldn't it be bad weird for you, though? I mean, you already know what you want. I'm the one who has his head on backwards."

It really was sweet, the way he was trying to look out for my feelings. I guess his worry came from Quinn never looking out for his, the conniving bitch. "Let me put it to you this way: who's the hottest, sexiest, girl you can think of?"

"Angelina Jolie." He hadn't hesitated for even a second, which made me roll my eyes. Of course, he was attracted to Angelina Jolie, just like every other straight guy on the planet.

"Alright, so say Angelina Jolie came to you one night and said 'Finn, I want to do various and naughty sexual things to you. I don't need a commitment; I just want to try things out'. Would you like that?"

"Well, yeah." Finn's tone suggested that it was a no-brainer. "I mean, have you _looked_ at her?" He gave me a once over. "Yeah, probably not."

"I liked the dress she wore to the last Oscars." That had to count for something, right?

I pulled the car to a stop, and Finn handed me my coffee back. "So, I'm Angelina, right? You really think I'm all that?"

Of course I did. "Well, yeah."

"Wow. So, are you going to be cool if we do something and I decide I want to stop? Because I'd rather not get any, you know, sex stuff, then have us fight. You're a super good friend, Kurt, and I don't want to lose that." His dark eyes were so earnest that it was nearly painful.

"It's cool, Finn, I promise. If you promise not to freak out, it can just be a little experiment. I mean, I have feelings for you, and I'm pretty sure you have feelings for me. But if you need a little time to sort it all out, that's alright. We don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to."

Honestly it wasn't as much of a sacrifice as it sounded like. I wasn't really too thrilled about having everyone know either. Despite my newfound confidence, I still wasn't out to anyone except Mercedes, Tina, Dad, Rachael, and Mr. Shue. Oh, and Carol must know, too, because Finn blabbed. Everyone had been supportive so far, but I knew that my luck wasn't going to hold. Oh, God, what was going to happen when Puck found out? Not only would I be hitting the inside of the dumpster 10 times a day, but Finn would be getting it, too. I couldn't do that to him.

_Maybe he already knows. After all, everyone else has been able to figure it out, even Rachael Berry for Gods sake. Your father knew, Finn knew, Mr. Shuester knew, Karosfky and his goons figured it out. You aren't exactly subtle._

I was so busy turning that over and over in my mind that I had forgotten Finn entirely. At least I had until he gave me a quick poke. "Kurt, people are honking at us."

Belatedly, I realized that the light had turned green while I was spacing out. I hit the accelerator harder than I had intended to, and ended up splashing coffee all down my front. "Shit! Towel, Finn, towel! It's in the backseat."

There are definite advantages to being the Frankenteen, and freakishly long limbs are one of them. Finn was able to twist around in the seat and snag the towel without unbuckling his seatbelt. "Here."

I was able to get to the coffee before it got to my pants, but the shirt was a lost cause. Not only was there an ugly stain on it, I was not going to go through the day smelling like a barista. Damn, this was one of my favorite shirts, too.

"Is it ruined?" Finn spoke tentatively, probably unsure about whether or not I would jump down his throat.

"Yes." I kept blotting at the fabric, drawing out as much of the drink as I could. "I have a spare shirt in the back, though." 

"You carry a spare shirt?" Finn sounded like he was on the verge of laughing, his lips twitching and his eyes sparkling.

Oh, ha ha, very funny. "Finn, I know you don't care about things like fashion or looking good, but I do. Anyway, when you spend a much time inside the dumpster behind the cafeteria as I do, you learn to carry a spare set of clothes."

He blinked a few times, looking like he might want to apologize for that for about the millionth time. He didn't, though; he just looked at me sadly. "I fucking told Puck to watch out for you. It's not that hard, I've been doing it for weeks."

As much as I hated Puck at the moment, I didn't want to do anything to further the rift between him and Finn. "He has been. He even got me right out of Karofsky's hands the other day. But you know the Boy Scout motto: Always be prepared."

"You were a boy scout?" 

For about 6 months. Six months of screaming, crying, temper tantrums every meeting night. I was so terrified about the bugs and dirt that went along with the camping trip that I actually broke out in a horrendous rash that covered my entire body. Eventually, I wore my father down and he agreed to let me quit. He did not, however, allow me to join the girl scouts, like I had offered in trade. Hello, selling cookies and making purses as opposed to crawling around in the dirt and tying knots? Was there any competition at all? "Briefly."

He stared deeply at me, his dark eyes thoughtful. "Huh. I was in scouts, too, and I don't remember you." 

I didn't remember him either, which was a surprise. There had only been one little boy that I had liked (and even then, I had known there was something different about they way I liked a boy, as opposed to how the other boys did), and it hadn't been Finn. The one I liked, maybe my first actual crush, had been small, with freckles and floppy blond hair. Same dark eyes as Finn though, serious, but with a sense of humor underneath. Of course, first crushes never last, and I couldn't even remember that boy's name now.

I did however, remember a certain Puck (sans Mohawk and still referred to as 'Noah') who, even at age 7, could be counted on to bully every kid smaller and weaker then him. He hadn't progressed to using his fists yet, but he absolutely tormented me verbally. These days I wouldn't have minded so much, but I had still been stinging from the loss of my mother and had been easily reduced to tears, something that he took full advantage of.

"So, like, do we need to stop at a gas station or something?" 

Suddenly I saw a golden opportunity. "No, I can change shirts in the backseat. The windows are tinted enough so that no one can see in, and it's not like I'm going to be naked anyway."

I didn't miss the way Finn's eyes dilated at that comment. Oh yeah, the cowboy had been lassoed. Now all I had to do was draw him to me. "So, what do you think about what we talked about earlier?"

"Huh?" Apparently Finn had trouble thinking when he got a hard-on, just like the rest of us.

"You know, about trying something between us? Just a little secret something. You don't tell your Mom, I don't tell Mercedes, and no hard feelings if it doesn't work out. Just you and I."

"Ok." He whispered the word. "As long as there are no hard feelings."

"No hard feelings, I promise." It was a foolish thing to promise, and I knew it, but somehow that didn't matter as much as what was happening right now. The one thing I had thought could never, never happen just had. I had Finn Hudson, agreeing to a relationship with me. A quick pinch ensured that yes, I wasn't imagining this.

It wouldn't do to give any indication of how excited I was, though. Finn was clearly still nervous, and I didn't want him to think that I had manipulated him into saying yes, whether that was actually the case or not.

"Huh. So I have a kind of boyfriend that's a secret. Cool." Finn cocked his head at me, a wicked gleam entering his eyes. "So, do we seal the deal with a kiss, or what?"

My heart immediately started hammering against my chest. It was so fast and hard that I was amazed that Finn didn't notice. Be cool, Kurt, don't just throw yourself into his arms. "Sure." 

I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. No tongue, no reason for him to get nervous. He raised an eyebrow. "Is the car in park?" 

Was that really all he had to say? "Yes." I was about to put it back in gear, when he reached forward and easily pulled me over the seat and into his lap. Before I could ask what had possessed him, he pressed his lips to mine in the sort of kiss that I thought only existed in the movies. More specifically, porn movies. Not that I was complaining, mind you.

The kiss came as such a shock that I took a minute to get into it, but when I did, I made up for lost time. Kissing apparently came naturally to me, or maybe it was just kissing Finn that felt so natural. His fingers dug into my sides, but I didn't care.

It was a sort of an awkward kiss, considering that the gearshift was digging into my hip and there wasn't any room for the two of us to maneuver, but I really didn't care. If Finn had asked me to run away with him I would have done it right there, no questions asked.

Another few seconds passed, and Finn pulled his mouth off mine to rest his lips on my neck. He muttered something against the skin, something that was impossible to understand. It might have been. "Stop, Finn" or possibly "Mailman", though that didn't exactly make sense. Then he pulled his head up and rubbed his nose against mine in a sweet Eskimo kiss. "See, that's how you kiss someone to seal the deal."

He looked so pleased with himself that I couldn't help but laugh. "Alright, Cowboy, I won't fight you on that one."

"Good, because, you know I'm right." He released me, and I scrambled back into my own seat. I took a deep, cleansing breath, and tried to get myself back under control. Finn leaned back in his own seat. "So, what do you say we ditch school and go back to my house? We can talk a little more about the blowing."

The temptation was nearly overwhelming, and my cock (what a repulsive word by the way, but I couldn't think of a better, more theatrical, one that didn't sound totally stupid) nodded its agreement. For once, though, the head on my shoulders prevailed and I shook my head. "Something tells me your mom might notice."

"Oh. Yeah, probably. Alright then, let's get to school so you can change and I won't get detention on my very first day back. I can totally check you out when you change shirts, right?"

He had such a one track mind. Still, I couldn't deny how much I liked the thought. "Think of it as your own private strip show." 

One huge hand came out to thump the dashboard. "Onwards, onwards. Drive faster!"

Give the boy points for enthusiasm. "Alright! Maybe, though, after Glee, you might need a little help with your homework. We can go to my place, since my father won't be home until later tonight."

Dense as Finn might be, he had no trouble figuring out when there might be something sexual in it for him. "Yeah, cause, you know, I might need help with my algebra or something."

"Or your biology."

"I'm not taking-Oh, yeah, that sort of biology! Yeah, I need lots and lots of help with that."

He was so darn cute when he was being stupid. By this point, we were at the school and I was trying to figure out where to park. True, the windows were tinted, but I didn't want to risk anyone seeing me change, especially with Finn in the car. On the other hand, if I parked too far away, there was always the risk of something happening to my baby.

After a brief but agonizing debate, I parked about halfway between the building and the fence and climbed into the backseat. Finn leaned over to watch, his eyes dark and dilated. I wanted to make a production out of it, but with the way he was looking at me right now, I was pretty sure that we would never end up leaving the car if I didn't move quickly.

Even though Finn had seen me completely naked two nights before, I couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed at his unabashed staring. Finn was so big and well developed that I couldn't help but feel like a prepubescent girl next to him. My skin was too pale, and though I did work out and had some muscle definition, I knew I didn't look as good as Finn. "Stop staring at me." My voice was doing that nervous little flutter.

He didn't. "You said I could watch. Besides, I don't know why you keep crossing your arms like that, you look good."

I tried to play it off. "I don't want you to get any ideas, Finn. We agreed to try something, in private, which is not the same as doing it in the high school parking lot. Wait until this afternoon."

"Fine." He sighed dramatically and covered his eyes with both hands. "Just tell me when you're done."

And he complained that _I_ was a drama king. I quickly buttoned up the new shirt, giving myself a quick once over. My outfit was fantastic; possibly better then when I was wearing the first shirt. The rest of me, on the other hand, could use a little work. My hair was mussed, sticking up crazily, and my lips were swollen from Finn being so rough. Maybe I could tell Mercedes that I was trying a new lip plumper. And hair gel. And blush, considering how flushed I looked. Yeah, she was never going to believe that nothing was going on.

_So tell her it's a secret. She keeps them from you, there's no reason you can't have a few of your own. Tell her that you and Finn made up, and that you're working on being friends. If she believes it, great, if not, still don't tell her anything. Distract, distract, distract. _

"Alright, uncover your eyes you big lug." I wrestled my hair back into a semblance of submission and took a deep, calming breath. Finn lowered his hands and gave me that lopsided smile before leaning forward and lightly kissing my cheek.

I had to smile at the gesture, so sweet and gentle after the way he had done it earlier. "Alright, Finn Hudson, are you ready to face the masses?"

"Yep." He was already gathering up his backpack and easing himself out the door. "Aren't you coming?"

This was it. Time to face my first school day as someone who had a boyfriend, instead of someone who had never even been kissed. "Yeah, Finn, I'm coming."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I've been getting quite a few questions about the posting of this story. It is undetermined how long it will be, and I started posting it at a different site before I started on this one. I have limited internet access, so I usually update on both at the same time, and they are 6 or 7 chapters ahead. It's the same story, just at different places.**

**Next Chapter will be from Finn, because he's so darn cute when he's stupid!**

Kurt POV

We were never going to make it inside the building. Every three or four feet, someone would stop Finn and ask how he was feeling, did his arm hurt, and could they see it? He chatted briefly with each of them, but never moved too far away from me. His arm was buckled up in its sling, and he gently refused to undo it.

"Finn." Tina bounced up to us, her dark hair streaked with neon green. "You guys are late, we weren't sure if you were coming at all."

I tried not to look guilty. No, Finn wasn't late because we had decided to have an impromptu make-out session in the front seat of the navigator. In a Starbucks parking lot, none the less.

"Yeah, I got a little held up." He slung an affectionate arm around her shoulders, his body all but swallowing hers up. "Catch me up on the Glee news, though." 

Finn was naturally sweet with pretty much everyone he met. It made me jealous, not because he was touching Tina, but because he would never touch me the same way, at least not in public.

"Mr. Shue got into a huge fight with Sue Sylvester. He thinks she's leaking our set lists."

"How come?" She wasn't exactly talking to me, but I was curious. Despite her crazy clothes and hair, Tina had a way of blending in. People talked in front of her, revealing things that they wouldn't in front of the rest of us. I think it may be her stutter that makes her seem harmless. Speaking of, she hadn't stuttered even once throughout this entire conversation.

"I don't know. I just heard them yelling." 

"Maybe it's 'cause she's evil. And not like movie evil, where the only problem was you had a bad childhood and just need a hug. I mean, like, comic book, Skeletor, Magneto evil."

Only Finn could bring in a comic book reference and not only have it make sense, but have it be the perfect thing to say. Or maybe it was just the irrational love I had for him clouding my mind. I would never admit it out loud, but I did read comics sometimes, and had a pretty good understanding of the characters he was talking about.

Tina wouldn't be dissuaded. "I know, but she's always been evil. She must have done something new."

I had my own theories about all this. "I think she's blackmailing Figgens." 

That got both of their attentions. Finn's eyes narrowed. "How?" He had an odd way of drawing the word out; though I was pretty sure I had heard Carol do the same thing.

I was pretty sure that I didn't want to know. "Maybe he slept with one of the students?"

Tina snickered. "Maybe he made a pass at Sue?" 

"If he did, he's a braver man then I am. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some sort of little demon up there that bit your dick off." Finn shuddered visibly. "I mean, she's hot in a wild woman of the Amazon sort of way, but it's not worth the risk." 

Dear God, was Finn actually attracted to Sue Sylvester? My jaw dropped. "Finn!" If he had thoughts about that evil hag, I might have to rethink this thing between us.

_Oh, yeah, pretend like there's anything that could convince you to give up Finn Hudson. You could walk in on him having a threesome with both Sue and Rachael, and you would still let him into your bed that night. You have it bad, sweetie._

Finn looked unperturbed. "Dude, we all have our strange little fantasies, don't pretend that you've never had a sexual thought about someone totally inappropriate that you don't even like. Come on, power is sexy."

He had me there. After all, I was having inappropriate thoughts about one Finn Hudson before I even spoke to him, much less knew anything about him. Luckily, Tina saved me. "It's still gross."

"I know." He gave her a tight squeeze, pulling her body into his. "So, tell me more."

Even Tina wasn't immune to his loving nature. Her face flushed lightly. "Oh, we're going to have visitors today. The Jane Adams Academy is coming to perform for us."

"Who?" Sometimes I swear Finn doesn't retain information for more then 5 minutes at a stretch, if that.

"Our competition for Sectionals, remember? Jane Adams and the school for the deaf?"

"Oh, yeah. Hey, if they're the competition, how come they're coming here? Aren't these things supposed to be secret or something?"

He had a point. "Maybe they're just getting used to performing for an audience. I'll bet they don't use the same song for sectionals." I turned to Finn, suddenly desperate to remind him that I was still here, and, hello, I was the one kissing him.

_Why don't you decide what you want before you get irritated with him? You flat out told him that what went on between the two of you was a secret, so don't be pissed off when he doesn't treat you any different. This is your problem, Kurt; you want to change the rules from moment to moment to benefit you. _

Whatever my motives, I succeeded in getting Finn's attention back on me. "Yeah, you're probably right. You're really, really, smart, Kurt." He smiled at me, the barest quirk of his lips.

I had once heard Quinn tell Santana that Finn was dumber then a box of hair, but was a total emotional savant. He seemed more capable of reading someone's mood then he was of reading a book, which was probably why he stayed out of trouble as much as he did. He recognized that I was upset, and that it was because he was ignoring me, so he did his best to fix it without being to obvious.

It wasn't just me, though. Finn did have a bit of a manipulative side, though not nearly as much of one as I had, and he seemed to know just what to say to someone to get them on his side. When you talked to him, you felt like he knew your secrets, whether he actually did or not. Honestly, it was a wonder that he hadn't figured it out about my crush on him.

_Uh-huh, you keep telling yourself that. He knew, idiot, and he still treated you pretty darn well. Keep that in mind the next time you think he's stupid, or complain about him._

I smiled back at him. "Keep it in mind, Cowboy."

He chuckled. Since he had never objected to the nickname, I had to assume that he liked it. "Sure, sure."

Suddenly, I was very glad that Mercedes wasn't here right now. There was no way she would look at us and not know that things had changed between Finn and I. How we were going to hide it from her was a bit of a problem, but not for right now. Right now I had more important things to worry about, like what was going to happen when Finn, Puck and Quinn all came face to face. I was no wimp, but I certainly wasn't going to get in the middle of it if Finn and Puck started brawling, and I don't even think Finn had seen Quinn since the scandal broke.

Maybe it was a good thing that we were having guest performers today instead of working on one of our own numbers. This way I could keep Finn on the opposite side of the room from Puck and Quinn, and hopefully there would be no bloodshed. Not that I didn't think Finn could totally kick Puck's ass, but he's such a teddy bear that he would feel bad about it, and that might lead to no fooling around later this afternoon.

The bell rang, and I reluctantly separated from my kind of, almost, sort of, boyfriend. This period was algebra, which he shared with Artie. "Ask Artie to help you with your notes, alright?"

"Yeah." His face assumed that same glazed over expression it always got when he was at school. I wasn't quite sure if Finn was just a lazy student, or he genuinely tried, but wasn't capable of learning in a lecture environment. He never seemed to put much effort into it, but then, it had to be frustrating to try and try and try, and never once get it.

"I'll see you at lunch, then." I didn't have any classes with him until this afternoon, and as much as I wanted to meet him between classes and walk with him, I had to admit that that would be kind of stalker creepy, not to mention totally obvious.

Finn brightened visibly at the mention of lunch. "Ok." Then he vanished down a side hallway, swinging his backpack from his good hand. The straps put too much pressure on the sling, which tended to twist his arm and make it hurt.

I had social studies, which bored me to death. The teacher wasn't telling me anything that I couldn't learn out of a textbook, which meant I spent the majority of the class secretly reading Vogue and filing my nails.

There was only one bright point of the class, and that was that Mercedes was in it with me. She was waiting at the door, her dark eyes smiling. "So?" 

I bumped my shoulder against hers. "So, what?" 

"Kurt! So how did things go with Finn? Did you kiss and make up?" 

My sudden, awkward, silence must have told her everything, because she slapped both hands on her ample hips. "Kurt, tell me you didn't."

"I absolutely did not touch Finn Hudson in any way that could be construed as inappropriate." Unless with my mouth counted, which made what had happened sound far dirtier then it actually was.

"Mmm-hmmm." Her narrowed eyes told me that she didn't believe me in the slightest. "So, what did he have to say for himself?" 

"He thought it was his fault instead of mine." That part still totally amazed me. I had acted like a total jerk, but he was willing to take the blame on himself.

"He always thinks that it's his fault. The Quinn Monster taught him that and you know it." As much as she would deny it if I asked, Mercedes liked Finn a lot. She thought he was sweet and needed someone to take care of him, a task I was more than equal to.

"So, he apologized, and I _hope_ that you apologized-"She shot me another look, one that said that she was pretty sure I hadn't. "-and what happened then? Did you talk about, you know, the other thing that happened?" 

"A little. Listen, Mercedes, I don't know if I'm really that comfortable talking about-"The bell rang, thankfully cutting me off before I could babble out the truth.

We took our seats and I snuck my magazine out of my backpack. Ah, the joys of another long, boring, period spent half listening to the details of conquests of Attila the Hun. Mercedes was smart, too smart, and she was going to figure it all out.

The bell rang, and we stood up. I was half tempted to bolt, and avoid her probing questions, but that would be foolish. Not only would it make me look even more like I was hiding something, but, when you are in Glee club, there's safety in numbers. Right now, I had neither Puck nor Finn to watch out for me and Karofsky had moved up to new levels of aggression.

She wasn't willing to let it go, either, and continued our conversation as if it had never stopped. "Ok, Kurt, I understand that whatever is happening between you and Finn isn't something you want to talk about, and I can respect that. Just answer one thing: is he pushing you?"

I released a breath I hadn't known I was holding. Thank God for Mercedes, and he knowledge of when to back off. "No, he's not pushing me."

"Are _you_ pushing _him_?" There it was, that protective nature that extended to the entire Glee club. She loved me, but she wouldn't let me hurt someone else.

"I'm not pushing him either. I think I pretty much learned my lesson about that this weekend."

We were nearly at the part where we would meet up with Tina, Artie, and Finn. I would go with Tina, and then Artie, Mercedes and Finn would leave together. Mercedes would go to gym class, Finn to study hall and Artie to English Lit. Luckily, their classrooms were close together, so no one had to be alone and vulnerable.

"Be safe, then, alright? Don't let him break your heart, and for God's sake, Kurt, don't break his. The poor boy's punch drunk already." 

I wasn't quite sure what that meant, but I recognized the truth behind her words. Maybe I could ask Tina, she was pretty smart with expressions like that. "I'm being safe and being careful."

I didn't get a chance to say much else, because the rest of the Glee club had just appeared. I noticed that Finn was walking between Tina and Artie, and neither one of them was so much as glancing at the other. Whatever had gone wrong between them, it was apparently still wrong. He was looking from one to the other with worried eyes, but he wisely said nothing.

When he saw me, though, he gave me a quirky grin. It wasn't a smile I had gotten before, especially in public, and I found myself returning it. More accurately, I gave him a dopey grin that had Mercedes poking me in the side. "Stop it. You look like a lovesick puppy."

It was really hard to care at the moment, but I forced myself to snap back to attention. Let it never be said that Kurt Hummel looked anything less then perfectly put together.

Finn cocked his head at us. "Hey, Kurt, Mercedes." His voice tried hard to be casual, but there was something special in it, a happy lilt that I was pretty sure wasn't directed at Mercedes.

"Oh, God, Kurt. How did you cock whip Finn Hudson in less then two days?" The words were ground out underneath her breath, too soft for Finn to overhear. She raised her voice. "Finn, how's the arm?"

"Well, it hasn't fallen off yet, so I figure it's alright." He looked between us, knowing that something was going on by Mercedes secretive smirk and my bright red face. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, Kurt and I were just discussing the concept of the pussy whip. Do you know that that is?" 

"Uh-huh." He drug the word out, obviously confused. "Why, who's pussy whipped?" 

"Oh, no one. Come on now, white boy, walk me to class." She held out an arm, which he took, that puzzled furrow never leaving his forehead. He looked at Artie, who shrugged in confusion. "Bye, Kurt, see you at lunch!" One perfectly manicured hand waved goodbye.

_See if we ever give her a manicure again, huh Kurt? She's never going to let you live this down as long as you live. God, I don't even want to think about what she's saying to Finn right now. _

Hopefully Finn would be so dense that any references what he and I might be doing would go right over his head. I kind of doubted it, though. Finn might not be the brightest jewel in the case, but he was pretty with it when it came to sex.

"Kurt!" Tina's voice was right at my ear, causing me to jump.

"I'm sorry, Tina, what?" I felt bad that I had been caught not paying attention. Tina very seldom demanded anything of anyone, and she deserved to be listened to when she asked for it.

"When you screw things up really, really bad with someone you like a lot, what do you do to make it up to them?"

"What?" Now my voice was doing that teenage girl squeak. "Why would you ask me that?"

She turned to face me fully. "I meant it as a hypothetical question, but now I'm curious. Did something happen with you and Finn?"

Was there anyone who wasn't able to figure it out? I was opening my mouth to deny it when she gasped. "Did you get lucky at that party? You did, didn't you?"

"Tina, I am not discussing my unfortunate lack of a sex life with you. Why don't we talk about your problem?"

_It won't be a lack of a sex life for looooong! _Galinda drew the word out teasingly.

Oh, shut up, you pervert. I threw Tina's own words back at her. "Did something happen with you and Artie?"

"Yes." Her eyes turned shimmery. "I…I kind of told a huge, huge lie. Not really to Artie, specifically, but I let him believe it. Then he found out the truth, and now he's mad at me. How do I say that I'm sorry?" 

I probably wasn't the one to ask. One of my major faults was my inability to admit that I was the one who was wrong, and that maybe it would be better to just apologize and move on, rather then pushing forward and digging myself into an even deeper hole. "I guess you could just start with 'I'm sorry.'"

She laughed a little. "You don't have very much experience with this, do you?" 

"Not really." But I did apologize when the situation called for it. "I had to apologize to Finn this morning."

"For what?" We were nearly at our destination, which happened to be Geometry.

"My dad was paying a lot of attention to him, and I didn't like it. So instead of telling him that it bothered me, I started screaming at him. I didn't even give him a chance to explain himself.

She thought that over. "But you two seemed pretty cozy this morning, so he must have forgiven you."

"Like I said, sorry works." Mostly because Finn was pretty much incapable of nursing a grudge, but I sensed that now wasn't the time to tell her that. "What exactly did you do?"

A blush spread across her cheeks. "Umm…I'd rather not talk about it right now."

Now I was burning with curiosity, but I knew all too well what it was like to have a secret that you couldn't share with anyone. "Just tell Artie that you're sorry, and that you want to talk it out."

"What if he still won't talk to me?" She sat down at the desk next to mine, her head hanging low.

"Don't let him. If you really want something, you shouldn't ever give up." If I had given up, I wouldn't have Finn now. "Listen, you and I will come up with a plan to get Artie for you, alright? Just let me think." 

It wasn't as easy to slack off in math as it was in social studies. The concepts were harder, and I couldn't just space out and learn them out of the textbook later. By the time the period was over, I was no closer to a solution then before. It would help if she would tell me what she had said, but I didn't want to push.

To my great disappointment, Finn wasn't there at the class change. Artie, whom I noticed spoke only to me and totally ignored Tina, said that he had been held in study hall to make up missed work, since he wouldn't be able to attend his usual gym class. He did pass on the message that he would see us all at lunch.

That must mean he was planning on sitting with us today. He tended to divide his time between the Glee club and the football team, though he had been sitting more with us lately. I could see where he wouldn't want to be close to Puck right now, so his place with us might become a more permanent thing.

It also meant that Tina would have to walk to her next class unescorted. "You going to be ok? Because I'll walk you if you need it." It would make me late for Biology, but I had enough favor with Mr. Sanders that it would probably be alright.

"That would be great." She was going to have to pass the boys locker room, and without Finn to run interference, she was as good as slushied. Even with Finn around, our safety was no longer guaranteed.

"I can walk you." Artie's voice was unexpected, but not unwelcome. "I mean, well, I think you and I have some things to talk about."

Tina looked like she might die of happiness. "I think we do, and I would love to have you walk me. You going to be alright on your own, Kurt?" 

"Of course." It was only one short hallway before I got to class, and it wasn't one of the more dangerous ones. During this time of day, the jocks all congregated for extra practice, something I was grateful for.

I didn't have any real friends in this class, which didn't tend to bother me. I preferred working on labs alone, since there was less chance that my partner would 'accidentally' drip fetal pig intestines on my brand new sweaters.

Today was a lecture day though, a boring one about the insect kingdom. They were gross, they bit or stung, and they tended to make me shriek like a little girl. That was about all I needed to know.

Mr. Sanders was deep in a discussion about the butterfly family, also known as Lepidoptera, when the bell rang, signaling an end to my torment. Now it was lunchtime, which meant I could actually see Finn again. If he was willing to speak to me, of course. Neither one of us had been totally clear on where the boundaries of our relationship currently were.

Usually we didn't talk that much. This may or may not be because I'm generally too busy mooning over him to actually speak, but it had become the status quo. If we were really keeping this relationship a secret, I supposed he wouldn't go out of his way to talk to me. It was fine, I guess. After all, he was coming over after school and we would be able to talk then. Or maybe just fool around, that would be alright with me, too.

I never ate the school lunches; they were nothing but grease and empty carbs, so it was my job to get us a table. The jocks had theirs, and the Cheerio's had theirs, but the rest of us had to scramble. I found a good one and waited, scanning the cafeteria for familiar faces.

Mercedes sat down next me, tossing me a cold bottled water. "I see you're in the same clothes as this morning, so no slushies or dumpsters?" She took a bite of her taco. "Oh, wait, I know there was no dumpster because you showed up with your new love Gigantor this morning."

"Stop calling him that!" I hissed at her as loudly as I dared. "He is _not_ my new love." Not yet, anyway.

"Really, 'cause he's here." She was smirking knowingly.

My head snapped around so quickly that my neck popped. "Where?"

"Uh-huh, he's not your new love or anything, alright. He just went to go get some food." 

Tina appeared, Artie wheeling along at her side. I noticed that he had both of their lunches on his tray, which was as close to a declaration of love as you tended to see at McKinley High. Maybe she had taken my advice, or maybe they had figured out their own way of working it out, but I was glad to see things getting back to normal.

There was a resounding thud as Finn tossed himself down in the chair next to mine. His tray had two slices of pizza, a hamburger, fries, two cokes, a carton of milk, and a handful of cookies. "Did you get enough?"

He shrugged. "I can always go back for seconds."

If I ever figured out how Finn managed eat like that and not have a huge ass, I would patent it and become an instant millionaire. He completely missed my sarcasm, which was part of his charm. Before I could back up and explain myself, he gave me a megawatt smile and started fishing around in his backpack. "Kurt, you have to see this, you'll flip out, I swear."

Finn's backpack always reminded me of Mary Poppin's bag. There was no rational way that all of those books and snacks and pieces of paper and football stuff could possibly fit in there, but yet it did. He finally pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. " Here, look!"

It was his Spanish test. I was so shocked by the condition he had managed to reduce it to, stained and creased, in less than an hour that I almost missed what it was that he was trying to show me. A huge red 97 was written in the corner. "That's great!"

He nodded. "I know! I haven't gotten an A on anything since, like, fourth grade! Mr. Shue was so excited that he brought me the paper as soon as he was done grading it. Thanks, buddy, I couldn't have done it without you helping me." He did his best to smooth it out on the table. "I think my mom might try and frame it."

Artie gave him a high five. "It's great that you finally figured out what works for you. My cousin has the same thing and he has to have everything printed on colored paper."

"Huh?" Finn gave him a searching look. "I don't have anything wrong with me, I don't think."

The smaller boy backpedaled immediately. "Oh, you aren't dyslexic? I thought that you were."

I vaguely heard Finn asking what dyslexia was, and if it was some sort of eye problem. His voice faced in the background, though, because I was realizing that Artie was right. All of Finn's little problems, the difficulty reading, the inability to tell left from right, the trouble following patterns like tying his shoes or learning dance steps. It all made a sort of horrible sense.

"Dyslexia is a learning problem where you have trouble with symbols like letters and numbers or following patterns. Were you ever checked for it?" 

Finn cocked his head. "I was tested once, after I almost flunked Kindergarten but they just said I was hyper and kind of stupid. Oh, they also told Mom that it was probably because I didn't have a dad. She cried all night long, even though she tried to hide it. That's the only time I've ever been tested for anything though, except for, you know, physicals and stuff." He picked up a slice up pizza and gulped it down before speaking again. "Do you really think I might have that dis-…thing? I do have trouble with numbers, and I read really slow, even though I do try."

"You should get tested. Ms. Pilsbury will do it for free, because you're only sixteen."

"Huh, maybe I should. It would be nice to know I'm not just dumb."

I would have said something comforting, but I had just seen Puck enter the cafeteria. His face looked less swollen then it had a few days ago, but the black eyes were still very much in evidence. In the second it took me to decide what to do about him, Finn followed my eyes and stiffened up.

_Fight, fight, fight, fight!_ Galinda was cheering like a high school boy.

Only the fight didn't happen. Their eyes met, black against black, and a message passed between them. Then they both looked down and away from each other. Finn picked up his hamburger and started eating, and Puck went to go get his lunch. The rest of the Glee club released a collective breath. Finn could probably take Puck again, but he would end up suspended at the very least.

"That's it?" Tina was starting to babble, which she always did when she got nervous. She managed to get it out without stuttering, though, which was an improvement. "I mean, are things alright between you and Puck?"

"Not by a long shot." He popped open one of the sodas and drank deeply. "But I feel bad that I messed up his face like that, and I don't want to fight with him any more. I just want this all to be over. You know, things to be like they were."

The unspoken 'when I was with Quinn' was like a punch to the gut. No matter how hard I tried, I would always be his second choice. First choice was bitchy and delicate, and, most importantly, female. Two of those things I was capable of being, but the third was impossible.

"What's wrong, Kurt? Do you want a drink?" Finn held the can out to me, looking worried.

Soda is one of the worst things you can possibly drink. Not only is it filled with empty sugar, but it gunks up your vocal cords. Plus, it has about a million calories per sip. None of that mattered, though, and I took a grateful gulp before I said anything I regretted.

Even as I drank it down, Finn was talking again. "But it can't be the way it was, and it probably shouldn't be. I mean, you know, maybe things can be even better." He gave me a lopsided smile when he said that, and I promptly choked the on the soda.

_Have a little faith in the boy, will you? Not everyone in the world is out to get you, despite what you seem to think. Things weren't that great with Quinn, and he knows it. Not quit looking for excuses to get on Finn's case, or he's going to leave you, too._

Finn lightly rubbed my back while I choked, not thumping like I would have expected and making things worse. Finally I drew a deep breath and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Sorry, wrong pipe." I took another sip of the vile liquid, kind of liking the way it burned on the way down.

I offered it back to him, but he shook his head. "Dude, you coughed all in that thing. No offense, but you can keep it."

He had certainly seemed alright with sharing bodily fluids before. I refrained from saying it, though. "Thanks."

I would have said more, but a tingling feeling started up my spine. It was the sort of feeling that I supposed a mouse got when a cat entered the room. There was only one thing that caused that feeling in me: Rachael Berry.

Sure enough, she sat down next to Tina, her eyes fixed on Finn. "Hello, Darling."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Now guys, let's not be mean to Rachel. After all, she and Kurt do have a little bet running, and Finn hasn't exactly told her that his Beamer is running in reverse these days and he's fooling around with men, now has he? In her eyes, he's still a good opportunity. **

**Also, and I hate to be a whiner, but I'm getting a lot of story alerts and favorite stories for this fic, which I really appreciate, but would you guys mind dropping a review as well? It really does make my day when I see them.**

Finn POV

You know what's kind of weird? Before Quinn, I never really had a girlfriend. I mean, I've dated before, but never seriously. I was kind of a late bloomer as far as liking girls went (don't tell anyone, but so was Puck. Right up until the start of high school, we were totally more interested in comics and laughing about boogers then we were in girls) and even when I got interested, I didn't how to get one.

Luckily, Puck figured out that girls like boys who play sports, and it would be a snap to get them if we joined the football team. And the baseball team, and the basketball team. Shit, if our crappy school had a lacrosse or swimming team, we would probably be on those too. Well, maybe not the swim team. You know, being that close to guys wearing nothing but Speedos might be a little too gay for Puck.

Anyway, once I got Quinn, I wasn't quite sure what to do with her. I knew that I should take her to dinner, and to the movies, and let her wear my jacket and stuff, but, beyond that, it was hopeless. I even joined the celibacy club for her in hopes of getting some, even though it made my mother howl with laughter when I brought the permission slip home. At the time, I didn't get it, but after carefully counting back, I was either the world's most premature baby, or Mom was pregnant before she was married. Whatever, I would have slept with Quinn before marriage, too, if she would have let me.

But Quinn wasn't about to let me sleep with her, or even get to second base. Puck, meanwhile, was screwing his way through the entire high school. His suggestion was for me to dump Quinn, and get a girl who was guaranteed to put out. But I loved Quinn, and I figured she couldn't hold out forever.

As it turned out, she couldn't. Except when she finally decided to put out, it was for Puck and not me. I mean, it was Puck! He didn't actually care about her; he just wanted to put another name on that disgusting list he kept in the bottom of his dresser drawer. True, he was probably better at it then I would be, since he got so much practice, but I had really, really, loved her, and that had to count for something, right?

I guess not. Which was why I was secretly a little glad to be rid of her. Well, almost rid of her. I hadn't officially broken up with her yet, but she had to know we were over. I mean, it doesn't get much lower than sleeping with your boyfriend's best friend, then lying about who the father of the baby was. If Puck hadn't grown a set and told me the truth, I wonder how long she would have kept it up. Until the baby was born? She flip-flopped almost every week about whether or not she was keeping it. Would I have spent the next 18 years raising a kid that whose heart was mine, but blood wasn't? Waiting tables and pumping gas to try and support them until I had some sort of nervous breakdown?

Honestly, I blamed her far more than I blamed him. Puck was Puck. He slept with anything in a skirt old or young. I guess I should just be happy that he had slept with Quinn and not Mom. Don't get me wrong, he broke the guy code, and I didn't really want to even look at him right now, but I didn't feel that burning urge to beat the crap out of him any more. Mostly I just felt sad that he had betrayed me like that. Maybe in a few weeks, once we had had a chance to settle down a little, I would be able to ask him why.

"Finn, sweetheart, I asked you a question." Rachael's voice was annoyed, like I had been deliberately ignoring her, instead of just lost in my own mind.

This was the weird part. Now that I didn't have Quinn, it was like Rachael and Kurt were having some sort of competition over me. I had never had people actually fighting over me before, and it was kind of a flattering feeling. I just didn't know what I was supposed to do.

_Really? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you already chose Kurt. Isn't that what you said this morning? That you wanted to try something with him? _

Had I really chosen Kurt over Rachael? I went over our conversation in my mind and, yep, I had chosen Kurt. Huh.

"Finn!" Now Rachael was using that Quinn voice, and it reminded me _why_ I had picked Kurt. Mostly because he was patient and nice and didn't treat me like I was a moron.

"What?" I gave her my best 'of course I was listening to you, dear' face, the one I make at my mom whenever she's nagging me about the laundry for the 8 millionth time.

She glared at me, and I suddenly remembered all the rumors that she was the one who got Mr. Ryerson fired because he didn't give her the solo she wanted. She could be really scary when she didn't get her way, and I didn't want her to turn on me. She took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling, like she was asking God for strength. That was just like Quinn, too. "I asked if you wanted to come to my house after school. My Dad's are going to be out for the evening."

A week ago, I would have been thrilled with the invitation and what she was actually saying, which was that since her dads wouldn't be there, she wanted to fool around. What was wrong with me that I wasn't excited now? 

_What indeed, Finnegan? Don't you have plans to fool around with someone else after school today?_

That simple thought brought me back to my senses. When I glanced over, I noticed that Kurt was tense and picking at his napkin, though he wasn't looking at either of us. He thought I was going to ditch him.

Kurt was kind of funny like that. Usually he acts like he's the most confident person in the entire world, but sometimes it's just like he expects everyone to fuck him over. I wanted to tell Rachael about him and I right there, but I couldn't. I'd like to be able to blame it on the fact that Kurt and I had agreed to keep things a secret for right now, but, truth was, I probably wouldn't have had the courage even if we hadn't.

Still, I didn't want him to make that sad face, so I took a risk and tapped his knee under the table. "Oh, uh, I can't. I'm going over to Kurt's today. Maybe another day."

Her eyes narrowed further. "How about tomorrow?" 

See, this is what I meant when I told her one time that I was afraid she was hiding underneath my bed. When she wanted me, she was totally fixated on me, in a creepy stalker sort of way. But when she was done with me, she was done. Plus, she had dated Puck for a while, which was becoming a major turn off. At least I knew that Puck hadn't gotten to _Kurt_ first.

"No, I start physical therapy then and the only guy our insurance will pay for is a few towns over. Mom and I won't be back until late."

"Wednesday, then?"

I was out of excuses, so I nodded slowly. It was cool as long as we just hung out as friends right? Quinn never liked it when I hung out with Rachael, but I think she was just jealous because I kind of had a thing for Rachael. Oh, shit, Kurt was going to be upset, too, wasn't he?

Another sneaky look at Kurt confirmed that, yep, I was screwed. He was holding on to his ruined napkin so tightly that his fingers were totally white. I wanted to fix this, and let him know that it was cool, and I would never cheat on him, but I didn't know how. If I just said something, everyone would know what was happening. God! I don't know how people keep important secrets like this! I've only had this one for about four hours, and I had already almost blabbed it like 3 times.

"Alright, then, I'll see you at Glee." Her hand lingered on my shoulder for a few seconds too long, and I had to force myself not to tense up.

Was it my imagination or did she give Kurt a kind of 'fuck you' look? It was hard to tell, because Kurt and Rachael have never really gotten along, and ever since the Diva-off, there were at complete war. Except Rachael had given Kurt the solo, which was really, really strange.

"The lioness stalks her helpless prey, chasing after it until it finally collapses in utter exhaustion. Then she has her wicked way with it, drawing it into her web of sexual intrigue." Artie's voice was a perfect mimicry of the guy on the nature channel, and we all laughed, even though I knew the joke was on me.

Except Kurt didn't laugh. He didn't even smile. I was desperate to speak to him alone, so I gave him a nudge. "Kurt, I, uh, I think I left my textbook in your car. Can I have the keys so I can go get it?" 

I was banking of the theory that Kurt would never leave me alone with the keys to his baby, and I was right. He pushed back and stood. "No, because you'll drive off with it and probably hit some poor innocent creature."

_No, just the mailman. _

"Then will you walk with me? Please?" I really, really wanted to make this right.

"I guess." There was no enthusiasm in his voice. "Come on, or we'll be late."

I followed him out to the car, mentally rehearsing what to say. I'm not really sure why I bothered, considering that I wouldn't be able to get the words out right once it came down to it, but it gave me something to do while I was looking at Kurt's back. This wasn't like Sunday, when he was angry with me. Now he was just sad, and that was much, much worse.

There really was no textbook, so I wasn't quite sure what to do once we made it to the car. He unlocked it with a beep, and I climbed inside. Maybe if I acted like there was something, he wouldn't get mad. I could just pretend I left it at home.

The car shifted slightly as Kurt climbed in next to me. "Where is it Finn, the bell is getting ready to ring."

Apparently my body was smarter then my brain, because it reached over and closed the door without my actually thinking about it. Kurt yelped a little at the unexpected noise and startled closer to me. I put and arm around him, but he didn't lean into me at all. He just stiffened up and stared out the windshield. "Finn."

I interrupted him before he could say something stupid. "I'm not in love with Rach, ok? I won't do anything with her, I promise."

He sighed. "That's not what I want, Finn. I don't want you to hang around because you have to. If you would rather be with Rachael, then be with Rachael. You just can't have it both ways."

When had I tried to have it both ways? "What?"

"You're leading her on, Finn. She thinks you're going over there to make out, and you didn't tell her any different." His eyes were a strange and cloudy grey. "You need to decide what you want."

This was exactly why I hadn't wanted to do this thing. Kurt pretends to be tough, but he was really, really sensitive. He couldn't block himself off like some people could, and it hurt him when I didn't acknowledge him. I tried to stay calm and rational, which means not letting my temper show. "Alright, Kurt, what do you want me to do?"

He took a shuddery breath and melted into me, just a tiny bit. That was good, right? "What do you mean?"

"I mean, we agreed this morning that this would be a secret. You want me to be only with you, and treat you like a boyfriend, but I'm somehow supposed to do it without letting anyone know that you're my boyfriend. I think you're the one who wants it both ways. I'm not a cheater, Kurt. If you want an exclusive relationship, even in secret, that's fine. I'll tell Rach that I'm just not ready for another relationship right now."

He squared his shoulders and sat up straight. "What if I didn't want you to be a secret boyfriend? What if I wanted you to get out of this car right now and walk back to school holding my hand? If I wanted you to give me a kiss in the hallway instead of kissing some girl? Would you do it?" 

Would I? I thought about the slushies to the face, and the dumpster dips, and all the horrible words I had heard over and over from the other guys on the team. I thought about them refusing to shower with me, or change in front of me. I thought of the constant, unending teasing. 

Then I thought about the way Kurt came to the hospital when I got hurt. None of the other guys had done that. Well, Puck had offered, but none of the others had. Or the patient way he had studied with me until I could do things almost as well as he could. Then I thought about Saturday night, not the sex part, even though that was awesome, but the way he had laid his head down on my chest, his fingers curling around my shoulder. The way he just seemed to fit against me.

_You won't give a crap about any of those guys in 10 years. Shit, you probably won't give a shit about them in three years. Are you really willing to give up what could be forever because you're afraid of a few nasty comments and some slushy stained clothes? Finn, man up._

For once, Quinn-voice and I were in total agreement. "Yeah."

It stopped him cold. "Really?"

I nodded, my eyes locked on his. "Yeah. If that's what you want, I will get out of this car and hold your hand, and kiss you, and sing sexy songs to you in Glee. If it makes you happy, I'll do it."

This time when he leaned against me, it was genuine, his eyes fluttering closed. "I won't ask you to do that. When you do these things, I want it to be because you're ready, not because I forced you. But it means a lot that you would do it for me."

Sometimes Kurt is just as confusing as a chick. Was I supposed to keep the secret or not? He said yes, but did that actually mean yes, or did it mean 'I want a huge dramatic gesture from you, after which I will throw myself into your arms and we'll be incredibly happy'? If Kurt had been any other guy, he would have just given me a simple yes or no.

_If Kurt were any other guy, you wouldn't have looked twice at him, so its mute point._

I wondered why they called it a mute point. Was it because the situation was so obvious that you didn't even need to talk about it? Maybe I should ask Kurt. Or maybe not, he was actually looking happy right now, and I didn't want to ask anything stupid.

I could see the dashboard from here, and knew that we were late for class, but I just couldn't care. Some things are just more important then math, you know?

"Sometimes I'm a jerk, and I get kind of jealous for no reason. You were right, I'm the one who wanted it both ways, and I expected you to read my mind to figure out how to make things work."

That was a classic Kurt apology. He would only say the words if what he had done was particularly horrible, or he was cornered into it. That was ok, though, it was one of the things that made Kurt _Kurt_ and I could live with that. Especially when he turned his head so he could kiss right below my ear. "Yeah, well, uh" Damn, why couldn't I focus any time his lips were anywhere near me? "I guess I could have handled it better. Maybe, like, told Rach that I couldn't come over this week?"

Except I didn't really want that. I liked Rachael, even if she was kind of batshit crazy and I wasn't really that attracted to her any more. Ok, I was still attracted to her, but not in the all-consuming way I had been before. Now it was just like admiring a Greek statue, right? I mean, it's really pretty, and it's got boobs and all, but you don't want to jump up and have sex with it. You just want to admire it from a distance. Or something. I don't know, coming up with metaphors (yes, I finally figured out what a metaphor is, thanks to a long session with my dictionary. Also, why isn't it spelled metafore? I had to ask Mom to help me before I finally found it.) isn't really my strong suit.

"I'm missing biology." Kurt's voice was calm, almost sleepy. 

"Yeah, I know." It sort of seemed like I should say something else, but I didn't want to disturb the strange quiet in the car. I'm sure Puck would have brought up Kurt's earlier comment about studying each other's biology, but that was totally inappropriate for this situation, or any situation that didn't involve a blanket, the 50 yard line, and a bunch of wine coolers. Rachael would have lectured me on the value of an education, and Quinn would have suggested praying for some forgiveness. What we actually needed to be forgiven for was never clear, but she seemed to think that having sexual thoughts was as bad as actually having sex, which I always found confusing. If one was as bad as the other, why not just have sex and be done with it? I had asked once, only get a long lecture on how stupid I was, and how I only wanted her for sex, just like every other boy, and she thought I was different and blah, blah, blah.

Not one of them would have been happy to sit here in the silence, with the only movement being the two of us shifting closer together. Maybe that was why things hadn't worked out with them. Not that I wanted things to work out with Puck sexually, because that was really nasty, but I really missed being his friend and it had only been a few days. I guessed we could try and talk things out, but I probably better wait until I could look at him without wanting to kill him.

"Go to Rachael's on Wednesday, Finn, its fine. I don't have the right to dictate how you spend your every waking minute." He gave me a smile, but it was kind of sad, too. "That would cross the line into Lifetime movie territory, and I don't think that either one of us wants that."

I sure as hell didn't. The only thing worse then being stuck watching lifetime movie with Mom was being stuck watching Hallmark movies with her. Ooh, maybe Kurt could watch with her! I mean, he really likes chick stuff like that, and it would totally free me up! Score!

Plus, it would give Kurt and Mom something to talk about. She had been all but floating around the house yesterday because her date with Burt had gone so well. They already had plans for dinner again this week, and maybe some sort of little trip this weekend for all four of us. I still wasn't 100% sure how I felt about all this, but I didn't want to jump in and make things worse, so I just waited and watched. I would figure out what to do eventually, whether Burt was actually good enough for Mom, or if I was going to have to do something about them.

Kurt was much more bothered by it then I was, as his little tantrum on Saturday had proved. Mom and I, we're tight. We've always got each other's backs, and we can talk about anything. Except sex, definitely none of that. But, in the end, I know that I'm her kid, and she wouldn't trade me for anyone else in the world.

Burt Hummel wouldn't trade Kurt for anyone else in the world either. The problem was, Kurt didn't seem to get that. He was worried that his father was just waiting to trade him in, like some fucked up truck or something. He thought he had to be someone else to make his dad happy, when all Mr. Hummel wanted was for Kurt to be himself, and be happy doing it.

There was no way for me to tell him that though. Things between a parent and a kid are weird enough as they are, and you just don't want someone else butting in on them. Maybe later, when Kurt and I knew each other better, I could try, but not yet.

I think if he and Mom had something to talk about, though, he might feel a little better. That way it would seem less like I was trying to take his dad away from him, and more like we were both sharing our respective parents. That might be a little easier for him to take.

Soft lips touched the side of my neck again and I shivered, even though it was warm in the car. "Finn? I said you can go to Rachael's."

Everyone repeated what they had to say to me at least twice, like I couldn't get it the first time or something. "I heard you, Kurt. I'm not deaf." It came out a little snippier then I intended it to." 

Luckily, he didn't take offense, which was kind of surprising. After all, he had flow off the handle for much less. He just kissed me again, on the jaw this time, and smiled. "I know you aren't. I just didn't know if you heard me. You seemed like you were lost in thought."

I really liked the way he didn't say that all sarcastic like Quinn always did. I actually do think all of the time. Of course, it's usually about zombies or football or the cheat codes to get myself some bad ass weapons in whatever game Puck had brought over this week, but still. "I was."

He hummed contentedly, a happy sound that I felt vibrate through my body. Looking at him like that, his hair a little mussed up and his body pressed against mine, I felt a familiar stirring in my jeans. Screw waiting until later today, I was getting him right now.

I tightened my arm around his shoulders, then slid it down his side to his hip, lightly pushing his shirt up so I could touch his skin. He jerked his head up. "Finn, what the hell are you doing?" 

"Do you really not know?" I gave him my best happy puppy grin. "Come on, you know you want to."

I slid my fingers up his stomach and across his chest, feeling his heart pounding against my fingers. He shook his head slightly. "Uh, well…Finn…."

I took full advantage of his stuttering to kiss his throat. I wanted to put a hickey on him even worse then I had before, something that would tell everyone that Kurt Hummel belonged to someone, and they needed to keep the fuck away from him.

That thought made me pause. Had I really just had the thought that Kurt belonged to me, like some sort of possession? Did that make me a Crothagium caveman, like he had claimed the other day? Or was it just that I wanted him to always be safe and protected, and this way he could be? Was this love?

I didn't know. I had thought I loved Quinn, but now I knew that I hadn't. Her betrayal still hurt like hell, but I missed Drizzle a lot more than I missed her mother. Mostly I was kind of glad that she was gone, and not picking on me all the time. It was nice to get to school in the morning and not immediately have to hear about how stupid I was.

"Finn!" Kurt slapped my hand, which had wandered down to his lower stomach. "Keep your hands to yourself."

"Why?" I stopped, though. I wasn't a pervert, and I've had enough lectures to know that no means no.

His expressive blue eyes rolled. "I am not fooling around with you in a parking lot, during the school day, where anyone could see. It makes this thing tawdry and cheap."

I'm not 100% sure what 'tawdry' means, but I do understand 'cheap' so it's probably not a good thing. "Oh." I pulled my hand out from under his shirt and gave him my most pitiful look. "Well, I wouldn't want to be tawdry."

He snickered. "Do you know what tawdry means, Finn Hudson?"

Even when he said things like that, he didn't do it in a mean way. It was more of a gentle tease. "It means nasty?" I wanted to sound confident, but it came out questioning.

"Yeah, it means nasty. Now, get your textbook, and come on. 6th period is almost over, and I don't want to miss English Lit."

"Alright." I wasn't able to resist giving him one kiss on the lips, which he gladly returned. "I'll see you in Glee, alright?"

I hated to be clingy, but going to Glee meant seeing both Quinn and Puck, and I didn't know if I could do it without having Kurt there for support. On the other hand, going to Glee meant getting to see Mr. Shue, which was pretty awesome. I had missed him a lot.

"Of course. Now where's the book?" He looked into my eyes and chuckled again. "There is no book, right?"

I nodded happily and reached over to open the door. I liked it when things worked out and no one ended up angry or sad.

Kurt and I walked back to the building side by side, but not touching. I wasn't quite ready to make that sort of statement and, despite his bravado, neither was Kurt. I'm a big believer in just letting things happen naturally, instead of forcing them, so I kept to what we usually did, and acted like we were just…well, not friends exactly, but companions. Two guys who hung out when Mercedes or the rest of the football team wasn't available.

I pretty much blew off the rest of my classes. See, when you get hurt, you can really milk it for a long time. All I had to do was sit there quietly and look pitiful, and the teachers totally ignored me. Except for Mr. Davis, the English teacher, who told me how much had liked my essay, and that I should keep up the good work. Apparently getting good grades could feel as good as scoring touchdowns, who knew? I certainly didn't, considering that I had always sucked at schoolwork. Still, it was kind of cool to get the feeling I was good at something that didn't involve me getting tackled. I made a mental note to tell Kurt thanks, or better yet, find some sexy way of _showing_ him how thankful I was. Then we could both be happy!

There was a 30 minute break between the end of the school day and the start of Glee practice, one that I usually used to get some food or explain to some teacher or another why I had flunked a test or hadn't turned in my homework. Today, though, I was free of all that. I all but ran to the auditorium, hoping desperately that Mr. Shue would be early.

Sure enough, there he was, going over some files. I bounded down the steps, the booming noise causing him to look up. His face broke into a wide smile. "Finn! How was your first day back?"

He barely managed to get his hands up before I threw myself into his arms. I know, I know, you aren't supposed to hug your teachers, because someone might think that they're molesters or something, but come on! This is Mr. Shue, not Mr. Ryerson, who once 'accidentally' touched my butt during class change. I didn't believe that for one second, considering the number of times that I had done the exact same thing to Quinn. Still, I had enough sense not to hug Mr. Shue when I first saw him, because other people might see it and get the wrong idea.

Mr. Shue gave me a tight squeeze. "It hasn't been the same without you here. We aren't actually practicing today, so it should be an easy first day back. We're having some guests from the Jane Adams Academy." 

I already knew that from Tina, but I didn't want to rat her out. "Cool."

He let me go, but kept a hand on my shoulder to steer me towards the piano. "When did the doctor say you could return to Glee?"

"I can come back now, as long as I don't do anything that puts too much pressure on my arm, like fancy lifts or anything. I'm kind of glad to have a slow day, though."

He gave me a long look, like the kind Mom gives me when she wants to say something, but isn't sure if I'll get upset. Finally he gave me a little smile. "So, would you happen to know anything about what happened to Puck's face?"

Even though it could totally get me in trouble, I couldn't lie to Mr. Shue. "My fist."

"Ah." He made a quick note on the musical score in front of him. "Do you want to tell me why?"

"Not really." Not only was the truth humiliating, but I was tired of the entire thing. Puck and I fought pretty regularly, but it was usually the sort that led to a wrestling match to sort it all out, and ended with one of us pinned beneath the other. Then there would be a few half-hearted punches to the chest and shoulders, and we would both get up, the argument forgotten. Honestly, I missed the guy. He had come to see me right after the accident, when no one else had, and he stuck up for me, even to Quinn.

_Ah, Quinn. You know, your girlfriend? The one that he slept with? Dude, have a little self respect. Don't go crawling back to Puck like a little puppy that's been kicked and kicked, but is still hoping for a kind word. Not to mention what he's going to say when he finds out about Kurt._

I hadn't even thought about that. After all of the shit that he (and I, but I didn't like thinking about that) had put Kurt through for being gay, I didn't even want to know what he would when he found out the two of us were a couple. For a second, I felt a pang in my chest for a friendship that I knew was going to be totally over. I had known Puck practically since we were in diapers, and it felt really, really weird to think about not having him around. But I had let Puck push me around for long enough. I wanted Kurt now, and if Puck couldn't deal with that, screw him.

_Does it bother you at all that you're willing to totally forgive him for screwing your girlfriend, but you'll drop him if he says anything bad about Kurt? Still think that you're only a little bit gay? Seems to me that you like Kurt a lot more then you ever liked Quinn._

"Shut up." Mr. Shue gave me a startled look, and I realized that I had spoken out loud. "I mean, I guess it's not that important now."

He sighed. "Are the two of you going to get into another fight today? Because you really need to be on your best behavior for the Jane Adams kids."

I gave him my best smile. "Don't worry, Mr. Shue, I promise I won't pick a fight with Puck." No promises if he started it first, but I didn't think he would do that. He had backed down to me in the cafeteria, which was a first. Usually I was the one who just went along with whatever he wanted.

"I know you won't" He went back to whatever he had been doing when I came in, and I turned to the seats in the auditorium, since I figured that we would be sitting there today so we could watch the Jane Adams girls

Once I got to the seats, I wasn't sure where to sit. I usually sat over to one side, with Puck, Quinn, Matt and Mike, but I didn't want that today. I had just promised not to pick a fight with Puck, and I really didn't want to, but I didn't know if I would be able to control myself if I saw him cuddling with _my_ girlfriend like nothing had changed.

_She's not _your_ girlfriend any more, Finn. You don't have one. You do, however, have a boyfriend, and you need to remember that._

Yeah, I knew that. I chose a spot in the dead center and sat down. Puck could just sit somewhere else. I really, really wanted Kurt to come sit by me, but I didn't know if he would, or if that would fall into the category of being too obvious. Probably, which really sucked.

The auditorium door banged open and I looked up hopefully. It was Mike and Matt, who were pretty cool, but not who I really wanted. They swarmed around me, giving me shoulder punches and telling me about how the team was doing. Losing, as usual. Still, it made me sad to think that there was another game tomorrow, and I wouldn't be playing in it. Maybe I would go anyway, you know, just to see Kurt in those tight pants.

This time when the door opened, it was Kurt and Mercedes, closely followed by Rachael, Artie and Tina. He strutted over to me, wearing his trademark smirk, and sat down. "Finn, I just talked to my father, and he said that he's taking Carol out to dinner after her shift, so we're on our own for dinner. I'm not cooking, so either you need to do it, or we'll pick something up."

I had already known about all that, but I got what Kurt was doing. He felt like he had to make an excuse to get close to me, so it wouldn't make people suspicious. Then, once he was here, he would just stay, because Kurt Hummel didn't move for anyone. I tried to say thanks using only my eyes, but I'm not sure if he got it.

This time when the door opened, I knew it was Puck and Quinn. Even before I looked, I could feel a coldness on my neck. I think it's my Spider Sense, just like Peter Parker's. Kurt flicked his eyes over to the door and tensed up. Mercedes crossed her arms and glared up at the door. Honestly, it's kind of cool to have Mercedes be mad, but to know that she isn't mad at me this time.

I didn't look. I couldn't. If I had to look up there, and see him with her, I was going to scream, or cry, or do something else that was totally inappropriate for a school setting. Luckily, I was saved by Brit and Santana, who came in and all but drug the fornicators (how's that for a vocabulary word? Guess what, I learned it from Quinn.) to the other side of the auditorium. I knew that Brit would be on my side, since our mothers had been friends for a long time, but I was surprised that Santana was taking up for me. Maybe she was just pissed with Puck again.

Ok, I could do this. All I had to do was just not look to the left (or was it the right? I looked down at my injured arm, which was closer to Puck and Quinn. Don't look to the right, then) and maybe we could get out of this without anyone saying or doing something stupid.

Mr. Shue took the front of the stage, telling us about our guests and that he expected we would be a good audience and pay attention, because he was going to want to discuss their style later. Yeah, yeah, yeah, be polite, I got it.

The lights dimmed, and a bunch of girls in tight outfits came tearing onto the stage. Holy shit, where had they all come from? The music started, and I came to a sudden, shocking realization.

See, under any other circumstances, 30 loose girls in tight outfits, all gyrating to 'Bootylicious', would have been the stuff that wet dreams are made of. I would have been totally unable to tear my eyes from their asses or boobs. Instead of doing that, though, I couldn't stop staring at the one girl's giant afro, and wondering how she could whip her head around like that with it. What in the hell had Kurt done to me? Could I not even enjoy tits and ass any more?

_I'll bet you like the thought of _Kurt's_ ass._

Yeah, I did. Plus, Kurt's ass was actually in reach, as opposed to on its way back to the Jane Adams Academy, where it would probably be kept in a locked dorm. Yeah, Kurt was so much better then these girls.

Once the girls were done, they raced out of the auditorium, screaming and exchanging high fives. Personally, I thought that we were the better singers, but they sure had a lot of enthusiasm.

Mr. Shue looked totally shell shocked, even after they left. He barely managed to pull himself together long enough to dismiss us, telling us to think about what we had seen today and be ready to talk about it tomorrow.

I risked a quick glance around the auditorium, noticing that all the other guys were sitting there with their mouths hanging open. Even Puck, who, sure enough, was sitting next to Quinn. She was giving him the evil eye, though, which meant he was only a few seconds away from getting smacked. Suddenly I was really glad that she wasn't my girlfriend any more.

Kurt nudged my leg. "Are you ready to go?"

I'm pretty sure that he just wanted me out of the room before we could recover enough to start fighting again. It's not that I don't appreciate the thought, because I really do, but I wasn't an animal that would go after Puck as soon as our eyes met. But then, leaving now meant getting home faster, and getting home faster meant getting Kurt naked faster, which made it all worth it. "Uh-huh, I'm ready."

I waved goodbye to Mr. Shue, who waved back, still looking stunned. I mean, come on, the girls weren't _that_ good. Sometimes Mr. Shue worries too much, just like I do.

Dimly, I heard Kurt asking Mercedes if she wanted a ride home, but she shook her head. "No, I think that you have things you need to do. Or people."

Wait, did that mean what I think it did? That would be silly; Kurt wouldn't tell anyone after he had specifically said he wouldn't. I looked over, only to find his face was bright red. He shot Mercedes a glare. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Mercedes is much braver then I am, because I would never have the balls to talk back to Kurt. "I'm sure you don't. No, I'll see both of you tomorrow. Finn, I'm glad you're back and feeling better." 

The Navigator beeped when Kurt approached it, breaking the strange silence that had fallen. Once we were in the car, he grinned at me, his hair falling into his eyes. "So, what do you say we go back to my place, and I give you that Biology lesson?"

Score!


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. Work has gotten away with me, and I my foster dog is taking up the lions share of my time at the moment. Hopefully I will get the next one up quicker.

Kurt POV

Normally, I'm a very careful driver. I obey the speed limits, always signal, and don't do idiotic things like racing trains or blowing red lights. Ending up a crushed mess of red goo that will look terrible in my coffin is not one of my life plans, thank you very much. Plus, I can't stand the thought of having an accident with my baby, and having to explain to my father that it was through my own carelessness. The look of disappointment on his face would be almost too much to imagine.

There were not normal circumstances, however. Normal circumstances involved me being alone in the car, or with Mercedes, both of us singing along to the radio. The most certainly did not involve Finn Hudson making 'fuck me' eyes, while his hand crept steadily higher on my thigh. "Finn, stop that!" 

He sighed pitifully, like this wasn't the third time I had had to tell him to knock it off in 10 minutes, but he did move his hand back to my knee, where I knew it was just a matter of time before it started sliding up my leg again. "All the way, Finn."

Another dramatic sigh. "But-"

"But nothing, it's only another couple of minutes before we get to the house, unless, of course, you would rather I wrap the car around a tree, and we both end up in the hospital." I tried to sound tough, but totally failed. Secretly, I was thrilled to have someone who couldn't keep his hands off of me. And with Finn, just like in my dreams. I don't know if I could have been happier.

"That depends. Will I get conjugal visits with you in the hospital?" Trust Finn to manage to both completely misunderstand the situation, and completely steal my heart with just a few words. But if I could keep him talking, I could probably also convince him to keep his hands to himself.

"First of all, conjugal visits are for people in jail, not people in the hospital. Second of all, provided we weren't too badly injured to want sex, I'm sure we would be allowed to have it. Of course, we would never be able to get your mother to leave her baby boy, so it would have to be right in front of her." 

His jaw dropped in horror and he actually scooted away from me as far as the seatbelt would allow. "Ew."

It as a pretty disgusting thought, and served its purpose much better then a cold shower would have. "And that's why I want you to keep your hands to yourself."

We both knew that Finn's disgust would only last a few minutes, but that would be long enough to get us home and safely locked in the basement. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to ask Tina what 'punch drunk' meant. Maybe Finn would know. "Finn?"

He gave me a baleful look. "Are you going to say something gross again? Cause, if you are, I think we should just be quiet until we can get to the making out."

I had to laugh at his sincerity. "No, I just had a question for you. What does 'punch drunk' mean?"

The change of subject threw him for a minute, and he just stared at me while he gathered his thoughts. "Punch drunk? It when two dudes are boxing, and the one gets knocked down until he's kind of out of it, and probably has a concussion. When he gets up, he's kind of weaving around like he's drunk, only he's not, like, beer drunk, he's drunk from getting punched. So they call it 'punch drunk', get it? Why?"

I got a lot more then he thought I did. Somehow, both Mercedes and my father had managed to make boxing comparisons, both talking about how this was a bad thing for Finn and probably me, too. Both of them were really smart, and certainly better at reading people then I am and maybe I should be listening to them. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Finn any more then he had already been hurt. "Oh, I just heard the term somewhere."

We were at my house by then, and I pulled into the driveway in a tense silence. Finn watched me seriously, his earlier teasing gone. "You're sad."

Dense as he could be, he knew how to cut to the heart of the matter. "Kind of."

"Why?'

I wished that I could be as honest as he could, just lay everything out there and go on, but I couldn't. I couldn't lie either, though. "Can we talk about it inside?"

"Ok, I guess." He was nervous now, probably thinking that he had done something wrong, and this entire thing was his fault.

To Finn's credit, he waited until we had both stepped through the doorway and the door had closed behind us before he asked again, which was technically inside. "Why are you sad?"

Honesty was the best policy, even if it did lead to broken hearts. "Everyone is telling me that I'm making a mistake with you."

He looked hurt. "Who's everyone? I thought we weren't going to tell anyone about this. Kurt, you promised!" His face had paled and he was starting to back away from me.

I knew it, he was ashamed. "I didn't! And why do you suddenly care so much? Didn't you just tell me that you would come out to everyone if I wanted you to?" I had to fight to keep my voice even. Screaming had gotten me in trouble before, and I wasn't going to let it happen again. "Now listen, alright? My father said something on Sunday, before you woke up. Mercedes knew that I was going to come talk to you this morning, and she saw how happy I was, so she knew that things had gone well. I didn't say yes or no to her, but you know that that's as good as a yes in a girls mind."

Finn stared hard at me for a minute, then released a slow breath. "Ok. I just…I really thought you had lied for a minute."

Pity cooled my temper as quickly as if it had never been there. Finn was willing to forgive a lot of things, but lying wasn't one of them. Quinn's ghost was going to haunt both of us for a long time, maybe forever. I put out my arms. "Come here, you big goof."

He was still tense when my arms wrapped around him, though he did hug me back. He relaxed slowly against me, leaning down to rest his cheek against the top of my head. "Why does everyone think you're making a mistake? What's wrong with me?" His voice was very, very soft.

"Nothing!" I tightened my hold on him. "They just think that this is really fast for you after Quinn, and that you've already been hurt enough."

He pulled free to sit down on the couch. For a few seconds, he was quiet, leaning forward with his elbows against his knees. I just stood there, not knowing what to do. Then he looked up, his eyes studying mine deeply. "_Are_ you going to hurt me, Kurt Hummel?"

How could I answer that and not lie? I couldn't guarantee that I would never hurt him, despite my best efforts. I screamed, I got frustrated and ill tempered, and, if I was being totally honest with myself, I had a bit of a persecution complex. There were probably going to be times when I lashed out, and Finn got caught in the crossfire. "Not deliberately."

"Not deliberately." He repeated the words slowly, as if he was trying them out. Then he gave me a gentle smile. "Well, what else can I ask for?"

That seemed like a good sign, so I came over and sat next to him. He put an arm around me, still giving me that calm look. I took a chance and gave him a quick kiss. He returned it. "So, are we having a biology lesson or not?"

"S-sure." When did I turn into Tina? Finn had that effect on me, he always had. "But let's go downstairs." It would give my father the shock of his life if he walked in on me and I was on top of Finn.

"Ok." If Finn was nervous, he showed no sign of it. Quinn claimed that he wasn't smart enough to be nervous, but I knew that that wasn't true. Finn had been nothing but nervous the past few months, ever since she had decided to announce that there was a little Finn on the way.

Once we actually made it down the steps and into the basement, we both just kind of stood there, not really sure of what we should do. Finn eased from foot to foot, running a hand through his hair and making it stand up in places. I gave my eyes a mental roll and stepped forward to fix it for him.

As soon as we touched, that weird feeling surged through my body again, an almost magnetic pull that seemed to accompany Finn these days. He gasped, which made me think that I might not be the only one who sensed the pull. "Do you feel that?"

"That buzz? Yeah, I felt it Saturday, too. Kind of like a vibration?" Finn moved closer, pressing his body against mine.

That was all it took to produce an instant hard on and cause all of my reservations to disappear. I shoved my hip against his, nudging him over to the bed. Sheets could be washed, and I was _not_ about to violate my couch again. Once was more then enough. "Bed, now."

Luckily, Finn didn't need to be told twice. He took off his shoes and socks and climbed up on the bed, watching me expectantly. I followed suit and laid down next to him, running my shaking hands down his back.

One eyebrow quirked. "Kurt, there's no reason to be nervous. It's not like I haven't seen it all before."

Yes, but last time we had been so caught up in the novelty and passion of it all that I hadn't really thought about what I was doing. This time, I wanted things to go a little slower. Not too slow, but having the entire thing last more then 2 minutes might be helpful. As hard as I was, though, I wasn't holding out much hope.

Finn untucked my shirt so he could trace over my bare skin. He was so quiet that it was eerie, since Finn Hudson was almost never quiet. "Can you take it off? I'm afraid I'll rip it, and it probably cost more than I'm worth."

He was worth absolutely anything, and certainly more than this shirt, which was last season anyway, but I kept because I looked so good in it. I didn't really trust myself to say that yet, though, so I stripped it off. "You, too." 

"Ok." Finn wasn't the slightest bit shy, though he did have some trouble getting his shirt off one handed. Of course, if my body looked like that, I wouldn't be shy either. No matter how hard I worked, I was never going to get a six pack like his.

Apparently he liked my body well enough, because he was immediately on top of me, his fingers tracing over my ribs. At any other time, that would have made me start giggling, but now it just added to the thrill. I was moaning pitifully by the time he started licking at my collarbone. The feeling of his tongue against my skin caused my hips to jerk up against his, which made us both groan softly. Finn had a real fetish for putting his mouth of my skin, not that I was complaining, mind you.

I pulled against him, tugging him down next to me, and rolled so I was on top of him. He could have stopped me, quite easily in fact, but he let me move him without tensing or seeming to mind.

_He trusts you, baby boy. He trusts you with his body, and he trusts you with his heart. Take good care of both of them, because you have the power to break him right now._

The thought was simple, but so powerful that it brought tears to my eyes. I buried my face in his neck, running kisses down it just so he wouldn't see my face and wonder what he had done wrong this time. He smelled sweet and familiar, just like always, and I couldn't imagine not having this smell. I had to be good for Finn, if for no other reason.

Speaking of Finn, he had just decided to grab my ass, which made me gasp and pull back. He smirked and kissed my lips again. "What?"

"You are not playing fair, Finn Hudson. I didn't do that to you and scare the crap out of you."

He worked his good hand around to start messing with my pants. "Oh really? I seem to recall you smacking my ass in front of the entire school during 'Push It'."

I hadn't realized that he had known that was me. "Come on, you liked that."

_Aren't as subtle as you think you are, are you, Kurt? Keep that in mind the next time you think you're being very, very clever._

"Kind of. Mostly I was just so surprised that I lost my place. Now, if you wanted to do that at the next pep assembly…." He gave me a smirk at the same time he managed to undo the button and get his hand down my pants. Great, now I was making that whimpering noise again and everything was getting all bright.

To be 100% honest, I really didn't jerk off that much, so this was all kind of novel. It was messy and took way too long, not to mention I had a distinct lack of material to go back to. My magazines, the ones that April Rhodes had given me, had mysteriously disappeared one day. I knew that my father had had something to do with it, but I was too embarrassed to bring it up in front of him. Plus, I just found the entire thing a little gross. It wasn't gross now, though, it was perfect and I had no idea how I had gone so long without this feeling.

Finn nudged my cheek with his nose. "Open your eyes."

I hadn't realized that I had ever closed them. When I forced them back open, Finn was laying next to me, watching me with dark, dilated eyes. "Hey." The word was quiet and rough.

"Hey." I tried to get my equilibrium back. Finn had gotten to control things last time, and I didn't want him to get the idea that it would always be like that. "Take your clothes off."

He certainly didn't need to be told twice. Within a few seconds, he had managed to get all his shirt and pants off, as well as unbuckle the sling. "Everything, Finn."

I was all but drooling at this point. I hadn't gotten a good look at him on Saturday, and wasn't about to waste this opportunity. Finn shrugged and dropped his boxer shorts without the slightest hint of shame.

Holy shit it was big.

_Yes! Kurt if you don't know what to do with that thing, let me at it. I'll figure something out._

I was tempted to let her do it, because I was suddenly terrified. The two of us hadn't actually discussed sex, but I was pretty sure that he would want me to be on the bottom. I hoped he didn't want to do that tonight, because there was no way that thing was getting anywhere near me.

Finn raised one eyebrow. "So, am I going to be the only one who gets naked tonight? Cause, that doesn't seem very fair."

"Uh, sure, I guess." I slid out of my pants and boxer shorts, standing up so that we were face to face. Or, more accurately, face to chest, since Finn was so damn tall.

His eyes widened. "Uh, ok, wow." Suddenly he was the one who seemed nervous. "No offense dude, but that thing is kind of freaking me out. I mean, I don't think it's going to fit in...well, you know. I don't think I'm ready for that." He actually moved a little away from me when he spoke.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who was having some second thoughts about the actual sex part. "It's alright; we don't have to do anything you don't want to." If I didn't phrase this exactly right, he was going to bolt on me. Things had suddenly become very real, and very, very, gay for him. "We don't have to do anything at all. We can just put our clothes back on and study something other then biology."

"No." He gulped and visibly pulled himself together. "No, I want to. Just not, like, all the way. God, I sound like a chick." He chuckled, a soft little release of tension.

I had to assume he was telling the truth, since he certainly hadn't lost his hard on. "If you were a chick, I wouldn't like you."

He smiled a little. "I would still like you, even if you were. But I like you this way, too."

That was probably a significant revelation of some sort, but he had reached out to run a finger over my dick, and I kind of lost the thread of the conversation. "Oh." It came out halfway between a word and a moan.

"Yeah. Can we not talk any more? I'm kind of ready to get to the action." He kissed the side of my neck again, replacing his finger with his hand and I would have agreed to anything in that moment.

Somehow I had lost control of the situation again, but I really couldn't find it in me to care. If Finn had asked me to bend over right then, I would have done it with a smile. "Fuck, Finn."

"Yeah." For as serious as this was, he was very, very calm. "Oh, wait, I got something." He turned and went back over to his backpack, rummaging through the front pocket. "No, no, no, oh, there it is." 

Unless he had a cloning machine in there so I could fool around with two of him at once, I didn't care what it was. I just wanted him back here with me.

There was a snap of a bottle opening which made me jump. "See, I got some lube, you know, to be prepared."

And people said that Finn Hudson was stupid. He expertly poured some into his palm and gave me a funny grin. "It's a little cold at first, but you get used to it really fast. It makes things better, I promise."

_And just who has he been practicing on? Quinn? Rachael?_

Sometimes Galinda was my voice of reason, and sometimes she was just a possessive, jealous, bitch. Finn was probably just using it when he jerked off. The thought made me even harder, and now I was whining pitifully. "Finn, please."

I had sworn that one thing I would never do was beg, but that had totally gone by the wayside. If Finn wanted to hear pleading, he would get pleading.

"Oh, all right." He carefully eased his bad arm around my chest, pulling me back to his body. It was a loose hold, but I had no desire to break it. His fingers lightly scraped over my ribs, and his good hand dipped down lower.

He was right, it _was_ better with lube. Finn's body provided a pillar to lean against, which was good, because it only took about 10 seconds for my knees to unlock, which would have dumped me onto the floor if he hadn't been holding me up. He sucked in a sharp breath when my weight pressed against his arm, but didn't let go for a second. Instead he rested his chin on my shoulder, staring down at what he was doing. I wanted to look also, but I was already so close to the edge, and I didn't want to embarrass myself.

Finn's breath was hot against the side of my neck, coming in whining pants. I could feel him against my back, and the proof that he wanted me as badly as I wanted him brought it up another notch. Then he did this weird twisting thing with his wrist and I came hard, much harder then on Saturday. Sounds that might or might not have been words came out of my mouth, and I slumped backwards against him. He gave a breathy, strained chuckled and folded to the ground, pulling me into his lap and kissing my temple. "Are you still with me?"

Kind of. My head felt heavy, like it was stuffed with silk. Soft, shiny, silky, silk. I had disgusting bodily fluids drying on myself, as well as the edge of my bed, which we had never made it to, and was having trouble remembering why I should care.

_Don't you think that you're forgetting something? Or more specifically, _someone_? It's a sad day when Finn Hudson has more control then you do, but, more importantly, I think he might like to get off, too._

Belatedly, I realized that she was right. Finn wasn't saying anything, but I could feel that he was still hard as diamonds against me. I laid my forehead against his shoulder, feeling the rapid-fire pounding of his heart. "I'm sorry." I wasn't even sure what I was apologizing for, whether it was forgetting about his needs, or for lasting about 30 seconds or for something else entirely. My brain had become a foggy mess, and if it had been anyone but Finn seeing me this way, I would have been humiliated.

"S'ok." He was trying to be cool about it, but I could hear the strain in his voice. I might not jerk off that much, but there isn't a teenage guy alive that doesn't know what blue balls feels like. I did feel a small amount of smugness at the realization that pretty much every case of blue balls I had ever had had been caused by one Mr. Finn Hudson, and now I was causing it in him.

With a soft sigh, I slid off of his lap so I could have better access. "Lay back, ok?" I didn't want to miss my chance to get a good look at his body, without him being all hunched over, like he currently was.

See, this is one of the differences between Finn and I (other then having even a modicum of fashion sense, that is). If someone had asked me to lie back on a strange carpet, I would have been worried about things like being stabbed with a tack or paperclip, or wrinkling my clothing (though neither one of us was wearing any), or getting some sort or strange carpet disease. Finn just laid down, like a puppy asking for a scratch. Well, he was going to get something a lot better then a belly rub.

Before I did any of that, though, I just wanted a chance to see him, something I hadn't gotten last time. I ran my fingers over his face, and down the sides of his neck, and meeting them together as I traced his collarbones. He whined softly, breathing hard. 'Kurt, come on!"

_Oh, give the poor guy a break. You're just on a power trip right now, and you know it._

Alright, alright. I leaned my upper body on top of his, kissing him one last time. His body was tense beneath me, his stomach jerking as I touched him. "Please." It was a soft, hoarse, whisper.

If I lived to be 100, I would never forget this moment. One perfect second when I had Finn Hudson begging me for sex. Even if this entire thing ended tomorrow, I could go for _years_ off of this one.

My hand trembled a little bit as I traced it over his abs. What if I didn't do it right? What if he wanted more then I could give him right now?

_God, Kurt, man up! He's 16 and so are you. If he gets a hand job out of this, he's going to be perfectly happy. Plus, you seemed to do fine with it the other night. If he asks for more, tell him you aren't ready. You make everything way too complicated, sweetness._

She was right, of course. Galinda was always right, when I actually bothered to listen to her. I was Kurt Hummel. If I didn't give the best hand jobs ever, right now, I would just have to practice until I could. Anything worth doing was worth doing exquisitely.

_You sure looked exquisite earlier, when you came about 2 seconds after he touched you._

My irritation with Galinda gave me courage, and I wrapped my hand around his dick. Between the lube still on both of our bodies and the precum that was dripping from him at this point, things moved pretty easily. I stroked hard, from base to tip and back again two or three times, and that was all it took. He came over his stomach and my hand, cursing loudly as he did so.

_See, told you so. _

Finn was struggling to get up, so I eased off of him. He touched his nose to mine. "I think maybe I need a little practice at this. Sorry, Kurt." 

I turned so I could kiss his lips, not quite sure what was going on. "About what?"

His jaw worked for a second, the flush on his face spreading to his ears. "Well, you know." At my raised eyebrow, he continued. "I didn't last very long." 

I couldn't help the snort that came on in response to that. "Look at it this way, you lasted longer then I did. Maybe we _both_ need to practice." I raised one eyebrow so he would know exactly what I was suggesting.

That earned me one of his goofy smiles. "You are like the coolest person ever."

"Don't forget it, ok?" I would never understand Finn Hudson. I mean, ego aside, I did think that I was pretty great, but I couldn't understand why _Finn_ would think so. He was popular, gorgeous, sweet-

_Hung. _There was way too much smugness in Galinda's tone.

That too. Finn was looking at me expectantly, and I realized that he had said something while Galinda was being a pervert. "I'm sorry, what?" 

"I said that you wouldn't let me forget how awesome you were. Not that I would, of course. It's just cool how you don't get upset about stuff." He got up, stumbling over a piece of clothing. "I'm going to get something to clean up with, ok?"

It was only then that I remembered that we had managed to violate not only my bedspread, but the carpet as well. Fantastic. Did Finn not have any idea how hard it was going to be to clean this up?

Speaking of, I had just realized that I still had some of Finn's cum on my hand. I looked at it curiously, just wondering. I might not be ready to have sex with Finn, but there were other things we could do, right?

_Right, because that thing is going to fit so much better in your mouth then it is in your ass. _

That, of course, got my wondering about how exactly one went about giving a blow job. I mean, I've read Cosmo, but knowing and doing were two entirely different things. It couldn't possibly be as easy as pornographic DVD's made it look. Was it bad etiquette to ask Brit or Santana for some tips? Maybe I should just see what I could figure out on my own.

Before Finn could come back and get grossed out, I darted my tongue out to lick at it. It didn't exactly taste bad, but it didn't taste that good either. Certainly not as wonderful as all those thinly disguised porn novels I had stolen from Mercedes made it sound.

_Want to guess how many calories in are in that, Kurt? It can't possibly be that many, or it would taste a whole lot better. After all, only things that are bad for you taste good. If it tasted like cheesecake, you would probably be in trouble._

"What are you doing?" Finn's voice was curious and unexpectedly close, and I jumped, feeling oddly guilty.

Odd how the floor never opened up and dropped you into China when you wanted it to. How was I going to explain why I had just gotten caught tasting my kind of boyfriends cum?

_Tell him that if he ever wants even the slightest hint of a blow job from you, tasting it is a necessary evil_. Galinda had a snicker in her mental voice.

I picked my chin up and stared him right in the eye. "I'm practicing."

"Hot." Finn had that dopey half smile on his face, so I was pretty sure I was going to get off the hook for this one. He offered me a wet washcloth, looking around for his clothing as he did so.

"Your boxer shorts are on the dresser." I cleaned as much of the disgusting half-dried mess off of myself as I could, and started stripping the sheets off the bed. True, only a small part of it had gotten hit, but I was _not_ sleeping on filth tonight.

Finn had one eyebrow raised. "How did my underwear end up all the way across the room?"

There was no good answer for that, so I just shrugged. He ambled over and put his boxer shorts back on, which was a rather major disappointment. I could take a hint though, and quickly found my own underwear. "There's some extra sheets in the bottom drawer, pull them out, please." He nodded and started looking around.

That was it? He hadn't even kissed me afterwards, like he had last time. This way made me feel like all he was using me for was sex. I didn't need him to get down on his knees and declare his undying love for me, but give me _something!_

He helped me remake the bed (the Finn Hudson version of helping, which only ended up making twice the work. Honestly, how did the boy make it 16 years and not know how to properly put on a fitted sheet?) and flopped down it. "Don't you want to cuddle or something?" He held out his arms in invitation.

If I didn't take this invitation right now, it might never be repeated. I jumped on to the bed with enough enthusiasm that I slammed my knee into Finn's hip. We both yelped, clutching at our respective injured parts. Funny, no one ever ended up with bruises in the movies.

There was a further 45 seconds or so where we squirmed around and knocked knees and heads and elbows before finding a comfortable position. When I told Mercedes about this night, which obviously wasn't going to be for a while, since Finn wasn't exactly my boyfriend yet, I was leaving this part out. In the version I was going to tell her, the entire thing was perfect, so perfect that there was beautiful music swelling in the background while we were fooling around. Then we drifted off in each others arms, and woke up together (without bed head or morning breath, thank you very much) the next morning.

Finn seemed to be well on his way to the drifting off in my arms part, his eyes closed and his bad arm draped loosely over my chest. He was so quiet that I startled when he spoke. "So, don't let me fall asleep, ok? I still have to be at the doctors at 6:30 to get my staples out."

"I won't." Normally, I would have set the alarm on my cell phone to be sure, but that would involve getting out of bed and finding my pants, both of which seemed like way too much effort. Hell, at this point, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed if Lady Gaga herself and been standing on the other side of the room, offering me a personal makeover and style tips.

We were both quiet for a few minutes. I didn't know what to say or do, and God only knew what Finn was thinking about. Probably food. Or sex. Or both.

As it turned out, he wasn't. Oh no, not Finn Hudson. Finn Hudson had to be thinking about the one thing I wished he wasn't. "I'm curious."

I waited, but he didn't seem to want to elaborate. "About what? Because if you want some fashion advice, and, believe me, you need it desperately, you're going to have to wait because I'm too tired to care."

His chuckle vibrated through my back. "Just because I don't know designers or anything, doesn't mean I don't have any fashion sense. I can match stuff."

That was debatable. When your shirts came in just three or four colors, and you wore nothing but jeans, there wasn't a much that you could screw up. I gave him my patented raised eyebrow, which he shrugged off. "What do you want to know, then?" 

A red flush spread across his face, and he made an awkward gesture. "What does it taste like? You know what I mean."

So much for hoping he hadn't understood what I was doing. I could feel my face heating up until I'm sure it matched his. "Not that great." I buried my face in the pillow, praying that he wouldn't push the issue.

The bed shifted as he nodded. "Yeah, those guys in the porn videos really didn't act like it tasted very good either."

That was enough to make me pick my head up. "_You_ watched gay porn videos?" The idea was so foreign to me that I couldn't decided whether I was seriously turned on, or so confused that my brains were going to explode.

Finn looked confused, which was rather endearing on him. "Yeah, on the internet." I must have still looked shocked because he nodded. "Dude, I kind of had to for later on with you and me. So I don't, you know, suck at it."

The thought of Finn watching porn so he would know what to do was both extremely arousing and very sweet. "I kind of think sucking is the point of at least part of it, but far be it from me to tell you how to please someone sexually. I'm sure you have far more experience with it then I do."

Luckily he was able to read my teasing tone and didn't take offense. "Yeah, I've fooled around with lots of guys. You know, there was Puck, and Matt, and Mike and, uh, Mr. Shue, and Figgins and Karofsky-"

I jabbed him in the ribs, cutting him off. "Karofsky? As in David 'I torment Kurt Hummel for fun because I'm the missing link and have no brains' Karofsky?"

"Well, yeah. Don't you think he's kind of a closet case?"

"Of course he is. But I don't want to even think about you fooling around with him. Or Matt, or Mike, or Mr. Shue and definitely not Puck!"

He gave me that goofy smile again and gently kissed my lips. "Why would I want to fool around with any of them? I have you now, don't I?" 

It wasn't 'I love you', but it was really, really close. Whether he realized it or not, Finn was staking a claim on me. He wasn't calling himself my boyfriend, not with words, but he might as well have been. Because really, wasn't saying that he wanted me, and only me, the same thing? "Yeah, you have me. That officially makes you the luckiest guy on earth."

One hand came up and stroked down my back, almost to my ass, then back up again. It was soothing and perfect and right, laying here with Finn, my head on his chest and his heart thumping in my ear. The rhythm grew slower and slower, and his hand trailed to a stop just under my shoulder blades. When he spoke it was a sleepy mumble "Yeah, I _am_ pretty lucky. Maybe you and I should run away to Vegas or something."

I didn't know how to reply to that, and it really didn't matter. Finn's chest was doing that funny rattling thing, and I knew he was asleep. The smart thing to do would be get up now, before I fell asleep too, wrapped up in his arms. Yeah, that would certainly be the intelligent and rational thing to do.

Finn and I both slept through his appointment at the doctors.


	18. Chapter 18

Kurt POV

My day had gotten off to a lousy start, and didn't seem to be getting any better. I'm not talking Sweeny Todd 'let's slit some throats and bake them into meat pies' lousy, or Little Shop of Horrors 'kill people and feed them to an alien plant' lousy, more of a 'my boyfriends in trouble and I'm not going to get to see him all morning' lousy.

Carol had been furious when she finally tracked Finn down to my house last night. Not only had he missed his appointment, but we had managed to sleep through her increasingly frantic phone calls. By the time she had tried my phone, which had a significantly louder ring, she was nearly hysterical, convinced that her baby boy was dead in a ditch somewhere, and she would be called on to identify his mutilated body. If it had been my father, he would have shrugged and assumed I was spending the night at one of the girls' houses. I'm not sure whether I should be glad about that or not.

Finn hadn't woken up when my phone started blaring 'Defying Gravity', nor had he so much as twitched when I squirmed out from under his arm and out of bed. However, as soon as Carol started shrieking through the phone, he vaulted to his feet. Of course, he immediately fell over, since he was still pretty much asleep, but he knew his mothers voice, even blurred and crackly because the reception wasn't that great in the basement.

As soon as I had assured her that Finn was, in fact, with me, and not dead and mutilated, her fear morphed into anger, and I was certainly glad that she was his mother and not mine. Finn had taken the phone, letting her know that he was fine, and he had just fallen asleep and a lot of 'yeah, Mom', 'yeah, Mom', 'I know, Mom'. Finally he had hung up and nodded at me. "She's coming to get me, and it would probably be best if I was wearing pants when she gets here."

"I can see where finding you with another boy, sans pants, might be a little disturbing for her." Disappointing for me, but I didn't want to have to explain to Dad why Carol never wanted to see him again because his queer son had corrupted her sweet baby boy.

Finn paused in trying to get his shirt right side out again. "Does 'sans' mean, like, you don't have any?" 

That was the really cute thing about Finn. He seemed to get embarrassed about what he did and didn't know, because he wasn't too prideful to ask for clarification. I guess it's something I could pick up from him. "Yes, Finn, it means without."

"Yeah, it would be seriously creepy and gross if she saw me without pants on. I don't think she would care about me being with a boy though, she's cool like that." He carefully fixed the sling and slipped his shirt on. "She's a good Mom, but, I'm warning you right now, she might kill me tonight. She worries about me when I'm out of her sight. I think it's because of my dad." 

Talking about dead parents was not only a mood killer, but extremely dangerous territory. I missed my mother desperately, and I think Finn misses his father, too, just in a different way. The thing was, I didn't want to talk about her, and there wasn't much Finn could say about him. I didn't know the mans name, and I was pretty sure that I had never told Finn that my mother had been named Sophie. Funny that I could let him see me naked, and have no problems touching his body or allowing him to touch mine, but I couldn't recite such a simple fact.

He kept on. "So, if she kills me, feel free to find someone else. I won't, like, haunt you or anything."

Did he really think that he was so easy to replace?

_Of course he does. After all, Quinn replaced him with Puck, just like that. Then Rachael replaced him with Puck, too. What is it with these girls and their stunning lack of taste?_

"Finn, we live in Lima, Ohio. You know, the homophobic capital of the US? Other then you, there isn't one person here willing to acknowledge my boyfriend potential."

He stretched his arms up over his head, giving a jaw-cracking yawn as he did so. "Oh, I don't know about that."

The doorbell rang before I could ask what he meant by that rather odd statement. He grabbed his backpack and took a deep breath, no doubt preparing himself for his mother's wrath. The bell rang again, leaving me to wonder how she could make the mechanical chime sound so furious.

"One last hug?" He held out his arms, and I jumped into them, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. I squeezed as tightly as I could, memorizing his scent and his feel and everything about him, just like this was the last time we would be together. He gripped me back, having no trouble supporting my weight. He nuzzled the top of my head. "Ok, let's face the dragon lady."

With a quick check in the mirror to ensure that we were both decent (and that _I_ was fabulous) I bounded up the stairs, Finn trailing along behind me, looking like a man on his way to the guillotine. "Oh, quit looking like someone burned your Vogue collection. How bad can she be?"

I found out as soon as I opened the door. Carol smiled tenderly at me. "Hi, Kurt. How are you doing, precious?"

As always, I looked down. Logically, I knew it wasn't bad to like Carol, and it wasn't bad for my father to like her either, but I still couldn't help feeling like my mother would have resented being replaced like that. "I'm good."

"That's good. You!" She pointed at Finn, who had come creeping up behind me. "Get your little ass in the car. You are in big trouble." Her voice would have had Coach Sylvester shaking.

Finn raised on hand in a half wave, then slunk out to the car. Good move, I wouldn't have risked her anger by pausing for too long either. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Hudson. He specifically asked me not to let him fall asleep, and I did. Then I fell asleep and it's really all my fault."

She shook her head. "That's very sweet of you, but Finn needs to take responsibility for himself. He knows to call me if he's going somewhere after school, and I had to reschedule his appointment for tomorrow when he's supposed to be at school. Tell your father hello for me."

"I will." I still couldn't meet her eyes, but she seemed alright with that. "I'll see you this weekend."

She smiled one last time and patted my shoulder. "I'll see you then."

I had sat and worried until nearly 10, when I had finally texted Finn to ask how he was doing. I didn't want the phone to ring and his mother to hear it, but stress leads to acne and wrinkles, and I was not about to have either one. He had called back, immediately, telling me that his mother was already in bed and it was safe to talk.

As it turned out, he wasn't grounded, or even really in trouble. In a classic Mom move, she had just talked to him until he felt so guilty that he found himself swearing to never upset her again. "Ouch."

"Yeah. It gets worse, though. After she made me feel terrible about myself, she took both of my hands and looked into my eyes and said 'Finn, you know I love you, and I'm only saying this because I'm your mother and I care about you. Are you being safe with Kurt? Do you need me to take you to buy condoms?'"

Anything else he might have said was drowned out by my laughter. Had it been Dad and I having that same talk (and I didn't delude myself into thinking that we wouldn't have it as soon as he found out about Finn and I) it would have been mortifying, but at least we were both guys. Having the condom talk with your mother? No.

Finn was chuckling, too, but he still managed to sound affronted. "Dude, it's _not _funny! How does a guy recover from his mother asking how big his dick is?"

My giggles had almost been under control, but that made them start again. "Finn, she didn't ask how big it was. She just wants you to be safe."

It was surprisingly easy for me to picture Finn's eyebrows drawing together when he talked. "She might as well have. You have to pick a size, and she would be able to see that. Then I might have to die."

Sometimes I think Finn missed his calling as an actor. He can be such as drama queen, and when _I_ say that, it means a lot. Then I had another thought. Condoms came in sizes? I mean, it makes sense, but I had always been too embarrassed to even glance at the condom aisle in the store, so I had never thought about it. Wonder what size I needed? My flush deepened as I wondered what size _Finn_ needed.

_Do they come in huge? Because, damn! You might need to do a little research on this stuff, Kurt; you seem a little confused about it all._

I was not! Ok, maybe I was. I understood the basic premise of how to give a blow job, and what actual intercourse would entail, but I wanted things to be perfect for Finn and I. Maybe Galinda was right, and a little research was in order. There had to be a place on the internet that just gave factual advice, I would just have to shuffle through all of graphic porn to find it.

_Maybe graphic porn is what you need. You know, learn it from the professionals? Even better, invite Finn over again and you can practice on each other. Learning by doing is always best in my book._

See, my diva always had good ideas. Now I could look at hot naked guys and not feel like a pervert. I was gathering facts and data, so it was like an assignment. I just had to figure out a way to pay for it using my father's credit card and not have him find out about it. I could just see .com popping up on his statement. He had taken away my baby for the tiara collection; I couldn't even imagine what this would cause me to lose.

_Your virginity?_

"What about my virginity?" I suddenly realized that Finn was still on the line, probably wondering if I had fallen asleep or died or been eaten by a fire breathing dragon. Finn tended to worry about the strangest things happening to me.

"Not yours, mine, and I was just thinking out loud." There was no way I was going to tell him what I was really thinking. He would either be so creeped out that he would never talk to me again or so turned on that he would sneak out of his house and get in even worse trouble. "Listen, I have to let you go. It's time for my shower and nightly moisturizing routine."

I was banking on Finn not caring about any of that, and, sure enough, he had quickly made an excuse to get off the phone. "Bye then, I'll see you tomorrow. Aren't we having more visitors in Glee?"

"Right, the deaf school. Finn, I….I'll see you." For a terrible second, I had almost told him I loved him. Not that I didn't, but I didn't want to scare him away. Easy does it, especially when dealing with a skittish teenage boy who had only been having homosexual thoughts for a week.

"Kay, bye. Go back do your face stuff and…stuff." His voice had suddenly dropped, so I could only assume that Carol had come to check on him. "I might miss lunch, but I'll see you in Glee."

I wondered how he could make those few words sound like a date.

The next day passed slowly. Mercedes was full of questions about where I had been yesterday, questions that I wasn't sure how to answer. Finn had been pretty clear about not wanting her to know, but she was my best (and sometimes only) friend, and I desperately needed someone to talk to about this. I stammered my way through some lies, my face so red that I was going to have either confess soon or start wearing concealer, which was just not possible. I had tried that once, in an attempt to cover up the freckles that popped up in the summer, and ended up with my skin all broken out.

"I told you, Mercedes, I went home and fell asleep, which is why I didn't hear the phone ring. Now, are you going to lend me your homework or not?"

She passed it over with a smug expression. "Kurt, no one believes you, sweetheart. But you keep your little romance a secret for now. I know who it really is, and one day you'll confess it to me. But since you've snagged yourself a man, we need to work on getting one for me."

I had no idea how to help her, since I still wasn't quite sure how I had managed to get my own, but as her best male girlfriend, I was required to do my best. "Well, what do you want in a man? Is there anyone specific you have your eye on?" 

Her arm came around my shoulders. "Oh, I don't know. I _was_ kind of looking at Finn the other day and-Kurt, did you just growl at me?"

"Mercedes, I would never do something as low class as growling at you." I gave my hair an expert toss and glared. It was a move that worked on everyone else, but Mercedes knows all of my tricks by now.

"Nice try, Baby, but I'm not impressed by that any more. Anyway, Finn is your man, and totally not my type. Chicks before dicks and all that. Now what I want is a beautiful black man, with a gorgeous smile and big hands."

"Big hands?" I understood everything else, but hands?

She smirked again. "You know what they say about guys with big hands…"

I knew exactly what she was implying. "I think that's big feet, not hands."

"Uh-huh, and what shoe size does Finn wear?" 

"13" I answered before I thought. "I mean…well…"

_Well, what? You may have to explore the possibility that a correlation does, in fact, exist between shoe size and penis size. The living proof was in your basement last night._

Mercedes gave me that look that was somehow both tender and intimidating. "Alright, Kurt, I'll quit teasing you. Walk me to class."

I spent the rest of the morning carefully evaluating the boys in the school and trying to figure out which one might be a match for her. Unfortunately, none of them measured up to my admittedly high standards. Still, I wasn't ready to admit defeat yet. The right guy was out there, I just had to find him.

Finn wasn't at lunch, nor was he in any of his afternoon classes. I missed him, with his goofy smile and dark eyes and the way he almost never had the right answer, but still tried as hard as he could. More than anything, I missed the way he had looked at me yesterday, like I was the most important person in the entire world.

By the time Glee practice rolled around, I had almost given up hope of seeing Finn at all. Maybe Carol had decided to let him stay home for the rest of the day, or the maybe something had gone wrong at the doctors. What if his arm was infected, or not healing right? He might be back in the hospital right now.

I was working my way up to a true diva hissy fit tantrum, when Galinda stepped in. _Why don't you ask someone? I'll bet Mr. Shue could tell you._

When I actually bothered to listen to her instead of flying off the handle and coming up with some over elaborate scheme, she had some pretty good advice. I paused for a quick stop at my locker, just so I could ensure I was looking my absolute best, and knocked tentatively on Mr. Shue's door. 

"Come in." He sounded frazzled, which he always did these days. The man needed a good massage and sandalwood scrub, though I wasn't going to be the one to suggest it. "Hi, Kurt, what can I do for you? How's your solo going?"

So much had happened that it took a minute before I remembered what he was talking about. "It's going good. I can hit the high F now." 

He gave me a searching look. "That's fantastic! Although, I must confess, I was a little surprised that you failed to hit it properly the first time. You have a very impressive range."

If he had pushed the issue, even a little bit, I would have confessed that I had thrown the competition, but he just let it go. "Is there a reason you came to see me?" 

Now that I was actually here, it sounded stupid and clingy to ask, not to mention it would totally give away Finn and my real relationship. "I guess not. I'll see you at Glee."

I turned and was almost out the door before he broke the silence. "Finn will be at practice. His mother just called and said they got held up at the hospital, then decided to go for a late lunch. She wanted to make sure it was alright for him to attend Glee if he hadn't been in school."

It wasn't in my nature to be affectionate, except with a very select group of people, but I found that I had to restrain myself from giving him a hug. Not only had he relieved the worst of my worries, but he had done it in a way that didn't draw any attention to the fact that Finn and I were now more than friends. Still less then actual boyfriends, but more then we had been 24 hours ago.

Coach Sylvester had claimed the auditorium for some trumped up Cheerios function, so we were using the choir room for when the deaf school came. This might make me totally politically incorrect, but I was pretty curious to see how they performed.

"Hey Spider Monkey." It was only Finn, but the sudden thump of having more then 200 pounds toss itself down next to you made me yelp. "Easy, it's just me."

"Spider Monkey?" A part of me was horrified that he would call me that, but a larger part found it really, really cute. "I call you Cowboy, and I get Spider Monkey in return?" I'm not sure why that surprised me, considering he was the one who wanted to name the baby Drizzle.

"Yeah." He patted my knee. "You know, because of the way you jumped up into my arms last night. You hang on like a little spider monkey."

_Awww. Even you have to admit how freaking adorable that is. As long as he keeps it to himself, that is. Do you even want to know what Puck would do to you if he found out? Or what he'd do to Finn?_

"Let's keep the nicknames between you and me." I laid my hand over his; just now realizing that it was his right hand. "Hey, they took your sling?" 

"Yeah. The doctor said that as long as I was careful and didn't try and do too much with it, that it was better not to have it kept up all the time because it would make the muscles abrofee or something. Basically they would all shrivel up."

"Atrophy." It was disturbing how quickly I was coming to interpret Finn-speak. "Atrophy is when your muscles deteriorate from lack of use."

"Yeah, that's it. I'm supposed to start physical therapy tonight, and they'll help me with what I should and shouldn't do."

I desperately wanted to give him just a little kiss, but the door banged open and Rachael marched in. I leaned back in my chair, away from Finn, and stared at the ceiling. My hands folded in my lap, holding each other so they wouldn't suddenly get the idea to take his hands. Finn cut his eyes at me, but wisely kept his own counsel.

"Hi, Finn." She was doing that obnoxious thing where she fluttered her eyelashes and looked down while smoothing her skirt. "Are we still on for tomorrow? My dads are going to be out, so we'll have some privacy." It was a little hard to tell, but I was pretty sure that she was watching me as closely as she was watching Finn.

"Yeah, of course." Finn still didn't know about our little bet, but he was obviously picking up on _something_, because he started chewing nervously on his lip. "I have to stop at home first, but I can be over about 5." 

"That sounds wonderful; I'll have everything ready for you." She put a hand on his thigh; far higher then could be considered even slightly appropriate for a school setting. My fingernails dug into my palms, but I forced my face to be blank. I wasn't going to give her the pleasure of seeing me react.

_What the Hell are you doing? Smack the hell out of that bitch! Look at her digging her atrociously polished fingernails into your mans leg. If you have to roll around on this disgusting floor in a claws out bitch fight with her it will be totally worth it._

God, I was all but peeing on Finn to mark my territory. See what Rachael Berry reduced me to? If Finn was stupid enough to go over there, and let her put her dry, flakey hands all over him, that was his problem, but he better not think he was ever touching _me _again.

"Cool." Finn scooted a tiny bit closer to me, just enough to be reassuring. He knew what she was doing, and he wasn't going to let her trick him into anything. "I'll see you then."

If it had gone on much longer, I might have had to embarrass myself by actually lunging at her, but Mr. Shue entered the room and she was on him, loudly complaining about the lack of a page in the yearbook for the Glee club. I took the brief lull to lean over and whisper to Finn. "Just remember, don't lead her on."

He smiled, a brief quirk of his lips. "Do you really want to tell me that if I touch her I'm never allowed to touch you?"

"Am I that obvious?" Foolish question. If Finn could figure it out, I was pretty obvious.

"You're glaring at her like you want to jump up and claw her eyes out. It's kind of sexy when you get all possessive." His voice had dropped into that half growl thing that was making my already tight pants extremely uncomfortable.

Please God don't let me jump his ass in front of Rachael and Mr. Shue, please God don't let me jump his ass in front of Rachael and Mr. Shue, please God-

_Why not? This is Rachael Berry we're talking about. She probably won't get it if you do anything less_.

That was mean, but true and I snickered quietly to myself. As tempting as it was to just grab Finn and stake a claim on him, it wasn't right or fair. To start with, it would scare him, which was never good, and anyway, I had made him swear he would do nothing inappropriate in front of the rest of the student body, and I felt like I was probably bound by that promise as well. Plus more and more of the Glee club was filing in, and while kissing Finn in front of Rachael and Mr. Shue had a delicious naughtiness about it, kissing him in front of Puck was only going to lead to slushies and dumpster dips for both of us.

The director for the other group strutted in, loudly barking out instructions for Tinkles, and signing at a group of student who had just wandered it. It was a small group, probably not much bigger then ours, and they looked nervous. I understood that feeling from the pep assembly, when New Directions had performed for an audience for the first time.

The piano started, and they turned as one to an African-American boy in the middle, waiting for their cue. I had recognized the song from its beginning notes, but was still surprised when he started speaking. The rest of the Glee club must have read his lips to keep on beat, because they all signed the words along with him. There was something eerily beautiful about their movements, all in perfect sync.

I tried to memorize their signs exactly, so I could replicate some of them later. It was all so smooth and perfect that it was like they were dancing without ever moving their feet. Besides me, Finn's breath caught; as if, he too, was transfixed by what he was seeing. They moved so quickly that I could only clearly see a few signs. Man, imagine, people. My hands turned in my lap as I repeated them as closely as I could.

Our entire Glee Club was quiet, as if every one of them felt the same magic that I did. Even Puck and Brit, who could usually be counted on to say something either disgusting or inappropriate, were silent, leaning against their respective partners. I wanted to lean against Finn so badly that it was like a physical thing, and I couldn't force myself to hold back. My hand was nearly on his when I heard Mercedes start to sing.

Her voice was soft and clear, the best I had heard it yet. Slowly she rose, keeping tempo with the group leader, their eyes locked on each other. I might not be the greatest at figuring out relationships, but I knew sparks when I saw them. I gave Finn a quick nudge, then jerked my chin towards the risers. He nodded once and rose himself, choosing a spot of his own.

Once Finn got up and did it, the rest of the club followed suit. Imagine was such a classic song that everyone knew the words, so we could focus on the signs. Both Mr. Shue and their teacher watched us in amazement, blinking back tears. For a few minutes, there was no competition, no rivalry. Just two groups, singing together.

The song ended, and we all started laughing. Finn caught my eye and grinned. Mr. Shue cleared his throat. "That was fantastic, you guys. We have pizzas waiting for you in the cafeteria, courtesy of Coach Sylvester. I don't know why she's being so nice, but I'm pretty sure they aren't poisoned."

The other group's teacher gave him a confused look, but signed rapidly to his group, who looked thrilled at the thought of free food. The followed us happily, signing among themselves as we chattered. I looked for Finn, but he seemed to have vanished for the moment.

Pizza, especially the fast food type pizzas waiting in the cafeteria has to be one of the worst things you can eat. It's filled with nothing but fat and grease, not to mention the empty carbs that come from the white flour in the crust. Still, I didn't want to be left out, so I took a single piece and prayed that I wouldn't end up all broken out because of it.

Mercedes sat down next to me. "Hey, Kurt." 

"Hey yourself. That was pretty awesome back there." Mercedes tended to get overlooked and forgotten, and I was glad that she had gotten a chance to shine.

She narrowed her eyes and grinned at me. "Kurt, I'm _always_ awesome, and you better not forget it."

"Yes, Mistress." I crossed my arms and bopped my head, just like Jeannie from the old shows, but she wasn't looking at me any more. "What in the world your man doing?" 

"He isn't my-"I looked around, finally catching sight of him on the other side of the room. "I have no idea." 

Finn was at a table with the leader of the school for the deaf. There was a notebook between them, as they communicated by writing notes back and forth. Finn looked intense, more so then I usually saw him, but I had no idea why.

"Quit staring, you creeper." There was something in Mercedes voice that broke my concentration, and I looked over at her. The blush wasn't as obvious on her as it was against my pale skin, but she was definitely embarrassed.

This was a perfect chance to get her back for the teasing I had endured every since Finn's accident. "Ooh, does someone have a little crush?"

She huffed, but I could tell I had scored a point. "Maybe, but is someone else's boyfriend over there flirting with him?" 

Point to Mercedes. "As if any mere mortal could tear him away from me." After all, Finn wasn't attracted to other boys, just me.

"Claiming him now, are you? He wasn't your boyfriend 20 seconds ago."

Even though I had lost this round, I had to admire Mercedes skill and determination at getting the secret out of me. I leaned forward. "Yes, alright? But don't let him know I told you, because he asked me not to, and he's got all these trust issues and could you just not say anything for now?"

She handed me some extra napkins so I could blot my slice of pizza and nodded. "Of course. But that doesn't explain what he's up to."

Honestly, I didn't know Finn well enough to even guess. Finn wrote something and the boy nodded, making a quick sign. Finn looked at him and tried it out for himself. The boy laughed and gently took both of Finn's hands, folding them in his own and guiding him through the sign.

_Forget Rachael Berry, kill this bastard. Look at him, holding Finn's hands when even you aren't allowed to do that. Faster pussycat, kill, kill, kill!_

I was about to rise to my feet, when the boy looked over in my direction. It was a quick glance that went nowhere near my eyes. He scrawled something in the notebook, and Finn nodded. Were they talking about me?

Finn repeated the sign again, this time correctly. He jotted another quick note, which caused his companion to give him a funny look and write something back. Finn grinned at him and nodded enthusiastically. They went through two more signs before Finn got the thumbs up. Whatever they were doing, they had done it right.

"Why don't you go over there and see what's happening?" Mercedes was obviously dying of curiosity.

Because I couldn't. My jealousy and jumping to conclusions had gotten me in trouble before, and I wanted Finn to have his space. Throwing a big tantrum would only remind him what a control freak I really was and that he could do miles better, with a male or female. 

I could barely hold back though, when they both stood and the other boy moved close to his face, one hand on his neck. They were so close that they could have kissed, and, for a horrible moment, I thought they were going to. Maybe Finn _was_ attracted to other boys. I had been a good start, but now he wanted someone more like him.

"Chill out, Kurt. I think he's showing Mr. Hottie something."

_Yeah, like his tongue_. I told Galinda to shut the hell up and looked over. "What?" 

She lightly touched her own neck. "He's feeling the vibrations in Finn's throat, so he can make the same sounds. I wonder what they're talking about."

Finn gave his new friend a big grin and a double thumbs up, sign language that everyone understood. "I guess we're going to find out, because here they come."

He came up behind me and lightly took my arm. "Kurt, can I see you outside for a minute?" His tone was deceptively sweet.

"I'm not done eating." Whatever was about to happen, I didn't want to miss it.

He snorted. "You don't eat pizza and you know it. It's filled with empty calories and sugary starches and that wrecks havoc on your complexion." 

The fact that he had actually paid attention when I was telling him all of that was kind of sweet. Not that he took that advice for himself (and damn his metabolism that let him eat like a starving tiger and never gain an ounce or get a single pimple!), but he didn't hassle me to eat it any more.

His grip tightened and he tugged gently. "Please?"

I had never been able to deny Finn anything he wanted, and I found myself nodding. "Fine. Is your new friend coming along with us?" 

"Huh? Oh, Sean? No, he wanted to talk to Mercedes, which is why we're going to give them some privacy."

Now I was desperate to find out what was about to happen, but I had just asked her to respect my privacy, so I guessed I had to respect hers, too. "Alright."

Finn's hand lingered on my back, almost guiding me towards the door. Together, we walked out into the hallway then into an unused classroom. Finn used his foot to nudge the door closed, then leaned down and kissed me on the lips.

Anyone could have walked in and seen us, but I was having trouble remembering why that was bad. Finn tended to have that affect on me. Finally I was able to draw away. "W-why did you do that?" 

He shrugged. "Because I wanted to. You worry too much sometimes." 

And he didn't worry enough. Finn was a sweetheart, too sweet to know just how bad things could get if someone like Karofsky or Azimio were to see him kissing me like that. Slushie facials and dumpster dips were bad enough, but the look in Karofsy's eyes last week, when he had tried to get me away from the school, was truly frightening. He had been capable of hurting me that day, and he wouldn't hesitate to include Finn in with me. Finn was a big guy, but even a big guy would fail against three or more hockey players.

I didn't tell him that, though. No matter what I said, he wouldn't quite believe it. Finn always looked for the good in people, which was one of the reasons Quinn had been able to sucker him in like she had. "Maybe. So, what were you and Sean talking about?" 

He smiled and released me. "Ok, let me see if I remember this right. I wanted him to show me a sign that I could show you. You know, something that could be just for us."

He curled his thumbs and pointer fingers together, like he was making an 'ok' sign, then brought both hands around and lightly touched them together in front of his chest. "There."

As hard as I tried, I couldn't figure out what he could possibly be trying to tell me "What does it mean?" 

"Precious. Because, you know, you kind of are."

_Kurt, you need to listen to Galinda. The next time this boy does anything to piss you off, and he will, I want you to remember this. Remember that he loved you so much that he learned some sign language, just so he would be able to tell you that he cared without drawing too much attention to the pair of you. Even if he never says the words, he loves you right now._

Yes, he did. It was so incredibly perfect that I had to look down so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes. "Finn, that has to be one of the sweetest things I have ever seen." Deciding that I would deal with Karofsky when he appeared, I stood up on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Thank you so much." It came out as a choked whisper.

See, this is why Finn isn't as stupid as most people think he is. Most people would have drawn attention to how overwhelmed I was, and ended up embarrassing the both of us. Finn just hugged me back until I could get the tears to stop. He understood when he should talk, and when he was just better off staying close and offering a hug.

Finally I was able to pull a silk handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe my face. "So, want to see what else I had him show me?"

Why was I suddenly afraid of that goofy grin? Oh, wait. It was because that was the same smile he gave me before he picked me up of the counter at his house, or before he shoved his hand down my pants, or he tried to sneak off with the keys to my baby. It meant his sneaky, mischievous side was coming out to play. "Alright, show me what else you learned."

This time, there was very little doubt about what he was signing, especially with the sound effects. Spider Monkey. I would never say this out loud, even if threatened with having to wear nothing but normal blue jeans and flannels for months, but the nickname was kind of growing on me. It wasn't Baby, or Darling, or Sweetheart, or Snookums. Those were names that anyone could have. This was a name that Finn had picked out especially for me.

Another thought occurred to me. "So, did Sean wonder why you wanted to learn the sign 'precious' which is incredibly sweet, then the sign for 'spider monkey'?" 

"Yeah. He said that mostly people want to learn how to say 'I love you' or curse words. But I told him that I wanted to learn it for someone special, and that they would really, really appreciate it."

"What did you show him?" I was being nosy and I knew it, but I couldn't erase the memory of Sean's fingers resting on Finn's throat. Damn it, the only person who should be putting their hands on him like that was me!

Finn looked a little confused, so I hastened to clarify. "You were showing him how to say something, weren't you? He had his hands right here." I ran my fingers over the same spot, feeling his Adams apple move as he swallowed hard.

"Oh. That. Well, it's kind of a secret, but I think you'll find out really soon." He looked down as he spoke, uncomfortable with keeping things from me.

I could have forced the truth out of him, but decided to let him off the hook instead. "Alright. What did he say when you told him you wanted to learn the signs for someone special?"

He smiled again. "He said that you and I must have a very interesting relationship."

I laid my cheek against his chest. "That we do, Cowboy. That we do."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I swear that I posted this chapter already, but it's gone! Maybe I hallucinated the entire thing. Anyway, here we go, you guys may want to enjoy the calm before the storm….**

Kurt POV

Finn and I sat together in the empty classroom for what felt like forever. I had wisely disentangled myself from his arms before we could get caught, even though I wanted nothing more then to knock him to the floor and let him know _exactly _how much I liked his gesture. Instead I sat on a desk across from him and leaned back on my arms, my feet on his desk. He mimicked the gesture, though, of course, his legs were much longer then mine. For once, even he was quiet, just absorbing the atmosphere.

There wasn't much to say between us, and somehow I fell into a half doze, hypnotized by the semi-dark room and Finn's soft breathing. I was so out of it that I squealed like a girl and fell off the desk when Mercedes opened the door.

She looked at me on the floor, then at Finn, who looked way too amused by the whole thing, before clearing her throat. "What are you two doing?" 

She made the entire situation seem far dirtier then it was, though I'm sure my furious blushing didn't help matters. Finn hopped down and delicately lifted me to my feet. "Thinking about stuff. Except I think Kurt was asleep. I assume you want him for now?"

Something was going on here, something I didn't quite understand. I only got more confused when she gave him a megawatt smile and rushed over to kiss him on the cheek. "Do you mind?"

"Nah, Mom's coming to pick me up pretty soon anyway." He gave me a long, searching look, like he wished he could give me a kiss, or at least say something nice. "Kurt, are you coming to get me tomorrow?" 

"Don't I always?" Well, at least for the past two days. Funny, it already felt like a perfectly normal routine.

"I guess so. I'll see you then. Mercedes, I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" He stretched his arms up over his head and walked towards the door. As he reached it, he stole a quick glance to make sure Mercedes wasn't looking, then quickly signed 'precious' and left the room.

There was brief moment when I thought I might swoon. Luckily, Mercedes was there to yank me back to reality by flinging her arms around my neck. "Oh my God, Kurt, you will never guess what happened!" 

Never in my life had I seen her so excited, not even when she found out that some of the designer stores in the mall carried plus sizes. "Mercedes, did you finally kill Rachael? Because I am not dressed for body disposal."

"Even better!"

"Mr. Shue gave you the ballad for Sectionals?" I was rapidly running out of ideas.

"Not yet, but I'm sure he will. Unless he lets you have it instead." She was practically bursting with excitement, and I didn't have the heart to tell her that I wasn't getting the ballad. Not because Mr. Shue didn't think I could do it, but because 'Defying Gravity' didn't fit the technical definition of a ballad. He did tell me that sometimes there was room in the program for a solo, though, and I was welcome to try out for that.

"I have no idea, tell me." 

She took a deep breath. "I have a date!"

"What!" My voice rose into a squeak. How in the world had she found someone in the few minutes Finn and I had been alone? "Who?" 

She smiled shyly. "Sean. You know, the head of the Haverbrook Glee club? He asked me out as soon as you and Finn left. See, I told you I could get a beautiful black man with huge hands! He came over to me, and he said my name, and he gave me a note asking if I would go out with him this Saturday!" 

So that was what Finn and Sean had been doing together. "Go, girl! You're going to let me pick out your outfit, right?"

"Well…" She paused there, gathering her courage. "Actually, I was hoping that you could come along." 

I might be ignorant about dating, but I was pretty sure that bringing your best friend along was an etiquette faux pas. "I think that it's just supposed to be you and him." 

Her dark eyes rolled. "No, not just you. Sean thought that maybe it could be a double date. You and Finn, him and me." She squeezed my shoulder. "Please, Kurt? I don't want to screw things up."

"Wait, you told him about Finn and I?" I couldn't believe that she would do that. "Mercedes, it's supposed to be secret!" 

"Some secret. With the way the two of you are suddenly looking at each others, everyone's going to know by the Thursday. And, no, I didn't tell him. I just told him that I had a friend who was in a new relationship, and maybe we could make it a double date. That way you can take Finn out, but we can go to their town, so no one here knows." 

It _was_ a pretty clever plan, almost like something I would come up with. The thought of being able to go out in public with Finn, to be able to hold his hand and give him a kiss goodnight without everyone staring was intoxicating. It couldn't be that easy, though, it never was for me. "Did you happen to mention to Sean that your friend was a guy, who's dating another guy? Because that might be an important detail." I was _not _going to have my first date ruined when her new boyfriend freaked out.

She blanched. "No, I didn't think of that. I can call him tonight, but only if you agree to go. Come on, it'll be fun."

I narrowed my eyes. "And if he makes a big deal about me being with a guy?" 

"If he makes a big deal about it, I'll kick him in the balls for you and dump him before the date. No one messes with my boys and gets away with it." 

I didn't miss the fact that Finn was now included as one of her boys. She had always liked him, though she would always take my side over his, but she had never gone as far as to say it out loud. "Let me talk to Finn about it first, alright?"

She smiled again. "Alright. I'm going to say goodbye to Sean, and, if you hurry, you can probably catch Finn."

I gave her a tight hug. "See, you didn't need me to get you a man at all. Congratulations, Mercedes."

"You didn't really need me either, but it's nice to have someone to go on double dates with, _isn't_ it?"

I could take a hint. "Alright, I'll let you know later tonight, ok?"

My heart was in my throat as I raced across the school grounds, looking for Finn. I had almost given up hope when I saw him sitting on one of one of the planted ledges, his eyes closed and his face tipped up to get the last of the setting sun. He looked so incredibly happy that I almost didn't want to disturb him. While I was debating the matter, he sensed my presence and looked up. "Hey, Spider Monkey."

I jumped up and sat down next to him. "Finn, there's something I would like to ask you." My voice was too formal, the way it always got when I was nervous.

"Sure, what's up?" He scooted a little closer to me.

"Mercedes has a date-" 

He cut me off. "Really? Sean was kind of worried that she would say no, since he's deaf and all. He wanted some advice, but I'm still not sure how I got you, so I didn't know what to tell him."

"She wants us to go on a double date with her and Sean this Saturday." Well, when all else fails, you can always just blurt it out.

He didn't want to, I could tell. It was the way he drew away from me, just a tiny bit, and he suddenly became very interested in his sneakers. Desperation seized me, and I touched his shoulder. "Please, Finn?

"Ok, sure."

Wait, that was it? He wasn't going to throw a big tantrum, wasn't going to fuss, wasn't going to do anything but agree with me? "Are you sure?"

He leaned back affectionately. "Well, it's pretty obvious that it's important to you, so sure."

"But I thought this was supposed to be a huge secret and I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, even Mercedes!" Why was Finn always so confusing? I had no idea why I was attempting to argue against my own interests, but it frustrated me not to understand what was going on.

"Well, yeah, it is, but I'm sure that you already have something figured out. You're really smart like that. Ooh, maybe we could go in disguises! But anyway, I thought you said that Mercedes already knew."

His faith in me and my abilities was incredibly touching. "She does, even though I didn't tell her."

"I know that. I shouldn't have yelled at you about it before. I mean, I know that chicks have this weird radar mind-reading thing going on, where they know exactly what you did wrong even before you say anything. Anyway, I guess its ok for Mercedes to know, since she's like your best friend and all."

"The date would be in his town, not Lima. No one would recognize us, and we wouldn't have to wear disguises, though it wouldn't hurt to let me pick out your outfit. Matching clothes and pants instead of jeans would be enough of a camouflage for you."

"Yeah, I care deeply about you, too." He smiled and cuffed me lightly.

It didn't escape my notice that Finn had never directly told me that he loved me. That I was precious, yes. That he cared deeply about me, just now. That he liked my eyes and my smile and the fact that I was willing to put out for him, certainly. But not that he loved me.

_He's gun shy. I'll bet he told Quinn how much he loved her every day, that he would love her forever, and look how that turned out. Maybe he can't bring himself to say the words, yet, but his actions are telling a different story. Dumbass._

Galinda almost always had to add some snark to her comments. "Well, I didn't tell her yes or no, because I wanted to ask you first. Plus, he doesn't know that we're both guys. Mercedes was going to tell him that so we could avoid an ugly scene later."

"He won't care, I'm pretty sure." Finn straightened up. "Mom's here, but I have one last question."

"Ask away." Was he going to ask when we would be a real couple, in public? Or how Mercedes had found out about him and I? Did he want to know when I was going to tell Dad about us?"

"Well, I was just wondering. When two dudes go on a date, who pays for stuff? I always paid for Quinn, but are there, like, different rules when it's two guys?"

It was such an innocuous question that I burst into laughter. It was sometimes hard for me to remember that Finn was a very much 'in the moment' sort of guy. He would worry about telling people, including my father, when he had to. Right now, his main concern was our date. "I don't know. Maybe we each pay for our own?" 

"No, that isn't it. If it's a real date, someone pays for both." He jumped down landing easily on his feet, then put out a hand to assist me. I didn't actually need the help, but I did like having my hand in his. "How about you be my pretty lady for the night?"

I gave him my coldest look, even as a smile tried to break through. "Finn Hudson, I refuse to be your, or anyone else's, pretty lady! If you want a girl, go find one."

He gave me that easy smile, my irritation rolling of his back like it was nothing. "Ok then, you pay. I'll be the pretty lady for the evening." A car horn honked, and he turned away. "Bye Dude, see you tomorrow."

There were times when I was jealous of Finn. Sometimes it was simple little things, like when his mother gave him a hug or kiss, or when I compared his bone structure to mine, and sometimes it was bigger things. Right now, I was jealous of his ability to accept things and move on, rather then endlessly dwelling on them like I did. So I snapped at him, big deal. There must have been some little sign that I wasn't really angry, so there was no reason for him to be upset. If I had been hooked up with anyone else, there probably would have been a fight right there and no date on Friday.

I didn't know how to say that though, so I settled for giving him a tight hug, not caring if anyone saw. He squeezed me back happily. "You give really good hugs."

I could have said the same thing about him. Finn hugged just like he did everything else: big and enthusiastic. It made me feel completely safe, which I didn't feel very often. "Tomorrow, Cowboy."

He seemed reluctant to let me go, but Carol honked again and he released. Her eyes met mine and she blew me a kiss through the windshield. I felt my face break into a huge smile, the kind that I usually saved for Finn. True, Carol Hudson had horrendous fashion sense, just like her son, but she kind of grew on you.

I watched them pull away, barely resisting the urge to chase after him like a dog. God I was getting pathetic.

_Yes you are. But it's alright to be a little pathetic the first time you fall in love. Now, if you're still like this six months from now, I reserve the right to give you a mental ass kicking._

Deal. I waited until I saw Mike, then walked back to my baby with him. I might be head over heels in love right now, but I wasn't going to get so distracted that I walked around campus alone. It would be the kiss of death if the hockey team caught me.

I spent the entire drive home thinking about Finn and what had happened today. Not only was I going on my very first official date, with the boy I had been chasing for what felt like forever, but I was getting to bring Mercedes and her date along, and I could choose outfits for both of us. Yeah, life was good.

Still, I couldn't help feeling like it was all too much, too soon. Things _never_ went this well for me, ever. It wasn't that I doubted Finn, I was pretty sure that he was incapable of this sort of deception. No, Finn's feelings were genuine. It was just that Mercedes' words from earlier kept bouncing around in my head, telling me that neither Finn or I was being careful, and we were going to get caught. Then this was all going to come crashing down around us.

_Would that be so bad? Kurt, everyone already knows that you're gay, you don't hide it very well. Would you really deny yourself a real relationship just because you don't want to give them the satisfaction of being able to say 'I told you so?' You have the perfect opportunity for one of those over the top gestures that you think so highly of, why not take advantage of it? Because, let me tell you, Finn might be slow, but even he is going to eventually start wondering why you're so ashamed of him._

I wasn't ashamed of him! I wasn't ashamed of either one of us, or what we had together. It was just that I wanted to protect both of us from the inevitable hatred that would follow emerging as a couple.

_No, you want to protect yourself. You're afraid that when Finn realizes what he's going to have to deal with, and how much more shit he's going to have to take from everyone, he's going to decide that you aren't worth it and go back to Rachael. And guess what? He might. But if he does, isn't it better to find out now, rather then later?_

Yes. No. Maybe? If Finn backed out now, it would hurt. If he backed out later, after we had taken things further, it would probably kill me. But was it wrong to want to delay the inevitable for just a little longer? Just one date where the only people who knew were him, me, Mercedes and her date. After all, Finn seemed happy enough with things the way they were, and if we were both happy, did it really matter?

_I'll give you that point. But don't you think there's someone else who should know about Finn? Someone who's out of the loop? Someone like your father? _

Honestly, I found the thought of my father being disappointed in me far more disturbing then I did the thought of having the rest of the school find out. He so seldom asked me for anything, and he had specifically told me to leave Finn alone. He had already admitted that he was having trouble with the entire concept of his son liking men, and finding out that his son was now dating the son of the woman he was dating might give him some sort of stroke. No, it was better that he not know for now.

_But you want him to_.

The voice was soft, tender, and right. I loved my father with everything I had, and I wanted him to be alright with this. No, I _needed_ him to be. I wanted it to be just like when I confessed everything, and he had reached out to hug me and told me that he still loved me, even if he wasn't nuts about the idea. I just…I just had to know.

_So tell him. People are still calling the garage, and do you really want him to find out from some anonymous caller? Or from Carol? Or some stranger? Be brave, Kurt, you owe him that much._

I did, and there wasn't any getting around it. I would tell him tonight, at dinner. Or after dinner, that would be just as good. Maybe right before bed. Actually, it might be better if I waited until tomorrow morning, just so I didn't ruin his sleep.

_You'll tell him at dinner, and you'll be brave about it. Don't whine, don't whimper, and for Gods sake, don't start crying this time. You have nothing to be ashamed of._

I knew that, but it didn't do anything to get rid of the sick rolling in my stomach. I had planned on making soup and sandwiches for dinner, but maybe I would be better off making something better, something he really liked. Then he would be in a good mood for when I told him about Finn and I. If I stopped at the store on the way home, I still had time to make a pot roast, which was one of his favorites.

_A peace offering? Good idea._

One quick stop at the grocery store later, I had everything I needed and was putting the meal together. It gave me something to focus on besides my nerves, even if my trembling hands nearly caused me to cut myself twice as I sliced the potatoes. Once everything was in the oven, there was nothing left for me to do but start on my homework and wait anxiously for the sound of my father's car.

I read the same page of my English assignment over and over, not retaining anything. Biology was even worse, and I didn't even bother trying math. Normally I took pride in completing my work perfectly, but I just couldn't focus. I wanted Finn to be here, trying to distract me from working, and reminding me that I was all stressed out over nothing.

Almost before I realized what I was doing, I had my cell phone out and was dialing Finn's number. It rang and rang, and I was about to give up when he picked up. "Hey, what's up?" 

Just the familiar sound of his voice worked wonders to loosen the knot in my stomach. "Nothing, I guess. I just really wanted to hear your voice."

"Doesn't sound like nothing. I don't have real long to talk, since Mom and I are almost at the therapy place, so tell me quick. Did Karofsky do something to you?"

"No. I'm home and I'm alright." I took a deep breath, trying to keep from just bursting into tears. "I want to tell my father about you and me." 

"So tell him. Dude, I didn't mean that it had to be a secret from him." Finn didn't seem to understand why I was so torn.

"It's not that. It's just that…" I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.

"Just that what?" Finn's voice was probing, but not intrusive. He knew that I would tell him eventually, since, after all, I had called him about it.

"I don't want him to hate me." The words clogged in my throat, threatening to choke me.

"He won't." Finn sounded completely confident, which was exactly what I had been hoping for. He was such an eternal optimist that he made everyone else feel better also.

"How can you be so sure?" I was whining now, practically begging for him to comfort me, but I needed this right now.

"Well, he loves you and he wants you to be happy. I make you happy don't I?"

In Finn's mind, it really was that simple. Despite everything that had happened with Puck and Quinn, he actually believed in the basic goodness of people. "Of course you do."

"So don't be nervous. Just tell him that you met someone, but don't tell him who it is, just in case he, like, goes crazy and wants to hunt me down with a shotgun. Cause I'm pretty sure Quinn's dad wanted to at first. See how he takes it, _then_ let him know it's me." He paused to take a breath. "Or maybe do tell him it's me. I think he actually likes me, and Mr. Fabray didn't, at least according to Quinn. Whatever you think, he's your dad and you know him best."

Those words made everything click into place. I did know my father, even if we didn't quite understand each other, and he had never been anything but supportive of me in all of my various and strange endeavors. New confidence surged up. "Thanks, Finn."

"No problem. I'm good at giving pep talks. After all, I have to convince the worst football team in Ohio to get out there every week and at least try, don't I?"

He had a point. "Yes, you do. I'll let you go, and I'll see you first thing tomorrow, alright?"

"I guess." I could hear the disappointment in his voice, and it almost made me laugh.

"Or maybe I could call you right before bed." It was a strange and almost frightening feeling to have someone who wanted to hear my voice all the time, even if I was just saying goodnight.

I swear, I could almost hear that lopsided grin through the phone. "That would be even better. Don't worry so much, ok?"

A low rumble told me that the garage door was going up, and I cringed slightly. "Dads home, good luck in therapy."

"Good luck with him." Finn disconnected the call before I could say anything more.

"I love you." The words were whispered into the dead connection. Maybe one day soon I would have the courage to say them to his face.

Dad tossed the door open and came in, grumbling under his breath about intolerant people. My stomach dropped. In Lima, intolerant people could only mean one thing: he was getting phone calls about me again. "Hi, Dad."

The furious mutterers stopped instantly, and I knew that we would both pretend that I had never heard them. Dishonest, yes, but just one of the little things we did to get ourselves through another day. "Hi, Kurt, did you make dinner? You know you don't have to when you have practice."

Between Glee and football, I was at practice five days a week. If I didn't make some attempt to feed us, we would eat nothing but fast food and pot pies, and I would weigh 300lbs and Finn wouldn't like me any more.

_Of course he would. More cushion for the pushin'! If you ever let it get that far, that is._

Had she really just brought up sex with my father less then 5 feet away? He gave me a look, eyebrows raised, and I had to mentally backtrack on the conversation. "Oh, yeah, I know, but I wanted to make you something special."

He gave me a grin and a gruff shoulder pat. "You're a good son. I'm going to go take a shower and then we can eat."

That sealed it, I wasn't telling him. If I told him, he might never look at me like this again, like he was proud to have me, for once, rather then happy to have me, but secretly wishing I was someone else.

_Oh yes you are. Either you tell him right now, or I'll make you do it!_

I snorted at that thought. How could a little voice in my head make me do anything I didn't want to? I was in full control of my body, including my voice box, and Galinda could just shut the hell up.

_Fine, you asked for it. So, remember when you brought home the permission slip for Glee, and you were terrified to show it to your father, but you couldn't sing without it? You worried yourself sick for three days, but when you finally gave it to him, all he did was look for a pen and say 'you always did love singing and dancing'?_

Yes, I remembered that, but this was a lot bigger then a permission slip.

_Or how about right after your mother died, and you were terrified to sleep in your own bed because you thought her ghost might come and get you, too, and he let you sleep in his bed for more then six months? I don't recall him complaining when he had to go to bed at 8pm, because that was your bedtime and you couldn't sleep alone?_

That I had forgotten. Of course, everything surrounding my mothers death was a little blurry now, but now that Galinda brought it up, I did remember my father having to sleep with a worried, squirmy 8 year old night after night. But what did that have to do with my current situation?

_What about Riverdance? How many years has he let you drag him to a show he doesn't understand and has no interest in, just so you can admire the male dancers?_

Now that wasn't true. I wasn't going only so I could admire the male dancers, though I had to admit it was a large part of why I kept wanting to go back. I was just impressed with the way they were perfectly in sync with each other, and the sheer athleticism of it all. I was starting to get where Galinda was going with all of this.

_ I seem to remember just a few months ago, when you knew you had to tell him the truth, and you were pretty sure you were going to pass out or throw up before you could get the words out, but you did it, and all he did was put his arms around you and tell you how much he loved you? Is this any more terrifying then that?_

I guessed not. I would tell him because I had to, and because the thought of lying to him any longer was tearing me up inside. I wanted Finn, I was pretty sure that I loved Finn, and I wanted to be able to proudly say 'yes, this is my boyfriend'. Maybe not to everyone, just yet, but at least to my father. I would tell him tonight, at dinner.

_See? I told you I could make you tell him_.

"Oh, shut up you uppity whore." I set the table quickly, pouring myself some milk and setting out a glass for my father. He usually took milk, too, but after my confession, he might want something a little bit (or a lot) stronger.

Dad came down as I was cutting the meat, and took over for me. I tried to protest, but he just smiled and reminded me that I had made the meal, and there was no reason for me to serve it, too. He made my plate with just the right amount of meat, and a spoonful of carrots, but not potatoes, which were starchy and caused weight gain, before giving me two slices of French bread and a little bit of butter. "There you go, made the fussy Kurt Hummel way." 

He was in a good mood, and that gave me additional courage. "Thank you."

Dad was full of stories about his day, thought I noticed that he kept away from whatever had been upsetting him when he first came in. I don't know why he bothered, when we both knew the truth. I listened attentively, though, and asked questions at all the right times. I would help out at the garage during winter break, so I needed to know some of this stuff.

After 10 minutes or so, he trailed off. "So, you've been awfully quiet tonight. Did something happen at school today?" 

I nodded, picking at a carrot. Despite Galinda's earlier admonishment, I could feel tears threatening before I even spoke. He stood and reached out, gently lifting my chin. "What happened? Are those boys picking on you again? Because if they are, I have no problem going back to that school and-" 

"They aren't picking on me." That wasn't quite true, but there wasn't much my father could do about the situation. Unless a teacher actually caught them harassing me, it was my word against theirs, and they were as clever as rats when it came to not being caught. "I, well, I have a date this Saturday." 

"You do? With a guy? Well, that's great. A little unexpected, but this is a good thing, right? Who is he?"

This was the part I was dreading. He wasn't going to be so happy when he found out it was his girlfriend's son. "Finn Hudson."

He made a noise in the back of this throat, like he was trying not to choke. "Finn Hudson? The same Finn Hudson you were supposed to be getting over?"

My bitch rose. "Well, clearly I shouldn't be getting over him, because we're going on a date whether you like it or not!" 

Luckily, my father has been through much worse tantrums then this, and knows how to take it in stride. "Kurt, I didn't say you shouldn't do whatever makes you happy. If you want to go on a date with Finn, then go on a date with Finn. But you have to admit, this is a little sudden. I mean, it was just Sunday that you first talked about him at all and…" He trailed off and gave me an evil look. "And I'm guessing that you asked me for advice after the fact? Kurt, are you having sex with that boy?"

Suddenly Finn's wailing from last night about how humiliating it was to have Carol ask him the same thing made a lot more sense. "No! God, Dad, all gay men aren't whores!" 

To his credit, Dad didn't back down at the dreaded G world. "I don't care what gay _men_ do. You, however, are a teenager and my responsibility and if you do decide to have sex, you need to be safe and ready. That does not include sleeping with him after a week."

I took a deep, cleansing, breath. "I am not sleeping with him, Dad, I promise. I'm not ready for that. But is it wrong to want to go out with him?"

He sat back down. "No, you're right. It just seems like Finn has no idea what he wants, and I don't want to see you get hurt. But you're a big boy and you need to have some normal experiences. Just…how about I leave some money in your room, and you can use it to buy whatever you need for sex? Don't tell me about it, and don't let him make you do anything you don't want to."

I poked the same carrot again. "That would be good. Can we maybe never talk about sex again, though?" 

"Yeah, I think that would be a good thing." He picked up his glass and took a large gulp. "So, where are you going with him and what will you be doing?" 

"Uh, I really don't know. Mercedes got a date, and she wanted to make it a double, but her new boyfriend is going to choose the place. He's deaf, and I guess it would be kind of hard for us to go to a movie or something. But I'll call you and let you know where we'll be."

He relaxed a little, seeming pleased that there would be two other people there and Finn and I wouldn't spend the entire time naked. Then he grimaced. "Also, don't go to O'Charleys for dinner, because that's where I'm taking his mother and that might ruin the night for all four of us."

_Ah, O'Charleys. Lima's finest dining experience. For the discerning palate, we also have an Olive Garden._

"You aren't mad at me?" I hated that, after everything we had been through together, I was still unable to just accept his love for me.

"Of course not. I just want everyone to be happy, and not feel rushed. I remember what it's like to be sixteen and think that every relationship is the One."

"So you don't hate me?" Tears had welled up in my eyes and were threatening to spill over.

"Kurt, there is nothing in this world that you could do to make me hate you, alright? You could flunk out of school, you could mess things up with Finn, you could ruin my relationship with Carol, shit, you could kill someone, and I would still love you. I know I'm not very good at showing it, but I do love you more than anyone on this planet, so don't doubt that."

"I love you, too, Dad." I looked down so he wouldn't see me cry.

He bit his lip uncertainly, then came over and wrapped an arm around my chest, giving me a quick squeeze. He so seldom touched me that I didn't want him to let go. I crossed both of my arms over his, effectively trapping him. He didn't say anything, but he laid his free hand on my shoulder. "I couldn't love anyone any more than I do you, and I don't wish you were different, even for a second."

It was exactly what I had been needing him to say and do, even if I was just now realizing that fact. As long as I believed that his words were true, I could let go of the jealousy I still felt when I thought about him touching Finn, and I could more easily accept Carol as a part of our lives now, even if I couldn't accept her as a mother. I held on for a second more, then released his arm.

He gently squeezed my shoulder before letting go completely. "I like it when we understand each other."

"Me too." 


	20. Chapter 20

Kurt POV

"Ok, now turn around. No, put up your arms and turn. Not that high, just hold them away from your body so I can see how it looks." Finn followed my instructions as best he could, his eyes rolling. "No, take it off and let's try something else."

"What's wrong with this one? I kind of like it." He unbuttoned the top anyway, holding out his hand for the next one.

He was as hopeless at fashion as ever. "It doesn't work with your skin tone. Dior Grey works with mine, but not yours. Now, what about this one?"

"No way." He wouldn't even take it, his eyes narrow.

"Why not?" I didn't let my irritation show, but it was getting to be a close thing. We had been at the mall for three hours now, and hadn't found anything that we both agreed on. Everything I liked, Finn hated and refused to even try on, and everything he liked looked like Salvation Army rejects. After four stores worth of bickering, we had found a pile of things that we could compromise on, but they were almost all in the reject pile now. "What's wrong with it?"

"It looks like something some Persian whore would wear! If I put that on, I'm going to get my ass kicked." He was becoming restless and irritated, less willing to negotiate on anything. "We don't even know where we're going, so why do I have to be all dressed up." 

Slacks and a button-up shirt were not being all dressed up! "Finn, how many times do I have to tell you that every day is an opportunity for fashion? Just try on these last couple of things, and if we don't find anything, we can go home." The dressing room was really too small for both of us, but I didn't trust Finn to do this on his own.

His muscles were tense when I ran my fingernails up and down his bare back. "Just think, if we can find something we agree on, I can practice taking it off of you later. Because, you know, we wouldn't want any hang-ups after the date." 

His breathing got faster and his eyes glazed. A part of me felt bad for using sex to manipulate Finn into doing things my way, but a larger part knew that he needed a better wardrobe at all costs. Plus, I wasn't lying when I said I didn't want there to be any trouble with getting his clothes off. It would be a shame if I finally got him some nice clothing, and I had to rip it because I couldn't get if off quickly enough. "Alright, we'll try on the next few, but if we don't find it here, I need a break. I'm hungry."

Of course he was. After all, he had only eaten two huge helpings of spaghetti at home, a soft pretzel and soda when we first got here, and a slice of pizza after the third store. I was really wondering if he had a problem with his blood sugar, because if I told him no, he would become as whiney as a toddler until he did get something to eat. I mean, he _is_ twice my size, but he eats 5 times as much. It just defies logic. "Deal."

"But not this one." He shoved the offending shirt back into my hands.

I knew how to accept defeat. "Alright, not this one." I quickly shuffled through the remaining shirts and chose the plainest one, a dark blue one with small silver buttons. "Try this."

He shrugged it on and I stepped forward to help with the buttons. He was more then capable of doing it himself, but we both pretended that he couldn't. And if I 'accidentally' scraped my fingers across his stomach, or dipped them just slightly into the waistband of his jeans, well, he _was_ being a pretty good sport about this all, so he deserved a little treat.

At this point Finn knew exactly what to do, so I watched as he turned around, letting me check him out from all angles. This actually might work. It was a nice shirt, and the colors worked really well with his coloring. I moved my hands to his hips, tucking the shirt in. "What do you think about this one?"

He turned from side to side. "I like it. But I like it better when you're touching it." 

I gave him a smile and stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him on the lips. "I like it, too. How about we get you a snack, and then look for pants."

"Snack sounds good, but I don't know about the pants. If I have to take my pants off in front of you, I will not be held responsible for my actions." Finn raised an eyebrow at me, leaving no doubt about what he meant.

Once I got started with shopping, it was next to impossible to stop me. My father had tried, Tina had tried, even Mercedes had tried without success. But all Finn had to do was say a few words and I was nodding dumbly. "Ok. But we need to stop at Bath and Body Works before we leave."

He sighed dramatically, but I was getting immune to his antics. I slid my arms around him, squeezing tightly. "Don't you want me to smell good for our date?"

"Ok." It had come to my attention that Finn would agree to just about anything as long as I was touching him. Anything except the Persian whore shirt, apparently. "But you always smell good. Like a guy smells good though, not like a chick. Why would you want to change that?"

"There's always room for improvement." Honestly, I was mostly curious about the things he liked, and asking him directly was an exercise in frustration. "Even on me."

"I don't have to get anything, do I?" He was suspicious, but already allowing me to open the fitting room door and lead him towards the main mall.

"Nope. All I need is an opinion."

Finn looked longingly at the food court as we passed it, but didn't ask for anything. Bath and Body Works was rather brightly lit, and he squinted slightly. "What exactly are we looking for?"

More products then he could probably put a name to. "I'm not sure yet. Why don't you just tell me which scents you like best?"

He started picking up bottles at random and opening them to sniff. "Ew, ew, ew, this one's ok, ew, ew, too girly, ick, don't like flowery, ew, no, not this one, Quinn used it, ew, like this one, ew, ew, ick." He handed over two bottles. "These I like."

It never failed to amaze me that Finn could shop so quickly. "Just these two?" I flipped them over to check what it was he liked. Apple and Raspberry. "You like fruit scents?" 

"Well, I like vanilla too, and that light blue stuff, but Quinn always wore vanilla and the blue stuff is kind of girly. I still want you to smell like a dude. So yeah, I really like the apple one best."

I kind of liked the apple one, too. It was fresh smelling and very light. "Get the body wash, please."

"Really?" He seemed so surprised that I raised an eyebrow at him. Hadn't I just asked him what he thought? "Because no one really seems to care what I think. Everyone asks, but then they do whatever they really want."

"I'm not everyone. For one thing, I'm about a thousand times more fashionable, and for another, I actually care about your feelings. I'm not just placating you, I promise."

"What does placating mean?" He was doing that forehead wrinkle again, and if he didn't stop, I was going to kiss him right in the store.

"It means appeasing." He still looked totally blank, so I tried again. "It means giving in to you just because I don't want to argue with you, even though I have no intention of following through with it."

"Placate, huh." He nodded, and I could tell he was committing the term to memory, so he could pull it out later. Sometimes Finn could surprise you.

"Yes, placate. Now are you ready to go, or do you want to stop anywhere else?" I handed him the bag, even though it meant he had to shuffle the half dozen bags he was already carrying. He might not be saying the words, but any man who is willing to do that does it because they love the person they're with, right?

Finn insisted on getting an ice cream cone on the way out of the mall. He offered to get one for me, too, but I turned him down, citing calories and the fact that it was 40 degrees out. I had been hoping that he would finish it before we got to the car, but no such luck. "Can you avoid getting the inside of my car all sticky, or do you need to eat it outside?"

He looked at the car, then at me, clearly weighing the options. It was cold out, and I could already see him shivering a little. On the other hand, if he got even a drop of it inside my baby, I was going to go ballistic. "Maybe I should finish out here."

"Good idea." I turned the engine over and cranked the heat up. Finn was going to be freezing when he finally got in, and he would appreciate the gesture. And if he needed a little cuddling to warm him up, who was I to deny him? 

_You aren't being careful, Kurt. Anyone could be at this mall tonight, teachers, other students, Karofsky and his goons. It would be bad enough if you and Finn were just seen together as friends, but if you actually get caught touching? You're both dead men, maybe literally._

It was the truth, even if it hurt. On Saturday, I could have Finn exactly how I wanted him. I could hold his hand, and give him hugs and kisses, and not have to worry about who might be watching. Even though I knew it was for the best, I was getting really tired of having to keep Finn a secret.

Of course, it was impossible to be sure if he felt the same way. Despite everyone else seeming to have no trouble figuring him out, Finn was a bit of a mystery to me. Obviously, he wanted me, at least sexually, but I had to wonder if he needed me the way I needed him. Probably not. After all, he was Finn Hudson, and could have any _girl_ that he wanted. Why in the world would he pick me?

_Oh get over yourself. Does it matter why he chose you or does it just matter that he did? Honestly, Kurt, this insecurity is getting a little old. Finn wants to be with you right now, and that's what counts._

She was right. Maybe the reason Finn was so mysterious to me was that he wasn't mysterious at all. He was with me because he wanted to be, and in his mind, that was good enough. I was so used to everyone trying to manipulate the situation that I no longer recognized genuine affection.

I looked out the window, only to find that Finn had licked the ice cream up into a point, no doubt trying to get a bigger bite. I felt my eyes widen as he crammed most of the ice cream tower into his mouth, swallowing quickly. Holy shit that was hot.

In the next minute, Finn threw the door open and jumped into the car. "God damn its cold out there! We're going to have snow by next week." He looked at my wide eyes. "What?" 

Had it been anyone else, I would have thought that that little display was on purpose, just to get me all hot and bothered. But this was Finn. He didn't have a deceptive bone in his body. "Uh, nothing I guess."

"Ok." He definitely knew that something was up, but he didn't want to stir things up. "So, your place or mine? My mom's at work."

I had only been to Finn's house once, and I couldn't deny that I was curious to go again. "Your place."

"Ok, you know how to get there, right?" He was already fiddling with the radio, looking for a clear station. To my surprise, he settled on a country station, staring at the speakers as if he could see the notes coming out. 

"What's with the music?" 

He shrugged, still staring. "I don't know. We've only done one country song in Glee, so maybe we could do another one."

That wasn't necessarily the truth, but I knew Finn well enough by now to leave it alone. He had to figure things out in his own mind before he could even hope to explain them to anyone else. "Alright." We were stopped at a red light with no one else around, so I risked leaning over to offer a kiss. He turned his head immediately, but his eyes were still distant. I could taste the ice cream on his lips, and it brought me back to my earlier thoughts.

Despite what we had talked about Monday, Finn hadn't made any further moves taking our relationship to the next level. I couldn't deny that watching him go down on that ice cream cone hadn't brought the issue to the front of _my_ mind, though. I wondered if Finn didn't want to push because he was letting me lead, or because he thought the whole thing was kind of creepy.

_Give the poor boy a break. He'd never kissed a guy before Saturday, and it's only Thursday now. I'd say he's doing pretty darn well with not freaking the fuck out. Now keep your dick in your pants or in his hands and don't push for more. You'll know when the time is right for that, and it's not tonight._

Yeah, yeah, I got it. I had to admit, though, I hadn't been expecting to get even a hand job until college, so I was a little ahead of schedule here. Thus, patience was a virtue, and I could keep my dirty thoughts about Finn and that ice cream cone to myself.

Finn took a sudden, deep, breath. "So, you were right." His tone suggested that he thought he was about to get his ass kicked.

"Finn Hudson, I'm sure I'm right about a great many things. What specifically were you referring to?" I patted his leg lightly, trying to let him know I wasn't angry.

"Rach."

Ah, the magical name that made me bristle. "What did Rachael do this time, other then commit another atrocity in the name of fashion?" I had a pretty good idea of what she had done, but I wanted to hear him say it.

"Well, when I went over to her house, she kind of came on to me." Finn flinched as he spoke.

I tamped my temper down. After all, I had known that his was going to happen. Rachael Berry was nothing if not focused, and right now, she wanted Finn. Since I wasn't allowed to let her know that I had won this time, the poor poor girl still thought that she had a chance.

_Too bad, bitch, Finn is ours now! _Galinda was all but dancing with glee. _We get to kiss him, and we get to cuddle with him, and we get to fool around with him. We also get to love him, which is something that you will never understand. He's _ours.

"I see. And how did she 'kind of' come on to you? Either she did or she didn't." I rubbed his knee affectionately, which seemed to give him courage.

"Well, she did come on to me then. She was wearing this creepy cat woman outfit, like Halle Berry in that movie, and she was pretty much all over me. I think she would have had sex with me if I would have asked."

_Hee-hee. A catsuit? That sounds like something we would have come up with. _

I didn't think it was as funny as she did. Actually, I couldn't help but notice how intrigued he sounded. It was a harsh reminder that no matter what I did, Finn was attracted to women, too, and that might be my downfall. "So, what did you do?" I was trying to navigate a rather tricky turn, so it didn't come out as biting as I wanted it to.

He gave me a confused look. "I told her no. Why, what should I have done?"

I had to remember that Finn knew what it felt like to be cheated on, and, as sensitive as he was, he would probably do anything to avoid making someone else feel that way. "No, you did the right thing." 

We were in the driveway before he said anything else. "Then why are you doing that pissed off clenching thing with the steering wheel?"

There was no trace of humor in his voice, but he didn't really sound angry either. Just sort of tired and wary. "I'm not."

That, of course, was a lie. I practically had to pry my fingers out of their death grip on the wheel. "It's just…I don't know."

"You don't? Because I do." He was treading cautiously now, unsure.

There was a minute when I considered that hell just might have frozen over. Finn was always the last to know everything (see Drizzle: father of), so I couldn't possibly see how he could help me. "Alright, tell me why I'm clenching on the steering wheel." 

"You're jealous of Rachael. You think she's got something that I don't, and that's why I'll end up with you and not her." 

I hated myself for even asking this, but the words were out before I could stop them. "And does she? Have something that I don't, I mean."

I couldn't look at him when he replied, because I was trying to maneuver my way up his rather curvy driveway. Still, I didn't have to be looking to hear the grin in his voice. "Well, she has tits."

"And you like them." It was a statement, not a question.

"Well, yeah." His puzzlement suggested that this should have been a foregone conclusion.

My fingers clenched again. "I see." 

Then his hand was on my side, tickling at my ribs. "Come on now, Kurt. I mean, I really, really like what we have, but I'm not a dead man. I still like girls, too. Actually, I mostly like girls, but you're something special. You're like….I don't know, something all metaphory and great."

I had to give him points for honesty. Of course Finn was still attracted to women, but did that really matter? He thought I was special enough to be with right now, even though Rachael had offered him more then I had, namely sex. "Do you want to have sex with me?" The words came out in a rush, and I wasn't sure if I wanted him to say yes or no.

"Well, yeah, eventually. But not right now. I mean, we haven't even been on a date yet, and doing it on the first date is trashy, so doing it before the first date is, like….uh….megatrashy." He looked past me and groaned. "Shit, Mom's home! Total cockblock." 

The disappointment in his voice made me smile, even though I knew better then to let him see it. "I thought doing it before the first date was megatrashy."

He reached out and gently trailed his arm down my back. Despite the fact that I was supposed to be angry with him, for reasons I couldn't quite articulate, I couldn't help but respond. He gave me a lopsided smile. "Well, sex before the first date _is_ megatrashy. But doing other things before the first date is ok, but only when it's two guys. If it's a guy and a girl, it's still bad." 

Sometimes I think he just makes this stuff up as he goes along. "Oh, really?"

"Uh-huh." He looked so ridiculously pleased with himself that I had to smile. "Yep, that's how it is." 

"So, what happens when two girls go out on a date?" I wasn't quite sure I wanted to hear the reply to that.

"Oh, well, when two chicks get together, they can do whatever they want, whenever they want. It's totally cool."

Ug, what was it with straight men and their obsession with lesbians? Finn had the dopiest smile I had ever seen on his face, and that included the face Puck had been making when the Jane Adams Academy showed up. "So, what you're saying it you would like me to keep my hands off of you until we have our first date tomorrow?"

He rolled his eyes. "No. I would like you to put your hands all over me, all the time, but that isn't going to happen with my mother here."

"Why not? We can be really quiet." Well, maybe Finn couldn't, but I supposed I could keep a hand over his mouth or something.

"Oh no we can't. You are seriously loud, not to mention the fact that you swear like a sailor when you come." Finn was laughing a little about it.

I did not! Swearing was low class and a filthy habit. Even though my mind was as filthy as anyone else's, I would never say those things out loud. It was just…no; there was no way I would do that.

_Are you sure about that? Seems to me that your recollections of exactly what comes out of your mouth during those little biology lessons are somewhat…shall we say, flawed?_

"Do I really?" He had to be kidding.

"Yeah. I didn't even think you knew half of those words, but it is so seriously hot." There was that stupid smile again, even worse then before. It was nice to think that I made Finn hotter then a pair of lesbians doing naughty things to each other.

If it had gone on any longer, I might have just jumped Finn right there and violated the sanctity of my baby, but the front door swung open and Carol appeared in the doorway. She didn't say anything directly, but her set back and crossed arms made it very clear that we were not allowed to do anything in her driveway. "Come on in boys, there's no point in sitting in the driveway and either wasting gas or freezing to death." 

As I've undoubtedly said before, Finn is a total mama's boy, so he was nodding as soon as the words were out of her mouth. He did, however, give my shoulders a quick squeeze. "We wouldn't freeze to death. I'm sure we could figure out how to keep each other warm."

My jaw dropped. I wasn't surprised that Finn would say that, but I was shocked that he would say it with Carol watching us. Even if she couldn't actually hear him, she was standing right there!

Carol gave Finn a quick kiss. "Hey baby, how was your day?"

"Good. How come you're home?" He tugged my arm, pulling me inside.

She smiled. "I traded a shift with someone. Don't tell me you've been at the mall all this time."

He groaned. "Unfortunately, yes. Kurt is like a little Energizer bunny when it comes to the mall. I barely made it out without going completely insane."

Carol patted my shoulder. "You're a better man then most, Kurt. I don't even go shopping with him any more, because he whines so much about it. I just give him the money and let him go." 

That went a long way towards explaining how his fashion sense could possibly be so bad. The poor boys was getting absolutely no feedback, though Carol's own fashion sense left more then a little to be desired. "Well, he needs a lot of help."

She smiled again. "I guess we all suffer for the ones we love." 

"MOM!" Finn sounded beyond embarrassed. Was he embarrassed because he didn't love me at all, or just because his mother had brought up his love life at all? It was hard to tell with Finn.

"Oh, Finn." Her tone was indulgent, and I couldn't stop staring. In that moment, I wanted Finn's mom to be _my_ mom, just so she could look at me like that. My real mom wouldn't be upset with me for wanting that, would she?

"Well, I'll leave you two boys alone, but remember, you have school tomorrow, so don't stay up to late. Also, keep your pants on." She was gone before either one of us could formulate a reply.

Finn's mouth was still hanging open when I managed to squeak out "did she just say that?"

"Yeah. I told you its creepy when she says things like that." Finn still had his arm around my shoulders, and he used that to pull me even closer. "So, you want to watch a movie or something?"

"How about homework?" I knew he wouldn't bring it up on his own, but he was doing so much better since we started working together that I felt obligated to keep going.

His nose wrinkled. "I guess. I mean, if we have to." 

"We have to." I stood up so I could give him a kiss. "What do you want to start with?" 

"Spanish." Finn was very definite on that. I don't think that it's because he has any real interest in the subject, but Mr. Shue is the teacher, and no one doubts how much Finn adores Mr. Shue. If he was going to put forth the effort in any class, it would be this one. "Alright, Spanish." 

Even though he was out of the sling, Finn still has his hand bandaged almost to the fingertips, so I made his notes for him. Plus, the boy is adorable and quite sweet, but his handwriting is absolutely atrocious. This way things looked neat, plus I could carefully spell out the pronunciations he had trouble with. He watched over my shoulder, his hot breath hitting my neck and making me shiver.

_Oh, just kiss him already! It's practically a teenage right of passage to try and fool around with the parents in the next room. Just remember, getting caught is also practically a right of passage._

In other words, it was a right of passage that I could probably do without. Had it just been Finn and I, I might have tried it. I've never been one to shy away from new things, and Finn was looking incredible in that pair of jeans. But it wasn't just about us. There was Dad and Carol to consider, too, and their relationship. If I made Carol mad enough, maybe she would break up with my father and then everyone would be unhappy. As much as I might selfishly want him to do that just so I could have him all to myself again, I knew that it wasn't in his best interest, just mine.

Still, it was a little hard to take the high moral ground when a certain someone had started to run his left hand up and down my back, the fingers curling around my ribs. If I didn't stop him now, I wouldn't be able to. "Finn, Spanish." It would have been much easier if he hadn't been trying to slip his hand up under my shirt.

"_Yo quiero uno beso_." Finn looked so adorably hopefully that I had to laugh. Plus, he had actually used the language, and almost correctly. Before I could reply, he gave me his best puppy dog look and sighed. "_Por favor?"_

Well…since he had asked so politely, I gave him a kiss on the lips. "That was very, very good. See how well you can do when you put your mind to it?"

"_Uno mas_?" This time I shook my head. If I started playing the 'one more kiss' game with Finn now, I would be naked before I could figure out what had happened.

Another dramatic sigh, but I could already see that gleam in his eyes. Uh-oh. He looked at his hands for a second, then glanced up. "_Uno trabajo de mano, por favor?"_

For a second I had no idea what he wanted. '_Mano_' meant hand, and '_trabajo_' meant work or job, but I was already helping him with his work and-oh! He was being all sneaky and requesting a hand job in Spanish. "You are a pervert." I tried to make my tone cold, but he was so cute that I couldn't help but smile a little.

"You like me this way." Finn scooted his chair a little closer to mine and kissed first my cheek, then right under my ear. Damn him, he knew what that did to me!

I squirmed away from him. "How long have you been waiting for an opportunity to use that one?" I knew Finn, and I knew that he hadn't come up with that one off the top of his head.

"Since last semester. I didn't think I'd get to use it on you, though." He leaned back. "It's kind of a funny world, isn't it?"

That was something we could both agree on. I fumbled to get myself back on familiar ground, just so I wouldn't have to go through the utter humiliation of Carol walking in on me being inappropriate with her son. "Are you going to let me do your hair for our date?"

"Do I have a choice?" Smart boy, he was already figuring out that I was about as stoppable as a hurricane, and it was better to just go along with me.

"Not really. I have to take care of Mercedes first, but I'll come over here and get you ready." Belatedly I realized that this was his date too, and I needed to remember how much he liked it when he was actually allowed to voice his opinion. "If that's alright with you, I mean."

"Sure." He went back to his homework, but not before giving me a pitiful look "So, no hand job, even though I totally asked in Spanish?" 

"No hand job, even thought you asked in Spanish. Good try though, and good use of some vocab words." Both 'hand' and 'work' had been on our lists this year, though I'm pretty sure that Mr. Shue hadn't intended for them to be strung together that way.

"I can ask for a blow job, too." Finn gave me a hopeful look, but sighed at the look on my face. "You're kinda mean." But he was already picking up his textbook and getting back to work.

"Oh, I'm mean because I won't put out for you with your mother able to walk in on us at any moment?"

"Uh-huh. Mean." He pouted charmingly, which would have been much more effective if I didn't use the same trick, and much better then he could ever hope to.

Sitting here with Finn, it occurred to me how nice this felt. It felt normal to be here, with my shoulder almost touching his, where I could lean to the side and kiss him if I wanted to. He would no doubt be thrilled if I did, but he didn't necessarily expect it. We had grown completely comfortable with each other very quickly, and I had to wonder if all relationships were like this, or if Finn and I had something special going on.

I wanted to think that we did, but I knew that every 16 year old thinks that they have the most special, wonderful relationship in the world, each and every time they fall in love. Maybe that's all Finn would end up being to me, my first crush, my first love. Maybe I would keep in contact with him, maybe not. Maybe I would forget all about him until our high school reunion, where he would come with his pretty wife and beautiful kids and we would make awkward small talk and half hearted promises to see each other some time.

The thought made a shiver run through my body, and Finn slipped his good arm around me without looking up. "Sorry, heat sucks in here." The words were kind of mumbled, since his attention was mostly on the book, but I snuggled gratefully into his warmth.

_Kurt, why did you have to worry so much about everything? Will you have Finn in 10 years? Probably not. Will you have him in 2 years, after high school? Probably not. Will you have him six months from now? Who knows? But you do have him right now, and a date with him on Saturday. How much more do you really need? One day at a time, buddy, one day at a time._

It was good advice. Finn might be one boyfriend in a line of many, but there was no way to tell that right now. Tomorrow might bring new things, but this was today. Right now, I could enjoy his warmth, and his smell, and the fact that he wanted me more than anyone else. That was something I could easily get used to.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: This is a long chapter, yay! Do we know the names of Rachel's two dads, or should I just make something up?**

Kurt POV

I supposed it was a good thing that there was less then 48 hours to plan my date with Finn, because if it had been any longer, I might have exploded. As it was, my closet had already done so, and all of my clothing was scattered around the room. How was it that I had spent all day at the mall yesterday, getting the perfect outfit for Finn, and didn't have anything that was perfect for myself. Completely frustrated, I kicked at my desk chair, a rather unattractive habit I had picked up from Finn.

_Calm yourself down; you're getting as bad as Rachael before a performance. Sit down on that bed, if you can find somewhere that isn't covered in last season's designs, and think for a minute._

The comparison to Rachael Berry stung a little more then I would have liked, so I listened to Galinda and sat.

_Good boy. Now, think about this calmly and rationally. Finn likes red, he's told you that more then once. Now put the other colors away, and let's look at what we have left. Where are we going on this date?_

Mini-golfing, or maybe bowling. The only good movies playing were rated R, and while Sean and maybe Finn might be able to pass as older, I looked about 12 and was never going to be able to sneak in. Plus, though no one had come out and said it, I was pretty sure that Sean was a little uncomfortable going to the movies with his disability.

_Fine, somewhere active. You aren't going mini-golfing, because it's going to be 35 degrees once the sun goes down, and hypothermia isn't a good look on anyone. Nope, it's bowling for you. Get an embellished shirt and some dark pants. Hopefully that will draw the eye away from those hideous shoes they're going to make you wear._

As crazy as she drove me sometimes, I had to admit that I would be utterly lost without Galinda to keep me on track. I hung most of the clothing back up, and took stock of what I had left. The red items had been slowly taking over my closet (not solely because Finn liked it, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't taken that into consideration), and there was still plenty to choose from. I held up one shirt after another, trying to see what would look best. No, not that one, not that one either. Dear God, what had I been thinking when I bought _that_ revolting thing?

Finally I was able to find a shirt that passed muster. Marginally. I put it on, along with a pair of black pants, and examined myself critically. Not one of my better outfits, but I guessed it would be alright in a casual setting. Now that that was taken care of, I needed a quick shower before I went over to fix up Mercedes.

I made sure to use my new shower gel, just so Finn could smell it later and know that I had been thinking about him. Then I hurriedly fixed my hair, leaving it just a little bit messy, and put on my previously chosen outfit. I looked good. No, I looked better then good, I looked fantastic. I was ready for my first date ever.

_Try to say that in a way that's a little less preteen girl, even in your head. You all but squealed. _

"Stick it, you Wicked Bitch of the North." I was too excited to care that I was talking to myself

_I think it might be _you_ who's the Wicked Bitch of the North, sweetheart. Isn't that what Rachael said about you? Just think though, it won't be too long before you can be super bitchy and tell Rachael that it's you who has Finn instead of her._

Ah, the thought gave me more pleasure then getting the newest issue of Vogue. I raced up the stairs and through the living room, only to be stopped by my father. "Whoa, Kurt." He pointed at the couch. "Sit down so we can have a quick talk."

_Uh-oh. Here it comes, Kurt, the most awkward talk in the entire world! _

I sat down and crossed my legs, forcing my back straight. "Yes?" 

He tugged on his baseball cap, squirming a little. "Kurt, you are almost an adult and you have a very good head on your shoulders. But I do remember what it's like to be 16 and be with someone you want to be with very badly. I think its way too early for you to be considering sex, but I know that things are different now then when I was your age. But Kurt, if he's worth keeping, he'll understand if you say no. Now have fun, and make sure you call me when you get back."

This was actually less embarrassing then I thought it would be. "Ok, Dad, thanks." Now if I could just get out of here without it all blowing up….

Naturally this was when I just had to open my big mouth and bring something he had said back to the table. "Wait, you aren't going to be here when I get home?" 

"I may or may not be. I have a date tonight too, remember?" Now he was the one who was embarrassed.

Ug, why had I even asked that? Now I would have the horrendous image of my father and Carol Hudson to kill my libido. "I think I need to leave now." 

He nodded. "Have fun, and remember: I have a lot of shotguns and we have a big backyard."

I might seldom say it out loud, but I do appreciate it when he takes up for me like this. "Thanks, Dad. I'll call."

Despite there still being almost 20 minutes before I was due to be at Mercedes' house, I had five missed calls from her. Each message was more frantic then the last, though the gist of all of them was that I was never going to get there and thus she would have to choose things for herself and Sean would hate them and break up with her, and then she would end up dying a lonely old woman who would then be eaten by her 97 cats. Was _my_ drama this exhausting?

_I'm sorry, who spent four hours in a mall yesterday, and finally resorted to bribing Finn with the promise of sex, just to get him a halfway decent outfit? I think he might agree that your drama is completely exhausting._

Maybe I had been a little hard on him. After all, shopping was just like any other endurance sport in that it took a lot of practice to work up to full speed. Poor Finn had just been thrown into the thick of it.

_Honey, you haven't been hard on him for the past few days. Maybe he would appreciate a little, you know, action. It would probably do wonders for your stress levels as well._

Almost as if my thoughts had reached across town, my phone buzzed across the dash. I expertly picked it up one handed, smoothly turning onto Mercedes' street at the same time. "Hello Finn Hudson!" I sounded so eager that it was downright pathetic.

"Hey." He sounded a little sleepy, like he had either taken a nap or zoned out in front of the television for a few hours. "Uh, I kind of forget which jeans I'm supposed to put on with this shirt, and I didn't want to pick wrong so I thought I would call."

He was lying. Not only was Finn terrible at it, but I had anticipated this and deliberately put the shirt on top of the correct pair of pants, as well as socks. "Wear the pair I put out with the shirt, on top of your dresser." It might be my ego talking, but I couldn't help but think that he might just want to hear my voice.

"Oh, yeah. I see them now." The was a rustling on the other end of the line, probably him getting his outfit together. "What time are you coming again?"

He must want to hear my voice, because he was starting to fish for ways to keep me on the phone. "5:30. I'll see what I can do about your hair, and then we'll meet up with Sean and Mercedes at the school at 6."

It would have made more sense for me to take Mercedes over to Finn's with me, then the three of us meet Sean, but she had put her foot down and refused. Something about having the total first date experience, and that included having Sean pick her up at home and having her parents fuss over them both. I didn't quite get it; after all, my father hadn't offered to fuss over Finn and I.

_Oh for God's sake, you're a boy, despite way too many people thinking otherwise. The girl gets fussed over for her date; the guy stands there and looks uncomfortable. It's basic tradition. Anyway, the fussing is more of a Mom thing then a Dad thing._

That hurt. Would my own mother have fussed over me? Would she have sat down and given me a gentle lecture about respecting Finn and his feelings, as well as being careful of my own? I thought she would have. Dad always said I got my gentle creative side from her. She would have known exactly what to say to make my first date seem totally special.

I pushed those thoughts down as I pulled in to Mercedes' driveway. Mom was gone; she had been gone for a long time. Tonight I was going on a date with Finn Hudson, and it was going to be perfect. I wouldn't let things go any other way.

"There you are! Kurt, you're late!" Mercedes was standing on her front porch, hands on her hips. "I need help because I don't have anything to wear, and my hair is a mess and my make-up makes me look like a hooker! You need to fix me!" 

I didn't think it was as bad as she was making it out to be, but, like I've said before, makeovers are like absolute crack to me. Besides, I had a clear memory of myself not two hours ago tearing all of the clothes out of my closet because I didn't think I had anything to wear either. "Ok, let's start with an outfit."

I opened her closet door, and chose a few pieces at random. "Pants or skirt? I don't think you'll want to go with a dress, unless you have a cardigan to put over it. That might work if you want to go for the innocent schoolgirl look, but I don't think so. I think you need something more in line with your sassy personality." 

My reminding her that she was a diva after my own heart seemed to calm her down. "Pants. You don't bowl in a skirt."

She said it like I could be expected to know that. Still, I filed it away to know for the future and started unfolding pairs of pants. "What color top do you want?"

"Whatever you think is the best. I don't have a long list of men waiting for me if this doesn't work out, so I have to make a big impression on him." Her eyes narrowed at me. "Do not make a fat chick joke."

I might be gay, but I wasn't stupid. "Mercedes, how many times have I told you that you are beautiful exactly like you are? Plus, you have the advantage of being able wear all the wonderful bright colors that completely wash me out." I pulled out a turquoise top that would emphasize her chest without making her look trashy. "Try this."

She put it on without hesitation. "Won't a halter top make me look like a ho?" 

"Of course not. A halter top won't look make you look like a ho as long as you pair it with a nice pair of flared jeans that aren't too tight. If one piece of the ensemble is a little risqué, you downplay the rest by not showing too much skin. Also, nice sandals instead of sneakers."

Once we had her outfit chosen, I sat down with her in the bathroom and started working on her make-up. "You have the most gorgeous brown eyes, with lashes that I would stomp on puppies for, and we need to play that up." I thickened them with mascara and lined the lids perfectly. A dark plum lipstick made her lips stand out a little bit, and just a hint or blush made her cheeks perfect. "You look great."

And she did. Her dark eyes were sparkling with excitement and she couldn't stop smiling. This Sean better appreciate what a treasure he was getting, or he would be getting kicked by my $300 boots or, better yet, by Finn.

Mercedes sat down on the bed. "But listen to me blabbing on and on about my first date, it's yours too. Are you nervous?" 

"Of course." Actually, I was far more nervous then I had any right to be. I knew Finn already, in both the literal and Biblical senses. I knew a lot of his likes and dislikes, and what he would want for dinner, and exactly how he would squirm when I kissed right below his ear. But this was different; this was more then hanging out after school or even what we did in the basement. This was public, and it would be the true test of how comfortable Finn was with the two of us. "I'm really, really, nervous."

"Me, too. I guess you would be more nervous, though. I mean, if Sean turns out to be an asshole, there are plenty of beautiful black men in the sea. If Finn does, you might be in trouble. The gay fish sea is more of a pond, not too many fish"

More like a bathtub with one creepy old carp paddling around in it. "Not helping with the nerves, Mercedes." I clasped my hands together to keep them from shaking.

She gave me a tight hug. "Oh, it'll be fine. Finn is crazy about you and you know it. He might be a little stupid sometimes, but I've noticed that you can be a little stupid when it comes to Finn Hudson as well. We both need to relax."

Easier said then done. I hugged her back, though, as tightly as I could. "We can do this. People go on first dates all the time, and no one dies of nerves beforehand."

_You would probably be the first. _

Sometimes I think Galinda gets off on bothering me. I was _not_ going to die. Whether or not I passed out before we got through dinner was a matter that was still up for debate. Mercedes' phone rang, and she squealed before shooing me out of the room. "It's Sean! Go get the Frankenteen and I'll see you at 6."

Watching her rush for the phone, it occurred to me how quickly things were changing. Before it had been Mercedes and Kurt, the two of us against the world. Now it wasn't just the two of us any more. I had Finn, and she had Sean, and even when it really was just us, our other relationships would always be there in the background.

It happened to everyone, I guessed, and usually much sooner then it had to us. There was a point where friendship wasn't enough anymore, and you needed someone to love sexually as well. Still, it hurt a little bit.

Finn was sitting on the couch when I got to his place, blissfully watching a rerun of some crime show. I hugged him as tightly as I could, longing for some reassurance that he still wanted me. He hugged me back. "Hey, you're early."

"Well, you need a lot of help." I was really hoping that he could use that magic power of his to know that I was really saying that I wanted to be close to him because I loved him and needed his presence.

"So help me, Spider Monkey." He stood up and laid a hand on my back, rubbing gently. He had understood, thank God.

Carol came down the stairs, holding out two pairs of earrings. "Finn, which ones do you like? Oh, Kurt, hello darling. You look wonderful, as always."

That was one of the things I really liked about Carol. Unlike a few of my fathers past girlfriends, she didn't treat me like I was some strange creature just because I liked fashion and dressing up. She just accepted that this was how I was, period. "Put in the blue pair. They look really nice with that dress and blue is my father's favorite color." Just like my mother's eyes, and my own.

"Great." She grabbed her purse from the kitchen table (it was the wrong color _and_ style to go along with that dress, but she had only asked about the earrings so I kept my mouth shut.) and grabbed Finn for a quick kiss. "Bye sweetheart. You have fun, and remember to be safe tonight."

Both Finn and I flushed, picking up on the double meaning behind her words. Before we could say anything, though, she was off on another tangent, reminding Finn that he had promised to help her clean the basement tomorrow, so not to stay out too late. Then she grabbed me for a quick kiss that smeared lipstick on my cheek and she was out the door.

I froze, just like I always did when Carol kissed me or showed any affection at all. I wanted to do something, anything, back, but by the time I was able to move, she was already gone. I wondered if it upset her, or if she had her son's ability to understand my intentions rather then my actions.

Finn came over and rubbed my cheek with his thumb, getting the red color off. "She likes you. That's really good, because she didn't like Quinn that much."

It was especially good, considering that if things worked out Carol might be my stepmother some day, as well as my mother in law. God it sounded trashy when I said it like that. Like we could be the next family on the Jerry Springer show. "I'm delighted to know that I pass the maternal muster."

He was getting ready to say something else, I could tell, but I had just noticed that it was quarter to six. I was out of time to do his hair, something that probably would please Finn to no end. Instead I pulled him closer to me and fixed his shirt, straightening the collar and tucking it in a little more neatly. "You look great." He did, too, and he was all mine.

"I would say that you do too, but you always look really great. Different, but in a kinda cool way, like someone in a magazine." He ducked his head and smiled. "I'm going to shut up now before I get bitched out."

Finn might expect to get yelled at, but I found his awkward attempts at a compliment endearing. "Thank you, Finn." I kissed his cheek, liking the way he smiled faintly when I did so. "You are incredibly sweet."

"And sexy?" The smile grew larger.

"And sexy. Come on now, before we're late." His hand came to rest on my back, staying there for the entire walk out to the car.

I cranked the radio for the ride, putting on my happy playlist. The butterflies in my stomach had all but disappeared as soon as Finn had put his arms around me. This was right, I just knew it. Even though he _was_ acting like an idiot and head banging along with the currently playing song.

Mercedes and Sean were already there, still inside his beat up Toyota. The overhead light was on and I could see them moving about, both of their eyes cast downwards.

"They're probably writing stuff out. It's a little weird at first, but you get used to it pretty fast." Finn rolled his shoulders. "Do we take your car or his?"

It would make more sense to take Sean's car, considering that he knew the area, but I hated being a passenger. Mercedes says it's because I'm a control freak, which I'm willing to admit might be true. But part of the total first date experience was probably going in his car, and I was willing to bite down on my nerves to make her happy. "His."

"Alright, you ready?" Finn slid an arm around my shoulders and squeezed.

"Yeah, I'm ready." The butterflies came back, but only momentarily. This was Finn; he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

Neither Sean nor Mercedes looked up until I tapped the doorframe. He disengaged the locks, allowing Finn and I to crawl into the backseat. Finn leaned up between the two seats to give him a fist bump, which was apparently the all purpose male greeting. "Where are we going?"

"Bowling." The pair of them spoke together, which surprised me. Sean must have read my look, because he smiled. "I read lips."

"Oh." I remembered to nod my head for Sean's benefit. Finn's arm was still resting around my shoulders and I leaned back against him, winding his other hand with my own. He grinned. "Dinner first, though, right?"

Normally I would have rolled my eyes at Finn's amazing ability to think with his stomach, but I had been way too nervous to eat earlier and I was getting hungry myself. Mercedes nodded. "He knows an Italian place, if that's alright."

"Sure." Pasta was completely fattening, but I was sure that bowling burned calories. It had to, right?

_You know what else burns calories? Sex . Come on, Kurt, I'm dying here. It's been three days since you got naked with the boy. Use it or lose it._

I was used to Galinda being a pervert, but it didn't help when Finn leaned over and laid his cheek against the top of my head. "You smell really good."

"Thanks." I didn't really want to think too much about smells; because I was suddenly remembering the other reason I hated being a passenger: I always got carsick when I rode in the backseat. Nausea rolled through my stomach and I forced myself to take a deep breath.

"You ok?" Finn's voice wasn't much more then a whisper. "Your hands feel kind of cold all of the sudden. Want my jacket?"

Not as badly as I wanted a Dramamine. I closed my eyes and nodded, regretting the movement even as I made it. "Just a little bit carsick."

"You want me to have Sean pull over?" His hand came up to rest on my forehead.

"No, I'll be fine." I was _not_ going to throw up in this outfit. It was expensive and designer I would sooner die then soil it.

"Alright, just…I don't know, just close your eyes, I guess." He didn't sound very confident that he was suggesting the right thing, but I did like it when he gently guided my head down to his chest, rubbing my stomach at the same time. "That's what Mom does for a stomachache."

Whether it was what he was doing or just having my eyes closed, my stomach did settle a bit. In fact, I was nearly dozing when the car came to a stop. Finn shook me gently. "We're here. Do you want to walk a little bit before we go inside and you have to smell food?"

"Probably a good idea." I raised my voice. "Mercedes, Finn and I are going to walk a bit, then come in, can you order me a sprite?"

She gave me a worried look, but I jerked my head towards the front door of the restaurant. I was no longer her top priority, Sean was. I was, however, Finn's top priority, which was pretty damn cool. He kept his body close to mine as we trolled the edge of the parking lot, his heat seeping into mine against the chill. "I think I'm ok now."

"Cool." His arm drop from my shoulders so he could open the front door of the restaurant and let us in. I held my breath, but he didn't put it back where it had been. Actually, he wasn't touching me at all.

_Uh-oh, Finn's crawling back into the closet. You need to do something right now, and make him acknowledge you._

I was pretty sure that a foot stomping temper tantrum wasn't what she meant, so I slipped my hand into his. He took it, and didn't pull away, but his smile was tense and went nowhere near his eyes. "There they are." There was something funny in his voice, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. He was uncomfortable, though, that much was obvious.

Mercedes raised an eyebrow as we sat down, but I shook my head at her. I needed to suss Finn out on my own, without anyone running interference. I touched his knee under the table, then slipped my hand into his. It was his bad hand, but I felt his fingers curl around mine as best they could. "We just got seated, so you'll have to order your own drink."

_Gentle now, baby steps. Don't let him pull away from you, but don't force him either. You do want your first date to end without bloodshed, right?_

Yes. So I did nothing but hold Finn's hand, grateful that he didn't try and free himself. The waitress came to get our orders, her face lighting up when she saw Sean. Their hands flew back and forth as they talked, no doubt about his new date. Then she looked curiously at Finn and I. Before either one of us could respond, Sean was signing again. She smiled. "A double first date then? That's wonderful. Now what can I get you two boys to drink?"

Her easy acceptance surprised me, and from the look on his face, Finn was surprised, too. He seemed to relax, though, and eased his hand free to rub my knee. Maybe it was less that he was embarrassed to be seen with a guy, and more that he just didn't want our night ruined by someone screaming homophobic slurs. "A coke and a sprite."

Finn could be very observant when you least expected it. It seemed like everything I said, no matter how insignificant was filed away, so that he could remember it later. I'm willing to bet that he has no idea how to solve for 'x', but he had no trouble remembering that I had asked for a sprite 20 minutes ago. I didn't think he would completely spaz out, I would have kissed him right there.

Communicating through notes and gestures took a little effort, but Finn was right, you got used to it. Sean was mostly caught up in Mercedes anyway, so Finn and I were kind of left out. The food came, and I was left with the enduring mystery of how Finn could possibly fit so much inside of him so very quickly. His appetite was contagious, and I found myself eating much more of my pasta then I had intended to. Finn leaned over to check out my plate, no doubt hoping for leftovers. I lightly slapped his hand. "No dice, Finnegan. I ate everything, which means I'll gain 15 pounds instantly and be so fat that you won't want me anymore."

"Date calories don't count." He had the soft smile of someone who has had this conversation at least a dozen times before. "Besides, more cushion for the pushin!"

_Told you so._

Yes, Galinda was right. Galinda was always right. "You are absolutely disgusting."

"I know." He squeezed my shoulder. "You like me this way."

Damn, he knew me too well. "No comment."

Another squeeze. "So, ready to go bowling?" 

Considering I had porked down my entire meal, in addition to more then my fair share of the bread basket, I was ready for anything that might burn even a tiny amount of calories. Not that I'd ever bowled before, but how hard could it be? 

As it turned out, bowling is rather hard. Not only are the balls heavy (and probably teeming with a million diseases), but there's a trick to not launching your ball straight into the gutter, and I had no idea what it was. For once, Finn was the total best at something, and I had to tamp down on my jealous and overcompetative instincts. So what if he could launch a ball down a huge lane and knock over all 10 (or was it 11?) pins. I could put together an outfit that looked designer from the meager offerings of Lima, Ohio, and that was an accomplishment in itself.

After a few frames of nothing but gutter balls, he finally took pity on me. He picked up my ball, which was swirly and red and hefted it experimentally. "Well, first off, this ball is too heavy."

"It's the same size as all of the other ones." Except for the little kids balls, and I would die before I used one of those.

"Same size, but not the same weight." He pointed at a number on the side of the ball. "This is a 16 pound one, and it's too heavy for you. That's why you're throwing it into the gutter." 

He pulled up a green ball with a 12 on it. "Try this one. Also, quit swinging your shoulders to the side."

The ball he had just given me was easier for me to hold, but I had no idea what he meant about my shoulders. "Huh?"

"Watch Sean." I did so, noting that Sean had a lot of muscles and was looking pretty good in the shirt he was wearing. "Did you see the way he swung the ball?" 

Not really. "No." It came out sounding a little petulant.

"Ok, I'll show you. You're up." To my surprise, he walked up to the lane with me, studying the pins. He stood behind my and used his larger body to surround mine, my back to his chest. His arm was along mine as he gently guided my movements. "See, keep your shoulders steady and stop twisting."

"Got it." I said it because he was looking like he expected me to say something, but I was so caught up in his body against mine that I hadn't really heard a word he said. He backed up and nodded. "Ok, show me what you got."

I stood there for a minute, trying to remember what he could have possibly suggested. Something about my shoulders? Was I supposed to not move them, or move them more? I decided to just go for it and threw the ball as hard as I could. The lighter ball moved much faster then the heavier one, and even though it veered towards the gutter, I actually managed to clip the furthest pin. I gave Finn my most dazzling grin.

He grinned back. "Good job! But were you listening to me about your shoulders?" 

"No, I was looking at your ass." The words were out before I could stop myself. My face turned bright red and Galinda cheered. I must have been standing at the perfect angle for my mouth to be seen, because both Mercedes and Sean doubled over in hysterical laughter. Finn blanched for a brief second, then started laughing himself. "My ass, huh? I guess it is pretty nice."

"Oh, shut up." Even as I tried to be harsh, I could feel my lips trying to smile. "And, yes, it's very nice."

He chuckled again and put an arm around me. "Yours is pretty great, too. Now get your ball. Shoulders steady."

I really wanted him to come over and help me again, but that would probably just lead to me jumping on top of him and doing something to him that would shock the hell out of all the parents that were here with their children. I picked up the ball again and forced my back straight. This time, the ball hit a little closer to center, taking down an additional 7 pins. Ok, so 8 pins still wasn't great, but it was the most I had knocked down all night. There was something simple and satisfying about it, and I could see why Finn liked the game so much. I flopped down in Finn's lap and grinned at him, and he smiled and gave me a quick kiss back. It was just a tiny gesture, but he was slowly becoming more comfortable.

_See what I mean? Take it slow and easy with Finn, because if you push him, you're a dead man._

We played four games, all of which Finn won easily. He was such a good sport about it though, that none of us could be upset with him. We probably would have played a fifth, but everyone else was gone and we were starting to get the evil eye from the employees.

It was nearly 11, and there weren't many places left open, especially not the type that catered to 16 year olds. Now that it was dark, communication was becoming an issue, and we finally just decided to call it a night. It was disappointing, because things were going so well for all four of us, but I guessed my father would panic if I ended up staying out all night. Plus, Finn was starting to nod a little, his head drooping down onto my shoulder. Belatedly, I remembered that his mother had gotten him up early to help her clean the house, so it was a late night for him. "Yeah, I guess we can go home." 

By 15 minutes into the 45 minute drive, Finn was passed out and muttering to himself, the way he always did when he fell asleep. I listened, partially because it was kind of cute, and partially because I was coming to realize that it wasn't entirely nonsense. Granted, it was some strange code that I could only decipher about a third of the time, but when I got it, it could be quite telling about his mental state. Today was a mixed day, with the lyrics for 'Good Vibrations', which was a good thing, interspaced with a lot of mumbling about pie and Dalmatians, which may or may not have been a good thing, it was hard to tell with Finn.

He did revive somewhat when we made it back to the school parking lot, which was a good thing, since none of us could carry him dead weight. He was still groggy, but he was walking under his own power, and even managed to mumble a slurred 'good night' to Sean and Mercedes. I mouthed 'call me' at her, and she gave me a thumbs up.

Finn had curled up in the passenger seat, his eyes closed, and I assumed that he was asleep again. I was driving in silence, and nearly jumped out of my skin when he spoke. "So, was your first date good?" 

"It was perfect." I smiled at him, but his eyes never opened.

"That's good. Cause, I really wanted it to be perfect, because you're pretty prefect and I wanted you to know that."

"Even though I get all upset with you for no reason and I suck at bowling?" I was fishing for compliments and I knew it, but I just wanted to hear him say it one more time.

"Sure. After all, I get all upset about stuff too and I suck at just about everything _but_ bowling, so I figure we're all good." He yawned a little and snuggled down even deeper into the seat.

I didn't think he sucked at most things, his ability to put together an outfit notwithstanding. Finn just had to learn things his own way, in his own time. Once he learned them, though, they were in his brain forever. "Well, I think you're great."

"That's what matters, right? You're what counts right now." His eyes were kind of half-open when he said that, like he wanted to judge my reaction, but was afraid of what it might be.

There were no lights on this road and I was afraid to stop. Otherwise I would have grabbed him and kissed the hell out of him. As it was, I just rubbed his knee. "Thank you, Finn."

_Tell the boy you love him! Hello, perfect moment? Right now? Kurt! Kurt, are you even listening to me!_

If by 'listening' she meant 'pointedly ignoring everything she was saying' then, yes, I was. I did love Finn, had for a long time, but I couldn't force myself to tell him that. A few weeks ago, it would have been a snap. After all, I didn't have him then, and when you have nothing, there's nothing to lose. But now he could stop this at any moment, and I just couldn't stick my neck out like that. Soon, though, hopefully pretty soon.

Before I knew it, we were at Finn's house and I had to tell him goodnight. "Are you going to make it in ok?" He was such a klutz at the best of times, and he was still half asleep from earlier.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Plus, Mom's home, so no fun tonight." He gave me a sleepy, sloppy kiss, then headed inside, dragging his feet just a little. I watched him, just to make sure that he made it inside and didn't decided that he would rather just curl up on the porch swing and end up freezing to death tonight.

Finn turned and waved slightly when he hit the doorway, pausing to yawn as he did so. I had no idea why, but I froze, staring at him like this was the last time I would ever see him. I wanted to jump out of the car and throw myself into his arms, never letting him go, but I did nothing but wave back and put the car in reverse. Why was I getting all stupidly needy? Finn would be there tomorrow, and he would be there Monday when I picked him up for school. If I got desperate, I could even call him on the phone, no questions asked. Still, I felt a vague sense of unease.

Dad was still up when I got home, but I was too sleepy to do much more then acknowledge that I was still alive and mumble something about wanting to sleep in in the morning. He told me goodnight, and I drug myself downstairs, barely remembering to wash my face before I put on Finn's old sweatshirt and curled up in bed.

I crashed until nearly noon, then woke up cranky and almost hung over because I had slept too long. It was dreary and grey out, threatening snow, which did absolutely nothing to improve my mood. I wanted to see Finn, and possibly have him take the edge off of my frustrations, but I remembered his mother had him cleaning the basement today, which just irritated me more. It seemed that nothing was going to go right today.

I threw myself down on the couch and put in a movie, but not even the sight of Johnny Depp in tight pirate gear was enough to make me happy. Even after Orlando Bloom put on eyeliner and officially became the hottest thing on the planet, I was still grumpy and out of sorts.

When I checked my phone, I saw that Mercedes had called, but, for once, I didn't feel like calling her back. I knew that she would want to tell me how great everything had been, and while I thought it had been perfect myself; my nasty mood meant that I just didn't want to hear it. I just wanted to skulk around the basement like some nasty troll (which I undoubtedly looked like also, considering that I had skipped moisturizing both last night and this morning) and pity myself. The worst part was, I had no idea what was wrong with me.

_Lack of sex. Why don't you go over to that ball breaking prison his mother has him trapped in and give the poor boy a conjugal visit?_

As crazy as Galinda drove me sometimes, I had to admit that this sounded like a pretty good idea. It had been three days since I had touched him, and I had been too tired last night to even jerk off, which might be part of my foul mood. But I wasn't going anywhere without a shower and at least an hours worth of work on myself first. After all, I liked making a good impression, and I was pretty sure that I didn't look like much right now.

It was close to 4 by the time I was putting the finishing touches on my outfit, but I know Finn and I'm sure he would appreciate sex at 4 just as much as he would appreciate it at any other time. My bad mood had lifted, and I was actually humming to myself as started looking for my car keys.

"Kurt? Kurt are you down here?" My father sounded….was that afraid?

"Yes." That twisting feeling in my gut was back, and I nervously picked at my sleeve. "What's wrong?"

He came halfway down the stairs and looked at me hard. "Do you have Finn Hudson with you?" 

"No." So that was it. He thought his slutty gay son was using his basement bedroom as his private sex party. "How big of a whore do you think I am?"

He ignored my tone. "Do you know where he is? Don't lie to me Kurt Anthony." His eyes were hard and fear quickly replaced my indignation.

"He's at his place with his mother. Why? Dad, what's wrong?" I rose and all but ran up the stairs. "What happened?" 

He shook his head. "I don't know. All I know is Carol just called me in tears. She and Finn had some sort of huge fight and he bolted on her and now she has no idea where he is. She's looked all over for him and been calling all of his friends, but it's just like he vanished."

The words rushed over me without making much sense. Finn adored Carol, and while he had a temper on him, I couldn't imagine him doing something that would hurt her quite so badly. Then the more important part of what she had just said hit home. It was freezing outside, almost snowy, and Finn was lost somewhere. Not only was he upset and hurting, but he was going to be in actual danger if we didn't find him before the sun went down.

_Take charge, baby boy. You know Finn, and you know who he hangs out with. Who would he go to if he needed help? Think, Kurt._

I squared my shoulders and looked my father in the eye. "I'll try calling around, too."

"Alright. I'm going to help her drive around, so call me if you find him. And Kurt? Stay here, son. I can't stand the thought of you being out there alone, too."

I nodded, but I already had the phone out, looking for the numbers of the rest of the Glee club. I called everyone, one by one, and none of them had seen or heard from Finn. In desperation, I even tried Mr. Shue. The phone rang for so long that I almost gave up, then his tired sounding voice came on the line. "Hello?"

"Mr. Shue, its Kurt. Do you have Finn with you? We seem to have, uh, misplaced him." In my heart, I knew he didn't, but I couldn't help but hang onto the hope that he would say yes.

"Kurt, I'm not at home right now, but I can call Terri and ask. What do you mean, you misplaced him?" He sounded so broken that I almost asked him what was wrong. Then I remembered that Finn was my top priority and took a deep breath. 

My voice cracked. "I don't know! He got into a fight with his Mom, and he ran and now no one can find him and it's too cold for him to be outside like this!" It wasn't like Finn to run, and definitely wasn't like him to try and hide from the people he loved. Whatever had happened between him and Carol, it was bad, and I wasn't sure what condition Finn would be in, even if I did manage to find him.

_Worry about that later. First order of business: find Finn and make sure he's safe physically. Then you can worry about his emotional state. Hard to worry about his feelings if he's dead._

"Alright, Kurt, alright. I'm going back to my place right now, and I'll call you if I see him. Maybe the bitch has gone to her sisters." The last part was muttered and probably not for my ears. It seemed that everyone's lives were falling apart tonight.

Finally, in utter desperation, I called one final person, the last person that I thought Finn would ever go to. Puck. He answered immediately, his voice worried. "Do you have him? Is he alright?"

Belatedly, it occurred to me that Carol would have already called him. "No." It came out a soft little whimper.

"Alright lady boy, don't start your bawling. I know a few places to look that his mother doesn't. If I find him, I'm bringing him to you, got it? So be ready, because the Puckasaurus never fails."

Puck might be many things, very few of them flattering, but he could also be shockingly observant. Just how much he knew about Finn and I was unclear, but he obviously knew that _something_ had changed. "Ok." Then I decided, as long as Finn was in trouble, I wasn't above begging. "Please find him." 

"Of course." He hung up without saying goodbye, in typical Puck fashion. Still, he was my best hope for finding Finn, and all I had to hang on to.

Moving like a sleepwalker, I went back downstairs and undressed, putting Finn's hoodie back on in a desperate attempt to be close to him. It was starting to get dark outside, and I knew that once that happened, the chances of spotting him were all but zero. We would either find him soon or have to start praying that he had found a place to spend the night.

I kept the phone in one hand, willing it to ring. Dad, Carol, Puck, Mr. Shue, I didn't care who was calling; I just cared that they would be able to tell me that Finn was alright. But the phone sat there in my hand, stubbornly mute. I stared at it through a haze of tears, silently begging a deity I didn't believe in to bring Finn back.

Where was Finn?


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: I don't want to spoil the chapter, but a few timelines have never added up for me. So, this is my explanation.

Finn POV

Sometimes, I think my mother might be a pod person. Most of the time, she's like the greatest Mom ever, like some superwoman who's a Mom and a Dad all rolled up in one, which just might be the most awesome thing in the universe. Superwoman, though, not Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman is hot, and if I think about Mom in that outfit, I start feeling like I might throw up. So, yeah, Mom is great and awesome most of the time.

But sometimes she goes on these weird binges where she decides the house is a disaster area, and we need to clean it, and that means _right now_, Finnegan. I hate it when she calls me that (but not when Kurt does it. He says it like it's a little nickname, and she says it like I'm about to be grounded), because it means she's pissed off with me, even when I didn't do anything wrong. Even if most of the mess was mine, she could just ask me to clean it up, rather then deciding the curtains need to be washed and the basement rearranged. Yeah, the basement. You know, the one that was damp and creepy and we never allowed people in? Yeah, that basement.

But I knew way better then to try and get out of it. She would just get upset and yell some more, and then make me get back downstairs and do it anyway. Personally, I think her sudden obsession with having a clean house was coming from the fact that she had had a really good date with Mr. Hummel, and she wanted to invite him over and show off our house or something. I was still a little confused about what they might want to do in the basement, other then laundry, but you know how chicks are, so I went along with it.

Plus, sometimes you could find awesome stuff in our basement. Not just our stuff, but stuff from the last people who rented it, like old magazines and newspapers and best of all, sometimes I found porn. Mostly that antique stuff, like from the '40's, where the girls all wore one piece bathing suits and kept their legs together, but, hey, it's free and it's there. Except for this one magazine that had a bunch of naked men together doing things that not only looked painful, but like you might need to be double jointed or some shit before you could even try it. I had been so freaked out that I tossed the thing and washed my hands twice afterwards. Turns out, that was a pretty stupid thing to do, since that thing would sure come in handy for things with Kurt.

Ah, Kurt. Things had gone really good last night, which I think is pretty awesome. I've been on dates before, but I knew that this was his first one, and I tried as hard as I could to make it right. Luckily Sean had picked the places we were going to go, because I would have probably screwed that up. Also luckily, he had been late with Mercedes, so I didn't have to sit through three hours of him fussing with my hair, only to have it come out looking not much different then when we started out. I mean, it's short, there isn't that much you can do with it. But he likes to try, so I put up with it.

I had been really, really worried that people would stay stuff and wreck our night. I would like to claim it was for Kurt, and a big part of it was, but it bothered me, too. I'm used to being top of the heap, and it hurts to get knocked down a few pegs. Plus, before Kurt, I had said 'fag', too, even if I didn't really mean it like that. I've never actually thought there was anything wrong with being gay, even if some of the other guys did. It was just a word you used, like 'stupid' or 'lame' or 'retarded', even though I think that lat one might be pretty mean, too. I mean, stupid and lame could be about anyone, but 'fag' or 'retard' meant a definite person, so they were worse. Or something like that. I don't know, I'm not that smart, but I do know that thinking those words makes me feel really sick now, and it never did before.

_Because before you weren't the fag, and now you are. Moron._

Well, that was part of it, too, even if it wasn't the biggest part. The biggest part was that it was a really cruel thing to say. It wasn't racist, but it was whatever the gay bashing form of racist was. It would be just as bad as using the N word, and I would never do that. So, yeah, I felt pretty bad about ever using the term, and I sure as shit was never going to tell Kurt that I had. Cause really? Kurt is pretty damn scary when he gets pissed.

But the night had gone really well. Even when our waitress had found out that Kurt and I were on a date, she had thought it was cute, rather then saying something ugly. I had been a little tense up until then, but that helped me relax.

Then we went bowling, which was all sorts of awesome. For once, I could show Kurt that I was good at something besides singing, even if it was just a game. I mean, I'm not a great dancer, and I suck at homework, and I still can't tell my left from my right 100% of the time, but I really, really like him, and I want him to see that I can do something.

As it turns out, Kurt isn't a good bowler, which kind of surprises me. I thought he was good at everything, except sharing his dad, of course. That was cool, though, I'm not really sure I want to share Mom either. She's kind of all I have, you know?

But I kind of liked that Kurt sucked at bowling, because then I could help him and kind of feel him up and that was always fun. Much more fun then when I did it with Rachael (what can I say? I go with what works.). The added bonus was that Kurt actually snuggled backwards into my body, instead of leaning away like Rach did. When he hit a pin for the first time all night, he gave me one of those smiles that made me feel like I was having a heart attack at age 16. Then he had to announce that he hadn't been paying much attention to what I was saying because he was too busy looking at my ass, and I almost had another sort of attack. God damn the fact that A) I let Kurt pick my jeans, which meant they were way too tight and getting tighter all the time, and B) that we weren't the only ones there, so I couldn't just screw around with him on the lane.

_Real romantic, Finn, on a bowling lane? Why don't you just take him out to the football field and do him on the 50 yard line? It seems to work for Puck_.

_Oh, really? Is that how he tricked you_? I couldn't believe I was being mean to my own inner voice, but she was mean to me first. The mental argument might have continued, except Kurt had tossed himself down into my lap, and I wasn't able to resist giving him a quick kiss. Yep, those jeans definitely weren't getting any looser.

We played another two games, which I think I won, but I'm not sure. Sean was keeping score because I wasn't very good at the math part of the game. I was starting to get sleepy, and I kind of wished that the date would be over so I could go to bed. It would be best if I could go to bed with Kurt, but being alone was looking better and better, too. I never thought I would say it, but I was kind of glad to be getting back to Lima.

I tried to look all perky and shit, but Kurt's pretty smart, and he wasn't fooled by the act. Without saying anything, or even warning me that he would cut off sex forever if I drooled on his million dollar whatever designer sweater, he let me put my head down on his shoulder and sleep.

Sean's car was old and the ride was kind of rough, so I kept flitting in and out of a light doze. Eventually I must have fallen into a deeper sleep, because Kurt was shaking me gently and telling me to wake up. I really just wanted to curl up and go back to sleep, but he started tickling my ribs and that woke me up enough to get into the Navigator. I think I told Mercedes and Sean goodnight, but I'm not positive on that. I hope so, though, because Sean was really cool, and Mercedes might kill me if I'm not polite to her.

It had gotten cold out, and that helped wake me up a little more. I really wanted to make sure that Kurt had actually had a good time, but I was having a hard time making my arms and legs and brain and mouth all work together. It happens to me a lot, but especially when I'm tired. It took so long for me to get on track the Kurt must have thought I was still sleeping, because he jumped when I asked if he had had a good time.

As it turned out, he had, which made me feel a lot better about stuff. Even though he wasn't a girl, I was still the one with dating experience, so it was my job to make sure the date went well. I was pretty hopeful that the date might continue on up into the my bedroom, which would do a lot for a few fantasies of mine, but, when we pulled up, I could see Mom's car, which meant no fooling around tonight. I felt kind of pissed of about that, but then I though that at least it meant that she wasn't fooling around with Mr. Hummel either, so I felt a little better. If I wasn't getting any, no one should be getting any.

I gave Kurt a kiss goodnight and went inside. Mom was up and waiting, just like she always did when I went out for the night. I gave her a goodnight kiss (but not like I kissed Kurt, because that would be, you know, gross) and passed out on my bed, not even bothering to get undressed.

Which brought me back to the basement, where I had been cleaning for the past few hours. By 'cleaning', of course, I meant moving some stuff around and going through the boxes looking for anything interesting. I had already found a bunch of baseball cards that had probably been mine when I was younger, some stuffy old clothes that looked like something Kurt would love, and my black long sleeved shirt with the star on it that I had lost a few months ago. All in all, it was shaping up to be a pretty good day. There were only a few boxes left to push around, then I could sweep down here and pretend that I had actually been doing something important.

"Finn? Lunch!" Mom sounded happy, which meant that my torture might be ending soon. If I could get out of the basement early enough, I could probably lie and tell her that I needed Kurt to help me with my homework. Then he and I could study some biology before the actual work. Yep, life was pretty good.

Mom had already made me two sandwiches with lots of chips and a cup of milk. She gave me a quick kiss on top of my head, and smudged the dirt off of my face with her thumb. "You've been a good sport about cleaning down there. Sweep and then take the last few boxes up to my room and you're free for the day. Go see Kurt or play video games or something."

See? I have the coolest Mom in the world. "Thanks." I shoveled the food down as fast as I could, just so I could get back to work and finish up. If Kurt couldn't hang out, and my dick was really, really hoping that he could, then Call of Duty 3 was waiting for me, and that would be pretty awesome as well.

I swept up as quickly as I could, even though the basement really didn't look much different now then it had before I spent all morning in it. The boxes were in different places, but it was still just a basement, nothing to get excited about. The boxes Mom wanted moved were all sitting in the living room, and I took them up one at a time, since all of them were clearly marked "Fragile". That means 'if you break it, Mom will cry' in Italian or some shit.

It wasn't until I brought the last box up that I noticed her closet was open, and so was the safe that she kept in there. I know, I know, it's wrong to go prying though your mother's things, but I couldn't help but be curious about what was actually in there. I knew that there were important things like my birth certificate and Mom's passport and her wedding photo and stuff, but I couldn't help but kneel down in front of it to get a better look at the rest of the stuff.

It was mostly kind of boring. There was some jewelry, probably the stuff with real diamonds and whatever you call those green ones, instead of the fake stuff she wore sometimes. A few pins that looked kind of old. There huge wad of cash in there, more then I had ever seen, but I didn't touch it at all, even to count it. I might not be that smart, but I do have some morals and that money didn't belong to me.

There were some of those big brown envelopes on the bottom. They had the tack I pushed through in them, but they weren't licked closed, so I opened the closest one. It was filled with pictures from her and Dad's wedding. Not just the one with them and the cake that was downstairs on the wall, but a bunch of other ones, where they were both laughing and Mom's veil was on crooked and Dad looked like he might want to throw up, which meant it was probably taken before the wedding. Mom always says that I have my fathers smile, and these pictures were the first time I had actually seen the resemblance. He did the same thing I did, where one side of the mouth was higher then the other. I really wanted to keep at least one of the pictures of them together, but then Mom would see it and I would have to explain where it came from and it was probably better if I didn't.

The next envelope had all sorts of important looking pieces of paper in it. I shook them out into my lap and ran a hand through them. One was Dad's discharge papers, which I skimmed over quickly. He had left the army on June 16th, 1993, before I was even born. Mom always said that he did it because he knew he wanted kids, and he didn't want to miss seeing them grow up. It didn't end up happening that way, but it still felt good to know that it had been that important to him.

. My birth certificate was next, all cool looking on green paper. Finnegan Jacob Hudson, 11 pounds 14 ounces, which I think is a pretty big baby. Father: Christopher William Hudson, Mother: Carol Marie Hudson. Single birth, no siblings. None of that was a surprise, but I still read it a few times. After all, this was the first piece of paper that was mine.

Underneath my birth certificate was a will. More specifically, it was my mother's will. I shoved it away from me as fast as I could, not even wanting to touch it. I mean, I know it's a good thing to have, especially since I was still young enough to need a guardian if something happened to her, but the thought of Mom being dead made me feel like I couldn't breathe. I looked away from the paper as I hurriedly stuffed it back into its envelope. There, now it couldn't get me and make me turn into stone or salt or whatever the hell you turned into when you looked at things you shouldn't.

I decided that I had had enough snooping for the day. I was just going to put the stuff back in the safe, then go downstairs and call Kurt. It was nearly 2, so he should be done with whatever weird beauty rituals he went through on a Sunday morning. Then I could have some company, and hopefully Mom would be making tacos for dinner.

I was almost out of the room before something told me to look back and take one final check. There was a piece of paper on the floor that must have fallen out of one of the envelopes when I wasn't looking. Shit, if Mom had seen that laying there, she would have known that I went through her stuff and then I would be in for a long lecture, if not a total grounding.

If I had been in a little more of a hurry, I would have just stuffed the paper in on top and closed the safe. Then Mom would think that she was the one who took it out and forgot to put it back, because she won't give me the code to it. If I had been in a hurry, things would have turned out a lot different.

But I was still in kind of a lazy mood, so I squinted at the paper in my hand. It was a death certificate. More importantly, it was my father's death certificate. My hands started to shake, and I had to fight the urge to drop it right there and run like a scared little baby.

_It's just a piece of paper, Finn. It's not going to bite you, and it's not going to tell you anything that you don't already know. Now put it back and leave. _

Sometimes, ok, most of the time, I think that Quinn-voice is just a bitch. But this one time I asked Kurt about what it meant if you have a little voice in your head that talks to you and tells you stuff, and did that make you crazy? He had stared at me for a really long time, long enough that I think he might have a little voice of his own, and told me that unless the voice was scaring me or telling me to wear a tinfoil hat or something, it was probably normal. That that voice was my instincts telling me when something wasn't quite right. I thought about that right now, because Quinn voice sounded scared for the first time that I could remember.

_Finn, if you do this, there's no going back. You have Kurt, you have Glee club, and your mother has Burt Hummel. Things are finally good for your family, and why would you want to screw it all up? Put that thing down._

There would be plenty of time later for me to wish I had done exactly that. But you know what they say about curiosity and the cat, and I found myself looking over the paper. Hudson, Christopher William. Age: 27. DOB: 1/29/68. Date of Death: 3/1/95. Cause of Death: Single Gunshot Wound. Manner of Death: Suicide.

My lunch flipped over in my stomach, and I had to take a deep breath to keep from throwing up on the floor. That was wrong. Dad didn't commit suicide, he was shot overseas. Mom didn't like talking about it, but I knew that for a fact. Why would the paper be wrong like that?

I looked again, and saw that you had to check a box for manner of death and 'suicide' was right next to 'homicide'. See, it was just a mistake. The guy had checked the wrong box. It was just a mistake. That was all it was.

I was breathing too fast, and everything seemed like I had suddenly gotten too bright and shimmery. If this wasn't a mistake, then Mom had lied to me for 16 years, and that just wasn't possible. I looked over the rest of the paper, trying to find anything that might confirm what I already suspected. There was a second page stapled to the first, a photocopy of lined paper with handwritten notes on it.

The paper rocked and jiggled because I was shaking harder and harder, but little bits of sentences still jumped out at me. "Found in the nursery of his apartment"…."On Prozac and lithium for depression and PTSD"…."Found by his wife"…"No forced entry"…"Alone with 15 month old son"….

The last bit was what finally made it hit home. Not only had my father committed suicide, he had done it right in front of me, even though I was too little to remember. The paper was right and I was wrong. Mom _had_ lied to me for my entire life.

This time I knew I was going to throw up, and I barely made it to the bathroom in time. It wasn't so much that he had killed himself, but that everyone had hidden it from me. Not just Mom, but _everyone_. My grandparents, who were his mom and dad, my aunts and uncles, everyone who was old enough to know the truth. They had all looked me in the face and repeated the worst lie in the entire world.

_ I told you not to look at it. Can't unring a bell, Finnegan Jake, what are you going to do now?_

I had no idea. I was pissed of and scared and wanting to cry and still feeling like I might throw up again and absolutely nothing made sense. Mom was the bad guy, but she was still _Mom,_ and I had no idea how to rek-, recon-, reconsil-, the word slipped from my brain, but I meant make those two things work together. She couldn't be the bad guy and the good guy all at once, this wasn't the comic books.

_Maybe you could pray for guidance?_

If that was the best that my instincts could come up with, I was in big trouble. I couldn't just put the paper back where it had come from and pretend I had never seen it. If I could have gone back in time, just 5 minutes, I would leave the paper on the floor, but that only happens in the movies or on TV, so I couldn't do that either. I had to talk to Mom, so I could see what was really going on.

_What do you think its going to happen? Do you think that she'll look at that piece of paper and tell you that it's wrong? That she left that fake paper there on purpose just in case you ever went peeping in her things? Because, let me tell you, Finn, that isn't going to happen._

Deep down, I knew that. But I couldn't help it. Mom was always there for me, and she fixed every mess I got myself into. She would be able to fix this, too, or at least explain it in a way that didn't sound quite so horrible.

Even though I knew it was gross, I wiped my mouth on my sweatshirt sleeve and forced myself to stand. I could do this; I could go down there like a man and demand an explanation.

Except when I actually made it down the stairs, I could hear myself whimpering more like a little puppy then a man. Mom was still in the kitchen, cleaning up from lunch and humming happily to herself. I could barely even hear the noises I was making, and there was no way that she should have been able to, but she turned anyway. "Finn! Baby, you're absolutely white, come here." Her arms were out for me, but I backed up a step instead. "What's wrong, honey, did you get sick?"

Honestly, when I opened my mouth I wasn't sure if I was going to puke again, or if I was going to start screaming horrible things at her, or even if I was just going to start crying, but my voice came out surprisingly calm and steady. "How did Dad die again?"

There was something there in her eyes when I asked, the same look that had been in Quinn's when I asked how she could have possibly gotten pregnant in a hot tub, or when Kurt was trying to tell me that the other guys on the team were not the ones who slushied him this time. It's a sneaky look, one that means the other person is trying to figure out if they can lie and get away with it. Maybe she always made that face and I had been too fucking stupid to realize it before. Her hand came up to toy with her collar. "Finn, your father was shot, you know that."

"By who?" I kept my hand, the one with the death certificate in it, behind my back, so she wouldn't know I knew the truth. "I mean, by a guy from Iraq, or from Iran, or from Africa? Or was it one of his own guys?"

She drew back and looked at me for a long time, long enough that we both knew that it was over, the game was up. So instead of lying, she sat down at the table and nodded. "Why are you suddenly asking this?"

"Because I want to know. Who. Shot. Dad?" I spoke each word slowly and clearly.

Her eyes got all shiny and stuff, and I suddenly felt really bad, which just pissed me off. She was the one who had lied, so why was I the one feeling like an asshole? This was Quinn all over again. Kurt was right, all girls did was lie and cause problems.

Moving so slowly it was like I had been sleepwalking, I pulled out the piece of paper and put it down in front of her. "What's this?"

She knew what it was even before she looked. I could tell, because she gasped really loud and put her hand over her mouth. "Is it true?" I sounded like some stupid little kid who had just heard that Santa isn't real. Of course you already know it's true, but there's a part of you that can't help but wish they would tell you that of course it's not true, would they ever lie to you?

Mom didn't say that though. Instead she squared her shoulders and looked up at me. "Yes, Finn. It's true." 

My heart dropped down, somewhere even lower then my feet. "Why?" It came out all strangled and soft, and, holy shit, I know I'm going to pass out, or at least puke again. Maybe both.

Mom really was crying now, big tears running down her face, but I couldn't make myself feel bad. _She_ was the liar, and she _deserved_ to suffer. "Finn, it wasn't like that. Come here so I can tell you the whole story."

I didn't want to hear it. Puck had a big long explanation for why he fucked Quinn, too, and I didn't want to hear his story either. But I couldn't just punch Mom's lights out like I had done with him, so I did the only other thing that I could: I ran. I was out the door and across the lawn, totally ignoring her shouting after me. If I could just get away from all of this and give myself a little time to think, I could fix it, I was sure.

Say what you want about dumb jocks, but I've always loved running. It's the only time that my brain actually seems to work, rather then starting and stopping like a car that's about to run out of gas. I only kept enough focus on what was in front of me to make sure I wasn't about to run into something or get hit by a car. I might be miserable right now, but not miserable enough to want to become road jerky either.

By the time I was out of breath and feeling sick and dizzy and had to stop, I had no idea where I was. You wouldn't think that you could get lost in a town as small as Lima, but I was totally turned around. I sat with my back against a tree and tried not to barf.

Now that I had stopped for a minute, the sweat was drying on my clothes and I was starting to get cold. I quickly went through my pockets and came up with $43 in crumpled up bills and a piece of paper that turned out to have Sean's phone number on it. That was it. No cell phone, no change for a pay phone, even if I could find one, and no energy to care about it all.

I couldn't stay here, underneath a tree, though, so I started walking again. If I went far enough, I was bound to find something that looked familiar. Plus, it gave me something to do other then think about how my life had suddenly gone from being just about perfect to sucking so much ass.

Sure enough, it didn't take long before I started seeing buildings, then things I recognized. Great, I had not only managed to make it nearly four miles from home, but I had headed straight into the trashy part of town. The good news was that I wasn't that far from Puck's place, so at least I knew how to get home.

Only I didn't want to go home. I mean, I know I have to eventually, because I can't live on the streets or anything, but I wasn't done being mad at Mom, and I was too hurt to face her right now.

"Hey, kid, you look lonely." The voice came out of nowhere, and I almost screamed like a little girl. Shit, shit, shit! I had seen too many horror movies not to know where this was going.

If I looked carefully, I could see a kinda human form near the back of the store we were close to. I backed away carefully. "No, not really."

A man emerged, all old and homeless looking. "I can get you something, if you like. For a price, of course."

I was pretty sure that I didn't want whatever he was offering, but I had to admit I was kind of curious. "Like what?"

He pointed at the building. "Whatever you want. Jack, Vodka, Wine Coolers for your lady, Beer. You ask, I can get it." 

Oh, fuck, we were outside a liquor store. This was the sort of situation that Puck kept hoping would happen, where someone offered to buy booze for us, and I had no idea what to do. I was already cold, and tired, and making really bad decisions, so the last thing I needed to do was get drunk and make everything worse.

Which was exactly why I fished all of the money out of my pocket and shoved it into his hand. "Bottle of Jack and keep the rest."

I know, I know, it was a bad thing to do. This man was obviously desperate, and I should have just given him the money no strings attached. But I didn't call him back and tell him that. I just stood there and watched him go inside and pick me up a bottle, which he brought back in a paper bag. "Here you go, champ, have fun tonight."

Yeah, because it had been so much fun so far. "Thanks." 

Now that I actually had the precious booze, I had no idea what to do with it. Obviously, I had to drink it, but I hadn't sunk low enough yet to actually want to sit on the curb and do it.

Luckily, I remembered that the elementary school wasn't that far away, and I decided to take my new treasure there. It's not like there were going to be any little kids there, and I could sit on the playground and wonder exactly how things had gone so wrong.

Even before I opened the bottle, I already felt like I was on the tilt-a-whirl at the fair. Booze didn't make me mean, but it didn't make me happy either. I wasn't the guy who danced around with a lampshade on his head and sang opera. I was more of a 'sit in the corner thinking about the state of the word' kind of drunk. Honestly, though, I would rather sit here and think about the state of the world, then have to sit here and think about the state of my own life right now.

So that's kind of how I ended up where I was right now, on the side of the sandbox. I had started out on the swings, but I had moved down after I almost fell off. Plus, my stomach kind of didn't feel like swinging much any more. The bottle was mostly finished, and I really needed to start thinking about how I was going to get home, since I was freezing and it was dark, but none of that seemed important any more. Maybe if I came home drunk, I could say all the mean, nasty things I wanted to say to my mother, and not feel bad about them. Puck's a nasty drunk, but he's also a very honest one, and I had to admire the way he would tell you exactly what he thought of you until the booze wore off and the hangover set in.

Being mean to Mom wouldn't solve my problems, though, even if I kind of wanted to be. She's the one person I thought I could totally rely on, and now I find out that I can't do that either. What's a guy supposed to do?

The problem was, I wasn't really that angry. I was mostly just hurt, and even though a terrible part of me wanted to hurt her back just as badly, the bigger part just wanted some questions answered. Why he had done it, and why she had covered it up after. Why hadn't his wife and his baby son been enough for him? Was whatever had been wrong with him going to go wrong with me, too? Would Kurt come in one day and find my brains all over our living room?

That thought made the bottle fall out of my hand and spill all in the sandbox. Well, shit, there went the rest of my $43 booze. Now I had nothing, and I just wanted to lay my head down and rest.

_Oh no you don't_. The booze had done nothing to quiet down Quinn-voice, who was as bossy as ever. _If you go to sleep right now, you're going to freeze to death tonight. Get up, and get to a phone. You can make a collect call to someone, even if it isn't your mother. Why don't you try Mr. Shue? He'll come get you. Or Kurt? Or-_

"Finn!" The voice was kind of familiar, but I really didn't have the brainpower to think about it right now. "Finn, what is wrong with you!"

A body slammed down next to me and I started to jump, but then decided it was too much effort. A fist came forward and hit my shoulder. It wasn't that hard of a blow, but I was already kind of off balance and it knocked me to the side. "What the fuck, Noah!" Wait, was I pissed at him still or not? I couldn't remember.

He punched my shoulder again. "Do you want to explain why you mother called mine, crying hysterically, because she can't find you? Or the fact that Hummel did the same thing? Not that I care that much about Hummel, but, dude, why would you do that to your Mom?" 

_Because she deserved it and a lot more_.

I'm not as mean as Quinn voice, though, and the thought of Mom crying, no matter how much she deserved it made those stupid, traitor, tears pop up again. I couldn't tell Puck the truth though; I could barely even admit it to myself. So I shrugged and wished that there was still alcohol in the bottle.

Puck must have followed my eyes, because he reached out and picked it up. "Dude, please tell me you didn't drink this whole thing."

I shook my head. Most of it, yes, but not the whole thing. Puck reached out, surprisingly gentle, and cupped my face in his hands, pulling it up so he could stare into my eyes. "Finny, what is going on?"

I couldn't remember the last time he had called me that. Not since high school started, that's for sure, and probably not since elementary school. So 5 years or more, and it was familiar immediately. He nudged me with his knee. "Come on, Finn, talk to me. Otherwise I'm just going to take your drunk ass home, unless you can give me a good reason not to. Cause, come on, Carol's pretty great." 

He wouldn't think that if he knew what I knew. But I didn't want to tell him the truth either. Puck's mom drinks, and even through she still takes care of him and his little sister, she doesn't do much in the way of affection. He has to rely on my Mom for hugs and kisses and pep talks and scoldings. If he found out what she had done, then he wouldn't have anyone. Just like I didn't have anyone right now.

_You have Kurt_.

Well, duh, of course I had Kurt, but Kurt wasn't Mom. Kurt was just Kurt, and this was kinda what I meant when I had originally told him that he was better off not getting involved in my drama. Anyway, Kurt wasn't going to offer me a place to live, and even if he did, Mr. Hummel was probably going to say no.

Puck pulled me to my feet. "Come on, you pansy, you're freezing."

I tried to brace my feet so he couldn't drag me over to his truck, but Puck's stronger then I am, and, plus, I was having a little trouble making my body listen to me right now. So it was easy for him to pretty much toss me in the passenger seat. He turned the engine over and grabbed both of my hands, pressing them against the vent. "If you get frostbite, I'm not taking your stupid ass to the hospital. Now talk." 

"It's my Dad." I was barely talking loud enough to be heard over the engine of the truck, but Puck nodded anyway. "Okay…" His voice told me that that wasn't anywhere near enough of an explanation for him.

"Well, you know how Mom always said that Dad got killed fighting Osama Bin Ladan over in Iraq?" He nodded and I kept going. "That's not true." 

"Holy, shit, your dad's still alive?" Puck's eyes were huge, even bigger then when I told him I was joining Glee club. "But that doesn't make any sense, how come he never comes around?" 

"No, he's dead. It just didn't happen like she said it did." The tears were back, clogging my throat and streaming down my face. It wasn't so much that I was ashamed to cry in front of Puck, we were way beyond that by now, but I was just too tired and drunk and heartsick to give any more energy to them.

He reached across me to pop open the dashboard and retrieve a handful of napkins. "Here you go, Finnessa, blow your nose."

It was the closest Puck was going to come to a hug, at least for right now, so I accepted the napkins with a muttered thank you. The air coming out of the vents was too hot now, and making my stomach feel even worse. But Puck's already heard part of it, so he might as well hear the rest. "He killed himself. He shot himself in the head, while I was in the same room and Mom just lied about it. She made me think that he was this great guy and a real hero and it turns out he was crazy enough to do that and what if I turn out crazy, too?" 

I really hadn't meant to blurt all that out to Puck, but there wasn't anyone else to tell, and I was so tired of trying to figure things out on my own, and just screwing them up worse. "I don't want to go home."

Puck shook his head, and I could tell if the gleam in his eyes was sympathy tears, or if he was sad about losing his hero worship of my Mom (and probably my Dad, too, since Travis Puckerman was a grade A asshole and I wouldn't want to claim him either), or maybe if it was just a reflection from the playground lights. "It's ok; you can come to my place and get sobered up. Then we'll figure out what to do from there."

See, this is the good thing about Puck. He might be a jerk who got my girlfriend pregnant, but, when it counted, he was there with minimal snarking. Only he wasn't what I wanted right now. I wanted Kurt to rub my back and give me a kiss and tell me that I wasn't going to go crazy because he wouldn't let me.

But I couldn't say that to Puck. Not only would it lead to me totally getting my ass kicked, but I wasn't ready to share Kurt with anyone else. So I just nodded weakly and let him pull out of the parking lot. I closed my eyes and rested, too tired to do much else. "Finny, if you feel sick, let me know, ok? That much Jack sloshing around in your stomach can't be good and I will kick your ass if you puke in my truck."

It really wasn't, but while the nausea never went away, it didn't get worse either. Instead I just felt tired, and when Puck lightly laid his hand on my knee, I didn't shake it off. Even he was better then nothing, which was what I had without him. He patted gently. "Just so we're clear, this is a totally non-gay knee pat."

He always did know how to make me laugh a little. "Don't worry, you aren't my type." He had the right equipment, but my type currently came with an attitude and big blue eyes.

It was a short ride back to Puck's house, but long enough that I lost my sense of balance and needed help getting out of the truck and upstairs to his room. He dropped me down on the bed and sighed deeply. "Well, Hudson, you've gotten yourself into a mess." 

"Yeah."

"Finn!" It was only Sarah, but her voice was an excited squeal and it made me jump. Puck quickly grabbed her before she could do her usual 'jump up in my lap and give me painfully tight hugs' routine. Not that I usually minded, but I just wasn't up for it tonight. "Back off, baby girl, Finn's not feeling good."

She looked at me with eyes far too serious for such a little kid. "Did have a little too much?"

You wouldn't think it was possible for a little kid to make you feel so ashamed of yourself, but Sarah Puckerman had pulled it off. The poor kid already had to deal with her mother's drinking; she shouldn't have to deal with her brother's drunk friends on top of it. Puck rolled his eyes. "Yes, he did something very stupid. Now go downstairs and get me three blue Gatorades, ok? Leave them on the bed; unless you want to see Finn here start puking" 

Only Puck would remember that blue was my favorite. He waited until she was out of sight, then tugged my arm. "Come on, Finny, let's get this over with."

It was only then that I remembered exactly what 'sobering up' meant. It meant clearing your system of alcohol the fastest way possible, which meant a lot of puking. Puck pulled out the little brown bottle of ipecac, and held it out. "Chug."

God I hated this stuff, even the name made me feel like gagging. But it was better then the hangover that would come tomorrow, or, worse, the alcohol poisoning that I was probably on the verge of. I obediently forced down three quick swallows, nearly gagging at just he oily slickness of it. It was now about 5 minutes to the spew-fest. Puck came up behind me and tugged off my sweatshirt and the t-shirt underneath, just in case. "Thanks, man."

"No problem." He rested a hand on my back. "Jesus, you're still freezing. How long were you sitting out there, anyway?"

My stomach gave an uncomfortable rumble, telling me that it was pretty pissed off about what I had just shoved into it. "I dunno. A while I guess."

"Why didn't you just call someone?" He already knew the answer, but he was trying to take my mind off of what was coming next.

"No phone. Plus, I'm still pissed with you about Quinn." I couldn't tell if it was anger that was making my stomach churn like that, or if the ipecac was doing its job."

"I know." He pushed me down in front of the toilet. "Deep breaths now, it's almost over."

Easy for him to say. I was just about to tell him that when my stomach tightened painfully and I started heaving. Puck sat down next to me and rubbed my back, the same way he always did. This was pretty much the only time we touched each other without having to announce the non-gayness of it immediately before or after. I'm not exactly sure when that rule came into effect, but, right now, I was really, really glad for it.

After what felt like forever, and two false alarms where I thought I was done and turned out not to be, I was shaking violently but a lot more sober then I had been before. "Ow." I tried to get up, and swayed dizzily.

"Hang on a minute, stupid, and I'll help you. Or did you puke your brains up with everything else?" Puck steadied me enough so that I could make my way down the hall and into his bedroom. "Now drink this, because you are probably really dehydrated right now."

I didn't want a Gatorade, blue or any other color, but it just wasn't worth fighting about, so I took a cautious sip. My stomach wasn't real happy, but it didn't try and get sick again either. Puck sat down next to me and wiped my face and neck off with a damp washcloth. "Thanks." 

"Don't mention it. Like, _ever,_ dude. Really." It was what he always said, and it was nice to know that not everything had changed in the past two weeks.

We were quiet while I drank the first Gatorade and took a few sips of the second. I was getting really tired, and I pushed the bottle back at him. "Done."

"Nope, you have to drink all three." He pushed it back.

There was no way that was happening. "You can't make me." Puck might be stronger then me, but he couldn't force me to swallow if I didn't want to.

He thought about that for a minute, then nodded. "Make you a deal then. You finish that one, and I'll take you over to Hummel's and _he_ can be the once to force you to drink the last one. I'm sure he has much more…interesting ways of convincing you to listen."

Even though I didn't have anything in my mouth, I still managed to choke. Puck knew about Kurt? How? "What?"

"You and Hummel, you're fucking, right? If you have to go gay for someone, he's not a bad choice. Kind of pretty, you know?" 

I wondered if I had gone through a worm hole in the basement, and everything that had happened since was just a weird hallucination. I never thought that Mom would lie to me, or that I would actually find someone to buy booze for me, or that Puck would find out about Kurt and totally not care. "What?" 

He chuckled. "Dude, you're repeating yourself. I already know about you and Hummel. Shit, you've been hot for him since we were like 6 years old; I'm amazed it took you this long to figure it out."

"_What?_" I knew I was starting to sound like a parrot, complete with screeching, but I was so horrified that I couldn't help myself. "I have not been hot for Kurt for 10 whole years. I didn't even know who he was until freshman year!" Right? Too bad my brain wasn't working very well at the moment, or I would have had a much better comeback."

Puck laughed in that way that always made me feel like a complete moron. "Finny, you used to moon all over him in Cub Scouts. Wanted to sit by him, shared all your cookies, told me to quit being mean when I made him cry, which, by the way, was always. He's sure grown a set since then, because you can't make him cry any more. But yeah, you had a little gay crush on him then."

I was pretty sure that I had made Kurt cry, even if he hadn't done it in front of me. But Puck might take that as a challenge, so I didn't tell him that. "Really?" Even as I said it, a fuzzy image took place in my brain, of Kurt, looking all tiny and defenseless, trying his best to stand up to Puck's teasing. Holy crap, Puck was right. This thing with Kurt wasn't new, it never had been. "Weird."

"You're telling me. I mean, not only is my bro scamming on other guys, but he's been pervving on the same guy for years. It's downright chick flick." He pulled me to my feet. "Come on, now, you're done."

I had drunk the rest of my Gatorade without realizing it. Puck called Kurt while I got my clothes back on, telling him that he had found me and I was safe and we were on the way. I leaned in close, wanting to hear Kurt's voice for just a minute, but Puck had already snapped the phone closed. "Come on; let's get you over to your boy's place."

We were in the car before I had the courage to ask the question that had been bouncing around in my head every since I first touched Kurt. "So, are you ok with Kurt and me?" It didn't come out sounding as tough as I had wanted it to.

He grinned. "As long as you remember that this-"He pointed downwards. "-is ladies only, and I don't have to listen to you and Hummel sing Disney shit to each other, we'll get along just fine."

"Thanks, Dude. I needed to hear that."

_But not as much as you need Kurt. _


	23. Chapter 23

Kurt POV

Finn is safe. No matter what else happened, I could hold on to the fact that he was safe right now, and on his way over. Believe it or not, Puck had managed to come through for me. While I was still trembling from the worry and fear of it all, my phone rang again.

It was Dad. I had a moment of indecision about whether or not I should answer, but my loyalty to him won out. "Hello?"

"Hey son. We didn't find Finn, and we're giving up for the moment. We're going to come home and regroup, then figure out where he could possibly be. None of his friends will admit to having him, but he's not anywhere else."

There was no way I could keep the truth from them, even if I had wanted to. "I know where he is. Puck found him and he's bringing him here." I heard two gasps, so he must have had Carol on speakerphone.

"Kurt, when did he call you and tell you this?" Dad was pissed off with me, but trying to hide it.

"About 2 minutes ago. When I called him earlier, he said he could find Finn, but I didn't think he could actually do it." I decided it was probably a good idea to leave out the fact that Finn was currently, in Pucks words 'drunk off his ass.'

Dad sighed. "Alright, we're coming back to the house, then. Just keep him there and keep him quiet. We'll be there in 15 minutes."

Puck would be here in less then 5. That gave me time to get Finn inside, assess what was wrong with him, and gently break the news that I had ratted him out to his mother, the one person he was hiding from.

_You can't leave her out of the loop, Kurt. No matter how pissed off he is right now, she's his mother, and she loves him. You can't leave her to think that he's alone outside in this cold, or someone is hurting him, or he's lost entirely. Finn will understand, he's never liked hurting people._

What Finn may or may not think had suddenly become immaterial, because I heard Puck's car in the drive. I knew it was his, because the damn thing had needed a new muffler for about a year and a half now, and he never got it done. Maybe, when all this was over, I could offer him free labor for the job, as a thank you for bringing Finn home.

A flurry of taps sounded on the door and I raced to it, only to find Puck alone on the other side. "Where is he?" Normally I would have been more cautious with Puck, but, damn it, I wanted Finn.

"In the car. I told him that I was going to make sure he wasn't walking into an ambush with his Mom and your Dad, but I mostly just wanted a chance to talk to you first. How much do you know?"

For a second, I was thrown by his candor and lack of insults. "About what happened? Just that he and Carol fought, and Finn bolted. I don't know what they were fighting about, or where he went after."

Puck nodded, then shook his head. "It's really bad, Kurt, maybe the worst thing he's ever gone through, and that includes me and Quinn. He's going to have to tell you about it himself, but you need to be there for him. Also, he somehow managed to get a hold of an entire bottle of Jack Daniels and drink most of it. I think I got him to puke it up, but you need to make him drink, because he's dehydrated as shit now." He handed me a blue bottle. "He's had two already, but definitely get him to drink this, too. The more liquid you can get into him, the better, so if you have some Gatorade, great, if not, just give him water. I'm trusting you with him right now, Hummel, so don't do anything to betray that trust." He rubbed a hand over his Mohawk, obviously uncomfortable. "I'll go get him now." He took a few steps, then turned around. "Oh, and he hasn't brushed his teeth since he puked, so I wouldn't be kissing him any time soon."

That might have been the most Noah Puckerman had ever said to me, and certainly the most he had ever said without using the words 'gay', 'fag', or 'girl' to reference me. Would wonders never cease?

Then the rest of what he had said sunk in. Puck knew that I was kissing Finn. He knew that it had gone beyond a crush on my part, and that Finn was gay, too. Or bisexual, I guess would be the correct term. Why wasn't he screaming about my turning Finn into a fag, or hitting me? None of this made sense.

My thoughts were cut off, though by the sight of Puck dragging a too tall figure out of the passenger side of the car. Finn was stumbling a little, though whether it was from him still being drunk or just exhaustion, I couldn't tell. Puck nudged him into my arms, and he dropped his head into my neck, breathing hard. "Ok, I'm leaving you two now. Finn, I'll see you."

Then he was gone, and the noise of his truck was fading into the distance. I stroked Finn's back, noticing that he hadn't moved a bit, even when Puck told him goodbye. He was only wearing a sweatshirt, no jacket, and I could feel the chill of his skin. "Come on, Cowboy, let's get inside."

He backed up, but only enough so we could maneuver inside. "Downstairs?" He nodded against me. I kept talking to him, because his silence was starting to freak me out. What if he was having an actual nervous breakdown and I was only making things worse?

_You aren't making things worse. If he is having a nervous breakdown, and I somehow doubt that he is, then the best thing for him is to be with the people who love him, and, right now, that's you. So just be with the poor boy for a few minutes, and try and sort things out later. _

It was good advice, and I gave in to Finn's obvious need to be close to and touch me. "Come on, Baby, you can come sit with me on the bed."

In complete defiance of physics, Finn managed to curl around me, his face still in my neck, and take up the tiniest amount of space on the bed I had ever seen. Usually, he sprawled out, but not tonight. I ran my fingers through his hair and down his back, feeling completely helpless. "Tell me what to do, Finn." 

He breathed out against my neck a few times, the air hot compared to his chilly skin. "You're good."

I took that to mean that he liked both the backrub, and me not talking too much. He tended to get overwhelmed when you launched one question at him after another, without giving him any time to process or think, so I kept quiet.

_Don't you think there's something else you ought to tell him? Like maybe that the ambush Puck was so worried about is already on its way?_

Shit. I couldn't not tell him, though. "Finn? Sweetheart, can you look at me?"

He didn't respond, and if it hadn't been for the lingering tightness in all of his muscles, I would have thought he was asleep. "Please."

Nothing. I pushed on anyway, because I didn't want him to ever feel like I lied to him. "Your mother and my father are on their way." 

His head snapped up, and I could see real fear in his eyes. "No." His entire body started to shake. "I don't want to see her, make her go away." 

What in the world had happened between them? Finn's trust in me was heartbreakingly complete, even if it was terribly misplaced. How was I supposed to stand up to both my father and Finn's own mother and tell them how to take care of him?

_You better figure it out fast, because they'll be here soon._

I kept my hand on Finn's back, kneading at the tight muscles. "I can't keep her out of the house, Finn, I only live here. Dad owns the place, so he gets to make those choices. But I will do my best to keep you were, with me. How does that sound?"

He shrugged, but settled back down, curling one arm around my neck. "I'm really tired."

"I know. Stay awake until they get here, and we'll sort things out, alright?" I hoped I sounded more confident then I felt. I had to do this. I was very good at standing up for myself, and I had to be good at standing up for Finn, too, because right now he couldn't do it for himself.

Whether it was alright with him or not, I heard the front door open and my father calling my name. Finn squeezed his eyes shut, almost as if anticipating a blow. As terrible as things were, though, I knew that wouldn't happen. Even if Carol had hit him, and I knew that she hadn't, because she was as gentle as her son, a physical strike wouldn't have upset him so badly. I tightened my arms around him and locked my jaw. If my father thought he had seen a full on diva blow out from me before, it was nothing compared to what he was going to see right now. "We're downstairs." 

They must have had a conference before hand on how to handle us, because neither one of them yelled or demanded to know what Finn had been thinking, or why I hadn't called as soon as I found out that he was safe. They both just hovered for a second, possibly put off by the evil glare I was giving them both. Finn might as well have been on Mars for as much as he reacted to either one of them.

Carol reached out and touched his back, tears that she refused to let fall standing in her dark eyes. She was quiet, and, for all Finn knew, the hand on his back was mine, but he flinched even harder against me. He wanted nothing to do with her right now, a position he was making abundantly clear. Her eyes met mine and I refused to back away. "I can take care of him. He wants me right now." I didn't add 'not you' because she already knew it and it had to hurt.

"I know." She touched Finn again, this time on his cheek, and the flinch was less noticeable. "I love you, baby."

He had been so stubbornly quiet so far that it surprised me when he softly whispered. "I love you, too."

She backed off, and made a quick signal to my father, who had watched the entire thing with an unreadable expression. They had a brief conversation that I tried to eavesdrop on but couldn't, so I just kept staring at the wall and rubbing Finn's back. If they wanted to pretend that I wasn't here, then I could pretend that they weren't here. I leaned down and whispered into Finn's ear. "It'll be alright."

He shrugged, which wasn't much, but still more then he had been giving me, so I considered it progress. Finn would talk when he was ready, and pushing him wasn't going to make that happen any faster.

The parental conference ended, and Carol stood up. "Finn, do you want to spend the night here?"

It couldn't possibly be that easy. I was already worked up for a full on fit, in which I cursed and screamed and refused to turn Finn loose. It couldn't possibly be as easy as them just letting him stay. I went ahead and spoke for him. "Really?" 

She nodded. "Really. Burt is alright with the idea, and I think a little time to sort this out is a good idea. I know Finn is safe here and that you'll take the very best care of him." 

I felt myself blush, as much from the unexpected compliment as from what her words insinuated. Still, I had been entrusted with the most important thing in both of our worlds, and I wasn't going to screw it up. "I will."

"Finn, I'll be back to get you tomorrow, and we are going to have a very serious talk, one that we should have had a long time ago."

There was no outward response from Finn, but I could feel his heartbeat speeding faster and faster. Whatever this talk was, he didn't want to have it.

Dad walked Carol back upstairs, and I managed to convince Finn to uncurl enough so we were face to face. His eyes were dry, but very, very tired. "Why don't you take a quick shower so you can warm up?"

One eyebrow quirked, and I had to smile at the question in his face. "_Alone_, Cowboy." If he could ask for sex, he must not be as bad off as he had seemed. Maybe all he needed was a good nights rest, and some loving attention paid directly to him.

"Ok." He took a few steps, then stopped. "You'll be here, right? When I'm done in the shower, you'll still be here?"

"Yes. I'm going to go upstairs and get you a toothbrush, then come right back down." I hadn't forgotten what Puck had said about him getting sick, and I had the feeling that he was going to need a lot of kisses and comfort tonight.

He looked like he wanted to say something else, maybe something that might explain what the hell had happened today, but all he ended up doing was giving me a tight little nod and turning towards the bathroom.

The extra toiletries were in the upstairs bathroom and I didn't want to risk Finn finishing in there before I could get back. Dad met me in the living room, with a box and a T-shirt. He handed the shirt to me. "Here, he can sleep in this. I don't have any pants that will fit him, so he's going to have to make do there."

"Thanks, Dad." I meant for letting Finn stay at all more then I did for the shirt, and I knew that he knew it.

He nodded gruffly. "Kurt, doesn't ever, ever, do what Finn did tonight. No matter how bad things are between us, no matter what is said, I need to know where you are. Finn's very lucky that he wasn't hurt, and that Puck knew where to find him. If I thought I had lost you, for even a second, it would destroy me."

"I won't." It came out a whisper. "Dad, what happened?"

"Carol told Finn an unfair lie, and he found out about it. He doesn't feel like he can trust her right now, Kurt, which is why I'm letting him stay here tonight. For whatever crazy reason, he thinks he can trust you, so don't abuse that trust."

I could have asked what the lie was, but I didn't. That would have been the sneaky way out of things, instead of me actually taking the time to figure out how to help Finn on my own. After all, this was Finn we were talking about, how hard could it be?

_ How often does he go totally mute on you? This is something you've never had to deal with before, and, unless I miss my guess, neither has he. It might not be as easy as you think._

"Unless you have something helpful to add, I would suggest that you just shut up." Normally I wouldn't deign to fight with her out loud, but I had had just about enough of her negativity for the moment.

_Bitch._

I decided to ignore that and rummaged around in the cabinet under the sink until I found a stash unopened toothbrushes. I picked a green one, because I knew it was his favorite color, and headed back to the basement. The shower was still running, but now there was a whirring noise filling the air. I hopped down the last few steps, curious about the source of the noise and hoping that Finn wasn't screwing around with the expensive ionic hairdryer that I had begged Dad for. After all, you can't put a price on having nice, nonfrizzy hair.

Before I went downstairs, I took a minute to text Mercedes and let her know that Finn was safe, and asked her to let the rest of the Glee club know. I waited a few minutes, but she didn't send anything back.

The noise turned out to be the electric pump that my father was using to blow up our air mattress. I started to say something, but he held up a hand to cut me off. "Kurt, for my own sanity and to save you some embarrassment, can we both just pretend that Finn Hudson is going to be spending the night on this mattress?" 

"Yeah, that would be great." As much as I adored both Finn and Dad, I was definitely not ready to have that sort of talk with him.

He tossed an armful of blankets on the mattress, then stood awkwardly, clearly trying to figure out what he wanted to say. "Kurt-"He stopped again, then sighed. "Listen, I know you much you like Finn, and I think he needs you right now. But if he starts acting scary, I need you to come get me immediately. I don't want to see you hurt."

Finn would never hurt me. If anything, he would hurt himself. But maybe that was what Dad meant by 'scary'. "I will."

The shower shut off abruptly, and I tapped the door. "Finn? I have your toothbrush. Can I come in?" 

Dad took that as his excuse to make his getaway. "Call me if you need me."

It was all quiet in the bathroom, so I knocked again. "Finn, come on." 

"Ok. It's not locked." Sure enough, the knob turned easily in my hand. Finn was standing there, dripping water, with a towel around his waist. I held up my prizes. "Toothbrush. Dad said you can borrow this shirt, so…yeah." I wasn't sure what else to say, and even though this wasn't a new occurrence with Finn, it hadn't happened since we had officially (at least in my book) gotten together.

He took both items with more delicate grace then I would have thought he possessed, then nodded vaguely at me. "Thanks."

If I recognize one thing, it's a dismissal, so I gave him some privacy to get dressed. There was a fine line between pushing him and letting him shut me out, and I wasn't sure which side of it I was currently on.

Three minutes passed. I knew exactly how long it was, because I kept jerking my eyes back and forth between the closed bathroom door and the clock. If it went to five minutes, and Finn was still in there, I was coming in after him, his privacy could be damned. But the door clicked open, and he came padding across the floor to sit next to me on the bed.

"There you are." I took the towel from around his shoulders and lightly rubbed his hair, drying it off as best as I could. Maybe it wasn't the most important thing in the world, but it was something, and it would at least let him know that I cared.

"Here I am." His voice was rough, but that somehow didn't surprise me. I tossed the towel in the general direction of the hamper and sighed dismally as it missed its target. He nodded. "Yeah." 

Something dug into my hip, and I belatedly remembered the Gatorade. I held it up, and he nodded and took it. It only took a few quick gulps for him to drain the bottle, which I thought was a good sign. He wouldn't drink so quickly if he was still feeling bad, right?

"Do you want to talk about it?" It was an appallingly stupid thing to say, but I couldn't think of anything better.

He shook his head. "Alright, then. Do you want more to drink?" Another shake. "Do you need anything else, or do you just want to lie down and sleep a little bit?"

"Lay down." Apparently communicating in more then two word phrases was beyond him at the moment.

"Alright. If you do decide you want to talk about it, just tell me. Even if you have to wake me up or you want to whisper it, let me know." It took a few minutes of awkward squirming before we found a position that worked for both of us. Unfortunately, this position put Finn facing the wall, and gave me no way to judge what was going on with him. I turned out the light and just stopped, not sure if I should talk to him, or hold him, or just let him have his space.

Finn wasn't being much help, either. His silence went on for so long that I was forced to break it before I went insane. I put my hand on his shoulder, the pale skin seeming to glow in the dark room. "Finn, how can I help you right now?"

He took my hand gently and pulled it down over his chest, so that I was holding his body up against mine. "Sing please."

I had no idea what sort of song would be appropriate for the situation we were in. "Got a request? Because, you know I live to please."

There was no response to my admittedly poor attempt at humor, so I thought as fast as I could and finally chose a song that I was sure he would already know. "Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song, and make it better…"

The effect was almost immediate, and his body relaxed for the first time all night. By the time I was done with the song, he was asleep, hopefully finding the peace that he couldn't while he was awake.

It didn't end up happening that way. Whether he was having bad dreams, or was still drunk from earlier tonight, Finn jerked and whined all night, knocking me around on the bed and waking me up several times. Twice, when I opened my eyes, Finn's were open as well, but he didn't respond when I tried talking to him. He was officially freaking me out, but I didn't know what to do. Finally he got quiet, and, other then a brief dream where my father came down and talked to me, I slept soundly for the rest of the night.

I knew something was off as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning. The basement was light, too light for it to be 6 in the morning. Crap! I had overslept and now I wouldn't have enough time to do all of my beauty routines. God forbid I showed up at school looking less then perfect. If I had nothing else in this cow town, I could at least hang on to my pride. Plus, I must have knocked my pillow off during the night, because my head was now resting on something completely unyielding. Also, that something was moving.

The events of the previous night came rushing back to me. Finn, Puck, Dad and Carol. I jerked upright and looked down. Sure enough, Finn was sprawled out on his back, breathing steadily. One arm had been wrapped loosely around my body, sliding down my back as I sat up. I laid back down, my head on his chest, and closed my eyes. I wasn't going to school today. Dad would already be at the garage, and Finn needed me more then I needed to be at school.

With a bit of deft stretching, I managed to snag my cell phone off the dresser. There were 18 missed calls, as well as 9 texts, which were all from Mercedes. The first four asked for updates on Finn, and the last five wondered where the hell I was. It was 10:30, and, if I hurried, I could get out a text that she would read at class change.

I'm fine. Finns fine. Taking day off. Luv u.

I knew that it wouldn't satisfy her for long, but I hoped it would be enough for me to get some answers out of Finn. Speaking of Finn, he was awake and watching me. I smiled at him. "Hey, Cowboy."

"Hey." He seemed kind of confused, looking around. "Uh, so…" He trailed off and thought hard. "Did I sing 'Hey Jude' last night, or did you?" 

"I did." Everything that had happened, and that was what he chose to focus on?

"Oh. You were good." He sat up and gave me a quick kiss. "You're a good boyfriend." 

He may have just been trying to distract me, but it was the first time he had referred to me as his boyfriend and I couldn't believe how good it felt. "Really?"

"Well, yeah. You stuck up for me and let me spend the night and you didn't try and make me talk or anything. You always know what to do."

I wondered what he would have said if he knew that I really had no idea what to do for him, that I was just fumbling through it all and hoping that I didn't make things even worse. "Thanks." I settled back down against his chest. "Do you want to talk about last night?"

"Uh, I guess." He put an arm around me. "What would you do if your father told you a really terrible lie?"

I had spent most of last night trying to figure out what Carol could have possibly lied to Finn about. Was he adopted? No, that didn't make sense. Finn looked exactly like the picture I had seen of his father, which ruled out a wild affair on Carol's part also. Maybe Finn had a half brother or sister somewhere that he had never known. As hard as I tried, that was the best I could come up with.

"I don't know what I would do. Are we talking about a lie that he told me with good intentions, like that I would have to go get shots if I didn't eat my vegetables, or are we talking about telling a lie for no other reason then to terrify me, like that a molester might creep into my room at night if I got out of bed?"

"Your dad really told you that?" His forehead wrinkled, and this time I couldn't help but straighten up so I could kiss it.

"No, it was just an example. Which type of lie was it?" 

He thought for a second. "Neither, I guess. It was more like….well, what did your mother die of?"

I couldn't possibly see what that had to do with anything, but I wanted to keep Finn talking. "Cancer."

"Ok, well, say she died of cancer, and because of that, you were at risk for the same thing. Like, it was in your genomes or something. But your Dad told you that she died of a different sort of cancer, just so you wouldn't worry. Say it was that sort of lie."

What? Finn's narrative was beyond confusing, but it did clue me in to the fact that this was about his father. "Well, considering my mother died of ovarian cancer, and I lack ovaries, I don't think I'm in any danger." 

"What do ovaries do again?" He traced his fingers underneath my hoodie and over my skin.

Nice try, buddy. I pushed his hand away, and he returned it to his lap with an aggrieved sigh. "They make eggs. Why don't you tell me what your mother did, since we don't seem to be getting anywhere using euphemisms?"

There was a pause, during which I could almost see him debating whether or not to ask what a euphemism was, before he gave a soft sigh. "My father didn't die in Iraq."

Of all the things he could have said, that was one that I wouldn't have even considered. He has presented his fathers death to me in such a calm, matter of fact manner that I hadn't thought twice about it. A cold feeling started in my chest, like my heart was slowly freezing. "He didn't?"

"No." That furtive, anxious look was back, and I could tell that he wanted nothing more then to run from me, the way he had from Carol last night. I shifted around a little. This way I was facing him, but I was also positioned between him and the door. "He didn't."

I waited, but he had stalled out. "Is he still alive, then?" That really was the worst lie I could think off, and I had no idea why Carol would tell it.

"No, he blew his brains all over my room while I was still in it. Nice, huh?" For as emotionally involved in the tale as he was, Finn might as well have been reciting the history of Poland.

"What?" I had intended to shout it, but all I could force out was a strangled whisper. My body turned hot with fury at her, then cold with fear. Carol was a good mother, the best. What reason could she possibly have to hide such a terrible secret?

"Yeah. Of course, I was just a baby, so I don't even remember it happening. I guess it might be why I've always been a little afraid of guns, but maybe not. Babies are kind of stupid and don't remember much." 

They actually remembered more then he thought, but I kind of figured that Finn wasn't in the mood to hear that right now. Instead I took his hands in mine and squeezed as tightly as I could. He smiled weakly. "But I guess she didn't want to tell me that, so she told me he died in Iraq. It's not only her, either. My grandma and grandpa, my aunts and uncles, my older cousins. I went to their houses for Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and summer break, and they were all looking at me because they knew what happened and I didn't"

I didn't know what to say to that, so, for once, I kept my mouth closed. He was right, this was the worst lie I could imagine. He gave me a shaky smile. "So, what do I do?" 

He had asked me that once before, way back when he had found out the truth about Quinn and Puck. But this was different. This was his mother, and I had no ulterior motive for ruining this relationship. In fact, knowing what I did about losing a mother, I wanted to preserve it at all costs. "I don't know."

"I though you knew everything." He tightened his grip, his larger hands almost swallowing mine.

"No." My voice was uncharacteristically soft. "When it comes to Moms, I don't know much of anything."

"It's not about Moms. It's about the fact that she lied to me about the most important thing that's ever happened to me. I mean, what if it turns out I'm crazy, too?"

"It won't." True, mental illnesses, including depression and suicidal tendencies, could run in families, but Finn had yet to show any signs of it.

He didn't believe me; I could read it in his eyes. "How can you know that? I could be crazy right now, you know. I could kill you, kill myself, kill anyone." 

That probably should have scared me, especially with what my father had said last night, but it didn't. Finn's words were upsetting, but his voice was calm and detached. He was holding my hands captive, but I knew I could wiggle free if I needed to. He wasn't trying to scare me; he was desperately asking me to prove him wrong. "But you won't. You're no more a killer then I am."

"How do you know?" Despite his best efforts to hold it back, I could see the brief flare of hope in his eyes.

It was a good question. How _did_ I know that? As hard as I tried, I couldn't put it into words.

_Oh for God's sake, Kurt, you suck at comforting. Tell him about how finding out about Quinn and Drizzle upset him, but he bounced back. Or how well he's taking his ever changing social status? Or about how he would never do anything like commit suicide, because he knows how badly it would hurt everyone he left behind, and he cares more about their feelings then he does about his? Shit, if you can't do any of that, just give the boy a kiss and tell him that you would never let that happen to him. _

Bitch and perverted as she could be, Galinda did have a few things going for her. Namely that she had better people skills then I did. So I slipped my hands free of Finn's (noticing that he let me go without a fight, just like I knew he would) and wrapped my arms around him. Quietly, I repeated everything Galinda had said, interspacing the points with kisses and reminders of how important he was to a lot of people, and that he would never let them down.

By the end he was nodding a little. "I guess. I just…I really want to know why he did it, you know? I mean, he had Mom and he had me, and that apparently wasn't enough."

Now we were in dangerous territory, but I forged ahead anyway. "I don't think it's like that. When you're really depressed, it's hard to see all the good things you have, like a wife and a baby. All you can focus on is the bad stuff, and pretty soon it all looks hopeless."

"I guess. But what should I do about Mom?" The desperation was back in his voice, worse then ever.

"Talk to her, Cowboy, ok? I know that you don't like her very much right now, but she is your mother, and she's the only one you'll ever have." I hated, hated, hated, the way my voice cracked when I said that. "I would give just about anything to be able to talk to mine again, even if all we did was have a fight." Why did telling him that make me feel like I was confessing something dirty and wrong? 

He leaned closer to me, his forehead against mine and nodded. "I know. I love her so much, and that's why I don't understand why she did it. She could have told me the truth, I could have handled it."

He wasn't handling it so well now, but his issue was the lie more then the suicide. It was that he was finding out for the first time that his mother wasn't the perfect person he thought she was, and that as a painful realization. "I guess maybe I should call her."

I wanted to keep him here; in this strange rhythm we had fallen into just a little bit longer. Just another hour in which he was solely mine, then I would give him back to Carol and the harsh discussion that they needed to have. "How about I make you breakfast first?" 

When he smiled at me, it was like seeing the sun. Finn was going to be alright. Maybe not right away, but eventually. He would move on and come out better for it, because that was just what he did. "Yeah, that would be great."

For a second he paused, then looked at the ground. "Uh, I could maybe kind of share my mom with you. Sometimes." He rubbed his hand through his hair nervously, and looked back up. "I mean, I know she's not the same as your mom, but she's a pretty good one. Mostly."

That might have been one of the sweetest things I had ever heard. It wouldn't sound like much to an outsider, but I knew how it felt to have it just be you and one parent, and what it was like to suddenly have to share them. I could see the jealousy that I had felt when he tried to talk to my father reflected in his eyes, but he managed to clamp down on it. "Thank you, Finn."

He gave me a half smile. "But not right now. Wait until I'm done being pissed off with her. If you don't, she might decide she likes you better then me."

That would never happen. Carol loved Finn with her entire heart and soul, which made me wonder why she would have told him such a disgusting lie. I wrapped an arm around his waist, which made him smile again. "Come on, let's eat."

We were halfway up the steps before I was able to get out what I had wanted to. "I guess I could share Dad with you, too. Just long enough for you to watch a game or something." It was almost physically painful to say the words, but I had to quit being selfish and give them both what they were missing.

"That would be cool."

Finn pulled ahead of me when we made it to the door at the top of the stairs, eager for food. "Can we have real eggs this time, the kind with yellow in them? Because the omelet was good, but, come on, dude, I'm a growing boy."

"Don't you think you're tall enough already? You're already like six inches taller then I am." Not that I really minded. I liked men who were tall enough that I could lay my head comfortably on their chest, and I would have to stand up on my tiptoes to kiss them.

He shrugged. "Maybe I'll do some growing somewhere else."

I didn't have to see his face to know he was leering at me. "You don't need any growing in that area either, it's already big enough that-" 

Finn froze in the doorway of the kitchen, going still so quickly that I ran right into his back. Before I could ask him what his problem was, he tensed. "Mr. Hummel!"

What was my father doing here? Furthermore, had he just heard what I had said about Finn? If so, I might need to die. Immediately. Fortunately, if Dad had heard it, he chose to ignore it. "Hi, Finn, how are you feeling?"

"Better, I guess. That you for letting me spend the night, that was really, really cool of you." He was studying the floor as he spoke, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

"That's good." He met my eyes over Finn's shoulders, silently asking if he was telling the truth. I nodded, even though I was fully aware that anything was better then the way he had been last night. "Kurt, let the poor boy eat a proper breakfast."

This was one of the enduring arguments between my father and I. He ate like he was still 18, tons of fat and cholesterol, and that was going to catch up with him one day. I had tried multiple times to convince him that Slim Jims were not only not meat, but probably not even food, but it was like trying to explain a copy of Vogue to Rachael. It just didn't work. "Finn, you can have normal eggs if you want them, but at least have some fruit and milk to go along with them."

"Cool." Apparently Finn isn't as difficult to convert over to healthy eating as my father is.

Dad turned the stove on and started getting out eggs while I cut up some fruit and poured myself a cup of coffee. Finn picked through the cabinets, bringing out two glasses, then, at my fathers look, adding a third. He was still quiet, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. We all gave him drink orders and he poured carefully.

"So, Dad, how come you're home? Aren't you going in to work today?" I tried to steer the conversation back to lighter ground. "Also, I don't know why my alarm didn't go off; I swear I set it last night."

He smiled at me affectionately, something I would chew my right arm off to see more often. "Your alarm didn't go off, because I turned it off this morning. Don't you remember me coming downstairs and asking you if you had any tests or anything today? You told me that it was fine."

Really? "Oh, I guess I thought that was a dream."

"Nope, it happened. I thought that since last night was so long for all of us, you two might want to sleep in. Then I figured that I might as well take the day off, too, keep you boys in line."

_What he means is keep you boys from fucking like bunnies. Think about it, Kurt, if he actually was down there this morning, he saw you all wrapped up around Finn, which by the way, you barely even kissed him this morning, when you could have totally done a lot more. He wouldn't have said no. But anyway, he's telling you that he's around to try and play cock-blocker, so you might have to get a little sneaky._

That was wrong on so many levels, from my father actually seeing me with Finn, to Galinda suggesting that I should have woken Finn up with a blowjob. "Yeah, that was really nice of you."

"No problem. After all, what are fathers for?" He was watching Finn out of the corner of his eye, and we both saw him flinch. Of course he had no idea what fathers were for, he had never had one.

"So, after we eat I need to call my Mom to come get me." Whether he was saying it because he meant it, or because he knew we were both staring at him and he felt compelled to say _something_, wasn't very clear.

Dad nodded. "That's probably a good idea." 

"Yeah." His voice didn't match his words at all. His voice sounded like he was on his way to the execution chamber. "It is."

I held out the pan and, when Dad indicated that he didn't want any, split it between Finn and I. He ate rapidly, which might have been because he was feeling more like himself, or just because he was nervous, but at least he would have a full stomach when he went home.

There's only so long you can linger over breakfast, and soon there was nothing left but some crumbs and a grapefruit rind, which Finn was spinning in circles. I grabbed his plate before he could knock it to the floor. "Ok, Cowboy, that's enough."

Dad pulled out his cell phone and nudged it across the table. "I have to get going. The garage and all that. Kurt, I'll be late tonight, so don't bother making anything for dinner."

I appreciated his attempt at giving Finn a little privacy. The issue now was, should I do the same thing? He might want me here, but, like I had told him an hour ago, I don't really understand moms. Maybe this was something that should be between just him and her. I laid my head on his shoulder. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No." He was already dialing. "I want you to stay here with me. I need-"He broke off as the phone connected. "Mom? Mom, it's me."

From my current position, I could hear the rhythms of Carol's voice, but not her words. All I could hear was Finn's side of the conversation. "I know, I love you, too. I know. No, I'm ready to come home. Yeah, they've both been really nice. I love you. Ok, I'll be ready. I love you."

He hung up and sighed softly, resting his chin on top of my head. "She'll be here in 20 minutes. I nuzzled as close as I could, no longer concerned about crowding him. Finn squeezed my shoulders. "How…." He trailed off without completing the thought.

I pressed my face into his neck, enjoying his smell. "How what?"

"I'm still really pissed with her, so how do I keep from being a total douche to her? I'm mad, but I love her, she's my mom, and I already hurt her enough. But I get frustrated, then I get mad, then I say things that are really, really terrible. I know it, but I can't help myself. If I'm really hurting, I want to hurt the other person as bad as I do. It's horrible, but I do it."

_Sound familiar, Kurt? It seems to me that Finn isn't the only one who turns his pain back on other people. You attacked him just a few days ago just because he dared talk to your father, and that hurt your feelings. So you better come up with some damn good advice, and, while you're at it, you might want to take it yourself_.

I thought hard, trailing my fingers up and down on his back. "Maybe the best way to do it is not to say anything. You already know you're pissed at her, she knows you're pissed at her, so it might be better if you don't bring it up. Let her talk, you know, tell you what happened. I'm not saying she was right to lie to you like that, but I'm sure she thought she was doing what was best for you. If you don't even give her a chance to explain herself, you'll never get past this."

"So, basically, you're telling me that if I don't have anything nice to say, to just keep my big stupid mouth shut?" I could almost hear the smile in his voice. "Cause, that's probably pretty good advice."

"Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying. Remember, you can always call me, or come here if you need to. Just don't run again, ok? Do you have any idea how scared I was when no one could find you? I didn't know if you were hurt, or scared, or dead in a ditch, or if Rachael had kidnapped you and had you tied to her horrible Barbie bed while she had her wicked way with you."

His chest rumbled in a choked off laugh. "I wouldn't let her do that. You're the only one I want to have my wicked way with."

No matter how many times he said something like that, I would never get tired of it. Having Finn Hudson tell me that he wants me is like having ice cream with no calories and being able to go to a fashion show in Paris and being the prom king and getting into design school all rolled up in one. "Thank you, Finn."

The approach of a slightly sputtery engine cut off anything else we might have said. Finn's head popped up like a puppy's might when he heard his mother's car. "She's here."

He stood up and slowly inched towards the door, his expression unreadable. His fingers were tight in mine, right up until Carol opened the driver's side door and stepped out. She didn't come towards us, but Finn immediately dropped my hand and took first one tentative step forward, then another. He paused at the bottom of the porch steps, then suddenly he was running towards his mother, heaving himself into her arms.

"Come on, Kurt, they're going to be fine." I hadn't realized that my father had come up behind me, and his voice startled me. He put a hand on my back, right between my shoulder blades, and I surprised myself by leaning back into him, instead of tensing like I normally did.

"I know, but…" I wasn't sure how to put what I was feeling into words.

"But you love him, and you don't ever want him to be unhappy. This is going to be painful, no matter how gently she puts it, or how good her explanation is, and you can't stand the thought of him suffering for even a minute?"

Sometimes my father and I don't understand each other at all, and sometimes we get each other perfectly. "Yeah." I wanted to hug him so badly that it was almost a physical ache, but I held back. I almost always held back.

"Do you want to come in and work at the garage today? Spend some time with your old man?" No matter how many times he asked, and I almost always said yes, there was that same desperate hope in his voice.

Of course I did. Right at this moment, with everything that had gone wrong over the past 24 hours; I would have done anything to be close to him. "Sure, let me get my stuff."


	24. Chapter 24

Finn POV

Thank God that went ok. I had been really, really scared that as soon as I saw Mom, I would start screaming at her, or do something really humiliating like starting to cry or refusing to move off the Hummel's front porch. But when I saw her standing by the car, like she wasn't sure what she should do, I remembered how much I loved her, no matter what she had done. Then I thought about how much I had screwed up by running from her, and how scared she must have been that she was losing the only real family member she had left, and I felt even worse. It's like I told Kurt: sometimes, I'm a huge asshole.

But not this time. This time, I had done exactly the right thing, which didn't happen very often. I even remembered to slow my speed down before I got to her, so I didn't totally mow her down, like I almost did to Mr. Shue a few days ago. I think I still hit her a little too hard, because she kind of gasped, like I had knocked the wind out of her, but she was hugging me as tightly as she could so it couldn't be that bad. She was crying, which made me feel like crying, too. It wouldn't have been so bad for Mom to see it, or even Kurt, but I would rather die then have Mr. Hummel see me crying like a little bitch. The guy was not only my boyfriend's father, he might end up being my stepfather one day, and I needed him to like me.

_So, he is your boyfriend now? He's not your buddy, or your bro, or your kinda-, sorta-, almost-, boyfriend? He's the real thing? Because, Finn, you seem to go back and forth about that an awful lot._

I think that Quinn-voice might still be kind of pissed off that I didn't listen to her last time, about leaving the death certificate alone. I didn't see what her problem was, though. Of course I wanted Kurt to be my real boyfriend, hadn't I told him that? Ok, maybe I hadn't actually _told_ him that, but I had called him my boyfriend and he hadn't said he didn't want to be, so wasn't that a yes? Or maybe not, I wasn't sure.

Normally, I would have asked Mom, but she was making that determined face and I didn't think it was a good idea to try and ask anything right now. Plus, I was, you know, still not real happy with her. Maybe I would just ask Rachael. She's got two dads, so she must know all about how you could tell if someone was your actual boyfriend or just this guy you really liked screwing around with.

_God you're stupid._

Before I could come up with a good reply to that (and let's face it, Quinn-voice is kinda, well, _right_) we were home, and Mom was looking at me. "Can we go inside and talk?"

There was an embarrassingly large part of me that wanted to throw a huge fit and refuse to leave the car, but I was also pretty curious about what she actually had to say. "Ok."

"Do you want something to eat or drink before we start?"

I might be kind of stupid, but I'm smart enough to recognize a stall when I see one. God knows, I get enough practice when it comes to explaining why I hadn't turned my homework in. I wasn't hungry, but I wanted her to feel like she was doing something, so I nodded. "Can I have a Coke?" 

She nodded and got one out of the fridge. "Come on in the living room."

It sort of seemed like I ought to fight with her about this, but I honestly didn't have the strength. So I followed her through the kitchen and into the living room, where she sat in Dad's chair and held out her arms. I shook my head. "I'm too heavy for you." Even though I really, really wanted to. 

"No you aren't. You're still my baby."

Except I outweighed her by like 100 pounds. Still, I managed to wedge myself into her lap; my legs stretched way out in front of me. Mom kissed the top of my head, just like I had done to Kurt earlier. 

Thinking about Kurt made me remember what he had said, about listening to her side of the story. I hugged her tightly and nodded against her shoulder. "Ok, tell me all about Dad."

"I didn't want you to find out like you did. I knew that I had to tell you the truth, but I just couldn't. First I thought you were too young to understand, then it seemed like it would ruin this perfect image you had of your dad, then I didn't want you to worry about your own health, and suddenly you were a teenager and it seemed like I couldn't tell you, because it had gone on for too long. Do you understand?" 

I wanted to say no, but I actually did. After all, I had tried to hide the fact that Quinn was pregnant from her pretty much the same way. First I didn't tell her because I wanted to see a positive pregnancy test myself, then I didn't tell her because maybe there would be something wrong with Drizzle (not that I was hoping for that!) and then Quinn wanted to give her away anyway and then….yeah, I got where she was coming from. "Uh-huh. But not telling me made things even worse. I mean, I had to find out from a piece of paper, all by myself. That wasn't fair." That was supposed to sound angry and tough, but I mostly sounded like I wanted to cry, which I did.

"I know. I never wanted to hurt you, Finn, that was the last thing I wanted. I should have just told you the truth from the beginning, but…well, I screwed up, and I'm sorry. I was wrong."

Somehow, hearing her admit that made me feel a little better. It was nice to know that adults fucked things up sometimes too, that it wasn't just us kids. I was still upset, but at least she had thought about my feelings before she lied, instead of being like Quinn and only thinking about how quickly she could screw me over. I pressed even closer, my arms as tight around her as I could make them without choking her. "You were, but I love you." 

"I love you, too, Finn. More then anyone else in the world."

Jealousy rolled around in my stomach, and I had to ask. "More then Burt Hummel?" 

She didn't hesitate for even a second. "Of course I love you more then I love Burt Hummel. But I thought you liked him, too. Did something happen between the two of you?"

"No, I like him. I just wanted to be sure." We were both stalling for time, to avoid the question that we both knew I was going to ask.

"Finn, you will always come first to me, alright? I know it's tough, because it's been just you and I for so long, but you will always be my baby, and me dating Burt Hummel will not change that."

She was rocking us both in the chair, and I couldn't help but feel like I was five years old again and everything was great. Well, maybe it had only been great because I was so young. Looking back, I could remember wearing sweaters inside because Mom couldn't pay the heating bill, or sometimes her having to call Grandma and Grandpa and ask for a little loan for things like my Cub Scout fees and new clothes, but we had been happy. It had been me and her against the world. Now it was me against her, and I hated it.

"So why did he do it?" There it was, the question that I could never take back, no matter how terrible the answer was. "I mean, he had me and he had you, but it wasn't enough."

"No, you're right. You and I weren't enough for him." Her voice was tired, and I wondered how many nights she had sat up thinking that same thoughts. "Finn, I loved you father with all of my heart, but he was very..." She stopped there, looking like she didn't know what word to use. I understood, because I usually went through the same thing. Finally she sighed. "Why don't I tell you the entire story? The good parts, and the bad parts, and the parts that none of us can change. I never wanted to have to tell you all of this, but not wanting to is no excuse for not doing it. You're very nearly a grown man, and you deserve the truth."

That should have made me feel good, but all it was doing was making my breakfast want to come back up. But if I wussed out now, I might never have the opportunity again. "Ok. Tell me everything."

The rocking stopped for a minute, and I almost immediately wanted it back. Mom started to talk a few times, then cut herself off, then started again. "I already told you about meeting him, right?"

"Yeah. The flowers and the best friend and all of that."

"Right. When I met your father, I knew that he was an enlisted man, of course, but it didn't seem like that big of a deal. After all, there was no war on, and there didn't seem to be any conflicts in the making. It was just something he did one weekend a month. He never worried about it, so I didn't either. He was a lot like you, Finn."

There was a script we were playing out, and I dutifully did my part. "How?"

Her hand came to rest on my back, right between my shoulder blades. "It's not in either one of your natures to worry too much about the future. You just want every day to be the best that it can be, and everything else will eventually fall into place." I think she must have known that I was getting ready to say something, because she smiled. "It's not a bad thing, Finn. It would be nice if more people would quit trying to plan for the future and appreciate what they have today."

I liked the way she made it sound positive, instead of like I was nothing but a fuck-up. "But, I think about the future." Not much, but sometimes.

"So did he. But he didn't let what might happen in the future dictate the sort of choices he made for the day." There was a funny half smile on her face. It was the same face that Kurt made when he talked about his mother, which wasn't very often. That face means that you're happy and sad and lonely all at once.

Mom was quiet for a little while, and I took the time to pop open my soda and drink. I didn't really want it, but I needed something to do with my hands. "Christopher was so…God, Finn, he was smart and funny and sexy-" My head snapped up at that, and I have her a look. Yeah, I wanted to know more about Dad, but not if she wanted to say things like that. "She ruffled my hair. "Sorry, Finn, I got a little lost in the story."

"Almost every time we went out, it was something new with him. We went bowling, or whitewater rafting, or just hung out, but it was never the same thing twice. By our third date, I knew that he was the man I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with. Of course, he claimed that he had known on our first date, but your father was full of it most of the time."

Even though that sounded mean, I could tell that she meant it in a nice way. "So, did he ask you to marry him then?" I couldn't believe that I had never asked any of this before.

"No. What actually happened was that he got orders that he was shipping out for operation Desert Storm. Neither of us ever thought that it would actually happen, but life's funny sometimes."

It seemed to me that life was fucking mean a lot more often then it was funny. "How come you didn't get married then?"

"He didn't ask." She shifted and I wondered if I was too heavy after all. I mean, it's not like I'm a little kid, or even tiny like Quinn. But I'm pretty selfish sometimes, and I didn't want to get up. "I would have married him right then, no questions asked, even if it meant just going to the courthouse and having the JP do it."

"Well, why didn't you ask _him_?" It was ok for the girl to ask, right? Because, chicks, like, burned their bras and went through suffrage (which sounds _horrible_), so they could have equal rights, and being able to pop the question sounded like an equal right.

She laughed. "Maybe I should have. Even if he had been killed overseas, I would have still been his wife, for just a little while. But he didn't want to get married so soon. He wanted me to have a big white wedding, with bridesmaids and a church and all of the things a woman is supposed to want. He didn't understand that all I wanted was him."

We were getting closer and closer to what had really happened, and I could feel myself getting all tense. "How long was he gone?" 

"11 months. 344 days, if you want to be exact. I wrote to him almost every day, even though I didn't have much going on. Work, some classes at the community college, spending time with friends. Not dating, though, I made it very clear to him that I would wait for him as long as it took."

"Then he came home. Almost as soon as he stepped off the plane, I knew he was different. But you know what they say about denial, don't you?" 

Of course I did. "That it ain't just a river."

_Yeah, gay boy, it ain't just a river. At least you finally made your way out of the closet._

I had never been in the closet. I still liked chicks, and I didn't like guys other then Kurt. Well, except for maybe Hugh Jackman, but that didn't even count. _Everyone_ had a crush on Hugh Jackman, even Puck.

Mom kept on going, since she didn't have any idea that I was deep in mental debate with myself. "Right, it's not just a river. I kept making excuses for Christopher. He was jet lagged, he was tired, he needed a little time to settle back into a civilian life. The truth was, he had seen things, and done things, that no one should ever have to. He was hurting, and none of us had any idea how to help him. He ignored me totally for a few weeks, then tried to break it off, because he thought I was too good for him. I hadn't lost him to the war, but I was about to lose him to his own stubbornness."

This wasn't the story I had been expecting to hear at all. I guess this was what Kurt had meant when he said I should listen to her side of the story. "But you didn't break up, because, I mean, I'm here."

"Yes, and you're the best thing that could have possibly come out of our relationship." She kept saying that, like she was trying to make up for the fact that she had lied for so long. I hated to admit it, but it was kind of working.

"But back to the story. No, I didn't break up with your father, and that might be the only thing I did right." She sounded so sad that I had to put my arms around her and squeeze.

"Thank you, Finn, you're a good boy. I eventually got him to start talking to me, again, but it wasn't the same. He had become so withdrawn and angry; it was like he was a different person. Even when he was acting like he used to, it was different. He was almost…manic about it. Do you understand me?"

"No." I wanted to, because I knew that it was important, but I didn't.

She started rocking us again. "It's like…ok, say you have a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the calmest person you know, and 10 being-" 

"Rachael?" I was starting to think that I got it.

Mom's met Rach a few times, so she started laughing. "Yeah, kind of like Rachael. Anyway, your father used to be a 7 on that scale. He was such a fun guy, but he was great about just relaxing around the house or snuggling, too"

Gross, why did she have to bring up snuggling? Still, it was nice to think about them being in love. I wanted to hear more of the story, but she had stalled out. "So, what happened then?"

"After he got back, he was either a 1 and wouldn't even get out of bed some days, or he was a 10, and decided spur of the moment that he was going to take me to Chicago or New York for a few days. One time he told me he knew someone who ran the arcade, and he got us in after hours to play all the games. I've never played pinball like that, let me tell you."

_Ew! Finn, even you have to be smart enough to know what she's implying when she says that._

Yeah, I was, and I was trying to block the entire thing out of my mind because of general grossness. I tuned Quinn voice out and Mom back in.

"At first it was fun, then it was just scary. I never knew which Chris was going to pick me up, since it could change from minute to minute. He could get so angry with me for the littlest things, like me dropping something, or forgetting to close the door, and it was almost like he would change into a stranger, someone I couldn't trust. But then sometimes he'd be just like he had been before, and I loved him so much I could forgive the other times."

This was the part she hadn't wanted me to know, and since I had been such a baby and demanded that she tell it, I kind of guessed that I was stuck hearing it. "Did it get better?"

"No. He got more unpredictable, and less like Chris. I wanted him to go to a psychiatrist, but he wouldn't even consider it. It's terrible to admit, but I was afraid of him, Finn." 

She was saying everything that I was afraid of hearing. There really might be something wrong with me. After all, he was my Dad, and had gotten his height and his dark hair and maybe his craziness, too. "What happened then?"

Her hand pressed gently into my spine. "Ok, Finn, you know how much I love you, but you need to get up now. I can't feel my legs any more."

"I tried to tell you that. I've weighed more then you for like 3 years now, and been taller for 5." I slid off her lap, even though I didn't want to. If I could stay in her lap, I could pretend that I was still little, and none of the bad or confusing things that had happened over the past two weeks were real. 

_Then you wouldn't have Kurt either. You would still think that you had gotten Quinn pregnant, and the only hand on that cock of yours would be your own. I know that some of the things that happened sucked, and you probably wish you didn't know about your Dad, but you have to take the bad with the good. Now man up and listen._

"Can I still sit with you on the couch?" My voice was pathetically small and I forced it to toughen up. "I mean, if it would make you feel better." 

Mom sat down and I found a comfortable position, leaning against her side. "Are you sure you want to hear the rest? Maybe we've had enough for one day."

What she really meant was that she was about to say something really terrible, and she wanted to put it off for as long as possible. I didn't want her to stop, though. Better get it over with, like ripping off a band aid or something. "So, how did you get him to change? He did change, right? I mean I wouldn't want to stay with someone who treated me like that, even if I did love them."

_Really? Because I seem to distinctly recall Quinn treating you like absolute shit, and you hanging around because you loved her. After all, you weren't hanging around because she was putting out._

God damn that voice was annoying. I ignored it though, and kept waiting for Mom to answer. She was looking like she wanted to cry, so I knew that things were bad. It felt like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest, but I forced the words past my choked up throat. "If you want to stop, we can."

She didn't act like she heard me. "He hit me."

_Dude, not cool! You don't treat chicks like that!_

For some reason Quinn-voice had turned into Puck-voice, and my head was starting to feel a little too crowded. Maybe the voice changed because Quinn didn't know anything about men hitting women, but I'm not 100% sure about that either. I've never met her father, but sometimes she seems a little scared of him. I was so busy trying to sort out the different voices and what they meant that it took me a few seconds to actually understand what they were saying.

When I did catch up, though, I actually did lose my breath. Dad had hit Mom? Dad, who was pretty much like Superman, at least to me? I had spent all of this time thinking that he was great, and it turned out he wasn't any better then Puck's father. I gulped for air until Mom thumped me in the back. "Finn, breathe."

I sucked in a whistling breath, like I had asthma or something, but at least I could breathe, which was an improvement over 30 seconds ago. "He hit you?"

"He hit me." And she sounds just like this is a surprise, even almost 20 years later. "Believe it or not, over a pork chop. The stupid thing had sat in the refrigerator for three days, and was on the verge of going bad, so I ate it for supper. Probably 20 minutes later, he came in and started looking for it. I told him that I had eaten it already and he just lost it. He used language I'd never heard from him before and he was just standing over me, screaming. I told him to get a grip, that it was just a pork chop, and he slapped me across the face. Just once, and it shocked me more then it hurt me, but once was more then enough. "

No way any of this was true. I had fallen through the rabbit hole or gone through a time warp or just plain gone nuts, but there was no way that my perfect father had hit my mother. No way in hell. But Mom was crying again, and I knew that it was real, no matter how much I wished that it wasn't. "What did you do?"

She sighed. "I hauled off and threw my plate at him, then ran out the door and to a neighbor's house. Then I called my best friend to come get me, because I was not going to stay with a man who had hit me, no matter how much I loved him. I had tried my best to help him, and if he wasn't going to accept that, too bad. I didn't want to be one of those women with broken bones and black eyes telling the paramedics that I had fallen down the stairs again. It killed me to leave Christopher, but, you have to understand, I had to."

"I get it." It wasn't even a lie. Hitting a girl was about the suckiest thing a guy could do, no matter what. Puck and I don't agree about a lot when it comes to girls, except about which ones have smokin' tits, but we do agree that you should never, ever, touch one in a mean way. I guess that we had one more thing to agree on now: both of our Dads were complete assholes.

"But, you went back to him. How could you go back to him after what he did?" I was getting that slippery feeling in my stomach, the one that said I already knew why they had gotten back together, and it wasn't a good thing.

This time when she smiled, it looked more like an actual smile and less like she wanted to start crying. "I found out I was pregnant with you. Everyone told me to give you up, but I love you so much already that I couldn't. I just knew you were going to be perfect, and you are. If I did nothing else right in my entire life, I kept you, and that's enough."

"So you gave him another chance, because of me?" Great, now I felt even worse. It was my fault that she had gone back to some guy who hit her. Nobody was who I thought they were, and it was starting to make me dizzy.

"Well, it wasn't quite like that. For a few days, I considered not telling him at all, and just raising you by myself. But that would have been cruel. When I told him, I let him know that he could choose to sign away all of his rights to you, or he could choose to raise you with me, but if he ever, ever, raised his hand to me again, I would throw him in jail and have his rights as a father terminated. I wasn't going to risk my own life, and I sure as hell wasn't going to risk yours."

"What did he say?" I wanted to know, but I didn't. This was it, the moment when I would find out if I had been as important to him as he had been to me.

"He cried. Begged me to take him back, swore he would change, that he would get help, do anything as long as I didn't take you away from him. He promised to do better, so he could be a good father to you."

_Are you sure that you believe her, Finn? After all, you know she's lied to you before, why shouldn't she lie to you now, too? He probably hadn't cared that much, even if you were his kid. After all, Puck's dad doesn't give a shit about him._

"Really?" I hated the begging way the question came out, but I had to know the truth. "He wanted me that badly?" 

"He wanted you more then anything else in the world. By the next day, he had an appointment with a therapist who specialized in cases like his, and he was at her office within the week. The doctor prescribed some medication that helped even out his mood swings, and Chris swore that he would keep going to see her as long as it took. He wanted get better, and he did."

She was really getting into the story now, and I couldn't stop staring at her while she told it. She looked different, not like she was my Mom, or anyone's Mom any more. She looked the way she did when she talked about Burt Hummel, like she was my age and getting ready to go on a date. "So, things were good? He didn't hit you again?"

"Things were perfect. We went to classes together, and he actually helped me decorate the nursery, and it seemed like all he could talk about were baby names. Only boy names though, because he was 100% sure that you were going to be a boy. We went in circles about it, because I wanted David or Isaac, and he insisted on Andrew or Tristan. Still, I don't know if I had ever been happier. I gave in eventually on the name, and we were planning to name you Andrew Isaac."

Andrew. Andy. Andy. Andrew. No matter how I tried the name out in my head, it didn't sound like me. I wasn't Andrew, I was Finn. I was too tall and I lived with just my Mom and I had a boyfriend named Kurt. Whoever Andrew was, he wouldn't have had any of those things.

"Why did you change it to Finn then, if it wasn't what either one of you wanted?" I was starting to get uncomfortable from being so tense, but I didn't let her know that. I was afraid that if she stopped now, we would never be able to talk about it again.

"Actually, we didn't change it to Finn until three days before you were born. Your father had gotten kind of strange and moody, like he was getting cold feet about it all. I was the size of an elephant, barely able to walk, with you kicking me in the kidneys or bladder every five minutes, and I didn't have a whole lot of patience with him, considering that he was the one who had gotten me into that situation in the first place. So I finally asked him what the issue was, and he told me that he really wanted to change your name, to honor two of the men he served with and who had died. Their names were Finnegan Sovine and Enzo Jacobs. You ought to be incredibly grateful that I drew the line at calling you Enzo."

"I am." What sort of stupid name of Enzo, anyway?

"I was kind of pissed with him, since I already had a bunch of stuff that had the name 'Andrew' on it, but it was obviously so important to him that I gave in. Plus, I thought Finnegan was such a cute name, especially when he started calling you Finn right away, even before you were born."

If things hadn't been so serious, they would have been super cool. I had never really thought about where my name came from. It was just my name, even if it was a pretty cool one. I liked the thought of my Dad picking it out, and the reason that he had. 

"Anyway, there were some complications when you were born, the kind that I'm sure you don't want to hear about."

That was for damn sure. Sex might feel great (not that I would know) but it was really kind of gross. And having babies was even grosser. At least I wouldn't have to worry about knocking Kurt up and having to watch him give birth.

_I think knocking Kurt up would require having sex with him first. Isn't that one of the lessons we took away from the whole Quinn debacle? That pregnancy requires sex, no matter what they might try to tell you. Also, that girls are horrible liars._

Now wasn't the time to think about sex. There would be plenty of time later to worry about tops and bottoms and special lube and all of the other confusing things that I had learned about on the internet. I forced myself to look up at Mom. "Yeah?" 

"Yeah. I was on bed rest for almost a month, so Chris had to take care of you most of the time. I nursed you, but he did everything else. He sometimes got really nervous around loud noises, because of his PTSD, and I was worried that your crying would bother him, but he was just a natural at taking care of you." 

I remembered those letters from the death certificate, but I didn't know what they meant. Luckily, this was Mom, and I could ask without feeling stupid. The only other person I could ask was Kurt, and I hadn't thought about it, or anything else, last night. "What's that?"

"PTSD?" I nodded, and she kept going. "It stands for Post Traumatic Stress disorder. War is terrible, Finn, and being there, not ever knowing if you're going to be shot, or kidnapped, or ever get home again. It makes your body constantly stressed out, nervous, jumpy, that it forgets how to not be that way. So, even after he came home and wasn't in any danger, he couldn't relax. Loud noises, sudden movements, they all made him feel like he was back over there in the desert. Does that make sense?" 

It did and it didn't. I got her words, but I didn't understand how you could not know where you are. I mean, all you have to do is look around. Lima didn't look anything like Iraq, because we had snow and everything.

_Think about it again, Finn. You freak out every time someone yells at you, because of what Seth did. I don't think Kurt looks anything like Seth, but you still got them confused, didn't you?_

Suddenly, it did make sense. "Yeah, I understand."

"We didn't have a whole lot of money, but he was going to school through the veteran's bill. He always said that he wanted you to grow up and be proud of him, and he thought getting an education was important. Once he graduated community college, we were going to move closer to his parents, so you would have more family around. It might sound silly to you, but all we wanted was the American dream: a house, a few kids, and our family."

It didn't sound silly to me at all. I mean, being rich would be all kinds of awesome, but I supposed having a normal life with two kids, or maybe three, and enough money to be happy was pretty great, too. "I think it sounds pretty cool. I didn't know you wanted more kids."

"Well, it didn't seem like it was going to happen, so I didn't bring it up. But, yes, Chris and I wanted more then one. I'm an only, and I always wanted some playmates."

I had always wanted a brother or sister, too, but it seemed kind of mean to bring that up. "It's ok, I haven't been that lonely. I mean, I have Puck, and now Kurt's kind of like family, too, right?" 

She gave me that 'cut the bullshit' look that she always gave me when she knew I was being stupid on purpose. "We'll have a little talk about you and Kurt later. But yes, I suppose you could look at it like that."

"You were such a good baby. I know I tell you that all the time, but you were. All the other mothers wanted their babies to be just like you. You were just the smiliest little guy, and a people person, even then. You loved your father and I the best, of course, but you would let anyone hold you. Just perfect."

I really liked it when she talked about me like that. Like having just me was enough of a family for her, even though I knew that I wasn't. "So how did it all get bad?"

She was quiet for so long that I thought she wasn't going to say anything at all. I wanted to say something, just so she would know that it was ok, that I wasn't mad anymore, that I just wanted to know, but I couldn't make the words come out. I just kept staring at her, hoping she would get the message. I'm sure that I looked like a stupid little puppy, but I had to know.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, but was probably only a minute or two, she shook her head. "It must have started a little bit after you turned one. He started to get moody again, more snappish. This time I wasn't in denial, though, and I told him he either went back to the therapists or I was leaving and taking you with me."

Damn, Mom was tough. I guessed I knew that, though. After all, she had managed to raise me for 15 years with absolutely no help, and I think I turned out pretty well. "Did you leave?" 

"No, not that time. He was so afraid of losing us, especially you, that he was back at the doctors that week. They adjusted his medication, and that should have been the end of it. Only it wasn't."

"How come?" Even though I knew how this story ended, I couldn't help but feel like it might be different if I wished for it hard enough.

"Well, there's a strange side effect with certain antidepressants. Even though they're supposed to make you feel less depressed, sometimes they make you more depressed and even suicidal."

Weird. "Why do people take them then, if they don't work?" 

"They do work, most of the time. Unfortunately, your father was incredibly smart, and very good at hiding the problems he was having from me. I was distracted, between work and taking care of you, and since he wasn't being aggressive, I let it slide more then I should have. If there's one thing in my life that I will never forgive myself for, that's it."

That was probably my cue to tell her that it wasn't her fault, that I didn't blame her and that she shouldn't blame herself, but my throat was stuck closed. All I could do was stare at her and wait for this to come to the end.

"The day that it happened-"She stopped there, and I felt her take a deep breath. "No, I have to be able to say it. The day that your father committed suicide, it was the end of a really long week for all of us. You had a bad cold, and your father and I had both had the flu. The house was in absolute shambles, and I just couldn't bring myself to care about it. I was better, but Chris was still running a fever, so I was going to go out and pick up some groceries and medicine. I thought that he might like a chance to rest, so I told him that I would take you with me, even though you were still coughing and really fussy."

She broke off and I knew that she was crying again. "He didn't want me to take you. He looked right at me and said 'No, Car, leave the kid with me.' That's what he always called you, 'the kid', like we were in an old western. I thought he was just being nice, because I really didn't want to have to shop with a screaming toddler in tow. I swear, Finn, if I had had even the tiniest idea of what he was going to do, I would have never left that day."

I would have never thought she would, not in a million years. Not even if, like, the grocery store was burning down and we would all starve to death if she didn't. But I knew what she was really saying. I might not understand the quadratic formula, or how to speak Spanish, but I do get people. Mom was telling me a story, but she was also asking me for forgiveness, and I understood that on a deeper level then I understood most things. "I know you wouldn't have." 

When I looked at her this time she looked….old. I mean, she's always old, because she's a mom, but she was still pretty. Now she didn't look pretty at all. She looked tired and old and used up. I head butted her shoulder as gently as I could. "I know you did everything you could."

She smiled, but it was a fake one. "I swear I wasn't gone for more then an hour and a half. I came home with a few bags of groceries, and-" She swallowed hard. "The house looked the same. I mean, you would have thought that it would be changed in some way. But I got in the front door, and I could just hear you screaming at the top of your lungs. Not a little fussy cry, flat out screaming. I was so pissed off with your father for that. If I could hear you from the front door, he should have been able to hear it. Even if he was asleep, well, you've always had a set of lungs on you. So I stood there and yelled. "Christopher, can you not hear your son? You told me to leave him with you, and you aren't taking care of him.'. My husband was lying dead upstairs, and here I was, yelling at him. What kind of wife and mother was I?" 

Luckily, that was something I could answer. "The best sort. I love you and I wouldn't want anyone else to be my Mom. Dad wouldn't have wanted anyone else to be his wife, I'm sure." I didn't know how I was so sure, but I was.

"Thank you, Finn. So I stormed up the stairs, ready to just give him hell, and I saw…" She stopped, and I felt like I was going to throw up. Did I want her to keep going, or not?

_Of course you do, you fucking moron. What wonderful, normal, 16 year old boy _wouldn't_ want to hear the details about what his father's death scene looked like_?

Mom couldn't possibly know that I was having a debate with myself, but she must not have wanted to think about it either, because she skipped the gory details. Good thing, because I didn't want to hear it. "When I came upstairs and realized what had happened, I just grabbed you out of the crib and ran to the neighbors. After that…well, I honestly don't remember what happened after that, it's all kind of a blur. But Chris was gone, and you were all I had left. We moved right after, because I never wanted to go in that house again, and somehow we ended up here, in Lima."

My head was pounding, probably because it was too full. Dad was great, but he had hit Mom, but it was because he was sick, and he had been a really great father to me, but he had shot himself right in front of me, but…" I stopped there, because I was completely confused. "But why did you lie about it?" 

"I don't know. At first, when you started asking why you didn't have a Dad, I just told you that he had died and gone to Heaven, and that satisfied you. Then you were suddenly old enough to start looking at pictures and you saw your father in his uniform, so I told you that he was a soldier who was very brave and fought in Iraq. The next thing I knew, you were telling people that your father was a brave soldier who died in Iraq and went to Heaven and I just didn't know how to correct you. It just…well, I guess it was easier for me to pretend that your version of things was the truth. Less painful for both of us. I never thought that it would go on for as long as it did."

"But…" I was out of words. I had never been that good at arguing in the first place, and now I was stuck. To my horror, I felt those stupid, babyish tears welling up in my eyes. "But…"

_Oh, man up, Finn. You wanted the truth and you got it from her. Just because it wasn't what you wanted to hear, you don't have any excuse to start crying. After all, she's the one who had to see it all; you were too damn little to remember any of it. You had 16 good years of thinking that your father was this great guy before you found out the truth, and that's a lot more then some people ever get. So she lied to you, big deal. Everyone lies to you, Finn. Your Mom, me, Puck, shit, even Kurt's probably doing it. It's not your fault that you're so stupid, but it sure makes it easy to not tell you the truth_.

Kurt wasn't lying to me, was he? I mean, I would know if he wasn't telling me the truth.

_Of course you would, darling. After all, you've done such a good job of knowing when other people are._

Suddenly tears were streaking down my face, even though I wasn't sure what exactly I was crying about. Maybe it was just that I was tired and feeling sick and there was no one left for me to rely on. Mom tightened her arms around me, but didn't say anything, because, really? There wasn't anything left for us to say. I didn't want her to think I hated her though; she was my mother after all, so I buried my face in her neck to block out the noises I was making.

"I'm sorry, Finn. I'm so, so, so, so, sorry. I was wrong to lie in the first place, and I was wrong not to tell you the truth later. I just…I'm sorry, baby."

I knew that. And, considering the amount of time I spend fucking up and needing someone else to forgive me, you would think that I would be better at forgiveness when it was my turn, but I'm not. I guess I'm just not that good of a person. So I don't tell her that I forgive her, because I don't, but I do want her to know that I still love her, and I _will_ forgive her, as soon as I find the strength.

My cell phone was ringing in the other room, and I knew that it was Kurt, calling to check that I was alright. I wasn't, but I would probably tell him that I was. You know, so he doesn't worry about me and all. I really think I freaked him out last night, but I was kind of freaking my self out, too. I had felt like I was going crazy, and Kurt was the only one who was exactly who he seemed to be. Even Puck, who I was supposed to hate, had turned out to be a really good guy in the end. It was all too confusing, and I just wanted someone else to make the decision for me.

_Yeah, because that worked out so well last time. Face it, moron, you're almost 17 years old, which is pretty close to being an adult. You need to grow and up and start making your own decisions. Starting with telling your mother that you love her, because that's the truth and you can't say anything else because you're a shitty liar. _

That was a really good idea, possibly the best I had had in the past few days, even if it did come from bitchy Quinn. "I love you Mom."

"I love you, too."

I would have given absolutely anything to be a little kid again, so I could just believe her, instead of worrying that everything she said was a lie. Her fingers ran lightly through my hair, and I leaned into the contact. "Is there anything you want to ask me, Finn? Anything at all?"

There were a million things I wanted to ask, but I couldn't. I just didn't have the strength to ask and find out that she had lied about something else. So I shook my head and leaned harder against Mom. She wrapped an arm around me, which made me feel a little safer, but not much. I still loved her more then I loved anyone in the world, but things were different now. I guess maybe that's what growing up is about, which sucks donkey balls. "I'm kind of tired; can I just go upstairs and play some video games?" 

"Sure. What do you want for dinner?" It's really cool that Mom knows when I want her to hang around even when I say I don't, and when I really do want my space.

"Whatever." I wasn't feeling hungry at all, which might be a first for me.

"I'll figure something out."

I knew that that meant that she would go out of her way to make something she knew I would like, just so I would feel better. It would have probably been nice if I told her that she didn't have to, but I was about all out of nice today. I wanted to be rude, and ugly, and say all the things that I would have usually bitten down on. Except I didn't want to do that. Only I did. Maybe I didn't. I just wasn't sure any more. So instead of acting like a moron and saying something really dumb, I went upstairs and laid down on the bed. I wasn't tired enough to sleep, or hungry enough to eat, and, for once, I didn't feel like playing video games. I was just...done.

My phone rang from somewhere in the pile of dirty clothes by the bed, but I didn't even look at it. It was Kurt, I was sure it was, but I didn't want to talk to him either right now. I wanted to be left alone. Maybe that made me mean and selfish, but when you considered that everyone else had been that way to me first, maybe it was my turn. But I know myself, and if I'm mean to one person, I'll lose my temper and be mean to everyone, and Kurt was the last person I wanted to be mean to. So I let the phone go to voicemail. I would call him later, when I felt less like my head was going to explode.

I wrapped my arms around myself in a kind of hug, just holding still. I wanted my old teddy bear that had finally fallen apart, or my blanket, which Quinn still had for they baby, which wasn't mine anyway. So I just laid there, and looked at the Cowboys on the wall and wondered what it would be like to be one of them. I mean, in all of the cowboy movies, all you had to do to get revenge was march into the saloon (that's like a bar, in case you didn't know. Only it has women with lots of cleavage, so it's better then a regular bar.) and loudly say 'I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw.' Only the man who shot my paw _was_ my paw and that was something John Wayne never had to deal with.

I didn't think that I was tired, but I guess I was, because I kept falling asleep and waking up, falling asleep and waking up. Everything was confused in my dreams, and I kept having nightmares where I lost everyone, Mom, Kurt, even Mr. Hummel, and I couldn't find them. Once when I woke up, Mom was sitting by the bed, rubbing my back, so I must have been making a lot of noise. I wasn't ready to forgive her, but my dreams were making me afraid of losing her, so I reached out and held on to her hand. It was smaller then mine now, and, for some stupid reason, that made me want to cry even more.

By the time I finally woke up for real, it was almost 7, and the house smelled really, really good. It was the sort of smell that meant Mom was making steak in the crock pot, which is all kinds of awesome. My eyes were still all scratchy and I felt really hot, but I always got that way after a nap, so I rolled to my feet and headed downstairs.

The crock pot was on and bubbling and the table was set for two places, but Mom wasn't there. I cocked my head, trying to think, and heard the Jeopardy theme from the living room. I love Jeopardy, even though I never have the right answer. It's just fun to make stuff up so Mom will laugh.

Sure enough, there she was, sitting in Dad's old chair. I guess I'm not the only one who does that to be close to him. She looked up when I came in, and I could tell that she had been crying again. I was tired of telling her that I loved her, and I didn't want to lie and tell her that I forgave her. So I climbed up to sit on the arm of the chair and laid my head on her shoulder. She touched my back and I sighed softly. "Yeah."

Mom nodded. "Yeah."


	25. Chapter 25

Kurt POV

I needed to call him again. No, wait, that would be clingy. Or maybe not. It was nearly 10 at night, and I needed at least 8 hours of sleep to keep my energy up and my complexion clear, so if I was going to call him, it had to be now. Usually, I had a one call limit, and if I didn't get a call back, then screw them, but this was a special circumstance. Not only was Finn my boyfriend, but he needed me. After all, I was the only one who had proven that he could trust me.

_Ooh, a little full of ourselves aren't we? Maybe Finn needs you and maybe he doesn't, but you need him, too. You need to hear his voice, and to know that he's alright. Not just for his sake, but for yours, too. So call the boy again, but play it cool. If he asks, and he might, just tell him that you weren't sure if you needed to pick him up tomorrow for school._

That was good enough for me, and I dialed Finn for the third (alright, it was the fifth) time tonight. The phone rang and rang, just like before, but this time a familiar, sleepy voice answered. "Hey, Spider Monkey."

I never thought I would be so glad to him call me that. 'Hey. How are you doing?"

"Good." His voice was quiet, but stronger then it had been before. He would be alright.

Still, I couldn't help but ask. "Are you really?" He and I were at a point in our relationship where I felt like I could ask.

There was a long silence, broken only by his soft breathing in to the receiver. "Yeah. Maybe not _good_ good, but better. Mom and I talked."

"What did she say? Did it make you feel better?" I was dying to know how Carol had justified it, but the most important thing now was Finn, not my insatiable curiosity.

"Um…yes and no, I guess. She said…you know, I don't really want to talk about it over the phone. Can we talk tomorrow?"

Did he really not understand that I would do anything for him, at any time? "Sure. You are coming to school, right?"

"Yeah. Mom has to work and I don't want to be stuck in the house alone all day. Plus, I've kinda missed a lot of school recently and I don't want to flunk the year. That would suck and it would make Mom cry."

If he was worried about making Carol cry, things between them must be better. "Alright, I'll be there at 7. I….I don't want to have to wait for you, because I have to meet Mercedes at 7:30." Once again, I had been about to tell him I loved him, and, once again, I wimped out.

"You sure you don't want to spend at least part of the day here? I've been practicing, and I can do this really cool trick with a Popsicle now."

Every possible scenario that could involve Finn Hudson and a Popsicle flew through my mind, leaving me stuttering and totally turned on. "W-what?"

"Yeah, I heard about it on the internet. You know, so you don't screw up your gag reflex or something, I don't know. So I took all of the orange popsicles out of the fridge and used them for practice. It's harder then it sounds."

That wasn't the only thing that was hard right now. "You seriously learned how to give a blow job to a Popsicle?"

"Uh-huh. Why, what would you have used?" Finn sounded completely innocent, but I knew that he was enjoying this. I also knew that he was trying to take his mind off of things by talking about sex. Still, there were worse things he could want to talk about, like football, or video games, or horror movies. "Are you proud of me?"

"Very." It was getting a little hard to think, considering that most of the blood flow in my body had been diverted away from my brain, and straight into my pants. "Maybe we could spend the morning at your place and-"

A sudden throat clearing made my blood freeze. Oh, please God, let that not be what I thought it was. I turned to the stairs, where my father stood, his face flaming. I guess I know where I got my tendency to blush from. "Finn, hang on a minute." I covered the receiver with one hand. "Yes, Dad?" Please God let him not have heard the words 'blow job' pass my lips.

"Tell Finn that you'll pick him up at the normal time and there will be absolutely nothing happening that involves a popsicle in any capacity, got it? Kurt, I will be calling the school tomorrow to see if you're there. Now, go to bed." Whatever his original reason for coming down here, he seemed to have forgotten it. He actually looked kind of shell-shocked when he spoke.

I just sat there, the phone dangling from my limp fingers. This was bad, almost as bad as if he had actually walked in on Finn and me. Tinny squawking finally alerted me to the fact that Finn was still there, and that he was getting increasingly worried. "Sorry, I'm back." I stopped there, still trying to process what had just happened.

"What's wrong?" All of the teasing had left Finn's voice. "You sound all sad and stuff."

"My father came downstairs and he heard us. Dad heard me use the term 'blow job'."

Finn's smirk was nearly audible through the phone. "Oh really? Wow, maybe you know how I felt when my mother talked to me about buying condoms. Sucks doesn't it?" I'm pretty sure that he was attempting to sound sympathetic, but by the end he was actually snickering.

"You are such an asshole." Ok, so he actually had a point, but I wasn't going to let him know that. "Anyway, he said that he's going to check to see if I'm in school tomorrow, so I'll have to see your Popsicle trick another time."

"Damn." He heaved a downright pitiful sigh. "Oh, yeah, I meant to ask you something. What are you doing after Glee today?"

Apparently not him. "Nothing. I think my Dad's going to be keeping a really close eye on me, though."

"Oh." He was quiet for a second, then said the rest of it in a rush. "Because I really, really wanted to go out to the cemetery and see my Dad, but if you can't take me, it's alright. Mom probably can when she gets home."

It was such a soft, heartfelt, request that I couldn't refuse to do it. "Of course I'll take you to the cemetery. Which one?"

"Glenwood, out by the highway. Do you know where it is?" 

Of course I did. Glenwood was the same place that my mother was buried. "Yeah, my Mom's there, too."

Finn was quiet for a minute. "Oh. I guess it'll be a family reunion then." 

Sometimes I forgot that, underneath it all, Finn sometimes has a very dark sense of humor. "I guess it will." Then something else occurred to me. "Wait, I thought your father was cremated? Isn't that what's in the urn on your mantle?"

"Yeah, but there's a grave, too. Mom wanted him cremated, but Grandma and Grandpa wanted him buried. She won, because she was his wife, and it was what he wanted in his will, but they bought a plot with a headstone and stuff anyway. There's nothing in it, but sometimes I go see it anyway."

There was a sudden pounding on the door at the top of the stairs. "Bed, Kurt. NOW!" 

Ever since he had started dating Carol, Dad had suddenly become very interested in everything I did. Before, I pretty much ran wild and, as long as I checked in and was back for dinner, he didn't care what I did. Of course, Carol came along about the same time as Glee, and before Glee, I hadn't really had any friends to hang out with, so there wasn't much for me to do except come home and sit by myself. Now that I actually had a social life, I guessed it was natural for him to be more worried.

"Alright!" It might be natural for him to be concerned about me, but that didn't mean I had to like it. "I'm hanging up right now!" 

I balanced the phone against my shoulder. "Finn, I have to go. My father's nagging."

He laughed. "Welcome to my world, dude. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye, Cowboy." I hung up before he could say anything back. Finn was doing better, and I would get to see him tomorrow. Until then, I could still think about him and that Popsicle. Correction: Finn and that _orange_ Popsicle. I wasn't sure why, but knowing the color made it sound so much naughtier.

_Maybe it turned him on, too. Maybe he jerked off afterwards. Or during. Or both. Aren't you jealous of that Popsicle?_

Galinda might be a complete hussy, but she was certainly providing me with some very interesting mental pictures. After all, it had been five entire days since I had done anything with Finn, which meant it had been five entire days since I had gotten off at all.

_Why don't you call him and ask? Say: Finn, I want to know what you think about when you jerk off. Is it me? _

Sometimes I thought she might have some control over my body after all, because I had dialed Finn before I knew what I was doing. He sounded surprised when he picked up "What's up, Spider Monkey?"

The more I heard that nickname, the more I liked it. Liking the nickname, though, didn't mean that it was easy to ask what I wanted. "Uh…well…."

He waited for about 20 seconds, which was an eternity in Finn-world, then tried again. "Do you need something? To talk? I can come over if you can promise your dad won't, like, kill me or something."

As tempting as that sounded, my father had been pretty irritated, and I wasn't sure what he would do if he caught Finn trying to sneak in through the basement window. Sighing to myself, I filed that fantasy away for another time, preferably when Dad wasn't home. "Better not. I think my father actually likes you, and I don't want to do anything to ruin that."

"Oh, alright." He sounded disappointed, so I must not be the only one who had thoughts about Finn Hudson crawling through my window. "How come you called, then?" 

Screw this, I wasn't saying anything. It shouldn't be possible to be this embarrassed, considering that Finn had already seen everything there was to see, but, somehow saying the words was different.

_ Wuss. How can you expect to do anything if you can't even say the words?_

She had a point. "If I ask you something, will you promise not to laugh?"

"Dude, you know I wouldn't laugh. Unless you have your tongue stuck in a mixer or something, that would be pretty funny."

"No, my tongue isn't stuck anywhere." I took a deep breath. "I was just…?

"Huh? Can you say that a little slower?"

"I was wondering, what you were thinking when you were practicing on that Popsicle." It took all of my strength not to rush through it again.

"Oh, well, mostly that the Popsicle was really cold, and that I hoped it wouldn't really be like that, but I figured that it wouldn't because your skin is warm and it's even warmer on your dick so I shouldn't worry."

Oh yeah, this was Finn I was talking to. If you weren't agonizingly specific with him, he wouldn't get what you were talking about. "No, not that. What I meant was…did you get turned on by it?"

His voice dropped. "Yeah."

"What did you think about?" My own voice had gotten low in a way that puberty had never done for me.

"Um…doing the same thing to you." He sounded a little embarrassed, but not enough that he wouldn't talk. "About doing other things, a little bit."

"Like…." I drew the word out as long as I could. There was no way that the two of us could talk about this face to face, but it seemed easier on the phone.

I could almost see him shrugging. "Like sex, I guess. I mean, we have to do that eventually, right?"

"We don't have to do anything that you don't want to." I had to keep emphasizing that, so Finn didn't totally flip out on me.

"I know that, but isn't that what people do when they're… together?"

I noticed the slight pause before the last word, and I wondered if he had intended to say 'when they're in love'. "I guess." Desperately, I tried to get this conversation back on track. "So, tell me more about what you were thinking with the Popsicle."

"I was thinking that one day after Glee; we could come over here, and practice on each other. Maybe more then once. That would be great."

Damn, I could get off forever just by replaying those words in my mind. "At your place, huh? Wouldn't we have more room to maneuver at my place?" I could barely move around in Finn's room, and the cramped furniture was probably where he kept getting all those bruises on his hips from.

"We would, but I want to do it here. We've done everything at your place. I want to be able to look at my room, and know the first time we did that, it was here."

It had never occurred to me that he would care about things like that. It was really kind of hot to think that he was that into me and what we did together. "Ok. How about the day after tomorrow?"

"I don't know, I might need some comforting after the cemetery. Why don't we play it by ear?" He chuckled a little. "So, why exactly did you call? Did you really just want to hear about me and the Popsicle?"

I might as well admit it. "Yeah."

"Oh!" He sounded way too interested by that. "Why did you want to know? So you could think about it when you jerked off?" 

I would have been too embarrassed to say it like that, though I found his lack of shame more then a bit charming. "Yes."

"So why didn't you just say that? I can offer you a lot better then that if you want to jerk off."

"What!" Apparently I had entered some glorious alternate dimension where everything was perfect. Was Finn really offering to have phone sex with me?

He chuckled into phone. "Well, yeah. Unless your Dad can hear it, because then I'm hanging up."

That thought was beyond horrifying, but when I laid the phone down and listened as hard as I could, I still heard nothing. "I think he went to bed."

"Awesome. So what do you want me to tell you? Should I just start at the beginning?"

"The beginning." I still couldn't believe that this was happening.

"Well, first there was this porn movie, you know, they kind with two guys, and I was thinking that giving someone a blow job was probably harder then it looked. So I asked Britt how she learned to do it, and she said the hockey team, which isn't going to happen. So then she said to practice on a Popsicle so you don't start gagging, which would kind of ruin the mood, so I did." 

He wasn't making this as sexy as I thought he would. "So, why an orange one?"

"Well, first I used the purple ones, then the red ones, but they kept melting."

Imagining Finn dripping with Popsicle juice was more like it. "Were you turned on?"

"Yeah, but mostly because I was thinking about doing it with you."

That struck me. Finn was turned on, not because he thought I would give him a blow job, but because he wanted to be able to give me one. "Really?"

"Uh-huh. I jerked off twice." He sounded particularly proud of that.

"Really?" My mouth was apparently stuck on repeat and I found myself sliding a hand into my pajama bottoms.

"Oh, yeah. You know what else? I was totally pretending that you were doing me." He was getting into it now, his voice low and husky. "It made things better."

His breathing was heavy, and I wondered if he was doing the same thing I was. "What are you doing, right now?" I was stroking softly now, wondering what Finn had done with that bottle of lube. Maybe he had taken it home with him.

"What do you think I'm doing?" That goofy grin was back in his voice.

"I think you're…touching yourself." God I hated the word masturbating, and I wasn't going to say it.

"You think right." He sighed contentedly, as if confirming it to me was some sort of release of tension. "You make me hot."

God I loved him. I loved him for saying that, and being brave enough to try something, and for his goofy nicknames and the way he would look at me when I was waxing on about fashion. It was a look that told me he thought I was crazy, but it was a good type of crazy, his type of crazy.

"Yeah, uh…" Apparently what they claimed was true. Men have two heads and only one of them gets any blood flow at a time. I should have been horrified about the fact that Finn Hudson now had a better vocabulary then I did, but there would be plenty of time for that later.

Finn must have taken my inarticulation as meaning that I wanted him to continue, which I certainly did. "Damn." It was a harsh half whisper half moan. Then he recovered and started talking again. "I wish you were here right now."

He had no idea how much I was wishing for the same thing. I tried to tell him that, but my mouth had shut down completely. I stroked harder, listening to his breathing and trying to figure out what he was doing by the changes in it.

_ Yeah, that isn't stalkerish at all. Plus, at least ask him where he got that lube._

"Because if you were here, then it would be your hand on me, and that would be-"He broke off there, his breathing speeding up. My own breath caught, though my hand didn't. At this point my father could have come downstairs and I would have still been compelled to finish.

_That's just disgusting, Kurt._

Disgusting or not, it was true. Finn was quiet for a few seconds, then kept talking like he had never interrupted himself. "That would be, like, the greatest thing ever."

My free hand clenched in the covers, because I couldn't use it to touch him. "I want you. All of you."

"Yes." It was a hiss, and I wondered if he was actually agreeing to sex, or if he just wanted to be wanted right now. I had to keep in mind that he had been through a lot recently, and I couldn't push things.

Even though the bedroom was already dark, my vision dimmed. "Shit, Finn."

He gave me a breathy little chuckle, one that caught in the middle. "So, tomorrow I get to give you a blow job? Show you my new tricks?"

"God damn it crap fuck me holy shit" The words came out in a rushed blur as everything went way too bright. Something skittered up and down my spine, and I heard Finn gasp sharply into the phone, my orgasm triggering off his own.

When I finally came down of the high, I was too tired to move. Finn was still breathing hard, making those soft little kitten noises that he always seemed to make right after he came. Even though I knew how disgusting it was, I wiped my hands off on the comforter and made a mental promise to change the sheets tomorrow. The bathroom was just too far away right now.

I just laid there and listened to Finn breathe, wishing again that the boy was right there next to me, eyes sleepy and his arm across my chest. Another few minute passed, and I was nearly dozing when Finn spoke again. "So, it's just like I told you."

"What's just like you told me?" I was too sated to play games with him right now. Couldn't I just bask in the afterglow?

Another soft sigh. "You swear when you cum."

_ He's right you know. I counted four curse words, a couple of them used more then once. You dirty little minx._

"I guess you're right, Cowboy. I'll have to watch my mouth a little better." Not that I had a whole lot of (or apparently _any_) control over what came out, but I felt like I should say something.

"Nah, I like it. It makes me feel like I'm doing something, you know, right for once."

I wondered how many people had told Finn that he was a fuck-up, that he was stupid, that he couldn't do anything right. Carol certainly hadn't. She loved Finn exactly like a mother should, something that always made me jealous.

_She would love you too, if you would let her. Just try with the woman, Kurt. She's not asking to replace your mother, just like your Dad isn't asking to be Finn's father. But it's not so bad to have someone else love you, exactly like you are, is it?_

I filed that thought away for later. "You do almost everything right, at least when it comes to me."

He was quiet for a few minutes, his breathing so soft and steady that I thought he might have fallen asleep. I was about to shout into the phone, so I could wake him up and not have him waste his minutes, when he started talking again. "You're about the best thing that ever happened to me."

It never failed to leave me breathless when he talked like that. "Really?" 

"Really. Better then football, better then basketball, better then Glee, even. You're the very best, I promise." I could almost imagine the soft smile on his face when he said that.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, too." I almost whispered it, afraid that if I spoke too loud, I would ruin whatever spell he and I were under.

_What the hell is wrong with you, Kurt! You love the boy; you've loved the boy practically since you hit puberty, so why don't you tell him so? Isn't the afterglow the best time to hear something like that?_

She was all but banging herself into sides of my brain in a frustrated attempt to free herself and force me to speak. I held back, though. When the time was right for me to tell Finn how much I loved him, I would know it, and this wasn't it.

"Listen, I'm crashing here. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" He yawned a little into the phone. 

"7:00 sharp. You and I need to get the work we missed yesterday." I was as tired as he was, but if I didn't remind him what time to be ready, he wouldn't even be dressed.

"Kurt?" He sounded a little bit more awake and suddenly shy.

"What?" I curled up on my side, letting my eyes fall half closed. It was getting harder and harder to stay awake.

"Ok, look. I know that Mercedes is, like, your best girlfriend and all that, and that you tell her everything. I even know that you told her about me and you, which is cool, I guess. But can you maybe not tell her about Dad? I mean, I accidentally told Puck, and that's bad enough." His voice softened. "Please, Kurt?"

I wouldn't have told anyone. "I won't, Finn, don't worry."

"Goodnight, Precious." His voice was a soft mumble.

"Goodnight, Cowboy."


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: I usually forget to put one of these on until I've already uploaded the chapter! Thank you for all of the great reviews. This chapter is a little early, but I'm trying to get caught up on this story myself.

For those who asked, this story will go through season one. I'm currently working on chapter 43, so it will be very long. Who wants to make a bet on how long it takes before our wonderful boys actually have sex?

Kurt POV

"I think Mr. Shue is like, repressed or something." Finn tossed the football to Puck, who lobbed it across the room to Mike. "He's barely even showing up for Glee."

I was perched on the piano, pretending that I wasn't staring at the muscles moving under Finn's T-shirt. Mercedes, who was leaning next to me, snorted. "It's _de_pressed, not _re_pressed, Zac Efron."

"Yeah, that too." He gave her one of his adorable grins, and I had to fight back a lovesick sigh. "I wonder what his problem is."

I leaned back on my elbows. "I think he's divorcing his wife."

"He is." Quinn's voice was very soft, barely carrying over from where she sat alone, her hands resting on her stomach. "He already moved out. No counseling, no second chance, no marriage."

"How come?" Finn caught the football and held it, his dark eyes curious. "I mean, she's kind of psycho and all that, but that isn't anything new. She was crazy back when we did Acafellas, too."

With as much attention as I paid to one Finn Hudson, I couldn't believe that I had managed to miss the entire Acafellas thing. Finn in a tux? Yes, sir.

Quinn sighed, looking down at her stomach. "He found out that she was lying about being pregnant. She's not."

Finn's forehead creased as he tried to piece that together. "How do you know so much about- oh! Shit."

If Finn could figure it out, so could everyone else. Puck froze, his jaw dropping. "You were going to sell our baby to Shuester? Quinn, I though you said she was getting rich parents who could give her everything! Shit, I probably make what Shuester does just from cleaning pools!"

Her blue eyes narrowed and Finn got out of the line of fire, coming over to stand by me. Because I was still sitting on the piano, we were almost the same height. He leaned his head back and whispered to me. "Here comes the screaming."

Only Quinn didn't scream. She just narrowed her eyes at Puck in a way that made all other conversations cease. When she spoke, it was in a low hiss. "You make more money then Mr. Shue because you _whore_ yourself out to lonely housewives. Pool cleaning? Please, who needs their pool cleaned in November? But that wasn't enough, was it? No, you had to go after me, and ruin my life, too!"

This was the sort of drama you usually only saw on television. Everyone else had completely given up the pretense of not listening, and was now staring. "I hate you Noah Puckerman! I had absolutely everything, and you took it away! I was head Cheerio, now I'm nothing! I had Finn, and now Rachael Berry does. Rachael Berry! I lost the head quarterback to someone who dresses like an 80's woman!" _Now_ she was starting to scream.

"You stole my entire life from me! I hate you, and I hate this baby! Terri Shuester might be a fucking lunatic, but Mr. Shue would have taken good care of her! He would have loved her, which is more then I can say for either one of us! What am I supposed to tell my parents, huh? 'Hi, Mom, hi Dad. I know I'm your perfect little girl and the president of the celibacy club, but guess what? I'm carrying your first grandchild! You know what else? It's half Jewish!' They will kill me, Puck. Then, my father will kill _you_!"

We all held our breaths, waiting for Puck to scream back. He didn't, though. He didn't do anything but stare at her, looking shocked. I leaned forward, trying to figure out if the shine in his eyes was a reflection or actual tears. When he finally spoke, it wasn't to say anything I would have expected. He just shook his head. "I would have loved her. I already love her. But if her own mother doesn't, it's probably better that you do give her up. I can't love her enough for two." Then he turned and marched out.

It was like he had sucked all the air out of the room with him. Normally anything that made Quinn Fabray cry was alright with me, but Puck's words had hit unexpectedly close to home. Even Puck didn't think that one parent was enough, no matter how much that one parent tried. It was true; not having a mother's love caused damage.

_Oh, get over yourself. You had a mother who thought the sun rose and set on you for 8 years, the most formative years of your life. Plus, what should your father have done? Given you away after she died, like you were a puppy that couldn't stop wetting the carpet? He loves you, Kurt. He might be all you have left, but _you're_ all he has left, too._

Everything she was saying was true, but it didn't do much to quell my worries. As much as I knew that there was a world of difference between two teenagers trying to raise a baby that only one of them wanted and neither one knew how to care for and a married woman who was expecting the child she and her husband had been trying for for years, it was still strange to me.

Finn pushed away from the piano. "I need to deal with this." He left the room without waiting for a reply.

Apparently Finn and Puck had come to some kind of truce in between Puck finding him at the playground drunk and him being dropped of at my house. Then again, I guessed that once you had had someone else take care of you while you were puking your guts up, it lead to a certain amount of bonding. I was glad that they were at least taking a few steps towards being friends again, but I really wanted Finn to stay with me. It didn't matter what I had wanted, though, since Finn hadn't even thought to look at me.

_Yeah, because he reads minds now, too. If you had wanted him to stay, you should have called after him. Oh, that's right; you can't, because you refuse to let anyone know that you're with him._

Mercedes replaced Finn, shaking her head. "Damn. I never thought I'd say it, but I kind of feel sorry for Puck."

"Me, too." Don't get me wrong, I still hated the man with a passion, but he had been good to Finn, and that made me a tiny bit sympathetic. Plus, I understood what it was like to lose someone you loved.

"Finn will know what to do." I had a lot of confidence in him; more then I would have had in anyone else. Also, he knew Puck, which was a plus.

Her head shook. "I hope so.

Whatever else we might have said was interrupted by Mr. Shue finally appearing, Rachael attached to his side. He looked absolutely exhausted, his eyes shadowed and his shoulders tensed. "Rach, we've been over this three times a day for the past week. I'm sorry the Glee club doesn't have a page in the yearbook, but there's nothing we can do about it. I don't have the money to buy one, and that is final. Now get with the rest of the club." He looked over us without any enthusiasm. "Kurt, get off of the piano, please. It's a musical instrument, not a piece of furniture. And where are Puck and Finn?" 

Big mistake. Quinn was still worked up from earlier, and turned her rage on Mr. Shue. "Puck's probably off fucking some other girl. After all, there are five or six that he hasn't been with." She turned to Rachael, and this time there was no mistaking the tears for any sort of reflection. "I would keep an eye on Finn, Babs, or Puck might get to him, too. God knows Finn is stupid enough to go along with it."

Then she was storming out, too, the door slamming behind her. Artie raised an eyebrow at the noise. "We finally got Rachael to quit doing that, now Quinn is. Don't you girls have any other ways to express displeasure?"

Tina gave him an evil glare. "Do you really want the answer to that? I can cut you off, don't think I won't."

"Sorry." He pushed his glasses back up on his nose and looked appropriately ashamed.

Mr. Shue slammed his book down. "We can't have practice if a quarter of the club is missing. If you guys aren't going to put in the effort, I'm not going to either. Go home, all of you. We'll practice tomorrow, if all of you can be bothered."

His storming out was less dramatic then Quinn's, but it was much sadder. Mr. Shue loved Glee more then anything in the world, enough that he had kept on teaching with only five kids. The fact that he wouldn't even try right now, with nine, told me just how unhappy he was.

Rachael stared after him a look of pure desperation on her face. Then she turned to the rest of us. "Finn and Puck might still come back, and we need to be practicing when they do. There is no excuse for the club falling apart now, not when we need each other, and the trophy, more then ever. I don't care if the rest of you like me or not, but we need to keep it together for Mr. Shue. If he can see us succeed, it will help raise his spirits and make him believe in us again. Also, I am not dating Finn, so there is no reason for me to keep an eye on him, other then the fact that he is still quite attractive and I will be getting him back after I refind myself."

_Oh, I wouldn't bet on that, bitch. _

Everyone looked at me, and I for a second I thought I had actually channeled Galinda and spoken out loud. Rachael glared. "What are you giggling about, Kurt? Self discovery is very important, and I have to make myself as perfect as possible so I will have more energy to help improve my partner."

_Why, Rachael, that's lovely. Unfortunately, Finn is also going through some self discovery, and his self discovery involved a few revelations about his sexuality. More specifically, he's mine now! Well, mine and Kurt's but Kurt's a wimp when it comes to sex, so I get him there._

"Whatever, Rach." I jumped lightly off the piano and took my place, making sure that I did it with the perfect mix of disdain and arrogance.

Most of the time, Rachael is about as dense as Finn, at least when it comes to someone else having the audacity to think that she might not be perfect, but she understood me this time and gave me an evil look.

I took my place on the risers, settling down next to Mercedes and primly crossing my legs. Something was nagging at me, so I mentally reran what had happened today. When it finally hit me, it didn't surprise me that it all came back to Finn. He had dated both Quinn and Rachael, and they had both brought him up today. Except they really hadn't.

Quinn had been upset about losing the head quarterback, more specifically because she had lost him to Rachael. She wasn't sad to have lost him because he was sweet, or because he had taken care of her and baby Drizzle as best he could, even pretending to be in a wheelchair to make more money. She hadn't brought up the gentle way he touched her, or how he put up with her constant badgering. No, she had lost her status symbol.

It was much the same with Rachael. The first thing that came to her mind was that Finn was attractive. Again, not sweet, not caring. Nothing about the way he patiently learned song after song with her; listening calmly to a thousand suggestions that didn't end up making things sound much different then they had the first time around. Again, it was about status, not about Finn. In her eyes, he was in desperate need of improvement, rather then being great exactly how he was.

If I lost Finn I wouldn't care that he had been good looking, or the head quarterback, or that he could sing. I would miss the way he smiled when he finally got something right, a quick twitch of first one side of his mouth, then the other, then finally both sides at once. I wouldn't care about losing the sex (ok, that was a lie, I would care a whole lot about losing the sex), but I would care about not having him rub my back afterwards as I was dozing off. It would kill me to be without his big hugs and his stupid little nicknames and the way he would rest his chin on the top of my head and sigh softly, like he was perfectly content with exactly what he had.

_You love him, they didn't. Does this really surprise you, Kurt?_

No, not really. I didn't understand how anyone could look at Finn and not see how great he really was. Maybe it was a girl thing. You know, maybe ovaries make them stupid?

Mercedes handed me a stack of music. "Here she goes again. Want to ditch and go to the mall?"

Much as it pained me, I had to admit that Rachael was probably right this time. We had to pull it together for Mr. Shue, if for no other reason. "Can't. Finn and I have plans." I thought and revised it. "If he comes back, that is."

"Oh, sexy." She held up a fist and I gave it a quick bump.

"We're going to the cemetery, it's not sexy." I flipped through the music, less then thrilled. It never failed to amaze me that Rachael could be so talented, yet be completely unable to choose a decent piece of music.

This had to be the least enthusiastic practice ever. Despite knowing that we needed to do this, for everyone's sake, I just couldn't summon any joy. I wished that Mr. Shue would come back, but he didn't. If he ditched us now, it was over.

We were all so quiet that it was easy to hear the click of the door opening again. Puck walked back in the door, followed closely by Finn. There were no tear marks on his face, and his eyes weren't red, but there was a hollowness there that I had seen way too often in the mirror. It was a look that said you were three steps beyond exhaustion and couldn't handle any more. I looked past him to Finn, who was glaring at us all with a steely 'don't say anything' look. Despite everything that had happened between them, they were sticking together now.

Having them back didn't do much for the general attitude of the club, though. Even Rachael gave up eventually, telling us we could all go home if we weren't going to work any harder then that. Finn gave me a quick smile and asked me to hold up for a few minutes, so he could get his football stuff together. He must have read my face, because he gave me a quick laugh. "You don't have to go in, Spider Monkey. I'll just meet you at your car."

"Fine, but if you take longer then 15 minutes, I'm leaving without you and you can walk home."

"Ok." Then he was gone, leaving me shaking my head. Finn had two speeds: fast and asleep.

A rough hand closed on my shoulder and I pulled away sharply. "This shirt is dry clean only, so I would appreciate you not wrinkling it."

Puck raised one eyebrow and cocked his head. It was a silently intimidating look and I found myself backing down a little. Not much, since he already knew about Finn and I and seemed surprisingly cool with it, but enough. "What do you want, Puck?"

He smirked and gave me the patented Noah Puckerman grin, the one that tended to make Cheerios fall over on their backs for him. I would be lying if I said it didn't do a little something for me as well, though I would die before saying it out loud. "You're good for him."

"What?" That was the last thing I had expected to hear.

"Finn. You're good for him. He seems really happy ever since the two of you started making the beast with two backs. Can't say I would want to take it up the ass, but apparently it works for him."

I gave a strangled squeak, and he gave me a searching look. "Why, Hummel, you've become quite the blushing maiden. Are you two _not_ fucking yet? Funny, I would have pegged you as more of a 'get it while the getting's good' sort of guy."

"I am not discussing my sex life with you. You seem to have more then enough of one to occupy any four typical men."

He visibly puffed up. "That's true. But Finn is still my boy, and he's obviously too stupid to make good dating choices on his own, so I have to step in sometimes."

"By sleeping with Quinn?" One of these days my mouth was going to get me in big trouble. I noticed that Puck had called Finn stupid, just like Quinn had, but it seemed different. Puck made it sound affectionate; Quinn made it sound like Finn was a mess.

"That was a huge mistake, and I wouldn't have done it if I had known how much she meant to him, just like I wouldn't lay a finger on you now. Well, that and the whole taking it up the ass thing." He thumped my shoulder again, and this time I didn't say anything. "You love him, and you've been taking good care of him. So when this all blows up, and it will, I've have both of your backs. Later, chick."

Watching him go, I had to admit that it hadn't taken long for Puck to get his trademark swagger back. He stopped in the doorway and grinned. "So? Go get your boy."

Finn wasn't there when I made it out to the car, even though I was right at the fifteen minute mark. I wasn't going to leave him here, and we both knew it, but usually he listened to me pretty well. I started the engine so I would have some heat and waited.

It took almost another 15 minutes for him to show, storming across the parking lot and kicking up snow. His head was down and he flung himself into the passenger seat. "You, ok, Cowboy?"

"Yeah." He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Are we still going to the cemetery?" 

"If you want." He nodded and I rubbed his thigh affectionately, causing him to smile bit and touch my hand. Whatever was wrong with him, his mood seemed to be lifting.

I always felt nervous about going to the cemetery, even though there was no reason for it. Everyone in there was dead and gone, no threat to me. I didn't believe in any sort of God or afterlife, so I didn't think that my mother was looking down on me and judging me for anything that I did. Maybe it was that every horror movie I had ever seen (all four of them, and those four had caused more then enough nightmares) started out in one

It wasn't until we were actually at the cemetery that he turned to face me head on and I saw the black mark running across his right cheek. "Finn Hudson, what happened to your face?"

"Oh, uh…" His hand came up and touched right at the mark, so I knew that he was aware of it. "It's just marker, no big deal."

"Do I even want to know how you smeared marker all over your face?" Even as I asked, I was rummaging around in my bag for something to clean it off with. I finally located a moist towelette and unbuckled my seatbelt so I could use it to wipe his face. His eyes fluttered shut in obvious contentment as I tended to him. Luckily, most of the marker came off with a couple passes, and a second towelette took care of the remainder. "There you go." I kissed the spot I had just wiped, making him smile again.

"Thanks, Dude." He opened the door, shivering as the cold air rushed in. "So, do you want to come with me, or do you want to do a little visiting of your own? It's cool if you would rather say hi to your Mom by yourself."

"Would you rather have some privacy?" I wasn't sure what he wanted or needed right now.

His head cocked. "No, it's alright."

This was embarrassing, but as long as he had already told me that it was alright, I thought I might as well tell him the truth. "I'm a little nervous being in a cemetery by myself."

Another sage nod. "Zombies?"

"Kind of." And vampires, and werewolves, and truck-smashed toddlers that could become evil and crawl out of their coffins, anything else that could conceivably be hanging around with sharp teeth and claws.

He slipped an arm around my shoulders. "I'll protect you. Anyway, you have the car keys, so I'll just hold them off long enough for you to escape."

I was grateful for the chance to snuggle into his warmth. Finn is like a furnace, throwing off enough heat for both of us, no matter how cold it is outside. He started off to the right, clearly knowing exactly where he was going. We walked for a few minutes before he took a careful step off the path. "Right here."

His Dad had a nice headstone. It wasn't huge, but it had nice writing with a picture of an American flag above the dates. Below his name and dates of birth and death were the simple words 'You Are Loved.'

"That's a nice thing to put." I might as well have been talking to myself for all the attention Finn was paying me. He let his arm drop as he stepped forward to trace the letters in his fathers name with a finger. He didn't say anything for a long time; though I was sure he was saying plenty to himself.

Finally he got it all sorted out. "Hi, Dad, it's me. Uh, I haven't come here for a while, but I do talk to you at home, so that has to count for something, right? Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I know everything now, that you killed yourself and didn't die over in Iraq like they told me you did. Mom told me about everything, stuff I bet she didn't tell anyone else, ever. So, I'm kind of confused right now. I mean, no one is who they said they were, not even you, and everyone lied to me. It's kind of freaking me out, to be honest."

I wondered if I should step a polite distance away and let him have his moment alone with his Dad. I started to move, which caught Finn's attention and made him shake his head. He wanted me here, even if he wasn't acknowledging me right now. "But Mom said something else, too. She said that you were really good at living in the moment, just like me. You didn't let the past worry you too much, except at the very end, I guess, and you didn't worry too much about the future. So that's what I'm going to do, ok? I'm just going to accept that what happened happened 15 years ago, and that's too far back to change how I feel about Mom right now. Ever since that, she's been the best Mom ever. So I'm going to forgive you for what you did, and her for lying to me about it, because now is now, and I can't live in the past. I still love both of you, forever."

It was such a simple, heartfelt, little speech that it almost brought tears to my eyes. Finn was a genuinely good person, and, even though he had had to think hard about everything, he was willing to move on from what could have destroyed him.

I thought Finn was done, but he gestured slightly at me. "So, this is Kurt, and he's my boyfriend. I mean, I guess you already know about that, since you can see everything that I do, and, by the way, could you maybe look the other way when I'm doing stuff to him? Thanks, that would be great. Anyway, I don't know what you would say about him, but I think you'd like him a lot. So, that's what's new with me, I guess not much is new with you. Mom is dating Kurt's dad, which is kind of weird, but kind of not, it's hard to decide. But she thinks you'd be alright with it, so I'm going to go along with her on that."

He stood up and patted the headstone gently. "I love you lots and lots and I'm really trying to make you proud of me, even though I screw just about everything. But I'm trying really hard not to screw it up with Kurt, just like you tried really hard with Mom. So, I guess I'll see you when I get home. I know, it's kind of weird, you know, you being in two places at once, but Mom says you're everywhere, all the time, which is even weirder. So I guess I didn't need to come here, I could have just talked to you at school, but I like having something to look at when I talk, even if it isn't you at all because you're in Heaven. Yeah, that's it."

I put out my hand, wishing I had thought to wear gloves. Damn it, my skin was going to be all chapped and rough. Then Finn's hand enclosed mine, and the gloves were forgotten. If I had remembered them, then I wouldn't be able to feel the calluses on his palm from playing football, or the soft way his fingernails raked across my hand as he tried to get a gentle grip. He pulled me closer and I used my free arm to give him a quick squeeze. He squeezed back. "Do you want to see your Mom?" 

Suddenly, I did. Usually I avoided her grave, because, when I saw it, all I could think about was standing next to it in my tiny little suit and watching them put her in the ground. But Finn had been so calm and brave about seeing his father that I didn't feel like I could do any less. "Yes." My voice was unexpectedly small, and he squeezed my hand again.

I wasn't as familiar with the cemetery as Finn was, but I knew that Mom was next to a tree with a bench by it, and I used that to get my bearings. The stone was bigger then the one for Finn's father, due to a larger verse that her parents and my aunt insisted on and Dad and I hated. It was a sappy thing, and had nothing to do with the woman she had been. Or at least the woman Dad claimed she had been. If I had learned nothing else from this weekend, I had learned that people aren't always who you think they are, no matter how close you were. I cleared my throat once, then twice, but couldn't make myself speak. I looked at Finn. "I don't know what to say to her."

He nodded. "Can I try?"

"Sure." I was curious to know what he might have to say to a woman he had never met and who had been dead for 8 years now.

"Hi, Mrs. Hummel, I'm Finn. I'm Christopher's kid, if you know him. Anyway, I've been kind of taking care of Kurt when he needs it, which is pretty often, so you don't need to worry about him, ok? Oh, and I like your name, too. That's what my Mom and Dad would have called me if I had been a girl."

I was again struck by the easy way that he spoke to both of our parents. It was just like he was talking to a real person who was standing right in front of him. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" He seemed genuinely curious, and I found myself smiling at him. "Just talk to her, like she's right there." 

"Well, she is, isn't she? I mean, it's not like my Dad's grave, where there's nothing in there but an empty coffin."

I tightened my hold on his hand. "Her body is, but you do it like it's _her_, not just the body."

"She's there too, right with the body." He was calm and confident. "I mean, she can see you from where she is, but you can't see her, so it's better to talk to the gravestone. You know, just so you have somewhere to look."

This could be a problem. "I don't believe in God or Heaven. Her spirit isn't anywhere. Her body is in the ground and nowhere else."

"Well, duh. If her body was somewhere else, she would be a zombie an there would be a lot more screaming going on." He brushed the snow off of the bench and sat down.

I sat next to him and cuddled against his body, desperately wanting him to explain this to me in a way that made sense. His arm came around me again, and his breath fogged as he breathed quietly. "You know what I meant, Finn."

"Yeah, I do. It's like this, Kurt…." He stopped there and sat, obviously trying to think. "Look, I don't know how to say this. I can think it, and almost understand it, but I don't know how to say it to you. Can I think about it for a minute?"

"Sure." I pressed close, watching the wind kick up the snow around us. It was oddly beautiful, set against the grey of the sky and gravestones. Because of the cold and time of day, Finn and I were the only ones here, and the silence was strange, but not unwelcome. This way I would be able to hear the zombies or werewolves if they came sneaking up on us.

Finn turned my head so he could give me a gentle kiss on the lips. "Ok, I'm ready."

"Please, Cowboy, enlighten me with your religious wisdom." My tone was somewhere between biting and pleading. I didn't have much faith in his ability to explain any of it, but I desperately wanted him to.

"Ok, do you believe that your Mom had a soul? You know, something that made her special, different from everyone else? I guess you could call it a spirit, too."

"Yes." Someone was wonderful as my mother must have had something special about her.

"Well, what happened to it when she died? You just told me that it didn't stay with her body." He was watching me now, his eyes intense.

Here we went again. Someone found out that I didn't believe in Heaven, and they pulled out the old 'well, where is your mother's soul now' trick. "Well, I'm sure that it didn't float up into the sky where it stood before St. Peter and is now drifting among the sky with a bunch of fat flying babies." I was getting irritated, and it showed in my voice.

"I think they're called cherry-ups, for some weird reason. And I didn't say that it went up there, either. I was just asking where you thought it did go."

"I don't know. I guess it just left her body and broke apart after she died." I didn't know if I wanted to keep talking about this. It was just making me feel like crying. I laid my head on his chest, just so I wouldn't have to look him in the eyes.

"So, if it broke apart after she died, it _is_ everywhere, isn't it? On the ground and in there air and in the trees and stuff, right? Like trillions and trillions of little pieces of her."

That was deeper thinking then I would have ever given him credit for. Actually, it was deeper thinking then I would have given 99.9% of the population, including myself. "I guess that makes sense." Actually, it made a lot of sense. Plus, it was comforting without being patronizing.

He nodded. "Plus, you came out of her, so you have some of her spirit in you, too. So you could talk to yourself in the mirror, and you would be talking to her at the same time." Then he gave me a quick nudge. "But I think you spend enough time looking at yourself in the mirror, so maybe that's not a good idea."

His words made me laugh a tiny bit, but it was mostly so I didn't start crying. "It's hard work being gorgeous."

"Think of it more like having Harry Potter's wand. The magic is all around you, but the wand focuses it. She's all around you, but the gravestone gives you focus." He grinned, clearly pleased with himself. "Or something like that. Anyway, it shouldn't be hard work for you to be gorgeous. You always look good, even first thing in the morning."

There are times when I agree with the majority opinion that Finn isn't that bright. Not that he doesn't have plenty of other great qualities, with his sweet personality and great body, but he can be pretty thick at times. I mean, come on, he dated first Quinn Fabray then Rachael Berry, how smart can he be?

Then there are times like these, when I thought that he might actually be a genius. Granted, one of those geniuses who couldn't dress himself to save his life, but he had me for that now. The strange thing was, he didn't seem to know the difference between his being stupid and his being smart.

Looking at him right now, I wondered if things would be different for Finn if everyone, including me, gave him more opportunities to think things through, rather then rushing him to speak before he was ready. Maybe his brain didn't work that quickly, but it worked pretty darn well sometimes. I snorted a little and hugged him, pressing my body against the chill of his coat.

Finn gave a startled grunt, clearly surprised by my actions. "Ok, so, did I say something really smart or really, really stupid?"

"Smart. Maybe the smartest thing I've heard in a long time."

"Cool." He patted my back. "So, do you want to talk to her now?"

I wanted to try, which was more then I could have said 10 minutes ago. So I stood up and faced the stone, taking a deep breath. "Hi, Mom, it's Kurt." My voice cracked embarrassingly, and I paused to steady myself. "This is Finn, my boyfriend. My first boyfriend, if you can believe that. I'm hoping that this doesn't surprise you, but I'm guessing you probably knew that I was gay even before you died, since Dad says he knew since I was three years old."

I was talking to a piece of rock that was sitting over a coffin with a dead rotted woman inside. There was nothing about this situation that was sweet and comforting, except all of it was. For the first time, I understood how people fell under the delusion of their loved ones in Heaven, looking down at them. It was a comfort to think that you weren't alone, even if the other person was only in your imagination. "I wanted to tell you that I love you, and I miss you. Dad's dating again, and I want you to know that I won't let him forget you, no matter how much he likes Carol. But I really like her, too. So, I won't call her Mom, but I want to do stuff with her. Plus, Mom, she needs some style tips _bad_. I mean, like liberated Amish woman bad."

Behind me, Finn snickered. "Dude, that's my Mom you're talking about."

"I know. You are definitely her child, fashion wise."

"Hey!" He knew that he was being insulted, even if he wasn't 100% sure why or how.

"Oh, shush." I came over and gave him a quick kiss. "I'm having a conversation with my mother, you eavesdropper. You aren't allowed to make comments."

He swung his good arm around my waist and pulled me down into his lap for a kiss that could have melted all the snow around us. He rubbed his nose affectionately against mine, his eyes nearly black. Then he pulled back and nudged me back to my feet with a smirk. "Well, I could always give you some privacy. You know, leave you here. Alone." With surprisingly quick movements, he stood and started walking away.

I froze. Finn wouldn't leave me here, in a creepy old cemetery, all by myself, would he? Except he was now 15 feet away and still moving. With every step he took, I could feel the million and one evil creatures living in this cemetery closing in on my back. "Wait!" 

Confusion reigned in his eyes as I raced after him, flinging myself into his arms and burying my face against his neck. "Please don't leave me here."

"Aw, Monkey, I wasn't going to. I was just teasing you. Anyway, you still have the keys, so I couldn't leave you here, even if I wanted to. Which I don't. At all. Ever." He shifted his grip, sliding his left hand down my body and around the backs of my legs so he could lift me up.

Even if I lived to be 100, I would never get over the feeling of having Finn lift me like that. He did it like I weighed nothing, cradling me like I would shatter if he was too rough. Plus, it was nice to be face to face for once. He kissed me again, nipping very gently at my lower lip. "You're perfect."

I was far from it. I was snippy and afraid of cemeteries and didn't have any idea how to give a blow job, which might cause a few problems later today. Still, right now, _everything_ seemed perfect. My heart was still hammering against my ribs, but it wasn't from fear any longer.

All too soon, Finn eased me back to the ground. "So, did you say everything you needed to, or do you want to go back?"

"I'm good." Actually, I was better then good. For the first time since she had died, I felt a real connection with my mother, something that went beyond sitting in her bedroom and trying to catch her smell off of the dresser.

"Awesome. So, I was thinking this morning, that maybe I could take you out to dinner tonight? Our last date was really cool, but we need one that's just you and me. Come on, I'll pay and let you pick the place." I couldn't believe it, but he actually looked nervous. Like I could ever say no to Finn, no matter what he was asking.

"Of course. I would love to go on a date with you, and I know the perfect place." I slipped my hand into his. "I'll drop you off at home so you can get changed, then away we go." 

He grinned. "Awesome. I have a date."

_Hey, Kurt. What do you want to be he's not going to be smiling like that when you introduce him to sushi?_

I have her an evil mental smirk. _Guess we'll find out, now won't we?_


	27. Chapter 27

Kurt

Let's see. My hair was in place, my clothes looked great, and I had that sappy 'I'm in love with someone' look in my eyes. God, I was two steps from starring in my own Disney movie.

_I wish you would get two steps from staring in your own _porno_ movie. I'm not seeing that blow job you that Finn promised both of us. God, you are such a prude sometimes._

Just because I would rather have a real relationship and not be Finn's dirty little secret, that didn't make me a prude. It made me romantic, sometimes hopelessly so. But maybe that wasn't a bad thing.

_Honey, part of a real relationship is sexual, whether you want to admit it or not. I'm not saying you have to have sex with him right now, not if you aren't ready for it, but getting the boy hot and bothered would do wonders for your self esteem. Face it, part of the problem here is that you can't believe you got Finn, and you still don't think you could possibly be good enough for him. A part of you is trying to protect yourself._

That wasn't true, was it? I trusted Finn, and there was no way that I wasn't good enough for him. If anything, _he_ wasn't good enough for _me_.

_You keep repeating that kiddo, and maybe soon you'll believe it. Personally, I think you two are good together, but I can't seem to convince you of that. And, anyway, any man who will put up with your tantruming and stubborn nature has to be good enough for you._

Sometimes I think Galinda is an extension of myself, and sometimes I think of her more as a sentient tumor, squatting there on my brain and harping at me constantly. Still, she had some good points, things I would have to think about later.

"Kurt, what are you doing? Are you going to some Streisand sing along or something?" My father was leaning against the wall.

"No, I have a date." I turned my head from side to side, checking myself out from all angles. Good, everything was right.

"With Finn?" He still seemed a little uncomfortable discussing boys with me, but I appreciated the effort.

"Yes. He's taking me out for sushi." I eased my coat on, taking extra care not to wrinkle anything.

His nose wrinkled. "The raw fish that looks like tires stuffed with cabbage? Does he know what sushi is?"

Good question. "I'm sure that he will very soon." 

It wasn't as mean as it sounded. Finn will eat just about anything that isn't nailed to the floor, including stuff that he found in the back of the fridge and that horrible processed cheese that comes in a spray can. I was sure that he would like it, as long as no one freaked him out beforehand by telling him what he was actually eating.

Dad took a deep breath, clearly gathering his courage. "Is this the sort of date that ends in the backseat of your car? I gotta tell you Kurt, I'm a little freaked out by what I heard last night." 

Horror clouded my mind. "I would never do that in my Baby! I would be wrong, despicable! God, Dad, it would be like doing it in front of my child! And anyway, you can't possibly be as freaked out by what you heard as I am about the fact that you heard it."

He took his hat off and pressed it between his hands, crushing the brim. "Kurt, I know that boys will do what boys will do, and that this is very natural for teenagers to want to…express their feelings for each other. But I do want you to be safe. I know you like Finn a lot, but don't let him talk you in to anything you don't want to do. And for God's sake, please, please be careful. Do you have any, you know, protection?"

This conversation, other then being humiliating beyond all belief, was taking a familiar ring. I want you to be safe, don't push or let him push you, protection, where had I heard this all before? Suddenly it hit me. "Did you talk to Carol Hudson about this?"

The sudden flush on his face confirmed that he had. "Maybe. Look, she just thought that it would be a good idea if we kept the lines of communication open between us. She said she talked to Finn already."

"This is completely embarrassing." I could feel the blush burning not only my face but all the way down my chest and back.

"Yeah, it really is, but it's a talk we need to have. I've been…." He flipped his hat over, looking away from me. "I've been a very distracted father to you, and I'm sorry."

Honestly, right at the moment, I wished he would be a little more distracted and never bring up anything that might reference me having a sex life ever again. "You're a great father, the best." My voice choked a little, just like every time I tried to tell him how much he meant to me.

"No, I'm not. If I was a better father, you wouldn't be so…." He gestured helplessly, stuck for words.

"Gay?" I made the word as biting as I could. How could he be so accepting one minute, then stand there and do something like this the next.? 

"Insecure. See, this is exactly what I mean. If I had been a better dad, and made sure that you understood how much I love you no matter who you are and what you do, you wouldn't feel so threatened by all of this. Carol, Finn, any of it."

"I'm not threatened by Carol or Finn and I don't know where you would get that idea." Although apparently I was, because my voice automatically assumed that snotty tone that it always did when I was unsure of a situation.

_Really? I seem to recall you telling your mother not two hours ago that you found Carol a little threatening. And Finn might not scare you at all when you're together, but every time you see him with your father, you throw a temper tantrum. If that's not being threatened by their presence, I don't know what is._

"Kid, yes you are. It's alright to feel that way. I mean, sometimes I feel a little threatened by Carol, too. I worry that you'll see what a great parent she is, and find out that I'm not as good. She knows Finn completely, and sometimes I feel like you and I are boarders in the same hotel. We pass each other, and we talk, but knowing what's for dinner isn't the same as having a conversation. Your mother knew how to handle things, and then she was gone and…well, I guess I never took up the slack."

Tears sprung to my eyes. This was everything I had been thinking, and hearing it out loud made it seem so much worse. What sort of son was so detached from his own father, the only parent he had left?

_What sort of father is so detached from his own son, the only child he will ever have? _Even if I was ready to cry, Galinda was still snotty.

"You could ask, you know. I would tell you things if I thought you wanted to know them." My voice was very, very quiet. I almost never deliberately kept secrets from him. It was more that I didn't think he cared about anything I did, and, thus, would be bored if I told him.

"I do want to know things." He reached out for me, and I threw myself into his arms, not caring about wrinkles or messing up my hair. He and Finn are the only two people in this world who can make me feel completely safe just by holding me. "You've always been so independent, such a little adult, that I sometimes forget you're still a kid and you need me. It's easier to pretend that we're equals, but we're not. Carol made me realize that it's not going to be too much longer until you're an adult, and I won't have these opportunities at all any more."

I wanted to be resentful that he had brought her into this moment between me and him, but maybe that was what he meant by me being insecure about them. "So, how do we fix things?" I barely recognized the odd, pleading, tone in my own voice.

"I don't know. Maybe instead of you dragging me to Riverdance, and me forcing you to watch the game with me, we can focus on something else? Something we can both like, rather then one of us liking it and the other grinning and bearing it? More time at the garage?" He looked so hopeful that I smiled a little through my tears.

"Maybe it is Finn's turn to do Riverdance this year. I guess I can make him suffer instead of you." My voice was still soft, but I felt better then I had before.

Dad rubbed my back, and even though it was felt totally different from when Finn did it, the comfort was the same. "First of all, spending time with you isn't suffering, no matter how confusing and sometimes strange it might be. But we've done Riverdance and football games for how many years now? Obviously, it isn't working. So let's pick something else, something that you and I can do alone, just us."

He had no idea how long I had been waiting to hear that. Actually, until he said the words, _I_ hadn't known how long or how badly I had needed to hear that. The problem was, there just wasn't much I was interested in or good at, especially not things that he might like as well.

_Maybe it doesn't have to be something you're already good at. Maybe you should pick something that he can teach you, or you can teach him. What do you want to be good at? I know you think you're fabulous at just about everything you try, but let's be realistic here._

Then it hit me. "Can you teach me how to bowl?" I knew that he could, because he used to be part of a league when I was little. Every Wednesday night, Mom and I would have movie night, where we would watch a movie, then dress up and pretend that we were the characters from the movie. Maybe it was a testament to my father that he had said nothing about it, even when he came home and found his 5 year old son in lipstick and ruby slippers. It was a further testament that he had sat patiently while I serenaded him for 3 hours with all the songs from the movie, even though it was late and he was probably exhausted. Funny how that memory had suddenly resurfaced, after all this time.

I also remembered the reason he had quit. Even when my mother had been so sick, one of his friends insisted on watching me so he could go to his league. I had protested, screaming and crying, but Jerry had been insistent that my father needed time to himself, away from the caretaking of a dying woman and a small child. But after she had died, I had refused to let him out of my sight for more then a minute. It was summer, and for three months, he took me everywhere with him, work, doctors appointments, everywhere, because I was sure that if I let him out of my sight for any length of time, he would disappear, too. He took me to his bowling league twice, but both times the cigarette smoke made me cough for hours afterwards, and by the third week he refused to take me again. I hadn't noticed at the time, but he never went back to it.

"Can I teach you to bowl?" He was looking at me like I had grown a second head. "Of course I can, but why would you pick that, of all things?" He sounded genuinely curious, and it made me feel like he really meant it when he said he wanted us to be closer and ask each other questions.

"Well…When I went on my date on Saturday, we went bowling and it turns out I kind of suck at it. Finn's really good, but he's not very good at teaching me. So, I thought that maybe you could do it and then he would be really impressed with how good I am." I knew I was wiggling like an over hopeful puppy, but I couldn't help it. Dad was right. In two years I would be gone and in college, and I would never have this chance to ask for this again.

When he smiled at me this time, there was something sad in his eyes. "It's all about a boy, huh? God, it's strange to think that you're old enough to want to impress someone like that. I think I missed some stuff."

There wasn't much for me to say to that, so I just gave him a tentative smile. We were actually bonding, and I didn't want to do anything to spoil this moment. He released me and patted my shoulder. "Ok, you and I will have a bowling lesson this week. Which day works for you?"

It would probably sound way too desperate if I blurted out that any day would work because I was more then willing to rearrange my entire schedule, including my hair appointment and my date with Finn if he wanted to do it right now. "All of them."

He chuckled and put his had back on. "I don't think you've ever been this excited to do anything with me, except when I took you to your first Broadway show. Speaking of, which one do you want this year?"

Ever since I was 10 years old, my father would buy me tickets to a Broadway show for Christmas, and we would go together on spring break. It was something I looked forward to all year long. "Wicked?"

I had asked for tickets to Wicked for the past three years, and each year I had been disappointed. Even the crap seats ran way more expensive then we could usually afford, not to mention how quickly they sold out. I knew how hard he tried, though, and he got serious points for that. "How about a second choice?"

So apparently I wasn't getting it this year either. I guessed it might be a little too much to ask for, considering everything else I had gotten this year. Glee, Finn-

_Laid. Oh wait, that hasn't happened yet. Chop, chop Kurt, you don't want to still be a virgin when new years rolls around, do you?_

"I don't know, can I think about it?"

He nodded, then paused. "So, I was thinking, and you can feel free to say no, but here goes. If everything is still going good with Finn and Carol then, how would you feel about inviting them along?"

Not only going to a Broadway play, but going with Finn? This day was improving rapidly. "Yeah, yeah, that would great." My voice was breathy and excited. "You can tell them it's alright."

"Sure, kid." He patted my shoulder. "Now, don't you have a boyfriend to go pick up?" 

"Yeah." Thinking about Finn made a smile break out on my face. "Yeah, I do."

"Alright, you go get him, then. I expect you back by 10." He started back up the stairs, then stopped. "Kurt, you do have protection, right?" 

"Yes! Can we just not talk about this?" The actual answer to that was 'no', but I didn't actually anticipate needing them for a while, so I felt the lie was justified.

"Alright. I love you, Kurt." He looked down, just like he always did when he said it.

"I love you, too." I knew that my eyes were red and my hair was mussed up, so I didn't bother looking in the mirror. If I did, I would probably cancel my date entirely, and I was hungry.

I didn't bother calling Finn to tell him that I was on my way. He would be ready; he was always ready when I finally got there. Of course, to Finn, getting ready involved taking a shower, toweling your hair dry and putting on clothes that weren't wrinkled. Sometimes I wonder what I see in the boy.

Sure enough, he answered the door immediately, already dressed. "Mom, Kurt's here so I'm leaving!"

"Do you have your keys? I'll be gone by the time you get home."

"Crap!" He pulled me inside. "Hang on one second while I go find them."

He raced up the stairs before I could reply. Carol's voice had come from the kitchen, so I went in there. She was at the table, going over what looked like bills with a worried expression. "Hi, Kurt. How's your father?"

"He's good."

"Finn might be up there for a while, so feel free to get yourself a drink if you want one. I don't know how he lives in that pigsty, but I'm tried of nagging him to clean it up." She looked hard at me. "Baby, have you been crying? Did Finn do something? Because he's sweet, but he can be kind of thoughtless at times."

"No, Finn didn't do anything. I'm just….emotional, I guess." I crept a little closer, secretly hoping that she would try and give me a hug. I wouldn't push her away this time, I was sure of it.

"Finn told me that the two of you went to the cemetery today. That's tough, no matter how many times you do it." She glanced towards the fireplace, towards the urn with her ex-husbands ashes.

"It wasn't easy." One more tiny step and I was almost touching her. She must have read what I wanted, because she stood up and wrapped her arms around me. I squeezed back, relishing the moment. Having Carol hug me was different then having Dad do it. She was gentle, and she smelled like perfume, and her body was soft instead of hard and muscular. 

"You're a very sweet boy, Kurt, when you choose to show it. Don't worry, too much, ok?"

I wasn't really sure what she meant by that, but she didn't elaborate. She just changed subjects. "So, where are you taking Finn tonight?"

"Kyoto's, over near Canton."

One eyebrow rose. "Oh, are you? Does he know that it's sushi?" She sounded way too amused by this.

I cocked my hip back at her. "Would he know what sushi was even if I told him?"

"Probably not. He'll probably like it, though, as long as you keep him away from the wasabi sauce. He doesn't like things that are too spicy." Then she gave me a quick looking over. "Of, course; it appears that his tastes are changing quite a bit, and spicy might be back on the menu."

So Carol had some snap in her after all. I decided to take that as a compliment, and grinned at her. "If he can handle me, he can handle some wasabi sauce."

She probably had a smart reply to that, but Finn came rambling down the stairs. "Found them!"

"Alright, Cowboy, let's go. Bye, Carol." She gave me a little wave and went back to the table, her face abruptly changing from happy and teasing to tense and worried.

I waited until we were in the car before I brought up what had been bothering me. "What's wrong with your mom? She looked really worried about something." 

He shrugged. "End of the month, Dude."

"Oh." There wasn't much I could say to that, so I just let it go. I knew that Carol worked a lot and Finn didn't have that much, but I hadn't realized things were that bad for them.

"Where are we going for dinner?" I wasn't sure if Finn was deliberately changing the subject, or if he had genuinely moved on to his next thought.

"A place I know. It's Japanese." Kind of. "It's really cool, though, there's a little river that runs by the tables, and the food floats by you on little boats. Whatever you want, you just pick up and eat it."

"Really?" Finn was giving me that wide eyed look, the one that said he wasn't sure if I was telling the truth, or just checking to see how stupid he actually was.

"Really. The waiters bring you your drink and sauces and stuff, but you get your meal out of the little river." I could tell he was intrigued, which meant he would be more likely to try the food when he actually saw it.

"How did I not know about a place like this?" Oh, yeah, he was hooked. I just gave him a mysterious shrug and looked away, pretending to concentrate on my driving.

"Wait a minute." He was still stuck on the idea that I might be teasing him. "If you just pick the food out of a river, how do they know what to charge you? Or is the river like an escalator buffet? Because that would be great."

I had to rerun that in my mind twice before it made any sense. "There's a bar code on the bottom of the dishes, and they scan it as you go."

His eyes were huge. "No fucking way."

"Yes, way." He was so cute when he looked like that, all twitterpated.

We were stuck in the car for another 20 minutes at least, so took a chance and brought something up from earlier. "What really happened to your face, today?"

"Huh?" He was attempting to play dumb, but I wasn't buying it.

"Finn, I can play innocent a lot better then you can. How did you end up with sharpie streaked all over your face?" 

He heaved out a low sigh. "It doesn't matter." 

That was all the answer I needed. "Let me guess: Karofsky and Azimio."

"Yeah." 

"So, what was it this time? Calling you 'fag'? Gay boy? Was it just because of Glee or was it me, too?" I wanted to sound strong, but I knew that I didn't. I felt like I was going to throw up. This was exactly why I didn't want anyone to know about us. Finn would have to choose between them and me, and there as no way it was going to be me.

He looked out the window, his lower lip caught in his teeth and his head shaking slightly. "Just the usual crap for joining Glee. They were trying to decide what to put on my picture in the yearbook, and wanted to use me for a little practice. No one said anything about you."

As I've undoubtedly said before, Finn is a really lousy liar. He was doing his best to protect me, but I had to know. "Finn, don't lie to me. You know how you feel about being lied to?" He nodded softly. "I feel the same way. Now what did they say?"

When he looked at me, I could see the tears lurking in the back of his eyes. He sighed and shook his head. "They know about our parents dating, and they said that we'd move in together and you would try and turn me gay, only it wouldn't be very hard, since I was already half gay." He wrinkled his forehead in confusion. "Actually, they said I was bisexual, but I think they meant half gay and just didn't know how to say it."

"What did you say back to them?" I wasn't really sure how I wanted him to reply to me, or even if there _was_ a right thing for him to say.

"Nothing, really. I was too busy trying to get out of there before there before it turned really ugly." He gave me a hurt look. "Do you think my head is funny looking?"

"Of course not, even though I really wish you would let me do something with your hair. It doesn't have to be much, just a little gel, but it would look great on you."

He smiled, but it was still strained. "No, it would look great when _you_ did it. Then I wouldn't know how to do it when it was just me, and it would look stupid. I'm just not good at stuff like that."

It was time to let that particular idea go. "Where do we go from here?"

Finn gave me a weird look. "I don't know. I thought you knew where we were going. I mean, I didn't even know that this place existed."

"No, I meant where do we go with you and me?"

Now he gave me that genuine Finn Hudson grin. "We go to dinner, of course. I pay, because I asked you out and you drove. Then we go back to my place, and we fool around. Period. I'm sick of letting the other guys push me around because I'm afraid of what they'll say. I told you, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and Karofsky and Azimio will either end up Lima Losers, or just fall in love with each other, I don't care which."

I guessed there was a right thing to say, because that had been perfect. Still, I just had to keep pushing. "They've totally turned on you now. You're going to get slushied."

"Already happens. Anyway, maybe you could lick it off one day."

I wasn't about to let him distract me. "They'll turn the rest of the football team against you."

He shrugged. "Football's almost over for the season, and, anyway, Puck will be on our side. Plus, with my arm, I might not be going back anyway."

He wasn't taking this seriously enough. "You're going to get the crap beaten out of you."

"So I'll fight back. Listen, Kurt, this thing is hard enough as it is. Why do you have to go and make things harder?"

He did have a point. "I just don't want you to get freaked out and leave me."

"Kurt, I didn't leave Quinn after she told me she was pregnant, which is about the worst thing that anyone can tell you. I'm not going to leave you because Karofsky is a moron. Ok?" When I didn't reply immediately, he lightly touched my shoulder. "Ok?"

"Ok. I trust you." Kind of. I trusted that he thought he was telling the truth, but Finn had no idea what he was getting into. His reputation was important to him, whether he was willing to admit it or not, and you didn't get much lower on the social ladder then not only being in Glee club, but being gay. Unfortunately, I knew that all too well. "We're here."

I kept him talking as we walked in, hoping that he wouldn't notice the huge sign out front that said 'sushi'. Luckily, he was way too interested in getting inside and making sure that the purported river of food really existed.

It did. It was still early, so I was able to get us seats right next to it, smiling to myself at his enthusiasm. "So, how does this work again? I pick the little dish, and they cook it right in front of you? Hey, do you think they'll do any knife tricks?" 

"Finn, you're thinking of hibachi. No, everything is ready to eat right away. All we're waiting for is sauce and drinks."

He squinted as he tried to determine what he wanted. "How do I tell what they are? It all kind of looks the same."

I pointed at a few different things. "Those are tuna, and that's salmon, and those little green ones are wrapped in seaweed."

"Gross. Seaweed is all slimy and shit." He nabbed a tuna roll and set it down in front of us. "Ok, this one looks good, and I can actually pronounce what it is."

He seemed pretty gung-ho about it all, at least until I unwrapped the chopsticks and handed them over. "Uh…"

"Let me guess, you have no idea how to use these?" I stood up to help him.

"That would be a yes." He tried holding the little sticks of wood a couple of different ways, but couldn't get it to work.

I hadn't considered the chopsticks issue. Not that I would have ever thought that Finn would know how to properly use them, but, without the proper use of his dominant hand, he might not have the dexterity in his left hand to even learn. Still, it was an excuse to be close, and I needed more of those.

Carefully rounding the table, I leaned over Finn's shoulder, wrapping my arms around his. "Watch my hands." I showed him how to properly hold them twice, then positioned them in his, my fingers over his. Finn learned by doing, not hearing it. "See?"

"Yeah." He had that dopey look on his face, though, the one that suggested the only thing he was paying attention to was my body against his.

Naturally, since the universe hates me, the waiter chose that moment to show up. He was a little Asian man, so short that he actually made me feel tall and must have made Finn feel like a giant. He looked from me to Finn and smiled. "You are on a date, yes?" His English was carefully measured and a bit slow, but easy to understand.

My breath caught, but Finn picked his head up and smiled. "Yes. He and I are on a date."

That earned us a steam of some Asiatic language, which might have been Mandarin, or possibly Japanese, or something else entirely, I had no idea. But he wasn't yelling and if he was referring to us as 'fags', it certainly sounded prettier in his native tongue. Also, he wasn't making any gestures to indicate we were no longer welcome in his restaurant. Then, abruptly, he recovered himself and was right back to taking our orders.

Finn stared after him with wide eyes. "Either he thinks we are like the coolest guys ever, or he just put a Chinese curse on us. Maybe both."

I had to laugh. "Alright, do you understand the chopsticks?"

"No." He made a valiant effort, but couldn't quite pick up the roll. He was obviously getting frustrated, and I had to force myself not to laugh at his attempts. Finally he put one stick down and used the other to spear the roll through. "Hah, take that."

God he was cute sometimes. He popped the roll into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully, both eyebrows raised. Then he swallowed, but never lost the slightly confused expression. "So, what did you think?" 

"I don't know. It tasted good, but the texture's kind of weird. Are you sure this thing was cooked all the way through?"

Ok, now was the time to cut the crap and let Finn know what he had just eaten. Omitting part of the truth was one thing, but flat out telling Finn that he was eating something that he wasn't was another. "No, it wasn't cooked all the way through. This is sushi, Finn, and you eat it raw."

I swear that he actually turned green for a second. "Wait…you actually sat there and let me eat something raw? What if I, like, get totally sick from this?"

"You liked it while you were eating it, so don't get so upset. Anyway it's all in how you prepare it, so you won't get sick, I promise."

He still didn't look sure, so I leaned over and picked up the same thing. "Ok, look." I expertly dipped it in the wasabi sauce and ate it. "See? I'm eating the exact same thing, and I'm fine."

The suspicion in his eyes lessened, but didn't go away entirely. "What was that you dipped it in? Was it like a cleaning thing to get rid of the raw fish germs?"

"No. I dipped it in wasabi sauce, which is delicious but quite spicy." I snagged another boat, this one with two rolls inside. "Here, try this with the orange sauce."

Finn might have been more then a little grossed out by what he was eating, but not grossed out enough that he wouldn't keep going. He stabbed the second roll and dipped it delicately in the sauce before taking a tiny nibble. "It's still kind of strange."

"Everything worth trying out is new and strange at one point." I chose my own roll and ate. "After all, two weeks ago would you have thought you would be here right now? Or let another guy touch you like I have? That was strange, then."

"I guess." He took a bigger bite and shrugged. "If I die of Ecolon, I'm going to haunt you forever."

"It's Ecoli, and that's a deal. Now pick something else." As long as I didn't make a big deal out of this, Finn wouldn't either. "Try the salmon; it's really good for your skin."

He obeyed, still giving me a funny look. Then, before I could stop him, he dipped the entire thing in wasabi sauce and tossed it into his mouth. Within two seconds, his eyes shot open and his face turned bright read. I grabbed his drink and held it to his lips. "Spicy, Finn, spicy! What did you think that meant?"

He was wheezing too hard to answer, tears standing out in his eyes. With quick pulls, he drained almost the entire glass, choking slightly. "God damn." Luckily, his voice was still so raw that nobody could hear him, or we might have been tossed out of the place. "Kurt, are you trying to kill me?"

Laughing would be totally inappropriate right now, but the wounded expression on his face was just too much. I gently kissed his cheek. "Of course not. But I told you that that was extremely spicy."

"No, you didn't. You said that it was quite spicy. There's a difference, you know."

Our waiter returned with another soda for Finn. "Did you taste the wasabi?" Apparently I wasn't the only one who found this situation humorous.

Finn nodded. "Yeah."

He chuckled. "Happens 4 or 5 times a week. Men underestimate wasabi's power."

"Thank you." Finn took more measured sips of his new drink. "I don't think I want any more of that wasiny or whatever you call it."

"Wasabi, and didn't I just tell you to try the orange sauce?" 

"I guess." He gave me a pitiful look and put out his tongue. "Kiss it better?"

"Not in public. PDA is beyond trashy."

He gave me a confused look. "Isn't that like a little computer? A PDA?"

"Public Display of Affection. It means keep your lips to yourself until later." No matter how badly I wanted to kiss him.

_Grab that boy. Deny it all you want, but you are a grade A prude. _

I have her my iciest mental glare. _Just because I have some morals, I'm not a prude._

_ Oh, for God's sake. I wanted you to give him a kiss, I didn't tell you to get on your knees under the table._

"This is actually kind of good, once you get past the chewiness." Finn was blissfully unaware of my mental argument. He scooped a third boat out of the water. "What's this?" 

I looked over it. "I'm not sure."

He took a quick bite. "Yeah, I'm not either. It's good, though."

We ate in silence for a few minutes, both caught up in our own thoughts. Finally Finn sighed. "Rach wants me to appear in the yearbook with her, but I don't want to."

"So don't." Sometimes Finn gets all worked up over nothing.

He shrugged uncomfortably. "I kind of have to. I mean, I already told her that I would."

There were times when he made things way more difficult for himself then he had to. "Why did you tell her that you would if you didn't want to?"

Another shrug. "She kind of talked me into it. Plus, it wasn't that big of a deal at the time."

I raised my eyebrow at him. Doing that tended to work better then flat out challenging him, which sometimes raised his temper. This way he knew that I knew he was a bullshitter, but it let him save face by me not directly bringing it up. He dropped his eyes and started picking at the orange sauce, stirring it with a chopstick. "They're going to kill me."

"Karofsky and Azimio?" I didn't know why I even bothered asking

"Yeah. I shouldn't have told Rach that I would do it, but she just kept on me until I told her that I would, just so she would shut up for a while."

Finn always got confused if you kept on badgering him, something Rachael was well aware of. It irritated the crap out of me that he could clearly tell her 'no' the first, second, third and seventeenth times, and she would still push until he agreed. I might push Finn on things, but once he flat out said 'no', I wouldn't bring it up again.

"Well, you said you would do it, so you're pretty much stuck." Not that I wouldn't like to see Rachael Berry get screwed over, but Finn had made a promise, and he had to keep it.

"Yeah, I kind of thought I was. You don't have to give me a ride home tomorrow then, since I'm going to have to stay after for pictures." 

I tried to keep quiet about that, I really, really, did. But my natural perfectionism got in the way. "Finn?"

He smiled. "Yeah?"

"Can I please, please, please do your hair for the picture?"

Finn gave me a long, speechless look, then burst out laughing. "Yes, you can do my hair for the picture."

I was already spinning off with dozens of plans, which meant I barely noticed when out waiter came back with our bill and two fortune cookies. He smiled. "You crack each others cookies and read."

I had never done that with fortune cookies before, but, then, I had never been on a date before. Finn held out the tray and I chose my cookie. He took the other one, and we cracked them open at the same time. I read Finn's fortune out loud. "_The Bells Rang Louder. _What does that mean?" I flipped the fortune over, but all I found was a string of lucky numbers and some Chinese translations.

Finn shrugged. "I don't know, I can never tell what these things mean." He looked at my fortune. "_The Most Famous is Sometimes the Least Worthy_. God, yours sucks, too. I thought we might get something romantic."

He started to crumple his fortune up, but I held out my hand for it. Sure, it kind of sucked, but it was a little souvenir of our date, and I wanted to keep it. My fingers curled around his, easing the tiny paper scrap out of his hand. "Yeah, neither one of them was what I thought they would be."

"Things never are." He leaned forward and kissed me on the nose. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yes." I stood up and he helped me get my jacket on.

"So, do you put out on the second date?" Finn's arm remained around my shoulders.

"Well, you'll just have to see when we get home, now won't you?"


	28. Chapter 28

Kurt POV

Finn had been reluctant, but in the end I convinced him to let me do his hair using all of my superior debating skills. And, uh, it also may or may not have had something to do with me sticking my hand down his pants. Within five minutes or so, Finn probably would have agreed to perform Riverdance in the school hallways tomorrow, as long as I didn't stop what I was doing. Then he had given me that devilish smirk, and the Popsicle had come back up and who as I to deny him the opportunity to practice his new skill and as it turned out Finn was actually pretty good at-

"Kurt, what are you doing?" Finn was squirming, though I wasn't sure whether it was due to boredom or the fact that I was practically sitting in his lap. "We've been here for almost 20 minutes. I don't have that much hair!" 

I slapped his hand when he tried to reach up. "Stop that! You foolishly agreed to represent the Glee club, and you are not going to do that with bad hair. Now chin up."

Finn was sitting on the bench in the boy's bathroom, while I leaned over him and dealt with his hair. As much as he was complaining, I could tell that he secretly liked being fussed over.

He sighed dramatically, but I wasn't about to be deterred. "You had your chance to escape this before you told Rach you would do it, and again when I asked you last night. Quit your whining."

He glared. "You know that I can't think when you're touching my dick! Or when you're kissing me, or when you're doing that little smile thing that you're doing right now! You entrapped me!" 

Apparently he liked the memory, because it was getting pretty obvious that his squirming was due to being turned on. "And I'll entrap you again later if you behave yourself. But only if you quit your whining."

There was a hard pounding on the bathroom door. "Finn? What are you doing in there? I'm all for you looking your best, especially since your appearance reflects on me also, but this is ridiculous! You can't possibly still be doing your hair."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Cool it Princess Nageralla. Finn will be done in here when he's done in here and not one second before. Go wax yourself or something."

That insult had come off the top of my head, but it must have hit home, because she gave an exasperated shriek and stomped off. Finn chuckled. "Please don't piss her off. I have to deal with her later, you know."

"Oh, fine." I rubbed my cheek against his, taking care not to mess up his hair, which had taken forever to gel properly. Then I smirked and grabbed him through his jeans. "And get rid of this, before she thinks that she caused it and jumps you in the choir room."

"You would fight her off, wouldn't you?" The stupid grin on his face told me that he was probably having a fantasy about the catfight. And, knowing Finn, it probably also involved the she and I rolling around in pudding while we did it. "Anyway, can't you get rid of it for me?"

"Of course I would fight her off. You are mine. And do you really want a hand job in a filthy boys bathroom?"

"Yes!"

"Well, it's not happening, so get that thought of your head this instant." I kissed him once more and nodded. "Ok, you're ready."

_If you're willing to say that he's yours, why won't you tell him how much you love him? _For once Galinda didn't sound bitchy, she just sounded curious.

Honestly, I wasn't sure. There was just something inside of me, something deeper then Galinda, that was telling me to wait. That there would be a time to tell Finn how much I loved him, and it would be important when I did.

"Cool." He stood up and stretched. "So, do I look ok?"

"You look fantastic." He really did. Since we all know that Finn can't dress himself, and Carol needed more help then he did, I had been forced to step in and choose a nice collared shirt to go with one of his better pairs of jeans. Not only did they have both knees still in them, but they made his ass look divine.

"Ok, so I'll call you when I'm done." He pulled my head down so he could kiss the top of my head. Had it been anyone else screwing up my hair, I would have thrown a fit, but Finn could have done just about anything and I would have still allowed it.

As much as I wanted to hang around and watch them do the pictures, I didn't think I could handle that much Rachel Berry, especially since she was likely to be flirting obnoxiously. I wasn't comfortable enough with all of this to try and stake a claim on Finn in front of anybody, much less the biggest trout mouth in the entire school. Once she found out about Finn and I, people in Alaska would know by Friday.

Once I saw Finn into the room, I wandered aimlessly about. It was after school, so as long as I avoided the places that he jocks hung out, I should be safe by myself. Someone appeared at my side, and I automatically tensed before realizing that it was Brit. She grinned happily. "So, you and Finn?"

"Finn and I what?" I was proud of the fact that my voice didn't crack.

"Aren't the two of you together?" She looked completely confused. "You sure look at each other like you are. You look at him like you want to eat him up."

That was technically true, and I didn't know what to say to it. "Uh…"

Fortunately, Brit didn't need me to say anything. "I think he's cute enough to eat up, too, but I wouldn't do that to him. After all, I'm in love with someone else, and you've been in love with Finn for, like, ever."

This was bad; this was really, really bad. If Britney knew that I was with Finn, it must have been obvious to everyone. Well, everyone except Rachel, I guess. "Brit, I do not want to eat Finn Hudson up."

_Liar._

She pulled me into the auditorium and sat next to me. "Of course you do. It's ok, I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. I can keep a secret."

I was down to two choices here. I could either try and lie to her, which wasn't working so far, or forget that she was an idiot for five minutes and confess the truth, which meant she would blab it to the rest of the school. Great.

_Don't you secretly want that? That way the pressure if off you and off Finn. Brit will have blabbed, not one of you, and there will be nothing you could have possibly done to prevent it._

I didn't want that, did I? Before I could puzzle that out, Brit was speaking again. "How about this: you tell me the truth about Finn, and I'll tell you the truth about who I'm secretly in love with? That way we can keep each others secrets."

"Ok." Lying wasn't going to work, but maybe fear of me revealing her secret would keep her silent. "Tell me who you're secretly in love with." Please God, let it not be Finn.

She leaned forward and laid her forehead against mine. "Santana."

Somehow, that both shocked me and didn't surprise me in the least. I had long since suspected that Santana and Britney were more then just friends, but it was surprising to hear her admit it so plainly. Brit might be stupid, but she had more courage then I did to admit it out loud. "Really."

"Yeah." She sighed softly. "I don't think she's in love with me, though."

Boy did I understand that. "Why do you think that?"

"She's really in love with Puck, even though he got Quinn pregnant and slept with Lizzy, and Samantha, and Lauren, and Bella, and-"

I cut her off there, because I strongly suspected that she could have listed girls that Puck had slept with for hours. "Have you talked to her about it?"

She shrugged hopelessly. "Yeah, but she says that she likes being with me but it's not serious. She really likes boys, I'm just a distraction for when she hates Puck or he's in juvie or something."

Ouch. "That sucks."

"Yeah, it does." Her shoulder lightly bumped mine. "But you mooned over Finn for more then a year, and he finally came to his senses, so maybe Santana will come to hers." Her eyes turned serious. "How did you do it? Did you make him into a zombie slave or something, or are you just really good in bed? Because I think I'm really good in bed and it doesn't mean that she wants to stay with me."

The last thing I wanted to think about was Brit and Santana in bed together. "I have no idea how I got Finn, only that I did and it's the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I know. His mom told my mom that he's really happy now. Isn't he, like, your brother, though? That's illegal, I saw it on Jerry Springer one time. Your babies will have three eyes or something."

There was so much wrong with that statement that I didn't know where to even begin. "Ok, my father is dating his mother. They aren't married, and even if they were, Finn and I would be stepbrothers, not actual brothers. A marriage license won't change our DNA." At her confused look, I hastened to clarify. "Sharing DNA is part of what makes you a blood family. Finn and I don't have the same mother or the same father, so we don't have the same DNA, ok?"

"So you won't really be brothers?" She was trying so hard that it was almost sad.

"Right, Finn and I won't really be brothers. And, anyway, they might not get married at all."

She smiled at me. "I think they will. Carol was going on and on to Mom last night, until dinner was late and I had to try making it myself. Did you know that you have to take the biscuits out of their tube before you put them in the microwave otherwise the metal will make it blow up?"

How had she managed to make it 16 years without killing herself? Then again, I had wondered the same thing about Finn on multiple occasions. "Yes, Brit, I knew that."

"Oh. So, you won't really be brothers, and your babies won't have three eyes?"

"Brit, Finn and I are both men, we can't have babies together." Not for the first time, I cursed the sex ed program in Lima.

"But you're in love!" She honestly looked like she might cry. "How can you be in love and not have any babies?" 

"Because neither one of us has a uterus!" I was starting to get a little frustrated.

"What's a uterus?"

"It's where babies grow inside a woman." Deep breaths, deep breaths, find the happy place, do not kill her.

"Oh." She leaned her head on my shoulder. "Would you be sad if your dad married Finn's mom?" 

I didn't even want to think about it. I liked Carol, but I was just getting used to the idea of some stranger dating Dad, and adding in a wedding might push me over the edge. "Yeah."

"I though so. But you know what they say!" 

Why was I suddenly afraid to know what they said? "No, I guess I don't." 

"They say: all things in time. Or sometimes they say: this too shall pass."

Just like Finn, sometimes Britney can surprise you. Whether she realized it or not, she was actually being quite profound. I didn't need to worry about Dad and Carol right now. Either they would break up, or I would learn to love her in time, just like Finn would learn to love Dad. It wasn't fair to take that relationship away from either of them. I kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, Brit."

"No problem. If they get married, do you think they'll have a baby together?"

That was something that had never even crossed my mind. As immature as it sounded,_ I_ was the baby! I was my father's only child, and even though I was three months older then Finn, it wasn't enough to make a difference. I didn't want my father to have another baby that might turn out to be a boy and one he liked better then the boy he already had. "I hope not."

"Why not? You and Finn aren't going to have any babies, and Quinn's giving hers away. It would be nice to have a little baby around."

The door flew open while I was still trying to puzzle out the correct reply to that. Finn pounded down the steps, Rachel hot on his heels. "See, I told you we could find at least some of them in here."

Finn was all but bursting with excitement. "Guess what, guess what?"

Since Rachel was still alive and functional (and making flirty eye at Finn, damn her) I probably wasn't going to be as happy about this news as Finn was. "What?"

He gestured for Rachel to tell it, his eyes dancing with excitement. She took a deep breath, stopping for an overly dramatic pause, then held out both hands. "What would you say if I told you that the entire Glee club will be starring in a commercial?"

Could that possibly be true? "I'd call bullshit." 

"Well, it's true. The photographer knows a guy who is filming a commercial, and he wants us to come in tomorrow!" 

I looked over at Finn for confirmation, and was surprised to see him nodding. "How did you pull this off Finnegan?"

"Nope, this was all Rach." I didn't miss the way he touched her arm, but, as jealous as I was, even I had to admit that there was nothing inappropriate about it, at least not on Finn's part. Rachel, on the other hand, looked about two seconds away from an orgasm.

I decided to bet the bigger man here. "That's fantastic, Rachel. What exactly are we going to be selling?"

"Puppies? Chocolate? Make-up? Bagels?" Brit was getting more excited by the minute.

"Mattresses!" Given Rachel's excited tone, you would think that we were selling designer clothes. Still, I had to admit that it was pretty exciting.

"Mattresses? What do they need us to do to sell mattresses?" I refused to get too wild until I knew exactly what this entire thing entailed.

"I don't know, he just said he could use us." Finn sat down on my other side, throwing one arm over the back of my chair and just barely brushing my shoulder with his fingertips. "Do you think you can get a hold of the rest of the club?"

As if I didn't have everyone on speed dial. If I dialed Mercedes, she would call Tina, who would then call Artie. If Britney would call Santana, then the message would get passed on to Puck, Matt, and Mike. That just left Quinn, who I would personally call. I certainly didn't want that task left to Finn. He might have been able to excuse Puck, but that forgiveness didn't extend to Quinn. "Of course. Brit, can you call Santana?"

She nodded. "Sure." I patted her knee, trying to tell her that I hoped it worked out between her and Santana. "Thanks, Kurt. I love you, but not in a sex way because you're really gay, no offense."

"None taken." If there was anyone who deserved all the happiness in the world, it was Britney. She was the sweetest girl, even if she was dumber then a box of hair, and she needed someone who would see that in her.

"Finn, do you need a ride home?" Rachel looked at me smugly, no doubt trying to show off how Finn would jump at the chance to be with her.

"Nah, Kurt's going to give me a ride and help me with my homework." He was looking down at his phone, so I took the opportunity to give her a smug look of my own. _That's right, bitch, he's going home with me._

Her eyes narrowed, and she looked from Finn to me and back again. Luckily, Finn was still looking down, considering that he's a terrible liar, and would probably take one look at her evil eye and confess everything.

_Careful, careful. Rachel Berry is many things, but she's not stupid. Right now she still thinks that the pair of you are still in competition. At the moment, she's willing to assume that the sudden closeness between the you and Finn is due to his injury and the fact that your parents are dating, but she's not going to buy that for long. It's going to be hard enough for all of us when the truth comes out, don't make an enemy of her right now._

Time for a little damage control. "Finn?" I waited until he was looking right at me to continue. With the way we were sitting, my back was to Rachel, which meant I could try and signal him to go along with me. "Dad and Carol have a date tonight, remember?" He looked puzzled for a minute, then got it. "Oh, yeah, I forgot."

"You probably can't remember what you had for breakfast." I smiled at him to let him know that it was all an act, that I wasn't being mean.

"Maybe not, but I _do_ remember what I had for dessert last night. It was some sort of cream thing, right?"

Heat raced through my entire body, and I knew that my face was redder then Brit's Cheerio's uniform. Had Finn really just brought that blow job back up?

_That's not the only thing that's come back up! Little uncomfortable, there Kurt? Need a looser pair of pants?_

Sometimes I hated her so much. And, yes, a looser pair of pants would make me very happy right about now.

"An éclair?" Rachel genuinely sounded like she was trying to help, causing Finn to give an exaggeratedly innocent smile that wasn't causing helping me much.

"I don't know, are those the ones kind of shaped like this?" He used his fingers to draw a phallic-slash-cigar shape in the air.

"No, éclairs are round. It must have been something else."

"Oh, it was good, whatever you call it." He was grinning now, no doubt having realized that I had a serious problem. "I'll try and figure out what it's called later tonight."

_It's probably payback for you getting him all hot and bothered while you were doing his hair. Sucks, doesn't it?_

"Finn, focus!" I had to get this conversation back on more solid ground before I did something crazy, like knocking Finn over and humping the hell out of him. "Dad and Carol want us to join them tonight. You know, one big happy family." Hopefully Rachel would get so caught up the sickly sweetness in it all that it would take the pressure off of me. I rethought that sentence and gave Galinda a stern reminder to not make a joke about relieving pressure.

"Oh. Finn, how about you call me later tonight, and we'll make sure everything is in place for meeting up tomorrow? As long as you're getting a ride with your new brother, I'm going to go home and get my Youtube video's posted early. Plus, my fathers will want to take me out to dinner to celebrate my acting debut." Rachel all but floated out of the room.

"Sure." He looked past me and smiled at Brit. "Do you need a ride home?"

Sometimes I forgot that Finn's mother and Britney's mother were friends, so Finn and Brit were at least used to each other and kind of friends. She smiled gently at us. "No, it's alright. I have extra practice for the Cheerio's, but Coach Sylvester won't start it until dark. She says not being able to use our eyes will make us better. Mostly it just means that people get dropped a lot." She slid over my lap to kiss Finn on the cheek. "So, is that why you asked me how to give a blow job? Because you're in love with Kurt?"

Finn shot me a look, and I shrugged back at him. "She figured it out."

He chuckled lightly, even though I could tell it was forced. "That would be telling, and a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell." 

"But I didn't ask you to tell about kissing, I asked about blow jobs!" She genuinely didn't seem to understand the difference.

"It's still telling." He was playing coy, but there was a grin trying to break through.

"Fine. You two go give each other blow jobs then. I have to call Santana." She stood up and flounced out of the auditorium.

My mouth was still hanging open from the slightly surreal conversation. Finn, on the other hand, was just focusing on the last part. "So, I'm cool with the giving each other blow jobs thing if you are?"

To my unending shame, giving Finn a blow job in the auditorium was actually on my secret fantasy list. However, that fantasy included me being totally great at it, and I was pretty sure that my first time wasn't going to qualify as 'great'. Not to mention Rachel might still be lurking around, and, with my luck, would burst in and be horrified. Or worse, she would burst in and like watching.

That thought was enough to effectively take care of my problem. Thank God, that meant I was no longer in danger of losing my dick to lack of circulation. "Save that thought for later, ok?"

"I'm holding you to that." He leaned back and studied me with dark eyes. "So, how did Britney 'a ballad is a male duck' Pierce figure out the truth about us?"

This was not a conversation I wanted to have. Finn was doing so well with all of this, but the more people who knew about it, the more chances that someone would say something that would scare him into breaking up with me. "She said that she knew by the way we looked at each other."

"If she can figure it out, everyone can." His voice was low and his eyes never left mine.

I stared back, unsure of what he wanted me to say. "No one else has said anything yet."

He held up a hand ticking people off on his fingers. "Brit knows. Mercedes knows. Puck knows. I know. You know. That's like half the club right there. Plus, Tina knows something's up, which means Artie does, too. Then Brit will probably tell Santana, because she tells Santana everything. And didn't you say that Mr. Shue kind of knows something, too?"

When Finn put it like that, I had to admit that we weren't keeping secrets very well. Everything he was saying was true, and I shrunk down against the seat. "Yes." My voice was very soft, so soft that it was nearly swallowed by the thickness that had suddenly filled the air.

"So, if most of the Glee club either knows or thinks they know, remind me why we're keeping it a secret?" He didn't sound angry, just confused and a little tired.

There were a million reasons, ranging from Rachel's famous tattling abilities to not wanting to upset the Glee club's tentative balance right before Sectionals to my own selfish desire to keep Finn all to myself. I didn't say any of that though. This was about Finn, not me, and I was curious to know what his desires were. "I don't know. Why, does keeping it a secret it bother you?"

"Depends on why you want to do it." Finn was getting better at not only recognizing my games, but playing them with me. He was totally poker faced, giving me no clues to what the right answer would be.

I took a deep breath and went with the answer that was the most true. "Because I don't want to see you hurt, and I don't want to be hurt myself. If we wait even two weeks, then football will be over for me, and Sectionals will be over for all of us. Things will be more settled, and we'll have more time to just be with each other. I love being with you Finn, I really do, but this entire thing has happened so fast that I'm literally dizzy sometimes. Like Lady Gaga 14 outfit changes in one show dizzy. It's a good kind of fast, but I want it to be you and me for a little while. Not 'look at the fags' or 'look, aren't they adorable', but just Kurt and Finn. If we tell them, it won't be that way." There, I had put it all out there for him.

To my relief, he was nodding slowly. "Ok, that makes sense. And, just so you know, I like it when it's just us." He stood and held out a hand to help me up. "Come on, we might as well take advantage of Mom and Burt's date tonight." 

Finn tends to need a while to process things, so I waited until we were out in the car to speak again. "Why are you suddenly so curious about the state of our relationship?"

"I don't want to be your dirty little secret, that's why." His voice was slightly hurt when he spoke, like he had been afraid that he was just that.

_I told you so. What did I say to you not a week ago, Kurt? Did I say that Finn was going to start wondering why you were ashamed of him? Yes, I believe that I did. Of course, I might as well have kept my mouth shut, since you never listen to me anyway. _

Most of the time, I wished that she would keep her mouth shut, considering that most of her advice was either obscene or just ended up getting me in trouble. But sometimes she came up with something good, and I did remember her bringing this up before.

"You would never be my dirty little secret, you know that." I spoke softly and gently, reminding myself that this sudden insecurity had nothing to do with me personally. It was just that Finn had been through way too much in the past three weeks, and he was desperately trying to find his place in this confusing new world. "If you want me to, I'll be glad to tell everyone that you're my boyfriend right now."

His head cocked, and I knew he was considering it. Then he gave me a quirky smile. "No, I don't want that. I like things the way they are, as long as we'll tell them all soon. The rest of the Glee club, I mean, not everyone."

"How about we tell them after we win Sectionals?" I was pretty confident that we would, even after seeing both of the other groups.

Finn nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! Then we'll have two things to celebrate!"

Before I could ask what this celebration might entail, my phone rang. I quickly checked the caller ID before picking it up. "Hey, Dad, what's up?"

"Hey, kid." He sounded more at ease then usual. "Do you have Finn with you?"

"Yes, do you want to talk to him?" I had to clamp down hard on my natural jealousy. I didn't want to be such a bitch every time he and Finn got within 20 feet of each other.

"No, that's alright, as long as he's around. Carol and I decided to drive into Canton for our date tonight, and she's not comfortable leaving Finn alone for that long. Something about a toaster oven and a fire, I don't know. So I thought it would be nice if both of you came along."

Unbelievable. My earlier lie to Rachel had just come back and bitten me in the ass. "Uh, well, I had a lot of homework tonight, and Finn-"

"Kurt." Dad was using his 'don't bullshit me' voice, something I was pretty sure he had learned from Carol. "Carol and I would really like it if you and Finn would accompany us tonight."

He was good at the mental arm twisting when he put his mind to it. I decided to try a different tactic. "You know, I can't really speak for Finn."

"Good thing you just told me he was right there."

Damn he was good. "Hang on a minute." I muted the phone and looked at Finn. "So, we just got invited on Dad and Carol's date."

His nose wrinkled. "Awkward. Anyway, I thought we were going to have our own date, in your bedroom."

"Yeah that would be great. Only we weren't invited so much as we're being summoned to appear."

"Why?" His forehead wrinkled, and, because we were alone, I was able to give into my compulsion and kiss him. "Do you think it's because they know we're going to screw around?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, I think it has more to do with your mother thinking you'll burn down the house. Finn Hudson, what in the world did you stick in a toaster to make it burst into flames?"

"Uh…." The look of guilt on his face told me everything I needed to know. "I think it was a tortilla."

"Well I hope that was a fantastic tortilla, because now we're stuck watching our parents make googly eyes at each other. I don't see a way out of this one." I guessed I could throw a tantrum, but Dad was getting wise to that, too.

"It wasn't. By the time I hit it with the spatula enough time to put the fire out it was pretty black."

I picked the phone back up. "Finn and I would love to act as chaperones on your date tonight. What should we wear?"

Behind me, Finn was mouthing words and acting silly. I pushed him lightly away, trying to repress my giggles until I could at least get off the phone. He leaned forward and rested his head on my shoulder for a second, then licked the side of my neck. I bit back a moan and pushed him away.

"You can wear whatever you want, you always look fine. Collared shirt for Finn, ok? Carol and I will meet you guys at their house in 45 minutes. Be dressed and decent."

"Ok, I love you." I had been trying to say that more and more often, because it was true.

"I love you, too."

Finn was back to making faces and sticking out his tongue. I snapped the phone shut with one hand and grabbed his tongue with the other. "Don't stick that thing out unless you plan on using it."

He jerked back, then licked my hand. "Ok. I can do that."

Well, he _was_ already wearing a collared shirt, so that could cut down on the time required to get ready. I thought it over and came to the obvious conclusion. "Finn, get in the car, right now."

"What?" 

"Now, Finn!"


	29. Chapter 29

Kurt POV

Mr. Shue was droning on and on about the mountains of Peru and the unique yet completely boring native species that lived there. Next to me, Finn kept dozing off, his chin falling to his chest, then jerking back up. I kicked the back of his leg as hard as I could, causing him to snap his head up and give me a cranky glare. I shrugged and mouthed 'sorry' at him.

We hadn't gotten home until almost midnight last night. First they had been late picking Finn and I up, then there had been a wait at the restaurant. By the time we finished eating (and both Finn and I had had our appetites seriously dampened by being subjected to our parents flirting like a pair of…well, a pair of Finn and I), it was almost nine. Then there had been an accident on the way back, and we had been caught in traffic for two hours.

Finn had tried to pass the time by rubbing my thigh, but I wasn't about to let him start something with our parents less then two feet away. Finally he had heaved a deep sigh and retreated into a moody silence. He hadn't even really kissed me goodnight, just a quick peck on the lips.

"Finn, what can you tell me about the native species of Peru?" Mr. Shue had been cracking down on the entire Glee club lately, probably in response to Coach Sylvester freaking out about his flunking the Cheerios. She had called him out on his favoring of the students in his own club, which was not an entirely unfounded accusation, and now we were all being closely watched.

"Guinea Pigs are native to Peru. They were used for food, but now we don't eat them, we just keep them as pets." He was mumbling and barely looking up, but must have been retaining more of the lecture then I had thought.

"Good, Finn." He turned to the side. "Becky, can you name a plant that is native to Peru?"

I zoned out for the rest of the period. I was a good student and had established in the beginning of the year that I almost always had the right answer, so I was seldom actually called on anymore. It provided the perfect cover for me to actually do interesting things, like read the latest copy of Vogue or quietly eye rape Finn.

The bell rang and well all stood up like sleepwalkers. Finn must not have been too terribly upset about the kick, because he stood patiently beside the door until I reached him. He would drop me off at Chemistry, then go to study hall. I was careful not to touch him, even thing I really wanted to reach out and smooth his hair down. "You did pretty well with Shuester, considering that you were falling asleep in class."

He shrugged. "I learned about Guinea Pigs from South Park."

Leave it to Finn. "Oh. I'll see you after class, then?"

"Sure." He was going to be groggy and out of sorts all day, I could already tell. So I took a chance and leaned in close. "I'll miss you, Cowboy." 

No matter how pissy Finn was, that nickname was guaranteed to make him smile, at least a little bit. "I'll miss you too."

I was already in my classroom, but the fight that erupted in the hallway was loud enough that everyone heard it. "What's wrong with you Hudson? Hummel turned you into a fag, too, didn't he? First that faggy singing group, now you're all but making out in the hallway. You're dead to us now."

"Shut up, Karofsky, and leave Kurt alone." Finn wasn't as loud, but his tone left no doubt as to his seriousness.

The rest of the class alternated between staring out into the hall and staring at me as things got even more heated. "Ooh, did I insult your little boyfriend? He's not even the one I'm freaked out by. We've always known that he's a homo. But you! You used to be cool. Dude, I fucking took showers in front of you! No more fag boy, I'll bet it would get you all excited now!"

This was it, the moment I had been dreading. For the first time, those slurs were being tossed directly at him, and I knew how much that had to hurt. Worse then that, though, the words were being thrown at him now with no real proof that they were true. Once we were actually out, he would be hearing them every day, a thousand times as bad. It was over between us now, I just knew it.

All of those thoughts ran through my head in an instant, leaving me frozen. This may not have been a bad thing, because it meant I heard Finn's next words as clearly as if he had shouted them in my ear. "You must spend an awful lot of time looking at me in the showers if you know what gets me excited and what doesn't. Maybe I should be afraid of showing with _you_, you creeper."

Everyone in the room sucked in a breath at the sound of two bodies hitting the floor. I could only assume that that sound meant that Karofsky had attacked Finn. Unfortunately, I couldn't see anything, since everyone had rushed to the doorway in order to see the fight. For a few seconds there was nothing but bodies rolling around and occasional grunts and yelps as punches hit home. Now teachers were yelling, ordering them to break apart before they both got detention.

Reggie, who was the tallest person in the school, after Finn at least, was giving a running commentary of what was happening. "Karofsky's bleeding; I think Finn got his lip. Ooh, now Finn hit the lockers and his arm is gashed. Coach Franklin and Coach Tanaka are trying to get them apart, but it's not working."

Of course it wasn't working. This was a fight that had been brewing for a long time, and now both Finn and Karofsky were deaf to anything but the blind desire to hurt each other as badly as possible. They would stop either when they were physically pried from one another, or someone was unconscious. I shoved at the crowd of people in the doorway, but couldn't make any progress.

Now both coaches were shouting, cursing loudly as they tried to get a grip in their respective athletes. "Ok, they're separated." Reggie sounded beyond disappointed that the fight had finished so quickly.

Even if I hadn't heard him say that, I would have known because Karofsky was screaming, too. Now that he didn't need his breath for fighting, he was determined to use it for yelling. "I am not a fag you fucking homo! You're sick, do you know that? What you and Hummel are doing to each other is wrong and you're both going to burn in Hell!"

Finn said absolutely nothing, even though I could hear his panting breaths. I pushed the closest person. "Move it you fashion neophyte!" 

That finally worked, and I was able to see what was going on. Coach Franklin was holding Karofsky as tightly as possible, while the jock struggled to get loose so he could attack Finn again. He was totally out of control, and I found myself cringing back a little so he couldn't possibly see me. Finn was still being restrained by Coach Tanaka, but the man's grip was loose, and he could have fought free if he had wanted to. Only he didn't seem to want to fight at all. He just stood there, holding onto his bleeding arm and looking completely confused. Coach Tanaka pulled him gently. "Office, right now. You being here is only making this worse."

"He hit me first." Finn didn't sound particularly hopeful about it. He knew the rules as well as I did, and there was no tolerance for fighting at this school. Slushieing, dumpster dips, homophobic slurs, those were all ok, as long as they were directed at the less popular kids, but the minute one of us tried to stand up for ourselves, it was all over.

"That isn't the issue, come on." The coach actually seemed sad about it, like he agreed with Finn and didn't want to see him in trouble. I tried to catch Finn's eye, but he either didn't realize I was there, or he didn't want anything to do with me.

_Don't push it right now. Back off and let Finn think about what happened, and what he wants to do from now on. This is his choice, Kurt, his life. You don't get a say in it, and forcing him is only going to make him resent you later. Be calm, and keep your hand extended. If he wants to take it, he will._

Easy for her to say. She wasn't on the verge of losing her boyfriend because of homophobic morons. For once, things were going well for me. I had Finn, Dad and I were getting along the best we ever had, and I even had Carol, I guessed. Sort of. Maybe. But most importantly, I had a boyfriend that I loved desperately, and now I might never get a chance to tell him that.

_Hey, don't think that this stuff doesn't affect me, too. I want you to be happy, of course I do. I love you, you stupid moron. Plus, you and I are really the same person, which means I love Finn as much as you do. However, I'm not as ruled by my emotions as you are, which helps a lot. I'm more like you'll be when you're a little bit older and not so hormonal._

I snorted. Galinda was for hornier then I had ever dreamed of being, and that was saying a lot.

_Well, yeah. I like sex and so do you. Besides, men don't peak sexually until they're in their mid to late 20's. If you can manage to play your cards right, you and Finn have a lot of sex in front of you. But only if you do exactly as I tell you and let him make his own choices. _

Ok. I could agree with that, mostly because Finn was already gone and I had lost my chance to do anything else. I would catch him after class and make sure that he knew that I cared about him, and that I was grateful to him for standing up for me like that.

Only Finn wasn't there when I got out of class. My stomach plummeted. Finn always walked me to English after class, always. He was either suspended, or he just didn't want to see me. Either way, my heart went out to him.

I didn't see Finn in the halls for the rest of the morning, and he wasn't there at lunch. Mercedes raised her eyebrow at me. "Trouble in paradise?"

I couldn't believe that she hadn't heard about it already. "Finn and Karofsky had a huge fight in the hallway outside of Chem class. It took two people to break them up." 

She whistled. "Oh, boy."

"Yeah, now I have no idea if he got suspended, or if he's just hiding from me because he hates me." I was entering self pity mode, but I couldn't really bring myself to care.

"So, he loved you last night, but he hates you this morning? What happened that would cause the sudden change?" 

I picked at my salad. "You didn't hear the things Karofsky was saying."

"No, but I'm guessing it involved liberal dropping of the f-bomb?" We both knew that she wasn't talking about the world 'fuck'.

"Yeah. Nothing creative, of course, because Karofsky is a moron, but he made up for it with the sheer volume of the slurs. Finn's going to hate me."

"Finn's going to hate you because a stupid hockey player can't keep his homophobic mouth shut?" She seemed confused. "Why would he hate you because of that?" 

"Because Karofsky was saying it about _Finn_, not me. This is what he's going to have to put up with if he stays with me, and he's not going to want to do that." I was sinking further and further into the seat.

"So? He says that about Finn on a regular basis, too. Trust me; it's nothing that Finn hasn't heard before."

"But this is the first time it's been true." My voice was very small. "He could shake it off before because he knew it wasn't the truth but now it is and what am I going to do?"

"First off, you're going to quit whining. You are making the biggest deal out of what is probably nothing. Finn wasn't in his last class, because I usually see him in the hall, so he's probably suspended instead of avoiding you. Did you try calling him?"

Actually, I hadn't. I had just been sitting here acting like a hysterical little girl instead of my usual confident self. What was it about Finn Hudson that made me act like a moron? "No."

"So do that before you freak out." She was giving me that slightly indulgent smile.

The phone rang, but no one picked up. Tears formed in my eyes when I heard his standard 'Hi, this is Finn Hudson, you should know what to do' voicemail greeting, but I had too much pride to let anyone in this school see me cry. "Hey Cowboy, it's me. I'm worried about you, so give me a call."

I looked at Mercedes. "Nothing. He's ignoring me."

"You are the biggest drama queen in this school." She stood up and marched over to Puck, who was seated at the jock table. He looked surprised that she would dare speak to him, but surrendered his phone without much complaint. Mercedes brought it back and handed it over. "Now call him again. If it's you he's avoiding, he'll answer for Puck."

Smart move. But if Finn answered the phone, then I wouldn't have to wonder if he was ignoring me or not, I would know. Sitting there at the dirty cafeteria table, I couldn't force myself to dial the phone and get the confirmation, no matter how much I wanted for this to be over.

"Oh, for Gods sake. Kurt, you are not a coward and don't let Finn Hudson turn you into one. Now either you dial him right now or I will."

I punched in the numbers and listened to the rings. Three, four, five- "Hi, this is Finn Hudson; you should know what to do." I breathed out heavily. "He's not answering."

"Maybe his mother took his phone if he got suspended." Mercedes was doing her best to be comforting, but even she looked like she knew it was a weak offering.

"Did you guys hear about Finn?" Brit and Santana appeared out of nowhere, their pinkies linked. "His Mom had to come and take him to the hospital."

"What? Kurt said he got into a fight with Karofsky and got suspended, not that he got hurt!" Mercedes shot me a look, but I was as confused as she was.

Santana shook her head. "No, that's not what happened. Well, the fight did, but Karofsky's the one who got suspended, not Finn. Mr. Addy saw the whole thing, and he said that Karofsky started the verbal fight and the physical one. But Finn's arm was bleeding, and even though it wasn't that bad, he got all upset about it, and they had to call his Mom to come get him because he wouldn't calm down long enough for Ms. Saul to fix it."

That story made no sense. "Ms. Saul the lunch lady? They had a lunch lady trying to fix his arm?"

"Well, we don't have a nurse, now do we? Not since Mrs. Shue got caught giving us drugs."

She had a point. "Wait, how do you know all of this?" 

She smirked, looking like a supremely satisfied cat. "Brit and I were hiding out in the vice principals office. He's out sick, and we thought we could spend a little time together after Cheerios practice. But then Finn was screaming and crying and it kind of killed the mood."

Puck must be pissing her off again if she was back with Britney. "Finn was crying? It didn't look like he was hurt that bad." My heart clenched. I should have been the one to go with Finn to the office, and if he was crying, I should have been the one comforting him, period.

_ I'll bet if you were a girl, they would have let you go with him. Of course, you would have had to ask first, which you didn't._

If I had known that he was upset to the point of tears, I would have made the effort.

"I don't know how bad it was, because we never actually saw him, but I think he might have just been trying to get out of trouble. He calmed down right away when his Mom got there. Or I guess he could have banged his bad arm up again, I'm not sure which arm he hurt."

"He cries really easy when he's tired. Did you keep him up late last night by giving him too many blow jobs?" Brit was totally fascinated.

"Brit! For the last time, Kurt is not giving Finn blow jobs, because they aren't boyfriends. Kurt is gay and Finn isn't and they both need to be gay to be together."

So Brit hadn't told Santana about Finn and I after all. Instead she gave the other girl a sad look. "You and I are together, and you aren't gay."

"That…that's different. We're girls and they're boys." The look on her face said that she did not want to have this conversation at all, much less in front of Mercedes and me.

"Oh." Britney sounded so sad that I felt compelled to make her feel better.

"It's alright, Brit, you'll find the right person." What I was going to say next made me feel ill to think about, but I pushed on anyway. "If I was going to be with a girl, I would want it to be you."

Her eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Really." It was true. I mean, I'm still totally disgusted by the thought of breasts and vaginas, but, in an alternate reality, Brit wasn't a bad choice. She was beautiful, had some fashion sense, and was one of the must genuinely sweet people I had ever met. Brains weren't everything, as Finn had proven over and over.

Instantly, a possessive look came in to Santana's eyes. Oh, so she didn't want to claim Brit, but she didn't want anyone else to lay a claim either, even a hypothetical one. I smirked at her and scooted my chair a little closer to Britney. "Actually, why don't you come over sometime this week? Not tonight, because I need to sort things out with Finn, but we could do some dancing together."

"Alright." I'm pretty sure that Brit didn't quite get my attempt at manipulation, but she didn't need to. It was Santana I was putting on a show for, not her. "That would be cool."

I was just about to reply when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I picked it up, my heart leaping in my chest when I saw 'Finn Hudson' pop up on the screen. "Finn?"

_Dear God do you sound desperate. It's been less then three hours and he was with Carol, Kurt, it's not like he's MIA over in Iraq._

"Yeah. I saw that you had called me, and I wanted to let you know that I'm alright. I had to go back to the hospital and have my arm X-rayed again, which is why I missed the call." 

"Are you alright? You didn't damage it, did you?" He was finally getting to the point where he wasn't having much pain and could use it almost normally.

"No, the X-ray was good. Mom's super pissed, though, and says she's going to get Karofsky expelled."

That sounded wonderful, but I had serious doubts that it would ever happen. Dad had tried the same thing on multiple occasions, citing the campaign of mental torture that he had put me through, and nothing had ever happened. But, then again, he had actually _physically_ hurt Finn, and sent him to the ER, which might give us a little more leverage. "I hope she does."

"Me, too. Mom and I are going out to lunch, and then I'll be back for the afternoon. Glee is cancelled for the day, since Mr. Shue isn't going to be there anyway, so we're all getting together to go over the commercial thing."

I could feel a dopey smile spreading over my face, something that did not go unnoticed by the rest of my table. Both Mercedes and Santana pretended to gag, and Brit smiled knowingly. "Ok, I'll see you later, then."

Mercedes rolled her eyes. "You are even more like a lovesick puppy now that then you were before. For Gods sake, Kurt, have a little self respect."

"I think it's romantic." I appreciated Brit's attempt to save me. "At least someone around here knows how to be."

Santana's head whipped around. "What is that supposed to mean?" 

"It means that you don't know how to be romantic, didn't I say that?" Brit stared Santana down Mercedes eased away from both of them. I didn't blame her. If anyone knew how to throw a catfight, it was Santana.

"I do so know how to be romantic! Didn't I spend $30 at the claw game to get you that stuffed kitty you wanted?" 

Brit softened and smiled coyly. "Yeah."

"And didn't I take you out to dinner at that nice restaurant, you know, the one in Akron? I didn't even send our food back, so I actually paid?"

Now Brit was curling her hair around one finger. "I guess."

I was fascinated. Here were two people who were doing exactly what Finn and I were: keeping a homosexual relationship a secret. Yet they had someone managed to keep whatever they had going for quite a while, and even made their own set of memories. See, it could be done.

_It's not the same thing, and you know it. It's a secret for them because Santana is ashamed. It's a secret for you and Finn because you're a coward. That's right, Kurt, you're a coward. You can claim that you're doing it for Finn, but I know you're doing it for you. You can't lie to me, sweetness._

God I hated her so much. The fact that she was kind of, well, _right_, made it even worse. But I wasn't _really_ being a coward, was I? After all, Finn and I had already set a date for coming out, it just wasn't time yet.

_Whatever you have to tell yourself, Kurt, I don't care._

My mental argument was interrupted by Mercedes giving me a poke. "Finn's here."

I would like to claim that I slowly looked around, peering through my lashes in an attempt to act like this wasn't the most important thing that would happen today, but I failed miserably, my head snapping up and whipping around. Unfortunately, Finn was right behind me, so I ended up yelping girlishly.

"So, did Karofsky beat the shit out of you?" Santana was still steaming from Brit's earlier accusation and itching to take it out on the first person who she came across. 

"No." When he's feeling threatened (and let's face it, who isn't threatened by Santana in a rage) Finn tends to shut down and use as few words as possible, almost like he's trying to minimize his chances of screwing things up.

"Well, did you beat the shit out of him?" 

"No." He was leaning his arm against my back now, quietly seeking comfort.

I decided it was time to take up for him. "Santana, shut up. Finn, let me see your arm." 

The trick to pulling this off was to sound as snotty as possible, as if it had never occurred to me that he might refuse. This wasn't gay; it was Kurt Hummel and his out of control ego demanding something.

Finn pulled his sleeve back so I could see the injury. The fresh cut partially overlapped the surgery scar and was held together with four stitches. "Ouch."

He nodded. "I had to get a tetanus shot, too."

The shot had to have bothered him far more then the stitches had. I patted his arm. "Poor thing."

"Kurt can kiss it better."

See, this was why I didn't want to tell Brit anything. She had the best of intentions, and I'm sure she didn't want to tell Finn and my's secret, but she just lacked even a rudimentary brain to mouth filter. Santana grabbed the blond Cheerio by the back of her uniform. "Leave Finn and Kurt alone. You and I have come kissing of our own to do." With that she turned and drug the unresisting Brit out of the room.

"Wait, Britney and Santana are together? They weren't just joking around? Is there something in the water?" Mercedes turned to me. "I swear to God, Kurt, if I start finding myself attracted to Rachael Berry, I will burn every bit of clothing that you own."

I wasn't sure which thought I found more horrifying: Mercedes burning my clothes, or Mercedes and Rachael getting together. What if they had kids? Loud, sassy, fashion challenged, kids. The thought was so terrible that my brain blanked out and refused to consider it for more then a few seconds.

_Gross._

Finn peeked over at Mercedes and gave her a tentative smile. She smiled back at him. "Hi, Zac."

I would have expected the new nickname to confuse Finn, and maybe it did, but he accepted it with good spirits. "Hi."

She stood. "I'll let you two have a little privacy. Kurt, I'll see you in English, Finn, after school."

Once it was just Finn and I again, the entire atmosphere changed. Maybe it was because we were still in the honeymoon phase of all this or maybe it was something deeper, but just looking at Finn was enough to calm me down. The only way this could have been better was if I could have leaned forward and kissed him. It guessed it was alright, though, because I could tell that he knew I wanted to. I lightly touched hand. "Thank you for standing up for me. You didn't have to."

"Well, of course I did. You're my boyfriend and he's an asshole." Finn looked puzzled.

"He's always been an asshole, and he's always said things like that about me. I'm used to it. I'm sorry he's started saying that stuff about you, though." Tears threatened, but I wouldn't let them fall. _Please Finn, please don't hate me right now_.

"Well, yeah, but you weren't my boyfriend before. Now its, like, my job to help take care of you and keep you safe, just like you did for me on Saturday. Besides, Karofsky's been saying that stuff about me since I joined Glee. It doesn't have anything to do with you, I promise."

"Really?" His words shouldn't have been making me feel better, but they were.

"Really really." He was giving me that goofy smile again and I grinned back.

"So, you don't want to break up with me and never look at me again?" I sounded like an overly hopeful little kid, but I couldn't help it.

"Nah, Dude, of course not. Do you really think I would just because that idiot Karofsky said a few things? He'll drop out as soon as he turns 17 anyway, then we'll both be rid of him."

That thought had never even crossed my mind, but it made sense. Karofsky's IQ couldn't be much above room temperature at best, and he had no interest in school, beyond determining who he could torment today. "That would be fantastic. Or maybe your mother will be successful in her campaign to get him expelled."

"We could have a party if that happens. After all, look how good our last party turned out." He poked me gently. "It got me you."

The bell rang and we both stood up. "I'll see you after school, Cowboy, ok?"

"Ok." Our classes were on opposite sides of the building, so there was no chance for us to walk together. "See you, Kurt!"

Somewhere in the back of my mind, Galinda gave a lovesick sigh. Good, that meant I didn't have to do it. I could just enjoy the view as he walked away.

The rest of the day drug on and on, just like it always did when you were really excited for something. As much as I distrusted and sometimes despised Rachael Berry, I had to admit that I was incredibly curious about this commercial she had supposedly gotten the Glee club into.

Finally it was over, and I joined the rest of the Glee Club in the auditorium. Everyone was sitting around, chatting and eating snacks, except for Rachael, naturally. She was on the stage, trying to get order. I sat down next to Finn and whispered in his ear. "Are you going to help her?"

"I was waiting for you." Finn stood up and stretched lazily. "Come on you guys, listen up!"

I'm not really sure why everyone listens to Finn. He's huge, yes, which I guess could be seen as intimidating, but Puck's scarier. He yells, but only to be heard and never with nasty intent. He's mostly just a gentle giant, but when he speaks, the entire Glee Club listens, even Mr. Shue.

This time was no exception, and Rachael smiled flirtatiously at him. "Thank you Finn, it's nice to know that someone is taking this seriously."

He gave his eyes a good-natured roll. "Sure, Rach. So, what do we need to do?" 

She gave me a quick look, making sure that I knew Finn as talking to her and not me. Like I cared. He was sitting next to me, kissing me, and he had already told me that he just wanted to be with me. If I could hold out until after Sectionals, then she would know exactly who he belonged to. "They want to meet us right away, and maybe even do some filming today. So, we need to split up and drive over there."

Wait, I couldn't film anything in these clothes! Granted, they were still miles better then anything else that the Glee Club was wearing, but years from now, when I was famous, I didn't want someone else in the office to find the footage and laugh about it. I might be a catty bitch sometimes, but I had nothing on the sheer vindictiveness of some of the women I had met.

There was no way for me to say that though, not when everyone else was already shouting and jumping around in excitement. Suddenly a thought occurred to me. "What about Artie?"

That put a damper on things, but only for a few moments. Rachael wasn't going to be dissuaded for any reason. "So, we'll use your car for him. Finn and Puck can give him a boost up."

Damn her logical brain. There wasn't much I could say to that, so I nodded instead. "Alright, let's go then."

It was decided that Finn, Artie, Tina, Mercedes and I would ride in the Navigator, while Puck, Matt and Mike would take Puck's truck. Rachael, Quinn, Santana and Britney would take Brit's car, even though the thought of Brit driving was clearly making Rachael twitchy already. Rachael had wanted Finn to ride with her, but it would be too much of a squeeze for him to get in the tiny sports car, and he claimed that it would just be easier to ride with me. She gave me a suspicious look, which I returned with a sickeningly sweet smile.

She twitched harder, but she wouldn't make an accusation in front of the entire Glee Club, not to mention Finn. She still honestly believed that he had no idea that I liked him at all; much less that she and I were locked in competition over his affections.

Finn lifted Artie up easily, putting him in the middle seat. "You good, Dude?"

"Thanks, Finn."

"No problem." Finn had claimed shotgun straight off, and was now trying to convince us all that riding shotgun gave you special radio station choosing privileges. Mercedes gave him one murderous glare in the rearview mirror and he backed down, docilely letting her chose the station. She smirked. "Good move, Zac."

"Please don't kill me." They both laughed at his overly fearful expression, which was a good thing. I liked it when my boyfriend and my best friend got along.

Finn fussed with the radio so it was louder in the back then it was in the front. Then he turned to me. "So, are you excited about this?"

"Yes." Despite my less then stellar outfit, I really was. This would be my first taste of really performing in front of an audience, other then our Invitational.

"Yeah, it'll be really cool. Just think, one day we'll be able to look back and see the commercial with both of us in it. It'll be great."

Sometimes Finn could take my breath away, and this was one of those moments. Whether he realized it or not, Finn was planning a future with both of us in it. If I had ever doubted his commitment to this relationship, those doubts had been erased. I wanted nothing more then to kiss him silly, but I restrained myself. Instead I nodded at him. "Yeah, it will be fantastic to look back at see us at 16, acting in our very first commercial." 

He didn't say anything else, but he did rest one hand on my leg. And really? That one gentle touch said it all.


	30. Chapter 30

Kurt POV

Despite my vows to never act like I was impressed by anything Rachael Berry ever did, I had to admit that this was pretty darn cool. We were being treated like actual celebrities, with make-up and catered food (ok, so it was basically bread and cheese, but _still_) and people actually treating us like we mattered.

Not that any of this actually helped the commercial. To no one's surprise, Rachael had been chosen for the female speaking part, even though her acting skills rated somewhere slightly below Lindsay Lohan's after a three week bender.

_Mee-yow._

I, naturally, hadn't even been considered for the male part. Possibly because I was significantly shorter then Rachael was, or possibly because I didn't look like I could pull off the 'just lost my job at the factory' look. His first pick had been my boyfriend (God, I was never going to get tired of calling him that), but Finn had gotten suddenly shy and mumbled that he would rather be in the background. It surprised me, because Finn was never shy about taking the lead in Glee, but today he was happy to surrender the part to Puck.

I flickered an eyebrow when he came over to stand by me, but just raised and dropped one shoulder in a half shrug. Maybe he would tell me later, maybe not, sometimes Finn held on to his secrets.

We stood there for a while, watching the almost painfully bad acting coming from Rachael and Puck. I wasn't really sure what the rest of us were expected to do, but both Finn and Rachael insisted that the man had specifically asked for a group of us, rather then just a few. Of course, I might have been able to think more clearly if Finn hadn't been running his fingers up and down my back. I reached back and swatted him before hissing "Stop that! Someone is gong to see." 

His mouth opened to reply, but before he could get the words out, Rachael was talking again. "I'm sorry; this just isn't working for me." 

Leave it to Rachael to find the ego to talk back to the person giving her her first real opportunity. The little man seemed shocked as well, his belly shaking. "Well, what do you propose instead?"

Oh that poor man. Giving Rachael Berry authority, even a little bit of it, was like giving Poland over to Hitler. He was done for. Her dark eyes lit up, and for the first time, I could see how men found her attractive. Passion made her lovely, even if there was a bit of a desperate vibe coming off of her. "I'm so glad that you asked. See, I've been in the performing arts for _years_, and with my extensive experience…"

I tuned her out; since I would much rather hang out with the rest of the club. She would get her way in the end, she always did. Finn flopped lazily onto one of the show mattresses, closing his eyes. "This is way more comfortable then the one at my place."

Both Mercedes and Tina climbed up next to him, which provided me with enough cover to do it as well. I didn't miss the way the girls shifted around so Finn and I were next to each other, nor did I miss the 'oh how precious' looks etched onto both of their faces.

I was as close to snuggling with Finn as I was ever going to get in public, and I wanted a moment to just enjoy being so close to him that I could turn my head slightly and kiss him if I wanted. Naturally, because karma has made me her bitch, Matt, Mike, and Puck decided to jump up on the next mattress over and start bouncing. That encouraged Finn to sit up and jump over as well, and pretty soon it turned into a playful wrestling match between the four of them. 

"You gotta admit, guys, that it pretty damn hot." Mercedes was watching the football players go, her eyes half shut. Tina murmured her assent from my other side. Even I had to admit that there was something sexy about watching all those boys touch each other in all sorts of naughty ways. Finn was currently on his knees, holding Matt in a head lock. Then Puck jumped on Finn's back from behind, arms around his neck and wrestled him to the mattress, using his body to pin Finn's down so Matt and Mike could gang up on him. "Take that, Frankenteen!"

Ok, this had just gone from mildly homoerotic to completely gay. I knew that my mouth was hanging open, but a quick look revealed that Tina and Mercedes were in the same condition.

_In other words, this day just made it into your personal top 10. Sexy, sweaty jocks all rolling around in bed together? Yes sir! This will provide us with months of masturbatory material._

Years, probably. Finn abruptly squirmed free and jumped back onto my bed, dropping down next to me. "Kurt's home base!" He rested both arms on me, as if to claim safety, then stuck his tongue out at the rest of the boys.

"You can't claim Hummel as home base!" Puck stood up and was about to jump over and join us, no doubt to retrieve Finn, when Rachael came over and clapped her hands. "Listen up you guys!" 

Everyone listens to Finn because they respect him. Everyone listens to Rachael because if we don't she'll just scream louder and louder until we do. The Glee Club quieted down, all of us waiting for whatever she had to say.

I-I mean, _we_- have decided that rather then having a typical commercial, we should do a lavish musical number. We have four days to prepare it, then we'll come back here on Monday to perform."

This entire thing had suddenly gotten much more interesting. I sat up, making a big show out of flipping my hair. "I suppose that could work. What song?"

Her eyes narrowed at me, just like they always did when she wasn't sure if I was making fun of her or not. This time I actually wasn't, but a good rule of thumb might be for her to just assume that I was _always_ making fun of her. "I thought that we could use the democratic possesses that our country was founded on and make that choice as a group. I'm calling an emergency Glee meeting at Breadstixx. Now the rest of you need to quit ruining this man's merchandise."

Normally, I would have been sassier, making a big deal out of rolling off the mattress, but I was too distracted by the fact that Finn slipped his arms around my waist and lifted me down. He did the same to Mercedes and Tina, so as not to appear suspicious, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that touching me seemed to have become second nature to him, and I loved the attention.

The six of us couldn't stop chattering on the way over, each person offering a song that no one else liked. As hard as I tried, I couldn't think of anything that related to sleep or mattresses that wasn't a lullaby or totally obscene.

"It needs to be something really upbeat." Artie pushed his glasses back up on his nose. "Maybe not about mattresses, per se. I mean, a lot of commercials have songs that don't have anything to do with what they're selling."

"Maybe we can ask Mr. Shue to help us? At least we can look at his music." Tina was halfway in Artie's lap, and I gave her an evil glare. "Tina, put your seatbelt on. If you go through my windshield and die, my father will take my car and I will do something so horrible to your corpse that it will have to be a closed casket funeral."

It may be a good thing that no on in the Glee club takes me seriously most of the time, because she just giggled and kissed my cheek before she slid back into her own seat. "I love you, too, Kurt."

Finn growled very softly when her lips touched me, obviously not liking anyone but him being able to do that. "What was that, Finn Hudson?"

"I said, I don't think we should tell Mr. Shue about this." He gave me a pleading look, telling me that I might have to do a little of the talking for him.

"Why not? He has all the music and he always picks for us." Mercedes spoke into the rearview mirror.

"Well, that's kinda it. He _always_ picks for us. Maybe this time we could do it ourselves, so we can surprise him. Then we can show him that we're not babies and we can do some of this stuff for ourselves. He's been so sad lately, because of his divorce and because he's wife's a liar and all that, and it would make him feel good to know how much he's taught us."

I would have never thought of that, but it was so incredibly sweet. I jumped to his defense. "I think that's a great idea." 

Finn took courage from my support. "I mean, we can do it. We did it with 'Don't Stop Believing', and that turned out great. It'll be cool when he sees us on TV for the first time."

Everyone was nodding agreeablely. Tina was the only one to speak. "That's a really cute idea, Finn."

He smiled at her, but it wasn't the same smile he always gave me. Actually, I didn't think that anyone got the same smile from Finn that I did. "So, we agree?"

Three 'yeses' came from the backseat. I nodded at him. "I agree, too."

"Awesome."

Now that telling Mr. Shue was out of the way, we went back to discussing song choice. Finn was swinging the radio stations from one extreme to the other, trying to find something that hadn't already been suggested and rejected. By the time we actually made it to the restaurant, I was almost dizzy with the amount of changes and we were no closer to finding a song.

Having a meal may have been a poor choice if Rachael wanted to get anything done quickly, considering that the first 20 minutes were wasted trying to figure out who was sitting next to whom and what everyone wanted to eat. Finn ended up between Rachael and I, which seriously cut down on my opportunities to touch him.

Still, we were eventually able to get down to business. Everyone, including Rachael, liked Finn's idea about surprising , which made Finn do that smirky little smile thing and meant it took everything I had not to get hard.

We ordered, and then everyone was trying to figure out which song we should use for our commercial. Unfortunately, we hadn't been able to agree when it was just five of us, and it was impossible with 12. I had rapidly lost the thread of the conversation and decided to focus on the far more interesting, not to mention rewarding, task of trying to touch Finn's thigh under the table.

Moving as slowly as I possibly could, I rested my hand next to his hip, then slid my fingers up to caress his leg. He jumped a little, then shot me an evil look. I made myself look as innocent as possible, which put Finn in a rather interesting position. He couldn't very well snap at me to quit touching him sexually in front of the entire Glee club, but I could tell that I was starting to have an effect on him.

Ok, so I was being a jerk. After all, I knew what total sexual frustration felt like, and I shouldn't want Finn to feel that too. But I may have a little issue with getting drunk off my own power, and that was happening now. I could make Finn's body respond however I wanted it to, whenever I wanted, no matter where we were. He shot me another look, the kind that would have usually had me backing down, but I couldn't stop.

A hand shot out from my other side and smacked my ribs. "Kurt, honey, what do you think?" Mercedes gave me a look that said she knew exactly what I was doing and I needed to stop immediately.

When I finally withdrew my hand, I couldn't quite tell if Finn was relieved or disappointed. His face looked fairly composed, but I could see a slight tremble in the hand he had resting on the table. Rachael noticed the look on his face. "Are you alright, Sweetie?"

_ He isn't your 'sweetie', Babs. He's _our _Cowboy. He if has a problem, Kurt and I will take care of it. Actually, I think we might have just given him a problem, but don't worry, we can take care of it. At least we better._

Somehow Galinda had managed to insult Rachael and threaten me in one long breath. Damn that bitch was good.

Finn shrugged lazily. "Yeah, I guess I'm just a little tired. I should be fine after a nap." He gave me a sideways look, one that told me he expected that I would be joining him for said nap, and there would be very little sleeping going on. I nodded minutely back at him.

"Jump." There it was again, that quiet, unfamiliar voice, one I had only heard once before. We all looked at Matt, who shrank down a little under all the attention. "I mean, its quick and its got a good beat, so it would be easy to dance to. Besides, you know, jumping on the bed?"

As hard as I searched my mind, I couldn't place the song with a melody. "I don't know that one."

Rachael reached into her bag and produced an iPod. "Here, it's in this one."

Let it never be said that Rachael Berry ever missed anything musically. She had no less then five iPods, all filled to capacity, and I was willing to bet that she knew every word to every song. I put one earbud in so I could still pay attention to the conversation. Matt's suggestion seemed to be met with universal approval, but that could have just been because everyone was so shocked to hear him speak.

I listened to the song twice, and nodded myself. "I like it. So, are we agreed, then?"

We were. Rachael was on her feet immediately, taking a mental survey of the club. "I have to get home and start mapping out the choreography. We're going to have to have to rehearse after Glee tomorrow, so we can be ready for the actual filming. Who has a suggestion for where? We can't use the auditorium, since Mr. Shue will wonder what we're doing."

Most of the time Rachel drove me insane, but I had to admit that she was trying lately to include the rest of us in conversation instead of just telling us what to do. "How much running room do you think we'll need? We could probably use my basement if we don't need too much."

_Oh, you just want to watch her sit on your couch, the same one you screwed her ex-boyfriend on. Don't deny it, Kurt. _

I could never deny anything to Galinda, since she knew every thought that went through my mind. It hadn't been a conscious thought that I wanted her to see the scene of the crime so to speak, but I couldn't deny the appeal once Galinda brought it up. I was becoming as big of a bitch as she was.

Finn might have been having the same thoughts, because he smiled. "Yeah, Kurt's basement is huge."

"So it's decided. We all meet at Kurt's house directly after Glee tomorrow. Does anyone else need a ride home?"

We all shook our heads, too focused on the thought of getting food. Well, I could have cared less about the food, but Finn and I had a date to do homework, and possibly more, so we both needed to have some energy. I nibbled delicately at my salad, watching in amazement as Finn plowed through a giant hamburger, then split a piece of cheesecake with Puck.

After what seemed like forever, the food was gone and the party was breaking up. Finn must have still been feeling a little put out about my groping him earlier, because he made no attempt to claim shotgun this time. Instead he sat in the back and chatted happily with Artie about some video game. I tried to catch his eye a couple of times, but he was rather pointedly ignoring me.

Once I dropped Mercedes off, though, he climbed into the passenger seat without a fuss. I risked leaning over and kissing his lips. He purred contentedly, though he didn't really kiss me back very much. "Do you still want to go to my place, or do you want me to take you home?"

"Oh, your place." There was a dreamy quality to his voice that meant I was probably going to get some today.

_Finally._

"Yeah, because we have that Spanish test tomorrow, and I really need to do well on it."

Wait, what? No we weren't supposed to be studying Spanish; we were supposed to be studying each other! "Oh, yeah, Spanish." My voice was dripping with disappointment, but, for once, Finn didn't seem to notice. He seemed sort of lost in his own little world, so I just let him be for the moment.

That turned out to be a bit of a mistake. I had long since learned that Finn was nowhere near as stupid as he sometimes appeared, and that he was sometimes quite good at hiding his true emotions.

But I was still stewing over the fact that Finn apparently wanted to study instead of screwing around, so I wasn't paying much attention to him as we walked into my house. "Dad must still be at work."

Finn's followed me down the stairs to my room, still quiet and seeming distracted. When we hit the bottom, his head cocked slightly to the side, which was the only warning I got before I was pinned up against the wall, and, holy shit, this might be the hottest thing that had ever happened to me. Finn was growling and nipping at my collarbone, which was thankfully still covered by my shirt. Hickeys are gross and trashy.

"F-Finn, what are you doing?" My voice stuttered and stammered and I swear every bit of blood in my body was now in my dick. Finn had never seized control like this before, and it was fucking amazing.

_Oh, thank you Lord Jesus! Thank you, thank you, thank you! _Galinda sounded about three seconds from an orgasm, and honestly, I wasn't too far behind her. "Finn, stop." It came out so breathy and pitiful that even I couldn't take myself seriously.

He snarled and his hips jerked against mine, making me moan in a way that would have been embarrassing at any other time. "You think you're so cute, don't you? Rubbing my leg under the table like that. Do you have any idea how hard you got me?"

Actually, I did, but I couldn't make my mouth work for anything but pathetic whimpering. Finn took that as an encouragement and slid his hand down to stroke me through my pants. "Yeah, about that hard."

Despite his much larger body holding me in place, I was somehow able to scramble up his body, my legs around his waist and my mouth permanently attached to his. Finn used out new position to start working his way down my neck, making that deep down growling noise the entire time. His chest rumbled against mine, the vibrations heading straight to my dick. I don't even think he was aware that he was doing it, he was that lost in the moment.

"Finn, please." I intended it to sound strong, but there was barely any power behind it. "Please slow down." Not that I actually wanted him to stop, we had gone way beyond that point, but these pants were dry clean only and I was not going to explain to what the strange stain on them was.

Finally he drew back, his lips swollen and his eyes blazing into mine. "What? Did I scare you?"

Only in a really, really good way. "No." I rested my forehead against his, thinking that there might be something to the nickname 'Spider Monkey' after all. I had certainly climbed his body like a tree. "It's just that…" I stopped, totally embarrassed.

_Oh for Gods sake, you'll bare your ass to him but not your mind? Just tell him the truth or let him get back to what he was doing. Plus, who cares! We're both about to die from a massive case of blue balls anyway_.

I still couldn't do it, but I didn't need to. Finn was nodding serenely, his hands moving down my thighs to grab my ass. "Oh. Are you kind of close?"

He got it without me having to say anything, thank Prada. My face would have flushed if there had been any blood flow still going to it, but I was pretty sure that that wasn't going to be an issue. "Yeah."

"Good." Then suddenly he was swinging me to the side, and we tumbled on to my bed, his hips grinding against mine. "Do you have any idea what you were doing to me at that restaurant? And after you were rolling all over that fucking bed in the store and I wanted to just…just…." He stopped, and I wondered if his brain had short circuited. I was pretty sure that mine had.

I shoved both hands under his T-shirt and raked my fingernails down his back, desperate for any contact with him. It must have hurt, but all he did was grunt low in his throat. We were seeing this through to the end now, there was no backing out.

Once I came to that conclusion, something inside of me unlocked, and I turned into a wild animal. I pushed his shirt up, the material bunching under his arms and ran my fingers over his stomach and hipbones, liking the way he moaned and pressed harder into me when I did that. I tried to roll him over, so I could get control of things, but his head shook once and he refused to be moved. He was so much larger then I was that trying to force him was a losing battle.

In the next instant, my shirt was gone, having been literally ripped from my body. "That was expensive!"

_Who cares? That was hot! No wonder all those women in the romance novels get off on it!_

She had a point. Especially since Finn was taking advantage of my new shirtless state to put his mouth all over my skin in hot, restless, demanding kisses. My vision dimmed and the entire world shrank down to Finn and I. Even Galinda was silent. I could vaguely hear my own voice, saying filthy things that seemed to spur Finn on even more. Then he shifted position, his body bucking against mine in all the right ways and causing sparks to blink in and out of my vision. My hips rose up to meet his, and it should have been awkward, should have been humiliating, should have been lots of things, but it was so fucking perfect.

Finn was talking, mumbling blurry words against my chest. He could have been telling me that he loved me, or he wanted more, or we needed to slow down, or really anything else. I wanted to kiss him, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was a whistling whimper. I wanted….I needed….I had no idea.

One of my hands rose of its own accord, and pushed lightly under Finn's chin. He understood and moved up my body, lightly brushing his lips up my throat until he could kiss me properly. I was panting against his mouth, my eyes locked on his and hopefully saying what my mouth wouldn't.

It must have worked, because his eyes fluttered halfway closed and his body shuddered against mine in two final, shallow thrusts that I barely noticed because my own orgasm had ripped through me with a sudden fury, causing my back to arch up and nearly toss Finn loose. He whined softly, almost sleepily, and let his body settle down to rest against mine.

My breathing was still out of control, but I had to touch him again. I groped blindly and found his back, my fingers tracing a shaky pattern on his skin. He hummed appreciatively, but didn't speak. Maybe he was as discombobulated as I was.

Suddenly he sat up, rubbing one finger across his lower lip. "Kurt, did you bite me?"

"No." I would have remembered doing that, right?

"I think you did, you little vampire." He chuckling now, quick little releases of the last of his tension.

I shrugged. "Maybe you bit your own lip."

"Maybe." He didn't sound very convinced, but he was too relaxed to push the issue.

Time passed, though I couldn't have said how much, and the only sound was our soft breathing. Finn had wrapped one arm around my chest, mouthing at my collarbone in a lazy way.

It was perfect. Or, it would have been perfect except for one small problem. I was sticky and gross and getting grosser all the time. "Finn? Hey, Cowboy?"

He picked his head up and stared at me, studying my face like he had never seen me before. "Hmm?"

I kissed his lips. "I need to clean up, ok? Then we can cuddle."

"Oh, yeah." He rolled off the bed, seeming as shaky as a colt learning to stand. "I have to go get my bag."

He kept a complete change of clothes in his gym bag, just in case of unplanned sleepovers, or incidences like this. He returned with his bag, dropping his pants without any shame and putting on a different pair of boxer shorts. "What time is your dad coming home?"

"Not until late. He keeps the garage open really late a few days a week, since no one else does it." Those extra hours went a long way towards paying for my clothes, not to mention my Baby.

"So, it's ok if we just snuggle for a while? He's not going to walk in and, like, kill me or anything?"

I liked it when Finn thought like that. It made me feel like he wanted me for more then just getting his rocks off. "Yeah, we can cuddle."

"Great." He climbed back into my bed, nestling under the comforter. I threw my filthy clothes in the hamper and lay back down next to him, wrapping one arm around his bare waist and lightly scraping his ribs again. "Hey, quit unless you want round two."

My brain was totally interested in going another round, but my body was still too tired from the last round. I sighed softly and moved my hand up to his shoulder. He used my change in position to kiss my neck. The suddenly he drew back, his eyes wide. My stomach jumped. "What?"

"N-nothing." He leaned back down and kissed me again. "I, uh, I didn't scare you or anything, did I? I got kind of carried away, I guess."

Oh, was that it? I smiled at him. "I like it when you get carried away. It doesn't always have to be hearts and flowers, you know. Sometimes it's nice for things to be a little…primal. However, the next time you decide to tear the clothes off of my body, could you get the pants too? Underwear is cheap, but those pants are dry clean only. Now I have to explain what that stain is, and I ought to just make you take those pants in and do it yourself."

He shrugged lazily. "Dude, he works at a _dry cleaners_. He probably sees that every single day."

Sometimes I wish I was more like Finn, more able to just let life roll right off of my back. Finn had just had a great orgasm, and now he was lying comfortably with his boyfriend. He was happy. Sure, things outside of this little bubble might not be that great. He was still coping with his mother's lie, and bullying from Karofsky, and Quinn and the baby, but those were all things that could be dealt with later. Right now, it was just him and me, and that was enough for him. "You are incredibly sweet and special."

"Yeah? Well, you're like the coolest person in the entire world. Even cooler then, like, Hugh Jackman or Matt Damon or anyone else. Oh, and way, way, hotter then Angelina Jolie."

Finn could find a million ways of saying 'I love you', without ever uttering the words. "Remember that the next time I act like a jerk."

"Ok." He yawned and pressed his face back into my neck. "I'm tired."

"How about you take a little nap then, before we do our homework?" I loved Finn when he was awake and doing naughty things to me, but I also liked it when he fell asleep in my arms, proving that he trusted me totally. I kissed the side of his neck, then his arm, right over both the surgery scar and the cut from his tussle with Karofsky. Both were healing quickly.

"Are you sure? I'm sorry, but I slept really bad last night." He was already starting to doze off, his eyelids drooping.

"Badly or poorly, not 'bad', Cowboy, and what was wrong?" I started rubbing his back, long sweeps that went all the way down his spine. Unless he had actually pulled a muscle or had pain, Finn preferred light touches.

"I…uh…I had a…a nightmare. Then I couldn't fall back asleep." His words grew more and more spaced out and I stopped rubbing. He couldn't fall asleep right now.

"You had a nightmare? About what?"

"Um….I was at school and I was being chased and…." His eyes flickered halfway open, but didn't really focus.

"Who was chasing you, Finn?" I don't know why I felt like I had to push him, but something told me that it was important.

"Someone bad." I was losing him, so I gave his shoulder a quick hard rub. It woke him up a little, but not much.

"Who was the bad person, Finn?" I leaned down to kiss the back of his neck, apologizing for keeping him up.

"I…I don't know." He was lying. And the only reason that Finn would lie about this was if he was afraid to tell the truth.

"Was it someone you knew or a stranger?" Talking the dream out might help him feel less stressed about it.

"I don't know." He snuggled up, head on my chest. "They were just…bad."

That was all I was going to get out of him. "Ok, you're safe with me, so you sleep for a bit." I went back to stroking his back, feeling the muscles shiver a little under my fingers.

"Kay." Then he was out, his breathing immediately settling into that light, soft, rhythm. I could have gotten up right then, but I wanted a moment to just cuddle, my body relaxed and sated against his.

_ Enjoy this moment, Kurt, because this might be the closest to absolute perfection you ever come. You have someone who trusts you with his entire self, and that's incredibly rare_.

"I know." It was whispered mostly into the pillow. This thing with Finn? It was special. It had to be special, because I could never imagine feeling the way I felt about him towards anyone else in the world. Part of that was undoubtedly teenage drama, but the larger part came from something more. It was the same part that had caused me to fall for Finn the minute I saw him, a part that went deeper then lust, deeper then love, deeper even then Galinda. I wondered if that part was my soul.

_Who knows? But you hang on to this one, because if you screw it up, I'll kill your ass._

"Ok." My voice was a little bit louder, but Finn didn't even twitch. He was mine, and I would be damned if I was going to give him up for anyone.

_Good boy._


	31. Chapter 31

Finn POV

I was in the wrong place. Even thought I still had my eyes closed, I could tell that this wasn't my bed. My bed was little and smelled like fabric softener. This bed was big and smelled like some sort of fruit thing and-oh, it was Kurt's bed. Thank God, for a minute there I thought this might be one of those situations where I woke up in a strange bed without one of my kidneys. Maybe that was a bathtub instead.

For a few seconds I was torn between going back to sleep and getting up and finding Kurt. I love him more then just about anyone in the world, and I didn't want to miss any time with him, but I was _really_ tired, too. I've been kind of having these really bad nightmares for the past few nights, and it was nice to have some uninterrupted sleep.

Still, what was sleep when compared with getting to see Kurt? Moving cautiously, I cracked an eye open, peeking around to see where Kurt might be. He was in that hanging chair swingy thing that looked really cool, but isn't that comfortable to sit in when you're as big as I am. Kurt's little, so he looked comfy, though, with his feet tucked up and his attention on the book in front of him. He was dressed, which was kind of a disappointment, even though he looked really stylish and neat. I kept my eyes half closed, just so I could look at him for a while without him knowing that I was there.

Yeah, I know that it's kind of girly and gay and stuff to do that, but I guess I'm kind of gay right now, so it's really ok. Kurt was biting his lip a little as he worked, which really, really, made me want to be the one biting it. That was enough to get my blood flowing and my body rising off the bed.

Of course, Kurt saw me as soon as I started to move. I swear, he's secretly like a ninja or something, because I never get away with anything when he's around. Then he smiled at me, and I forgot why that was a bad thing. "Hello, Finn Hudson."

"Hey." My voice was all croaky and gross, and I cleared my throat a few times. "What time is it?"

"Hmmm? Oh, about 7. Dinner's in the oven if you want some." He came over and kissed my cheek. "Also? If you want any more kisses, go brush your teeth."

Both of those things worked for me. "Ok." By this time I had a toothbrush over at Kurt's house, one that was my favorite color. I couldn't use his because, you know, that was gross. "Did you already eat?"

"No, I was waiting for you to wake up. It's in the oven staying warm, though, so we can eat whenever you want. I'll go put the salad together while you freshen up." He attempted to smooth down my hair, but it was a losing battle.

"Oh. You could have eaten or woken me up, you know. You're too skinny already." Seriously? I had no idea how Kurt could just put off eating like he did. My stomach was trying to eat my spine right now, but he didn't seem hungry at all.

He laughed. "I'm not too skinny, Finn. Actually, I could probably stand to do a little something about my trouble areas."

Oh God, please don't let him start on this. If there was one thing I couldn't stand about girls, it was that they never ate, and when they did, they complained about their butts or their stomachs or their hips. "You're perfect exactly how you are."

That got me a little smile. "You really think so?"

"Absolutely." If my mouth hadn't been so rank, I would have kissed him again, but I settled for an arm around the shoulders. Which, by the way, were skinny but still kinda strong. I wasn't lying when I told Kurt that his body was perfect.

He tried to wiggle out of my arms, but I held him in place. "Food, Finn, then some homework. No more fooling around tonight."

"Prude." It was something that Puck had said about Quinn once. It means you won't put out.

His blue eyes flashed. "Why does everyone call me a prude? I am not!" 

Huh? "Who else called you a prude?" Jealousy surged up in my chest. I was Kurt's first boyfriend, he had told me so. No one else had the right to call him a prude!

Kurt looked startled. "Oh, uh, no one, I guess."

He's a shitty liar. Actually, he's a _really_ shitty liar, because _I_ could tell that he was lying to me and I usually can't tell when people do that. "Are you sure?"

Normally I would have left him alone after that. After all, he was giving me some pretty strong 'back off' signals, and I hate it when people try and force me to talk when I don't want to. I usually get my words all screwed up and then I look like a total moron in front of everyone.

Only this was different. You were a prude if you didn't put out, and Kurt didn't want to put out for anyone but me. At least, I hoped he didn't. I had thought the same thing about Quinn, too, but Kurt wasn't Quinn, and I shouldn't compare them. Kurt was way, way better then Quinn.

But if Kurt only wanted to put out for me, and he said that more then one person was calling him a prude, then that meant that there was someone else trying to get him to put out and that thought scared me. Because Kurt's super tough, but he isn't very big. If someone like Karofsky was to get a hold of him…my brain wasn't able to finish that thought because it was so terrible.

I had been lying when I told Kurt that my nightmares were about being chased. I hadn't intended to say anything at all, but he had been rubbing my back so nicely, and I had been getting sleepier and sleepier, and it had just slipped out. Luckily I stopped myself before I told him the truth, which was that I was running in the dream, yeah, but I wasn't being chased. I was running after Kurt, who was lost somewhere in the school. Someone had him; I knew that, just like I knew that he would end up in huge trouble if I couldn't find him fast enough. Only no matter where I looked or how fast I was, I could never find him until it was too late. Then he was standing there looking at me, blood on his legs and stomach, his eyes accusing me of breaking my promise and not being there for him when he needed me. It was the betrayal in his eyes that had caused me to wake up in a cold sweat for the past three nights.

What was the best way to ask this? "Spider Monkey, did someone try and hurt you?"

The confusion on his face made me relax. He was giving me that look that said he wondered if I had hit my head on something, and that meant that he was ok, that no one had hurt him. "What do you mean?"

"I just…I don't know. You said that someone called you a prude, but that means you don't want to have sex, only I haven't really asked you to have sex with me and you really like doing other things with me, and I thought maybe someone tried to force you to do something and-"

Anything else I might have said was cut off by Kurt launching himself into my arms. His lips found mine and his arms were so tight around my chest that it was nearly painful, but that was ok. It meant that he was here, and he was safe. "You are the sweetest. Don't worry, though, no one else would be caught dead trying to touch the fag and you know it."

No, I didn't. I know that everyone thinks I'm really naïve (that means you don't know stuff), and it's probably true most of the time, but Kurt can be that way, too. He thinks that he has everyone in the school scared of his big mouth and his attitude, but that isn't true. Not everyone is going to be as obvious as tossing him in the dumpster or throwing slushies. That's basic bullying, but there's always someone who will take it too far.

Plus, even though no one else in the school would ever admit to having even the slightest homosexual (that's the fancy way of saying gay, by the way) thought, I've felt eyes on me in the showers after practice sometimes. Staring eyes, not just 'checking it out to compare size' eyes. All of the sports teams get out of practice around the same time, so it could have been anyone staring; I never had the courage to look back. I just took care of things as fast as I could and put my clothes back on.

I know, I know, just because you look at another dude's junk in the shower, it doesn't make you some sort of rapist or anything, but it _did_ mean that someone out there was interested, and might be interested in touching Kurt.

_Ooh, jealous brat. You just don't like that someone else might come along and Kurt will figure out that he can do better then you. That he can find someone smart and who knows the difference between all those shades of red._

That wasn't it. Ok, that was part of it, but not everything. If Kurt came to me and told me that he had found someone better, someone who knew the difference between scarlet and crimson and temptress red, I would let him go with them, because I loved him that much. As long as the person was better then me and not some kind of creeper pervert.

I kissed the side of his neck; right where he was starting to get some freckles that we both pretended didn't exist. I liked them, especially when I was licking them, but any mention of them would send him into an absolute funk, so it was better not to acknowledge them at all. I made sure to avoid the giant red mark right next to them, where I had apparently bitten him when things got intense earlier. I'm guessing that he hasn't seen it yet, because if he got freaked out by a few tiny freckles, he was going to go in a conniption fit if he saw the size of that hickey. "Just be careful, ok?"

"I'm always careful." He was...what was that word he had taught me last week? Placating. He was just placating me. But there was nothing else for me to say, no way to make him see how serious I was. So I just let it go before leaning down to kiss his stomach over his fancy shirt, trying to tell him that I loved him and I wasn't trying to boss him around at all.

He made a little noise that was half like a giggle and half like a moan and something that I wanted to hear about a million times more. Before I could try, though, he pushed me upright. "Absolutely not, Cowboy. Dinner, then homework."

Yeah, yeah, he kept saying that. I was still kind of horny, because I am sixteen after all, but I was hungry, too. I started to follow him up the stairs, only to have him point at the bathroom. "Teeth."

Oh, yeah. I brushed as quickly as I could, humming the alphabet song under my breath to make sure I wasn't doing it _too_ fast, then bounded up the stairs. Kurt was carefully taking a pan of what looked like baked chicken out of the oven, putting it on the table next to a salad. "It looks good."

By now I knew what he liked, so I poured us each a glass of milk. We each served ourselves, eating in silence. It's kind of cool that I don't have to talk to Kurt all the time, and not just because he tells me to shut up because I'm a moron like Quinn used to. When we were done eating, he set out a portion of everything for his father then wrapped the rest of it up while I did the dishes. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" He came to my side so he could help dry the silverware.

"Make your father's plate. Can't he just make his own when he gets home?" Or maybe it was a normal thing to do; I guessed I didn't really know.

He sighed, a heartbroken little sound. "Because if I don't he'll eat way too much meat and starch and no vegetables at all. His eating habits are terrible and I worry about his heart sometimes."

"Oh." Burt Hummel always seemed really healthy to me, but I guessed I didn't know that much about hearts, or medicine, or really anything now that I thought about it. "That's nice of you."

"He's all I have." He thought it over again and shook his head. "No, he used to be all I had. Now I have you, too, and that's beyond fantastic."

Kurt always knew what to say to make me feel good. "Yeah, well, you're beyond fantastic, too."

_Watch out, Finn. If he knows exactly what to say to make you feel good, he's going to know exactly what to say to tear you down, too. He'll be better at it then I ever was, because you love him more._

Even now, she couldn't just let me be happy. Why did she have to try and make me doubt Kurt, and then doubt our whole relationship? Sometimes Quinn-voice is way bitchier then Quinn herself.

"Ready for homework?" Kurt tossed the dishtowel around my neck and used it to pull me down for a kiss.

Normally, I would have tried to distract him, but I really am trying to do better with my homework. First of all, it makes my mother really happy when I can show her good grades. Even Mr. Shue noticed and told me how proud he was of me, which felt super, super great. Like, as great as getting all the solos in Glee and actually winning a football game and getting to have sex with Kurt all rolled up into one great package.

_Having sex with Kurt? Getting a little ahead of yourself there, aren't you? After all, you don't want to hurt him, which you will, because you have no idea what you're doing. Or maybe you want to be the one taking it up the ass?_

_Did_ I want to be the one taking it up the ass? Everything I had read made it sound like you should know whether you were a top or a bottom right away, like it was an instinct, but I had no idea. That may or may not be because I find the entire sex thing really kind of scary, and I know it's not supposed to hurt, and it will feel fantastic, because otherwise why would gay guys do it all the time, but I just don't see how it can't hurt like hell.

I forced my thoughts away from the sex issue and back to the other reason I wanted to make my grades better. Kurt, of course. Apparently everything revolved around Kurt these days. If I kept being lazy and failing (or almost failing) my classes, eventually Kurt would figure out that I really was a Lima Loser, and would find someone better then me. I didn't want that to happen, so I had to study and try harder.

Except that's not as easy as I thought it would be. I always kind of thought that if I was willing to try and listen better, things would just get clearer for me, but they didn't. If Kurt was helping me, and we did the work together, I could usually get it, but I was still kind of pathetic on my own, like when I had to take a test. No matter how much he and I studied the night before, and how well I knew the stuff, I would get the test and all the numbers and words would turn into a confused jumble. Ms. Pillsbury was supposed to be testing me next week for a bunch of stuff, but, until then, I would just have to study more.

I never tell Kurt any of this, though. Because, if he still thinks that I hate studying and have to be forced, then he'll usually make a bargain that involves some cuddling and kisses and, if there's a test coming up, maybe a little more. Sure enough, he was already slipping a hand underneath my shirt and lightly scraping his nails down my back. I made an embarrassing noise that sounded almost like a purr. Just like a dog on a leash, I followed him back downstairs, hoping that he would take pity on me and give me a hand job if I studied hard. Actually, I would have liked a blow job, but I don't think he's comfortable with trying that yet, and I'm not a total asshole. It would happen when it happened and I wasn't about to force him.

He gave me one last kiss and pointed at my backpack. "Get out your Spanish stuff while I use the bathroom, ok?"

"Sure." I had everything spread out on the bed and was rooting around in my backpack for a pencil when an unholy shriek came out of the bathroom. "FINN HUDSON!" 

Oh, God, he was dying. Screaming like that only came when you were about to bleed to death or you had a fork stuck in your eyeball or you were lit on fire. I jumped to me feet, only to have Kurt come storming out of the bathroom, his face flushed and his eyes blazing as he pointed to the side of his neck. "What. Is. This?" He sounded even more pissed off then that time Mom found a lighter in my room when I was 10.

My own eyes got big when I saw what he was pointing to. "Uh, I think it's a hickey." Even I could hear the guilt in my voice.

He stalked towards me looking like he was about to claw my eyes out. "I know that it's a hickey, Finn. What I was asking was: where did it come from?"

"Uh…" If I confessed, he would kill me. If I tried to lie, he would think I was trying to trick him, then he would kill me. "See…"

"You bit me." He sounded shocked. "You actually put your mouth on my neck and bit me! I might as well be some slut in the backseat of your Camero, with 10 lbs of eyeliner on and earrings made out of roach clips. I look like a whore!"

I probably should have said something comforting, but my mouth was too busy hanging open at the thought of Kurt wearing a ton of eyeliner. Did it make me a freak that I thought he might look kind of hot like that?

Naturally, because I'm a moron when I'm turned on, my stupid mouth decided to open and say the worst thing possible. "It makes you mine." 

Wait, had I just claimed Kurt like he was a toy or a piece of candy? I did want him to be mine, and I wanted everyone to know that he was mine, but I wanted him to be his own person, too. He was staring at me now and I tried to backpedal. "That came out wrong. What I meant was…well…" Good question, what _had _I meant?

His arms crossed over his chest. "I'm waiting, Finn Hudson."

"I'm sorry; I really didn't plan to do that. Actually, I don't even remember doing it, but I know I did because there wasn't anyone else. Wait, there isn't anyone else, is there?"

_Of course there is, you moron. A horny little elf snuck in right sometime between you grinding the hell out of him and you falling asleep. The elf crept in, bit his neck without him noticing, then snuck back out through the window. Do you think at all?_

Kurt didn't look that impressed either. "I'm sure you didn't. However, the issue here is not only that you marred my skin and it's going to take a ton of concealed to cover it up, which will probably cause me to break out, but that you seem to want me as a piece of property. Is that all I am to you, a piece of ass?"

What? How had we gone from him being pissed because we had screwed around and gotten a little overexcited and put a mark on him to him being pissed because he didn't think I cared about him at all? I sat back and looked at him, reminding myself not to scream at him and make everything worse. "Of course you aren't just a piece of ass to me. You're my boyfriend. Didn't we just talk about coming out to the rest of the Glee club? Why would I want to do that if I wasn't in this for the long haul?"

I wasn't sure why I didn't just tell him that I loved him. I did, and it wasn't that I was embarrassed or anything. It was just that I wanted things to be right and special when I said it. It wasn't something I should tell him just to get myself out of trouble.

Still, I must have said something right, because he was calming down. He sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. "Ok, take a minute to think and tell me what you meant."

It was nice when he gave me time. Most people just stared at me until I blurted out something really stupid, just to get them off of my back. I noticed that he didn't sit next to me, though. He sat back, against the wall, his legs crossed and his eyes telling me that he didn't want to be touched. It was sad, because, if I had my way, I would touch him all the time. Seriously. He has the softest skin and even if he hates those freckles, I love them, and he does this little sigh thing when I put my hands on his hips that makes me want to lock us both in his bedroom and never come out. I had to pull my thoughts away from that, though, because I was supposed to be explaining why Kurt wasn't a piece of ass, not getting myself all turned on.

I thought carefully for a few more minutes. "Ok, I got it."

"Go on." His arms were still crossed over his chest, but there was a gentleness that hadn't been there before.

"It's not that I think you're a piece of ass, or that I want to own you like property. But I do want other people to look at you and know that you have someone that you're dating. That even if you're gay, and trust me, Kurt, _everybody_ knows that, someone cares about you and will probably kick their asses if they make fun of you or try and hurt you." I was explaining it to myself as much as I was explaining it to him.

Kurt was still glaring a little bit, but he was smiling now, too, so I risked saying the rest. "Plus, um, well, I kind of like looking at it. Every time I see it, I can think that I'm the one that put it there, and I'm the only one allowed to touch you like that. It's hot, trust me."

He was making that face again, the one that said he wasn't sure if he should smack me one or just kiss me. "Really, you think it's hot?" He sounded a little sarcastic, but I nodded anyway. "How would you like it if I did the same thing to you? Would you think it was hot then?" 

"Totally." I was a little surprised that I wasn't lying. Quinn would have never left a mark on me. Shit, it probably would have never even crossed her mind. It would be sinful or some shit like that.

With a smile that looked like it belonged on the Cheshire cat, Kurt stalked forward on his knees until he was right in my face. "So, if I did it to you right now, you would be cool with it?"

"Yeah." Somewhere along the line, I had switched from being just ok with it to kind of hoping that he would. It would be a small proof that Kurt wanted me as badly as I wanted him.

We were now face to face, eye to eye. He was on his knees, which put us on the same level. I didn't think I was breathing. Literally, my breath was caught in my throat and if he didn't do something, soon, I was pretty sure I was going to die.

With deliberate slowness, he kissed down my neck and I swear to God I about came again. Then I felt his teeth touch the skin there, not hard enough to cause a mark, barely even touching me and I was whining in soft little pants. The he drew back and smirked. "Maybe later. I think you like this a little too much."

"You are the worst sort of asshole." Funny, it sounded a lot meaner in my head. When it actually came out of my mouth, I sounded like a little wet kitten mewing for a treat. How fucking humiliating.

"No, if I were an asshole, I would cut you off until this mark goes away, but that would just end up making me suffer, too, and I don't want that." He gave me another quick squeeze. "So, homework?"

I was going to kill him.

The next day at school was agonizing in a way that it hadn't been for the past two weeks. Ever since I started doing better with my schoolwork, I've actually been listening to the teachers, rather then sleeping or checking out the Cheerio's chests. But now I was so excited to go to Kurt's house after school with the Glee club and practice for our commercial that I couldn't really pay attention.

Finally the day was over, but I didn't get to ride with Kurt. I ended up having to stay after because there was an unfortunate incident where someone pulled the fire alarm next to the boys locker room, and even though I had nothing to do with it, I got called in to explain myself to Figgins. Just because I pulled a fire alarm once, 4 years ago, doesn't mean I'm going to do it again. I mean, come on, that was in middle school!

Kurt had offered to wait for me to finish, but I knew that it was killing him not to be able to go home and clean up a little bit and set out the tray of veggies and dip that he had insisted that I help him make last night. So I had told him he could go on, that I could catch a ride with Rach, and he had nodded and turned to leave. Then I had thought that maybe he was worried about me being alone with her, so I had whistled for him to look, then used my signs to tell him how precious he was. I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing him smile like that.

Unfortunately, now that meant I was stuck with in the car with her, listening to her try and tell me why we should get back together. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like her anymore, because I do. She's beautiful, and, underneath her ego, can be really, really caring. And we did have some pretty good chemistry together. She just wasn't Kurt. He was…I don't know how to describe it. He was just everything that was great in the world.

Only I couldn't tell Rach that. She wouldn't believe me if I just told her I wasn't interested. I could tell that I wasn't over Quinn, but that would be a lie, and I'm a horrible liar. If I told her that there was someone else, she wouldn't rest until she found out who it was, then she would be pissed at me because it was Kurt, and Kurt would be pissed at me because I tattled. So I found myself just nodding like one of those bobble head dogs and making little noises that didn't really mean yes and didn't really mean no. Shit, what was I supposed to do?

"-I think that we've both matured through all of this, and now that Quinn is out of the picture, there is no reason for us to not date. Yes, it's very quick after your break-up with her, but, considering the circumstances, I believe that it would be considered acceptable. Finn, are you even listening to me? This is an important event in our relationship."

But we didn't have a relationship. Well, we did, but not like she thought. I still wanted to be her friend, but I didn't know how to tell her that. I had to try though, because it's wrong to lead someone on. "Rach. It's…it's too soon, ok? There's so much going on, and I'm already totally overwhelmed. I just can't deal with one more thing." There, that wasn't a lie at all.

When she looked at me, there was something in her eyes that reminded me of the way that Kurt used to look at me, before all of this started. It was a kind of a hopeful look, but not really. It's more like you want something really bad, but, deep down, you know you aren't going to get it. For the first time, I realized that how deeply choosing Kurt was going to hurt Rachel, and I didn't want that at all. But maybe it was time to quit making my choice based on what other people wanted, and just go with I wanted. Then it vanished, replaced with something darker. "Of course, Finn, it was foolish of me not to consider that. After all, you're still recovering from your injury, and you were lost for a while last week, and it must be very difficult to see Puck and Quinn every day on top of it. I know that you need things to be kind of simple."

See, right there! Rach would never come right out and tell me that I was too stupid, but I know she thinks so. It's not that I think I'm super smart, but I _can_ focus on more then one thing at a time. If she thought I was dumb, why did she want to get back with me?

_Because, Finn, you're cute. You have a cute, sexy little smile, and a great ass, and muscles. You're extremely sweet and caring, and you're very gentle. You're going to make a good husband and father one day, and, while you'll never be a genius, you work hard and your engaging personality will get you a good job. That's what attracted me to you in the first place. But she doesn't love you, any more then I did. She loves what you'll be one day, not what you are now. She might not know it yet, but it's the truth_.

I wondered if Quinn-voice was right. If I thought about it, I kind of thought she might be. But I didn't want there to be a fight right now, so I just nodded. "Yeah. Can we just focus on the commercial right now?" After all, she was going to find out the truth after Sectionals anyway, because that was what Kurt and I had agreed on. So it was a small thing to keep the peace right now.

_Good choice. _

It was probably a good thing that we were almost to Kurt's house, because the car suddenly felt all tense and awkward, and there was nothing I hated worse then that. Well, except maybe for that wasabi sauce. At least tension didn't burn the skin off of your tongue.

When the car stopped, I bounded out of the car, leaping up the steps that led to the front porch. I didn't go inside though, because the one step was tricky and there was still snow on the ground. It would suck if she fell and hurt herself.

That turned out to be a bad idea, because she got suspicious when I helped her over the bad step. "Finn, how much time have you been spending over here lately?" 

"I don't know, a lot. My mother makes me come over for her and Mr. Hummel's dinner dates, and Kurt and I do homework and stuff. Why?" I knew I didn't sound as innocent as I wanted to, which was probably because I wasn't innocent at all. This was why I just wanted to tell everyone the truth. But Kurt wanted to wait, and it was his secret as much as it was mine so we waited.

"And you like him? Spending time with him, I mean. Of course Kurt's likable, but it doesn't seem that the pair of you would have much in common."

_Except for the fact that we like looking at each other naked. Oh, and screwing around, we have very similar tastes when it comes to that. _Quinn-voice had her hackles raised. She had never liked Rachel and relished any opportunity to pick on her.

"We find stuff to talk about." I wanted to keep on babbling, but, if I've learned one thing from Kurt, it's how to keep quiet until it's in my best interests to speak. Right now? Totally _not_ in my best interests.

"I just find it odd, considering that you barely have time to spend with me any more. It's always Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, now."

That was the other reason I wasn't dating Rachel anymore. She was crazy possessive and I had watched too many Lifetime movies with Mom to want to stick around until my pet rabbit got cooked. "Well, he and I work together on my homework. When you and I got together, all we ever did was make out."

She probably would have had a smart reply to that, because Rach always has a smart reply to everything, but, luckily, Tina appeared in the doorway. "Come on, come on, you guys are missing everything!" She pushed Rachel ahead, then leaned back and gave me a quick wink. Thank God, Kurt must have sent her up to rescue me.

The rest of the Glee club was already there, sprawled out on the floor and furniture. I took a seat on the bed, smiling to myself at the naughty memories it was bringing up. God I wished everyone else would leave so I could make a few new memories here. 

Kurt and Mercedes were both perched in the hanging chair. He smiled wickedly. "Well, I guess you two finally made it! You can sit on the bed, the sheets are clean."

Ok, I think that this is one of those mental power things. Kurt and Rachel are fighting, and I think it's over me this time. Not that I'm getting an ego or anything, but any time all three of us are in the same room, they both start asking me to sit with them, or help them, or suddenly remember something they have to tell me. Only when they tell me, they look at each other instead of me. Right now, Kurt was getting on a power trip; because he wanted Rach to have to sit in the same spot I had done sex things to him yesterday. The sad part was, I was pretty sure that she would have done the same thing to him, because they both get a thrill out of it. Sometimes they both make me want to roll my eyes. I mean, I know that I'm a little insecure, but they're much worse then me.

Rach was a little suspicious of Kurt's sudden good will towards her, and just stood there, watching. Kurt looked as sweet as possible. "It's alright, Rachel, I promise. Look, Finn's not concerned that the gay cooties will jump out of the pillow and infect him."

I'm pretty sure there are no such thing as gay cooties, and it was too late for me to be infected by them anyway. Rach rolled her eyes. "That isn't funny. You, of all people, should know that homosexuality isn't something that you can catch or choose. It's just who you are." Her eyes flicked over to me, and I pretended that I wasn't paying any attention. "Or who you aren't."

Kurt smiled a little to himself. "Touché. I'm thinking that we should practice the vocals first, then the choreography?"

We always did it that way, but I knew that Kurt was really saying that the conversation was over. See, I'm picking up on subtlety. Rach nodded and we all rearranged ourselves according to her instructions. Kurt and I had practiced together last night after our homework was done, and I had listened to it about a thousand times on my iPod, so I knew it really well. I would have never thought of the song, myself, but it was a pretty awesome song. It was the kind of song that made you feel like getting up and dancing, and I jerked around playfully as I sang.

Everyone else must have studied as hard as I had, because we were able to get the song down perfectly in less then an hour. Even Rach was impressed with how hard we were working and decided we could take a quick break while she blocked out the choreography. Kurt sent everyone up to raid the veggie tray, but I kind of stayed behind, sitting back down on the bed. I knew that if I went up there, Kurt would probably do something dirty with a carrot and the ranch dip, and then I would be all turned on and embarrassed. So I just sat, leaning against the wall and smelling Kurt's smell on the comforter.

"Are you coming, Dracula?" Mercedes had stopped on the little landing, smirking at me. Wait; had she just called me….Kurt was a tattletale! He had sworn shown up to school this morning wearing a yellow scarf and concealer, before telling me that he would kill me if he so much as caught me looking at his neck, ever again. Then he went and told Mercedes what had happened!

"Dracula?" Rachel glanced over. "Why would you call him Dracula?"

Mercedes didn't get all flustered and start stuttering, like I would have. She just put one hand on her hip and shrugged. "Don't you think he looks kind of pale, like a vampire? Finn, have you been feeling alright?" 

I ducked down. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping well."

"Come on then." She held out an arm, and I went towards her. She would protect me, I knew it. Her hand rested on my back, nudging me up the stairs. "So, what do you usually wear to bed?"

The change in topic threw me, and I fumbled for a minute. "What? Uh, usually like an old T-shirt and pajama pants if it's cold or just my boxer shorts if it isn't. Why?"

"We need outfits, don't we? Obviously I'm the only one in this club with fashion sense, except for Kurt, and he's been a little bit, shall we say busy, lately?"

Two could play at this game. "He's been very busy lately. He's also a tattletale."

She smiled and put an arm around my waist. "Who do you think helped him put all of that concealer on? Don't worry; I thought it was kind of hot."

Lucky for me, Kurt was too distracted by a story Mike was telling to focus on tormenting me. I grabbed a handful of carrots and leaned against the counter, crunching happily. This way I could watch Kurt's face, and see the way his eyes changed color when he laughed.

_Stalker creep._

Ok, that part was kind of true, but…I guessed there was no 'but'. It was creepy and stalkerish but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. When he finally looked over at me, even though he was still laughing at Mike, something changed and he looked happier then ever. I grinned back at him, and I thought that maybe I was looking happier then ever, too.

Mercedes took a few nibbles of her sliced peppers. "I need measurements for all of you boys, so I can get pajamas for you. We need to match, and you six will probably turn up in ratty old clothes with holes in them."

Well, yeah. I mean, that's what you do when your clothes get old, especially if they're your favorites. You start using them as pajamas so your Mom doesn't throw them out when you aren't looking. Duh. I guessed that it was one of those things that chicks just don't understand.

All too soon, the snack was over, and Rach was calling us all back downstairs. She and Puck had pushed the furniture around to give us a larger space to work in. I'm not sure why, but something about that kind of hurt my feelings. I mean, Puck and Rachel had dated for a while, and why did I care if they hooked up again? I had Kurt now, and I didn't want either one of them.

Rach went over what she had planned and my stomach sank. I couldn't turn a summersault, no matter how much of a running start I got. It had been easy when I was a little kid, but I was just too big for it now. "Uh, Rach…."

I tentatively explained the problem, and she nodded. "Ok, Kurt, do you think you can do it?" 

"Of course." He looked like he was doing nothing but fiddling with his nails, but I knew that he was listening. Kurt's always paying attention to what's going on around him. He says it's because he's studying the psychology of the proletariat or some shit, but I think he does it so he'll always know if someone is going to go after him. No one will do that any more though, because I'm always going to be there to protect him.

_No you won't. You can't be there to protect him all the time and he's smart to take steps to protect himself. Isn't that what your dream means? That you won't always be there for him, no matter how much you want to be._

That hurt, but it was probably the truth. I can't follow Kurt around all the time (even though that would be great. I could check out his ass all day, every day.), and it's good that he wants to take care of himself instead of wanting me to do it all the time. It's cool to be dating someone who isn't totally helpless for once.

"I need a spotter. Finn?" While I was pervving, apparently Kurt had been talking. I gave him a confused look, and he rolled his eyes. "I need you to watch me while I go, and make sure I'm not going to slam into a wall or something."

"Sure." Rach had laid two mattresses out on the flood and I knelt on the far side of one. I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do if it did look like he was going to slam into a wall. Maybe I was supposed to use my own body as a shield for him to slam into. Surprisingly, I was ok with that. "Ok, I'm ready."

He started from across the room and charged the mattress in typical Kurt Hummel fashion, completely determined and looking more like he was floating then running. Then he jumped and rolled, making me both jealous of how easily he did that. It also kind of made me turned on because of how flexible he was. He rose to his knees, having rolled right in front of me. We were face to face, and it took everything I had not to just reach out and kiss him. I cleared my throat and forced myself to look down. "I think you've got it."

I stayed where I was and spotted Puck, Matt and the girls. My leg cramped up before Tina had gone, but I was having a little (ok, not so little) issue resulting from seeing Kurt's body twisting around like that, and I didn't think that standing up right now was such a good idea.

Finally it was safe to get up, and I stretched lazily. Kurt smirked delicately at me, like he knew exactly what my problem had been and I gave him a dirty look. If he wanted to be like that, I could just go home and leave him to take care of himself. 

Mike had been watching us critically, and now he and Rachel were going over what they wanted to do. He was insisting that we didn't need to be too polished, that it would look more natural if we all kind of did our own thing. She was claiming that we would all end up banging into each other and someone would get hurt. Neither one of them was backing down, so I sat down on the floor and tried to think my way out of this.

A lot of the time I ended up having to play peacemaker between Rach and the rest of the club. Sometimes it kind of sucked, and I wanted to just tell them to work it out themselves, but most of the time I was fine with it. Rach means well, she just doesn't know how to talk to people so they didn't want to kill her. "Why don't we call the store and see if we can go over there and practice after closing? That way we can get our bearings, but we can still have fun." Plus, it would give me an excuse to jump on their merchandise. Damn, I was smart sometimes.

It wasn't much of a surprise when Rachel pulled her phone out and speed dialed the mattress store. A quick conversation followed, while Mike pulled me gently through the routine. "See, it isn't that hard."

Not when he was showing me like this. Once I actually got it right, my body had no problem remembering what to do, but I couldn't learn it just by watching someone else. Then my stupid body remembered it wrong, and I had a hard time forgetting the wrong way and learning the right one. I didn't tell Mike that, though. It's embarrassing enough to have Kurt know just how bad I am at learning stuff, and I know that he won't tell anyone. I was pretty sure that Mike wouldn't either, but he would get that 'poor Finn, he's soooo stupid' look on his face and it would be humiliating. "Nope, I've got it now." I covered with a big grin, the same way I always did, and he smiled back. Even if I sucked at just about everything else, I could always make people smile.

Oh, and apparently I can give a killer blow job. I can even swallow, which everyone seems to think is hard, but a really good thing. I didn't think it was that hard, and I couldn't quite figure out what you were supposed to do if you didn't swallow, so I had just gone ahead and done it. It hadn't tasted as bad as I thought it would. Kind of bitter, but I've eaten much worse.

So I guess there's two things that I'm really good at, and a bunch more that I'm kind of good at. I mean, I could be a lot worse. More importantly, _Kurt_ sees something great when he looks at me. He doesn't notice that I'm too fucking big and uncoordinated, or that I get confused and never know the right thing to say, or even that I still have to add up on my fingers sometimes. He thinks that I'm special, and not in the mean way that Quinn always used to claim that I was. And you know what? That's pretty fucking awesome.


	32. Chapter 32

Kurt POV

Blue was so not my color. I scowled at my reflection in the mirror, trying to do something, anything, to make myself look less….blue. I had begged Mercedes for any other color, but she had turned me down. She had claimed that blue was the best color, because red was too distracting and green didn't look good on her. White wouldn't show properly against the mattresses, in addition to the fact that it would make us look like a bunch of cult members on our way to a mass suicide. Personally, I thought that she had picked it because _she_ looked fantastic in blue, but she refused to admit it.

"Quit preening yourself, you peacock." Finn had taken all of 45 seconds to change, the majority of that involving the little buttons up the front, and was now attempting to use my bed for jumping practice. I shot him a patented Kurt Hummel death glare and he flopped across the bed. "You look fantastic. Blue is your color."

He was such a liar. "I thought you said red was my color."

"It is. Every color is your color." He gave me a lazy grin. "You're hot." 

Sometimes it's hard to tell if Finn is being a cute little bullshitter, or if he actually believes what comes out of his mouth. "I don't look like a mutant character from Peter Pan?"

He looked me up and down, no doubt wondering where the question had come from. Actually, I wasn't too sure where it had come from myself. "Well, maybe Peter. You kind of look a little elfy."

There were no elves in Peter Pan. "Are you thinking about Lord of the Rings? Peter Pan has pirates and lost boys and Indians. No elves."

"No, I'm thinking of Peter Pan. Peter was supposed to be a little magic, like an elf. Too pretty and magic to be really real. You're like that." He looked embarrassed, the way he always did when he thought he was saying something stupid.

It wasn't stupid at all, not the slightest bit. Finn Hudson thought I was pretty and magical. Let me repeat that. _Finn Hudson_, the boy I had wanted forever and a day, thought I, _Kurt Hummel_, the weird little gay kid, was pretty and magical. This couldn't possibly be real. I had obviously suffered some sort of head injury, probably from hitting the inside of the dumpster too hard, and my body was in a coma. My mind, meanwhile, was happily creating a fantasy world where the captain of the football team wanted me. That was fine with me; I would happily stay in this fantasy world forever.

_Oh, barf. _

I pointedly ignored that and turned away from the mirror. The outfit was what it was and there was literally nothing I could do to change it. I would just have to accept that I was going to look like crap during my television debut.

Finn had already put his shoes on, so he was able to race up the stairs ahead of me. "Bye, Mr. Hummel, we're leaving!"

Dad said something back, probably reminding Finn that it was alright to call him 'Burt', and Finn was nodding. "Ok, I'll tell him."

Why couldn't Dad just tell me himself? I was right here and I was just as important as Finn. Actually, I was more important, because I was Dad's actual kid, not just his girlfriend's son.

_Down, Cujo. Take a few deep breaths and let it go. _

I forced myself to take her advice, just as I met Finn at the top of the stairs. He held out his arms. "Your dad broke a glass in the hallway and he doesn't want you to walk through it. Jump up."

It would have been easiest for me to jump onto his back and get a ride that way, but it wasn't intimate that way. So I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him lift me to his front, almost in a bridal hold. He rolled his eyes about it, but I could tell that he secretly liked it. Of course, Finn Hudson would always be Finn Hudson, and he couldn't resist dipping me a few times so that my head was lower then my body. "Quit it, you're messing up my hair."

Another flip and I was back upright. "Can't have that." He knew as well as I did that it didn't really matter, that they would have someone fix our hair as soon as we got there, but that was no excuse for me driving over there looking like hell.

_Maybe it will take the attention off your outfit. _

Hmm…"Never mind, flip me again."

By this time, we were actually in the doorway by my shoes, so he flipped me over completely and put down on my feet. "You are so weird sometimes."

"But you like me this way, right?" Insecurity was so last season, but I couldn't help myself.

"I like you every way." Finn rolled his shoulders. "These jammies are really itchy."

I had to admit that he was right. Mercedes was a minor goddess in my eyes for actually finding stuff that not only matched, but fit each one of us, but the material was pretty irritating. Still, for only having 4 days notice, she had pulled off a miracle.

It had been too warm in the basement the past week or so for me to sleep in Finn's hoodie, so I had stolen another T-shirt of his. The shirt was so old that it was almost see through in places, and it was quite possibly the softest thing I had ever felt. After that, anything would have been too rough. "Don't let Mercedes know that, she might strangle you."

"I won't." He tugged his coat on, then smiled. "It's actually kind of cool to be able to go outside in my pajamas, though."

The simplest things pleased him, and seeing him happy made me happy, too. "It is pretty cool. Come on, we don't want to be late."

He slipped one hand underneath my pajama top, the fingers freezing against my skin. Despite the chill, it still sent a trail of fire up my back. "Stop that or we'll end up screwing in the backseat of the car."

"Ok." Then he cocked his head. "No, wait. No screwing in the car, that would be wrong. The first time has to be really special, like with soft music and rose petals and at least one of us knowing what the fuck we're doing. But I'm totally up for a hand job back there."

I don't think there will ever be a time when Finn turns down a handjob. "Maybe if you remember all of your choreography."

"Oh, I'll remember." He leaned down to press his cheek to mine. "And I'm holding you to that promise."

That was more then fine with me, but I had to play at least a little hard to get. "Maybe isn't a promise, Cowboy. It just means maybe."

"You can't resist me." He flexed and posed and I indulged him by giving a loud wolf whistle that had us both laughing. "Alright, it's too cold out here."

We sang along with the radio in the car, warming our voices up so we wouldn't have to do so much at the store. We did Lady Gaga, which was one of my favorites, then a little REO Speedwagon, which was one of Finn's. Then we sang some Beatles, which was something we could both agree on.

I had figured that Rach would be there already, giving orders like a drill sergeant, but I was surprised to find that we were the last ones to arrive. Sudden nerves gripped my stomach as I took in the cameras and people all milling about. This was it, a major event in my life. I stopped, causing Finn to run into my back. "Ow, watch it."

The he must have gotten the fact that I was nervous, because he lightly tugged my chin up so our eyes met. "What's wrong?" 

"There are a lot of people here." As much as I liked drawing attention to myself, with the way I dressed and my over the top attitude, I didn't like being stared at. I know, I know, it doesn't make sense, but, trust me, it does. Especially if the group doing the staring is guys, who almost always get threatened, then like to play 'get the fag'. Even if it's only verbal insults, you never know when things will turn ugly. It's a little contradictory, but I don't think I should have to change who I am just to please a bunch of morons. That didn't mean that I didn't need to be extremely careful, though.

Finn didn't get that, though. "There were more people at the Invitational."

My voice dropped to a whisper. "But they were in the audience, and I couldn't really see them anyway. These people are right here, looking at us."

"Oh. Don't worry; I won't let anyone hurt you." He was a little distracted, but his hand on my back was strong and sure.

_Don't fall into the same trap as everyone else does, Kurt. You know that Finn isn't stupid, so don't act like he doesn't know what's going on. He can add two and two, well maybe not, but you get my point, and he knows what makes you afraid. He's smart in his own way, so don't think he's stupid, even for a minute_.

I didn't. But I couldn't remember if I had ever told Finn that. Had I ever looked him in the face and said 'Finn, I think you're about as smart as anyone I've ever met. I love you.' No, I hadn't. I had certainly never told him told him that I loved him, because I had an internal debate about it just about every morning. Was today the day I should tell him? I still wasn't sure, but I did need to let him know that I didn't think he was a complete moron.

By the time I had puzzled all that out, there wasn't any time left to say it. The make-up people were signaling us over, and Finn was pushing me forward so I could choose the one I wanted to work on me. See, it's the little things that he does that I love the most.

_I love a part of him that isn't so little._

I loved that part of him, too. Right at the moment, though, I was less focused on Finn and his genitalia and more focused on getting my make-up done. After the drama of the past few weeks, I deserved a little bit of pampering. I leaned back and closed my eyes, contentedly accepting being fussed over. I could totally get used to this.

"You're being so patient about all this. I'm almost done, I promise." The girl brushed some mascara on.

"Take as long as you want." Honestly? This was almost as good as screwing around with Finn. If I could convince her to work in a massage, I might trade Finn in. No, scratch that. I wouldn't trade Finn in for anyone in the world.

She giggled. "Sorry, I'm finished. Alright, you can go get with the rest of your friends. Honestly, we're all pretty curious about this whole singing thing, that's why we volunteered to come in."

I heard a startled yelp that I immediately recognized as Finn. He was squirming away from the girl doing his make-up, flinching so badly that she was afraid to get close with the eyeliner pencil. "If you don't hold still, I'm going to end up poking you."

Big mistake. Finn's eyes widened and he was off the chair. "No, thank you. I'm done."

"You need to liner on, otherwise it won't look right. The camera will wash out all of your color." She wasn't willing to back down, but there was no way she could physically force him.

"Finn, sit down, please." I stood next to the chair and patted gently. "Everyone else put up with it, and no one got their eye poked out." 

When I actually looked at him, I was surprised by how dilated his eyes were. He was genuinely afraid of having his eyes done, so I softened my stance. I had no idea what about it he found frightening, but this wasn't working. "Look, what if I did it? I'll be very gentle, I promise. She's right, though, if you move, the chances of me accidentally hurting you go way up."

It was a testament to Finn's trust in me that he sat down, his fingers tense on the arms of the chair. I rubbed his shoulder briefly, holding my other hand out for the pencil. Finn visibly tensed when he saw it, so I leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Ok, listen. Do you know that special thing that I told you you might get if you remembered all of your dance steps?" The smile that touched Finn's lips told me that he did. "If you hold still for me right now, I promise you'll get it tonight."

_Sneaky._

He sat perfectly still, but I could feel the tension still humming through his body, and his grip on the chair didn't relax at all. "It's not that bad, I'm almost done."

While I still had him paralyzed with the thought of getting some later, I applied the mascara as well. Finn seemed more relaxed about that, maybe because the mascara wand wasn't nearly as pointy, and he could close his eyes while I did it. "See, all done!"

Finn breathed out a shuddery breath, then bounced to his feet. "I'm ok now. I'm ok." The words came out as a nervous staccato. With an enthusiastic spin, he bolted out or the room, his eyes (which looked pretty darn good in that mascara) dancing at me.

He did seem to have recovered completely now that I was no longer threatening his eyesight with a sharpened pencil. I handed the make-up back to Finn's girl, who was giving me an appraising look. "So, are the two of you…"

This was the moment of truth. Would I deny my relationship with Finn, even though there was no real reason to? Or would I be proud to claim him, and damn the consequences? "Yes."

"Figures. The cute ones are always gay. Good luck, you guys."

I squared my shoulders. "Thank you." Every time I told someone, and they accepted it without question, my confidence grew. Maybe my coming out with Finn wouldn't be the worst thing that had ever happened. Even as I thought it, I knew that all it would take would be one rude comment and I would lose all of my courage.

Luckily, Tina was just finishing up with her make-up girl, so I didn't have to walk in there by myself. We were the last ones in, and Rachel nodded sharply. "We're ready. Does anyone have any questions or problems before we start?"

Warm-up was quick, considering that most of us had been practicing on the way over, and it was less then 10 minutes later that we found our starting marks. The red light on the camera started blinking and I heard Finn take a deep breath to start.

From that moment on, everything turned into a blur of colors and voices. We had practiced this so many times that my body knew exactly what to do, even though my mind was about two steps behind. This was awesome! About the only thing that was more awesome, was what was going to be happening between Finn and I later tonight.

The fear that I had been feeling all morning evaporated, and I knew that this was something that I could easily spend my entire life doing this. Every movement was in sync, every note perfect. When we finished, there was still so much energy in the room that I met Mercedes eyes and started giggling immediately. The laughter then spread to the rest of the group, until we were all laughing hysterically and wiping tears out of our eyes.

Our audience applauded enthusiastically. The store owner came over and shook hands with Rachel, who was naturally standing in the front. I looked for Finn, only to find him rolled over on his back and hanging both hands off the elevated mattress so he could give Artie a high five. Watching them, I did feel a little jealous. Would Finn have done the same thing with me? 

His eyes met mine and he stood up and bounced across three mattresses to toss himself down next to me. I pushed down the urge to grab him and kiss him silly, and instead slapped his outstretched palm. "That was great."

"It really was. We totally kicked ass." He looked almost sleepy, but that may have just been an illusion caused by him lying in a bed in his pajamas. "So, did you mean what you said earlier? You know, about me getting lucky?"

"Yes." It wasn't like it was any hardship. Finn does, after all, have a rather strongly developed sense of fairness. What he got, I was going to get.

"Sweet." He looked over at Rachel, who was deep in conversation with the store manager. "I wonder what they're talking about."

Hopefully that we had managed to do it in one take, so we could go home and I could get to screwing around with Finn. "I don't know. Anatomy lesson at my place after this?"

The first time I had asked that, Finn had had to ask what anatomy was, but now he was grinning. "Yes. Specifically the urogenital system."

Whether he realized it or not, he was learning all the time. I would bet my entire sweater collection that he had no idea what the urogential system was two weeks ago. Actually, I would be he hadn't know what it was two days ago. He had looked it up, just so he could repeat it correctly and make me laugh. If I could figure out how to take that enthusiasm for pleasing me and turn it into enthusiasm for pleasing his teachers, there was no reason his grades wouldn't improve. "Nasty boy."

"Yep." He studied me through his lashes. "I'll show you how nasty I can be a little later."

Suddenly my pajama pants were getting way too tight and I had to focus my attention elsewhere before I did something embarrassing. Rachel was still talking, so I listened to her instead. If there was ever a quick cure for an inappropriate hard on, it was listening to Rachel Berry for more then 10 seconds at a stretch.

"-Of course we can't accept any payment. Just getting out there and being seen is payment enough for us. Plus, I believe that accepting monetary payment might negate-" 

Finn yawned. "She should speak for herself. I could sure use some extra money." He nudged my shoulder with his own. "After all, I have a boyfriend to take places now."

By all that was holy (and by 'all that was holy' I meant Prada, Gucci, and Vera Wang), I was totally in love with Finn Hudson. "That's very sweet, but I can pay for stuff half of the time, too." After all, I wasn't his bitch.

_Really? I beg to differ_. _You are totally Finn's bitch, but, if things keep going the way they have been, that's not such a bad thing._

"I know, but I like taking care of you. You make me feel like I'm important to someone."

"You are incredibly important to me, but I like taking care of you, too." I wanted this to be a relationship of equals, not one where big bad Finn had to take care of the poor little weakling Kurt.

"Yeah, I guess."

Whatever else he might have been planning to say, it was drowned out by Rachel sharply clapping her hands. "Guys, guys!"

She was breaking up about 6 different conversations, so it took a minute for everyone to look over. "Taking monetary payment for this commercial violates the bylaws of the Ohio Show Choir rule book, but we've been offered a dozen brand new mattresses!"

I wouldn't have considered it that exciting, except for Finn's whisper of 'awesome, we can screw on at least two of them!' Suddenly a brand new mattress sounded pretty sweet.

"The company is going to deliver them to the school, so we can take them from there. It might be kind of cool if Mr. Shue saw them first, though. Maybe we could leave them in his office tonight, then take them home tomorrow?

"Mr. Shue is gone for the day, which means his office is going to be locked. How are we going to get the mattresses into his office?" Tina was only half paying attention to what was going on. She was much more interested in trailing her fingers over Artie's in a private form of sign language.

"Leave Shuester's office to me. The locks on in this school suck ass." Puck was flexing his biceps as he spoke and I found it a little hard to look away.

"Alright, so it's decided. As the two strongest, Puck and Finn will go to the school and help unload the mattresses. I'll go along to supervise."

There was no way that I was going to leave Finn alone with Rachel Berry, even if Puck would be there. "I'll give the three of you a ride. I have to take Finn home anyway, because his backpack is still at my place."

Puck had stood up and was now trying to find his boots in the pile by the door. "I have my truck, so why don't you take Finn, and I'll take Rach? What do you say, Berry? Us Jews need to stick together. You know, maybe talk about having a joint Hanukah celebration this year?"

She blushed and picked lightly at her pajama top. "Alright, Noah, that sounds lovely. Let me get my bag."

Puck shot Finn and I a quick look. "You two owe me so much." He pointed at Finn. "Call of Duty 3 is mine for the next month, Finny. Also, I want Halo. Hummel, you owe me something, too."

"Deal." Finn held up his fist, and Puck gave it a quick bump. This made twice that Noah Puckerman had stood up for me, which might have been the most surprising part of the entire past three weeks.

The rest of the group dispersed while us four found our shoes (and in Finn's case, spent 5 entire minutes trying to tie the laces.) and went back to our respective cars. I ended up behind Puck's piece of crap truck, listening to the engine rattle. "He needs to have the muffler looked at."

"It's been like that since he got it." Finn stretched his legs out in front of himself. Then he chuckled. "So, you do realize that we're about to break into Mr. Shuester's office, wearing nothing but matching pajamas? Can you imagine what people are going to think if they see us?"

It _was_ kind of funny. "Can you imagine what Coach Sylvester would think?"

That made us both start laughing, because, honestly, we had no idea what she might think. Sue Sylvester was not only a mystery to us students, but to the entire faculty as well. I strongly suspected that she wasn't even human. Finn maintained that she was a cyborg, like in some horrible movie that he had insisted we watch one day.

When we finally got to the school, it was pretty much deserted. There was a back door that was kind of close to Mr. Shue's office, and we were able to get in without being seen. Of course, with the way Puck was strutting around, no one would have dared challenge us any way. He made it look like it was completely normal to be walking down the hallway in his bare feet, wearing nothing but a pair of fancy pajamas. Sometimes I envy his confidence.

I stood guard while Puck picked the lock on Mr. Shuester's door and Finn and two of the employee's from the store brought in all 12 mattresses. I had been worried about Finn's arm, but he kept insisting that it was fine and he wouldn't strain it. By the time the 3rd mattress had been unloaded; Puck had the door open and was moving the desk back so we could put them inside. Rachel, naturally, did her part by standing around and barking orders at the rest of us.

Once we had them all stacked up, the store employee, who I was just now realizing was named Max, shook our hands and left, getting back to the store or home, wherever he went after hours. Rachel was absolutely starry eyed, staring at the enormous stack. "Wow."

"Yeah, it's great." Finn stretched his arms up over his head, drawing my attention to his stomach. "Mr. Shue's going to be so excited when he sees how good we did."

"Well." Both Rachel and I corrected him at that same time and he rolled his eyes. "When he sees how _well_ we did."

He could roll his eyes all he wanted, but he wouldn't make the same mistake again, I knew it. Before I could do anything to defend him to Rachel, though, Puck spoke up. "Berry, you ready?" Then he said something in what I could only assume was Hebrew, something that had her smiling. "Ok. Let me just run and grab one thing from the practice room and I'll meet you at your truck." Then she was gone, moving faster then I would have given her credit for.

Finn was staring at the stack of mattresses, then at me, then back at the mattresses. It didn't take Einstein to figure out what was going through his brain. Also? I would totally be a liar if I claimed that the thought didn't turn me on. 

Puck smirked. "You two are totally going to do it as soon as we leave, aren't you? In Shuester's office, too. Nice." He slapped me on the shoulder. "I wouldn't have thought you had it in you, Hummel. You either, Finny."

I suppose that I should have been mortified that Noah Puckerman knew that I was about to get lucky, but I was so grateful to him for taking care of Rachel for me, that I couldn't summon the energy.

Finn laughed. "Learned from the best, Dude."

They fist bumped again and he left, promising to keep Rachel distracted long enough for her not to realize we weren't leaving parking lot. Finn watched them go, one eyebrow rising slightly. "Let's do it on top of all of them."

Ok, one of us had to show a little common sense. "With as wild as you get, we're going to end up falling off and you'll break your other arm, if not your neck."

"As wild as I get?" He looked utterly incredulous. "I'm sorry; I think you're the one who goes crazy! Plus, you scream like a wildcat in heat every single time. After you're done cursing, of course."

Damn, he was right about that. "Well, you bite! Do you have any idea how much concealed I'm wearing right now? It's not like I can wear a scarf with this outfit!"

"I said I was sorry." With surprising grace, Finn jumped up and grabbed the top mattress, sending it crashing to the floor. "Puck was right, this is a good idea."

He started to take the plastic off, but I stopped him. "How are we doing to explain why one of them is not only opened, but covered in mysterious stains? Rachel would probably have it DNA tested, and that is _not_ how I want her to find out."

That made us both giggle a little, because it was so true. Then Finn looked past me and a devilish smile graced his lips. "Ok. No screwing around on the brand new mattress, I promise."

Then his hands were underneath my arms and he swung me up to sit on the edge of Mr. Shue's desk. "What are you-oh no, absolutely not."

_Kurt Hummel, you shut your mouth! If he wants to blow us on Shuester's desk, then he can blow us on Shuester's desk. If you screw this up for us, I will make damn sure you don't get any for the next month!_

"Why not?" He was already trying to get my pajama pants down. "I thought you liked it the last time. Was I, like, not good at it or something?"

"Finn, there is no such thing as a bad blow job. You were fantastic last time. I mean like fashion show in Milan fantastic, but this is a bad idea. I mean, we're in our teacher and coach's office, where anyone could walk in and see us." I could barely force myself to say the words. Was I really attempting to turn down a blow job?

"Ok, how about this?" He walked over and locked the door. "Frosted glass, no one can see in."

_Oh live a little! This is the sort of thing you can write into the gay Penthouse Forum about. _

I was distracted by the thought of a gay Penthouse Forum, and Finn must have taken my silence as acquiescence, because suddenly my entire lower half was cold as he yanked my pants off. "Finn!" I was getting less shocked and more turned on by the second.

"Hmm?" He was lightly kissing down my collarbone, taking special care to keep his lips very light on my skin. I had raised hell about the hickey when it happened, but there was a certain dirty thrill that came from seeing his mark on my neck every morning. Not that I would ever let him know that, because I didn't want him to do it again, but I was slightly disappointed that it was fading so quickly.

"I…uh…I…." The lower he kissed, the harder it got to remember why I didn't want to do it. "Oh, fuck it, let's do this."

He was currently somewhere about midchest and getting lower, but he paused, one hand on the desk and the other on my thigh. "Things will be good now."

I didn't know whether he meant with the blow job, or he and I, or just life in general, but I sensed that it was important to him that I agree. "Of course they will."

"Good." He resumed what he had been doing.

"Good-oh shit!" All rational thought fled as he finally got where he was going. "Fuck, fuck, holy shit, fuck me, fuck."

For some crazy reason, that started Finn laughing, the vibrations traveling up from his chest and into his mouth. This, naturally, made me curse more and louder, which made him laugh harder which-yeah, you get the point. Then everything got confusing and I wasn't sure where I ended and Finn began. If this was what getting a blow job was, I couldn't even imagine sex. Actually, yes I could, I did it about 10 times an hour.

Then it was over and Finn was coughing and choking a little while I was trying to catch my breath_. _He either couldn't read the signals that I was about to cum or thought he was supposed to swallow, but, either way, he hadn't quite mastered it. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "Oh, yeah. I'm good."

_ Good job, you lasted a minute and a half that time. _The smugness in Galinda's voice made me want to smack her. _Oh, that's being generous. It was more like 45 seconds. Don't worry, though, that's _twice_ as long as last time._

I moved to kiss Finn, but he turned his head at the last second. "What?" I tried not to sound as hurt as I felt.

He flushed and licked his lips. "Um, you know." When I didn't reply he looked down and continued. "If you kiss me, you'll be able to taste…"

Oh. I hadn't really thought about tasting my own cum, and I wondered if it was an individual thing or if it all kind of tasted the same. Still, the thought held a certain appeal, and if I was ever gong to get up the courage to offer to reciprocate the blow job, I needed to figure it out. "I don't care, I want a kiss."

"Ok." Don't get me wrong, I love getting off, but I really love kissing Finn, too. He always seems to know whether it should be sweet and tender or passionate. I fixed my pants and reached up, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck so I could pull him down to me. His mouth was bitter, not the good taste that he usually had, but not terrible either. I could get used to it.

His heart beat a rapid thump against my chest, a Morse code that I didn't quite understand. "Do you want me to…" I steadied my voice. "Do you want me to blow you?" 

"Yes. But do you want to? I don't want to force you to do anything." He stroked his fingers up and down on my back. "If you aren't ready, just use your hand. It's fine, I like being with you either way." 

Who would have ever thought that Finn Hudson would be the more mature, rational one of us? I didn't want to admit what I said next. "I don't think that I am ready."

"That's alright. When you're ready, you'll be ready." He kissed me again, then offered a wry grin. "Just don't say that you aren't ready, then blow Puck. As long as you don't do that, it's ok."

"I would never blow Puck. If he's lucky, he might get to see me with my shirt off after the game. Everything else is just for you."

His eyes told me that those words meant more to him then any blow job. "Yeah, you're the only one for me, too."

Finn had been right earlier, things were going to be good now. We had just made a commitment to each other, one that would hopefully last a long time. "Thank you, Finn Hudson."

_I love you._


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: **I always forget to make one before up upload! Thank you for all the nice reviews and comments! Also? That shit storm you guys have been predicting? Yeah, it's here.**

Kurt POV

Finn was certainly in a good mood this morning. He had not only been ready on time, he had actually been standing out on his front porch, dancing around like a fool when I pulled up. Naturally, I thought it was the most adorable thing I had ever seen, but I did have to wonder what his neighbors thought sometimes. They better all think good things about him, or they would have me to deal with.

I beeped the horn once, interrupting….honestly, I wasn't really sure what to call the dance Finn was doing. Possibly the decapitated chicken, or maybe the epileptic hippo. Still, it was awesome and wonderful and I would have totally been out there dancing with him if we hadn't had to be to school. Love made you do some incredibly stupid things, I guess.

At the quick beep, Finn grabbed his backpack and raced to the car, jumping in with enough force to cause the entire thing to shake. "Morning, Spider Monkey!"

God I wished I could bottle his enthusiasm. "Good morning, Cowboy." I leaned towards him, and he immediately obliged me with a kiss. Even though there wasn't any tongue, it was still enough to make me shiver. "What has you in such a good mood?"

"Don't you remember? Mr. Shue's going to help us pick our stuff for Sectionals today. Maybe you'll get your solo!" 

Actually, I had forgotten that. With everything that had happened over the past three weeks, Sectionals, and my possible solo, had just drifted into the back of my mind. I started to get a little excited myself. "No, I didn't remember. I hope I get the solo, too, though."

Kind of. I mean, I really wanted the chance to shine, but I had gotten so much recently that it seemed a little selfish to ask for more. I couldn't help but feel like it was too good to be true already. Plus, I hadn't really found an appropriate song, now that 'Defying Gravity' was out of the picture. "We'll see, I guess."

Though it was kind of sweet that he was just as excited at the possibility of me getting a solo as he was about the rest of it. Miss Rachel could take a lesson from him about sharing. "I want to do 'Don't Stop Believing'. It's our first real song, and we're good at it."

"I concur. That means agree." I clarified the term for him before he could ask. By now I was pretty good at guessing what he might or might not know. "'Proud Mary' would be good, too. It's a common song, but an unusual performance and that counts for a lot, too. Theatricality is important."

He hummed happily. "How many songs are we supposed to pick again?"

I had read over the rules several times in the past few days. "It depends on how long the songs are. We each get 15 minutes, including time between numbers and costume changes if we have any. Our group probably won't, since we don't really have the money for multiple outfits." Of course, the Cheerios had enough money to fly to France last month, something that made me die a little inside when I thought of the shopping I was missing, but we were the Glee club, and we didn't bring in the cold hard cash that they did. Plus, Mr. Shue isn't even one tenth as scary as Coach Sylvester, who I think is blackmailing Figgins, anyway.

Finn counted on his fingers. "So, five minutes for each song, more or less, then we can fit in 3. But if we do 'Don't Stop Believing' and 'Proud Mary', then the solo has to be the ballad, right? Because otherwise it would be too much time. Or did I add wrong?"

"No, you added right, and you are correct. Or we can do a ballad as a group and there won't be a solo. It's not required for us to have one, you know."

"But then you won't get to sing." He sounded so sad that I had to smile at his worry. "I want you to get the solo because you're my boyfriend and I think you're the best."

"And I think you're the sweetest. Anyway, I don't have to get a solo in front of everyone to feel good, I promise. The fact that you think I'm the best is plenty amazing." I rubbed his leg. "You just want to show me off."

"Nah. Not until after Sectionals, right? Then I can show you off to the whole Glee club and it'll be good. Everything will be good now."

He sounded like that would be the best thing that could possibly happen. Like he had been waiting his entire life to be able to look at the Glee club and say 'Yes, this is my boyfriend, this is Kurt.' I squeezed his knee. "It's already good."

"But it will be better." He yawned lazily as he spoke, the words a little hard to understand.

This was the second night in a row he had said something like that, and it struck me as odd. There was a desperation behind the words, something that made me nervous. "You keep saying that."

"I want it to be true." His voice was low, almost a whisper. "I want things to be good now, because so many bad things have happened."

The soft confession made the hair on the back of my neck rise. "It will be, I promise."

_Don't make promises you can't keep. It's unlikely that anything else will go wrong right now, but unlikely isn't impossible_.

"Bad things come in threes. Quinn, Mom, who's next?" His mood had changed so drastically from a few minute ago that I had no idea what to say. I just looked at him and waited for him to either continue or drop the subject.

He dropped it. "I guess it doesn't matter, though. I mean, I didn't see the other stuff coming, why should I see this coming?" He arched his back against the seat, hands reaching up to touch the cars ceiling. "So, do you have to work after school today?"

For a split second, I considered lying and telling him that I did. But Dad was going to shut down the garage today, and if Finn found out I had told such a stupid lie, his feelings would be hurt, so I shook my head instead. "No, but Dad needs me at home. Cleaning and stuff."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed. "Ok, then."

"You are a total horn dog." I tapped his leg again.

He chuckled, but his eyes were still strained and worried. Sometimes Finn can be a bit of a worrywart, but there had to be something else going on. "Are you sleeping alright?" He had mentioned one nightmare, but I was willing to bet that it was two or more. I had looked it up online, and dreaming about being chased was classic anxiety. Since I had no idea which of the thousand things that Finn had to be anxious about was troubling him right now, I figured he was about due for more nightmares.

"Um, no. I slept pretty good last night." He was such a bad liar.

I wanted to invite Finn over to my place so he could at least get in another nap (and if we had a repeat of what had led to the earlier nap, that was alright with me also), except for one small thing. I wasn't going to be at my place. Dad was closing the garage so he could take me bowling for the first time, and I was so excited for that that I could barely keep from bouncing around like, well….Finn. "Ok, then. You know you can call me any time, right?"

"Yep. Can we get coffee again?" He didn't need or even really want it, but he wanted the subject changed and I had to respect that.

"Sure. Do you want a muffin?" If I could do nothing else, and I didn't think I could do much else at this point, I could give him enough sugar and caffeine to blast him through the day.

"Only if you'll share it. After all, it's actually 2 servings and that's way too much sugar and white flower for any one person." Be still my heart. Had Finn actually just remembered a dietary tip? I would have thought he would cram the entire muffing down, just like my father did.

"I might be convinced to have a nibble." Not half, though, even if Finn could be convinced to get blueberry instead of chocolate. The tiny little bits of fruit did not add up to even a portion of a serving, despite what Finn had tried to convince me of last time.

"Sweet. Muffin and coffee." Any earlier depression vanished, and he was just regular old happy Finn again. I pulled up to the window and ordered, carefully counting out the money. It was the way things had become. I paid for coffee and muffins in the morning, Finn paid for our dates at night. It was vaguely and approximately equal, and it eliminated any arguments about who paid.

To appease Finn, I did eat some of the muffin that he was offering. Actually, I probably ate more then my fair share, because he insisted on feeding me little bits of it until it was gone. Fortunately, we were at school by now, so I didn't end up wrapping my baby around a tree. Even better, I could focus on wrapping my lips around his fingers, which had him panting in no time.

_There's a word for boys like you, Kurt. It's called being a cocktease. When you do what you're doing, you're all but promising him a blow job later tonight. Are you actually going to follow through this time?_

That wasn't true, was it? Finn had been really, really understanding about me not wanting to blow him yesterday, but I could kind of see where she was coming from. I was being a little on the slutty side. I wasn't really sure what my hang up about it was. I mean, I wanted to, and it was embarrassing that Finn was willing to try something that I wasn't, but I just couldn't seem to do it. Finn was really good at it pretty much right away and what if I wasn't? I mean, I do have a pretty sensitive gag reflex and all.

_So what? It's not like he has anything to compare it to. If you need to watch 24 straight hours of porn and practice on an entire box of popsicles, do it. Just remember: go slow, and you don't have to swallow if you don't want to. Are you really going to let Finn Hudson get the best of you?_

Well, when she put it like that, I guessed I could put in a little practice. "Finn?" My mouth moved without me realizing that it was going to.

"What?" He was going through his backpack, muttering to himself about this math homework.

"Am I a cocktease?" I hated how pathetic my voice sounded.

"All the time, dude. All the time." He smiled at me, a big one, not his usual lopsided smirk. "I like it though. Well, sometimes. I don't like it too much when you get me all hot and bothered in a diner. But I think we sorted that out."

"No, I mean right now." I picked at my sleeve. "Am I being a cock tease by doing that with your fingers but not giving you a blow job? Do I have to do it now?"

"No way. Dude, that's kind of like rape right? Me saying that you have to do something right now, even if you don't want to? That's gross. As long as I get off in the end, I don't care if you don't want to give me a blow job right now."

Trust Finn to say the perfect thing. I kissed him, tasting the coffee and muffin on his lips. "Thank you, Finn."

He smiled back. "So, I think things are pretty good right now, how about you? Like all this crap happened, but things will be better now, because they can't get much worse. Except for you and me, that's been the most awesome part of all of this."

_Way to challenge fate there, Cowboy. _Galinda sounded like she was half sarcastic and half pitying.

"So, I'm worth the shattered arm?" I considered popping on my sunglasses, but realized how ridiculous that would be, considering that the sun wasn't quite up yet.

"You would be worth two shattered arms. Oh, and legs, too. As long as I didn't break my dick, you would be worth breaking everything else." He stroked down my back, letting me know that he knew I was feeling needy and insecure, and that he loved me, even if he couldn't say the words.

"Thanks, Finn." He stepped out and raced around the car so he could open my door for me. I must spend an hour every day wondering just what it was that I did to deserve Finn Hudson.

Together we walked into the school, just a few minutes before the bell. It was never a good idea to get there too early, as the teachers were generally busy making last minute lesson plans, and any number of slushies could be thrown or people tossed into dumpsters.

"I'll see you in Spanish, alright?" He gave my shoulder a light punch, which was apparently the only acceptable way for two boys to touch each other when they were in public. He did it as gently as possible, though, so gently that he didn't even wrinkle my jacket.

I started to tell him that I would see him then, when we were interrupted by a sharp voice. "Finn Hudson, come over here immediately."

My blood ran cold. Sue Sylvester was a terrifying spectacle at the best of times, and any time she sought out a member of the Glee club, it meant someone was going to be crushed under her sneaker. What was even more frightening was that she had called Finn by name. Coach Sylvester never called anyone by name, not even her beloved Cheerios. Of course, their nicknames were a lot nicer then the ones she gave the rest of the students, but I couldn't recall her ever using a given name. Her pale eyes were fixed on him, much the way a cat will fix on a bug that it's done playing with and was now ready to devour. I had seen the same look in Karofsky's eyes the day he had tried to get me out of the school and away from anyone who could help me. This was endgame, and Coach Sylvester knew that whatever she was about to do to Finn would move far beyond just him.

Finn knew it, too, and he actually backed up a step. But she was in authority, and he couldn't very well disobey her. She snapped her fingers at him like he was a dog and he took a few tentative steps forward. I wanted to get in between them and pull him away, but there was really nothing I could do. She was a teacher and he was a student, and if she wanted him for some reason, there was nothing I could do to stop it. Her eyes met mine, and I was stunned by the evil triumph lurking in them. "Did anyone ask you to stay, Gay Kid? You'll have Finn here back by sing time, completely unharmed. That is, of course, if there is a Glee club by the time I'm finished. Come on, sweetie." In opposition to her harsh tone when she had spoken to me, she was overly sweet with Finn, almost saccharine.

He was stiff and fearful by the time he actually got to her, no doubt expecting her to grow talons and lunge for him. She didn't though. Instead she really looked at him, then sighed softly and put her hand on his shoulder, nudging him into her office. "Come on, Quarterback."

I hung around her closed door, waiting and listening, even spying far past the bell, but I couldn't hear anything. Whatever she was saying, Finn accepted it in silence. Finally, I had no choice but to go to class, which earned me an evil eye from the history teacher. I shrugged tiredly and set about spacing out for the entire class. Mercedes tried to catch my eye, but I just shook my head at her. I would try after class.

As soon as the bell rang, her fingers were around my arm. "What's wrong?" 

As quickly and clearly as I could, I explained what had happened with Finn and Coach Sylvester. "It was weird. She was all over Finn, almost sweet to him. But she was her usual self to me. It's almost like she felt bad for him."

"Sue Sylvester doesn't feel bad for anyone. And when's the last time she noticed Finn anyway?"

"I know. She even called him by name." It was a comfort to know that Mercedes thought this entire thing was weird as well, that I wasn't just imagining danger like I tended to do. "She's going after the Glee club again, I know she is, but I don't know why or how."

"Maybe she's in there torturing him for our secrets." Mercedes narrowed her eyes. "Think he'll spill?"

"Mercedes, we don't _have_ any secrets. She's still technically our second coach, so if she asks, Mr. Shue has to tell her everything."

"Oh, yeah. Well, it's only another hour before you can get the story from Finn, anyway, right? She's probably just trying to scare us. I'll bet she took Finn in front of you just so you would tell me, and we would all panic, and it would turn out to be for no reason at all."

It made a certain amount of sense, and I wanted very badly to believe it, but I couldn't. Coach Sylvester actually had something this time; I had read it in her eyes. "Maybe. But Mercedes?" She looked up and nodded encouragingly. "I think its worse then that. She seemed really confident that she was going to bring the Glee club down this time."

She nodded. "I'll call around; let everyone know that something is going on. You get the truth from Finn, and we'll go from there. Now chin up and shoulders back. You are Kurt Hummel, and you are not going to slink around like a kicked puppy."

"Thanks, Mercedes." I drug myself off to math, counting the minutes until Spanish class, where I could be with Finn again.

Only Finn wasn't in Spanish. His desk remained stubbornly empty, even after the bell had rang. Mr. Shue looked at it, then at me. "Kurt? Donde esta Finn?" 

"No sabe." I whispered the words into the table. It wasn't like Finn to be late to class. He might not retain much of what happened once he was there, but he did try and show up on time.

Mr. Shuester's eyes narrowed. "Puck, donde esta Finn?"

"Finn es-"Puck groped for the word, then made a horrifyingly realistic retching sound.

"Finn esta infirma? Donde es?" He seemed genuinely worried about Finn, but, then, he worries about all of us. Finn's his favorite, though, we all know it.

"Con el….con el…" Puck was getting increasingly frustrated, before he threw up his hands and growled. "Con el nurse-o, shit, I don't know."

"Language, Puck. As long as Finn is being taken care of, we need to get back to our lesson. Now irregular verbs…"

I waited 15 minutes, long enough so it wouldn't seem suspicious, then softly and correctly asked for the bathroom. I didn't need it, of course, but if we had been reduced to using a lunch lady as a nurse, I was willing to bet that Finn was alone up there. He hadn't been sick this morning, not until Coach Sylvester got a hold of him, and I had to know what she had done. Mr. Shue gave me a distracted nod, and went back to helping Britney understand what a verb was period, much less an irregular one.

Unfortunately, it wasn't close enough to lunch for all of the cafeteria workers to be needed, so one of them was sitting watch in the nurse's office. Just past her, I could see Finn laying on the cot, his back turned to me. Every fiber of my being ached to run to him, but the evil glare of his watcher held me back. "Can I help you?"

For a second, I was thrown. I wasn't bleeding or bruised, and I wasn't pale enough to fake sick. I tried anyway. "Uh, my Spanish teacher sent me down here because I wasn't feeling well."

It sounded weak, even to my own ears, and I knew it wasn't going to work. This was a woman who was lied to every day, multiple times, and she knew how to recognize a fib. "Really? I don't care if you didn't study; get your ass back to class. You aren't sick and don't waste both of our times pretending you are. I have a genuinely sick student to deal with." She gestured at Finn, who hadn't moved in the slightest. I had been hoping he would recognize my voice, but he must have actually been asleep.

There was nothing left for me to do except go back to class and pretend that I had been in the bathroom this entire time. My heart was aching already without Finn, but I would just have to accept that I had done what I could. Maybe I could sneak in and see him closer to lunch.

Mr. Shue gave me a look that was both questioning and knowing, and I shrugged my shoulders. He knew that I had been to see Finn, but I hadn't been able to speak to him, so I didn't even know what was wrong.

The bell rang while I was still sitting there, staring at the tabletop and picking at my nails until I ruined them. The feeling of wrongness continued to swirl in my gut, and, if this went on much longer, I might actually throw up and need the nurse myself. Mr. Shue sat down at his desk. "Kurt, can you stay after class, please?" 

I didn't want to. If Finn was sick, he needed me to be with him. But I couldn't be, so I nodded numbly and came to stand at the edge of his desk. Mr. Shue gave me a strange half smile and touched my arm. "What's wrong? Not just with Finn, but with you, too."

I wondered what Finn had already told him. Maybe nothing, we had agreed on that after all. Maybe everything. Finn very much looked up to Mr. Shue, and he might have confessed something, not with bad intentions, but to get an outside opinion on what he should do about various things. God knew, he didn't seem to be fumbling in our relationship as much as I was. Then again, what did Mr. Shue know about gay men and the struggles in their relationships?

_Come on, do you honestly think he's a straight man with that hair?_

I laughed at Galinda's comment, only it came out more like a sob. I couldn't tell Mr. Shue the truth about Finn and I, not when I could barely admit it to myself how much I loved him. So I went with the next best truth. "It's Coach Sylvester."

His eyes darkened, becoming cold in the fluorescent lights. "What's she done this time?" His hand rose, like he wanted to touch me in some way, but then he let it drop. I wasn't Finn, and I didn't appreciate being touched by someone I didn't really know that well. At least that was what I kept trying to tell myself. But I couldn't quite shake the feeling of Carol Hudson's arms around me, and it made me wonder if I wouldn't mind another person doing the same thing. But not now. Now I had to focus on what I was trying to tell Mr. Shue.

"I don't know. She was there this morning when Finn and I got to school, and she wanted to talk to him. Just him, she made me leave." My voice was rising steadily as I tried to make him understand how bad this really was. "She said that she just needed him for a few minutes, but she kind of implied that there wouldn't be a Glee club later on, so I don't know what she said or did to him." Tears started to roll down my face at the memory of the look in Finn's eyes right before the door closed. "He didn't want to go with her, but he had to because she's a teacher."

Mr. Shue reached into the desk and pulled out a box of tissues. "It's alright, Kurt, stay calm." He waited until I had wiped my eyes and blown my nose before he continued. "So, Sue took Finn, who had been perfectly healthy up until that point, and the next thing we know, he's throwing up. I'm going to have to have a talk with her. This has gone too far."

I hated myself for what I was about to do, but I pressed my fingers, still wet with tears, to his hand. "Please don't tell her that I told on her." It might make me a coward, but Sue Sylvester scared the crap out of me. She was a woman with no attachments, except to her job, so she had nothing to lose. Since I was almost certain she was somehow blackmailing Figgins, her job wasn't in the slightest bit of jeopardy. She could destroy me, destroy Finn, destroy the Glee club, and, in my heart, I knew that she would get away with it.

"Don't worry; I won't mention you at all. Now, are you alright to go to your next class, or do you need to stay here for a few minutes? It's my free period."

"I'm ok, as long as you write me a note." I was slowly warming up to other people, but old habits die really hard, and I couldn't force myself to be too close to anyone, even Mr. Shue. Plus, I knew if I left now, he would see Coach Sylvester immediately, and hopefully we would get the full story about what had happened by practice this afternoon.

"Of course." He scrawled out a quick note, telling my biology instructor that I had been with him and apologizing for keeping me late. "There you go, and I'll see you in practice this afternoon."

"Thanks." I paused in the doorway, getting my nonchalant mask back on and rubbing my eyes quickly to erase any evidence of tears. Alright, I could do this.

The rest of the day passed in a sort of a tense blur. Finn wasn't at lunch, which didn't surprise me, but he was also missing from the nurse's office when I snuck in to take a peek at him. Carol was working a double shift, so I knew that she hadn't been there to pick him up. Maybe he had felt better after a nap, and he was attending his afternoon classes?

_Please. If Finn thought he could get out of all of his classes by being pitiful, he would. You and I both know him better then that. He's somewhere around here, but he doesn't want to be found right now. Let it go._

It was sound advice, even if it wasn't particularly what I wanted to hear. All I wanted to do was take Finn home with me and tuck him into bed, where he would be safe and protected. After all, with the amount of shit he had been through in the past few weeks, he needed someone to love him.

The final bell rang, which meant I had 45 minutes to Glee practice. Usually I used the time to get a snack and gossip with Mercedes, so I reflexively started looking for her. She wasn't in the auditorium, which was where I usually found her, so I decided to try the library. I was almost there when I heard a fluttery voice calling my name. "Kurt! Kurt Hummel!"

Ms. Pillsbury? I had no idea why she might want me, considering the only time we had had any real interaction was when I had barfed on her shoes that one time. Still, I turned to her. "Yes?"

"You need to get to the choir room and control Finn now! I'm afraid he's going to hit Will!"

It took me a minute to process not only that Finn was in trouble, but to realize that by 'Will' she meant Mr. Shue. How had Finn gone from being too sick to attend class to ready to hit his favorite teacher in one afternoon? My feet were moving before I really understood what was happening, though. If Finn needed me, I would go, period.

_I guess he was right, wasn't he? Bad things come in threes and the biggest shitstorm of all is about to come raining down on you guys._

The entire Glee club was standing there; mouths open as they watched Finn and Mr. Shuester face off. Puck was behind Finn, waiting, but unwilling to make a grab for him too soon and risk having the Frankenteen's fury turned on him.

That wouldn't happen. I was completely used to Finn's body language by now, and he wasn't going to hit Mr. Shue. He was angry, yes, but more then that, he was hurt and frightened. He wasn't going to lash out physically and I knew it, so I had no fear walking up to behind Finn and wrapping my arms around his chest, pinning his arms to his body. He could have fought free, of course, considering the difference in our size and strength but he didn't.

He didn't acknowledge me either. His entire focus was on Mr. Shue, and trying to figure out what had just happened to him. "Tell the truth!" His voice wanted to scream, I could tell, but he was so tense that all that came out was a throaty whisper. "Please, tell the truth." As always when Finn was really and truly crushed, there were no tears. The tears would come later.

Mr. Shue held up his hands, looking close to tears himself. "Finn, who told you this?"

Like he actually needed to ask. I tightened my grip, squeezing Finn as tightly as I dared. "Obviously it was Coach Sylvester."

I saw the recognition dawn in Mr. Shuester's eyes, and I knew that whatever Finn had found out, it was bad. Finn shook his head softly. "Yeah, it was Coach Sylvester, but I want to hear it from you."

Galinda was screaming at me to keep my mouth shut and let this all play out, but I ignored her. "Finn, calm down."

He spun sharply to the side, breaking my grip and staring at me with huge, nearly black, eyes. "You're just placating me!" His head swung back and forth between us, and I couldn't do anything to calm him. "No! He's lying to me!" He turned back to Mr. Shuester. His voice, which had risen when he spoke to me, retreated back to that hoarse whisper. "Is it true? Just tell me, is it true?"

Mr. Shue looked down, then up, nodding minutely. When he spoke, his voice was far smaller then Finn's. "Yes. I'm the one who put the drugs in your locker."

I had no idea what he was talking about and, from the other confused faces in the room, neither did anyone else. Finn was frozen now, blinking pitifully and working his jaw as he struggled to process it all. Finally he took a choking breath. "So all that stuff you said, about it being a felony, and no one would believe me if I peed in the cup and proved I wasn't taking drugs, you just…made that up?"

This had just gotten even more confusing, but I was unwilling to interrupt the strange dynamic between them. Mr. Shue started to apologize, but Finn shook his head. "Screw this."

He swung wildly to point at people, first Rachel, then Mercedes, then Artie and Tina, and finally me. "How many of you knew? You're liars, every one of you!" Now he was starting to cry, and I could do nothing to either help him or comfort him, because I still had no idea what was going on.

"I'm done with you." Even though he was no longer pointing directly at me, I couldn't help but feel like he was speaking to me and me alone. "I'm done with all of you!" Without a further word, he turned and walked out of the practice room, kicking over a stack of chairs as he went.

Chasing him at this point would do nothing and I knew it. He was hurting, and all that I would accomplish would be to turn his anger on myself. So I stood there in shock and watched the best thing that had ever happened to me disappear down the hallway.

Silence reigned in the suddenly airless room. Mercedes touched her hand to my shoulder. "Damn. What just happened?"

I squeezed her fingers, desperate for the contact. "I don't know."


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: I'm glad to see that other people think that Will should have paid in some way for what he did to Finn. The next chapter will back up a bit, and be in Finn's POV, so we can see exactly what Sue did to him…**

Kurt POV

Finn had now been gone for 8 hours. Well, seven hours, and 43 minutes, but close enough. He wasn't answering his phone and not only just for me. Rachel had tried with her phone, and Artie with his, but there had been no luck. Even Matt had tried, after pointing out to us that Finn was targeting the original members of the Glee club to accuse of being in conspiracy against him and maybe he would be more responsive to someone who joined later. It hadn't worked.

While we were had all been still standing there in shock, Coach Sylvester had come in, smirking at us all. "I heard a commotion from the hallway, is everything alright?" Every pore of her body exuded a malicious smugness.

Mr. Shue shook his head. "You." His voice was a throaty growl and for a minute I thought he was going to attack her. How could you to this to us? To Finn! What has he ever done to you?"

She wouldn't be cowed. Instead her confidence grew as she stepped right up into his face. "What did he ever do to _you_, William? You put drugs in the locker of a 16 year old boy, all in an attempt to force him to join an after school club. That's not recruitment, that's being drafted and I believe that was outlawed after Vietnam. Mores the pity." The last thee words were spat out with a surprising amount of venom.

Mr. Shue was trying to formulate a response, but there was really nothing for him to say. He was wrong and he had gotten caught and now we were all suffering because of it. She knew it, too, and she pushed her advantage. "Face it, Will. You were entrusted with this club, with the very welfare of minor students, and you blew it. You tricked an impressionable and, in the interest of honesty, not very bright, _child_ just so you could win a _trophy_. I might be hard on my Cheerios, but at least _they_ all know what they're signing up for. You disgust me."

For the first time, she seemed to notice the rest of us, though I knew she had always been aware that we were there. "Enjoy who's been coaching you kiddies, now that you know what he's capable of. I've already spoken to Principal Figgins, and Mr. Shuester is now removed as the head coach of the Glee club. He'll be lucky if he has a job at all by the time this is over. Also, as Assistant Coach? I quit. Have fun at your Sectionals without a male lead, a set list, or a coach. Adios, kids, I have some puppies to euthanize at the local pound." Then she was gone, her sneakers squeaking down the hallway.

We all stood there, staring at Mr. Shue and silently begging him to tell us that she was lying. Only I knew that he wasn't. That was why Finn had suddenly appeared in the Glee club, even though he clearly hadn't wanted to be there. He had given it his all though, mostly because I don't think that Finn knows how to do it any other way. Mr. Shue held up his hands. "She's right guys. I was supposed to be taking care of you, and I let my own insecurities and ego get in the way of that. I'm sorry."

Rachel shook her head. "If anyone knows pulling out all the stops to further a career, it's me. But Finn trusted you so much, how could you do that to him?"

He shook his head. "It wasn't like that. I just…I knew that Finn was talented, and that he would never join without a nudge, and I….." He shook his head. "Sue's right. I wanted to keep the Glee club going, and I did what was best for my own self instead of looking out of Finn, or even for the rest of you. I should have found a different way, but I didn't. Then Finn seemed so happy, and he was really bonding with you guys, and I just…it seemed like if I told him the truth, it would spoil everything."

Funny, that seemed to be everyone's justification for lying to Finn. It'll break Finn's heart to find out he's not the father, I can't tell him. If I tell Finn that his father committed suicide, then he'll lose his hero worship of the man. If I tell Finn that I blackmailed him into joining the Glee club by hiding drugs in his locker, he'll quit. No one gave Finn any credit for being strong enough to hear these things from the start.

"So now he can't trust you either." Quinn toyed with her hair, twirling a strand around her fingers. "He can't trust me, he can't trust Puck, he can't trust anyone. Poor Finn."

I wanted to say something rude to her, but she seemed genuinely upset by it all so I kept quiet. Plus, I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would end up not only saying something horrible to Mr. Shue, but that I would reveal my real relationship with Finn.

Everyone kind of started talking at once, then, and I was having a hard time processing it all. The words washed over me as I looked at each person in turn. Mercedes shook her head. "You didn't nudge Finn; you pushed him as hard as you could. That was cruel." Her hands left my body so they could rest on her hips. "I might not be Finn's biggest fan all of the time, but that was just down low and dirty."

Britney touched me from the other side. "What did Coach Sylvester mean when she said that we wouldn't have a set list?"

I sighed softly. Was that really all she had gotten out of what had just happened? The threat about the set list was probably the empty one of the three.

Matt and Mike were conversing among themselves, too quiet for me to hear. They could have been discussing the situation with Finn, or girls, of even wondering if they should have just stuck with football, where there was less drama.

"Are you really not our teacher anymore?" Tina was leaning against Artie's wheelchair, her dark eyes locked on Mr. .Shue.

He held up his hands. "I guess not. I'm sorry guys, but you're going to have to figure this one out on your own."

Artie cocked his head. "But don't we need a coach?" 

"Not technically. As a school aged group, we are required to have a chaperone, but our coach is not required to be present. Since the forms were filled out months ago, and Mr. Shue is listed as our coach on them, so we can squeak by there. It's a little dishonest, but that pales in the face of not being able to attend our first real competition."

I never thought I would say this, but I was actually glad for Rachel Berry and her encyclopedic knowledge of the Ohio Show Choir book. "Who's going to take us, though?"

"I can do it. I mean, the competition is in the morning, and I'm not getting married until the afternoon, so there will be plenty of time for both." Another surprise, Ms. Pillsbury was coming through for us.

"Emma, are you sure?" Mr. Shue was all but falling over her, and I spent a few minutes wondering just what it was they saw in each other. They had nothing in common and, if the rumors about her and Coach Tanaka were true, she wouldn't even put out for him. What was the attraction?

_ Hmm, let's see. It seems that I can name someone else who doesn't seem to have much in common with his chosen partner, and who not only won't put out, but won't even give the poor boy a blow job. Who could I possibly be thinking about?_

She had me there. Santana was speaking, though, and her angry voice drowned Galinda's out. "Are you at least going to help with our set list?"

"No." Mr. Shue had tears in his eyes, though I wasn't sure what part of this entire, terrible day he was crying about. "If I help you guys after being fired as coach, and someone finds out, you'll lose your trophy. You guys are smart, and good, and you can do it yourselves. Good luck, guys, I know you'll win." He stood up to leave.

"Wait." Puck was leaning against the wall, his eyes fixed on our former teacher. "What about Finn?" 

Mr. Shue shrugged. "If you know where to find him, you're doing better then I am. Should you see him, let me know so I can apologize in person, but I wouldn't count on him coming back. There's nothing to hold him here anymore."

_I_ should have been enough to hold him to the Glee club. Finn loved me, even if he had never said the words, and he loved the other members of the club, in his own fierce, clumsy way, and I would have thought that would have held him to us, at least until Sectionals were over.

_I wouldn't be so sure about that. I seem to distinctly recall the words 'I'm done with you' coming out of his mouth. Maybe he meant with you specifically, maybe he was blowing off his anger. Shit, maybe he was just talking to Shuester, but you can't be sure that you're enough to keep him any more._

There was no rational explanation for why Galinda was my best friend and voice of reason sometimes, and then could act like such an utter bitch 10 minutes later. It was one of the great mysteries of life, I guess.

"But without him, we only have 11 people. We need 12 to compete." Puck could be surprisingly logical at times. "If we can get Finny back, great. But if not, we need to get someone else, preferably another dude, and we need to do it in two days. It's not gonna happen."

"I know someone." Rachel was all but shuddering in horror. "He's the most repulsive person I know, and I doubt he can sing a note, but I can at least get him to shore up the numbers." She actually did shudder this time. "I might have to promise him my panties, though."

I had to give her credit for stepping up and taking one for the team. We all knew about Jacob Ben Israel and his creepy stalker obsession with her, and I had to admire her sacrifice (and I wasn't just talking about her underwear) in taking him aboard. She visibly cringed at the thought. "But hopefully Finn will come back."

That was my cue to leave. Finn had had enough time to cool down, and he couldn't have gotten far, not considering that I was his ride and there was still a foot of snow on the ground. "Right, well, you try and recruit Jacob, and we'll worry about the rest tomorrow. By then, Finn will have probably gotten over it."

Only Finn wasn't anywhere to be found. I checked the auditorium, even the catwalk and behind the stage, where he sometimes liked to lay on his back and look up at the ceiling, but came up empty. He wasn't in the library, he wasn't in the cafeteria, he wasn't anywhere. Frustrated, I sat down to try and call him, only to find out that he had sent me a text nearly 40 minutes earlier, probably while we were all still fighting in the practice room.

Got Home. Im Ok. Plz Dont Call. Finn.

No nicknames, no 'I love you', not even a 'Talk to you later.' Nothing but a gentle request for me to leave him alone. I sat down on one of the outside benches, not caring that my pants were getting soaked with snow. This was it; I was a single man again.

I knew I was going to cry and I would be damned if I would do it where any of the cretins of McKinley High could see me, so I walked quickly to my baby and threw her in gear. Granted, I only made it two blocks before I had to pull over and start sobbing, but at least no one was around to witness my humiliation. Of course, that meant that no one was around to comfort me either.

Finally I got so congested that I was having trouble breathing, so I forced myself to stop. I had no real proof that Finn was ready to give up on us, and even if he was, I wasn't. I was used to fighting for everything I had, and I wasn't going to let one scared, hurting, teenage boy stand in between me and happiness.

_Finally! Dear God I didn't think you were ever going to grow a pair when it came to Finn Hudson! Now you sit down and you make a plan for how to get your boy back. But let me tell you something right now, before you charge in there and make things even worse. He specifically asked you to leave him alone, so do it, at least for tonight. I know you just want to help, but sometimes it's better to be able to lick your wounds in peace before you can face anyone else._

I didn't necessarily agree with her, but, then, this wasn't about me, it was about Finn and I while I knew that he didn't nurse a grudge for as long as I did, he did need longer to process everything that had happened to him. So, fine, I would let him be for a while.

Dad was already at home when I got there, which was a bit of a surprise. Still, he had started dinner, which meant I could go downstairs and get started on my face, which no doubt looked horrible after my crying jag. He poked his head out of the kitchen. "Hey, Kid, you ready for tonight?"

With everything that had happened, I had totally forgotten that Dad and I were supposed to go bowling tonight. Remembering the reason I had wanted to learn reopened the bleeding injury to my heart and I immediately started crying again. Dad rushed in and grabbed me, feeling my body gently for injuries. "What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?"

I shook my head and buried my face in his neck, crying even harder. After a few minutes I was able to choke out the word "Finn" before dissolving again.

"Finn?" Dad had never been good with sobbing kids, but he was trying and I had to accept that. "Kid, he's alright. I mean, he's just got a little case of the flu, he'll probably be alright in a day or two."

Wait, what? I drew back to look at him. "Huh?"

Now he looked as confused as I did. "Aren't you upset about Finn being sick? He looked pretty bad when I went to pick him up today."

Finn had called my father to come get him, just so he could get away from me? That implied a level of deviousness I wouldn't have given him credit for. "You came and got him? Why didn't you get me at the same time?"

"He said you were still in practice and he didn't want to make you leave early. That Carol was working a double shift and she couldn't come get him, and he just didn't think he could make it through the rest of practice. I had to pull over twice, so I hope you don't come down with the same thing."

"I'm pretty sure I won't, considering that I don't have a boyfriend any more." I managed to get that out without crying at all. See? I was getting over Finn.

"You don't have a…." He trailed off and looked deep into my eyes. "You know what, forget dinner. Why don't you come here and tell me what happened?"

And that was how I found myself sitting on the couch next to my father, trying to explain everything that had happened that day. Dad didn't interrupt once, just kept nodding and trying to get me to continue. Finally I had talked my way back to coming home, and where we were right now. Dad's face had gone from bright red with fury, to pale, to just looking sad now. "So now I don't have Finn at all. No one does."

"Well, then it might make you feel a little better to know that Finn told me he would give you a call later, that he wanted to talk to you. He wouldn't do that if he had already broken up with you, right?"

"I guess." Or he just wanted to rub salt in the wound. No, that was mean and not like Finn at all. He might have a temper, but deliberate cruelty was another thing entirely. "He's so angry with us."

"He probably thinks that you were all in on it, that you knew what that damn teacher of yours was doing. He feels betrayed, Kurt, and that's painful. You just have to make sure he understands that you didn't have anything to do with it." He paused. "Wait, you didn't have anything to do with it did you."

I shook my head minutely. "No. He was just there one day, and it was like a miracle."

"You already liked him." Dad was smiling a little bit.

"Uh-huh, I had already liked him for a while. I just never thought he would come anywhere near me."

"Because you're….gay?" I didn't miss the pause, but he did get the word out in the end. Dad was trying just as hard as he could.

"No. Because he was popular and I'm a freak." Dad started to protest, and I held up a hand. "Dad, it's true. It's alright though, I like who I am."

He nodded. "You're a tough kid, you know that?"

It was nice to finally have him notice. "Yeah."

"How about you set the table, and I give Carol Hudson a call? You know, kind of be your wingman?"

In any other circumstances, having your father be your wingman would have been beyond creepy. This time, though, wasn't a bad idea. This way I could get an idea of what was going on, but I didn't look totally desperate. "That would be good."

I did my best to eavesdrop as Dad talked to Carol, but I couldn't get enough to know what was happening. Dad cursed a few times, so I know that Finn had told her what happened. Then he was holding the phone out to me. "She wants to talk to you, kid." 

Carol's voice was warm and familiar on the other line, and I wished that she was here with me, so I could get another hug. "Hi, Kurt, how are you holding up?"

"Alright. More importantly, how's Finn holding up?"

"Not so well. He's spending the night at a friend's house and he'll be staying home tomorrow. It's been made very clear that he doesn't want to speak to any members of the Glee club. However, if you were to bring his schoolwork, and show up in a boyfriend capacity, as opposed to a Glee club one, I'm pretty sure I can get you in."

"I don't think I'm his boyfriend anymore." My voice cracked as I admitted it.

"Why not? He seems to still think you're his boyfriend." She seemed puzzled and I felt a small flare of hope in my stomach.

"Really? He actually said I was still his boyfriend?" This was too good to be true.

"No, not exactly. But when he told me he didn't want to talk to anyone from the Glee club, I asked if he meant Puck, and he said yes. Then I asked if he meant Rachel, and he said yes. Then I asked if he meant you, and he didn't say anything. Finally he said that he didn't want to talk to anyone about the Glee club or Sectionals. He never said he didn't want to talk to you period. I think he wants to talk to you very badly, but he just isn't ready yet. I wouldn't be surprised if he called you tonight."

I barely managed to clamp down on a squeal of joy. "So you're letting him stay home from school tomorrow?"

She sighed. "He was so upset at the thought of having to go there and face Mr. Shuester that I had to. Kurt, honey, I don't advocate running from your problems, but sometimes taking a little while to step back and reexamine things isn't so bad. He'll be back in school on Friday, don't worry."

Friday was Sectionals. The Glee club was excused at 10 am for the 4 hour bus ride, which meant I probably wouldn't see him at all. Unless he could be convinced to see me tomorrow, when I brought his work, that was. "Ok, so I can come by tomorrow after school? He's not going to kick me out?"

"He's not going to kick you out, baby, I promise. Now why don't you put your father back on?"

I handed the phone back to Dad, just realizing that I could see a thin line of smoke coming from the direction of the kitchen. I rushed to the oven, remembering why I usually tried to do to the cooking in this family. Whatever had been in there, it was a lump of charcoal now. "Dad? You wrecked dinner." I used a decorative towel to wave away the smoke, hoping that the smoke alarm wouldn't go off. That would definitely ruin any chances I might have of listening in.

Dad must have been on to me, though, because his voice was low and his body was turned away from me, ruining any chances I might have of reading his lips. Only a few words trickled through. "Scared….inappropriate….illegal…lawsuit….Kurt….I don't know….I love you….Bye." He snapped the cell phone closed. "Kurt, I know that you're standing in the doorway eavesdropping, so don't even try to duck behind that wall."

Busted. I probably should have felt guiltier, but I just squared my shoulders and stared at him. "I want to know what's going on with my boyfriend."

"I'll tell you what's going on with your boyfriend. He's had his heart crushed over and over and over, and he has no idea who is and isn't on his side any more. That includes you, kid, so walk carefully around him. Sometimes when you're hurting, all you want is to hurt someone else, just so you get lessen the pain a little bit."

Finn had said something similar to me once, right after the last crisis he had been involved in. His words bounced around in my head, replaying softly. _I get frustrated, then I get mad, then I say things that are really, really terrible. I know it, but I can't help myself. If I'm really hurting, I want to hurt the other person as bad as I do. It's horrible, but I do it_

"He can accuse and scream and rage all he wants to, I don't care. He's my boyfriend and I'm not giving him up without a fight."

Dad laughed. "There's my boy. That's how us Hummel's are, you know, we don't give up easy."

I smiled back. "We don't give up at all." Then I paused and took a tentative step forward. "Dad? Can we maybe just stay home tonight and watch a movie? I just…"

"Don't feel much like going out?" At my nod, he smiled. "That's fine, I'll order a pizza. No musicals, though!"

"No musicals, I promise." That didn't leave a whole lot we could agree on, but I would find something. "And no extra cheese! Pizza can very healthy if you don't pile all that crap on it."

"Yeah, yeah." He wasn't listening, I could tell. What was it going to take before he would take some responsibility for his own health? "How about half with veggies and half pepperoni, no extra cheese?"

"Fine." Not great, but I really was working on compromising with people instead of demanding my own way. "I'll pick us a movie."

Normally I enjoyed dark, painful movies, and there was brief, spiteful, moment where I considered picking Brokeback Mountain, but that would probably just embarrass me more then it did him. Though I had to admit, just looking at the cover brought back very pleasant memories of when April Rhodes had been with us and Finn had worn that cowboy hat…hmm, maybe we could do another country number. I skimmed my fingers over the DVD jackets, and finally chose Robin Hood, Men in Tights! It was funny and light and would take my mind off of every thing that had happened today.

When Dad came back I held it up for his inspection, pleased when he smiled and nodded. "Pizza will be here in a half hour. Do you want to wait or start the movie right away?"

"Start now." He sat down on the couch, leaving enough room for me to sit next to him. I leaned against him, and, for once, he put an arm around me. "I love you, kid."

"I know. I love you, too."

We watched the movie and ate pizza quietly, just enjoying each others company. Dad cleaned up the mess while I put the DVD back and got started on my homework. I was halfway through math when my phone started ringing. The number was unfamiliar, but I answered anyway. "This is Kurt Hummel."

"Hi, Spider Monkey." It was Finn, using a nickname that I never thought I would hear again. I was never, never going to complain about being called that, even if he started doing it in front of other people.

"Finn!" This time I did squeal, but couldn't waste any time feeling embarrassed about it. "Finn where are you? Are you alright?"

He chuckled, a soft, dry, sound. There was a beeping in the background, some sound that I couldn't quite place. "I'm alright, and I'm with a friend. Look, Kurt, I'm really sorry I stormed out on you like that. I just…I couldn't handle being there anymore. I also kind of lied to your father about being sick, even though I really did puke, so tell him that I'm sorry I lied, too."

"He already knows, and he's not mad. Finn, I don't want to lose you." My voice was whisper soft.

"You aren't going to lose me. You and me, that's different from Glee of Mr. Shue or anything else that's happened. You're mine, and that isn't going to change."

"About Mr. Shue-"

He cut me off. "I don't want to talk about him."

"Ok." Even though he had just told me different, I still felt like things were still fragile between us. "Can I come by and see you tomorrow after school?"

"Uh-huh, that would be awesome." He murmured something to someone else, probably the friend he was staying with, then came back on the line. "But, Kurt, I gotta know. Did you know about the drugs? Did he tell you what he was going to do?"

"No." I made my voice strong and confident. "I swear, Finn, everyone was just as surprised as you were."

"Yeah, I didn't think so. I shouldn't have said that you all did, that wasn't fair. But I don't want to talk about it anymore, ok? I just wanted to let you know that I'm safe, so you didn't worry."

"Thank you, Cowboy. I'll get there tomorrow about 3:45." 

We had been in practice every day this week until almost five, since Sectionals was almost here. The fact that I was able to get to his house so early should have been his cue to ask what was going on, but he didn't. Finn was pissed, and he wasn't going to acknowledge that Glee club even existed right now. I guessed I really couldn't blame him, though. He had been screwed big time. "Ok, I'll make sure I'm ready. Bye, Precious."

I wasn't ready to hang up, but Finn obviously was, so I found myself nodding. "Bye, Cowboy."

Now I had no desire to even look at my homework, but there was no way I was going to be able to stay home tomorrow. I had to be there, to see if Rachel had recruited Jacob Benn Israel to our side, and to determine just how bad things were. As much as I wanted to follow Finn's lead and storm out of the club, I knew that I couldn't. The issue was Mr. Shue, not the club, and, since he wasn't the coach any more, leaving would hurt them, not him. That thought sparked off in my brain. This was a good thing, I could tell Finn that Mr. Shue had been kicked off as coach, and he would have to come back then, right?

_Don't count on it._

I tried not to, but I couldn't help but be seized by a fantasy in which Finn hear the news and immediately rushed into my arms, not caring what anyone else thought. None of the rest of it would matter, not our parents, not Mr. Shue, not any of it.

_Uh-huh. Now let's come back to reality for a minute. You can't fix things for Finn, no one can. Now go over there tomorrow, and tell him how much you love him. Now's the time. Don't bring up Glee, or anything else. Just that you love him. That's all you can do. Now either do that homework or go to sleep._

Sleep sounded like a much better option, at least for now. So what if I missed one assignment. I was running a 96 average in that class, and he would drop the lowest grade anyway. Sleep would make tomorrow come faster, which would make me getting to see Finn come faster, too.

Hopefully it would go well.

When I woke up the next morning, there was a text waiting for me from Finn. Have a gud day. I smiled at his spelling attempts and texted back. C u soon.

_Not soon enough._

As tempting as it was to ditch school and just go to see him, I knew I couldn't. First of all, I had no idea where he was. Both he and Carol had been very careful to only say that Finn was with a friend, not give a name, and I didn't know if he would be spending part of the day there as well. I didn't think so, considering that his friend would have to be at school, too, but you could never tell with Finn.

Mercedes met me at the door. "Where is he?"

"Home sick." She rolled her eyes at that and I held up my hands. "I know, I know, but that's what he's claiming and he has Carol backing him up on it. I'm going there after school to pull recon on the situation."

"You better. Rachel has already given Jacob Ben Israel two pairs of panties and a bra, and he's starting to creep on the rest of us. I am _not_ sharing my delicates! At least Finn only wants _your_ underwear."

"I'm doing my best here, Mercedes. Getting Finn through this is my priority, not getting him back to Glee. If Jacob asks for your panties, kick him in the balls. The Glee club could use another male soprano, it'll be fine."

She laughed. "Alright, do you need me to cover for you at rehearsal?"

I considered it, but decided not to. "No, I'll talk to Rachel myself. As crazy as she drives me, she'll understand that this is bigger then the two of us and our petty rivalry. Plus, there really isn't a rivalry any more, considering that I have Finn and she doesn't. So, I'll tell her what I'm doing, and that's it, whether she likes it or not." They were brave words, but we would have to see if I could follow through with them or not.

Mr. Shue was teaching Spanish, but there was no life in him. He didn't even look at any of the members of the Glee club, and barely noticed when Karofsky drew a penis on the board instead of conjugating the verb 'to play'. Honestly? For a guy who has so many problems with homosexuality, he's pretty obsessed with cocks.

I wanted to stay after and talk to Mr. Shue, and, from the sideways looks he kept shooting me, I was pretty sure that he wanted to speak to me also, but I left as soon as the bell rang. I couldn't face him right now, couldn't hear his explanations or even listen to him wishing me good luck. I was on my own, and I had to accept that.

Luckily, I managed to corner Rachel right before last period. "I'm skipping Glee rehearsal."

When she looked into my eyes, I saw a side of her that she very rarely showed to anyone. The soft, gentle side I had seen the a few weeks ago, when she had had the chance to out me in front of everyone, and had backed off instead. The side that needed other people, but didn't know how to ask. "Kurt, please. We need to stick together right now, or Glee is over. Whatever the issue is, let's try and solve it."

"I'm going to see Finn." The words were out before I could censor them. "See it he'll come back, now that Mr. Shue is gone."

The dark head shook. "He won't. He's not even answering his phone."

"Well, I have an in with him. You know that our parents are dating, and his mother asked me to bring him his homework. He can't throw me out in front of her."

She nodded once. "Tell him that we miss him, and we love him, ok?"

"I will." We just looked at each other for a minute, both debating what we should do next, how to end our encounter. Finally she broke the stalemate and wrapped her arms around me. "Take care of him, Kurt, ok?"

I nodded, squeezing her back. See, when Rachel Berry was like this, she was actually pretty likable. It was when she got stuck on herself, which was most of the time, that there was a problem.

As soon as the last bell rang, I was racing out of the school. I didn't think I had ever moved so quickly, not even when I had the hockey team chasing me. I was going to Finn, going to the man I loved, and nothing could compare to that or hold me back.

Except, as it turned out, the cop that pulled me over for doing 50 in a 35 zone. I had never once been pulled over, or gotten any kind of ticket, and I could feel myself wanting to cry. Both Britney and Santana swore that crying would get you out of almost anything, but I was pretty sure that that advice only worked for girls. So I squared my shoulders and found my license and registration. He took it back to his car, and I sighed softly. Hopefully this wasn't some sort of omen.

He reappeared and gave me back my license. "Is there a particular reason you were going so fast?"

"I'm going to go tell my boyfriend that I love him for the first time." The words came flying out before I could keep them back.

_ Smooth, Kurt. Very smooth_. Galinda's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

The cop just stared at me, and I could feel myself turning bright red under his stare. "I mean…yeah, I guess that was what I meant."

"Telling him you love him, huh?" I saw a strange smile touching the corner of his mouth. "I'm going to let you off with a warning this time, but slow down. He's never going to say it back if you're splattered in a ditch somewhere."

"Thank you officer." I didn't miss his mutter of "fucking kids" as he turned away, but I was too excited to care. Just as soon as he was gone, I could pull back onto the road and be at Finn's in 10 minutes. I thought about that again, and changed it to 15 minutes, just to be safe.

I barely even took the time to grab my backpack with Finn's homework before racing up to the front door. Carol answered and pointed up the stairs. "He's in his room."

Finn was sprawled out over the bed, still in a pair of sweatpants and an old T-shirt. They didn't even match, and he had never looked better to me. His eyes rolled over to meet mine, and I was surprised at the lack of welcome in them. "Who are you?"

There was no teasing in his voice, nor anger. In fact, I could hear a genuine curiosity there, as if he really didn't know my name. "What do you mean?"

I took a few steps forward, glad when he didn't tell me to leave. He shrugged. "Well, no one is who they say they were. Mom isn't. Quinn isn't. Puck isn't. Mr. Shue isn't. Why should you be who you say _you_ are? So, who are you?"

This I could handle. I crossed the room and laid down next to him. "I'm Kurt Hummel." I kissed his lips. "My father is dating your mother." This time I kissed his cheek. "We're in the same grade at school, and we were on the football team together this year." I pointedly said nothing about Glee or Spanish, pressing my lips to the shell of his ear. "You are my boyfriend." My lips found his neck, nipping at him. At first I was gentle, but when I felt him relaxing under my touch, I bit harder, marking him just like he had marked me a few nights ago. Suddenly I understood the appeal of being able to look at a mark on his body, and knowing that I was the one who had put it there.

"I'm your boyfriend." Finn's voice was very soft, and he rolled onto his side. I took his cue and flipped from my stomach to my side, pressing my face into his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head. "I'm your boyfriend, and I don't ever want to belong to anyone else."

Then he did something that would echo in my mind for my entire life. He leaned down until his lips touched my ear, making it so I felt his words as much as I heard them. "I love you."

Never, in my wildest fantasies, had I imagined Finn saying the words first. Actually, I had mostly imagined him stammering and being unable to say the words back for at least a week. In my more depressive moments, I imagined him freaking out and ending the entire thing, telling me that he had just been fooling around, that he didn't feel the same way.

I started to giggle, which made him look up, confused and hurt. I kissed his lips again. "I was rushing over here to tell you the same thing. Shit, I got pulled over because I was driving too fast, and I almost got a ticket, and I get here and you beat me to it." I laughed again. "God, you're perfect."

"So?" Finn got the joke and smiled gently.

"So, what?"

"Are you going to tell me that you love me or not?" Now I was seeing a flash of his lopsided grin.

Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea. "I love you Finn Hudson, and I don't ever want to belong to anyone else, either."

"That's good. That's perfect actually. You're perfect, even if everything else in the world sucks."

"Thank you, Finn." I pressed my lips back to his neck, feeling the heat from where I had bitten him just a few minutes before. He must have just gotten out of the shower, because he smelled clean and good, his hair was still damp.

"Do you want to fool around now?" He was squirming from my touching him.

Oh, yeah, Finn liked sex all the time, no matter how bad things were. "Yeah, I would love to fool around now." I couldn't help but feel that whatever we did now, it would be sealing the deal.

Fooling around with Finn this time was…different. After his confession, I literally felt like I was floating, like I could do anything, even try that blow job I had been so afraid of before. I started to move but Finn shook his head. "I want to see your face."

So I kept my eyes locked on his watching the way the pupils dilated and shrank, and the way the little gold flecks popped up when he started whimpering and bucking against my hand. I didn't have to look at my hands or his body by now, and I wondered what he was seeing in my eyes, if it was the same thing I saw in his. His hands moved as smoothly as mine did, knowing exactly where to touch without having to think about it.

It was all the same, only it wasn't at all. Everything was new, _Finn_ was new, and I felt like I was seeing something that I had never seen before. Something that was so big that it scared the crap out of me.

_Welcome to love, baby. When the other person hurts, you bleed for them. You have to, it's why love works._

I wondered if that was true. I certainly felt like I was bleeding for Finn right now, even in the middle of what we were doing. Because I could see the hurt lurking in the back of his lust-darkened eyes, the pain that threatened to wash up and consume him.

Keeping my train of thought because harder and harder as my body fought Finn's hands. I wasn't sure if I was pushing closer, because I loved him so much, or if I was pushing away, because I was terrified as it all came crashing down on me, but it didn't matter, because one of his hands was behind me, holding me steady.

I stared into Finn's eyes for as long as I could, dimly aware that I was cursing under my breath, muttering words that didn't really make sense, except that they did. Also, the words 'fuck' and 'me' seemed to be a recurring theme. After what seemed like an eternity, his eyes fluttered closed, his fingers scrabbling against my back, looking for a hold and not finding one. He came with a shuddery sigh, making almost no noise. Naturally, I more then made up for it, yelping out curses until he had to put his free hand over my mouth to silence me.

For those brief minutes, with our hands on each other's bodies, everything had seemed alright. But now, with sweat and semen cooling on both of our bodies, the real world returned, and things looked more hopeless then ever. I started to tremble, the shivers racing up and down my body. It was all too much, and, no matter what he claimed, I was terrified that I was losing Finn.

His arms tightened on me and he rested his forehead against mine. "It's alright, Kurt. It's alright."

We both knew that it wasn't, but I absorbed his words anyway and willed my body to calm down. Finn adjusted the blankets so I was tucked in next to him, both of us warm under the covers. I ran my fingers through his hair and his eyes closed again. "Tell me what happened."

"You know, you were there." I knew he didn't want to talk about it, but he had to, for all of our sakes.

"I know what happened yesterday, but I want to know what happened with the drugs. I wasn't there for that, and I'm confused. I want to help you fix this, Cowboy, but I can only do that if you're honest with me."

His head shook. "You can't fix it, it's already done."

"Tell me anyway." Whether it was my fingers rubbing his back or the pleading tone in my voice, he opened his eyes and sighed heavily.

"It was right at the end of last year, you know, when Mr. Shue took over Glee?" At my nod, he kept going. "He wanted some more guys to join, because he needed 12, so he came and asked the football team. I kinda wanted to, but then Puck got all wild, and I knew it was suicide if I did it, so I wasn't going to. Plus, it sounded kinda stupid, no offense."

"None taken. So how did you get from not signing up to our auditorium?"

"Mr. Shue called me into his office and said that there had been a random locker search and I was in trouble. I didn't know why, because I wasn't hiding anything. I never hide anything, because I always get caught."

That was probably because any time he tried to lie his face gave him away before the words were all the way out. "What did they find?"

"Pot. Except it wasn't mine. I can't even stand the way that shit smells, and I sure as hell wouldn't smoke it. But he was holding it and he said it was felony to have it and that I would go to jail and they would tell my mom and I didn't want her to know and he wouldn't listen when I kept telling him that it wasn't my drugs." Finn's voice raced faster and faster as he tried to explain everything to me. "I even told him that I would, you know, pee in a cup to prove that it wasn't my drugs, but he kept saying that it wouldn't matter, that no one would believe me. Then he said that he could make it all go away, if I would join the Glee club. That it would be a secret between us."

Yeah, the sort of secret that a child molester shares with his victim. It wasn't quite that bad, but the intent had been there. Mr. Shue had used his position of authority to manipulate a child into doing what he wanted. 'Our Little Secret' was never a good thing, no matter how logical the adult could make it sound. "So you agreed."

"I agreed. Then Glee was fun, and I really liked it and I just kind of forgot about the whole thing. I mean, it all seemed like it worked out. But it didn't, because he lied. He lied and how can I ever trust him again?" 

I couldn't answer that, because I didn't know. I know what I would have done, which was throw the biggest diva fit that Lima, Ohio had ever seen, get Mr. Shue fired, as well as probably suing him to top it off, but that wasn't what Finn would want, so I just shrugged. "I don't know, Cowboy."

"Coach Sylvester told me, but, you know what? I told her that I didn't believe her, because she was all evil and shit, and I knew she wanted to screw us over right before Sectionals. I knew Mr. Shue would never do that to me, never. But then she pulled out this video tape, from the security camera, and there it was. It was true."

Suddenly he pulled back, as if something new had just occurred to him. "Are you glad?" He looked right into my eyes. "That he did that? Are you glad because now there's a you and me?"

I flinched, because I wasn't sure how he wanted me to answer that. In a way, I was. If Mr. Shue had never forced Finn to join Glee, then I would have never been able to talk to him. I would have never joined the football team, never been able to tell my father that I was gay, and wouldn't be in love with Finn now. Well, I would still be in love with him, but he would be oblivious.

But was the worth his misery now? "No, I'm not glad that he did what he did. It was cruel, and it's hurting you now." I kissed the tip of his nose. "Besides, you would have succumbed to my charms eventually, whether we were in Glee together or not. After all-"I swept my arms down my body, as best I could while lying on my side. "-how could anyone resist this?"

"No one who wasn't crazy, at least." He snuggled even closer, so he could kiss me again. "So, you know how this ends. There I was, singing Grease."

"You were so, so, so, sexy doing it, too." I had been so focused on sneaking glances at Finn, that I hadn't even thrown a bitch fit when Rachel messed up my hair.

"Really? I didn't look like I was going to puke? Because, I sure felt like I was. I had never sung in front of anyone before, except Puck, and only when I was really drunk."

"Really. You didn't seem nervous at all, except maybe that Rachel would molest you."

"She tried that later. Not that I wasn't into it, then, because I kinda was, but it wasn't anything like what I feel like with you. You are special, the good kind, not the bad kind." His hand curled around mine, and I smiled.

I wasn't sure if now was the best time to bring the rest of it up, but Finn deserved total truth from me, because he wasn't going to get it from anyone else. "Can we talk about Sectionals?" 

He stiffened. "No. I don't want to see Mr. Shue again, except in class, and then he can go right back to flunking me, I don't care."

"Mr. Shue isn't our coach any more." That got his attention and something flashed in his eyes. I couldn't tell if it was a petty gladness, or curiosity or even a little bit of sadness, or possibly all three, it was gone so quickly. "That was Sue Sylvester's coupe de gras. She went to Figgins and got him removed as the coach."

"How are you going to do Sectionals, then?" I didn't miss the way he said 'you' instead of 'we'.

"Ms. Pillsbury is going to take us, and I guess we'll go from there. Rachel got Jacob Ben Israel to stand in for you by promising him her undies." I was hoping that realizing he had been replaced, and by Jacob Ben Israel, creeper extraordinaire would bring Finn's inner caveman to the surface and he would demand his spot back, but it didn't work.

He just looked at me with tear-filled eyes and shook his head. "Kurt. I can't. I know how badly you want me to be able to do this, but I just can't. It's too much and please don't ask me what you want to."

"I won't." Sectionals was important to me, but nowhere nears as important as Finn was. I laid my head on his chest, and felt his fingers gently comb through my hair.

"Thanks."

"Do you want me to stay home tomorrow? I can come over and be with you." I really didn't want to do that, but I would if he asked.

"No. It's not fair for you to ask me to go, and it's not fair for me to ask you to stay." He kissed me again. "Good luck, though."

"Can I stay for dinner? I don't want to leave you right now."

"Sure. I'll bet Mom will want to invite your Dad over, though, so we might need to put our pants back on." His voice was dripping with disappointment.

It never failed to make me laugh when he pouted like that. "I love you, Cowboy." God it was freeing to finally be able to say it.

"I love you, too." Suddenly he sat up. "Oh, you'll never believe this. I was going to show it to you yesterday, but I forgot. Remember those fortune cookies we got at that naked fish place?"

"Raw fish, not naked. You make it sound all kinky. But yes, I seem to recall them."

"Yeah, well I was thinking about yours, you know about the bells? And then I thought there had to be more to it, so I googled it." He rummaged around until he found a scrap of paper with a few words scrawled on it. "Look, I found the entire quote."

It took a few minutes to decipher his handwriting, but when I did, my breath caught. _Love is supposed to start with bells ringing and go downhill from there. But it was the opposite for me. There was an intense connection between us, and as we stayed together, the bells rang louder._

Finn smiled. "That's us, right? I mean, at least me. With Quinn or Rach, I would be totally bored by now, even if they were putting out like you are, but with you, I just wanna be with you all the time, even more then before. Louder bells, right?"

I tried to hide the tears that had formed by wrapping my arms around him and kissing the hollow of his throat. "Yeah, Cowboy, louder bells."

The entire Glee club was waiting for me the next morning, all wanting to know if I had managed to get Finn. I shook my head. "He wouldn't even let me bring it up."

"Fuck. You know what, Shuester's a dead man. I'm torching his apartment whether we win or not. No one fucks with my boy but me." Puck's voice was a low snarl.

"No, we'll do this as best we can, with or without Finn. We can do this, we're good." Even as Rachel spoke, she was scanning the parking lot, looking for Finn. I had anticipated this, and brought him early, dropping him off at another door 15 minutes ago. He would be able to make himself scarce until class actually started, I was sure of it.

A part of me wanted to apologize for not being able to get Finn back, but I didn't. I had made my choice based on what was best for someone else, and I was sticking by it. Artie nodded. "Ok, then, we use Jacob Ben Israel instead of Finn. We can still do it."

I wondered where everyone else was getting their confidence. Without Finn and Mr. Shue, we were screwed. Puck was taking Finn's lead vocals, but he wasn't confident with them, and the power Rachel had been given with us had already gone to her head.

The bell rang and we scattered, all going to different classes. I don't know why we were required to attend class at all, since we were all too excited to pay any attention. At ten, the loudspeaker crackled, and we were all dismissed to get to the bus. Finn fired of a quick text, wishing me good luck again, but nothing else. Karofsky made a valiant attempt to trip me, but I saw it coming and dodged his foot. He was going to have to get a little more creative if he wanted to get me.

Mr. Shue was there, going over the last few instruction with Ms. Pillsbury. He nodded at us, and we all nodded weakly back. The butterflies were slamming around in my stomach, and I knew that we couldn't do this, no matter what everyone kept telling us. We needed Finn. I picked a seat up front and sat down, staring blankly at the building

"Kurt." Mercedes was gentle, her hand coming to rest on my arm. "Baby, he's not coming."

I realized that I had been half hoping to see Finn come racing out of the building, laughing and telling me that he had changed his mind, that, no matter how upset he was, he couldn't possibly leave me to do this on my own. But he wasn't going to do it; he had made that very clear.

My voice was soft and cracking, totally defeated. "I know."


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: The next chapter will belong to Finn as well, as he still has a few things to sort out before Sectionals.**

Finn POV

This was bad, this was so very bad. Coach Sylvester was going to kill me, and then she was going to bury me in a shallow grave out on the football field and I didn't want to die a virgin! Damn, this sucked!

"Sit down, Dimbulb." Coach Sylvester pointed to a chair, and I sat, hoping that she would leave me alive long enough that I could make a run for the door. "Can I offer you a protein shake?"

"No, thank you." Even though she was beyond scary, Mom would kill me if I wasn't polite to a lady.

_She's not a lady, and don't ever suggest that she might be. Trust me, I know her better then you do._

"So, the Glee club has its Sectionals on Friday, huh? Bet you're pretty excited." She sounded casual, but I didn't believe her. Mom does the same thing when she knows I've done something wrong and she's trying to get me relaxed enough to confess.

"Yeah, I'm pretty pumped." _Careful, careful_.

"I'll bet Shuester is all but jumping for joy. He's probably even gotten a professional perm this time, instead of giving himself the $4.99 home job." Her hand came down on my shoulder, and I barely managed to keep from shrieking.

"I guess." I used this trick with Mom, too. The less I said, the less she could use to trip me up later.

Coach Sylvester turned her back to me and I almost bolted right there. But she had put herself between me to and the door. Damn, she's smart.

"So, here I was last month, watching the worst football team McKinley High has ever seen lose let another game, and it occurred to me to wonder why the Quarterback, who, despite sucking, has absolutely everything, would want to join the Glee club. I mean, beyond popularity, you had my head cheerleader, my Q. Tell me, Dimbulb, why would you do that?"

She looked like a veleciraptor getting ready to come in and cut my guts out. "Uh, I don't know. I like singing, and…" I trailed off there because, unless I wanted to tell her about the drugs (and I'm not that stupid, guys!) there wasn't much I could say.

"And you liked Rachel Berry?" Her fingers dug into my shoulder, and I could almost imagine the evil claws ripping through my skin. "Of course these days, it seems like that pretty little gay kid is more what you want."

I jumped, which was as good as telling her yes. She shrugged. "Let me tell you, I find all teenage sex repulsive, so I don't care who's the one getting probed. Actually, I don't care about your dating life at all, now that Q isn't part of it."

This could have been my cue to save myself by ratting Quinn out. Coach Sylvester still didn't know that she was pregnant, and if I told on her, she would lose all interest in me so she could go off and kill Quinn instead. I couldn't do that, though. I might still be pissed with her, but I can keep a secret, and Drizzle is Quinn and my's secret to keep. And Puck's, I guess. I don't know, it's kind of confusing. But I still shouldn't tattle, especially not just to get myself out of trouble. So I shrugged and looked down at my hands instead.

"Does your sudden interest in putting on the Ritz have anything to do with a certain smokable substance that was found in your locker during a trumped up locker search?"

"You know about that?" I couldn't even think before the words came out. Also, what did 'trumped up' mean? I'm kind of thinking that it's important here.

_Good job, Finn, give her all the ammunition she needs to take you down. Wait, how _does_ she know about that?_

"It's my business to know everything that happens in this school that could possibly affect my Cheerios, and that includes keeping tabs on every member of your singing, dancing, love fest. By the way, did you know this school doesn't _have_ biweekly locker checks?"

"No, I didn't know that." I still didn't understand what she was getting at, even though I was starting to feel like I should.

"Oh for Christ's sake, do I really have to spell it out for you? Kids like you are the reason our nations test scores are going down and we're being beaten by kids over in China! The only reason dear William found those drugs in your locker is because he already knew they were there. And he knew there were there because he put them there. Do you understand that, or should I draw a picture?" 

"I get it!" I was a little ruder then I probably should have been, but I get really sick of people thinking I'm the dumbest guy who ever lived. "But I don't believe you."

She lies all the time, and Mr. Shue wouldn't do that to me, right? Anyway, where would he even get drugs?

_Oh, I don't know, same place his wife got them? Come on Finn, you could score some in less then 15 minutes, don't think the teachers don't know where to get it. _

Coach Sylvester smirked, and I started to get the feeling that it was true after all. Yeah, she lies, but only when she knows she won't be caught. If she was going to make an accusation like this, she must have something else to back it up with.

"You don't believe me? Well, kid, that might be the smartest thing you've said all year. Hell, I wouldn't believe me either. So why don't we watch a little security tape from last year?"

I didn't want to, but she already had it set up at the right place. I sat there and watched as Mr. Shue walked up to a locker and took out a tiny envelope, gently slipping it through the slats. If I squinted, I could read the small numbers on the top, the ones that made it clear that yes, that was my locker. I made the mistake of looking over at Coach Sylvester, and she shoved a paper in my hand. "Here you go, a printout of the same scene. Notice the date in the corner? I do believe that it's the day before you were officially added as a member of the McKinley High Glee club. Or am I wrong?"

She wasn't wrong. She was still evil, though. "Why would you show me this?" I felt hot and dizzy, like I might pass out.

"It's not because I hate you. Actually, despite your intellectual shortcomings, I don't have much of a problem with you personally. But I've been sitting on this little gem for close to 7 months now, just waiting for the right moment to spring it on you. Oh, at first I thought I would just take it to Figgins and just have William fired. Nice, neat, and I would have had my full budget back in time for our first game of the year."

She stopped and I knew she was waiting for me to say something. I didn't want to, but I knew that if I didn't she wouldn't let me go. "Why didn't you?" The words sounded like a robot's, but that was alright. She didn't really need me; she just wanted to bask in her own glory.

Suddenly she had her hands on the armrests of my chair, her face right in mine. I was trapped and it was all I could do not to just throw myself forward to try and get free. "Because it would be too easy. I knew that if I waited, if I let victory be right in his grasp before I took it away, it would make things even more painful. I tried a few other things of course. I tried the old divide and conquer; I sent in spies, I even tried to have my girls seduce a few of your members. Even though that didn't work, I always knew that I had this tape, and that, in the end, I would be the one who was victorious. God, your agony is sweet."

"So, what do think I'm going to do?" I really wished she would tell me, because I honestly had no idea what to do.

"That's up to you. All I can do is make sure you know the truth, anything else is all you. You just have to decide what you can live with. Now get out of my office."

That wasn't something I needed to hear twice. I almost tripped getting to my feet, and then again when I got to the door, but I didn't care. Once I got out into the hallway, I looked for Kurt, but it was totally empty. The bell must have rang and I just hadn't heard it.

Everything looked really bright and kind of blurry and I thought I might be having a stroke or something. Cause, you know that's kind of how it looks in the movies when someone's about to have a heart attack or stroke, and my heart was beating too hard and strong to be getting ready to stop.

The floor and the ceiling started to change places, and I would have collapsed if someone hadn't have grabbed me from behind. "Whoa, Finny, whoa. I've got you, take a breath." Puck eased me to sit down, our backs against the lockers. "You gonna puke, man?"

I hadn't felt like it before he opened his mouth, but now that he had made the suggestion, my stomach kind of liked it. I forced myself to breath slowly. "No." Why wasn't he in class?

"Do you think you can walk?" His hand touched my forehead, checking for a fever.

"Yeah. Where were you? " I let him help me up, though, and all but carry me down to the nurses office. Mrs. Campbell had the position today, and I was hoping that she wouldn't remember the number of free desserts I had snuck (ok, stolen) this year.

"Locker room with Kelly."

Did chicks actually like having sex in the filthy, smell, boy's locker room? Weird.

Mrs. Campbell didn't look twice at me, but that's probably just because she was afraid to get too close to me and have me puke on her. Actually, all she did was gesture faintly at the cot, so Puck was the one who took my sneakers off and wrapped the blanket around me and moved the trash can over next to me, just in case. He wanted to stay, because Puck's awesome like that when he's not being a total asshole, but she wouldn't let him. Then it was just me and my thoughts which was kind of the last thing I wanted.

But there I was, lying there in the room, which was bright even though I wanted to sleep, and staring at the cracks in the wall in front of me. I wanted to punch it. I wanted to punch Coach Sylvester. But, mostly, I wanted to punch Mr. Shue. That was, why I couldn't move. If I got up right now I would attack one of them, and I was too damn big to use violence to solve my problems. So I just laid there and looked at the wall until my eyes crossed and I had no choice but to close them. Then I guess I slept a little bit, because when I woke up, school was almost over and I had missed the whole day.

I don't know why people tell you to sleep on things when you can't make a decision. I had just gotten like 7 hours of sleep, and it hadn't done a damn thing except make me all sweaty and make it so I wasn't really sure where I was. Disorientated is the word, I think. I was still confused, still mad, still hurting. Mrs. Campbell had been replaced by another lady, one I didn't recognize and who didn't really speak English, so all I had to do was point and the door and she let me go.

Only I wasn't sure what to do once I made it out. I was too late to go to my last class, and I didn't have any way to get home. I was stuck.

_Go to the library and sit quietly until schools over. It's only another 15 minutes anyway. Then you can find Kurt and he'll help you decide what to do. Don't let your temper get the better of you, no matter what._

It was a good suggestion, and it probably would have worked out really well. Kurt's good at coming up with real solutions and not flying off the handle. Well, except for when it comes to his dad, but I can't really blame him there. I was really on my way to the library to do just what Quinn-voice suggested, only I had to pass right by the practice room to do it, and when I looked in Mr. Shue was sitting there at the piano, flirting with Ms. Pillsbury.

The rage swelled back up, and I stepped into the room. Mr. Shue looked up and gave me a smile, just like always. Just like he hadn't been telling me a lie for the past 7 months. "Finn, what can I do for you?"

"How about you tell me the truth about why I'm in Glee club?" I was really proud of the fact that I didn't hit him or start crying. I just said it. Wow, I guess I'm getting better at confronting the people who think its fun to lie to me.

"I thought you liked Glee club." Mr. Shue stood up and took a single step towards me. I took one towards him and we both stopped, frozen about 5 feet from each other.

"I do. But shouldn't it have been my choice?" 

Instead of answering me, he turned to Ms. Pillsbury. "Emma, why don't you go get Kurt Hummel and bring him back here?"

There wasn't any time to think about how Mr. Shue knew about me and Kurt. There was barely enough time to think about me and him. "Isn't it, like, bad of you to flirt with your coworkers? Can't you get fired for that?"

He didn't say anything, which was how I knew that I was right. "Why do I always have to follow the rules, but you don't?" Other members of the Glee club were starting to file in, apparently drawn by my yelling, but I didn't even look at them. This was between Mr. Shue and me, and if they all had to hear it, so be it.

"You lied to me! You told me that I was in trouble when I wasn't and you took all my choices away! I trusted you and you lied!" There weren't any words to tell him how deeply that hurt.

Mr. Shue's hands were up and I knew he was going to try and explain to me what had happened, but was there really anything to explain and we both knew it. I jumped a little when a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind, but I recognized Kurt right away, even when he didn't talk. His feel and his smell and his presence were all the same, all as familiar as my own. Quinn-voice had been right; I should have waited until he was here to help me with this. But it was too late now, and I couldn't back down.

Even though I didn't look at him, just his being there gave me the strength to push forward. "Tell the truth!" I wanted to scream it, but I couldn't. I cleared my throat a little and tried again, softer this time. "Please, tell the truth."

"Finn, who told you this?" I knew it, he was going to try and lie to me! If the person who told me wasn't important, he would call them a liar and think that I would believe him over them. Except I wouldn't. I would never believe him again.

Luckily, Kurt stepped in so I didn't have to. "Obviously it was Coach Sylvester."

It didn't matter who it had been. What mattered was that I knew now, and I desperately wanted someone to tell me that it wasn't true. "Yeah, it was Coach Sylvester, but I want to hear it from you."

Kurt's fingers stroked down my back, which somehow only made things worse. "Finn, calm down." Kurt was just like everyone else, was totally against me.

"Stop it, you're just placating me!"

I broke his hold, but I was careful to do it in a way that wouldn't hurt him. I just couldn't be restrained right now, not when I felt like I could blow to pieces at any minute. "No! He's lying to me!" I pointed at Mr. Shue, because I had to make Kurt understand. Then I turned back to look my teacher in the eyes. "Is it true? Just tell me, is it true?"

I didn't even need to ask. As soon as our eyes met, I read it in his eyes. "Yes. I'm the one who put the drugs in your locker."

Even though I had already known it, it was still amazingly painful to hear the words come out of his mouth. Like, getting ripped apart with a chainsaw painful. "So all that stuff you said, about it being a felony, and no one would believe me if I peed in the cup and proved I wasn't taking drugs, you just…made that up?"

_Of course he did. And want to hear something worse, Finn? He might not be the only one involved in the lie. He had five people who were depending on him to bring more people in. Do you think Rachel would have helped him? Mercedes? Tina? Artie? What about Kurt? Would he have manipulated you into the club just to get a littler closer to you? Come on, you knew about his little crush on you before any of this started._

The thought of Kurt being in on it literally stole my breath, and I knew I had to get out of there. Fuck waiting for an explanation, it wasn't like there could possibly be one good enough anyway. I glared at Mr. Shue, letting him know exactly how much I hated him right now. "Screw this."

Once I said it the first time, it felt so good that I had to keep going. I turned on each of the original glee club members in turn, even Kurt. "How many of you knew? You're liars, every one of you! I'm done with you. I'm done with all of you!" I couldn't look at any of them any more, so I spun around and left, kicking over a stack of chairs so I wouldn't do something idiotic like kicking a person instead.

People might think that I'm stupid, but sometimes I'm pretty smart. I knew that people would come looking for me, especially Kurt, so I went to the one place that no one would ever think of looking: Mr. Shue's office. Then I crawled underneath his desk, so no one could see me if they looked in, and tried to get my breathing under control. What was I supposed to do now?

I couldn't call Kurt to take me home, because I didn't trust him. I couldn't call Mom because she was working a double shift and we really, really needed the money right now. I couldn't call one of my other friends, because, outside of the Glee club, I didn't have any other friends. Desperately, I scrolled through my contacts, looking for someone who could get me home.

When I got to Hummel-Garage, I paused. It was kind of wrong, to bring Burt Hummel into this because I no longer trusted his son, but I was also kind of desperate. Before I could change my mind, I hit 'send' and hoped for the best. It rang twice, then a familiar gruff voice came on the line. "Hummel Tire and Lube, this is Burt Hummel speaking."

"Hi, Mr. Hummel, uh, it's Finn."

"Hey, Finn, is everything alright? Is Kurt ok?" He sounded worried, and I had to reassure him.

"Yeah, Kurt's fine. Um, I'm not feeling very good, though, and I was wondering if you could come pick me up? It's really close to Sectionals, and I don't want Kurt to miss practice. I thought I could make it, which was why I didn't take the bus, but I'm just feeling worse and worse. Please?"

"Of course I'll come get you. I can be there in 15 minutes at the side door to the school, how does that sound?"

"Good. Thanks, Mr. Hummel, I, like, totally owe you one." The pressure in my chest eased a little, even though I still felt like puking. 

"No problem kid and I keep telling you you can call me Burt."

"Ok. I'll see you in 15 minutes." I hung up the phone and just huddled there for 12 minutes, counting them off on the cell phone display. At the 10 minute mark, I sent Kurt a quick text, letting him know that I had made my own way home and that I didn't want to talk right now. Then I raced for the side door, getting there just a few minutes before Burt Hummel pulled up. It was cowardly, but I just couldn't see any of the other Glee club members right now, and I was sure that there were out looking for me.

"Thanks for the ride." I climbed in and laid my head back on the seat, praying that I wouldn't barf on the expensive leather.

He reached over and put a hand on my forehead. "You're all clammy kid, are you sure you want me to take you home? I could take the rest of the day off and bring you over to my place, set you up on the couch. I just worry about you being alone in your house if you aren't feeling well. What do you think about having a date with the flat screen?" He pulled the car around and out of the parking lot, and I released the breath I had been holding. I wasn't going to get caught.

It was really sweet of him to think of me like that, and at any other time I would have jumped at the chance. But not right now. I wanted to trust him, but I just couldn't. Not after everyone else I had trusted had turned on me, even Kurt.

"I-" Suddenly my stomach flipped. "I think you need to pull over."

"Ok, ok, just hang in there." I wiggled out of my seatbelt and got the door open just in time to puke all over the curb. Holy shit, all I had eaten today was like half a blueberry muffin, where had all of that come from? Mr. Hummel was patting my back and muttering all the right things that a parent says when you're puking, but I could barely understand him. Finally, I could breathe again and I sat back down and closed my eyes. He touched my shoulder again. "You better now?"

"I think so. Sorry." I just wanted to go home and die. Then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. 

"It's alright." He pulled over at a gas station so he could get me some water.

When we made it back to the house, I thought that he would just let me out, but he insisted on coming inside and making me comfortable on our couch with a DVD and some sprite and crackers. He laid a thick blanket over me and put a damp washcloth over my face. He was doing all the cool Mom stuff, but I guess he kind of has to be a Mom and a Dad to Kurt, so he's good at everything. "You'll call me if you need anything?"

"Yeah. Thank you, Burt."

"You're welcome, Finn. I'll call a little later to make sure you're alright." He patted my shoulder and stood up to leave.

"Wait. Could you tell Kurt that I'll call him later? I just really need a chance to rest right now."

"Sure." I listened to him go back through the kitchen and out the front door, then heard his car start up and leave. I was comfortable on the couch, but I knew that this was the first place that the members of the Glee club would come looking for me and I just couldn't take that right now.

The more I thought about it, the more I knew that they hadn't had anything to do with this. Why would they? None of them knew that I could sing, I didn't even know how Mr. Shue knew that I could sing. Even Rach might be stubborn, but she's not mean like that. Thoughtless, but not deliberately mean. Which was actually a pretty good description of me, come to think of it.

Suddenly an idea formed in the back of my mind. I knew someone who I could go to, someone who would be glad to see me and who had absolutely nothing to do with the Glee club. I groped for my phone, and dialed the familiar number. His mother answered on the third ring. "Hello?"

I made my voice be strong. "Hi, Mrs. Fretthold, can I talk to Sean?"

"Of course, Finn, I'll go get him." I leaned back against the couch and closed my eyes, since it always took a while to get Sean the phone. It had to be hooked up to this special thing that held it up for him, so he could hear it and still have some privacy to talk. I wasn't feeling sick any more, probably because I wasn't lying to my mother's boyfriend, the one she really, really, liked and might want to marry one day.

"Hey Finnster, what's up?" He was always so happy to hear from me, because he didn't have that many friends any more. Most of them freaked out and kind of left after his accident. I guess I'm lucky that I didn't really know him that well before, so this was just Fretter to me.

"Uh, life kind of sucks right now; can I come over and spend the night?" I would figure out what to tell him later. Obviously, not about Kurt or anything, but maybe he would know what to do about Mr. Shue and the Glee club.

"Sucks as in never able to move again sucks?" He didn't sound mad about it or anything, but it did remind me to get my head out of my ass.

"No, not that bad. So, can I come over?"

"Sure, Finnster, you know I don't have much going on." I knew he was smiling at me, and it made me smile back. "What about school tomorrow, though?"

I couldn't even think about that right now. "I'll figure something out for that. Just let me run it by Mom, ok? I'll call you back in a few minutes."

Mom was going to be a little harder to convince, but I was pretty sure I could do it. She could never stand to hear me cry, and I knew that I was going to do it as soon as we started talking. I took a deep breath and dialed the store. "Carole Hudson, please?"

She was on almost immediately. "This is Carole." 

"Hi, Mom, it's me. C-can I spend the night over at Fretter's? Please?" My voice wasn't breaking yet, but it was coming, I knew it.

"No, Finn. It's a school night." She sounded distracted, which was how she always got when she was at work.

"But, Mom…" I didn't want to tell her over the phone, but I had to or I was still going to be here when Rachel showed up. "I…I can't be here, Mom, please!" Then it all came spilling out, everything that had happened today and of course I was crying like a little bitch and I knew she had gone way over her break time, but it was worth it in the end. "Please, I just can't face any of them tomorrow. You know I only ask to ditch when I need to."

She sighed. "Finn, you can't run away from this. Even if you quit Glee, he's still your Spanish teacher and you can't change that."

I pulled out my last trick. "But, if I have to see him right now, I'm going to punch his lights out, and then I'll be suspended for a lot more then a day. This is a good, uh, tactical maneuver. Right?" 

"Alright, go to Sean's. But I expect you back tomorrow, with a plan for how we are going to handle this. I'll think from my end, and you think from yours, and we will fix this, ok?"

"Ok. I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, baby." She hung up, and I threw a bag together before calling Sean. "She said ok."

"Sweet, want my Mom to come get you?" He was always up for a sleepover, considering that he didn't have much else to do.

"Oh, yeah, I guess I do need a ride." I hadn't thought that far ahead.

"She'll be there in a few, ok? Bring your homework, and I'll give you a hand." He chuckled a little at my groan. "Come on, Finnster, you need to know this stuff."

"Yeah, yeah, ok. See you, Sean." I hung up and picked up the living room, so Mom wouldn't have to when she got home. Then I went and sat by the front door, like a pitiful little puppy waiting for its master to come home.

It took almost a half hour for Mrs. Fretthold to show up, driving that special white van that Sean despises but knows that he has to use. I made sure that I had my key and that I locked the door behind me before racing down the steps and into the passenger seat. Funny, it had been just this morning that I had done the same thing to be closer to Kurt, and had been so excited because we were picking the set list for Sectionals. Now I wasn't even in the Glee club, and I might not have Kurt, either. God life sucks.

She tried to make some small talk, but I don't really have the energy to keep up my end of the conversation so she gave up. When we pulled into the garage, I thanked her for the ride and grabbed my bag, eager to see Sean.

I knew that he would be in his room, because he doesn't usually use his chair unless he's going somewhere. I think it hurts him, but Fretter doesn't really complain in front of me. Everything I know about his condition is stuff I learned on the internet, or from research his mom gave me when I asked.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the fab-five-Finnster." No matter how shitty life is, I can look at Sean and think that if he can make it, so can I. I grinned back. "Fretter."

When I took his hand, it was kind of cold, just like always. His circulation doesn't work that good anymore, so his body is almost always cold. I ignored it though and lightly rubbed my fist to his. He couldn't feel it, but I made sure to hold his hand up so he could at least see it.

"What's up, Finnster? I know it's bad, or you wouldn't have called me on a school night. Speaking of, nice job convincing Carole to let you come, I wouldn't have thought you could do it. So, is it that girl of yours? The crazy one?"

If only the problem was Rachel. Then I would have two choices: break up with her, or stay with her. I would pick one, and everything would be alright. "No, it's not Rach. She and I kind of aren't together any more."

_The way I see it, you have two choices now, too. You go back to Glee, or you quit Glee. You talk to Mr. Shuester or you don't. You have a few different issues, here, but every one of them boils down to two choices. Don't make this any harder then it has to be._

"Is it a new girl then? Finnster, you're becoming quite the playboy. First that cheerleader, then Rachel, now someone else? Is she hot?"

I so did not want to talk about Kurt right now. "Uh, I really don't want to talk about hi-her right now." 

Fretter's head jerked to the side. "Come up here and sit with me."

I had actually been waiting for the invitation, so I was perfectly happy to crawl up and lay my head on his shoulder. I had to be careful how I positioned the rest of my body, since wouldn't be able to tell me if I was digging in with a knee or an elbow, but I was used to it by now. This way he didn't get a neck cramp or anything from talking to me.

_Finn, the fact that you like getting in bed with another dude, even if it doesn't get you hard, should have probably been a clue that you might be kind of into guys. Actually, it should have been less a clue, and more a huge flashing neon sign. Sometimes you really are as stupid as they claim you are._

"So, is the girl giving you trouble actually a guy?" There was way too much smugness in his voice.

"What!" I jerked my head up so quickly that I smacked him under the chin and we both flinched. "Why would you ask that?"

"Dude, I have nothing better to do then lay here and speculate about every aspect of my friend's lives. Plus, you kind of stuttered back there when you said 'her'. I think you were starting to say 'him' and caught yourself. Am I right?"

"Yeah, you're right." I couldn't even look at him right now. Fretter was one of my best friends, and it would kill me to lose him today, too.

"So, is he hot?" My body relaxed in a rush, something I knew that he could feel in his chest. "Oh, come on Finnster, do you really think I care who you screw? Shit, my dick doesn't work any more, so why should I begrudge anyone else from getting some, no matter who it's from. Now let me live though you. Is he hot?"

It was nice to have someone to be able to talk with about Kurt, someone who wasn't my mother (eww) or Puck, who had plenty of nasty suggestions for us. "Kurt is perfect. And, yes, he's very hot."

"So what's the problem? He's hot, he's perfect, you're smiling like the cat that got the cream when you talk about him, so why did you come here looking like I killed your puppy?"

"First of all, that's too many animal metaphones. Second, it's not Kurt that's the problem. You know my Glee coach, Mr. Shue?" At his nod, I kept going, filling him in on everything that had happened, from the drugs in my locker to what had happened a few hours ago.

His eyes got bigger and bigger, and I knew he wanted desperately to be able to give me a hug. I lowered my head down to his chest so he could put his chin on top of it, which is how Fretter gives a hug these days. "Christ, Finn, that _is_ a mess."

"What do I do?" I knew that he couldn't really tell me, but I wanted someone to give me a clue, since all I ever did was fuck things up when I tried to fix them myself.

"What do you want to do?" I rolled over so we could talk face to face. "Really, Bro, this is up to you. Does Glee mean enough to you that you can forgive his lie? Or not? That's really what it boils down to."

_See Finn, two choices. Yes or no. _

He sighed. "But, and please don't be pissed off, because I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I do think you need to go to Sectionals." I started to protest and he jerked his chin, smacking me and effectively shutting me up. "You're on a team, Finnster, and you can't just quit the team right before the big game. This isn't about you and that teacher; it's about giving your teammates what you owe them."

He was right, of course, Fretter is almost always right. I would never say this to him, or even whisper it to myself, but sometimes I think that things might have been better if it had been me who had had his accident and ended up paralyzed. I mean, he's really good at everything, and I kind of suck at most things, so maybe it wouldn't be as big of a loss if I couldn't move? But it had been him, not me, and you can't change the past. You just move on as best you can. "I know. But what if I can't?" 

"You can. Really, Finn, you don't have any good excuse, except you don't want to. You got knocked down and now you're afraid to get back up and that isn't you. You're the one who just keeps trying, because that's what you do."

It all sounded so simple when he put it like that. But saying it was simple was like saying that Romeo and Juliet was simple because it was so short and the words aren't very big. It's short and the words are small, but the play, all of it, is much more then the length or the words. There's emotion in it, too, and when emotion gets in it, things get a lot harder. Hey, look! I think I just made a metaphone! Or something close, at least. I butted my forehead against his, just like when we had played football. There were no helmets this time, but it was close enough. "Ok. I just…I want it to be like none of this ever happened." 

"You can't always get what you want Finnster, you know that."

"I know." That didn't stop me from wanting it, though.

"So, did I make things better or worse?" He sounded worried, and I had to reassure him. "Better. But, uh, I don't really want to talk about it any more, if that's ok."

"It's cool. So, tell me the story of how the Quarterback went from dating the head cheerleader to dating a dude. Is it kinky? Please tell me it's kinky."

The nice thing about Fretter was that he could always make me laugh. "No, it's not kinky. And, really, I'm still not quite sure how it happened, just that it did and it's good."

"Karma." I had heard the word before, but I had no idea what it meant. He must have known it, because he rolled his eyes. "It means the same as 'what goes around, comes around'. Fate knew that you were going to have a really tough few weeks, with your arm and Quinn and your dad and now this, so it sent you Kurt to help you get through it."

When he put things together like that, it really did sound like I had had a super shitty few weeks. But he was right, having Kurt kind of made up for it, in a really weird way. "That's pretty cool" 

He grinned. "I know, right? I could probably be a shrink myself by now."

There was a knock at the door, and Mrs. Fretthold came in. "I'm sorry Finn, but we have some stuff to take care of. Can you wait outside for a few minutes?"

"Sure." I could help him with some things, but I kind of get that there's some stuff that he's embarrassed about, so I always stay outside. There used to be a nurse, but she's not there any more. Insurance, I think.

I was almost at the door when he spoke again. "Hey, Finnster? You might want to give Kurt a call, let him know that you're safe. Boyfriends worry about that, you know."

Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea. I pulled sat down in the hallway, trying to block out the noises of one of the scary looking machines in there. Please, please let him answer.

Tears actually formed in my eyes when I heard his familiar voice. How could I have been so cruel to him earlier? "This is Kurt Hummel."

I cleared my throat a little before I could speak. "Hi, Spider Monkey."

He squealed, even though I knew he would never admit to it later on. "Finn!" I could hear the relief in his voice, and it made me feel worse then ever. "Finn where are you? Are you alright?"

Figures that I was the one who had acted like a total douchebag, but he was still worried about me. It made me laugh, just a tiny bit. "I'm alright, and I'm with a friend. Look, Kurt, I'm really sorry I stormed out on you like that. I just…I couldn't handle being there anymore. I also kind of lied to your father about being sick, even though I really did puke, so tell him that I'm sorry I lied, too." I was praying that he would understand, and that he might even forgive me.

I was expecting him to scream at me, so I was really surprised when his voice got soft instead. "He already knows, and he's not mad. Finn, I don't want to lose you."

How could he think that? I reran what had happened in my mind, and my own words came back to me. _I'm done with you. I'm done with all of you! _Had Kurt thought that I meant us instead? "You aren't going to lose me. You and me, that's different from Glee of Mr. Shue or anything else that's happened. You're mine, and that isn't going to change." Kurt and I was different from anything else in the entire world. I needed him to understand how important he was to me.

"About Mr. Shue-"Now, that I didn't want to hear. If Mr. Shue wanted to talk to me, he would have to do it himself, not through Kurt.

"I don't want to talk about him." I wasn't mean, because I have a really hard time being mean to Kurt, but I just couldn't do this right now.

"Ok." He said it very softly, and I wanted to reach through the phone and put my arms around him. "Can I come by and see you tomorrow after school?"

Thank God, he understood what I needed, even without me having to say it. "Uh-huh, that would be awesome." Mrs. Fretthold stepped back out and gestured at the room, telling me that they were done. "Thanks." I turned back to Kurt. "But, Kurt, I gotta know. Did you know about the drugs? Did he tell you what he was going to do?" I hated that I asked it, and I hated even more that I was afraid to hear the answer.

"No." He didn't hesitate at all, which told me he was telling the truth. "I swear, Finn, everyone was just as surprised as you were."

Because I knew that he couldn't see me, I squeezed my eyes shut and thanked God. "Yeah, I didn't think so. I shouldn't have said that you all did, that wasn't fair. But I don't want to talk about it anymore, ok? I just wanted to let you know that I'm safe, so you didn't worry." I knew how scared he had been when I had run before, and I didn't want him to feel that way now.

"Thank you, Cowboy. I'll get there tomorrow about 3:45."

That meant he was going to ditch Glee to be with me. I shouldn't feel glad about that, but something in me did. "Ok, I'll make sure I'm ready. Bye, Precious."

He sighed a little, just like he always did when I called him that. It's cute, and I don't even think he realizes he does it. "Bye, Cowboy."

I sat there, staring at the dead phone until Fretter yelled from his room. "Finnster, what are you doing out there? Tell your boyfriend he can have phone sex some other time!"

"You just wish I'd give you some phone sex!" I stood up and came back, knowing that he would be laughing.

"Why would I need phone sex when I'm going to have that hot body in my bed tonight? Did you tell your boyfriend about that?"

There's no spare room in Fretter's house, and all of his medical stuff takes up most of the room in his, so Mrs. Fretthold always made me a little nest of blankets next to his fancy hospital bed. I always thanked her and pretended that I was going to sleep there, then crawled up with him as soon as she went to bed. His hospital bed is really, really comfy, and it's not gay or anything, because it's not like he can feel me with him. At least that's what I always told myself before. It's not like his mom doesn't know, considering that she's the one who wakes me up in the mornings, but she always tries to set me up the same way the next time. It's just what happens, I guess. "No, I didn't mention that."

"So, when can I meet him?"

"Never. You tell really embarrassing stories about me, and then he'll break up with me." I could only imagine the sorts of thing that Fretter would say to Kurt.

"Oh, come on! If all it takes to scare him off is me, then it's not a very good relationship, now is it?" He smiled and I climbed back up with him.

"Maybe soon, ok?"

"Sure." There wasn't much left for us to say, so we sat together and watched his fish. They all had names, and we had made up plenty of stories about them. Fretter nodded. "Did you see I have a new angelfish? I call her 'Titter McHighbeams'. She's the new class slut."

Yeah, they pretty much all had names like that. "She replaced Skankerella? No way!"

"Yes, it was a terrible whore-off. But Titter won by sheer virtue of being caught swimming with He-bitch, Jack Nicholson _and_ Austin Powers all within a 20 minute time span."

"Nice." I should probably also mention that most of the stories we made up followed along those lines. "But what happened to the Chastity Bitch, I thought she was the second place skank?" Ok, in the interest of full honestly, Chastity Bitch was pretty much modeled after Quinn.

"OD'd man. Mom had to scoop her out and flush her last week." Fretter sounded deeply saddened by it. "May she rest in peace at the sewage treatment plant."

I saluted her, then picked up his hand and helped him salute, too. He smiled. "So, next set are totally going to be my gay couple. What did you say your boyfriend's name was again?"

"Kurt."

"So, have you told him you love him yet?"

"No." I really didn't know why, either. I did love him; I just hadn't said the words yet.

"Why not? I mean, Finnster, you only get so many chances to do stuff in this life."

"I know. I do love him." I snuggled against him, sleepy from watching the fish. They're hypnotizing, I swear.

"Tell him." He lightly touched the top of my head again. "Ok, so enough mushy chick stuff. Now, do you want to hear about the adventures of the algae eater?"

I really shouldn't have been tired, considering that I'd done nothing but sleep today, but I somehow fell asleep as he was telling me the story. The next thing I knew, Mrs. Fretthold was shaking me gently, and telling me that I could go have breakfast while she took care of Sean's morning stuff.

Breakfast was French toast, and I felt kind of bad that his mom had gone through so much effort and I was going to be eating by myself. Fretter usually eats in his room, because he thinks it's too much hassle for him to get into his chair and to the kitchen. I get that, some mornings I think it's too much hassle to come downstairs out of my room, and I can walk.

The two of us hung out until almost 2, him helping me with my homework (and doing a lot of sighing in frustration when I kept getting my numbers all screwed up) and making up a few new stories about the sex and lies happening in his fish tank.

Eventually, I had to go home, so I could take a shower and be ready when Kurt showed up. I was still kind of hurting, but it never hurt to be prepared, in case of emergency screwing around.

Mom had fussed over me of course, cuddling and cooing and trying to figure out what she could do to help. She was willing to file charges if I wanted, but I didn't think I did. Maybe. Maybe I did want to be that mean and selfish, I just wasn't sure right now. So I mumbled something about thinking about it and not being able to deal right now, both of which were true, and let her make me some lunch, just so she would feel like she was doing something.

After lunch and a quick shower, I looked over all of my clothes, then shrugged and put some pajamas on. It wasn't like I was going anywhere, anyway. I had just turned on a little Call of Duty, when I heard a car in the driveway.

It was Kurt and the Navigator, I recognized the engine. I bounced to my feet, and even Quinn-voice was shouting for joy. _Kurt was here! Kurt was here!_ Kurt was back with me, which was exactly where he belonged.


	36. Chapter 36

Finn POV (yes, again)

Even though I was totally excited when Kurt first pulled up, for some reason I got kind of sick and worried before he had even made it in the front door. I mean, I used to get that excited when I saw Mr. Shue, too, or Quinn, and look how both of those things had turned out. Ok, maybe I didn't get _that_ excited when I saw Mr. Shue, because that would be icky, but I did get a little happy. Turns out I didn't really know them at all, so why did I think I knew Kurt?

_Oh give it up. This insecurity bit is getting a little bit old, even though I will admit that you do have more reason to feel that way then most. Kurt loves you and you know it. You just have a little case of stage fright, that's all._

I never got stage fright! Not when it came to football, not when it came to Glee. Ok, maybe I was a little nervous the first time I sang in front of the group, but an audience? Yeah right.

_It's not that sort of stage fright, moron. _

There wasn't any time to think about that, because Kurt was in the doorway, looking all excited and smiling. Suddenly, even seeing him was too much of a reminder of what happened, and, no matter how much I loved him, I couldn't deal with him right now. So I did my best to drive him away. "Who are you?"

That threw him, but only for a minute. He didn't come closer, but he didn't leave either. "What do you mean?" Now he did come closer, but not all the way to the bed.

"Well, no one is who they say they were. Mom isn't. Quinn isn't. Puck isn't. Mr. Shue isn't. Why should you be who you say _you_ are? So, who are you?" I was being a jerk, and I knew it, but if he let me push him away right now, then how could I trust him to be there for me later? I wasn't even breathing, I was so scared that he would turn around and leave, but I couldn't make myself tell him to stay either.

I didn't have to. He climbed onto the bed and I was immediately overwhelmed by his smell and his skin and everything about him. His lips found mine. "I'm Kurt Hummel." He said it like we were meeting each other for the first time. If he had greeted me like this when we first me, I wouldn't have had to waste my time with Quinn or Rach.

_Don't_ _lie to yourself. You would have totally flipped your shit if Kurt Hummel had kissed you a year ago. You would have flipped it if he had kissed you 6 weeks ago, too. For everything a season, Finn. You can't make it happen when it isn't time._

I might have thought about that more, but Kurt was talking again. "My father is dating your mother." He kissed my cheek, somehow making it seem sexier then when he had kissed my lips a minute ago.

"We're in the same grade at school, and we were on the football team together this year." His lips were actually on my ear when he said it, the hot breath racing over my skin. I could feel the beginnings of a hard on starting, but I was still on my stomach and luckily he couldn't tell.

Then he said what I had been hoping to hear. "You are my boyfriend." I felt first his lips, then his teeth on the side of my neck. He didn't bite hard, but it was enough to start me shivering. I wanted him to put a mark there, to claim me in some crazy, primal way. Then the bite was painful and I knew that he had.

I felt like I needed to say something back. "I'm your boyfriend." Dumb as it sounded, it must have been the right thing, because he laid his head on my shoulder, giving me just enough wiggle room to kiss the top. "I'm your boyfriend, and I don't ever want to belong to anyone else."

The intensity of my feeling was scary again, but I pushed forward bravely. I wanted to feel as much of his body as possible, so my lips were right at his ear when I took the plunge. "I love you."

I wasn't sure what I had been expecting him to do, but it stung a little when he started laughing. He must have read the hurt on my face, because he kissed me again and tried to explain. "I was rushing over here to tell you the same thing. Shit, I got pulled over because I was driving too fast, and I almost got a ticket, and I get here and you beat me to it." Now he was laughing harder. "God, you're perfect."

Not really. If I were perfect, I would be taking Fretter's advice right now and still be part of the Glee club. I didn't say that, though. I just smiled and lightly touched his back. "So?"

He looked a little confused. "So, what?"

I was pretty sure I didn't look quite that cute when I was being dumb. "Are you going to tell me that you love me or not?" I had to hear it.

"I love you Finn Hudson, and I don't ever want to belong to anyone else, either."

The funny thing was, I believed him. I don't know why, but there wasn't any doubt in my mind. "That's good. That's perfect actually. You're perfect, even if everything else in the world sucks."

He nipped my neck again and now I was totally hard for him. What kind of freak was I that I got so turned on by him biting me? "Do you want to fool around now?" The words came out fast and panting.

He nodded, just a tiny bit, his eyes huge. "Yeah, I would love to fool around now."

Awesome. He probably thought that he was being all subtle while he decided whether or not he was going to try and blow me, but considering that his lips were moving while he looked rapidly from my face to my crotch and back up to my face, he wasn't quite pulling it off. At any other time, I would have been totally on board, but right now, I didn't want that. "I want to see your face." I had to keep checking for any sign of a lie.

He nodded again, and our eyes locked. I didn't really spend that much time looking into Kurt's eyes. Usually, I'm too busy staring at his ass, or, if I'm lucky, he has his clothes off, and I can look at much more interesting things. So it surprised me now to watch his eyes change from blue to green and then to black as my hands roamed over his body.

Something had changed, and I had no idea what it was. Kurt's body felt the same as always, which was great, and he reacted the same way when I touched his favorite spots, but there was something new between us, something that was in the back of his eyes.

I knew that he felt it too, because I saw the panic pop up in his eyes. I knew that look; it was one that meant he wanted to run. So I slipped one hand behind his back to hold him steady, keep him with me. It was easy to tell the minute he gave in, because his eyes closed and he started to mutter dirty words under his breath. It was hot. Then he got really loud, and I had to move the hand that was behind his back to cover up his mouth so Mom didn't hear him loudly begging me to fuck him. That would be kind of awkward.

My throat locked closed when I came and my vision narrowed until all I could see was Kurt's eyes, dilated and locked on mine and his body jerked and shuddered. He wasn't talking now, just breathing hard against the palm of my hand so I let him go.

I thought that the strange pull would go away after we messed around, but it didn't. If anything it was stronger, something that was joining me to him, even without the sex. Kurt started to shiver, and I knew that it wasn't because he was cold. He was afraid of what was happening, just like I was. Still, one of us had to be tough, and he was probably getting a little sick of it being him. I rearranged the covers, so we were both underneath, and pulled his body against me, not caring that we were both kind of sticky and gross. "It's alright, Kurt. It's alright."

His head shook a little, which meant that it wasn't alright at all, and then his hand came up to brush through my hair. "Tell me what happened."

I'm pretty sure he meant yesterday, and not a few minutes ago, because I'm sure he knows what happened a few minutes ago. "You know, you were there." We needed to talk about it, we really did, but I just didn't want to. I wanted a few minutes to just enjoy Kurt, right now.

"I know what happened yesterday, but I want to know what happened with the drugs. I wasn't there for that, and I'm confused. I want to help you fix this, Cowboy, but I can only do that if you're honest with me." That was sweet of him, but there really wasn't much he could do.

"You can't fix it, it's already done." Unless he was hiding a time machine somewhere, which would be freaking awesome, but I was pretty sure that he wasn't.

"Tell me anyway."

It was right at the end of last year, you know, when Mr. Shue took over Glee?" I waited until he nodded before I kept going. "He wanted some more guys to join, because he needed 12, so he came and asked the football team. I kinda wanted to, but then Puck got all wild, and I knew it was suicide if I did it, so I wasn't going to. Plus, it sounded kinda stupid, no offense."

He gave me that funny little smile. "None taken. So how did you get from not signing up to our auditorium?"

This was the part that was hard to admit, because it showed just how stupid I was. I should have known that there were no random locker checks, because my locker had never been checked before. "Mr. Shue called me into his office and said that there had been a random locker search and I was in trouble. I didn't know why, because I wasn't hiding anything. I never hide anything, because I always get caught."

He was rubbing right underneath my shoulder blade now, and I felt incredibly good. "What did they find?"

"Pot. Except it wasn't mine. I can't even stand the way that shit smells, and I sure as hell wouldn't smoke it. But he was holding it and he said it was felony to have it and that I would go to jail and they would tell my mom and I didn't want her to know and he wouldn't listen when I kept telling him that it wasn't my drugs. I even told him that I would, you know, pee in a cup to prove that it wasn't my drugs, but he kept saying that it wouldn't matter, that no one would believe me. Then he said that he could make it all go away, if I would join the Glee club. That it would be a secret between us" I was talking so fast by the end that I wasn't even sure if he could understand me, but he was nodding slowly.

"So you agreed."

"I agreed. Then Glee was fun, and I really liked it and I just kind of forgot about the whole thing. I mean, it all seemed like it worked out. But it didn't, because he lied. He lied and how can I ever trust him again?" I was trying really hard not to cry here, because I was really getting sick of it.

Kurt's eyes looked kind of shiny with tears, and I felt a little better to know I wasn't the only one who felt like crying over this. "I don't know, Cowboy."

"Coach Sylvester told me, but, you know what? I told her that I didn't believe her, because she was all evil and shit, and I knew she wanted to screw us over right before Sectionals. I knew Mr. Shue would never do that to me, never. But then she pulled out this video tape, from the security camera, and there it was. It was true." I was tired of telling the story and I wanted it to be over, but, since I had started, I had to keep going.

Then I thought of something, something that I hadn't thought of before. "Are you glad?" He looked a little confused, so tried again. "That he did that? Are you glad because now there's a you and me?"

Wait, did I want him to say 'yes' or did I want him to say 'no'? Maybe I should figure that out before I get all pissy. "No, I'm not glad that he did what he did. It was cruel, and it's hurting you now." He rolled closer and kissed my nose. "Besides, you would have succumbed to my charms eventually, whether we were in Glee together or not. After all- He pointed at his body. "-how could anyone resist this?"

God, I would give anything for just a little of his self confidence. "No one who wasn't crazy, at least." We kissed a few more times, no tongue, just soft little kisses. "So, you know how this ends. There I was, singing Grease."

"You were so, so, so, sexy doing it, too." Kurt had that happy smile on his face, and it was cool to know that I put it there.

"Really? I didn't look like I was going to puke? Because, I sure felt like I was. I had never sung in front of anyone before, except Puck, and only when I was really drunk." It's scary to do anything new, especially in front of strangers. Loser strangers, ones who might actually be better then you at something. Not that I thought that now, but I'll admit that the thought had gone through my head a few times when I first joined.

"Really. You didn't seem nervous at all, except maybe that Rachel would molest you." He sounded pissed off at the thought.

"She tried that later. Not that I wasn't into it, then, because I kinda was, but it wasn't anything like what I feel like with you. You are special, the good kind, not the bad kind." He actually growled at little when he thought about Rach coming after me, a tiny rumble that came up through his chest.

He looked down, and I knew I wasn't going to like what I said next. "Can we talk about Sectionals?" 

This was my chance to be the bigger man and talk it out, but I was so damn tired of doing that. "No. I don't want to see Mr. Shue again, except in class, and then he can go right back to flunking me, I don't care."

"Mr. Shue isn't our coach any more." He said it really fast, then kind of flinched, like he thought I might start yelling. "That was Sue Sylvester's coupe de gras. She went to Figgins and got him removed as the coach."

I was curious, despite myself. "How are you going to do Sectionals, then?" I wasn't going to say 'we', even though I knew he wanted me to.

"Ms. Pillsbury is going to take us, and I guess we'll go from there. Rachel got Jacob Ben Israel to stand in for you by promising him her undies."

Ouch. A part of me wanted to stand up for her, to stand up for Kurt, but the bigger part couldn't handle anything else. "Kurt. I can't. I know how badly you want me to be able to do this, but I just can't. It's too much and please don't ask me what you want to." Because if Kurt asked me to come back, I would, and then I would hate both him and myself.

"I won't." He snuggled his head into my chest, and I stroked his sweat damp hair. Why couldn't things be like this all the time?

"Thanks."

He was quiet for a few minutes, and I thought he might be dozing off. Then he spoke in a tiny little voice. Do you want me to stay home tomorrow? I can come over and be with you."

He would really do that for me? As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew that I couldn't. "No. It's not fair for you to ask me to go, and it's not fair for me to ask you to stay. Good luck, though"

I felt his sad little smile against my chest. "Can I stay for dinner? I don't want to leave you right now."

Apparently I wasn't the only one who never wanted to always be with him. "Sure. I'll bet Mom will want to invite your Dad over, though, so we might need to put our pants back on." Unfortunatly.

He chuckled. "I love you, Cowboy."

"I love you, too." After waiting so long to say it, I was surprised at how easy it was. Then I remembered that there was something I wanted to show him. Well, something besides my dick. "Oh, you'll never believe this. I was going to show it to you yesterday, but I forgot. Remember those fortune cookies we got at that naked fish place?" There was a word for it, but I couldn't remember it right now.

"Raw fish, not naked. You make it sound all kinky. But yes, I seem to recall them."

I didn't see how naked fish was kinky, but maybe I don't actually know what the word means. That happens to me a lot. "Yeah, well I was thinking about yours, you know about the bells? And then I thought there had to be more to it, so I googled it." I knew I had the piece of paper somewhere, oh, there it was. "Look, I found the entire quote."

I handed it over, and watched as he read over it, his lips moving slowly and making me want to kiss him again. When he looked up, I knew that he felt the same way I did. "That's us, right? I mean, at least me. With Quinn or Rach, I would be totally bored by now, even if they were putting out like you are, but with you, I just wanna be with you all the time, even more then before. Louder bells, right?"

He hugged me and kissed my neck, which was as high as he could reach without going on tiptoe. "Yeah, Cowboy, louder bells."

_Hello, round two!_

The clock kept ticking, getting closer and closer to 10. At 10, the Glee club would be dismissed for sectionals. If I stood up with Puck and Tina, they would be glad to have me back. Fretter had been right; it wasn't fair for me to abandon them now. But every time I thought about doing it, I felt bile come up in my throat. He's just a better man than I am, I guess.

At 10, Mr. Addy looked up and nodded at the door. "The Glee club is dismissed. Best of luck to you at Sectionals."

Puck touched my shoulder as he passed, but I tensed up and kept staring at the desk. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't.

Mr. Addy gave me a long look, and I stared back at him, trying to look totally innocent. He wanted to say something, I could tell, but he didn't. He just went back to trying to teach us to solve for X. Like anyone cared.

Mr. Shue was really surprised to see me in Spanish, but I looked at the desk there, too. This was all his fault, and if I wanted to pout like a little kid, I was damn well going to pout like a little kid.

_Grow up. This is as much your fault as it is his. Both of you let the Glee club down, not to mention Kurt_.

That hurt. Was I really being that selfish?

_Of course you are_.

I ignored Mr. Shue for the entire class, and he played along by not calling on me once. That hurt, too, then pissed me off _because_ it hurt. Why was it that people were mean to me first, then I felt bad for being mean back?

_Because you're a sweetheart, honey. It's not such a terrible thing, or at least it won't be when you're a little older and out of high school_

By the time the end of the day rolled around, I was regretting not going. Fretter had been right (not that I would ever tell him that, because his ego doesn't need any help), I had fucked up. Moving like a sleepwalker, I crept into the choir room and sat on the risers, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. How could things have been so good two days ago, and so bad today?

"Hey Finn." It was Mr. Shue. He came in the room, but didn't touch me like he usually would have.

"Hi." I whispered it into my legs.

He leaned awkwardly against the door. "They made it, and they're getting checked in. They're going last, which is good, right?"

Just a few hours ago, it would have been 'we made it' and 'you guys are going last'. "Oh."

He sat down next to me. "Finn, I'm so sorry. I know that it doesn't mean much, but I didn't want to hurt you with any of this. I regretted it as soon as I saw your face, saw you pleading with me to believe you, but I didn't know how to get out of it then."

I didn't want to be nice about it, but I didn't really have the energy to be mean either. So I reached out and laid one shaky hand on his knee. He nodded and we both pretended that we couldn't see the tears running down each other's faces. His phone rang, and I let my hand fall away, turning so I could wipe my face against my sleeve.

It's, like, really rude to listen in on someone else's conversation, but Mr. Shue sounded all shocked, then worried, then he was cursing Coach Sylvester out and slamming his phone closed before throwing it across the room. "Shit!" 

It was kind of fascinating to watch someone else, a grown man, throw things and lose his temper just like I did. I sniffled a little and watched him stalk around, his hands in his hair. Then he sat back down next to me. "Sue leaked our set lists. The other groups have our songs, and they're performing them first. Proud Mary, Mercedes' ballad, we're done for. This is it, Glee's over."

It couldn't be. I might be a douche who abandoned the team when they needed me, but at least there _was_ a team when I left. If Glee was going to be cancelled, it should be because we actually sucked, not because Coach Sylvester had PMS. Mr. Shue squeezed my shoulder. "I'll see you in class on Monday, ok?"

"Yeah." I stayed all balled up until I was sure he was gone, then sprung to my feet. I had to get there and help the team, _my_ team, out, but I couldn't show up empty handed. I had to find a song that everyone knew the words, to, so we could focus on getting a little bit of choreography down before we went on. I was a few hours behind them, but if I broke a few speed limits, I could make it in time.

_Don't you need a car for that?_

"Shut up, I have a plan." I was knocking stuff over as I went through the sheet music, but I didn't care. Mr. Shue could clean it up later, since it was kind of his fault I was in this situation to begin with. I'm pretty sure I was being what Kurt calls 'petty' and I refer to as 'being a huge bitch', but there were more important things going on right now.

As I searched, Fretter's words came back into my brain. 'You can't always get what you want, Finnster, you know that.'. Maybe not, but I knew how to come close. The words changed themselves to a melody that I kind of remembered from somewhere and I pulled open the file cabinet marked 'Y'.

Sure enough, I found the song in just a few minutes. Even though I knew that Mr. Shue doesn't like it, I ripped out all three pages. But that was only one copy. I needed 12, and I didn't have time to rush over the Kwikcopy and use their machine. Suddenly, an idea popped into my brain, one that made my entire face light up in an evil grin.

Before I could pussy out, I took the sheets and marched straight to the Cheerio's copy machine. With every paper I slapped down, I felt like I was hitting her, which I desperately wanted to do. Except for the fact that she was a woman. Oh, and the fact that she could probably beat the shit out of me without even trying. Still, the anger didn't go away, and I kicked the machine before I even realized that I was going to do it. Kicking it once felt so good that I had to kick it again, just to see if the feeling would be the same. It was.

The copies were done, filling the tray, and that made me even angrier. Everything had built up in my chest, and I took all of my fear and rage out on the copy machine kicking and punching at it until it was smoking and ruined. I didn't realize I was screaming until I heard Quinn-voice over the din.

_Stop it. Not only is this not helping, but you're ruining your voice. Now calm down and get yourself to the Sectionals. _

It was good advice, and I rested my hot face against the coolness of the tile wall. I could do this, even if there was no one here to help me. I picked up my copies and raced for the student lot, praying that my hunch was right.

Kurt's Navigator was still parked near the end of the lot, like it was calling me. I knelt by the back bumper and ran my fingers over the inside of it. Mom always said you should have a spare key back there, just in case you lock your keys in the car. My fingers hit a small box that pulled off easily. Score, there it was!

The car unlocked with a quick beep, and the reality of what I was doing crashed down on me. I had destroyed school property, and now I was about to steal a car. I mean, it's my own boyfriend's car, but he still might be pretty pissed.

_He's going to be so excited that you came, and that you had a good idea for the group for once, that he's not even going to think about it. But don't hit the mailman or anything else, ok?_

Ok. I got in, and immediately slammed my knee into the wheel because I'm so much taller then Kurt is. Ow. The car started smoothly, but I was so nervous that it took a minute before I could put it in gear and start out. Lucky that Kurt has GPS on this thing, because I wasn't really sure how I would get there otherwise.

I put my iPod in the dock and cranked up the song, memorizing the lyrics as best I could. I wasn't sure if I was going to be singing lead vocals, or even if I wanted to be singing lead vocals, but I wanted to be ready in case I got the chance.

Listening for the 100th time, my attention wandered back to my favorite place: Kurt. This song could have been about me and him. He wasn't what I wanted, not the person I would have chosen in a million years. First off, he was a dude. Yeah, that might make me an asshole, but, I mean, well, he's a _dude_! Plus, he can't play video games. Not only in a 'not too good at them way', but in a 'I don't even know how to hold the controller' way. And he's pretty prissy.

I wanted Angelina Jolie. I wanted Quinn Fabray. I wanted Rachel Berry. Shit, I wanted any girl who would at least take her top off for me. I didn't want some guy who had his own problems and sometimes stared at me a little too long during football practice.

So, yeah, I didn't want Kurt. But somehow, I had needed him. I needed him the night I got hurt, needed him to go with me to the hospital and keep me calm, needed him to come over and visit after that, needed him to be first a friend, then a boyfriend. Now I needed him more then anything in the world.

I wanted to call him and tell him that I was on my way, but I forced myself to hold still. If I tried and still didn't get there before they went on, then he would be all disappointed, and I had disappointed him enough in the past 24 hours. Plus, I kind of wanted to see his face when he first saw me. Hopefully he would be happy.

Even with the GPS, I got a little lost, but the guy at the gas station knew exactly where the Buckeye Civil Auditorium was. I parked very carefully, and made sure that there was plenty of money of money in the parking meter (ok, so I stole the quarters from the baggie in the dashboard, so sue me. It's not like I carry that many quarters in my stuff) and raced inside.

The lady at the front desk was a little unsure of letting me in, but my McKinley High football jacket helped. Also, I may have blurted out that my boyfriend was in there, and I needed to be with him. The look on her face told me that she found that completely disgusting, and that she just wanted me out of her sight, like I might start doing gay things right in front of her. God I hope I never see that woman again. Kurt's great, and, if I have to defend him to everyone in this auditorium, I would.

I had to stop two more people before I was able to locate the room where the rest of New Directions was waiting. I could hear Rach talking, pleading with the rest of them to quit bickering and sit down, but I couldn't step in there, not yet. I needed a minute to get myself together before I could face them all.

Then I heard it. Kurt was talking, and my entire body leaned forward so I could hear him better. Even though I had talked to him just a few hours before, I had to hear him again. "As much as it hurts me to admit it, and it does, she's right. Rachel's our star." I could just imagine him sneering and doing that little flip thing with his fingers when he said that and it made me laugh a little. "If anyone's going to go belt it on the fly, it should be her."

See, that's one of the things I love about Kurt. He and Rach might be fighting and hate each other a lot of the time, but he will admit that she's great at what she does, the best in the club, and back down to her when he needs to.

"Well, I do have something that I've been working on since I was four." Trust Rachel to always be prepared.

"Then I guess we have our ballad." Quinn's voice was much closer to the door, and it made me tense up, hard. I've really been working on forgiving her, but my nerves were scraped raw right now, and hearing her voice hurt as badly as it had when I first found out the truth about her and Puck. "And we can close with 'Somebody to Love'. It's a real crowd pleaser.

It was also my favorite song of all the ones we had done so far. Puck spoke up, so close to the door that I jumped back. "Yeah? That and a can of soup will guarantee us third place. We still need another song we can all sing together."

That was my cue. Kurt's been trying to teach my about waiting for the best possible moment to do anything. Make an entrance, sing a song, tell me he loved me, it all had to be done at the perfect time. He calls it being theatrical. I call it kind of annoying. I ducked my head a little as I came in, so I wouldn't have to look anyone in the face.

"I have one." Everyone went silent and stared at me, but I only had eyes for Kurt. His head came up slowly, like he couldn't quite believe that I was really here. I wanted to rush over there and scoop him up, promising to never be jerk again and never let him go, but I knew that I couldn't. First I had to figure out if he still wanted to be with me at all, then we had to get out there and win. Once we did both of those things and they turned out well, we could tell everyone the truth and we would all live happily ever after.

_No such thing, Finn._

_ "_I found the sheet music in Shuester's stuff; I used the Cheerio's copier to make copies." I tossed the papers down on the table so everyone could get a copy. "Then I trashed the thing." That made it sound all manly and rebellious, rather then like I had just totally freaked out on it. I shoved my hands in my pockets.

Everyone took a copy and looked it over, but no one said anything. So I stepped in softly, remembering how good it felt to have control over something, rather then just being pushed around by everyone else. "Mike, Matt, Britney, Santana, you're our best dancers. Figure something out and we'll all follow your lead." Hopefully I could keep from tripping over my own two feet.

Mike nodded at me. "It's gonna be choppy."

Oh thank God, then I might be able to actually keep up. I nodded. "Good. We're best when we're loose." Maybe we couldn't pull this off, but I would be damned if I just laid down and took it. I had done too much of that lately, and I wasn't going to be that person any more.

The four of them stood and headed off together, already making signs and nodding among themselves. Everyone else was still staring at me, so I made another attempt to rally them. "Look, all we have going for us is that we believe in ourselves and what we're singing about. If we show the judges that, we might have a shot at this thing."

Now they were all nodding. I risked a quick glance at Kurt, and saw a tiny smile on his lips. I had to look away then, because I didn't want to do something inappropriate in front of the whole club.

Rach grinned at me, and I couldn't help but grin back. "It's good to have you back, Finn."

It was good to be back but all I could do was hunch my shoulders a little at her. Luckily, she gets that and nodded her head. I looked over at Jacob Ben Israel. "Cool if I take my spot back?" Not that I would take 'no' for an answer, but my mother didn't raise me to be a total caveman.

"Quite. I was just here because I was hoping to get into Rachel's pants." He didn't sound the slightest bit ashamed of it either, which I didn't like. I might make jokes about getting into Kurt's pants, but I don't do it in public.

I made a bit of a mental note to scare the shit out of him later, reminding him how real men treated women. I didn't want Rachel any more, not now that I had Kurt, but that didn't mean I wanted other dudes to disrespect her. Puck came up and thumped my shoulder. "You and Shuester cool?"

"Not by a long shot." I didn't say anything else, because I didn't need to.

"Finn." I really don't know what Quinn wanted to say to me, since we haven't really talked since the whole 'not the father' thing went down, but I just turned away from her. Please guys; let's just get through this without the drama.

Rachel looked into my eyes. "Are you ok?"

I hoped that she would be such a good friend when she found out about me and Kurt. I mean, she has two dads, so she kind of has to be, right? I smiled weakly. "Don't worry about me, ok? This is all up to you, now. You wanted the solo, you wanted the chance to be the star, this is your chance." I leaned down closer. "Don't screw it up."

It sounded a little mean, but Rach thrives on this shit. She's just like me; we work best when it's down to the buzzer. The rest of the Glee club was huddled around the piano, watching out four dancers map out the choreography, so I went over, too, just so I could stand by Kurt. His head was down, but his eyes were on me. They were huge and blue and I couldn't tell if he was happy or not.

Then he looked up at me, and the most beautiful smile I had ever seen spread across his face. Oh yeah, he was glad. No matter what else happened from this point on, even if we placed dead last, things would be ok from now on, because I still had Kurt, and, really? If I had Kurt, I didn't need anything else.


	37. Chapter 37

Kurt POV

Finn was here. _Finn_ was here. Finn was _here_. My fingers were digging so tightly into the arms of the chair that it hurt, but I couldn't stop staring at the man in front of me. If I looked away, even to blink, he might vanish. My throat had locked closed, too tight to even swallow, which was a good thing. If it hadn't, I would probably be squealing like a preteen seeing Justin Bieber.

I sat there in shock while he talked to us, rallying the troops the same way he did for the football team. Finn was here, and, for the first time, I thought we might win. His eyes dashed briefly to mine, and I smiled at him, letting him know how happy I was.

I wanted nothing more to grab him and kiss him silly, right after I made sure that this was actually what he wanted, that he hadn't been pushed into it by someone, but I had to play it cool. I waited until Finn had stood by the piano for a few minutes before I took a deep breath and blurted out "oh, my God, Finn! You are filthy and there is no way I can possibly allow you on stage in the condition. March yourself off to the men's room, I'll be there in 30 seconds."

He jumped a little, then nodded as he realized what I meant. He didn't move, though, even when I flapped my hands at him to hurry him up. "What?"

"Um, I don't really know where the men's room is."

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. "You are _such _a boy with no sense of direction! Come on." I put my hand to his back and gave him a push before turning back to the rest of the club. "We'll be back once I get him presentable."

Luckily, Finn _was_ pretty filthy. There was something black on his sleeves and hands, as well as a small streak of on his left cheek. His face was kind of puffy, too, which made me guess that he had been crying and had wiped his face without thinking. Still, there was something oddly endearing about it. I grabbed my bag and followed him out.

As soon as the mens room door was closed behind us, I slammed Finn against it, desperate to see him, to run my hands over his body and know that he was really there. He was making that strange little humming noise, the one that he always made when he was happy, and I was sure that it was Finn for the first time. "Oh, God, Finn."

"Aren't you happy?" He could barely get the words out in between kisses to my face and neck His skin was soft and salty and if I died right now, it would have all been worth it in the end.

"Finn, I'm ecstatic, but how? Why? I mean, yesterday you wouldn't even talk about it, and now here you are!" It was like…I couldn't even come up with a metaphor, but it was a miracle for sure. I pointed to the sink and he started washing his hands.

"Well, you know the friend I was staying with?" At my nod, he kept going. "He said that I was being a jerk, that I couldn't just ditch you guys right before Sectionals. Total douche move and all that. He was right, but I just couldn't admit it to myself. Then I realized that I had fucked up, but I thought it was too late. Only it wasn't and I'm here now."

Whoever this friend of Finn's was, I was sending him a gift basket at the earliest possible opportunity. Then Finn wiped his hands off and put them on either side of my face. "But you know what else? I thought that I might lose you because you would be so disappointed, and I didn't want that. So I'm doing it for the team, but I'm mostly doing it for you."

His words touched something in me something that was an awful lot like…well, a bell when it started ringing. A vibration that spread through my chest and up to my finger tips, which were now resting over his. "Thank you, Finn. But I want you to be doing this for you, too, to make yourself happy. I don't want to be in a relationship where it's all about me." 

Finn chuckled. "Kurt, it's _always_ about you for me. That's just kind of how it is. But I am doing this for me. I love Glee, and I want it to keep going. That's not going to happen if I don't help now. Plus, I know what happens when Rach gets too much power, and someone needs to keep her in line." There it was, that quirky little smile.

Really, there was only one answer to that. "I love you."

"Love you, too." He released my face and spun in a quick circle. "So, how bad do I really look?"

"Well, now that you washed your hands, not too bad. You have something all black across your face, but a few swipes with a make-up removing wipe should get it." 

His eyes narrowed. "Why do you have make-up removing wipes in your bag? How much make-up do you wear every day?"

I dodged the question. "Well, that depends on how big of a hickey my boyfriend decides to leave on me." That was much less humiliating then the truthful answer, which was foundation, always. Did he honestly think that my complexion was this even without a little bit of help?

_Probably. This is Finn Hudson after all. I'd be surprised if he even knew what foundation was._

Well, maybe if Finn Hudson had stupid freckles that popped up every time he so much as looked at the sun, he would be more interested in foundation, too.

_He has freckles. _

The difference was the Finn's freckles were sexy and kissable, and mine made me look like a 10 year old.

_Good point._

I covered up my conversation with Galinda by cleaning up Finn's face as best I could with a wipe and some damp paper towels. "There you go, better." You could still tell he had been crying if you looked closely enough, the only ones who would be that close would be the rest of New Directions, and I was counting on them having more tact then to bring it up. On second thought, maybe I should pull Brit aside and gently remind her what tact was.

"Do you think we can do it?" I kissed him one last time.

"We can try. Even if we can't, at least we didn't lie down and take it like a bunch of bitches." He put a hand under my chin and pulled my head up, staring into my eyes. He must have found what he was looking for, because he nodded. "So, are we going to do this thing?" 

"Yes."

"Good." His hand remained on my lower back as we walked back, though he did drop it before we made it back inside the break room. Still, anyone else could have seen us, and it made my heart jump in my chest.

"What were you two doing in there?" Santana was watching me like a hawk, and I was suddenly glad that I wasn't going to have to keep Finn and I a secret for much longer.

"Trying to get all the copy machine gunk off of his face." I remained flippant, but I couldn't manage to meet her eyes. Of all the girls in this school, Santana was the only one who actually scared me.

Before she could reply, though, Matt and Mike were corralling us to get in formation. Mike lined us all up, then changed his mind and rearranged us. "It's going to have to be all about distraction. We're going to enter from the back of the auditorium, rather then the front. That let's us use Rachel's solo for walking, rather then having to get some choreography to go along with it. We already have choreography for 'Somebody to Love', so we just need to work on 'You Can't Always Get What You Want'. Matt, Santana, Britney and I can move on the one beat, and the rest of you about half a beat behind. Just watch. Finn, do you have the lead on this?"

He looked over at Puck. "You want it?" 

"No, Dude, you got this. You're the one who gets off on this shit." He was saying more then that, of course, but boys aren't very good at saying that stuff out loud.

"Cool."

We went over it five times, getting better with every pass. It was still going to be rough, but we could do this. After the fifth time, Rachel nodded. "I think we have it. Now, we need to get dressed and ready. Come on guys, we have it. With my stunning solo, and 'Somebody to Love' to close out, we have this one in the bag."

Our outfits were in separate dry cleaning bags, ready to go and Tina started handing them out. Mine was last, and I was the last boy left in the room, so it shocked me to feel sharp fingers digging into my shoulder. I spun to find myself face to face with Santana. "Alright Lady Girl, what are you doing with Finn?"

I held my ground. "I was planning on going in there to help him with his tie, since he can't even tie his own shoelaces without help, but you're kind of ruining those plans."

She squeezed tighter. "Nice try, but don't lie to me, I'm better at it then you. You do realize that Finn isn't-"

"Gay?" I narrowed my eyes. "I think that that's between him and me."

"Oh, I'd believe he's gay. I've been watching him, and he doesn't even look at Britney and me anymore, not even when I leaned over in front of him and pretty much shoved my breasts in his face. He's always looking at you now. What I meant was, why are you with him?"

"Why do you care? You don't even like Finn, unless you're thinking about having sex with him."

"Why shouldn't I? It's not like you're doing it." She saw me getting ready to protest and held up a hand. "Don't even pretend, I can spot a virgin a mile away, and both of you are. Finn and I might not do much together, but he's part of this team, which means I have to look out for him. He's been through enough, Kurt. If you want him, take him, but be gentle to him. He's not that bright, but he's got a good heart."

"I am." For a second, I vacillated, then took the plunge. "As long as you feel like commenting on my love life, or lack there off, I should be able to comment on yours. You have something special in Brit, and you're throwing that away."

Her eyes narrowed in fury, but she did release me. "Worry about your own love life."

I was glad to back away and escape to the men's room. Finn was already dressed and spinning in overexcited circles, but I was able to grab the untied ends of his tie and pull him to me. He didn't kiss me, even though I knew that he wanted to. Just being able to look into his eyes and know how he felt was enough for now, though. I quickly looped the fabric around, even as he squirmed and bounced. He always got like this before an event, whether it was a football game or a Glee performance. It drove Rachel insane, but I thought it was cute. His enthusiasm was contagious, and everyone else was getting excited as well.

While we were still in there, fixing the last minute imperfections, the loudspeaker crackled. "Intermission is over, please find your seats. 10 minutes to our final performance."

Ready or not, the moment was here. Everyone looked up at the speaker, and even Finn stilled. I tried to swallow, but couldn't. Rachel appeared threw open the bathroom door. "Come on, come on!" 

Finn and I were in separate lines for the entrance, and I kind of lost track of him in all the chaos. But he was here now, and knowing that was enough to give me courage. I forced my hands to unclench. I knew both songs, I knew the choreography for them, this was in the bag.

_Maybe you should have let Finn take the edge off in the bathroom. _

That thought made me giggle a little bit, and helped me relax enough that I could listen to Rachel's singing. As crazy as she drove me, she was doing absolutely fantastic for someone who had had zero chance to practice. I tried looking for Finn across the darkened stage, but all I could see were some shadowy figures. Then I heard our musical cue, and the curtains were parting for us.

_Don't trip now. Eyes forward, shoulders back, don't look over for Finn either. Keep in step. _

I took the steps carefully, afraid that I was going to be the one who fell and ruined this for everyone. Once I was on the risers, I was able to look quickly to Finn, who hadn't fallen either. He smiled quickly, then looked away, visibly gathering himself for the song.

My stomach had been churning, but it relaxed as soon as the music started. All I had to do was keep on eye on Matt, who was closest to me. Stay loose, stay calm. Win or lose, it was too late to worry about it now.

That thought unlocked something in me, and I remembered why I had joined Glee in the first place. It was because singing was fun, no other reason. Back when we started, with just the five of us I had no idea what Sectionals even was, so how had it become so important?

_You want the truth, Kurt? It isn't important. Is winning going to make Karofsky quit coming after you? Is it going to make thing easier with your father and Carole? Is it going to make Finn love you more? I'm pretty sure that the answer to all of those questions is no. Also, you're a half beat behind, get synced back up. _

I tore my attention away from her (and Finn's ass), and got myself back in line with everyone else. Everyone was doing surprisingly well, even Finn. God, I wanted to kiss him.

_Later. Now three steps and a spin._

I followed her instructions for the rest of the number, surprised at how much of the hasty instructions I had retained. Everything was finally coming together.

_Hee-hee. He said 'coming together'._

That eased the final bit of tension and I felt myself smiling. This was actually fun. Then the music changed over to 'Somebody to Love' and we all got more enthusiastic. I knew that this was Finn's favorite song and it showed with the blissful expression on his face. If the judges saw Finn the way I did, they would have no choice but to give us 1st place.

_I don't think you want anyone to see Finn Hudson the way you do. You might have to bitch slap someone if they did._

True. I knew the choreography for this song well enough that I was able to split my attention between my movements and blatantly ogling Finn. Looking at him objectively, it was impossible for anyone to tell the turmoil that he, and the entire New Directions, had been through in the past two days. He looked happy and comfortable, even if he _was_ putting his hands all over Rachel.

_Well, once the two of you are out, maybe he'll put his hands all over you._

Mr. Shue would flip out at the thought. For all of his talk about 'breaking out of the box' and 'being different', he tended to play it way too safe. So what if some people wouldn't like two boys singing and dancing together? I'll bet some people would. Besides, it would do Mr. Shue good to have things shaken up a little.

_ You're just jealous because he gave your solo to Rachel. You know, the solo that you deliberately blew? Besides, Mr. Shue isn't your coach any more. Now get yourself through this song, then try telling the rest of the club about the two of you and go from there. _

We finished to thunderous applause, and I suddenly realized that we hadn't talked about how we were going to exit. Rachel reached out and took Tina's hand, which was apparently a sign to Finn, because he stretched back and took mine, leading me so we crossed Rachel and Tina. The rest of the boys got behind me, and girls followed Rachel and Tina. Finn dropped my hand as we hit the steps, but it didn't matter. In just a few minutes I would be able to hold his hand in front of everyone.

Everyone managed to control their squeals and cheers until we were safely ensconced back in our break room. We didn't see either of the other clubs, which was probably a good thing. I didn't want Puck to get us disqualified for kicking anyone's ass.

Rachel was clapping her hands, and we all looked over at her. "Ok, guys, that was awesome! Despite a few unexpected setbacks, New Directions has managed to come out on top yet again." 

"We aren't on top yet." Santana wasn't about to get too excited. "All that's happened is that we didn't end up totally humiliating ourselves in front of the entire audience. We still might lose. Actually, we'll probably still lose. Oh, and we have Finn back." She smiled at him, and he smiled back, but there was something wary about it. Smart boy, Santana was a total man-eater.

"You aren't thinking positive. We'll place first, because I've never placed less then first in anything I've ever done. Now, I'm thinking we have about an hour before the deliberations are complete, so does anyone have any suggestions for how to pass the time?" 

That should have been my signal to say something about Finn and I, but I found that I couldn't do it. Finn was giving me a desperate look from across the room, but he didn't say anything either. We had agreed that we would tell everyone today, but neither of us had thought about how. Should I be the one to say something? Should he? Should I ease into it delicately, or just blurt it out? From the look on his face, Finn was as confused as I was.

_You are a pussy. Him, too. Just say it!_

My mouth was actually opening, when Puck cut me off. "Let's go spy outside the judge's room."

The idea was met with general agreement, and got both Finn and I off the hook, for the moment at least. I waited until most of the club had filed out and grabbed the back of his shirt. "Hey, we need to talk."

"Ok." He wasn't quite looking me in the eyes, which was never a good sign.

"Aren't you going to tell them about us?" I wasn't quite sure why it had suddenly become his duty.

Apparently neither was he. "Why do I have to do it? Why can't you tell them about us?" 

It was a fair question, and he wasn't whining about it, but it still made my temper flare. I guess all of the stress of the past few days came out as I snapped. "Fine then! If you're too embarrassed to say anything, then I can just stay your dirty little secret." He started to say something, but I cut him off. "Whatever, Finn, its fine." Then I stomped out of the room, catching up to the rest of the club before he could do anything to finish the conversation.

_If you don't watch yourself, he's going to finish the _relationship _right here. What have I told you about that temper of yours?_

"Shut up you bitch." The words were ground out under my breath. Yeah, she was right, but I didn't care right now. I just wanted five minutes to steam in my own anger, before I had to turn around and apologize to Finn.

_No, you want to pout. You're pouting because Finn doesn't know exactly how to come out to all of his friends, when you have no idea what to do either. You want him to read your mind, and he can't do that. Shit, the boy can barely figure out what's going on in his own mind most days._

That was all too true, and I tentatively approached Finn and reached out for his back. The muscles were tense and I lightly scraped my fingers down them. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"S'ok. We're all under too much stress." He barely even glanced over, too caught up it watching Artie press a glass to the closed door.

I could have let it go there, any maybe I should have, but I was tired of everyone making excuses for me. "No, it's not. I was out of line, and I'm sorry."

A soft smile touched his lips, one that I couldn't quite read. "Thanks." Then he nodded. "I'll tell them."

"Are you sure?" I felt relieved, then disappointed with myself that I felt that way.

"Uh-huh."

"How are you going to-"My question was cut off by Santana smacking my shoulder. "Shut up! You lovebirds can have your little spat later."

I startled, but no one paid her any attention. Santana was rude to everyone, and often said things that weren't quite true. Artie leaned even harder against the door, but he was shaking his head. Then suddenly he jerked forward. "They're getting up!"

I lost my grip on Finn as we all scattered and tried to pretend that we were doing anything but listening at the door. They filed past, and I was proud of the fact that I didn't leap at the blond bimbo that touched Finn's shoulder as she passed him. I couldn't go after her until we had that trophy in our hands. After that, all bets were off. Finn was my man and no one else was allowed to touch him.

_Jealous much?_

Very much. The loudspeaker crackled, calling us all back to the stage for the judging. Tina looked anxious. "Is this good or bad? I mean, they hardly talked about it. That can't be good right."

Rachel shook her head. "No, it's very good. It means that one group, naturally us, stood out so much that they had no trouble decided who should be placed first. Come on, guys, lets go." I wondered if she could hear the nerves in her voice, or if it was just me.

My fingers found Finn's for the walk back, even though I could feel Santana's eyes boring into my back. Let her stare, it was alright now. He squeezed affectionately, even though I could feel his pulse pounding through his hot skin. He was nervous, though whether it was due to me or the anticipation of a trophy was hard to guess.

We all straightened ourselves up as much as possible, ignoring Rachel making yet another speech about togetherness and effort, and took our place back on stage. I looked over the audience, noticing that our group was the only one that didn't have a coach in the front row. Ms. Pillsbury was there, but she was several rows back. The Haverbrook coach looked smug as hell (even though I kind of thought that that might be his default expression), but the Jane Adam's coach looked troubled and ashamed. Good. Her girls had been good, not as good as New Directions, but good all the same. If she hadn't cheated, there was still a chance that they could have beaten us.

The blond bimbo was giving a long speech that no one was listening to, smiling way too much. No, I took that back. That skeevy news guy, the one who was actually brave enough to hook up with Coach Sylvester, was blatantly staring at her butt. God, were all straight men like that?

_Says the one who hasn't been able to tear his eyes away from Finn's ass for the past two years_.

I might have gone into a long drawn-out argument with her, but the speech was finally over, and they were going to announce the winners. We all tried to keep still and look calm, even though I could tell Finn was getting ready to explode. He wasn't used to waiting for his results. Either his team won or they lost, all he had to do was look at the scoreboard and he was able to tell. This was new to him.

The Haverbrook school placed third, surprising no one. The announcer paused dramatically, making me want to strangle him, and then took a deep breath. "And out first place group, winner of this Sectional and the group that will continue on to Regionals is….McKinley High's New Directions."

Both Rachel and Mercedes started screaming. The boys were whooping it up, and Tina gave me a tight hug. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Finn reach over to give Matt a high five. They were both smiling at each other and laughing softly. Then he smiled at me and used his free hand to lightly touch my cheek, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the group. Rachel looked torn, but decided that going down to the front to accept our trophy was more important then confronting Finn and I.

The thing was so large that Puck had to come down and help her with it, both of them fumbling with the awkward size. They returned triumphantly, I reached out to touch the trophy with just my fingertips. I was solid and amazing and, oh my God, this was actually happening. True, it was a non-matching, glittery monstrosity, but it was ours. We had earned it.

Then, of course, there were pictures where we were all smiling so big that it hurt, and interviews, where Rachel talked for all of us because no one but her had any idea what to say, and then standing there and nodding while strangers congratulated us. By the time it was over, I was blinking away spots from the cameras and wishing that we could just go home.

But there was one hurdle left, the biggest one of all. Finn was going to be the one telling them, but it how much did that actually matter? We would both be right there to see the reactions, good or bad.

After what seemed like forever, we were able to get off stage and back to our little room. Everyone was so busy touching the trophy and cheering that no one really noticed Finn and me. My eyes met his, and I noticed a calm in the dark depths that hadn't been there before. He had made his choice, and he was seeing it through to the end, no matter what.

Even knowing that, it still surprised me when he cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention. "Guys, listen up."

I took stock of the room, peeking at each face in turn. Rachel was fixated on his face, clearly having no idea what was about to happen. Puck was smirking, his arms crossed over his chest. He caught me looking and jerked his head in my direction, which I guessed was his version of a supportive gesture. Tina and Mercedes looked like they wanted to start squealing already, and Brit was smiling secretively. Santana brushed her fingers through Brit's hair, her eyes moving back and forth between Finn and me. The rest of the club looked curious, but still distracted by the glory of our trophy.

"Hey!" Finn's voice became a bark, and that got everyone's attention on him. "I have something important to tell you guys."

Now that the moment was here and everyone was actually staring at him, he kind of stalled out. His face colored and he looked down, then back up, then down again. "Uh…well…" He closed his eyes and took a deep, slow, breath before speaking in a rush. "I've been seeing Kurt for over a month now, and we're together now and….well, actually, that's it." His face was flaming red, and, judging by the heat I was feeling on my own skin, mine was in a similar state.

"You've been seeing Kurt for over a month…" Rachel apparently found the confession so shocking that she couldn't make the words make sense.

Galinda was dancing with glee at her confusion. _He's ours, he's ours, he's ours! Now he's officially ours and we love him! That's right, bitch, we fought it out, and Kurt got him!_

Finn nodded, still looking uncomfortable. "Yeah, I've been seeing Kurt for over a month."

"As in, you've been seeing Kurt because you're gay now, not because you two are friends." Her eyes were narrow.

"Yeah. But he's my friend, too." I'm pretty sure that he felt compelled to announce that because I had accused him of thinking of me as a piece of ass last week.

"But-" She probably would have drug this out forever if Puck hadn't spoken up.

"Berry, for God's sake. He's gay, alright? As in 'wrangling that dangle', 'tickling that pickle', takes it up the ass, gay. Kurt wins, you lose."

No one had ever complimented Puck on his eloquence, but it did get the point across. Rachel went red, then pale, and it was obviously a great effort for her to control herself. "Finn, is this really what you want?"

He nodded, even though he did have that adorably confused look on his face. "Yeah, this is what I want."

She smiled with her mouth, even though her eyes were sad. For a second I actually felt bad for her, since I knew what it was like to want Finn but not be able to have him. "Well, I'm happy for you two then. Finn, are we still friends?"

"Of course." His body relaxed slowly.

_Don't believe her, Finn! You might not believe it, but she's a total manipulator. This is Rachel Berry, and she never gives anything up without a fight! _Galinda was wary, and that made me wary, too.

She turned to me and, if she was devastated, she was hiding it well. "Kurt? Can we be friends?"

Even though all of my instincts were telling me to be afraid, I made myself smile. "Yes. You have to let me help you with your clothes, though."

"Deal." She stuck out a hand, and I lightly touched it with my own. Even thought I didn't trust her, there was no reason for me to be a jerk about it. There might come a time when I needed all of my friends around me, and she could use that huge mouth to scream for help if nothing else.

Rachel saying her piece seemed to be the cue for everyone else to start asking questions of both of us. The girls all clustered around me, wanting to know all the details, and how did we get together, and what did our parents say, and was Finn romantic? I answered as best I could, leaving out the sex part, and telling them that Finn could be quite romantic when the mood struck him. That was a bit of a lie, but he did try, which counted for a lot in my opinion.

The boys, on the other hand, were _only_ interested in the sex part. They wanted to know what had happened, how Finn had figured out he was gay, and had he always been gay, even when he was dating Quinn? They wanted to know what it was like, if it was better with another guy, and, by the way, who got on top? That last one was from Puck, who was smirking harder then ever. Once he heard that, Finn flushed bright red and told them all they were a bunch of perverts and he wasn't answering any questions. Matt nodded. "That means Kurt's the one on top."

"No it doesn't!" Finn sounded horrified. "It means that I'm not discussing my sex life with you, period!"

"Why not, we talk about ours with you." Mike was being perfectly reasonable, but Finn kept shaking his head. "You know that all you're doing is making us even more curious. We're just going to bug you until you tell us the truth."

Finn laughed. "I can put up with that, as long as I don't have to tell you anything today."

"Long bus ride home, dude." Puck was still smiling, and I had a horrible image of what Finn and I were going to have to deal with for the next few hours.

Finn blanched, but a sudden idea occurred to me. "Finn and I will probably ride home with his mother, so you'll have to wait until Monday for all of that." I had never been so grateful for Carole Hudson in my entire life.

"My mom's not here." Finn was looking at me like I had sprouted a second head instead of like I had just drawn a logical conclusion based on Finn's suddenly showing up here.

"Then how did you get here?" He couldn't have possibly taken the bus, and if Carol hadn't brought him, who had?

"Uh…." He hunched down and I just knew that I wasn't going to like what he was about to say.

"Maybe he flew." Puck just didn't know when to quit. "You know, on his newly sprouted fairy wings. Ow!" The last part came as Mercedes, Quinn, and Rachel all smacked him simultaneously. 

Guiltily, Finn went over to the jacket he had been wearing when he had arrived and fished out a set of keys. A very, very familiar set of keys. The keys to my baby. "Finn, those better not be what I think they are." The look on his face told me that they were. "Do you want to tell me what you were thinking?"

He gave me an extra cute smile. "That you would be so happy that I burst in here like a knight in shining armor and helped our team win that you wouldn't be mad at all. Also that you might want to give me a special 'thank you' later tonight."

He was right about all of that, but I wasn't about to let him off the hook that easily. "What if we had still lost?" 

"Oh, then I would have been there to comfort you and you would have been so happy that I was there for you that you wouldn't be mad at all. Also that you would give me a special 'thank you' later tonight." He looked so puppy dog hopeful that I couldn't help but give him a hug.

"You are very sweet and the gesture is appreciated. But if there is so much as a ding anywhere on that car, there is no end to the trouble you'll be in."

"Maybe you could give him a spanking!" Brit was seemed confused at the shocked looks the rest of the club was giving her. "What? Santana and I-"

"Brit!" Santana grabbed the taller girl by the shoulders and marched her out of the room. "We'll talk about it in the bathroom."

Artie smirked. "Guess Finn's not the only one getting a spanking tonight." The rest of the boys sighed happily. Finn looked vaguely interested, but not as interested as he was in me.

Now was the time to make our less then graceful escape. "Well, I have to go make sure that Finn will still have all of his limbs by tonight. Do you want us to take the trophy, or do you think you can squeeze it on the bus?"

"Are you insane?" Rachel was clutching that thing more tightly then I held on to my imported face creams. "I'll hang on to this thing until tomorrow, when we show it to-"She visibly caught herself. "Until we show it to our parents and Coach Sylvester."

I knew that she had been getting ready to say 'Mr. Shue', and from the way he tensed up against me, so did Finn. No one wanted to say anything, though, because no one really knew what to say. At least I was sure that I didn't. "Alright then, we'll see you tomorrow!" I drug Finn's unprotesting form out of the door, ignoring the whistles and cat calls coming from the rest of the group.

He led me out of the civic center and to my car, which appeared to be unharmed. Granted, it was parked crookedly, and the far tire was at least 8 inches from the curb, but it was undented and all four tires were still inflated. Finn nudged my shoulder. "So, is it alright? You aren't going to kill me, right?"

I stretched up as high as I could and kissed him hard. "No, I'm not going to kill you, you big lug. Now get in and let's go home."

It turned out that that was easier said then done. Finn bounced around the car, humming 'Don't Stop Believing' to himself, and I tried not to laugh as I settled into the driver's seat. Finn was Finn and I really hoped that he never changed.

_Kurt? I don't think that you should try and drive home, ok? I think that the pair of you have had a rotten two days, and it's not a good idea._

I wanted to ignore her, but as it turned out, she was right. I couldn't start the car, because I couldn't reach the pedals. Someone (and by someone, I meant my obscenely tall boyfriend), had pushed the seat all the way back to accommodate his overly long legs, and somehow that made it all hit home for me. Finn had driven my car for four hours, to help a team he was pissed at win a contest he didn't really care that much about. What if something had happened to him? I had never let him drive my car before and he didn't know the route. What if he had gotten killed? 

With that thought, all of the nerves and fear and love and worry of the past two days overwhelmed me and I started to cry. Not just a little either, huge wracking sobs that made my entire body shake. Finn jumped and leaned over to wrap his arms around me. "What's wrong, Spider Monkey?"

I just shook my head, because I really had no idea what was wrong. One hand moved down to slide under my legs and then I was lifted over the center console and into Finn's lap. "It's alright. I promise, I'm here and it's alright."

He wasn't telling me to either knock it off or quit acting like a little girl, and, for some reason, that made me cry even harder. Finn rocked us as best he could, considering that we were crammed so closely together that my hip was jammed against the steering wheel already. I curled my fingers around his collar as my sobs slowed, then stopped. Finn stroked my back. "Better now?"

Yeah. Significantly more embarrassed, but better. I nodded against his chest, noticing that it was starting to get dark out. "Do you think you can drive us home?"

He squirmed. "Uh, that's probably not such a good idea. I get nervous enough during the day, because I was in this accident once and….you know, I don't think I want to tell you the rest of this story."

Now he told me. Had I known that, I would have been significantly more upset about him driving my baby for four hours, across two major highways and countless smaller roads. "I don't think I can either."

"Do you think we should try and get a hotel room for the night? I'm guessing we missed the bus with the rest of the guys."

"Finn, what money are we going to use for a hotel room? Not to mention the sort of places that will rent a room to a pair of 16 year old boys are the sort of places that we don't belong anywhere near. What's your second choice?" I didn't want to sleep in the back of the Navigator, but I wasn't seeing a whole lot of other options.

"What about if we called our parents and asked them to use one of their credit cards? Your name is close enough to your Dad's that we could probably get away with it."

That was actually a pretty clever idea. Except I really didn't want to call Dad, because what was I going to say to him. 'Hey Dad, guess what? We won Sectionals! Oh, and Finn showed up like a knight in shining armor and got us through it, but now I don't think I can get home, so can you rent us a room? Why Dad! Of course we won't be having sex!'

_You could tell him that you're too big of a wuss to even blow Finn, so sex is totally out of the question._

Yeah, that was probably not a good idea either. I found my cell phone and dialed, not bothering to slide out of Finn's lap. His chest made a good pillow and there was one hand stroking gently through my hair, fixing the damp bangs out of my eyes. I had almost given up hope when Dad picked up. "Kurt, how did things go?"

Despite it all, I felt a surge of excitement. "We won! We have a trophy that's taller then my hips! Dad, we won!"

"That's great, kid. Are you on your way home? I thought about inviting Carole and Finn over tomorrow to celebrate, but I wanted to make sure that you won first." I was getting the impression that he didn't quite get what I was so excited about, but that he was happy because I was happy.

"Yeah, about Finn…" He was currently licking my ear, and I trailed off to give him a sharp smack. "Guess who showed up like Bruce Parker and saved the day?"

Finn snickered into my neck. "Bruce Wayne or Peter Parker, Kurt. Not Bruce Parker." 

"Well, Finn is quite the superhero, now isn't he?" Dad sounded way too amused. "I guess you still have a boyfriend, then?"

"Yeah, I still have a boyfriend. Unfortunately, my lovely boyfriend stole my car out of the school parking lot to get here, and now it's dark and I'm kind of afraid to drive an unfamiliar route home and I'm not about to let him do it. Do you think you could rent us a room for the night?"

The sharp breathing on the other end of the line made me wonder if Dad was about to have a heart attack. "Or two rooms, that would be fine, too. I just don't want to be in a wreck."

He sighed. "Kurt, I don't want you to think that this is an either explicit or implicit allowance for anything that you might be planning to do with Finn, but I'll do it. This is only because I don't want either one of you hurt, and you and I will be having a serious talk when you get home, but give me a call when you find a place. And Kurt? When I say 'find a place', I mean something like the Holiday Inn or the Marriot, not the Plaza, got it? No room service either."

"Thanks, Dad." I gave Finn a thumbs up. "I'll call you in a few minutes."

"Alright, bye Kid. I call Carole and let her know what's going on."

"Thanks." I hung up and twisted to give Finn a kiss. "Good idea, he's going to get us a room."

He smiled against my lips. "So, you, me, and a hotel room. We won Sectionals; we're out to the Glee club. I think we need to do a little celebrating."

Even though I was sure I looked like absolute crap after my crying jag, I was still the thing Finn wanted most in the world. I pressed back against his chest. "Yeah, I think we have a lot to celebrate."


	38. Chapter 38

Kurt POV 

As it turns out, finding a hotel room was no easy task. It was a Friday and apparently there was some sort of convention in town and a lot of the place we tried were full. By the time we found something that had a room and didn't rent by the hour, it was almost 8 in the evening. Dad had called twice, and both Finn and I were tired and frustrated. Finally we found something and, much to my surprise, Finn's plan worked perfectly. Dad had mumbled into the phone a bit while making the reservation, and she totally believed that I was Burt Hummel. As I've undoubtedly said before, sometimes Finn will surprise you and one of his plans will actually work.

Dad had booked us a double, which made his position on this entire thing abundantly clear. Finn cocked his head. "Dude, I think your Dad wants to kill me right now. Or at least wave a shotgun in my face like Mr. Fabray did."

Knowing my father, he had bigger plans for Finn then a single shotgun, but I didn't want to scare him. So I pulled him to me for a kiss, something that always managed to take his mind off his current problems. "I'll protect you." 

We were in the room before I realized that we had another problem. "You didn't pack a bag or anything, did you? We have nothing to sleep in, no clothes for tomorrow, and no toothbrushes or skin stuff." 

He smirked. "Only you would consider skin stuff to be in the same category as clothes."

I was about to go off in a long lecture about the importance of taking care of your skin as early as possible, when he kept going with something that made my mouth freeze up. "Do we really need pajamas? I mean, I thought we could just sleep naked. Don't you think so?" 

We had never done that before. I had gotten naked with Finn, and I had slept the night with Finn, but never both. There was always the worry about one of our parents walking in, or we were in a hurry, or something else was happening. The thought of being able to snuggle with him, and touch him anywhere, all night long was getting me harder by the second.

_Behave yourself. Call your father first, let him know that you're alright, then have Finn call Carol, then come back and screw the boy silly. Do you want one of them to call in the middle of things?_

That cooled me down considerably. Finn was laying on one of the beds, looking for the remote, and I leaned down next to him kiss the back of his neck. He shivered appreciatively and turned so I could kiss him properly. While he was distracted by my tongue, I ran my hand down his back and over his ass, squeezing lightly. He tensed briefly, the same way he always did when I touched his butt, but it was only for a second this time. I had been gently conditioning him to let me touch him there, but it was slow going. How were we ever going to have sex if he wouldn't let me touch his ass? 

_Because, you'll be the bitch. Face it, Kurt, the only one who will end up getting fucked in this relationship is you. Be grateful you're getting that much._

I didn't want that. No, wait, I did want that, I wanted it very badly, but I wanted to try topping him, too. I found both ways hot, and I had no idea what I might end up preferring. Plus, honestly, Finn's dick is _huge_, and I was more then a little bit afraid of how much it was going to hurt if I bottomed.

I had been so lost in my thoughts that it surprised me to feel Finn's fingers undoing my belt buckle. Alright, if I didn't pull back right now, I wasn't going to be able to. "Whoa, Cowboy." I pushed his hands gently away.

He looked so disappointed that I gave him another kiss. "Let me call Dad, then you and I can do whatever you want."

"Coolness." He accepted the remote and turned on some hideous sports game. "Don't take too long, ok?" 

"Ok." I stepped outside to take the call, since Finn has this thing about yelling at the screen when he watches the game. No matter how often I tell him that the players can't actually hear his oh-so-helpful instructions, he keeps on doing it. I guess I can't say much though, since Finn does point out that I lecture the contestants on Project Runway pretty much constantly.

Dad picked up right away. "Did you get the room alright?"

"Yeah, Finn's watching the game and we're going to get something to eat after we talk and he calls Carol."

"Packers and the Falcons? Tell him to give them hell for me. And he doesn't need to call Carole. Since the pair of you are spending the night away, I thought she and I could have some alone time." He sounded way, way, too happy about that.

"And, with that note, I'm hanging up. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow." I kept trying to tell him that over and over, because I did, and I had developed a sudden fear of losing him and him not knowing how much I cared.

"Love you too, kid." We hung up, just as another call came beeping in. I considered ignoring it, but it was Mercedes and I always answered her. "What's up, girl?"

She was giggling. "Not much, am I interrupting anything?"

"No, I was just on the phone with my father. Finn and I got a room for the night-"She started laughing harder and I scowled, momentarily forgetting that she couldn't see me "-Not that sort of room for the night! I'm just too tired to drive home, and I don't trust Finn to do it. Did you know that he caused some sort of car accident?" 

"Oh, yeah, he hit the mailman." She sounded flippant, like this was something everyone knew.

"He hit a person?" Horror colored my voice. My boyfriend, the love of my (admittedly short) life, had ran over someone with a car?

"Well, not on purpose. I remember it happening, but I can't remember exactly how it happened. I think it was one of those 'teenager with no experience meets mailman not watching where he's going' sort of things. The guy wasn't really hurt and I think Finn was more traumatized then he was. You notice that he doesn't really drive anywhere now?"

Now that she brought it up, I realized that it was true. Before we got my baby, I had all but thrown my father out of the drivers seat every chance I got. Finn had asked to drive my car once, and even then had been kind of apathetic about it. Maybe I could work with him a little, help get him past that fear. "I guess."

"So, nothing much is happening here. Puck's asleep and Matt and Artie just drew a penis on his face. Rachel is caressing that trophy in a way that doesn't look right at all, which I'm pretty sure is giving Jacob Ben Israel a hard on, and Tina and I are bored out of our minds. But it sounds like you have more interesting things to do, so I'll let you go. Call me tomorrow; I think we're going to have some sort of celebration." 

"Alright, love you, Mercedes." She replied in kind, and I let myself back in the room. "Finn? Finn, guess what? You don't have to call your mother, because she's with my Dad. So, where were we?"

He didn't say anything, just remained where he was, his head turned from me. The game couldn't possibly be that exciting. "Finn?"

Nothing. I walked around the bed so I could look him in the face. His eyes were shut and his breathing deep. Unbelievable. He had fallen asleep on me.

_At least he didn't fall asleep during. _That_ would be an issue. He's tired, Kurt. He's had stress after stress after stress, including driving out here, only to have to get onstage and perform, then deal with his boyfriend bursting into tears like a little girl over nothing. Let him be._

She had a point. I was feeling a little tired myself, and I had actually napped on the bus ride. I had started out leaning against Mercedes' shoulder with my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep just so I wouldn't have to listen to Rachel's frantic attempts to get us to practice 'just one more time'. It had worked a little too well, and Tina had needed to shake me awake when we actually got there. So I could wait a little bit.

But I did want to make him more comfortable while he napped. I gently slid the remote out of his hand, smiling when his fingers tightened on it for a few seconds before he let go. He whined softly and curled his hand into a loose fist. "Shh, shh, it's alright. You're safe, baby, I promise." I set the remote on the table between the beds, using my free hand to lightly rub his back. His forehead creased and he muttered something incoherent, but settled quickly.

I stretched out next to him, having to touch him right now. 24 hours ago, shit 6 hours ago, I hadn't been sure that I wasn't loosing him, and now he was right here, with me. But I was still afraid that if I took my hands off of him, he would vanish.

Since this was a decent (not great, great came with robes and massages in the spa downstairs) hotel, there were plenty of channels to choose from. I settled on a rerun of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, just so I could stare at Spike.

Finn started to get restless in his sleep, rolling over and muttering again. He was totally wrinkling his clothing, which offended me on so many levels that it was hard to name them all. Plus, he looked flushed and uncomfortable, and what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't help him get some of those clothes off so he could be more at ease?

_ The sort that didn't deliberately turn the heat way up to make him uncomfortable just so you could get his clothes off._

That was absolutely not true! The heat was up because this was Ohio in November and there was snow on the ground! Oh, and because I was small and got chilled easily. Fine, I had turned the heat up to get him naked faster, so sue me. In my fantasy, he didn't fall asleep, though.

Finn's a deep sleeper and it was easy for me to gently turn his head from side to side so I could get his tie off. The shirt would be a bit tougher, but, oh well, if he woke up I'm sure he won't complain about it. I looked at the strip of fabric and briefly considered using it to tie his hands behind his back. The thought of him all trussed up and helpless while I slowly slipped his clothes off, hard but unable to do anything about it made my stomach trill. Something also told me that Finn would probably enjoy it. He seemed to like it when I took charge with him.

I didn't do it, though. Liking it when he was aware and agreeing to what was happening was one thing, but there was a good chance he would flip out if he woke up, had no idea where he was, and couldn't properly move. I shoved the tie in my pocket, though, keeping it in mind for later. He jerked once in his sleep, and I realized that I was squeezing his shoulder way too tightly. "Sorry, Cowboy."

I let Finn settle naturally, and he curled over on his side. That was fine; I could undo the buttons from that position too. He was more restless now, knowing that I was there on some level, but not really waking up. I kissed him and his eyes flickered open, staring blankly at me for a second before closing again. Apparently he wasn't quite ready to wake up yet. Good, I liked a challenge.

I got on my knees next to the bed, so I could lean down and kiss his skin as I undid each button. He squirmed and moaned something that sounded like my name. That surprised me, just a little bit. I knew that Finn loved me, yes, but there were still times when the old insecurities came back, and I was sure that he was with my physically, but thinking about some girl. He never said my name while I was touching him, not even once, so to hear him do it now, when all of his defenses were down, made me melt a little inside. "I love you, Cowboy."

"Love you, too." His voice was sleepy, but his eyes were half open and watching me. "Love what you're doing."

"I'll bet, you pervert." I crawled back up to kiss his lips while I finished with the rest of the buttons. He yawned a little, which gave me the perfect chance to deepen the kiss. "What else would you like me to do?"

"How about you take me shopping and buy me a new wardrobe? One that you like and is fashionable and shit?" The words were so shocking that I snapped back, which gave him the opportunity to lunge up and wrap me in a bear hug, his greater weight pushing me down to the mattress. "Ha, I knew that would work!" 

Sometimes he was far more clever then I gave him credit for. Still, no matter how smart he thought he was, I was smarter. Not as smart as I was capable of being when I wasn't so hard I could barely breathe, but smart none the less. So skimmed my fingers down his body and undid the button to his pants. He moaned and I used his distraction to roll us again (thank Prada for the queen sized mattresses) and put him back on the bottom. The change in position briefly disoriented him, and I was able to take both of his wrists and pin them to the bed.

He went quiet and very still, his only movements being the hard breaths against my chest. I didn't release him, but I did loosen my grip until he could pull out by the slightest wiggle. He didn't look afraid, but he was watching my eyes very closely. "Do you want me to let go?" 

"No." He tossed his head a little, but didn't move his hands at all. "Don't let go."

This was somewhere where I had to tread very carefully. Finn is terrible at expressing himself in words, and sometimes I feel like he allowed himself to be pushed into things he didn't really want, just because he couldn't find the proper ways to tell someone off. His actions tended to be clearer, but you had to respect what he wasn't saying, as well as what he was. Still, if what I was feeling underneath me was any indication, he wasn't too bothered by what was going on. "What do you want me to do, Finn?" The power I was getting from this was absolutely intoxicating.

"I don't know, just do something! I'm dying here!"

_Drama King._

I ignored that in favor of sliding my hand into his boxer shorts. His arm, the one I had just released, remained still on the mattress. "Do you want this?"

"God, yes." He was panting against my skin. "Please, Kurt."

Now I had the perfect excuse to do something I had only fantasized about. Deep breath, have courage, I could do this. After all, if Finn could, so could I. "How about if I did this instead?" I slowly started to kiss my way down his body, licking at his stomach. "Would you like that?"

He knew exactly where I was going with this, and started babbling at me. "Yes, yes, God, yes, please Kurt, please, yes, please-"

I tuned him out, turning all of my attention to what I was doing. Finn was already hard enough to cut steel, so this ought to be easy. Right, easy.

_Put your money were your mouth is. Or, more accurately, put your mouth where your ego is._

Galinda's words goaded me into action and I leaned down to tentatively lick Finn's cock a few times. It didn't seem like much to me, but he gave a long, drawn out moan, his fingers fisting in the sheets. Oh, yeah, I was good.

That gave me the confidence to keep going and cautiously wrap my lips around the head of his cock. He whined and thrust up, making me cough a little. "Easy, Cowboy, easy. I'm not John Holmes."

"Sorry." He could barely get the words out, and if I didn't do something soon, he sounded like he was about to hyperventilate. I rubbed his stomach until it quit heaving so badly and he was able to speak. "Who's John Holmes?"

"A porn star. He was famous for having a 13 inch dick."

"That sounds kinda…um…painful." He breathed out a huge breath. "Ok, I'll be better, I swear. But wouldn't I be John Holmes in this?"

"You better be good. And don't flatter yourself. Your dick is big, but not that big. Let me know when you're close, alright?" I was pretty sure that I could read his signs at this point, but I didn't want to be unpleasantly surprised. Finn might be good at swallowing, but I wasn't sure if I was ready for that.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you want. Please, Kurt." His eyes were dilated, just a thin ring of foggy brown around the massive pupils.

_Quit stalling._

_ You shut up. I don't recall anything resembling a woman being needed in this relationship. _

Still, her words gave me the courage I needed to take a deep breath and slide my lips back over his cock. I tried to remember what he had done to me, but everything was confusing now and Finn was whining softly, his pulse throbbing throughout his entire body. I felt connected to him in a way I hadn't before, and I wondered if they was the way it had felt for him, and, if it had, why had I waited so long?

I was only able to get his cock partway in before my throat tightened up and I started to feel nauseous. God, the men in the videos made this look so easy! Finn didn't seem to mind, though, which was a good thing. I wrapped my hand around what I couldn't fit in my mouth and just concentrated on licking and sucking on the head. That was the most sensitive part, right?

Apparently so, because Finn was making noises that I had never heard before, soft gasps and little whimpers that made me feel like I was the biggest stud in the world. I might have a crazy temper and a jealously complex, but damn I could suck cock!

_My baby boy is growing up_.

For some reason, that made me start giggling, which made Finn yelp and jerk his hips upward. "Stop, Kurt stop, cause-"

I was surprised he had been able to say anything in time, especially since I hadn't been paying attention myself. I pulled off and traced a gentle circle on his side. "Thanks, Cowboy."

I wasn't sure if he would want to kiss me right now, considering where my mouth had just been. But I was hopeful anyway and crawled up his body, my eyes asking him for permission. He chuckled softly and wrapped an arm around the back of my neck, pulling my body against his and I swear I almost came right then from just that tiny bit of friction. Embarassing.

Finn didn't seem to have reservations about kissing me right now, because he nipped at my lower lip until I opened my mouth, this tongue lightly touching mine. My hand slid down of its own accord and refind his cock and stroke it hard and fast. He spluttered against me and nearly bit my tongue as he came all over his chest and stomach. "Damn!

I was glad that my mouth was still on his, because I really didn't want to have to explain to my father how we got kicked out of the hotel room and had to spend the night in the car because Finn was too loud while I was blowing him.

Finn turned his head to the side and started kissing at my jaw and down my neck, where he nibbled at my collarbone. No doubt my earlier warnings about the hickey were still echoing in his brain, because he was so gentle it almost tickled. Hot, damp air blew on my skin, his breaths still unsteady from his orgasm. My body shivered involuntarily at the sensation. "How about we get you cleaned up a little?"

He raised his head to look at me. "Hm?"

I responded by licking down his collarbone and across his chest, getting as much of the cooling semen as I could. There was something fascinating about the way Finn reacted when I touched different parts of his body. He moaned when he felt my mouth on his nipples, laughed when I went over his ribs and sighed when I nipped his hipbone, leaving a small strawberry mark. "God, Kurt." His cock twitched against me.

"You are a kinky bastard, Finn Hudson. Please do not tell me that you're getting hard again already, just because I bit you."

"Uh…" His eyes darted over the room as he tried to think of a suitable reply. "Well, I'm not the only one who's hard!" With those words, his arms wrapped around my body and pulled me back up against him.

I gave a token struggle, but I couldn't deny how much I loved it when Finn showed his strength like this. He made me feel safe and protected, like he could take on anyone and anything, as long as it meant I was safe and his. I kissed him fiercely, all but purring against his lips. "Let me get my clothes off. You'll pull your He-man routine and rip them, and they belong to the school."

"He-man was hot." But he eased back and allowed me the room to undress. Actually, he eased back and stared at me like a wolf checking out dinner. It made my face heat up. "Finn, stop staring."

He ran a finger down the center of my body, leaving fire behind. "Your chest and stomach blush too, you know. Besides, you're perfect, just the way you are."

"Really?" No matter how many times he insisted that I had a good body, that I didn't look like a girl with no breasts, I still had trouble believing it.

"Well, except when you nag. But, yeah, the rest of you is great. Especially this!" His hand had worked into my pants while I was distracted by my embarrassment and now he grasped firmly.

"Finn!" It came out as a breathy moan. "Fuck, Finn, please."

With a dexterity I would have never attributed to him under any other circumstances, Finn slid down my zipper and slid my pants down and off, tossing them onto the other side of the room all while keeping his other hand on my cock and kissing the side of my neck. Apparently he was quite the sexual multitasker.

I was so close to the edge that all it took was a few strokes before I started doing that stupid cursing thing. Literally, I could feel the obscenities flying out of my mouth, but do absolutely nothing to make them stop. Finn was bit down on the tendons in my neck, not hard enough to bruise but hard enough to-

Someone pounded on the wall. "God, I can hear you two! Some of us are trying to sleep!"

"And some of us are trying to screw. Well, at least get close to it!" Finn's whisper buzzed against my skin as I muffled my voice in his shoulder. Did he have any idea what those words were doing to me? I was supposed to be calming down, not having visions of screwing Finn.

The images wouldn't leave, though. I could almost feel Finn's body over mine, against mine, _in_ mine, or my body in his. The fantasy was so vivid that I could have sworn it was real, and I felt the familiar white lightening race up my back as everything went dark.

There was a hand touching my face gentle and shaky. "Kurt. Kurt. Hey, Precious, hey, wake up."

It was Finn, and I wondered how he had gotten into my bedroom. If Dad came downstairs and found him here, Finn was going to be greeted by the business end of his shotgun and I really didn't need him to be scared off. On the other hand, Dad very seldom came down here, and having Finn in my bed was never a bad thing in my book.

"Kurt." I wondered why he sounded so nervous. Maybe I was late for school? God knew that it couldn't be too early, since Finn never got out of bed unless he was physically dragged.

_Maybe you aren't in your bed. Do these sheets feel like 400 thread count Egyptian cotton to you?_

They didn't. The comforter wasn't fluffy like Finn's, so I wasn't at his place either. That, in addition to Finn's worried voice, made me crack my eyes open. "Yeah?" My voice was croaky and gross, barely recognizable.

The generic walls and TV made everything come back to me. Oh, yeah, me and Finn were at the hotel, and we had been fooling around and….had I really fallen asleep?

Fortunately, Finn was there to fill in the blanks. "You passed out on me, Dude. I was worried." He must have been satisfied that I was alright now, because he laid down next to me, stretching his long body out.

I snuggled up to his warmth and tried to summon the energy to be upset myself. It was hard, since I just wanted to sleep, but I didn't want Finn to be upset either. "Huh?"

_Eloquent._

Apparently Galinda was always wide awake and just waiting for an opportunity to antagonize me. Finn's fingers combed through my hair, messing it up in a way that would probably take hours to correct, but I couldn't make myself be irritated with that either. "Did I really?"

"Yeah, you just dropped as soon as you came. Your eyes were all white and rolled back and everything. But you were only out for a couple of seconds, then you woke up." He kissed my cheek, then pressed his face in the juncture of my shoulder and neck. "I like you like this."

"Passed out?" I was getting some equilibrium back, even though I was still tired and a little woozy feeling.

"Happy. You aren't happy very often, are you?"

Trust Finn to notice something like that. "I'm always happy when I'm with you."

It was a neat sidestep, but something told me that Finn wouldn't exactly be easy to fool right now. He had been screwed over so many times recently that he was developing a very finely tuned bullshit meter. "But you aren't always with me. Not that I don't want you to be, because that would be totally awesome. We could just screw and then shower, then screw in the shower, then you could do your hair and stuff while I eat, because, you know, I need lots of fuel, then we can screw again. It would be perfect." His forehead creased. "What were we talking about, again?"

"That I love you and I'm always happy when I'm with you." That was the truth. Being able to snuggle against Finn right now, feeling his heart beating with nothing in between us, or the way my feet touched the backs of his calves because I was so much shorter then he was, was a new sort of special, and I had never felt better.

He watched me though half closed eyes, and I wondered if Finn had ever been as dumb as he pretended to be. I wasn't fooling him, not even for a second, but he was willing to let it go for now.

We laid there in a contented silence until we were interrupted by Finn's stomach. It gave a low grumble that made me laugh. "Problem there, Finnegan?"

"You know that I'm always hungry after I do anything physical! I have a high meta-, mota-"

"Metabolism." I was undyingly jealous of the fact that Finn could eat nothing but fast food and soda five times a day, and never gain so much as an ounce.

"Yeah, that. I've put out a lot of energy and, uh, fluids, so I need to replace them, otherwise I'll get dehydrated and starve to death."

I kissed him again, right over that wrinkle that appeared on his forehead every time he tried to manipulate me. "Ok, but it's almost 9 at night and I am not eating fast food or at some 24 hour greasy spoon. What's your next choice?"

He shrugged. "I don't think any of your $45 for two stalks of broccoli and tea that smells like burning ass places stay open very late. Maybe we could have naked fish again."

I couldn't even think of sushi now without hearing Finn calling it that. "That does sound good, but I have no idea where to find a sushi place at this time of night."

"But that means you don't know where to find anything else, either. Are we going to starve to death?" Only Finn would think that starvation was imminent if he missed one meal.

_At least one. I'm guessing he didn't get any lunch either and the boy had burned plenty of calories tonight._

Galinda did have a point. Dad had specifically said not to touch the room service menu, but I'm also pretty sure that calling him and explaining that we had needed to, because first Finn fell asleep and then we had wasted too much time fooling around, wasn't going to go over very well.

_Just edit out the fooling around part and you'll be fine. Actually, you know what? Just order the food and pray he doesn't look that closely at the bill_.

That was probably the best solution for all involved. Finn got to eat, I didn't have to go puttering around a strange town looking for a dining option that appealed to both of us, and Dad didn't have heart failure thinking about me being deflowered. Or me deflowering Finn, though I kind of thought that he might be less worried about that.

"No, we aren't going to starve. How about room service?" I rolled over; ignoring the way Finn was staring at my butt, and plucked the menu off the nightstand. "Order whatever you need so you can have enough fuel for the rest of tonight. I'm planning on finding out exactly how long it takes to wear you out tonight."

His head cocked and an evil smile started lurking around the corners of his mouth. "I like this idea." He slid one hand across my stomach and if he didn't stop that, we were both going to starve because there wouldn't be any food ordered tonight. "I like it a lot."

_Not as much as we do._


	39. Chapter 39

Kurt POV

As it turned out, I wore out a lot faster then Finn did, but that was only after two blow jobs, three hand jobs, and a serious grinding session. Honestly, I think I might never get hard again. It's like I burned the engine in my dick up or something.

I was insanely grateful to Dad for insisting that we get two beds, because by two in the morning, Finn and I had trashed the one we started out in. I was leaving the poor maid a huge tip, because no woman should have to deal with what was all over the sheets. Beyond the obvious, there was dried whipped cream in there because Finn had ordered a sundae, and then gotten the bright idea that he could lick the whipped cream and caramel off of my body, which had led to the second blow job and who would have thought that Finn Hudson, who dated the president of the Abstinence Club, then Rachel Berry, would be such a kinky bastard at heart?

_Don't complain. I don't care if he wants to dangle you upside down off the bed while he fucks you and sings the lead from 'Funny Girl", you will let him do whatever he wants to you. This has, quite possibly, been the best night of our entire lives._

Maybe I was kinkier then Finn was, because nothing about that sounded bad to me. Well, maybe I could do without the upside down part.

He was currently snoring against my shoulder, his body curled around mine. It was such a natural, protective pose that all I wanted to do was snuggle deeper against him and go back to sleep. Check-out wasn't until noon, and it was only 8 now. There was plenty of time to just cuddle.

Except I had to pee. Bad. I pushed at Finn's arm. "Let me up, Cowboy."

He grumbled a little, and his hold tightened rather then loosening up. It would have been cute if I wasn't getting so desperate. "Please, Finn, now."

He relaxed and I was able to slip free and take care of things in the bathroom. My pants were on the floor by the door, which was probably why Finn was the quarterback. Damn he had a good throw on him. I retrieved my phone and scanned the messages. Mercedes had left 4, all suggesting various and sexy things I could be doing with Finn right now. Hah, I had done that and more.

It was still pretty early, but, as my best friend, she was just going to have to get over it. I dialed as quickly as I could, hoping that Finn wouldn't suddenly wake up. A grouchy voice came on the phone. "Kurt, I've only been in bed for three hours, this better be really good."

"It is." I wanted to keep going, but she cut me off with a shriek.

"Kurt, you didn't! You nasty thing, tell me all the down and dirty details. You do realize that you're nailing the quarterback, right? This is every girls dream!" She thought a minute, then reconsidered. "Well, not mine, because, you know, it's Finn, but the generic dream."

Her enthusiasm made me smile. "Mercedes, I did not have sex with Finn Hudson."

"Why not? You better have done something with him, because you aren't about to get a better chance. Hello? Motel room, no chance that either one of your parents will walk in? God, what I wouldn't give for that."

I wondered if I should ask about her and Sean, but decided against it. I wasn't quit sure where their relationship stood right now, after what had happened at Sectionals. Actually, I was willing to guess that _she_ didn't know where they stood, and I didn't want to butt in where I wasn't needed. "Oh, we did. 6 times."

"Six….between the two of you, or just you?" She sounded beyond impressed.

"Just me. If you want between the two of us, it was more like 12. Maybe 13, I kind of lost count with him."

_Kurt, are you really bragging about your ability to have an orgasm? _

No. Well, sort of. Mostly, though, I was bragging about my ability to give Finn one. 7 times. I had decided to go with the larger number, just as an ego boost.

"So, can I assume you've gotten over your fear of giving a blow job?"

My face heated and I wondered why I had ever told her that to start with. "Yes, I'm over it. And Finn happens to think that I'm good at it."

"Finn doesn't know the difference." She was teasing me now, her voice gentle and sweet. "I've heard him and Puck. According to the Puckasaurus, there's no such thing as a bad blow job unless you get bitten."

"Well, anyway. It was….I don't know. We didn't go all the way, but I almost feel like we did. It's like we're linked in some way now. If this is what giving a blow job is, how is it going to be when we actually have sex? I'm a little afraid to find out."

"If the rest of the girls are to be believed, that's normal. You love him, and you want to be as close to him as possible, which includes sex. But you have a little bit of a closeness issue, Kurt, and you're panicking. He's not pushing you, is he?"

The question made me laugh. "Surprisingly, no. He actually told me that I didn't even have to blow him until I was ready, because it would be weird and pushy if he made me. We haven't talked about sex at all, though, except in a vague 'someday' sort of way. I think he's creeped out."

"He may be. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with two guys having sex, but look at this from Finn's point of view. A month ago, his ass was for sitting on and shitting out of. Now you're suddenly telling him that he should shove something up it. I mean, _I _know that it doesn't hurt, but he probably thinks that it will."

"I never told him that he had to shove anything up it! Like I said, we've never talked about it at all." Why was she taking Finn's side over mine?

"Down, boy. Maybe the fact that you haven't talked about it is part of the problem. It's mysterious and scary to him right now; just show him that it's perfectly normal. Oh, and Kurt?" I could hear her evil smirking through the phone, and just knew that I was about to get nailed. I held perfectly still, unwilling to even dignify her with a response.

Not that it stopped her. She couldn't seem to quit giggling as she sweetly cooed. "You may want to figure out who's on top! "

I had no idea why she (and Tina, and Brit, and every other woman in the world) seemed to think that that was the funniest thing ever. "I'm hanging up on you."

"So you and Finn can have the talk?" She was howling with laughter now, and I remembered why I tried not to wake her up too early. It always ended up like this, with me embarrassed and her giggling hysterically.

"I'll call you when I get back to Lima." I was smiling myself, now, but I didn't want her to know it.

"Ok. I'll blow up the rubber donut for you to sit on." She disconnected before I could think of a suitably scathing reply. _ Damn_, she was good.

Finn was still asleep when I came out, though he had sprawled to take up the entire bed. I blew lightly on his throat. "Scoot, Cowboy."

He rolled back to his previous position and I laid down next to him. He didn't wake up, but he did start mouthing at the back of my neck and, oh, look at that, I hadn't broken my dick last night after all. It was back to full working order, but I wondered if I had the energy to do anything about it. "For Prada's sake, Finn, knock it off."

That earned me an irritated grunt, but he settled back to sleep. I felt oddly disappointed by that, even though I really didn't want to start something. I laid my head against his chest, purring contentedly when his arm came up across my back. "Yeah, I love you, too." Then I slept again.

It was close to 11 when I woke the second time, though Finn still hadn't moved. I rolled over and took a second to just look at him without him looking back. His eyes twitched and rolled behind the closed lids, and I wondered what he was dreaming about. Something good, because I could see the smile on his lips. He had cheekbones that I would kill for, and a good jaw line, one that I couldn't quite resist tracing with my nose. He rumbled appreciatively and his eyes flickered open. "Is it time to go home?"

"Regretfully, yes. Since we don't have anything to pack, you have time for a quick shower before we hit the road."

He stretched out, giving me a perfect view of, well, _everything_. "How quick can we be if we take a shower together?"

"Finn Hudson, do you think about anything besides sex?" Not that my traitorous body thought it was a bad idea. Actually, my body thought that that sounded like a really good idea.

Finn, damn him, noticed and smirked. "Do you?"

I tried to salvage at least part of my dignity. "Of course. Marc Jacobs has a new collection coming out next week, which I'm super excited about, and then there's a new exhibit at- Finn, what are you doing!"

He had scooped me off the bed and into his arms. "I have a problem, you have a problem, we'll get in the shower together and take care of them together. You think about things too much."

That certainly wasn't untrue, even though all I was thinking about right now was the various things I could do to him in the shower. There was a reason that the shower was a porn staple, and who was I to deny either one of us the chance to explore everything it had to offer, without any chance of being interrupted by our well meaning parents.

Unfortunately, fooling around in the shower was nowhere near as hot as the dirty movies made it look. To start with, porn stars must all be like 5 feet tall, because Finn and I barely fit in the shower standing, and had absolutely no room to maneuver. I tried getting down on my knees (honestly, I didn't think Finn was capable in such tight quarters), but I guess I'm still too new to this entire thing, because I could barely get my timing right when we were on the bed, and now I was actually choking and was there anything less sexy?

Finn picked me back up, and I latched my arms and legs around him, not trusting him to keep his grip on my wet skin. A concussion was not a good look for me, and I hated blood, especially my own. This new position provided friction that hadn't been there before, and I moaned softly. Later on, when we were actually having sex, I could see where this would be great, especially if Finn was capable of holding me up the entire time. But, right now? Not really doing it for me.

"Oh, screw this. We'll shower at home." He slammed the water off with one hand, then carried me back to our bed.

"Finn Hudson, I'm soaking wet and so are you! We are not going to- oh my God, just keep doing that." Finn's solution to us being soaking wet was apparently to just start licking my skin, which was having a disturbingly large effect on the rest of my body. His tongue was rough against me, making me shiver convulsively.

He drew back and gave me a look. "Kurt Hummel, do you think about anything but sex?"

Honestly, I was having a little trouble remembering who Kurt Hummel was at the moment. "I will fucking kill you if you do not put your mouth back on my body within the next four seconds."

"Potty mouth." He licked my stomach again, nuzzling my ribcage. "I like it."

_He would. _

"You would." Why did it sound so much bitchier and sexier when Galinda was saying it in my head? Maybe because she didn't actually require oxygen, and thus wasn't almost hyperventilating as Finn's teeth lightly scraped my inner thigh.

"Mm-hmm. Do you know that you're sexy?"

I couldn't tell if it was a genuine question or not, but, considering that he had finally put his mouth where I wanted it, I couldn't have answered anyway. "I, uh, I, shit!" I supposed that it was progress that I didn't come right then and there.

Soft fingers ran over my body, touching all the right spots. Ribs, thigh, that special ticklish spot on my collarbone, Finn knew exactly what to do. He drew back and studied me for a second. "Do you?"

I knew what he was asking, but not how to answer. As much as I liked to admire myself, I had a hard time thinking of myself as sexy. Sassy, yes. Bitchy, most of the time. Exceedingly well dressed, always. Even cute, which I heard all the time. But sexy? Not so much.

_Finn thinks you are. Finn thinks that you're amazing and sexy. _

Finn also though that both Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray were amazing and sexy, which made his opinions a little suspect.

_I don't recall his entire sexuality changing for either one of them. I'm kind of thinking that he likes you better._

She had a point. Whether or not I thought that I was sexy, Finn obviously did. So I met his eyes and nodded. "Yes. Do you know that you are?"

"Of course, dude. You wouldn't be seen in public with someone who looked less then perfect. I'm sexy because _you _think I am."

I giggled, wondering how Finn could read my mind like he did. "It's not your fashion sense or dancing skills, that's for sure."

"Maybe it's my cock sucking abilities." He decided to punctuate that comment by resuming said abilities.

Maybe it was. Hearing the work 'cock' fall from his lips didn't hurt either. Add dirty talk to the list of things that it turned out I really liked. Then Finn's hand, which had been resting between my shoulder blades, moved downwards to tentatively rest on my ass. It was the first time he had touched me there, at least without clothes and it made me freeze for a second. He felt the tension and backed off immediately, his hand returning to my back.

"No, it's alright. You just startled me." This was a huge step for Finn, and I didn't want to do anything that might make him regress.

I'm pretty sure that Finn was trying to tell me ok, but he seemed to have forgotten that his mouth was otherwise occupied, so all I felt was a low vibration. Yep, Finn's cock sucking abilities were a big plus. Bonus? He had totally put his hand back where it started out. He wasn't actually doing anything with it, but it was a start. Then he did this strange swallowing thing that shouldn't have been physically possible and that was all it took. "Fuck, Finn!"

He swallowed obediently, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "Maybe." The word was drawn out playfully. Then he winked and it took everything I had not to get hard again immediately. Finn gave me a hopeful look. "Do we have time for once more?"

"Regretfully, no." I kissed the tip of his nose. "You and your oral fixation will just have to wait until we get home."

"What's an oral fixation?" Finn was already putting on his clothing from last night, looking around for anything that might have been tossed across the room in the heat of the moment.

"It's when you're obsessed with putting things in your mouth. It means you like it a lot more then other people do." My own clothes, while still fashionable, were wrinkled, and it nearly killed me to even look at them, much less have to put them on my body.

"Things like your cock?" One arm wound around my shoulders as we walked out, as if he wanted to hold me as closely as possible.

"Yes, things like my cock. And could you possibly say that a little louder? I don't think the people across the breezeway heard us."

He waited until we were actually in the Navigator with the engine running to lean out the window and yell "I have an oral fixation for Kurt's cock!"

I nearly closed his head in the window in my desperate attempt to get it up before he could humiliate me further. "Finn Hudson!" 

He rubbed his chin, where the window had whacked him. "What? You said to say it louder and it's not like we'll ever have to see those people again anyway."

"That isn't the point; the point is….is….." I realized that he was kind of right. "The point is my cock is between me and you, and not to be discussed in a public parking lot."

"Can I _touch_ it in a public parking lot?" He was grinning now, obviously knowing that he was starting to have an effect on me.

"No, you can't. Do you know what the meaning of the words 'public indecency' and 'sarcasm' are?"

He stretched out against the seat, and the resulting view was almost enough to make me change my previous stance on what was appropriate in public. "Yeah. Public indecency means keep you pants on or you'll get arrested and then be put on the sex offender list and Mom will cry. Sarcasm is anything that Quinn says to me. Right?"

"Pretty close. Program the GPS to take us home, please." I hoped that giving him something to do with his hands would keep him from putting them somewhere they didn't belong. Like down my pants.

It worked, and Finn played happily with the piece of equipment, fingers tapping at it merrily. I fixated on them for a minute, wondering what else he could do with those fingers.

_ Keep you attention on the road, at least until you get to the highway. Then the two of you need to have a nice talk_.

The thought of having to have the sex talk with Finn made my face heat up. I wasn't even 100% sure how things were done, myself. Lima wasn't exactly bustling with gay advocacy centers, and I was a little distrustful of what I saw on the internet. For example, I'm almost sure that a spanking is not necessary before penetration. Pretty sure.

_So don't talk about sex specifically. Talk about your new relationship, and where you want it to go. _

That didn't sound like such a bad idea, but when I saw the turn for the highway, I wimped out. "Do you want some breakfast?"

"Yeah!" Finn was always enthusiastic when food was involved.

Since we had expended so many calories (and electrolytes, and bodily fluids) the night before, I gave in to Finn's pleading face and stopped at a diner. Once there, he ordered some monstrosity involving eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, toast and pancakes. "Finn, that could feed an entire family for more then one meal."

"I'm hungry!" He looked so pitiful that I had to stop myself. "Besides, we'll figure out how to work the calories off later."

I had created a sex monster. One blow job (ok, two), and he suddenly thought that he was going to get some all day, every day.

_Yes! _Galinda, who had gotten everything that she had been nagging for, with the sole exception of sex, for over a month, was in ecstasy.

I ordered a sensible egg whites only meal and coffee, distracting myself by adding just the right amount of sweetener to it. Yes, Finn and I needed to have a talk, but not here, where anyone could overhear us.

Luckily, Finn was still riding his high from yesterday, and was happy to talk about Sectionals and the trophy. "I still can't believe that we won."

"I still can't believe that you came back." I was treading on dangerous ground, now, but I couldn't help it. "You are my knight in shining armor, and don't ever believe any different."

"Even when you tell me I'm a stupid loser?" He appeared more focused on his drink then he was on me, but I could sense that every move I made was being watched and analyzed.

His words were like a punch to the gut. "Finn Hudson, when have I ever told you that you are either stupid or a loser?" It hurt that he would think that I would say that.

"Well, never. But everyone says it eventually. Except for Mom, of course, but she has to be nice because she's my Mom. It's alright for you to say it as long as I know you really think I'm a white knight." His eyes were earnest as he stared at me.

"First of all, no it isn't alright for anyone to call you stupid or a loser, no matter what the circumstances. It's especially not ok for me to say that. I love you, and even if you do things that drive me insane, it's cruel and wrong for me to call you things like that. Why would you think it's alright?"

"Because everybody does it." Finn hunched down, obviously not liking the direction this conversation had taken.

Too bad for him. "Who's everyone?"

He shrugged. "You know."

Evasiveness wasn't going to get him anywhere. "No, I don't know. Who is everyone?" 

"Quinn and Rachel and all of my teachers and Mercedes and Mike and Matt and Karofsky and Azimio and Santana and Coach Sylvester and….well, Puck, too, but he doesn't say it mean so it's not the same."

While it didn't surprise me to hear some of those names, particularly Rachel and Quinn, it did bother me to know that Mercedes would say that. "First of all, Quinn and Rachel are being sore losers. They know that I've got you and they don't and they can't stand it. So don't listen to anything that they say."

"But they said it way before there was a you and me. They said it when I was still dating them."

_Oh, we need to bitch slap someone soooooo bad_. Galinda did not take well to having our boyfriend insulted.

For once, she and I were in perfect agreement. "Well, then they're a pair of idiots. Them, not you. At least _you_ have enough class not to talk about someone in a derogatory way while simultaneously expecting them to further your reputation."

"I don't know what derogatory or simultaneous mean. But I do know what having class is, and that's good." He had perked up considerably.

"Derogatory means saying something nasty about someone and simultaneously means at the same time." I let him rerun the sentence in his head, waiting until he nodded with comprehension before I continued. "And Coach Sylvester is a rampaging bitch, so don't believe anything she says. She told me that I was moron, too."

His dark eyes narrowed. "She better not say that about my boyfriend. If she wasn't a lady, I'd kick her ass. And, you know, if she wouldn't kill me."

"I do like you with all of your parts intact. One part in particular." I reached out and stroked his hand.

"My brain?" He was smiling, his earlier upset completely forgotten. Or maybe it hadn't been. Finn always gave off the impression of not only not being bothered by what his friends said about him, but not even understanding it. He mostly just smiled and chuckled a bit. But if his last comment meant anything, he no only got it, he was hurt by it. I made a mental note to remind Mercedes to never, ever, say anything about Finn's intelligence again, whether she thought he could hear it or not.

"Ok, two parts in particular." Finn did have an admirable ability to bounce back from any disturbance. I quirked my finger in a 'come here' gesture, and Finn leaned forward obediently. I quickly kissed his cheek. It was a big risk, and I saw a couple of people turn to look, but Finn needed me right now. Plus, as he had pointed out earlier, it wasn't like we would ever have to see any of these people again.

Finn's lips quirked in an almost invisible smile, just as our food arrived. He looked over my choice with a raised eyebrow. "This is why you're so tiny, Kurt. You don't eat enough to grow."

My size was a bit of a sore point, but I just shook my head. "If that's true, you need to quit eating immediately. You're already a giant."

"I know. I'm not eating to get bigger now; I'm just eating to stay the right size. It takes a lot of food." He nibbled on a piece of bacon, his eyes locked on me. "You know what, though? You don't have to get bigger. You're perfect."

"Thank you, Finn." No matter how often he told me, it still made my heart jump. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Then he was distracted by eating the huge amount of food. Maybe spending so much time cramming so much food into his mouth had caused Finn to lose his gag reflex, which explained his talent at giving blow jobs.

I actually ended up eating Finn's pancakes and half of a piece of bacon, since I turned out to be hungrier then I thought.

_Well, is that a surprise? Have you ever had a night like last night in terms of sheer calories burned? A long singing performance, then a long sexual performance. God, life is good._

I couldn't argue with that. Between the two of us, we ate everything on the plate, leaving me to pray that that bacon wasn't settling in my butt right now. Finn grabbed the ticket before I could and ambled up to pay. I tried to protest, but he waved me off like I was nothing. God, I loved the boy.

There wasn't much conversation between us until we got on the highway. The pancakes were settled in my stomach like a rock, but I knew I had to talk with Finn about this. I reached out and turned the radio off. "Finn, can we talk?"

"Ok." He sat back and looked at me nervously.

"I wanted to talk about us and, you know, taking the next step in our relationship." God, could I sound any more like an insecure girl?

"The next step. You mean, like, sex?" Just a few words, and his nerves had shot up a thousandfold. He was trying to keep his voice level, but one hand was clutching the dashboard so tightly that I was sure it was going to crumple. Not to mention I could hear his breathing from the drivers seat.

"Yes, sex. Don't panic on me, Cowboy. Nice deep breaths." If Finn freaked out in such a small space, he could hurt both of us.

"I'm calm. It's just that….sex is a big thing." He was trying to talk around his big issue.

"You mean a scary thing." I don't know why I was irritated with him for being nervous when I was so nervous myself.

"Yeah. I don't even know how two guys can do it. I mean, I know because I saw it online, but it seems like it would hurt like hell. I don't want to hurt you, Precious."

"You won't." I might not know everything about how two men had sex, but I knew that Finn would kill himself before causing me any harm. "Anyway, it's not supposed to hurt."

"I know it's not, and even Puck says that girls can take it up the ass and like it, and if girls can take it, it should be easy for us guys, but it just doesn't seem possible. I mean, my dick is kind of big and yours is, too."

Finn's dick was more then 'kind of' big. As a matter of fact, I was pretty sure that it was way above average in size. "First of all, never, never bring Noah Puckerman into our sex talks again. It's beyond creepy. Second, you aren't supposed to just…" God there was no delicate way to say this. "…shove it in there. You have to use lube and prepare and stuff."

I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but Finn's eyes got even bigger. "See? How are we supposed to do anything when I have no idea what I'm doing and you'll end up getting hurt."

"And it freaks you out a little?" I had to know exactly where his objections were; otherwise I wouldn't know how to help fix them.

"Yeah, it freaks me out a little. You know, it's not just a big step, it's _the_ big step. No matter what happens after that, I'll always look back and say, 'yeah, I lost my virginity to Kurt Hummel, to that man'. We'll be tied together forever." He leaned back in the seat. "Not that I don't want to be, but I want it to be right. You know, romantic."

If our previous firsts were to be believed, it probably wasn't going to be as romantic as he was hoping. Actually, it was more likely to be fumbling, messy, and last about 13 seconds.

But I did understand where Finn was coming from. I had been so caught up in his feelings about sex; I hadn't even really considered my own, except in a hazy 'I want to' sort of way. He was right, having sex with him would change our relationship completely, and maybe not in a good way. Plus, it was sweet that he wanted to be romantic, even if he really had no idea how to be. "I understand."

"But you're disappointed, right?" He was giving me that devastated look, the one that said he wanted so badly to make it right with me, but had no idea how to accomplish that.

"Finn, I will never be disappointed in you for being honest about your feelings, ok?" I used my knuckles to rub his jaw and he leaned into the contact like a cat.

I thought that that would end the conversation for a while, but I had underestimated Finn. Again. "You know, on the porn movies, they just shove it in."

It was kind of sweet that he was watching porn in an attempt to figure out what to do when the time came. "Porn is not a realistic reflection of how you accomplish anything. Everyone has a 12 inch dick in porn, too, and that doesn't happen in real life."

He nodded. "Plus, it always ends with one guy coming on the other guy's face, and I'm pretty sure you would kill me if I did that."

At least he got that one right away. I smiled at him. "And you think that you're stupid."

"It doesn't matter what I think. It matters that you think I'm smart, and you're the smartest person I know. So if you say it, it must be true." He was giving me that funny half smile, and I had to swallow hard around the sudden lump in my throat.

"You're very sweet, Finn Hudson." I reached out my hand, resting it on his leg. He placed his hand on top of mine, my fingers totally covered by his.

"I mean, it wouldn't have to be forever, because I really, really do want to have sex with you. But I think that this is one of those things you have to plan for, not one of those things that just up and happens. Which kind of sucks, because just letting things happen has worked for us so far. We'll figure something out, though, we always do."

"If we were in New York or somewhere with even the slightest bit of culture, it would be easy to find a gay advocacy center that would be able to help us out." The words were spoken mostly to myself, but Finn picked up on them.

"Dude, that's gross!" Finn sounded scandalized. "There are gay guys that actually stand there and, like, give you pointers?"

I tried not to laugh, I swear that I did, but the look on his face, combined with the mental image he had just summoned made me double over. Thank Prada there wasn't much traffic, because I was having trouble keeping control of the Navigator long enough to get us to the shoulder.

Every time I thought that I had my laughter under control, I looked up at Finn, who was giving me a puzzled smile, which only made me break out in further giggles. He didn't get it, but he was happy because I was. "Finn, you are hysterical."

"I am?" He didn't sound convinced.

"When I said 'help us out', I meant offer some suggestions about the basic tenets of two men having sex. I didn't mean they would actually be there when the act took place."

"Oh." He laughed himself. "Yeah, I guess that would make more sense. That's probably why everyone thinks that I'm dumb."

Ok, he had been a little dumb, there, but I was never going to tell Finn that, even if I was threatened with having to wear nothing but blue jeans and flannel shirts for the rest of my life. Plus, when was the last time I had laughed so hard over such a simple thing? "I don't think you're dumb. I think you're the funniest guy I've ever met."

"Well, I think that you're the sexiest guy I've ever met. Well, actually, you're the only guy that I think is sexy, so it's not like there's much competition." He stopped there and did that adorable thing where his head cocked and his eyebrows drew together. "Actually, can we pretend that I just stopped after that first sentence?"

If Finn had asked for it, I would have pretended anything. "Yeah, we can do that."

He smiled, and I swear that my heart melted just a little bit more. "Look, Spider Monkey, how about this? As soon as I figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing, which I will figure out really soon, because…well, come on Kurt, you're saying you'll put out for me! I mean, if there was ever moriation to learn something, that's it!" 

As always, he managed to say the perfect thing, even when he wasn't saying the right thing at all. "I think you mean 'motivation'. As far as I know, moriation isn't a word. Motivation is when you really, really want to do something quickly and correctly, because you think that there's a reward for you in the end."

"Yep, that's it!" He was incredibly pleased right now. "You're my reward."

I rested both hands on his thighs so I could give him a slow, deep, kiss. "You're my reward, too."

Saying anything else would have ruined the moment, so I put the car back in gear and merged back onto the highway. For once, even Finn sensed the sanctity of the moment, and turned on the radio instead of speaking a word.

The dial spun back and forth until we found a station that was playing songs that we recognized. Finn sang cheerfully with every song, seeming neither bothered by the bad things we had talked about, nor excited by the good. He was just Finn, singing with the radio. So I let go and sang with him, ignoring the fact that I would usually rather die then be caught singing along to the Beach Boys.

We kept going for almost two hours, until I needed gas and our throats were dry. I didn't want to spoil our singing, but there were things that we needed to talk about before we made it back to Lima, just so he and I could be on the same page. "Go get us some water, ok?"

"Ok." He ambled into the gas station, and I just watched him go, steeling myself for the conversation that was about to happen. This was going to be ugly. Finn had never been good at expressing himself in words, which was one of the reasons he hit and kicked so many things. He wasn't naturally violent, but he did get incredibly frustrated at times.

_When has he ever done that with you? He gets overly frustrated because people don't give him a chance to work it out on his own. You're patient and you don't tell him he's too stupid to get it, you just love him and that makes all the difference in the world. So, suck it up._

Finn returned with the water just as the pump clicked off. Even though both bottles were exactly the same, he offered them both to me, apparently assuming that I would have a preference. I chose one and drank deeply. "We have about an hour before we get home, so can we decide what's going to happen when we get there?"

"Sure. What are we deciding?" Finn drained his bottle in a few quick swallows and it was a fight not to get distracted watching the muscles in his throat work.

This was one of those instances where I wasn't sure if Finn genuinely didn't understand what was going on, or if he was playing dumb to avoid the confrontation. "About what happens from here. You were amazing yesterday, my absolute hero, but are you back for good? Or was that your final goodbye to the Glee Club?"

He was very quiet, and I hastened to clarify. "Either one is fine, Cowboy, but I want to know, just for myself."

Finn still didn't say anything, and I gave him some space by looking at the radio, at the ceiling, at all the traffic around us, anywhere but at Finn. Staring at him only made him more nervous and defensive. "I don't know."

I nodded at him, trying to encourage him to continue, but he didn't. He just stared at his hands, which were knotted in his lap. "Do you want me to come back?" It was a normal question, but his tone was strangely childlike, as if he wanted me to make the choice for him.

Except I couldn't. The only one who could do it was Finn. "I would be happy no matter what you decided. But the important thing is for _you _to be happy. Does Glee make you happy enough that it cancels out everything else?" I wasn't going to lead him into a decision, but helping him talk out his feelings was alright.

"Mr. Shue isn't the coach any more, so it shouldn't matter, but he'll be the coach again, won't he?" Finn did this thing when he got nervous where he would speed up his talking until he was almost impossible to understand. "Because, like, Coach Sylvester has been fired twice, and she keeps coming back, and Mr. Ryerson got fired for molesting Hank, but he came back and did that musical. Mr. Shue isn't even fired, just not allowed to be the coach, so he'll probably come back, too."

He had a point. Figgins was a pushover, and, as terrible as what Mr. Shue had done, he hadn't done anything as bad as Mr. Ryerson had. On the other hand, Mr. Ryerson had had Coach Sylvester on his side, while the woman would do anything possible to see Mr. Shuester destroyed.

Finn kept on going, unaware of my thoughts. "And if he doesn't come back, then there won't be a Glee Club. I mean, no one else is going to coach us. Then it's over and it will all be my fault."

He was being unusually articulate, which meant that this had been floating around in his head for a while. "None of this is your fault. He made bad choices, and now he's going to have to live with them. You went way beyond what most people would have, and I love you for it."

"You're a good boyfriend." He smiled, that sad, tense little smile that I had been seeing far too often lately. "No, wait, that's wrong. You're the best boyfriend."

"Thank you, Finn Hudson."

He reached up and placed both hands flat on the ceiling of the car, pushing until his shoulders popped. Then he shook his head. "I still want to do Glee."

My heart stuttered in my chest and nearly stopped. I tried not to be too obvious about it, though. "Really?" 

"Yeah. I just…." He stopped to gather his thoughts. "When we were up there, on that stage, even before we knew that we had won; it was just the most amazing feeling, like we were great at something. I'm not ready to give that up."

"Are you going to be able to handle seeing Mr. Shue again if he comes back as our coach?" One of the things I loved about Finn was his gentle, forgiving nature, but that also made it very easy for people to take advantage of him.

For a few minutes Finn was quiet, and I wished that I wasn't driving so I could reach out to him. Then he nodded. "Yeah, I can handle it. I'm just not going to let anyone push me around any more. Now I have you to protect, I have to start acting like a man and standing up to people."

As much as I wanted to remind him for the millionth time that I was perfectly capable of protecting myself, but his words were so sweet that I didn't. Sometimes, the best thing to do was keep your mouth shut and enjoy the moment.

_ Finally, he's learning._

Bitch. "I'm really glad that you want to stay in Glee. And if you don't want to talk to Mr. Shue ever again, that's fine with me. I'll keep in between the two of you, ok?" While I didn't want to talk to the man either, it wasn't all about me any more. It would always be about me and Finn, together.

"Yeah. Maybe I can really sing a ballad with you this time, since we didn't get to last time. You know, now that everyone knows and we don't have to hide it any more." He ducked his head a little bit. "I can do it."

Those words were more to reassure himself then they were to reassure me, and he didn't sound terribly confident about them, but I didn't call him on it. "I think our coming out went really well. Everyone seemed to be fine with it, even Rachel."

"I think it went so well because everyone pretty much knew already. But, yeah, I thought she'd be more upset." He perked up. "Oh, well. If she wasn't that upset, then we weren't meant to be anyway. Although I guess if I'm meant to be with you, I could have never been meant to be with her, so it all works out."

To Finn, it really was that simple. He was with me now, and I was the person he wanted to be with forever. Period. He would fight to the death for me if asked, because I was his. "Thank you, Finn."

"For what?" He was fussing with his phone, which was beeping rapidly at him. "It's Rach. She says that there's a party at her place starting in two hours. Do we want to go?"

Not really, but I did know what an extended olive branch looked like and I couldn't afford to have her on my bad side so soon. Plus, it was always nice to celebrate as a team. "Of course. Tell her that we'll be there after I have time to go home and shower and change. You, too."

"Are you going to rub us in her face?" He paused in his texting to look into my eyes. "Cause that's really mean."

"No, I'm not going to do that." I was a little surprised to find out that that was the truth. There was no reason for me to do that. I had Finn, he had me, and that was it. There was no reason to get possessive, and no reason to be a jerk about it.

That didn't mean that I trusted her, though. I was the first to know that a crush didn't go away just because the object of it was with someone else. And, Prada knew, what Rachel wanted, Rachel got.

But I did trust Finn. He had obviously moved on, and there was nothing that mattered more then that. "Glee party, then?"

The smile on his face could have lit the sun. "Glee party, then."


	40. Chapter 40

A/N: I've been getting a lot of questions about the pacing of this fic, and if the boys are going to die virgins. Fear not, they are going to do it soonish. I had always kind of seen this fic as a parallel to what actually happened, and I want it to be as canon compliant as possible. We all know when Finn lost his virginity (shudder), so figure about that time in this fic. Note- that might be many chapters from now, but I promise they will.

Kurt POV

So far, so good. Finn and I had all but gotten a hero's welcome when we showed up. I had rushed through my routines in the shower (see how much I loved that boy?), and we made it in less then two hours from when we got home. Her fathers were out, but they had left money and congratulations, enough of both to satisfy the entire Glee club forever. There was an enormous pastry tray, and I picked the smallest and least offensive looking offering.

I was forced to put up with overenthusiastic hugs from all of the girls, while Finn managed to escape back over to the boys. They were rougher then the girls, pounding on his back and shoulders, but at least it was over quickly and they resumed talking about whatever it was that straight boys talked about in groups. Probably boobs.

Even though I knew that it was irrational, I couldn't help but feel a little hurt at how easily Finn still fit into the group. Finn suddenly decided that he liked boys, after chasing girls since his first erection, and he was still one of the guys. I, who had been honest (ok, not _honest_ honest, but certainly not hiding it very well) about my sexuality from the beginning, was still on the outside. You would think that they would be far more threatened by Finn then me.

_I'm pretty sure that your issues with the other guys are becoming less a gay issue, and more of a 'I think I'm too good for you issue'. Try talking to them for once. _

That stung a little, which probably meant that there was some truth in it. I did very seldom interact with the other guys on the team, except for Artie, but it wasn't because I thought I was better. I was just a bit of lingering fear from everything that had been done to me by people wearing those uniforms.

_Try. It won't kill you._

So I took a deep breath and crept over to where Finn was standing next to Matt, both of them waxing almost poetically about some video game I had never even heard of. Finn never glanced over from where he was explaining what I guessed was a cheat code (and really? I would never understand how he could memorize sequences of 10 or more button pushes, but still be hopeless when it came to even basic math.), but his arm slipped around my shoulders and I was pulled up against his warm body.

I still wasn't being included in the conversation, but at least the conversation was still happening. No one had gone quiet and uncomfortable as soon as I showed up. After a few minutes, Mike even turned in my directions. "Did the two of you make it home alright last night? We were a little worried. Finn, we all know about you and the mailman incident."

My face heated up at just the memory of what had gone on lat night, and Finn's chest warmed under my cheek. But his voice didn't sound embarrassed at all, just happy. "We didn't go home. We got to stay in this really awesome hotel, that had, like, room service and everything, and you could even order porn!" At my horrified look he backtracked quickly. "Not that we did! But we could have."

"Really? I didn't know you could get that sort of porn in hotel rooms." Puck was settling in for a good tease. "You were in some nasty place, weren't you?"

"No, we were at the Marriot. And what sort of porn do you-" There was an almost visible flash as the light bulb clicked on. "No! God, Puck, you are disgusting sometimes."

I didn't flinch at all, an accomplishment that made me proud. So _that_ was the problem. Not that Finn wanted our first time to be special, just that he thought it was disgusting.

_I don't think that that's what he said. I think he said that _Puck_ was disgusting, not gay sex. But honestly, Kurt, it _is_ a little bit gross, especially to someone who's never really thought much about it before_.

He didn't _have_ to come out and say it, I got the message. With an irritated huff, I pushed out from under Finn's arm, going back to rejoin the girls. Mercedes snorted. "Have enough of hearing about Grand Theft Auto?"

"I've had enough, period." My voice was the very definition of bitch and eyebrows rose on all the girls. The boys, naturally, remained oblivious.

"Yeah, that's what it sounded like early this morning. But I'm guessing there's trouble in paradise?" She was trying to sound supportive instead of absolutely fascinated, but failing miserably.

"You could say that." I dropped my pastry back on the tray. I hadn't bitten into it yet, and I was going to need to be as thin and perfect as possible so I could get myself a new boyfriend. A better boyfriend. A boyfriend who wasn't grossed out by the thought of a perfectly normal, loving, act between to people in love.

_And where do you think you're going to find this mythical man in Lima, Ohio? You're damn lucky that you managed to score Finn. Plus, that perfect, sexy, wonderful, boyfriend you're imagining? I'm pretty sure he doesn't exist. Not in Lima, not anywhere. Be satisfied with the man you already have, even if he does have some flaws. Besides, you'll just have to show him that there's nothing disgusting about it._

I knew that Galinda was right, but couldn't I just have one moment to sulk over my boyfriend's insensitivity. "Finn's a big jerk."

"Why is Finn a big j-jerk?" It was the first time I had heard Tina stutter in ages, and it caught my attention. 

"Your stutter's back." It was a horrendously rude thing to say, drawing attention to a disability like that, but it sure beat having to discuss my nonexistent sex life, and the fact that the reason it was so nonexistent was that my boyfriend was grossed out by gay sex.

She flushed a dark red and started fussing with her hair. "It's just because I'm stressed. When I'm stressed, it's hard to stop."

Her words struck a chord in me, and I looked her over. She hadn't said 'when I'm stressed, it gets worse'. She had said 'when I'm stressed, it's hard to stop'. As if she could control it. But she couldn't, could she?

"You should think about the word in French." Naturally, Rachel had an opinion. Rachel always had an opinion. "It unlocks your tongue and allows the words to flow off properly. Not that I ever had a problem with speech. Actually, I was in the 98th percentile by the age of-"

_Blah, blah, blah._

Really. Maybe if Rachel wouldn't talk so much about herself, she would still have Finn as a boyfriend. Instead I had him.

_Oh, so he's your boyfriend again? I thought you were shopping for Finn version 2.0?_

Please. I might have been pissed with Finn for all of 2 minutes, but I would never seriously give him up. I loved his big lumbering ass far too much.

As if my thoughts had summoned him, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my chest and a chin come down to rest on top of my head, the breath stirring my hair. "Are you mad at me, Spider Monkey?"

Damn him, he knew that the nickname melted my heart, no matter what he had done. I twisted to give him a kiss on the neck, which was as high as I could reach without getting up on my tiptoes. The girls all cooed, and I flipped them off as discreetly as possible. Yes, I was thrilled that Finn was comfortable holding me in front of other people, but did they have to act like we were a pair of particularly adorable puppies?

Then again, Rachel had been struck speechless for the first time since I had known her, which might be worth the embarrassment. "No, I'm not mad at you."

"That's not what he said a minute ago. A minute ago he was a big jerk. What happened, he suck in bed?" Santana just couldn't let things go without making everyone as miserable as she was.

"I think he's supposed to suck, otherwise it doesn't work. By the way, Kurt, did you ever figure out how to give a blow job?" Brit managed to step in, and she might have just won the award for making this the most awkward conversation ever. Even the boys were staring now.

"Yes." The word popped out of Finn's mouth before he thought, and the entire room came to a standstill. "I mean…."

There was really nothing for him (or me for that matter) to say to salvage this conversation, so I just stood there, mouth hanging open. Puck whooped and held up his fist for Finn to bump. "Nice, Finny, you've finally become a man. You sucking cock yourself these days, or just letting Hummel do all the work?"

Oh dear Gucci, please let me die right now. Puck knowing about the fact that I had not only given my first blow job last night, but that Finn had been blowing me had featured in exactly zero of my fantasies. Ok, maybe one. One horrible, creepy fantasy that I wasn't even going to claim, now that I thought about it. That was right, zero.

Finn looked at Puck, then at me, then back at Puck, and clamped his mouth closed, head shaking. Oh, sure, he could humiliate me, but not himself? I twisted so we were face to face. "I believe Noah asked you a question, Finnegan." My tone was absolutely saccharine.

He wanted to kill me so badly right now. I could see it in the way his eyes darkened and narrowed. But then he smiled at me and turned back to the group. "Actually, yeah. Apparently I have fantastic cock sucking abilities. At least that's what Kurt seems to think, isn't that right sweetie-pookie-pie? Of course, he really doesn't seem to be able to think at all by the time its over." If possible, his tone was even more innocent then mine.

_And this round goes to Finn Hudson._

If I could both kill Galinda and figure out how Finn could tamp down on his humiliation so quickly, I would be a happy man.

Laughter filled the air at Finn's comment, but it was gentle laughter, friendly laughter. Puck held up his fist again, and Finn bumped it. "Good job, because you know it isn't all about you, Bro."

Dear, God, even though I don't really believe in you, do you think you could possibly strike me down right now? Thanks, it's appreciated.

_Good luck with that._

Of course, no bolt of lightening came down to put me out of my humiliated misery, but I guessed it didn't really matter. I wasn't the only member of the Glee club giving blow jobs, nor was I the only one receiving them. I was making a big deal out of absolutely nothing. Still, I was good at putting on my 'I don't give a shit what you think' mask, and I gave them all my best bitch grin. "Oh, believe me, Puck; the boy knows that it's not all about him. I would never let him forget it."

Puck smirked again, his eyes traveling up and down my body in an almost predatory way. "No, I don't think you would. You strike me as being very…._vocal _about what you want." 

It was a battle to not shrink down or attempt to cover myself from the look I was getting. The Puckasaurus might be straight, but he just oozed sexiness. Maybe in another lifetime, one where there was no Finn, I might have been flattered. Now, I was just getting nervous.

Luckily Finn sensed it and stepped in between us. "Dude, not cool. Kurt's mine, and do I need to bring up what happened last time I had someone?"

Breaths were sucked in all over the room. Quinn, the pregnancy, and the lie it had spawned were all subjects that we avoided whenever possible. Now wasn't the time to bring it up again, not when everything else was going so well.

Puck must have been having the same thought, because he held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Chill, Finny, it's alright. Hummel's yours, I get that. You know I'm not into the whole man on man thing anyway."

"Good." That seemed to be my cue, so I came around to Finn's front, turning my face to his to ask for another kiss. He complied with a soft growl, and I wondered if anyone else would ever feel this possessive over me. Then his lips tickled my ear. "God, I love you."

The whisper was so soft that I knew no one but me could hear it, but it made my heart beat jackhammer-like against my chest. "Yeah, me too."

There was a smack from across the room, and we all turned to look at Tina and Artie. She scowled at him. "See? Why can't you be like Kurt and Finn?"

Artie looked puzzled. "Gay?"

"Romantic! Look how precious they are together. Finn must be able to be romantic, because we all know that Kurt would kill him if he wasn't. Go get some tips or something."

Ouch, trouble in paradise. Artie took the mans (read cowards) way out and immediately wheeled his way over. "I need tips on how to be more romantic so Tina doesn't kill me."

Finn laughed. "How about we talk about it during a Halo marathon?"

Like he had any tips. Well, any tips that didn't involve both of us being naked, which I was pretty sure wasn't going to fly with Tina. If I didn't get involved here, Artie was going down. "Girls, I believe that my help might be needed here, for the good of both Tina's relationship and mine. As soon as I can peel myself away from the pixilated mayhem, I'll be back."

The girls all giggled and gave me exaggerated waves goodbye. All except for Rachel, who was still giving me a wide berth. She made no attempt to approach Finn, but I wasn't about to give her the chance. She was very good at talking so much and so quickly that Finn got lost and agreed just to get rid of her. I didn't want to have to do a smackdown on the bitch, but I would if I had to.

Games were chosen, and someone produced a quarter to flip so they could determine who played first. Finn and Mike won and everyone else settled around them to watch. I had no interest in the game, but I did crawl into Finn's lap and rest my head against his chest. It probably wouldn't do much for his ability to either concentrate or hold the controller, but I had already waited too long to do something like this. He didn't protest at all, just pressed his lips below my ear.

The game started, and within seconds it had turned into chaos. The boys yelled and jumped, calling each other names. Finn twisted around to respond to them without jostling me too much, which was sweet. Not romantic in the way I would tell Artie to do it, but romantic enough for Finn Hudson.

Despite the noise, I closed my eyes contentedly, lulled by the rumbles coming out of Finn's chest. I had never thought I would get to do this with anyone, much less Finn. To be able to be close enough to smell the shampoo and sweat and sweet smell of his skin. God, I was the luckiest guy in the entire world.

I tried to follow the conversations around me, but there were so many and they all ran together. Finn was trying to kill zombies; Puck was telling a horrified Mike all about some new woman, one whose pool he had cleaned. And by cleaned, of course, he meant he slept with her. Artie and Matt were having a soft conversation about strategy, and why Finn was doing it wrong. Finn said something back, then they were all bickering, and Puck's new love was forgotten. The gist of it all seemed to be that Finn had no ability to plan ahead, something I wholeheartedly agreed with. Finn wasn't disagreeing with them, but he made the point that he was still kicking Mike's ass, because he had faster reflexes.

_And he's really good with his hands. Just sayin'. Oh, and his mouth, he's great with that, too._

Those were also things I wholeheartedly agreed with. The argument continued on for another few minutes, before I heard Puck laugh. "I think Hummel's bored. He's already asleep. Finny, what _did_ you do to the boy last night?"

"'M not asleep." My slurred voice and the fact that I was having trouble getting my eyes open, made me realize that there may have been a little more truth in that statement then I wanted to consider. "I'm just…thinking."

There was an explosion on the screen, which was perfectly timed with Finn's kissing the top of my head. The rest of the boys whooped. Matt flopped down and took the controller. "Finn loses!"

"Maybe if he would keep his concentration on the game instead of his boyfriend, he wouldn't suck so hard." With my eyes closed, I couldn't tell who had said that, but everyone else giggled at the term 'suck'.

"Maybe if you guys actually had girlfriends, you would have more important things to do then play video games." Finn was nuzzling the back of my neck now, and if he didn't stop that, there was going to be an explosion of a different sort. Thank Prada I was wearing pants that were kind of loose.

"_I_ have a girlfriend!" Artie sounded insulted.

"Yeah, but she's pissed at you right now, so she doesn't count." Finn stretched his legs out in front of himself, making me shift position to get comfortable. "Sorry." The words blew across my ear, making me shiver.

"Yeah, about that…so, how do I make her less pissed? She wants me to be more romantic, but when I try I'm stifling her as a woman."

"Just do what she likes. When I want to make Kurt happy, I let him pick my clothes and stuff. Or sometimes I let him pick the restaurant. What sort of things does Tina like?"

_And when I want to make Finn happy, I shove my hand down his pants. Works every time._

"Black?" Artie was giving Finn a hopeful look.

"Well, that's a start." Finn was making that confused face again, and I just knew this was going to end in disaster.

Ok, I needed to step in here, since neither one of them seemed to have any idea what to do. "We _all_ know that she likes black. What are you going to do that's romantic and involves black? What else does she like? How does she spend her spare time? What's her favorite movie?"

Artie leaned back. "She likes video games, and she likes plays, especially violent ones." His eyes glazed over, getting the same look that Finn did when he was talking about me. "She loves cheeseburgers with extra bacon. Her favorite movie is the Princess Bride, though, which is cute."

I leaned back into Finn's lap, my mind already planning dates and romantic picnics in the living room with the movie playing and bacon cheeseburgers for all. A blanket on the floor could be just as romantic as a picnic in the park, with the added bonus of no bugs or dirt. I could even provide some wine glasses for added drama and-

"So, if she likes really violent video games, why the hell is she in the other room while we're in here playing them?" Finn certainly knew how to cut to the heart of the matter.

"Because she didn't want to play."

I couldn't see Finn's face from my position, but I could sense his eyes rolling. "Dude, did you _ask_ her?"

Artie squirmed. "I asked everyone, didn't you hear me? I said that anyone who wanted to play video games should come on."

"Not good enough. You have to actually look her right in the eyes and tell her that you want her to be your playing partner. Otherwise she'll think that you just want to play with the guys, but that you're too nice to say that. I'll bet she'd be happy if you marched right in there and told her you wanted to be partners." He looked over at Artie and hastily corrected himself. "Well, I guess you need to roll in there and tell her that, but go do it."

This was one of those times when Finn pulled the perfect answer out of what seemed to be thin air. Artie squared his shoulders and wheeled himself out of the room. I rubbed my cheek against his shoulder, inhaling his scent. "That was good, Finn Hudson. Simple, yet effective."

"Works every time. I mean, that's how I got you, right?"

Funny how we seemed to have very different memories of how that had happened. "I thought you got me by shoving your hand down my pants."

"That, too." His chin dropped on top of my head, and he gave a contented sigh.

"Ok, you two. It's not that I'm not down with the gay, because anything that actually gets Finny here laid is good with me, but you two are downright disgusting. If you're going to act like a pair of chicks, why don't you just check your balls at the door?" Puck's voice wavered between sarcasm and sounding like he wanted to laugh.

"I could check _your _balls." Finn's voice was lecherous, but playful.

Puck stood and made a show of grabbing himself through his jeans. "Go for it. The Puckadactyl isn't afraid of catching the gay."

Finn roared. "The Puckadactyl? That has to be the worst one I've ever heard from you."

"Puckaceratops? Puckertoothed Tiger? Puckadon?" They were entering that strange territory that I knew nothing about. Not because I was gay, just because I had never had a friend like Puck, one whom I had known since childhood. Before Glee, I had never had friends at all.

"Pucktoothed sloth? Puckerhead shark? Puckbacked whale?" There was a tiny undercurrent of hysteria in Finn's voice, despite the humor, and I had to remind myself that he had been through way too much in the past three days, running on very little sleep and too much emotion. He was overstimulated and needed someone to ground him before he reverted to what he had been like on that vitamin D. As soon as this party was over, I was taking back to my place for a blow job and a long nap.

I stroked my hand down his thigh, murmuring softly to try and soothe him. "Easy, easy. Calm now."

Puck saw what I was doing and sat back down, breaking eye contact with Finn. Once that was gone, my boyfriend settled and laid his head on top of mine. "Tired."

"I know, baby, I know." I patted his leg again. "Just give it a little longer and we'll go home."

"Kay." That was typical Finn. He would keep going, looking perfectly normal, until his entire body just gave out on him and he would crash into sleep. He kissed the nape of my neck, and if he didn't stop that we were leaving right now.

There was a noise from the doorway, and Artie rolled in, Tina all but swooning at his side. Artie pointed at the console. "Drop those controllers, there's a lady here now, and she gets priority."

The smile on Tina's face could have powered the entirety of Lima for weeks. We all scooted to make room for her, and she sat down next to Finn and I. She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Finn."

"No problem." They exchanged smiles, and I hid one of my own against Finn's chest. I really, really liked it when all of my friends got along, and that didn't always happen. Finn was friendly, but in an oddly distant way. I had thought that it was just with the Glee club at first, that he was still embarrassed to be seen with us, but now I wasn't so sure. It might have just been Finn's personality to like everyone, but only be close to a few people.

_And you're one of those people. Doesn't it make you feel good?_

Very, though not nearly as good as Finn's tongue on the back of my neck was making me feel. I squeezed his knee as tightly as I could, causing him to suck in a quick breath. He pressed his face into my shoulder, and I used that as an excuse to whisper into his ear. "If you don't stop that, I am going to cut you off for a month."

Finn's pulling back was comically fast. He knew as well as I did that I would never actually cut him off, but just the thought made for an effective threat. "Mean."

"Sadistic." I whispered the word into his ear, realizing as I did so that he probably didn't know what it meant.

"Sounds kinky." Finn was always up for something that might lead to groping for him.

I smiled again. "Not the good kind of kinky, I promise."

"Damn." He laid his chin against my shoulder, just resting and smelling me. I had no idea why he liked doing that, since he couldn't be smelling much (unlike him, I showered _every_ single day), but somehow it was sweet and possessive and not at all creepy, which was how it would have been with anyone else. Love had officially made me an idiot and, the worst part was, I didn't even care.

"Are you ready to leave?" I nudged his knee again, tickling this time instead of trying to squeeze him to death. "I'm sure we can find something much more interesting to do at home…" I let my voice trail off suggestively.

"But Rach is going to let us have cake."

He wanted cake? Really, was cake more important then possibly fooling around with his extra special boyfriend? I shot him an evil look, one that made him look confused. "Really, Cowboy?"

_Oh, come off of it. You know that Finn thinks with his stomach first, his dick second, and his brain last. Dead last. _

Yes, I knew that. I just had to figure out how to get him thinking with his dick again, and we would all be happy. Luckily, Finn was pretty easy to bring around to my way of thinking. I slipped a hand under his shirt and traced his stomach. "What was that?"

He squirmed. "But she made it herself. She can cook, Kurt, and it's really, really, good."

I glared and stroked again. "I can think of something else that's really, really good."

"Yeah, but.-"

To my horror, he was cut off by Puck. "Hummel, quit groping your boyfriend in front of everyone! Can you two not control yourselves for even one hour?"

I might have died of embarrassment right there, except I was rescued by the one and only Rachel Berry. "Need I bring up what I found you doing on top of my father's pool table? I'm going to have to get the felt steam cleaned before they get home."

"Who do you think he got caught with?" Finn's breath tickled my ear.

It was a good question. Santana kept swearing that she would never touch Puck again, Brit had been in our sight for the entire party, Rachel would never out herself, Tina was playing games, and, if Quinn had any sense at all, she would never go within 10 feet of Puck's cock again. That just left…oh, she _wouldn't_!

I turned and gave Mercedes a look, but she was too busy staring down at her hands, her face flushed even darker. Oh, Mercedes, with _Puck_? Finn nudged me. "What? What's going on?"

I squeezed his leg again. "Shut up, I'll tell you later." It came out as a sharp hiss, and he nodded at my tone.

Rachel didn't dwell on it, though, and I was pretty sure that no one noticed Mercedes but me. "And Kurt and Finn? He's right; it's not polite to grope someone in a house that doesn't belong to you. Particularly in front of your ex."

"Two exes." Quinn patted her bulging belly.

Like they were suddenly paragons of manners. Normally, I would have given her a rude retort, but Mercedes was giving me a desperate look, and I kept my mouth shut and the attention deflected off of her. Still, with _Puck_? The thought was so horrible that it just kept circling around and around in my head, making me feel ill. What did every girl in Glee see in him?

_Have you seen his abs? And his pecs? And his biceps? And I know you saw everything in the showers when you were on the football team. Face it, Kurt, Puck has a great body. And with the amount of practice he gets, he must be good in bed. _

Ew! There was absolutely nothing about Noah Puckerman that I considered even remotely attractive. He was crude, disgusting, and a total womanizer. He had slushied me, embarrassed me, and, worst of all, thrown me in dumpsters and ruined my clothes! I completely failed to understand what the big attraction was.

_You fail to understand it because you have Finn now. Any outside observer would conclude that Puck is completely fuckable. Including your main girl, apparently._

Galinda then insisted on sharing an extremely vivid mental picture of Puck with Mercedes and suddenly I didn't care if Finn wanted to stay for cake. I was so repulsed that sex was a distant memory.

Finn gave her his patented cute grin. "Sorry, Rachel. Are we having cake now?"

She smiled. "Of course. As the male lead, and the one who saved us from losing the competition with your 11th hour arrival, you can have the first piece."

He hadn't really wanted the cake, but he could sense the sudden tension in the room (and no doubt in my body) and was doing his best to dispel it by offering us all something else to do. Of course, now that he had been offered the first piece, he was all for it. "Sweet, are there roses on it?"

With a smooth grace, he stood up, lifting me with him. Even though Finn had never dropped me, I was still afraid he would, and thrashed convulsively, my arms gripping his neck as tightly as possible. He grunted as I cut off his air. "Easy."

As gently as he could, and certainly more gently then I would have thought Finn capable of, he dropped my legs to the ground. "Come on, Kurt, cake."

Of course, there were no roses on the cake. There were, however, an abundance of glittery gold stars, as well as the word "CONTRATULATIONS GLEE CLUB" spelled out in decorative rainbow colored balls. It was an atrocity. Still, I couldn't help the thrill of pride that came from seeing it. Despite all the odds, all the shit that had been thrown at us, we had made it and won.

There were candles, 12 of them artfully arranged around the edges. Rachel smiled. "One for each of us." She pulled out a camera and set it on the counter, focusing on the table. "Ok, everyone get around and we'll blow them out together."

It was so incredibly dorky, but I couldn't help but be excited. Despite our differences, despite Quinn sleeping with Puck and getting pregnant, despite our struggles with slushies and lying wives and girlfriends, despite quarterbacks with broken arms and sudden crisis's of sexuality, even despite losing our set lists and our coach, we had survived. Beyond that, we had triumphed.

Finn's body was warm and comforting against my back as we chose candles next each other. Puck provided a lighter, and the flames cast flickering shadows over the faces of my teammates.

Rachel hit the delay button on the camera, and started counting down. Finn leaned over my shoulder, his arms wrapping around my chest and pulled me back against his body. If there was one perfect moment in all of this, it was right now, with my boyfriend unashamed and holding me in front of everyone present. "Three…two…one!"

_Click._


	41. Chapter 41

Kurt POV

When the party was over and it was time to take Finn home, his mother was present, effectively killing any chance there might have been of me getting lucky. Furthermore, she was waiting for us, so we couldn't even pull a U-turn and sneak back to my place for a quickie. Finn sighed deeply and dramatically. "Sucks, Dude."

I walked him to the door, because that's what good boyfriends do (and also so I could get a hug from Carole), telling him for the thousandth time that day that I loved him. He responded in kind, and Carole told me that Dad and I were invited over for a celebratory dinner in two days. I thanked her, and collected my hug before starting back to the Navigator. As the door shut, I could hear Carole yelling. "You stole a car! Dear God, Finn, that's a felony!" 

He hadn't exactly stolen my baby, just borrowed it for a while, but getting yelled at wouldn't hurt him any. True, this time it had been the most romantic gesture possible, and had won my heart for all eternity, but slowing down and thinking about his actions would help Finn a lot in the future. Besides, I was figuring out that Carole didn't have it in her to either purposefully frighten Finn or hold a grudge for more then a little while.

Anyway, I had bigger fish to fry. Like cornering Mercedes and demanding to know what she and Puck had done on that pool table, and, more importantly, why.

_Don't be jealous just because she's getting some. If you want it, you need to tell Finn so. Besides, Puck is rawr!_

Now I was sure that Galinda and I were two separate entities, because I would never think of Puck like that, never. He might have the whole rock star vibe going on, and, yes, there was something sexy about his attitude, but I preferred my men to come without STD's, thank you.

_He has a nipple ring. _Galinda's tone was cajoling.

What about _that_ was supposed to be attractive? I made a mental note to never, never let Finn pierce anything. Or get a tattoo. Well, only if it said 'Property of Kurt Hummel' and was on his ass.

_I don't recall that ass being your property yet, Kurt. Or did I sleep right through it all?_

Now would be a good time to cease this line of thought entirely, before I found myself bested by my own mental voice.

_Too late._

I refused to dignify that with a response. Instead I dialed Mercedes, listening to the phone ring until it went to voice mail. Oh, no, that just meant that she was ignoring me, and there was no way she was escaping that easily. I didn't bother with a message, instead choosing to redial. Four tries later, she finally picked up. "What the fuck, Kurt!"

Her voice of terror had long since lost its desired effect on me, though it could make every other guy on the team curl into the terrified fetal position. I tossed my hair, even though she couldn't possibly see it and assumed my smuggest tone. "I believe the question ought to be: _who_ the fuck, Mercedes?"

The sudden silence on the other end of the line told me everything I needed to know. "Oh, Mercedes, really?"

"I…" She stuttered and stalled out, obviously trying to think of something. "I was embracing myself as a proud and liberated woman?"

"By embracing Noah Puckerman?" I was really trying not to sound judgmental, but it was so shocking that I probably failed.

"There was absolutely no embracing happening. It was more of pull-up-the-skirt-and-drop-the-pants-oh-look-there's-a-pool-table sort of affair. I feel horrible enough, Kurt, so don't make me feel any worse." 

She sounded so miserable that all of my shock and horror disappeared. "Ok, baby, I'm sorry. Why don't you come over so we can talk about it?"

"Ok." She was so subdued that I found myself aching to give her a hug. "I'll see you in a little while."

I knew that Dad would still be at the garage, but I still felt a little disappointed that he wasn't there to share in my victory. Because of everything that had happened, the phone calls and bricks to the windows and threats, I needed to call him before I left a place and as soon as I got home. "Hummel Tire and Lube, Burt Hummel speaking."

"Hi Dad, its Kurt. I'm home from the party." Was that a wrapper I heard in the background? He better not be eating Slim Jims again.

"Great. Are you going to be alright alone until I get home? Wait, you are alone aren't you?" His voice was suddenly suspicious, and I had the sinking feeling that Finn was going to be getting a long lecture very soon.

"Yes, Dad, I'm alone. Mercedes is coming over, in a few minutes, but Finn is at home. I assume it was Finn you were talking about?" Dad was nowhere near as subtle as he thought he was.

"I know that I'm sending you a bit of a mixed message, considering that I let the pair of you get a hotel room together last night, but I do not want you and Finn to be alone in either house from now on. It's not proper." He sounded like he would rather be having any other conversation.

"Really? Where you and Carole Hudson spend last night? Can I assume that you walked her to the door and gave a chaste goodnight kiss before going home to sleep?" My big mouth was going to get me in trouble one of these days, but I just couldn't help myself.

"I'm a grown man and you're a child. What's appropriate for me to do isn't appropriate for you and you know it. And don't you pull the 'it's because I'm gay, isn't it?' card, because you would be getting the same lecture if you brought home that dippy blond cheerleader."

I gave him my bitchiest snort, even though I was secretly delighted. This was the sort of fight that I thought I would never get to have with my father. When I thought about coming out to him, usually in the middle of the night when there was no danger of it actually happening, I thought about doing it once I was in college across the country. Some time when I was already out of the house and had a place of my own, in case he decided I was no longer welcome to come home. I never once imagined that I would still be living at home when I had my first boyfriend, or that Dad would be comfortable enough to give Finn the talk about respecting me. "Whatever."

"Whatever yourself. If I get home and Finn is there, regardless of whether or not he's dressed, I will chase him out with a shotgun. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." I would have kept fighting, but I had just seen Mercedes' car pull up. "Mercedes is here, so I need to go. Should I make dinner?"

"No, I have leftovers from last night. You just hang out with your friend. Oh, and Kurt? Congratulations on winning."

My throat closed. "Thanks, Dad."

"You earned it. Love you kid." I heard the chime over the door sound, at almost the same time our doorbell rang, so I knew we both needed to go. I whispered a goodbye and hung up, mentally preparing myself for anything that might come out of my best girlfriend's mouth.

Only nothing did. She just marched in and sat down on the edge of my bed, playing with the comforter. I tried to initiate conversation twice, and came up empty handed both times. She just wasn't ready to talk yet, and I had to respect that, no matter how badly I was dying to know what had happened. "Do you want me to make us some sundaes, like you did when I was the one having man troubles?" 

"Yeah, that would be great." She picked up the stuffed armadillo that was sitting by the pillow. "This is new; did Finn give it to you?"

"He pulled it out of a claw machine for me." Why exactly Finn had thought I wanted a stuffed armadillo was still a little bit of a mystery, but Giorgio and I were good friends by now. Also, I may or may not have been spritzing it with a tiny bit of Finn's horrible cologne, just so it would smell familiar.

"He's sweet when he isn't being a total moron." She stroked the plush gently, her eyes sad.

Finn was sweet even when he was being a moron, but I knew that saying so would be a huge mistake. So I tried to sound nonchalant. "He can be. I'll go get the ice cream."

I had a small amount of vanilla in the back of the fridge, but, luckily, Dad had triple fudge with only a few spoonfuls taken out of it. There was some hot fudge in the cabinet, and I put that in the microwave to warm up while I scooped the ice cream. I split the remainder between two bowls, then shot whipped cream over both of them. There it was, an artistic, beautiful, 10 million calorie, snack. Hello ass and thighs, here it comes.

_Maybe you could get Finn to help you burn it off later. _

Hmmm, maybe.

Mercedes was still sitting on the bed, this time with Giorgio in her lap. I put the tray down next to her and leaned my head against her shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She picked through the whipped cream. "Oh, God, I slept with Puck."

I wanted to be comforting, but I wasn't really sure what the appropriate thing to say was. 'How could you?' worked, but probably wasn't comforting. 'You should probably get tested right away' was even less so, though I made a mental note to give her the advice at some point. So I just snuggled closer. "I kind of thought so. On a pool table?"

_Don't knock it until you've tried it._

She sniffled. "It seemed like such a good idea when he first brought it up."

I wondered how many other girls could be telling the same exact story. Quinn, like no other. Brit, for sure. Possibly even Santana, though I was willing to bet that she could give as good as she got. Even Finn was frequently talked into things that weren't a good idea, just because Puck had said so. "Ok." My voice was comforting, but still asking for more.

"Can we just not do this for a minute?" Mercedes took a bite of her sundae. "Can we just be you and me, sitting together, like we used to?"

"We still do that." We were doing it right now, weren't we?

"No, we don't. This is the first time you and I have hung out together since it was you and Finn having your big dramatic fight after what happened in your basement. It was sundaes then, too." Now she sounded close to tears. "I miss us."

She was right. As much as I loved Mercedes, the only time the two of us had been seeing each other recently was at school and that one double date. It was never the two of us as friends any more.

As if she had been reading my mind, Mercedes kept going. "It's always Finn, Finn, Finn now! I know that boy has more drama then a teen movie, but it's like you've forgotten that I was here first."

I never thought that I would see the day when Mercedes was jealous of Finn Hudson. "I'm sorry. You're still my best girlfriend." I nudged her with my shoulder. "My special girlfriend, the only one I'll ever have. Plus, my very first friend, ever."

Now she was smiling. "I know, and I'm just being an insecure drama queen. God, I've become Rachel Berry. Kurt, please, kill me now."

It was so much nicer when she was smiling and joking. "So, tell me what happened."

"You just want to give you the low down on what Puck looks like naked." She tried to sneak a spoonful of my hot fudge, and I slapped her spoon with my own.

"Nice try. And I don't need to know what Puck looks like naked. I showered with him after football, so I've seen everything. It's not that impressive." Not as impressive as Finn's, but I didn't think he would appreciate my describing his, shall we call them 'attributes', to someone else. As far as I knew, I was the only one who had actually seen him naked.

"Have you seen the full show?" I must have looked a little confused, because she leaned forward and whispered. "What I mean is, have you seen the Puckadactyl take flight?"

"Mercedes!" Now I couldn't keep the horror out of my voice. "No, I haven't!" Of course not, I had been too busy secretly hoping the see Finn hard to even bother peeking at Puck or anyone else.

"You are such a prude. I swear, Kurt, I don't have even the slightest idea who Finn's gotten as far as he has with you."

Because he was Finn, and if he had told me to drop my pants and get on all fours, I would have done it with a smile on my face. "He's not complaining."

"Mostly because you've given him 10 times what any of his girlfriends have, stuffy as you are."

My prudishness was a bit of a sore point, so I forced the conversation back to what I really wanted to know. "So…Puck." I already had a pretty good idea of what had happened, considering that Puck's MO involved taking advantage of emotionally distraught women, but I wanted to hear it from her own lips.

She sighed. "I broke up with Sean. I mean, full on diva fit, hated him, hoped he died, if he was that concerned with fucking our group over, he could forget fucking me, I hoped leprosy was in his future, etcetera, etcetera. You would have been impressed."

"I'm sorry, 'Cedes" I had no idea what losing your first boyfriend for good felt like, but if it was anything like what I had felt two days ago, thinking Finn was breaking up with me, I was amazed she was still standing.

"Yeah, well, I may have overreacted a bit. He really acted like he had no idea what I was talking about, so maybe the coach didn't tell them why they were changing their set lists. I mean, if Mr. Shue had told any of us that we were going to win because we cheated, would we go for it? Not that he would, but you get it."

He had cheated Finn without a second thought, so I wouldn't personally put it past him. That would be the wrong thing to say, though, so I just nodded. "It's entirely possible. Their director did seem like kind of a prick."

"So maybe I shouldn't have told him the only way I would ever touch him again was if I came down with something contagious?"

I could picture the entire scene with perfect clarity. "Might not have been the best idea."

She huffed, and, this time, when she tried to go for the last of my ice cream, I let her have it. "I need to apologize, don't I?" 

This was one of those situations where I needed to tread very, very carefully. "Well, I guess that depends on whether you want a relationship or not. If you do, then hearing his side of the story couldn't hurt."

_Hypocrite. Didn't you just tell Finn this morning that he never had to talk to Mr. Shuester again? What happened to hearing both sides of the story?_

The difference was the Mr. Shue was clearly in the wrong, while we didn't know who had been in the wrong with Mercedes and Sean. Probably both of them. Plus, Mr. Shuester was manipulative, and Finn was easily led, so it could only end poorly for my boyfriend.

_Get off your high horse. You would never forgive the man in a million years, but you aren't Finn. He has a forgiving nature, and holding grudges gives him heartburn. Don't force him to talk to the man, but don't prevent him from doing it either. Be gentle and supportive, no matter what he chooses. Oh, and stop thinking about Finn while you're supposed to be comforting Mercedes. _

"I guess so." She sounded miserable, and I gave her another hug. "Do I have to mention Puck?"

"Mercedes, by the time I'm through with Puck, there isn't going to be enough left of him to mention. He has mistreated the girls of McKinley High one time to often. I don't care if he did save Finn's life, Noah Puckerman must die."

She sniffled a little, but she was shaking her head. "No."

"No?" But I was already planning a dozen different ways to kill him and dispose of the body, including, but not limited to, strangling him with one of my silk scarves, spraying him with hairspray and lighting him on fire, and setting a pack of vicious and rabid weasels on him. "But…"

"Look, Puck's a jerk, there's no getting around that. But think about it, Kurt. No one knew that I was dating Sean except for you and Finn. There would be no reason for Finn to say something, and I know that you didn't. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Yes, I did. "If Puck didn't know that you were dating Sean, then there was no reason for him to think that you were upset tonight. So I see it as him taking advantage of a vulnerable girl, he sees it as celebrating with a team mate. And we _both_ know that there's only one way that Puck likes to celebrate anything."

"Exactly. I mean….he was actually kind of sweet about it, believe it or not. Like it wasn't just about him getting his rocks off. He wanted me to enjoy things, too."

"Did you?" The female orgasm was a nebulous concept to me (and, if the girls were to be believed, to most of the rest of the boys at school), and I wasn't even sure if it was appropriate for me to be asking, but that was the best friends job, right?

"Let's just say that I think this is one of those times when experience counts. Yes, I enjoyed it very much. It would have been nice if it had been with someone I actually cared about, but I can't fault him for that. I could have always said no."

"Would he have listened?" Ok, I knew that he would have.

"Being a horndog doesn't make him a rapist. I made a bad decision, and I'm sure I'm going to be nothing more then a notch on his bedpost, but I was the one who said yes. What is it about him that turns otherwise rational and strong girls into blithering idiots?" One arm came across her face. "I'm one of Puck's many slutty conquests."

I groped for something positive to say. "At least your first time didn't suck"

_Very comforting, Kurt. Very comforting._

She peeked out from between her fingers. "Did yours?" 

"I'll let you know if it ever happens." At the rate Finn and I were going, I was probably going to die a virgin. "I'm pretty sure I'm the only virgin left in the Glee club, though."

"Of course you aren't. At the very least, Finn is, too. And you know Rachel Berry isn't going to put out for anyone until she wins her first Tony. It would be like cutting Sampson's hair." 

"Who?" As hard as I tried, the only Sampson that cam to mind was the neighbor's enormous dog.

"Sampson and Delilah? From the Bible?" At my continued blank look, she heaved a heavy sigh. "Sampson was blessed by God with enormous strength, so long as he never cut his hair. So he was very strong and powerful and famous, until he met Delilah, who drugged him and cut his hair off while he was sleeping. That's Rachel. She would never risk losing what makes her special for earthly pleasures."

I was incredibly disturbed by the fact that I could actually follow her logic. "Plus she hasn't had a boyfriend since she broke up with Finn for the fifth or sixth time."

Mercedes smiled, and it was nice to see that she was getting her equilibrium back. "I wasn't dating Puck, either. Things happen."

If there was a man on this planet willing to take Rachel on sexually, he was a far better man then I was. Not only could I picture her barking instructions throughout the entire thing, just like she did at practice, but I was pretty sure that, unless he could sing Broadway perfectly on pitch during the actual sex act, he was going to end up booted out of her bed. Probably covered in gold stars and nothing else. "Brave guy, to even try with her."

"I know. If that girl bit his head off and ate it afterwards, like a praying mantis, I can't say I would be surprised. Grossed out, but not surprised."

It was eerily easy to visualize Rachel with folded up mantis legs, a huge toothy mouth, and an atrocious animal print sweater. Maybe one with a ladybug on it. I voiced that thought to Mercedes, who gave me a horrified look, then started laughing hysterically. Her laughter always got me laughing, too, and we spend the next few minutes giggling and making praying mantis gestures. She was right; I had missed this time with her.

She must have been feeling the same way, because she squeezed my shoulders. "You and I need to have a date night every week, just the two of us. No horny football players allowed."

"I think once a week is more often then I have a date with my actual boyfriend." I saw Finn almost daily, between school and me helping him with his homework, and us being drug along on our parent's dates, but actual dates? Not that often. We just had too much else going on.

"Well, he'll just have to move on over. I was here first, you know."

"Of course you were." Except Finn put out for me and she didn't, which tended to tip the scales in his favor. But I had heard enough bitching from the other girls about when their friends suddenly got a boyfriend and only had time for him and ended up ditching their best girlfriends. "You and I, at least one date a week with no boyfriends allowed."

"Deal. This counts as date one. Next time, though, we go somewhere."

Her comment reminded me that Finn and I still hadn't gone bowling, nor had Dad and I. Look at that, I was actually getting a social life for the first time ever. "Anywhere but the bowling alley."

"Agreed." Her arm suddenly went heavy across my chest, pinning me down. "So, give me all the details about you and Finn. Leave nothing out."

There was no way I was telling her the details about blow jobs and whipped cream and I certainly wasn't about to tell her that sex still looked like it was a long way out. But there was something that I could tell her, something that was almost as important as either one of those things. "He told me that he loves me." 

She knew how badly I had been wanting to hear those words. "He did? When? And how did you not call me the minute it came out of his mouth?"

"Thursday. After it all blew up and I went over to his place to talk to him. I was going to tell him how much I loved him, even if he didn't come back to Glee and even if he didn't love me back. But he said it first." That moment, the moment when Finn looked me in the eyes and told me how much I meant to him was going to be etched into my brain forever.

She gave a lovesick sigh. "Was it romantic?" 

Not exactly. Romantic would have involved flowers and a decent outfit and possibly some jewelry. On second thought, nix the jewelry, I didn't trust Finn to come up with something not huge and covered in rhinestones. "Well, kind of."

"Kind of? He told you that he loves you and it was only kind of romantic? Kurt, do you think your standards might be a wee bit high? This is Finn Hudson, not the movies. He's not going to propose to you on top of the Empire State Building."

"Well, not if we never get to Nationals." But wouldn't it be romantic if he did? My mind was swept away by thoughts of Finn on one knee, black velvet box in one hand, a tasteful (and expensive) ring inside.

That was when I remembered the look in Finn's eyes as I was cuddled up against him on the bed. The softness that only came out when he looked at me, which was almost as good as a proposal. Even if I was going to have to burn that old, holey, t-shirt he insisted on not only clinging to, but still wearing. Still, that and sweats looked better and better the more I remembered it. "He loves me." I said the words experimentally, just trying them out.

Mercedes laughed, probably more at the question in my voice then anything else. 'Yes, baby, he loves you. Did you tell him that you loved him back?"

"No, after waiting for almost two years to hear the words come out of his mouth, I missed my chance. Of course I told him that I loved him back. I kind of wish I had been able to say it first, but, oh well."

"Well, I think it's sweet that he waited this long to tell you. This way, you know that he's sure, that he's not just saying it to get in your pants. Or maybe it took him that long to figure it out. He's not the brightest you know."

I remember the first night in the basement, just a few months ago. I certainly hadn't held back then. "He was in my pants way before he loved me, I'm sure. But I agree about him not just talking out the side of his mouth."

She laughed. "And who let Finn in their pants before he loved them? You could have always said 'no'."

"Yeah, I know. But it worked out, and he loves me now, so it's ok. Maybe it'll work out for you and Puck, too."

Her face crumpled in horror. "With Puck? I don't want it to work out with Puck! He's an egomaniacal jerk who gets girls pregnant and lies about it. He slushies people, and do I even need to remind you how many times he gave you the opportunity to inspect the inside of our finest dumpsters? He used me, but that's ok, since I guess I kind of used him, too. I slept with him, it's over, I never want to talk about it again. I'm sure he's not going to tell anyone that he slept with a fat chick anyway, so it should be easy. Now tell me more about you and Finn."

If she had heard how many times Puck had bragged about sleeping with women three or more times his age, she probably wouldn't have been so confident that he wouldn't tell. I reminded myself to have Finn call Puck and let him know that Mercedes was under no circumstances to become locker room gossip. "There isn't much more to tell. He loves me, I got the chance to spend the night with him, things are perfect right now."

_Way to curse yourself. Again._

"So, do you think you'll ever get laid?" She just wasn't going to let it go, now was she?

"Of course I will. When it's right for Finn and I, it'll happen. No point in forcing it." There was also no point in telling her that Finn wasn't the only one who was a little nervous about the entire thing. I knew that he was going to want to top and, well…have you seen the size of that thing? I know that there's a certain amount of stretch, but I couldn't help but be afraid that it was going to hurt like hell.

"Oh, baby, you're making that face again. Tell me what's wrong."

I knew that she was just concerned, but there were some things that I just couldn't bring myself to say to Mercedes, or any girl, no matter how much I loved them. It was just…no. "I am not discussing sex with you." My voice booked no argument.

"Oh, come on. I won't tell anyone, and maybe we can figure something out together." She wasn't laughing now, and the sincerity in her eyes made me feel a little bit better.

My resolve weakened. I mean, girls worried about sex hurting the first time, too, didn't they? "You can't tell anyone. Not Tina, not anyone in your family, not anybody."

"I swear I'll keep your secret." One pinky rose, and I wrapped mine around it, squeezing tightly.

I could feel myself flushing, my skin heating up, but I made myself speak. My voice came out tiny and scared sounding. "I'm afraid that it's going to hurt. Did it hurt when you were with Puck?"

For a minute, I didn't think that she was going to answer. She picked at the blanket and shrugged instead. "'Cedes, you're asking me about my sex life, but you don't want me to ask about yours?"

She sighed. "Ok, white boy, I get it. To answer your question, yes, it hurt a little. I think it always hurts the first time, just like anything else. You're making your body do things that it isn't used to doing. But he should be willing to go slowly. I mean, even Puck was, and _he's_ an asshole. I'm sure that Finn wants to make things as good as possible for you." The she grinned and gave me a poke. "So, you're the bottom?"

"I don't know. We didn't actually talk about the specifics; we just talked about in general. But let's be realistic, can you imagine Finn wanting to be on bottom?" If my face got any redder, I was probably going to catch fire.

"Actually…" Mercedes leaned against me, her eyebrows raised and her lips pursed as she thought. "Yeah, I could imagine it. Actually, I could imagine him on the bottom a lot easier then I could imagine you."

My head snapped up. "What!" Damn, I was really going to have to work on not doing that shrieking thing when I got upset.

"Well, you have to admit, Finn does tend to let other people boss him around. I just think that that could apply to the bedroom, too. Has he specifically said he doesn't want to be on bottom?"

Her matter of fact tone made things slightly less embarrassing. Slightly. "No. I guess I just sort of assumed that being on bottom would make it way to gay for him."

"Ok, I'm only going to repeat myself once here: did Finn actually say any of this, or are you just projecting your own insecurities? Because I'm pretty sure that everything else he's done with you counts as gay."

Yeah, that made sense to her, and every other girl on the planet, and anyone with a sense of logic, but there was a difference between rational people and teenage boys. "You would be amazed at the number of boys who think that as long as you aren't the one on bottom, or the one with the dick in your mouth, you can do anything else and not have it be gay."

Mercedes startled for a second, then burst into laughter. "Please tell me that the boys at our school are not _that_ stupid."

"Unfortunately, they are. You wouldn't believe the lengths the average male will go to to prove that he does not, under any circumstances; have the slightest inclination towards his own gender."

"Only we aren't talking about the average male here, we're talking about Finn. From what I understand, he's above average in quite a few departments."

_Like his penis size._

Yes, Galinda, we all got that, thanks. "I refuse to discuss the size of my boyfriend's penis with you, no matter how much I love you. As far as the other goes, I guess it's one of the things that he and I still need to talk about."

Her hand ruffled my hair, and, if it had been anyone else, I would have killed them. Well, anyone else but Finn. "See? This is why you need your best girlfriend around. Without me, you would die a virgin."

There was only one right answer to that, so I gave it to her. "I will never not need you, Mercedes, no matter what. Finn won't get in between us, I promise. No man will."

She kissed me on the temple. "You remember those words the first time we go for the same man."

"Touch Finn and I'll set your hair on fire." There was no mistaking the threat in my voice.

"Honey, Finn Hudson is all yours. Not that I don't love his dumb, clumsy, ass to death, but he's not exactly my type."

That reminded me, there was something else that I needed to bring up to her. "Speaking of Finn, there's something else we need to talk about." I waited until I was sure I had her full attention, and soldiered on. "You have to stop calling him dumb. I know you guys think that he doesn't notice, and that he doesn't care when he does notice, but he does."

"Did he tell you that?" She sounded guilty. "Because he has to know that we don't mean it in a mean way."

_She _should _feel guilty. It's not any more right for her to hurt his feelings and call him dumb then it is for her call you 'fag' or her by some racist slur. _

"He didn't tell me that it bothers him, and do you know why? It doesn't bother him, because he's totally convinced that it's true. He really thinks he's that stupid, and I can't convince him that he's wrong." The words came out harsher then I intended them to, but the memory of the acceptance in Finn's face when he told me he knew he was stupid was haunting. "He's not stupid, Mercedes, I know he isn't."

The sad part was, I really didn't think that Finn was stupid. I did think that he didn't pay attention as well as he could, but sometimes he could come up with an idea or answer that surprised even me. He wasn't a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but he learned just fine when someone taught him the correct way.

She shook her head. "I didn't realize that he even really noticed. I'll apologize next time I see him, ok?"

"No, just let it go. If you say something, he'll know that it's because I talked to you, and he'll be crabby that I squealed. Just watch yourself in the future. Finn's having enough problems right now without having the entire Glee club turn on him."

"No more calling the Frankenteen stupid, got it. Wait, I can still call him the Frankenteen, right?"

I knew that I would be able to trust her to keep that promise. "Yeah, you can still call him the Frankenteen. I really think he likes that nickname." I had no idea why, as I found it insulting on so many levels, but Finn was a bit of an odd little duck.

She pressed her head against my shoulder. "I love you, Kurt."

"I love you, too."


	42. Chapter 42

A/N: I've got some bad news, guys. This is the end of my stockpiled chapters, so you're going to be looking at an update for this story every other week from now on. But this chapter is cute, so does that make up for it?

Finn POV

Right now, my life either sucks or it rules, and I can't figure out which. I even tried making a chart, like Kurt had taught me, with the Pros (that means the good parts) and the Cons (those are the bad things) right next to each other, so I could see how many of each there were. But some of the stuff is super super good, and some of the stuff is just a little bit good, so how can the count for the same amount of cool? Kurt's super smart, though, so he must know what he's talking about.

Here's what I've go so far in the Pro column: 

Kurt- really, do I need to explain this one?

Kurt- I know, he's number one, too, but he's so awesome that he deserves to be in more then one place

We won Sectionals- I love it when my off the cuff plans work out

I'm not going to be a dad after all. This one's kind of bad, too, though

I finally got a blow job. _Finally_

I got to drive Kurt's awesome car

Kurt told me he loves me. Actually, maybe that should be number 1

I'm probably going to get to go all the way pretty soon. Sweet.

Kurt – yes again. Deal with it.

Mom's dating Burt Hummel, which makes her really happy

Here's the Con column

Mr. Shue lied about the pot in my locker. I don't even want to write that, it's so incredibly sucky.

Mom lied about Dad committing suicide, which was wrong, even though she did it for good reasons

I think Kurt's Dad is going to shoot me for defiling his son

I'm not going to be a dad after all. I'll miss Drizzle, even if she was never mine

_Puck_ is going to be a dad instead. To _my_ baby. Not cool, Dude, not cool

I'm still failing math. And English.

I'm afraid that Kurt's going to realize that I'm a Lima loser and he can do way better

Ms. Pillsbury is going to test me tomorrow. Either I have a real learning problem or I'm just an idiot. I'm not sure what to hope for.

I'm probably going to go all the way soon. Scary, especially if Kurt wants to shove something up my ass. Or is that cool? I don't know, that's why its in the good column and the bad column

Mom's dating Burt Hummel, which means Kurt might be my brother one day. Is that even legal? It's not like we'd be real brothers anyway.

Like I said, it's pretty confusing. There are ten things in the good column, and ten things in the bad column, so does that mean that my life is sucky, or great, or right in the middle. Some of the stuff in the bad column is super, super bad, like Mr. Shue and Mom lying, but some of the stuff in the good column is really great, like Kurt. And blowjobs, let's not forget the blow jobs. Now I had wasted almost an hour, and things weren't any clearer then they had been before. I hoped that Mercedes would go home soon, so Kurt could call me and tell me what I should do.

Then I felt like a douchebag for thinking that. It's not cool to try and keep him from having friends and stuff. That would make me like one of those men in the Lifetime channel movies, and then I would end up in jail for being a stalker creep.

"Finn?" It was Mom and I shoved the list under my pillow like it was a porno mag. There was no way I wanted her to find out that I had gotten a blow job. Gross.

I rolled over and did my best to look innocent. I wasn't fooling her, because I never fooled her, but she let it go. "Are you still pissed about me taking Kurt's car?"

"A little, but I remember what it's like to be 16 and in love. I'm sure I did much worse things, and it wasn't exactly like you stole a stranger's car. Just don't do it again."

"Cool." It really was. I couldn't stand feeling like I had disappointed her. "So, what's up?"

"I wanted to talk what's going to happen tomorrow, so you don't have to be nervous." She sat down next to me, and I leaned close. She kissed the top of my head. I liked it when she held me close like this; even though I would rather die then say it where anyone else could hear me. Admitting you still like cuddles from Mommy was pretty much a guarantee of having your man card revoked permanently. 

"Like with the tests to see if I'm stupid or not?" I was pretty sure that that was what she meant, but I had to be sure.

"Finn! Don't say that. You aren't stupid and we both know it. These tests are just to determine if you have a problem that keeps you from learning as easily as some people. Just think if it like going to the doctor for a check-up.

If it was just like a check-up, how come I had never had to go before? How come everyone said that I was stupid, or shy, or that I had been hit in the head too many times playing football? If I had a health problem, how come no one had cared before?

"Ok, I'm not stupid. Got it." I was blowing her off, but I was kind of pissed with her, too.

"Now, all you need to do is be perfectly honest with your guidance counselor, ok? She won't tell anyone what you tell her, because of confidentiality agreements. Do the tests and answer her questions as best you can."

I could do that. I always tried as best as I could (well, almost. I guess I did kind of slack off in math), but I just sucked at everything. "Are you coming to get me after?"

"I could. You don't want to stay for your Glee club meeting?"

This was her sneaky way of trying to see if I was going back to Glee or not. "No, I want you to pick me up. Can we go out to dinner afterwards?" That was what we always did if I had to go to the doctor or something. A guidance counselor was kind of like a doctor, right?

"Of course." I knew that she was disappointed, but she hid it pretty well. Even though I had already told Kurt that I was going back to Glee, I just didn't feel like hearing her get all excited about it so soon. My feelings were still kind of hurt. Ok, they were still a lot hurt.

So I distracted her instead. "Can I get an appetizer _and_ a dessert?" I only ever got one or the other, and usually I didn't get either.

"If you can eat it all. Now start getting ready for bed. You need a good nights sleep so you do your best tomorrow."

I didn't want to ask the next thing, but I had to. "Mom? You're still going to love me if it turns out I really am stupid, right?" I hated how wimpy my voice was.

"Finn, you aren't…" Then she got what I was really asking and cut trailed off. "I will love you no matter what. Gay, straight, stupid, smart, even if you steal a car, ok? You are my baby, my only baby, and I will love you forever."

"Good." I ducked my head so that she couldn't tell that I was about to cry. "But isn't Kurt kind of like your baby, too?"

She smiled. "I guess he is. But, Finn, I'm not going to marry Burt Hummel, ok? I've only been dating him a few weeks, and I'm not going to rush into any sort of permanent relationship."

I really hadn't been thinking about that. "No, I meant, you know, not that he and I are together, you're his Mom, too. Isn't that what you call the mother-in-law?" Maybe I was confused. It sure happened often enough.

"Finn, I know that things are new and exciting with Kurt right now, but I don't want you to rush into anything either. It wasn't that long ago that you were this excited about Quinn."

I had never been as excited about Quinn as I was about Kurt, not even when I thought she was going to give me boob. Quinn was cool, and popular, and made me work for stuff, but Kurt was better then that. He was cool, and, maybe not popular, but he made me _want_ to work for stuff instead of just telling me that I _should_ want to. He was the most important thing in the world to me.

But I didn't say that to Mom. Once mothers get like she was getting, they aren't really thinking about you and your problems, they're living back in their own childhoods, which were like a million years ago, and that means they aren't really listening when you try and explain things. So I went in a different direction. "But, Kurt really, really needs someone to be his Mom. Like, bad."

"Honey, Kurt wants his own mother back. He's not looking for a replacement."

Well, duh. Of course Kurt wanted his own mother back, just like I would rather have my own Dad then Burt Hummel, even if my own Dad was kind of messed up. But that was stupid thinking, because it wasn't possible. "I know, but he can't have his own Mom back. He needs someone to love him and you're a good enough Mom to have two kids instead of one. But you'll still love me the best, right? Even if you're Kurt's Mom sometimes? Even if it's just a little tiny bit?"

Now she had tears in her eyes, and I wasn't sure if they were good tears or bad tears. Maybe both. She rubbed my shoulder. "You are the sweetest boy who ever lived. But, yes, I will always love you the best. Because I might be able to be Kurt's Mom sometimes, but I'll always be your Mom."

"Ok. I'm going to bed now, and I love you." I had to escape now, before we both started crying like a pair of girls in those terrible chick flicks that Kurt was always trying to make me watch. Ok, some of them kind of rock, but I was never going to tell him that. A guy has his pride, you know.

Still, Mom telling me that she would always love me, made me feel a little better. I mean, there were plenty of dumb people in the world, and they did alright as long as they had someone to help them, right? Plus, I wasn't as dumb as, like, Karofsky. Anyone who doesn't realize how cool Kurt is is way, way dumber then me.

So, even if I was stupid, it would be alright, because Mom would still love me and take care of me. Now if I could just be sure that Kurt would feel the same way.

The next morning came way, way too soon. I kept dreaming that Ms. Pillsbury told me that I was really stupid, and that I just had a low IQ and then Kurt broke up with me because he could totally get with a smart guy and even though I loved him he didn't care and then there were these horrible singing Tyrannosaurus Rexes and they ate Rachel. Maybe it would be a good idea if I stopped eating chili right before bed.

Since I woke up so many times during the night, I ended up sleeping through my alarm and Mom had to come shake me. Then it was too late for me to have a real breakfast, and she shoved a pop tart and a big brown envelope in my hand and told me that Kurt would be here any second.

I hate being rushed, but knowing that Kurt would be there soon is always a good thing. So I kissed her goodbye and went outside to sit, wolfing the Pop tart down as quickly as I could. If Kurt sees it, he'll start nagging, because he's all mature and eats stuff that looks like twigs and berries for breakfast.

Lucky I did it fast, too, because he pulled up right as I was finishing. I shoved the silver wrapper in my jacket pocket and swallowed the giant wad of pastry in my mouth. "Bye, Mom!" 

"Bye, Honey! Call me when you're ready to be picked up!" I yelled back that I would and jumped in the car.

Kurt flipped up his sunglasses (really? It was still dark out.) and leaned over to kiss me in a way that should probably be against the law. I kissed back just as hard, running my hand up his leg.

He slapped it away. "Finn Hudson, I'm driving."

"Kurt Hummel, I'm riding." It was what I always said, every morning. Yeah, it was stupid, but that was ok.

Kurt grinned, which was what he always did, every morning, and pointed at the envelope in my hand. "What's that?"

"Stuff Mom had to fill out for Ms. Pillsbury. It's a permission slip for her to test me and a questionary that she's supposed to fill out and stuff."

"A questionary….oh, do you mean a questionnaire?" Kurt had one eyebrow up, which meant he was pretty sure that he was right.

I immediately felt stupid. "Yeah, a questionnaire, that's it." I'll bet even a little kid like Puck's sister knew what a questionnaire was. "She wouldn't let me see it thought, because she said that it would mess up the tests I was supposed to get." Maybe Kurt would know a really cool way to get it open without any one being able to tell.

"She's right. You knowing her perceptions of you and your issues are going to color your responses to anything Ms. Pillsbury asks. It's very important that you cooperate fully with Ms. Pillsbury, so we can determine exactly what you need. So do not ask me to get it open for you, because I won't."

Damn. I leaned forward, bracing my hand on his thigh and using my eyes to ask for another kiss. He obliged me immediately, because Kurt loves kisses. Maybe I wasn't so stupid after all. I mean, oblige is a pretty hard word.

_You only know what it means because Kurt told you._

So, what? Everyone learns everything from someone else. I didn't matter how I had learned what obliged meant, it mattered that I had remembered it and knew how to use it later. Right?

When Kurt leaned towards me, it made my hand slide up on his leg. Hmm….I could probably use this to my advantage. He's absolutely nuts about us not doing anything in his car. So nuts that he used a lot of Rachel words, like 'obscene' and 'abomination' and I mostly ended up tuning him out. But he tends to give in when my hand is actually on my dick, and all I had to do was slide just a little bit closer and-

Sharp pain flared up and down my hand. "Ow! Did you just slap me?"

"I have told you multiple times that we are not screwing around in my baby. Since you can't seem to remember my words, a little pain might help." He took my inured hand and gave it a quick kiss. "There you go, all fixed."

I'm pretty sure that you can fix almost everything with a kiss. "Will you still like me if the tests say I'm stupid?"

"They won't. If you were stupid, you wouldn't have been able to pull the glee club back from the brink of disaster. You wouldn't have finally figured out that I was hot for you, and we wouldn't be dating."

See, that was kind of what I was afraid of. I knew that I wasn't, like, _super_ smart or anything, but if I was stupid, then Kurt wouldn't want to date me. I was going to lose him if I didn't do good on the test.

Suddenly trying to feel Kurt up didn't seem like so much fun any more. I sat back in the seat and tried not to cry. Because Kurt is Kurt, he noticed that something was wrong right away. "What's the matter, Cowboy?"

I didn't want to tell him and risk losing him right now, instead of when the results came back so I just shrugged. "Nothing."

He pulled the car over into the nearest parking lot. "Your face isn't saying nothing. You're making that forehead wrinkle that means it's something. If it really is nothing, and don't you dare try to lie to me Finn Hudson, then you need to stop before you get wrinkles. You are too young to start Botox."

Wasn't Botox for old ladies and, like, movie stars? "I…." If I tried to lie, Kurt would know, so I decided to just come out with it. "I don't want you to break up with me, but I know you will if I'm stupid and the tests might say that I am so I just…I don't want you to break up with me."

"Oh, Finn." He killed the engine and unbuckled his seatbelt, climbing over the center console and into my lap. "No, that isn't going to happen. I love you, and I know you aren't stupid, no matter what the tests say. There are a million ways to be smart, and an IQ test only measures one of them. You will always be brilliant to me."

"Really?" I hated being so whiny, but I couldn't stand not having him anymore.

"Absolutely. You are mine, and you won't get rid of me so easily." He moved back into the driver's seat. "Now, we're going back to my place."

Wait, what? "Why?"

"Because Dad already left for the garage, and I think you need a reminder of exactly how much I love you."

No fucking way. Two minutes ago I thought I wasn't going to have a boyfriend by the end of the day, and now he was offering to skip school so we could fool around? The fact that it was Kurt, who usually followed all the rules to the letter, made it so much hotter. He saw my face and started giggling. "You look like a stunned guppy."

"I….I…really?" I wasn't helping my case for not being stupid right now, but, in my defense; it's not easy for a guy to think when his dick is hard. It's just not possible.

Kurt, damn him, knew it. "Yes, Finn, you really look like a guppy." His voice was exaggeratedly playful. "Isn't that what you meant?"

I might have jumped across the seat and strangled him, but the car was moving again and, plus, if I killed him, it was going to go back to being me and my hand at night, and that was just sad. Instead, I reached over and ran my hand quickly up this thigh to palm his cock. His pants were so tight that I could feel everything, even without actually touching his bare skin, and that made him shiver appreciatively. "Finn."

"Hmmm?" I kept rubbing, and now he was starting to get hard, too.

"Unless you want me to crash this car, you need to stop what you're doing this very instant."

I didn't want that, but it was always kind of cool to see Kurt fall apart under my hands. He was always so in control, and I was always so out of it, that it felt strange to have our roles reversed.

His hips jerked against my hand as he tried to push me away while driving. "Finn!"

"Fine, fine." I wanted to keep going, but I didn't want to die in a fiery crash. Plus, I had been threatened with death if I ever made him come in his dry clean only pants again. Turns out, _all_ of Kurt's pants are dry clean only. I had suggested some normal clothes that could just be thrown in the washer, but that just led to a long lecture on quality clothes and fashion in Paris (guess what dude, we're in _Lima. _That's like a million miles away from Paris.) and then I had gotten distracted by how pretty his lips were when he was all excited about something and I had ended up blowing him on my couch.

Ahh, memories. Though that thought wasn't doing very much to get rid of my hard on.

I was trying not to get too excited, just in case Burt Hummel had decided to stay home and I ended up getting cockblocked again. I'm pretty sure that you can't die from blue balls, despite what Puck keeps telling me, but it sure felt like you could.

Luckily, there were no cars in the driveway when we pulled up. I bounded out of the car before it quit moving, leaping around the front to open Kurt's door for him. He was laughing. "Finn Hudson, one of these days I'm going to run you over and then how- Finn!" He screeched with surprise as I unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled him up into my arms. "Put me down! My neighbors are going to see." 

Like hell. Now that Kurt had agreed to this, I wasn't going to give him a chance to change his mind. Plus, I love being able to pick him up. Quinn would never let me because it was sinful (I'm not sure where in the bible it says that, but I'm starting to think that she thought everything I liked doing was sinful), and, anyway, I would probably drop her. Rach didn't like me to do it because she was a strong woman and not an object that I could just throw around whenever I felt like it and all I was doing was perpetuating the myth that women were too weak to stand on their own two feet and honestly, I kind of tuned her out after that.

But Kurt's different; he likes being held like that. He says it makes him feel safe, which I'm pretty sure is the same as him saying that I'm a total stud. Even while he was yelling, he wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed me tightly. "They'll see if you don't stop yelling to draw their attention."

I'm not sure if that was what shut him up, or if he just got distracted by licking my neck and collarbone. Either one worked for me, and I certainly wasn't about to complain. Even if he was making it really hard for me to concentrate.

Kurt still had his car keys in his hand, so I dipped him a little to allow him to let us into the house. He released my neck, totally trusting that I wouldn't drop him on his head. It was nicer to have someone who trusted me like that.

It was also nice to have Kurt trying to worm his hand into my jeans. No, that was way, way, better then nice. "Fuck, Kurt." I kicked the door closed behind us and dropped him on the couch.

Before he could get his bearings, I stripped his shirt off and started licking his skin. I think that it might be that oral fixation thing that Kurt was talking about, but I can't help myself. Every time I see his stomach, or his neck, or his chest, I can't stop myself from wanting to kiss him.

Not that he was complaining. Instead he was doing that high pitched whimpering thing that he always did when his brain started to short out and his body took over. He had on really low cut jeans (but not, like, normal jeans. No, these had more holes then fabric, but they cost 10 times as much as anything I had.), and I startled him by biting down on his exposed hipbone. "Shit!" He was gulping now, and I wondered if he was about to have some sort of asthma attack or something.

I didn't want that, because I loved him and because I was pretty sure that his dick was going to tear a hole in his pants if it didn't get some attention soon, so I backed off and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling down the zip.

Of course, Kurt has to wear pants that are so tight it makes my balls cringe every time I see them (even though my dick really appreciates the view), so it wasn't exactly easy for me to get them off of his body. Finally I just growled and ripped both the jeans and his boxer shorts down, giving me access to what I wanted.

Kurt was laughing a little, but there was something manic about it. Not manic in like a serial killer way, but in a 'things have gone too far and now I'm just going to throw myself into them, because I have no choice sort of way'. His eyes are all black and glittery, and his voice was really deep when he was able to catch his breath. "Lose the pants."

See, you would think that I'm the boss of things here, because Kurt's so freaking tiny, but when he tells me to do something, I do it. I don't know if I would ever be able to tell him, but it's kind of hot when he's the boss of me. Like the other night when he was holding down my hands in the hotel room so I couldn't move? Yeah, that was great. I wonder if that makes me some sort of freak.

I stripped off both my pants and shirt, moaning in relief at the sensation. I wasn't sure what I wanted first, to touch him or to have him touch me. Then he gave me a pleading look and I was lost. "Do you want me to suck you?"

He was so wrecked that he couldn't even tell me yes. It was ok, though, because I think that I'm starting to get a Vulcan mind meld with him. I'm good at knowing what he actually wants and needs, even if can't tell me.

I'm also getting better at blowing him. See, it's better to draw things out a little, rather then just getting straight to business. So instead of just putting his dick in my mouth, I climbed back up his body and kissed his lips, giving him something to do other then moan. Then I moved down his jaw and neck, kissing and licking the burning hot skin. I nibbled lightly, but I was very careful not to put a mark on him. One bitching out was enough.

_I'll bet he wouldn't care as much if you put the hickey somewhere that no one could see. _

Sometimes Quinn voice had most excellent ideas. I trailed down his collarbone and across his chest, kissing the freckles that he kept swearing he hated, but I secretly loved. I licked, then gently bit his nipples, and now he was begging me to do something, which was pretty cool.

I trailed my nose across his ribs, giving occasional kisses across his stomach, which made him twitch and giggle. That might be the best sound in the entire world, even better then the beep of the microwave going off. Then I bit his hip again, right over the pale pink mark left over from before. He whined helplessly, his hips thrusting and I finally took pity on him and wrapped my lips around his cock.

This might be the shortest blow job in history, since Kurt was already jerking his hips up into my mouth so hard that I had to grab him and hold him still so I wouldn't choke. I don't even know if Kurt realized he was doing it, he was so far gone.

I had been working on doing something called 'deep throating', which is when you take someone's whole cock down your throat, but I'm not quite there yet. Maybe Kurt just has a really, really big one, but it just doesn't seem possible. Puck claims that it is, and that anyone who can suck cock should be able to do it, but I sometimes think that Puck makes stuff up just so I look stupid.

Almost against my will, one of my hands slid around his body to grab his ass. He shivered violently, especially when I used my other hand to play with his balls. "Finn, Finn, fuck!"

I knew what he was trying to tell me, but it was too late for me to pull back before he came. Not that I really cared. The come still didn't taste great, but it wasn't that bad either. I swallowed as best as I could, licking his cock gently until he went soft.

"Come here, you lug." It would have sounded mean coming from anyone else, but it's ok when Kurt says it.

I climbed up on the couch with him, snuggling against his neck and wondering how offended he would be if I just humped his leg for a while. Because, damn, my dick was so hard that it hurt, and he didn't look like has going to recover any time soon.

See, here comes that Vulcan mind meld again, because he reached down between our bodies and started rubbing me through my boxer shorts. It was kind of humiliating that it only took a few seconds before I came all over, biting my lip to keep from moaning too loudly. I licked at Kurt's throat again, because the skin there always tasted good. "Sorry."

"Better you then me." He tickled right underneath my ribs, and my body shivered. "Go get cleaned up and march yourself back here so we can talk."

That was fine with me, because I was rapidly getting uncomfortable. "Uh, your Dad isn't going to come home any time soon, right?"

The thought of his father walking in on him naked on the couch, all flushed and obviously spent sent Kurt hurtling to his feet. "We'll go down to the basement. I think you have a change of clothes down there any way."

"I do." Kurt insisted that I keep a complete change at his house, because the one in my backpack got wrinkled and, in Kurt's mind, that was as bad as them being totally ruined. I gave it about two seconds thought and picked him back up, surprised, as always, at how warm his skin was against mine. He laughed again, letting his head hang upside down for a few minutes.

I really liked it when Kurt got happy like this, all relaxed and laughing. I don't think he's like this very often, so it's really cool that he gets that way with me. I couldn't carry him down the stairs like this, so I shifted him so he was clinging to my front like a little spider monkey, his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist. The new position put his face in my neck, and he was taking full advantage of that fact by kissing down the line of my throat. "If you don't stop that, I'm either going to drop you or put you up against this wall.

"Against the wall." His voice was dreamy sounding and my dick jumped. I wondered if going another round would make me go blind, or if that only happened if you were touching yourself.

Kurt, the sneaky little bastard, must have felt it because he laughed again. "Got a problem? Put me down on the bed."

Because I can be mean too, I walked over the bed and gently pried him loose. Instead of putting him down though, I lifted him against the wall and just held him there. "Against the wall like this?"

His laughter stopped immediately, his eyes getting all big. Also, he was now as hard as I was, which was making it hard for me to think. What had Kurt and I been about to talk about again?

I couldn't hold him like that for long, though, and I left him drop gently down to the bed. I wanted to lean down and start kissing him again, but Kurt had his own ideas and yanked me on top of him. "Can we try something?"

His hand was already on my cock and I would have agreed to anything. "Ok." Please, God, don't let this involve him shoving anything up my butt.

"I was thinking that I could blow you again." His voice was soft and sexy and anything else he wanted to try was fine with me. "Would you like that?"

Very, very much. "Yeah."

"Good. I wanted to blow you before, but you were so worked up that I figured you would be kind of quick on the trigger and I want to try something new."

Why did he have to bring that up? It was_ humiliating_. "I said sorry." It came out a little snappish.

He scratched up and down on my spine, easing the tension. "You don't need to. Do you know what an ego boost it is to know how hot I get you? So hot that we couldn't even wait?"

Hmm, when he put it that way…."It doesn't bother you?"

"Nope." His fingers trailed over my hip, before he pushed me over. "On your side, ok?"

That was different. I would think that it would be easier for me to sit up and have him kneel in front of me, or to lay on my back, but he was the boss so I rolled over. Light fingers ran across my stomach. "Perfect, just like that."

He kissed my hip and drug his tongue across the bone there, and I made this noise that was really embarrassing and I would totally deny to anyone else. Finally he got his mouth where I wanted it, and my body locked up while my vision went kind of shiny and white. "Please." It came out as a whine and I had to hold back from just fucking his throat like I wanted to.

Things felt so good that I barely noticed one finger drawing up behind my balls. Barely, but I did notice and it made me jump. "Whatareyoudoing?"

He pulled off. "Easy, Cowboy, easy. I'm not going to do that. That's something we need to talk about first. You trust me, right?"

I let him put my dick in his mouth, didn't I? If that wasn't trust, nothing was. "Yeah."

"So just let me try this. It might not work, anyway." He sounded like he knew what he was doing, so took a deep breath and tried to relax. Truthfully, he hadn't hurt me a minute ago, just kind of scared me. Kurt smiled. "So, did you know that men have a G spot, too?"

Honestly, I wasn't 100% sure where it was on a woman, or if it was the same or different then the clit that Puck was always babbling on about. "N-no." I was stuttering now, because he had put his mouth back where I wanted it and, oh, God, I was going to die.

_What a way to go._

Definitely. Kurt was sliding his fingers around again, and I was trying really hard not to get nervous, but I was still a little worried. Then suddenly everything went glittery and I wouldn't have cared what else he did to me, as long as he kept doing what he was doing. Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, there _is_ something better then just getting a blow job.

Now I was whining like a puppy, and making noises that weren't really words and if this was what sex was going to feel like, Kurt could shove anything he wanted up my ass and I would die a happy man.

"Finn, breathe!" Kurt sounded a little worried, but it was alright. So I wasn't breathing, big deal. It would be fine. I took in a shuddery, gaspy breath to make him happy, though. "Good, boy."

Normally I would have complained about him treating me like a dog, but considering that I was panting like one, he might have had a point. Oh, and that whining noise that I couldn't stop making, even though he wasn't sucking me any more? Yeah, not helping either.

Kurt raised one eyebrow at me, and I swear to God I'm going to shave it off if he didn't put some part of his body on my dick right fucking now. "Please." It came out all pathetic but I wasn't above begging right now.

"Oh, all right." He finally got his mouth back where I wanted it, and I was sure I was going to faint. My body was jerking around and I wasn't sure if it was trying to push forward into Kurt's mouth, or backwards against his hand. It was…..it was…it was….

Suddenly everything went white, then black and all of my muscles cramped at once. Oh, Jesus Christ, I actually had gone blind. I only had a second to think that, though, because my brain went dead.

When I could actually move again, Kurt was curled up against my side, one hand stroking the back of my neck. He was humming a song that I was sure Rach would have known right away, but I was clueless about. "Spider Monkey?" My voice was all slurred, just like I was drunk, except I wasn't. At least I didn't think so. Things were kind of fuzzy and confusing like I had a hangover.

"Welcome back." He nuzzled my jaw and I really wanted him to kiss my mouth, but I couldn't make myself even move my head so I could get him to do it.

I licked my suddenly dry lips. "Kiss?"

"Of course." His kiss was as gentle as a butterfly's, lips barely moving against mine. "Are you better now?"

"Uh…" Was I?

He rolled off of me and I whined pathetically, wanting his warmth back. "I'm just getting a washcloth, Cowboy. We're kind of a mess."

I scrubbed at my eyes, and finally got my brain working again. That was quite possibly the best orgasm I had ever had. No, screw that, it was the best orgasm I've ever had, no question.

_I think someone else might like an orgasm. Someone like your _boyfriend_? The way it seems to me, you've gotten off twice, and him once. It's good to be fair. Plus, it's not like you mind getting him off._

Not in the slightest. So I sat up against the headboard, wincing a little as the dried come on my stomach cracked and pulled. God damn, had all of that really come out of me?

When Kurt came out of the bathroom, I noticed that he wasn't hard any more. Oops, guess I wasn't the best boyfriend ever.

_You can get him hard really quick._

Yes, I could. I took the washcloth and wiped myself off as best as I could. I really needed a shower, but I was pretty sure that Kurt was going to make me go back to school for the remaining classes. Even if he didn't, there was no way he was going to let me miss my tests.

He curled up against my side again, and I made sure he saw me put the washcloth on the nightstand, instead of throwing it in the general direction of the bathroom and calling it good. He gets upset about the strangest things sometimes. "Come here."

Kurt picked his head up and just looked at me for a second. He almost looked surprised, like he had forgotten who I was. I slid my hands over his ribs and lifted his entire body so he was resting on top of me, his face in mine. "What's wrong?"

"I…" He stopped, like he didn't know what to say. That was weird, since Kurt always has something to say, for as long as I've known him. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Had he done something to me while I was passed out? Probably not, since I would have agreed to anything while I was still with it.

"I'm sorry that I made you feel like you were stupid, and that I wouldn't love you if you weren't perfect. Finn, you _are_ perfect, ok? Maybe not for everyone, but for me. You're my boyfriend, and I love you, and I don't care of Ms. Pillsbury says that your IQ is 70 or 170, ok?"

That was what I had wanted, no, what I had _needed_ to hear since this morning. That I was ok just how I was, and I didn't have to be anything else. "I love you, too." I tried to slide my hand between our bodies so I could touch him, but he moved away, rolling back onto his side. "I love you, but twice in one hour is enough."

"I only counted once." I wasn't trying to be a smart ass, I was just curious.

He instantly turned a shade of red that completely clashed with his hair and freckles. No, I'm not going to tell him that. I like my dick attached to my body.

"Um, well…" Kurt was stuttering now, and things finally clicked into place. Apparently I wasn't the only one who had a little trouble controlling my own body sometimes. I had been right, that _hadn't_ all come out of me.

"S'ok." I shifted a little so he could lay his head down on my chest and not have to look me in the eyes. His cheek burned against my chest, but he kept telling me that it was nothing to be embarrassed about, so he shouldn't be embarrassed either. "It's hot, right?"

He whispered something that sounded a lot like 'when its you', but he did kind of relax, his body melting into mine. I put one arm across his back and used the other to stroke the back of his neck. Ok, maybe I was trying to put him to sleep, so we could stay here like this, but I really did have the best of intentions here. I liked it when Kurt was all sweet and sleepy like this, especially when he wanted to cuddle with me. And, maybe I wanted to get out of my tests, but mostly I just wanted to be with my boyfriend.

Kurt all but started purring when I touched him, but he didn't go to sleep. "Nice try, Cowboy. Now get up and get dressed. You have to see Ms. Pillsbury and I have Glee practice. If I miss it, Rachel will take charge and you know full well what that looks like."

As much as I wanted to keep him here, he did kind of have a point. I'm pretty sure whoever thought up that saying 'power corrupts' probably met Rachel Berry first. "Ok."

"And wash your face! Fix your hair up; too, otherwise everyone is going to be able to tell exactly what we've been doing." Of course, Kurt's already out of bed and sitting at his vanity (which is an actual piece of furniture, not just being in love with yourself) and redoing his hair. I didn't really care about that, but anything Kurt did while naked was fine with me. He caught me staring and pointed at the bathroom door. "Now."

God, he's bossy. God, I liked it. "Fine." I drug the word out so he would know exactly how mean he was. There was a part of me that didn't care if everyone else knew what we were doing, a part that even craved it, but the bigger part of me was a huge pussy and knew that it wouldn't go well.

It took almost 45 minutes and two outfit changes for Kurt to deem himself worthy of going back to school (by the way? He totally noticed the hickey on his hip, and guess what? He was pissed. Stupid Quinn voice.), so I guess I could have taken a shower after all.

By now it was nearly 11, which meant that I was going to get there just in time for lunch. Sweet. Kurt was humming along with the radio, and I really wished that we could do this every single day before school. It would totally be worth getting up at, like, 4 in the morning.

Kurt didn't think much of the idea when I voiced it, but I think that might be because he already gets up at 5. He did smile at me though, the smile that said he loves me, even when my ideas are kind of dumb. Since he was in such a good mood, I choked down on my humiliation and asked what I had been wondering about pretty much since I had woken up in Kurt's bed. "Um…so what exactly did you do to me back there? Because it was like….wow."

He laughed. "Judging by your reaction, I would say that 'wow' about sums it up. What I did was touch your G spot, which would be your prostate. You can stimulate it from the outside, too."

Prostate, prostate, what was the prostate? I didn't want to ask Kurt, because then I would look dumb. Girls didn't have a prostate; I knew that from when I tried to lie to Puck about Mom last year. Then it hit me. The prostate was what made shoving things up your ass worth it. But wait, if you could get a feeling like that from having it touched from the outside, why would anyone actually do it from the inside? Doing gay stuff was kind of confusing.

_Look at it this way: What's better, having Kurt lick your dick, or having him suck it? They both get you off, but one is so much better then the other._

Oh, it made sense when I thought about it like that. Why didn't everybody just say things in the easiest possible way? There would be much less confusion in the world if they did it like that.

"Are you still with me?" I had been so caught up in things that I hadn't noticed that we had stopped at a red light. Kurt was giving me that half smile, and I felt sad to see his real one go away, back wherever it went when it wasn't just the two of us any more.

"Where else would I be?" Where else would I _want _to be?

He laughed, and I saw a tiny flash of the right smile. "With you, Finn, Prada only knows."

I'm pretty sure that Prada is a Hindu god, which is weird, because almost everyone in Ohio is Christian, and Kurt already told me he doesn't believe in God anyway. "Do you want me to call you when I'm done with my tests?"

"Of course. Even if Glee isn't over, yet, send me a text." He reached one hand over and rubbed my shoulder. "If you're a good boy and ace your tests, there might be something in it for you."

It was probably a good think that I had already gotten off twice today, because Kurt touching me was pretty much a guaranteed hard on under any other circumstances. "What if I fail?"

"Then I'll be there to comfort you. But you don't pass or fail this sort of test. Either it's determined that you're neurotypical, or it's determined that you aren't, and, either way, we move on."

Ok, I really didn't know what neurotypical meant, but I do know a little something about not spoiling the moment. Anyway, we were at school now, which looked all deserted and weird now because everyone else was in class. Since there was no chance of us being caught, I leaned towards him. "One kiss for the road?"

"Of course."


	43. Chapter 43

Finn POV

Since I had missed all of my morning classes, I had ended up missing Spanish, which meant I didn't have to see nasty lying Mr. Shue. Sweet.

I hadn't been lying to Kurt when I told him that I would come back to Glee, even of Mr. Shue was still teaching, but that didn't mean I actually wanted to see him right now. Well, maybe I kinda wanted to rub it in his face that we had won because I had helped out, without him at all.

But that would be, like, whatever the opposite of classy was, and Kurt wanted a classy guy. Not that I actually knew how to be classy, but knowing how _not_ to do it was a start, I guess.

_Please God, don't ever try and think again. It's physically painful for me._

Of course, Rach found me right away, even though classes were supposed to still be going. Sometimes I think she's like a Finn-seeking missile, and literally can not function until she gets to her target. "Finn! There you are, we were quite worried when you didn't show up for class! I was almost ready to send out a search party, especially since you weren't answering your phone. Where were you?" 

God, I wish I were a better liar. I said I was with Kurt; she was going to get all pissy and start lecturing about valuing a good education over a booty call. Or worse, she would ask all kinds of embarrassing questions, like all the other girls kept doing to Kurt. But if I lied, then she would know that I was lying and do something all creepy crazy like stalking me. Plus, it was super weird to discuss your sex life with your ex-girlfriend, especially since your new love is a dude. "I just had a few things to do first, that's all."

_Like Kurt._

Luckily, Rach can't read my mind after all, even though sometimes it seems like she can. Instead sat down with me on one of the benches. "Finn, were you avoiding Mr. Shue?"

Oh, thank God, I had just been offered a way out. I bowed my head and tried to look as sad and pathetic as possible. "Kind of."

She gave on of those big, dramatic sighs that are one of the reasons that we aren't together any more (well, that and the fact that she would be really pissed off if I was dating her and screwing around with Kurt. He would be pretty pissed, too.) and rested her hand on my shoulder. "You can't run from him forever, Finn. What he did was wrong, and we both know it, but we also both know that Mr. Shue is the best chance that New Direction has of not only making it to Nationals, but winning."

See, this was the other reason that I wasn't dating Rach any more. Because, in the end, it was always about her, and what I could do for her. Kurt wanted New Directions to win too, but he said that it was my choice to go back or not. "I kind of don't want to talk about that right now. Is that okay?"

"Of course. I know how….difficult it can be. Can we talk about something else? There's only another 20 minutes left in class anyway, so it's not like you'll be missing much."

That sounded good to me. A part of me still loved Rachel; even though I knew that we were better off apart. Now that I had Kurt, and knew what love actually was, it was pretty obvious that she and I were better off as friends. "Don't you need to get back to class?"

She shrugged. "I'm running a 98.8 average in algebra; missing one class shouldn't drag it down. I think you and I clearing the air between us takes precedence."

I hadn't known that the air needed clearing, but sure, I guess. Then I wondered what it would be like to have a 98.8 average in any of my classes. No matter how hard I tried, and I really, really had been trying, I was lucky to get an 80 on anything. How come everyone I dated was so smart, when I was so stupid? "Ok."

Rachel led me outside and I shivered a little in the cold air. Most of the benches still had snow on them, but I used the sleeve of my coat to wipe one off so she would have somewhere to sit. "You're such a gentleman, Finn."

"Uh, thanks." I didn't like the way she said that. Like she was flirting with me or something, even though she knew about Kurt. But was flirting cheating? I had flirted with her when I was still dating Quinn. Except that had mostly been to get her to come back to Glee. Wait, was that better or worse?

"Can I ask you something, without you getting all huffy and stomping off?" She played with a strand of her hair, and I focused on that rather then her face.

"When do I ever get huffy and stomp off?" That was her specialty, not mine.

_Except for when you found out about Mr. Shue. And when that Dakota guy had been making fun of you. And-_

Ok, ok, so sometimes I stomped off, too. "Never mind, don't answer that. What did you want to ask me about?"

"Kurt." Her voice was really soft. "I just…what does he have that I don't?"

_A penis. Sanity. _

I told Quinn-voice to shut up. It wasn't about the penis, and Rachel wasn't _that _crazy. That voice just didn't like her.

_Because you cheated on me with her! _

Yeah, but only after you cheated on me with Puck! I would have done anything for you, and our baby, but she was never ours, and you were never mine, period! I was surprised at how furious I was about it, even in my own head. She had cheated me out of being a father, and she had tried to cheat Puck out of it, too. I shook my head hard, trying to get rid of the bad thoughts gathered in it. This was about me and Rachel, not me and Quinn. "I don't know. I really like you Rachel, I do. But…" I stopped there, because I didn't know how to put the thing with Kurt into words.

"But you're gay." She was giving me that weird smile that said all she wanted to do was cry.

"No. I'm not gay, because I like girls and stuff. I just…I don't know. Kurt's different. He's perfect just the way he is. Except, you know, he doesn't have boobs or anything, but that would just be weird." An image of Kurt with boobs (at least a B cup, maybe a small C) came into my mind, and I pushed it away really fast. Gross.

"He's really it, the one you want?" She asked it like she hadn't asked it just a few days before, like I was going to change my mind so quickly. "In your heart, do you feel more for him then you felt for me? Think about everything we went through together."

I did think about it, because I kind of owed her that much, but I didn't need to. My heart was telling me that Kurt was more then any girl I had ever dated, and any one I would date in the future. Period. But I had to think about the nicest possible way to tell Rachel that she was second best this time. Because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and also? I didn't want her to kill me. That? Would _suck_.

So I stared at my hands and counted to 300 and wished I was better at things like this. There's only so long you can stall someone, though, especially Rachel, so I had to nod. "I feel more for him then I do for anyone." That way it didn't sound like I was being too personal.

Still, I knew it was the wrong thing to say. It always sucks to find out that someone you really like doesn't like you back and there's only so much you can do to soften the blow.

She snapped to her feet, her dark eyes narrow. "That's your problem, Finn. You always think you feel more for the next best thing. Quinn, me, now it's Kurt. In a month or two, you'll feel more for someone else. You're _fickle_, Finn. You like the chase, but you don't like the actual having. I'm not saying I'm Kurt's biggest fan, but try to think a little before you screw him up, too." Then she was gone, racing across the snow and back in the building.

I let her go. If she had been Kurt, I would have chased her down and held her until she crumbled, but what Kurt needed wasn't what Rachel needed. She was like me, sometimes she just needed a break from it all, so she could figure it out in her own mind. Then she would be able to accept comfort from someone else. Kurt spent too much time alone as it was, and he needed someone to be with him and hold him while he sorted things out. Anyway, even if Rachel had wanted comfort, she wasn't mine any more, and I had lost the right to do so.

Plus, she hadn't exactly said anything that was wrong. I mean, I kind of _did_ have a history of flirting when I probably shouldn't have, and it was kind of true that I had been way more interested in chasing her when I didn't think that I could actually have her then when I was actually dating her. But things were different with Kurt. I liked him even more now that I had him.

But what if she was right? Was I just going to end up breaking Kurt's heart and ruining him, too? Even though her feelings were hurt, Rach made it through our break up just fine. She had her dreams to make her happy, and those dreams were more important then me. We both knew it, even if we never said it out loud. But Kurt…losing me would crush him. And that's not just me having a big head either. Kurt's very brave, but super shy. Yeah, I know it's a little confusing, like an oxenmoron, which is when two things seem like they're opposites, but really they aren't. I know how hard it was for him to agree to a relationship with me, even though I knew he had really wanted one for more then a year. For the first time, I realized how this was going to look to everyone else.

Even if this all went perfectly and we stayed together, we were going to have to come out (come out? I think that's the right term, but what do I know?) eventually. Hiding shit gives me a stomachache, and this school is a raging gossip mill. Even if neither one of us said anything someone would see something, or hear something, or even just make some shit up that happened to be true this time. Then there would be two of us for them to pick on.

Only, I already knew that there wouldn't be. It would be Kurt that took all the punishment, just like always. He would be the creepy little fag who turned the quarterback gay. I would be safe from most of the school (though not Karofsky and his goons) because of my size. People might say things, but most of them aren't stupid enough to take on 6'3 inches and 265lbs. Kurt, on the other hand, was little and skinny and liked to run his mouth. In my eyes, that made him adorable and perfect for picking up and sassy, but to everyone else, he screamed 'target'.

What if Kurt got hurt because of me? The little gay kid was fun to throw in dumpsters and slam into lockers and throw slushies at, but he was considered generally harmless. I mean, he got bruised up a little sometimes, and he had probably ruined more clothes then I even owned, but he had never been seriously hurt.

But if it got out that he was with me now, people were going to think he had some sort of superpower that could turn people gay. Then they would be afraid that it would happen to them, like being gay was the worst possible thing that could happen to a dude, and they might actually do something to hurt him. I felt like throwing up just thinking about it. Having dreams where Kurt was hurt are bad enough, but if it actually happened in real life just because people are idiots…

_Get off your high horse. It wasn't that long ago that you were pretty darn convinced that he was going to give you a bad case of the gay if you so much as talked to him. It's different now, because you love him, but don't pretend for one minute that you haven't had those exact same thoughts._

Quinn-voice wasn't exactly right about that. It wasn't that I thought Kurt would give me the gay, exactly; it was just that….well, I guess I never really thought about Kurt at all. He was just that weird little gay kid that we picked on sometimes. If he hadn't been gay, we probably would have still picked on him, because he was small and a loner and couldn't properly fight back. God, I made myself sound like a total douchebag when I said it like that.

_If the douche nozzle fits…_

God I hated that voice. Yeah, ok, I had been a jerk to Kurt, I got it! But I couldn't change that now, all I could do was treat him liked he deserved, which was like he was a king or pope or a mob boss or something. Which reminded me. I flipped open my phone and sent him a quick text.

_Luv U. Finn_

I don't exactly get why, but he loves it when I do little things like that. When I get texts from people, I mostly just read them then delete, but he saves them and shows them off to all the girls and they coo and he tells me that I'm finally getting in touch with my romantic side. Which is awesome, because when I'm in touch with my romantic side, he wants to get in touch with what's in my pants. Then I want to get in touch with what's in _his _pants (ok, I actually want that all the time), and we're all happy.

Social Studies was my next class, which was actually kind of awesome. I'm actually pretty good at filling in a map, because I go in a circle (clockwise, I think, but maybe it's the other one) and make up a little song to go with the countries. I just keep going around and around, the circles getting smaller and smaller until I'm done. I still can't spell them worth shit, but at least I know what they are. I'm so good at it that I can do an entire map of the US, all 50 states, which even Kurt can't do. Rach can, of course, because she's good at everything, but still, it's pretty cool.

Except today we weren't doing maps, we were talking about the war in Iraq, which was my least favorite thing ever. I hated it before, when I thought that Dad died over there, and I hated it even more now. How many kids were going to end up just like me, with Dads that managed to avoid a bullet, but came home so screwed up that they couldn't get away from themselves? I did what I usually did, which was sit in the back and cross my arms over my chest. I never said anything and the teacher never once called on me.

When class was over, I knew better then to look for Kurt. In order to come and see me, he would have to pass by the boy's locker room, which would put him right in the path of the hockey team. Instead, he would slide around the outside of the building, and go to math by sneaking in the side door. I wouldn't get to see him until school was over, and maybe not even then, since he had Glee and I had to go get tested. Sucky.

Since it turns out that I'm kind of pathetic, I staked out Kurt's locker at the end of the day. Or maybe I'm just a stalker, but I'm pretty sure pathetic beats stalker any day. He smiled when he saw me, but of course he couldn't like, kiss me or anything because someone might see. "Are you worried about your tests?"

"Yeah." No matter how many times he told me that it would be alright, that he would love me no matter what, I still felt like I was going to puke.

"Don't be. Just do your best and call me as soon as you're done." He patted my arm, which was as far as we dared go in school.

"Ok." I didn't want to look like a wuss in front of Kurt, so I turned and bravely walked back to Ms. Pillsbury's office.

She was there, cleaning off the desk using something that smelled like it could give you brain damage if you breathed it long enough. I lightly tapped the doorway, and she smiled at me. "Finn, hello! Why don't you sit down, and I'll get everything together. Did you bring the questionnaire that your mother filled out?"

"Yeah." I handed it over and she set it neatly on her desk.

Ms. Pillsbury found a stack of papers, but before she handed it to me, she looked right into my eyes. "Finn, before we start, do you want to talk to me about the Glee club and what happened? I am the guidance counselor after all."

Yeah, but she was also Mr. Shue's girlfriend, even though she was going to marry Coach Tanaka, which was just _weird_, and I knew that she would blab everything I said to him. "No."

"Are you sure? I mean, I know that this is a very difficult time for you, and I wanted to offer my support."

See, there's a side of me, the one that Kurt calls cynical (which is another word that's spelled weird, but Kurt showed me how to do it), that thought she meant that she was trying to figure out if Mom and I were going to sue the school or get Mr. Shue fired. The answer to that was probably not and maybe, but I wasn't going to tell her that. Let him suffer just like I had.

"I'm sure. Can we just start with the tests?" I just wanted to get this over with.

"If you insist." She handed me a packet of papers. "Why don't you fill these out while I go over what your mother put?"

The papers looked pretty easy, so easy that I had to read the instructions three times to make sure I got it right. Just read each question and mark down how often the statement seemed true. 0 for never and up to 4 for always. Easy, right?

Except a lot of the questions were really stupid. I mean, I get what it means when they ask if I get distracted or have trouble reading or writing, but why does it matter if I get carsick or wet the bed for too long (the answer to that is no by the way!)? And so I'm not organized, big deal. I'm a 16 year old boy, I'm never organized!

Still, it was kind of scary that I was giving a lot of the questions threes and fours. Especially when it came to the section about feeling bad about yourself. I mean, I know I have a lot of good stuff going for me, like a Mom that loves me and Kurt, but it's humiliating to be 16 years old and barely able to read.

I try super hard, and even Kurt tries to help me, but no matter how hard we work on things, I still choke on the tests. Then the teachers, especially bitchy Mrs. Greenwald in math tell me that that means I copied my homework off someone, which isn't true, and it's really bad when they say it in front of the whole class. Are teachers even allowed to do that?

Then there were some things that I wasn't sure how to answer. Was I fidgety? Did I not live up to my potential? Wasn't that what Ms. Pillsbury was supposed to be telling me? I was starting to think that she didn't have any idea what she was doing.

While I thought about it, I looked over some of the pamphlets on the counter. _Help I'm In Love With My Stepdad! _jumped out on me. I tried to imagine being in love with Burt instead of Kurt. Ewww, that was the grossest thing I could imagine. Well, maybe not the grossest. It would be way grosser to be eaten by zombies. Or worse, to have to have sex with a zombie. What if one of their parts fell off while we were doing it? Or what if-

"Finn, do your work, please." Ms. Pillsbury interrupted me and pointed back at the questionnaire.

"Sorry." I finished the first set of papers, then started on the next one. This one was more about my reading and writing skills (bad and worse), but it was shorter, so I was able to finish and give it back to her.

She smiled at me, but there was something kind of pitying about it. "What I'm going to do now are two writing exercises. I'm going to give you some paper and a paragraph, and I want you to copy it for me. Then I'm going to read a different paragraph and you'll write down what you hear."

That sounded really easy. Actually, these tests weren't anywhere near as hard as I thought that they would be. Maybe I wasn't stupid after all.

When I had finished with all of it, she gathered them into a pile. "Are you sure you don't want to talk to me about Glee club?"

The mean part of me came up. "No. My lawyer said that I'm not supposed to talk to anyone about that or it could ruin the case." Of course there was no lawyer or case, but I kind of liked the way her eyes got really big. "Can I go now?"

"Y-yes, of course." Her hand was up at her throat, and I felt kind of bad. I mean, what happened wasn't her fault.

I fired off a quick text to Kurt, hoping that Glee was out of the day. Within a few seconds, he shot one back, telling me to meet him in the auditorium. Cool, apparently Glee was out early.

The auditorium was deserted, and I chose my usual spot right in the middle. I only had to wait a few minute before Kurt came storming in and threw himself down beside of me. "This blows."

"Yeah?" I didn't want to sound curious about what was happening in Glee, but I couldn't help it.

He laid his head on my shoulder, and I rested my cheek on top of it. I flipped my hand palm up, offering it if he wanted to. His fingers found my, wrapping around them tightly. I squeezed. "Tell me."

"Mr. Ryerson is back. Apparently no one else is willing to take over a club that's earned the enmity of Sue Sylvester, so they let him come back and coach us." He shot me a pathetic look. "He put me in with the girls!"

I stroked his hair, because I hate it when he's upset. "But I thought you liked being in the with girls. You always pick to go over there when Shuester would split us up."

He heaved a shuddery sigh and I realized that his feelings were really hurt. "That's different! It's different when I make the choice to surround myself with people who are more likely to share my interests, not to mention who shower regularly. It's humiliating when someone else does it. Like I don't have enough problems with people thinking I'm a girl!"

At least I could fix this. "_I_ don't think that you're a girl. Actually, I like your guy parts best of all. And I don't think you sing like a girl, either. You sound like a guy, and he's a moron if he doesn't see that. Next time, tell him that you won't do it."

Kurt didn't even act like he heard me. "He slapped my butt when I was crossing the room."

What! I snapped my head around. "Mr. Ryerson slapped you on the butt? What did everyone else do?" I couldn't believe that no one would stand up for Kurt.

He nuzzled closer, his face hot against my neck. "They didn't see it. I had to walk right by him and he did it really quick."

_No one_ did that to my boyfriend. "We have to tell someone. That's just not cool."

"Who are we going to tell? He already got caught doing it once, and they let him come back. Face it, Finn; no one is going to care."

I'm pretty sure that there's nothing in the entire world that feels worse then not being able to fix things for your boyfriend. "I care. Next meeting, wait for me before practice. I don't want you alone with that pervert." I hadn't meant to say that, but I meant it with all my heart. I had to go back to Glee and face them sooner or later; it might as well be now.

Kurt squealed (he would deny it later, but it was a definite squeal), and covered my face with kisses. "I love you."

Ok, maybe it was worth it. "I love you, too."

He snuggled up again. "So, what did the tests say?"

"I don't know. I don't think I did very well, though." I hated to admit that, but it was ok because it was Kurt.

"Why not? Did you not finish?" He rubbed my neck, and I dropped my head down so he could reach better. God that felt good.

"No, I finished. But they had all these questions, not like yes or no questions, but they kind you fill out on a scale. You know 0 is never and 4 is always?" He nodded, and I kept going. "I had a lot of fours."

"But that's good." He looked up at me and smiled. "Those tests are looking for specific learning disabilities, rather then an allover low IQ. If you're getting a lot of strong answers, that probably means that you have one of the disorders that they're looking for. Once we know what the problem is, we can start taking steps to fix it."

This was why I loved him. Kurt always knew the right thing to say, and how to make me feel better. "So, it's good."

"Yep, it's good." He squeezed me one more time. "I have to help Dad out at the garage today, but how about I call you tonight? Maybe you'll know more then."

"Cool. Mom and I are going out to dinner, but I'll call you after. I love you." I squeezed his shoulders, and he grinned at me and squeezed back. "Love you, too. Is your Mom picking you up, or do you need a ride?"

I was tempted to tell him that I needed a ride, but then we'd probably just end up going to his place and screwing around again. As cool as that was, I was really hungry. Once I got started with Kurt, I wouldn't want to leave and we would end up fooling around until one of us starved to death. Probably him, since he's way skinnier then I am. "Mom's going to come get me."

"Do you want me to sit with you until she gets here?"

Like I ever didn't want him around. "Yeah."

He kept leaning against my shoulder while I called Mom, and I really wished that it could always be like this.

_Well, maybe one day it can be. You won't be able to hide this thing forever, and, when it all blows up, remember this moment, and be proud to call him your boyfriend._

I would be. "Mom will be here in 15 minutes."

He smiled, and it made my heart jump, just like always. "Then I get you all to myself for 10?"

"Right." He closed his eyes when he leaned against me. "I won't let Mr. Ryerson touch you again."

"Hmmm." Kurt all but purred against me, his breathing going slow.

Right then, I knew what I had to do. Mr. Ryerson was a pervert, and I couldn't trust him around Kurt, not even for a second. But I couldn't be there all the time either, and no one else was willing to coach the Glee club. Well, except for….fuck, I was going to have to get Mr. Shue to come back.

_Can you do that? Can you swallow your pride, and get over what he did to you?_

If it would keep Kurt safe, yes I could. There was no way I could let him end up like Hank, who was the last kid Mr. Ryerson touched. Well, supposedly. It had been his word against Hank's, and no one had been able to prove anything. In the end, they had dismissed Mr. Ryerson, but no charges were filed. We were all expected to just go on, like it had never happened.

Then, one day, Hank was just gone. No one seemed to be exactly sure where he had was, but there were a million rumors. According to one, he couldn't take the humiliation any more and had moved in with his uncle. If you wanted to believe Santana, he had tried to kill himself and ended up in the mental ward of the hospital. I wouldn't believe that, since Santana lies all the time, but her mom is a doctor, and she might actually know something.

I couldn't let that happen to Kurt. Even if Hank had just moved away, it would suck not to have Kurt in my life. Plus, he didn't have an uncle to move in with. At least not one that he ever talked about.

But thinking about Hank made me realize something else. It had been Hank's word against Mr. Ryerson's, and now it was my word against Mr. Shue's. But no one had actually asked me anything yet. They were all going off what Coach Sylvester had said. If I were to support Mr. Shue's version instead of hers, everyone would believe me! I could still fix this.

Kurt was almost asleep now, and I nudged him gently. "Wake up, Spider Monkey."

"I wasn't sleeping." Kurt would have been so much more believable if he didn't need my help to stand up. I made him walk around a little bit and drink some water out of the one cold fountain in the school, because I didn't want him to get in an accident because he fell asleep driving home.

I walked him out to his car, making sure he got there safely. Not that I thought Mr. Ryerson would, like, be lurking in the bushes or something, but I wouldn't put it past the hockey team. Luckily, there was no one there, and we were able to sit in his car (which he says I'm never allowed to drive again. Whoever squealed about me and the mailman is a dead man.) until Mom pulled up. I gave him one last kiss and bounced over to the car.

Mom gave me her usual big smile and hug, but there was something funny in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Why don't we talk about it during dinner? Do you want to go to Outback?"

Uh-oh. Outback was expensive when you ate like I do, and she only suggested it when she was about to drop some sort of bomb on me. "Ms. Pillsbury told you that I'm stupid, didn't she."

"No. She said that you're a very sweet boy, and that you followed the directions very well."

That didn't make me smart. That just meant that I was sweet and I listened well. But Mom sounded all sad and I hated it when she cried. "Oh, ok. And yeah, Outback sounds good."

I was mega patient on the way to the restaurant. I even waited until we were seated and had each eaten a little piece of bread before I asked again. "What did she say, then?"

She took another nibble. "What your teacher said was that she wasn't qualified to make a diagnosis, but that you had strong indicators of having both dyslexia and attention deficit disorder."

Wasn't attention deficit disorder something that little kids got? And I didn't even know what dyslexia was. "What does that mean?"

"It doesn't mean that you're stupid. Actually, she said that she thinks you're pretty smart. What both of those things mean is that you don't learn like other people. You get easily distracted, but it's not your fault. Your brain just doesn't work the same way that most people's do. But working differently doesn't mean that it doesn't work at all. She wants to send you to a specialist who works with both disorders. He can make a definite diagnosis and figure out what we should do." She sounded like she was going to cry, which made me want to cry, but I wasn't about to that in public.

I took another piece of bread. "We don't have enough money to go to a specialist. It'll be ok, Mom, I promise."

"It's not your job to worry about money, Finn. If you needed your appendix out, or your tonsils, I would find the money to make it happen. This is no different."

I might be stupid, but I wasn't so dumb that I didn't know how much a specialist cost. "But I'll be ok. I mean, I've been making it for 16 years, I can make it for two more."

Mom shook her head. "That's it, Finn, you're just making it. I know how hard you try at stuff, and you shouldn't have to try so hard. If there's a medication or therapy that can help you, make things easier, it would be foolish not to. I want you to go to college, and, even if you don't, you're going to have these same problems at any job you get. You need to go now, and there will be no arguments about it. Are you ready to order?"

That meant she wasn't going to listen to me, no matter how smart my arguments were. Not that I actually had any arguments. The thought of spending my entire life feeling as stupid as I did right now was kind of scary. "I'm ready to order. When am I supposed to go to this specialist?"

She relaxed, and I realized that she had been expecting me to keep fighting her. "I haven't made the appointment yet. I wanted to talk to you first."

"It's cool." It really wasn't, and I felt tears prickling at the back of my eyes. Not only did I have something wrong with me, but I was going to end up costing Mom money that we didn't really have. I took a deep breath. "I'm going back to Glee on Wednesday."

"Really?" She was doing that Mom thing were they try to pretend that they're all surprised, but they actually knew it all along. "Are you really sure that that's what you want?"

"Yes." I needed to tell her the rest of my plan, but that would mean admitting that I was about to lie to the principal, which I'm pretty sure she won't go along with. "Uh, about Mr. Shue, though." A thought so brilliant I could barely believe it came from my brain suddenly popped up. "I made a mistake."

"You did?" She put down her menu and looked really deep into my eyes. Shit, this wasn't going to be easy. "What sort of mistake did you make?"

"He's not the one who put the drugs in my locker. Coach Sylvester did that." See how smart I was?

"The cheerleading coach put drugs in your locker? Why?" She didn't sound like she believed me.

"Because she's evil. She hates Mr. Shue, and she hates the Glee club, so she was trying to screw us over. She didn't show me the entire tape, but when I saw it, you could see that she was the one who put the drugs in there. Mr. Shue was putting my Spanish homework in there. I just didn't give him a chance to explain things." I looked down like I was ashamed of myself for being so judgmental.

"Oh, Finn." Mom's voice was all soft, and I knew that I had fooled her. She reached out and slipped hand under my chin, just like she had when I was very small and she wanted my attention. I met her eyes, which looked just like mine and she made a face. "Do I look like I'm an idiot?"

Oops, I had pushed it too far. "W-what do you mean?" Shit, I was so busted!

"So, what you're telling me is that the cheerleading coach put drugs in your locker, to frame Mr. Shuester and discredit the Glee club."

"Yes?" We both knew that I was screwed and it came out sounding more like a question.

"And she did this all before you even joined the club? Did she put drugs in the locker of every other boy at the school, or was it just you?"

Maybe this plan wasn't as smart as I had thought it was. "Uh…"

"Finn, I'm going to remind you that I'm your mother, and you can not lie to me. You're 16 years old, and you would think that you'd eventually figure that out." She patted my shoulder. "Now, tell my why you just lied to me."

I guessed it was time to cut the bullshit. "I want Mr. Shue to be our coach again, and he can't be if people think he put drugs in my locker."

"But he did put drugs in your locker, Finn. I understand that you're attached to him, and that he's been very kind to you, but he committed a crime and he deserves to be punished. Yesterday you wanted to get him fired and sue the school. Why do you suddenly want him back so badly?"

"I don't like the guy that replaced him. He's mean." And a pervert, but I didn't want to say that.

"You haven't even been to one practice with him, how do you know that he's mean?" She was using that stupid voice that parents use when they're trying to get you to do something like eat broccoli.

"Kurt said so."

That was the right thing to say. Mom thinks that Kurt is like the coolest guy ever, and everything that comes out of his mouth is perfect. Actually, I think the same thing, so I can see where she's coming from. "Who is it, and why does Kurt think that he's mean?"

"Mr. Ryerson. You know, the one who did that weird play?" Even though Rach had lost out on the lead, she insisted on dragging me along to it, just so she could tell me how much better she would have done it

Mom wrinkled her nose. "Oh." 

That was a good sign. "He's creepy and he wears this little robe where you can practically see his junk even when he's not bending over. He made Kurt go over and stand with the girls, even though he's a boy, and he slapped him on the butt!"

She snapped upright. "Let me get this straight. Mr. Ryerson, a teacher, slapped Kurt, a student, on the butt. Did Kurt tell you that?"

"Yeah." She turned bright red, and I was really glad that it wasn't me in trouble this time. "But don't think that you can tell someone and he'll get fired. He's done it before and he made the last guy try and kill himself. Or maybe Hank went to go live with his uncle, I'm not sure. But they won't fire him."

Her eyes narrowed. "I have half a mind to pull both of you out of that school. He's being sexually harassed by a teacher, you aren't getting the help you need until you've almost graduated, and that Sylvester woman has way too much power."

Well_, yeah_. All that was true, but the only part of it that we could change was Kurt and Mr. Ryerson. I told Mom that, and she nodded. "Finn, there has to be another way to do this."

"Ok, let's think of one." Our food came and we both ate quietly, trying to think of a way to fix this. There wasn't one of course, and Mom eventually had to admit defeat.

She stabbed her steak in a way that made me think she was pretending she was stabbing Mr. Shue instead. Or maybe it was Coach Sylvester or Mr. Ryerson. I think there's a lot of people Mom wants to stab right now. I waited until she looked less pissed off, and looked up at her. "Mom? It's ok, really. Mr. Shue's a good teacher, and we can get past this."

"Finn, he lied to you. He did something illegal and you could have been in huge trouble if someone besides him had found that pot. He was in a position of power over you, and he used that as an excuse to manipulate you."

I hated to do this, but I had to pull out the big guns. If Mom wouldn't back me up, it didn't matter what I told Figgins. "Puck lied to me and I forgave him. You lied and I forgave you. I don't think what Mr. Shue did was as bad as either one of those things." 

"Finn-"She was probably going to tell me why it was different, but I cut her off. "This is the only way that he's going to get to come back, and the only way Kurt is going to be safe. Plus, I want to win Regionals, and the only way that's going to happen is if Mr. Shue coaches us. Mr. Ryerson coached the Glee club forever, and it sucked. It's called making a sacrifice, and I'm ok with it."

"You shouldn't have to be ok with it." She was weakening, I could tell.

"Yeah, I know. But lots of things happen that shouldn't happen." If I had learned nothing else this year, it was that.

Mom sighed. "I don't approve of lying, Finn, you know that. But this might be one of those situations where it's the best possible outcome. If you want to tell the principal that it was that Cheerleading coach that put the drugs in your locker, I won't say different. Just be sure that you're doing the right thing."

"I am." That was the cool thing about being with Kurt. The right thing was usually pretty obvious.

"Do you need me to go with you when you talk to the principal?"

I kind of wanted her to, but I also kind of think that this is one of those times when I should probably just man up and do it myself. She was right, I was almost grown up. "Nah, I'll be ok."

She looked down at her meal for a long time, moving stuff around like Kurt does when he's trying to pretend that he's eating, but he's really not. When she finally looked up, I thought that it looked like she might want to cry. "You're such a sweet boy, Finn, and I don't want you to lose that. But I also don't want you to let anyone push you around, either."

I was about to tell her that no one could push me around because I was the biggest guy in school, but then I realized that she was talking about the other type of pushing around, and I had to admit she might have a point. "I'm not. Kurt didn't say anything about any of this, I did it by myself. The only thing he said was that Mr. Ryerson smacked his ass."

"Language. But I believe you. Now eat your food instead of just cutting it up, and we'll rent a movie on the way home."

"Mega-shark versus the Crocasaurus?" Kurt never wanted to watch that one either, but come on! A giant shark fighting a giant alligator/dinosaur thing? Genius!

"Twilight." She was bargaining now.

"That's a chick movie! Anyway, Kurt already made me watch it and it sucked. If I saw a vampire that sparkled, I would laugh my ass off."

"Language again. Harry Potter 6, final offer. And watch that mouth of yours."

"Deal." See, Harry Potter was bad ass! There were dragons and evil wizards, and staircases that moved. There were even parts of it that were pretty scary for a PG movie.

_Twilight had those huge werewolves. Those were pretty bad ass. _

Yeah, ok, those had been pretty cool. Except Kurt had gotten all stupid looking when he saw the head wolf with most of his clothes off, which put the movie right back in the suck pile. Kurt was only supposed to look stupid when he saw me!

_You look stupid about 85% of the time, so don't pick on Kurt for perving on that guy. He _was_ pretty attractive._

No he wasn't. He just looked like every other guy out there, which wasn't hot. The only guy in the world who was hot was Kurt. I had asked him one time if that meant there was something wrong with me, that I just liked girls and him, but he said that there wasn't. That it was never wrong to like someone, and, no matter who I was attracted to, it was alright.

Except of course, if you're a pedophile like Mr. Ryerson. Kurt had laughed when I said that (even though I didn't say Mr. Ryerson, because he wasn't there then) and said that, yeah, that was a bad thing. But that, one day, I would probably find a guy besides him that I was attracted to. I didn't think so, but I nodded anyway. I would always like Kurt best of any guy in the world, I knew that for sure.

You know what? I might have a big learning disability (or two of them, apparently), but I could never be stupid enough to think someone was better then Kurt.

Huh. Maybe I was pretty smart after all.


	44. Chapter 44

Kurt POV

I ended up getting caught up at the garage, where all of my fathers employees had decided to throw me an impromptu party to celebrate my win at Sectionals. Most of them had been with Dad since I was really little, and, since Mom had died, they had stepped up as babysitters and playmates, considering I didn't have any friends of my own. To this day, the only reason I can tie my shoes is because Rob taught me all about the bunny going into its hole.

Of course, stupid Dad also had to tell all of them that I had my first boyfriend, which was just humiliating. They all applauded and started asking questions, like what his name was, and where I had met him and when I would be bringing him by the garage. Finn Hudson, school, and _never_. If I let him go to the garage, they would scare him so badly that he would not only dump me, he would be too afraid to even look at me ever again.

_I'm pretty sure that that's why you aren't allowed to meet his other friend. Did he ever even give you a name for that guy?_

He hadn't, and, luckily, Evan picked up on something else I had said and changed the subject. He turned around to face Dad. "Wait, Finn _Hudson_? Isn't that chick you're dating named Hudson?"

"Yes. Finn would be Carole's son." Dad squeezed his eyes shut when he admitted it.

Jaws dropped all over the room. Rob started to stammer. "T-that's…uh…wow."

I guessed it did sound a little creepy to an outsider. "I liked Finn _way_ before Dad liked Carole. And I started dating him first. Kind of."

Dad snorted. "Taking him to the hospital is not a date, Kurt. I had taken Carole out at least three times before he took you for sushi."

_But I fooled around with him before you did with his mother. At least I hoped so, because the alternative was just too horrifying to imagine._

_ "_Wait, what did Kurt do to put his new boyfriend in the hospital before they even had a first date?" My celebration was forgotten as everyone started pumping us for information.

Dad and I filled them all in on the saga that he been dating Finn and Carole. I tried to hold back, but soon I was blathering away, telling them all about Finn, and how cute he was, and how he told me that he loved me, and he had taken me out on two dates and even held my hand and not been embarrassed! I knew I sounded like an over stimulated toddler, but Finn was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me, and I hadn't had the chance to tell anyone about him like this. The girls knew, of course, but that didn't count. They had been there right from the beginning. It sounded so much cooler when I could edit out the bad parts, or the ones that were too personal or embarrassing.

It was probably a testament to how much these men loved me that they let me ramble on and on, even when I got a little long winded while describing Finn's eyes, or when I gave him a blow by blow description of our date at the sushi restaurant. Finally Dad stepped in and rescued them. "Kurt, let's cut the cake."

What he really meant was 'Kurt, you're babbling and these men absolutely do not care about that sweater that brings out the gold in Finn's eyes.' "Ok."

The 'cake' was actually a box of doughnuts, but it was the thought that counted. I picked the least offensive looking offering. True, it would go right to my thighs, but I had been burning an awful lot of calories lately, most of them doing inappropriate things with one Finn Hudson, so I guessed it would be ok.

The guys all grabbed cream filled monstrosities and kept quizzing me about Glee, asking where we went from here, and what we had sung. I filled them in on the drama surrounding our set lists somehow being leaked, but our eventual victory. I even managed to tell them about Finn's daring rescue without getting too mushy or starry eyed.

A sharp ringing sound broke into the story and made us all jump. Someone had entered the shop. Since I was the only one whose fingers weren't covered in either chocolate or Boston cream, I stood up. "I'll get it."

I squared my shoulders and stepped out, giving the young woman standing there my most winning smile. "Good afternoon, ma'am, welcome to Hummel Tire and Lube. I'm Kurt Hummel, how can I help you?" 

She smiled, and there was something a little strange about it. "I was just hoping to get my oil changed. I know that I'm overdue."

"Of course. We aren't busy today, so I can get you in right away. Please have a seat."

"So, are you the owner?" She leaned forward, and I was struck with the sudden desire to tell her that her top was way too low cut.

"No, my father is the owner of the shop. He'll be the one doing the actual work." I couldn't figure out why she kept smiling like that.

"Oh." She leaned even further, and I could practically see down to her nipples. Honestly, girl, men like at least a little bit of mystery. "Well, I hope he's as good as his son."

What did that- Oh, Prada, she was _flirting_ with me! An actual girl was attempting to flirt with me. I froze, not sure how to handle this. I had to clamp down on the desire to flat out tell her I was gay. It had worked for Mercedes, but something told me that it wouldn't work this time. This was way creepy.

_Run! Run like Hell!_

"I, uh, please pull your car around to the second garage door." For once, Galinda had some good advice, and I raced down the hallway.

When I had left before, I hadn't closed the door all the way, and I could hear the voices inside. I was about to push it open when I heard Rob say "God, I can't believe that our little Kurt actually has a boyfriend. He just seems so fragile."

"I know." Dad's voice was soft. "I always kind of thought that he would go off to New York or some place like that and just call me up one day and tell me that he had met someone. I wanted him to make it out of Lima, to be somewhere where he would be safe."

"Do you think this Finn boy is good enough for him?" Evan sounded threatening. "Because we can take him out if we need to."

"No, Finn's a good boy. I just worry that Kurt's going to want more out of life then Finn does, and that's going to cause problems. I don't want Kurt to give up his dreams for someone else."

That wouldn't happen, would it? I realized that I had never told Finn my dreams of New York. I had just assumed that I would go and he would go with me. But he must have dreams of his own. Maybe he didn't want to leave Ohio and his mother. Or maybe a big city just wasn't for him.

_Kurt, if you don't do something besides stand in this hallway like a creeper, perv girl is going to come looking for you._

That thought was enough to propel me into the room. "Dad? Some girl wants her oil changed and I am not dressed for that yet. Can you do it?"

He smiled like they hadn't just been discussing me. "Of course, but get changed. Your party wasn't supposed to last all day, and I need you to help Rob with that belt replacement."

"Ok." I grabbed my bag and rushed to the bathroom, praying that I could get changed and started on the belt before that girl came back inside.

As I changed, I wondered about what Dad had said. As much as I hated to admit it, there was a reason that most high school romances failed. Should I talk to Finn about it or just let things happen naturally?

_Yeah, because Finn would love to find out that you're keeping things from him. Talk to him, but try not to sound accusing. Gentle questions, be easy, and be prepared for a broken heart._

Why did Galinda always have to be such a downer? I slipped my coveralls on and crept through the side door so I could avoid the girl in the lobby. Rob smiled at me when I came out. "Ready?"

"Yeah." Rob had been working for my father since before my mother died and was almost like a third parent to me. He had been the third person I came out to, after Mercedes and Dad, and all he had done was give me a gentle smile and tell me that he had always kind of thought so. He was young and good looking and I had had the worst puppy crush on him when I was younger. He had been tolerant of my falling all over myself to be close to him, laughing and allowing me to flirt awkwardly. Luckily the crush had disappeared about the time puberty hit. Then I had seen Finn and all other men had faded away.

He smiled at me now. "So, tell me more about Finn. What does he look like?"

The nice thing about Rob was that he was genuinely interested. I pulled my phone out and showed him my favorite picture of Finn. I had taken it during Glee practice, when he was talking to Puck. It was one of the best pictures of just him, because he was giving a full natural smile, instead of the closed lipped one I always got in a posed picture. Rob smiled. "He looks huge."

Excuse me? Had Rob just suggested that...he continued on before I could voice the thought. "What is he, six feet? 6'1?"

Oh, he meant Finn's _height. _"He's 6'3."

_Pervert. No one wants to know Finn's dick size but you. And Rachel._

"Tall, dark and handsome. Nice." He popped the hood. "He treats you right, doesn't he, Kurt? He's kind and loving and doesn't push you into anything you don't want to do?"

"No, he's great. We haven't…" I broke off when I realized what I was saying. "I'm sorry; you don't want to hear this."

"It's alright. Look, Kurt, I'm not gay, but I want you to feel like you can tell me things. I know that there are some things that are hard to talk about with your father." He smiled and patted my back, smearing oil on my coveralls. "Like maybe what you may or may not have done with your boyfriend."

I had to smile back. "Thank you, Rob. I appreciate it, but, um, could you maybe pretend I didn't start to say anything? It's kind of humiliating."

"Sure. Just remember I'm here for you. Hand me that wrench please." I did so, taking the old belt as he held it out. "Do you have any more pictures of Mr. Finn?"

There were probably a dozen on my phone alone. Because he had been so understanding so far, I showed him my personal favorite, which Tina had taken of Finn and I in the hammock at her house. It was another candid shot, and I was snuggled up against his chest, my eyes closed and one arm around his neck. Finn was smiling down at me, and there was something so gentle and loving in his eyes that it almost brought tears to mine every time I saw it. Rob smiled at it. "He's a cutie. Looks like a big gentle giant, huh?"

That was one of the best descriptions of Finn I had heard lately. "Yeah. He's great."

"I can tell. I don't think you've stopped smiling yet." Luckily, he let it go there, and changed the subject back to school. I told him about my grades, which were very good this year, and how I had joined the football team, and what Glee was like. Rob didn't say anything, but I could tell that he was proud that I was coming out of my shell a little bit and making some friends. I didn't tell him about the bullying, or the slushies, or the fact that I could identify any dumpster at school from the inside. I had a feeling that he had already heard it all from Dad, anyway.

Speaking of Dad, he called me away from the floor before my job was done. "Coming!" There was a funny expression on his face, as if he had swallowed a bug.

"What's up?" I couldn't figure out what was going on.

"Kurt, is there a reason that you wanted to dump the oil change on me? Ms. Lawson was very disappointed when she found out that she wouldn't be seeing you again." He made another strange face, and I realized that he was trying to hold back laughter. "She wanted me to give you this." Now he was cracking up, and I was suddenly very, very, afraid to look at what he was holding.

I raised my eyes, and had a sudden wish for blindness. There, clutched between my father's thumb and forefinger was a thong. A pink, lacy thong with a phone number written on it. I wanted to vomit. Dad took one look at my face and started howling. "You made quite the impression, son."

"But…but…what did you tell her?" I knew I sounded slightly hysterical, but I couldn't help it. That thing was just so disgusting!

"I told her that I though you were with someone, but that I would pass the message along." Before I could stop him, he took the offending object down the hall, yelling for the rest of the staff to come see it. "My little boy is growing up!"

Now everyone was laughing, and all I wanted to do was huddle in the bathroom and die. I made my worst diva face at them. "I hate you all." Of course, that only made them laugh harder.

Evan grinned at me. "You might need to call that boyfriend of yours to protect you, Kurt. When a girl is that….forward, she's usually moving in for the kill."

I panicked. "But I can't! I'm gay and I have Finn and I don't even _like_ girls! They freak me out and what if-"

The laughter stopped when they saw how upset I was getting. Dad patted my back. "Kurt, it's ok. She's not coming back, and if she does one of us will handle her. Ok?"

"Just don't call her." Rob was trying to comfort me. "That's a pretty clear message that you aren't interested. But bring Finn around to protect you any way; we're all dying to meet him."

I might have been panicking, but that didn't make me stupid. "I'm not bringing him here! I actually want to keep him around."

"Do you plan on showing him the gift you just got or is that just between us guys?" I was so going to kill them all.

"Finn will never find out about this. Never." I don't know why I even bothered saying that. Of course Finn would find out. Finn found everything out eventually.

Because fate and the universe hate me, Dad's phone rang. The ring was unfamiliar, but Dad lit up. He grabbed it and held it to his ear. "Carole! How are things?" His face turned all dopey, and I would have felt much more superior if I didn't know for a fact that I made the same face when I looked at Finn.

"They said what? How did Finn take it? No, of course I can do that. Just a little loan.. Let me know how I can help, ok?" He glanced over at my pleading face. "Is Finn there? Kurt would like a moment to speak to him. Oh, really? Ok, I'll tell him." He covered the mouthpiece. "Finn will call you tonight. He's in the bathroom."

"Oh. Ok." I tried to ignore the looks all the other guys were giving each other. The ones that said I had it bad for Finn. I did, but I didn't want it to be so obvious. That would kind of defeat the purpose of keeping us a secret.

Even though the rest of the guys were kind of being jerks, I do have class, so I graciously thanked them for the party. I seldom work a full day after school, because Dad likes for me to have enough time to take care of my homework before it gets too late, so I left the garage alone. Even though he kept telling me that I didn't have to, I usually started dinner as well. If it was left up to Dad, we would eat nothing but pizza and things he could do on the grill.

I had a few casseroles in the freezer, so I pulled one out and set it in the oven. I tried Finn, but he didn't answer his phone. Math it was. I was trying to solve a particularly difficult problem when Finn's ringtone cut the air. I grabbed it almost before the first ring was done. "Hello Finn Hudson!"

"Hey, Kurt." To anyone else, he would have sounded as chipper as always, but I could detect an undertone of misery in his voice. Uh-oh, he must have gotten the test results.

"What's wrong, Cowboy?" I closed the book and gave him my full attention.

"Nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice." His tone belied his words, but drawing attention to that would just make him mad, so I hummed noncommittally.

Finn talked for a little bit, telling me a little more about the tests, and how he had told Ms. Pillsbury that he was suing the school and Mr. Shue. I tsk tsked him about it, but secretly I was pretty proud of him. I didn't know that I could have come up with that on such short notice.

Finally he talked around to why he had called. "Ms. Pillsbury called Mom. Guess what?" His voice was funny and breathy and I knew he was trying not to cry. I suspected that he was asking me a rhetorical question, so I waited without saying anything. That proved to be the right move, because he kept going. "She thinks that I'm not stupid, but that I have two different learning problems. That sounds pretty stupid to me."

"How many times to I have to tell you that a learning disability is not stupidity?" Apparently at least two or three times more. But it was hard to overcome 11 years (assuming that Finn started falling behind academically right way) of feeling worthless in just a few weeks. I got that, sometimes (mostly when I was laying in bed at night, and the old fears started coming back) I couldn't believe that I was good enough for him, that there had to be some sort of catch that came with this relationship.

"Could you say it just one more time?" It was a quiet request.

"Of course. You aren't stupid, Finn. Lots of people have learning disorders, even really smart, famous people. What did she say was wrong?" 

"She said that she couldn't actually give me a diagnosis, but that it looked like I was dyslexic, and that I had, uh, those letters that mean you're a spaz and you need to go on Ritalin."

"ADHD?" My mind spun as I tried to remember Finn's behavior and how it might fit those diagnoses.

"Kind of. I think that's too many letters, though." He sounded confused.

"ADD?" I wasn't 100% sure what the difference between the two was, but that was what Google was for, right?

"Yeah, that's it. But she's not a doctor, so she has to send me to a specialist to actually get diagnosed. I don't want to go, because we really don't have the money for it, but Mom's going to make me."

I suddenly realized that that was what Dad had been talking about when he had offered Carole a loan earlier. He wanted Finn to be able to get the help he needed. Sure, he had phrased it as a loan, but I knew that he would never ask for the money back. It was his way of saying that we were a family now, even if the two of them never made it official. "Sorry, Cowboy, I have to side with your mother on this one. It's important that you go to the doctor and get all sorted out."

"Yeah, I thought you might say that." He heaved a dramatic sigh, just so he could tell me how mean he thought I was, and I summarily ignored him. Then he perked right up. "So, do you want to go out with me on Friday?"

Did I ever _not_ want to go out with Finn? "Sure. Where?"

"You pick. But I want to get ice cream after." He sounded entirely normal, just like he had never been upset at all.

"There's a foot of snow on the ground." Even so, if Finn wanted ice cream, I would give him ice cream. Whatever Finn wanted, I would move mountains to get it for him.

He snickered, and I could hear his smile through the phone. "I like watching you eat it. It's like a porno, only better because you're actually there."

Did it get hot in here, or was it just me? My jaw dropped, and I found my lips moving without a single peep coming out. Finally I forced words out. "O-ok."

"Then, after the date, we can come home, and screw around. Then, after the screwing around, we figure out how we're going to get Mr. Shue back and win Regionals." There it was, the Finn Hudson plan for a perfect evening.

_Sounds good to me. How about you make the meal instead of going somewhere? Your father has been working late this week, and it's a very short walk from the kitchen to your bedroom._

I really liked it when Galinda and I were in agreement. "You know what? I have a better idea. You come over here, and I'll make dinner for both of us. Do you like fondue?"

There was a long silence while he either contemplated it or tried to figure out what fondue was. Knowing Finn, it was probably the latter. "Is fondue that sparkly crap that you put on a cake?"

What? I searched my mind, trying to figure out exactly what he meant by that. Oh. "You're thinking of fondant. Fondue is either cheese or chocolate that you heat up until it's melted, then dip fruits and things like that in it."

"No way." Finn sounded stunned. "You can actually dip shit in chocolate and call it a meal? I love your fancy food!"

The poor thing needed some culture, stat. "Yes, you can. Can you come over right after Glee?"

"Sweet!" There was a brief crackling sound, which made me suspicious that he was dancing around like a fool. Then he settled down and came back on the line. "Can I ask you a favor?" 

Please let it be that he wants me to redo his wardrobe, please let it be that he wants me to redo his wardrobe, please let it- I interrupted myself. "Sure. What else are boyfriends for?" 

"Screwing around. But will you take me out to Shuester's tomorrow? If I have Mom take me, she'll go in there and screw it all up by bitching him out, and I won't get to do it myself. But if I just walk over there, then I don't have an escape if it goes bad. You're perfect to drive me!"

There were a few steps missing in that equation. "Why do you need to go over to Mr. Shuester's house tomorrow? I didn't think you were speaking to him."

Finn went quiet, only the soft breathing still coming through the line telling me that I hadn't lost the connection. "Finn?" I prompted him as gently as possible, not wanting to rile his temper.

"Huh? Oh, well…." He trailed off. "Can we talk more about the fondue?"

"No. I'm perfectly willing to take you over to talk to Mr. Shue, but I want to know why it's so important."

More breathing. "You'll be mad."

"I won't be mad, Cowboy, just tell me."

"I want him to be our coach again." He said it as fast as possible, and I could just imagine his shoulders pulling down, almost as if he was anticipating a blow.

_Don't be angry; don't be angry, you promised him you wouldn't be angry. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts. Think about bunnies and puppies and Finn stark naked._

I followed Galinda's advice until I felt sure that I could speak without shrieking. "Why do you want that?"

"Because I want to win Sectionals. Mr. Ryerson isn't going to be able to make that happen, period." Anyone else would have thought that that was is, but I knew better. Finn wasn't terribly concerned with winning. He liked it, for sure, but his sun didn't rise and set on having the best score or the highest numbers. His career as the McKinley high quarterback should have made that clear enough.

_No, his sun rises and sets on you, sweetheart. Keep that in mind_.

"That was a good try, Finn, but how about you give me the truth this time." My voice was gentle, but also told him that I wasn't going to believe a bullshit answer.

He sighed. "Mr. Ryerson slapped your butt. _I'm _the only one allowed to slap your butt, and I don't want you to end up in the crazy ward like Hank. I don't want you to have to move in with your uncle either."

I took a minute to try and decipher what he was saying. What in the world would- oh, he was talking about that guy who had tried to commit suicide last year. Though exactly what that had to do with Mr. Ryerson was a bit confusing. "First of all, I don't have an uncle. At least not one we speak to. Mom has a brother, but Dad and I never see him." I strongly suspected that I was the reason for that, since Dad usually referred to Uncle Andrew as 'the bigot' when he didn't think that I was in earshot, but nothing was ever directly said. "And second, I would never do something as foolish as what Hank did."

"It doesn't matter. No one has the right to touch you like that, and I know that no one will believe us if we tell someone. Plus, Mr. Ryerson is creepy with a capital K. I can't kick his ass, since he's, like, a teacher, so I have to keep you safe some other way. If that means getting Mr. Shue back, then…well, I guess that's what I have to do."

My heart jumped in my chest and I actually felt tears form at the back of my eyes. This might well be on the most romantic gesture anyone could have possibly made for me. Finn was willing to accept Mr. Shue back, just to keep from me having to deal with one perverted choir coach. "Thank you, Finn. But you don't have to do this."

"I do, and please don't cry. You're my boyfriend, and I love you. Plus…I do want to win." Finn's voice was gentle.

"You're pretty much the best boyfriend who ever lived. You've totally stored up some great karma points." I wanted nothing more then to hug him as tightly as possible.

"So, the next time I spill something on your clothes, or say something really stupid, it won't matter? Karma's like a get out of jail free card, right?" 

He was so cute. "You can look at it that way."

"Awesome. So, you'll do it?" Finn was so hopeful that I couldn't even consider telling him no.

"Yes, I'll do it. Do you need me to come up, or should I just wait in the car?" Either was fine, since I was way behind on my fashion mags. Between Glee and having a boyfriend, I didn't have the same amount of free time that I had had before.

"Uh, I'm not sure. Can you maybe just keep your phone on, so I can call you if I need you?"

"Of course." I would do anything for Finn, no matter how silly.

"Great, so how about- hang on a second, Kurt." I could hear him talking to Carole in the background, telling him to get off the phone and go to bed. It wasn't that late, but I had come to realize that Finn required a lot of sleep or he was a cranky nightmare the next morning. I had read somewhere that you do most of your growing in your sleep, but did Finn really need to get any taller?

_Or any bigger in other places. Just saying._

Finn came back on the line. "Mom says she's taking my phone if I don't get off. I love you, and I'll see you first thing tomorrow."

"I love you, too, baby. Thank you so much for doing this for me." I knew that it would embarrass him if I said it, but I had to.

"Yeah, it's nothing." I could hear the blush in his voice. He told me he loved me once more and we hung up.

For a second, I looked up the stairs, feeling jealousy swell in my heart. Dad was still upstairs, but he didn't care what time I went to bed. If I stayed up all night and fell asleep in class the next day, he wouldn't notice. Nor would he be particularly concerned if I started going to bed at 7:30 in the evening and getting up at three in the morning. He totally trusted me to self-regulate. I liked it most of the time, but sometimes, like right now, I didn't.

Since it was still early for me, I sat down in front of the computer to do a little research on both adult ADD and dyslexia. The more I read, the more I realized that Finn probably had both. Despite what I had insisted to him earlier, my heart sank. While neither issue was life threatening, it wasn't anything that was going to go away either. This was something that Finn was going to have to live with, and learn to cope with, for the rest of his life.

_So what. He's still Finn, and he's going to need you more then ever. I think you can manage to be there for him. _

Of course I could. I just worried about Finn, and how he was going to take all this. His self esteem was so fragile, despite everything he had going for him. Well, I was just going to have to remind him how great he was. It was hardly difficult.

_Good job. Now figure out how to sex that boy up. Maybe you should be doing less research about Finn's problems, and more about how you're finally going to get laid. I'm dying here, throw me a bone! Hee-hee, I said bone._

I cocked my head, listening for any movement from my father upstairs. Nothing. I felt guilty, just like I did every time I looked up porn. Everything seemed so filthy in those videos. I mean, I kind of knew that that was the point, but weren't there any videos where the guys actually liked each other and weren't just in it for the paycheck?

Or where you didn't just….God I hated to be this crude, but, well….cram it in there? That couldn't possibly be the right way to do it. Or was it? Not for the first time, I wished we lived anywhere but Lima, because there would be some sort of gay advocacy center that would help me with all this.

_Just let it go. You know the basics from online, lots of lube, be gentle. You can figure out the rest on your own, I'm sure. You're making this out to be a much bigger deal then it actually is._

How could sex not be a big deal? I wasn't Puck, or Santana. I was just Kurt, who wanted things to be romantic, and perfect, and to lose my virginity to someone I actually loved. What was wrong with that?

_Nothing. You just stick with what you want, and the rest will fall into place. Don't let anyone, not Finn, not your father, not Puck or Santana; tell you that what you want is wrong._

Good. I was master of my own destiny here, and, soon, I would no longer be a virgin. Right?

_Right._


	45. Chapter 45

A/N: I'm sorry that this is so late. I had the worst flu I've ever had, and I couldn't even look at the computer for close to two weeks. I'm just now getting back into the swing of things, so hopefully updates will go smoother from here on out.

Finn POV

This is for Kurt. This is for Kurt. This is for Kurt. I can do this, because this is for Kurt. I can face down Mr. Shue, and Principal Figgins, and even Coach Sylvester. I can do it, because it's for Kurt.

Even though I totally felt like I was about to puke. Everyone was going to be pissed at me, and there was nothing I hated worse then when people hated me. Then they yelled and I got nervous and I just knew I was going to end up fucking this up and making things even worse. It was just how things happened with me.

Mom was already pissed. I knew it; because she slammed a lot of cabinets this morning and didn't make me breakfast. She just pointed at the toaster and told me that I could make my own Pop tarts, that she was late for work. Only she wasn't, because she doesn't have to be there until 8. She just doesn't want me to go in there and lie for Mr. Shue, so she's punishing me, even though she knows I have to. I know, sometimes it sucks to be me.

But not when I could hear Kurt's car pulling up in the driveway. I jumped up, not minding that my jeans were all wet with snow, and climbed into the car so I could give him a kiss.

He smiled at me, then pulled back. "You've been eating Pop tarts again, haven't you? And don't lie; I can taste the sugar and artificial flavoring on you."

Busted. "Mom didn't cook anything."

"So you decided that, instead of cooking for yourself, you would poison your body with processed sugar and white starches?"

Oh, come on! It was a Pop tart, not rat poison. I knew better then to say that to Kurt, though. If I did he would do the big dramatic Rachel sigh, and give me a long lecture on my body and taking proper care of it. Blah, blah, blah. I would probably listen more if he was offering to take care of my body for me.

So I just didn't say anything, but that didn't really help either. He just looked at me out of the corner of his eye and sighed dramatically. "Are you really going to pretend that you couldn't even boil yourself some eggs?"

That I could answer. "Mom doesn't let me touch the stove. There was a fire, once, even though it totally wasn't my fault." Well, maybe it was my fault. Kind of.

"Somehow, I don't believe that. You could have used the microwave." He was using that soft voice, though, so I knew he wasn't really pissed.

"I did. I put my Pop tart in the microwave." It wasn't nice to tease him, but sometimes I just can't help getting him all riled up. He gets these two red spots, right where his freckles are when he's not trying to cover them up, and it's seriously like the hottest thing I've ever seen. Passion, I guess is the word.

Sure enough, he gives me an exasperated shriek and throws both hands up in the air (good thing we're at a stoplight). "Finn Hudson, do you want to have a heart attack by age 40?"

Of course not. I wanted to die at, like, age 100, surrounded by all my great-grandkids, who would all look like Kurt. I'm not exactly sure where all those grandkids were going to come from, since, hello, we're both boys, but we'd figure something out. I mean, Rachel has two dads, and they still had her.

That's an advertisement for not doing it, right there. Quinn voice gets so bitchy when anything to do with Rachel is brought up.

"Cowboy, are you even listening to me?" Now his voice was gentle, and I forced my attention back to him.

"Yeah." Well, I was mostly looking at his flushed face and admiring it, but how important could what he had been saying actually be?

"Then what did I just say?" He was smirking now, which meant he knew he had screwed me over.

Total Mom, move, by the way. "Uh…"

Luckily, Kurt doesn't make me suffer for long, like Mom likes to do. She usually lets me guess one or two things wrong, then starts lecturing me about paying attention again. Kurt just cuts right to the chase. "What I said was, that you didn't have to do this if you weren't 100% sure. Once you go on record saying something, it's going to be impossible for you to change your mind."

Well, duh. That was why I wanted to do it right away, so I couldn't pussy out. "I know."

"And you are? Sure, I mean?" He looks worried now and I smiled to make him feel better.

"Totally." I was proud that I sounded confident.

"Alright then, as long as you're sure." His voice was all happy, which told me that he wanted to kiss me, but couldn't because the car was moving. But once we got to school, it was going to be awesome.

As it turned out, I was right about that. Kurt has a way of kissing me that pretty much sets of all the fireworks in the world at once. When we actually do have sex, it'll probably be like the atomic bomb. God, I can't wait.

_Then get on it! Unlike your past girlfriends, there's nothing keeping you from getting busy with Kurt. Except, of course, you. Admit it, Quarterback, you're scared_.

Just a little. If I screwed it all up, and hurt Kurt, I would never forgive myself. Never. So I just had to think with my brain and not my dick for once, and I would be fine. Right, just make little Finn behave himself for a while longer.

Except that wasn't as easy as it sounded. I mean, yeah, at first I was kind of grossed out by it all, because it's sticking things up your butt and I couldn't possibly see how that could be good, but now I was kind of…well, interested. Plus, what Kurt did yesterday, where he touched my prostate? Super awesome. If that's what having sex feels like, I'm all for it.

According to Puck (and I'm not really sure why I take any advice from him, considering his history), it feels awesome to do a chick up the ass, so it should feel good for the guy on top, too, right? So it feels good for both guys, and why wasn't I doing it again? Oh, right, I didn't want to hurt Kurt.

We were at school now, so I took a deep breath. I could do this. Kurt leaned over and kissed me, soft and slow, with just the right amount of tongue. I kissed back, reminding him that I loved him, and that I was doing this for not only him, but us. He squeezed my shoulders. "I love you. No matter what happens from now, I know what you were willing to do for me, and that means the world, ok?"

"Ok." I wished that I could stay here, just like this, until it was time to go to my meeting with Principal Figgins, but I couldn't. I had to get to class and pass everything so Kurt would know that I was trying for him, and that I wasn't just another Lima Loser.

He pulled back and gave himself a quick check in the mirror. "Walk me to class?"

"Sure." I liked that he asked me, rather then telling me that I was going to be taking him to class now, like Rachel and Quinn always did. "English first, right?"

Another dreamy smile. "Yes. You have all of your homework, right?"

"Uh-huh." I looked at his lips and wondered if I could get away with kissing him again.

He must have read my mind, because he twisted away. "Nice try, but no. Now, what time is your meeting with Figgins?"

"Right after school. He wouldn't take time out of the day to see me, which kind of sucks. I mean, I could have at least missed math or something."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "The last thing you need to do is miss your classes, especially math. I don't know how you can work so hard on your homework, and still do so poorly on your tests."

Even though I knew he was just frustrated because he hated to see me try so hard and not be able to do it, tears still stung at my eyes. "I try." It came out sad and pathetic.

"I know you do. We'll get you fixed up after you see that specialist, and things will be easier for you."

I hoped so. Because, Mom was right, if it was always as hard for me as it was right now, I was in for two more miserable years of high school, plus whatever college threw at me. And I had to go to college, to make Mom and Kurt proud. "Alright, let's go to English."

Usually we timed this so we didn't run into anyone from the hockey team. They wouldn't try and hurt him if we were together, and he claims not to care what they say (he does of course, but it would make him feel even worse if I said that, so I just nod and pretend I believe him), but a slushie has a surprisingly long range if you throw it hard enough, and Kurt was wearing a white sweater today.

Like I said, usually we're lucky, but today we managed to catch Karofsky and Azimio right as they were coming out of the boy's bathroom. I pushed Kurt behind me, which was a mistake. Karofsky slammed his shoulder into mine, pushing me backwards. I'm a big guy, and taller then him, but he's heavier. "Sup fags? You look tired Hudson, girly boy keep you up all night? Pretty pathetic when he's the man in the relationship."

I wanted to tell them to shut up, but I didn't. Talking back to them just encouraged them, and I needed to get out of here. Kurt was tense against my back, and he was what mattered. I maneuvered so he was still protected, glaring at them. If we could just get out of this hallway, we would be near Coach Sylvester's office. She hated Kurt and I, yes, but she hated the hockey team even more. "Leave us alone, Karofsky."

"Oh, Hudson, that's so sweet! You defending your faggy little girlfriend? Careful, she might get a stain on her pretty white dress." He brought his hand out from behind his back, and my heart dropped when I saw the purple slushie in it. Most colors will come out, but purple is evil. I have a dozen T-shits with purple spots, and even half of my underwear now has polka dots.

I pulled out my last trick, which is probably never going to work again, but I had to try something. "Look, Davie, if you don't back the fuck off, I'll tell everyone what happened when I slept over. Starting with your friend here." I turned around to Azimio. "Hey, did you know that-"

"Shut up fag!" Karofsky's voice had risen up until it was almost as high as Kurt's. He stepped forward, like he wanted to shoulder slam me again, but thought better of it at the last minute. Instead he put his face in mine, and, I might have sucky fashion sense, at least according to Kurt, but at least I brush my teeth twice a day, and glared. Honestly, if it was really possible to shoot lasers out of your eyes, I would probably be dead right now. "You tell anyone, and that includes your girlfriend back there, about what happened, and you are a dead man, Hudson. In fact, you're already a dead man walking; I'm just waiting to put you in the ground."

I held my ground, because sometimes that's the only thing you can do. I didn't really think that Karofsky would hurt me, but he was scared, and when someone's scared and feels cornered, sometimes they surprise you. But Karofsky's a coward at heart, and he stepped down. "Come on. Fags would probably get off us hitting them. Spreading their damn queer germs around." Then he was gone, strutting down the hallway with only a very small tremble in his step.

Kurt gave a choked whimper against my back and I reached behind myself to pat him awkwardly. "It's ok, he's gone." For some reason, Kurt's always been a little more scared of Karofsky then he should be.

He swung around to my front, studying me with those strange, stormy, eyes. "You got rid of him. No one got hit, no one got slushied, and there was minimal dropping of the f-bomb. What happened when you slept over?"

See, this was why I had never said anything about it before. Because if everyone else found out that I had the dirt on Karofsky, then they would keep at me until I spilled it and that wasn't right. I wouldn't want anyone, especially someone I hated, to go around revealing all of my secrets, and I felt terrible revealing his. "I can't tell you."

That surprised him. "But…I'm your boyfriend."

"Of course you are. But if I tell you, you'll tell Mercedes. Then she'll tell Tina, and Tina will tell Artie, and Artie will tell Mike, and Mike'll tell Matt and Matt…well, Matt probably won't tell anyone, but still. How would you feel if I blabbed one of your secrets to Karofsky?" I didn't want to make Kurt mad, but I wasn't going to tell him either. Sometimes I'm a little thoughtless, but I try not to be mean.

"If I guess it, will you tell me?" Kurt sounded hopeful, but I wasn't going to play this game with him.

"No." There were only so many things to guess, and I'm such a bad liar that I would end up telling him the truth, and I badly wanted to not do that.

"Fine." Kurt sounded kind of pissed off with me, but then he smiled. "You're a man of principals, Finn Hudson, I like that."

Thank God he wasn't upset. I'm pretty sure that he's dying of curiosity, though. I know that I would be if I was in his shoes. But he just smiled at me and started walking down the hall, ready for class.

Oh, and please don't tell Kurt this, but the sweater he was wearing? It did kind of look like a dress. He had pants on underneath it and everything, but it was really long, almost down to his knees, which is longer then most of the dresses girls wear. I think its one of those fashion things that I just don't get.

I really wanted to hold his hand, or put my arm around his shoulders when we walked, like I would have if he had been a girl, but I didn't. That would pretty much be like holding up a big neon sign that said 'Kurt and Finn are dating!' up over both of our heads. Kurt didn't want that, and really, neither did I. Just telling the Glee club about it had made me nauseous and I knew that they weren't going to tease us. When everyone else found out? We were doomed.

I knew that Kurt wasn't going to give up so easily, but I just enjoyed the quiet of our walk towards class. Hopefully I would have enough time to think up a good lie before he asked again. Probably not, though, since Kurt's just like Mom and can tell as soon as I start to lie, even before the words come out. It's magic, I tell you!

Actually, I hadn't really thought about what had happened between me and Karofsky in years. We'd both been so little, and had never talked about it after it happened, that I had kind of forgotten all about it.

I was six when I spent the night over at Karofksy's (except his name had still been Davie, then.) for the first and last time. Mom was working the night shift, which meant that I usually spend the night over at Puck's house. But his Mom had been working the night shift too, and she didn't want to leave me alone with Travis, Puck's dad. She thought that he was a lowlife, and a poor influence on me, which is kind of what she says about Puck now.

So she sent me over to Davie's house instead. He and I were in pee-wee football together, and, even though he was sometimes way too rough with this tackles, I liked him ok. Plus, he had a Super Nintendo, and lots of games that I had never played before. So, yeah, I had fun at his house.

It kind of got weird after we went to bed though. He was sleeping in his bed, and I was sleeping on the pull out bed underneath it. Of course, we both got in bed and pretended that we were going to sleep, but we weren't really going to. Come on, it was a sleepover! The point was to stay up too late and do the sort of things that your mother usually doesn't let you do.

After we got back out of bed, we snuck down to the kitchen and stole a huge bag of Chips Ahoy and a two liter of Coke and brought it back upstairs to eat while we played Mario Kart Racing. We got wilder and wilder until we were dancing around like crazy men, which is probably why Mom doesn't let me eat Chips Ahoy and drink Coke right before bed. Then he suggested that we take our clothes off. I wasn't really sure about that, but it was his house, so I went along with it.

Ok, this is the part that gets kind of gay. Once we were naked, he wanted to touch my dick. That I definitely didn't want to do. After all, I had been to all of those stupid 'good touch, bad touch' lectures, and I knew that you shouldn't let anyone touch you in your privates. But those always talked about grown ups, and Davie was just a kid like me. So I let him do it. Just once, I swear!

I don't remember it feeling good, but I don't remember it hurting or being scared either, so I guess it was ok. He only touched me for a second, before he knocked me backwards. I wasn't ready for it, so I fell and hit my head against the side of the bed. He didn't say anything to me, and he definitely didn't use any of the words that he did today, but the look in his eyes was scary. He wanted to hurt me, even though he didn't.

The next morning, he climbed down and put his hands on my neck, squeezing a little. Not hard, and I could still breathe, but I got the message. Then he leaned down and whispered 'tell anyone, Finny, and I'll kill you.'

The really sad part was, I wouldn't have told anyone anyway. I hadn't really liked what he had done, and it wasn't something I would have picked to do myself, so if he hadn't' have made such a big deal out of it; I probably wouldn't have even remembered it happening.

But he never talked to me again, and the next time Mom wanted me to stay over there, I cried so hard that she gave in and let me stay at Puck's instead. His dad was long gone by then, so his Mom didn't work nights any more and could be with us. She kept asking me if something had happened over at Davie's but I wouldn't tell her. I just cried harder and said that I didn't like him and Puck was my best friend.

I felt like crap for bringing that back up, because it was really, really, mean of me. Karofsky has some serious, serious issues, but it's really not my place to do anything about them. The nice thing to do would have been to let the issue die, and just not bring it up just to threaten and humiliate him.

_And the nice thing for him to do would be to get a therapist and either crawl out of the closet, or at least get out of the way so other people can. Yes, the position he's in sucks, no one is denying that. But does he really have to make it suck so much for everyone else? Face it, he's nasty and he's cruel and he wouldn't hesitate to screw you over if the positions were reversed._

I knew that, but I wasn't Karofsky, and, luckily, he wasn't me. Being as big of a jerk as he was wasn't the right answer, no matter how much a nasty part of me wanted to be so. I just wished I knew what the right answer was, so I could fix this for everyone. Yes, even Karofsky.

But by the end of the day, I had to realize that there were no easy answers. Not for making Karofsky leave me and Kurt alone, not for Mr. Shue and I, not for anything in this world. It was a depressing thought, because I like to be able to fix stuff.

Kurt was waiting for me outside of my classroom, his back pressed hard against the lockers so he could see anyone coming. He peeled himself loose and we walked over to the principal's office, his mood matching mine. "You're still sure? Because we can still just go home."

"No, I have to." I was tired of saying it. I just wanted all of this to be done with, but that didn't seem likely to happen any time soon.

He looked down at his hands, which were holding each other so tightly that they had turned white. "Finn….this is really about you and Mr. Shue, right? It isn't because of what Mr. Ryerson did? I mean, it partially is, but you're not giving up your happiness for mine, right? Because I can't ask you to do that."

There was something weird about the way he said that. I felt like he was saying the right words, but he actually meant something else. But, even though I thought really hard, I couldn't figure out what else he could be asking. "This is mostly about him and me, I promise."

"Ok." He was picking at his sweater cuff now, and I put my hand over his to make him stop. His fingers brushed mine for a second, but his eyes were so sad that it made me want to cry.

"Finn Hudson." Figgens had opened his door when I wasn't paying attention. "I believe you wanted to speak to me."

"Yeah." I stood up, letting Kurt's hand fall back into his lap. "I did."

Figgens' office is kind of scary, especially when you're the one sitting in the seat across from his desk, and I had to keep reminding myself that I hadn't done anything wrong. "I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about Mr. Shue."

"Mister Hudson, I assure you that the appropriate steps are being taken to assure that William Shuester never teaches at this school again. I've already removed him as head of the Glee Club, what else do you want?"

"Coach Sylvester is lying. Mr. Shue didn't put drugs in my locker, I promise. He was putting notes in there from when I missed a day, and I got confused when I saw the tape." I ducked my head down and tried to look guilty. "I'm sorry that I screwed everything up."

Figgins gave me a look, the kind that said he didn't believe me. "This is a very serious charge Mr. Hudson, are you positive?"

"Uh-huh." I made myself look him in the eyes, so it would look like I was telling the truth.

"Why would Sue Sylvester tell such a terrible lie?" He tried to sound all indignant, but I'm pretty sure he knows how evil Coach Sylvester is. I mean, come on, he hired her!

"Because she hates Mr. Shue, and she hates the Glee club, so she wants to see it gone. Why would I lie? I mean, if Mr. Shue really did that, I would want to see him go to Hell." Not really. Ok, maybe a little.

"Mr. Hudson, I can not just take your word for this. I'm going to call a meeting with William, Sue, and yourself, and we will get to the bottom of this. Tomorrow after school, this office. Now you are dismissed."

Shit, shit, shit! If he put me in a room with Coach Sylvester I was probably going to choke and confess everything. But I knew better then to get rattled and make it obvious that I was trying to lie. "Thank you, Principal Figgins."

Kurt was still sitting exactly where I had left him, looking like I had killed his puppy. A quick look around confirmed that Figgins was looking at his computer and the secretary was out, so I took a chance and gave him a quick kiss. "You ready to get out of here?"

He smiled. "Yeah. You still sure about going to Mr. Shue's?"

"I have to. We're having another meeting tomorrow, and it would probably be good if he was in on the lie."

I reached out and touched his shoulder, guiding him to his feet. He leaned against me a little, but he didn't really look at me. This was bad. Usually, when I touched him like that, he went totally limp and snuggled against me.

_He's being smart, Finn. He remembers that you're both still in a public place, and anything could happen. You're taking a lot of risks here, Finn. Keep that in mind, because it's Kurt that will suffer, not you._

Stupid Quinn-voice. She just hated Kurt because I was dating him and not her. Well, maybe if she hadn't been a cheating slut, I would still be dating her.

_Get over yourself, Finn. I obviously did. I'm just trying to keep both of you safe. Just because I didn't like Rachel, doesn't mean that I wouldn't like anyone you date. If anyone's going to treat you like a dog, it's going to be me._

I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. But I squeezed Kurt one more time before I let him go, just to remind him that I was still here, and, no matter what his problem was, I would try and help him fix it.

Once we were in the car, he seemed to perk up, asking me for a kiss, and squeezing me so tightly that I could barely breathe. "I love you, Finn."

There were about a million questions I wanted to ask, but it didn't seem like the right time. But that didn't mean I couldn't squeeze him back and kiss the top of his head and tell him how much I loved him. He liked that, I could tell.

He was quiet until we were almost at Mr. Shue's. "Did you actually tell him that you're coming?"

"Uh, no." I was afraid that if I tried to call him, he either wouldn't pick up, or would make sure he wasn't home. "I thought it would be better as a surprise. You know, in case I wussed out."

"I wouldn't have let you wuss. Now, do you want me to come up with you?" He scratched my neck, and I let my head fall forward.

I really, really did, but I could tell that he wanted me to do this for myself. "Only if you want to. I can do it by myself if you want me to."

When he looked at me, it was so sad I could barely stand it. "I do have some back issues of Vogue to catch up on."

"Ok." It seemed rude to just leave him hanging. "But, I can still call you if I need you, right?"

One hand held up his phone, fully charged and ready. "Kurt Hummel, ready and willing to be your wingman."

"Thanks, Spider Monkey." I kissed him one last time and jumped out of the car before I could lose my nerve.

Sometimes the Glee Club would practice in Mr. Shue's apartment, especially when the Cheerios had taken over both the choir room and the auditorium, so I knew exactly where to go. I took a deep breath and pounded on the door, trying to keep my feet from turning around and running like a little girl.

"Hang on, hang on…" Mr. Shue sounded really cranky, and I almost wimped out right there. "Terri, if this is- Finn." He seemed shocked to see me right there, just like things were normal.

"Uh, yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck, just like I always did when I got nervous. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, yeah, come on in." He stepped backwards, and I knew that this was my last chance to get out of here. Kurt wouldn't think I was a pussy if I came back down right now, would he?

_Of course he would. You've been trying to tell me all about how much of a man you are, so prove it._

It was that voice, more then anything else, that propelled me into the room, where I sat on the couch. Mr. Shue looked into my eyes. "Can I get you something to drink? I have Coke, Sprite, water?"

Kurt would probably be proud of me if I had water, but I asked for a Coke instead. I had known what I wanted to say, but as soon as I saw his face, I forgot all of it. This would give me a chance to think of something else.

He brought back a glass with ice, and poured the drink into it. "Here you go." Then he stopped, I guess because he didn't know what to say either. I took a few sips, just so I would have something to do with my hands.

Mr. Shue sat down in the chair across from me. "Congratulations on your win at Sectionals. Rachel says that you really came through for the team." He looked almost as sad as Kurt had earlier.

"Yeah, we pulled it off. Uh, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I want you to be our coach again. I don't like Mr. Ryerson." I said it all in a rush, so fast I could barely understand myself.

He sighed. "Finn, Sandy is a good teacher. I can't be your coach again. Hell, I might not even have a job after this week. We both know that I can't come back and coach. I'm sorry."

"Yes, you can. And Mr. Ryerson isn't a good teacher. If he was a good teacher, then the Glee Club wouldn't have sucked so much before you took it over." See, Kurt's always after me to use more logical arguments, and it doesn't get much more logical then that. "If you want to come back, all you have to do is tell everyone that you didn't put those drugs in my locker. There's no proof that you did."

"Except for your word, and Sue's word, and the video that proves both of your versions instead of mine. And the reason that that happened, Finn? Because all of that is right. I lied, and I cheated you out of your choice in joining Glee, and I was stupid enough to think I could get away with it."

"Yeah, you were stupid." As bad as things were, I was secretly savoring this moment. I was actually able to tell an adult that they were dumb and not get bitched out for it later. "But, that's not the point. The point is that I know a way for you to not get fired, and be able to be our coach again. All you have to do is go to Figgins, and tell him that you didn't put the drugs in my locker. I've seen the tape, and you really can't tell what you're putting in there. If I say that you didn't do it, and you say that you didn't do it, he has to believe us. It's us against Coach Sylvester." See what a genius I was sometimes?

"That sounds really great, Finn, but it's just not possible. Figgins isn't going to believe us. You guys made it through Sectionals without my help, and you can do Regionals, too. Even if Sandy can't help you. Which he can. The man has amazing musical knowledge."

This wasn't going the way it was supposed to. "But…." I pulled out the big guns. "I totally forgive you for doing it. Well, not totally, but most of the way. I already got us an appointment with Figgins tomorrow, and all we have to do is show up and double team him." I was starting to whine, and I hated myself for it, but I couldn't help it. "Please Mr. Shue?"

"Finn…" He didn't really have anything else to say, but I knew that he was trying to let me down easy. I had to tell him the real reason I wanted Mr. Ryerson gone. But would Kurt be pissed?

"I gotta make a call." I hit one (duh, because Kurt's the first contact in my phone. Who else would I put there?) and waited for him to pick up.

"Are you ok, Cowboy? Do you need me to come up there?" He didn't sound as upset as he had earlier, which was good. Maybe he just needed a chance to be alone with his fashion magazines. I'm pretty sure that those things are like porn to him, and if I walked in one day and actually caught him spanking it to some fancy scarf collection, I wouldn't be that surprised. Then I got a naughty image of Kurt spanking it and my brain kind of shorted out. "Cowboy? Hello, did I lose the connection?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, I got kind of…distracted. Uh, listen, it's not working up here. Can I tell him the real reason we need Mr. Ryerson gone?" I couldn't tell anyone, even Mr. Shue without Kurt's permission. Well, I kind of told Mom, but that's different. I think she's going to be Kurt's Mom one day, too, so she kind of has to know these things.

He was quiet for a few minutes, and I knew that he was kind of pissed that I brought it up. "Kurt?" Nothing. "Do you want to come up?"

"Yeah. I'll be up in a minute." He didn't sound quite as pissed, which is a good thing. Pissed of Kurt=no sex for me. Not even a handjob.

That was about when I remembered that Mr. Shue hadn't been around for the big confession, so he had no idea that Kurt and I were together. Like, together together, not just as friends. Shit, should I tell him now, or wait until Kurt was actually here.

The bell rang, and I didn't have a chance to just tell him. "Kurt's here. I'm going to let him in."

Kurt jumped into my arms, nuzzling into my neck and all but begging for a kiss. And what kind of guy would I be if I didn't give it to him? Mr. Shue pretended that he didn't notice, and snuck out before Kurt saw him. Him doing that made me forgive him a little bit more. I kissed Kurt's jaw. "Can we tell him?"

He nodded. "You do it, though. It's just too…you tell him."

Mr. Shue poked his head in from the kitchen. "Kurt! Would you like something to drink? Water? Cola?"

"Water, thank you." He didn't want to turn me loose, so I sat on the couch and let him cuddle up.

"Here you are. Now, Finn, what did you want to tell me?" Apparently he was going to keep pretending that Kurt and I weren't doing anything unusual until one of us said something.

I looked over at Kurt, but he was staring down into his glass, hanging on so tightly that his fingers were all white. "Mr. Ryerson slapped Kurt on the butt."

"He what! Kurt, are you sure?" He leaned forward, which I could have told him was a mistake. Kurt likes his space, except for with me, and he leaned back against the couch.

He nodded and Mr. Shue's face turned the same color as the can of Coke that was still sitting there on the table. "This needs to be reported."

I shook my head. "It got reported last time, and Mr. Ryerson got fired. Then we won't have any coach, and we lose. You have to come back."

"Please, Mr. Shue?" I was surprised when Kurt asked. He hates having to beg anyone for anything.

Mr. Shue was surprised, too, and I could tell that he was weakening. "I…this really isn't appropriate."

"But we need you. You and me, we can deal with that later. Please, just come in tomorrow, right after school. Maybe it won't even work, but we have to try. Otherwise, Glee is done. If Mr. Ryerson doesn't get fired, Kurt and I quit. Then he only have 10 members, and it's over any way."

"I…." He couldn't think of any more reasons not to, other then the fact that it was lying of course. "Finn, Kurt, I'm sorry, I can't. I understand one or both of you quitting, and I will file a complaint against Sandy, but I can't do this. Lying got me in to this mess, and I'm not going to count on it getting me out."

Really? Now he develops a conscience? Now? Finn, you know what you have to do here.

I really didn't want to, but Kurt's fingers tightened in mine, and I knew I had to. Alright, no more Mr. Nice Finn. "Ok, fine. But I will go into that meeting tomorrow, and I will cry, and I will tell them all about how you not only did that, but that Coach Sylvester is the one who was doing most of the coaching, and how she should be not only allowed to teach again, but get full control over the Glee Club."

His eyes locked on mine, and I had to force myself not to look down like a dog. "She'll destroy it. Finn, I understand that you're upset with me, but this isn't the way to accomplish anything."

"Yeah, it is. Actually, it seems that force is the only way you accomplish anything at this school. So, either you go in there tomorrow and tell them that I made a huge mistake, and you didn't put those drugs in my locker, or I will blow this club to smithereens. Also, I might tell them about you and Ms. Pillsbury. I'm pretty sure that you aren't allowed to date your coworkers. And if you got caught not only framing a student for having drugs, but fraternityizing with your coworkers, there isn't a school in this state that will hire you. If you want a job by this time tomorrow, we're going to do it my way." I sat back and crossed my arms. Also? I was pretty sure that fraternityizing wasn't the right word, but I was just going to pretend that it was.

_Go, Finn, go! God, I knew that you got something out of all those months we were dating. Congratulations, you can now throw a bitch fit with the best of them._

I was glad that Quinn-voice liked it, because both Mr. Shue and Kurt were staring at me with their mouths hanging open. Mr. Shue stuttered a bit before finding his voice. "Finn, are you blackmailing me?"

"Yes. You ought to know what it looks like. Now, are you going to tell them your version or my version?" I was winning and I knew it.

"You mean to do I lie or tell the truth?" He was all bitter sounding, but I thought his eyes looked a little hopeful, too.

"Uh-huh, pretty much."

"Alright, Finn, we'll try it your way. But you do understand that if this goes poorly, I'll be dragging you down with me. Right now, you're the good guy. If they don't believe us, then you'll be suspended at the very least."

I didn't care, because we weren't going to get caught. "I can live with that."

"Then we do it tomorrow after school. Ok, Finn, lets see if you can pull this off."

I kind of wanted to finish my Coke, but Kurt was tugging on my arm. I think this might be one of those things where I had to make a big, dramatic statement by storming out as soon as we were both clear on what was going to happen tomorrow. "I'll see you in Spanish. Thank you for the soda." I didn't think making a grand exit involved saying thank you, but Mom would be pissed if I didn't, and I had already made her mad enough for one day.

We were halfway down the stairs when Kurt threw his arms around me, nearly making me lose my balance and fall. "Thank you, Finn."

"For what?" I couldn't think of anything I had done that would be cool enough that he would risk someone seeing us just to give me a hug.

"For sticking up for me. No one ever sticks up for me." He pressed his face into my shoulder.

"Dude, that's not true!" It couldn't possibly be true, could it? "I mean…like…your Dad sticks up for you!"

He nodded. "Yeah, and he's great at it. But he's my father, it's his job. You don't have to do it, which is why it's special."

"But…" I was so shocked that I just stood there like an idiot. "I'm your boyfriend; it's my job, too." Then I realized how bad that sounded. "Not that I totally wouldn't do it even if it wasn't my job! Because you're awesome, and special you need someone to be your champion. I can do that."

"Finn Hudson, you are my champion. My hero." He laughed a little. "Shit, you are my _He-man_."

Oh, yeah, I was good. "Can I drive your car?"

"Can you keep from crashing it?" He grinned at me, the cute one that actually showed his teeth.

No fucking way. Not only was I actually fixing something rather then making it worse, but I could actually drive Kurt's car? Sweet!

He leaned against me when we came down the stairs. "You're the best boyfriend ever."

"I'm pretty cool." I head butted him, and he smiled again. "Maybe not as cool as like, Matt Damon, or Brad Pitt or someone like that, but not too bad."

"You're right, you aren't cool like them. I think you're actually a little better."

I might be an idiot, no matter what Kurt says, but I do know how to not ruin a moment by saying too much. So I slung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him to me. Yeah, he was my He-man, too.

And if someone saw us like this and got all pissy? So what? They can go fuck themselves.


	46. Chapter 46

Kurt POV

Oh, God, somebody douse me with water. Somebody pour ice on me. Somebody do _something_ before I spontaneously combust. Because I have never, never been this turned on in my entire life. Watching Finn take control of the situation, to man up and take on the teacher to get his way was so, so, sexy. And knowing that he was doing it to defend me? Oh, God yes.

I hadn't been kidding when I told him that no one ever defended me. Ever. No one stopped the jocks of McKinley High from pushing me into the lockers, or throwing me in the dumpsters, or tossing slushies at me.

_There was a time when Finn didn't stop them either._

That was true. But that time wasn't this time. This time it was Finn doing whatever it took to make sure that Mr. Ryerson never put his hands on me again. That alone would make me forgive Finn anything. The rest of it? Icing on the cake.

To be honest, I hadn't been terribly surprised when I felt him slap my butt. He had been giving me long, flirty looks all day, and I had been doing my best to ignore him and pretend that it wasn't happening. Gross. He was old, and perverted, and, worst of all, not Finn.

He had just split us into girls and boys (really? Girls vs boys? Can't they come up with anything else? We get it, both genders are great and have their own strengths. But anyway, I digress.). I pressed close to Artie, wishing that Finn was there. 

"Oh, Kurt? I want you over with the girls." I froze in horror. I had been working so hard to get the guys to accept me and treat me like one of them, and this was not going to help! "Go on, go on." He fluttered his hands at me and I made a mental note to never, ever succumb to that stereotype.

I tried holding my ground. "But this is boys vs. girls and I'm a _boy_."

"Yes, _obviously. _But your vocal range in more in with the girls, and I'll be able to assist you better over there. Now go on. Fly little bird._" _

When he said the word 'obviously', he looked me up and down in a way that made my skin crawl. I wanted Finn there, pronto.

"But…" I looked around helplessly, but no one was going to help. Mercedes was making little 'come here' gestures, but every other person in the room was finding somewhere else to look. Nervous chatter sprung up all over the place, just so they could pretend that it wasn't happening. Like I said _no one_ ever stands up for me.

It was humiliating to have to stand up and go over there, but I had been humiliated over and over during my short career at McKinley High, so I put my chin up and marched over there was strongly as I could, refusing to let any of them see how upset I was.

Because I was trying so hard not to cry, I veered a little too close to Mr. Ryerson. The man might be a perv, but let it never be said that his misses an opportunity. As I passed Mr. Ryerson, I felt something give me a sharp slap on the rear. A part of me didn't want to believe that it had just happened, but I knew that it had. No one else had noticed, which made me question my sanity. Then I made the mistake of looking up at Mr. Ryerson. He smiled at me and did that tiny little wave thing that I knew meant 'call me'.

I threw myself down next to Mercedes and crossed my arms over my chest, glaring as evilly as I could. Mr. Ryerson smirked at me, but he let it go for the minute. A part of me wanted to storm out, but the majority was so humiliated that I just wanted to curl into a ball and die. I wouldn't have even let Finn smack me like that. It was demeaning, and repulsive, and made me feel like a fricking hooker! And not the high class Julia Roberts kind of hooker either. More like the hooker that Charlize Theron got all ugly to play.

_We can _not_ tell Finn this. Ever. He'll freak out and probably hit Mr. Ryerson, and then he'll get suspended and we can not have the on our concionce. Keep your mouth shut for once. And that includes right after sex, when you tend to blurt out any number of inappropriate things._

I agreed with Galinda, of course, but then Finn called, and I agreed to meet him in the auditorium. Despite all my earlier promises, I blurted out exactly what had happened. Ok, maybe I did it just because I wanted to see how Finn would react. Would he be pissed? Or would he do exactly what everyone else did, and pretend that it hadn't happened?

Finn came through in a blaze of glory. He was pissed, but, for once, he didn't fly off the handle. Actually, if I had scripted his response, it couldn't have been any better. And then he came over to Mr. Shue's today and I needed to get with him, right now. Of the entire Glee Club, Finn was the only one who stood up for me. Like I said, he was He-man.

He reached over laying a hand on my forehead. "Are you feeling ok? You look really, really flushed and I don't want you to ralph on the leather."

I mentally ran my fathers work schedule and realized that he would be just getting home. "Turn around."

"What?" Finn looked confused.

"Turn this car around and take us to your house. Your mother is working tonight, right?"

He gave me that dopey half smile, and I knew that he was getting where I was going with this. "Yeah."

"Then turn this car around so we can go to your place and get naked."

The tires shrieked as he spun a quick (and illegal) U-turn in the middle of the road. "Alright! I've got the power!"

I had to laugh at that, mostly to blow off some tension. That He-man thing was going to haunt me for a long time, I could tell. Still, it was Finn, and everything he did was cute in my mind, so I let it go. Well, almost everything. Finding out that he had been using my 45 dollar an ounce face cream as lube for what he referred to as 'special alone time' with himself had tested that cuteness, but the 'I'm sorry' blow job he had given me later went a long way towards making up for it.

That, naturally, made me wonder what else Finn had done wrong lately, because holding grudges gave you wrinkles. Therefore, it would be much more beneficial to both my libido and my face if he just did all his confessing at the Alter of Kurt.

_You know, I think he might need to do a little penance as well. _

That idea I liked. I liked it very, very much. But what sort of penance should Finn have to do?

_Ok, apparently I wasn't being clear enough, so let me try this. Tie that boy to the bed and have your wicked way with him. If you have to make up a crime, so be it. Got it now? _

Yes, that was very clear. As was in the image of Finn tied to his bed, completely at my mercy. Screw him taking charge, he had already had his chance today. This time, I was going to be the boss.

_Thank God. Do you know how long it's been since we got any sex at all?_

Two days. And that had me jerking him off in the bathroom at my place while Carole and Dad set the table for dinner. Then he had decided I needed a pre-dinner blow job, which was why the garlic bread had gotten a little burned. Finn had eaten the worst pieces, though, and told me that it was delicious anyway. If that wasn't love, what was?

"We're here, Spider Monkey. What did you plan on-" Anything else he might have wanted to say was cut off by me launching myself at him and covering his lips with mine. He jumped, but then seemed to decide that this was exactly what he wanted, because he lifted me over the center console and into his arms. From his new vantage point, it was easy to run my tongue down his neck, feeling the pulse throb in reaction. "Fuck, Kurt." His moan was soft and breathy.

We could, but not today. Today Finn was going to find out what a cocktease actually was. "Inside, right now. And pick me up."

He seemed surprised at that, probably because I was always telling him not to pick me up, but he did so without comment, allowing me to wrap my body around his. That had been a test, to see how Finn would respond to an order, and he had passed with flying colors. No questioning at all, he had just done it. This was going to be a great, great, day. 

"Take me upstairs, right now. No stopping for a snack." I was kind of getting into this. I mean, it's not like I don't do it all the time, but no one really takes me seriously. I think it's because I'm so short and skinny, but I still have plenty of time for a growth spurt, right? Right.

Finn bounced me gently. "You're bossy today." His tone was unreadable, and I suddenly had second thoughts. At least until he pulled us face to face again and kissed me in a way that ought to be illegal. "I like it."

Yeah he did. He carried me up the stairs, and around the piles of crap on his bedroom floor. There we go, there was something I could use. "Finn, we've talked about you using a hamper. It isn't fair for Carole to be cleaning up after you like you're a toddler."

"We also talked about getting naked together, and that isn't happening." He started to unbutton my shirt, but I slapped his hand away. "No. I'm in charge right now, and you have to listen to me."

"Ok." He sounded a little tentative, but he trusted me. "What do I do?"

I pushed at his shoulders, knocking him back onto the bed. He took a deep breath. "Thisishot."

I was glad that he thought so, because I wasn't stopping now. "Are you going to do what I tell you to?"

"Yeah." His eyes were dark and dilated, watching me intently.

"Good boy. I'm going downstairs for a minute, and I expect you to be naked and laying just like that when I come back." Where was this suddenly sexy side of me coming from?

_Maybe you've finally been listening to me. Or maybe not, I don't know, but I like it!_

If the glazed over expression in his eyes was anything to go by, so did Finn. "Are you getting a snack? Because I'm starving."

Ah, yes, Finn and his stomach. "Are you really more concerned about eating then getting laid?" Then I rethought that. "On second thought, don't answer that. No more talking at all. You just get your ass naked, or face the consequences when I get back."

I didn't look back to see if he was complying, but the rustle of clothing was a pretty clear giveaway that he was. God, now I knew why they always said that power corrupted. If the state of my dick was any indication, it corrupted really quickly, too.

There were scarves in the car (along with shirts, pants, and other small accessories to make three or four complete outfits. The painful situation after Sectionals, where I had actually been forced to wear the same outfit twice in a row, taught me to always be prepared), and I snuck out and grabbed two of them. I probably could have found something in the house, but using Finn's belt seemed a little extreme and might freak him out. And, no matter how desperate I might be, I was not about to use anything belonging to Carole Hudson. The entire thought was just creepy.

Luckily, I found two scarves that were both strong enough to hold Finn if he started struggling, and old enough that it wouldn't matter if something happened to them. Then I took a steadying breath and raced back up the stairs. I could do this. I could channel my inner sexy vixen.

Finn apparently thought so, because he had obeyed my orders perfectly. He was also completely hard, and, for a second, I wondered if I should give up my plan and just suck him off.

No. I wasn't going to wimp out. I could be confident. I could be sexy. No, wait, I _was_ sexy. After all, I was sleeping with the quarterback, wasn't I? Oh, yeah, yeah I was. I had already slipped the scarves into my back pocket, so they would be out of Finn's sight. With deliberate movements, I crawled up his body, kissing and licking as I went. He was so into trying to get my mouth with this, that I was able to take both of his wrists and guide them up over his head without much resistance from him. Once I had them up, though, he realized what was going to happen, and stiffened up.

I kissed him again, sliding the scarves out of my pocket to show him. "Is this alright?" 

He didn't respond, just looked. I gave him a few minutes to process it, then tried again. "Finn? Can I?"

"Yeah." He nodded slowly, like he was convincing himself. "Ok." 

I slid the first scarf around his wrist, taking care to tie it in a way that wouldn't slip or chafe his skin. Then I propped an extra pillow behind his back to keep his mucles from locking up. "Good boy, Finn."

He whined a little, and I could feel that his body had relaxed underneath me. He trusted me completely, and, even if he didn't entirely understand why I wanted to do this, he was willing to try. I kissed him again, grinning a little when he tried to reach out for me, only to be jerked up short by the scarves. "Fuck!" It came out a hissed whisper.

This was awesome. This meant that I could study Finn's body without having him doing distracting things like taking my pants off or putting his mouth on my dick. But I felt compelled to say one last thing. "If you say stop, I'll let you go, alright? "

"Uh-huh." I didn't think it was going to be nessacery, though. Finn had a dopey smile on his face, his body calm and relaxed against me. Except for one thing. There was nothing relaxed or calm about that particular body part.

I took advantage of that moment. "But you don't want me to stop, do you? You like it when I'm a little rough. It gets you hot."

Finn nodded enthusiastically. "God, yes."

"Not this time, Finn. This time, I'm God, got it?" Who _was_ this slut who had possessed me? I was shocked with myself.

_That slut, Kurt, is _you_. The nonrepressed version of you that wants to have sex with his boyfriend instead of just getting close to it. Now go get him, tiger!_

Slut that I might be, I still wasn't quite ready to have sex with Finn. But that didn't matter right now, now did it? What mattered was that he trusted me completely, and, if I had wanted to, he would have let me, because he loved me that much. "What do you want me to do, Finn?"

"I…uh…." He couldn't seem to get a sentence out, and I would have thought he was afraid if his eyes weren't so soft and tender.

"You know what, I don't care what you want. This is about what I want, and you don't get a say." I rubbed my body against his, letting him feel how hard I was, and making him groan softly. "Right now, you're mine, and you'll do whatever I tell you to."

"Ok." Finn was getting into it now, and I knew this was going to work. "What do I do?"

"Right now? Just watch. If you're very, very, good, I might let you play." My voice grew steadier as my confidence rose. As soon as he nodded, I leaned back, still straddling his stomach, and started unbuttoning my shirt. Finn's breathing gre faster with every bit of skin that was revealed, and he started tugging against his restraints. For a second I worried, but both the scarves and the bed held. "Ah-ah, you can't touch."

"No fuck!" He was twisting now, but the one thing I had learned from scouts was how to tie a proper knot ( _so_ useful when I started wearing scarves a few years later) and he couldn't get himself loose. "I mean it, Kurt, you're killing me!"

If he thought he was dying now, he wasn't going to know what to do with himself in a few minutes. I let my shirt drop to the floor, making mental note to bleach the hell out of it when I got home. I wouldn't be the slightest bit shocked to find out that there were new life forms colonizing and breeding on Finn's bedroom floor. "Should I take my pants off now?"

He nodded so hard that I almost heard his neck pop. "What will you do if I do that?"

"Anything." He was breathing hard now, and I wondered if it was possible for him to have a heart attack at 16.

"Would you suck me off?" Normally I would have blushed and stuttered at using such a crude term out loud, but this particular situation did not call for being coy. Actually, this particular sitation called for that extremely trampy pair of leather pants I was hiding in the back of my closet, but beggars cant be choosers.

"Uh-huh." He pulled again. "Let me go, and I'll suck it right now."

This was where my plan hit a snag. With Finn tied to the bed and having very little wiggle room, there was no way for me to positiong myself so he could blow me. Hmmmm…. "You'll do it when I say you can do it." There we go, back on track.

I trailed my hands down his sides, making sure to hit that ticklish spot at the top of his hipbones. He gave a breathy laugh at that, even as he tried to buck his hips up into my body. Nice try, Finn, but I had positioned myself so he couldn't get any friction. It wasn't a tease if I allowed him to get off so easily, now was it? I slapped his hip, the sound loud in the otherwise silent house. "Bad boy."

Was it my imagination, or did he get even harder from that? I filed that away for further contemplation, and kissed him again, nibbling at his lips. He rumbled appreciatively and kissed back, his tongue doing what his dick couldn't. I continued to rub his sides and inner thighs, getting close to, but never touching, his dick. He whined pitifully.

"Did you want something, Cowboy?" I made my voice as sweet as possible.

His jaw clenched. "You know exactly what I want."

"Oh! You want me to touch you, right?" I ran my fingers over his cock, smearing the precum and making him whimper and jerk his hips. "I can do that. But…." I trailed off, guessing that it wouldn't take long for him to get impatient and demand an answer.

"But what! I swear, I'll do anything."

Ah, the magic words. "But, you aren't allowed to come until I do. Now think, Finn, do you want me to touch you? Because I think you're kind of close already and I wouldn't want there to be any….accidents."

His hard breathing stilled, and for a minute I thought I had pushed things too far. Then he took a slow deep breath. "How am I supposed to get you off if I'm tied to the bed? Dude, that isn't fair!"

I smirked at him and lazily stroked my own cock, moaning to let him know how good this was. He stared, utterly transfixed. If I had ever doubted that I was sexually attractive, this moment would always be there to remind me that I was, in Finn's mind at least.

_Careful there, buddy. If you don't ease up on doing that, you're going to be the one who ends up having some sort of embarrassing accident. _

She had a point. My stomach was already trilling, and it would be completely humiliating if I came before Finn even touched me. So I stopped, just resting my hand on the base of my cock. "Well, Finn? What are you going to do with this thing?"

"Untie me and I'll show you what I want to do with that thing. I'll show you so hard that you won't be able to get up for a week!" He yanked again, but all he succeeded in doing was popping one shoulder.

I was starting to think that I was losing control of this situation. "I'll untie you. But if I catch you so much as trying to touch yourself, I'll tie that hand back up and leave you here to suffer blue balls all alone. Don't worry about me, though, because I'll make damn sure to jerk off before I leave."

Finn's jaw dropped open, his eyes totally dumbfounded. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would. But when I tell you to move, you're going to do it, aren't you? Because I can always leave…"

Of course I couldn't leave, but Finn didn't know that. He was nodding desperately. "Anything."

"Fine, but keep your hands on the headboard until I tell you you can move them." I undid the knot in the back of the headboard, since the knots on his hands had moved around to the back.

"Ok." He was so turned on that he was actually trembling, but he did exactly as I told him to, his hands perfectly still. I made him hold that position while I counted to thirty, my eyes sweeping over his body. Finn was gorgous when he was turned on, his skin flushed and his cock dripping onto his stomach. He looked wrecked already, and I had barely even touched him.

My own cock lurched, and I had to take a few seconds to remind my body to behave itself. I had always been very good at it, considering the number of times I had to force a hard on away watching Finn at football practice. Or at Glee practice. Or during Spanish class. Hey, I was sixteen and he was hot, so sue me! 

Belatedly, I realized that Finn was still holding position, waiting for my command. "Ok, you can touch me now."

Finn didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed me and wrapped me up in his arms, pulling my body to his. "You are in big trouble now, Spider Monkey!"

If what I was feeling against my leg was any indication, the trouble was _huge_. "Yeah? Well what are you going to do about it?"

"What are your orders, master?" His voice was a mix of sarcastic and genuine curiousity.

Luckily, that didn't require much thought. "Do as you will. I'll tell you when you screw it up"

Then he strarted running his hands over my body, and somehow, I had forgotten that he knew my body as well as I knew his. He knew what I liked, where I was sensitive, and exactly how to get me off in the shortest possible amount of time. His thumbs ran over my nipples even as he was sucking on my neck. "Please Finn?"

He drew back, and there was a smirk on his face that I either wanted smack or kiss off, depending on the moment. Right now, I wanted to grab him and kiss him silly. Except suddenly my hands were the ones being held down, and Finn was doing something less then appropriate with his tongue, and I had to think very quickly of Rachel Berry's horrendous knee socks to keep this from being over way too quickly. The particularly bad plaid ones with-ok, that did it.

Unfortunatly, either I had given some outward signal of my condition (other then the obvious one, of course) or Finn had suddenly learned to read minds, because he smirked again. "Please Finn, what?"

I struggled to get my authority back, knowing that it was probably a losing battle. "I believe I already told you what to do, Finn, or were you not listening? If I can't even trust you to remember instructions from five minutes ago, how can I trust you to-oh shit!"

While I was bitching, Finn had been sliding his hands down my body until they were at my hips. His hands were absolutely enormous, and covered most of my body. Then he used his greater strength (and god, I _never_ got tired of him doing this) to move my entire body up so he could wrap his lips around my cock. It wasn't just the blow job, though he was amazing at that,too, but the way he touched me that nearly brought tears to my eyes.

Most people wanted to treat me like I was as fragile as spun glass. I guessed it was inevitable, based on my tiny size and prissy demeanor. Even when I had played football, Coach Tanaka had been easier on me then the other guys, letting me out of running laps or allowing me to start practice a little later. A part of me had appreciated being less sweaty and not having to ram into that stupid piece of equiptment and try to knock it backwards, but it had just comfirmed to the rest of the team that there was something wrong with me, and that I couldn't pull my own weight.

Finn didn't do that. He was gentle, yes, but not because he thought he would break me. His gentleness was more because he thought I was precious, and he couldn't believe that he had been so lucky as to get me in the first place, so he needed to be extra careful with me now, before I realized what I was missing and found someone else. Which was ridiculous, because I had wanted Finn Hudson for as long as I could remember. But if he wanted to treat me like something to be worshiped, even when I was having a bad hair day and and was all bitchy, and had been forced into an ugly outfit for Glee, who was I to tell him different? That look, the one that told me he was shocked that he had gotten me at all, was the reason I hadn't pushed him to tell me that he loved me. Why should I demand his mouth say it when his eyes already did, and had been doing so for weeks? 

Then Finn did something where my dick went all the way down his throat and I forgot not only that he loved me, but my own last name. This was…there were no words for what I was experiencing, the tightness of his throat, and the heat and they fact that I could barely feel his hands roaming over my ass as he tried to pull me even closer. I was so overwhelmed that my orgasm overtook me without any warning, shocking me in its intensity. Colors sharpened and faded, shapes distorted and what sounded like a freight train roared through my ears. My entire body turned inside out as Finn struggled to simultaneously swallow and breathe. Finally he snorted and managed to take a breath.

I, meanwhile, collapsed backwards onto the bed like…I couldn't even form a simile. But it was great, whatever it was. Finn flopped over next to me, breathing hard and nuzzling against my neck. He did that for a few seconds, while I tried to remember how to breathe. Then he couldn't stand it any more, and headbutted my shoulder. "Kurt, Kurt, _please_! Can I? Please?"

My brain was still foggy and my body lazy and I had no idea what Finn could possibly be talking about. I tried to force my eyes open and failed. "Can you what?"

"Can I come now? You said not to, but I'm dying!" His voice was a desperate whimper and it was enough to make my eyes come back open. Sure enough, he was still hard and leaking all over his comforter, which I would probably end up changing after all this because I didn't trust him to do it properly.

"Of course you can." I tried to make myself sit up so I could help him out, but my limbs had quit responding to me. Then an idea so wonderful I could barely believe I had just had it came into my mind. "Show me how you touch yourself."

"Huh?" He sounded confused, but, in his defense, he wasn't getting much blood flow to his brain right now.

"You heard me." My voice was returning to the commanding tone I had used earlier and Finn's eyelids fluttered halfway shut. "Show me exactly what you do when you imagine being with me."

His eyes were still huge, but Finn responded gamely, one hand sliding down his stomach. "Talk to me, Finn. What do you think about?"

"I, uh, think about you touching me. You doing that thing where you put your hands on my legs."

"Show me while you're telling me." My slutty side had woken back up, and, oh dear Prada, was I actually getting hard again? I gave my dick an evil glare, but it wasn't listening at all.

Luckily, Finn didn't see it, at least not yet. He stroked his fingers over his inner thighs, the same way that I always did before I actually touched his dick. Funny, I had never thought that he noticed. He moaned softly, then trailed the backs of his fingers over his hipbones, drawing them downwards to lightly stroke his cock. "Please?"

"Tell me more. What do you want to do with me? Would you like me to suck you off again?" I made my voice as seductive as possible. I kind of thought that I sounded like something out of a bad soft porn, but Finn clearly liked it. He whined softly and bucked against his hand.

"Yeah, but…" He stopped, biting back a moan. "I, uh-fuck!" His muscles were shuddering and I knew he was about to come.

With a speed that I wouldn't have thought myself capable of, I lunged forward and gripped his cock at the base, cutting his orgasm off. He yelped, half in pain and half in pleasure, but he didn't tell me to stop. I wrapped my free arm around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Then I whispered into his neck. "What do you want, Finn?"

"To have sex! I want you to fuck me!" The words were blurted out, and we both froze. My jaw dropped, and from the look on his face, Finn was just as shocked as I was.

_Oh dear God. Check your pulse, Kurt, because I'm pretty sure you're a dead man. Also? Now might be the time to rethink your stance on there being no Heaven, because I think that you're already there. _

"You do?" My voice had gone from seductive and trampy to sounding like a puppy's yip.

Finn, who was already flushed with arousal, turned even redder. "Uh, yeah?" Then he paled a bit. "Not right now! Please don't do it right now!"

"Of course not." My voice was soothing and he relaxed a little bit. "When you're ready, we can do it however you want." Inside, Galinda was all but dancing a jig. She was finally getting what her horny, slutty, self had been asking for for almost two months now. "But first, I think you've been a good enough boy to get a treat."

"Finally." The word came out scathing, but quickly turned into a series of broken moans and half formed words as I knocked his hand away and started pumping his dick.

I smirked at him. "What was that, Finnegan? Were you saying something sarcastic?"

"N-no." He could barely form the word. "Please?"

"Go." I kissed him again, feeling his hips jerk against me one last time as he came all over my hand and his own stomach. He mumbled against my mouth, but I couldn't understand him. It was alright, though, I was pretty sure that it was some permutation of 'I love you'. I rubbed his chest (taking care to wipe my hand off on his bedspread, of course. What can I say, the comforter was _ugly_. When I got the chance, I was doing something about the cowboy wallpaper, too.). "I love you, too."

His head dropped back against the pillow. "Holy…shit." The words were drug out and slurred. "That was….yeah."

I scooted up the bed, pulling the blanket up and over his body. "I know." I took his hands, which still had the scarves attached, and slipped them off. Both wrists were ringed with red marks, but, considering the amount of pulling and jerking he had been doing, it wasn't too bad. I kissed each wrist, then leaned up to kiss his lips again. He purred softly and allowed me to rest my head against his throat, right under his chin.

He kissed the top of my head. "Are you still God?"

It made me laugh a little. "No, I'm just Kurt again."

"Good. You just being Kurt is the very best thing you can be." He wrapped his arm across my back, squeezing me tightly. "I think that that's the longest I've ever lasted. Like, ever, dude." 

"You weren't freaked out?" He hadn't seemed freaked out at all, but I had to actually hear him tell me that he was alright with it now, and not just in the heat of the moment. Because, and I'm not going to lie here, I really, really liked being in charge of Finn. It made me feel sexy and powerful, and I almost never felt either.

"Nah, it was awesome." He grinned a little and looked at the obviously filthy comforter. "It was really, really, awesome. Does that, like, make me kinky or some shit?"

"No, it means that you trust me. If you're comfortable, there's nothing wrong with it." I kissed his collarbone, which always made him shiver.

"Cool Because I'm still working a little on the whole 'gay' thing, so I don't want to have to deal with having a 'kinky' thing, too." He must have read my suddenly tense body, because he hurried to soothe me. "Not that I don't love you, or what we have together, but it's still kind of weird. You're not pissed or anything, are you?"

"Of course not." I kissed him again, then rolled over so we were face to face. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'll never be upset with you for being honest?"

In the interest of my own honesty, I had to admit that there was a tiny part of me that _was_ pissed. It was the same part that kept telling me that I was just a distraction for Finn, and he only liked me because I put out. It was a part that I was good at shutting out, even better then I was at ignoring Galinda.

_I heard that!_

I knew that she had. It was a struggle, but I kept my face still. If Finn got even the slightest hint that I was upset, he would know why, and then he would be afraid to be honest with me in the future. Finn moved around so we were snuggling, sharing the same pillow. "Can we talk about what you said?"

He blushed redder then the scarves I was still holding. "Uh….about me wanting you to…you know."

"Let me fuck you? Because you seemed pretty sure about it a few minutes ago." I smiled to let him know I was teasing him, enjoying the way he blushed even brighter. "Is that really what you want?"

He sighed heavily. "I don't know. I mean, I think about it both ways, but I'm scared that if I'm on top that I'll hurt you, and it's better for me to get hurt then you get hurt. You know, I'm tougher."

"You screamed like a girl when I dumped ice down your back last week, then acted like you were freezing for two hours!" Finn might like to pretend he's all macho football player and the toughest guy on earth, but he's huge marshmallow inside.

"Well you almost barfed at our last family dinner because you saw a vein in your chicken breast. Seems pretty wimpy to me. Besides, I just wanted you to come cuddle and warm me up!"

I smacked him on the side of his head. "You thought that the vein was gross, too."

"Yeah, it was kind of nasty. But you turned _green. _You looked like Kermit, dude."

"First of all, if you ever want any part of my body near any part of yours again, you'll retract that statement. I do not look like a dopey green frog with a plain, ugly, black tie. And if I were, do you know what that would make you? Ms. Piggy. Would you like to be my piggy in drag?"

His eyes widened. "Ms. Piggy was in _drag_? She was really a _Mr_. Piggy?"

Ah, yes, this was Finn, who tended to be a very literal thinker. "Never mind about that. The point is, I'm way hotter then Kermit, _and_ I dress better." Why was I even having this debate with him?

_Because you love him. Because there is a part of you that has always wanted this chance to lay next to your boyfriend and argue about all the silly things in the world._

Oh, yeah. Luckily, Finn seemed to be as into it as I was. "Of course you are. I mean, Dude, there's no contest. He's got those floppy arms and legs and those nasty bulging eyes and he does that weird flailing thing when he gets excited. But, you know, he _is_ naked other then that tie."

I had to laugh. "I'm naked right now, too."

"And you look way better then Kermit. What were we talking about again?" He was starting to get sleepy, and I shook him gently. Not only did I need him awake for this discussion, but if he crashed, I would, and I did not want Carole walking in on this.

"We were talking about you and I finally having sex and who would be on bottom. You doing it once doesn't mean you have to do it every time, so you don't have to feel like that. It doesn't make you less of a man, or mean that there's something wrong with you." I kept my voice soothing, like I was attempting to comfort a frightened animal.

"Ok." It was a whisper and he wasn't meeting my eyes, but it was a clear sign of his preferences. "You can be on top the first time. That's what you want, right?"

I was surprised to find that it was. "Not if it makes you uncomfortable." I had to make sure I was giving him every possible opportunity to back out.

"No, I think I like it." He gave me that embarrassed half grin that he was so good at. "But anyway, if you're going to be on bottom the next time, it doesn't matter anyway. It will be like having two first times instead of one."

His simple, matter of fact, tone made me smile. "Have I told you that I love you lately?"

"Have I told you, there's no one else above you? You fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness. You ease my troubles, that's what you do." Finn's voice was soft as he sang the old song.

"Finn, I want you to do me a favor. Don't ever, ever change, not even the slightest bit." If he could hang on to that sweet, easy, nature, he would have no trouble making it in this world. Maybe his dreams weren't as big as mine, but that could be a good thing. After all, if Finn was as driven as I was, we would probably end up killing each other over some minor Broadway part.

No, it was better that we have different dreams. Except I guessed I didn't know what Finn's dreams might be. "Finn?" I waited until his eyes were on me before continueing. ""What is it that you want out of life?"

He smiled. "To have sex with you, Precious." 

"I mean after that."

"To have sex with you again." He rolled over onto his back. "And again after that."

Finn was deliberately being an idiot. He's brighter then he gets credit for, but most of the time he finds it easier to play dumb until you leave him alone. "I mean when we're adults. And yes, sex then, too, but what sort of job?" 

His head lolled back as he thought. "I don't know. I kind of thought maybe…" He trailed off and shrugged.

"Maybe what?" This was important. It was the first time Finn and I had really talked about anything long term. We had just been assuming that things would fall into place, but it was going to take work. Finn shrugged, still staring at the ceiling, so I gave him a quick nudge. "Come on, you can tell me." 

"Maybe be a teacher?" His voice was really soft, and he had that look that suggested he thought I was about to start teasing him. "Not like a high school teacher, because I'm not that smart, but kindergarten or first grade. I'm really good with kids."

Actually, I could see that working out well for Finn. He was so enthusiastic about everything he did, and more then willing to sacrifice his dignity to have fun and help someone out. "I think you would be a great teacher."

He brightened. "You don't think that it's stupid? Or pedestrian? Rach said it was a pedestrian idea, but I thought a pedestrian was someone who was walking and not in a car. You know, like the mail guy I hit was a pedestrian and I was a driver."

_Oh no that bitch didn't! _Galinda was fiercely protective of our boyfriend.

"You're right, but pedestrian can also mean ordinary. And, no, I don't think that it's a stupid idea. I think that if you want to be a teacher, you'd be great at it. You're patient, and kind and creative."

"That's a really dumb way to say ordinary." His brow furrowed and I kissed him again. "Is it that bad to want something ordinary? I mean, I know you and Rach want to go to New York and be famous and all that, but that's not what I want. First of all, I'm not that good, and second, I don't have enough, uh, you know, passion."

He had put more thought into it then I would have given him credit for. When he had indicated that he thought his dream was stupid, I would have guessed that he wanted to play pro football or something. Being a teacher was a good job, and something that was within his reach. "I think that you have plenty of passion, and I would much rather it be directed towards me then memorizing every song ever sung on Broadway. As far as your actual question, it's not bad to want an ordinary job, as long as it makes you happy."

"Yeah, I guess so. But there's plenty of colleges in New York, so we can still be together while you're on Broadway or designing clothes or whatever it is that you end up picking."

The thought of Finn planning a future for both of us caused a quick pang somewhere in my chest. "Really?"

"Well, yeah. Do you really think that your Dad is going to let you just go off to New York all by yourself? When there's both of us looking out for each other, our parents will have to say yes. Then it can be like this all the time, without us having to hide what we're doing from anyone."

"Stupid Rachel. She still has no idea what she gave up with you, does she?"

"I don't think so. But as long as know all those good things about me, it's alright." He looked over my head at the clock. "Mom's going to get home soon, so we better get dressed." He heaved a long suffering sigh. "Sucks, I know."

It did suck, but there wasn't much that could be done about it. If Carole came home and Finn and I were not fully dressed and doing our homework, I risked being banned from the Hudson house forever. "It's alright. Pull out your English and we'll see what we can do."

He grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like a 'I stand up for him and this is how he treats me?', but I chose to ignore it in favor of watching Finn bend over to pick his boxer shorts up off the floor. Oh, yeah, that ass was going to be mine very shortly.

_So, Kurt, you do realize what this means, don't you?_

I searched my brain, but couldn't come up with anything. So I raised a mental eyebrow while expertly knotting my scarf.

_You're going to have to tell Mercedes that she was right, that Finn is a bottom all the way._

Crap, she was right. But looking at Finn as he did up his jeans and slipped his shirt back on, I suddenly couldn't quite bring myself to care.


	47. Chapter 47

Kurt POV

The rest of the night was kind of a blur. Finn made a game effort at his homework, though he was obviously bored stiff.

_Hee-hee. I can think of something I would rather see stiff._

And Ms. Galinda could just shut up. Just because I had Finn now, there was no reason for me to give up on my schoolwork. I still had college to consider. Not to mention that Fin needed a good example.

Speaking of Finn, his hand was steadily inching up my thigh. I slapped it quickly. "No, Cowboy."

"How about if I get my essay done before Mom gets home?" He was getting better and better at bargaining.

"Absolutely. If you finish that essay before your mother gets here, I will do whatever you want." Since I expected Carole home within the next half hour, and Finn still had three pages to write, I wasn't expecting him to actually be able to do it. And if he did, so what? I would get to feel up Finn, which was never a bad thing.

Finn's eyes narrowed, and I knew that he was looking for the trick." Promise?" He was already reaching for his English book.

"On my Gucci scarf collection." I felt another tiny surge of love as his eyes went wide, realizing that Finn understood completely the sacrifice I was willing to make.

"Holy shit!" Pages flew as he started frantically taking notes.

_Now doesn't that make you feel good? If teachers handed out blow jobs, Finn would be a straight A student._

The thought of a teacher like Mr. Shue, or, worse, Ms. Pillsbury or Principal Figgins giving anyone a blow job made me feel sick. Plus, no one got to put their hands on Finn but me. Still, the thought of sex did make him a busy little beaver…

Unfortunately, it didn't quite make him busy enough. He managed an entire page, but, just as he was turning it, his head came up and he stared out the window. "Mom's home."

I hadn't heard anything, but I believed him. Finn was more familiar with his mothers schedule then I was, and could recognize her car very quickly. Sure enough, I heard the door slam her calling both of us a few minutes later. My boyfriend leapt up and tore down the stairs, happily calling back. Then he was back upstairs, throwing himself on the bed next to me. His lips tickled my ear when he whispered. "I had to run down there, so she should see that we weren't doing anything sexy. Otherwise she'll say that you can't come over as much."

Sometimes Finn was far more sly then I gave him credit for. He certainly knew his mother well enough to know how to fool her with a moments notice. "Crafty, Finn."

"Like a jellyfish." He sounded so smug that I didn't have the heart to tell him that not only was the saying not 'crafty like a jellyfish'; I actually had no idea what saying we might be actually taking about.

So I just smiled instead. "Right Finn, you're crafty like a jellyfish."

"And horny like a hound dog." He leaned forward to kiss me, one hand running up my thigh.

If nothing else could be said about Finn, he never failed to make me laugh. "Yes, and hung like a stallion."

"Is a stallion better then just a regular horse?" He was palming me now, and I found myself whining softly.

Ok, one of us had to get this under control before A) Carole decided to come upstairs or B) My hair was messed up. I pushed his hand away. "Yes, a stallion is better, because a stallion is ungelded." Too late, I realized that he probably didn't know what that meant.

"So stallions aren't dipped in gold?" At least this time he knew he was wrong, because his voice was tentative.

"You're thinking of gilded, not gelded. Gilded is dipping something in gold. Gelded is like neutering for a horse." I kissed his collarbone, running my tongue over the freckles.

Apparently he did know what neutered meant, because he winced and crossed his legs. "Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about what happens tomorrow."

We had already talked about it twice, but Finn seemed to get a lot of comfort out of hearing things over and over again. "Tomorrow, during last period, when you have study hall, you go to Figgins's office instead of the classroom. Then you, Coach Sylvester, Mr. Shue, and Principal Figgins will try and sort out what happened. You're still 100% sure that you want to stick to the lie? Because I want you to do it for you, not for me."

"I'm sure." His voice was calm. "It's not just you, either. If Mr. Ryerson touched Hank, and he touched you, he'll touch someone else. This is for everyone."

"And for Mr. Shue?" I couldn't help but bring that up again. It should be Finn's choice whether or not this was something he could forgive, and my job was just to support him in whatever choice he made. But it just made me so angry to think of someone, anyone, taking advantage of Finn's good nature.

_Be angry all you like. Just don't let Finn know. You know that it's hard for him to stand up for his own opinions, especially when he has to go against someone he loves. Do you really want to crush his self-esteem like that? _

Absolutely not. I rubbed his back. "Sorry, I got kind of bitchy back there. Keep going."

His raised eyebrow suggested that I wasn't fooling him at all, but he let it go for now. "You can't come?"

I squeezed him. "No, baby, I can't come. There's no reason for me to be there, except for support, and no one is going to believe that you need that much support to tell the truth. Especially since no one knows about us."

"What if Coach Sylvester kills me?" He nuzzled at my neck. "I'll die and I'll still be a virgin." His tone suggested that that was the worst thing that could possibly happen.

He was the biggest drama king, I swear. But I didn't want to say that to him, so I kissed his temple. "Think of it like a horror movie. You're the hero, she's the monster. What's the only way to survive a horror movie?" He should know, he made me watch enough of them.

_He likes it when you jump into his lap and need to be held. Or do you think it's an accident that horror movie night always turns into 'hand job and hump' night? _

Actually, I hadn't though of that at all. Apparently, Finn _was_ as crafty as a jellyfish.

Finn's face lit up. "Only virgins survive! Awesome!" Then he kissed me again. "But after this, I'm going to be the guy who gets killed! Wait, that came out wrong." His brow furrowed as he thought and I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. "Ok, after this, I want to have sex with you. There, no euthanizims."

"Euphamisms. And yes, that sounds like a great plan to me." I couldn't help the trilling in my stomach every time I thought of that. How in the world had sex gone from something I could barely even contemplate to something I couldn't wait to experience for myself?

_Being with the right person makes all the difference._

Apparently. I was about to take the chance and unbutton his fly when I heard footsteps on the stairs. Hurriedly, I grabbed my English book and opened it to a random point, hoping it would look like I had actually been doing my homework instead of thinking nasty thoughts about losing my virginity.

Carole poked her head in. "Kurt, honey, your father wants you home now. What are you boys doing?"

"English."

"Writing an essay." Finn and I spoke at the same time.

"Really? English? Then why are you holding Finn's algebra book?" One corner of her mouth tucked, making a smirk that was shockingly like her sons.

"Uh…" I didn't have an answer to that, so I just stared at her, wishing that I could drop through the floor.

She stared me down for a minute, then started laughing. "Boys, how stupid do you think I am? Studying. I know that one. Really, I've _used_ that one. Just be safe, and don't let me walk in on anything awkward. Kurt, your father is expecting you." Then she was gone, closing the door softly behind her.

"Holy shit, Mom is awesome. Also, gross." Finn sounded stunned.

I was more suspicious then he was. "A little too awesome, if you ask me."

He shook his head. "No, she just doesn't want it to be like it was with Quinn. She thinks that if she knows what I'm doing, and I don't have the hide it, I won't get tricked again. I told her that I knew that you couldn't get pregnant, but she doesn't always believe me now. I think she was going to make your dad give me the sex talk, but then she decided it would be too creepy, because of you and me and everything. She's really cool about everything. I love her."

I tried to imagine what my father would say had he walked in on the same scene. Well, chances were I could have fooled him, since he didn't tend to watch me as closely as Carole watched Finn, but, had he figured it out, I don't think he would have been nearly as forgiving as she was.

_That would be because you're the girl in the relationship. The girl gets babied and fawned over and told to keep herself pure and not get pushed into anything. The boy gets a lecture about respecting feelings and a sly pat on the back. _

I was not the girl in this relationship! If anything, I think our earlier conversation proved that Finn was the girl.

_Really? Because I specifically recall you telling him that wanting to be on bottom doesn't make him any less of a man. I would keep any thoughts about his masculinity, or lack of it, to yourself for the time being. At least until after you've nailed your pretty lady. _

I didn't really think of Finn as a girl, and a part of me was ashamed that that thought had ever crossed my mind. It was a thought that belonged with the hockey team, that, just because two men were in love, one of them had to be super feminine. Finn was all boy, as his atrocious eating and moisturizing habits confirmed, and I was…well, not a boy like Finn, but a boy just the same. I liked being male, and having a penis and had no desire to be a woman, thank you. I just wanted to be with a man.

_I don't think you like your penis as much as Finn likes it. _

I don't think anyone could possibly like my penis as much as Finn liked it. The way things stood right now, he would probably do anything I asked him to. It was a nice thought, but if Dad was expecting me, he was probably also timing me to see how quickly I got home. He's getting very wise to the fact that it doesn't take me a half hour to drive back unless I stop to give Finn as little attention first. So I kissed my boyfriend one last time, lacing my fingers behind his neck and pulling him close. "I love you." I whispered the words against his lips.

"Love you, too." He pulled back to run his hands down my back. "Are you picking me up tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"I don't want you going to Glee practice. Not if I'm not going to be there. I meant it when I said that Mr. Ryerson will never touch you again. Even if Mr. Shue doesn't come back as the teacher, I don't want you alone with him, ever." Finn's eyes were deadly serious, and it made me smile again.

"Yes, Daddy." I couldn't help but be a little sassy to him.

His face wrinkled. "Ew! It's really gross when you call me Daddy."

I had to tease him a little. "Daddy doesn't want to give his baby a spanking?"

Luckily, he caught on quickly. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe baby's butt would be a nice shade of red." He raised one hand meaningfully, and I had a sudden realization of how big Finn's hands were. Then he burst out laughing. "Oh my God, Kurt, you should see your face! I wouldn't really hit you. But you do know that you'll always be my baby." He gave me one last squeeze. "Now go home before your father kills me for defiling you."

"I'm not defiled yet, but I get it. I'll be here at 7 sharp, and you better not have Poptart breath when I do so, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah." His tone suggested that I was going to be getting strawberry kisses tomorrow.

Somehow, it still seemed worth it.

Finn had been happy this morning, bouncing around and giving me kisses. He had tried to give me a hand job, too, but I'm not relaxing my restrictions on fooling around in my baby. There are just some things that a man doesn't do. Finn had accepted it with his usual good grace, rambling on about something that I didn't quite understand, but I certainly appreciated his enthusiasm. And yes, there had been a distinct flavor of strawberry when he kissed me, but I chose to ignore it. A man must pick his battles, and this was one I had lost the energy to fight.

He wasn't happy now, though. Now he was sitting next to me in the principal's office, waiting to be called in. He hadn't said much since I had walked him in, but his one knee was bouncing at about a million beats a minute. I put my hand on it, unable to bear the jiggling any longer. "It'll be ok."

"Yeah." Finn all but melted at my touch, slouching down in his seat. "I just-"

He was cut off by Coach Sylvester storming through. She paused in front of us and Finn snapped to attention, straightening back up in his chair and staring at her like a startled deer. Sensing her advantage, she leaned over him. "Dimbulb, I don't know what you're up to, but I don't like it. Now I expect that you will march yourself into that office and tell the truth about what happened with that marijuana." With every word, she pushed further forward, until Finn was crowded against the worn fabric of the chair. I wanted to leap to his defense, but I was honestly a little afraid of drawing too much of her attention.

Unfortunately for me, nothing escaped Sue Sylvester's notice. She turned on me, and I found myself cringing exactly like Finn had. How humiliating. "And you, Gay Kid, who invited you to this little farce?"

"I…I" I couldn't force the words out.

_Quit stuttering like a little bitch. Sue respects strength, so be strong and stand up to her. Otherwise, you might as well just assume the fetal position now. _

Curling up like a potato bug had its appealing side, but I had done too much of that already. So I forced myself to sit up straight. "I'm Finn's ride home."

Actually, the Glee club was having practice right now, but Finn had flat out forbidden me to go back there without him. Normally such a rigid order would have had me stalking right off to defy him, but not this time. Mr. Ryerson had managed to touch me right under the noses of my best friends last time. I could only imagine what he might try if I showed up defenseless again.

"Hm." She looked from me to Finn and back again, and I had the sudden unnerving realization that she knew exactly what was happening between us. I was hard to keep eye contact, but I managed. A slight smile touched the corners of her mouth, and I saw a shadowy respect in the back of her eyes. "I would tell you to wait in the library, but not only do I not think that Dimbulb here would know how to find it, I don't even think he would know what a library was." With that flourish, she turned and stomped into the office.

Finn watched her go and sighed in despair. "She's going to kill me."

"She won't." I wasn't 100% sure about that, but Finn didn't need to know that. "Just go in there, and don't look at her, even when she's talking to you. Just look at Mr. Shue or Principal Figgins. Remember, you're the only one who can know exactly what happened, so don't let anyone tell you different."

He gave me a weak smile. "Ok."

I wanted to say something else, to remind Finn that he was strong and brave and forgiving, but Principal Figgins was opening the door and gesturing him inside. Finn gave me one last, desperate look, and I nodded, trying to use my eyes to tell him how very much I loved him. He nodded back, the nerves flaring in his dark eyes.

The next half hour was the longest of my life. I tried to eavesdrop twice, but the glass wall made it impossible to get close enough to hear anything or get close enough to peek. But no one had stormed out yet, so I thought things must have been going at least a little bit okay. At least Finn was trying his hardest in there, and he hadn't been cowed by Coach Sylvester's patented glare of death.

When to storm out finally came, I was shocked to see that it was Coach Sylvester, rage burning in her blue eyes. One finger pointed directly at me, and I had to bite back the urge to either scream like a little girl or start crying. "You! I know for a fact that Dimbulb isn't bright enough to come up with this on his own, so you must have helped him. Well, I have to hand it to you, Porcelain; you have quite a bit of chutzpah. Not afraid to stand up to the big bad cheerleading coach, are you?" Without warning, she lunged forward, hands slamming down on the arms of my chair and her body corning mine. This time I did yelp, but all that came out was a strangled squeak. "When I get back to my job, I will destroy the Glee club. Then, after I've done that, I will come after you, got it?"

I had faced down Karofsky. I had faced down Azimio and the rest of the barbarians on the hockey team. I had even faced down Puck armed with a big gulp slushie and dying to throw me in the most disgusting dumpster McKinley High had to offer. But there was no way I could face down Coach Sylvester. I just stared at her, unable to make the tiniest sound. She smirked. "Good, then, we understand each other."

Then she was gone, striding out like a queen. I drew a shaky breath and wondered if I had time to make it to the bathroom before I got sick. I had faced worse comments and even injuries without flinching, but Sue was different. She was capable of doing anything, and she wouldn't feel the slightest bit of remorse about it. Not only would my mouth not help me, I could easily see her hurting me to shut me up.

Then the door opened again, and Finn and Mr. Shue came out together. Well, not _together_, together, and they weren't looking at or talking to each other, but at least I wasn't alone and vulnerable any more. I threw myself into Finn's arms, pressing my face against his chest. The move blinded me, but it was alright, because Finn was there, and I could feel his arms around me and his steady heartbeat against my cheek.

His fingers ran down my back, tracing my spine all the way down. "What's wrong, Spider Monkey?"

I couldn't tell him. Not only was Finn more scared of Coach Sylvester then I was, there was nothing he could do. I had seen her hit, shove and harass students right in front of Principal Figgins, and the man had done nothing. "Nothing."

"Did Sue scare you?" Just like Finn, Mr. Shue could sometimes be eerily perceptive.

"No." The lie was clear in my voice.

He gave his head a tight shake. "She won't do it again. Coach Sylvester has been fired, and she isn't allowed back on school grounds."

_Yeah? So were you. So was Mr. Ryerson. Nothing sticks around here, as this entire thing just proved._

I didn't say that, though. When she came back, we would deal with it then. None of my previous tricks had worked with her, and I couldn't cower like a beaten puppy every time I crossed her path, so I would have to think of something new to try then. But for right now, all I wanted was Finn, his warm body pressed against mine and his hands on my back. "Ok."

It sounded thin, even to my own ears, but it was enough that they both got the message. Finn's hand stroked my back one last time. "Kurt and I are going to skip practice today, Mr. Shue. But I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"Of course. The two of you have a good night, and I expect to see your Spanish homework completed tomorrow, on my desk at 10 am."

"It will be." I knew Finn well enough to know that he was lying through his teeth, but I let it go. Finn had done the man enough favors today.

Finn's hand dropped off my back when we left the office, the warmth replaced with a cold chill. I wanted to chase after him, to plead with him to hold me and not push me away.

But I didn't. It was after classes, yes, but there was still the hockey team to worry about, not to mention Jacob Ben Israel creeping about with his camera. Catching Finn and I together would not only make his day, it would probably make his year as well. I could just see the headlines now: McKinley High Football Team Taken Over by Gay! Of course, he wouldn't use names, he had been forbidden from doing that after one of the Cheerio's threatened to sue him for libel, but he wouldn't have to. The term 'Quarterback' applied to Finn and Finn only, and he had his ways of identifying me as well.

_Is that so bad? Someone's going to find out eventually, you know that. If Rachel Berry doesn't blab, and you know she likes to do nothing better, then Britney will blurt it out accidentally. Or someone will see something. Wouldn't it be better to come out in your way, on your own time? _

No. Absolutely not. I would come out when I was damn ready to come out, not when anyone else decided I should. There would be a time for it, just like there had been a time for me to tell him I loved him, and this wasn't that time. If the secret got out, then I would deal with it then. I unlocked the car with a quick beep and the pair of us climbed inside.

"Do you want to come over to my place?" Finn's face was unreadable. "My Mom won't be home until 6, so we can have a little time to ourselves. I don't even have to make dinner, because the crock-pot's been going all day."

"That would be great." Now that I was back in familiar surroundings, I had gotten my bearings back and the fear had faded. I took a left out of the school parking lot, turning towards the Hudson home. "And just what do you plan on doing for the next two hours, Finn Hudson?"

"You." He gave me a smirky smile. "If that's ok, I mean."

"I think that that would be acceptable." I reached over and pinched his hip, making him squirm and laugh. "If you can prove yourself capable, that is."

"Oh, I'm capable, you brat." He unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over, nipping my collarbone before licking a stripe up the side of my neck. "I am very, very capable."

I shivered, trying not to act like a needy slut. "Finn, I _will_ crash the car."

"Uh-huh." He nibbled on my earlobe, and I had to bite back a groan. Finn Hudson was _not_ going to get the best of me. "That would be sad."

"It would be very sad. It would also be very messy, especially for the one not protected by a seatbelt." He was still nibbling, and if he didn't stop it soon, I was going to have to break my rule about no sex in the car.

"I can do messy. But I don't want to die. That would suck balls." He sat back and fixed his seatbelt. "But when we get home, I'm doing some really nasty things to you. Like, porno nasty."

Oh Jesus. And I didn't even believe in the man. Finn reached out and rubbed me through my pants, and it was all I could do not to come right there. "Finn, please." It came out all breathy and, yeah, this was what I meant by being a needy slut.

He squinted. "Is that 'Finn please stop' or 'Finn, please keep going'? Cause I don't want to pick the wrong one and make you all mad."

"Do you want to pay my dry cleaning bill this week?" Too late, I realized that that was as good as giving him permission. Sure enough, the pressure increased, and I could feel a damp spot forming in my underwear. "Finn, I wasn't serious." Now I was squeaking and this was about to get very embarrassing. "Please stop."

"Ok." He kissed me one last time at sat back. "I won't touch you any more. I will take my hands off your dick."

Somehow I didn't like the sneaky tone he was taking. "Good, then we're in agreement and- Finn Hudson, what the hell are you doing!"

Sure enough, Finn had taken his hands off my body. Unfortunately, he was now using that as an excuse to pop the button on his jeans and pull his own dick out. "Finn we are in public! This is indecent exposure. Do you want to end up on some sex offender list?" Not to mention I was having a hard time taking my eyes off of this.

"Nah, no one's going to look." He stroked gently, giving a soft sigh as he did so. "I wish you were doing this."

"This is _so_ inappropriate." I was at a stop sign now, with no other traffic around, and I was taking full advantage of that fact to stare. "Finn…." I trailed off, because really? What was the appropriate thing to say in this situation? I had never once, in all the time I had spent having fantasies about Finn, considered what the correct (and sexy!) thing to say when I caught him jerking off in a moving car. _My_ moving car.

"Just touch it once. Come on, Kurt, please?" Finn sounded so puppy dog hopeful that I had a hard time denying him. "I've always kind of wanted to do this."

"To masturbate in my car?" Finn had the strangest fantasies, I swear.

"Well, no. I mean, in my fantasy you were kind of helping things along. Also, we were in the back seat, and I was licking ice cream off your-"

Why, why, why, _why _was this turning me on? My hand reached out of its own accord and shoved his out of the way, seizing his cock and giving it a slow stroke. "Is this what you want?"

"Oh, God." His head lolled back against the seat. "Yes."

I had been intending to teach him a lesson about getting me all hot and bothered when he knew full well I wasn't going to let him follow through, but I was starting to suspect that he wasn't getting the message. I moved my hand again, thrilling at the control I had over Finn's body. "Next time, we play out one of my fantasies."

"I'm, uh, I'm letting you f-fuck me, aren't I?" Finn was panting now, almost on the edge already. No doubt he was being helped along by the thrill that he might get caught at any second, but, let's face it. The staying power of the average 16 year old male wasn't much.

_Says the man who almost came in his pants 5 minutes ago. He wasn't even touching you, you sicko_.

Almost, but didn't, thank you. Though having to beg Finn to stop hadn't been one of my finer moments. But I was in control now, and I wasn't about to let Finn forget it. "Good boy, Finn. Do you want me to get you off now?"

"Yeah." It came out in an explosive rush. "Please."

"Well, since you asked so nice…." His hips stuttered, restrained by the seatbelt. "If you get come anywhere on my car, I will make you lick it off, got it?"

"Uh-huh." His pupils were blown, barely able to focus on my face. "I totally will."

I tightened my hold, feeling his body tense against mine. Finn whined restlessly, his hands fluttering as he tried to figure out what to do with them. He looked so absolutely wrecked that I couldn't resist leaning over to kiss him, just once. "I love you."

His lips moved against mine without the smallest sound. He was so close, all it was going to take was a few more strokes and-

A blaring sound cut through the air, making both of us jump. Finn totally lost his concentration, jerking to the side. "What the fuck, dude!"

"It's not my fault!" I had no idea what was going on.

"You banged the horn." Now his panting was more from shock then arousal.

"No I didn't, I-" The horn beeped again, and I suddenly realized that it wasn't my car at all, but the one that had pulled up behind us while I was busy jerking Finn off. Hurriedly, I slammed the car back into gear and peeled rubber. "Finn, this is why you don't do it in the car."

He sighed deeply, like I had done something to offend him. "You could have parked it."

I couldn't help but laugh. Finn was so single minded at times. "And _you_ could have kept it in your pants for the 10 minutes it will take you get to your house. Now the thrill is gone."

That earned me a quick snort. "Speak for yourself." He leaned over and rested his head on my shoulder. "Just touch it again? Come on, Dude, I'm getting blue balls here!"

A quick glance in his directions confirmed that his erection hadn't gone down at all. "Really, Finn?"

"Little Finn is a brave soldier. He doesn't give up just because of a little horn honking." Finn sounded smug. "He wants you."

"Well, Little Finn is just going to have to wait. We're almost at your place, and your neighbors don't need that sort of show." He looked so disappointed that I leaned over and lightly palmed his cock for him. "This is mine. No one else gets to see it."

"I can work with that. I love you."

My heart gave a tiny jump, just like it did every time those words came out of his mouth. "I love you, too." With a quick glance to ensure that the road ahead was clear, I risked leaning over and kissing the side of his neck. "Very, very much."

His eyes fluttered shut and a small smile formed on his lips. "Yeah. That."

It was a tiny little thing, but it did keep him distracted long enough that we had made it to his place. "Ok, let's get inside, and we'll see about getting the little soldier some attention."

He wrapped his arms around my ribs, lifting me off the ground. I rolled my eyes a little and squeezed him back. "You wouldn't be this excited if I wanted to talk about my feelings."

My feet thumped back to the ground. "We already talked about your feelings, what else is there to say?"

"When did we talk about feelings? I agreed to come home with you and you pulled your dick out. There was no discussion about feelings."

"Dude, I told you that I loved you, and you said that you loved me, too. Those are feelings. Like, really really important ones."

Trust Finn to make the most complicated things exceedingly and perfectly simple. "I guess you're right."

"Duh. Dude, I'm always right when it comes to loving you. Now come on before Mom gets home and it all gets ruined."

In other words, come on before Carole came home and Finn ended up not getting any. "Ok, Cowboy, hold your horses."

He muttered something that I couldn't quite make out, which was probably a good thing considering that the few words I _was_ able to understand included 'stallion', 'ride' and 'whipped cream'.

Suddenly my mouth was very dry, which was probably because all available liquid was now pooled in my cock. Finn's lips on the side of my neck weren't helping matters any either. "Bedroom?"

In all of my fantasies about Finn, (and believe me, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of them.) I had to admit that not a single one had featured that horrible cowboy wallpaper. Normally, I would have charged in and fixed it, but Finn and Carole would be living with us soon enough, so I decided to let it go for now.

_Oh please. The reason you haven't changed things is that every time you're in here, you're too busy pulling Finn's clothing off to worry about anything else. _

Actually, Finn was the one pulling my clothing off at the moment, which was probably why I couldn't formulate a proper response to Ms. Galinda's nasty assumptions.

_I think Finn's about to show you what nasty really is . _

And, once again, I got pinged by my own mental voice. Damn that bitch was good. Finn licked a wet stripe down my collarbone and over my nipple and I lost all sense of what was happening. "Jesus, Finn."

"Uh-huh." His tongue continued on down, and if I didn't stop him, this was going to be over way too quickly.

"Stop, ok?" My voice was a pained whimper, but he understood. Say what you will about Finn Hudson, but, once he gets to know you, he's a master at reading your tiniest move.

So, he might have understood, but didn't like it. "Do I have to?"

"Yes. At least until we get to the bed."

Big mistake. The room was so small that all Finn had to do was wrap his arms around me and swing me to the side so he could drop me on his bed. "There you go." He unbuttoned my pants as he was speaking, his fingers tracing over my skin as he bared it. As much as I was trying to keep control of his situation, I couldn't help but give an appreciative moan. There had been a very real danger of my being strangled to death by my very fashionable, but rather tight pants. Finn, damn him, noticed and smirked. "Got a problem, Spider Monkey? Want me to nibble on your banana?"

The comment was so utterly ridiculous that it made both of us crack up. "Nibble on my banana? That has to be the worst come on line ever. Not to mention painful."

He pushed me hard, making me fall backwards onto the bed. "I'll bet I could make it good."

I let him climb on top of me and pull my underwear off. Finn tends to fixate on certain ideas, and I knew that he wouldn't rest until he had tried his darndest to make his point. The best thing for me to do was just lay back and let this happen.

_Oh, boo-hoo. Poor Kurt, he has to put up with a blow job from his exceedingly talented boyfriend. The suffering he must endure._

Well, I would just have to bear that suffering with all the dignity I could muster, now wouldn't I? Unfortunately, that didn't turn out to be much, because, while he might not be able to read well or perform simple arithmetic, Finn could suck cock better then anything I had seen on the internet. "Fuck, Finn."

"Soon." He trailed kisses down my chest, pausing to lick at my hipbones. "Oh, God, soon."

I was expecting him to just put my cock in his mouth, but he just slid his mouth down past it, lightly nipping my thigh. What in the world was he doing? "Finn, please?"

"All in due time, Spider Monkey, all in due time." The bastard actually had the gall to wink at me.

Oh, he was a dead man.

_I think that this is payback for what you did to him a few days ago. At least you aren't tied to the bed._

I was keening now, my hips bucking when he hit that ticklish spot behind my knee. "Please, please." I couldn't form more words then that.

"Please what?" Finn was snickering a little bit, and I knew exactly what he wanted me to say.

That did not, however, mean that I would lower myself to the point where I would actually do so. "I'm not saying that, Finn."

"Whatever you say." He continued licking his way back up, biting my hip almost hard enough to bruise.

I gave up on trying to force back my whimpers and moans as he licked around my belly button, his tongue dipping inside briefly. I could hold out longer then Finn could, I just had to keep myself under control.

_Just say it. You don't win a medal for holding out, you know. All you get is a nasty case of blue balls. Give in, for once. Who knows, you might like it. _

I might have kept arguing, but I realized that Galinda was right. What had been a low pleasure combined with a little pain was rapidly turning into my-dick-might-atrophy-and-fall-off-due-to-lack-of-blood flow agony. Especially since Finn was taking a second pass over my nipples.

So I swallowed my pride and mumbled the hateful words. "Please, Finn, I would like it very much if you…." I swallowed down a gag and said the rest in a rush. "…nibbled on my banana."

It sounded just as stupid when I said it as when Finn did, but I guessed that I could see the humor in the situation. "_Now_." There, that was better.

"Well…if my little Spider Monkey insists, I guess I could indulge him a little." He was trying so hard not to laugh at me right now, but I could see the mirth in his eyes.

I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, or possibly to fuck me instead, but he finally gave in and licked his way down my stomach before kissing all over my cock. "Yes."

Since Finn Hudson is neither known for his gentleness or his self control, I couldn't help but startle a little when I felt the first, extremely light, touch of his teeth. His tiny nips felt surprisingly good. No, they were more then good. I was balancing on the razor blade between pleasure and pain and Finn seemed to have a good instinct about just how hard he could bite.

My entire body was rigid, and I couldn't tell if my limbs were actually still attached, since I had lost all feeling in them. Nothing existed except Finn, and his mouth, and my dick. I was whining like a broken puppy and, oh _God_, I couldn't even make a decent simile. How depressing.

Then his teeth scraped very lightly up the shaft, hitting right behind the head and I totally lost control. There was no time to warn Finn at all, especially since I barely had the idea that I was going to come until it was actually happening. Finn wasn't prepared to swallow, though he did his best.

With a heavy sigh, he flopped down next to me, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. "See? I told you you would like it."

I still couldn't manage the actual scathing words that had been brewing in my brain, so I settled for hitting him with a pillow. "Jerk."

"But you love me. Like, tons, right?" His tone was still casual, but I could tell that he was hanging on my every word.

"Of course I love you tons. Even if you _do_ insist on making horrendous puns." I rubbed his cheek, and he leaned into my touch.

"Wanna do it again?"

"Oh, God, yes."


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N: I promise promise, promise, that they'll be screwing soon. Chapter 51 if my memory serves. Now, for my question of the day. I need a really good 'Fuck You' song. I'm feeling out post-Theatricality in my brain, and I need the proper song for Kurt. So the more…theatrical you can make it, the better. Finn's song is chosen, but I can't get the right one for Kurt and it's driving me batty.**

Kurt POV

I was hovering by Finn's locker, while trying to make it look like I had zero interest at all in either the locker or the boy who owned it. Yes, Finn was mine, but no one as school could know that. Especially not the mouth breathing paramecium that tended to infest this hallway after the last bell rang. I pressed my back firmly against the cold metal, making sure that no one would be able to come up behind me. Where was Finn? 

Normally, I would have already been at Glee, the choir room providing a safe haven from the jocks of the school. But I had made a promise to Finn that I wouldn't go in there alone as long as there was a chance that Mr. Ryerson was still in there. It was supposed to be Mr. Shuester's first day back, but there was a chance that they would both be there, and that thought was too much for Finn.

So here I was, surrounded by hundreds of students and missing the one person I wanted the most. Finn hadn't exactly told me to meet him at his locker, but it had to be a safe bet. I mean, he's got to come out here and drop his books off, right?

"Looking for your lover boy, queer bait?" The voice was deep and mocking.

I straightened up to my full (admittedly less then impressive) height and tried to sound as bored as possible. "You know, Karofsky? I think you would benefit from a thesaurus, or at least a long session with . Your homophobic slurs have become rather predictable." I looked frantically from one side to the other. He was alone, which was good, but there was no one who would be willing to help me either.

"Yeah? Well, _fag_, how would you like to _predict_ where I'm about to hit you?" His fist, which suddenly looked the size of a basketball, was raised up over my head in a threatening gesture.

'How would _you_ like to get the shit beaten out of you?" Finn had appeared out of nowhere, and was squared off with Karofsky, his body tense and his eyes hard.

"You know, Finny, this is the third time you're stood up for the ass pirate, here. It's enough to make a man think that there really is something going on between the two of you."

Finn reached out and took my shoulder, pulling me away from Karofsky. "Why? Because I'm not a total asshole who picks on guys half my size? Grow up. You aren't going to catch the gay from Kurt. Though, if I were you, I wouldn't worry so much about catching it after all. I think it's kind of like chicken pox. You can only get it once."

It was right then that the penny dropped for me. If Finn was to be believed. Karofsky had had at least one gay experience. The bastard had spent the past four years torturing me for something he had done himself. Hypocrite!

_You know, you aren't taking this to its logical conclusion…._

And just what logical conclusion would that be? I was trying to sneak behind Finn without looking like I was sneaking behind Finn, and I didn't have a lot of mental energy left over for Galinda when she was in a game playing mood.

_Do I have to do everything in this relationship? Ok, let me spell it out for you. Karofsky had a gay experience. Finn knows about it. Therefore…_

Realization hit and I had to clamp a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. Finn? Finn with Karofsky? Karofsky had seen Finn naked before I had? And Finn! I would think that he had better taste.

"You know, Hudson, you think that that's going to work forever, and it isn't. No one is going to believe you, gaywad."

Had it just been him, Finn wouldn't have stood up to Karofsky in the first place. He never stands up for himself. Not against Rachel, not against Karofsky, not against the teachers at school. But, when it came to me, he refused to back down. "Do you want to take the chance?"

Apparently he didn't, because Karofsky lowered his head. Unfortunately, this put him eye to eye with me, and I had no trouble reading blood and broken bones in that piercing stare. Underneath that hate, though, was something far darker. Something evil. The next time he caught me alone, I was a dead man.

Karofsky spun and stormed down the hall, shouldering freshman out of the way left and right. Finn tickled my side. "I can't leave you alone for 10 minutes, can I?"

I wiggled away, but no one was looking at us. Fights and bullying happened so often in this school that it wasn't news. For a while, it had been news because Finn was the one getting pushed around, but now it was just the same old same old. "Maybe if this school didn't take every sociopath in a 100 mile radius, I would fare better."

"But then how would I be your knight in shining armor?" Finn backed up two steps do we could walk side by side, but not too close to each other. Too close would imply that something was happening between us, and we couldn't let that happen. He gave my shoulder a little pat, which I returned. That was all I was going to get until we were in the choir room.

"More like my baked potato wrapped in tinfoil." Yes, he was a hero, but I couldn't let it go to his head.

"Works for me. Knights have swords, but you eat a baked potato." He gave me a lecherous wink.

"You are an absolute degenerate." But a funny and charming one.

"That's not something good; I can tell by the way you said it." He looked so puppy-sad that I gave him another pat.

"Think of it as an affectionate term." I pushed the choir room door open.

Finn was mumbling something under his breath, but said breath was immediately knocked out of him by a dark haired blur tossing herself into his arms. The hair on the back of my neck rose. Rachel.

_Rachel. _If possible, Galinda's tone was even bitchier then mine.

She was prattling away at Finn, one hand resting lightly on his forearm. I had to resist the urge to lunge for her. As much as I disliked what she was doing, it was friendly and nonsexual. To claim otherwise would make me look like some kind of over possessive stalker. Still, I didn't like it.

"So, what happens today?" He sounded perfectly cheerful, as if he hadn't been in knots about it yesterday.

She flipped her hair in a way that made me a little jealous (but who was I trying to kid? There was no way I could pull off long hair without at least 95% of people I met thinking I was a girl. No thank you, I would just stick with the 45% that thought it already) and smiled. "Today is the first day of the rest of our career as McKinley High School! Our win at Sectionals was an amazing comeback, but we aren't going to be able to pull that off at Regionals. As of right now, we need to double, if not triple, our practice time. The drama, whether it's baby-daddy problems, or coach problems, or girlfriend problems or-"She used a hand to gestured to Finn and I- "boyfriend problems, needs to end. We need to stick together."

"Yeah, so we can stick it to Vocal Adrenaline!" Puck raised one fist in a boxer's salute. Why was he so suddenly enthusiastic?

While I was still pondering that mystery, Mr. Shue walked in. Finn tensed, but his face didn't move. Had I not been leaning against him, I might not have even noticed. Rachel stroked his arm twice, and gently pushed him back a step, so he was more secure against my body before going to sit down.

_Ok, maybe we can kind of appreciate that._

Grudgingly, but yes we could. I noticed that every other member of the Glee club was looking at Finn, not the teacher. Whatever he did right now, whether it was accepting Mr. Shue back, or not doing so, or even storming out, they would follow his lead.

On some level, Finn must have understood that, because he bravely took a step forward to give Mr. Shue a hug before choosing his usual spot in the back of the room. I sat next to him for the first time, my hand resting on his knee. A collective breath was released and everyone started to chatter again. Mr. Shue held up his hands to try and get order back.

"Guys, we've been through a lot in the past few weeks, but it's time to put that behind us now. You guys were _amazing_ at Sectionals, and you should be proud of what you were able to accomplish. But Rachel is right. Regionals is bigger, and more competitive, and, most worrisome, you'll be up against Vocal Adrenaline. Win or lose, I want you to put forth your very best effort."

"But the future of the club-"Rachel just couldn't resist running her mouth, now could she?

"Is irrelevant at the moment. We still have our issues to work out, but I want us to be able to go into this with a clean slate. Now, how do we usually start things?"

Finn leaned over and whispered 'drugged up hand job in the basement.' I used my free hand to jab him in the ribs. What if somebody heard that?

_ Like the entire club? The ones who already know most of what happened? _

"How many relationships have you started that way?" I knew that this one was the only one, but I liked to see Finn squirm.

"All of them. You know, where the other person is a dude and everything." He smiled, and I knew that he wanted to kiss me.

I wasn't adverse to the idea, especially since it would send a pretty clear message to one Ms. Rachel Berry, but we were interrupted. "Kurt and Finn, is there something you would like to say to the entire club?"

My face grew hot, and I saw the flush spread across Finn's face as well. "No." He mumbled the answer for both of us.

"Then pay attention, please." He gave us a knowing look, and I wondered if Finn had told him, after all. "Anyway, we start with hello!"

We all greeted him back, making him smile. "Now, what do you way when you answer the phone?"

Mercedes giggled. "What up?"

Artie spoke at almost the same time. "Who this be?"

I felt compelled to chime in. "No, she's dead, this is her son." It came out sounding more sad then sassy, and Finn lightly tapped my knee.

Mr. Shue decided not to push it. "Mr. Alexander Gramn Bell, inventor of the telephone, used to say 'Ahoy, Ahoy' when he answered the phone. It was Edison who…"

I had stopped paying attention to him, since Finn's hand was moving from my knee up my thigh. So this was why he liked sitting in the back, so no one could tell what he was up to.

"-training bra!" Snipped Rachel. Finn's hand dropped, as it always did when boobs or bras were mentioned. You can lure a guy away from girls, but you can't fix his fixation with boobs.

_Maybe the sound of her voice is just that much of a turn off to him._

I liked that idea much better, even though I was pretty sure that it wasn't true.

"Anyway, it's time for some reinvention, some _New_ New Directions. We need a new 'hello!'". He pointed back at the whiteboard, where he had drawn a little stick man. "Here's your assignment for the week: Come up with a fresh number, but it has to have 'hello' in the title."

Possibilities raced through my mind, and I could tell from the sudden tension in his body that Finn was intrigued as well. We didn't always get to pick our own numbers, especially not as solos, and I wanted to do this right. If I could prove to Mr. Shue that I could be a strong vocal presence, then I might get more solos. Maybe even a big one.

_Fat chance._

Well, Ms. Galinda could just shut up, now couldn't she? I was so busy giving her a mental snarking, that I almost missed the fact that we had been dismissed. "Since we don't have performances today, and you've all done so well over the past week, I'm going to release you early. Finn, could you stay for a minute?"

A bevy of expressions flew across my boyfriends face, each there and gone before I could really register them. "Uh, well, Kurt's my ride, so it's up to him."

"Oh, go ahead. I'll stay and talk to the girls for a while." Whether I liked it or not, Mr. Shue was the closest thing to a father that Finn had, and I knew that the stress of their fighting was giving Finn nightmares.

"Thank you, Kurt. Finn, do you think you can help me move some stuff around the auditorium? We're going to be sharing it with the Cheerios from now on, and I don't want anything 'accidentally' damaged."

"Sure." I watched carefully, but Finn didn't show any nerves about being alone with the man. Over the past two weeks he had shown me that he was capable of doing things on his own, if only we would give him a chance, so I had to let him be.

Luckily, the girls, and this time it was all the girls, not just Tina and Mercedes, wanted to hear about how things were going with Finn. Even Rachel hung around, though she was making a face like she had swallowed a bug.

Tina sat in front of me. "So? Have you done it yet?"

I pretended that I had no idea what she was talking about. "Have we done what?"

"Sex! No one else here is getting any, except for Brit-"The blond girl nodded vacantly "-and maybe Santana."

Santana snorted. "Please. If Puck wants to stick it somewhere else, that's his business, but now that he's whimpering after Little Mama over there? I like him with a little dignity, not like some beaten bitch dog."

Quinn said nothing, but I saw the hurt in her eyes. I took a minute to wonder what it would be like to know that my life was completely over at 16. No matter what she decided, to keep the baby or give it up, she was never going to be who she had been before, and there was nothing any of us could do to change it. 

_All big choices leave their mark, honey. All you can do is decide what to do with yourself after._

"No, Finn and I haven't had sex yet. We're waiting for the right time."

"When's that? I know you, Kurt, and you'll wait until the two of you are so old you'll need Viagra to even think about it." Mercedes rolled her dark eyes.

"There's not a think wrong with being sure! And anyway, Finn's the one who…." I trailed off, because I realized that this was getting way too personal and Finn might not appreciate me discussing this in front of half of the Glee club.

"Is a little shy? I think that that's normal. I mean, he's _never_ looked at guys before. Maybe he just doesn't know what to do." Trust Rachel to get in a little dig while still trying to sound sympathetic.

I tried to regain some dignity. "This topic of conversation is closed. Why don't we talk about getting boyfriends for everyone else?"

Luckily, that did the trick. Glee club might be the lowest rung of the social ladder, but we were still teenagers, and we were still looking for love. Not a single girl in the club had someone, unless you counted Brit and Santana having each other. Sadly enough, I think that Brit counted that, but Santana didn't.

45 minutes later, we were no closer to finding Prince Charming for anyone, but I was starting to wonder where my own Prince Charming had wandered off to. I stood up and dusted myself off. "Girls, it's been great, but I have to go find Finn."

I slipped into the auditorium without being noticed, taking the time to admire the way Finn's muscles moved when he picked up boxes. I wasn't deliberately eavesdropping, but the acoustics in there are fantastic, and I couldn't help but pick up on what he and Mr. Shue were talking about.

Since I had missed the first part of the conversation, it hit me harder then ever to hear Finn softly say "I just feel so bad about myself. I mean, Kurt's all smart and good at everything, and he's going to figure out that he's dating a Lima Loser eventually."

Because he was turned away from me, I couldn't hear Mr. Shue's reply, but I could pick up the worry in his tone. Whatever else he had done wrong, he did love Finn, and he wanted things to turn out alright for him.

"Do you mean like dating other girls? Because, I'm pretty sure Kurt would kill me, and anyway, I don't want anyone else." Finn looked adorable confused, and I heard Mr. Shue laugh.

One hand came out to rest on Finn's shoulder, and I noticed that my boyfriend didn't flinch away. Mr. Shue nudged him towards the front of the stage. "Come on Finn, you're a rock star! You're like Jagger! Morrison!"

Finn gave him a big grin, and some of the tension bled out of his body. Mr. Shue pointed to the edge of the stage, and I noticed that the band was there for the first time. "Come on, pick a song!"

I couldn't hear what Finn said to that, but the band started up with a song I recognized immediately. Hello, I love you, by The Doors. I found myself leaning back to just enjoy the performance.

Finn might not have a classically trained voice, like Rachel's, but there is no one who can pull off a smoky, sexy song like that like he can. He had a way of lowering his head and exuding a confidence that he never showed at any other time. If he could do this every day, Puck wouldn't stand a chance against him with the ladies.

_Do you really want that? So Finn's dating you now, big deal. You think he wouldn't switch back the minute the right pair of tits came his way? _

I couldn't let myself think like that. Finn knew what it felt like to be cheated on; he wouldn't do that to me. Would he? No, there was no way. Finn was mine, and we both knew it.

Even though I knew it would give me away, I applauded enthusiastically at the end of the song. Finn jumped and almost fell off the stage, his normal, clumsy, self again. He squinted out over the otherwise empty seats, and I knew that he couldn't see me properly. "It's me, Cowboy."

He launched himself off the stage with a thud, racing over to give me an enthusiastic kiss. "Did you like it? Was it good?"

"It was excellent. You could give the real Morrison a run for his money. Plus you aren't all drugged out and STD infested." At his goofy grin, I had to kiss him again.

He pulled back a little bit. "You do know that Mr. Shue can see this, right?"

Oh. Oops. "I thought you told him already! He was looking at us like he knew!"

His eyes rolled. "That's because we're kind of obvious! I didn't tell him because I thought that was something that we should decide together, but figured it out on his own. Anyway, if you kiss me in public like that, everyone is going to know."

Oh, how short his memory was. "You kissed me!" 

"Yeah, well…." His eyes narrowed as he thought. "Oh well, it's just Mr. Shue. It's not like it's anyone who cares."

Finn wasn't going to understand the danger he was putting himself in until it was too late. I could tell him over and over all the things that had happened to me, he had seen (and participated in) most of them, I could rattle statistics at him until I was blue in the face. But it never penetrated. Yes, this time it was just Mr. Shue, and that was no big deal. But anyone could have walked in that door. The Cheerios were going to be sharing the auditorium, and what if one of them reported back to Coach Sylvester?

_She doesn't work here any more._

For now. Women like Sue Sylvester never die, and, even if they do, they come back and haunt you forever. Plus there was the entire hockey team, who might come around just to see the Cheerios flying around in their short skirts. "Keep it in your pants, Cowboy."

"Duh. I'm pretty sure that Mr. Shue doesn't want to see that, and, even if he does, that's gross and we're not going to do that." Finn gave me a little head butt.

Why do I find his stupidity charming? I leaned down and kissed him gently. "At least we can agree on some things. Namely that fooling around in front of our teacher and Glee club director is not a shared fantasy."

"No way. Oh, and now you kissed me, too, so we're even." He looked up at the stage. "Mr. Shue? Do you still need my help? Or can I go now?"

There was something almost sad in Mr. Shue's expression as he looked at Finn's arm around my shoulders. "Go on, you two. Finn, your song was great, Kurt, I'll be waiting to hear yours."

We both said our goodbyes and walked out to my car. Finn was rattling off songs, but none of them were right. Some of them were a poor fit for my range, some I didn't know or like, and some were just too common. I wanted something special.

Finn was starting to get frustrated. "Well, why don't you write your own song, then? Then it can be exactly how you want it."

That was just ridiculous. "I can't write a song! I can barely write an essay." Not that there weren't dozens of half finished odes to Finn locked in my hope chest, but he was never going to find out about that.

"I'll help you! Writing a song is just like writing a poem, and I know lots of poems. Listen: There was once a man from Nantucket. Whose dick was so-"

I cut him off with a hand over his mouth. "That is not the sort of poem or song I was looking for. Neither one of us knows anything about composing music anyway, unless you want to ask Rachel."

He visibly squirmed. "That's probably not a good idea. I think she's kind of pissed at me."

Somehow hearing that didn't surprise me. "And just what did you do to anger Ms. Berry yet again? I thought that once the two of you were no longer dating this drama would cease."

Finn gave me a long suffering sigh and a pathetic look. "I know, right? She's all pissed off because she says I'm fickle and I'm going to ruin you, but I swear that I'm not and I love you, like, as much as the sun and stars and moon and all that romantic shit, but I'm kind of scared that I might wreck things anyway because I always kind of do even though I never mean to."

I leaned back in the seat, taking a minute to detangle the Finn-speak from the actual English. "You do not wreck everything. Granted, slowing down and taking the time to think things through before you act might improve a lot of your little mishaps, but you do not ruin things. I love you exactly how you are, and Rachel just has a case of sour grapes."

"So, she's wrong even though she's right? I mean, I kind of did mess up with her, and with Quinn. But I can do better this time, I promise."

We were almost to his place now, and, as badly as I wanted to go inside and spend however long it took to convince Finn that there wasn't a thing wrong with him, I knew that I couldn't. Dad needed me at home, and Finn needed to try working this out on his own. So I gave him a final kiss on the lips. "She's wrong. I love you, and I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning."

"Ok. I love you, too." Then he was off, ambling up the steps to his house. I waited on the pretense that I had to make sure he got inside safely, but mostly I just wanted to stare at his ass. That was mine.

_That is _ours_. Speaking off, when are we ever going to get around to collecting said fine piece of real estate?_

Soon. I didn't want to push Finn, as that would only upset him and make him nervous. Being nervous would make him tense, and, if he was tense, this wasn't going to work and I might even end up hurting him. Not exactly the first time experience I was hoping for. No, letting Finn call the shots had worked so far, and I just had hope that it kept happening smoothly. And if there were plenty of blowjobs in between now and sex, who was I to complain?

I was a little bit concerned about Rachel, and made a mental note to speak to her about not confusing and worrying Finn, but I wasn't too worried. After all, how long did she plan on holding a grudge? It wasn't like he had cheated on her, or even like he had decided to hook up with another girl. No matter how determined she was, she was never going to grow a penis.

_I wouldn't count on that. I don't think that there's anything in this world that Rachel Berry can't do when she puts her mind to it. Up to and including changing genders at will. I mean, come on, you've seen those hands._

The next day in Glee, I found out exactly how long she planned on holding a grudge. And there is only one way Rachel Berry likes to express her fury. Finn and I were sitting in the back row of chairs, his fingers drumming a little pattern on my thigh. I wasn't any closer to choosing a song for myself, so I was mostly sulking and not paying much attention to what was going on until her hand shot up like a flag. "Mr. Shuester? I think I found a song that sums up my feelings perfectly" The look she shot Finn and I left no doubt as to her exact feelings.

He held up a hand. "Fantastic Rachel, show us what you've got."

We all fell silent to watch. Whatever else you can say about Rachel, she is always a consummate and fascinating performer. She cued the band, and I recognized the song within a few bars. Oh, yeah, the ultimate scorned woman song. Give you Hell by The All American Rejects. Finn cringed a little against me.

_Wow. The next time you need bitch lessons, I think we both know where to go._

No argument here. Still, it was a catchy song, and I couldn't help but be impressed. Not only was her deliverance flawless, but she had found a way to incorporate Mike's dancing, which was something that we hadn't seen in far too long. Actually, she was an all over perfect performer, which just served to increase my ire. I was a good singer, and an adequate dancer, but I just didn't have the spark she did, something that was becoming steadily more obvious. As much as I hated to admit it, Rachel Berry was destined for bigger things.

_Yeah, but you have Finn. Isn't that what this whole temper tantrum of hers is about? _

True. Finn was trying to look abashed, his head down and his expression guilty, but I could see the mirth in his dark eyes. All Rachel was doing was posturing, and he knew it. With a barely noticeable movement, he pushed my back lightly, freeing me to go join what was rapidly becoming a full Glee club dance party.

Rachel finished with a flourish, giving Finn a look that could have killed a snake. Mr. Shue tried to regain order, calling out over our laughter. "Guys? Guys! I don't want to be a buzzkill, but the assignment was 'hello'."

Our very own diva wasn't quite ready to give up. "I'm sorry. I was focusing on the first syllable." She gave Finn another death glare.

To Mr. Shue's credit, he pulled her up short. "You know what? I don't think you understand the seriousness of what we're up against. While we were busy winning our Sectionals, Vocal Adrenaline was busy winning theirs. They're last year's national champions. They haven't lost a competition in three years. This is the big leagues guys. If we don't place at Regionals, Glee club is over."

He gave that a few minutes to sink in. "Now, does anyone else have a performance?"

No one wanted to say anything, but someone had to. Finally Tina piped up. "I'll be ready tomorrow. I just need a little extra time."

"Alright, then. You guys are teenagers now, almost adults! It's time to quit this childish backstabbing and start acting like a team again. Whatever the issue is between you and Finn, Rachel, _fix it_. That goes for any other issues that the rest of you might be having. Come on, guys! You made it through Sectionals because you put aside your personal differences and worked together. Your assignment for next week is to find a song that emphasizes team work and non sexual togetherness. And don't think that the rest of you are excused from this weeks assignment either. You're all dismissed."

Wow, he was cranky. Finn nudged me again. "Want to go back to my place and have a little _sexual_ togetherness?"

I smirked; making sure that Rachel saw it, just so she could wonder what Finn and I were going to go do. No doubt it was far kinkier in her imagination. "Why Finn Hudson, I would love to."


	49. Chapter 49

Finn POV

God, I don't want to go to school today. I have a test in English about some book called the Scarlet Letter that sucked ass. When I read the back of the book, I thought it was going to be all about sex and stuff, because I thought that that was what adultery was, but it wasn't. All the sex part happened before the book, so it was just a lot of really boring blabbing about a door for like 10 pages. Kurt says that Hester gets kind of kick ass in the end, but I doubt it. I mean, how kick ass could girls be back in the 1400's or whenever the stupid book takes place? Not much would be my guess.

Plus, Rach is still all pissed at me. I don't really get why, since it's not like she wanted to be my girlfriend when she actually could have been, just now that she couldn't. Which by the way, is the same thing she accused me of. Sometimes I think she's the one who's fickle, not me. I wouldn't tell her that because I don't want her to, like, kill me or anything, but sometimes I'm not as dumb as people tell me I am.

"Finnegan Jacob! If you aren't out of that bed in the next 5 minutes, I will get the ice!" Did I mention that Mom isn't real happy with me either? I'm not sure if it's still because of me lying about Mr. Shue, or because I accidentally forgot a bunch of her clothes in the washer and they got all mildewy. Either way, if I didn't get up pretty quick, she was going to come down with a cup full of ice and throw it on me, and I definitely didn't want that.

"I'm up!" I staggered to my feet, wincing a little as I almost tripped over my backpack, which I had left on the floor next to the bed. Maybe I could just fake sick?

Except that wasn't going to work and I knew it. First off, Mom has this amazing way of reading my mind, so she can always tell when I'm faking it. Puck said that I could stick a finger down my throat to make myself barf, and then she would have to believe it, but that's just nasty. Besides, the one time I tried it I couldn't actually make myself sick. Kurt says that I lack a gag reflex, and that that's actually a good thing, but Kurt never has to try and fake sick, either.

I grabbed the first pair of jeans that didn't look too disgusting and a clean shirt (one that Kurt actually likes. Of course, he doesn't say that he likes it, he just calls it one of the least abominable pieces in my wardrobe, but his eyes say he likes it. Plus? My shirt isn't a snowman. Sometimes I think he makes up uses for words that aren't even real) and my backpack and I was ready for the day. Usually I try and take a shower in the mornings, but I was already late and too tired to care.

Besides, it wasn't like I had anyone to smell good for this morning. Kurt's not coming to pick me up, because his Dad's truck is broken. So Kurt has to take him to the garage, which is in the total opposite direction of my house. That sucks, of course, because it means that Puck's picking me up instead of Kurt. So it was a sucky, sucky, suck, suck day and it hadn't even really started yet.

At least Mom made French toast, which is all kinds of awesome. She even put powdered sugar on it. "Finn, I have to fill in for Martha, so I'm going to be late today. Do you think you can handle getting home and getting dinner for yourself?"

My brain was already going all sorts of naughty places, imagining what Kurt and I could do in between getting out of school and 10 at night, which was when she would probably get home.

Unfortunately, Mom's faster then I am. "Oh, and I should probably tell you that Kurt will be helping his father at the garage after school, so don't even think about it."

How did she do that? "I wasn't! Maybe I'll go over to Puck's instead."

"Just call me when you decide." She leaned over and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. "I love you. Finn."

"Love you, too." I used to be all embarrassed when she did that, but not any more. I mean, Kurt doesn't have a Mom at all, and I'll be he would be glad to be embarrassed by her if she was still alive.

A horn blared from the driveway, and I knew that Puck was here. "Bye, Mom!"

I raced out the front door and jumped into his truck. He smirked at me. "You're late, Finessa. Did you get caught up doing your pretty hair and make-up?"

"Nah, I was too busy jacking it to your old football pictures." You have to handle Puck just right, or he'll never leave you alone.

He flexed his biceps. "I don't blame you. This is all man, baby." Then he turned serious. "Look, dude, I just got word that the terrible twosome is out for your ass."

"Which terrible twosome?" The only one I could think of was Karofsky and Azimio, and he had other nicknames for them.

"Santana and Brit. They're women on a mission, and that never ends well."

"What did I do to them?" As hard as I thought, I couldn't think of anything I might have done to offend either one of them.

"Don't know, Dude, but watch your back." Puck might be an asshole sometimes, but he usually knows what's going on.

"Thanks for the heads up." Even if I didn't quite believe it.

But it was true. The pair of them cornered me right after first period, pinkies linked and swinging between them. Santana, the pair's official spokesperson, smiled at me. "Brit and I were wondering if you wanted to go out?" She made it sound all casual and cool.

Sometimes I think I really am as stupid as everyone claims I am, because I'm pretty sure I didn't hear that right. "On a…date? With which one of you?" This was weird. There were three people here, and, anyway, they both knew that I was with Kurt now.

They exchanged looks, and I knew that they were doing the weird girl mind meld thing. "Both of us!" They said it like I was the silliest person on earth.

"But I'm kind of with Kurt now." I don't know why I was trying to remind them. Santana never forgets anything, ever.

_She also never forgives anything. Finn, don't do this. _

Brit toyed with my sleeve, which was kind of distracting. Santana stroked my other arm. "Finn! I wouldn't ask you to cheat on Kurt! That would be…horrible of me." Even though she was saying the right words, she made it sound all sexy instead of like she was shocked that I would think that. Between both of them fawning all over me, it was getting a little hard to think.

I tried to step back, but all that ended up doing was putting me back against the lockers. "It sounds like you want me to cheat." My voice came out all high pitched, sounding more like Kurt's then mine.

"Of course not! See, it's not cheating if you aren't with the same gender. Just like I'm not cheating on Puck when I do stuff with Brit!" She sounded all sure and everything, but this didn't feel right.

"It's true." Brit's hand trailed down from my sleeve to my hip. "Gay sex and straight sex aren't the same thing."

_Finn! Are you listening to this? How would you feel if Kurt was thinking about doing the exact same thing you are? Cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter if you're with a different gender, if you're in a different zip code, if Kurt never finds out about it, anything. It…it also doesn't matter if you're drunk. I'm sorry Finn._

That drug me out of my lesbian induced haze. Quinn-voice was right and I knew it. What Santana was asking me to do was wrong, and I knew it. I pushed Brit's gently away. "No."

Santana's eyes narrowed. "No? What do you mean by that, Finn?" Suddenly she didn't look all sexy any more. She looked like she wanted to kill me.

Running like a girl was looking better and better. "I mean no. I'm with Kurt now, and he's the only one I want to be with. I'm all, like, flattered that you want to and everything, but the answer is no."

Her hip cocked, which is not a good sign. When you see a girl do that, it's kind of like when you see the hair go up on a strange dog. It means that you're about to get bitten. "It is. Well, how would you feel if I were to give Jacob Ben Israel an exclusive about the buggery happening behind the Glee club scenes? I'm sure Kurt would love to have his name plastered all over the front page of the school newspaper."

What did bugs have to do with anything? But I got the rest of it, which meant she was going to out me and Kurt to everyone. "I would feel bad." It was a really dumb thing to say, but I was trying to buy myself some time. I wished that Kurt was here. No, wait, I didn't. Because it would hurt his feelings if he found out what Santana was willing to do to us.

" 'Tana, please." Brittany's voice was soft, but we both turned to her. "Please, just stop. This isn't going to work."

Of all the people who I thought might save me, Brit was someone I would have never considered. Santana must have felt the same way, because she shot her an evil look. "Fine, but when this gets back to you-know-who, I'm not standing up for you." Then she was gone, storming down the hall and looking for another target.

"Coach Sylvester told us to do that." Brittany was touching my arm again, but this time it didn't feel like a sex thing. It just felt friendly. "She said if we could get you to break up with Kurt, then you would get back together with Rachel and she would be too distracted by you to do a good job at Regionals."

Nothing she was saying made any sense. "But she got fired, so why does she care? And how did she find out about Kurt in the first place?" 

"She's back. I don't know how, maybe she's magic or something." She squirmed a little. "And she knows about you and Kurt because 'Tana and I kind of told her."

"Why?" If it had been anyone else, I would have been more pissed, but Brit's different. She's kind of like me: we never mean to do the wrong thing, and we never intend to be mean, we just mess it up a lot. It kind of hurt that she had sold me out, though, and I knew we could both hear it in my voice.

"She just…it always sounds like a good thing to do when she's telling us to do it. I'm sorry, Finn." She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. "I hope we didn't mess things up with you and Kurt."

I hugged her, because I do love her in a way. Not in a sexy way, though I would have been much more interested if I didn't have Kurt. "You didn't. But could you kind of try and make Santana less mad? You know, so she doesn't kill me or Kurt?"

"I'll try." Then she was gone, her skirt spinning after her.

Ok, this was bad. Bad that Coach Sylvester was back, bad that she knew about me and Kurt, bad that she was still trying to destroy the Glee club. I had to find someone who could help me figure out what to do.

"Finn! Finn, come here!" My entire body got all stiff and nervous. When I said someone to help me, I meant anyone but Rachel.

But Mom would kill me if she knew I was rude to a chick, so I made myself stop and turn around. "Hey, Rach."

She looked down and twirled her hair in her fingers. "It has come to my attention that I was perhaps a little unfair to you yesterday. Of all people, I should know that sexuality is never a choice, and I wish the two of you all the happiness in the world."

Usually, I would have been suspicious of something like this, but I actually believed her this time. Mostly because she still looked like she wanted to cry. "Uh, thanks?"

"Anyway, I was thinking that you could come over to my place today after school? Just as friends, I promise. I spent a productive four hours with my therapist yesterday, and he's helped me see that pursuing you at this point shows a lack of respect not only for you and Kurt, but for myself as well."

I waited for Quinn-voice to make a nasty comment, but she was silent. Instead of that making me feel good, though, it just made me more nervous. "I, uh, well; I have to talk to Kurt first. We kind of had plans, but not really." There, that kind of took the pressure off of me.

"Oh." She forced a smile. "Of course. Will you be able to tell me by lunch? Because I need to call my Dad's and let them know if I'm going to be bringing company over. I can give you a ride if you need one."

"Yeah, I'll let you know." Where the hell was Kurt?

"Alright." Why was it that Rach was sensitive enough to know when to back off when we weren't dating, but not when we were?

As it turned out, I couldn't find Kurt before class, which sucked donkey balls. He would know what to do about the whole Coach Sylvester/Santana/Brittany/Rachel thing. Plus, he would be able to explain what to do in a way that didn't make me feel like a total idiot.

I got held after in English, and then I had to pee after Social Studies, so I didn't end up being able to see Kurt until almost lunch. He smiled at me, telling me with his eyes that he wished he could kiss me. I used mine to tell him the same thing back, which made him grin harder.

There's this whole ritual we have to do, though, before we can actually talk. Kurt stakes out the table and waits with Mercedes while I go through the line. Then I sit down and he goes through the line and gets a cold water. He never eats the school lunches, but don't ever ask him why. He goes into this whole lecture about preservatives and his skin and blah, blah, blah. It would be easier if I could get his water for him, but that's not the way things work. If I get him his water, I might as well just have sex with him in front of the whole school.

Once we had done our thing, I sat down next to him, but not too close. "Rachel wants me to come over to her house after school today. Are you ok with that?"

He cracked his water open and took a deep drink, which made the muscles in his throat work and made me kind of distracted. "Cowboy, we've had this conversation before. If you desire to enter that creepy little girl room, then it's entirely up to you. I trust you completely."

See, he says that, but I don't think he really means it. If he meant it, his voice wouldn't be so hurt every single time. But he has friends, too. I mean, I don't make a big deal when he wants to go out with Mercedes or Tina.

_He's never kissed Mercedes or Tina! Kurt gets offended because, deep down, he thinks you'll get back together with Rachel. But his insecurities are no reason not to go over there. The only thing that's going to make him feel better is if you go over there a few times, and he can see that there's no danger._

"Oh. I thought that maybe you would want to do something today. But, it's cool, we can do something tomorrow." I wished that he would at least look at me.

I don't think I hide hurt feelings very well either, because he rubbed my knee under the table. "I'm sorry, Finn. I would love to do something with you today, but Dad needs me at the garage. One of his mechanics just had a baby, and he gave him two weeks off. Once things settle back to normal, maybe you can come hang out with both of us? I'll have time to teach you some things."

Awesome! I tried not to sound too excited, though. "Cool. So, it's really ok?"

"Absolutely." He looked around quickly to see if anyone was looking at us. "I love you."

"Love you, too." I held out my banana. "Here. I picked one with no bruises for you, because it's filled with potassium and, uh, other good stuff."

"You are a prince, Finn Hudson." He took it happily. "Now go tell her nagginess that you would be delighted to accompany her into her den of pink iniquity."

See, I liked it when things went this way. Now Kurt was happy, and I was happy, and hopefully Rachel would be happy, too. This was going to turn out great.

Rach was super excited when I told her that I could come over, and we made plans to meet at her car, which by the way, is awesome! It must be cool to be an only child when both of your Dads are rich. I still wouldn't trade Mom though, not for anything.

She carried the conversation in the car, which was a good thing. I wasn't sure who I was supposed to tell first about Coach Sylvester being back. Mr. Shue? Kurt? Rachel? Maybe I should talk to Mom about it tonight. She usually has good suggestions.

"Finn? Are you paying attention to me?" Rachel turned her head to look at me.

Not really. "Sorry. What were you saying?"

"That I think it's important that the two of us really get to know each other as friends. When we were together we didn't do a lot of talking. Maybe we could get back together later this week?"

_You didn't do much _besides _talking either. You might bitch about me, but she wasn't letting you under her top either. But this is actually a good thing. She really wants to try a friendship, which means she isn't going to be flirting with you the whole time and making you nervous._

That was good. I nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, that would be great! But aren't we going to talk today?"

Something showed up in her eyes, but it was gone before I could figure it out. "Sure. But a discourse between two people can't be limited to just one day. I want us to be close, Finn, even if it's not in a sexual way."

"Uh, ok." That sounded a little creepy, but she's dramatic at the best of times. My stomach growled in the sudden quiet, which made her laugh a little. "I made my special cookies last night, and I promise you can have a few."

"Sweet." We were at her house by then, so I came around and opened her car door for her, just like I did for Kurt.

"Thank you, Finn. But you do understand that, as a modern and fully developed woman, I'm capable of opening my own door, right?"

"Sure. But it's nice for me to do it for you." Why couldn't she just say 'thank you' and leave it at that, like Kurt did?

"Of course it is." She pulled open the door. "Dad! Daddy! We're here!"

Two men came into the kitchen, and I made myself stand up straight. I had never met Rachel's fathers before, and I hoped I was giving off 'I really didn't violate your baby girl, I promise' vibes. "Hi, I'm Finn Hudson." I held out my hand to shake.

"So polite." The black dad shook gently. "I'm Leroy and this is my husband, Hiram Berry. Now I understand that you have some-"

"Daddy!" Rachel cut him off and made a quick slicing gesture across her throat. "Finn and I are going to have some cookies and have a talk before the two of you get a hold of him. I promise, you'll get your turn."

"Ok, pumpkin. We'll be in the living room." They were all looking at each other like they knew something that I didn't."

Ok, this was weird. Under most circumstances, that would cause me to lose my appetite, but, come on, have you tasted her cookies? They're the most delicious things in the entire world. She poured us two glasses of lemonade, and we talked a little bit about what sort of songs we should try for Glee in the next few weeks. Once I had finished both my cookies and my drink, she pulled me up. "Finn, I have to get going. I have a date this afternoon."

What? "Like, with a guy?" I couldn't believe she was saying this. And why did that hurt my feelings a little bit?

"Yes, Finn, with a guy. I am still a completely heterosexual woman." She seemed frustrated.

"But I though we were going to hang out today! Who's this guy? Do I know him?"

"His name is Jessie St. James, and, no, you don't know him. He doesn't go to McKinley." She was starting to get that look again, the one I didn't like.

I felt like I should know that name, but she grabbed my arm and started dragging me off to the living room while I was still trying to figure it out. "I don't want you to be upset with me for this, but I knew if I was honest, you would never come over." She pushed me down on in one of the chairs, the one that directly faced her two fathers. "My dads are going to give you advice about everything you need to know about having sex with Kurt for the first time. Oh, and they'll give you a ride home afterwards. I love you, Finn, and this is for both you and Kurt's own good." She bolted back out the front door while I was still frozen in shock. She wanted me to talk about sex in front of two men I didn't even know? Two men whose daughter I had dated? Hadn't Kurt just told me that I had lots of good karma built up? Shouldn't that mean that something like this wouldn't happen?

My chest felt tight and I could feel tears wanting to spring to my eyes as I wheezed pitifully. Mr. Berry One went into the kitchen while Mr. Berry Two grabbed his cell and called after his daughter. "Rachel! You said he knew what he was coming here for! That was very unkind of you to spring it on him like that!"

I couldn't hear what Rachel was saying back, but Mr. Berry One brought me another glass of lemonade. "Here, honey, drink this and try and relax. We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to."

The coldness of the lemonade felt good, and it opened my throat a little until I could breathe again. "Sorry. I was just…really, really surprised."

Mr. Berry Two hung up the phone. "Do you want us to take you home right now? If you're not ready to talk about it, there's not point in pushing.

I'm pretty sure that I'll never be ready to talk about it with anyone. I mean, Dude! There are some things that should just be sacred!

_Really? Because I'm pretty sure you're being offered the chance of a lifetime here. Two gay men who are willing to give you pointers so that things actually go well for you your first time? Or would you rather just fumble through it and end up getting hurt or hurting Kurt? Because, let me tell you Finn, I would have killed to be able to talk to someone about sex. Maybe I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now if I had._

"I…I…sorry. I mean, I need to talk to you guys, but it feels kind of freaky. Can we maybe just wait a minute before start talking about, like sex and stuff?" There, that didn't come out so badly.

Mr. Berry Two laughed. "Of course. How about you tell us about this boyfriend of yours. Is he your first?"

This was better. "Yeah." When I pulled out my phone, I noticed that my hands were shaking. I forced them steady and opened up my pictures. "His name's Kurt."

They both oohed and ahhed over the pictures. "Look at those pretty blue eyes."

"Yeah, he's awesome, Mr. Berry Two." Oh, shit, had I just called him that out loud? The problem was, I didn't know what else to call him. If I just said 'Mr. Berry', then they wouldn't know which one I was talking to, and it would be rude to call them by their first names without permission.

Luckily, they both laughed about it. "You can call us Leroy and Hiram, Finn, it's alright. Did you know before Kurt?"

"Did I know what?" Sometimes I feel like there's this code that everyone but me talks in.

"That you were gay. I mean, you dated our baby before Kurt, and another girl before that. Sometimes you just don't know until the right person comes along." Hiram smiled gently at me.

"I'm not…." I stopped off because I was confused. Did being with Kurt make me 100% gay, even if I liked girls too? Or did that not matter, because I was with Kurt now? Did it just matter who you were with right this second?

_See, this is why you need to talk to them._

"Umm…I don't know? I mean, I still like girls a lot, and not other boys, but I'm with a boy right now, so does that make me gay? What if I break up with Kurt and pick a girl next? Would I still be gay, or would that make me straight again?" That didn't make sense even to me.

They exchanged looks. "Leroy, why don't you take this one? Finn, how about we order a pizza? I think this might take a while."

Mom wouldn't like it if she knew I was acting like a mooch. But how was this any different then if Rachel and I had ordered pizza? Except they would probably pay, instead of me. "Yeah, that would be great! I like everything."

Hiram left, and Leroy sat down next to me on the couch. I tried not to jump or anything, but he was really close, and maybe this was just what gay guys did? "Finn, you don't need to be afraid of us. We just want to help you, so that your first time goes well. Ok?"

"Ok." I tried to smile at him. "It's just weird, you know? Like, the only person I've been able to talk to about his is Kurt, but he doesn't really know anything either, so….anyway, I'm very grateful that you want to talk to me." There, I had used my best manners.

"But it's hard to talk about. From your ramble earlier, I'm guessing that he's not only your first boyfriend, but the first boy you've ever been attracted to?"

That kind of made me feel embarrassed, even though I'm not sure why. "Yeah."

"That's tough. Hiram has always known he was gay, ever since he was a little boy. He has never been attracted to women, and that's alright. There's no rule that says you have to try both, to make sure that you're gay. There's also no law that says you can't be attracted to a man if you only felt that way for women before. There are a million ways to be gay, and a million ways to be straight and there are infinite possibilities in between."

That made me feel a little better. I picked at the sofa pillow. "Did you? Like girls, I mean."

"I did. When I was a teenager and a young man I _only_ liked girls. I played sports and went to action movies and did all of the things that straight manly boys are supposed to do. I never, ever thought twice about being with a man. Boys were friends and brothers, they weren't lovers. I even fell very deeply in love with a girl, and would have married her without question."

"What happened?" I was trying not to act like a kindergartener who was waiting for a story, but I couldn't help it. This guy was just like me!

"Well, she didn't love me back, at least not like I loved her. So we broke up, and I moved to Florida. That was when I met Jacob. He was everything that I had ever wanted. He loved going to sports games, he liked to camp, he loved playing video games. It didn't take long before I was more connected with him then I had ever been with a girl. And he wanted me, exactly the way I was. There was only one problem."

"He was a dude." If I had thought about talking to Rachel's dads before this, I wouldn't have had to spend so much time worrying before I got with Kurt.

_You never would have thought of Rachel's dads if she didn't push you into it, you dork. Now, I'm going to exit this conversation, because I think it's going to be getting a bit graphic for my tastes._

Like I cared. This was definitely a 'No Girls Allowed' sort of talk, anyway. "But you got with him, right? Because he was so awesome, even though he was a guy, you had to love him. Cause, that's what happened with Kurt. Oh, and I was kind of on pain pills, too, but mostly because he was so awesome."

"No. I never got with Jacob." His voice was really soft, the same way Mom's sometimes gets when she talks about Darren.

"How come? I mean, you said that you liked him and that he liked you." I was starting to think that this wasn't going to be such a good story after all.

"That just goes to show you that you're smarter then I was. I didn't get with Jacob because I was scared. I knew that neither one of my parents would accept me bringing home a man instead of a woman. So I acted like a coward and told him 'no'. I've never regretted anything more. But if I had been with Jacob, then I wouldn't have found Hiram, so it worked out in the end."

I thought about that for a minute. Would I give up Kurt if Mom wanted me to? I couldn't decide. I loved Kurt with all my heart, but, if I didn't have Mom, I didn't have anyone. So, yeah, I could see how you could give up someone who's perfect because they tell you to. "That still sucks, though."

"Yeah. But we're here to talk about you, not me. Do your parents know about you and Kurt?"

I squirmed. "Yeah. It's just me and Mom, but she knows and she's cool with it." Now was probably now a good time to mention that she was dating Kurt's dad. It doesn't make Kurt and I related, I know because I checked twice, but it still sounds creepy.

"That's good. Everything is easier when you have the support of your family." He patted my shoulder and I couldn't help but grin at him. I know I act like a stupid puppy any time an older guy is nice to me (seriously, I have no idea how I didn't get molested at some point) but it's ok to be friendly, right?

"Yeah, but I can't ask Mom how to have sex with some guy, can I?" I don't know what sort of face I was making, but it was enough to make Leroy laugh.

"No, you can't. But that's what Hiram and I are here for. Now I don't want you to be embarrassed to ask us anything. How far have you and Kurt gone?"

"Um…" Even though I knew that I could tell him things, it was still embarrassing to talk about. "We've, like touched each other, and, uh, blow jobs." I whispered the last part. My face felt like it was burning up, and I knew that I was bright red.

Hiram came back in the room, which just made it more humiliating. "Pizza will be here in 15 minutes. Beer, Leroy?"

Leroy nodded. I perked my head up. "Can I have one, too?" I didn't think so, but it never hurts a guy to ask.

"Maybe another time. I can't send you home reeking of booze. Coke or Lemonade?"

"Coke please." There was a part of me that hoped that they would forget what we were actually here for and just let me eat as much pizza as I could hold.

"So, you've gone as far as blow jobs. No penetration, even with a finger?" He was being as gentle as possible, but I still couldn't look him in the face.

"No. I mean, I don't want to hurt him or have him hurt me. I know that we have to, but…." I stopped, because I hoped that they got it.

"Ok. I know that it sounds weird, putting something up your butt, but I promise that it feels really good when it's done right."

"Yeah, because of the prostate." I felt like I had to say something, just so he would know that I wasn't a total idiot.

"Right, because of the prostate. So I can assume that you and Kurt have already talked about this? Maybe about who might be the top and bottom the first time? It's good to figure these things out in advance. It leads to less confusion that way." He and Hiram looked at each other and giggled, which made me think that there might be some sort of story here.

I kind of wanted to hear the story, but I was also afraid that I would pussy out before the actual advice if we didn't keep going. "Him. He's going to be the one on top. But only the first time! So, I guess I need to know how to do it both ways?"

He nodded, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. I liked the way he talked to me, like I was his equal, instead of just a stupid little kid. "Finn, have you ever had sex with a woman?"

"No. I'm only 16." I sounded like a toddler and I knew it. I don't know why I said it like that, since Puck had been doing it since he was 14, but I kind of felt like I had to.

"Finn, don't get upset. There are big differences between being with a man and being with a woman, and I want to be sure you're clear on that." He was talking all calm.

"Sorry. Uh, how is it different? I mean, I know about sex with girls, because my friend Puck is kind of a manwhore. I mean…well, yeah, but can we pretend I said it in a way that wasn't gross? Because my Mom would be kind of pissed if she knew I said whore in front of an adult."

They both laughed again, but at least I felt like they weren't laughing at me. "Don't worry, your mother won't find out about anything that happened today. What I'm trying to get at is two men having sex requires lube. Lots and lots of lube. I can not emphasize this enough. Lube. Do you have any?"

I was starting to get resigned to the fact that I was probably going to spend this entire night going back and forth between being half curious and half turned on and just being humiliated. "Yes. But maybe I need to buy a little more, just to be sure."

"Not a bad idea. The most important thing that you can do, is treat Kurt with as much respect as possible. That does not involve just showing any part of your body into any part of his. Start out with one finger and plenty of lube, then move on to using two and three. If you have been doing things with Kurt for a while, you should know his body, and you'll know when he's ready for more. The same applies to you. There's going to be a little pain, especially the first few times, but it should be bearable. If anything he does causes you a lot of pain, you need to tell him to stop. That's a mistake that a lot of people make, not speaking up when it hurts."

I was trying to memorize everything he said, so I could tell Kurt later (or better yet, I could _show_ him later, which is just an awesome idea), but it was getting a little hard to keep everything straight. Luckily, the doorbell rang right then, so I would have a chance to eat something and organize my mental files.

I was two slices of pizza in before I thought to ask another question. "I, uh…so, sex." I could barely get the word out. "If I wanted to be on top, I would do the same thing, right? Start out slow, one finger, two fingers, three fingers, then my, uh…yeah." There was no way I could use some crude term, but saying 'penis' just sounded dumb. "How long do I need to do it before he's ready? Is there a time limit or something?"

Hiram smiled at me, and I realized that I was getting kind of worked up. "Sorry, I guess I'm being kind of dumb."

"Not at all. It's much better to move too slowly and let things build up then it is to move too quickly. But, as far as your question goes, it depends. It can vary from guy to guy, or even from day to day. Don't worry, honey, you'll know when it's right. And if you don't, Kurt will, and he'll be able to tell you."

That was really, really, reassuring. Because if I hurt Kurt, if I made him bleed or cry, I would never be able to forgive myself. "I guess that's…encouraging." I was pretty sure that I was using the right word here, but not 100%. "I'm still kind of nervous, though."

They both laughed, but it wasn't in a mean way, so it was alright. Leroy patted my shoulder. "Oh, honey, you're always going to be nervous the first time. It doesn't matter if it's the _first _first time, like with Kurt, or just the first time with a new man. You were nervous the first time you kissed him, weren't you?"

"Yeah. Really nervous." I didn't want to be rude or anything, so I didn't tell him that there wasn't going to be another man. Kurt was Kurt, and I would be happy to be with him forever, but if we weren't together forever, I was sticking with chicks. There wasn't going to be any other guy for me, I knew that as clearly as I knew my own name. Which was Finn, by the way.

I helped myself to another slice of pizza (my fifth, but they had ordered two extra larges, and it would be rude not to eat my share, right? Plus, Hiram kept putting more slices on my plate, which must mean he wanted me to eat them.) while I thought. There had to be something else here that I was forgetting to ask, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Hiram cleared his throat. "Finn, there's something else that we should probably cover." He waited until I wiped my hands daintily on my napkin and took a quick drink of my coke. "Protection. Do you know how to properly use a condom?"

The look on his face told me that Rachel had blabbed about the whole 'getting pregnant in a hot tub' thing. I laid my head down in my hands. "Yes. But do we have to? I mean, if I'm a…virgin, and he's a virgin we can't catch something from each other, right?"

"That's technically true. But you need to understand that virginity doesn't just mean that you've never had sex. Oral sex can transfer diseases, too."

I hadn't known that. Well, I guessed that maybe I had known that, since I did take sex ed, but it was hard to think about Kurt and diseases at the same time. I mean, He's like…well, not the Virgin Mary, because he's got a dick, but whatever the man version of that was. "So we need to use condoms even when we're just doing blow jobs?" Could I possibly have a disease already? I would panic more, but, come on! Puck is my best friend, so I know that a good shot of penicillin will kill lots of nasty things. Not that I wanted an STD, but I guess there are worse things.

"If you're sure that you're each other's firsts, and that neither one of you is seeing anyone else, I'm pretty sure that you're ok. But remember, things won't always be like they are with Kurt. The older you get, the more people you'll have been with, and the more people your chosen partner will have been with. This applies to women as well as men, Finn."

Even though it was kind of embarrassing, I sort of liked what he was saying. It was cool, like having an actual Dad that could tell you stuff, just like a father in the movies. Mom tries to tell me that Burt Hummel is willing to do that for me, too, but I'm pretty sure that he'll kill me if I tried to bring any of this up to him. "Ok." I tried to smile at him. "This is a lot to deal with. So, can I, like, call you if I have other questions?"

"Of course. Here's both Hiram and I's cell phone numbers. I'm going to assume that you would rather have a direct line to us, rather then having to go through Rachel?"

"Yes!" The word came out unexpectedly loud, but the thought of Rachel knowing every time I asked one her Dad's a sex question? No way. "I mean…please."

Leroy was snickering behind his hand, which makes me pretty sure that he wasn't buying my brand new manners. "Her Daddy and I will also be having a talk with her about what she did to you today. It wasn't fair of her to spring this on you."

He was kind of right, but I didn't want to get Rach in trouble. "It's ok. I mean, yeah, it was kind of a surprise, but it all worked out in the end."

"That isn't an excuse. Rachel has a big heart, but she needs to work a little on her finesse."

I stood there and tried to look like I had any idea what 'finesse' was. Did it have anything to do with sex, or were we done talking about that? No, wait, that was stupid. Rachel wouldn't talk about sex with her Dads! They wouldn't know anything about being with a woman, and it would be kind of creepy anyway. "Um, ok. Is it alright if Kurt gives you a call, too? He's really smart and he'll probably think of, like, a million things that I didn't."

"Of course. Is there anything else you want to ask us? I don't want you to feel pushed out, but I know that this is a lot to take in at once. Sometimes it's better to just sleep on it."

Oh, thank God. As cool as this night had been, and it had been cool, even if it was embarrassing as hell, I was ready to go home. Hiram and Leroy had done everything they could to make sure that our first time was great, now I had to do my part. And, knowing Kurt, my part meant being romantic. "That would be great. Uh, Rachel said that one of you could give me a ride home? My Mom's still at work and it's too far to walk."

Leroy stood. "I'll go get my keys. Hiram, why don't you make sure that our baby girl gets home on time?"

I was trying to wait as patiently as I could, but I just couldn't stand it any more. "Could I use your bathroom before we go? I think I drank too much coke."

"Of course." Hiram pointed at a door, and I raced inside. I didn't really have to go, but I desperately wanted to give Kurt a call. The phone rang and rang, but he finally picked up. "Oh, Gaga, Finn, did Rachel Berry attempt to rape you? Do you need me to come and do a massive bitch slapping?"

Kurt always made me laugh. "No. Actually I only saw Rachel for like 10 minutes all day. But I did have a long talk with her fathers."

"Okay." He drew the word out, sounding confused. "Why would you feel like you needed to have a long talk with Rachel's fathers when you clearly have nothing in- oh." His voice got all low and shocked sounding. Then it got really excited. "Oh!"

"Yeah. So, is there any way I could sneak through your window tonight and show you exactly what I learned?"

His breathing got really fast and porny sounding. "No. We have a burglar alarm, and if you set if off, Dad will kill you and we will both die virgins."

"Oh." This might be the most disappointed I had ever felt, even worse then when I thought I was getting a puppy for Christmas and all I got was a stuffed animal.

"But, I can always tell Dad that I have a major test to study for tomorrow, and that I can't help him at the garage. How would that suit you, Cowboy?"

I knew I was smiling like an idiot, but I couldn't help it. "Yeah, that would suit me just fine."


	50. Chapter 50

A/N: I wanted one more chapter from Kurt's POV, then it will be Finn's again. And Finn will be thinking about…. Cue the dramatic music…..Dun Dun Dun!

On the other hand, does anyone besides me actually remember their first time? I'm amazed at the number of fics (and movies, and books) that have the birds singing and flowers blooming and everything goes perfectly the entire time. I seem to remember a lot or groping, quite a bit of pain, and a few faces and noises that should never see the light of day again. Just sayin'

Kurt POV

There was no way I was going to get through today. At least not without doing something like molesting Finn in a hallway or having to jerk off in the boys room. God I hoped it didn't come to that. Galinda gave a giggle at the word 'come', and I mentally glared her back into submission. I couldn't imagine anything less sexy then touching myself in a smelly, filthy boy's room.

_Well, it's that or your car. The car is infinitely cleaner, plus the locks on it actually work, but it would break your precious 'no sex in the car' rule. Or does sex with yourself not count? _

Apparently it wasn't as easy as it appeared to subdue Ms. Galinda. And no, I would not be touching myself in the car. I had fallen pretty low, but not that low.

_Yet._

That one I would give her. Ever since Finn had called last night, with the exciting news that things might actually start happening now, I had barely been able to contain myself. I don't know why I never thought of asking Rachel's fathers for advice, since they were right here and had nothing to hide. For once, Finn had outsmarted me.

_You probably didn't think to ask, because who could really trust the judgment of two men who created Rachel Berry_.

That was true. But Finn swore that they had both been as kind as possible about everything, and that I should feel completely comfortable asking them questions. According to him, they were both awesome, which was good enough for me. Finn had become less trusting recently, especially with men, and it was good that he had accepted them and felt comfortable with them. I just didn't know that _I_ could get over the humiliation.

_For Finn? I'll be that you could. _

For Finn, I was willing to do just about anything. But I was an intensely private person, and the thought of discussing my sex life with people I didn't even know, people who I might have to see again at Glee events made me shudder. It was just too much. Maybe I would just let Finn tell me, or better yet, _show_ me, what he had learned. That would be the same thing, right?

_This is Finn Hudson we're talking about. He can't remember all the directions to make a frozen pizza, and you're going to trust him to shove something inside your body?_

I was going to have to. Even if I felt like talking to Rachel's fathers, there wasn't going to be any time before this afternoon, which was when I had promised Finn that we would explore his newfound knowledge. Besides, he was apparently going to trust me to shove something in his, so I guessed I owed him the same amount of courage.

_You do. You know that Finn wouldn't hurt you_.

Not on purpose. But I had seen Finn fall down the stairs or crack his head on things often enough to know that accidents happened a lot around him. I was going to trust him, though, and trust that he knew what was best. Now I just had to will my hard on away, so I could take my messenger bag out of my lap and strand up.

_Finn naked, Finn naked, Finn naked! _Galinda wasn't helping at all.

I tried to block her out, filling my head with the most repulsive images ever. Let's see, the boys locker room floor, Karofsky in a tutu, Rachel Berry dressing herself, Dad and Carole having sex- oh God, that did it.

_That did it plus some. _

And just like that, Galinda and I were in perfect agreement again. I stood up, after making a quick hair check, of course, and strutted out into the hall. I probably wouldn't see Finn right now, since his next class was remedial math and that was on the other side of the school. Sigh.

Someone gave my shoulder a gentle bump. I turned around to see Tina laughing gently at me. "Hi Kurt. You're awfully smiley today."

I couldn't tell her the real reason, so I just laughed. "I'm just happy. Don't you ever have days when you're just happy for no reason?"

"No. Well, not as happy as you're acting. Did you and Finn finally do it? Because he's walking around with a stupid smile, too."

"No. Finn and I have not 'done it', as you so elegantly put it, and, when we do, it's not going to be a topic for discussion." There, that sounded snippy enough, right?

Apparently not, because now Tina was laughing. "Liar. When you and Finn finally do it, you'll be calling me and Mercedes as soon as the pillow talk is done."

Yeah, probably. "I will neither confirm nor deny such a blasphemous accusation. Why don't we talk about your sex life with Artie?"

She gave me a heavy sigh. "There is no sex life with Artie! Believe me, it's not because I don't want one, either. Isn't it the girl who's supposed to want to hold out while the guy is pushing for more? No, Artie barely wants to touch my breasts, much less go any further!" She must have seen my mouth opening, because she held up a hand to stop me, and leaned down to whisper in my ear. "And don't say that it's because he's in a wheelchair, either. His dick still works, he told me so."

This was so much more then I wanted to hear about Tina's sex life. "Ok…" That seemed like a safe thing to say.

"I mean, why would he say that unless he wanted me to get to know it, right? How did you let Finn know that you were ready to go further?"

"I…." How could I put this without making myself sound like a complete tramp? "Well, we just kind of let things move naturally. When it felt right for us to take things to the next level, we did. I don't know that we really talked about it until it came to discussing actual sex."

Actually, that wasn't me attempting to be modest. Things with Finn had just flowed naturally, with neither one of us pressuring or rushing the other. Would any relationship be like that? Or did I have something special?

_Obviously you have something special. If Finn wasn't special, he wouldn't be worthy of you._

Trust Galinda to put it as succinctly as possible. When she wasn't being a wanton tramp or a vapid bitch, she was actually a pretty good mental companion. Much better then the bitch that Finn has confessed lives in the back of his brain.

Luckily, Tina was unaware of my mental debate. "That doesn't help! Should I just do something slutty? You know what, that's exactly what I'm going to do." She swept me up in a hug that nearly lifted me off my feet. "Thanks, Kurt! You give the best advice." Then she was gone, muttering to herself about how Artie wasn't going to know what hit him.

I've finally concluded, after many missteps, that 90% of giving advice is just listening and letting the other person bounce ideas off of you until they come to the right conclusion on their own. Especially since my right wouldn't necessarily be Tina's right, or Finn's right, or even Mercedes' right. This way, everyone ended up happy.

_Too bad that doesn't do anything for your little problem. Or should I call that thing a big problem?_

And the wanton tramp was back. Not that she didn't have a point, but still. It didn't matter, though, because there was nothing to be done about my problem, big or little, at the moment. I had class to get to, and I wouldn't be seeing Finn for the next hour and a half. I would be able to get myself under control by then. Hopefully.

Usually, I had a very specific route I walk from class to class. This had less to do with efficient time management or even my schedule, and more to do with avoiding the possible danger spots in the school. For example, I never, under any circumstances, did I pass the boys locker room unless I was in a group of people. That was ground zero for homophobes and cowards in a group can be more dangerous then almost anything else in the world. If they managed to pull me in there without anyone else seeing….well, I tried not to think about that.

That was the worst place, but I also avoided most of the doors to the outside, especially those located near our dumpsters, the cafeteria because of the slushies, and the gym because you never know when Coach Sylvester might be lurking around. Well, that and the smell of 1500 poorly washed teenage boys.

My routine had served me fairly well over my year and a half at William McKinley High. Most of my dumpster dives now took place either before or after school (though they had dropped to nearly nonexistent since Finn took up for me), and, while I still got slushied fairly regularly, it was no more then any other member of the Glee club. I still had to be alert, but that was second nature to me now.

Perhaps my success had made me a little bit careless, because I had no warning before I was grabbed and drug backwards into what I quickly recognized as the janitors closet. Karofsky had his hand over my mouth, preventing me from screaming for help, so I slammed my head backwards instead, hoping to knock the wind out of him.

"Fuck Kurt! Are you trying to kill me?" The hand fell away, but the voice wasn't Karofsky's at all, and for a minute, I was confused. Why did Karofsky suddenly sound like…"Finn?"

"Yes, Finn! Your boyfriend, the one you just tried to fucking kill!" His voice wasn't much louder then a whisper, but I couldn't tell if I had actually hurt him, or if he was just trying to be discreet.

I sagged against him and buried my face in his chest, just glad that I was safe. His arms came up around me and he rubbed my back. "I'm sorry, Kurt, I thought you saw me reach out for you. I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't." He had terrified me, but I didn't want to let him know that.

"Baby, your heart is beating like a little rabbits." He kissed the top of my head. "It's alright, I won't hurt you."

I knew that. So I forced myself to calm down and peeked up at Finn. "Why are we in the janitor's closet?" I had a sneaking suspicion, but I wanted to hear him admit it.

"Oh. Well, I was sitting there in math, and I couldn't stop thinking about, you know, what we're going to do today. So, I though that I could find you, and we could have a quickie."

This would usually be the part where I reminded Finn that he was supposed to be paying attention to his schoolwork, not what was in my pants, but this time I let it go. Finn was trying so hard in math, harder then I had ever tried myself, and he just wasn't getting any better. He was so frustrated with the entire subject that I had learned to just not bring it up. He would accept my help for a short period, then give up and shut down on me. So I ignored that part of his statement and focused on the rest of it. "I am not having a quickie with you in our janitor's closet. That is filthy and disgusting and anyone could walk in on us. Anyone! The answer is no, so get that thought right out of your head."

Then his hand was at the front of my pants, and I realized that my cock was rock hard. He smirked at me. "Your mouth says 'filthy and disgusting'. Your dick is saying 'lets do it.'

I took a deep breath and tried to keep from thrusting against his hand. Acting like a cat in heat was not going to help me any. "That would be the adrenaline left in my body from when I thought that you were going to kill me. It has to come out somehow."

Another smirk. "Does it matter why you got hard, or just that you did?" 

_Check and mate._

The final bell rang, saving me from the humiliation of having to answer. "What class are you missing?"

"Spanish, so it's ok to miss."

He wasn't exaggerating. Ever since what had happened at his apartment, where Finn had made a stand and won, Mr. Shue has been treading very carefully around him. He wouldn't say anything about Finn's tardiness, even if he ended up missing the entire class. "I, uh….." His hand was rubbing gently now, his teeth nibbling on my earlobe. "You are not playing fair, Cowboy."

"I'm horny." It came out a whine. "Please, Kurt? I promise I won't ask you for anything else. Well, not today."

The harder I got, the more my resolve weakened. I was officially out of excuses, and I didn't want to risk damaging or straining this pair of pants. They had cost more then I liked to admit, and they were dry clean only. "If we get caught, I'm blaming the suspension and possible child porn charges on you." He pressed up against my back, and I could feel his cock against my ass.

"I can live with that." He rubbed against me, grumbling softly. One hand came around to unbutton my pants, and, this time, I let him. "Want me to suck it?"

Were all boyfriends this obsessed with giving head? From what I understood, most people were way more interested in receiving. I certainly was, though I wasn't averse to sucking a little cock myself.

_If we all had Finn's natural talents at blow jobs, we would all be so crazy about giving them. Stick with what you're good at._

Speaking of what Finn was good at, he boosted me up so I was sitting on an abandoned desk. The angle still wasn't the best, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and I was beyond desperate right now. "Do it, Finn."

He didn't need much encouragement to push me back onto my elbows and take my pants down. He raised an eyebrow. "Going commando?"

"Boxers show." I gritted my teeth as his thumb traced circles on my lower stomach.

Finn kissed my jaw and down the side of my neck. "Easy access."

That was not the point! Not that it wasn't an unintended bonus, but I would rate high fashion over a blow job any day of the week. Then Finn leaned down and took the head of my cock in his mouth, and I was hastily forced to change my opinion. "Please, fuck, please." I felt like I was screaming it, but it came out in a choked half-whistle.

"Shh, unless you want someone to hear us." Finn, being Finn, didn't even bother to take my dick out of his mouth so he could speak properly. Normally, I would have reminded him not to do that, but the vibrations were only making things worse. No, change that. The vibrations were making things much, _much_ better.

Finn was unusually focused on me, staring up at me instead of crossing his eyes to look at my dick, like he usually did. I had no idea what he was looking for, but he must have found it, because he redoubled his efforts. My hips jerked helplessly as he ran his fingers over my hip bones and across my inner thighs. One hand slid back, between my legs and rested on my butt. He was tentative and unsure, and made no move to even part my cheeks, but he was there, and he wasn't backing away.

A tiny thing, but it meant that he was thinking about us, and the next step that we would be taking today after school. I shivered harder, clamping my teeth together in an attempt to keep myself quiet. It wasn't working. In a last, desperate move, I bit down on Finn's shoulder. Hard.

He gave a thin little yelp of pain, but I was beyond caring. I was almost there, and if I could just get a little bit more-

Then Finn's hand moved, his fingers curling against my prostate, and I was very, very, glad for the fact that my teeth were still in his shoulder. Otherwise the entire town of Lima would have been able to hear me shrieking. As it was, I was pretty sure that I was more then audible to anyone who might be right outside the door.

Finn swallowed like a pro, dropping down to lay his head against my shins when he was finished. I let my head loll back, accidentally banging it against the wall and being too sated and tired to care. "Damn, Finn."

He didn't say anything, just pressed his face more forcefully against me. "Come on, then."

The desk was too small for both of us to sit comfortably, but I didn't mind getting half in Finn's lap. "How do you want me to do this?"

"With your hand." Finn laid his chin on my shoulder, watching me intently.

I had no idea why I even bothered asking. With my hand, always with my hand. Was it because I wasn't any good at giving blow jobs? I knew that I didn't have Finn's innate talent (or lack of a gag reflex, for that matter), but he always managed to get off. It was something I always meant to ask, but never remembered.

I wasn't mean enough to leave Finn hanging while I did it now, though, so I popped the button on his jeans. I covered his mouth with my own, cutting off his whimpers. "Shh, quiet."

He nipped my lip, not hard enough to draw blood or even really hurt, but definitely hard enough to make me pull back. I glared at him, and he glared back. "_Me _keep quiet?" He is voice was a half hiss-half moan. "You were the one shrieking like a pterodactyl!"

There was no real fire behind his words, just Finn's typical goofy sense of humor. I kissed down the side of his neck, tracing the vein with my tongue. "Brave words from someone whose dick is in my hand."

He chuckled, letting me know that I had made my point. "I love you." It was sickly sweet.

"You love handjobs." 

"Well, yeah, I mean-Oh, Jesus Christ!" His eyes rolled back when I started sucking on his neck. Yes, everyone was going to be able to see the hickey, but, for once, I didn't care. Finn was mine, and I wanted to make that abundantly clear.

_Everyone's just going to think he got it from Rachel._

So what? I would know where it came from, and Finn would, and so would the rest of the Glee Club. They had the only opinions that mattered right now. I bit again, this time much more gently, which made him shiver violently and come against my hand. "Fuck, yeah."

Almost immediately, he was nuzzling against me, asking silently for kisses. There are plenty of days that I think he appreciates the simple affection as much or more then he does me actually touching his dick. Who would have thought that Finn Hudson would be a romantic at heart?

I used my handkerchief (not a designer one, my emergency one) to clean him up, then leaned my head against his chest, feeling the rapid patter of his heart. Gradually, the beats slowed down, and his breaths settled back into their normal pattern. He kissed the top of my head. "You bit me."

There was no anger in his voice, just a lazy surprise. "It's just a little hickey, Finn; you certainly didn't mind leaving one on me."

"No, my shoulder. You bit it really hard." He squirmed, trying to see the mark for himself.

"Oh, it can't be that bad." I rose up on my knees so I could inspect the mark for myself. Honestly, Finn was such a baby sometimes!

Then I saw the damage. Finn's shoulder wasn't bleeding, but it was already darkening in a bruise, with each of my teethmarks all too evident. My heart sank. "Oh, Cowboy."

"Am I bleeding?" Finn twisted and jerked, but he couldn't see the marks.

"No, but I bruised you. I'm so, so, sorry." I kissed the marks, trying to erase what I had done.

"It's ok. As long as I'm not bleeding." Then he gave me another grin. "But you can kiss it again if you want."

I did, then kissed the mark on his neck for good measure. He wrapped his arms around me, tugging me more securely into his lap. "Can we just….I mean, I know you have to fix yourself up so you're all perfect again, but….just for a minute?"

It was a sad state of affairs when I could take that grammatical monstrosity and turn it into normal human speak. Finn wanted to snuggle. "Of course."

I tucked my head under his chin, causing him to give a happy sigh. Of course, Finn being Finn, he lasted about 15 seconds before he had to talk again. "So, are you coming over today?"

"I thought we were going to do this at my house. I have the bigger bed, you know. But if you'd rather do it at your house, that's acceptable as well." The closer it got to the actual event, the less picky I was about the details. I was, however, getting more nervous by the second. What if, after all of this build up, something went wrong? Or what if I didn't like it?

_Really? Have you disliked a single thing Finn has done so far?_

Sexually? No. As far as other things went….well, have you seen how that boy dresses himself? Please, it's like Abercrombie vomited on his closet floor, and he just picks up whatever wrinkled shirt and jeans spill out first. It's beyond disgraceful for a boyfriend of mine to be so handicapped, but I was letting it go for now.

Finn smiled gently. "Your house is fine. I mean, you know, you're kind of going to be in charge, so whatever makes you happy."

"I'm happy when you are, but I think it will go smoother at my place. Dad will be gone all day, and, even though I seriously doubt it will take that long, so we'll have plenty of time. Plus, we may need a shower afterwards…." I raised a suggestive eyebrow, and Finn laughed again.

"Awesome." He gave me another kiss, one that I was happy to return. Until the kiss became less romantic, and decidedly more pornographic. His hands were starting to wander a little low, as well.

I pushed him away. "No, Finn." He started to protest, but I held up a hand. "Don't even start. I know you, Finn Hudson, and I know how you function. First it'll be a kiss. Then you'll want to give me a hug that somehow ends up with me in your lap. Then my pants are undone again, and I have come stains on my designer shirt."

Finn stared at me, making no move to deny it. If I let this go on any longer, he would do something cute, and I would be right back in the position I was trying to avoid, sans pants. So I pressed one final kiss to his lips and slid off the desk, pulling up my pants as I did so. He sighed pitifully at the loss, but leaned back on his elbows to watch me.

I pulled out my compact and examined myself critically. I was too flushed, and my lower lip looked swollen from where Finn had nipped it. And my hair. Oh, Prada, I was redefining the term 'sex hair'. "What did you do to me!" I started rummaging through my bag, looking for something, anything, to help.

"Sucked your dick." Finn's words were partially eaten up by a huge yawn. "Why, weren't you paying attention?"

I started to answer but he interrupted before I could get the words out. "Oh, was that a rhetomical question?"

"Rhetorical, and yes." I found my emergency brush and hairspray, and pulled them out. The compact was handed to Finn. "Hold this so I can fix myself up."

His shoulders trembled as he tried to repress his laughter. Wisely, though, he made no comment. I brushed my hair down and sprayed it into place, making sure that I looked nothing less then perfect. To finish up, I lightly dusted my face with powder, covering my red cheeks. There wasn't much I could do about my lip, but, with any luck, anyone who noticed would think that I had just taken a particularly nasty dumpster dive this morning. "How do I look?"

"Really good. Like, model good." Finn jumped to his feet. "Oh, wait. You have some dust on your pants."

I held still while he brushed it off the seat. Then there was less brushing and more blatant groping. If he didn't stop that, we were going to end up with our pants down again. "Finn!"

"Sorry." He didn't sound the slightest bit sorry, but I didn't call him on it. "Where do we go now?"

It was a good question. There was another 15 minutes before the class period ended, so we couldn't risk standing out in the hallway for too long. But we couldn't stay here either. If we waited too long, and someone saw us exiting the closet together (and yes, Galinda, I'm aware of the double entandre there. There is no reason for you to make a perverse comment), it would spell disaster for both of us. I stretched lazily. "How about the choir room? There's no one in there right now."

"Sweet. I've got a song I want to try. You can play the piano for it, right?"

"Your faith in my playing abilities is quite charming. I can try." I pulled him to the door, cracking it just enough to peek out. "Ok, coast is clear."

Giggling like a pair of cheerleaders, we snuck through the halls and into the choir room. I sat at the piano. "Ok, what's the song?"

"Keep on Trying." He looked so hopeful that I felt bad telling him that I had no idea what that song was much less how to play it. He read my face and shrugged. "It's ok, I guess. It was kind of dumb anyway."

"Try it a capella." It's not one of Finn's particular talents, but he's learning. "Come on, there's no one here but me."

He sighed. "I guess, but not the whole thing."

He warmed up by humming softly, a tune that was a tiny bit familiar. "Ok, I got it."

When he started the song, I realized why I had recognized the melody. It was one of the songs my mother had sung, and one of the very few I had heard my father try.

_I've been thinking 'bout_

_All the times you told me_

_You're so full of doubt_

_You just can't let it be_

_And I know_

_If you keep on comin' back for more_

_And I keep on trying_

_I keep on trying_

_And, I've been drinking now_

_Just a little too much_

_And I don't know how_

_I can get in touch with you_

_Now there's only one thing for me to do_

_It's to keep on trying_

_To get home to you_

_And I feel so satisfied when_

_I can see you smile and_

_I want to confide in, _

_All that is true_

_So I keep on trying_

_I'm through with lying_

_Just like the sun above, _

_I come shining through_

_Oh, yes I keep on trying_

_I'm tired of crying_

_I got to find a way_

_To get on home to you_

That was all he was willing to sing, but it was enough. Words aren't Finn's strong suit. He trips over them, and misunderstands them, and, more often then not, ends up with what he actually wants to say stuck in the back of his throat.

But he was very good at expressing himself when he sang. He was telling me that he loved me, and that he wanted a future with me, and that, no matter what happened, he would come back to me. Yes, they were all things he had told me with words as well. But what was more romantic then a song?

_Wild monkey sex in various positions and with different people on top?_

She could just shut up. It would happen soon. Probably not today, but maybe tomorrow. Or the next day. Or even next week. But soon. I applauded. "That was great, Finn."

"You think so?" He sat down on the risers.

I sat next to him and snuggled under his arm. He squeezed me tightly. "I wish it was just the two of us all the time."

That would have been much sweeter if I wasn't positive that he only wanted constant privacy so we could be naked 24/7. "Maybe one day it will be."

"Yeah. When we live in New York and you're a famous designer or whatever it is you decide to do, and I'm a teacher and we have a dog named Slim Jim." He rested his cheek on top of my head.

"What if I would rather have a cat?" Actually, as long as I had Finn, I didn't care what sort of pet he wanted.

"I'm allergic to cats. _And_ I think birds are scary, so no bird either."

"Ok, we'll have a dog and no cats or birds. Will we have kids?" It was so easy to get caught up in Finn's fantasy of how things would be that I could barely remember that none of it was real.

"I don't know. Do you want to have kids?" We had never talked about it before, but it made a certain amount of sense that Finn would be thinking about it. After all, he had already thought once that he was going to be a father, even if that hadn't turned out to be the case.

"Not right away. But, eventually, yes." I tried to imagine what my child might look like. Boy or girl? Would it look like me or Finn? Or would we adopt?

"Good. Because I definitely want kids. And Slim Jim. And you. It would be perfect." The bell rang, making us both jump and disturbing the fragile fantasy that had descended upon us. Finn bounced up, filled with energy, and pulled me to my feet as well.

We were halfway out the door before he reached out and whispered in my ear. "It's perfect now, too. Just so you know."

I was almost overwhelmed with the desire to kiss him, but managed to hold back. There would be a time when it was safe to do that, but not now.

There was no reason to be sad about that, though. There would be plenty of time for Finn and I to do things like that in the future, now that I was sure he was planning for us to _have_ a future together.

I_ would be more concerned with your _immediate_ future. Need I remind you yet again that you are about to let Finn Hudson, the same Finn Hudson who can't make it all the way across an average room without tripping twice, shove something up your ass. You're 100% sure that you trust him?_

Of course I was. That didn't mean, however, that I wasn't nervous. Galinda did have a point about Finn's general grace. But today I would be on top, so I could save that worry for another time.

_Oh, it'll be fine. You already got him, which was the hard part. You've held onto him when most people would have let him fight free, and you love him. The sex part? Easy, compared to that._

Galinda was such a typical woman! She could a 180 degree change in position within 10 seconds, and the men around her were expected to just nod and accept it without question. Just a few minutes ago, she had been telling me not to do it, because Finn was such a klutz.

_I didn't say that. I just said be careful. I would have given Finn the exact same advice. Or do you not want this to go well?_

I was saved the trouble of replying by Finn poking his head back into the room. "Are you coming or not? Don't you want me to walk you to French?" 

I guess Finn wasn't worried about this entire thing at all. He lived in the moment, and, right at this moment, his only concern was safely ferrying me to French class. "Of course I want you to walk me."

Finn wrapped an arm around my shoulder, briefly jerking me off balance. "I'll meet you outside of your study hall, then we'll go back to your place and get busy."

"Sounds good to me." I was going to listen to Galinda and just let this happen. Even if it was terrible, (though hopefully it wouldn't be) we could try again. "Love you." I had to whisper it, so no one would overhear me.

His eyes flickered back and forth, checking to see who was looking. Then he flickered his hand, signing quickly. _I love you, Precious_.

I was pretty sure that that was all I needed to hear.


	51. Chapter 51

A/N: Bow-chicka-bow-bow

Finn POV

By the time we were done with the school day, I had kind of lost my confidence. Damn I wish that we had Glee today. Or Football. Or even stupid old tutoring. Anything but having to go home and face having sex with Kurt.

"Sup, Queerbait?" I didn't say anything about what we were planning to Puck, and I know that Kurt didn't either, but somehow he always knows stuff. "You and Hummel planning on making with the love? You getting some of that pretty white ass?"

I glared at him. "Shut up, Puck. Don't talk about Kurt like that. And how did you know, anyway?"

He gave me a friendly shoulder punch. "Dude, every time I've seen you today, you've either been walking around green or with that dopey look on your face. Except right after you and Princess got it on in the janitor's closet. People could hear him, you know. Or is it you who screams like that?"

Oh, God. Yeah, I mean, I know that Kurt's kind of loud, but I didn't realize that he was _that_ loud. If someone like Karofsky or Coach Sylvester would have opened the door, the entire school would know exactly what he and I were up to. Then we would get the crap beaten out of both of us. There's a part of me that kind of wants everyone to know about Kurt and me, but most of me would rather just graduate and keep it a secret. Like, forever.

Puck slugged me again. "Chill out, Finnessa. I told everyone that it was me and Brit in there, so you owe me one big time. I'm talking X-box big. Two weeks."

"Take it. Take all the games, too." Shit, he could have anything he wanted. "You're a good bro."

He puffed his chest visibly. "Of course I am. And if you're looking for your boyfriend, I might have seen him over by the cafeteria. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with Santana in the Chem Lab."

"Thanks, Dude." I bounded off to find Kurt, perfectly happy again. So what if I was a little bit nervous about the sex part? That didn't mean that I couldn't enjoy Kurt's company right now.

Kurt was still there, sipping at a water and occasionally stealing a French fry from Mercedes or Tina. He looked so happy that I almost didn't want to butt in, but I kind of had too. I mean, he's my ride and everything.

"Hey Spider Monkey." I sat down next to Tina, which was across from Kurt. "Hey girls."

They all said their hellos. Kurt nudged me under the table. "I couldn't find you after school, but I figured you'd come here if I waited long enough."

See how smart he is? I never would have thought of anything like that. "Here I am."

Tina offered me some of her fries, and I didn't want to be rude and refuse, so I helped myself. Kurt was back to taking about designers and fashion and the visionary of blah, blah, blah, so I tuned out. That was kind of dumb, though, because then all I had left to think about was Kurt and sex. Usually that results in an embarrassing hard on, but not this time. This time it was just making my stomach all twisted and tight.

"Earth to Finn Hudson!" Kurt sounded all pissy, which meant he had been trying to get my attention for a while.

I gave him my sweetest smile. "Yes?" Kurt hates it when I say 'yeah', because he says it makes me sound sullen and ignorant, which is the same thing as stupid and crabby.

"I asked if you were ready to go over to my place and study. You have a big exam coming up."

"Sure." I didn't miss Mercedes snorting and whispering 'anatomy exam' to Tina, who whispered 'prostate exam' back. Then they were both giggling at us and it's probably better if we just leave, especially since I can't think of a good comeback for that.

Kurt was quiet until we got back to the car and the engine was started. Before he put the car in gear, he looked straight at me. "You're sure about this, right? Because if you're not sure, now's the time to tell me."

"I'm sure." I took a quick look around the parking lot, but we were the only car left. Since no one could see us, I leaned forward to kiss him, my tongue moving across his lips until he opened his mouth. He relaxed instantly, his arms wrapping around my neck and pulling me close. Seeing that made me feel a better about what we were going to do. "I love you, Kurt."

"Back at you, Cowboy." He turned onto the road outside the school and I wondered what my chances were of convincing Kurt to stop for a burger on the way home. Beef was protein, and protein made energy, which I was going to need for the sex. I was about to say that when Kurt held up a hand. "We are not stopping for food." 

How does he _do_ that? Maybe Kurt's like Dr. Spock on Start Trek, and he can do a Vulture Mind Meld. I peeked really quick, and Kurt's ears are kind of pointy. Hmm….

"I will, however, make you a grilled cheese afterwards, if you're still hungry."

Awesome! Kurt makes the best grilled cheese in the entire world. Two types of cheese, thick bread, and he knows a trick where you don't get those nasty burn marks on the outside. I scooted over a little bit and laid my head on his shoulder, nuzzling his neck.

"Well, Finn Hudson, It's nice to see where I rate in your affections. Slightly above a burger, and below a grilled cheese sandwich."

Even I knew that that was sarcasm. "Nah, you're about the most important, top ranking, thing in the world to me. Who else would I let fuck me? Not a grilled cheese."

He was trying so hard not to laugh at that, but he couldn't help it. Eventually he had to giggle, curling one hand to rest his forehead on it. "Don't change, Finn. Ok, Baby, we're here. Scene of the crime." By the end of the sentence, his voice had dropped to a nervous whisper.

It felt kind of good to know that he was nervous, too. Since it was kind of like our honeymoon, except with no wedding, I pulled him out of the car and into my arms, holding him like a bride. He closed his eyes and let me hold him, which is all kinds of awesome.

I carried him all the way to the basement (and I only looked at the kitchen for like a second, I swear! I don't want to get all distracted by thinking about grilled cheese) and set him down.

Now we were staring at each other, and it felt weird and awkward. Things were never awkward with Kurt, not ever. But now I didn't know if I was supposed to touch him or not touch him or let him make the first move or just get right to the fucking. I crossed my arms over my chest and hoped that he would have some ideas.

He pulled back from me and stared. Since he wasn't going to say anything, I broke the silence. "This kind of sucks."

"It does." Kurt broke the space in between us, coming close and holding out his arms for a hug. I gave him one, burying my face in his hair and remembering his smell. "I think we're building this up too much and making ourselves hysterical over nothing. Lay down with me and let's just snuggle for a while."

That was quite possibly the best idea I had heard all day. Well, except for screwing around in the janitor's closet. That had been sheer _genius_ on my part. "Ok." I stripped naked and climbed under the covers, shivering happily. It's always nice to crawl into bed, especially when you have someone to cuddle with.

When Kurt undressed, he held made sure that he held his shirt over his junk until he got in bed with me. He's always shy like that, which kind of sucks. I mean, he's got a nice body, for a guys, and I liked looking at it. Then again, now I could touch it, which was even better. I pulled him as close as possible, so I could feel him and kiss him like I had been wanting to all day. You know, all porny and hot?

He was into it getting into it, but then he got tense and started trying to push me back. I knew that he was worried about the sex part again. I was, too, but I was more interested in the kissing right now. See, this is Kurt's big problem: he thinks too much.

Since Kurt's all obsessed with this Wicked musical (Rachel was, too, but I'm trying not to think about her right now. I'm still kind of pissed about her dumping me on her Dads like that.) I've listened to the soundtrack so many times I could probably sing all the songs, both the chick and dude parts. Anyway, there's this one line in one of the songs that says life's more painless when you're brainless. That's me! I might not be all smart or able to do math or stuff, but at least I don't spend all of my time worrying about shit. I kissed Kurt on the nose. "Cool it."

"Easy for you to say." He snuggled in close, pressing his forehead to my neck and his lips against my collarbone.

"Hey! I'm the one getting shit shoved where it doesn't belong today. What do you have to worry about?" I ran my fingers through his hair; since this was the only time he would let me do that.

He mumbled something into my neck, but I couldn't understand it. Why do people do that? He should either tell me what he wants to or not, but I hate having to fish it out of him. "What?"

One blue eye peeked up at me, looking all worried. "I want it to be good for you."

Like I said, he worries too much. "It will be. I'm ready, you're ready, everyone's ready. I trust you."

Kurt was still all tense, one hand squeezing my shoulder and the other wrapped around the sheets. His heart was thumping against mine like it had been in the closet at school. He was scared, and that was the last thing in the world I wanted. "Relax, Spider Monkey. Tell me about today."

There's nothing that Kurt likes better then having something to bitch about, and he started to calm down. "Coach Sylvester is out to get me. She's always staring at me now."

I got that. "I won't let her hurt you." I couldn't stop her if she really wanted to, but it seemed like a nice boyfriendy thing to say.

He squeezed my shoulder again. "I know. How was your day? Is Ms. Rachel still stalking you in an attempt to reconvert you to heterosexuality?"

Ok, I only understood half of that, but Kurt always means the same thing when he brings up Rachel. He wanted me to tell him that I didn't want her like that, that I would never leave him for her. "She's got a new boyfriend."

"Hm. That was quick." He tickled my side. This was good. "Foolish girl."

"Yeah." I tried not to sound like it hurt my feelings, even though it kind of did. Quinn, Rachel, all of my girlfriends found it really easy to replace me. What would make Kurt any different in the long run?

_He loves you. Rachel and I didn't. That love makes all the difference in the world._

It did. I squeezed Kurt as tight as I could. "I have you now and that's what matters." I ran my hand down his back and over his ass before sliding it around to stroke his cock, which was completely hard.

That was all it took for Kurt to relax and lose all of his inhibitions. He moaned into my mouth and rubbed his body against mine like a horny, horny cat. Little Finn was starting to perk up and get interested. And, unless I was really that stupid, so was little Kurt.

Things were getting too fast and sloppy, now, totally out of control. I jerked to the side and accidentally slammed our heads together, which made him bite my lip. Yeah, I totally didn't care. I reached down to grab his cock again, but he twisted away before I could get a grip on it. "Uh-uh, Finn, that's for later."

The harder my dick got, the harder it was for me to remember why I had been so scared of sex in the first place. This was Kurt, the one I loved more then anyone else in the world. "Now." I tried to sound commanding, but it came out as a whimper.

"Oh, I don't know about that." Now he was back in control, and there's nothing that gets Kurt's dick harder then being in control. Lucky for both of us, I don't mind not being in control, so things work out really well. "I think that waiting a little bit for that will do you some good."

He was a dead man. And if he hadn't been rubbing his thumbs over my hipbones in that special way that I really, really, liked, I would have told him so. But I didn't want him to stop, so I kept my mouth shut. "But maybe I could do a little something for _your_ problem. If you wanted me to."

Is there ever a time that I don't want him to? Seriously? "Please." My voice was all soft, and sweet, even though all I wanted to do was grab him and hump the hell out of his leg. Screw niceness and propriety and all the other things that Kurt likes to bitch about while I desperate to get off.

"Ok, since you asked so nicely." I kissed me once more on the lips, but quick, so I couldn't pull him back into it. "Maybe I could be convinced to suck a little cock."

I love my boyfriend dearly, but he has about the prissiest mouth in the entire world. Usually he can't even say 'crap' without blushing, so when he says things like 'cock' it's like seeing a nun rip off her giant robe thing and have DD tits underneath. Hot. As. Fuck. 

He patted my hip. "Sit up. On your side, though, ok?"

Score! Kurt looked over at my dick and chuckled. "Finn Hudson, you are an easy date."

That's the nice way of saying I'm a slut. Then he started licking my cock and I didn't care what he wanted to call me, as long as he kept doing what he was doing. I looked down, just as Kurt looked up, studying me from under his eyelashes. That might have been the hottest thing I had ever seen, and I had to struggle to keep from coming right there.

There was a sort of snapping noise from down on the floor, almost like Kurt's knee had popped, but sharper. I was about to ask if he was ok, when he took my cock in his mouth, sucking lightly. His teeth scraped just a tiny bit when he slid down the shaft, but I never mind that. Actually, it's pretty hot, but I don't tell Kurt that in case he thinks I'm some kind of pervert.

Then he ran one finger in between my ass cheeks, so quickly that it was over before I was done jumping. It made me nervous, but, if I wanted to have sex with Kurt, I was going to have to just deal with it. Plus, it did make me shiver in kind of a nice way.

Kurt had paused for a second, but when I didn't freak out, he went back to sucking my cock. "Good boy."

Oh, he could just shove it up his ass. Did he really have to talk to me like I was a toddler? If my cock hadn't been in his mouth, which meant it was in mortal danger if I really pissed him off; I would have told him so.

While I was thinking about that, Kurt made another pass over my ass, but slowly this time, now that he was sure it was ok. The shivery feeling came back, and it was more then ok, it was kind of awesome. I could do this.

That didn't stop me from about shooting off the bed when he stuck his finger up there. Jeez, give a guy a little warning, will ya?

_That's one place he could shove it! _Stupid Quinn voice was actually giggling about this.

Really, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It didn't hurt, not even a little tiny bit. This was going to be alright after all. Kurt kissed me hard, like he was afraid I was going to freak out and make him stop. "Is this good?"

"Sure." Well, not exactly. It didn't suck, and I was willing to roll with it, but I wouldn't call it _good_. The blow job still rocked, though. His tongue was swirling around the head of my cock, and that made things go all wavy for a while.

It was so focused on what Kurt's mouth was doing that I forgot to pay attention to what his hand was. Yeah, I know, but it's not my fault I'm too stupid to focus on more then one thing at a time.

That was probably why I didn't really notices when Kurt started moving his finger, sliding in and out slowly. I mean, yeah, I noticed, but I didn't really care. Whatever, it was just what I had to do to get ready for the big game. Right, this was just like warm-ups.

Then he hit what must have been my prostate and oh God, I was dying right now. If this was what sex felt like, no wonder Puck was such a whore! That was it, I was kidnapping Kurt and hiding him somewhere where we would do nothing but fuck all day, everyday.

Kurt was glowing, the room was glowing, my body was glowing as it twisted around on the bed. I didn't know my own body or what it was doing at all, just that I had never felt so good in my entire life. He still had his mouth on my dick, but I don't think it would have mattered either way. My orgasm was actually painful, like my body was trying to turn inside out.

Somewhere in the back of my brain, Quinn-Voice was reminding me that Kurt doesn't really like to swallow and I was a big jerk for making him do it... "Shudthefugup."

"Excuse me?" Kurt sounded half insulted and half like he wanted to laugh. "I didn't say anything, Finn."

Was the room tilting back and forth, or was it just me? "No, not you. I was telling Quinn to shut up."

He just looked at me, his mouth hanging open. I tried to explain further. "No, because it was just her voice in my head, and she was telling me that I was a jerk because you don't really like to swallow, and I don't really think she belongs here so I told her to shut up. _You _can do whatever you want."

His mouth opened and shut a few times without any words coming out. Then he shook his head. "Ok, we'll come back to that later. Are you ready?"

Ready for what? Then it clicked home and all of my lazy good feelings vanished. Oh, the sex. Funny, I had kind of forgotten about that. "Uh, sure."

"So, I talked to Hiram and Leroy, and they thought that it might be easiest if you kind of get on all fours. Then I don't have to support any of your weight." He sounded really nervous, like he was afraid that I was going to freak out and refuse.

I really wanted to, but I knew I had to do this. After all, sucking someone's dick sounded gross, and I had liked it, and having something shoved up my ass had sounded gross, and I had liked that, so I would probably like this, too. I got into position, and tried not to think about what I was doing.

"Shh, it's ok. You're doing great Finn." Kurt pressed his hands into my sides, rubbing gently. I tried not to melt a little, but I couldn't help it. Every time Kurt said anything nice to me, I tended to roll over like a puppy begging for a treat. I try not to, but I always want to make Kurt happy, so he doesn't break up with me.

I heard the snapping noise again, and I realized that it was the top on the lube opening. Kurt rested one hand on my ass, which made me jump again. Then he slowly shoved his finger back up my ass. "Easy, Finn. Good job."

I liked that he was talking to me instead of just lurking back there like some creepy pervert. His finger felt different this time, which might have been because I was in a different position, but it didn't really hurt either, so I let it go. Kurt laid his cheek against my shoulders, his skin burning hot. "Alright, one more."

The second finger burned a little, but he was using enough lube that it wasn't so bad. The friction was starting to feel a little good, but not as good as everyone made sex sound. I rolled my shoulders to ease the tension in them, and the movement made him press forward. He hit up against something and oh shit my dick just got totally hard again. I love you prostate, and thank you Jesus and Mary and Joseph and all the saints because that is totally awesome. I can't help but groan, which made Kurt rub his free hand against my back. "Almost there, Cowboy. One more."

Apparently I am nothing but a huge slut at heart, because I was pushing back against his hand and making a noise like a cat in heat and he could just put his dick up there right now and I was going to die a happy man. Apparently when two guys do it, it's hello sex, goodbye dignity.

I tried to shift around so I could use one hand to stroke my dick, but all I ended up doing was almost face planting on the bed. Oh, yeah, my coordination still sucked. I braced myself again and prayed that Kurt would take pity on me when the actual fucking started. While I was debating that, he slipped in a third finger.

That didn't feel so good. It still didn't hurt, but it wasn't comfortable any more. I stared at Kurt's pillow, my body tense. Just relax. Relax and it won't hurt as much. I was so busy concentrating on my breathing that I almost missed Kurt's whisper. "Ready?"

"Yeah." It came out all rushed, but I knew he got it.

He slid his fingers out and leaned forward, draping his body over my back so he could whisper in my ear. "Do you want me to use a condom or not?"

I couldn't remember what the Mr. Berry's had said about that, and it was even harder to think when Kurt started kissing all over my jaw. "Whatever you want. It's cool with me."

"No, then." I liked that he still waited a few seconds, just to give me a chance to say no. But it really didn't matter. I mean, its not like I'm going to get pregnant or anything, and I know that neither one of us has a disease. "Ok, here we go."

It took him a second to get lined, up and I almost backed out when I felt his dick up against my asshole. It felt huge, and there was no way that the damn thing was going to fit. "This is going to hurt a little bit, but just let me get all the way in or it's going to be worse. Just take deep breaths and relax."

Thank God for Kurt, and the way he not only remembers everything to make this go good, but that he remembers to remind me, so I don't freak out. "I'm ready." In a few seconds, I wouldn't be a virgin any more. Or would I? Were you a virgin until it's in there, or until you actually finish stuff and come? Was it different for dudes and chicks, because- Holy Fuck Kurt just jammed a poker up my ass!

It hurt, and not just a little bit like he had said it would. This was more like a burning pain and I was bleeding, I had to be bleeding, because it couldn't possibly hurt this bad otherwise. "Stop!" I tried to pull away, but Kurt's a lot stronger then he looks, and he wrapped one arm around my middle to hold me in place.

"Easy, Cowboy, easy. I know it hurts, I know, but you have to relax. Ok? Can you take deep breaths and relax?"

Like hell he knew how it felt! Why didn't I shove a hot poker up his ass for comparison! He kept talking, rubbing my hip and kissing my shoulders. "Finn, I can't do anything if you don't relax. I'll pull out if you want me to, but it's going to hurt just as bad if you don't calm down. Calm, loose muscles, come on, you can do it."

Ok, I could do it. Just pretend I was a jellyfish, who had no bones and no muscles. I was just a jellyfish, all crafty and calm. Rachel had taught me how to breathe my tension out, so I tried that, but then I felt kind of creepy thinking about my ex-girlfriend while my boyfriend had his dick up my ass. And possibly a 2x4 alongside of it.

Kurt was breathing really hard against my neck, and I wondered if me being so tense was hurting him, too. I didn't want that, so I forced myself to go totally limp. He must have felt it, because he kissed my back. "Good. Now do you want me to still pull out?"

Now that I wasn't in a state of total bitch panic, I didn't hurt nearly as bad as I had before. Don't get me wrong, it still felt weird and uncomfortable and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not, but I didn't feel like I was about to die, either. "I guess not. It doesn't hurt when you're holding still."

His hand was back at my stomach, rubbing circles. "That's normal. You take a few minutes to adjust, and I'll move when you're ready."

That was super awesome of him, especially because I could feel his legs shaking against mine and I knew how badly he wanted to just start thrusting into me. One hand wrapped around my cock, which wasn't hard any more because it's not easy to stay hard when you think you're about to die. He wasn't as gentle as he usually was, which is kind of hot in itself. Don't get me wrong, I like all the flowers and romance and shit, but sometimes I kind of like it rough, too. Whatever the reason, Little Finn was perking back up.

Even though I was looking right at the clock, I don't think it was working right. The minutes were moving really fast, then really slow, and it was making me dizzy to try and focus on them. Kurt was kissing my neck, and there was a tiny firework going off everywhere he touched me. Ok, maybe this sex thing wasn't so bad after all. Anticipation was starting to curl in my stomach, like it could get much better if I was patient. "Move a little."

He did, so slowly that I swear he wasn't moving at all, except that the fire was spreading across my body. It still didn't feel as good as I though sex was supposed to, but it didn't hurt any more either, so I was just going to go with it. Especially since, if the noises he was making meant anything, Kurt though it felt really, really good.

Kurt pulled back, almost out, then pushed back in, his body moving so the angle was different. He was moving a little bit faster now, but it still felt ok. I was going to get through this.

Then he hit my prostate and I was sure I was dying again, only this time it would be worth it if I did. Literally, Kurt could shove his dick and the poker, and the 2x4 up there, and I would still be happy. "Oh, God."

"Gotcha." Kurt moved again, and there was another explosion from somewhere in my body. I jerked and whined, not even caring that I sounded like a total slut. "Please, please." I had no idea what I was begging for.

"I know." Kurt was heaving for breath, and if I turned right now, I knew that he would just look destroyed. He's always so perfect looking that there's nothing hotter then seeing him with his hair all messed up and his lips all swollen because he bites them and his eyes all dark and wide. "I'm almost there, I promise."

Duh. At this point, I know that he's close without even having to look. I could feel it in his tenseness body against mine and the way he was breathing against my neck in jerks and starts. His thrusts were erratic, which means no rhythm to them, which also meant he was right on the edge. I shoved my cock into his hand, since he had kind of forgotten what he was supposed to be doing with it.

He slammed into me one last time, which kind of hurt again, but it was that weird hurt that just made things feel better. It was weird because I could feel him coming inside my body, which should have felt the same as when he did in my hand, but it didn't. It was more…special, I guess. Like the two of us were close. Kurt gave two more thrusts, nailing my prostate both times. That was all it took to push me over the edge, and I came all over his hand and my stomach.

Kurt had dropped over my back, and I just couldn't hold us up any more. The way my arms were shaking, I couldn't even hold up myself. So I let myself fall to the covers, with Kurt still on top of me, his cheek against my spine. "Holy fuck."

He gave a soft mumble of agreement before sighing. "You're getting come all over my 400 thread count Egyptian sheets." He was too sleepy to ever pretend that he cared.

"Lick it off." My brain had stopped working 5 minutes ago, right about time him having his dick up my ass started feeling good. I yawned and snuggled into the pillow. Maybe there was time for a nap?

_Maybe Burt will come in here and find you naked with his son. Then he'll beat you to death with a tire iron. I'm sure he has plenty of them at the garage. _

So true. So sadly, sadly, true. I tried to get up so I could give him a kiss, but Kurt was too heavy across my body, so I nudged him with my elbow instead. "Scoot."

He did, which made his cock slide out of my ass and that was really gross, even though I wasn't sure why it was so gross. Just one of those things, I guess.

I didn't say that to Kurt, though. I just rolled onto my back so I could pull him on top of me. Luckily, he got the message and put his head on my chest. He didn't tell me that he loved me, but he didn't need to either. I just knew.

Kurt pressed closer, so he could kiss my throat. "Was that ok?"

"Yeah." It came out all slurred, like I had been smoking pot. "It was great."

"Good. I wanted it to be perfect for you."

"Of course it was perfect, I was with you." Now was so not the time to tell him that I could feel his jizz all over my thighs. That? Would not be romantic at all. "So, we're not virgins any more."

"No, we aren't. Do you regret it?" His fingers got all tight against my shoulder, and I knew that he was about to have a big insecure freak out. I've had enough of them myself to know.

"Nope. Well, maybe a little. The next time we're in a horror movie, we're going to be the first ones killed. Probably while we're screwing."

He giggled, which might be the best sound in the entire world. "That's not a terrible way to go." He pressed as close as he could, like he wanted his body to melt into mine. His breathing had gone slow and soft, his eyes closed.

I couldn't fall asleep. One of us had to stay awake so neither one of us ended up getting beaten with a tire iron. And by 'neither one of us' I meant me. Plus, this way I could just stare at Kurt without looking like some sort of stalker.

So, I totally know that Kurt doesn't believe in God, and I don't really know that I do either (we haven't gone to church since I was three and yelled 'asshole' during the moment of silence), but I couldn't help but ask the big guy for a quick favor.

_Uh, so, God? Can I just say things to you or do I need to say it fancier? How about 'Dear Heavenly Father'? There, that sounds fancy enough. Dear Heavenly Father, I know that you probably don't owe me any favors or anything, but could you please let me keep Kurt? I promise I'll treat him really well, and always make him happy, and all of that good stuff. Just don't let him ever figure out how dumb I really am, and we'll be good. Ok, thanks a lot. _

There, that was a good prayer right? Maybe I should have paid more attention to Quinn when she was praying. She did it so often (every time we kissed, it seems like) that she probably rocks at it. Oh, wait, I forgot the last part. Maybe a prayer is like one of Harry Potter's spells and you have to say all of it or it doesn't work?

_So, yeah, Amen._


	52. Chapter 52

Kurt POV

I can't believe that I fell asleep. I was supposed to stay awake; if for no other reason then I had to keep watch in case Dad came home a little early and stumbled downstairs. I wasn't about to lose Finn just a few short hours after I had lost my virginity to him.

_Too bad Finn isn't a girl. If he was, your father would probably be throwing a parade right now, complete with ticker tape and a million tons of confetti_.

I couldn't tell if Galinda was being spiteful or pitying. Either way, she was being a bitch. Dad didn't care who I slept with, and he certainly wasn't expecting a naked girl to crawl out from under my sheets any time soon. He had told me that he had known I was gay practically since I was a toddler, and that he was fine with it. So there, Miss Priss.

_I didn't mean it like that. Of course your father is happy that you are, and he doesn't want you to change. There's still a certain adjustment of expectations though, and neither one of us can deny that. Anyway, he's probably more then a bit worried that you'll be the one on the bottom and, well…we've all seen Finn's typical level of coordination._

Considering that Finn couldn't walk up or down the average staircase without stumbling, and fell of the risers at least once during each Glee practice, she did kind of have a point. "I'll give you that."

The words were whispered, but Finn stirred anyway. "Shh." I kissed my way across his shoulder blades. "Sleep now."

As if my thoughts had somehow reached across town, my phone rang. Guiltily I scooped it up, reading the display screen. "Hi, Dad."

"Hey, kiddo. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be really late tonight. Every idiot who's been listening to their car clunk or their brakes shriek all month decided to come in today. Evan's going to pick us up some dinner, so you're on your own. Maybe you and Finn could have a date or something."

My face was flaming, and I wondered what he would say if he had even the slightest idea that the date was over, and what a productive date it had been. "Sure, I'll give him a call."

"Great. I don't want to embarrass you, but whatever the two of you get up to, but please be safe. Love you, kid." He hung up almost before my mumbled response was done.

_Aww, that's cute. By the way, does it bother you at all that the first thing that everyone has told you, and that you've read on every website, and even heard from Rachel's fathers is to use protection and be safe, and you totally fucked that up? I mean, it's not like you didn't have the condoms, so why not use them?_

Good question. I really wasn't sure why it had seemed so important not to use them. Finn had left it up to me, which was nice, considering that he was the one who would probably end up with the disease if something went wrong, so I couldn't blame this on him either. Even though I didn't fully understand why, it just seemed important that this be Finn and I, sharing this with no barriers.

_I'm sure plenty of teenage girls are telling the same story, including Quinn. See, being gay does have its advantages._

That it did. I rolled onto my side so I could just look at Finn, who had settled back into a deep sleep. He was snoring softly, his eyes rolling back and forth behind closed lids.

Looking at him, I couldn't help but feel a surge of love and gratitude. I was gay. I was always going to be gay, and there was nothing that anyone could do to change that. But Finn wasn't. Finn liked girls, he had dated girls, and, if I hadn't have come along, he would have had sex with a girl. But he had chosen me, even though he had to know that that would make his life immeasurably harder. That alone would make me forgive most things.

_Says something about your absolute fabulousness, now doesn't it?_

Yeah it did. But what did that really mean? I had Finn now, yes, but was that enough? Would I have him in a month, or by this summer, or at the start of our junior year? What about after graduation? Finn said he wanted to go to New York and be with me forever, but would he feel that way when it actually came down to packing up and moving hours away from the only home he could remember? What if we broke up and he decided that he would rather get back with a girl? I might have to go to New York on my own or, God forbid, with Rachel Berry as company. No, that wasn't going to happen, flat out. I would stay here and become a Lima Loser first.

"Will you knock that shit off?" Finn's eyes were half open and heavy lidded, but focused on me.

"Excuse me?" I couldn't help but give him a waking up kiss. "Just what is it that I'm supposed to be knocking off?"

"Your thinking. It's so loud that it woke me up." I started to protest, but he held up a hand. "You worry too much and don't try to lie about it. You're laying there in bed getting all worked up about shit that hasn't even happened yet. Then, even if it never happens, you're all spazzed out. Just cool it and let things happen when they do. I'll take care of you."

"You're very good at that." I kissed him again, laying my head on his chest. "How are you feeling? Any different?"

"My ass is kind of sore."

Ah yes. My Finn, always romantic. "That's disgusting. What I meant was, do you feel any different about me?" I couldn't quite keep the hope out of my voice.

"Oh. Uh, yeah, kind of."

When Finn said 'kind of', what he actually meant was 'no'. "So, you didn't think that it was special."

I guessed I could kind of see where he was coming from. I mean, I'm pretty sure that most first times don't end with one of the partners panicking and wanting to stop halfway through.

_And I'm pretty sure that you're wrong about that. Come on, this isn't the movies, where beautiful music swells, and there isn't the tiniest bit of pain. So what if Finn got a little freaked out. You listened to what he needed, and he was pretty enthusiastic by the end._

Even as I was having that thought, Finn was hurrying to soothe me. "Of course it was special! Even if it had sucked completely, it would have been special because it was the first time. But I don't know what sort of different you want me to feel. I don't love you more then I did, because I couldn't love you any more then I already do. I don't trust you more, since I was already willing to let you shove something up my ass, and you don't get any more trust then that. So, I don't get what you want me to tell you."

"That was exactly what I wanted you to tell me." Finn might not be the brightest, but when he speaks from the heart, there's no poet who can touch him. I stroked his cheek. "How sore are you?"

"Not too bad. It's sore, but it's a good kind of sore. Like, have you ever had a really great workout, and your muscles kind of burn afterwards, but it's cool because you feel like you pushed yourself to do something new and awesome."

He _had_ just had a really great workout. "So, it was ok? Something you want to do again?" If I had hurt Finn, or ruined it for him, it would destroy me.

"Yeah! But not now. Can we kind of wait on that one?" He arched lazily. "Actually, do you think I have time to grab a quick shower? I feel really, really, gross right now."

"You should have plenty of time. Dad called while you were napping, and he's not going to be in until late. So hop in, and we'll have dinner afterwards."

His face lit up. "Grilled cheese?"

Ah, yes, the grilled cheese. "Soup and sandwiches sounds fine." There were a few choices in the freezer, since I'm forever trying to convince my father that soup can be a meal, and that it doesn't have to be thin and flavorless. It's a losing battle, but I can't stop myself from continuing to fight.

"Coolness." He bounded off to the bathroom, leaving me in his wake. I took an extra few minutes to stretch and think about what had happened. But first I had to remind him. "Finn? Remember to be careful with that shower knob! You know if breaks if-"

"Fuck!" The word was muffled through the closed door, but I knew exactly what had happened. The knob on my shower was fiddley, and would twist right off if you didn't handle it just right. Then you would be stuck with freezing cold water pouring all down your back while you tried to fix it. I hated it with a passion, and if it hadn't worked so well with the rest of the room, I would have gotten rid of the damn thing months ago.

Finn reappeared, holding the broken knob out guiltily. "It broke."

I heaved myself up and off the bed, trying to ignore the droplets of cold water coursing down Finn's chest and shoulders. God I wanted to lick them off. "I know."

Even though the floor was freezing underneath my bare feet, I took a minute to admire the view Finn was providing. He had literally no shame about prancing around the basement stark naked, while I had wrapped a blanket around myself the minute I stood up. Then, if my body looked anything like Finn's, I wouldn't be ashamed of it either.

Of course, Finn is still Finn, and the first thing he did was rip the blanket off of my body. "Finn Hudson!"

He looked injured. "I'm not even allowed to look? But we just had sex! How can you possibly be shy now? Besides, you look _great_ naked."

Yes, because that didn't make me feel self conscious at _all_. "I don't. And anyway, I have shower knob to fix right now, and you know how you get when you start taking my clothes off. All you do is want to do is hump me like a horny old hound dog."

He sighed. "You do look great naked, I swear. But don't worry; your virtue is safe with me. "Then he cracked up laughing. "Except I guess it isn't, because we just did it! But I promise I'll behave like a civilized person and not a horny old dog."

It was a good (and proper) use of the term civilized, but I didn't bother calling attention to it. When I did try and say something about Finn's ever expanding vocabulary, all it seemed to do was embarrass him. But I could feel his eyes boring into my backside as I bent over to resituate the offending shower knob. I could also hear him singing softly under his breath, the words half muttered and just loud enough to hear. "Nuthin but a hound dog, crying all the time. You ain't nuthin but a hound dog, cryin' all the time. You ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine."

Even though I felt a little ridiculous, I joined in on the second verse. "They said you was high class, well that was just a lie. They said you was high class, that was just a lie. You ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine."

Once we had both quit giggling (and yes, Finn, men _do_ giggle. Even you.) I turned the knob to somewhere in-between warm and hot and gestured to the shower. "In."

His response was to grab me under the arms and all but toss me under the spray. "Here, I'll help you."

I tried to squirm out, but he used his bigger body to box me in. "Finn Hudson! I took a shower this morning, and you know full well that too much hot water will dry out my skin, and then I'll have to make up for it with extra moisturizing and…" I kind of ran out of steam there, because having Finn's wet, naked, body up against mine was doing all kinds of good things for me. "Alright, turn around."

Finn, trusting as always, turned, and braced himself against the shower wall. I grabbed a bath sponge and some body wash and started rubbing him down. He purred with pleasure, his head dropping down slackly. "I love you."

I had to smile at his simple statement. "I love you, too."

This entire thing was…different. Usually at this point, with Finn and I both naked and in the shower together, someone would be getting their dick sucked. But that was the furthest thing from my mind right now. Well, maybe not the furthest, since Finn naked always conjured some naughty thoughts, but it was pretty far down. But instead of thinking about what was between his legs, all I could focus on was his skin. Miles and miles of honey colored skin over sleek muscle.

Maybe Finn sensed the change in our relationship, because he was silent. Normally, his quiet moods lasted 47 seconds at best, but tonight he was quite taciturn. I took the hand held sprayer down and rinsed him off. There, now he was clean and, with any luck, he wasn't going to figure out that he now smelled like mint and rosemary. I gave his back a quick slap. "You're good."

He turned and looked at me, his eyes searching mine. "Things are different between us now, aren't they?"

It was an honest, if somewhat naïve, question, and it deserved an honest answer. "Yes." My voice was quiet and subdued. "Do you regret doing it? Or letting me be on top?"

He laughed. "Nah, none of that." He reached up and slicked my hair out of my eyes, his fingers incredibly gentle. Then he squinted. "Can we maybe have this talk somewhere else? Like, anywhere that isn't your shower? Plus, we're kind of losing the hot water."

I hadn't noticed until that minute, but he was right. "Of course." I shut off the spray and stepped out, grabbing a towel for each of us. Finn took mine and gently dried me off, somehow managing to get me dry without being too rough. Sweet thing, he was learning the difference between 'exfoliate gently' and 'sand Kurt's skin off'.

Since Dad wasn't due to be homes for a while, I didn't see any reason to put our clothes on just yet. I did, however, want to do a quick change on the bedding, since I did not want to be relegated to sleeping in the wet spot.

Finn, however, had no such reservations. He tossed himself down on the dry part of the bed, then beckoned to me. I cuddled close, and found out that, if we pressed close, we were both ok. And who didn't want to snuggle close to their boyfriend?

I laid my head on Finn's chest, his skin still warm and flushed from the shower. Under my cheek, his heart beat a steady, easy rhythm. Whatever he was wanting to tell me, it wasn't anything that upset him. I snuggled in; giving him the time he needed to organize his thoughts. Minutes passed, and still Finn was quiet. "Finn?"

"Huh?" Something about the way he startled suggested that he had been dozing off again.

"Did you want to talk?"

"About the sex part?" This was a classic Finn gambit. For someone who seems to hold so few secrets, he can be amazingly closed mouthed about himself and his thoughts. Right now, he was trying to narrow me down to exactly what I wanted to hear from him, so that he wouldn't inadvertently reveal something he didn't want to. It was quite clever, if somewhat annoying.

So I turned the tables on him. "About whatever you want to talk about."

If I did this right (and, at this point, I usually did.), Finn would give up on being evasive and start talking. Sure enough, he took a deep breath and began. "I wish I had something better to give you."

As always, with Finn, speaking didn't always mean making any sense. "Better then what?"

"Then me. But I don't really have anything else." His voice was distant.

I was so shocked that it took me a minute to find my voice. "There's nothing better then you! I don't know where you get this impression that you're some sort of consolation prize."

He shrugged. "I know I'm not. I'm just…." He fell silent then, apparently unable to articulate what the problem was. "I wish I knew the right thing to say right now, because what happened was…what's a good fancy word for 'the most awesome thing in the entire world'?"

"Stupendous? Breathtaking? Glorious? The culmination of your entire 16 years on this planet?" I tried to insert a little levity into the situation."

"Yeah, the last one. But that was more then one word." Now he was mouthing at my shoulder, the barely-there sensation of his teeth causing a shudder to run through my body. "It's just that I love you and I don't want you to get bored with me. You're so smart, and you know all these cool words and you read these long books and you watch all these smart TV shows and-"He had to pause here to get a breath. "-and….and…I can't do any of that. I don't know any smart words and I can barely read. One day you're going to figure that out." 

The contrast between the teasing tone of the first part of that statement and the rushed, almost panicky, one of the second threw me completely. I wrapped my arms around him. "I could say the same thing to you."

"How?" It was whispered, but he was watching me intently. As badly as he felt, he was just as desperate for me to tell him that he was wrong, that I loved him after all.

"Well, you're a good football player. You're great at baseball, and you're pretty good at basketball, too. I can't do any of that." His mouth opened, but I didn't let him say anything. "Being the kicker isn't the same as being the quarterback and we both know it. Also, you're friendly. Everybody likes you, Finn. _Everybody_. Well, except for Karofsky, but I don't think he even likes himself, so that doesn't count. People put up with me, but they actually like you, and that's a rare trait." 

I knew I had his full attention, so I groped to find another one of his virtues. It wasn't that he lacked them, though he had plenty of vices, too, but I was still reeling from what he had said. "Plus, you look really sexy when you sing. You do this sway thing and your leg kind of shakes? Hot."

"I have no rhythm and I fall down a lot." Finn didn't sound completely convinced, but he did seem to be relaxing a bit.

"When you dance, but I'm just talking about your singing. Not to mention, you have this… fighting quality about you. You talk and people listen. You got all five of the original Glee clubbers to listen to you and sing Journey, even though we didn't have a coach and barely had a bond between us."

"But none of that makes me smart. After high school, no one's going to care about any of the other shit, but they're going to remember that you're smart. That's how you're going to get an awesome job and make lots of money and be all famous. I'll just be me."

This was where he was wrong. Privately, I kind of thought that, of the two of us, Finn was the one who was more likely to get the awesome job. Not because he was better looking (though he was), or even that he was smarter then I was, but because of how personable he was. Smart people get hired, but, if they can't relate to other people, they don't last. Unless, of course, you were some sort of amazing genius at your chosen profession, like certain directors who were known for being raging assholes, but whom everyone was fighting to get to work with. Or, closer to my situation, certain designers who made models cry and threw tantrums daily were on the catwalk every show. I was smart, and I was good, but I wasn't _that_ good. So, yes, Finn was probably going to make it just fine.

But he didn't want to hear all that. Part of the reason was that he just wasn't ready to hear it, to think that far in the future. Finn's a very literal person. "Why would you _want_ to be anyone but you? I love you exactly the way you are, no changes necessary. Besides, there's a lot of different ways to measure intelligence. There's being book smart, and street smart, and people smart, and you're people smart. And anyway, being a teacher _is_ an awesome job."

"You promise you won't get bored with me?" He was heartbreakingly hopeful.

I rubbed the side of his neck. "Considering I've wanted you for a year already, and we're just getting started, I would say that there's no way that I'm going to get bored with you. Regionals is in two just three months, then summer break. Then we'll be upper classmen, which might confer a tiny amount of respect, though I wouldn't bet my tiaras on it. After graduation, you and I are out of here. Hello New York, hello to our futures."

Now he was smiling, and I knew that the crisis had been averted, at least for now. Finn didn't often get in these depressed, self-hating moods, but it killed me every time he did. I knew that this was one stemming not so much from what we had just done, as it was from the fact that he was going to have further testing for his issues (I refused to call it a learning disability) tomorrow right after school. He wanted the reassurance that I was there for him, no matter what. Finn nudged my collarbone with his nose. "What about our parents?"

The thought of leaving Dad behind, especially now that I was just getting to know him, did bother me a lot more then I though it would. But for Finn, who was incredibly close to his mother, since she was all he had ever known, that same thought must have been devastating. "Oh, they'll come visit us, and complain that we don't eat right, and they'll each pull their biological kid aside and ask if we've thought about adopting them some grandchildren."

His eyes rolled. "No, not about _that_. I meant, do you think they'll get married?"

I tried not to think about that too much. "It's certainly possible. At their ages, most people don't tend to wait too long." Certainly disgusting to think about, but an idea I was slowly coming around to.

"Gross." While Finn had nothing against Dad personally, he was protective of his mother. Not to mention, even after what he had found out about his father, in Finn's mind at least, Dad was always going to be in competition with a dead man, and there was no way he was going to measure up.

Those were worries for another time, though. Right now, I way lying in bed with my boyfriend, the one I had just lost my virginity to. My stomach was rumbling a little, but I would be damned if I would ruin this moment. "I concur completely."

There was something else I wanted to ask him, but I had no idea how to approach it delicately. I tried several opening gambits in the back of my mind, but they were all either too vague or too blunt.

_Oh, for Pete's sake. This is Finn we're talking about. Blunt is fine, and might be the only way you're going to get a straight answer from him. Just come right out with it, you know he respects that_.

Time was slowly running out for this quiet snuggling, and, one way or another, I had to say something. "Finn?" I didn't say anything else, just waited until I had his full attention.

He didn't say anything back, but his eyes met mine and held, telling me that it was ok to continue. My face felt hot, but I had to know. "What did it feel like? I know that it hurt, and I'm sorry, but it was better by the end, right?"

"Yeah, by the end it was great. Just not so much in the beginning." He squinted. "I was kind of being a huge pussy, though, so that might have had something to do with it, too. Once I remembered to relax, it was pretty good."

"So it wasn't too painful?" I wasn't as brave as Finn was, and I had to know if this was something I could handle. "Scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, how bad was it?"

If I treated this scientifically, like it was black and white, I was much less likely to talk myself out of it.

"Uh…at first it was like a 6 or 7. It _hurt_. But it didn't hurt when you had your fingers up there; just when you put your…you know."

It was kind of endearing that, even after we had just had sex, Finn was still a little shy about saying 'cock'. I kissed him again, unable to get enough of him. "Yes, I know."

"Good. But when it quit hurting it was like…wow." His eyes were wide. "Now I know why Puck does it all the time with everybody. It was like it was just you and me, and no one else was in the world."

That was such a charming notion that I didn't bother correcting his grammar. "I'm glad that your first time was good."

"It was your first time, too. I'm sorry I kind of freaked out." His eyes were dark and serious.

I gave him an affectionate squeeze. "You were fine. I would much rather you tell me when it hurt and slow things down then you try and tough it out and actually injure yourself."

"Yeah, that's what Rachel's Dads said, too. But I didn't want to make you all disappointed in me."

"I wasn't." I wanted to say more, but Finn's stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly. "And I'm hungry."

"Way to savor the moment, Cowboy." I tickled the offending stomach, smiling when he squirmed and laughed.

He managed to settle long enough to gasp out "You know I get hungry! Besides, I burned a lot of calories today. Sex burns 500 calories an hour!"

Somehow, I doubted that. Finn likes to make things up to see what he can get away with. It's an unfortunate hobby, since he's an utterly transparent liar, but he never gives up trying. "Of course it does. Put some pants on and we'll get something to eat."

He dressed quickly. "What do I get to do to help?"

Finn was always eager to help. Granted, his 'help' usually ended up making twice the work, but at least he tried. "Get two servings of soup out of the freezer and put it in a pot. Turn the stove on medium." His stomach growled loudly again and I hid a smile. "Make it three servings."

I had deliberately given him the easier job. All he had to do was put the soup on the stove, get bowls and spoons, and stir the soup occasionally as it heated. All things that Finn was more then capable of doing. Unfortunately, the job was so easy that it left him plenty of time to entertain himself by rubbing up against me and kissing the back of my neck. "Finn, this is dangerous when I'm standing at a hot stove."

_ The stove isn't the only thing that's hot. Or flaming, for that matter._

Finn slid a hand under my shirt to stroke my stomach, before trailing up to my nipples. I squirmed, but he had managed to trap me in between his body and the stove. "I'm warning you, Finn, stop or I'll…" I had to make my voice tough. If I started moaning, like I actually wanted to, I was done for.

"Stop or you'll what?" Finn knows an empty threat when he hears one.

"Stop or I'll-"My threat was cut off by the sound of the front door opening. Finn's hand shot out from under my shirt as his body spun to face the stove. The move was so practiced that I wondered how many times he had performed this exact move while he was dating Quinn. I pressed further against the stove, trying to will my hard-on away. This w as not going to look good. "Hey, Dad!" My voice squeaked slightly.

Finn was smoother. "Hi, Mr. Hummel. We're making grilled cheeses and some fancy soup for dinner; do you want me to put some in for you?"

Forget what I had said earlier about Finn not being able to lie. Maybe an outright untruth was hard for him, but he could be pretty evasive when the moment called for it. Had I not known what we had been up to (not to mention the fact that Finn wasn't turning around either), I might have even believed him.

Dad squeezed my shoulder and patted Finn on the back. "No, I already ate at the garage and I don't want to ruin your date. I'm going to watch the game in the other room. Finn, your mother wants you home by 9, so you get plenty of sleep."

"Cool" Finn treated him to a quick thumbs up, smiling happily. Dad smiled back, obviously pleased to be bonding with his girlfriends son, and his son's boyfriend. As he left the room, Finn and I both released huge breaths. He gave the soup a brisk stir. "That could have been really awkward."

"I know." I flipped Finn's sandwich onto a plate before starting on my own. "We have to be more careful."

He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my chest, pulling me back against his body. Soft lips found the back of my neck, and I couldn't help but snuggle into his warmth. "He already knows."

I actually felt myself pale. "He can't possibly, unless you blabbed to him!" My voice was a shocked hiss, mindful that the volume I actually wanted to use would carry into the next room.

Finn's eyes rolled. "Yes, Kurt. Because I wanted to go up to your father and say 'by the way Burt, is it ok if I nail your son tomorrow? I promise I'll let him be on top'. That wouldn't be all creepy or anything. I don't know how he knows, but he does. I could tell by how he looked at me."

Ok, this was not the crisis I was making it out to be. Dad didn't know what we had just done, Finn was just overly paranoid. I twisted around to kiss his chest. "You can not. As far as he knows, we spent the day studying."

He shook his head. "If there's one thing I know, its suspicious parents. He might not be totally sure, especially since he's still letting us be along together out of his sight, but he thinks we did it."

"You're paranoid. Now dish up two bowls and let's eat." I softened my words with a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You're wrong." It was a soft whisper, but he didn't press the issue.

We studied while we ate, with me quizzing Finn on dates for his European History test tomorrow. "Battle of Hastings?"

"1066." He was completely confident, just like he always was when we studied together. But, somehow, he was never able to carry that confidence into the actual test.

"Right. Name of the invader?"

"Uh…Tostig? Dude, wouldn't that be an awesome name for a kid if we had one? Little Tostig."

I had to remember that Finn was the one who wanted to call Quinn's baby 'Drizzle.'. "Maybe. I've always kind of wanted to name my kid something that started with Z." Ok, that was a lie. I had never really considered having children at all, but if I didn't stop Finn right here, the rest of the study session would be lost.

Sure enough, I managed to get him back on track, going over the battle of Hastings, its aftermath, and its effect on the rest of Europe. He had it down cold. "Good job, Finn. Now, are you going to get an A on that test?"

"I know all the answers. I'm ready." He didn't sound very confident, though, and he certainly didn't promise good grades.

"Good." I leaned over and pressed my lips to his cheek. "If you get at least a B, I'll make it very, very worth your while."

_Liar. He could get an F and you would still be perfectly happy to make it worth his while. You've become a horny tramp Kurt Hummel. Have I told you lately how much I love you like this? _

Luckily, Finn was already excitedly whispering things that he thought would make a good treat, including, but not limited to: blow jobs, ice cream, ice cream with blowjobs, sex, getting to drive my car, sex, a duet in Glee, sex, and, did I mention, sex.

_My my, Finn has quite the imagination. I never would have thought of using whipped cream and caramel sauce in that way. _

Me either, but it was quite an interesting thought. I was about to tell him that that was the one we were going to go with when Dad's head poked back in. "Boys? If Finn's going to get home by 9, it's time to pack up and leave."

I would be the one giving Finn the ride home, so I got him packed up and in the car. He was mostly well behaved on the ride keeping his hand on my knee and only sliding it up once or twice. He seemed to want to constantly touch me, which was certainly something I wasn't about to discourage. I pulled up as close to the door as I could. "I love you Finn, and I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning."

"Love you, too." The words were automatic, but still heartfelt. "I'll see you."

I waited until he was in the house before turning around and heading home. I was going to have just enough time to get through all of my face routines and into bed to ensure a full 8 hours of sleep. Oh, and I should probably change the sheets before I laid down.

When I pulled up to the house, I noticed that the living room lights were off, which was odd. The game couldn't be over this early, could it? Even if it was, there should have been some stupid after game thing that both Dad and Finn could stare at for hours. The kitchen lights, however, were blazing. My hands broke out in nervous sweat. Please, please let this not be what I thought it was.

My heart thudding with apprehension as I slipped the front door open. If I could only slip downstairs before he knew I was here. I took a chance and broke for the basement door. Salvation was just a few feet away and- "Kurt."

Caught. I turned slowly and gave Dad my most winning smile. "Finn made it home alright, but I'm really tired so I think I'm going to go to bed now. Is that alright?"

"Nice try. Why don't you come to the kitchen so we can have a talk." It wasn't a question, and I had no choice but to nod and slink forward.

_ Somebody's in trou-ble. _The voice in my head was sing-songing. _Finn was rye-hight._

There was still a chance whatever Dad wanted to talk about had nothing to do with Finn. A slim, rapidly fading change, but a chance none the less. There were two mugs of warm milk already on the table, another bad sign. I took my seat across from Dad and prayed desperately to any God who may or may not exist and probably wasn't listening even if they did, but could they just help me out this one time, that Dad wasn't going to say what I thought he was.

Dad grabbed his mug and visible steeled himself for what he was about to say. "So, now you're having sex."

Busted.


	53. Chapter 53

Kurt POV

I've never been very successful at lying to my father, so it never occurred to me to deny it. Instead I drew on all the pride that everyone had tried to squash out of me and looked him in the eye. "Yes."

He nodded. "I'm glad that you were honest with me. I can't say that I entirely approve of this, but I don't ever want you to lie to me about something this important." He squeezed his mug, the knuckles going white. "Finn was…he was respectful to you, right? Because if that boy tried to push you, I'll drive over there and kill him right now."

From the sudden, feral, look in his eyes, I didn't doubt that he would. I rolled my eyes at him. "Finn didn't push me, Dad, it's fine. Believe it or not, he can be quite the gentleman when the mood strikes him."

"I… I mean, you were careful, right? You had everything you needed? Because I can take you to get stuff if you need me to."

There was no polite way to say I would sooner stab myself to death with a rusty fork then go condom shopping with my father. "I had everything I needed, and, yes, Finn and I were safe."

_Liar._

It wasn't exactly a lie. Finn and I had been safe, if for no other reason then it was both or our first times, and there was no chance of either disease or pregnancy. It just wasn't the sort of safe that Dad meant.

Dad nudged my mug. "Drink."

I did so, just so my mouth wouldn't blurt out something inappropriate or completely stupid. He drank, too, probably just as embarrassed as I was. He soldiered on, though. "How long has this been going on?"

That required a quick glance over at the clock. "About 5 hours." I knew I sounded sarcastic and rude, but I couldn't help it.

"Ok." He didn't seem to know what else to say. "You know that this means the two of you aren't going to be allowed alone together any more, right?"

That was what I had been afraid of. I stared him right in the eyes, trying to be as nonthreatening as possible. "Why?"

He sputtered. "Why? Because it's not appropriate for you to be having sex!"

"Why?" I was pleased that I just sounded questioning, and not like a three year old.

His eyes went narrow. "Kurt, let's be realistic here. How long have you been dating Finn? Two months? Three? Sex is a huge, important step, and taking it too soon can ruin what had been a wonderful relationship."

It had been 5 months and he knew it. 5 months was way longer then most people waited, which gave me another idea. "Are you and Carole having sex? Because I think I was dating Finn before you were dating his mother."

The sputtering stopped, but his face turned an alarming shade of purple. There are times that I worry about his heart, and this was definitely one of them. He took a huge gulp of his milk. "That is a very inappropriate question."

"It was inappropriate when you asked me, too! If you love Carole, then I love Finn just as much. Why is it inappropriate for me to ask and not for you?" My temper was trying to rise, making it hard to think.

"Because you are 16 years old and my child, and I'm a grown man and your father. It's my job to worry about you, Kurt, and to know what's going on with you. That includes who you're sleeping with." His voice was calm, which only made me feel more like a baby.

_Oh, nice one. Funny, he's spent the past 8 years not worrying overmuch about what's going on with you. Now suddenly he's Dad of the year? You don't have to listen to him, Kurt. Look him in the eyes and tell him he's lost the right to boss you around!_

Galinda was being too harsh. Yes, Dad had been neglectful, at least emotionally, but he was trying to make up for that. There was a part of me, one that was far larger then I liked to admit, that was even enjoying the fact that he was taking the time to have this conversation with me. There was an underlying 'Daddy's here and he's going to make sure that no one hurts you, Sweetheart' tone that did soothe something in the vicinity of my stomach.

So I didn't tell Dad off, but that didn't mean I was willing to back down, either. "Well now you know who I'm sleeping with. Finn. And it was wonderful and I don't intend to stop. So if you would rather I sneak off and have sex with him in the car or behind the bowling alley, we can do that, too. Then we can make it dirty and shameful, or get caught by a bunch of homophobes and have the crap beaten out of us. Or you can just leave well enough alone and let us do it in our nice, safe, sanitary bedrooms. Well, ok, Finn's is probably less then sanitary but you get the picture."

Even Galinda was shocked at the calm and daring way I laid that out. Dad's mouth dropped open and he was having trouble formulating words. I took advantage of that fact and leaned back in my chair. "Are you telling me I need to break up with Finn?"

"Of course not. I'm just telling you that I don't approve of you having sex so early." He was losing steam and he knew it.

"Three quarters of the school has already done it, including most of the abstinence club. But, ok, it's too early. How long would you like me to wait? Until I'm 18? That seems an awful arbitrary measure of maturity or readiness. College? Will I meet someone I love as much as I do Finn, or will I just get drunk and sleep with the first guy who's willing? How about until I get married, like a good little boy? Oh, wait, I _can't_ get married, so I guess I'll just shrivel up and die a virgin."

The corners of his mouth tugged up. "There's a rather large gap between dying a virgin, which doesn't sound like an option any more, and having sex at 16, with your first boyfriend. You're deliberately misunderstanding what I'm saying to you."

I wanted nothing more then to bury my head in my arms and never make eye contact with Dad again. This was the most humiliating thing that had ever happened to me, counting having my butt slapped by a flaming pedophile _and_ the time Dad walked in on me dancing in my underwear and singing the Little Mermaid. I still couldn't think of that moment without wanting to die a thousand little deaths.

But if I gave up now, Dad would win, and I would lose Finn. Not all of him, of course, but all of those special little moments would be over. Like the way we would sit on my bed and be studying, and he would just decide he had to reach over and kiss me. Or the way we would cuddle up in my swinging chair and watch a movie, me in Finn's lap and his legs stuck out in front of us so he could rock us gently. Not necessarily sexual or even affectionate things, but the tiny minutiae that made up a relationship. Private things.

"I love Finn. I was ready to have sex with him, and I did. Isn't putting some limits on our time together now a little like locking the door after you've been robbed?" I was going to win this argument with logic, instead of screaming like a child.

A tiny muscle near his jaw flicked. "So, what I'm hearing from my 16 year old, underage, son, is that I didn't catch him doing something wrong the first time he did it, so I should excuse him every time he does it?"

Oh, so now what I was doing was wrong? I crossed my arms over my chest. "What I did wasn't _wrong_. I'll bet if Finn were a girl you wouldn't care." It was a secret fear that I couldn't quite shake. That the issue wasn't what I had done, but that I had done it with Finn, another man.

He slapped the table, making me jump. "Don't you dare pull that gay crap on me. This has absolutely nothing to do with Finn and his gender! It has everything to do with you, and whether or not you're ready to make such a big decision."

I was so overwhelmed with relief at hearing that that I almost missed the subtle change in his words. But when I realized it, it came with an overwhelming sense of relief. Dad had gone from telling me that there was no way I was ready to make a decision about sexual matters to agreeing to talk to me and determine whether or not I was. He just hadn't said so in as many words. "I am. Ready, I mean. I thought about it, and I waited until I was 100% sure, not just about me, but about him, too. I didn't just do it because I wanted to right in that moment." If I could make him understand how much I felt for Finn, he would have to understand why I had done what I had done.

_I'm not so sure about that. You want him to look at you and see a capable adult, but that's not how it works. When he looks at you, he sees his baby, his little boy, even if logically you both know that you're way beyond that. You will never be an adult to him, and no man will ever be good enough for you, not even Finn._

Only that didn't matter. Whether or not Dad thought that Finn was good enough, I did. In two years, I would be out of the house, and it would just be him and Carole. But, if I could make myself believe his words, I could have Finn forever. The trade was kind of a no brainer.

I realized that Dad hadn't replied to my last comment, so I gathered my courage and peeked up at him. He was looking back at me, his lips set. I couldn't read any expression in his face, and that threw me off. "Dad?"

He smiled, but it looked more sad then anything. Then one hand, roughened by working so hard at the garage, reached out and took mine from where it rested on the table. I tightened my fingers around his, noticing for the first time that my hand was bigger. Not broader, and certainly not as powerful, but my fingers were longer then his. From the way he was looking down, I knew that he saw it too. "You're all grown up."

His voice was so sad that my first instinct was to deny it, to tell him that I was still his little boy. That instinct was particularly annoying, since I had just spent the past 15 minutes trying to convince him that I was practically an adult that was capable of making my own sexual choices. But I couldn't hurt my own father, so I squeezed him tightly. "Halfway there."

"More then halfway. Alright, Kurt. Let's talk about you and Finn." He gave my hand another squeeze. "Tell me why I shouldn't chase your boyfriend down the street with a shotgun."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I knew, of course, but I didn't know how to say it so Dad would understand. I had already said what I needed to, and it hadn't made a difference. I shrugged helplessly.

Dad gave me a few minutes, then tried prompting me again. "Kurt, if you can't even give me one reason, how can I expect that you actually know why?" He was gentle, but I felt like everything was closing in on me.

"I…I…." My mind had gone completely blank.

_You've got this. Just repeat what you said before, and you'll be just fine. Deep breaths, Kurt._

She might be a bitch, but every once in a while Galinda comes up with some really good advice. So I drew a slow breath and released it through my nose. "Because I love him. Is there really any other reason?"

_The size of his dick? _

I didn't even bother giving that more then a mental nudge out of the way. This was it. I had said my piece, as honestly as I possibly could. Now it was up to Dad to make a decision.

Not that I would ever consider giving Finn up, no matter what Dad told me. Yes, I would even resort to using my car if I had to. Both Dad and Carole worked, and there was no way for them to keep tabs on us 100% of the time. Oh, dear, God, I had become half of one of those horny teenage couples, always on the lookout for a time and place to get lucky. I could no longer look down my nose at them. Someone kill me now.

Dad reached across the table and took my mug. "Go to bed, kiddo. It's late enough, and I know you have… face stuff you need to do early in the morning."

When he said it like that, he sounded just like Finn, which was kind of creepy. Didn't they always say that girls wanted to marry their Daddies? In a twisted way, I guessed that it made sense that gay boys would want to marry their fathers as well. I ran a brief mental comparison between Dad and Finn, and decided to drop this line of thought before I completely freaked myself out. Gross, gross, and nasty. "But…what about what we just talked about?" There was no way I could sleep without knowing.

"I need to think about it. I still don't approve of this, no matter how much in love you think you are, but I do remember what it's like to be 16 years old. If I say no, you'll sneak off and do it, and I want us to be open with each other. I just don't want to see you suffer if this thing with Finn fizzles out. You've been through enough, Kurt."

Suffering happened. It happened to people who deserved it, and it happened to people who didn't. I had suffered, yes, but what made it enough? Or too much? I was still here, still coping. "But…"

He didn't break. "Kurt, I need this time to think. I also need to talk to Carole about it, but that isn't going to happen tonight. It's late, and Finn needs to worry about his tests tomorrow, not whether or not I'm going to be hunting him down. I need you to be patient for me."

Patience was my middle name, but that didn't mean I liked it. Unknowns were frightening to me, in a way that most other things weren't. If I knew what was coming, even if it was something bad, I would know how to fight. Homophobic jocks? Avoid the locker rooms and PE class. Dumpster dive? Curl up to protect my head and stomach and try and save my more expensive clothing. Desperate need to impress my father? Recruit Finn to get me on the football team. Terrifying Cheerio coach? Well…..ok, you had me there.

But that was just the exception that proved the rule. Sue Sylvester was petrifying simply because she didn't follow any known rules. She knew how to bide her time to make the most impact possible. She had known about the marijuana for almost 5 months, but she had waited to spring it on Finn until she thought it would hurt Mr. Shue the most. Not Finn himself, he was incidental to the entire thing. He was collateral damage. No, this was between her and Mr. Shue, and she would take out any and every opponent. I wondered what it would be like if she decided to turn on me.

"Kiddo? Can you be patient?" Dad realized that I was off in mental la-la land and tried to draw me back.

"Yes. Can I ask a question, though?" It was the one thing I had been too scared to ask before.

"Of course." He sat back down, giving me his full attention.

This was embarrassing, but it had to be asked. "How did you know? About Finn and I, I mean. We were careful and we were dressed when you came home."

He laughed. "You were pretty sly. But, when you know what to look for, it's obvious. I told you, sex changes everything. I've seen you kiss Finn before, I've seen you hug him and touch his back and tell him that you love him. But you always hold back, just a tiny bit. That's normal. But tonight…tonight it was just you and him. No barriers. You were trusting him with your entire self, the way you've never trusted anyone before. That was how I knew."

I wondered if Finn and I would be as obvious to everyone at school, or if it took an adult to see it. "I trust _you_ that much."

"It's different. You trust me because I'm your father and I've taken care of you since you were born. I was the very first person to hold you, when you were still all gooky and bloody. You trust me because I've always been there for you and never given you a reason not to trust me. And you still hide some things from me."

I started to protest, but he cut me off. "It's alright, and it's perfectly normal. You were right; you're very close to being an adult now. It's time for you to try and find that trust with someone else, someone you have a chance of spending the rest of your life with."

"But you don't think that Finn is the one." It wasn't a question.

Dad leaned back in his chair and thought about it, something I would always be grateful for. He was trying to make this easy. "He may be. But if he's the one right now, he'll be the one a year from now. There's no point in rushing things."

Clever words, but I was ready for him. I had already considered this, and any other situation he could come up with, at least 10 times. I'm not entirely sure if I was trying to talk myself into or out of having sex with Finn, but I'm a planner, and I had to get it all sorted out in my own mind before I could consider allowing myself to be with Finn in that way. "By that token, there's no need to wait, either. If Finn will be the one a year from now, then he's the one now, too. Waiting just delays the inevitable."

His eyes narrowed. "Damn you're smart. That comes from your mother, you know. I would argue with her, and suddenly I would be agreeing with her before I knew what happened."

I smiled. "So that means that you agree with me."

"It means go to bed, Son." He reached out and hugged me, a rare enough thing that I stiffened instead of relaxing. Before I could correct myself, he pulled back, obviously hurt. "Sorry."

"No, it's…." I trailed off, because I wasn't sure what to say. I just wasn't that used to being hugged by anyone who wasn't Mercedes or Finn. Impulsively, I threw my arms around his neck. "I love you."

"Love you, too." He squeezed me one last time, then turned me around and nudged me towards the basement. "Bed." I was almost to the door when he hit me with the last zinger. "Oh, and Kurt? If I were you, I would probably change the sheets."

My face burned for what felt like the millionth time today. It was one thing for Dad to know that I had had sex, but it was another thing entirely to hear him snickering about it. It wasn't funny!

_Sex is _always_ funny. The body parts involved, the noises, the faces…face it, Kurt, sex is kind of hysterical. Is there anything on this planet stupider looking then an erect penis?_

This is something that I could never, never, tell Finn, but I had to agree. God, penises did cool things, and I loved both my own and Finn's, but Galinda did have a point. The problem was, if I revealed that to Finn, I would lose all of my credibility for being the mature on in the relationship. So I had to content myself with snickering wildly while I remade the bed.

I had just put the moisturizing cream on my face when I realized I had a text waiting for me on my phone. It had to be Finn, telling me goodnight, because he was sweet like that. He couldn't always remember what day of the week it was, and he was still kind of hopeless when it came to tying his shoes, but he loved me enough to give me a little extra text right before bed. I wiped my hands on a towel and picked it up.

The number wasn't Finn's at all, but a strange one. Curious, I opened the text and read it. _Get him Hummel! Nail that Quarterback! Bow-Chicka-Bow-Bow! We're jealous of you._

Even though there was nothing threatening about the message, my stomach turned a flip. Someone knew. Someone out there had the dirt on both Finn and I, and they weren't shy about revealing it. My breath quickened until I was wheezing in and out, barely able to draw air.

_Cool it! Think about this calmly and rationally. Whose number could this possibly be? It's only the Glee club that knows about you and Finn to start with, so go down the list._

Ok, I could do that. Mercedes, Tina and Rachel were all out because their names would have popped up on the screen instead of just a number. Well, Rachel's popped up as 'Diva Nag' but something would have appeared. Obviously it wasn't Shuester because that would be gross. It wasn't Finn, and it wasn't me. That was five out right there. I couldn't see Quinn cheering us on in our sinful, lustful relationship, so she should be out. Matt and Mike probably didn't care, and, to the best of my memory, had never texted me in their lives, so I could probably count them out, too. Artie might, but he had been sick for the past few days, so he probably wasn't up to doing much. What about Puck?

Puck! He was just perverted enough to send a text like that, and he was fully aware that Finn and I would be having sex soon, if not tonight. It was just like Puck to send a congratulatory note, as if losing one's virginity was something to be celebrated by the Glee club at large. Neanderthal. No, that was too good for him. Australopithecus? No, still too good. Bonobo! They were a type of monkey so foul and oversexed that they literally did nothing but eat and screw. That was Puck in a nutshell.

Only…I couldn't quite imagine Puck being jealous of someone getting something shoved up their butt. He was ok with Finn and I, but he had made it very clear that we were not to do anything that might turn him gay. And who exactly was the 'we' in the text anyway? Was he back with Santana?

When it finally hit me, it was like a speeding freight train. Puck wasn't involved in this at all. 'We' was Santana and Brittany. Somehow, the two of them had found out what Finn and I had planned. But how? And, more importantly, why? Neither one of them should care.

_They don't. Well, they do, but only because they enjoy antagonizing people. You know that Santana has it out for Finn, especially since he turned her down a few days ago. And since Coach Sylvester has it out for you and Finn, too, it's like a bonus for them._

While I was busy having a mental nervous twitching fit, my phone lit up again with another text. Heart pounding, I opened it up. _What do chicks bowing have to do with fucking, anyway_

Definitely Brittany. Like Finn she was a very literal thinker, always going for the simplest possible explanation. Unlike Finn, who usually knew that he was wrong, she usually blurted out said explanation for everyone to hear.

My fingers were shaking, but I picked up the phone and dialed the number back. Brittany's unnaturally perky voice picked up on the second ring. "Kurty-dolphin!"

For a second I was taken aback. First of all, I hated nicknames, especially 'Kurty'. Second of all, dolphin? "What? Who?"

"Isn't this Kurt? It's Kurt's phone." Now she sounded as confused as I felt. "I think."

Considering that no one had interrupted us with a bitchy retort yet, it was a safe bet that Santana wasn't with her. Good, she would be more likely to reveal whatever sick plan Coach Sylvester had come up with. "It's Kurt. Not Kurty, and certainly not Kurty-dolphin. Why in the world would you refer to me as a dolphin, anyway?"

"Because you're like a shark, all ferocious and chompy when people make you mad!" She was pleased with herself, I could tell.

Again, talking to Finn never brought on this amount of headache. "What do sharks have to do with dolphins?"

"Aren't dolphins gay sharks? You know, they're all grey and have flippers and tails and live in the ocean. They're just smaller and all delicate and smooth."

Now was not the time to debate the classification of oceanic fauna. "Ok, dolphins are gay sharks, sure. Why did you text me?"

"Oh, because I wasn't sure what two men having sex had to do with chicks bowing. I didn't even know that you had chicks. Did you let them watch?"

"No chicks, Brit. It's kind of complicated. But did you text me the first time, or did Santana?"

"'Tana did, but she's not here now. She was sure that you and Finn were going to fuck today, so she wanted to send you a congratulations. Also, Coach Sylvester said to keep an eye on you."

"Why would she say that?" I tried to sound completely disinterested. "I thought it was Finn that she hated."

"She hates everyone. But I don't think she really hates Finn. Actually, I don't think she cares about him at all, except when she can use him to bug Mr. Shue. But she said to watch you, because you mouthed off to her, and there's a better use for that pretty little mouth then fighting with her. So we said we would watch you and tell her what you were up to."

I couldn't imagine anything that I had said to Coach Sylvester that might constitute 'mouthing off'. All I had said to her the other day was that I was Finn's ride home, and it had been a heroic struggle to even get that out. Maybe she was just so used to no one being able to speak in her presence that she read that as defiant?

"Did you tell her about Finn and I having sex?" There was no sense in beating around the bush here. She knew about Finn and I already, so playing coy would do nothing but take too much time and end up confusing Brittany.

"Not yet. She said to call her, but I lost my phone so I thought I would just tell her tomorrow."

"If you lost your phone, what are you talking to me on?" Normally I don't like engaging her, but I was so confused.

There was a brief pause, then an earsplitting scream. "You found it! Thank you, Kurty-dolphin!"

Guilt gnawed at my stomach, but not hard enough to prevent me from making my next move. "Brit? Since I found your phone for you, I think you owe me a favor. Don't you agree?"

"Oh, sure! Anything for my sweet fishy. Normally I would let you feel up my boobs, but I don't think you would want that. Do you want me to pull Puck's pants down in Glee tomorrow? He doesn't wear underwear."

_Kind of._

"No! I mean, maybe another time. What I want you to do for me is not tell Coach Sylvester about Finn and I. Do you think you can do that? Possibly convince Santana to do that as well? After all, you would have a really hard time without your phone, right?"

"I would. I'll tell Santana that it didn't happen. Our secret, little fishy, pinky swear. We'll be like sea creature secret spies!"

The guilt came back. Tricking Brittany was kind of like tricking Finn. It was stupidly easy to fool them both, because they were both so incredibly trusting. It would never occur to either one of them that their friends might be pulling a fast one on them. You got me pregnant in a hot tub? Sure, Finn would believe that. Helped Brit find the cell phone that was already in her hand? She was grateful enough to grant me whatever favor I asked for. It was like stealing from a toddler who not only wouldn't complain, but, if you played it right, be grateful for being tricked.

But I had to protect both Finn and I here, and it wasn't like I was hurting Brittany to do so. Especially since it sounded like Coach Sylvester was coming after me personally. So I forced the guilt down. "Pinky promise, Brit. What sort of sea animal would you like me to call you?"

"A pussy willow." Her voice was dreamy. "They're so soft and fluffy and skinny."

I wasn't going to burst her bubble by telling her that not only was a pussy willow not a sea creature, but it wasn't an animal at all. Not to mention I didn't want the word 'pussy' to cross my lips in any form. "How about just willow? They're every bit as slender and graceful as you are."

"Willow works. So I'll tell Santana that Finn chickened out because it was too gay and wouldn't have sex with you." There was a pause. "Um…I might have already told her that the two of you were getting all humpy together. Is that ok?"

I hurried to comfort her. "Of course it is."

Actually, her excuse was pretty good. If she just said that we didn't do it, it would look suspicious. But to blame Finn for having a heterosexual freak out when it came to actual penetration? Maybe Brit wasn't as stupid as she appeared.

I'm not sure why that though surprised me, since Finn wasn't as stupid as he appeared either. Maybe it was because Finn knew that he had trouble, and always sounded unsure when he spoke, where Brittany was always sure that she was right, even when she was as wrong as could be. It made her seem dumber then him, like one of those little yappy dogs.

My face was starting to itch as the mask not only dried but began to flake off. "Look, Brit, I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"You said you'd call me Willow! But goodnight dolphin. I love you."

That was both her and Finn's saving grace. They were generous with their affections, never stopping to think whether or not the person they were getting close to deserved the love. "Love you, too."

It wasn't a lie. I did love Brittany, just like I loved the rest of the Glee club. Yes, even Rachel. Only some of the time, and I would submit to being dressed by Finn before I admitted it out loud, but I guessed it was true.

I hung up and returned to the bathroom, washing off the mask. Once I had patted (rubbing stretches out the skin and can lead to wrinkles down the road) my face dry, I stopped and stared at myself in the mirror, searching for any sign of being different. When I had showered this morning, I was still a virgin. Now I wasn't, but I still looked the same. With as much fuss as society (not to mention Dad) made about having sex in general and losing your virginity in particular, I expected to glow. Or possibly have grown 4 or 5 inches.

_I would give up on the growth spurt. If it hasn't happened by now, it's probably not going to happen. Anyway, the change isn't something you can see in a mirror. It's inside of you, and you probably won't see it right away yourself. But it's obvious to anyone who really knows you._

Luckily, the list of people who really knew me was pretty short. Dad, Finn, Mercedes, Tina….I guessed that was it. Carole was rapidly figuring me out, but I hadn't known her long enough for her to be completely sure of me. I wasn't sure if the extremely short list was something to be sad about or not. After all, this time last year there hadn't been anyone on it but me. And maybe four people were plenty.

_Yep.  
_


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: I know that this isn't the week for this story, but I'm having trouble with 'If Bullfrogs Had Wings', so bonus chapter of this one. Yay!**

Kurt POV

It wasn't until the next morning that I really understood what Dad had been saying. Finn was sitting on the steps waiting for me, just like always. His backpack was next to him, and he was wearing jeans and his old, black, jacket. All of that was the same. Finn was exactly how he always was, right down to the Pop Tart he was nibbling on. The same Pop Tart that he crammed into his mouth whole when he saw me pulling up to the house. He was exactly the same as he had been yesterday, and the day before that. Except he wasn't.

It wasn't the way he moved, or his face, or what he was doing. It was all of those things and none of them at once. Just like Dad had said, Finn was _different_, at least to me.

He hurled himself in the seat next to me, barely having the energy to kiss me hello. "So, you're probably going to be pissed at me."

Those words were never the start of anything good. "I might be, but I might not be. Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Mom kind of knows what we did." He slumped down in the seat. "She was waiting for me last night, and we had the most humiliating talk _ever_."

Or so he thought. "I'm not mad at you, considering that this might be my fault. Dad knows, too, and he might be the one who called your mother."

Finn gave a visible shiver. "I'm a dead man. Your father knows that I, like, besmirched you, and now he's going to kill me. 16 is way too young to die!"

"Finn, chill. Dad is not going to kill you, or me for that matter. I was subjected to a talk about as humiliating as the one you got, but no one is going to die. By the way, who taught you how to use 'besmirch'?"

He squinted at me. "Was I wrong?"

"No, you used it perfectly. I was just wondering where you heard the term."

"From you." He stretched lazily.

"From _me_?" I searched through my memories, but couldn't come up with any time I had used that term. "Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh. You said that Alexander McQueen's tribute absolutely besmirched his memory. Then you said that besmirched meant made it all ruined and not pure any more."

"So you think you ruined me?" I was pretty sure that that wasn't what he meant, but I had to be sure.

"No. I think you're even sexier now. But your Dad is going to think that I did." He looked at me with serious eyes. "Do you want to run away to Mexico together? We could change our names and escape. I could be Raul, and you could be Carlos."

If it came down to it, I would follow Finn anywhere. But it wasn't coming down to it yet. "Don't you think I would stick out a little in Mexico? Look at this skin!"

"Oh, yeah." He was all dreamy eyed when he looked at it. "I guess it does look a little pale. But you know what? I might need to taste it to be sure."

"Hold your horses, Cowboy." I put a hand on his chest to push him back. "Does what happened the last time you attempted to get busy with me in a moving vehicle come to mind?"

"Maybe." He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "We could put it in park."

He was cute when he was horny. "Then we'll be late for school, which will necessitate a phone call to each or our parents, which will lead to my father wondering why I was late, and concluding that you're besmirching me again. Is that really what you want?"

"No." I mentally counted down from three, and, sure enough, he heaved a gusty sigh when I hit one. "Parents are kind of a cock block."

I agreed, but I knew that telling him so would be a mistake. At least one of us had to pretend to be mature in this relationship. "Did you honestly think that we would do nothing but have sex from now on? That our every waking moment would be consumed with nothing but our penises and a lot of lube?"

He gave me a pitiful sigh. "No." Then he brightened considerably. "But I kind of hoped so."

He could hope all he wanted, but that didn't mean it was going to happen. "Do I look like Noah Puckerman to you?"

"Ew! If you looked like Puck, I would never want to touch you again. You look like Kurt, and you look really good naked, so that's good enough for me."

Even if I live to be 100, I will never understand how Finn can melt my heart with just a few words. "I love you, Cowboy."

"Love you, too." He sounded vaguely puzzled, just like he always did when I insisted on telling him how much I loved him.

As I've undoubtedly said before, Finn's a simple creature. I loved him. He knew I loved him. I had told him that I loved him. He had told me he loved me. Anything beyond that was overkill. But he would always tell me he loved me, because he knew that I needed to hear it.

It was that one small exchange, more then anything else, that cemented in my mind what I had to do now. If none of the adults in his life would protect him, and Finn wasn't able to protect himself, it fell to me. I would do this, because I had to. "Finn?"

"What's up?" He wrapped an arm around me, the backs of his fingers rubbing the side of my neck.

"I'm…I'm not going to be at lunch today, alright? I have some extra credit for PE, and I'm doing it during lunchtime. So you don't need to be looking for me." There it was, my last chance to back out, gone.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? I don't like you being near that gym by yourself. I can skip lunch for once."

If I ever needed proof of his love, this was it. "No, Cowboy, I'll be fine. I'll text you right after, so you'll know I'm ok."

"If you're sure…" He sounded incredibly disappointed, no doubt upset that he wasn't going to get the chance to play my knight in shining armor. Under any other circumstances, I would have been happy to let him do it, but I wasn't going to be doing any sort of extra credit today. I just needed an excuse to be near the gym. I could do this, for Finn.

"I'm sure. But I'll see you in social studies, ok?" I tried to keep my voice from shaking.

"Ok." We were at school by now, so any more conversation was stilted and awkward. Neither one of us were sure how to interact in front of other people, and it showed. But one day…

_One day what? One day you'll be able to walk down the hallways of this school holding Finn's hand and have it all be alright? Because that isn't going to happen, flat out. Or did you mean that one day you and Finn will be good at having these little conversations that don't mean anything, just so you can cover up what you do mean and can't say? Because I'm not seeing either one of these things as being good or likely._

One day I would be in New York, with Finn by my side and I would be able to do these things. So there, Ms. Galinda.

_Whatever._

As it turned out, I didn't need to go to the gym after all. Mr. Shue and Coach Sylvester were having it out right by my locker. I pretended I was spinning the dial while Mercedes and I listened in.

Blah, blah, blah, bad influence. Blah, blah hair, blah, blah. Evil, blah, blah. Blah, blah biddy blah, coach of the worst club in the school. This was usual for one of their fights, and I was just about to give up eavesdropping when I heard a single word that commanded all of my attention. Madonna.

Galinda squealed, and I barely restrained myself from doing the same. Like any self respecting gay boy, I loved Madonna for her theatricality, if nothing else. She defied gender, defied customs, defied everything. The thought of being able to perform Madonna in Glee all but made me swoon. From the way she was squirming next to me, I had an idea that Mercedes felt the same.

Apparently the fight was stemming from the fact that Mr. Shuester wanted to use Madonna's work in the Glee club, but Coach Sylvester was already using it for the Cheerios. They bickered on for another few seconds, with Mr. Shue correctly informing her that Madonna was public domain, and her threatening to destroy him.

Then it turned ugly. For what felt like the millionth time, Coach Sylvester insulted Mr. Shue's hair. But this time, he turned on her and insulted her right back. I never would have thought I'd see the day, but there was actual hurt in her eyes when he referred to it as the Florence Henderson look. For a split second, I felt bad for her. I knew what it felt like to have the way you looked picked on, and it was never fun.

_Gee, I don't think she looked any more hurt then Finn did when she attacked him. At least Mr. Shue had the excuse of being her equal and having his temper aroused. Finn's a child and under her control, and she went after him anyway._

That was right. I had to remember that I was doing this for Finn, and nothing else mattered. Still, a direct confrontation might not be the answer here. After all, what had direct confrontation ever gotten me but a rainbow of slushies and a panoramic view of the inside of every dumpster in the school? Subtlety might be key.

I grabbed Mercedes by the hand. "I need a favor."

"Ooh, is it going to be fun?" From her tone, I guessed she was still caught up on the Madonna idea.

"No." My voice was breathy and scared. "Actually, it might get us killed. But you're my best friend and I need you to do this for me. We're going after Coach Sylvester."

"You are going to owe me _so_ big for this. But, in the name of friendship, I'll do it. But if I end up dying a virgin, Kurt Hummel, I will spend the rest of eternity bashing your head in with my golden harp, got it?"

"Got it." My hands felt cold when I squeezed hers, but I was going to see this through to the end.

We managed to catch up to Coach Sylvester right outside her office. She was tripped up by the fact that it required no less then four keys to open it, which had her stalled out. "Coach Sylvester? We want to talk to you." I was proud of how steady my voice was, even though the rest of me had picked up a slight tremble.

Her eyes roved over the pair of us, narrow and untrusting. But we must have seemed nonthreatening, because she signaled us inside. "Sit."

Nervously, we sat side by side, watching as she took her place behind her desk. I laced my fingers together so she couldn't see my hands shake. All rational arguments had fled my mind, so I was grateful when she spoke first.

"You know, kids, I grew up with a handi-capable sister. My parents were famous Nazi hunters, so they weren't around a lot. I had to bring her up on my own."

I was never sure how much of Coach Sylvester's stories I should believe, but this one had a ring of truth to it. Breath held, I leaned forward to hear the rest.

"I didn't have a lot of time or money to keep up with all the latest looks. But on my 6th birthday, True Blue was released, an album that would later sell over 30 million copies."

I knew all of this already (again, is there anything a gay boy doesn't know about Madonna?), but I kept it to myself. Sue Sylvester actually had a soul, who would have thought it?

"My sister and I took it upon ourselves to bleach my hair with whatever chemicals we could find around the house. Ammonia, Napalm...my hair was so damaged I've been forced to wear it short ever since."

The thought of putting either one of those chemicals within 20 feet of my own hair was almost enough to make me pass out. The only thing keeping my upright was the thought of what she would do to me if I actually fell over. "It's been a daily, ongoing pain."

"That would make you, like, 30" Mercedes sounded shocked, but I wasn't surprised. All witches know spells to mask their true age.

"29. And here's the truth: I mercilessly pick on Will Shuster's lustrous, wavy, hair because I'm jealous. There, I said it."

An unbelievable opportunity had just been laid at my feet. I had a chance to get in her good graces _and _fulfill my dreams of playing hair stylist on someone besides myself and Mercedes? Thank you, Prada, thank you! Thinking as quickly as possible, I resorted to flattery, emotional sharing, and flat out bribery to get everything I wanted.

Within the next half hour, I had convinced Coach Sylvester to let me do her hair and give her a new look. My mind was already swirling with the possibilities. There were so many ways a woman could wear short hair without looking like…well, without looking like a gym teacher. We had the plan all but hashed out when the real reason I had wanted to talk to her came rushing back to me. "Wait, I have one more demand before we go any further."

Her eyes were narrow, and I knew this could go either way. I straightened up and stared her right in the eyes. "Leave Finn alone. I mean it. Don't talk to him, don't pick on him, and don't ever do anything to him like you did right before Sectionals. It's not fair to make him a pawn in your war with Mr. Shue."

Mercedes went tense against me, and I wondered if I had finally pushed things too far. But confronting Sue had been my plan all along, the only thing that mattered. With everything Finn had done for me, I owed him this one small thing back.

"Done. Dimbulb is now off the table as a pawn. I reserve the right to tease, harass and intimidate him for my own pleasure, but I will not use him to bother William Shuester." Suddenly a feral smile curved her lips. "You know, I like your fire Gay Kid. It's not every student, or even any student, who's willing to face down the big bad wolf just to defend his boyfriend. Stand up!" The command was so sharp and unexpected that I found myself obeying before I though about it. "You, too, Aretha."

I tried not to cringe as she circled us critically, making little noises to herself as she did so. They didn't sound like happy noises, but there as a smile on her face when she was done. "I have a proposition for both of you."

I was pretty sure that this proposition involved my imminent death, but I faced her bravely. "Ok."

"The three of us join forces for more then just this video. Aretha, you have an impressive set of pipes on you, and you-" She pointed at me "- I've seen how flexible you are in PE class, not to mention your voice. This could be exactly what I need to clinch the Nationals this year."

Luckily, Mercedes understood exactly what she w as talking about, since I had no idea what was going on. "You want Kurt and I on the Cheerios?"

"Of course. In return, I can offer all the protection from the mouth breathing paramecium infesting this school that Will Shuester doesn't. Not to mention, an actual chance at winning something this year. Come on, what do you say?"

_ Um, Kurt? You do understand what's happening here, right? She's not going to bother Finn any more, and she doesn't need to. You know why? She's getting ready to put you and Mercedes in his place! Yes, I know you love glory, and glittery, shiny trophies, but do you honestly think she cares about you at all? She's using you to get what she wants._

Had that ever been in question? Of course I knew that Coach Sylvester wanted me for nothing more then her own glory. But was that so bad? At least it was honest, and what was that old saying about keeping friends close but enemies closer?

_Aren't you forgetting someone? Someone who was the entire reason for chasing Coach Sylvester down the hallway? Someone whose feelings would be incredibly hurt if you just went into cahoots with someone who has already hurt him so badly?_

That brought me back to reality with crushing quickness. Finn. How could I possibly present this to him in a way that didn't sound like exactly what it was: me putting my own desires above his and turning to the one person he hated in the entire world.

_Just talk to him. Putting yourself first sometimes isn't a bad thing, and Finn's pretty easygoing when it comes to you. Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll be over his grudge. _

"Well? This isn't an opportunity I offer just anyone." Sue didn't sound particularly concerned with our replies. After all, how could anyone dare to turn her down?

"If Kurt's down with it, I am." Mercedes was looking to me for a cue, but I was frozen.

"Kurt?" Hearing her actually use my name threw me off balance and I suddenly couldn't remember if that was even my name.

"I….I….I can't." My throat unlocked and I found that I could speak again. "Not without talking to Finn about it. Can I let you know by the end of the day?" By the end of the sentence, my voice trembled and broke.

She rolled her eyes. "Not like that! Where's that spark from a few minutes ago? If you want something demand it, don't ask for it! Do you think I got where I am today by _asking_ for things?"

No. I was pretty sure that she had gotten where she was today by a scheme of backstabbing, lying, and stomping on the little man so complex that it would dazzle even Einstein. But the advice was sound, so I tried again, making my voice strong. "I'll let you know at the end of the day. I have to see if joining the Cheerio's fits in my schedule."

"Well. There's hope for you yet." She swooped forward and I wasn't able to prevent myself from jolting backwards and slamming into Mercedes. "I'll expect your reply by no later then 3:15 today, do I make myself clear." At our frightened nods, she jerked her head towards the door. "Now get out of my office."

We fled, neither one of us able to speak until we were halfway across the campus. Mercedes looked me in the eye. "Did that just happen?"

It took a minute more for me to find my voice. "I think so."

"Are we going to do it?" Her eyes were sparkling, no doubt blinded by the visions of actually being on the winning side for once.

"Do you think we should? I mean, this could be the Glee club's only chance on infiltrating the enemy camp. I know we can do it physically, and another elective, particularly one with such a good record, would look good on college applications." I tried not to sound too excited.

I was trying to be as thorough as possible while I thought about this. For once, my small size and skinny body would be something to strive for, rather then a complete disadvantage. I had seen the Cheerio's practice routines often enough, so I knew that I could do it physically. As long as I kept in mind that Sue Sylvester was not, and never would be, on my side, this could actually be a good thing.

_Whatever you have to tell yourself. You know why I think you want to do this? I think that, deep down; you want the popularity that comes along with being on the Cheerios. You're sick of being the lowest rung on the social ladder, and you see this as your chance to jump up a few notches_.

Maybe, but what was wrong with that? Didn't everyone secretly dream of being popular? Of having heads turn when they walked by, and not just because they were wearing something that wasn't purchased at Wal-Mart?

_Nothing's wrong with it. But don't pretend that this is for the Glee club, or for Mercedes, or even for Finn. It's ok to want things for yourself, but at least be honest about it._

"I agree." Mercedes' hands found mine. "I think we should do it."

With each passing second, I wanted it more. But I had to remember why I had asked for a few minutes to think in the first place. "I have to talk to Finn."

"What if he says no?" She only sounded curious.

"I…I don't know." I really didn't. I really wanted to do this, but if Finn didn't' want me to, was I wiling to give up, just like that? Finn and I had never had a real fight, not since we had become an actual couple, and I didn't want this to be what drove us apart. But what if keeping Finn happy meant making myself _un_happy?

_How about you actually talk to him before you just tie yourself in knots?_

Luckily, I knew Finn's schedule as well as I knew my own, and I knew that he was in math right now. I also knew that he sat by the window and spend most of his time staring vacantly at the parking lot. Which made it an easy task to go outside and signal him to join me.

He nodded and raised his hand to be excused. Less then five minutes later, there he was, ambling out the door. One arm wrapped around my shoulders and I was pulled back against a huge body. "I told the teacher I was about to puke, so she let me go for the rest of the period. Puck, too, since he was supposed to be taking me to the nurse."

"Can we go sit in the car for a while?" Finn's eyes lit up at that thought, and I hastened to clarify. "_Not_ for that."

"Sure. But don't you have to go do your extra credit?" That was Finn, naively believing whatever someone told him.

"There was no extra credit. Car, please?" My voice was already shaky and on the verge of tears, something that Finn had no trouble picking up on.

"Of course, Dude." We didn't make it 10 feet before his eyes narrowed and he pulled me around to look him in the face. "Did someone hurt you? Are you bleeding?" He ran quick, capable, hands over my body, looking for injuries. "I'll fucking kill him if he touched you."

There was no point in telling Finn that 'he' could mean any number of people, not just Karofsky. True, David of the Damned was the biggest bully, but there were dozens, of people who had shoved me, teased me, tossed me in dumpsters, and just plain made my high school career a living hell. I pushed his hands away. "I'm fine, Finn. No one touched me."

Finn's face told me that he didn't quite believe me, but he let it go until we were in my car. I had already put the backseats flat after my last shopping spree, so there was plenty of space for us both to sit down. Finn stretched his legs out in front of himself. "Now what's up? Tell me what's wrong."

"I…" I stopped because I wasn't sure how to say this. 

"You?..." He tried to gently prompt me, but it wasn't working. How does one go about telling his boyfriend that the one person he despises above all others was now trying to manipulate me?

Thanking all possible (however implausible) gods, for tinted windows, I crept across the floor and straddled Finn's lap, my arms wrapped around his body and my cheek against his chest. He squeezed me tightly. "Tell me."

"You'll hate me." I was whimpering now, and I could hear Coach Sylvester groaning in the back of my mind, telling me to suck it up and act like a man, or did I think Finn was sexually attracted to little boys? "I don't want you to hate me."

"Did you kill someone?" Finn was clearly unsure of how to handle his boyfriend suddenly bursting into tears like a little bitch. I wiped the tears from my eyes and shook my head. "Ok, that's good. Uh, did you cheat on me?"

"Never. Who would I cheat with?" There was no one who could compare to Finn, ever.

He kissed the top of my head. "Then I won't hate you. Really, Kurt, it can't be any worse then my imagination. Wait, you didn't kick a puppy did you? Because that would just be _mean_."

"I told Coach Sylvester off." The words came out so quickly that Finn had to mentally rerun them at least twice before he understood.

When he did, though, he gave me a huge grin. "You did? God, I wish I had seen that! But why does that make you upset? Did she say something really mean back?"

"No. She wants me and Mercedes to join the Cheerios."

The smile fell off his face, replaced by an almost animal wariness. "Did you tell her to kiss your ass?" His voice was suspicious, like he already knew that I hadn't.

"Not exactly." I was cringing now.

"Kurt! You didn't tell her yes, did you?" He tried to push away from me, but, with his back against the doorframe, there was nowhere for him to go. "Why would you do that!"

He wasn't exactly yelling, but it was close enough that I curled protectively around myself. If he decided to lunge at me right now, I would have absolutely no protection.

_He won't hurt you. This is Finn, and he might attack any number of inanimate objects, but he won't do anything to you. But, seeing as this is Finn, it might be a good idea to look at what he _isn't_ doing, as opposed to what he is._

That was never a bad idea with Finn. What wasn't Finn doing? He wasn't telling me that he understood why I wanted to do this. He wasn't asking what Sue Sylvester saw in some stupid, scrawny little gay kid that no one else cared about. He wasn't doing anything but leaning back against my doorframe and staring at me with big, hurt, eyes.

But then it hit me. He wasn't telling me that there was no way he would let me do this. He wasn't saying that if I did it, it was over between the two of us. And, most importantly, he wasn't forcing me away from him. It was a fine distinction, wanting to move himself away from me as opposed to moving me away from him, but I saw it all the same.

I had been mentally rehearsing what I would say to him when he asked why. I had an entire, impassioned, speech in my head, one where I lined out my plan to function as a double agent (possibly telling Finn that I would be like a _ninja_ double agent, because there's nothing Finn likes more then ninjas) and thus benefit the Glee club. Or how this was how I was going to buy myself more protection, even though he was doing a great job, but this would fill in for the times he couldn't help me. Or even how I needed something more then 'sings in failing Glee club' and 'can identify every dumpster in McKinley High School from the inside' on my college application.

But Finn would see through that. As dumb as he can be, and sometimes it astounds even me, he's uncannily clever when it comes to figuring out exactly what you don't want him to. So I just pressed my forehead against his collarbone and listened to his heart beat under my cheek. It was jagged at first, no doubt the result of the anger he was trying to hide from me. But if he could read me, I could read him just as well, and his tense muscles and irregular heart gave him away. "Why?" It was very soft, which was how Finn always talked when he was trying not to scream.

"I could be good at it." It wasn't what I intended to say at all, but it had the unmistakable ring of truth. "Most of the male Cheerio's are way bigger then I am, so if she needs a boy to be tossed, I'm built for it." I refrained from telling him that I had already had plenty of practice being tossed in dumpsters, as he well knew.

"Spider Monkey…." He suddenly sounded tired, like this conversation was just too much for him.

"You don't think so?" That hurt. Even if he didn't think I could do it, it was Finn's job as my boyfriend to at least pretend that he thought I could.

"I think you're great at everything you try. But you could be the most awesome Cheerio in the entire world, and I still wouldn't want you to do it. She'll make you different, not Kurt any more. Not my Spider Monkey." Finn was speaking slowly and carefully, obviously having to struggle for each word.

I kissed him, both because I loved him and to buy myself some time to think. "She won't. I'll always be your Spider Monkey, and Sue Sylvester isn't going to change that."

"She changed Quinn." It wasn't much bigger then a whisper. "Quinn was always a little mean, but she made her really cruel. She's really sneaky, and she'll make you turn on people, even your friends, before you really know what's going on."

It took me a minute to realize that that last part was referring to Coach Sylvester again instead of Quinn. "You can keep that from happening. I think, between the two of us, we can outmaneuver one evil cheerleading coach."

He smiled at me, but it was as sad little thing, the corners of his mouth lifting like they were on strings that could be dropped at any minute. "You're going to do it then, no matter what I say."

Here it was, the moment of truth. "Will you tell me not to?" I was still in his lap, pinning his legs to the floorboards.

"No. If you want to do it, do it." One hand was rubbing my back now, fingers lightly tracing my ribs. "But please be careful. I don't want you to get eaten by the Sue-beast. You're…there won't be another you."

That was it? No screaming, no yelling, no huge drama? Just this mild permission coupled with a soft warning? I looked at Finn's face, trying to get a better sense of what was happening, but he was looking across the car, out one of the windows. Without his eyes to give me a clue, I couldn't read his thoughts. "Just like that?"

When Finn finally looked down at me, I saw the man he was going to be one day in the shadowy depths of his eyes and the slight quirk of his lips. "Just like that."

I was pushing my luck here, but I had to know. "Why?"

"You don't ask for very much. I would give you anything in the world, even my X-box, except I kind of had to give that to Puck for two weeks, and please don't ask why, because you'll freak out. But I would get it back for you, if you wanted it. But you don't. You don't want snacks, and you don't want video games and you don't want anything else I can give you. You want fashion things and hair stuff and all the crap I don't know anything about, so I can't give it to you. All you ever asked for is me, so I gave you that." He broke off to give me his usual dopey grin, and that adult was gone, leaving my Finn in his place. "By the way, that was awesome, and you can have me whenever you want. All the time. Right now if you want to."

I wasn't sure if he was deliberately trying to lighten the mood, or if his mental train had genuinely jumped the track, but I decided to help him out. "Finn, how often do people commit sexual congress in our school parking lot?"

"All the time." Hope brightened his eyes. "We should do it, too."

"Stick with me here. How do you know that people use our parking lot like a disgustingly well lit and obvious lover's lane?" The thought of having sex not only in my car, but with 2,000 potential witnesses just 100 yards away was not exactly a turn on for me.

He chuckled. "Dude, everyone can tell! It's pretty obvious when you look out the window and one of the cars is bouncing up and down and-oh. That's why you don't want to do it in the car, right?"

It was one of many reasons, but things would just be easier if Finn thought it was the only one. "Right. Now, can we get back to what you said a second ago? About me not asking for much?"

That earned me a shrug. "Well, you don't."

I asked Finn for thing all the time! I asked for….I searched my memory, trying to think of anything. There were tiny things, like a coffee, or for him to use his greater height get me something I couldn't reach myself (ok, confession time. Sometimes I asked him to get things in the bottom cabinets, too, just so I could watch him bend over to do it. What can I say; he's got a cute ass.). But big things? I guessed not. There was still a part of me that was so shocked that I had Finn at all that I was almost afraid to ask him for anything larger.

There was more though, and, for once, Finn had nailed it without any help from me. I didn't usually ask Finn for much, because I already had him, and that was enough. Anything else was minor. Until now. But Finn had barely blinked, and certainly not thrown the tantrum I would have if our positions had been reversed, before he agreed to have me on the team. I kissed across his throat, telling him without words how much I loved him. "You don't ask for much either."

"Don't need much." The words came out with a disinterested shrug.

It was true. Finn wasn't particularly interested in having thing just to have them. He wanted things that he could use. Granted, things that he could use also included things like incredibly violent X-box games, chips full of salt and empty calories, and ever ugly T-shirt that Abercrombie made, but I guessed those things served a purpose to him. He was incredibly attached to the things he already had, and didn't usually have much interesting in new stuff. It made him frustrating to get gifts for, even though he always insisted that he didn't want anything.

Finn would never say it out loud, not even to me, but there were times when I suspected that that was true, but not the entire truth. I had seen him eyeball the expensive laptops or the video games that he would always tell me he would just borrow from Mike. Most of all, I saw the hopeful way he looked at my car, even though he very seldom had any interest in driving it. Sometimes I thought it wasn't so much that Finn didn't desire these things, but that he knew that Carole couldn't just provide them for him on a whim. There were bills to pay and food to be bought and there was no help coming in from a husband, just what she do herself. Therefore, it was easier for him to just pretend that he had never wanted them at all, just so she wouldn't feel badly that she couldn't provide for him the way she thought she should.

Sometimes I would buy him a video game and tell him that I knew he could borrow it from Mike, but I thought he might like his own copy, since Mike had leant his to Matt anyway. Usually at my own suggestion. For all that he claimed he didn't want the game, Finn's smile when he got it could light the sun.

Speaking of Finn, he had just given me a quick nudge. "Anyway, we were talking about you. You don't ask for very much, but you asked for this and I can give it to you,

so I am. That's all there is to it."

And this was the boy that everyone thought was stupid. "You have a very forgiving nature, Finn."

"I don't. I hate her." He looked down so we were making eye contact, just so there was no question. "I _hate_ her. Yeah, I mean, its Mr. Shue's fault the most, because he did it, but what he did was, like, a crime of passion. He thought he was doing what was best and no one was going to get hurt. And I still kind of hate him for that, anyway, just not as much as I did. But what she did was worse. It was wrong, and she knew it was wrong, but she did it anyway. And she waited. That's the bad part, Kurt. She waited until she knew it would hurt everyone the most and _then_ she said something. It wasn't about hurting him, or hurting me. It was about hurting everyone, even though it wasn't their faults. That's why I want you to be careful. Because she'll make you into something you aren't, and that something won't be good."

"I won't let her." I was still squeezing him, but this time he gently disentangled me to look me in the face.

"I hope not. But if she does, I reserve the right to bust out my ninja moves and kick her ass."

See? I told you Finn likes ninjas. "I'm pretty sure Coach Sylvester could not only kick your ass, but kick the ass of every person in this school, not to mention both the US and Canadian armies."

"Probably." Then his face lit in a sneaky grin that was nothing like his usual dopey one. "So, this is actually kind of awesome."

I was very, very afraid of what he might tell me. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You know why?" He was trying to suppress laughter.

"Because I'll be able to function as a double agent like James Bond?" Really, I had no idea, but I was willing to play this game if he wanted.

"Nope. Try again."

"I don't know. Because you think I look good in red?"

"No. Well, yeah, but that wasn't what I was thinking of."

"Because this means you'll have an excuse to hang around Cheerio's practice like a creepy stalker?" The thought of Finn staring at me like Jacob Ben Israel at the girls was simultaneously disgusting and a turn on.

"Closer, but not exactly." He rolled up onto his knees, stretching lazily.

"I don't know, Finn, tell me why this is a good thing." I smiled and kissed his cheek, so he would know that I wasn't angry with him.

His sudden movement caught me off guard, the way he pulled my back into his lap for a messy, possessive kiss. This was nothing like what I had just given him, this was him telling me he loved me, wildly, forever. This kiss was passion distilled.

Being caught off guard didn't mean I stayed off guard, and there was no way that I was about to let Finn Hudson get the better of me. I kissed him back with as much passion as I could muster, trailing down his neck and over his collarbone. He shivered appreciatively, but pulled me back up so my mouth was on his again.

The kiss went on and on, with both of us sneaking little sips of air just so we wouldn't have to break apart. Finally I got so lightheaded I had to push him back. He was breathing hard, his lips swollen and his eyes dark, but there was still a devilish smile lurking in the corners of his mouth. When he finally spoke, it was to say that last, but most Finn-like, thing I expected. "Dude, I thought my days of trying to screw Cheerios were over!"

I smacked him with my jacket.


	55. Chapter 55

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. My precious praying mantis dog, Argon, has suffered a stroke, and his care left very little time (or inclination, considering how much crying I was doing) for writing.

Finn POV

My palms were all sweaty again, so I wiped them on my jeans. Kurt would throw a shit fit if he saw me do that, but Kurt wasn't here right now, was he? Even if I really, really, really wanted him to be. He would know what to do, I was sure of it.

"Don't be nervous, sweetie." Mom was trying to comfort me, but she was hanging onto her purse so tight her knuckles were white. If she was nervous, how could she try and tell me not to be?

I wiped my hands again. "Can I have some change so I can get a Snickers or something?"

She fished through her purse, but only came up with 14 cents. "Sorry. Do you want a piece of gum?"

It was that nasty, sugar free, crap, but I nodded and took it anyway. At least I would have something to keep my mouth occupied while I fiddled with my DS. My thumb slipped off the button and I swore softly and wiped my hands for the millionth time.

"Finn Hudson?" A woman was standing at the door, holding a clipboard and beckoning me inside. She didn't look like a nurse, exactly, and I don't think that therapists have nurses anyway, but she didn't look like a secretary either. Maybe she was the doctor? Chicks can be therapists, and they can probably rock at it, since they like talking about feelings so much.

I smiled at her. "I'm Finn." I hoped I didn't sound as stupid as I felt right now.

"And I'm Dr. Hale. I'm the one who's going to be giving you your tests." She gestured me into a room on the left side of the hallway. "Do you understand what I'm going to be doing?"

"You're checking to see if I have a learning disability, or if I'm just stupid." That was the part I got. I just wasn't sure how she was going to do that.

"Not exactly. I specialize in diagnosing ADD/ADHD and dyslexia. Me saying that you don't suffer from either of those disorders doesn't mean that you don't have a learning disability at all, just that I need to refer you to someone who might be able to better help you."

I liked her. Most people would have just rushed to reassure me that no one was really stupid, they just had different strengths. Dr. Hale just gave me the facts and moved on. "So I might have to see a lot of specialists, then." I wondered how we were going to afford this. Mom's insurance only covers so much, and I know that she got Mr. Hummel to lend her some money for this one. I'm not a moron, Quinn-voice, thank you.

_ That remains to be seen. Tell me that in a few hours._

Bitch. Belatedly, I realized that Dr. Hale had said something. "What?"

"I said that it's possible, though I'll probably have a pretty good idea of where we go from here by the end of our session. Does that happen to you a lot?"

"Pardon?" Kurt says that just saying 'huh?' or 'what?' makes me sound like an idiot, which is not how I want this lady to think of me. Plus, you know, I'd do anything for Kurt, so I try to remember to say it nicely.

"Do you often ask questions, but then drift off before they're properly answered?" She was watching me closely.

And let the tests begin. "Sometimes. I don't do it on purpose; I just get kind of distracted." I was smart enough not to tell her that I was talking to the voice in my head. That would just make me look nuts.

"Ok, let's get started." She pointed to a chair, and I sat down, making sure I kept my back straight and I didn't slump. See, I was a nice person without a lot of shit wrong with me. At least I hoped I looked that way.

Really, the tests ended up kind of sucking. It was all the same stuff that Ms. Pillsbury did, except it took twice as long. Or maybe three times as long, I wasn't sure. I had to copy a paragraph again, except this time I had to copy one paragraph, then copy another one, but I only had five minutes. I finished, but it looked horrible.

Then she asked me a lot of questions about school, and my life at home and whether or not I had a girlfriend. She looked a little surprised when I told her no, but I did have a boyfriend. It's good practice, me telling people I probably won't see again, so maybe I'll be better when I'm telling really important people. She asked me a few questions about Kurt, including a couple that were none of her damn business, then moved on to Mom, and more about school, and pretty soon I was sick of talking to her. But I couldn't be rude, so I just nodded like one of those bobble head dogs while she talked. You know, kind of like what I do when Kurt's blathering on and on about fashion. Only I couldn't be secretly thinking about doing naughty things to Dr. Hale like I always did with Kurt.

"What do you think is the hardest part of school, Finn?"

I barely caught myself before I nodded again. "Everything." I knew I sounded defensive, but I couldn't help it. I hate school and the fact that everything about it sucks for me.

"Could you be a little more specific? Is the problem in math, or English or is it across the board?"

With a deep sigh, I reminded myself to be honest. "Everything. But math is the worst. I have it right after lunch, so I should be all full of learning energy, but I just don't get it. I'm in stupid math, and I'm still almost failing." The backs of my eyes burned a little when I said that, but I didn't let myself cry. If I cried every time I messed my schoolwork up, I would never have time for anything else. "I used to kind of suck at English, but now Kurt and I do a lot of our stuff together, so it helps. And Mr. Shue, that's my Spanish teacher and my Glee club coach, he helps me with Spanish a lot and I have a B- now. Almost a real B." Maybe that wouldn't make someone like Kurt proud, but it was exciting to me.

"How do Kurt and Mr. Shue help you?" She was making laser eyes at me, so I knew that this was important.

"They don't help me cheat." I remembered at the last minute not to yell. It was hard though, because everyone thinks that they do, and that's why I do better in those classes. Don't get me wrong, it would be awesome if Kurt would just let me copy his papers, but he likes to talk about morals and ethics and all that other stuff, so I don't even bother asking. It was just that it hurt to try super super hard, and be proud when I got it right, and then have someone else say that the only reason I got it right was because I cheated. It made me feel like I really _was_ just a dumb jock. "They just go over it with me until I get it."

"Orally?"

See what I mean about her asking questions that were a little too personal? "Are you allowed to ask me that? Because that's creepy. It's none of your business what Kurt and I do together."

She made a stunned face, the same one that Rachel makes when I've said something so unbelievably stupid that she doesn't even know how to correct me. "No, what I meant was: does he go over it verbally?

"Oh." Yeah, I guessed that made more sense. Hey, it's not my fault that my brain goes places when it hears 'Kurt' and 'orally' close together. "Yeah, we go over it orally?" I gave her my best smile and hoped that she would forget my little mistake.

"Ok." She made more notes, and I was starting to get irritated. "Can I see what you're writing?" 

"Sure." She handed over her notepad, which surprised me. Her handwriting was hard to read, and filled with phrases that I didn't quite understand. I memorized then, though, so I could ask Kurt later. I didn't want to ask her, because I was afraid I wouldn't understand her explanation either.

_Poor self-esteem. Easily frustrated._

_ Talented in sports/music_

_ Trouble following sequences._

_ Wanders mentally._

_ Poor handwriting_

_ Halting speech._

_ Poor time management_

_ Distractible_

_ Restless/fidgety _

_ Sensory seeking during eval._

That last one was underlined, so I made extra sure I remembered it. What was sensory seeking? I passed it back to her. "Oh."

"Do you have any questions about what you just read?" Dr. Hale made me jump, even though I knew that she was in the room. "Because this is your evaluation, and I want you to understand what's going on."

"What does that last one mean?" Maybe it was a smart doctor term and Kurt wouldn't know what it meant either.

"Exactly what you're doing right now." She held up a hand and gestured at me. "Are you aware that you've been banging your shoulder against your chair for the past five minutes? Or that I've watched you wipe your hands on your pants at least 25 times since we started?"

It hadn't been that many. "I'm nervous and my palms are sweating." I didn't say anything about the shoulder banging, because I hadn't realized I was doing it. But that's just a nervous habit, right? "I still don't get what you're saying, though. So I have sensory seeking problem?"

"Sensory seeking in itself isn't a diagnosis. It's more of a symptom of a larger problem. It means that something in your brain isn't interpreting sensory input correctly." I'm pretty sure I was making what Quinn calls 'idiot-face', because she tried again. "Ok, let's try it this way. The majority of people interpret sensory input a certain way. If I were to put my hand on their shoulder, they would feel it as a friendly gesture. You might feel it as being too soft or too rough. You play football, right?"

"Yeah." I drug the word out. "Well, I did until I broke my arm this year." I pulled up my sleeve so she could se the scar. I have to say, it's pretty bad-ass.

"What position?"

"Quarterback." I picked at my sleeve, then made myself stop. Who knew what she would call that nervous habit, or what it meant was wrong with me?

She smiled. "My son played quarterback for a season. But he couldn't take the constant tackles and slamming into people. Doesn't that bother you?" 

A lot of people asked that. "Not really. I kind of like getting hit, you know? It doesn't hurt as much as people say it does, and it's kind of fun to jump back up after. Except I knew a guy who never got up at all. He broke his neck and ended up being a quadriplegic." That was one word I was very sure about.

"I'm sorry to hear that." She gestured at me. "But that's another example of sensory seeking. Most people wouldn't like being slammed to the ground over and over again, but you not only don't mind it, you seem to like it."

In other words, freak, freak, freakity freak. You have something wrong with you, Finn, and it's not just ADD like everyone else. No, you have something so stupendously wrong that no ones ever heard of it before. I decided to just beat Quinn-voice to the punch here and think those things myself, before she could do it for me.

_I wasn't going to do that, you asshole! I know you think that I hate you, but I don't. Face it, you and I are the same person, which means I'm trapped in the body of a giant, but that's neither here nor there right now. I know you better then you know you, and can I tell you how glad I am that we're finally about to get some help? Because I don't know if I can stand this for much longer._

Hey, I'd been having to live with it for 16 years, and she hadn't been around that long, so she could just shut up.

_I've been here as long as you have. But fine, if you don't want me, I'll leave._

Real-Quinn used to threaten to do that a lot, too, but she never followed through. So I wasn't really afraid of her. So there, you sanctimonious (that's means pretending you're all holy, and making everyone else feel bad because they aren't as good) bitch!

"Finn?" Dr. Hale was giving me that grown-up look again, the one that said I was being spacey. "Are you paying attention to me?"

"Most people wouldn't like being slammed to the ground over and over again, but you not only don't seem to mind it, you seem to like it." I spit the words back to her without paying a whole lot of attention to them. I'm good at that.

"Do you understand what that means?" Her voice was gentle, but, for some reason, that just made me want to cry.

I bit down on my lip, because I wasn't going to cry like a girl in front of a stranger. "It means there's something wrong with me."

"Nonsense. You are who you are. It's worked for you so far, and it works for plenty of intelligent and successful people. This isn't dangerous, and we're trying to give you the tools you need to help yourself."

I might be stupid, but I'm smart enough to understand when an adult is just placating me. "So I have this sensory seeking thing and not dyslexia?"

"That's still up for debate. Your session today is being recorded, and what I'm going to do after you leave is consult with the other therapists in the practice. We'll look at what you and I talked about, your school records, what your mother has to say, the entire picture. Then we'll come to a group consensus."

"Oh." I had thought that she would just tell me today. How come adults could take as long as they wanted to do anything, but kids had to have the right answer in five seconds or less? "I kind of thought…" I stopped there, because I guessed it was pretty obvious what I had thought.

"That I would be able to give you a diagnosis today? Most people think that, but it isn't so simple. In order to fully assess you, at least three qualified opinions are needed. Your diagnosis will go to your school, which means they have to make accommodations for you. We need to make sure that everything is right, which is why things take so long."

It made sense, but I was really tired of waiting, waiting, waiting. "Can't you just tell me what you think? I promise I won't tell anyone." Except for Kurt, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

She wavered a bit, and I made myself look even more pathetic. "Please? I just…I have to know that I'm not just stupid."

"You aren't stupid. Here." She went through my file and pulled out a piece of paper. "This is your IQ test from freshman year."

I looked, but I wasn't sure what the number actually meant. "Is…is that good?" It was more then 100, that had to be good, right? Like an A++?

"100 is average. You're at 103, which is very slightly above. But what's interesting about your test isn't so much your score, as the discrepancy between your oral score, and your written one. Orally, you test quite high, 131, but written you have a 75, which is on the borderline of developmentally delayed."

I'm pretty sure that developmentally delayed is the same thing as being retarded, except you can't say that any more. It's wrong, like using the N-word, or the F-word. No, not 'fuck', the other F-word. The one that I kind of am now, I guess. Just a little bit though.

_Finn, sweetheart, being a little bit gay is like being a little bit pregnant. You either are or you aren't, and sweetheart, you are. Just run with it, it seems to be working out for you so far._

It was totally working for me so far. I loved Kurt as much as football, and Glee, and even my X-box. But I needed him to love me back, and he wasn't going to if he found out I was…developmentally delayed.

"So I'm only halfway dumb? Because I can work with that." There had to be a way to spin it when I told the story to Kurt.

"No, that isn't what it means. A discrepancy like this means that you either can't read at all, which we both know isn't true, or you have trouble retaining what you read. Do you think you have trouble with that?"

Retaining is the same thing as remembering. Sometimes I wish there weren't so many words in the world, because having to remember them all kind of sucked. "I guess so."

"In my opinion, and I want you to remember that this isn't what we may end up deciding in the end, but you present as a pretty clear case of dyslexia. What surprises me is that no one caught it before this. Wasn't anyone worried when your grades weren't so low without any clear cause?"

Not really. Sometimes a teacher would get on my case, and try and help, but mostly they just left me alone. I didn't act out in class, and I didn't talk back to anyone, and, most of all, I played football. No one would dare flunk me and make our team suck even worse, so they just quietly passed me along. Puck thought it was great, because he didn't have to study and still got at least a C. I never told him that I really did work as hard as I could, and still got mostly C's, and a few D's. Also? I'm pretty sure I've flunked math every year since the 5th grade, but somehow they always managed to give me a D. "I guess not."

My voice sounded really small, even to myself, so I tried to make it happier. "But this is good, because you can fix me now. So, do I, like, take Ritalin or Prozac, or something?" That wouldn't be so bad. I can't really swallow pills that well, but I guess I could learn.

My stomach dropped with she made that pity face at me. "Not exactly. This isn't something that medication is going to help with, though we might consider Ritalin or something similar if we decide ADD is playing a role in your problems. There are tricks you can use, and accommodations that can be made, but, unfortunately, this is going to end up being a lot of work on your part."

"Oh." I hadn't thought of that. I just thought that, whatever was wrong with me, they would give me some pills and it would be fixed. What was the point of going to all these doctors if they couldn't make me better? "So what do I do right now?"

"Just do what you've been doing. This shouldn't take us more then a few days, and then we'll be able to get back to you and work on a plan. By Friday, alright?"

"Alright." I tried to make myself sound all enthusiastic, but I could tell that I hadn't managed to sound anything but pathetic and close to tears. "Um, I guess I'm done so thanks for looking at me and stuff."

She smiled a little, but it was kind of sad looking, like when Mom is trying to pretend that she isn't late on the bills this month either. "You're welcome. Hang in there, Finn; things are going to get better."

How? I already worked as hard as I possibly could, and it wasn't working, so how could working harder help? But I'm good as making those pretend faces, too, so I gave her my best grin. "Of course it will. Am I finished?"

"You are. Can you send your mother in for a few minutes? There's a few things left for her to sign."

I might be stupid, but I'm not that stupid. Mom had already signed about a million things, everything under the sun. So I knew that she was going to tell Mom to be nice to me, because now I knew that I was fucked up and nothing was going to fix me. I didn't say any of that though. There was no point in letting adults know when you're on to their games. "Ok."

Mom was pretending to read, but I wasn't fooled by that either. I might now understand stupid old school, but I'm really good at reading people. Especially Mom. She wasn't reading, she was worrying. About me. And spending all of our money, and Burt Hummel's money too so I could go to this specialist. And now the specialist won't even tell me for sure what's wrong, but she can't do anything to help me anyway. So I basically screwed everyone over. Except Kurt, of course, and he's the only one I really want to screw. And I want that a whole lot. "She wants you. Can I have the keys so I can wait in the car?"

"Don't put it in drive or you'll be waiting at least another year for a car. I don't trust you with a moving vehicle." She fished the keys out and tossed them over. "I love you."

"Love you, too." At least that was something I didn't have to lie or feel bad about.

It was getting dark out, and kind of cold and dampish. It kind of suited my mood, though, so I didn't kick up a fuss about it. I wanted to start crying, but I couldn't. No matter what I did, Mom would be able to tell, then she would feel terrible. If I know all of Mom's tricks, she knows all of mine, too. So I laid my head against the window and hoped that we could just go home so I could lick my wounds in private.

Sure enough, it took 15 minutes for Mom to come out, which meant that she had done a lot more then sign some papers. She climbed in the car and gave me big smile. "Guess what? The Hummel's have invited us to dinner at Breadstixx, and I accepted. Won't it be nice to be able to spend some time with our boyfriends?"

No. For once, even the thought of seeing Kurt didn't make me feel any better. I just wanted to be left alone for a while. But she had already said yes for both of us, so I just had to suck it up. "Yay." I couldn't make myself sound very enthusiastic, but hopefully she would just think I was tired after my tests.

The ride back to Breadstixx was long, and I think I kind of dozed off, only not really. I don't think I got any actual sleep, but I felt all funny and off balance when we got there. Kurt looked really nice, and he was obviously happy to see me, but I couldn't quite be so happy to see him back. He sat down next to me and rubbed my thigh. I didn't push his hand away, even though I wanted to, but I didn't react much either. He shot me a puzzled look, but he backed off.

I ordered a huge meal, not because I wanted it, but because I was feeling like a spiteful jerk, and I kind of wanted to waste Mr. Hummel's money.

_You never used to be this nasty, Finn. _

Learned it from you, darling. On my left, Kurt was babbling on and on about something or other, calling for a toast. I held my cup up and tried not to be mean. None of this was Kurt's fault, period. It wasn't fair to treat him bad just because I was unhappy.

Burt and Mom were flirting, which made me lose whatever appetite I might have had. And when I lose my appetite, things are really, really bad. I picked at the expensive dinner that I had ordered, glaring like it had done something to personally offend me.

Mom giggled, which made me really look at her for the first time in a while. She looked really, really pretty. Her clothes were nice, and she looked younger, not like a mom. Actually, she looked like a normal woman who was on a date with someone she really wanted to impress.

But she _was_ a mom. She was_ my_ Mom, and I wanted her to remember that. I've seen how this works at Puck's place. Every time she gets a new boyfriend, it's all really good for Puck and Sarah for a few weeks or even a few months. Then suddenly the boyfriend is all she can think about, and the kids end up screwed over and forgotten. I wasn't going to let that happen to me or Kurt. She and I had done just fine so far, we didn't need Burt Hummel messing everything up.

This is probably the part where I have to give Burt some credit. He saw that I was miserable and tried to make conversation about football, which was usually my favorite thing in the world. But then he had to start talking about when he played football, and how he had really liked getting slammed to the ground when he played and that just made me feel worse, because it just reminded me of what the doctor had said. I was a freak, and ruined, and I had no idea how to tell Kurt.

Speaking of Kurt, he suddenly didn't look so happy either. His body was tense and he was doing that funny breathing thing he always did when he got upset. It gets all stuttery, like he can't quite catch his breath. What was his problem?

_Maybe he dislikes the way you've been acting tonight. If you don't stop being a jerk to him, you aren't going to have to worry about telling him what's wrong with you. He'll just dump you for being an asshole_.

"May I be excused to the bathroom?" His voice was all tight, and I knew that he whatever it was, he was just as upset as I was. He wasn't eating either, but that's kind of normal with Kurt.

"Me, too. I need to pee." I can't stand to see Kurt upset.

Mom glared. "Finn, it's not necessary to announce that in front of everyone. Just ask to use the bathroom like Kurt did. Anyway, you can go one at a time."

Did she really think I would do something with Kurt in a public bathroom? Gross! Well, ok, I would probably to it, but Kurt would never. "My food will get cold."

"Nice try, but you aren't eating it anyway."

I forced down two huge bites, just to prove her wrong. Burt chuckled. "Oh, let them both go. How much trouble are they going to get into in five minutes?"

Normally I would have liked that he was standing up for me, but I wasn't in the mood to be nice to anyone right now. I liked the man just fine when he was being Kurt's Dad, but I hate it when he's trying to be mine. I had a Dad and I didn't need another one.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I'm timing you Finnegan."

Like she knew how long it took me to pee. Kurt had already marched off, his back stiff and his arms crossed protectively over his chest. See what I mean? Our parents are acting like a pair of teenagers, and now both of us are miserable.

Parents suck sometimes.

Kurt had a head start, but I have longer legs, so I made it to the bathroom before the door had even swung all the way shut. He was so tense he was shaking, and my heart melted a little bit. Maybe my life sucked right now, but so did his. "Come here."

He laid his head against my neck, squeezing me so tightly that my ribs hurt. I squeezed back, a little more gently, and rubbed one hand up and down his back. For a second, I didn't think he was going to talk, but he finally did, his voice so tight that I was surprised he could say anything at all. "I hate this."

"My Mom and your Dad?" I had to be sure. Because if we agreed on how much this sucked, it would be the only good thing that had happened all day.

"Yes, Finn, our parents. The ones that are out there acting like they don't even have children!" This time he was snappy, but I let it go. I felt like being snappy, too.

"What do we do about it?" He would know, and I would go along with anything he said.

He shook his head, and I suddenly knew exactly what was wrong. "It hurt you, didn't it? Seeing me and your father be close?"

"He's my father, not yours." Now he wanted to cry, I could tell. "He never looks that happy when he talks to me about anything. You're the kid he wants."

Yeah, I'm really sure that Burt Hummel wants to give up his really smart son for the one who's so dumb he needs an entire team of therapists just to figure out what's wrong with him. "Yeah? Well don't think I don't know who made my mom all hot! Maybe she would rather have you then me!" My voice did this jumping thing at the end, which made me realize that I was kind of afraid that that was true. But that was dumb, right? Mom loved me for me, and Kurt for Kurt. Even if there were some things that she liked better about him, that didn't mean she wanted trade us. Except maybe it did.

"I don't like this either. You're making her change _everything_. Her clothes, her hair, all of our furniture! You and I can do whatever you want when we have our own place, but I don't want you changing things at mine and Moms."

He gave me a tight nod. "So, what do we do?"

"I don't know. What do_ you_ think we should do?" Personally, I wanted to get rid of Burt Hummel, but that was mean, so I didn't want to say it out loud.

"We break them up." His eyes were narrow, and he suddenly looked like some supervillan. The kind that would have a white suit and a white cat that sits on the arm of his chair. One of those flat faced cats, the kind that look like they think they're better then you. "I know I said that I would share him with you, and I will sometimes, I promise. But not every single day, which is what will happen if they get married."

Thank God. Kurt was having the same thoughts I was; only he wasn't too scared to say it out loud. "Wait, you think they would get _married_?" Mom wouldn't get married, would she? She was still in love with my Dad, which meant she couldn't possibly be in love with Burt Hummel, too.

"Yes, Finn, they will get married. When people get to be our parent's ages, they don't wait forever. 6 months maximum and we'll all be one big happy family." He pushed away from me to go over to the sink and start furiously scrubbing his hands.

A thought suddenly occurred to me. "Wait. If they get married, then won't you and I be roommates? It's a short walk from one bed to the other."

He snorted. "Finn, your mother is timing you in the bathroom, because she thinks we'll commit sexual congress in here. Do you really think she would let us share a room all night, every night?"

"I guess not." And just like that, the thought of them getting married became the most disgusting thought I had ever had. That included the creepy sex dream I had had once about Mr. Shue at the beginning on the year. I had to take like 20 showers before I could get that image out of my head.

Kurt dried his hands and came back over; standing so we were face to face. Well, face to chest, but you get the idea. He put out a hand for me to shake. "So, we break them up?"

I felt like I was kind of betraying Mom by doing this, but this was for her own good. I shook Kurt's hand. "We break them up."


	56. Chapter 56

Kurt POV

I was so pissed of that I actually skipped all of my nighttime skin routines in favor of throwing myself on the bed and sulking heavily. This could _not_ be allowed to continue. Dad and I were a family, just the two of us. We didn't need Carole, and we didn't need Finn. If Finn was going to be part of the family, it would be as my boyfriend and eventual husband. It was _not_ going to be as Dad's other son, the one he liked better because he was into sports and all manly and such a stupid BOY!

Rage gave me more strength, so I jumped up and went over to the far wall, where I had been trying out different fabric samples on the wall. Who cared? I had bigger problems right now.

"What was all that about?" Dad had come down the stairs without me noticing.

"Nothing." I ripped the last few down. "It's absolutely nothing."

"Then why don't you explain to me why you were so rude at dinner tonight. If I recall correctly, it was your idea for the four of us to get together." Dad sounded frustrated, like any of this was my fault.

I threw all of the swatches away. "It was. We had a nice dinner and we all went home. How nice do you want me to be when you two accused me a wanting to fornicate in the bathroom the minute I was out of your sight?" 

"No one said that you were going to-"He cut himself off, clearly not wanting to go down that road. "How come you're throwing all of your….little fabric squares away? Did you choose one?"

"No. They're all wrong. Every one of them is wrong." Just like everything else in the world.

_Drah-muh queen. _Galinda drew the words out. _He's not going to know what's wrong unless you tell him. He's just a man, not a mind reader._

Dad leaned against the wall. "Maybe they're all wrong because they're all exactly alike. How come you didn't get a few different colors?" 

They weren't exactly alike! Why didn't he understand that, or at least ask me to explain it to him? "I'll bet if they were sports colors you would know the difference." 

"What does that mean?" Now he sounded angry as well as confused.

"It means you don't have to pretend to care what I do down here. Go upstairs and watch the game. Better yet, call Finn and have him come watch with you. I'm sure he'd be thrilled."

"Wait, is this about Finn?" Dad seemed more puzzled then ever. "Are you jealous that I was talking to him tonight? Because you've been after me to get to know him, so I won't treat him like the boy who defiled you."

"It's not Finn!" My voice jumped two octaves and suddenly I sounded 7 again instead of 17.

_Methinks the lady doth protest too much…_

Dad sat down on the bed, and I suddenly saw a golden opportunity laid out at my feet. What I was about to do was selfish, and terrible, and would probably put me on the wrong side of karma until I was 90, but I didn't care. I came to his side and hugged him tightly, burying my face in his shoulder. "It's not Finn."

He hugged me tightly; his arms making me feel completely secure. "If it isn't Finn, what is it?"

I forced a few tears, then looked up at him. "It's Carole."

"Carole?" He couldn't have looked more surprised if I had hit him. "Why? Did she say or do something to you? Because I was under the impression that you liked her a lot."

"I do!" As bad as things were, I didn't want to lie to my father. "But I don't want her to be my new Mom! She's Finn's mother." Then suddenly I wasn't forcing the tears, but they kept coming anyway. "I don't want you to get married again and have a new wife that you'll like better then Mom and another kid that you like better then me! We have a family, and it's you and me. We don't need anyone else."

"Is that…." He shook his head and pulled my chin up so we were face to face. "I could never love another kid better then I love you. That's why your mother and I only had one child. Because we knew we did it perfectly the first time, and we wouldn't go so lucky twice. Never, ever, think that I don't love you more then anyone else in this world."

That felt good, but I noticed what he wasn't saying as well. He wasn't saying that he didn't love Mom more then he loved Carole. Could Finn's mother possibly be the one? The woman he had waited his entire life for? Was Mom just a detour on the road to Carole? I wanted to know, but I was too afraid of the answer to ask. I pressed closer to Dad, my face against his neck. "Ok."

"What do you want me to do, Kurt? Ignore Finn? Break up with Carole? I'm at a loss here."

Just like always. I wished, just once, that Dad and I could have the easy camaraderie that he felt with Finn. That we could do something, anything, together without one of us being bored out of our minds and wishing the activity would just end. "I want you to love me."

"I _do. _How can I make you understand that?"

He had just offered me the golden opportunity. I could get rid of Carole right now, just by saying the words. But something held me back. Maybe it was suspicion that this was all too easy, or maybe it was just that I was wrong and I knew it, but I couldn't quite make my voice work. "I don't know!" It came out whining and pathetic.

"Then you and I are going to sit here until you do know. Kurt you're sixteen years old, and this is ridiculous. If there's a problem, we'll fix it, but I can't do anything if you won't help me."

Well then he and I were going to be sitting here for a very long time. That was fine, though, I could wait him out. If I'm good at one thing, it's waiting someone out.

I watched the clock out of the corner of my eye, counting the number of minutes it was going to take before Dad got frustrated and stomped off. 1…3…..5…8…11…17… damn he was good. But I was better.

At 26 minutes, Dad's frustration won out. "I didn't think that this was a difficult task, but apparently you need some extra time to think about it. You can go to bed now, and come home right after school tomorrow, so you'll have plenty of time to take care of it."

This wasn't how things were supposed to go! Usually he just sighed really deeply and stalked off. "I have Glee after school tomorrow. Then Finn and I are going out on a real date. One that doesn't involve the parents as a double."

"You can skip both of those things. Clearly our family is the most important thing to you, just like it is to me, so you should be glad to take the time off to make it the best it can be. Be sure to let me know when you figure out what how I can make it clear to you how much I love you." He started up the stairs, then changed his mind. "And just so we both understand, I'll be leaving work early tomorrow, just so I'll be home for you to talk to."

Pleasure warred with anger in my chest. _This_ was what I wanted. For Dad to take time out of his schedule because he wanted to spend time with me, trying to solve some of my problems. He barely had time for me as it was, so how could he think that he would have time for me and Finn and Carole, too? It wasn't so much that I was determined to preserve my place at the top of the food chain as it was that I was determined to make sure I still _had_ a place.

"I can't wait." It sounded bitchy, even to me, but I couldn't make myself sound any different. I wanted to be close to Dad, to tell him everything that I was thinking, but I just couldn't. Why was it so easy with Finn, but so hard with my own flesh and blood?

"Me either." Dad didn't sound any happier then I did, but he didn't say anything more about it. "Goodnight, Kurt. I love you."

"Love you, too." Usually I'm excellent at staying angry, but Dad made it hard.

I turned off the lights and curled up in bed, trying to figure out how the evening had gone so wrong. I was now officially a member of the most popular club in school. I had done well on my geography test. Dinner had been passable. I had a boyfriend who loved me, and who was willing to go in on this plan to break our parents up. I had-

_Wait a second. Let's go back to the boyfriend. You know, the one who you think is such a wonderful guy? _

Finn was a wonderful guy! Why would Galinda suggest that he wasn't?

_I didn't. But tell me all about why Finn is wonderful. I think I might have forgotten a few things._

That was something I didn't need help with. Finn was wonderful because he was good in bed and at least tried to take care of me, and was gentle and loving and always tried to put me first.

_Do you think you're just as wonderful to him?_

Yes. Well, at least I tried to be. I was more selfish then Finn was, I recognized that, but I did try. I always tried to help him with his homework, and I did ask him how his day went and-Oh, God.

_Yeah. Want to rethink that 'I'm a great boyfriend' stance?_

The burning behind my eyes started again, only this time they weren't tears of anger. They were tears of shame. I had gotten so caught up in trying to deal with our parents at dinner, that I had forgotten the reason we were going out to dinner in the first place. We were supposed to be supporting Finn, because he had been tested for various learning disabilities today.

And I hadn't even asked him how it had gone. The one time I should have put his needs way above mine, and I hadn't even taken two minutes to make sure he was ok. I was a lousy boyfriend.

The worst part was, Finn probably wouldn't even notice. He wasn't used to people considering him first, or even at all. He was a status symbol, to be brought out and flaunted when he was needed, and ignored at all other times. A father for Quinn's baby, a partner to sing with for Rachel. No one had ever considered his feelings before, so why should I consider them now?

But I could still fix this. I rolled over and grabbed my cell phone, pushing the '1' button and holding it down. The phone rang and rang, until his familiar voicemail picked up. Either he was asleep, or he was ignoring my call. When he puts his mind to it, Finn can sulk just as hard as I can.

But he's not as stubborn. I dialed again, and again, then sent him a text. He might want to ignore me, but I wasn't going to make it easy on him. I tried calling one last time, and finally got him to pick up.

""lo?" From the slurred sound of his voice, Finn had been asleep rather then ignoring me.

"Hey, Cowboy." My throat was tight, and it was a struggle to even get those two words out.

"Hey, Spider Monkey." His voice went from sleepy to worried in the space of a second. "I…uh…I didn't have time to do anything to break them up tonight, but I promise I'll try really hard tomorrow."

"I don't care about that right now. I realized that I forgot to ask you about how your tests went. Did you do well?"

There was a silence, except for his heavy breathing. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and unhappy. "I don't know. I sat there forever, and she did all the same stupid crap that Ms. Pillsbury did, but no one gave me any answers! All she said was that she had to talk to all of the other doctors at the office and she would call me back!" He was obviously miserable, sniffling slightly by the end.

One of Finn's problems is that he feels things very deeply, but lacks the vocabulary to explain why he feels that way. So he gets overly frustrated by his inability to express himself, and ends up reacting physically, kicking things and losing his temper. I've been working on getting him to slow down and think before he acts, so he doesn't get so revved up, but its slow going. We may also be hampered by the fact that my own temper isn't something I'm particularly proud of.

"He didn't say anything? Not even a clue?" I had to keep him focused.

"It was a chick doctor. And she said it looked like dyslexia, just like Ms. Pillsbury did. Then she said we should know for sure by Friday, but I'll bet that's bullshit."

I glanced over at the windows. I couldn't go through the front or back doors, because Dad would hear me, but maybe I could flip one of them up and sneak out that way. So what if I was dressed in only pajamas and my face was all blotched up from crying? Finn needed me.

"At least we're moving in the right direction. You know I love you, no matter what the tests say, right? You're you, and you'll always be you, and some diagnosis isn't going to change that." I stood on my tiptoes and stretched, nudging at the window. It opened, but not enough for me to get through. And how would I get the car started without anyone else hearing it?

"Ok. I love you, too." He sounded a little better.

"Do you need me to come over?" I would figure out a way, even if I had to walk or, even worse, call Puck for a ride.

"Nah. I'm going to bed now, and Mom is up and pacing around. She's calling people, and making that fake laugh, but she won't let me come sit with her or anything. She's about to hit the mega-bitch stage, and you don't want to be anywhere near her when that happens."

I would bow to Finn superior knowledge of his own mother. "If you're sure…"

"Yeah. What's up with you?" He was yawning while he spoke.

"Nothing. Why?" How did Finn always know when something was wrong with me?

"You sound like you're sad, but you're doing that breathing thing you always do when you're pissy. Let me guess: it's your Dad."

I suppose that it's to Finn's credit that he managed to ask that without sounding either condescending or completely bored with the ongoing saga of my father and I. "Yeah. But I don't want to talk about it right now. Can I have a little while to work it out in my own head?"

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" At the same time, I heard his bedroom door fly open and Carole snap at him to hang up the phone, right now. He told her fine and whispered quickly. "And now it's the bitch stage. Love you, bye."

The phone disconnected before I could tell him that I loved him, too. But, then, I guessed he already knew that. Now I just had to figure out what to do about my other, more paternal, problem.

There wasn't much that I could do, though. Yes, I knew full well that Dad loved me, and that he would do anything for me, but how I just couldn't shake the feeling that he was just waiting for the chance to get rid of his embarrassingly queer child.

_Because he's done that so often thus far. You know what? Your father doesn't know how to be a good Dad! There, I said it. It wouldn't matter if you were Kurt, or Finn, or Puck, or even Rachel Fucking Berry. It's not personal, and I have to say that things have gotten a whole lot better since he started dating Carole. She must be giving him some tips on how to interact with your child._

In my heart, I knew that Galinda was right. There was absolutely no malice in what Dad was doing and had done. He provided me with a home to live in, food to eat, a car, and all the designer clothing my heart could desire. He accompanied me to Riverdance, and to plays, and at least invited me to watch the game with him. He was obviously happy when I came to the garage, and it wasn't like he tried to hide me in the back or anything.

_Remember the day that one man said he didn't want a fag working on his car? Not only did your father throw him out and tell him to never come back, he was about two seconds away from going after him with a tire iron. If that isn't love, what is?_

I did remember that day. I remembered hiding behind Evan, scared and humiliated. And most of all, I remembered my father coming back and scooping my up into his arms and carrying me back to his office, even though I was almost 13 years old and would have been horrified to be treated as a baby in any other circumstances. He sat with me while I cried, and reminded me over and over that there were terrible people in the world, and they could say terrible things, but that I was better then them, better then him, even, and I was going to do something perfect and amazing with my own special talents.

That memory made tears of shame spring to my eyes for the second time in less then an hour. I looked over at the clock. Almost 11. Dad would have to be up by 6:30 to be ready to open the garage by 8, so he was probably already asleep. Should I wake him up?

I was out of bed before I thought, creeping up the stairs on silent feet. The house was dark, but this had been my house for my entire life, so I wasn't afraid. I quickly went through the kitchen, across the living room and up the stairs. It wasn't until I was actually at his closed door that my courage waned.

I was very seldom in my father's room, even back when it had been the room of both my mother and father. Even as a little boy, I had been somewhat intimidated by my father, and shy around him as a rule. If I had a nightmare or didn't feel well, one of them would come to me in my room across the hall. I don't ever remember crawling in bed with both of them, though I do remember sometimes cuddling with Mom when Dad was away.

But I hadn't gotten this far by acting like a coward, and I wasn't going start now, in my own home. I pushed the door open. "Dad?" My voice trembled across the space of the room, so small I could barely hear it myself.

But he could. "Kurt? What's wrong, son?"

"I….I'm ready to talk to you now." If he told me to come back in the morning, I wouldn't be able to do this at all.

"Sure, sure." He turned on the light and sat up, patting the bed beside him. "Come on."

My courage tried to fail again, but I made myself go forward and sit next to him. I picked at the blanket. "I'm sorry I was a jerk earlier."

He didn't even try to deny it, which I actually appreciated. It made me feel like he wouldn't lie to me, ever. Instead he rubbed my shoulder. "You need to talk to me. Snapping and bitching doesn't get us anywhere, and I don't want to go back to being the two people who share a house and a bloodline and nothing else. Do you?"

"No." It was a tiny whisper. If things went back to the way they had been, I wouldn't be able to stand it.

"Then that only leaves talking. I know it's not easy for you, and God knows it's not easy for me either. So tell me what's wrong? Start with Carole."

"Would you break up with her if I wanted you to? I'm not saying I do, I just want to know." My lie was transparent.

Dad thought about it. "Yes."

"You would?" My voice was watery, even though I wasn't actually crying.

"Absolutely. You mean the entire world to me, and Finn means the entire world to Carole. If the two of you don't agree with us dating, we're willing to cool it down for a while."

A while wasn't forever. "Just for a while?"

"Yes, just for a while. Kurt, think about it. In two years, you'll be a senior in high school. Six months after that, you'll be gone and I'll be alone. So will Carole. So, yes, I want someone to keep me company. But, if you don't agree with us dating, I won't subject you two seeing it."

In other words, he was waiting for me to get out of the house so he could have a life again, one where he was no longer responsible for his own son.

_I don't think that's what he said. But go ahead, make it all about you. I'm sure you'll enjoy the thought of your father being all alone while you're away at college. Coming home to an empty house, making his own disgustingly fatty dinner, probably out of a can, watching the game alone. Sounds inviting, doesn't it?_

Ok, so Galinda had a point. I didn't' want Dad to be miserable, but there was no way I could stay here. I was going places after graduation, but he would have to stay behind. "So you like her a lot. Are you going to propose to her?"

He jumped. "Kid, we've only been dating for a few months. We've both already done the marriage thing once, and we don't want to rush into it again. Maybe, far far into the future, it will be something to consider, but not right now."

But he wasn't discounting it entirely. What he had seen in these past few months with Carole was something that had sounded depths inside of him that had remained dormant since my mother died. I made myself look him in the eye. "I'm afraid that once you have Finn and Carole, you won't want me any more. I know Finn's the sort of kid you wanted."

It might have been the most honest thing I had said to him since I had come out of the closet. He knew it as well, and his eyes widened. "That isn't true. Finn's awesome, but he's not mine. I know you think I'm not very smart, Kurt, and that may be true, but I do know that I love you. And, unless I completely misread what was happening tonight, I don't think Finn wants me to be his father, anyway. My guess would be that, even if Carole and I did get married, he would prefer that I be an advisor and possibly a friend. Not a father."

It wasn't until the moment that I realized the truth in his words. Finn had as much as told me that earlier tonight, but I hadn't really been listening. Christopher Hudson, despite his flaws and early death, was his father, period. Dad could maybe fill in, on a part time basis, but he would never be Finn's father, only mine. If Dad and Carole had met 10 years ago, or even 5, things might have been different, but too much time had passed for easy acceptance. "I guess I didn't think of that."

"I guess not. Kiddo, you need to relax. I love you, and nothing is going to change that. Not Carole, not Finn, not anything. Do you understand me?" I didn't reply, so he gently pushed my shoulder. "Kurt? Do you understand?"

"Yes." I did. But understanding and believing can be miles apart, and it was the second part that I was having trouble with.'

He looked at me in the dim light of the bedroom. "Do you…do you want me to stop seeing Carole? I hadn't considered that dating her might be difficult for you."

Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Maybe so. "I don't know." That wasn't honest. Yes, I knew. I knew that I wanted her gone; because that was the only way things could stay the same for me. But Galinda was right. I wanted this because _I_ wanted it. Not because it was better for Dad, or for Carole, or maybe even for me in the long run. If I said yes now, it would be because I was acting like a toddler denied a cookie. "Can I let you know tomorrow?" I needed to talk to Finn about this. I understand pre-calculus, but Finn's the one who understands people. He would be able to tell me what to do.

But right now, there was only me and Dad. The same two that hadn't been able to figure out the answers in 16 years. I guessed Dad was thinking the same thing, and that another 18 or so hours wouldn't make much of a difference. "Alright."

I wasn't used to asking him for permission to do anything, so I was up and almost back out the door before I remembered something else I had needed to ask him. "Um…is it ok if I go to Glee and on my date tomorrow? I would really like to."

He smiled. "Yes, you can go to Glee. That man's treating you ok, isn't he? Because if I have to go back there and scare him straight again, I'll do it."

"No, Mr. Shuester and I are doing fine. I almost got to sing the solo at Sectionals." I had not, and never intended to tell him about Mr. Ryerson touching me. It might be what finally gave him that heart attack that had been threatening for years now. Far better for me to just tell him that things were about the same.

"Almost? Why is it almost? Man couldn't stand to let you have a moment to shine?" He was getting all worked up again, and I rushed in to correct him.

"No. We only had 15 minutes to perform, and we had to have a ballad this year, which is a song that tells a story. Since 'Defying Gravity' doesn't count, I couldn't do it. Otherwise I would have been the one to do the solo. Anyway, it was better that way. If I had been the one to sing the solo, then those other groups would have found out what it was, and I would have had to listen to someone else sing _my_ solo. This way, there's still a chance that I'll get to sing it some day." Not a big one, but I could hold on to even the smallest hope forever. After all, that ability paid off and got me Finn, didn't it?

"Maybe for this other thing. The next level…uh….the….semi-finals?"

"Regionals. We haven't even talked about it yet, but I'll be sure to bring it up. It would be great, wouldn't it?" 

"Definitely. As far as your date with Finn goes, I guess it's alright. Where are you going?"

"I'm going over to his place. He's making us dinner, and then we're going to watch a movie. Knowing Finn, it'll be something terrible, but maybe I can steer him towards something without lots of gore." Too late, I saw his eyes widen and I realized exactly what that had sounded like.

_Hey Dad, Finn and are going to his house, which is devoid of adult supervision. We're going to eat, so we have plenty of energy to fuck like weasels. Then, Finn will put in a movie, and we'll do it in front of the televisions, since his choice will suck anyway. Then maybe we'll do it again before Carole gets home. Your innocent little boy isn't quite so innocent any more._

I tried to backtrack. "Not like that! God, Dad, you make it sound like I only want Finn for his body! Is that the sort of person you think I am?"

_Aren't you?_

Dad rested his head in his hands. "I think that you're a 16 year old boy who's discovered sex for the first time. Don't think I don't remember what that's like."

That was quite possibly the most revolting mental image I had had in a very long time. "I thought we already talked about this. I have no plans to have sex with Finn tomorrow, but good job putting ideas in my head." I hated the fact that my first line of defense was always to go on the offense, but I just couldn't help it.

"Watch your mouth. And I don't recall saying anything beyond asking what your plans were. I worry that you're too young to be making these choices, but, good or bad, they're your own. But please, for the love of God, Kurt, be safe."

"I always am." If nothing else, Finn would make me safe. He's good at that. It's keeping himself safe and happy that he's not so good at. But that's what he has me for, right? I had screwed up today, by not asking him what was going on, but I could do better tomorrow. That was the good thing about life. There was always tomorrow to make it better.

_Or worse._

Or worse, but I was trying to do better at being positive. It just came so naturally to Finn, his spirit against the odds, while I had to fight to keep from looking for the shadows in every corner.

"I didn't know Finn could cook." Dad was trying to change the subject as gracefully as he knew how.

"He can't. He lights things on fire when he's allowed to use the stove alone. We're going to make dinner together."

He smiled, but it was a little distant, like he was remembering something as much as he was listening to me. "That sounds like a good date."

"Yeah." It was, too. Actually, it was my favorite sort of date, the kind that involved me, Finn, and plenty of time to be just the two of us. "So, we're ok? You and I?"

"We are. Have fun, and make sure you call me when you get to Finn's place after school."

This sudden worry about where I was all the time was new, and not something I particularly liked. But it seemed like too much effort to fight about it, so I kept my mouth shut. "I will."

My heart was significantly lighter as I slipped back down the stairs and into bed. I slipped on one of Finn's old T-shirts, pressing my nose against the fabric and trying to catch his smell. There was nothing there, but I could almost fool myself into thinking there was. But give it 9 hours, and I would be back with the real Finn again, instead of just some substitute.

I could hardly wait.


	57. Chapter 57

A/N: I'm getting this chapter up a little early, since it was done and I probably won't be able to post next week. I love Finn's POV, because I like being inside of his head. I think that there's a lot more happening there then he gets credit for.

Can I get someone to make me a banner/little icon thingy that goes the corner of the fic (that new thing. It might be an avatar. Why yes, I do know nothing about computers, how did you guess? ). Anyone willing to do it can have an interlude in this story or If Bullfrogs had Wings of their choice….

Finn POV

Mom was pissed. Good, she could be pissed all she wanted. I was pissed, too. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared out the windshield, counting the number of times the wipers did their thing. She was waiting for me to explode, and I wasn't going to give her the pleasure of speaking first. It was a trick I learned from Kurt and this was the first chance I had gotten to use it. I can't use it with him because, duh, he's better at it then I am.

For once, something actually worked for me. Mom kept shooting pissy looks at me, and I kept staring straight ahead. Maybe we would just go home and this whole thing would be over before it started.

No such luck. We were in the driveway before she put the car in park and looked straight at me. "I'm very disappointed in your behavior today, Finn."

Ouch. I would rather be screamed at, or slushied, or even beat up then hear that I had disappointed my Mom. My mind spun. What would Kurt do in this situation?

_Why are you worried about what Kurt would do? You aren't Kurt. You're Finn, and you need to react like Finn would._

Except the way I wanted to react involved screaming and kicking things and I was trying to hard not to act like that any more. I need to start acting like an adult, because I almost am one. So I gave her a shrug. "I don't care." I didn't make it as far as sarcastic, which meant I just sounded tired. I didn't make eye contact, didn't beg for forgiveness, didn't let her know how much this was tearing me up inside. It was how Kurt would have done it.

It's kind of weird how Kurt never told me how bad acting like a bitch makes you feel inside. If this is how he feels every time he says something like that, I don't get how he puts up with it.

"I'm sorry to hear that, because I care very, very, much. I raised you to have some manners, and you were very rude to Burt tonight."

And you were very rude to try and replace Dad with Kurt's Dad. I had to find my own boyfriend, and you can do the same thing. Quit picking through Kurt's family. For once, the nasty words were my own, not Quinn-voices. But I knew better then to say them out loud. I shrugged again. "I don't like him."

"Even if that's true, and I don't think that it is, it doesn't matter. He was an adult and my date, and those reasons mean that you should at least treat him with respect." She was getting sarcastic with me, which always made me want to cry. She's my Mom, and she shouldn't talk to me that way. Yes, I'll admit it. My feelings were hurt, just like a little girls.

Kurt wouldn't have backed down but I couldn't help it. I was just tired. I had been picked on today, and found out that Kurt was in cahoots with Coach Sylvester, and then I had to take all these stupid tests and why didn't anyone ask if I wanted to go out tonight? I could have just stayed home and eaten Spaghetti-Os, while the rest of them went out. So what if I wasn't allowed to use the stove to cook them? I didn't mind eating them cold. Then I could have just laid down and hoped that tomorrow wouldn't suck so much donkey dick. I tried to hide it, but I knew that Mom could totally tell.

She rubbed my shoulder. "Come inside and let's talk."

Even though she made it sound like she was, she wasn't really asking me. I nodded, because I was afraid that I would start sobbing if I opened my mouth. So I forced myself to get up and go sit on the couch, which was where I usually sat when we had our talks. It was a good way to judge just how pissed off she was at me. If it was just a little, she would sit down next to me. If it was a lot, she would sit in Dad's chair.

She picked the couch, which just made me start crying harder for some stupid ass reason. "Tell me what's wrong. And don't blame this all on Burt, because we both know that he isn't the main problem."

What was the main problem? "You're my Mom." I laid my head down on her shoulder, and, when she didn't try to stop me, slid down so I could put it in her lap. "I don't want you to be anything else."

She ran her fingers through my hair, the same way she had when I was little and was sick or sad. It felt good, and which made me feel bad that I was being such a jerk. But then I thought about the way she acted when she was with Burt, and I didn't feel bad anymore.

"Who else would I be?" She was confused, and I hated it. I'm just not good with words and I didn't know how to make her understand.

"I don't know. I don't like the way you act when you're with Burt. You don't act like my Mom."

She was quiet, so I sat up to look at her again. She looked….was it sad? Except it was more then that. It was sad, and frustrated, and pitying, and mad all at once. I'll bet that there's a name for that feeling, and someone like Kurt or Rachel would know what it was, but I didn't know. "So, you don't want me to have a life of my own. You think my identity should be nothing more then what it reflects from you."

That wasn't it, was it? "No. I mean, no, that's not what I meant. You can have your own life. You've always had your own life."

"No, I've had _work_. I don't have boyfriends; I barely have friends my own age. Instead, I had you, and that was it. When you're a young, single, mother, your life stops. I had Cub Scouts, and PTA, and doctors appointments. I didn't have a lot of time left over for adult pursuits."

That was something that I had always been afraid of. That she regretted marrying Dad, and, even worse, that she regretted having me. Even though she was 20 when she had me, that's still really young. Only four years from where I am now. I watch that stupid Teen Mom show on MTV when there's nothing better on and Kurt isn't around to make me watch Project Runway or some shit like that. Those girls are always crying and talking about how hard their lives were, and how they loved their babies, but wished they had waited longer to have them. Maybe Mom felt that way about me. 

But if she waited, I wouldn't be me. After what happened with Quinn and the baby, when she tricked me into thinking that you can get pregnant in a hot tub, I thought that maybe I should give myself a little Sex ed, instead of waiting for someone else to explain it to me. So I know that the woman has all the eggs inside of her, but only one goes into her stomach at a time, which is where the sperm meets it and makes a baby. The egg has half on your genes, which are the things that make you left handed, give you blond hair or make you tall. If Dad didn't get Mom pregnant when he did, it wouldn't be the same egg, so I wouldn't be me any more. I would be some other guy, and maybe my name wouldn't even be Finn. Maybe it would be Andy, like Mom originally wanted.

I wanted to ask her that, but my mouth wouldn't move. On top of everything else, Mom wished she hadn't had me. Then I got mad. I didn't ask her to screw Dad on a pinball machine, and I didn't ask to be born. If she didn't want to be a Mom, she should have just kept her legs together. I stood up and stalked over to the stairs, trying to keep my back straight. "Sorry I wrecked you life."

Her face fell, and I knew that she hadn't realized how what she said sounded. "Finn." She started to reach for me, but I wouldn't let her touch me. If she didn't want the not fun parts of having a kid, she didn't get to have the fun parts either. "Honey, that's not what I meant."

Maybe I do pay attention to what Kurt does after all, because I sounded just like him when I talked. "Really? You don't think that having me ruined your life so you had nothing to do but be a Den Mother and go the doctor? Because that's what it sounded like."

I was about to storm up the stairs when she put a hand on my back. "I know that's what it sounded like. And I'm sorry. I never, ever, want you to feel like I regret you, because I don't. You are, and have always been, the most important thing in the world to me."

I didn't want to feel better, but she was kinda making it ok. "But you wish you had waited to have me."

"Yes. I know you don't remember any of this, because you were so young, but it was _hard_ for us at first. I had to apply for welfare, and food stamps, and there never seemed to be enough money. You were the most precious thing in the world, but I had to leave you at daycare, and have sitters so I could work. I wasn't there when you said 'flag', which was your first word. The daycare taught you all of your letters and numbers. I almost missed your first day of Kindergarten, because the boss wouldn't give me the time off."

I wanted to tell her that none of that mattered, especially since I still got a little confused with my sixes and nines sometimes, except I kind of got where she was coming from. I remembered the day she said that she wasn't going to be able to take me to school of the first time. I had told her that I didn't care, that Puck's Dad would take us, but I went upstairs and cried about it later. Mom never said anything about it, but we ate Ramen Noodles for like four days afterwards, so I'm pretty sure she just called in so she could take me. "I remember that."

"Never, ever, think that I regret having you. And also don't think that this temper tantrum of yours is getting you out of our talk. Come back and let's talk again."

Shit. I'm not good at staying angry, and now I had forgotten half of the reasons I was upset in the first place. Was it the tests? Kurt? Burt? Mom?

_How about all of the above?_

No, not really. It was about Mom and Burt. Well, maybe the tests, a little bit. Like a little tiny ameba bit. Why would Kurt be the problem?

_Come on, Finn. There's stupidity, which you're great at without even trying, and then there's willful ignorance, which is what you're doing right now. Kurt isn't perfect, and you need to stop thinking that he is._

Ok, so I was a little pissed off with Kurt, too. I had kind of thought that he would ask how my tests went, since he's my boyfriend and it's his job to worry about me. Only he was too busy worrying about him. I feel kind of mean for making a huge deal out of my own stupid problems, but it still bothered me that he didn't even ask. I would have expected that from Quinn, but I thought that Kurt really loved me. But maybe not. Maybe he just likes having someone to screw. After all-

"Finn!" Mom was all loud and pissed off. "I need you to pay attention to me and quit daydreaming."

"Ok." Fighting with her was just going to make this worse, so I went back in the living room and sat down. "I'm sorry I talked back to you and I'm sorry I acted like a jerk at dinner and I'm sorry that I made you spend all day at the doctors so I could get tested. If you want, I'll call Mr. Hummel and tell him sorry, too. Can I go to bed now?"

"No." She didn't say it mean, though, so I knew that the worst of the fight was over. "You apology is appreciated, but that's not the main issue here. Calmly and slowly, tell me what the problem is."

I had already told her, but maybe I hadn't been clear enough. "I want you to be my Mom, not Burt Hummel's girlfriend. You have me to take care of and he has Kurt to take care of, and …" I stopped there, because that was exactly what I had said before. I just couldn't make her understand what I felt, because everything I tried out in my head made me sound like a jerk.

_That may or may not be because you _are_ acting like a jerk. Did you ever think of that? No, of course not, because you have trouble formulating even the most basic thoughts._

Mom was at least trying to understand. "I can't be both your mother and Burt's girlfriend?"

I guessed that it was possible, but not very likely. I shrugged. "I don't think so."

"You don't?" She was really surprised. "Why not?

See, my Mom is like the smartest person in the whole world sometimes, but sometimes she was kind of dumb, too. If she were me, she would get it. "Because it doesn't work that way in real life. Burt doesn't want me, just you."

"Did he say that? Because it looked to me like he was trying to find some common ground with you. He always asks about you when he and I go out, which says to me that he wants you, too."

"Of course he asks you. Boys will do anything to impress girls, and he knows that he has to ask about me to impress you. As soon as you let him move in here, he's not going to care about me anymore. It happens all the time over at Puck's." I knew that was a mistake as soon as her eyes narrowed.

"So if he ignores you, he doesn't want you around, and if he pays attention to you, he doesn't want you around. It doesn't seem to me that you're giving Burt much of a chance." She was doing that puffing thing with her lips that meant she was getting pissed again. "He's a good father, Finn, and I want you to give him a chance."

Except I didn't want to. Burt could be the best father in the world, like Santa and Jesus and Mr. Brady all rolled into one person, and that still wouldn't make him _my_ father. Even if my Dad wasn't who I had thought he was, I still didn't want to replace him.

Plus, Kurt's Dad isn't always that great either. Don't get me wrong, Kurt never says anything bad about him or anything, but I'm not as stupid as people think I am. Kurt loves his Dad, or course. I think everyone loves their Dad, even if it's just a little bit. Probably even the kids of serial killers. But Kurt's kind of scared of his Dad, too. Not because Burt would ever hurt him, but because he's terrified of disappointing him. I mean, I kinda worry about disappointing Mom, too, but Kurt's really, really scared of it. Burt doesn't pay that much attention to his kid, so when he does, Kurt falls all over himself trying to do everything right. It shouldn't have to be that way, and I don't think that either one of them wants it that way, but they don't change it either.

Maybe I'm just saying this because he's my boyfriend and the most important person in the world to me (except for Mom, but that's totally different. Your Mom is a mom the one you get assigned to you, but you pick your boyfriend out yourself. It makes them special in a different way), but I think Burt should be the one to change things. He's the parent, and the parent is the one who gets stuck with the sucky jobs, because that's why they're the parents. I know that Burt tells Kurt that he'll always love him, no matter what, but he needs to show him, too.

But, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. After all, it's not like I'm a Dad. I thought I was going to be, but they took Drizzle away, just because she isn't really mine. No one really talks about it any more, like they think I'm so stupid that I'll just forget that I loved her and I thought she was mine.

Lucky for me, I've had these thoughts a bunch of time already, so I was able to revisit them in less then a second and still have plenty of time to answer Mom. "So what if he's a good father? He can be a good father to his own kid all he wants."

She stopped and looked at me for a long time. "Is this about Burt or about Kurt?"

"Burt" I wasn't 100% sure about that, but if I said anything about Kurt, she might use her Mommy Mind Meld on me, and figure out that Kurt and I were trying to break her and Burt up. She would be seriously pissed off. Like taking away my X-box and hiding my laptop pissed. "I don't _want_ him to be my new Dad." Then, to my utter horror, I started to cry. "I don't want you to marry him and him to live here and use all of Dad's stuff. Then you'll have Kurt and he's smarter then I am and he's cute and he's like a girl and a boy at the same time, cuz he knows how to do all that cooking and fashion stuff you like, but he's still a dude, and I'll bet he remembers to turn his clothes out the right way before they go in the laundry! We already have a family, and I don't want a different one."

"Finn." Now she was crying, too, and it made me feel like slime. "Why didn't you tell me that you felt like this before?"

Mostly because I hadn't known that I felt like this until I was saying it. When I told Kurt that I would share Mom with him, I meant it, I promise I did. But I don't want to share him with her every single day. Maybe not even once a week. Every other weekend, tops. Just like Kurt was some kid that she had partial custody of. He was still kind of hers, but not like me. Because who wouldn't like Kurt better then me? Most days _I_ like Kurt better then me. "Because I thought he would leave! They always left before!"

"Well Burt isn't leaving, so get that thought out of your head. I'm the mother here and you're the child and I will make the decisions for both of us. You're being very selfish right now."

No I wasn't! I just wanted her to put me first, instead of her shiny new boyfriend and his awesome, perfect, son. Was it really, really bad to want to be the most important thing in the world to her for just a little longer? I mean, a little more then two years and I would be gone anyway, and then her and Burt Hummel could do whatever they wanted.

_Selfish: Adjective. Too much concerned with ones own welfare or interests and having little or no concern for others; self centered. I would say that you're being the very definition of the word._

Ouch. Quinn-voice's comment really hurt, which probably meant that it was true. And, if we're being like 150% honest, it's not the first time I've been accused of that, and not the first (or the 100th) that she's been right.

"Yeah, I know."

Sometimes this weird thing happens when I tell the truth like this. The other person just stops being mad, like all they ever wanted was to for someone to agree with them. Or maybe it's that they really wanted to keep fighting about it, but if you won't fight back, they don't know what to do. Because Mom lost her bitch look right away and started looking worried again. "You know that I don't love Kurt more then I love you."

"I know." Of course she didn't. Not yet, anyway. But people get new favorites all the time. First Quinn was my favorite, then Rachel, and now Kurt. And I liked Rach ways more then I liked Quinn, and Kurt more then both of them put together. So what would keep Mom from deciding she liked Burt and Kurt way better then me and Dad? If she married him, then they would all be Hummel's and I would be the only Hudson in the family. The reject kid. "But…." I didn't know how to explain what I needed to, or even exactly what I needed to explain was, so I just shut up and stared at her like some stupid baby who couldn't even talk yet.

Mom put an arm around my shoulders. "You're more to me then just a piece of your father, you know."

What did that have to do with anything? "Um, yes, I guess I know that."

"Well I want you to be sure. I love you because you're you, and that makes you perfect. Me dating Burt doesn't mean that I don't love you any more. It doesn't mean I like him better, or that I'll choose him over you. It also doesn't mean that I do, or ever will, love Kurt more then I love you. You were here first, and you've been here always. Besides, didn't you always want a brother?" Then she realized how that sounded and made a face. "That was a gross thing to say."

I smiled for the first time in like two hours. "Yeah. So you don't like Kurt more then you like me?"

"Absolutely not."

"Do….do you like Burt more then you liked Dad?" I'm still pretty sure that that's what this is all about, but not as sure as I was 15 minutes ago.

"It's not a matter of who I like or liked best. I was an entirely different person when I was with your father. Then I was a girl who had no responsibilities, no life experience, and no idea about the bigger world. Now I'm an adult, with a son that's almost an adult. I changed, and, had your father lived, he probably would have as well. But he didn't. He'll always be that boy I fell in love with, and the boy who gave me you. But I need to be with another adult now, one who understands what it's like to lose the person you married. I'm not going to make it into a contest, because it's not."

Sometimes even my own mother underestimates me. That's a real word, by the way, and it means she doesn't think I can figure things out. But I can. She's not answering the question, because both answers would be wrong. If she says she loves Burt more, it'll hurt my feelings. If she says she loved Dad more, then it's not fair to Burt and she thinks I might say something to him about it. So she just avoids the entire thing. That's something I can totally forgive, because I know what it's like to have all your choices suck. "Ok. Uh, do I have to call Burt and apologize to him?" I really hoped not, since I was still a little pissed off, even though it was wrong.

"It would be a nice touch, but I think you've been through enough for tonight. Why don't you go upstairs and get some sleep?" She kissed the side of my head. "I love you."

I loved her, too, but it was only 9:00. Even if things were a little blurry and I had to keep fighting off the urge to yawn, that didn't matter. It was what Kurt called the principle of the thing and I hadn't been sent to bed at 9 since I was 10 years old. "But-"

"Finn, please don't argue with me. It's been a long day for both of us, and you have Glee after school tomorrow so you can't sneak a nap in then. Go to bed!" 

She just wanted to get rid of me. I knew it for sure, but I supposed that I should be grateful that she wasn't more pissed off then she was, or that she hadn't humiliated me by making me call Burt Hummel and apologize to him like I was a kid. Maybe I should just cut my losses and go to bed. "Ok."

Even though I was tired, my X-box was totally calling my name. I pretty much suck at most things, but I'm really good at video games, and an hour or so of blowing shit up might help take my mind off of everything else that had happened today. I could pretend that I was blowing up Coach Sylvester and Burt Hummel and everyone else who was pissing me off.

I was just about to blow up a terrorist cell when my bedroom door came flying open. "Finn, when I said go to bed, I didn't mean sit there and play games. I'm tired of having to drag you out of bed in the mornings."

I gave her my cutest smile. "I _am_ in bed. Besides video games improve your hand eye coordination. It's almost like I'm at school!" 

"Bed!" I think she secretly wanted to laugh, but she covered it up. "I mean it, mister."

"Ok." I laid down and waited patiently. Sure enough, she laughed a little and came in to tuck me in. She didn't usually do that any more, since it would be weird if any of the guys found out that my Mommy still tucked me in at night, but every once in a while was ok. Just so long as A) no one ever found out and 2) She didn't ever, ever do it for Kurt. She was my mother, mine, mine, mine. Not his Mom, and not Burt's wife. My mother _only_.

_And there's that selfish asshole back again._

Yeah, I knew it, but I didn't care right now. I really do try to be nice and share things. I let Artie share my French fries, and Puck take some of my solos and Kurt probably has half of my really broken in shirts by now. Mike has had Black Ops for like a month now, and I haven't asked for it back. I even let Quinn have my old baby blanket, for the baby that didn't even turn out to be mine. Was it so terrible to want just this one thing to belong only to me?

_Yes. Your mother is not a _thing_, Finn, she's a human being. She doesn't belong to anyone but herself. And I really did intend to give that blanket to the baby. It was a wonderful gift that came straight from the heart._

Whatever. You can just get the hell out of my head, stupid cheating Quinn-voice. I wanted to fight with her a little more, just to let her know who was the boss of my head, but I was too tired and fell asleep while I was thinking of the perfect comeback.

I had a horrible dream that Mom and Burt got married, so I pulled the fire alarm at the church while Kurt stole the wedding presents, dressed like the Grinch, and the Puck tried to hit on Kurt's aunt Mildrid. The fire alarm kept beeping and beeping-

Then I woke up and realized it was almost 11, and that beeping was my cell phone. I knocked it off my nightstand grabbing for it, then was barely able to hit the buttons. ""lo?"

Mom was downstairs out in the hall, pacing around and using her nice lady voice, which is the she uses when she's pretending to be all sweet and wonderful, but, deep down, she's pissed off big time. She kept saying something about 'just a little bit' and 'I can pay you back really soon' and other things that made my stomach feel like had ridden too many roller coasters at Cedar Point. I made my voice go really quiet.

"Hey, Cowboy." It was Kurt, and he didn't sound very happy.

Oh shit. I hadn't done what I was supposed to to make Mom and Burt break up. I had tried, at least a little bit, but then Mom got me all confused and now I wasn't sure if Mom and Burt were really the problem. But if I didn't even understand it myself, how could I possibly explain what we had talked about to Kurt? So I went with groveling instead. "Hey, Spider Monkey. I…uh…I didn't have time to do anything to break them up tonight, but I promise I'll try really hard tomorrow." Just as soon as I made a new plan of attack.

He huffed into the phone, but at least he didn't sound mad at me. "I don't care about that right now. I realized that I forgot to ask you about how your tests went. Did you do well?"

A couple of hours ago, I really wanted him to ask me that and my feelings had been super hurt that he hadn't. But now that he had, I didn't want to talk about it at all. This might be what Rachel means when she calls me fickle. I couldn't say that I wasn't a little happy that he had thought about me, though. "I don't know. I sat there forever, and she did all the same stupid crap that Ms. Pillsbury did, but no one gave me any answers! All she said was that she had to talk to all of the other doctors at the office and she would call me back!"

Kurt made those little owl noises, tiny, soothing sounds that made me feel a little better. "He didn't say anything? Not even a clue?"

"It was a chick doctor. And she said it looked like dyslexia, just like Ms. Pillsbury did. Then she said we should know for sure by Friday, but I'll bet that's bullshit." I must be even stupider then I thought, because I couldn't understand how two different people who both went to college and must be pretty smart, need that long to figure out what my problem was.

There were a lot of shuffling noises in the background, making me wonder what Kurt was doing. Hey, maybe he was taking his pants off! A little phone sex would make me feel so much better. "At least we're moving in the right direction. You know I love you, no matter what the tests say, right? You're you, and you'll always be you, and some diagnosis isn't going to change that."

So, no phone sex then. But I never get tired of hearing that he loves me, which still made me happy. Not a big sexy happy, but a little quiet happy. Like, if sex stuff with Kurt was a fire, this was more like a candle. A scented one, not just regular. "Ok. I love you, too."

"Do you need me to come over?" He probably didn't mean it all sexy, but the thought of him coming over in the middle of the night got my dick super hard. So what if I've only had sex one time? It was the most amazing thing ever, and I can't wait to do it again. Maybe this time I can be on top, which would rock.

Then Mom stomped by my door again, and realized I had my hand down my pajama bottoms. Guiltily, I yanked it out. "Nah. I'm going to bed now, and Mom is up and pacing around. She's calling people, and making that fake laugh, but she won't let me come sit with her or anything. She's about to hit the mega-bitch stage, and you don't want to be anywhere near her when that happens." Sucks, but maybe Kurt will put out of me on our date tomorrow, especially if I do a good job cooking for it.

"If you're sure…" I wanted to think that he had his own hand down his pants, but probably not. He's got weird issues with doing that, which I don't get _at all_. He wasn't going to go blind, he wouldn't grow hair on his palms and it would be so totally hot if I could convince him to do it in front of me.

But he didn't sound all sexy. He sounded half-sad and half-mad, and he only gets like that way for one reason. "Yeah. What's up with you?" I had to ask, because Kurt hates it when you just assume that you know what's wrong with him. Even when you're right every time.

"Nothing. Why?" He tried to cover it up, like I didn't know what was happening. Liar, liar, Kurt.

"You sound like you're sad, but you're doing that breathing thing you always do when you're pissy. Let me guess: it's your Dad." Saying that made me sound really smart, but Kurt usually only has two problems. His Dad or a big sale that he has to miss. Since he had spent all week chattering about the sales, that just left his father.

"Yeah. But I don't want to talk about it right now. Can I have a little while to work it out in my own head?"

I know how much it sucks to have people force you to try and talk about something when you aren't ready, so I didn't push it. "Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" I was about to suggest my plan for sex when my bedroom door popped open and Mom was standing there, looking furious. "Hang up now." She pointed at the phone and if I didn't do what she said right now, I wasn't going to be seeing Kurt, or much of anything besides my bedroom for a week. I nodded at her and pretended to disconnect. She stomped off and I picked the phone back up to whisper my good-byes. . "And now it's the bitch stage. Love you, bye."

What in the world had crawled up Mom's ass? She bitches at me, she sends me to bed way too early, and now she won't even let me talk quietly with my own boyfriend. I would think that she's on her period, but don't chicks stop getting that when they turn, like, thirty?

_First of all, it's a good think you're gay now, Finn, because you still don't have the slightest idea how a woman's body works. We don't go into menopause at thirty, you moron! And second of all, I'm pretty sure what has, as you so elegantly put it 'crawled up you mothers ass' is the fact that her son basically just accused her of not loving him and regretting having him. I've met your mother, Finn, and she loves you more then anything else. My mother would never stand up for me, no matter what happened. I don't think you realize how lucky you are._

I _was_ lucky. And, apparently, I really was an asshole. It was just that I loved Mom, and I liked the way our family was right now. Just having her was enough for me, and I didn't like finding out that I wasn't enough for her.

_But now you have Kurt. You need someone outside the relationship of you and your mother. What makes you think that she doesn't need the same thing? Or do you want to be that creepy guy who hangs out with his Mom all the time? Should I start calling you Jacob Ben Israel?_

Ewwww! Ok, ok, I get it! Unless Burt Hummel turned out to be a total asshole, I had no right to try and keep him and Mom apart. If he did turn out to be a total asshole, I reserved the right to kick his ass. Well, I reserved the right to _try_ and kick his ass, since I think he might be able to take me. Plus you shouldn't really hit old people. So, you win Mom and Quinn voice, I'll be a good boy and be nice to Mr. Hummel. I'll even call him Burt.

Now I just had to figure out how to tell Kurt that without him getting all pissed of at me. I love the guy, don't get me wrong, but sometimes he takes things way too personally.

Then again, he does kind of owe me one. I mean, I'm not the one who had to go and join Coach Sylvester's stupid old Cheerios, just so I could be all popular. Yeah, I know I told Kurt that it was fine, but it's not. For a guy who worries so much about everything, he doesn't worry at all when he really needs to.

I know he thinks that she isn't going to do anything to him, but he's wrong. Kurt's smart, but Coach Sylvester is smarter then him. I think she might be smarter then anyone.

And she's evil. Not just mean, but cruel. There's a big difference between them. See, you can be mean without meaning to. Like when my stupid big mouth runs off with me. But cruel is something else. Cruel is when you take the time to think about what you can do that will hurt the other person the most, and then you do it. Cruel is on purpose.

But it would also be cruel to tell Kurt that he can't be on the Cheerios just because the coach is psycho. I think he really, really wants this, and sometimes being in love means you suck it up and be supportive, even if you have to lie about it. He'll figure it out eventually, and I can be there for him when he does. At least Kurt hasn't drug me to absinance club yet.

_Too late for that one._

Too late for you, too, bitch. I decided not to worry about what to tell Kurt right now, and think about dinner instead. It had taken almost a day, and a lot of help from Rach, but I think I have a good menu planned out. Who would think that she would actually be so much help? Ever since she got that new boyfriend, she doesn't seem mad at Kurt and me anymore.

Since he likes all of his stuff to be healthy, we're going to make baked chicken, and salad with that nasty dark lettuce and the vinegar dressing instead of ranch. It's actually pretty good. For dessert, she gave me a melting pot so we could make chocolate dipped fruit. I'm not telling Kurt this, but I can think of something I would much rather lick chocolate off of.

Just like that, I got all happy again. I hate feeling mad and helpless, so I try to make myself be cheerful, even when I don't really feel that way. If you do it long enough, eventually you get actually happy in the end. Plus, it's hard to be crabby when you have naked Kurt to think about. Oh, yeah, tomorrow was going to rock.


	58. Chapter 58

Sorry for the lateness of this chapter. I picked up a new foster puppy last week, and she has turned out to have some issues that require a specialist. At 12 weeks old, she is nearly blind, and may need surgery to have any hope of seeing again. If anyone can donate a little money to help her, it would be appreciated. Those who donate can get a preview of what's coming next, or an outtake from this or any other story. I can even work up a short story of your choice if you want. This little puppy was found starving and nearly dead in a ditch, and has fought really hard just to survive and I want to give her the best chance possible.

If you can possibly help out, you can donate at

/

If you do, PM me what you would like in return.

On a lighter note, there is no one I love writing more then Sue. She's so, so evil.

Kurt POV

Today might be the most important day of my life. Well, most important in regards to my popularity, at least. Clearly the most important day of my life had been the day Finn first kissed me.

_I think the two of you did a little more then kiss that first night. Kurt Anthony, you are a wanton little hussy._

Now, if I had been a girl, that night would have been enough to catapult me to instant popularity. Dating the quarterback was all but a guarantee of being on top of the McKinley High food chain. It was like winning a backstage pass to fashion week in a radio contest. No effort, instant results.

By the way, I'm sure that there's some sports metaphor that means the same thing, but if I ever fall so low as to use sports for anything other then staring at Finn, I need to be taken out back and shot.

Since I wasn't a girl, though, dating the quarterback wasn't going to do anything but lead to Finn being thrown into a dumpster right along side me. High school was draining my very soul. Or, to borrow a disgusting but appropriate phrase from Finn, it sucked donkey dick.

And just so we're abundantly clear, since a lot of people seem to be confused on this fact, I do _not_ want to be a girl! I didn't wear dresses, or desire to grow breasts or get my period once a month. I like being a boy. I like my penis, and, while my body isn't as satisfactory as I might wish it were, I certainly don't want things switched around on it.

_Come on now, Kurt. Remind me again what the difference between a dress and a kilt is?_

The difference was that kilts were traditional and masculine, and dresses were for girls. Or very, very, fashion forward men. Personally, I thought that I had the legs to pull off one of the more daring numbers, but I'm not that foolish. The corset almost got my legs broken; I couldn't even imagine what a dress might do.

_Whatever. It has an exposed crotch; it's a dress or a skirt. Period._

Whatever, and back at you, Ms. Galinda. Even Finn knew that a dress wasn't the same thing as a kilt. Granted, I had had to explain it to him, but he had accepted it pretty happily once I did.

_If I recall correctly, he accepted it because you gave him a blow job right after your explanation, which means that he would have accepted anything that you could have possibly told him._

Yeah, well….anyway, lets get back to this being one of the most important days of my life. Under normal circumstances, I would have spent at least an hour and a half choosing an outfit, but today that wouldn't be necessary. As soon as I got to the school, I was supposed to report to Coach's office, where I would get a tracksuit, just like all the other male Cheerios. Finally, I was going to have a uniform of my own.

_Does it bother you that she's already become 'Coach' in your mind? You haven't attended a single practice and have barely spoken a civil word to the woman, but you're suddenly best friends. I need you to be very, very careful. _

Finn's words came back to me, echoing cruelly in my mind. _She's really sneaky, and she'll make you turn on people, even your friends, before you really know what's going on. _

I hurriedly pushed that thought away. Coach wasn't going to do anything to change me. I was smart, and I would be able to spot any of her ploys from a mile away.

_Pride goeth before a fall._

It would be fine. Besides, I had Finn watching out for me. The very same Finn that was making me dinner tonight. He swore that he had already planned a menu, and would have everything he needed. When pressed, he had admitted that Rachel helped with both the menu and the shopping, but that he had done everything else.

I hadn't bothered asking exactly what was left to be 'everything else'. The idea of cooking for me was extremely sweet, and I didn't want to ruin things be being persnickety.

In the end, I went with something simple, just skinny jeans and a striped shirt. I was running late as it was, and I still had Finn to pick up. I still felt terrible about the way I had acted last night, so I made sure I left early enough to get Finn a gift from the 24 hour Walmart. 7 am was way too early for fluorescent lighting and cheery music, but I knew what I had to do. Considering the sacrifices Finn had made for me in the past 24 hours, I had to be willing to do the same for him.

I've been on Finn about being ready on time for the past few weeks. If we didn't get to school within a 10 minute window, the hockey team would be up and patrolling all of the main entrances to the school. Finn still provided me a certain amount of protection, if for no other reason then his sheer size, but it wasn't enough for every day.

He's usually pretty good about it. Finn sleeps very deeply, and doesn't tend to wake up until just before he needs to be outside. Fortunately, when you're Finn, all you have to do to get ready is grab the nearest Abercrombie shirt and pair of jeans and rush out the door. If the nearest pair of clothes was on the floor, oh well. In Finn's mind, the 5 second rule applies to clothing as well, only it's a five day rule instead. After a week or so of lying on his floor, even Finn wouldn't put it on (or _back _on, but I tried not to think about that) his body.

Sometimes, like today, he still cut it a little close, and ended up racing out the door as I pulled up. I could never get angry with him for it, since he was usually so sweetly apologetic. Plus, Finn's an enthusiastic kisser in the mornings (actually, at all times), and it's really very difficult to stay angry with someone when they're sucking on your ear.

_Something Finn is well aware of._

I didn't doubt it. For someone with as many difficulties as Finn has, he knows my body better then I do. The car bounced as he tossed himself inside, launching his backpack into the backseat without looking. "Hey, Kurt! Morning." He leaned over to kiss me on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I pointed backwards. "Present for you in the backseat."

He didn't exactly squeal (though I think he had to bite it back pretty hard), but he did made a very excited noise when he saw the helium filled balloons floating back there. Only three, but, to Finn, that was a good as a dozen. Especially since they were the nice mylar kind. Two tie-dyed one and one smiley face that said 'I Love You' in big letters. "No way! Is it my birthday?" Then his eyes narrowed. "Wait, is it _your_ birthday? It's not, right? March 31?"

He was so sweet. "No, it's not my birthday. Those are your balloons, and there's a card underneath them."

"Awesome!" He gave me another kiss, sliding one hand under my shirt to trail along my spine.

I pulled out. "Card, Finn." If I don't remind him of things gently, he would totally forget that it was there.

"Right, right." He pulled it out and read over it. Then he read it again, and then a third time. "Really? Because, you know you don't have to."

Any chance I might have had to back down was over. "Really."

His smile could have lit all of Lima for at least a week. I had chosen a card with a puppy on the front, and a blank inside. I had almost left it that way, but my courage had finally

surged up, and I had written down a quick message"

You. Me. Tonight. You on Top.

He grinned and rubbed my shoulder. "You have really pretty handwriting."

"Handwriting? I just offered to put out for you for the very first time, and you're all caught up in my handwriting?" I tried to sound offended, but it was really too funny for that.

"Well, no. You also have a really pretty ass, and I'm going to hit that later. But doesn't it sound classier when I say you have pretty handwriting?"

Privately, I thought that it did, but I wasn't going to say it out loud. Finn waited until we were at the red light to kiss me again. "You're sure? Because you don't have to put out just because I did."

"I'm sure. Remember, I won't be at lunch today, because I have to go take care of some stuff for the Cheerios." I watched his face closely, and, sure enough, I saw the tiniest flinch when I said that.

"Sure." He covered it as best as he could. "I guess I won't see you until Glee, then?"

"Right. So give me one more kiss to last all day?" I had to do something to erase that look.

As I've said before, Finn loves to kiss. He leaned over the gearshift and gave me the sort of kiss that could melt glaciers. Sometimes Finn's an incredible romantic, and sometimes he's just a horny teenage boy.

A horny teenage boy who was currently trying to unbutton my pants. "Finn Hudson!"

I suppose it says something about where he and I are at that he didn't even bother coming up with an excuse for what he was doing. Instead he cocked his head and gave me that quirky little smile. I grabbed both of his hands. "Absolutely not."

"Fiiinnneee" He drew the word out comically, then wiggled his eyebrows. "Can I do it later?"

"Of course." I have no idea what Finn's weird obsession with taking my clothing off for me was about, but I was willing to roll with it.

He nodded. "I'll see you at Glee, then." Again, there was the tiniest undercurrent of resentment in his voice, but he covered it well.

Watching him walk away caused my chest to tighten painfully. Usually we would walk together, but we were headed in opposite directions today.

_You can still back out. So what if Sue Sylvester hates you? She hates everyone. And we both know that Finn isn't the type to rub it in._

Even Galinda was against me. I wanted to do this for myself, why was that so bad?

_It's not. But please listen to what Finn was trying to tell you. He's not right about much, but he's very right about this._

Ok, ok, I get it! I needed to keep my eyes open and stay wary. And speaking of staying wary, I needed to pick up the pace and slither by the boy's locker room. I moved at a pace that wasn't exactly running, since that might incite them to chase me if I got caught, but it was definitely quicker then a jog.

"For God's sake, Doll-face, what's wrong with you?" Apparently Sue had been lying in wait for me. "When you run like a frightened rabbit, you make everyone want to chase you like a wolf, including me! Walk like a man or grow a vagina, I don't care which, but pick one."

Why had I signed up for this abuse again? "Um, ok?" 

She sighed dramatically. "No! Don't ask me, tell me. If you plan on choosing the lady-parts, though, I need to know now, so I can get you a skirt instead of a track suit. So what'll it be?"

I knew that even the slightest hesitation would result in me parading around the halls of McKinley High in a way too short skirt. Boys are not allowed to wear dresses, skirts, or kilts according to our school dress code (do _not_ ask my how I know this), but none of the rules ever apply to the Cheerios or their coach. I pulled my shoulders back and glared. "I can walk like a man." It came out strong and confident.

"Good to know." She led me into her office. "Now strip. You'll have a loaner uniform by the end of the day, but I need custom measurements for the real one."

My arms crossed over my chest reflexively, as if that could hold the clothes onto my body. "What? No way."

"There is no room for extra material in top level competition. None. So I need to have accurate measurements to ensure that you have minimal wind resistance when you're being tossed at 65 miles an hour."

_You get nauseous on almost every ride at Cedar Point. How do you expect to be flipped over several times during a 5 minute routine and not barf? This isn't what you want and you know it._

It was absolutely what I wanted! I would just take some Dramamine before we went on. It would be fine. This was _exactly_ what I wanted.

_You hate sports. All sports. Getting on the football team was a desperate bid to impress both Finn and your father, and getting on the Cheerios is a desperate bid for some popularity. Neither one happened because you have even the slightest interest in the sport involved. Granted, the football gamble paid off big time, as evidenced by your new boyfriend. But all this is going to get you is Coach Sylvester seeing you naked._

Yeah, well….shut up Galinda! Just to prove how wrong she was, I uncrossed my arms and started unbuttoning my shirt. "I know all of my sizes, so this might not be necessary."

Her lip curled as she looked over my outfit. "The point is for it to be form fitting, not for it to cause a testicle to fall off from lack of circulation. You know, Doll-face, your voice might have dropped more if you weren't compressing your ability to produce testosterone."

My voice was a bit of a sore point with me, and it took everything I had not to react. If she didn't think she could get to me, she would eventually give up, wouldn't she? So, instead of snapping out a biting retort, I forced myself to look down and keep stripping.

"Not bad for a first try, Kid, but, like everything else, there's plenty of room for improvement. That's half of your problem, right there. You let everyone know that they hurt you, and that just drives their bloodlust higher. You cry, or you say something rude back, and you let them know that they've gotten under your skin. Drop the pants, too."

That I wasn't going to do. Instead I held my arms out at my sides so she could measure me. "You say rude things back."

"The difference is, I can pull it off. When I say something cutting, people scatter in fear. When you do it, you always sound like a 4 year old threatening to tattle on the bigger kids. You have to sound less hysterical."

Upon reflection, she did have a point. But did I want to be as frightening as Sue Sylvester? I didn't think so. I didn't need the jocks at this school to be afraid of me. I didn't even really need them to have any respect for me. I just wanted them to leave me alone. While I thought about it, she jerked her thumb at me. "The pants."

Still, I hesitated. Unlike with Mr. Ryerson, I didn't feel sexual molestation was imminent. But I hated taking my clothes off in front of anyone, including Finn, and there was really no reason for this when I already knew all of my measurements.

"Now." I gave her a beseeching look, and she rolled her eyes. "Do you think I have even the slightest interest in what you have down there? Do I look like the quarterback?"

_This is boot camp. The first thing she has to do is break you down until you obey her every order unthinkingly. Then, once she has a mindless drone, she can start reshaping you into what she wants. There's no way for you to fight her and win, especially since you signed up for this, so either undo your pants or walk out that door._

I was ashamed, but I took a deep breath and unfastened my jeans. It took her less then 20 seconds to take the measurements, which were exactly the same as the ones I could have given her, and an additional 15 for me to get my clothes back on. She pointed at the desk. "Now sit down."

This time I didn't hesitate, and dropped into the chair. Coach Sylvester pulled out a huge stack of papers. "Your father is going to have to sign and initial each one of these. You're going to need releases for, but not limited to, injuries, skydiving lessons, horseback riding, travel, skiing lessons, trips to Cedar Point, and anything else I deem necessary to create the best team possible. Do you understand me?"

My voice came out as an overwhelmed squeak. "Yes."

"Yes…." He eyes were locked on mine, and I had to resist the urge to just fall over and pillbug on the ground.

What did she want? What did she want? My brain spun in panicky circles. Then I got it. "Yes, Coach."

"Better. But next time those better be the first words that come out of your mouth, no matter what my request. Got it?"

"Yes, Coach." This time I was quicker.

"Good. Your uniform will be ready by tomorrow. You will no longer be attending your usual gym class. Instead you are to report here for your first weigh in. Now get out of my office."

I was more then glad to do so. Since my books for first period were already in my backpack, and Finn thought I would still be in Coach's office, there was no reason for me to go by my locker.

Luckily, Mercedes met me in the hallway. "Hi, Baby." She put her arms out and I folded myself into them. She rubbed my back.

I smiled at her. "Did you get fitted?"

Her own smile fell off of her face. "Yeah. Did she make you strip down to your underwear, too?"

The fact that it wasn't just me made me feel a little better. "Yes. She didn't believe that I knew my own measurements."

She nodded, but she seemed distracted. "What's wrong? 

"It's just…I don't think I'm going to look very good in that short skirt. I mean, I know that I'm a big girl, and I'm ok with that, but….well, look at Brittany or Santana, and then look at me. I know what I look good in, and skirts like that aren't it."

I had to tread very, very, carefully here. Everything she was saying was 100% correct, but even I wasn't foolish enough about women and their ways to actually tell her so. Mercedes was gorgeous exactly as she was, but we all have areas that we need to disguise, and hers did happen to be her thighs. "Maybe it won't be that bad."

The look she shot me could have frozen fire, so I tried again. "Maybe we can fix this."

"How?" She didn't sound very hopeful, but at least we were trying something.

"We could…" My mind spun frantically, trying to come up with something, anything. "We could…" Maybe the repetition would help me come up with something.

"It's hopeless. I wanted to be join the Cheerios to make me more popular. But I'm not going to be more popular if everyone is laughing at me. I could have just stuck with Glee for that." She leaned back against the lockers and looked down. "I'm just going to tell her that I can't do it."

Inspiration hit me with the force of a speeding train. "Got it! Tell her that you would rather wear a tracksuit instead of a skirt! She can't say anything about it, because she does the same thing. Besides, it's all the same, right? Same colors, same logo."

One of Mercedes' best features is her smile. "That's a great idea. See, I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

We chatted as we walked to class, and I felt a sudden longing for the way things had been at the beginning of the year. When it had just been me and her, both sneaking glances at Finn, who was completely oblivious, and giggling about it. The sort of silly things that I would have been doing with a friend for a few years, only I hadn't had any friends to do it with. Really, I had only had a three or four months of having a bond with anyone my own age, before a relationship with Finn was added into the mix. It hadn't felt fast at the time, but, in retrospect, things had moved a little quickly.

But things hadn't moved too quickly when I finally had him, which was what really mattered. As much as I had been somewhat afraid of sex with Finn, I would be lying if I didn't say there was a part of me that craved it desperately, almost from the first time we kissed. A wild part that just wanted him to rip the clothing off of my body and take me right in my basement, with the remnants of the party still upstairs. A part that wanted very badly to allow him to fuck me, as if that would be enough to make him stay with me.

That wouldn't have been how it happened. Finn might have gone along with it, since he can be convinced to do just about anything if you can get his dick hard, but he would have run as soon as the act was complete. No, as the lack of mutual freak outs proved, we had taken things at the right pace.

But sometimes I just missed it being Mercedes and I, the awesome twosome. That was the other reason I wanted to join the Cheerios so badly. It would be something that she and I could do together, just the two of us again.

And if I happened to improve my flexibility enough that I could try a few new moves in the bedroom with Finn, well, I would just consider that a bonus, now wouldn't I?

_Skank. But keep going, I kind of like it._

She would. But she was just going to have to wait until tonight, just like everyone else. By everyone else, I mean Finn and I. And Ms. Hussypants Galinda. And whoever it was that Finn talked to in his head. I knew that he did, because I could see the way his eyes would glaze and his lips moved as he conversed with someone who wasn't there.

Normally I'm a very conscientious student. I need top grades so I can be in the running for a scholarship to New York. Competition for those is absolutely brutal, and I refuse to defer my dreams for even a year.

Today, though, I was all over the place. Nerves about what was going to happen at lunch were warring with nerves about what was going to happen later today. Finn had promised about a million times that Rachel would be gone long before I ever showed up, which was both good and bad. Good because I wasn't at all sure that I would even be able to get an erection with Rachel Berry within a 10 mile radius, and bad because, if she wasn't there, it would be just me, Finn, and his penis. The same penis that he planned on shoving inside of me before the evening was over.

Ok, now I was starting to freak out. If I didn't cool it, I was going to start sweating, and Kurt Hummel does _not_ sweat. I just needed to worry about one thing at a time. So what if Coach was going to give us a mini-physical today? I was in fantastic shape, at least as good as half the team, so I had nothing to be ashamed of. Just because I looked like a pale white flat-chested girl with my shirt off, that didn't mean anything. No one would notice, right? Right.

That thought soothed at least part of my nerves, and I forced myself to get back on track and actually pay attention to pre-calculus. I would worry about tonight after lunch, when my nerves from the physical were completely over.

Since the universe hates me, though, that's not what ended up happening. Coach Sylvester didn't give us any privacy or even bother separating us by gender for our weigh ins. She just called out the numbers for everyone to hear. Only then, once the numbers had been put out there, did she bother to introduce either Mercedes or I.

"Ok, all of you out on the field! I expect 100 laps followed by 75 sit ups! And the five who finish last will be doing twice as many after school! There is no room for losers on this squad. And, speaking of losers, Kurt, Mercedes, in my office now. You have both officially failed your first physical."

We exchanged looks. How could we have failed when we hadn't even done anything yet? We both took our places across from her and stared guiltily into her face. She was completely unmoved. "Ladies, what we have here is a grade 'A' dilemma. Mercedes, your vocal cords have had more fantastic runs then a Kenyan track team, but that look simply will not do. I know that neither one of you has a real uniform yet, but I made myself very clear. School colors, tracksuit for you, skirt for you. What is difficult about that?"

Uh-oh. Apparently Coach Sylvester doing something did _not_ mean that the rest of us could get away with it. Deep down, I had already known that, but I had still hung onto hope that we could get this done with minimal embarrassment on anyones part.

Knowing that she had a captive audience, Coach Sylvester kept right on going. "At first I thought it was a subtle homage to yours truly, but now I fear that it's some kind of ironic comment."

I tried not to look as confused as I felt. What could possibly be considered ironic about pants instead of a skirt?

Mercedes tried to explain. "Ms. Sylvester, I'm just not comfortable in those Cheerios skirts. They don't fit me right."

I jumped in, knowing that she and I had to present a united front. "Mercedes, you shouldn't feel embarrassed about your body." There was no way that Coach Sylvester didn't know what the problem was already, but I felt like I had to put it out there.

She gave me a devilish grin and squared her shoulders at us both. "I'm not embarrassed. I'm worried about showing too much skin and causing a sex riot."

What I wouldn't give for one tenth of her confidence. She might not feel it inside, but on the outside, she looked like she truly believed what she was saying. It was impressive and enough to make us both laugh.

We lightly touched fingers and smoothed our hair in tandem, our own secret code.

Coach didn't look particularly impressed. "How do you two not have a show on Bravo?"

Sometimes, I think she can read my mind and see into my secret dreams. My own show on any network? Sign me up.

Since she didn't seem to have cowed us, she leaned forward. "Here's the skinny. Splits magazine, after much campaigning by one Sue Sylvester, has named me cheerleading coach of the last 2,000 years. In seven days, reporter Tracy Pendergrass will arrive on campus, and my new star singer will have lost 10 lbs and be in a gender-appropriate cheerleading uniform, or she is off the team."

To my complete shame (though I only felt that much, much, later, as in several days later), my first thought wasn't to defend Mercedes. My first thought was that, about 3 hours ago, she had been telling _me_ that I was her new star singer. My second thought was that she hadn't had any qualms about threatening to put me in a gender inappropriate skirt right about the same time. For those first few seconds, Mercedes didn't enter my mind at all.

_See?_ Now it was Finn's voice in my head, and I could almost see his hurt brown eyes staring at me. _It's starting already. Divide and conquer, and she's trying to split the two of you up._

The words snapped me out of my stupor and allowed me to find my voice. "Ten pounds? Are you serious?" There was no way should could drop 10 pounds in a week. No one could without putting their health in serious danger.

The cold eyes gave me a quick once-over. "You could stand to lose a few, too kiddo. You've got hips like a pear."

My jaw dropped so quickly I felt it pop. I did not have hips like a pear! I was a perfectly normal weight, possibly a little on the small side. I was in no way, shape, or form, overweight. I wasn't fat. Was I?"

Neither one of us was able to formulate words, which was exactly what she wanted. If the point of this boot camp was to break us down, then she had more then succeeded.

The worst part was, she knew it. She smiled and sat back. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put in a call to the Ohio secretary of state, notifying them that I will no longer be carrying photo ID. You know why?"

Neither one of us even tried to reply, but we didn't need to. She just kept right on going. "People should know who I am."

That seemed to be the end of what we were needed for, so we both stood up and walked out. Mercedes glared at me. "I'm out. There's no way I'm going to lose 10lbs in a week just so she can be on the cover of some magazine that no one's ever heard of. I am not sacrificing my health and this fine-ass body for Napoleon in there. I quit."

She turned, no doubt to go back in there and tell Coach Sylvester exactly what she had just told me. I grabbed her shoulder. "Mercedes, wait." I sounded desperate, even to myself, and she paused. "Talk quick, because I need this anger to give her a piece of my mind."

"Just…give it a chance. She probably didn't mean you had to lose 10lbs, that's just a number to try for. Come on, do you really want to give up before we've even started?"

She wasn't buying it. "Ok, look. I'll give it one week, but only because you want me to. If at the end of that week, she's still pushing me to make myself into something I'm not, you will personally be taking me to the Cheesecake Factory and buying me whatever I want." I started to agree, and she held up a hand to stop me. "_Whatever_ I want. Either bring a credit card or lots and lots of cash."

"Done." I leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. "Thanks Mercedes. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"I think I do, and that worries me, Boo. But it's over and let's not talk about it now. Let's talk about something more fun, like your dirty plans for tonight."

As much as I loved her, I still couldn't bring myself to tell her what I was planning to do tonight. Once it was over, maybe, but I would never be able to look her in the face again if I wimped out. "I do not have dirty plans for tonight! I have romantic ones. Finn's going to make dinner for the two of us."

"You're going to let Finn cook? I hope you plan on bringing some Pepto-Bismol." Her dubious face made me laugh.

"Rachel's going to help him. Don't worry; I wouldn't trust Finn to make dinner all on his own."

"If Rachel's going to help, then bring some ipecac as well. Finn might poison you accidentally, but she'll do it on purpose, to get her man back."

To my own surprise, I found myself defending Rachel. Now that we were no longer in competition for Finn, I could see that she did have a lot of nice qualities. Plenty of bad ones, too, but she did have a lot of heart. "She's not that bad now that she knows she can't have Finn. Plus, she's got that new boyfriend, so she's really nice to me."

"I think the new boyfriend is fake. Has anyone ever seen him? Do we even know his name? Plus, what sort of man actually wants to date Rachel Berry?" Her hand found mine, swinging absently.

"Hey! My sort of man wanted to date Rachel Berry! It was a very dark period in his life." A dark, gross, period that I tried not to think about.

"I'll bet he's never met Rachel's new man either."

Actually, I did find that a little suspicious. With the octopus-like way Rachel had attached herself to Finn at every conceivable opportunity, I would have expected that the new boyfriend would get the same treatment. Even if he didn't attend McKinley, she should have been bringing him around to Glee practices or something. "That is a little strange. But I'm sure Finn told me his name one time, I just can't remember what it was. She's probably just waiting to reveal him at the perfect time, like he's the phantom of the opera or something."

That made sense. I might be dramatic, bur Rachel redefines the word. "I'm sure we'll see him eventually. She's probably got him chained up in the basement until he can hit the high B."

The warning bell rang, making us both jump. She hugged me and I could help but notice that there was a tiny bit of tension between us, just like there had been between Finn and I this morning. 24 hours on the Cheerios and I was already fighting with two of the most important people in the world to me. This wasn't going according to plan at all.

I thought about it all through the rest of the day. I had always claimed that I didn't care what people thought. That I would dress how I wanted, and act how I wanted, and everyone else could just go screw themselves. I had managed it for almost four years, ever since I turned 13 and my Dad ceded complete control of my wardrobe over to me. Three years of having no friends, no boyfriend, and nothing worth hanging on to. So why was I willing to give that up now that I did have those things?

_Ego. Your finally have something worth showing off for, and you're desperate to do it. You want Finn to see that he made a good choice with you, and you think this is how you're going to do it. Why do you think that he's willing to cook you a meal when Carole barely lets him use the microwave at home?_

True. But while I might be many things (cute, stubborn, divaish, fabulous, and bitchy all came immediately to mind), one thing I was not was a quitter. I would dig my heels in and give this Cheerios thing an entire week, then make an educated decision about whether or not I was willing to keep going. Any longer then a week and I either had to be completely in or completely out, no more waffling. It was unfair to the team to do anything else.

I could barely contain myself until Glee, when I would get to see Finn for the first time since this morning. As an added bonus, the practice room was a safe haven. Now that the glee club all knew about it, I didn't have to hold back from touching of kissing the love of my life.

I was so excited that I didn't even look at the Cheerios uniform that was tossed my way, complete with the requisite insult (I spent two hours looking for a uniform small enough for you. Do you plan on hitting puberty at any point during your high school career?). Since it was going to need to be washed and pressed anyway, I just stuffed it in my satchel and kept on going. If he knew what was good for him, not to mention his sex life, Finn would be waiting for me.

He was. He had planted himself on the risers, perched so he could see me the minute I came in the door. Good thing, too, he barely had time to stand as I ran to him and jumped into his arms. He staggered a little as he caught my weight, which made me wonder if Coach Sylvester wasn't right after all. Was I too heavy?

_No. He's standing on a riser, Kurt, so his balance isn't the best, and you jumped pretty hard. Don't let her get to you._

Finn twisted me playfully so we were face to face. "So, the evil Sue-beast didn't eat you?"

I shook my head and he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Good, because I'm the only one who gets to do that."

Oh, look at that, the temperature in the room just jumped 20 degrees. How pissed would Mr. Shue be if I just decided to skip glee altogether and just go home and let Finn screw my brains out? With the way Finn was sliding his hand under my shirt while nibbling on my lip, it was becoming a distinct possibility. And both Rachel and Quinn claimed that the man had no ability to multitask.

"Hello, Ladies the Puckasaurus is- Dudes! Uh-uh, no one needs to see that!" Puck physically recoiled, as if we were sending gay cooties straight across the room to him.

"Speak for yourself. I think they're adorable." Luckily Tina was there to come to my rescue.

"I think it's hot. Maybe they'll go all the way and we can watch." There are times when I think Britney possesses no mental filter at all.

Her words seemed to remind Finn that we had an audience, and exhibitionism is not one of his traits, so he let me go. "You're all just jealous."

Puck smirked. "Whatever. I can have anyone I want, male or female. More then one female at the same time if I wanted to!"

Santana snorted. "For the last time, Noah, that isn't going to happen."

He caught my eye. "It'll happen, Hummel. And when it does, you'll all know about it."

I'm sure we would. Were Finn and I the only couple in glee club that didn't have to flaunt every sexual move we made?

Mr. Shue came storming in, his eyes dark and furious. "Glee is canceled for today." His voice went very tight, and I knew that it was taking everything he had not to scream. "Apparently, Coach Sylvester requires both the practice room and the auditorium three days a week, so we need to find somewhere else to practice. Don't worry, guys, we'll get this sorted out. I'll find us a new home."

Normally, getting out early would have been something to celebrate. It meant that I would have extra time to spend with Finn, having plenty of fun. But Rachel would be taking him home today and helping him with the meal he was preparing. I had been specifically instructed to stay away, so it would be a surprise. I was to come over at 6, no earlier.

So I went home alone, and busied myself with washing and pressing my Cheerios uniform so that it would look nice. Then, because there was no one there to see me and laugh, I had to try it on. It didn't fit exactly right, but I couldn't deny the sense of power that came with it. Wearing this, I would finally be special. I would be_ somebody_.

_You're already somebody. You're your father's son, and Finn's boyfriend and the only contratenor in the glee club. You have a 3.8 grade average, which would be a 4.0 if you put forth any effort at all in gym class. You have the ability to create a designer looking outfit out of last year's fashions. _

Yes, all of that was true. But couldn't I be those things and be a Cheerio as well? Why should I stop at just a few things that made me special, when there might be even more of them?

_You shouldn't. But don't make the mistake of thinking that a cheerleading squad is going to be what changes your life. _

I knew that. But right now I just wanted to admire myself in the mirror, wearing my favorite color and studying myself. I turned this way and that, smoothing the fabric and looking critically at myself. Long legs, flat stomach, I thought I looked pretty good. Definitely not as chubby as Coach Sylvester had made me out to be.

Except she probably did know what she was talking about. After all, the Cheerios were athletes, and having all of them in perfect shape was what had won her trophy after trophy. If she thought I needed to lose a few pounds to be perfect, she was probably right. I already ate pretty well, so it shouldn't be difficult. Plus, now that Finn and I were having sex, I could think of a lot of ways I might burn those extra calories.

The thought of burning those calories made me a little nervous, but not as nervous as I would have been if I was the one to bottom first. If Finn could tough it out, so could I. Besides, I would be lying if I didn't admit that this was something I had been curious about for a very long time. I had always assumed that I would bottom exclusively, just based on the stereotype of what a guy like me would want. My fantasies never really included topping, just because it never occurred to me that it was something I would ever do.

Finn allowing me to do that with him was a gift that I could never repay, even if he didn't really seem to understand how important it was.

With that in mind, I jumped in the shower and made sure that I was extra clean. I wasn't sure exactly what the etiquette was here, but I didn't want to give Finn any reason to complain.

Finally, though, there was nothing left to do but take a few deep breaths and get in the car. There was nothing to worry about. Finn would never hurt me, and I really did want to give myself to him like this. It would be fine. I just had to keep reminding myself of that. This would be just fine.


	59. Chapter 59

Finn POV

I hate Rachel's car. I mean, I know it's a really expensive and fancy one, and the red color is pretty awesome, but I hate the car itself. Its way too small, and I always feel like I'm being crammed into one of those clown cars. Even though I had the front seat all the way back, my knees were still almost touching the dashboard.

I could totally put up with it, though, since she was being so cool about helping me with dinner tonight. I know, I know, it's kind of weird to have your old girlfriend helping you do something to impress your new boyfriend, but I can't cook worth shit, so I was pretty desperate when I asked her.

Things are actually pretty cool between Rachel and I now. I thought for sure that she would freak out when she found out about me and Kurt, but she actually took it pretty well. She didn't cry or start screaming, which is all kinds of awesome because I can't stand the thought of making her cry. It wasn't like I had cheated on her with Kurt or anything, but part of me still kind of felt like I had. I still really liked her, just not in a girlfriend way any more.

There was even a part of me that was afraid she would try and sabotage me and Kurt. Don't get me wrong, Rachel's awesome, but when she decides she really wants something, it's really hard to stop her from getting it.

_Of course Rachel Berry can't live without you. Because we both know you're such a fantastic catch. You're the quarterback of the worst football team in the district, if it weren't for gym, you would be nowhere near a 'C' average, and have all the coordination of a drunken baby hippo. _

You certainly didn't mind chasing me. You also thought I was good enough to be a father to your baby. Not my baby, _yours_. So you can shut up.

Anyway, now Rachel has a new boyfriend, it makes it easier for us to just be friends. And, since we're just friends now, I felt like I could ask her what I secretly wanted to. "Hey Rach?"

She looked over. "Yes, Finn?"

"Um…." Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. "You know, never mind."

"Nonsense. You shouldn't be afraid to ask me anything, Finn. Do you need help with your vocal range? Advice on choosing he perfect song to serenade Kurt tonight?"

I was only going to be using my tongue for one thing tonight, and I was pretty sure that Kurt would like it a lot better then any romantic song. "Um, no." I rubbed at the back of my neck awkwardly. "It's just that…if I wasn't with Kurt, and you weren't with, uh, your new guy, would you want to get back together with me?"

She looked at me again, more closely this time. "Are things alright with Kurt? You aren't having second thoughts are you?"

"No. It's just that…I don't really get what he sees in me. Or what you saw in me, either."

"So, you're not asking me because you want to get back together with me. You're asking because you're feeling insecure, and you want me to remind you how special you are."

When she put it like that, she made me sound really pathetic. But, since I _was_ really pathetic, I nodded weakly. "I guess."

"Then of course I would take you back. You're funny, and sweet, and you never give up. I don't think you realize everything that you have going for you, Finn." She gave me a playful punch to the shoulder. "And my boyfriends name is Jesse, by the way. Jessie St. James."

I repeated the name in my mind a few times, so I would remember it this time. I hated to ask the last thing, but it wasn't something I could ask Kurt, so that only left her. "Do…do you think I would have been an ok Dad to Quinn's baby?"

That was my biggest and most secret fear, one I couldn't even share with Kurt. That I wouldn't be able to be a good Dad because I didn't have one to teach my how. I read all of those baby books that Quinn brought, even though it took me forever, and having a baby is _hard_. There's a special way to hold them, so you support their head, and a special way to feed them, and sometimes you're supposed to jump up and get whatever they need since it's not like they understand how to wait or anything, but sometimes you should just let them cry, only that sounds kind of mean.

And babies are the easy part! Then they hit the terrible twos, and they go to school and what if the baby turned out to be as stupid as I was like Quinn always said it would? Then what if she turned 16 and had a baby of her own? I could be a grandpa before I was 35. I had almost puked when I thought about that.

But I had still wanted her. Even if I hadn't known how to be a good Dad, I'll bet there's lots of people who don't know how to be good Dads, and still figure it out. Anyway, I had loved her a lot, and that had to count for something, right?

She smiled at me. "Finn, you would have been a great Dad to Baby Drizzle. And, since I have two of them, I'm kind of the expert on fathers, if you ask me."

If you asked Rach, she was kind of the expert on everything. But she was really honest, even if sometimes she was way too blunt about it, so I knew that she was telling me the truth. So I really would have been a good Dad. "Thanks, Rach."

"No problem. Now, I took the liberty of making a list of everything we're going to need for tonight. We aren't going to have time to run back to the store, so we need to make sure we get it all at once. Did you bring cash?"

"Yes." I had been saving up for a new system, but what could be more important then Kurt? So I had grabbed everything out of my sock drawer and brought it to school today.

Rachel girl shops, which is great. When I go grocery shopping, even if I have a list, I end up circling around the store about a billion times looking for everything and there are all these brands of the exact same thing, so how do you know which one to get? It's like that weird drawing where all the stairs are going up and down at the same time. It just isn't logical.

But chicks can speak the secret language of grocery stores. They can always find everything, and they just know the difference between the store brand and butterball and organic. It's all chicken, right? And what does 'free-range' mean anyway?

If I said anything out loud, though, Rachel would explain it all to me in so much detail that I would forget the original question. It's better to just not ask unless I have lot of time and really, really need the help.

So I just pushed the cart and paid for everything, which was all she really needed me for. By the way, it turns out that the difference between organic chicken and regular chicken is about ten bucks.

Since Rachel is a vegetarian, she refused to even touch the chicken, so I did that part all by myself. She knows a way to make the meat super moist, by putting a can of soda up the chickens butt, so the pop gets all into the meat. Tell me that's not the coolest thing _ever_.

I did giggle a little inside when I was cramming the can up there, even though it was really immature. Come on, you can't spend 14 years giggling about what goes into or comes out of your butt and just stop cold because it suddenly sounds like a lot of fun instead of the grossest thing in the universe. "Good job, Finn. Now set him over by the oven while we do the sweet potatoes. We'll put them all in together."

Say what you will about Rachel, but she knows how to make a romantic gesture. "Cut them in half, the long way."

When I did she produced a piece of hard plastic from her purse. "Now get some cinnamon."

She held the plastic, which turned out to be a stencil with hearts and stars all over it. When she was done, she had both halves of the potato covered with a star shaped dusting of light brown. How the hell does she do that? My hands would shake and it would look like I was having a seizure while I was pouring the cinnamon. "That's awesome!"

"Trust me, he'll love it." When she smiled, I thought it looked a tiny bit sad, but it was gone before I could be sure. "I know, because Kurt and I are pretty close to the same person and I would be really happy if someone did it for me." Her voice was really soft towards the end, and I wondered if I should go talk to this Jessie guy, and let him know that my ex-girl needed a little romance in her life.

_Yeah, because that won't sound weird or anything._

Ok, point to Quinn-voice. "You have no idea how cool of you it is to do this. I mean, you rock so much."

Everyone loves a compliment, especially one from the heart. And this one totally was. Sure enough, her smile was happy this time instead of sad. "Thank you, Finn. Now come on, you need to start shredding lettuce for the salad while I make the dressing."

"This is going to be all healthy, right? Because he can tell these really nasty stories about how they make ranch dressing and don't want that tonight."

"It will be both low calorie and delicious, I promise. Trust me, Finn; this dinner is going to go perfectly. The chicken comes out at 6:15 sharp. I figure if we leave it much longer, you'll start making out with Kurt and set the house on fire. I know how you are, Finn."

There wasn't much I could say to that, since it was true. Luckily, I didn't have to say anything, because she was still talking. "You're going to do it tonight, aren't you? Oh my God, you are!"

Of course we were, but there was no way I was going to tell her that. Rach's great and all, don't get me wrong, but she blabs everything_. Everything. _If she found out that Kurt and I were about to do it tonight, everyone in the world would know before we actually did it. Luckily, I've learned the art of distraction from Kurt, so I just did that lazy grin thing. "Rach, it's kind of creepy to talk about having sex with Kurt to you. It violates the bro code or something."

"Finn, you're a wonderful singer, you really are. But your acting could use a little work. Love you darling, but only in a friend way. Now I have a date of my own."

I'm pretty sure asking if she was planning to have sex with this Jesse dude would be totally rude, even though she asked me first. "Thanks again."

Since I'm trying to be a gentleman, I walked her to the door. She stretched on to her tiptoes and gave me a hug. "6:15, Finn, don't forget. And take a shower, you smell like vinegar."

It was 5:45, which meant I was really going to have to push it to get ready in time. It was getting to where I needed to shave now. Not every day, or even every other day, but I probably should tonight. Most of the time Kurt's ok with being able to feel a little scruff, but he doesn't like it when I'm blowing him. And I don't like listening to him bitch about having beard burn on his inner thighs.

Since I was rushing so much, I ended up cutting myself on the side of the jaw and bleeding everywhere. "Shit!"

I had a pre-picked, Kurt-approved outfit on the bed, to make this night really fancy and awesome, but when Kurt knocked, I was still in my boxer shorts and trying to stop the blood. I was screwing this night up already.

I didn't want to leave him outside, though, so I grabbed an old T-shirt off the floor and raced down the steps. "Coming, coming!"

There he was, my Kurt. Normally he would have had something to say about the fact that I was running around in my underwear and a wrinkled shirt, but today he just wrapped his arms around me and held me close. "I love you so much."

Maybe this night wasn't screwed up after all. "Love you, too."

I pulled him inside. "Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes. Then, we get to dessert!" By dessert, of course, I meant him.

His face fell, even though he tried to hide it. I wrapped my arms around him and let him snuggle into my body. "We don't have to just because we said we would. If you don't want to do it, you can tell me. I'll still lick chocolate off of your entire body."

"No, I'm totally sure about that. It's just…you, know, it's just silly. Tonight it's just you and me."

I liked the sound of that. "You're sure?"

"I'm positive. Things smell absolutely delicious, by the way. If they taste half as good, I'll be happy." His lips ran down my neck and things suddenly became all fuzzy.

Except it wasn't right. He was saying all the right things, but he wasn't saying them in the right way. He was doing it in the way that meant he wasn't really thinking about the words. Plus, the neck kissing thing was the thing he always did when he wanted to distract me.

See, I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks I am.

But I also knew that pushing Kurt would just make him mad, and then there wasn't going to be any sort of getting sexed up tonight, not even some grinding. If I really pissed him off, I probably wouldn't even get a kiss with tongue. And that would just be crushing.

Not to mention that, even though I totally knew he was trying to distract me, I really, really like it when Kurt does that kissing thing on my neck. It's like being kissed by a little butterfly. He manages to lull me into a false sense of security every single time, and then, right when he knows I'm distracted he- Ow! The little Dracula just bit me! Again!

"Baby." He said it like I was being a huge wimp, which was how he always said it. So even though he was making fun of me, it was alright, because he was at least being Kurt and saying it the right way. Plus, if I didn't like him biting me, I wouldn't let him kiss my neck.

The timer beeped and I almost jus threw the damn thing at the wall. So what if the meal burned, I had a boyfriend to get busy with.

_Yes, because there is nothing more sexy then a man who just throws you to the ground like a rutting beast and has his sweaty, nasty, lustful way with you. Even _Puck _gave me some wine coolers. You can do better then he can, Finn._

I could, which was why I bounded into the kitchen and grabbed some potholders. Kurt followed, which meant that I had to be extra, extra careful. If I dropped this in front of him, I would never live it down.

Oh, sure, he would still tell me that things were great, and we would eat the rest of it and probably even laugh about it later, but I know how these things go. I would swear him to secrecy about it, but he would have to tell Mercedes. Then Mercedes would tell Tina. Then Tina would let it slip to Rachel. And Rachel would tell the entire world and I would end up humiliated again and Puck would never let me hear the end of it.

"Wow, Finn, this is…..wow." This might be the only time I've ever struck Kurt totally speechless.

Oh, yeah, forgot to mention the best part about the dinner I had planned for Kurt. I wanted everything to be perfect for him, so I set the table up exactly like you see in all of those fancy movies. Mom let me take out the tablecloth that we use for Thanksgiving, after I promised a million times not to spill anything on it. It's a fancy one, made of cloth and everything. I also put out the candle sticks made sure the both the plates had the same pattern on them. I break of a lot of dishes, so we have a bunch of different patterns.

"Wait, wait! You're missing the best part, so go back in the other room!" Mom says you only get one chance to make a first impression, but maybe Kurt would be nice enough to give me another one.

He laughed a little and went back to the living room. "Ok, call me when you're ready."

"Ok, go, go." I pushed him gently out of the way and got everything all set up. Rachel had drawn me a little picture of how things should be arranged on the plate, so it looked like something out of a fancy restaurant. The trick was cutting a little bit of white meat off the chicken, and putting it near one side of the plate. Then you put the sweet potato, with its stars showing, at an angle. You finish with a big helping of salad. Then I was supposed to drizzle this weird red raspberry sauce over the chicken. But don't pool it on there, just a little bit on top. Rach made me practice on a piece of bread until I could do it right.

I put each plate at its place on the table and took out the wine glasses. Rachel had made me promise that wouldn't tell anyone that she had snuck the bottle from her Daddy Leroy's special stash. I also wasn't allowed to let Kurt drive home after he drank anything, but that wasn't going to be a problem. I don't know what Mom said to Burt, but the two of them are going to have an overnight date down in Columbus, and Kurt and I were going to have one here. She kind of ruined it by giving me a lecture on the beauty of sex and youthful passions and I just wanted to put my fingers in my ears. Kurt says he actually did it, which just made me love him more. I carefully poured half a glass for each of us. I hated alcohol, unless I was really trying to get drunk, but it did fit the mood, and Kurt's big into coordinating things.

I was almost ready to call Kurt back in, when I remembered the candles. They did set the mood pretty well, even though they were going to make it kind of hard to see what we were eating. Maybe we were allowed to turn the lights back on after he saw it? Otherwise, I guessed I would figure something out. I mean, I eat popcorn and Sour Patch Kids in the movie theater in the dark, and I only miss my mouth every once in a while, so I could probably do it.

There, candles lit, lights out, it was perfect. I raced back into the living room, where Kurt was sitting on the couch, thumbing through one of Mom's magazines. "Ok, I'm ready! But close your eyes; I want you to be surprised." Please, please, let him be impressed.

"How am I supposed to get in there if my eyes are closed? You know I bruise like a grape, Cowboy." He was already up and covering his eyes with his hands.

It's kind of a funny feeling, knowing that he trusts me that much. Not only with his body, but that he trusts I can figure out a way to get him in there without him being hurt. Quinn would have never done it. Rachel, either, come to think of it. I wrapped my arms around him and guided him to the kitchen. "Just a few more steps, one more, one more, and…now!"

He dropped his hands and gasped. "Oh, my…Finn, I can't believe you did all this. Candles, wine…." He stopped there and put his arms around me, his face buried in my chest. "Thank you so much."

I was pretty sure he was crying. "Um, you're welcome, but please don't cry. It is happy crying right? Because if it isn't, I can fix whatever it is."

Now there was a watery little giggle. "It's happy crying, and you don't need to change anything."

After a few minutes, he shifted to his arms were around my neck. "You have no idea what this means to me."

"It means I love you and I want to make everything perfect." Sometimes Kurt wants to make a big deal out of things that really aren't that important. He always thinks that there's some reason I'm being nice to him. I think it's called having an upterior motive. Maybe it's ulterior instead. He never gets that sometimes people are nice just to be nice and see someone else happy.

"Do you want to eat now?" I didn't want to ruin the moment, but I was starving to death.

"Can I have one more minute to admire this? Actually-"He pulled out his phone and snapped a quick picture. "Now I can show everyone how awesome you are."

See, I told you he would give me another chance to make a good first impression. He's great like that.

The chicken was really good, even if the sauce was kind of weird. I don't really get why people always have to take food that already tastes good and try and make it better. Chicken's good and raspberries are good, why do you have to try and put them together? Kurt was eating it like it was the best stuff in the world though, so it might be one of those things that you have to be really classy to understand.

Then he saw his sweet potato and started laughing. "Can I guess that this is Rachel Berry's handiwork?"

"Yeah." I wanted to lie and tell him that it had been all my idea, but Kurt's not stupid either. He would see right through that one.

"I can tell." Kurt gave one of those deep dramatic sighs. "I guess I should do something really nice for her, since she helped you put all of this together. Maybe I can improve that horrendous wardrobe."

I actually kind of like the way Rachel dresses. Sure, its different then how other people do it, but she does what she likes and sticks to it. Kurt dresses different from everyone else, too, exactly how he likes, and way weirder, but somehow it's ok for him to do it, but not for her. I wouldn't tell him this, but sometimes Kurt's way more bossy then Rachel is.

Kurt ate his chicken and salad, and most of his sweet potato while talking to himself (he was kind of talking to me, but it was the sort of talking where all I had to do was nod my head or make a few 'uh-huh' or 'uh-uh' noises) about what he was going to do with Rachel's clothes. I finally interrupted his monologue. "Do you want more chicken? There's like both legs and wings left."

There was that look again, the one I didn't like. "No, I think I'm fine."

Ok, I know that Kurt is tiny, and he doesn't need as much food as I do, but there hadn't been hardly any chicken on the plate at all. "Are you sure? Because I'm having more, and I'm planning on burning a lot of calories with you later."

Then it hit me. Of course Kurt wasn't hungry, he was nervous about the sex! "I won't hurt you. I mean, it hurts a little bit at first, but I promise that it gets awesome."

"Of course not. I trust you completely." That was his true voice again.

"Do you not like the meal? Because I could make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if you would rather have that." He was eating like he liked it, but I've had to eat a lot of really nasty things just to be polite to the person who cooked them.

"The meal is fantastic, Finn. You remembered exactly what I liked, and you did great making it. Even if Rachel helped, you planned all of it on your own, and that means the world to me." He was smiling now, and leaned over to give me a kiss that kind of tasted like raspberries.

So if it wasn't that he was nervous about later tonight and I knew that the food wasn't bad, what was it? If I was smarter or more subtle, I might have kept on playing the guessing game. But I know that I'm no good at it, so I just went with being direct. "Then why do you look so sad? You can't possibly be full, that wasn't enough food to keep a squirrel happy. Tell me what's wrong."

He shrugged. "Nothing, I told you."

"But you lied. It's obviously something and I hate not knowing how to fix it for you."

The chair scraped as he pushed it back and climbed in to my lap. I squeezed him as tightly as I could. "Am I too heavy for you?"

Was he kidding me? "Dude, I pick you up all the time, you weigh nothing."

"Yeah, but….Coach Sylvester said that Mercedes and I both need to lose weight. Or we're off the team." He was kind of hard to understand with his face into my chest like it was.

See? This is exactly why I didn't want him to be on the team in the first place. The 'you're way too fat' thing was how she started with Quinn, too. Do you know how much it sucks to have your girlfriend refuse to eat for days at a time because she weighs more then 100 lbs? I won't let the same thing happen to Kurt.

"You don't need to lose weight! You're already perfect, and I'll guarantee that I've seen more of your body then she has." A horrible thought popped into my head. "Oh, God, tell me that she didn't make you get naked in front of her."

His head snapped up. "No! You're the only one who's ever seen me naked, except for when I was a baby. But she told us both to lose weight."

"She's an idiot. You're thin but you're strong. If you lose weight, you're going to lose your muscles, and then you won't be able to do any of her flipping and bouncing shit. Fuck her."

By the way, I'm kind of proud of the fact that I didn't say what I was actually thinking, which was 'I told you so', complete with the little touchdown dance at the end. I would never make Kurt feel bad like that, but I had to bite down pretty hard on saying it. I know that I'm stupid about a lot of things, but I'm smart about some things, and knowing what a bitch Coach Sylvester is is one of those things.

I'm also smart enough to know that me just saying things isn't enough to make Kurt feel better. People make fun of the way Kurt looks all the time. They say he's too small or too pale or he looks like a girl. If he can kiss me without having to have me lift him, he's not too small. Ok, he's a little pale, but not, like, albino pale. He says it's aristocratic, which I think might be another word for sexy. And, he does not look like a girl! People are just stupid. He looks exactly like a boy, and exactly like he should look. I mean, _hello,_ lack of boobs should be a big clue. Plus he kisses like a boy, all wild and hard instead of soft and shy and I never would have thought I would like that but I did.

He smiled a little at me, and I knew I was at least kind of saying the right thing. "Besides, if anyone's fat, I am. I weight way more then you do."

That got me an indignant huff. "You are not fat! You're twice my height and have a big build. You're built like the quarterback, and you need to be solid to take the knock-down things."

"Sacks. Or tackles." Kurt's not the only one who can teach someone new words. "So I'm built for what I do, and you're already built for what you do. You're not going to be strong enough to throw someone if you lose weight. That's the way it works, right? Even if they want to throw you sometimes, you still have to be able to throw the girls? You're big enough to throw Quinn."

Maybe. You can still hardly tell that she's pregnant, but, if you know what to look for, it's really obvious that little Drizzle is in there. Can't doing all of those flips and spins make her fall out or something? Or is there a little trapdoor that holds the baby up? I realized that I was getting distracted, and thinking about Quinn's private parts probably wasn't the best idea when Kurt's private parts were just waiting for me.

Speaking of Kurt, he looked a lot happier. "I guess you're right."

"Of course I am. Coach Sylvester is just trying to freak you out and make you quit. Ignore her." Ok, good. I'm not terrible at comforting my boyfriend.

"It would make you happy if I quit, wouldn't it?" He didn't say it all bitchy, just sad.

Ouch, this was a tough one. I mean, of course I would be happy if Kurt quit! He had been on the squad a grand total of one day, and the Coach had already made him miserable about himself. Isn't the point of doing stuff like Cheerios and football and Glee that it makes you feel good?

Maybe it was the fact that the Cheerios were winners and winning was really important to some people. Don't get me wrong, I like winning, too, but being the best isn't the most important thing in the world. Only it is to Rachel. And Quinn. And maybe Kurt, too. So maybe the good feelings they got from being winners was enough to make up for the bad feelings that came from having to deal with Coach Sylvester?

Except we were winners in Glee, too, and no one ended up feeling bad or wanting to cry and lose 10 pounds when they didn't have 10 lbs to spare anywhere on their body. Maybe we weren't big national winners like the Cheerios, but we were winners just the same.

But if I told Kurt that I wanted him to quit, he would probably do it. Then I would be that horrible person who made him do something, then told him it was for his own good. Before this year, I might have gone ahead and done it anyway, but now I know exactly what it feels like to have someone lie to you for your own good, and how much it hurts. Don't tell Finn that the baby isn't his. It's for his own good that he doesn't know. Just let Finn think that his father died in Iraq instead of committing suicide. It's for his own good. Finn will really enjoy being in Glee, even if I have to blackmail him into it. It'll be fine, it's for his own good. Whether it was for Kurt's own good or not, he was going to have to figure this one out on his own.

"I won't be happy if you aren't." It killed me to say this, but I had to. "I think you should stick it out for a little while, though. Just so you're sure that you're doing the right thing." There, now I'm not the bad guy. Coach Sylvester is the total bad guy and Kurt's smart enough to figure that out.

Hopefully it wouldn't take too long, though, because I really, really hate that woman. I know, it's not cool to hate people, but I have trouble believing that she would really care, not to mention I'm not 100% sure that she's really human anyway.

"Thank you, Finn. I really appreciate you letting me make the choice instead of you doing it for me." He reached up and kissed me on the lips. "I love you."

"Love you, too." Suddenly things were going good again. Kurt had twisted around so he was straddling my lap, and could kiss me better. If what I felt against my stomach was any clue, he was really into things again.

"So, do you think that we can maybe have dessert now?" When he asked it, he shoved his hips against mine, which kind of make me think that he knew exactly what I was thinking we should have.

"Sure. I was thinking chocolate-dipped Hummel, but whatever you want." It had taken me an hour to come up with that line, so it was a good thing I got it out smoothly.

He grinned again, but this time it was all dirty looking. "That was pretty good. Let me get my clothes off." Then his smile became more playful. "I see you won't have that problem."

I looked down and realized that I had totally forgotten to change into my nice outfit. I could feel my face flushing. "Why didn't you say something?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. You looked all flustered when you came down, so I thought it probably wasn't that big of a deal. Now what were you saying about chocolate?"

Right, the chocolate! Of course, that was when I realized that I had forgotten to set up the double boiler for the chocolate. Shit! Kurt was looking at me like he expected something, though, so I had to pull something out of my ass. "Uh, let me put the food away first. Can you go upstairs and wait for me?" There, that should buy me a few minutes.

Mom always wraps our leftovers in plastic wrap, but I didn't really have time for that, so I just threw it on the bottom shelf. I'd deal with it later, once I had figured out how to get myself out of this mess.

Then I saw it, like the Holy Grail in my fridge. Screw the double boiler and all of that fancy chocolate that probably tasted like ass once it was melted anyway. I had something much better. Thanking God, and Baby Jesus, and Buddha, and Prada (I'm not exactly sure who Prada is, but Kurt prays to him a_ lot_), I grabbed the Hershey's Chocolate Syrup off the shelf.

Oh, yeah, I was the _man._


	60. Chapter 60

Kurt POV

Ok, I was officially freaking out. The thought of sex had been overwhelming enough when Finn was right there with me, distracting me by being his usually goofy self. Now that I was upstairs alone, my nerves had taken over. Screw this, I was done. I wasn't brave like Finn was, and I wasn't about to let him shove anything up my butt. I wrapped my arms around myself, as if doing that would prevent Finn from stripping me naked if he felt like it.

_Really? You really think that Finn is going to try and rip your clothes of if you tell him not to? The boy might have his problems, but he's not a rapist._

I knew that! No, I didn't seriously think that Finn would try and force me. If I looked right at him and said no, he wouldn't even ask again. But if I wimped out right now, I might never have the courage to try again. And if I wouldn't offer, and Finn wouldn't push, we were done before we even tried.

_Good job. You didn't even need me to help you figure that one out, which is an improvement over most of the time. Now, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. That's it, in and out. Think of calm, happy things. Better?_

Much. Now that I was calmer, I was able to think about how it had felt when I topped Finn the other night. It was amazing. Finn had expressed an interest in trying it out for himself, and it would be selfish of me not to let him try.

Speaking of Finn, where was he? How much time did it take him to pick the little top pot off of the double boiler and bring it up. Maybe he was attempting to cool the chocolate off a little first. That would be a good idea, since there was no way I was explaining 2nd degree burns on my genitalia to the ER.

After what felt like forever (but the clock next to the bed claimed was only 4 minutes), I heard Finn lumbering up the stairs. When he stepped inside, I noticed that he didn't have the double boiler at all. Instead he had a brown plastic bottle. "Is that Hershey's syrup?"

He colored. "Yeah. I kind of forgot to melt the fancy chocolate."

He had forgotten his pants, too, but I couldn't help but find that cute. As long as he remembers them when we're going out of the house, I can't exactly complain about the view. "That's ok. Come here and give me a kiss."

"You have good ideas." He climbed on the bed next to me and seized my ribcage, pulling me on top of him. Call me sick, but there is nothing sexier to me then when Finn uses his full strength.

"Don't be nervous." He kissed his way across my neck, nuzzling his nose where his lips had been in lieu of a bite. It had only taken once from him to learn his lesson about putting hickeys where they might be seen later.

"I'm not nervous, I'm just- oh, _God._" I had to break off into a moan, because he was doing that thing with his tongue and the hollow of my throat and I don't even care if he learned it on Rachel Berry, it felt so good that I could die now and be a happy man.

"Yeah, you are. S'ok, I was nervous, too." His breath fanned out across my collarbones, and my train of thought derailed and burned.

"It's just…uh…that…." There was a brief reprieve while Finn tried to work the tiny button on my shirt, and I tried to take full advantage of that fact. Why wasn't my brain working? Maybe if I could convince Finn to stop rubbing had hand over my cock, which was diverting most of the blood flow from my brain. "_Stop_ for a second."

My voice was a desperate squeak, and I knew that Finn, the bastard, was loving it. Loving that he could reduce me to this pathetic needy creature while barely touching my body.

I couldn't begrudge him that triumph, though, because I felt the same way about him. To have him begging under my finger tips, and knowing that I was the one who made him that way was nothing short of intoxicating. If more people in this world were fucking Finn Hudson, everyone would be much happier.

Except for me, of course. Call me old fashioned, but the thought of having to share Finn with anyone else makes me want to claw someone's eyes out. My man was mine, not mine and everyone else's.

"How come?" Finn took his hand off the front of my pants, and I moaned in relief. And disappointment, but I wasn't going to acknowledge that part. 

I mentally backtracked across the wreckage of my thoughts. What had I said to Finn that would make him…oh, I had told him to stop, ok. "I just want to go a little slower."

"Ok." He popped the last button and slid my shirt off, folding it sloppily and tossing it in the chair next to the bed. "Slower like this?" He kissed me deeply, his mouth tasting like the chocolate syrup he must have taking a hit of before coming upstairs.

As wonderful as his kisses were, I hadn't meant for us to go quite _that_ slow. "Maybe a little more."

His fingers were already undoing the buttons on my jeans, steady and sure. Wasn't he nervous at all? If I let him do this, would I be brave, too? "More like this?" He opened the fly on my pants, but left my boxer shorts on and slid his hands away from my cock, which was so hard it was in immediate danger of falling off.

Asshole. He knew full well that that wasn't what I wanted, and when the blood started flowing back to my brain, I was going to make him pay for this. "Finn, please."

"Finn please what?" He was smirking now, his lips trailing over my jaw. "I have no idea what you want. You said to go slow, so how slow do you want?"

"I will rip your dick off if you don't touch mine this instant." The voice that snarled out of my chest sounded nothing like my own. You know that scene in the Exorcist when the evil demon speaks through the little girl? I sounded worse.

Even Finn looked shocked. "Ok, Dude, chill." He slid a hand into my boxers and started stroking.

That was good; it was fantastic, if he could just keep doing that….but wait. "Finn, pants."

He looked confused for a second, before nodding. "Dry clean only, right." He pulled both my pants and boxer shorts off, leaving me completely naked.

There was a time when being naked in front of Finn would have been to embarrassing to even think about. I wanted him, but in a childish way. I wanted him to hold my hand, and to kiss me chastely, and to write me long, melodramatic love poems. The actual sexual part of the relationship? Never even entered my mind.

Though in retrospect, I would probably be far more likely to get a dirty limerick from Finn then any sort of love poem.

Amazing how quickly things change. Now I craved Finn like a drug. I wanted rough kisses, the kind where your lip got bitten and there was beard burn on your jaw and you didn't care because everything was so perfectly right. I wanted to touch his cock, and to suck it, and to feel his body fall apart under mine. In short, I wanted everything.

_You know, Finn probably wants that same everything. Which is why you are where you are right now. Which, by the way, is flat on your back, you tramp._

Between that surprisingly comforting thought from Galinda and the feeling of Finn's hands touching me again, I felt my body relax for the first time this evening. I had already given Finn my heart and soul, so why was I so afraid to give him my body? Especially since he had already offered me his.

As much as I hate to admit it, Finn may well be braver then I am. He had been the first one to touch my body in the basement, the first one to offer a blow job, and the first one to allow me to fuck him. As odd as it was to contemplate, Finn was breaking the path, and all I was doing was following his lead. So, yeah, he was braver.

_Or just hornier._

As disgusted with myself as I was to admit it, I didn't think that it was possible to be hornier then I was right now. Finn hand one hand braced on my upper thigh and the other on the bed for balance, and I was pretty sure that if he kissed me one more time, I was going to come anyway, without him even touching me.

The feeling of cold chocolate syrup on my collarbone made me nearly jump out of my skin. Finn smirked. "Oops."

"Please." The exorcist voice was gone, leaving a breathy whimper in its place. "Finn, I'm begging you." It was shameful that I had been reduced to this, but Finn was the only one who would ever hear it.

"Oh, I guess." He said it like it was some gross imposition, rather then what I knew he had been looking forward to all day. He started licking my collarbone, his hand sliding grabbing my cock and pumping slowly. Too slowly. The pressure had built until I was ready to explode, but it wasn't quite enough to push me over the edge.

And Finn, the king of the bastards, knew it. He knew my body, and he knew exactly how much speed and pressure to apply to get me off. Which meant he also knew that this wasn't it.

I needed to come so badly that I actually hurt, but it was still a good kind of pain. I bucked and struggled, trying to get greater friction, but he was holding my body down. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes. "Finn." It was barely even a word, and I couldn't gather my thoughts enough to say anything else.

"Ok. Hold your horses." Somehow he had managed to lick his way down my chest and across my belly. Please, please, please, Jesus and Buddha and Prada and Confucius. Shit, even Satan could get in on this as long as Finn did what I was pretty sure he was going to….YES! His mouth closed over my cock, and now I really was crying.

I was also coming embarrassingly fast, so fast that I didn't even have time to give Finn a warning. He never minded swallowing, but he wasn't ready this time, and he choked a little.

_And we're off to a real sexy start, now aren't we?_

Yeah, well…shut up Galinda! I grabbed for Finn's shirt, belatedly realizing that he was still fully dressed. My fingers tangled in the fabric, tugging with as much strength as I could manage, which wasn't much. Most of my muscles felt like those of a jellyfish.

Luckily he got it and flopped down next to me, studying me like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Usually Finn's sunny natured, always laughing and making jokes. Sometimes he has a temper, and I've even known him to be depressed at times. But these were some of the very few times that I actually saw him completely relaxed and content. It made him look startlingly grown up, like I was getting a preview of the man he would be in a few years. To break the strangeness of the moment, I tapped him on the nose. "Hey."

He chuckled, and he looked like normal, goofy, 16 year old Finn again. 'Hey, back." Then he squirmed uncomfortably. "Can you, uh….just with your hand or something? Please? I'm dying here."

Oh, yeah, Finn would probably like some reciprocation. I twisted around. "Wouldn't you rather I gave you a blow job" I thought I sounded stupid when I tried to sound sexy, but Finn always seemed to like it. Maybe had had just never had anything to compare it to.

"Oh God, yes. You give the most awesome blow jobs ever!" His eyes lit with mirth.

I wasn't really that confident in my blow job giving ability, especially since it seems to be one of the things that Finn is naturally gifted at. There's also the fact that, while I have nothing to be ashamed of, Finn's bigger. It makes sense, considering how big the rest of him is, but doesn't make things quite so easy to, pardon the pun, swallow.

_All those years you spent with a microphone in front of your mouth, I'll bet you never imagined cramming it all the way down your throat!_

That was just disgusting. And possibly more accurate then not. "Ok, hold still." Finn tends to get a little wild right before he came, bucking and jerking, but was usually pretty calm with a reminder. Calm for Finn at any rate.

Despite having done this over and over, I still found sucking dick to be a little bit intimidating. Finn swore that I was doing everything right, and that it was wonderful for him, but sometimes I just thought that he was humoring me. I've never once made him swear a blue streak like he always makes me.

_So? All that proves you the two of you aren't the same person. I do recall the words 'most awesome blow jobs ever' coming out of his mouth about 15 seconds ago. He's not as loud as you are, that doesn't mean he doesn't like it._

Speaking of Finn, he was watching me with an expectant face. "Please? Do I have to start begging? Because I made you do it?. I'll totally do the caramel thing and beg. "

"Oh, I _guess_." I was teasing him now, and we both knew it. "We'll save the begging for later, but keep it in mind." Then the rest of what he had said hit home. "Wait, what caramel thing?"

"Payback?" He looked as confused as I sounded. "You know, I made you do it, so you make me do it? What goes around comes around?"

"Karma, not caramel." The thing about Finn was, if you explained things to him quickly and in a non condescending way, he seldom made the same mistake twice.

"Karma. You know, caramel would sound better because then-Fuck!" He lost his train of thought as I put his cock in my mouth. I love the boy with all my heart, but sometimes I love him better when he's quiet.

Since my mouth isn't as big as Finn's, I couldn't put his dick all the way down my throat like he did. Still, I had always heard that enthusiasm counted for a lot, and I had plenty of that. After all, I had wanted this man (and this cock, if I can be crude for a minute) for over a year already. I'm pretty sure I have enthusiasm covered.

I had also done a little bit of covert research, bribing Mercedes to get me a half dozen issues of Cosmo, all of which seemed to have some advice on how to give the best possible blow job.

Also, if I ever needed to give myself a breast exam, I knew how.

At any rate, I now knew a trick that I hadn't used before, which was to wrap my hand around the part of his dick that I couldn't get in my mouth and twist gently. Finn whimpered, and, if the way his thighs were shaking was any indication, it was something that I was going to have to revisit later. "Easy, Finn, easy."

As much as this intimidated me, there was something amazing about it as well. It was one moment in which I felt like I had total mastery of Finn's body, and could make it do whatever I wanted. Even when I was having sex with him, I hadn't felt this power. Maybe later on, when we were both more confident with it, it would different, but for now, this was it.

His breath stuttered and stopped. "Holy shit, Kurt." It came out as more of a rush of air then actual speech. "That feels _awesome_."

"Mmm-hmmmmm" I drew out the humming as much as I could, since I knew that it drove Finn crazy.

He was trying so hard to restrain himself from just shoving his cock down my throat, which I appreciated. I pulled off. "Warn me, ok?"

"L-like you did?" He still found the mental wherewithal to be slightly sarcastic. The effect was somewhat ruined by the stutter, though.

"Finn, do you really want to upset the man who's planning on putting out for you in a few minutes?" Even though I had taken my mouth off, I kept lazily stroking, which made him shiver. I leaned back, giving him a full (and slightly slutty) view of my entire body.

"Um, no?" Now he was in full on brain meltdown mode. When Finn and I first started hooking up, I always tried to keep my body covered, or at least Finn so focused on other things that he wouldn't look. If he would have jerked me off under the covers, so he didn't get to see me at all, I would have been just fine with that. I even avoided looking at my body when I was alone. No matter what angle I looked at, it was ugly and wrong.

But Finn didn't think so. When he looked at me, he saw something amazing and beautiful. That I could almost see. I did have nice features, and, I knew that I was cute. But so are baby pandas, and boys don't like baby pandas. I wanted to be sexy. So sexy that heads turned when I walked down the street and boys were falling all over themselves to get my number. Kind of a pipe dream, I knew, and one I was ashamed to claim as my own, but it was what it was. Didn't everyone dream of being a sex symbol?

_ You are._

And that was the thing I loved most about Finn, and why I was willing to do this with him when I couldn't even think about doing it with anyone else. When he looked at me, he saw that sex symbol even when I didn't. I trusted him, and that his feelings for me were genuine, and this was a natural extension of that.

But first, I had some business to attend to. "Good, then, we're in agreement." I went back to my blow job, concentrating as hard as I could at making Finn happy.

I do have a sense of humor, not to mention I enjoy making Finn squirm, I started humming again. I had never really thought of giving a blow job as an arousing prospect, but within a few minutes my dick was stirring again. I glared it into submission, which had the unexpected effect of making me change my angle. The angle change made Finn jerk and shudder. "Shit! Now, now!"

Finn wasn't usually able to give much warning, but even a few seconds was enough. I pulled off for the second time and rose to press my mouth to Finn's. I didn't like him doing that to me, since all I could think about was germs and where his mouth had been, but he never minds. The kiss was hot and fevered, with Finn huffing sharply into my mouth, his moans a vibration rather then a sound. At the same time, his cock jerked sharply, shooting all over my hand and his stomach. He flopped backwards limply, narrowly avoiding smacking himself on the headboard. "I love you."

"Love you, too, Cowboy." I might not have much confidence in my blow job giving ability, but Finn's body didn't lie. When he had just had a particularly good orgasm, all for of his limbs would tremble for a few minutes, and I could see the shudders from here. I waited until he was totally still and started licking his stomach, cleaning it up.

_ Seems you could have saved yourself a step…._

I knew that. It wasn't that I actually hated the taste of semen, because I didn't. But the thought of actually letting Finn come in my mouth made my skin crawl. It just seemed like I would choke, and I would never be able to live that humiliation down. I'm not sure who I thought would humiliate me, since Finn doesn't tell anyone about our little trysts, but my ego just couldn't take the bruising.

Since even Finn was going to need a few minutes to recover from that one, I laid down next to him, resting my head on his chest and feeling his heartbeat. It pattered rapidly at first, then slowed into its normal rhythm. I rolled my head and mouthed lightly at a nipple. He sighed deeply, then chuckled. "I love it when you're horny."

Cuddling in the afterglow like this, it was easy to ask questions and talk about things that we usually wouldn't. "I have a question for you, Cowboy, and I want you to be honest."

His eyes widened. "Is this about the Youtube video?"

It hadn't started out about that, but I wasn't going to miss that opportunity. "What Youtube video?"

"You know the one where you're in the really tight black underarmour? The sparkly ones?" I must have looked blank, because he gave me a lazy grin, his laughter barely contained. . "The 'Single Ladies' one!"

"That was a unitard, and who put it on YouTube?" Due to my lack of clothing, I could actually watch the blush shoot down my chest and stomach. If the rest of the school saw it, I was doomed.

"I don't know. But it was like, the sexiest thing I had ever seen. Sexier then porn even, because you weren't faking it." He rubbed his cheek against mine. "I totally jerk off when I'm watching it. You never look better then when you're having fun."

_See, what did I tell you? Enthusiasm counts_.

I decided to let this one go for the moment, at least until I could see the video for myself. If it was the one I had taken of the final product, it wouldn't be too bad. If it was one of the early practices, it could be terrible. "No, this isn't about the YouTube video. It's about Rachel."

"How come? She didn't hit on me today. She never hits on me anymore since she got Jesse."

So his name was Jesse. "Actually Jesse was what we're starting to get curious about. She goes on and on about this boy, and how talented and wonderful he is, but none of us have ever met him. We're starting to think that he's made up."

He smirked. "Is 'we' you and Mercedes? Because that sounds like the sort of thing that you two would come up with."

"Ok, yes, it's me and Mercedes. But come on! She didn't even give us a name, which you have to admit is kind of suspicious. I mean, she all but had _your _name tattooed on her lower back after a week. Plus, we all know that girl can't keep a secret to save her life."

"She's actually on a date with him right now. His name is Jesse St. James and he goes to a different school. I haven't seen him either, but I'm pretty sure he's real."

Damn, there _was_ another man in this world foolish enough to date Rachel Berry. "That name sounds kind of familiar. Are you sure he doesn't go to McKinley?"

"Yeah, I kind of thought that I should know him, too, but I guess I don't." A big hand ran down my body, the thumb curving into the V of my hipbone. At the same time, his lips found the spot behind my ear. "Can we talk about my boyfriend and not Rachel's boyfriend?"

"I suppose that that can be arra-Finn!" My words choked off as his hand wrapped around my soft cock, thumb sliding up under the head and causing an instant hard-on. "Oh, God, don't stop."

He pulled me over so that his body was spooning mine, and he had access to more of my body. From this position, I could also feel his own cock, half hard and pressed against my ass. Oh, yeah, this was what we were here for.

Luckily, he didn't seem like he was in any huge hurry to get there. This was probably more for my benefit then his, since I knew exactly what it felt like to want nothing more then to get to having sex. Finn got me fully hard, but then moved away, his hands trailing over my body as if he wanted to memorize it all over again. Gentle fingers, callused from playing sports and the drums ran over my spine, my thighs, my nipples. With every stroke, my body got more excited, until he had worked me into a fever pitch and my nerves were gone.

Finally, his hand slid down onto my ass. "Good? You ready?"

I couldn't make myself form words. I tried, but every time I opened my mouth, all that poured out was pitiful moaning. So I nodded instead. "Ok. Let me know if, you know, I hurt you or something."

I nodded again, but I wasn't really afraid. After seeing the deer in the headlights way Finn had reacted to me stretching him out, I had taken the liberty of doing a little experimentation on myself. Finn had been right, three fingers did hurt a little bit, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

Finn's hands left my body just long enough to get the lube from the nightstand. My stomach rolled with a mixture of apprehension and desire. This was Finn. Finn who would die before he hurt me, and who had a better idea of what to do then I had, since he had been in this position himself, and who….who….

_Is an enormous klutz?_

Before I could give in to that (admittedly terrifying) thought, Finn trailed his fingers, now slick with lube, down my lower back and over my ass. "So, should I just…like….shove it in there?"

"Yes, Finn, just shove it in there. Could you possibly put that in less sexy terms?" My nerves were making me snarky.

Luckily Finn's used to it, so he just chuckled. "Sorry. Kurt, are you ready for me to…uh….make love sweet love to….well….your ass?"

Points to him for trying. "Thank you, Finn." He probed gently before sliding one finger in. His hands are bigger then mine, and the angle was different, but it was pretty much the same as it had been when I did it to myself. Since I was already somewhat used to the sensation, it made me shiver happily rather then freaking me out. Finn kissed the nape of my neck, his breath coming hard and heavy.

He didn't ask if I was alright, because he already knew. I was fine, and I would tell him if I wasn't. A second finger joined the first, and curled, nailing my prostate with uncanny accuracy. I struggled against him, trying to get some pressure on my aching cock. Anything would do. Even if I had to roll over and start humping the bed like a dog, I would take it just to get a little relief.

Finn must have asked the internet for some tips of his own, because his movements were as smooth as glass, his fingers scissoring and opening me up. I was babbling pitifully, telling him to fuck or suck me, or do _anything_, as long as it got me off in the end, _please_ Finn.

"Ok, ok, hold still." One arm wrapped around me, pulling me up to my knees. "Seriously, Kurt, quit it! This is hard enough without you squirming around like a cat in heat!"

Had I been able to form words right then, I would have pointed out how hard more then one body part was as well, but all I could do was whimper. Finn pressed his dick against me, releasing a slow breath as he did. He shivered once and whispered softly. "Ok, God, help me out here. Please don't let me screw this up or have that mailman problem. Also? Don't watch because that's gross and I know you aren't a pervert."

Despite everything, I snickered a little into my forearm. Finn stroked my hipbone. "Ok, here we go."

One of his hands left my back, and I could hear him tearing open a condom and putting it on. That was strange, since I hadn't used one with him. What made the inside of my body dirtier and worse then his?

I had promised myself that when my turn came to bottom I would be a lot braver about it then Finn had been. Of course it would hurt, I wasn't saying that it hadn't, but Finn can be a bit of a baby when it comes to pain.

Baby he might have been, but this time Finn was right. When Finn pushed inside of me, it _hurt. _A lot. Now my whimpers were pain more then pleasure. Clearly Finn shouldn't be topping anyone, if this is what it felt like. Maybe his dick was just too big to fit.

He kissed the back of my neck, which was now damp with sweat. "I know, I know. It'll get better."

It certainly couldn't get any worse. But I concentrated on relaxing, the same way I did when the hockey team had launched me into yet another dumpster. Things always hurt worse when your muscles were tense. In through the mouth, out through the nose.

While I was concentrating on not freaking out, Finn kept pressing forward until his hips were pressed against me. His breathing was as tightly controlled as mine, which made me feel better. His forehead dropped between my shoulder blades. "Fuck, Kurt. You're just…fuck."

Well, that was an ego boost. Knowing that I was making Finn fall apart like this helped me relax, and, as soon as I did, things started feeling better. He pulled almost all the way out, added more lube and pushed in again. The extra slickness let me relax further, and I felt the first bits of pleasure stirring low in my stomach. "Mmmmm."

He responded to my sigh of pleasure by pressing even closer, humming himself. "I can't….here; can you lean a little on your one arm?"

Since Finn has all the natural grace of a llama on roller-skates, it took him a few minutes to work out how to thrust into me, keep his balance on the bed, and get a hand around to jerk me off. Once he got it though, he got it good.

"My my, Kurt, you're quite the needy little slut, aren't you?" Finn sounded like he was trying not to laugh, but failing miserably.

Had it been anyone else, they would have been thrown out of the house (never mind whether it was my house or not, I would still kick them out) without a second thought. The fact that it was Finn, though? There was a sick part of me that found the dirty talk incredibly hot. My pride warred with my need, and, as always, the pride lost out big time. "I am." There was no point in trying to lie about it, considering that he could feel how hard I was trying to rut against his hand.

"Yeah." He was trying to sound a cool and collected, but the shudder in his voice betrayed him. His angle changed, and I suddenly knew what everyone was talking about it regards to sex. My brain stopped and the room started to spin.

The world shrunk until it was me, Finn, and the things he was doing to my body. He was talking, or maybe just moaning, but it was nothing but meaningless swirls of noise to me. All that mattered was that I got off and right now.

When I actually did come, I swear I felt my heart stop beating. My body twisted, and Finn ended up nearly losing his balance again. His new position caused his cock to slide right across my already oversensitive prostate. Even though it was borderline painful, the sensation pushed me into a second orgasm almost before I was done with the first. Everything went dark, and I swear I passed out for a minute.

I was brought back to reality by Finn's fingers tightening on my hips, hard enough that I knew there were going to be bruises for a week. His body shook and he gave a final drawn out groan before coming inside of me. He rocked backwards onto his knees, pulling out. "I'm just going to toss this." He gestured at the condom.

"Sure." I made a move to roll over myself, only to suddenly realize that I was completely covered in disgusting bodily fluids. Semen, sweat, things I couldn't even identify. I held my arms out of my sides, not even wanting to touch my own body. "Get a washcloth, please." Normally I would have insisted on a full shower, but I couldn't even make myself sit all the way up, so it was going to be a whore's bath tonight.

I waited, but Galinda had gone silent. The skank was probably all blissed out and, if I was lucky, would snooze right on through tomorrow.

Once the clean up was taken care of, I climbed on top of Finn, resting my head on his chest. The move was partially to snuggle closer to him, and partially to avoid having to lie in the wet spot. "That was…." I stopped because there were no words to describe what had happened. My entire lower body burned, telling me that I had been using muscles that hadn't been worked out in a long time, if ever. Even my abs hurt.

"Like the most awesome thing ever?" One hand ran up and down my back, heavy and slow. "Because it totally was."

"Yeah." I had heard Santana say over and over that it took a bunch of tries (anywhere from 12-47, depending on how bitchy she felt and if she and Puck were seeing each other at the time) before the sense of accomplishment set in. Was it weird that Finn and I got it right in two tries?

I gave myself a quick shake, trying to stay awake so I could talk to him a bit more. "Hey, Finn?"

"Hmm?" One eye flicked back open, sated and content.

"I….did you like it better? Being on top?" I had liked both, but I was pretty sure that I preferred bottoming.

"Uh-huh. I felt like I could control things, which was kind of cool. It's neat that you trusted me to be in charge." The hand on my back moved around to touch my hip. "But we don't have to do it that way every time. We don't want thing to get boring."

"One thing you will never be, Cowboy, is boring. Our lives just don't run that way." Even if sometimes I wished that there could be a break from the drama, if only for a few weeks.

"Mine used to." His voice was strange, and I couldn't tell if he was sad about that or not. "It used to always be normal. But then Glee came, and then there was you, and our parents are dating, and I had to get tested and now everything's kind of strange. It's not boring, but it wasn't really boring before, either."

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to get angry, or apologize, or even say anything at all, so I went with rubbing my thumb over his collarbone in as soothing a manner as I could manage. He grinned. "But if none of that had happened, I wouldn't have you. I would still have Quinn, and that would have been really bad. She needed me, because of Drizzle, but she didn't really want me. Rachel wanted me, but maybe I wouldn't have her either. I screw things up a lot, you know. Anyway, now she has Jessie. So everyone got who they needed. And Quinn has no one, which makes me feel kind of good, even though it's really wrong."

Once Finn started with the word vomit like this, it was best just to nod and not say anything. Usually he could babble it out on his own. Sure enough, he stretched happily. "Anyway, sometimes it's good for life to be a little bit boring, but most of the time it's not."

"I love you, too, Finn." Even though he hadn't actually said the words, I knew what he meant. "And I'm glad things aren't boring."

"Yeah. So, Mom won't be home for another few hours, so maybe we could fuel up with some more food, and then have some more sex? Because I might need a few more tries before-Kurt?" He cut himself off, staring me in the face. "What's wrong? You aren't going have a seizure are you?"

I'm sure I did look like I was about to go into convulsions. Actually, I felt like I might have some sort of attack. Finn's words from earlier, which had drifted to the back of my brain the minute my dick got hard, suddenly shot back to the front. Jessie St. James. _Jessie_ St. James. The name appeared in giant neon letters blasted across my brain, and I knew exactly where I had heard that name before. "Rachel's dating the enemy!"

Finn shot me an incredulous look. "What? Look, we don't even know this dude. How do we know he's the enemy?"

"Jessie St. James is the male lead of Vocal Adrenaline! Finn, there's no way he's not spying on us!" After all, Rachel's personality wasn't going to attract him. He was evil, not stupid.

"What are we going to do?" His eyes were huge.

I sat up, balancing myself on Finn's stomach. "I don't know."

"Maybe she doesn't know who he is? I mean, Rach loves winning, and she can't do that if he knows all of our routines." Finn sounded heartbreakingly hopeful. He never likes to think that anyone is mean on purpose, no matter how clear the evidence.

"Of course she knows! She's run a background check on every member of the Glee club, and she hates most of us! There's no way she didn't run one on the man she's dating. Plus, she hid him from us. There's no reason to hide him if she's not ashamed of what she's doing." I don't have Finn's trusting nature, and I certainly had no desire to defend her.

"Do we tell on her?" Again, I had a hard time reading his tone. "Because I hate tattling."

"It's not tattling when-Finn!" I had leaned backwards to get more comfortable, and rather distinctively felt something against my back. "Really? Can you not control your body for 10 minutes?"

"Not when I'm looking at you naked! It's a compliment, if you think about it." He held up his hands, looking pitiful. "Besides, we can't do anything about the Rachel and Jessie thing until tomorrow anyway. Why should we waste tonight worrying about my ex-girlfriend when we have each other?"

Sometimes, Finn made an amazing amount of sense. I braced my hands on either side of his neck and leaned down to kiss him. "You have a dirty mind, Finn Hudson."

"Like you wouldn't believe. So, should we do stuff?"

I let myself fall into his devil-may-care attitude. "And just what would you be planning?"

He pulled me down so he could whisper in my ear. My mouth dropped open and I felt my face (not to mention the rest of my body) get suddenly hot. "Finn Hudson! You are a complete pervert!"

"I know. So, you wanna?" His face was the smug look of a man who already knows he's won.

I took the plunge. "Sure, why not?"

"Awesome. I'll go get the chocolate syrup."


	61. Chapter 61

Kurt POV

By the time two hours had passed, Finn and I were no closer to coming up with a solution to our little debacle. Naturally, he was still defending Rachel, because that's just how Finn is. He's especially forgiving right after he's gotten off a few times, four by my last count. After the night we've had, I'm pretty sure neither one of us could get it up again, even if we tried.

"Why don't you just let me talk to Rach first? Get her side of the story?" It was the third or fourth time Finn had asked that.

"Finn, she doesn't have a side! She knowingly hooked up with the most inappropriate person she could, to the detriment of the entire Glee club. Do I have to remind you that if we don't win our Regionals, we're toast? Figgins will rent the room out for AA."

Despite my bitchy tone, I wasn't really angry with Finn. None of this was his fault, and getting angry with him never helped matters. It just made him either scream back or shut down, and neither one of those things were going to solve this.

"Yeah, I know. Mr. Shue tells us that all the time, and I listen." His voice was starting to take on a mulish quality, and I knew that it was time to back off. "It's just that…"

The seconds ticked by, becoming a minute or more, and he didn't finish. I prompted tiredly. "Just that…..?"

"They would say that about you and me." The words came out in a rush. "That I shouldn't be with you, and that you're the most inappropriate person I could hook up with, because you're a dude and everything. And they would be wrong. Maybe we're wrong, too."

Asking Finn to sort something out for you is a little like playing Russian roulette. Five times out of six, you get nothing but a dry click and a blank look. But that sixth time…that sixth time, you get the fire, which was exactly what had just happened. "That's….that's not the same thing."

"Maybe not." He gave me a halfhearted shrug. "But maybe, and I don't want us to be the douche wang that messed it all up for her. Come on; just let me talk to her. If I don't, you'll tell Mercedes, and then everyone will know in 10 minutes because she gossips. Give me just one day."

"This is against my better judgment, Cowboy, but ok. Talk to Rachel, and see what pathetic excuse she can come up with. 24 hours, and that's it."

His resulting smile kind of made the sacrifice worth it. "Cool. Thanks, Kurt, you're awesome."

"You know it. Now, let's talk about something else. Rachel Berry and her animals sweaters make me lose my sex drive."

"Kurt, you know I love you, and I never thought that these words would come out of my mouth, but _please_, no more sex stuff. I'm exhausted! The little guy is dead."

"No, not sex. Maybe a little pillow talk?" I really wasn't sure why I asked. Finn, like most boys, doesn't do talking well. If he has something he wants to say, he says it, but small talk is not his forte.

Sure enough, now I was getting the deer in the headlights stare. "About what?"

I tried to set him at ease. "I don't know, anything. It won't be that long until my birthday, and then yours right after. For my birthday, Dad always gets me tickets to a Broadway show, and we go together. Maybe this year it could be the four of us? You and I could go to the show, and our parents can do whatever freaky thing they do. It will be the ultimate date."

He smiled a little. "That might be cool, to see an actual Broadway show. What are we going to go see? Since it's your birthday, I'll even go to something that sucks."

Finn's definition of what sucked was much broader then mine, and included just about everything that didn't involve sex, blood, and copious amounts of violence. "I don't know, Dad always surprises me with the show. I really, really want to see Wicked, but tickets are expensive, so it's been a no-go."

"That's the green one with the song you messed up, right?" Finn traced his nose across my collarbone.

"Right. It's also a book. Actually, it's three books, but the musical is just based on the first one. The book is based on the Wizard of Oz, but it's from the witch's point of view. It's also much more adult."

He huffed against my skin. "She wasn't really wicked, was she?"

"Not in the strictest sense. Poor choices, and a nasty temper, but not fundamentally bad."

"Most people aren't. And I get bad choices and nasty temper. I'm guessing that the book is good, though, since they made a play about it."

I wasn't sure the first part of his statement had anything to do with one Jessie St. James, or if it was a more general observation. I decided to swing the conversation in another direction. "I could lend you the book, and you could find out for yourself."

"You know I can barely read. Unless it's one of those 'See Spot Run' sort of books, I'll never get through it." This time, his tone was a little hurt, as if I should have remembered that.

"I could help you. No matter what your problem really is, Finn, you aren't going to get better if you don't work at it." This had to be handled very delicately.

"I don't want to." He was digging his heels in.

"Why not? It's a good story, even by your standards. Lots of violence, and espionage, and even sex. All the makings of a Finn Hudson favorite."

"Can't you just read it to me? I'm a really good listener."

Time for a little bargaining. "How about we alternate? I'll read some, you read some."

The light was gone from his eyes, and I mentally cursed myself for making him unhappy. In fact, he looked almost like he wanted to cry. I rubbed his stomach. "What's wrong?"

His reply was mumbled into his chest, and I had to ask him to repeat himself. This time he looked up, but his voice was still very soft. "People make fun of me."

Oh. I had always been a quick learner, and eager to read out loud, but I could recall which kids didn't do was well. Even though I had never flat out made fun of a slower learner, I had laughed, along with everyone else, and apparently that was just as bad. "I wouldn't make fun of you. When have I ever made fun of you?"

"Never." His eyes were still sad, but I could hear in his voice that he really wanted to believe me.

"Ok. Why don't I read the first few chapters to get us started, and then you can decide whether or not to keep going? There's witch sex in it." I didn't think it would take more then two or three chapters to draw him into the story and get us over the first hurdle.

He nodded, and some of the stress flowed out of his body. I didn't want to spoil the night, so I brought us back around to the original subject. "But we were talking about what play we would go see on Broadway, weren't we?"

"Uh-huh. Maybe we could see that one that had Johnny Depp in it. You know, where he was eating people. That would be awesome."

Despite my aversion to horror movies, I had always wanted to see Sweeny Todd. "I don't think that it's on Broadway right now. How about the Little Mermaid? It's a beautiful story, and much more grown-up then the Disney version."

"Whatever you want to see is fine with me. I want you to be happy on your birthday."

There was the sound of a door slamming from below us, making us both jump guiltily, even though we were fully dressed. "Boys?" Carole's voice rose up the stairs. "Are you both still here?"

What was she doing here? She and my father were supposed to be gone until tomorrow morning.

"Yeah! We're up in my room. We're decent!" Usually Carole didn't bother coming all the way upstairs, but it only took her seeing us undressed one time to scar both Finn and I for life.

"Well, tell Kurt that his father wants him home soon! It's still a school night, you know!"

Luckily, I know how to charm Carole. "We're on our way!" If we made it down there quickly enough, she would know that Finn and I hadn't been doing anything inappropriate.

_Like she doesn't know what the two of you were up two this evening. She's not a moron, Kurt._

I really didn't care if she knew, as long as she never said anything to me about it. Just like I knew that she and my father were- ew, I wish I hadn't mentally gone there.

_ Yeah, I kind of wish you hadn't gone there either. You have a nasty imagination, complete with pictures._

Finn bounded ahead of me to give his mother a hug. She squeezed him back. "How did dinner go?

"Good! There's even leftovers, and I promise you won't get food poisoning from it like you did the last time. Isn't that right, Kurt? It was good?"

"It was delicious, Carole. Don't worry, Rachel helped him, and, as much as it pains me to admit it, the girl can cook."

"Hey, Mom?" Finn learned against the doorframe. "How come you're home so early? I thought that you were spending the night with Kurt's dad. You know, in your own hotel room."

"That was the plan, but Burt has a bad migraine, and wanted to come home for the night. Sorry, boys, your sleepover is cancelled." The smirk that twisted one corner of her mouth told me that she was well aware that the mission for tonight had already been accomplished. It also made her look exactly like Finn.

"Oh." Finn shot her a look the kind that was actually a small conversation between them, one that I had no part in. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did, but go ahead." Carole looked as curious as I felt.

"Say that someone you knew was doing something kind of wrong, but not really. Like they were dating a criminal, but they weren't breaking the law themselves. Should you try and get them to break up? Or should you just let it go and hope that they break up on their own?"

Getting someone else's advice on the whole Rachel/Jessie situation wasn't a bad idea, but all he had done was confuse his mother. "Finn, Kurt, are either one of you in trouble?"

"No. It's just that…screw it, Kurt I'm going to tell her. Mom's like a super-genius, so she'll knew what to do."

Like I've said before, Finn is the ultimate mama's boy. It would never have occurred to him that this might be a situation in which Carole wouldn't be able to help us.

That wasn't going to stop her from trying, though. She sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Rachel got a new boyfriend. I'm not jealous or anything, since I have Kurt now. Ok, maybe I'm a little jealous, but that's not the point. The point is, her new boyfriend is the male lead from Vocal Adrenaline, and that's our competition. So she's dating the enemy. Kurt thinks we should tell on her, but I don't. Who's right?"

I had to give her some credit, Carole actually thought about it instead of taking either one of our sides immediately. "Does Rachel know who this boy is?"

"Yes."

"We don't know." Finn and I spoke simultaneously. For a moment, his mother was forgotten as we bickered.

"You don't know for sure."

"Of course I do! This is Rachel we're talking about. She knows everything about everyone she meets, much less dates!"

"Well, she didn't know I liked boys." His voice was smug.

"_You _didn't know you liked boys! And anyway, you don't like boys. You just like me." I wasn't going to let him drag me off course.

"Well that should make you feel special! There are six trillion people on the planet, and you're the one I like the best." He was giving me that half smile half smirk that made me want to pin him down to the nearest surface and do things that would shock the heck out of a seasoned prostitute.

"Finn!" Carole sounded like she was trying not to laugh. "Focus. And there are six billion people on the planet, not six trillion. But back to your Rachel situation, I think the right thing would be to speak to her in private about it. Not to immediately tell everyone else, and certainly don't ignore it. Get her side of the story and move on from there. You both have to remember that she has a life outside of the Glee club, and sometimes making the choices that are best for herself aren't always going to be what's best for the club."

That was where she was wrong. Rachel really didn't have a life outside of the club, and while her choices didn't always reflect what was best for the club, they did always reflect what gave us the best chance of winning.

_That was then, this is now. It wasn't that long ago that all of your choices revolved around your father and your fashion. Then came Glee. Then came having actual friends. Then came Finn. Your world is bigger now, and so is hers. I don't know why the thought is so shocking to you._

Maybe because this was Rachel Berry we were talking about? The girl was immensely talented, but possessed all the social acuity of a walrus.

_You're just jealous because she made out with Finn first. Admit it, that's part of the reason you're so eager to tell on her now. Petty is not a good look on you, Kurt._

Ok, maybe there was small part of me that felt that way. And maybe another small part that was irritated that Carole hadn't taken my side, even though she hadn't really taken Finn's side either.

"I'll talk to her tomorrow, ok?" Finn's was still facing Carole, so it took me a minute to realize that he was speaking to me. I had been frustrated, but we hadn't really been fighting. Finn didn't seem to have realized that though, and was now eager to make up with me.

"Of course. I'll keep my silence on the matter for 24 hours, no more. After that period is up, I reserve the right to scream it from the top of the Cheerios pyramid." I laid my head on his shoulder, rubbing my cheek against the worn fabric of his T-shirt and enjoying the smell of Finn's body with a little hint of sex.

'Done." He laid his head against mine, causing Carole to give a sad smile and discretely excuse herself from the room. "I love you."

Now we were back to subjects I actually enjoyed talking about. "I love you, too. Walk me to my car?" There was a question I wanted to ask, but I would die before I did it where there was even the smallest possibility that Carole could hear me.

"Ok." He kept his arm around me when we walked, our breaths fogging in the cool air. "So….I was ok? It was all ok?"

"You were perfect." But his words did fall neatly into the thing that had been plaguing my thoughts. "I have a question, though."

"Sure." He opened the car door for me, and even went as far as to put his hands under my arms and lift me up into the car. It was ridiculous, but it did make me smile a bit. "Is this a long question or a short one, because it's really kind of cold out here?"

"A short one, but get in the car anyway. I don't want your mother to hear it."

His eyes lit up. "Is it kinky?"

"You wish. Get in the car."

"I do wish." He bounded around and jumped inside. "I wish very much."

Let it never be said that Finn Hudson wasn't thinking with his dick at least 8 hours out of every 24. "Well, you'll just have to keep wishing. And close the door before we both freeze."

He did and leaned over so I could whisper to him. "What's the question?"

I felt blood rush to my face, and I regretted saying anything. How could I possibly phrase this to ensure the least amount of humiliation? "Umm…the condom? How come you used one when I didn't?" I was proud that I sounded neither whiny nor too bitchy.

"Oh." Finn made a face. "It's not because of where I was shoving my dick, if that's what you mean. It's just that…it's kind of gross. You know, afterwards."

Well that made exactly zero sense. "What's gross?"

He flushed darkly enough that I could see it even in the rapidly fading twilight. "You know…._it." _

It much have been obvious that I was still confused, because he sighed heavily. "Ok, apparently I have to just say it and not be classy and polite. It was super super gross after you did me when I could feel your spunk coming back out. There are places on your body that just shouldn't leak, and you ass is one of them. So I used a condom, because I know how you feel about gross and sticky things."

"How very chivalrous of you." It was also completely disgusting, but I couldn't say that he hadn't tried avoiding telling me.

"That's a good thing. It means all noble and wonderful. I know, because Rachel called me the same thing one time."

I couldn't help but lean over and kiss him again. "Tonight was perfect. Don't ever feel like you could be better, because you can't. I love you."

He grinned. "Dude, of course. I love you, too. And don't worry, I'll totally talk to Rachel and fix all of this. It's probably not as big of a deal as we think it is."

"Probably not." I didn't believe that for a second, but why spoil what was turning out to be a perfect moment? "I'll pick you up first thing tomorrow. Be ready on time and for God's sake eat something better then a pop tart."

We both knew that he wouldn't, but he nodded happily. "Ok, I'll see you then."

I waited until he was back in the house before I pulled out of the driveway. I'm not sure exactly what I think will happen to Finn in the 15 feet from my car to his front door, but trouble can find my boyfriend from a million miles away.

As soon as I was sure he was safe, I pulled out of the driveway and grabbed my phone. I didn't even need to look to click through my contacts and find the one I wanted. She picked up on the first ring. "Kurt, tell me everything."

"I…." I stopped there, because I had no idea what to say. I couldn't put what I had experienced into words. "Words fail me."

Mercedes laughed. "That would be a first. So I take it he topped this time?"

Of course I had told her all of my plans, since I needed some moral support to actually go through with it. Hey, Finn had Rachel, though I doubted he had gone into as much detail with her as I had with Mercedes. I may be relatively ignorant of the politics of heterosexual dating, but even I know that talking about having sex with your new boyfriend doesn't tend to go over too well with your ex-girlfriend. "He did." Even I could hear the lovesick sigh in my voice.

"From that puppy dog voice, I would say it went well." She was trying not to laugh again.

"You have_ no_ idea. Who would have thought that Finn Hudson was such a stud in bed?"

_Certainly nobody who listened to Quinn Fabray. _

I tried to think of how to explain what had happened. All my life I had considered sex to be something filthy, or, at best, shameful. By the way, I could directly attribute to the jocks and cretins of McKinley High. By the time I was old enough to understand how two men had sex, I had already heard years and years of jokes and disgusting comments about it. So I just pushed it all out of my mind. Sex was something I would worry about when I was older, like in my mid to late 20's.

Even when I first saw Finn, I didn't think about sex. I thought about making him my boyfriend constantly, but not in a real way. I supposed I was more like a preteen girl thinking about her first boyfriend. I doodled his initials in my notebooks, complete with hearts and flowers. I imagined holding his hand and going on romantic dates. I imagined kissing him, but not even with tongue. Apparently I thought I was living in a 1930's musical.

I tried not to acknowledge that sex existed, but sometimes my hormones got the better of me. When I was forced to do….that, I did it as quickly as possible, in the shower so I wouldn't have deal with any of the evidence or mess later. Even that made me feel dirty. It wasn't beautiful or wonderful or even really that pleasurable. It was just an unpleasant task to be taken care of, like using the toilet or shaving.

But since I had gotten Finn everything changed. Now when I touched myself, I felt his hands on my body, his eyes studying my every more. I had always thought of myself as cute, but never sexy until I saw it written all over Finn's face.

It was probably a good thing that I had learned to enjoy masturbating, because, with Finn around, I was doing it almost every single day just to prevent myself from doing something like mounting him in the choir room.

_Ooh, I like that thought. Let's file it away for later._

I was not going to…oh, who was I kidding? There was a certain thrill at the thought of doing in the same room we practiced almost daily in. And in the auditorium. And on the football field.

_ And on Coach Sylvester's desk._

The sheer daring of that thought nearly made me gasp out loud. Granted, it was a completely unrealistic fantasy, since her office was locked with two separate keys at all times, but the thought, and the huge 'fuck you' message it would portray in more ways then one was so delicious that-

"Kurt!" Mercedes was giggling into the phone, so it probably wasn't the first time she had tried to get my attention. "Focus! I want details."

I was never sure how many details I should be giving, though. This wasn't just about me, it was about Finn, too, and I knew that he would be embarrassed to find out Mercedes knew how big his equipment was. Not that he had anything to be embarrassed about size-wise, but Finn can be surprisingly private about some things, and his body is one of them. He's not really a fan of the communal showers at school, even though he will use them, and he doesn't really like taking off his clothes in front of other people. I don't either, so I can empathize with that. "I can't give you the details of my sex life. It would be gross."

I could almost hear her eyes rolling through the phone. "I don't want the nasty sort of details. I just want to know how things went."

"Perfect." Other then a lack of pants and him forgetting the chocolate of course, but those were probably blessings in disguise. Finn should not be allowed to use anything hot, period, and I was not letting him pour scalding chocolate all over my body, particularly it's more southern regions. A trip to the ER was not sexy. "Believe it or not, Finn did everything right."

"I'm leaning towards not, because I've seen Finn in action, but oh well. Were there fireworks and choirs of angels and all of that shit? Was it the most special and wonderful thing that has ever occurred in the history of the planet?" She was doing her best to sound sarcastic, but I heard a slight undercurrent of sadness under it all.

Oh, right. Her first time hadn't been special. Noah Puckerman wasn't exactly the stuff choirs of angels were made of.

_ If Santana's to be believed, he's certainly the stuff fireworks are made of, though._

Well, Ms. Galinda, the only reason he was capable of such fireworks is because he's a total whore. Finn was capable of more then enough fireworks, without the STD's that I was sure accompanied Puck. And I would take Finn's goofy half-smile over Puck's smirk any day.

_So we're in agreement, then. I love our Finn, too._

"It was perfect. But, Mercedes, there's someone out there for you, too and it will be perfect with them. So what if your _first_ first time wasn't special? There will be plenty of other first times, with plenty of other guys, and those can be special." There, that was a pretty good speech to come up with on the fly, wasn't it?

A derisive snort came through the phone. "Just how many men do you think I plan on sleeping with? Puck was a…a….a statistical anomaly! The next one will be someone I love."

"And then it will be special." I was going to need to step back slowly from this one. After all, an agitated female was a dangerous, dangerous thing._  
_

"Of course it will." Some of her old spark was returning. "After all, it doesn't get much more fabulous then me."

I couldn't let that one go. "Unless it's me, of course."

"Oh yes, how could I forget your utter fabulosity. More importantly, how can Finn?" Now she sounded like herself again.

"He can't. I wouldn't let him."

"You really love him, don't you?" She was back to sounding sad. No, sad wasn't right. It was more….wistful.

"Well, of course I do. You know how long I've been in love with him." Where was she going with this?

"Down, Cujo. But you need to be realistic. You weren't in love with Finn. You were in love with the idea of nailing the quarterback, just like everyone else." Her voice was gentle, which kind of made things worse.

"No I wasn't! I was in love with Finn for who he was!" Wasn't I? Of course I was. I was in love with his smile, and his walk and his body, and his-oh. Maybe Mercedes had a point.

"Really? Because you were hot for him before he spoke more then a few words and smiled at you once. Then you stalked him from a distance for a few months. I wouldn't exactly call that falling in love with his personality. So what if you fell in love with that gorgeous smile and oversized body? Apparently he's the total package."

_With the perfect package._

I mentally snickered at that one. "He_ is_ the total package. I mean, I know he's kind of stupid, and clumsy as a baby calf, and he reads like a second grader. He's certainly not without flaws. But none of that matters. He's kind, and he always thinks the best of people, whether or not they deserve it. When he puts his mind to things, there isn't much he can't do. He doesn't get there the fastest, but he gets there in the end. And he's-"

"A demon in the sack? Just how big is that thing?" Now she was the one who was snickering.

"Big." 8.3 inches, to be exact, but that was something between Finn and I. I don't think he really understood why I wanted to measure it, but Finn will go along with just about anything, especially if I put my hand down his pants. "But you're right. As crazy as he's driving me right now, Finn is the total package, and I would to lost without him."

"Uh-oh, trouble in paradise? Did you catch him looking up Rachel's skirt?"

At least I didn't have to worry about _that_, thank Prada. When Finn wanted Rachel, he wanted her with a single minded intensity that bordered on obsession. Which was the main reason he and Rachel didn't work out. When you added his obsessions to her obsessions, it always ended in screaming and teary love songs. They were a pattern of dysfunction.

But when Finn was done with something he was done. He as no longer dating Rachel, but he was dating me, so now I was the object of his obsession. Ok, maybe it was still a little bit dysfunctional, but a sick part of me found it incredibly flattering. 6 billion people on the planet, and I was the one Finn wanted.

"No, he's really not that interested in her any more. She wants to be friends, and he's going for that. But he doesn't look at her like he looks at me." Not that there wasn't still a small part of me that was afraid that she would bat her eyelashes and blind him with a tight animal sweater, but I was getting over that. Really, she wasn't that bad as long as we weren't in competition for Finn.

Mercedes sighed. "We used to talk more."

The change in subject threw me. "What?"

"You and I. When we talked before, we really talked. Now everything's code words and not telling each other stuff. We're not honest any more."

"That's not true. I tell you everything that happens to me. But I can only tell you about me, not Finn. It's not fair for me to blab all of his secrets." I knew what she meant, though. Finn came with his own dramas and problems, and I had been a little caught up in the novelty of having him.

"You don't. It's alright, really. I mean, you have Finn now, and I'll have a man one day soon, too. After all, who could resist this amount of fabulous woman?"

It wasn't over. As flip as she sounded right now, I knew that her feelings had been hurt by my rejection. But it wasn't really a rejection was it? "No one. All we need is a battle plan. Pick a male Cheerio, and we'll make him yours by the end of the week." 

She was quiet for a few beats too long. Then she came back on the line, her voice artificially happy. "The poor boy won't know what hit him."

Obviously I had said the wrong thing, but I didn't know how to make it right.

_Try asking her_.

"Mercedes? Are you alright? Do you want me to come over?" My father was expecting me, but maybe I could convince him to let me go over and comfort a friend.

"Yeah." This time when her voice brightened, it sounded less false. "I'm just being overdramatic, I guess. You enjoy your boy, and we'll worry about getting me one later, provided I don't strangle Coach Sylvester with her own megaphone cord."

"I'll either pull you off of her or help you dispose of the body."

When she giggled this time, it was like whatever thin, glass, wall was between us had shattered and she sounded like herself again. "Ok, I'll talk with you later."

Once we had both hung up, I just sat in the car, staring at the road ahead of me and thinking about the directions my life was turning in. In some ways, I thought Mercedes was the far stronger of the two of us. As much as I tried to claim otherwise, I let people push me around. Not just the hockey team, with whom I could at least use the excuse that they were far larger and stronger then I was. I let adults do the same thing with barely a whisper of complaint.

I could have fought Mr. Shue for my own solo, but I really hadn't. I had asked for it, and been turned down, but that was it. If I had wanted it so badly (and I had wanted it with all of my heart and soul), I should have been willing to fight harder instead of relying on my father to do it for me.

I had also let Coach Sylvester pick on both Mercedes and I today, and hadn't done a thing to defend either one of us. Mercedes wasn't willing to stand up to her either, but she was more then happy to remove herself from more abuse by quitting. Why wasn't I willing to do that?

_Because, deep down, you're a people pleaser, Kurt. You don't care if everyone likes you, but you don't want them to hate you. It's why you bend over backwards for your father, and Coach Sylvester, and Finn. It's also why people like Sue Sylvester and Rachel Berry will make it farther then you will in show business._

My eyes smarted at that. I desperately wanted to succeed in this world, and now even the voice in my own head thought that Rachel Berry was going to do better then I was.

_Of course she will. She'll win for the same reason that Sue does: she's willing to stomp on whomever it takes to ensure that's she gets her way. You don't succeed on Broadway, or in competitive cheerleading, by being gentle and kind and fair. You succeed by ruthlessly taking out your competition. You get to be top dog by destroying everyone beneath you. But is that the life you really want? _

Yes. I wanted to be famous, so famous that everyone knew my name. Probably not on Broadway, because even I wasn't unrealistic (ok, egotistical) enough to think that there were a million roles for a guy with a body and voice like mine, but somewhere. I could do fashion. Then, when famous stars (Rachel Berry) were walking down the red carpet, everyone would look at them and know that they were wearing a Kurt Hummel original. I could be the next Vera Want or Alexander McQueen. If I had to be a bitch to do it, then I would.

_Ok, then. If that's really what you want, we'll do it. I never said that you weren't capable of being that person, because we both know that you are. All you have to be willing to do is give in to your worst personality traits. _

Sometimes Galinda gave me a headache. Do this, do that. Then it was don't do this, don't do that. Now she was telling me to do it myself, but I knew she would keep right on bitching about everything I did.

I paused, waiting for the inevitable indignant squawk, but nothing came. Having imparted her dubious wisdom, Galinda had decided to shut up and go do her hair or whatever she did when she wasn't bothering me.

Wherever (and whatever) she was, I wasn't going to dwell on it. I had a boyfriend who loved me, and I had just had sex with him for the second time, my first as a bottom. There was still part of junior year left, and all of senior one before I had to worry about these things. I could worry about Mercedes, and Rachel, and the future in the morning. Right now, I just wanted to reflect on how my night had been. Because, to use a Finn-ism? It was _awesome!_


	62. Chapter 62

Finn POV

I was up by 6, which might be some sort of record for a Monday. I was just too worried to sleep. I had to figure out how I was going to confront Rach, without sounding like a douchebag who was just pissed off that she has gotten another boyfriend. Every time I tried a way out in my head, it either sounded whiny or douchy.

But I have to. Kurt only gave me 24 hours, and I know that he meant it. I also know that he's pissed off that he had to give me even that. But you know what? He's not the boss of everyone. Actually, Kurt and Rachel are a lot alike. They like huge, dramatic gestures and confrontations. They also both like getting their way all of the time and don't think that they should have to follow the same rules as everyone else.

By the way? I totally know better then to say that out loud. Because I said something like that to Rachel and I thought she was going to laser me to death with her eyes, like that guy on X-men. And Kurt's way, way, scarier then Rachel is.

_So Rachel, this guy you're dating? The one that's smarter and cuter and a better singer then I am? You should dump him because he's the enemy and that never ends well. Then things will go back to the way they used to be. _

Wrong. I didn't even need Quinn-voice to chime in and tell me that. Not only did it sound whiny _and_ douchy, but it made it sound like I wanted to get back with Rachel, and that wasn't fair. I didn't want some Vocal Adrenaline asshole creeping around and learning all of our routines, but I also didn't want to lie and give Rachel false hope.

It's not that I don't like her, either, because I think she's awesome. But…she's too much for me. Too enthusiastic, too obsessive, too everything. Rachel's going to be a start some day. A real one, one where everyone knows her name and all the plays she's been in. She's going to be the one who signs autographs, and has outfits worth more then some people make in a year, and everyone will love her.

I'm not going to have that. I have a pretty good voice, for a guy in high school, and I can catch a pass, but let's be realistic here. I'm not in her league. For some girls, that wouldn't matter, but I know it will to her. Not now, because she doesn't know any better, but once she gets to college and realizes how many other dudes are out there and a better match for her then I am, that's going to be it.

Really, I'm not even that sad about it. I don't want to end up that loser guy who's wife does all the work while he takes care of the yappy little dogs with dresses and bows in their hair while my she tells me everything I'm doing wrong. No, thanks, I got enough of being wrong all the time with Quinn.

Kurt's going to do bigger things then Lima, Ohio, too, but I know that they'll still be space for me in his new life. He hasn't come out and said it like that, but I can feel it. Things are cool like that with Kurt.

Back when we were dating, Rachel made me memorize her school schedule, so I could find her in case I wanted to sneak of to the choir room or auditorium together. Yeah, it's not as cool as it sounds. Even when I got her alone, she usually just wanted to sing about stuff. At least Kurt wants to make out in the janitors closet. Well, most of the time. Sometimes he just looks at me like I'm crazy.

But I could use that memorized schedule to my advantage. She has third period free, and I have study hall with the rest of the basketball team, so I can trap her then. I'm not sure why I have to go to team study hall, when I'm not playing right now (I wanted to, but after the first practice my arm hurt so badly that I couldn't raise it up the next morning, but this would totally work. Puck can sign me in, since Coach Tanaka never bothers to check in on us. He spends most of his time in the teachers lounge, nursing his broken heart by eating a ton of junk food. There are times when I feel bad for the dude, and times when he's kind of my hero.

Since I need to get some major suck up points with Kurt, I made sure that I showered and made myself look nice. I even put of one of the expensive sweaters he had given me, even thought it was cream colored and I just knew I was going to spill ketchup on it. Did I mention the dumb this is dry clean only? But it did look really good on me, and I couldn't help but preen myself in front of the mirror like a giant peacock.

I might not want Rachel back, but I do want her to see exactly what she had given up. Does that make me an asshole?

_Yes._

Kurt was trying to still be upset when he pulled up, but I could tell that the sweater earned me some points. He ran his hands over my body, smoothing any wrinkles from the fabric. "You look wonderful, Finn."

"You do, too. But you always look awesome, because you're great with fashion and stuff. But you look special awesome today, like, awesomer." Why did being around Kurt turn me into a babbling idiot?"

He really did look great. He had on this tight vest thing that was dark green, and a white shirt underneath, and a really cool hat. I'm not sure how he gets away with wearing hats in school, when no one else is allowed to, but that's just another thing that's on the list of how awesome Kurt is. I gave him a quick kiss, and blew lightly into his face. "See? No poptart breath this morning."

That was only because I had made sure to brush my teeth twice, but Mom says that every relationship needs a little mystery in it. Kurt smiled and kissed me back. "Excellent. Do you want coffee?"

He didn't bring Rachel and her boyfriend up, and I didn't do it either. We both knew the score, and there was no point in getting into another argument about it. He gave me one last quick kiss as we pulled into the parking lot. "I have to go meet with Coach Sylvester before school. See you at practice?"

Even though we have the auditorium back for practice, Mr. Shuester doesn't trust that it will last. After another big argument, he convinced Figgins to let us have practice during fourth period. Since that's Coach Sylvester's office hours, she can't do anything about it.

_Yet._

Yeah, yet. That woman is scary smart, and I'm sure that we haven't heard the last of this. But, for now, it's really neat to be able to get practice out of the way during the day, so we can focus on special stuff after school It also gets rid of the fight between the sports coaches and Mr. Shue, so that helps a lot. Especially now that Coach Tanaka got dumped by Ms. Pillsbury, so he's kind of on the rampage again.

This all was going perfectly! If I could talk to Rachel during third period, then we could get it all sorted out and fixed by fourth period, which was when we had practice. See? Sometimes things do work out for the best. I pulled out my phone and shot off a quick text. MEET ME 3RD IN AUDITORIUM?

The resulting text only took a few minutes. SURE. C U.

Great. And I still had two periods to figure out what to say to her. See, things are going perfect.

By them time it actually came time for that, though, things didn't feel perfect at all. I got a D on my math test, even though I tried really hard. Then Mr. Addler kept me after second period to try and get me to confess to cheating on my homework, since that's always good. Really? If I was going to cheat, I would do it on the test instead of stupid old homework. I didn't confess, since I didn't cheat, but it still kind of ruined my day. He knew that I had study hall, so I couldn't even escape him by claiming I needed to be in class.

The period was like three quarters over by the time I made it to the auditorium, but Rachel was still waiting for me. She leaned forward like she wanted to give me a hug, but then she pulled back. That was kind of weird. She always hugged me, whether we were together or not. It always made Quinn mad, but I like hugs, so I did it anyway. Oh, maybe that was the problem. Maybe Jesse didn't like her hugging her ex-boyfriend. Yeah, I guess I can see that. I wouldn't want Kurt to be hugging some guy he had made out with, if a guy like that existed. "Hi, Finn, what did you want to talk about?"

It was now or never. "Jesse."

"What about him?" Her voice was level, but her eyes kind of twitched to the side. She knew exactly what I meant.

"Rach, don't play dumb with me. I know that he's from Vocal Adrenaline. Why are you screwing with the enemy?" My voice was a calm as hers, which was really good progress for me. Usually Rachel can reduce me to s screaming moron without barely trying.

"First of all, I am not 'screwing with the enemy' as you so elegantly put it. Second of all, why do you care? You left me, Finn. You have Kurt now, and the two of you are happy together. My love life is no longer any of you concern"

She always does this to me. She talks fast and she doesn't let me get a word in, and she makes the issues about something other then what it is. Right now she thinks that if she makes this about Kurt, that I'll start trying to defend myself, when she should be the one doing that. I crossed my arms over my chest. "I didn't leave you, because we were never really dating. And this isn't about Kurt. Rachel, we've already had someone leak our set lists to another team. We barely won Sectionals after that. What keeps this Jesse guy from bringing all of our best stuff right back to the rest of Vocal Adrenaline?"

"You know, Finn, if you were concerned about that, you could have just started with it. I was saving this for practice, so everyone could hear it at once, but, since you had to come in here all worked up, I guess I can tell you now. Jesse would never betray New Directions, because he's now a part of it. He transferred schools for me, and today is his first day as a student of McKinley High." She gave me a brilliant smile.

People always tell me that I'm stupid, and I get that I've made some pretty dumb choices in my life. I've lied, I've believed the wrong people, I've acted like a bully. But I've never, ever been as stupid as Rachel was being right now. "What?"

"Believe it or not, Finn, I've thought about all of these things, long before you did. I told Jesse that I didn't want a relationship as long as we were on opposite sides of the Show Choir divide. That was when he decided to transfer to McKinley. It's romance beyond what you can conceive of."

This was why I would rather date Kurt then Rachel. They're both way smarter then me, but at least Kurt is nice enough not to make me feel like a moron. Rachel is sneakier about it then Quinn, since she never actually uses the words, but they both tell me that I'm an idiot about 10 times a day. "I think that this is a bad idea."

"You can think whatever you want, but you don't have the right to tell me what to do, Finn. You never did." She laid a hand on my arm, and my muscles twitched away. "I don't want us to fight about this, and I don't want you spreading rumors. I'm going to introduce Jesse to everyone next period anyway. Please, Finn, let me do this." She was begging me now, her eyes pleading, and I remembered why I had fallen for her in the first place. I liked having someone to take care of, and sometimes Rachel needed it.

But she was right. It wasn't my place to take care of her now. It was my place to take care of Kurt, and I was determined to do a good job. "I won't tell anyone, not even Kurt."

"Thank you, Finn. I appreciate the faith you still have in me." Her smile was brilliant, which only made me feel like a douche.

I do have faith in Rachel most of the time, but not now. But if I stood here and nodded dumbly, I would be making her and Kurt both happy. She would be happy because I kept my promise and didn't tell anyone about Jesse. He would be happy because I had confronted her about her new boyfriend. Really, though? I hadn't done much and I certainly hadn't solved any problems.

Luckily, the bell rang before I either had to lie or blurt out the truth. Rachel patted my arm one last time. "I have to go get Jesse, but I'll meet you in the Choir Room in a few minutes."

"Ok." Kurt's third period is right by the Choir Room, so if I hurry, I can usually catch him before everyone else gets there. "I'll see you in a few."

Today, was apparently not going to be one of my good days, though, because I could hear Kurt and a bunch of girls giggling as soon as I went through the door. Kurt was hunched over a laptop, and I wondered what was so funny.

Being 6'3 does come with some advantages, and I was able to get behind Kurt and look over the top of his head. I stroked the nape of his neck while I tried to make sense of what I was seeing. It was like some creepy aerobics video, like the ones Mom used to work out to when I was a little kid. Why was it so funny that-no _way._

My mouth dropped open. That weird skinny lady in the video was none other then Sue Sylvester herself. This was like a gift straight from God. "Where did you get this?"

Kurt giggled again. "I certainly didn't find it in her locked office cabinets after she send me to go get her hormone replacement shot."

Have I mentioned how hot it is when Kurt does something naughty like that? You would never, ever think that he would do something like break into a cabinet and steal, especially from the scariest woman in the school.

Then an idea formed in the back of my brain. A mean, mean idea, but one that made me feel like dancing. I reached over Kurt's shoulder and grabbed his laptop. "This is going to Youtube."

_ Really, Finn? You're better then this and you know it. _Quinn voice sounded really disappointed in me.

I might have gone along with that voice, but real Quinn had a different opinion. "Do it, Finn."

I think that that's the most she's said to me since the truth came out about the baby. I don't hate her any more, because it's kind of tiring to keep up hating someone for so long, but I don't like her either, and I sure don't trust her.

Kurt didn't say yes or no, but he was still giggling about the whole thing. I pulled up YouTube and started adding the video. Why did I suddenly feel so guilty? She had hurt me on purpose, when I had never done anything to her. Doing it back to her would be karma.

_No it won't. What she did to you was cruel, no one is disputing that. But at least she had the grace to do it in private. She didn't put you humiliation up for the entire world to see. _

I wasn't going to listen to her. All Quinn voice did was make me feel bad. Maybe I should feel bad this time, but I wasn't going to let myself. I popped the enter button and there it was, the Sue Sylvester experience. I forced a grin I didn't really feel. "I'll bet this goes viral by lunch."

The problem was, being an asshole never makes me feel as good as I think it should. I handed Kurt his laptop back and sat down next to him. Santana had cued the video up to play again, and everyone was busy watching. "Was that a really bad thing to do?"

"Yes. But, considering the extenuating circumstances, I'll give you a pass on this one." He turned towards me, but didn't kiss me. For some reason, Kurt thinks that I would be ashamed to kiss him in front of other people. Dude, not true. So I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his. A little chorus of 'awwww' sprung up from the girls.

Kurt jumped, so I knew that it still surprised him when I did that. Puck wolf-whistled through his teeth. "Kurtina, Finnessa quit getting your gay on in front of everybody! Keep it in the bedroom and the janitor's closet."

My boyfriend pulled back in horror. "People know about the janitor's closet! Finn!"

Puck stepped in to save me. "Hummel, you were the one that we could hear. I seriously doubt that Finny's voice goes that high. Don't worry, though, I totally covered for you both."

Kurt mostly trusts Puck now, but he still has this knee jerk reaction where he's scared Puck will do something mean to him. I get it, since I have the same thing when Quinn starts bitching. Then he smirked at Puck and kissed me again, way dirtier then I had kissed him. "Take this Puckerman."

That was when I heard a confused voice from the doorway. "So, is that your ex-boyfriend making out with another guy? What sort of club is this?"

He didn't sound evil, but I knew that this had to be Jesse. Too bad I was too busy sucking face with Kurt to get a good look at him. He'd still be there in a few minutes.

_Unfortunately._

A pair of hands pushed Kurt and I apart and I found myself staring into Santana's eyes. "Do I need to spray you two with a hose? I've seen cats in heat that are less obvious."

She's been really bitchy to me lately. Sometimes I think it's because I turned both her and Brit down when they wanted to go out with me, but that may just be my ego talking.

"Yes, that's Finn. He's had a bit of a sexual awakening since I he and I were together." I kind of had to give her credit for not saying anything nasty.

She clapped her hands. "Guys, I have someone I want to introduce to you!"

Of course, no one listened. There are times when I wish that they would, because I get sick of having to get their attention when I need it, and when she needs it, too. Plus, it was seriously cutting into my make out time. Since Kurt had the best seat, I picked him up and put him in my lap. "Hey! Everyone listen to Rachel!"

I have a big voice, even when I'm not being very loud, and everyone settled down and looked over at Rachel, noticing our guest for the first time. Mercedes looked him up and down. "Who's that?"

"This is Jesse, the Glee club's newest member and my new boyfriend." I noticed that she didn't mention where he had been a member of the Glee club before.

"Are you going to make him gay, too? Because you did it to Finn." Brittany was looking at them like it was the most important question in the universe.

I took a minute to check Jesse out myself. He was…pretty ordinary. The only really nice part about him were his eyes, which reminded me of Kurt's for some reason. Kurt leaned back and whispered. "You're way cuter."

"You, too." Not that that had ever been in doubt.

"Where did you find this one Man-hands? He's a little out of your league." Is it just me, or has Quinn gotten a lot nastier lately?

Rachel is really smart, and she's really talented, but she can't lie to save her life. Her cheeks flushed bright red and she mumbled. "Jesse is a recent transfer student. Today is his very first day, so I would appreciate you guys making him feel welcome."

Wrong move. Her blush was like dropping blood in the water in front of a million sharks. Santana pounced. "Transferred from where? Because, let me tell you, Jesse, this is the most uncool club in school. The chess and debate teams rank higher then we do. Or are you Mr. Shuester's long lost son? I kind of see a hair resemblance."

Burn. Santana's been spending too much time listening to Coach Sylvester, but it's kind of funny anyway. Since Kurt doesn't like Mr. Shue as much as I do, he had no problems snickering into my shoulder.

Jesse faltered, which was another bad mistake. "I transferred from a few counties over."

There's nothing more exciting to Santana then thinking she has someone on the run. Like a lion, she zeroed in for the kill. "Which county? Just where did you go to school?"

"I transferred from Carmel High." Once he knew that he was caught, there was no point in trying to lie and Jesse knew it.

He presented it in such a calm, logical, manner, that it took a few seconds for anyone to make the connection. When they did, though, the room exploded.

Quinn started screaming first, followed closely by Santana and Mercedes. Then Brittany started, and pretty soon the only ones who were quiet were Me, Kurt, Mike, and Matt. But Mike and Matt are always quiet, which is why it's so awesome to hang around them most of the time. Of course Kurt and I were quiet because we already knew what was happening, so we weren't surprised.

"Are we going to stop this?" Kurt was pressed against me, watching the fight closely. He looked he was studying a bunch of monkeys or something.

I really didn't want to get in the middle of this, especially since I had had to do it once today already, but I kind of had to. "Guys! Can we not act like a bunch of animals in front of company!"

Puck shot me an evil look. At the beginning of the year, that would have backed me down, but I'm not as scared of Puck as I used to be. I glared right back. "Dude, he's the enemy! Do you want our routines leaked all over the place again?"

Even though I had just said the exact same thing to Rachel just a few minutes ago, I wanted to stand up for her now, for some weird reason. Maybe I just wanted to argue with Puck. We never used to fight before everything happened with Drizzle. Mostly he just told me what to, and I went alone with it, whether I really wanted to or not. Even though I'm not as mad about the whole thing as I used to be, my feelings are still really hurt, and sometimes I just felt like being contrary with him. I made myself sound calm and adult. "That's not Jesse's fault. It was Coach Sylvester's fault. If Jesse's transferred schools, then we should be nice and let him join our club. It's not like you don't all know what it's like to be picked on. Except for you, Puck."

He shrugged. "I'm badass, what can I say? No one would dare pick on the Puckadon."

It wasn't that long ago that I would have said the same thing, but I know that that's not true. You can be on top one minute, and totally on bottom the next.

_Hee-hee. Just like last night_

Ok, I laughed a little at that, but only in my head. People think that you're kind of weird if you just start randomly laughing, especially since everyone else was fighting. I looked around at everyone, trying to get a read on the situation. Santana, Quinn, Mercedes, and Puck were definitely pissed. Oh, and Kurt. I couldn't see his face, but I remembered from last night that he was not happy. Mike, Matt, Artie, me, and funny enough, Brittany were taking it better.

"How do we even know that he can sing?" Mercedes had her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes narrow.

I wasn't really worried about that. Rachel be with a guy who couldn't sing? Never in a million years.

"I think we should give him a c-chance." I had forgotten all about Tina, which made me feel big time bad, because I think that everyone tends to forget about Tina. She's so quiet, and for some reason she's really nervous around me, but that's not really an excuse. I should be kind of looking out for everyone.

Everyone looked over at her, and she shrank down. "I mean…."

"Go on, T." Kurt was trying to encourage her. "Everyone else be quiet and let her talk."

"This school is mean. But that doesn't mean _we_ have to be. This club has already taken cheaters, and bullies, and egomaniacs, and freaks, and jocks, and outcasts, and we somehow make it work. You can't prove that Jesse's worse then that. You can't prove that he's anything. We've all been accused of being something that we're not. Are we really going to do the same thing to someone else?"

Maybe we should listen to Tina a little more often, because she was really, really good. Guilt plays. I know, because Mom and Quinn and Rach are really, really, good at using it on me.

Sure enough, everyone was softening. Santana sighed heavily. "Fine, he can stay." Then she turned to Jesse and glared evilly. "Let me tell you something, Benedict Arnold. You fuck us over, I will Fuck. You. Up. Do not ever question that."

He had the sense to pull back a little. Smart guy. Santana glared for a minute longer, then turned back to the rest of the club. "Benedict can stay. Keep your burying shovels ready, though, just in case."

Jesse's eyes were huge, and I had to feel a little bad for the guy. It was hard for me to get in with the original five people, so I can kind of feel for him trying to get in with 12.

It might have been a kind of sweet moment, with an official welcome and everything except the door flew open so hard that it slammed into the wall. We all jumped, staring at Mr. Shue. He was bright red, and he looked _pissed._

"Sit down, all of you. We need to have a serious talk."

Something told me that this wasn't about Jesse. Actually, he didn't even seem to have noticed Jesse. We all shuffled over to the chairs and sat down, trying to look small. Mr. Shuester doesn't get mad often, but when he does, it's kind of ugly.

"Who wants to explain this?" He held up a piece of paper, acting like it was some sort of bomb or something.

Kurt leaned forward, staring curiously, and asked the question that was on all of our minds. "What's a Glist?"


	63. Chapter 63

Kurt POV

Mr. Shue could really use some anger management classes. The vein on his forehead was throbbing in a rather unattractive way, and his teeth were clenched. Did he know that these horrible habits now were going to destroy his health down the road? He would be much better off if he would just calmly explain what a Glist was. I didn't bother voicing that thought since he never listens to me anyway.

Luckily, Rachel doesn't have any problems getting in his face. "What's a Glist?"

"A 'Glist' would be a list of all of our Glee club members, ranking them in order of who is the most….prolific in bed, as well as the most creative. You're all on here. I don't know who did this, but this is serious, guys. Figgins is threatening to disband the club over it."

Now I really wanted to see that list. Where was I on it? Where was Finn? I didn't want to be known as a whore, but now that I had actually done something sexual, it would be embarrassing for that not to be acknowledged. I was no longer a complete prude.

"Does prolific mean slut?" Finn whispered in my ear.

"In this case, yes. It also means most visible. Think of high profile." I had found that if I related a word back to something Finn understood, he was much more likely to remember it later. He nodded.

Santana was still in bitch mode from earlier, so she had no trouble turning on someone else. "Why are we even playing this game? We all know it was Puck."

That would have been my guess as well. No one is prouder of their…_prolific _nature then Noah Puckerman.

"Back off. I didn't do squat!" He sounded pissed that anyone would even dream of accusing him. _Please._

"Then why is your girlfriend first on the Glist?" Tina was close enough to read the thing. I cursed my predilection for sitting in the back.

"And why am I last? Aside from the fact that I refused to put out for you?" Rachel was, if possible, even more insulted then Puck.

I hadn't been aware that Rachel had considered putting out for Puck and, judging from the look of utter horror on his face, neither had Finn. But that was neither here nor there, except for the quiet snicker I got from knowing there was someone on the list lower then I was.

Mr. Shue held the list still for a second, and I was finally able to see it. Quinn +45. Santana +43. Finn +40. Kurt +40. Puck +38. I skimmed down the rest of the list until I saw Rachel -5.

Galinda broke into a rain of giggles. _You ranked higher then Puck. Puck! The Man-Whore of McKinley High. Someone thinks very highly of your hotness quotient. _

That made me a little suspicious of Finn, but, when I looked over, I could tell that he was genuinely reading the list himself, which knocked him out of the running. But who had it been?

Mr. Shuester tried to get order back. "Ok, enough. No one is accusing anyone of anything." Then she shot a sideways glance at Puck. "Puck, seriously. Did you do it?"

"I said no! I'm a delinquent, sure. I like setting stuff on fire and beating up people I don't know. I _own_ that. But I'm not a liar."

That was debatable. There are lies, which, Puck was right, he didn't really tell. But there are also lies of omission, which are still lies. No, he had never come straight out and said the baby was Finn's. But he had let everyone believe that it was, and that was just as damaging.

But no one called him on it and continued on. "Ok, here's the important point. Between this, and posting Coach Sylvester's personal video on YouTube, you guys are getting a pretty bad reputation."

Hmm, if I had a bad reputation, maybe I could pull off some of the more daring leather outfits in my closet. Oh, who was I kidding? I had always been able to pull those off. Maybe Finn would appreciate seeing them on me.

_Probably. For the 10 seconds until he ripped them off of your body and had his way with you against the nearest available surface._

I made a mental note to find those outfits with as much haste as possible. No time like the present.

"Why is that a bad thing? Maybe if we seem more dangerous, people would quit flushing my glasses down the toilet." Artie sounded a little depressed.

I sometimes forgot that things still weren't great for any of us. I got some protection from Finn, but a lot of my ability to evade consequences came from being quick and agile, and being able to outrun them in a fair fight. Artie didn't have that luxury.

But there wasn't much I could do about it, either. We were all drowning here, and standing up for him only guaranteed that it would be something of mine flushed down the toilet next. And since I didn't wear glasses, it would probably be my head.

This week's project was something about songs with bad reputations, which I could work with, given enough time to think. The problem with a bad reputation was the most of them were fairly earned, and everything that came off the top of my head, well, sucked.

To my eternal shame, though, I do have a sick fondness for "Ice, Ice, Baby", which was what Mr. Shoe had cued up. Ah, my youthful crushes.

I adjusted myself in Finn's lap, which was the most comfortable place in the room. He yawned and rested his chin on my shoulder, his eyes at half mast. He's been better about not falling asleep in class lately, but he needs an amazing amount of sleep to function the next morning. Sometimes I wonder if some of his school problems aren't from staying up to late the night before playing Halo. "Who do you think did it?"

I shot a quick look at Shuester, since he had been cracking down on whispering and not paying attention lately, but he was deeply involved in the song and ignoring us. "My money's still on Puck."

The music was getting louder, which meant we didn't have to whisper. "I don't think so. Not Puck, not Rachel, not you, not me."

"Maybe it wasn't anyone in the Glee club at all. I mean, Coach got caught with that ginger list last year." At least that was the rumor.

"No, it was. I know because-"

"Finn!" Mr. Shue had just realized that we weren't paying attention. "Can you tell me what the week's assignment is?"

"Find a song that has a bad reputation, even though it doesn't deserve one, pick the good points about it, and perform it for the club so that it can be redeemed." Finn recited the assignment dryly and correctly. For someone with the attention span of a tsetse fly, he's pretty good at multitasking, at least in short bursts.

"Good. Now, I'm going to set you loose with the music for the rest of the class period, so you have plenty of time to find your songs." He picked the Glist up off of the piano and waved it at us. "This matter isn't closed. I'm very disappointed that you would turn on each other like this. You all know what it's like to be singled out, and I can't believe that you would do this to anyone, but especially the people you've fought right along side with."

He had managed to make me feel bad, and I was in no way responsible for the thing. I snuck quick peeks around the room, but everyone looked equally guilty. I wasn't positive that it had been any of us, but Finn had seemed quite certain.

Everyone scattered, leafing through the filing cabinets of music and calling out titles and artists to one another. For the moment, at least, Jessie was forgotten. Finn nudged my side. "Guess what else happened that's kind of awesome?"

When it came to Finn, he had a rather skewed sense of what qualified as awesome. Let's be clear, Sweetie, nothing involving bodily functions is awesome, regardless of the size/volume of said function. Save it for your guy friends, not your boyfriend. Cursing myself even as I asked it, I turned to him. "What?"

"Mr. Shue knows about Coach Sylvester's video. That means that it's viral already! We totally rock."

"We do, don't we?" I gave him one final kiss and stood up. "Come on, let's find some songs."

The rest of the period passed happily, with Finn suggesting everything from Milli Vanilli to the Backstreet Boys. Funny how the worst assignments brought out the best, not only in Finn, but in the rest of the Glee club. We were working together and having a good time.

I chose a few likely contenders and sat down next to Finn, pressing closely enough that we couldn't be overheard. "What makes you so sure that the Glist came from someone in Glee?"

"Easy. You and me were numbers three and four on the list. The top two guys. We beat Puck and he's the sluttiest thing in the entire world. Whoever made that list knows about you and me. But the only people that do are in the Glee club, which means it was one of us."

This was exactly what I meant when I said that sometimes Finn could surprise you. I never would have looked at it like that. "Good thinking, Finn."

He smiled, just enough to show off a dimple. "Maybe it was Jessie."

I took a minute to consider that idea, then dismissed it. "Doubtful. What's in it for him?"

"He gets us all to turn on each other, then he swoops in and fills the power duster." Finn was nodding like he was making any amount of sense.

I mentally reran the sentence a few times before the light bulb came on. "Do you mean the power vacuum?"

"Oh, yeah. A vacuum. But I could still be right, couldn't I?"

"It's possible. But Rachel is pretty pissed off right now. You would think that he would put her higher on the list just so he wouldn't have to listen to her screeching. If it wasn't for that, though, I'd say you were right. What makes you think that it's not Puck?'

He considered and rejected two additional songs before shaking his head. "Not his style, dude. Besides, if Puck did make a list like that, he would put himself first. You and me and Quinn being on the list before him is _killing_ him right now, trust me."

I was willing to concede to Finn's superior knowledge of Puck and his behaviors. "I guess I can see that."

"Plus…" Finn trailed off for a minute, his eyes darting across the room. "I don't think he'd put Quinn first. That was a really mean thing for someone to do. She only had sex with Puck one time, which isn't anywhere near as slutty as Santana, or Brittany, or Puck. Even you and me have done it twice, and a lot more stuff then she did. She just can't lie about it, because she got pregnant."

I'm certainly not a fan of Quinn Fabray, but Finn was right. It's one of the things that I like best about him. Quinn had screwed him over the worst of anyone, and he still managed to feel badly that she was being mistreated. "You're right, it's not fair. But you're a sweetheart for worrying about her."

"I'm not worried, exactly, but I am kind of sad." He finally chose a song. "I think this one sucks enough."

I looked over it. "I think the assignment was to find a song that has a bad reputation, but at least one redeeming quality to it. I think this song just plain sucks."

"Yeah, I guess." He tossed the music back into the folder. "What about something by Disney? I mean, people hate it just because it's Disney and it's totally not cool, but they have good songs sometimes. I liked The Lion King and its songs were pretty good, right?"

"I think you have a winner." I was dying to talk more about the Glist, but Finn needs to come around to things in his own time, so I let him pick quietly through the Disney files, humming a few bars of each song before rejecting it. "Most of these are for more then one person."

"I'll back you up if you want. Or I can get one of the girls to do it if you would be more comfortable with that." Even though Finn had never acted like it was a problem, I couldn't help but feel like he was still ashamed of me, and what I was in front of other people. I never initiated anything in public, always waiting for him to signal that it was alright.

He grabbed some more music. "What about this one?" He held out the music for Circle of Life.

"Probably not the sort of song that Mr. Shue had in mind, but I think it fits the parameters nicely."

He carefully put the folder back before settling with his back against the file cabinets. "Ok, we can talk now."

"About what?" Apparently I had missed something.

"About the Glist. I know that you're dying to gossip and play Sherlock Holmes."

I didn't bother trying to deny it. "If you don't think it was Puck, then who do you think it was?" I really had no idea.

He started ticking off on his fingers. "Not me, not you, not Puck, not Jessie. We decided all of that already. Not Brittany, because she's not that mean, and she doesn't know how to use a computer. Not Mike or Matt, because I don't think they care that much. Not Quinn, because who wants to be the biggest slut in Glee club? Not Rachel, because she wouldn't give herself a negative hot number." He mentally went back over what he had said. "I guess that leaves, uh, Artie, and Mercedes, and Santana, and Tina, right?"

"Well, I know that it wasn't Mercedes." Habit had me defending my best friend, even if there was a part of me (one that sounded suspiciously like Galinda) that said I didn't know her as well as I once had. Hadn't she told me that just last night? I could actually see her making a list like this for fun. But not putting it up for everyone to see and laugh at. And I hated to think she would do it on her own, without at least consulting me to giggle over it.

I knew Finn well enough by now to know that he had read the doubts in my eyes. But he knew me well enough to not try and challenge me on it. "Ok, not Mercedes either."

That left Artie, Santana, and Tina. "I can't see Artie or Tina doing it. Neither one of them wants to draw any attention to themselves or the club. Like you said, what's in it for them? Nothing except utter humiliation."

So he and I were at the same conclusion, then. "So, Santana?"

It had to be, but something about that just didn't sit right. She was mean enough, for sure. I could also see her being proud to be in second place, instead of ashamed. So why did it just feel wrong?

"She's the only one left for it to be." Finn sounded as troubled as I felt. "But she doesn't act like she cares very much. If it was her, I would expect her to be gloating all over the place."

"So either its Tina or Artie, or we've accidentally eliminated the real suspect." Maybe I wasn't as good as a detective as I liked to think I was.

Finn twirled the ends of an imaginary mustache. "Not so elementary, my dear Watson."

I couldn't help but kiss his goofy self. "Watson doesn't have a mustache, Finn. You're thinking of some evil supervillian."

His eyes rolled. "I know that. But I'm Sherlock in it this, and he did have a mustache."

I looked him up and down. "I love you."

"Love you, too. I think that maybe we should-"

What Finn thought we should do would be forever lost, though, because Mr. Shue was calling his name. "Finn?"

Finn looked up curiously, one eyebrow quirked. "You have an early dismissal. Grab your stuff and meet your mother in the office."

I hadn't known anything about this, and judging from his face, neither had Finn. He faltered. "How come? I don't have a doctors appointment or anything, so why is she getting me? Did someone die?"

Mr. Shue softened. "I don't know, Finn. The only message I got was that your mother was here to pick you up."

Finn looked over at me, but there was nothing I could do for him. If Carole wanted Finn, then she had the right to take him, period. "Call me, Cowboy."

The rest of the Glee club watched in silence as Finn gathered his things. Usually that meant someone was in trouble and suspended, but I knew that Finn hadn't done anything wrong. He came back over to give me a quick kiss. "See? This is karma biting me in the ass for putting that video of Coach Sylvester on line."

He worried about everything. "You tell karma that I'm the only one allowed to do that."

"Ok." He lumbered out of the room, looking resigned to whatever his fate might be.

I spent the rest of the day looking for Finn, but he never came back. For the first time in anyone's memory, including the faculty, Cheerios practice was cancelled, while Coach Sylvester licked her wounds in private. Call me overly sensitive, but I couldn't help but feel a little bad for her.

However, I couldn't begrudge Finn his moment of revenge, either. What Coach had done to him was the cruelest thing I had ever witnessed, and I've been the victim of a lot of cruelty. What made it worse was that she been willing to devastate Finn just to hurt a third person. Finn himself didn't figure in except as a prop. So I was willing to let his bad behavior go.

Since practice was cancelled, I called Mercedes for a girl's day at her house. She seemed a little distant when she answered, though. "Don't you have plans with Finn?"

"No. He never came back to school, and I don't know where he is. Besides, I wanted to spend some time with you, doing Kurt and Mercedes stuff." Why was this so hard and awkward? "Unless you have other plans, of course."

"I don't. Cone on over, and you can catch me up on the latest developments in your love life. I have ice cream."

Neither one of us was supposed to be eating ice cream, but something told me not to press the issue.

_That something would be me, you idiot! Quit acting like a moron and go over there to your girl. Try a little listening to her side of things, instead of making her do nothing but listen to yours. _

I was nervous on the ride over, which was unusual. I had only been nervous in front of Mercedes one time in my entire life, and that was the day that I came out to her. This was nothing compared to that, but my heart was thumping painfully hard in my chest.

The feeling didn't go away as I stood on her porch, one finger resting on, but not ringing the bell. I just needed one minute to gather myself and calm my nerves.

The door flew open and I found myself staring at my best friend's familiar face. "Boy, why in the world are you just staring at my door? Sometimes I wonder if Finn isn't rubbing off on you."

Impulsively, I threw my arms around her neck and squeezed her as tightly as I could. For some reason, it was like I was seeing her for the first time in forever. Her return hug was just as tight, and I realized how much I had missed her, even though she had always been right here. She rubbed my shoulder. "You want some ice cream?"

Just like that, I knew. "You're quitting the Cheerios, aren't you?"

"Yes." Her voice was stronger then I had heard it in a long time. "I'm telling Coach Sylvester in the morning."

Once Mercedes makes up her mind, there's nothing for anyone else to do but get out of her way. I couldn't help but be curious, though. "Can I ask why?"

"It's not for me." She pushed me inside. "Now do you want a snack or not?"

"I'm ok." One of us still had to watch our calories. "You were doing so well, though. Mercedes, you were really good."

It was the truth. Mercedes is strong and has no trouble tossing any of the other girls. She also had a better memory for both the cheers and the moves then I did. I was in better shape, and more physically capable, but she was still better then a few of the girls who had been there since the beginning of the year.

She dished herself some orange sherbet and shook her head. "No, I wasn't. I let someone else tell me what I should do and how I should live my life, and that just isn't me."

I tried to school my voice so it didn't come out in a whine. "But I thought we agreed to give it an extra week. It's only been three days."

"I passed out in the cafeteria today." Her eyes were locked on mine.

"What? Are you alright?" How had I not known about this the minute it happened?

"Yep. I fainted because I've spent the past three days living on celery, diet Coke and some creepy drink that made me throw up constantly. I'm not going to ruin my health just so I can be on a cheerleading squad. Screw her."

"Why didn't you come get me for help?" My brain was still spinning.

She shrugged. "No one could find you. Quinn and I ended up having a talk, and a chocolate bar, and I realized that I will never be good enough for Coach Sylvester, not if I lose 10 lbs, not if I lose 100 lbs. I'm Mercedes Jones, and I'm not going to be some other woman's bitch."

"Do you want me to quit, too? We could present a united front." I would do this for her if she asked, just like I would have quit for Finn if he had done so.

"Whatever you want. You aren't my bitch either, you know." She put the bowl in the sink and gestured for me to follow her to her bedroom.

She sat on the bed. "Where were you at lunch, anyway? We always eat together."

"I was probably on my way. I had to sneak out to the car to see if I could call Finn."

"Figures." Ice had entered her voice. "It's always going to be Finn Hudson, isn't it?"

I didn't like where this was going, but I couldn't honestly say that it hadn't been headed here for a while now. "He's my boyfriend and I'm worried about him. I have no idea where he is."

"_I'm_ your best friend. Sometimes I'm your only friend. Ever since you got Finn, he gets all of your attention." She wasn't angry yet, but it wouldn't be too long.

I tried to keep my own temper under wraps. If we both started screaming, this would end miserably. I repeated myself as calmly as I could. "He's my boyfriend, and I love him. You're my best friend, and I love you. It's not a contest to see who gets me in the end."

"I know. It's just that we never do anything any more. Even today, you're just here because you can't find Finn."

"That's not true."

_ That's kind of true._

Ok, maybe a little. But not because I loved Finn more or favored him so much! It was just that things with Finn were so new and special, and I couldn't help but feel like I had to be with him every second or miss something great. Mercedes was…comfortable. I knew exactly what to expect with her, and it was always awesome.

Only I guess that I didn't know her that well after all. I leaned back against the bed. "Maybe I would like some ice cream after all."

She snorted. "You couldn't have asked for it while we were still in the kitchen? Come on, you staller."

I had to remember that Mercedes isn't as easy to fool as Finn. She would see right through any bullshit I could throw her way. "Thank you."

Since my mouth was occupied with eating, I couldn't answer back when she started talking again. "I know that I'm acting like a jealous bitch, but I can't help it. You and I used to do everything together, and now I can barely get your attention. It should have been you and I giggling about the Glist today, but it wasn't. No matter what we try, there just isn't enough time for us anymore!"

I set the spoon down. "Don't blame this all on me! Doing Cheerios was something we were supposed to do together, too, and you backed out! You never ask me to come over either. How can you complain that I never spend any time with you, when you never want to spend any time with me either?"

"I hate being on the Cheerios!" Her eyes went narrow as she studied me. "Why should I have to do something I can't stand just so I can spend some time with my best friend? You want me to be on a team that could have killed me. And don't pretend that that's about us being together because it isn't. It's about you getting some popularity, and don't pretend anything different. Is that what Finn is for, too?"

I might have been able to acknowledge that truth to myself, but it really hurt to hear someone else say it. It made me sound really….shallow, and I hated being thought of that way. And no, Finn wasn't for the popularity, thank you very much. I was with Finn because I loved him.

So naturally I responded in a calm and collected manner, letting her know that my feelings were hurt, and that I _had_ wanted us to spend time together. The popularity boost was a bonus, but the main thing was being with her. Also, that what Finn and I had wasn't up for debate.

And I actually liked it. When I was practicing, I felt strong and capable. I didn't exactly feel smart, since Coach could cut through any ego like a laser, but I liked it. And Finn didn't exactly like what I was doing, but he did appreciate watching me do my stretching exercises.

At least I wish I had responded like that. Instead I jumped up got my face in hers. I was very seldom outright aggressive like this, but there are very few people that can get under my skin the way Mercedes can. She knew exactly what to accuse me of, and which buttons to push to guarantee the biggest explosion.

"How can you even say that! I would never deliberately put you in danger, especially not for Coach Sylvester." My voice was high and cracking, the result of being forced through way too tight vocal cords.

"Kurt, you looked me dead in the face and told me to eat Splenda for a meal. How is that not putting me in danger? That's beyond weird, and Coach Sylvester has you so spun around that you don't even notice. She's already in your head, Kurt, and she's making you do things that are wrong."

Without realizing it, Mercedes was saying the same things that Finn had. If they had both said them, did it make them true? But Coach had always been kind to me. She had stuck up for me when no one else would. And sometimes she did nice things, like when she bought those wheelchair ramps for Artie. If she did that for him, she couldn't be all bad, could she?

_You shouldn't need me to answer that. No one is all bad; probably not even Ted Bundy or Charles Manson. But would you trust either one of them with your life or happiness? Of course not. I don't know how much more evidence you need that that woman is a danger to you and everyone else._

That only made it worse. Now Mercedes and Finn and Galinda were all ganging up on me. Ok, so I was a selfish asshole, guys, thanks a lot. But why wasn't I allowed to be selfish every once in a while. Why couldn't I join the Cheerio's just because I wanted to, and screw everyone else?

_Ok, sensitive flower, calm down. That's exactly what you did, and I don't recall anyone actually trying to tell you what to do. Both Finn and Mercedes have told you to do whatever you want, so get over yourself._

That was true, and it might have ended things right there, except for one small detail. I wasn't the only person in this fight, and Mercedes doesn't let things go like Finn does.

"Are you even listening to me? Jesus Christ, Kurt, you're thinking about Finn right now, aren't you? You and I are supposed to be having a talk, and I can't keep your attention for even five minutes."

This was the point where I did something shameful. Mercedes might know how to push my buttons, but I knew how to push hers just as hard. "Well maybe if you said something that was worth listening too, I might pay more attention. But all I here is bitch, bitch, BITCH!" 

She loomed up, and I realized that I was in serious danger of getting my face broken. Even now, though, I had too much pride to back down or apologize. So I held my ground and glared.

But she didn't lash out at me, even though a part of me wouldn't have blamed her. She didn't scream, and she didn't swear. She pointed at the door. "Get out."

"Excuse me?" I couldn't possibly have heard her correctly.

Her eyes blazed. "You heard me. Get out. I'm not going to be treated like shit in my own house. Get out and I don't want to see or talk to you again."

Now I wanted to back-pedal, but my voice was stuck. I had never had a fight with Mercedes. Except for that one time when she bashed the windshield out of my car for flirting with Finn in front of her, we had never had a misunderstanding between us either.

_You aren't having one now. You, my friend, just got called on your bullshit. There's no misunderstanding here at all._

"Mercedes." My anger had vanished, leaving me shocked at my own behavior.

If my anger had cooled, hers hadn't at all. She pointed at the door. "Go. Or do I have to call the cops?"

I had no doubt that she would do exactly as she was threatening. "Ok, I'm going. I'm…I'm sorry."

She was completely unmoved, her arms crossed over her ample chest. One finger pointed at the door and I slunk out of it like a beaten dog. Despite everything, I half expected that she would call after me, telling me that she was sorry and wanted to work things out. Then I could tell her how sorry I was, and everything could go back to normal.

But that didn't happen. She watched me go, a certain sadness in her eyes, but she wasn't going to back down. I took a deep breath and started the engine, backing up slowly. If she wanted to talk, she could call my cell.

Except she didn't. I made it back home, and she hadn't called and neither had Finn. Dad wasn't there either, so it was just me and my thoughts, none of which were flattering to me.

Why did I have to act like such a jerk towards my best friend? Had she started it? Had I? Which one of us was the bad guy here? Or was it both of us?

I needed someone to help me sort this out, but I was realizing that I had no one. Normally I would go to Mercedes, but obviously that was out. I had no idea where Finn was or what e was doing. This wasn't something that Dad could help me with, even though I knew that he would try if I asked him to. It was just me and Galinda, and if she could have helped me, I wouldn't have been in this situation to start with.

The tears hadn't started yet, but I knew that they weren't too far off. I changed out of my school clothes, folding them neatly and mechanically. I slipped into an old T-shirt of Finn and lay down in bed, pulling the covers over my head.

This was exactly how things had been before Glee. I would come home and curl up in bed, quietly nursing the emotional (and sometimes physical) wounds of the day. Once I had managed to pull myself together, I would make dinner or go help Dad at work, putting on my happy face for him.

But I couldn't do that any more. Now that I knew what it felt like to have other people who cared about and supported me, I couldn't pull myself together on my own. Even though things were a million times better for me then they had been at the beginning of the school year, I had never felt so alone and miserable in my life.


	64. Chapter 64

Kurt POV

I tried to get it together, I really did. Since trying to hold back tears had never worked for me, I always gave myself 20 minutes to sob, just to get it completely out of my system. I set the alarm on my phone, and, once the time is up, I get up, making sure to take the time to both wash and moisturize my face, and face my problems head on. Once the pressure in my head had eased, the answer was usually pretty clear, even if it wasn't necessarily what I wanted it to be.

That wasn't what happened this time. I had already snoozed my alarm twice, and I still wasn't totally under control. I was a sniffly, red, drippy, disgusting mess and there was no way that I was going anywhere near a mirror in the foreseeable future.

Mercedes had been a bitch today. But was that any excuse for me to act like such a jerk? Granted, she had attacked me the minute I walked in the door, without even giving me a chance to defend myself.

_Is that how we want to remember this? I'm cool with it if you are, but let's make sure that we're on the same page of delusion._

It wasn't a delusion! It was exactly what had happened. She invited me over, just so she could start bitching about how Finn was my favorite and I liked him best.

Except I guessed that that was wrong. Mercedes had invited me over to hang out. I was the one who had brought up her quitting the Cheerios. Granted, I hadn't done it with the intention of starting a fight, but I had to admit that I had started the ball rolling.

She had been the first one to start yelling, which was her fault, but I guess I could have done a lot better at not losing my temper and fighting back. Neither one of us was clean here, but she had certainly scored a few points.

But how was I supposed to know that she felt left out if she never told me? I wasn't a mind reader. If she wanted to spend time together, she could have called me just as easily as I could have called her. Right? Right?

_Certainly. I can definitely agree that you're both a pair of bitches. That's what you're really asking me, right?_

I guess so. But did Galinda have any actual suggestions, or did she just want to make me feel really bad about my behavior? Because I was doing a good enough job of that on my own, thank you.

My phone rang shrilly, and my heart leapt in my chest. Maybe it was Mercedes, wanting to apologize. If it was, 'I'm sorry' would be the first words out of my mouth. I could beg. I could even grovel if I had to. I breathlessly snatched at it. "Hello?"

"Hey, kiddo." Dad sounded confused at my over-enthusiastic greeting. "How are you doing?"

Overflowing with ennui, thanks for asking. I didn't say that though, since I knew he wouldn't get it. Dad tries, but the trials and tribulations of his highly strung son were a foreign country to him. He could visit, but he was in no position to actually do anything. So I perked myself up. "I'm fine. What's up?"

"We're swamped here, and Evan's talking about just ordering a pizza for dinner. I wanted to check in with you, just in case you had already started something."

Well this was fortuitous. "No, I haven't started anything. I….I fell asleep and I just woke up." Hopefully the lie would cover any strangeness in my voice, though I couldn't help but wish that he would notice how upset I was and at least ask what was wrong with me.

He didn't. "I should be home by 8, then. I love you."

"Me, too." I hadn't really expected him to ask, so I didn't sound as disappointed as I secretly felt.

Since lying here and pitying myself wasn't accomplishing anything, I sat up and rubbed at my face. First order of business, call Finn. Second order of business; get something for myself to eat. I had already left several messages for him, but he's never been very good at things like checking his messages.

Sure enough, this time he answered. "Hey, Kurt."

My father might not recognize false perky, but I do. "What's wrong, Cowboy? Why did you mother take you out early today?"

He made that cute little whuffing noise into the phone, and I just knew that he was waving his hand in the classic 'you know, no big deal' gesture. "Ah, just some stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" I knew that Finn hated being pushed, but if I didn't at least nudge him sometimes, he would never share half of what was going on in his head.

"Can we not talk about it right now?" There was nothing mean in his voice, just tired. "I kind of need a little time to just think it over myself."

"Of course. Just let me know when you're ready to talk."

"Ok. What's wrong with you? You sound like someone stomped your puppy, except you don't have a puppy. Did someone stomp on your clothes?" He was in full on problem-solving mode, something that never failed to lift my spirits.

"I got into a fight with Mercedes." Finn probably wouldn't be able to help me, but at least he could provide a sympathetic ear.

Sure enough, he made a sad little noise. "About what?"

"Apparently it was a bitch off, and neither one of us came out looking good." I tried to sound flip, but it didn't exactly work.

"But what where you actually fighting about? I'm pretty sure that it didn't start with a 'who's the biggest bitch' contest." He was quiet for a second, and I could just imagine the gears turning in his head. "Or did it?"

I wasn't sure how to tell him that we were fighting about him without making him feel like it was his fault. "No, it didn't. She doesn't feel like I spend any time with her anymore, which is kind of true. So I told her that if she wanted to spend time with me, she could have called and asked to do something, right?"

"Yeaaahhhh." He was doing that drawn out thing that meant he didn't exactly agree with me. Or possibly it meant that he was yawning.

I was on a roll, though, and I didn't want to have to stop to clarify things. "Then she tells me that she wants to quit the Cheerios! So suddenly it went from 'we never spend any time together' to 'I want to quit the one thing that we have left to do together. I don't get women at all!"

"So you're mad because Mercedes quit the Cheerios." Finn's voice was a little strange, and I wished that I could see his face to get a better idea of what was going on.

He also wasn't being as helpful as he probably thought he was. "No! Aren't you listening to me? I'm pissed off because of her sending me mixed signals."

"That's not what it sounds like. It sounds like you're pissed off because she quit the team on you."

"Well, I'm not. Mercedes can do whatever she thinks is best for her, I don't care. I'm pissed off because she just expects me to read her mind, then jumps me when I can't possibly do it. It's unfair to both of us." For some reason, Finn's questions were making me nervous.

"Oh." He sighed heavily. "Because it kind of sounds like you're pissed with her for quitting the Cheerios. Cause, you know, things aren't working out the way you wanted them to. It's ok to be pissed about that. It's not ok to act like a jerk about it, though. But maybe it's just me that it sounds like that to." It was like he thought he could just keep repeating himself until someone listened to him.

As far a Finn's speeches went, it was actually one of the longer ones. My boyfriend talks a lot, but a most of the time it's just teasing or vague repetitions of what's been said to him. It surprised me to find out that he had deep thoughts about things, since he almost never shared them. Mostly he just gave people his stupidest grin and said the first thing that popped into his head. I have no idea why he does that, but it's kind of sensitive subject with him, so I don't bring it up.

It was only then that I realized that I _was_ pissed with Mercedes for quitting. I was willing to tough it out, and she had promised that she would do it with me, but now here I was, facing Coach Sylvester all by myself. Why was it that I was supposed to keep trying and never give up, but everyone around me could just crap out whenever they felt like it? "Maybe I'm kind of mad about that."

"I would be. A little. Did she say why she wanted to quit?" He was circling now, slowly zeroing in on the real problem.

And now we were at the part that made me look like a raving lunatic. "Coach told her that she had to lose 10 pounds before last weeks pep rally, and she didn't think she could. So I guess she wasn't eating enough and she passed out today in the cafeteria. She said that being on the Cheerios was dangerous for her health."

Finn blew another whuff of air into the phone, but it wasn't a happy whuff this time. It was the angry one, the one that was closer to a snort. By the way, I do know how strange it is that I can correctly interpret what is essentially a puff of air. "Fucking knew that this, screw it, how do I, bitch." The words were strangely distant and muffled, and I knew that he had pulled the phone away from his face so I wouldn't overhear him trying to sort out his private thoughts.

When he came back to the line, he was quiet, but it was a 'calm before the storm' sort of quiet. And when you're talking about Finn Hudson, that sort of calm is the most dangerous thing in the universe. Yes, he can be hurtful when he's screaming and out of control. Yes, he can even be violent if he happens to come across you right after he finds out that you been letting a little lie about paternity go around school. But when he's calm, he's in total control of himself. His focus becomes very sharp, and he can rationally think out the best way to hurt someone. Right now, I was hoping that I wasn't in his line of fire.

"What else did she say?" His voice was so tightly controlled that it trembled a little.

"Basically that I was an inconsiderate jerk, and if I wanted to make time for her, I would have, and it's my fault that she can't pick up a phone, and-"

"Not Mercedes. I don't care about her right now. I want to know what else Coach Sylvester said. Pacifically, what she said to you."

The word he wanted was 'specific', not 'pacific' but now was not the time to argue that point. "She told me to lose weight, too." He already knew this, why was he asking again?

"How much weight?"

"I already lost the 10, so just 5 more." Even as the words were coming out, I knew that they were a mistake.

"15 pounds. She told you to lose 15 pounds. Funny, that's the same amount she told Quinn to lose. Then it was five more. Then five more. She was never small enough to throw, no matter how tiny she got. She said it was too hard for the boys to throw her." His voice had risen a bit, which was good. If I could rev him up enough, he might abandon this line of questioning.

"Well, no one's going to be throwing me anywhere." At least I hoped not. Coach had looked at me earlier and made a few comments about fliers, which caused my stomach to do an uneasy flip. My athleticism was best observed from the ground, no fifteen feet in the air.

"That isn't what it's about, and you know it!" Now he was frustrated, which was another good sign. With Finn, frustration tended to turn rather quickly into temper snit and kicking things. "It doesn't matter if you won't be thrown anywhere, it will be something else. The issue is that you aren't good enough for her, and you never will be. No one will. Mercedes doesn't want to play her game, and I don't blame her."

Why was it that when it came to helping himself, Finn was like a freaking infant, but when I just wanted to do a little bitching, suddenly he was all wise and knowing? The fact that he was kind of…well…_right_ didn't help matters either. I was used to being the smart one, and the capable one, and it was disorienting to say the least to have Finn take over that role. "So this is my fault."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Without the whole Cheerios, thing tell me what else happened. What you said and what she said." There was a rustling noise, and I knew that he was sprawling out on the bed, getting comfortable so I could have his full attention.

I wished that I could be there with him, to lay my head in that space in the crook of his neck that seemed to be made just for me. It was easer to talk about the hard stuff when I had him to be close to. "She said that all I ever want to do is spend time with you, and that I don't love her any more. But I do! She's my best friend and I love her with all my heart." Maybe Finn's newfound wisdom would work here.

"We do spend a lot of time together. Do I hog you? Because I don't mean to, I promise." Suddenly the wise old Finn was gone, leaving the disjointed teenage boy in his wake. "I don't want to make you not have friends or anything."

"It's not you." I wanted to be sure that he understood this, because it was the truth. Finn was the surface of what we were fighting about, but there were other, more worrisome, issues underneath. It was just easier for Mercedes to blame him because they weren't close, and it's always easier to blame the outsider for things. "It's me. I could have called her yesterday when you were shopping with Rachel, but I didn't. "

"Why not?" His breaths had become soft again, and I knew my chance for provoking him into a temper tantrum had passed. That was ok, though, since I was actually curious about his advice. Prada knew I wasn't doing very well under my own steam.

"I don't know." That wasn't the entire truth, though it was close. The entire truth was that I just hadn't thought of it. In retrospect, I probably could have used her advice, though, or at least a sympathetic ear to tell me that, no matter how badly I sucked at bottoming, Finn would still love me.

_We didn't suck at bottoming. We did suck something, but that's another conversation entirely._

"Would it help if I told you that this is really normal? It sucks the root, and not in a good way, but it's normal. Trust me on this one. Puck and I have had the same fight about a million times." Some of his confidence was back.

It appreciated the gesture, but it was a little hard to believe that the hot and cold, bizarre, somewhat manipulative relationship that Finn and Puck shared bore even the slightest resemblance to what Mercedes and I had. Hard to believe, but I desperately wanted to. Because, no matter how much they hurt each other, and lied to each other, and hated each other's guts, Finn and Puck always seemed to be alright with each other in the end. I wanted that for Mercedes and I. "Really." I wanted it to sound questioning, but it came out bitchy. I hate it when I do that, but somehow the bitch voice has become the default emotion.

As usual, Finn ignored it. Quinn always claimed that he was too stupid to understand that the bitching was directed at him, but I knew he got it. He just made a conscious decision to ignore it. I could never decide if that was complete foolishness or absolute genius on his part. When he answered his voice was pleasant. "Really really."

"Explain yourself, please." I tempered my voice, though it wasn't nearly as pleasant as his had been. I wasn't sure I _could_ make my voice as pleasant as his had been. Maybe it was something I should work on.

"She's jealous of you. You have a boyfriend and she doesn't. You have someone else that you call first, and hang out with all the time, and she doesn't come first to you any more. So she's jealous, and now she's sulking. Puck did the same thing when I got Quinn, and I did it when he first got Santana. That was before they were just having sex like monkeys. It sucks to think that you're second best, when you were first best just a little while before."

That…actually, it made sense. "You know Finn, you're incredibly intelligent sometimes."

"You think so?" There was that funny hitch in his voice again.

"I know so. How do I fix things?"

He was quiet for a long time, far longer then I felt the question asked for. Finally he spoke. "I'm not sure."

My heart dropped. I had been counting on Finn to help me out here, and get me out of the mess I was in, even though I was starting to realize that the mess was mostly my own fault. "But I thought you said you said you'd been through this with Puck!"

"Well, yeah, the jealousy part. That's not that big of a deal, because usually the newness of having a girlfriend wears off in a few months, and we had time for each other again. It helped." He took a deep breath, the sound audible even through the phone. "But you're kind of up shit creek, because you and Mercedes actually got into a big fight about it. Plus, Dude, it sounds like you were kind of mean to her."

"She was mean to me! Why am I the only one getting blamed here!" By the way, I was fully aware that I sounded like a pre-teen girl, something Finn was gracious enough not to bring up.

"I'm not only blaming you. She was mean, too. But you may need to go a little further then just apologizing. Luckily, I have lots of practice at this, so we should be able to work something out." He was back to sounding confident again.

That was good, because I didn't have much practice at apologizing. Dad and I never really did it for each other. I would scream and he would withdraw, and then, eventually, things would go back to normal between us without us ever really acknowledging what was wrong in the first place. I never had to apologize to friends or a boyfriend, because I never really had either. "Should I get her jewelry or flowers or something?" Those were all romantic things that girls liked, right?

"Yeah, I'm thinking that a little groveling might be in order. I'm good at that, too, so I can help you."

"I'm not doing it. There is no way I'm begging another person for forgiveness. I have my pride, Finn." There were times when all I had was my pride, and I couldn't give it up.

"Then she's not very important to you as a friend." I could just imagine Finn doing that funny shoulder jerk that he always did when he was making a point.

And he had certainly made a heavy one. I could have my pride at all costs, but only if I was willing to give up the most important person in the world to me, after Finn and Dad. "She is."

"Then apologize. The really nice thing about it is that, if you say it first, the other person almost always will forgive you back, even if they aren't really done being mad. I think they like hearing that you really, really, regret acting like a jerk. Or maybe they're just tired of fighting, too, and want the whole thing to be over."

I had to be sure. "So, if you were me, you would be the first to apologize? Even though we were both wrong?"

He thought about it for a few seconds, though I suspected that that was mostly for my benefit. Once Finn makes up his mind about something, he's pretty much set. "Yep, you first. Not because you're more wrong then her, but because I'm talking to you."

And we were back to Finn-speak, where most things failed to make sense. "Come again?"

Luckily, he's pretty good about knowing exactly what part of what he'd said confused you. "If I were talking to Mercedes, I would tall her to apologize first, just so I know someone is going to do it. Sometimes being right doesn't matter as much as you think it does."

I was coming to realize that. "I'll apologize tomorrow. It might be a good idea to let her cool off for at least the night."

"Yeah, that might help. When you do apologize, try getting on your knees. Chicks love that."

That was probably because the sight of 6'3 Finn on his knees was a lot funnier then tiny 5'8 me could ever be. "I love you Finn. I know I don't say it as much as I probably should, but I love you more then anything."

"I love you, too." No matter how many times he said it, the words never took on that robotic quality that meant he wasn't really paying attention to the words. It was a wonderful trait, and I hoped he never lost it.

I really had to go and start rehearsing my 'I'm sorry I was such an asshole' speech, but I had to try and help Finn out once more. "Are you sure that you don't want to talk about whatever's bothering you? I promise I won't treat you like I treated Mercedes…."

"I'm sure. Mom's taking me to the doctor tomorrow morning, so you don't need to pick me up. I should by back by third period, so I'll meet you at your locker."

Finn always met me at my locker after third. It was the time of day when I had the biggest risk of getting harassed by the hockey team, since they were getting out of practice then. His protectiveness was so precious.

Then the rest of what he had said sank in. Why was he going to the doctor? "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a check-up." There was a slight waver in his voice, so slight that I barely heard it.

Now I was officially worried. There was no way that Carole would deliberately schedule a doctor's appointment during the school day, especially a check-up. Not to mention I knew that he had had a physical at the beginning of the year. We all had to have one before we could participate in any extracurricular activities. So either something was wrong with him, or he wasn't going to the doctor at all. Either way, he was lying to me, and that thought scared me. Not so much because I thought that he was in any danger, but because I never wanted him to feel like he had to lie to make me happy.

_He isn't. He already told you that he isn't ready to talk about it. You're pushing him, and he's trying so hard to not be rude to you. Back off, and I'm sure he'll tell you all about it in the morning. _

"Ok. You have a good night, Cowboy, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Kurt. Love you."

Once I had hung up the phone, I sat on the bed and practiced a few different apologies. Odd how two simple words could be so hard to say. And what exactly constituted groveling? Would I have to get down on my knees? I looked down at my white pants and shuddered. Hopefully not. Oh, maybe I could just call her! I had a suspicion that I would be better with over the phone groveling then face-to-face anyway.

Ok, I could do this. I mentally went over what I wanted to say a few times, just so I wouldn't panic and forget the words. Then I dialed with shaking hands. I just had to remember that I loved Mercedes, and she loved me, and we would get through this, no matter what.

Except she didn't pick up. That was weird, because I knew that she always babysat her sister on Thursday nights. Maybe her phone was off, though I had never known it to be in the past. It must be in the charger. I sent her a quick text, asking her to call me when her phone was fully charged. There, mission accomplished. All I had to do now was wait.

Which I did. I waited, and waited, and waited. There had been more then enough time for her to charge her phone, and there was still no reply. Where was she?

_Do I really need to spell this out for you? She's home and her phone isn't in the charger. She's ignoring you. She specifically told you that she doesn't want to talk to you ever again, and I think she meant it. This is going to be a little harder then you think it will._

Yeah, I had kind of thought that that might be the case, even though I hadn't wanted to believe it. It had been less then two weeks ago when Coach was rolling her eyes and telling us that we needed to get a show on Bravo. And now it was over.

How was I supposed to apologize if she wouldn't even speak to me? Finn wasn't going to be much help here, since both Quinn and Rachel were much more the type to seek him out for a good scream-fest. If Mercedes just ignored me, then I was stuck.

_Quit whining. So she isn't taking your calls, big deal. She can only avoid you for so long. If nothing else, she has to see you in Glee. Try getting a little creative; it may earn you some points._

Creative I could do. I was still upset about things, but at least now I had a goal in mind, which always made things easier. I picked up my lap-top and nodded to myself. Ok, how was I going to fix this?


	65. Chapter 65

Finn POV

"Ok, Finn. This is a low dose, so the side effects should be fairly mild. We want to see you back in six weeks, to see if we need to adjust things and check up on how we're doing. Your mother is going to schedule you appointment with the tutor as well. Do you have any questions?"

I shook my head. In an hour or two, I would probably have a million of them, but I was in total information overload. Doctors always make me nervous, and this one was a _doctor_ doctor and a psychologist all in one, which made her doubly scary.

The place that did my testing called Mom a few days ago to make an appointment for me to come in so we could go over the results. She didn't tell me until last night, so I couldn't sneak out of going. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to know what's wrong with me, and that I'm not just an idiot, but I didn't want to know at the same time. Ignorance is bliss. At least that's what Quinn always said.

Actually, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. The doctor basically told me the same thing that I already knew. ADD and mild dyslexia. Now I had to take medication and go to a tutor once a week to try and catch me up. It was like having to go to school after school. Also, I'm pretty sure that the tutor won't reward good grades or new skills with blow jobs like Kurt always does.

_I'd say that that's pretty much a certainty._

"We'll see you in 6 weeks, then. If you experience any severe side effects, give me a call. Otherwise, good luck, Finn."

"Uh, thanks." I pressed close to Mom and wished that I was at school. She rubbed my back, which felt good, but I just wanted to leave.

Of course we couldn't because of stupid paperwork, and insurance crap, and why did doctors visits always take forever? I was never going to get back in time for third period, which meant I was going to miss Kurt.

The pharmacy was backed up, so Mom left the prescription and took me out to breakfast instead, which was kind of cool. She doesn't like making pancakes at home, since they're so much work and I can demolish a huge stack of them in less then 10 minutes. She says it just isn't worth it, except for special occasions, like my birthday or something.

Today, though, they didn't taste as good as the usually did. I had already kind of lied to Kurt about where I was going today, even though it wasn't a _real_ lie. I was going for a check-up, but I made it sound like it was a regular check-up that you get every year, instead of…whatever this was. My crazy check-up, I guess.

"You know how much I love you, Finn." Mom wasn't eating much either.

"I know." I kind of had an idea about where this was going, but I really wanted to hear her say the words, so I didn't say anything else.

"Nothing that happened today changes that at all."

"I know."

"It's not going to change anything for Kurt either, ok?" She reached out and nudged my plate towards me. "Now eat. The doctor said you need to have food in your stomach before you take the pills."

How does she always know what I'm secretly worried about? Do you go to Mom school to learn to read minds or something? Maybe if Kurt and I had a baby, they would let one of us go to Mom school, even though we're both dudes. That would be a long time from now, though, because I'm so not ready to be a Dad yet. I would have loved Drizzle, but it's probably a good thing that she's not really mine, and that I'm not going to actually be a dad.

I poured syrup on my pancakes and made myself eat them, just so we could leave and go back to the pharmacy. If it hadn't have been for Kurt, I would have wanted to go home and sulk, but that wasn't an option right now. He needed me, so I would go to school. I just had to figure out a way to tell him everything.

Yeah, I know I should have just told him last night, when he asked. But he was having his own problems, and I was kind of afraid that he would just blow me off it I tried to bring up mine. Plus, I was uber-pissed about what Bitchy Coach Sylvester said to him. She's the reason that girls make themselves throw up, and get all gross skinny, but they still think that they're fat. She's pure evil, and her crazy ideas are half the reason that Kurt and Mercedes are fighting now.

Just half, though. Sue put the ideas in Kurt's head, but his own big mouth is the one that repeated them, so he's to blame, too. I think he's great, and I love him to pieces, but I sure don't think he's perfect. Of course he didn't tell me that it was his fault, but I've seen him in action, and I have a pretty good idea of what happened. Let me table this out for anyone who might be listening to my thoughts. Probably nobody is, but you never know. The government maybe, or a mutant like on X-men.

Mercedes calls Kurt and asked him to come over. Or he called her. Whatever, the point is someone called someone and they ended up at Mercedes' house.

She tells him that she's quitting the Cheerios. Probably in a dramatic way, because both of them are way dramatic lately.

He threw a fit. He might have started screaming then, but probably not. Usually he saves the screaming for a little later

She said something really mean.

He said something really mean.

She screamed at him. Probably the word 'jerk' was used.

He screamed at her. Probably the word 'bitch' was used. Hopefully, he didn't use the word 'fat'. I don't think he'd be that stupid, though.

He stormed out. Or maybe she kicked him out. I don't know, both make sense in my head. Either way, he was out of there.

No one said sorry, which could have stopped things right there

Which left me to clean up the mess, because Kurt kind of sucks at apologizing. Luckily, I have plenty of experience with angry girls, because Quinn and Rach were pissed with me all the time. The trick is not being above begging. Girls like to see you groveling in the dirt for them. It's humiliating, but it works.

I pushed the plate towards Mom. "Done."

"Alright. Are you sure you want to go back to school today? I'm sure your teachers will understand you wanting the rest of the day off. I could even take you to a movie." Mom was trying her best to make me feel better.

"No, it's ok. I have Glee and a test in stupid social studies. I can call you if the meds make me sick, though, right?" The doctor had said that they might make me nauseous or dizzy. She said other stuff, too, but I forgot it already.

"Somehow I doubt that either the joys of Glee or your social studies test is what you really want to get there for. Say hello to Kurt for me."

I never get away with anything when she's around. "Ok!" Sometimes it's easier to just pretend that I have no idea what someone's getting at.

It was the middle of lunch when I finally got there, and I wasn't sure where to go. Usually the Glee group all eats together, but I'm not sure if he'd go to the cafeteria if I wasn't there. He might be trying to avoid Mercedes for right now. Problem was, I didn't really know where else to look. I don't know where he ate before Glee, because I don't remember much about him before Glee. He was just that weird kid who sometimes stared at me too long.

Before I could even think about where to start looking, I heard my name being called. Oh, please God, no. I really do love Rach, even if it's not in a boyfriend way any more, but there are times when I just can't deal with her. Mostly times like now when I already feel kind of crappy about myself. She doesn't mean to, but Rachel's so good at everything that seeing her just makes me feel worse. Like I could never be good enough for her, no matte what. Kurt's good at almost everything, too, but it doesn't make me feel bad. Instead it makes me happy when I see him do things well. I know, weird, right?

"Finn!' She yelled my name louder, like I hadn't heard her the first time. I stopped, didn't I? "Finn, wait!"

I let her catch up to me, and even made myself smile. "Hey, Rach, what's up?"

She smiled, and it still made my heart catch a little bit. "I've been looking for you all day. No one's seen you."

"Yeah, I was at the doctor." The lie had been kind of hard to get out when I was telling it to Kurt, but not with her.

"Oh. I need your help with the latest Glee project. Instead of just singing the song, I want to make a glorious music video. I'm casting you to play the male lead."

Aren't you supposed to try out or, you know, at least be _interested_ before you get cast as anything? I hate it when she tells me what I'm doing instead of asking me. On the other hand, starring in a music video does sound kind of bad-ass. But on the third hand…"Shouldn't you be asking your boyfriend to be the male lead? Isn't that what he's there for?"

For a minute, she got all flustered, which is kind of weird for her. Then she smiled at me. "Since Jessie is so new to our Glee club and how it runs things, I thought it might be nice if you helped me out this one last time. Think if it as showing him the ropes. Plus, I still want us to be friends and able to do things together. You would do it for Puck if he asked, right?"

I was still a little suspicious, but what she was saying did make sense. "Ok, I guess. What song?"

"Run, Joey, Run. It's a very misunderstood song."

Never heard of it. But I've never heard of most of what Rachel listens to, so I didn't really expect to know it. I wonder which musical this one's from? "I'll download it tonight. Uh, have you seen Kurt?"

"He was sitting in the choir room a few minutes ago when I was getting my music together. He seemed a little down, but he wouldn't tell me what the problem was. I don't think he wanted any lunch."

If she had noticed he was down, it must be pretty obvious. "Thanks, Rach."

"No problem. Start getting out song memorized tonight, please. We're on a tight schedule."

I don't like her bossing me around like that, especially since she's not my girlfriend any more, but I had more important things on my mind right now. So I just nodded at her and raced across the campus, taking all the shortcuts to get to the choir room the fastest.

The Glee club is allowed in there whenever we want to be, since we're always looking for music for our project of the week. So anyone who looked in would have just assumed that Kurt was looking for some music. But you know what they say about assuming, and he definitely wasn't. He was just sitting on the risers and looking sad. I knocked on the doorway so I wouldn't scare him. "Hey, Spider Monkey."

Good thing I closed the door behind me, because he was racing across the room and in my arms almost before I had all the words out. He was actually shaking, and, for a minute, I hated Mercedes really bad. Even though I know it's half his fault, I can't stand seeing him so sad. I squeezed him so tightly that I was kinda surprised that I didn't break him. "Apologizing didn't go so good?" 

By the way, I know that I should have said 'well' instead of 'good'. But it makes Kurt smile and feel like he's showing me something new when he corrects me, and I would much rather hear the correction then have him start sobbing, which was what it looked like he was going to do.

But he didn't do either one. His eyes welled up, but he didn't make any noise. I

wiped the tears quickly, before they could make tracks down his face. He also didn't tell me the right way to say it, which meant he was really feeling bad. He just sort of shrugged.

I just stood there and let him hide his face in my chest. When he wanted to tell me what was wrong, he would. Until then, it was ok just to be quiet for a while. I rubbed his back and stared at the wall until it seemed to sway under its own power. Finally Kurt drew back and stared hollowly at me. "She's not speaking to me. I called her last night and she wouldn't even pick up the phone. I tried calling again this morning, and she hit ignore after two rings."

"Did you try talking to her face to face?" That might or might not be a good idea. Sometimes it works, but sometimes all that it does is make the other person scream at you in front of everyone.

"No. I didn't know what to say." It's kind of weird when Kurt doesn't have the right answers. Usually I'm the one begging him for advice, and I didn't want to screw this up now that it was my turn.

When the idea finally hit me, I was shocked at my own genius. I slid my hand under Kurt's chin and tugged his head up so we could be face to face. "Use Tina."

This time he wiped his own eyes, looking confused. It might have been the most adorable thing I've ever seen him do. This week, at least. "Explain yourself?"

"Look, Tina's just like the middle man here! She's Mercedes' best friend. Well, best friend after you, even if she's kind of forgetting the two of you are best friends right now. But anyway, you did all your bitching to me, so Mercedes probably did all of hers to Tina. If you can get in there, you might be able to get an idea about what you should do." Hopefully he thought that this plan was a smart as I did.

"That's….actually, that's a really good idea, Finn. You know, you're really smart when you actually try at it."

He had no idea how badly I needed to hear those words. "Thanks."

"So, are you ready to tell me where you were this morning? I don't believe that you were getting a check-up."

I liked that he asked if I was ready, and didn't just assume that I would tell him. It also made me realize that Rachel hadn't asked about the doctor visit at all. "Yeah, um, I'm ready."

Even though Mom had said that it wouldn't matter to him, and I totally believed her, I couldn't help but be a little worried. Ok, a lot worried. "The doctor called back and wanted to give me the diagnosis."

He was instantly focused, studying me like a dog that sees a steak. It was a little scary, to be honest. "What did they say?"

"Dyslexia, but not too bad. ADD, but they didn't say how bad. They put me on medication for right now, but that's just to start out. If I do really well with a tutor and stuff, I might be able to quit taking it. Do you still love me?" The last part sounded all desperate, and I would totally rip on any other dude who sounded like that. Good thing Kurt's a nicer person then I am.

"Of course I still love you! Finn, you do understand that this is a good thing instead of a bad one, right?" When I didn't say anything, he gave me a quick poke. "Right?"

"Um…yeah?"

_Um, how about no? The only way this is a good thing, is now he has an excuse to dump your sorry ass. _

Sometimes Quinn voice is just like real Quinn. She knows exactly how to really dig the knife in. Plus, since she's just a voice in my head, she can read my thoughts, which is really, really scary.

"Good, because it is. Now that we know what the problems are, we can take the first steps towards fixing them. Tell me exactly what sort of treatment plan the doctors laid out." He was already rummaging through his messenger bag (it's not a man purse, and if you call it one, you won't get any for at least a week. Not even a hand job.) and pulling out pen and paper. "Ok, I'm ready."

It's probably a really good thing that Kurt's so in love with fashion and stuff. Because he can plan things out better then anyone I've ever met. If he decided to take over the world one day? We'd all be doomed. Well moisturized and really dressed up, but doomed.

I thought back, trying to remember exactly what the doctors had said. "There isn't medication for the dyslexia, so I have to start seeing a tutor for that. I see her starting Thursday. I don't know what I'm supposed to do there because they didn't say."

"Right." He quickly jotted down. DYLEXIA- THERAPIES? AFTER SCHOOL TUTORING. "Ok, what did they say about the ADD? Did they put you on Ritalin?

"No, it's something with an S. Star….stran…hang on, I have the bottle." I fished around until I found it in the bottom of my backpack. "Strattera."

"Hmmm, not familiar with that one." He took the bottle and quickly wrote down the name.

That's one of the really cool things about Kurt. No, he's never heard of it, but by the time schools out, he's going to know more about it then most doctors. 'Yeah. The doctor said that it won't make me hyper like Ritalin might, since I'm not hyper now."

"Did he say 'non-stimulant'? What about side effects, and how long before we start to see some effects?" He was already noting the dosage and how many times I day I was supposed to take them.

Actually, the doctor had used that term. "Yeah, he did. Um, side effects are being sleepy, being nauseous, dizzy, headaches… some more but I can't remember them. A few days to see any change." I was pleased that I was able to answer all of his questions.

"Good, good." He finished with his notes, which looked perfect by the way. If I were writing like that, it would be messiness all over the paper, but when Kurt does it, it looks just like he typed them with fancy font. He stood up and gave me a huge hug, his arms wound all the way around my body. "I love you, alright? Don't go thinking that this changes anything, or that you aren't good enough for me, because you are."

"I know. I didn't exactly believe him, but I did believe that he thought he was telling the truth, and it helped. Now was a good time to change the subject, since everyone was happy. "Do you know the song "Run, Joey, Run?"

He cracked up. "Finn, that is the worst song in the entire world! Trust me; there is not one iota of redeeming value in that travesty. I thought you were going to do Disney."

I didn't want to tell on Rachel, since half the fun of Glee is seeing what everyone else comes up with. Anyway, a music video was the most awesome idea ever, even if the song completely sucked. "I am doing Disney. I was just curious, because…" I stopped there because I couldn't think of a lie that he wouldn't totally know was a lie. "I don't know why."

"Ok." He was making that face that said he thought I might be crazy, but I let it go. So what it if he thinks I'm kind of crazy? At least he loves me. I leaned down so I could kiss him. I meant for it to just be a quick peck, but then he licked my lips and I just decided to go with it.

Even when I'm right in the middle of making out with Kurt, no matter how hot and heavy things are, there's always a part of me that's aware of all the doors in the room, just so no one walks in on us. Really, it would be smarter if we quit making out at school, but have you seen Kurt? Not making out with him would be like not playing Halo just because there was homework to be done. Yeah, you could, but you'd have to be really, really, stupid.

Good thing, too, because he totally didn't hear the click of the doorknob turning and I had to push him back quickly. Luckily it was just Mr. Shue, though. He gave us a look that said he knew what we had been doing, but he had more important things on his mind. "Hey, Finn. I missed you in Spanish today."

"Yeah, I was at the doctors. I just got here." I hate that I'm still so do everything I can so he doesn't think bad things about me. He fucked me over in the worst way possible, but I still act like a little kid desperate for his fathers love.

"Are you ok?" He sounded like he actually cared, which made me feel a little better. I wasn't ready to tell him the truth, though, so I just shrugged and mumbled that I was fine. He held out a hand. "Come on, Finn. I'm talking to everyone individually about this Glist."

Great, he thought I was the one who did it. But if I refused to go, I looked even worse. Better to just do what he wanted and get it over with. Kurt growled behind me and hissed 'fascist'. Then he got a little louder. "You know, Finn, you don't have to do go. You have the right to have both your mother and Principal Figgins present for any disciplinary meeting."

I love Kurt, but sometimes he needs to just go with the flow and quit fighting with everyone about everything. Yeah, I might have the right to have Mom there, but what was the point? This wasn't really even discipline, just Mr. Shue asking some questions. If I just got it over with, it would probably take five minutes. "Its fine, Kurt. I'll see you after school."

He gave me a dirty look, and I knew that I was going to hear about this later, probably for a long time. "I have Cheerios practice, so you either need to get a ride from someone else or wait until I'm done."

"I'll wait. Mom's working late, so we can hang out and study." By study, I meant have sex, and I knew he would get that.

Sure enough, he got it and gave me that smirky grin. "I'll text you when I'm done."

I followed Mr. Shue into his office and sat down in the chair. I already felt guilty, which was stupid, because I hadn't done anything. He sat across from me. "Finn, is there something you want to tell me about this Glist?"

"No." Sometimes it's better to say less. That way there's less to trip you up later on.

"Nothing? Look, Finn. I know that you're still very angry with Quinn about the whole baby thing, and she's the first person on the list. I could see where you might want to take a little bit of revenge."

Yeah, I was still angry with Quinn. Not as angry as I had been, but I can't see myself ever forgiving her. "I am, but I didn't make the list."

He gave me the 'I know that you're lying to me, young man' look that Mom's so good at, and that kind of hurt my feelings. "I didn't! Look, I know I have a mean temper sometimes, and I kick chairs a lot, but I don't didn't make the Glist, I swear. It was probably Coach Sylvester or Jessie." If he hadn't accused me, I would have probably told him my theory that it could only be someone inside of the Glee club. But if he wanted to act like a jerk, he could just figure it out for himself.

"Wait, who's Jessie?"

Like I've said before, I don't like tattling on other people. So I didn't do what I really wanted to, which was that Jessie was an evil spy who was going to try and bring down the Glee club. He could figure that out for himself, too. "Rachel's new boyfriend. He was in the room today."

He rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Ok, Finn, I believe you."

I think he actually did. "Cool"

"Just so we're clear, I'm not picking on you. I'm going to be speaking to every member of the club. I just happened to see you first."

Yeah, I got that. He wasn't persecuting (prosecuting? At any rate, picking on) me. But my feelings were kind of raw, and it hurt anyway. "Ok."

"Alright. Have you picked your song for this week's assignment?" He was doing that false perky thing.

I hate that things are all weird between us now. Before I would have told him what I was doing before he even had a chance to ask. But ever since I found out the truth, it's like there's this little wall between us made of bullet proof glass. Yeah, I can see him, but there's no getting past it.

It's the same way with Puck. He's my best friend (except for Kurt, but he's my boyfriend mostly, so that doesn't really count), but sometimes I still get mad about the whole Quinn thing. I'm not as mad at him as I am at Mr. Shue, mostly because he kind of saved my life that one night, but it's hard to make things be back the way they were. Maybe impossible.

_Nothing gold can stay. Now, I'll give you $1000 if you can tell me who wrote that. Yeah, didn't think so._

I ignored her, since that's the one thing that always pissed real Quinn off the most. "I'm doing Disney. I'm not sure what song, though."

"That's a really great idea. Do you need any help choosing the song?"

"Nah, it's cool. I'll know it when I see it." I already had so many ideas that I just needed to narrow them down.

"Wonderful. I'm really looking forward to your performance, Finn. If Kurt's still out there, can you send him in?"

He sounded a little nervous, and I didn't blame him. Kurt's looking for a fight today, and Mr. Shue's always in his line of fire, ever since that stupid Diva-off between him and Rachel. I don't really get it. Kurt lost, Rachel got the part. Kurt lost on purpose even, so how's it Mr. Shue's fault? I don't ask though, because I don't want to get my ass kicked. "Sure. I'll see you later."

Kurt was still waiting, so I gave him the message. Just like I expected, he snorted and tossed his hair, but he did stand up and go. I couldn't let him leave mad, so I gave him one last kiss until later today. Then another one. I would have made it a hat trick, but he shook his head. "I have to go face the firing squad. See you after practice."

"Bye. Love you." Then he was gone in a cloud of hairspray.

My next class was social studies, which was all the way on the other end of the building. Since I hate having to run, I decided to go over there a little early. Yeah, suddenly I'm that guy.

"Oh, Finn, there you are!" It was Rachel, again. She's not even my girlfriend any more, so why is she back to stalking me?

I forced a big smile. "Hey, Rach. What's up?"

She held out her iPod. "I want to start filming tomorrow, so I need you to have the male vocals memorized by then."

"Sorry, no can do. I'm taking Kurt home and having wild monkey sex with him after school." Usually the girl will leave you alone if you're gross enough.

Only Rachel isn't any normal girl. She didn't even blink when I said that. "Fine. I happen to know for a fact that he has Cheerios practice after school today, since Santana and Brittany have the same thing. So memorize the first two verses and meet me in the auditorium after school. We need to start blocking you. That should be enough. If I need more, I'll let you know."

Did that mean she thought I was too dumb to memorize all of the verses? Or did it mean…yeah, I had no idea what else it could mean. "Um, ok."

"Great. You have a black leather jacket, right? I'm pretty sure I saw you wear one at Sectionals."

See what I mean about stalking? "I do, but it's my Dad's. Nothing's going to happen to it, right?" I wouldn't put it past her to light it (or me) on fire in the name of being artistic.

"I promise, no harm will come to your jacket. I'm going to guess you also have dark blue jeans and a clean plain white T-shirt? Because it will save me some time on costuming."

Costuming? Damn, no wonder Rachel got straight A's on everything. I never thought about things like costumes. I took the iPod, which was one of those shuffle things that I always thought that I might break if I squeezed it too hard. Or at all.

I put the earbuds in right away so I could listen to the song. Then I listened to it again. And again. Kurt was right, this song was _horrible_. But maybe she could get Quinn's Dad to be the mean father. He always looked at me like he wanted to use a shotgun on me. Which was funny, because I wasn't even the one he needed to worry about.

I kind of worry about what's going to happen when he finds out about Drizzle, though. I probably shouldn't say this, since he's an adult and all, but that man is a grade A asshole. Quinn's scared of him, her Mom's scared of him, and I was definitely scared of him. I wouldn't want to be in Puck's shoes when the truth comes out.

Even though I know that none of that's my problem, and Drizzle especially isn't, I still feel like she is sometimes. I loved her, and I still want her to have everything be perfect for her.

But I wasn't supposed to be thinking about her, or any of the whole Baby-gate drama. I was supposed to be memorizing lyrics, which was luckily pretty easy. And the song was kind of catchy, once you got over the badness of it. By the time the bell rang, I had both verses down and had passed Rachel's iPod back.

I was kind of hoping that the pill I took would have some effect by the time I was done with class. I'm actually not that close to failing this one, but math comes next, and that's my worst one ever.

Only it turned out that I maybe should have been careful what I wished for, because it turned out the pill was having an effect. Unfortunately the only thing that was happening was I got so dizzy when I stood up that I fell over and almost hit the ground.

"Walk much, fag?" Azimio bumped me hard, which made me go even further off balance.

"Nah, he's too busy getting on his knees." Now Karofsky was in on the teasing.

"True. He probably can't lift his fat ass off the ground." They were already moving away from me, though, because Ms. Summers was glaring at them.

Anyway, I do not have a fat ass! I just have a big build and a big body to go along with it. Most of the time I feel ok about my body, even if it's not as great as Puck's, but all of this weird Kurt and Mercedes and Coach Sylvester stuff is kind of getting me confused again.

Most of the time it's better to just ignore them, though. If they don't get the reaction they want, they give up and leave you alone. I took a few deep breaths to make the room quit spinning like it was, and tried standing up again. It was a little better this time, but mostly because I was ready. Fan-fucking-tastic.

The dizziness kind of came and went for the rest of the day. It wasn't too bad when I was sitting down, but when I was walking and especially when I stood up or sat down it was pretty horrible. My stomach also wasn't feeling that great. I thought about the syrup drenched pancakes from this morning, and then decided really quick that I probably shouldn't think about them any more. Also, I maybe shouldn't ever eat again.

Luckily, I made it to the auditorium without A) falling down and embarrassing myself or 2) meeting up with the hockey team again. Why does our school even have a hockey team? It's not like they win anything. Of course, I guess our football team doesn't win much either.

Mr. Shue was in the auditorium when I got there, pretending he was listening to Rachel, who was doing that chick-batty thing where she makes a lot of noise and gestures, but doesn't say much. They were too busy to notice me, so I sat down in one of the theater chairs, happy for a chance to sit down before I fell over. I closed my eyes and just listened to Rachel's voice fading in and out. "Taking it to the next level…visual as well as auditory….highly experimental…a new direction…"

In the end, Mr. Shuester agreed, but probably only to shut her up. I get it; I used to do the same thing. That was when the both noticed me. Rachel gave one of those manic squeals. "You're here! Ok, I'll cue up the music and you get up on stage. I'm thinking I'm going to film using the school hallways, but that's still undecided. We'll practice in here."

"Yeah, great." Since I'm not her boyfriend any more, and I'm definitely not trying to get in her pants (or up her skirt), I don't have to pretend to be excited about everything she does. I waited until she turned around and heaved myself to my feet, bracing for the wave of dizziness that seemed to be getting worse instead of better.

A hand grabbed my arm to keep me upright, and I jumped about a million miles in the air. "Woah, Finn." Mr. Shue let go as soon as I was steady, since I think there's some kind of rule about not touching the students, especially since Mr. Ryerson is creepying around the school again. "Are you feeling alright?"

I kind of wanted to tell him everything, but then I kind of didn't, so I just shrugged it off. "Yeah, I just got a little dizzy, that's all."

"Don't let Rachel work you too hard, then. She's the most driven girl, but she doesn't always know when to stop." He patted my shoulder once more and left me alone with the she-beast.

I know, it's not a nice thing to call Rachel, but have you seen the way she gets when she wants something? It's fucking scary. I would feel really bad for Jessie, since he clearly has no idea what he's getting in to, but it's hard to feel bad for a guy you hate because he's an evil spy.

"Come on, Finn! We don't have all day, and I need to decide which verses I want to use you for. Did you get the whole song memorized?"

See what I mean about her being scary intense? "Yeah, I got it." I'm pretty sure I'm going to be hearing the chorus in the back of my brain for the next week, but I didn't tell her that. "How come I'm only going to be doing some of the verses? Why not the whole song?"

She blinked real fast, like she didn't expect me to ask that. "Well….because I didn't plan on using the entire song. We usually just sing about half in Glee. Since you're the first one cast, I want to see which verses you're the strongest on. Besides, most of the lyrics will be mine anyway, since it's my assignment, silly."

Why is it that when Rachel calls me 'silly', I actually hear 'stupid'? Yeah, I know that she probably won't end up using the whole song, but doesn't it make sense to just film the whole thing and use the best parts later? And the song is a story, anyway, and no one understands a story that starts in the middle.

But this was her thing, so I just nodded and shrugged. "Ok, who else did you cast? I mean, I'm Joey, and you're the girl, who else do you need?"

"Santana and Brittany have agreed to be the angels-Finn, stop laughing!" Only she was smiling a little, too, so she must have thought that Santana as an angel was at least a little funny. Brit would be a good angel, since she's so pretty and nice, but Santana would be more on a dirty angel. Like the kind that stripped or something.

I decided to not think about Santana on a pole, so I wouldn't end up embarrassing myself. Yeah, I'm totally with Kurt now, but that doesn't mean I don't know what hot chicks look like any more. It just means don't drool and don't touch and I probably shouldn't think about them on stripper poles either. Hey, it's the same thing as when Kurt spent two hours staring at Hugh Jackman during X-men.

Rachel made me sing through the entire song three or four times before deciding on the first verse, then the last one, and all of the choruses. It still seemed weird to me, but whatever. Things were actually going pretty well between Rachel and I right now, and I didn't want to do anything that might mess it up. She's not getting all flirty with me, and I'm not rubbing it in her face that I'm hooking up with a guy she hates. It works for us.

At least it did until she started trying to direct me on the choreography. I hate dancing, and I suck at dancing, period. Rachel knows that. She also knows that standing me up on stage and yelling directions at me doesn't do jack shit to fix it. Fuck, I have enough trouble with left and right as it is, and she has to go and make it more confusing. Apparently stage left is the opposite of regular left, which should make it right, but that's wrong. Are you confused yet? Because I am.

Finally I sat down hard on the edge of the stage and crossed my arms over my chest. "Do you want to direct me, or do you just want to scream? Because if I wanted to hear a chick screaming, I would go watch the Cheerio's practice. At least then I could stare at Kurt."

She gave me the dirtiest look ever, but I held my ground. It's been explained to me (three guesses as to who was brave enough to try it) that when I scream and throw or kick things that it just makes me easier to control because I'm not thinking. Staying calm makes me harder to manipulate.

Of course this all came from a man who likes to do his manipulating by kissing right under my ear. When he's feeling really manipulative, he does it by putting his hand down my pants.

God, I love it when he's in a really manipulative mood.

Funny enough, staying calm actually worked with Rachel. She sat down in the front row and nodded. "Ok, I think maybe we should wait until I have all of the choreography sorted out. Clearly I'm confusing both of us."

No, just me, but I do know enough to know that she's holding out an olive oil branch so I nodded. "That would be good."

"Good." She patted the seat next to her. "Let's iron out the costuming and filming details."

I would honestly rather sit through one of Kurt's musical marathons then do this. Details aren't my thing. I had already agreed to this, so all I wanted to do was show up and do whatever she thought was best. That way, if it sucked it wasn't my fault, and if it was awesome, well, I wouldn't have gotten any credit anyway, so what did it matter?

Luckily, I was saved after only about 15 minutes by Kurt's text. WHERE ARE YOU? IM READY TO GO.

"Sorry, Rach, I gotta go. Kurt just texted." I grabbed my bag and stood up as slowly as possible. I was a little less dizzy this time, so that was good, right?

She gave me a long look that went back and forth between sad and something I couldn't quite get. "He's the one, isn't he?"

Yes. I would climb mountains and jump off cliffs and sing love songs in the middle of the cafeteria for Kurt, and I would never think twice about it. But that was a private thing for just him and me, so I settled for doing a half shrug half nod thing. Plus, I didn't want her to feel like it was a competition between her and Kurt, even though it kind of always is.

"I'm happy for you." She was sad when she said it, so I didn't ask if Jesse was the one for her. If he was, she probably would have said it by now. But, then again, she's only been going out with him for a few weeks. I wasn't really sure about Kurt after that long. My body was, but my heart took a little while longer to come around.

"Can you come over during your study hall tomorrow? I know you, Finn, and I know that you aren't really studying."

Yeah, it was true, but that kind of stung anyway. "I guess."

I know that she noticed my lack of enthusiasm, but she pushed on anyway. "Great! It was a lot of fun working with you again, Finn."

"Yeah." Sometimes I can't tell if she's just being nice or if she's kind of flirting with me again. Both of them are creepy. The flirting is because she has a boyfriend and she knows I have Kurt. The just being nice thing is creepy too, because I have trouble trusting that she doesn't have some secret plan to screw me over. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Kurt and I met up at his car, and I wanted to kiss him about a million times. But I didn't, because I can't do that in public yet. The Glee club isn't public, though, even though I would say it is. The rules are a little confusing at times. I kind of want to be able to just do it whenever we want, but kind of not at the same time. It's weird.

He did give me a very quick kiss on the cheek. "So, your place or mine?"

"Mine." Mom wasn't going to be home, and there's nothing hotter to me then seeing Kurt naked in my bed.

"And just what do you plan on doing to me once we're there?" He had put his mirrored sunglasses on, so I couldn't see his eyes at all. What was I supposed to say?

"I have left over chocolate from last night and Mom isn't coming home until 10. I'll think of something." What I really wanted to do was tell him that he wouldn't walk for a week, but that would be crude.

"Holding you to it." He grinned at me, and I knew that I was in. Today might not totally suck after all.


	66. Chapter 66

A/N: Here there be porn.

Kurt POV

"Are you thinking about it, Finn?" I had put my sunglasses on, not only because of the glare, but because I knew Finn was trying to get a read on me and I liked making him squirm. "About what we're doing tonight?"

"I, uh, I have a few ideas." He sounded nervous, like he expected me to freak out at any minute. "They mostly involved us naked."

"I like the directions these plans are headed in." Finn tends to need a little encouragement to share his thoughts. I guess years of being told how stupid you and your ideas are will do that to you. "Tell me more."

He shrugged and shook his head, so I quit pushing. Instead I changed the subject. "So, are you feeling any different today? More focused?"

"Not really. I've been dizzy all day and I'm not starving for, like, the first time ever, but I don't think I listened any better then usual. Maybe it takes a little while before the pills work?" He didn't sound particularly hopeful, which caused a pang in my chest. Of the two of us, Finn's always the hopeful, endlessly cheerful one. I was the chronic pessimist.

I guess even Finn's entitled to a few bad days every once in a while. In a way, I actually feel kind of honored when he does things like this. At least he feels like he doesn't have to pretend with me, and act like he's feeling something he's not.

_Maybe you could do something to, oh, I don't know, improve his day? Maybe something involving both of you naked?_

Well that was just a foregone conclusion, now wasn't it? I gave Finn's ribs a quick tickle, making sure I got him in just the right place. His smile appeared like magic, which always made me smile back.

"Hopefully tomorrow goes better." I pulled into his driveway, taking care to leave enough space for Carole's car. In a perfect world, I would be gone before she got home, thus negating any possibility of her finding out that I had spent the better part of the afternoon despoiling her son, but this world was far from perfect. More accurately, _Finn_ was far _too_ perfect, and it was hard to leave him, no matter how many times I told both him and myself it was the best path for avoiding humiliation on all parts.

"It probably will. Plus, there's Glee, and it's tacos in the cafeteria, which always makes a good day."

I wish I was easy to please as Finn. One Glee rehearsal, half dozen tacos, and he was convinced that the world was perfect again. We were both quiet up until we got inside. Then he chuckled and pulled me in for a hug and the sort of kiss that you usually only see in old-fashioned movies. I'm actually surprised that my leg didn't do that popping up thing that the girls always did. "So, I just remembered something kind of sad."

The spark in his eyes told me that it wasn't nearly as sad as he was pretending it was. "Really. And tell me, Finn Hudson, what might this kind of sad thing be?"

"You and me tied, but we were still only numbers 3 and 4 on the Glist. Quinn and Santana beat us. I'm thinking that maybe we need to get ourselves up the list." He nudged me with his nose, then started kissing across my throat.

"I…_ah_….you…" My thoughts had scattered like the baby spiders at the end of Charlottes Web, and I had to push Finn back before I could gather them up again. Once his lips (and tongue) were off of me, it was much easier to think. "So, what you're telling me is, that you want to perform various and kinky sexual acts on me for the sole purpose of propelling us to the top of a rather revolting and degrading list that only serves to underscore our society's voyeuristic obsession with other people's sex lives?"

As planned, I bought myself a little time while Finn detangled and interpreted that speech in his own mind. All of those vocabulary lessons were paying off, though, and it didn't take nearly as long as it would have even a few weeks ago. "Well, no." He looked at me like I had sprouted a second head. "You think I'm saying it because I want us to get to the top of the Glist and the Glist is bad because our society likes watching other people have sex, right?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and did my best mock glare at him. By now, Finn knows me well enough to know that this is all in good fun. "In a nutshell, yes."

"Then definitely no. That's only one of the reasons. The big reason is so that we can both get off, and because I love you. Duh." He grinned at me. "Sometimes you make things a big deal when they really aren't."

Touché, Finn Hudson. "Possibly. But I do like this idea of moving up the list. What do you think we should do?"

"Let's do it somewhere other then the bed." He unlocked the door and nudged me inside. "Let's do it lots of places besides the bed."

And that, ladies and gentleman, was the sort of idea that got you moved up the Glist. "I'm liking what I'm hearing. But if your next suggestion is either that we do it in your mother's bed or the great outdoors, I'm out. One of those ideas is creepy and the other illegal. I'm not getting arrested for a sex crime."

His face transformed into a mask of horror. "In Mom's bed? Dude, that's where she and my Dad did it! That's where I was conceived!" Then an even worse thought occurred to him. "Oh God, she_ sleeps_ in that bed at night! Gross!"

The indignation in his voice made me laugh a little. "Ok, ok. That's why we aren't going to do it. Can I get a promise about no outdoor sex either?"

"Is it really illegal?" His eyes were cagey, and that was never a good sign with Finn.

"Indecent exposure, lewd behavior, public indecency, and whatever else they can dream up. So, yes. Plus, it's 30 degrees out there now, and once it warms up you'll be looking at bug bites in very unattractive places. They're attracted to sweat, you know."

"Then no outside sex, promise. How about the living room? It's clean and the couch is pretty big." He was already pushing me towards it.

Since I read a lot of Cosmo (over at Mercedes' or Tina's houses only, though. Dad's great, but I think even he would draw the line at me subscribing), I knew that this was actually a healthy sign in our relationship. It was a very primitive behavior, the wanting to claim the relationship, and by extension, me, in places outside the safety of the bedroom. As much as that meant to me, though, the prude in my heart was still not 100% on board with this idea.

_Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Fuck that boy in every way, and every position known to man. Then turn it around and let him do the same to you._

Have I ever mentioned that the prude in my heart is _not_ named Galinda? Still, I let Finn lead me to the living room without complaint. Doing it on the couch did have a naughty air about it, as if we were any normal teenage couple. Which we were, but we weren't; either.

In the 4 years since I had started to notice boys and realize what it actually meant, I never once thought that I would have a boyfriend while I still lived at home. I might as well have asked to sprout wings and fly around the football field. I accepted that, and I accepted that there were certain experiences I would miss out on because of that. Among others, I had never thought I would be fooling around on the couch belonging to my boyfriend's mother. By the time I had a boyfriend of my own, we would all have our own places and I would miss this rite of passage.

"Jesus Fuck, Kurt, quit thinking!" Finn rolled his eyes. "Whatever it is, can't it wait until after? Or never?"

"You have a filthy mouth, Finn." Of course, being the good boyfriend that I am, I had to climb up and taste that mouth for myself, just to be sure. Nope. His mind might be filthy but his mouth was sweet. And, actually, a little bit sour. "Have you been eating Sour Patch Kids again?"

"Yeah. But they're not as sweet as…I mean sweeter then…fuck, I hate trying to be all romantic and stuff. How about I just suck you off and we call it even?" He was getting that adorable flush across his face and throat.

"Romance is very overrated." Finn's blow jobs, on the other hand, were very, very, not overrated.

Since Finn's idea of getting me naked involved just ripping the clothing off my body, and this vest had cost well over $200, I wiggled out from underneath him. "Let me get the clothes off."

His eyes rolled again. "I only tore one thing. But hurry up and get naked."

That 'one thing' had cost me nearly three weeks of working at the garage every single day after school, but I knew that debating that with Finn was pointless. You either understood why someone would pay $350 or a shirt, or you didn't, and there was no in between.

I took my silk shirt off slowly, letting it slip down my one shoulder while I worked on the lower buttons. Finn's breath caught and he suddenly became laser focused on me. Oh, this could be very good.

I don't usually try to pull of 'sexy', because it never quite works for me. Finn insists that it does, and that he's never seen anything hotter, but I've checked myself out in the mirror and it just looked stupid, so I knew he was just being nice.

_Sexy, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Speaking of, Finn's are about to bug out of his head._

A sideways glance confirmed that Finn was all but panting, staring at my exposed skin. Really? Ok, I could work with this. I lowered my eyes again and rolled my body, letting the shirt slide off my shoulder entirely while pretending to fuss with the button on my pants. Finn gulped audibly. "Is there something I can help you with, Cowboy?"

He smirked. "Yeah, kind of." He stood and pulled down his jeans and boxer shorts in one smooth motion. "How's this?"

I tried to remain calm and unaffected. "You certainly do appear to be in need of some help. Maybe I could be of some assistance?"

"Keep getting naked, I like the show."

_Obviously _he liked the show. I slipped my shirt completely off, letting it pool onto the bed. Then I ran into a problem with my pants. Due to circumstances beyond my control, my pants had gotten significantly tighter then they were 10 minutes ago. And, let me tell you, they hadn't really been loose then. I had to fumble in a rather non-graceful way.

"Screw it; I can't possibly tear your pants." Suddenly Finn was pushing me backwards onto the couch, his hands running down my sides and over to the reluctant button. He popped it without hesitation, and I moaned with relief from the pressure. With a feral smile, he yanked them off my body, leaving me in nothing but my blue boxer-briefs. He blatantly stared at my body. "Awesome."

I had to resist the urge to frantically cover my body. Galinda was right. Even if I couldn't see myself as sexy, Finn could, and that was what mattered. I could do this.

Finn pressed his lips to my collarbone. "You're really cute."

Cute? Cute didn't get you to the top of the Glist. I'd show him cute! Since he still had his shirt on, I fisted the fabric and pulled him down on top of me. His cock rubbed against mine with just a thin layer of fabric between them. God, that was good.

Finn must have agreed, because he rolled his hips against mine, moaning contentedly. I pushed his shirt up and off, relishing in the feel of his hot skin. Then suddenly he managed to flip us both so I was on top, straddling his body. It made me feel tough and in charge, which are two feelings I never get tired of. I gave him an approving hum and slid my hands up his chest to his shoulders. "How do you want to do this?"

"How do you, Boss?" His hand came up to grip my hips just a little too tightly. Not tightly enough to bruise, but certainly enough that there would be some marks tonight.

My mind spun and then went blank. Images, some so filthy I couldn't believe that they had come from my own mind, spun across my brain and fluttered away. "I….you pick?" My voice came out a breathy squeak and I made a solemn vow to force it back down into my normal register.

Luckily, Finn already had his head against my chest, his open mouth pressed to my collarbone, so he could hear me easily. He turned his head slightly so he could look up at me with one rather crafty eye. "How sore are you?"

What did that-oh. Heat (and a blush that did nothing for my coloring) raced down my body. Finn snickered. "Dude, you don't have to be embarrassed or anything. It's not like I don't know what it feels like the day after."

"I…I'm not embarrassed."

_ Liar._

"Liar." He kissed across my chest, his tongue finding my nipples and making me shiver. "You're blushing and your body got really hot."

Some parts of my body were much hotter then others. I was so hard that I was kind of afraid that I would come before Finn even touched me, but the thought of having him penetrate me again? Not so much. "I'm blushing because I'm not used to talking about the state of my…." I trailed off and looked around quickly, like someone might overhear me. I dropped my voice to a whisper. "My, you know, butt."

That wasn't exactly the body part I was concerned about, but I would die before I would say the actual part out loud. Finn, who had no such compunctions, snickered again. "Ok, then." His voice dropped as low as mine. "How sore is your…you know, butt."

I had to smile, even though getting teased usually brought out the worst in me. "Too sore for what you want to do. Sorry, Finn."

Disappointment flashed in his eyes, but he covered it quickly. "Whatever, it's all good. Give me a second choice for what you want to do tonight. You wanna fuck me?"

Something about his calm demeanor and genuine curiosity made me think that he would let me make love to him if I asked. Originally, I had thought that that would be a one time deal, the price he felt like he had to pay to earn himself the sex he was so desperately craving.

I wasn't going there tonight, though. Sex required lube, and condoms, and preparation, and a million other things that a blowjob didn't. Funny, all of those romance novels I've read over the years fail to mention any of those things. They made it sound as easy as rolling over and spreading your legs.

_Yeah? And in the movies, Lassie never peed on the rug._

Since I was still on top of Finn already, now would probably be a good time to play the naughty vixen. "Maybe. Or maybe we could do something else. When is your mother coming home?"

He pulled a face. "Please don't talk about Mom when we're naked. It kills my hard-on."

I looked down. "No it doesn't."

"Ok, no, but it grosses me out." He squirmed a little, trying to get comfortable.

"It does?" I put a hand on either side of his shoulders and leaned down, nibbling on his lip. "It doesn't get you at all hot and bothered to know that we could get caught at any minute?"

His eyes went wide. "This is kind of weird."

Damn, I knew I couldn't pull of the sexy vixen. I was about to back out when a grin spread across his face. "It's also kind of hot."

Deep down, I know that Finn's a bit of a pervert. That wasn't particularly surprising. What was more surprising was I not only liked it, but I was as bad as he was. "Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah." He ran his thumbs up my bare thighs, leaving a line of fire in his wake. "It's like you're the naughty nun or something."

The naughty nun? I had a mental vision of a hatchet faced sister and was barely able to repress a shudder. Was that how Finn really saw me? "What?" It came out with an incredulous giggle. "I'm a nun? I'll show you nun!

He opened his mouth, probably to frantically explain what he really meant, but I wasn't about to give him the chance. I grabbed both of his hands, pulling them over his head and silenced him with my mouth on his. He sighed into my mouth, clearly happy with the direction things were headed in. His lips moved against mine, but I had no idea what he was trying to say, if anything. Unfortunately, Finn has significantly more body then I do, and there was no way I could both hold his hands and give him a blow job that would knock any thoughts of nuns and church out of his mind permanently.

Never taking my lips off of his, I reached down and managed to get my belt out of my pants. There was nothing to tie his hands to, so I just looped them together in front of his body. This time I didn't ask him if it was alright. I felt like I knew him well enough to know that he was fine with it.

Sure enough, his eyes widened, but he also got that stupid look in his eyes that said he was totally turned on. I don't know why it surprises me that he likes me taking charge, considering that he let both Quinn and Rachel do the same thing. I rested my body along his, drawing a line up his neck with my nose, then my tongue, before giving him the sort of kiss guaranteed to blow a few of him mental gaskets.

_ Are you sure that that's wise? Poor thing doesn't have many to spare._

Shut up Galinda! And go away, too, because this is not a three-way. We were both breathing hard when I broke the kiss, and I actually had to close my eyes for a moment to remind my body to get itself under control. There wasn't much blood flow going to my brain, and I was having trouble keeping myself on track here. What exactly was I supposed to be doing with Finn? Sex? No, wait; I had already decided no sex. I shook my head to clear it. Hand job? Not slutty enough. Blow job? Definitely blow job.

"How would you like me to suck your cock?" I was obscenely proud that I managed to sound all slutty and hot. I was especially delighted that I hadn't stuttered or blushed when I used the word 'cock'.

Finn's choked a little on thin air. "Oh, God, yes. You are hot as fuck."

Aw…flattery would get him everywhere with me. "I guess, since you're so nice about it." I nipped lightly down his neck, taking care not to raise a bruise. Since Finn was supposedly not dating anyone, it wouldn't do to have him walking around with an enormous hickey. At least not on his neck. Other parts of his body were fair game, at least as far as I was concerned.

Finn had actually listened to my fashion advice this morning, and was wearing a nice button up instead of his usual depressingly common Abercrombie T-shirt. I undid each button slowly, kissing the skin as it was bared. I waited until I was down to his lower stomach before sucking hard on the delicate skin near his hipbone. Low enough to tease and tantalize him, high enough that the rest of the Glee club could see it if he raised his arms over his head. Which, by the way, I would be sure to encourage him to do. I had always considered myself above such primitive displays, but it turned out that I'm not. Amazing the things that I've discovered about myself since meeting one Finn Hudson.

As any good fashion whore knows, proportion is not only a good general rule, but key to everything. Finn has a ridiculously oversized body, so it would stand to reason that he also has a ridiculously oversized cock. The fact that he does is further proof in my mind that there no question or problem nothing that can't be solved or answered by fashion.

Years of cramming subs and mouthfuls of chips have all but destroyed Finn's gag reflex, so he's capable of performing a few tricks, such as deep throating, that those of us who know how to take delicate bites and actually chew can't do. Not to mention he's bigger then I am. Lengthwise, we're close, and I certainly don't have anything to be ashamed of, but he's much thicker.

Let it never be said that Kurt Anthony Hummel is a coward, though, and I lowered my head to lick at it. Finn shivered, a movement that traveled all the way down his body and made me smile fondly. I never get tired of seeing how responsive he is to me. "Easy, Finn, you know I'm not as good at this as you are."

"You're perfect, you know that. Just…please?" His hands, still tied, had been twisting, but he relaxed and gave himself over to me completely, trusting that I would never do anything to hurt him. With that in mind, I bit the bullet and wrapped my lips around his cock, sliding down slowly and teasing the head with my tongue. Thank you Cosmo, for all of your teaching and wisdom. Mercedes was right; that thing was the holy bible.

"Jesus Fuck." Finn's voice was so strangled that it come out as nothing but high pitched whisper.

I pulled off and gave him a look. "Not my name, Cowboy. Do you want to try again?"

From the blissed out look on his face, I had a suspicion that Finn was having trouble remembering his own name right now, much less mine, but I let him try. He gave ma a lazy grin. "I love you, Spider Monkey."

Close enough for me. I licked gently over the head, and slid back down, taking as much of him as I could into my mouth. It wasn't as much as he could, but he certainly wasn't complaining.

If all of my eavesdropping on Brittany and Santana during Glee, and the rest of the female (and a few of the male, but I'm not naming names there) Cheerios had taught me nothing else, it was that you gave blow jobs because you had to. It wasn't arousing for you, it wasn't even that fun. The internet might make it look fun, but those were paid actors. If you gave head at all, it was so you could get the favor returned, or, more likely, so you would have leverage against the guy for something later.

Well, either they were doing it wrong or I was, because, once I got over my initial fears, I loved sucking Finn's cock. I liked the way it felt, and the way it tasted and the utter mastery the act gave me over Finn's body. When I was doing this for him, I really and truly believed that he loved me. Not that I didn't at other times, and I definitely believed that he believed himself when he said it to me, but there was still a part of me that was scared of what was happening. Every time I got something good in my life, it only seemed to be so it could be taken away later. Nothing every worked out permanently for me.

Having Finn's hands tied like they were gave me two very clear advantages. First of all, it stopped him from being able to pull the little tricks that he liked to, like grabbing me and doing things like ripping my clothes off and having his way with me, or deciding that he would return the cocksucking favor. Not that those actions don't have their place, of course, but his greater size meant he could pull them whenever he wanted, and I just had to go along for the ride. It's great for me, but sometimes I worry that Finn doesn't get what he wants and needs out of this relationship. I ask, of course, but I usually just get a blank look and a mutter of 'you. All I need is you. Why do you keep asking me that?', which is something else about him that I don't understand. For someone who appears to be so open about everything, Finn is still a bit of an enigma shrouded in mystery to me.

The other thing I liked about it was kind of petty, but that didn't make it any less true. When I had Finn's hands restrained, he quit touching my hair. For some reason, he was crazy about doing it, which only served to drive me crazy. Boys who roll out of bed looking good (yes, I've seen him do it, much to my envy) just do not understand who much time it can take to put one's self together in the morning. My hair doesn't behave itself unless it's been sprayed within an inch of it's life, and Finn can mess that up with just a few strokes.

_Seems to me he can mess your brain up completely by stroking something else a few times. _

True enough. Since I can't fit all of Finn into my mouth, I wrapped my hand around the rest and pumped gently, first in mimicry of what my hand was doing, then in the opposite direction. Finn was trembling now, despite his best efforts to keep himself still. He still couldn't move his hands, but he made up for it by jerking his entire body so hard that he actually moved me on the bed. I had to bite back a moan as our new positions brought his leg between both of mine. The sudden friction was so delicious that I moaned wantonly, which made Finn moan as well. Since I suspect that Finn wouldn't appreciate being bitten, I tried to focus on him and not the fact that he was rubbing steadily against me. I was not about to be reduced to humping Finn's leg like a horny old dog.

_ Care to make a small wager on that?_

My free hand crept back to fondle his balls, tugging lightly before sliding even further back. I didn't try to penetrate him, but I did graze gently, which made him gasp. "Fuck, Kurt, I'm…I'm."

I appreciated his attempt to warn me, even though it wasn't really necessary. Anything Finn could do (_ex_cluding belching the alphabet, thank you very much) I would learn to do as well or die trying. That included swallowing.

Besides, I was so used to his body that I could already tell by the tension in his stomach and the lazy roll of his hips that he was close. A surge of power raced through my body. This was me, and I was doing this. Right at this moment, I wasn't the tiny, skinny little gay kid that could be pushed around and thrown into dumpsters at will. I wasn't weak, and I wasn't afraid. I was the master of both his body and mine, which was a heady feeling. I could get used to this.

One more rub right behind his balls and he gave low whine and one shallow thrust before coming in my mouth. Funny, when he does it, swallowing looks really easy. I mean, I've been doing it for 16 years already, and semen is basically a liquid, so it should be a simple task. Yeah, it wasn't and I ended up coughing a bit.

Of course, my situation may have been complicated a bit by the fact that my power trip and gone to my head (and dick), and I was coming hard against his leg.

_ Told you so._

Since I didn't have a response for that one, I just collapsed on top of Finn, resting my head in the crook of his neck. He ran a thumb across my cheekbone and down my neck. "That was fucking awesome. You rule at giving blow jobs."

I always had a fear that he was saying that to be nice, but I flushed under the compliment anyway. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. "Thanks."

His hands wrapped around my body and drug me up so I was sitting on his stomach instead of his thighs. "So, do you want me to return the favor?"

"Er…" Humiliation, thy name is Kurt Hummel. "That won't be necessary, thank you."

"Won't be…." Finn was puzzled until he looked down and managed to put two and two together. "Oh."

"Oh." I could actually see the blush spreading down my body, which only embarrassed me more. Why couldn't I control my body around Finn? "I'm really sorry?" I wasn't sure what etiquette demanded one say in a situation like this.

He shrugged. "It happens. You shouldn't sit around in wet clothes, though; you'll get some sort of infection." With one swift movement, he wrenched my underwear off, leaving me completely bare.

I suppose it's a measure of our growing comfort with each other that I didn't immediately try and cover my dick, which was still half-hard. Instead I crossed my arms over my chest. "Finn Hudson!'

He pointed lazily at me. "Kurt Hummel!"

God, I have no idea why I find that so cute. "This is highly inappropriate! What's your excuse going to be if someone looks through the window and sees us? We both got really hot, even though it's 30 degrees outside, so we took our clothes off and then accidently fell on top of each others genitals? Because let me tell you, no one's going to believe that."

"Who do you think looks in my windows at 4 in the afternoon?" His voice was genuinely curious, and I had to admit to myself that the chances of that happening were far slimmer then I had originally imagined them to be. "Besides, I'm not ashamed of you. I don't care if everyone knows."

Finn is not the liar that he thinks he is. His eyes always flicker a bit to the side, and he looks so completely innocent that you just know he's not. I don't think that he's ashamed of me, per se, but there is part of him that's ashamed of himself, and the feelings he's having for another boy.

I try not to blame him for those feelings, because I know that they're normal. Just a few months ago, Finn was the man of McKinley High. Quarterback, dating the head cheerleader, popular, he had everything. Now he pretty much had nothing except the Glee club and me. It's a bitter pill to swallow, even though he's choked it down with more grace then I probably could have managed. Still, there's a part of me that resents him for having even the smallest doubts about me.

But I had to hide that part. Finn had enough to worry about with out my insane jealousy and over possessiveness coming out to play. I smiled at him. "I know you aren't ashamed of me. But now isn't the right time everyone to know about us. We'll know when it's right." Like after graduation, when Finn and I were on our way out of town.

His hands ran up my hips to span my rib cage. "Ok. You're way smarter then me, so if you think it's a bad idea, it probably is. Just…." He stopped, and I had to nudge him a few times to get him to continue. He looked sad when he finally whispered. "Am I going to be able to take you to prom next year?"

I melted. I know that Finn doesn't think he's very good with romance, and most of the time I agree, but I couldn't help the flood of fantasies that his words set off. Being able to dance with him under that tacky mirrored disco ball, sneaking spiked punch, Finn in a tux. The two of us being Prom Kings together. All of those things that I had been sure that I would never have.

_Getting punched in the face instead of just slushied. Having the word 'FAG' scratched into your car. You ending up as Prom _Queen_ instead. Let me explain how it happens in the real world. _

It didn't always happen that way, and maybe it wouldn't for us either. I gave him another kiss, just so I could let him know how sweet I thought he was. I didn't want to dash his hopes, but I was afraid to commit either. Who knew, maybe we wouldn't even be together a year from now. "I hope so."

"Me, too." That apparently closed the subject wit him, because he was nodding to himself. His hands moved back down, fondling me gently. We fell silent then, both entranced by what he was doing. He was totally focused on staring at my rapidly hardening cock, and I couldn't tear my eyes off of his hands. Huge, strong, but so oddly gentle. He had calluses on some of his fingers, no doubt from where he held his drumsticks or his game controller, and I could see the fine bones shifting beneath the thin skin when he moved. I saw his hands every day, and felt them on my body most days, but this was different. It felt bizarrely intimate, like he was doing something more then sexual to me.

"Are you sure that you don't want to fuck me?" His voice was a low rumble, and so unexpected that at first I didn't understand the words. "Because I'm totally on board with it."

"I….I could possibly be convinced of the wisdom of doing such a thing." Why wasn't my brain working? It was like trying to think and talk through a thick layer of cotton.

He nodded and straightened up, sending me into his lap. Then he went back to the maddeningly slow strokes. It was enough to get me hard and aching, but not enough to get me off. "What do I do to convince you?"

"You're doing a good job." My voice trembled, which let him know that he had me right where he wanted me. "Ok, let's do this."

He grinned, looking like I had just told him the most important thing in the world. "Can we do it in the kitchen?"

The _kitchen_? I had been about to suggest going back to the bedroom. There was already a wet spot on the couch (sorry Carole!), and I didn't think I was flexible enough to have sex with a 6'3 inch man on a 5 foot couch. "Why in the kitchen?"

"Well, that way I can have sex with you, and look at that double fudge cake Mom made for after dinner tonight. It's like a 2-for-1 deal. You know, my most favorite things in the entire world." He must have seen my incredulous look, because he hastened to clarify. "But you're totally my first favorite. The cake is second." I kept my face totally impassive, even though I was dying to start laughing, and he backpedaled harder. "Way second. Third. Last. You know, how about we just do it in the bedroom?"

He was so pathetic looking that I couldn't help but burst into laughter. "Finn, you're precious. But how exactly do you think we're going to do it in the kitchen? With you bent over the kitchen table?"

"Um, we could clean it up before Mom comes home." From the dopey smile on his face, I was pretty sure that he liked the idea.

"You're six inches taller then I am. Unless I stand on a chair, the physics of this thing are actually impossible." Why was this idea becoming more of a turn on by the minute.

"Oh. Yeah, I didn't think of that, I guess. We've got a step stool in the basement, if you want to use that." He was still hopeful, but I think he got that his idea was going nowhere.

He's such an optimist. "How about we compromise? Let's get a little better at having sex, a little more comfortable, and, if you still want to, we will have sexual intercourse in your kitchen. And, I will bake you a chocolate fudge cake myself."

"I love you." He kissed me one more time, soft and sweet. He had never objected to kissing me after a blow job, which surprised me. I knew from kissing him that he would be able to taste his own semen, which I would expect to disgust him. But it didn't seem to. "So, sex is a go?"

"Sex is a go." I pushed his hands away, sliding off the couch. "But unless you want this to be over too quickly again, you need to quick playing with me. You have a penis of your own to play with."

"Playing with yours is more fun. But ok, let's go upstairs." He jumped up anyway, not willing to give me a chance to change my mind. The chances of that happening, by the way, were slightly less then absolute zero. I had Finn Hudson willing to let me fuck him. Prada, D&G, Coach, and Vera could all be having a 90% sale twenty feet away from the house and I wouldn't give them a second look.

In a moment of insanity brought on by endorphins and arousal, I smacked Finn's butt and took off running for the stairs. I'm faster, but Finn has much longer legs and is more familiar with the house, so it was a tight race. If I hadn't startled him so badly with the smack, he would have probably caught me.

I had already been hard due to Finn's earlier fondling, but that little swat brought back memories of another time when I had done so, way back when Glee had first started and we were performing in front of the entire school. That was the first time I had ever touched another boy like that and it had fueled my fantasies for months afterwards. At the time, I had wondered if Finn had liked it as well, and if he had thought about it when he touched himself later. Maybe I could ask him now.

I froze at the top of the stairs, briefly disoriented and unsure of which way to turn for Finn's room. Strong arms closed around my chest and lifted me up against his body. "Gotcha!"

He must have liked the thrill of the chase, because I could feel his hard cock pressing against my ass. "Now I'm taking you to my room so I can have my wicked way with you. No, wait. We're going there so you can have your wicked way with me." He carried me down the hallway to his room, tossing me on the bed. "Let's go."

I looked down and felt my stomach clench in horror. "Finn, are these the same sheets that were on your bed the last time we did this?"

"Yeah. I only have one set of sheets, Dude." Then he got my meaning. "I washed them like two days ago, I promise. Well, Mom did, but they're clean."

Whether they were clean or not, we were still doing this, so I was going to choose to believe him. "Alright. Lube and condoms?"

"In the nightstand." He idly stoked his hard cock, and my brain short circuited a bit.

My hands were shaking when I opened the drawer, only to be confronted by not only the lube and condoms, but a well worn issue of playboy as well. I clutched the disgusting thing between my thumb and forefinger. "Finn, what's this?"

He colored, which made his face match his cock. "Playboy. I got it from Puck I still like girls sometimes, too, you know."

_And who had a stunning masturbatory fantasy involving Hugh Jackman dressed as the Wolverine two nights ago? By the way, nice choice, there, I had a really good time imagining that as well._

Point taken. "In order to fix this, I'm going to have to do something that will drive all of those fantasies right out of your head, won't I?"

I must really be mastering this sexy thing, because his eyes dilated and he started to pant. "That would be awesome." The words were breathy.

I dropped the offending magazine back into the drawer, wiping my fingers on Finn's comforter for good measure. If that thing had really come from Noah Puckerman, it was probably crawling with disease. "Turn over."

Between my greater confidence and Finn knowing what to expect, prepping him didn't take anywhere near as long as it had the first time. It also gave me more time to focus on what I was feeling.

Every detail was sharp in my mind, each feeling more overwhelming then the last. Finn was breathing hard enough that I could see his sides move with each breath. When I leaned over and kissed the back of his neck, I felt the muscles shift and smell the sweetness of his shampoo. His body was far hotter, both inside and out, then he had any right to be, almost hot enough to burn. There was a fading bruise on his hip from where I had gotten a little overenthusiastic in the back room of the garage, and a spray of faint freckles on his shoulder blade. He gave a sudden and violent shiver as I hit his prostate. "God Damn, Kurt. Fuck me already."

If only he knew how many fantasies I had had about him saying those exact same words. "Are you ready?"

He twisted around to give me his best James Dean look. "Baby, I was born ready."

I couldn't help but smile. "So you say." I put on the condom and added more lube. "Here we go again."

The first time with Finn had been wonderful, but this time was far better. He didn't fuss or cry out. He did tense slightly, but another kiss to the back of his neck and some soft words were enough to soothe him. I was able to get all the way in, my body flush against his, with barely a mummer of complaint from him. I draped my body over his, just taking a minute to enjoy the heat and tightness of his body. "Good?"

"Yeah." If I had been asked to name what Finn was feeling right now, I would have said perfect contentment. Well, perfect contentment mixed with a healthy dose of arousal.

As much as I wanted to savor this moment, my legs were already shaking. For someone who, just a few months ago, had preferred just about anything to sex, I had certainly become rather addicted to it. Finn had made me as degenerate as he was. The worst part was? I loved it. "Finn, can I move?"

"Uh-huh. Actually, it would be kind of awesome if you did." Finn was trying his best to sound nonchalant, but he wasn't fooling me. He wanted this as badly, if not worse, then I did.

Out of respect for Finn, and the still strange position he was in, I tried to go slowly. It still amazed me that he was willing to bottom at all, and I knew that if I didn't make it good for him, that particular privilege was going to be gone. Slow, gentle and easy. I was not going to go with my instincts and just slam into him. This required delicacy and restraint.

So I moved as smoothly as I could, taking deep breaths and thinking of the most disgusting things I could, just so this wouldn't be over so quickly. I had never really imagined myself topping, so I didn't even have my own fantasies for comparison, but this had to be one of the greatest experiences of my life.

Rather unsurprisingly, Finn was rock hard when I managed to get a hand around to stroke his cock. He really is a sex hound, maybe even as bad as Puck. Just, you know, less diseased and whorish. I stroked him gently, then a bit harder when he whined. It was still hard to coordinate my thrusts with what I was doing, but maybe this was one of those things that required practice. Lots and lots of practice.

It went quiet then, the only sounds in the room being Finn's muted moaning and our bodies rubbing up against one another. Then he twisted to look back at me. "Hey Kurt?"

I couldn't tell if the flush on his face was due to arousal or something else, so I forced myself to stop. "What's up?" My voice had turned into a breathy squeak that he didn't seem to notice.

The flush deepened and I knew the problem was embarrassment. "Do you think you could…um….well….maybe a little….." He dropped his head down and heaved a deep sigh. "Ok, I can't think of a pretty way to say this so I'm just going to do it. I don't want you to think I'm a freak or anything, but I really just want you to do me harder. Like in the movies."

My jaw dropped open so far it hit Finn's back. This was….this was hot. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He didn't say anything else, probably because there was nothing for him to say. It was in my nature to ponder and question and get everything in line before I made a commitment. It was in Finn's nature to make the decision in an instant and plow straight ahead, no matter what the cost. Once his mind was made up, he was fully committed.

"Ok, I can do that." Why had my voice gotten so nervous? This was exactly what I had been fantasizing about a few minutes ago.

Despite Finn's seeming confidence, I was still cautious as I pushed into him. Not nearly as much as I had been before, but still gentle. He probably didn't actually mean for me to have sex with him _that_ roughly. Just not like he was crystal that might shatter. "Like this?"

"No. I mean fuck me. Like porno hard. You know you want to." The backs of his ears were flaming red, but his tone was wheedling.

"As you wish." I took a deep breath to steady myself and pushed in hard, so hard that my body actually jolted against his when I bottomed out. Finn moaned and dropped his head down. "Yeah, like that. Fucking awesome."

Since I had been given the all clear to get a little rough, I wrapped one arm around his middle and yanked him into the perfect position. Finn is so big and I'm so small that I had never tried anything like this before. This power trip was something I could get used to rather quickly.

From my new position, I could both hit Finn's prostate on every thrust and reach around to get a good grip on his cock, which was now leaking steadily. I slammed into him again, groaning as I did so. Finn whined in response and pushed back against me, seeking to let me in even deeper. I kissed his shoulder blade, then leaned to whisper in his ear. "Am I fucking you hard enough now?"

My filthy mouth was enough for Finn, and he trembled once, a low movement that ran through his entire body, and he came with a soft groan, covering my hand and his stomach. His body clenched tightly around me, and I came as well, my hips stuttering against his body. Was it just me, or did this get better with time?

Hurriedly, I took care of the clean-up before jumping back in bed with Finn, snuggling up on his chest. His heartbeat was still rapid, but it slowed as I ran my finger up and down his ribs. He poked me in the side. "Was that weird? Because I don't want it to be weird."

I kissed him on the nose. "It wasn't weird for me. Was it weird for you?" You had to lead Finn into talking about himself sometimes, or he would never get the words out.

"A little bit. But in a good way." His forehead wrinkled as he thought. "There's a lot of things that are strange in a good way. I never thought I would like getting fucked by a guy at all, and definitely not rough like that."

Despite desperately wanting it to be true, I had never seriously thought he would either. At best, I had expected a few groping sessions in a school closet, or maybe, if I was extremely lucky, he might fuck me a few times at night, while secretly (or not so secretly) pretending I was whatever girl he was pining over that week. In each scenario, though, I knew that deep down, I would be Finn's dirty little secret.

Except I wasn't. We were out to our parents, and out to our friends. The only reason we weren't out to everyone was that I had told Finn no. Far from being the passive victim here, I was actually the one in charge of things. How exactly had this happened?

_Who cares? Does it matter how it happened, or just that it did? You have Finn, Finn loves you to death. Finn has you to defend him and help him, even when he doesn't know he needs it. Quit worrying._

Since Finn seemed to be waiting for an answer, I touched his jaw. "You know I love you, right?"

"Well, yeah." Now he was confused. "Why wouldn't I know that?"

There was no reason, since I had never given him any reason to doubt me, but I liked confirming it with him every now and again. "Just making sure. "

"I'm sure. And I'm sure I love you, too." His hands slid under my arms so he could lift me until we were face to face. "Ok? No matter what, I love you."

Disney couldn't have possibly come up with a more perfect moment for a kiss, so I leaned forward and pressed our lips together. Right here, right now, I had everything I could have possibly wanted.


	67. Chapter 67

Kurt POV

When I showed up to get Finn on Friday, he was looking good. Really, really good. It was still chilly, if not downright freezing, in the mornings, so he was usually bundled up in a heavy coat and hat. Today he was in dark jeans, new looking sneakers and a black leather jacket that made me want to do unspeakable things to him. Instead I settled for a quick kiss and an appreciative growl. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Finn is not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, so I was rewarded with a blank look. "Huh?"

"You look quite dashing in that jacket. Very James Dean."

His confusion deepened. "The sausage guy?"

The _sausage_ guy? Now I was confused as well. Finn must have read it, because he tried to clarify things. "You know, Jimmy Dean? He makes those round sausage things that you put in a frying pan. Isn't Jimmy a nickname for James?"

Oh, dear God, we needed to have a West Side Story viewing party stat. "No, James Dean the actor. He was in a movie called Rebel Without a Cause where he wore a black leather jacket and jeans exactly like what you have on. Though I must say you carry it off better then he did."

Finn puffed with pride. "Oh. What he in anything else cool?"

"The Giant and another movie called East of Eden. He died very young in a car crash. Here, make this face." I schooled my features into a passable imitation of James Dean's trademark half smile.

Since his smile has a bit of natural smirk in it, Finn was able to come much closer then I did. If he had been wearing the mirrored sunglasses as well, I might not have been able to prevent myself from jumping him right there in the car.

At least until he cracked himself up and started giggling. Then he just looked like Finn again, my goofy Rebel Without a Clue. I laughed with them, since there's nothing that makes me happier then seeing him in a good mood. "One more kiss before we leave, ok?"

If there's one thing Finn's good at, it's obliging me with kisses. He gave me one on the nose, one on the cheek and a lingering one on the mouth. His eyes, amber in the dim light, were soft and content. I seized him by the front of his jacket and pulled him close for yet another kiss, this time harder and more insistent, a promise of things to come.

The porch light abruptly flickered on and off and I jumped back as if I had been burned. Finn jolted and glared in the direction of his house. "Not cool, Mom! Do you think she was just standing there watching us make out? Because that's nasty."

"It's far more likely that she noticed you were already in the car and we've been sitting here idling for five minutes now. I'm sure she has no interest in seeing us kissing." At least I hoped not. I put the car in reverse and pulled out. "But back to my original question: why are you so dressed up? Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but this is a change from your usual Abercrombie and puffy vest combo."

What popped out of his mouth was enough to raise my hackles. "Oh, Rachel wanted me to wear it."

Luckily, he was already distracted by something and looking out the window, so he didn't see my fingers tighten on the steering wheel until they turned white. Yeah, you got me. I'm still jealous of Rachel. She's never been inappropriate towards Finn, not since she found out that we were together, but I still didn't trust her. Once she sets her mind on something, there's not stopping her, and I'm still a little afraid that what she wants is Finn. Even her having Jessie wasn't enough to assuage those fears.

And I'm not blaming Finn for any of it, either. I very seriously doubt that he would cheat on me, and certainly not with her. But she's clever, and I can easily see her leading him into trouble before he knows what's happening. It's kind of like putting the frog in a pot and turning on the heat. Finn never sees it coming, so he wouldn't be able to hop out before it was too late.

I kept my voice strong and steady. "Oh, really? How come you dress up for Rachel but not for me?"

He shot me a puzzled look. "You didn't ask me to dress up for you."

Sometimes his literal nature was extremely frustrating. "How could I ask you to dress up for me, if I didn't even know you had a leather jacket like that?"

"If you like it, I can wear it more. Not every day, because it was my Dad's and I don't want to mess it up, but I can wear it if you like it. Or something else. All you have to do is ask." One of his eyebrows was raised now, and his face clearly told me he thought I had gone over the deep end.

My anger ebbed. No, Finn had no idea why this was such a big deal to me, but maybe that was a good thing. He was secure in what we had, and didn't see Rachel as being competition for his love. He wasn't attempting to impress Rachel, just listening to a suggestion she had made for him. I squeezed his thigh gently. "Did she say why she wanted you to dress like that? Because you should never take fashion advice from Rachel Berry. Have you seen the number of atrocious sweater sets she owns?"

"I don't know what a sweater set is, but I'm guessing it's a lot because of the way you said it." He stretched, his legs straightening and his fingers running lightly across the roof of the car. "Anyway, she only asked me to wear it for the video."

What was he talking about? "The video?"

He flinched. "I don't think I was supposed to tell you about that. It was supposed to be a secret between Rachel and me."

I pressed cautiously. "Can you at least reassure me that this isn't a pornographic video starring you and Ms. Berry?"

"Nope." Suddenly his eyes widened. "You know, we could make a pornographic video. My phone takes movies, and then I could, you know, _enjoy_ you whenever I want to! And by enjoy, I mean jerk off while I watch."

"Yes, Cowboy, I got that without further elaboration. And, no, we are not making a sex tape. People besides us will see it, because that's always what seems to end up happening, and then it will hit the internet, which is forever. In 10 years when I'm a world famous designer, I don't want people being able to see what I looked like at 16." If reading Star magazine had taught me nothing else, it was that sex tapes invariably got leaked to the world. "Is the video for our bad reputation assignment?"

"Yeah. But I can't tell you which song, because I want it to be a surprise. We're filming it during study hall, and she's going to get it edited during fifth period. Jacob Ben Israel wanted to do it, but she's having Artie help her instead, because Arties doesn't try and feel her up. So, if it all goes well, we should be able to show it off in Glee today. Cool, huh?"

Actually, it was cool, as much as it pained me to admit it. Why hadn't I thought of that? I had to be at least as creative as Rachel was. "It is cool. And you look absolutely wonderful this morning."

"Thanks. Are you going to talk to Tina?" He seemed a bit tentative about bringing it up.

The sudden change in subject briefly confused me, and I took a minute to get my thoughts in order. "I guess I have to. You're right, she's Mercedes' best friend after me, and if Mercedes won't talk to me directly, Tina's my next best shot. I really don't want to, though."

"Well, yeah. No one likes admitting that they acted like a jerk. But just do it and get it over with, and then the two of you can be friends again. It's easier then it sounds, I promise."

I would give up all of my clothing for a week just to have Finn's optimistic nature. "I'm not as sure about this as you are, but I'll do it."

He rubbed my knee. "You should be sure. You and Mercedes love each other. You just let your tempers get the best of you. Trust me, it happens to me a lot, and telling the other person that you messed up usually makes things at least a little better.

I pulled into my usual parking spot, as far away from the school as I could manage. I used to park closer, always fearful of being trapped by some of the jocks and being too far away from the school for anyone to hear me scream, but I didn't worry about that as much since I had Finn to protect me.

He couldn't kiss me in public, of course, but made sure he walked me to my first class, shooting death glares at anyone who dared take a step towards me. At the classroom door, he lightly touched my lower back and whispered "good luck." I nodded and stepped inside.

My stomach knotted as I saws Tina sitting in her usual place by the window. She's no more of a morning person then Finn is, and looked half-asleep there at her desk. Maybe I should just wait until after class?

_Coward._

I might be many things, but being accused of cowardice always hurt. I sat in the empty chair next to my second best friend. "Hey, T."

There was something cautious in her eyes that had never been there before and my heart sank further. Clearly she had been left with the impression that it was war between Mercedes and I, and she felt that she was expected to pick sides. Just as clearly, my side hadn't been the one she chose. "Hey."

Best to just bite the bullet here. "So, I guess you talked to Mercedes and she told you we got into a fight."

"I did." She began picking at her nails, letting me know that she found this situation as uncomfortable as I did.

"I really screwed up, T, big time." My voice choked, and I had to take a breath before I could keep going. "I need your help."

She softened a little. "With what?"

"I want to apologize, but she won't pick up the phone when I call. I left messages, but she won't call me back. How can I tell her that I'm sorry if she won't even pick up the phone?"

Tina sighed. "So you thought that you'd find me and I'd do it for you? Because you're right, she's _pissed_ with you."

Even thought I had already known it, it still hurt to hear someone say it so baldly. "I know. She wanted to quit the Cheerios, and I didn't want her to, and it all kind of spun out of control from there. I don't want you to apologize for me, but could you just get her to talk to me? Please?"

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I will, but only because I think that she's being as stupid as you are by refusing to speak to you at all. Let me talk to her next period, and I'll text you later." She paused, then narrowed her eyes. "Can I offer you a suggestion, though? Because I like you, and I don't want to see you die?"

"Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated." Not necessarily listened to, but appreciated all the same.

"If I were you, I would spend a little time thinking things t-through. This isn't about the Cheerios, and if you pretend that it is, you're only going to make things worse."

I knew that. It was just easier to blame everything on the Cheerios. "Oh trust me; I have plenty of groveling prepared."

Her lips pressed into a thin line, and I realized that I was still in deep trouble with her as well. Even though Tina was a friend to both Mercedes and I, but either I was totally in the wrong here, or Mercedes would get her in the friendship divorce. Right now, I was being assessed as an enemy, to see how this would play out. Finally she shook her head. "I can't promise anything, but I'll talk to her."

I wanted to beg her for some more help, to tell me what to say to make this right, but the bell was ringing again and the teacher was glaring. So I settled for squeezing her arm. "Thanks, T."

I then took my seat, pretending that I hadn't heard her mumble of 'you'll need all the help you can get'. Great, like I wasn't nervous enough already. I spun my pencil around, nervously planning and replanning what to say. If I didn't get this right, I wasn't going to get another chance.

Tina was texting under her desk, her black-tipped fingers flying. She frowned and typed again, then a third time. This was bad. If Tina couldn't get through to her, I was down to either having a big scene at school, which I wanted to avoid at all costs, or driving back to her house and waiting for her. That was the less publicly humiliating of my choices, but I knew that her father had a shotgun, and, while I wasn't that afraid that he would shoot me, I was a little scared that she might. Nobody pissed off my girl, even me.

Since looking at Tina was only making things worse, I turned my attention back to my notes. Being clear and organized had always served me in the past, so I turned my notebook to a clean page and started making notes.

Things To Say to Mercedes

I'm sorry. That's the most important one

I overreacted to what you told me and I had no right to speak to you that way

I will always make time for you in my life, Finn or no Finn

I'm really sorry.

I don't care if you quit the Cheerios. Coach Sylvester is a bitch and I'll stand by you no matter what.

Please forgive me

I'm sorry

There were probably more things I should be saying, but I couldn't think of anything. Hopefully I could say at least some of them before I started crying. No, I _would_ do it without crying. I had to.

My phone buzzed against my thigh, and I slid it out to take a quick peek. 1200 IN THE AUDITORIUM. SHES STILL PISSED SO DON'T SCREW UP.

Ok, this was progress, this was good. Focus on the positives here. Mercedes was willing to hear me out, so I had a chance to fix this. I shot Tina a grateful smile, and she tentatively returned it.

Even though she had agreed to speak to me, Mercedes didn't so much as glance in my direction during our next two classes. I did my best to respect her space by choosing a seat far away from her and not pushing matters. It was lonely without her passing notes and sending texts to break up the day. I kept sneaking looks at her, and my heart jumped when I caught her looking back.

The next two classes were a little better. Not only was my heart a little lighter, since I knew that she didn't totally hate my guts, but they were both classes that required quite a bit of attention for me to maintain my A, so I didn't have as much time to worry.

Lunch was the only time in the morning that I usually saw Finn, but I was going to have to skip it today. I sent him a text letting him know that I was sorting things out with Mercedes and not in the bottom of a dumpster somewhere. He texted back a good luck and a suggestion for later that took my breath away. He always knew just how to raise my spirits.

The door to the auditorium suddenly loomed up in front of me, and I felt my stomach take yet another flip. Why was I freaking out? This was just Mercedes. It wasn't Karofsky, wasn't Coach, wasn't even my pissed off father. Just Mercedes, my best friend in the entire world.

With that surge of confidence, I pushed the doors open and stepped inside. It was a little dark, and I had to stand still for a few minutes while my eyes adjusted. It was too quiet, and my heart started pumping. Was she even here?

"Well, some on. If you want to grovel, I'm right here." Her voice rang out in the darkness, and I finally saw her sitting on the stage, her legs dangling over the edge.

As much as I just wanted to run down there and give her a hug, I knew that it was a bad idea. So I walked slowly, rehearsing everything that I needed to say. "Hi, Mercedes." My voice was small and shaky, not at all like the suave, confident, adult I wanted to come off as.

"Hi, yourself." She had no trouble sounding confident and strong. Damn, I wished I could bottle some of that.

I was standing in front of the stage by now, and everything on my list had flown straight out of my head. I couldn't even pull a single word to mind. So I finally blurted the first thing that came into my mind. "I'm the biggest asshole on earth."

A very small smile quirked at her lips. "Go on. I like the way this is starting out."

The ways she said it gave me hope. Her eyes were laughing a little, and I knew that she was going to forgive me before this was over. That unlocked my memory, and I was able to go on. "I'm sorry, Mercedes, I really, really am. You were right to quit the Cheerios, and right that I was ignoring you. Except I didn't mean to, I promise. It just sort of happened. If you want me to quit the Cheerios, too, I will. I'll go to Coach Sylvester's office right now. Mercedes, you're the best friend I ever had, the first one, even. I don't want to lose you." There, that was everything on the list, right? Oh no, wait. "Please forgive me."

This time it was a real smile. "Of course I forgive you. You're my Kurt, and there's no Dynamic Duo without you." She jumped down and wrapped me in a hug. Good thing, because I felt a little weak with relief. "And, I guess I have to apologize, too. I was a bitch, and not the good kind. The Cheerios wasn't for me, but it is for you, and it wasn't fair for me to try and force you to quit. And I shouldn't have said what I did about Finn. That was mean. I know you love the big lug, and that means I love him too."

"But you shouldn't have to listen to me babble on and on about him and nothing else." If she never wanted to hear about Finn again, I could do that.

She hugged me again. "Thanks, Kurt. But you were fine. I was just feeling so terrible after what happened with Sean. You had this awesome guy who's stupid-crazy about you, and all I had was a guy who cheated at Sectionals and screwed us over. Then I made it worse by sleeping with Noah Puckerman of all people. Finn worships the ground you walk on, and I lost my virginity on top of a pool table. A pool table in Rachel Berry's house, which just rubs salt in it. Then you were so good at all the Cheerios stuff and Coach Sylvester just loves you. It was like you suddenly had everything, and I had nothing at all. I was jealous."

I had suspected as much, but I hadn't wanted to say anything out loud. I didn't want to lord anything over Mercedes, or make her feel bad because I felt so good, but everything she was saying was true. I had something special, and it was something that I couldn't share with her. Well, I guess I could, but my jealous nature prevents me from sexually sharing Finn.

_We'll cut her if she makes a move on him._

Except with Galinda, apparently. I leaned my head against Mercedes' shoulder and tried to look as appealing as possible. "You know that you'll always be the number one woman in my life."

_Well _excuse_ me_.

I chose to ignore that comment. It hadn't been that long ago that I had had something really specials with Mercedes. Maybe it wasn't too late for us to try and get it back.

"Boy, you need to quit with the Disney eyes. You aren't getting in my pants, and that look isn't good for much else." Still, her arm was tight around me, and I knew that I had been forgiven.

"But it is. How do you think I convince Dad to let me do whatever I want? The sad eyes win every time." Ok, that wasn't the actual truth. It wasn't so much what I made my eyes do as the fact that they looked so much like my mothers that he couldn't bear to deny me anything.

"I don't think you get away with nearly what you think you do. But you're my best guy friend. Right at the moment, you're my best guy period. So, can you forgive me?"

"Definitely." I didn't even have to think about the words before they came out of my mouth. I pulled her into the theater seats, so we could sit side by side. "Now tell me everything that I've missed in the past few days."

As it turned out, Mercedes knew a lot about what was happening around the school, things I had been too preoccupied to notice. That thought made me realize that maybe I had been a little caught up in Finn. "-and I don't know what Rachel Berry is up to, but Ben Jacob Israel has been hot on her trail for days! If I was that girl, I would look into a restraining order, pronto. Or at least get my Benedict Arnold of a boyfriend to kick his ass."

I couldn't betray Finn by telling Mercedes what Rachel was actually up to, but I could agree on the restraining order. "Maybe that's his nefarious plan. He's here not only to spy, but to sacrifice our lead female to the perversions of Ben Jacob Israel. It makes an evil sort of sense."

"They could pop out little big mouthed jewfro babies. Scary. So, have you noticed what's going on with Coach Sylvester?"

"A little bit. I guess a lot of people are laughing at her." I was a little torn about that one. Had someone been handy with a video camera, many, many, embarrassing videos could have been taken of me, most of which would have resulted in my immediate death from humiliation related causes. No, I hadn't put the video up myself, but I was the one who had taken it, and I hadn't stopped Finn when he did it.

But maybe this wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to Coach Sylvester. Maybe seeing what the rest of us put up with on a daily basis just because we weren't the most popular kids in school would teach her a little compassion. I hesitantly voiced that thought to Mercedes, who shrugged. "I don't know. I feel kind of bad for her, though. But then I think about how mean she is to everyone, and my pity dries up really quick."

"Do you think I should have stopped Finn from putting it up there?" Because I'm pretty sure he would have stopped if I asked. I didn't add that part, though, because it made me look like a terrible person.

"Hell no. If I had been holding that thing, I would have put it on every website on earth, not just YouTube. Bitch tried to make Mercedes Jones feel bad about herself. How can anyone make a girl this fabulous feel bad?"

Everything about her was exactly like I remembered, and exactly what I had been missing. As much as I loved Finn, he couldn't be everything I needed in one person. No one could. I loved Mercedes for her sass and Finn for his gentle acceptance. Her for telling me when I was a jerk, and him for leading me into the discovery myself. Her for her warmth, and Finn for his fire. Her as my best friend and him as my lover. It wasn't a competition between them, because I needed them both.

My phone buzzed against my thigh, and I grabbed it, noticing that I had a text from Finn. Mercedes quirked an eyebrow at me, and I shrugged. "He's probably just checking up on me. He's kind of over protective." Even though it was a bit of a struggle, I put the phone down without reading the text. This was a perfect time to start paying attention to Mercedes and not Finn.

"Good. You need someone to protect you when I'm not around. Do you think I need to apologize to him, too? How much did you tell him?"

"Nothing. Just that you and I had had a fight about the Cheerios. I never told him that you brought him up at all." It was a lie, and I would have to let Finn in on it later, but just a little white one. Finn's so naturally forgiving that I knew he wouldn't mind not getting an official apology.

My phone buzzed again, then a third time and fourth time. Mercedes laughed. "Text him back before he explodes."

I read quickly though the messages, each one more desperate then the last.

KURT I NEED HELP!

KURT CANT GET ILINER OFF!  
KURT! HELP!

I CANT GO TO GYM LIKE THIS!

It took me a minute to realize what he couldn't get off was eyeliner, and then I couldn't stop giggling. Trust Rachel Berry to put make-up on my man and then leave him with no idea of how to remove it. Mercedes gave me a questioning look, and I passed the phone over to her. She read the texts and laughed herself. "Kurt, go save the poor boy. Unless you want all the other boys in gym to be make him their pretty lady for the day."

She meant it lightly, but it was a very real fear of mine. The locker room terrified me, filled as it was with hormonal, naked boys. I always felt like if things were to go too far one day, if the pseudo-sexual harassment were to turn into something far worse, it would be there, with the running water to cover up any cries for help. "Are you sure?"

"Go!" She pushed me to my feet. "I'll save you a seat during 7th period."

As well as this had gone, I couldn't help but notice a few small things. She wasn't giving me her usual smile, and she didn't offer to do the special fist bump handshake that we had invented. It was going to take more then one meeting to restore what had gone wrong between us.

But at least this was a start. We were speaking, and even laughing and joking with each other. I might not have my best girl back yet, but we were close. I started to turn, then jumped back and raced over to kiss her on the cheek. "I love you."

"Yeah, yeah, I love you to. Now get on." She pushed gently and I raced down the aisle. I knew Finn, and I knew that he would be in the boy's bathroom closest to the science pod. Why he prefers that one, since it's just as repulsive as every other bathroom in the school, but at least it made him easy to find. By the way, I'm including the girl's bathrooms in that disgusting quota. For a while I thought that they would be cleaner, but girls are just as nasty as boys. At least I don't have to look at used feminine products in the means room.

Sure enough, there was Finn, make-up and all. His skin looked red and damp, no doubt the result of desperate scrubbing with a paper towel. He rushed to my side. "She turned me into a chick!"

Too bad he seemed so horrified, because Finn actually looked pretty good in that eyeliner. "It's not that bad, Cowboy. Probably no one else would even notice. But why would you think I could get it off?" I had tried really hard to hide my make-up use from him, since I had a fear that that would just a little too gay for him.

He looked blank. "Because you know everything."

His faith was very flattering. "That's hardly the truth, Cowboy. There are many things that I know absolutely nothing about. Sports for one."

"Yeah, but I do, so it totally makes up for it." He rubbed at his eyes again and I had to grab his arm to keep him from further irritating the skin. "So do you know how to fix it?"

"Fortunately, I do. But this does not mean I'll always be able to get you out of your scrapes. Hold still for a second." I reached into my bag and pulled out a packet of make-up removing wipes. "Keep them closed for a minute." A few quick swipes removed the offending color, though I could tell that Finn wasn't very happy about having me so close to his eyes. "And done."

He checked himself out quickly in the mirror and grinned. "See? I told you you knew how to do everything!" 

I had to laugh. "So, other then Rachel covering you in make-up, how did your filming go."

His nose wrinkled. "Ok, I guess. We didn't get it finished in time for Glee today, but I think we got all of the lyrics down. Hey, does it seem weird to you that she wanted to have me learn all the verses, but we only used a few of them? Don't you use all the verses in a music video?"

"I personally would, but Rachel Berry's mind is a strange and frightening place, and I refuse to spend any time there without a hazmat suit." Fine, so I was still a little jealous of her idea, and the fact that it hadn't been mine. _I _could be the one filming Finn doing any number of strange and sexy things.

"Yeah, I thought it was kind of weird, but she just says things like 'artistic vision' and 'lack of higher order understanding' and I just quit listening to her. She's probably right, anyway."

That was Finn's biggest problem. He always thought that he was wrong, and the other person was right, no matter what. It was what allowed him to be lead in to making bad choices, or putting up with things that he shouldn't. I was trying to work on it, but there really wasn't that much I could do. This was a self-esteem issue, and he would never believe me until he could believe in himself. "She may be right and she may be wrong, but, for the record, it sets off my spider-sense, too." It was always better if I didn't tell Finn outright that he was wrong.

A dopey grin spread across his face. "Dude, you totally just made a comic book reference. One that was actually right for a change. I love you _so_ much."

He's very free with the words that I never get tired of hearing. "I love you, too. Totally, completely, perfectly. Like Peter Parker and Mary Jane."

"We're kind of awesome together, you know that, right?" He was close enough now to tip my chin up and give me a quick kiss. "Like peanut butter and jelly, or French fries and ketchup, or, um, you know, Dolce and Gabana. That's that designer you like, right?"

Nothing he could have said would have made me love him more. He might not understand fashion, but at least he tried hard for me. I kissed him one more time, then pressed my hand to his heart, feeling the slow beat. "Cowboy, everything about you and I is right."


	68. Chapter 68

Finn POV

"Come on, Finn, I need you to move left." Rachel was sounded pissed off, but it's the sort of pissed off that Kurt usually calls 'exasperated'. See? I really do listen when he gives me vocabulary lessons. I scooted my body to the left, making sure that it was stage left this time.

"No, your other left. I meant real left, not stage left this time. Sorry, stage right, your left."

Great, that didn't make even more confusing at all. I looked down at my hands, making sure I moved towards the one that made the L. How come no one told me how to do that before now? "Like this?"

"Close." She reached out and pressed on my side, trying to move me just a little bit more. Unfortunately, she hit me right where I was ticklish, and I started laughing (it was _not_ a giggle, even though Kurt always says it is). "Finn! You need to focus on what we're doing here and not rolling around like a puppy wanting its belly scratched. Artie doesn't want to be here forever."

"Sorry, Artie." I was having trouble getting myself under control, which made Artie laugh a little, too. "I'm trying, I promise."

"Hey, she's got me for the entire day. Doesn't matter to me whether we spend the entire time here or not." Artie pushed his glasses up on his nose and pointed the video camera at us. "You're perfect in frame, so whenever is fine with me."

I might be a little slow to catch on to things, but I usually get there in the end. "How come she wants you for all day? This shouldn't take very long."

"Your part won't. But we still have to film Brittany and Santana, and Mr. Ryerson, and-"

Rachel cut him off right there. "And, Artie, don't you remember the nondisclosure agreement I had you sign when we negotiated payment? That applies to everyone, no exceptions. Ok?"

That's the nice way of saying 'shut up'. Only not really. What she was actually saying was 'shut up in front of Finn.' How come? It wasn't like anything in this video was going to be a surprise to me.

Sometimes I think Rachel's some freaky sort of mind reader, just like Kurt, because she rubbed my shoulder soothingly. "It's nothing personal, Finn. I just think this video will have a much bigger impact if no one sees the finished product but Artie and I before we have the big reveal in front of the entire club. You understand, don't you Finn?"

Not exactly, but I nodded anyway. "I guess." I made a few mental notes to ask Kurt about a few things when I called him later. What was a nondisclosure agreement? If Artie was getting paid real money, could I get away with asking for more then her sugar cookies? Did he want to have some phone sex?

"Finn, quit daydreaming! Let's get this finished." She actually clapped her hands at me, like I was some sort of dog.

"And you have no idea why I'm sleeping with Kurt now." I kind of muttered it, and lucky for me she had already turned around and didn't hear it. Artie did, though, and he gave me a thumbs up behind her back.

Filming was really weird. I recorded all the vocals yesterday, so I pretty much just mouthed the words without making any noise, so Artie could match them up later. It's harder then it looks. I had to remember exactly how long I had held each note, so things would work out. Plus I had to make it look like I wasn't thinking about that, and like I was thinking about trying not to get shot by Mr. Ryerson, who was going to be the Dad. If I had known that, I would have backed out, because it's not cool to be associated (I think that's the right word) with the guy who put his hand on your boyfriends butt.

I tried to back out when I did find out, but Rachel used a lot of confusing terms, like 'informal verbal contract' and 'commitment to greatness' and 'more grandiose then high school politics' and I got a little worried that she would either sue me or become president if I didn't go along with her.

It was just easier to go limp and let her push my body into exactly the position that she wanted then to try and do it myself using her instructions. I'm still a little suspicious of her, but she didn't do anything or try to touch me anywhere that I could call her on. Actually, she kind of treated me like a prop, something that wasn't even real.

Finally, she had me where she wanted me. "First verse and the choruses, then the last one, got it?"

Yes, I fucking got it. She had only told me that about a million times today and yesterday. "Got it." If I snapped at her, this was only going to end up being twice as long.

Once we actually started filming, things got much better. I still felt like I looked kind of stupid, but I usually did, and at least there was no real dancing in this. Lying around on a bed was much better. It was a little different from doing it on stage, because everything was much closer up and I had to watch my facial expressions all the time, but not too bad.

Of course, it took about a million retakes before Rachel was happy, but I kind of expected that. It was almost five when she finally stopped and nodded. "Finn, you're a star!"

I don't think that that's as much of a thrill as she does, but, sure, whatever. "Can I at least see the parts that I'm in?"

"How about I show you one part, and the rest can be a surprise?" She said it like we were bargaining, but she had all the power (that means Artie, by the way), and I had nothing, so it's not really fair.

I didn't want her to know that, though, so I nodded and watched the part she picked. I looked pretty good. Actually, I looked awesome. This was pretty sweet. I'll bet Kurt would like to see me looking all sexy and stuff, like that Lady Gaga dude he likes so much. "Can I have a copy when it's all done? Please?" 

"Of course. Years from now, you'll be able to look back at this video and say that you knew me way back when."

Why wouldn't I still know her? I mean, yeah, she's going to be all famous and stuff one day, but she would still have time for me, right? Maybe just to visit a little?

Probably not. I know I'm a little naïve, but I watch MTV and all that. Once Rachel has cool friends that are all rich and famous, she won't need me any more. She won't need anyone from Lima, Ohio. We would just be the Lima Losers that she and her friends laughed at when they were drinking. Especially not her ex-boyfriend who kind of left her for another dude. It hadn't really been that way, but I know Rach, and she'll probably make is sound like it was.

She was still waiting for me to say something, so I smiled at her. "Of course I will."

"Wonderful. Now I hate to kick you out, but it's almost six and I expect Jesse here soon." I must have looked a little confused, because she giggled. "Finn, you know he's my boyfriend and I like spending time with him. We have a date."

She was lying. But, whatever. If she would rather hang out with someone else besides me, I didn't care. Even though Kurt was busy today, I usually had him, and maybe Puck would want to play some Halo. I jumped up and gave her a hug, then fist bumped Artie.

Kurt didn't pick up his phone, which meant he was still at Cheerios practice. I worried about him when it went after dark like this, because what if he gets dropped or something? Plus, it gets really cold, and there isn't much to those outfits Coach Sylvester makes them wear. But I don't want to hover or anything, so I just texted him to give me a call later.

Puck didn't answer either, which was pretty sucky. What was I supposed to do with myself when I had no one to hang out with?

_How about some homework? You're close to failing your sophomore year, and Kurt doesn't want to hang out with a loser who flunked a grade._

As much as I hate Quinn-voice, I had to admit that he was probably right this time. I had been hoping that this medication would give me superpowers or something and make school easy, but I'm starting to think that that isn't going to happen.

The place that Mom's taking me to get tutored can't see me until next Monday, so I'm on my own until then. I liked my homework a lot better when Kurt's helping, but I'll bet he'll be really proud of me if I try on my own.

Mom wasn't home yet, so I grabbed a snack and sat down at the table. I usually do it in my room, but the doctor said not to do that any more. I'm supposed to do homework where there's no distractions. No TV, no computer, no X-box, no nothing.

We're reading Dante's Inferno in English, which is actually kind of cool. Kurt printed out the Cliff Notes version for me, so I usually read that, and then read the real one right after. It helps a little to have some idea of what's going on before I try the old fashioned words. It helps if I read it out loud too, but I only like doing that when I'm alone. Kurt corrects me right away if I'm wrong, and I never make the same mistake twice, but it's still embarrassing to screw up really easy words. Kurt never tells me I'm stupid, or gets frustrated, but, come on, he has to notice.

It took me almost 2 hours to get through the section and answer all the questions on my worksheet, then compare the answers back to what I found online. It's not really cheating, because I did the work myself first. It's more like double checking, and that's fair. At least I think so.

Kurt finally called me about 9. He had just gotten out of practice and was tired and cranky. Since I couldn't do anything else, I told him that I loved him, which always makes him happy, and told him to get some sleep. I could wait to ask him all of my questions.

The next morning started off really well. Every time Mom has to work late and doesn't get home in time to kiss me goodnight (and sometimes still tuck me in. I don't tell anyone that, because it would be social suicide, but I still let her do it sometimes. She's my Mom and I love her.), she always makes up for it by making me a good breakfast the next day. Today it was French Toast with powdered sugar and cut up fruit. I made sure to take some of the fruit for Kurt, because he really likes oranges and strawberries.

Sure enough, he gave me a big kiss when he saw the cup. "Is that for me?"

"Yep. Strawberries and oranges and blueberries. All that stuff that's full of antioxidants." I pronounced the word carefully, making sure that I got it right. Kurt loves it when I show off something he's taught me.

"Wonderful." He grabbed for a handful of fruit, then pulled back and flinched. "Ow."

Immeadiatly, I started worrying about everything that could be wrong with him. Had someone hurt him? Hit him? Cancer in his bones? Because I saw something like that on TV once. Zombie bite? I ran my fingers over his arm, looking for an injury. "What's wrong?"

His smile was a little off, so I knew that he was still hurting. "Just muscle aches. Coach really worked with us on tosses yesterday, and I've been having some growing pains lately as well." He did that adorable squint thing. "At least I hope that it's growing pains. I refuse to spend the rest of my life being only 5'7 inches tall. I'm like some sort of elf." 

"But the cute sort of elf, right?" That was the total wrong thing to say, because he gave me a death glare. But, come on, he does look at least a little like one, right? His ears are even a little bit pointy. "I mean, no, being an elf is bad. Really bad. You'll definitely get taller. Its growing pains. It has to be." Unless….I had to ask. "Kurt? You're 100% sure it's not-"

He cut me off. "I am 100% sure that it's not a zombie bite. Those video games are starting to warp your mind. I would show you my shoulder, but it took me 20 minutes to get into this outfit today, and I can't replicate that particular feat without a three way mirror."

I nodded seriously, since that seemed like what a guy should do in a situation like this. "That would suck. But if you start craving brains or anything, let me know so I can cut your head off."

"Will do, Cowboy, will do. So, today's the big day, isn't it? The big reveal of Rachel Berry's directorial and acting debut?" He sounded a little snotty about it, but I could tell that he was trying hard not to, so I let it go.

"I think so. She and Artie still had some stuff to do, but she made it sound like it would be today." I hoped so. I also hoped that Kurt would be super turned on when he saw me in the video and take me out to his car and do unspeakable things to me. That was wasn't very likely, but a boy can hope, right? Kurt says I'm an optimist, and part of being an optimist is always hoping that you'll get laid, even if your boyfriends has a strict 'no sex in the car' rule.

"You're really excited about this, aren't you?"

"Uh-huh. It was really fun to film and I like doing stuff with Rachel when she's not being all creepy and stalky." Plus, I wanted Kurt to be proud of me, and know that I could be awesome, too. If I tell him that, though, he'll say that I'm already awesome to him, and I don't need to do anything else. It's a lie, because it kind of has to be, but I don't want to get into it this early in the morning.

"Well, I hope its everything you want it to be. Now give me a kiss, and I'll see you at lunch."

I gave him two kisses, because I'm generous like that, and walked him to his first class. No one will lay a hand on him if I'm around. Sometimes they throw slushies at both of us, but at least no one hurts him.

For once, my own first class went really well. For once, I was paying attention when the teacher called on me, and I even knew the right answer. Hey, maybe those pills are doing something besides making me feel like I'm on a merry-go-round! It had to be a good sign that I was paying more attention, right?

Kurt thought it was when I told him at lunch. I made sure to tell him really quietly, because Rachel was there with Jesse and I didn't want spy-boy to know exactly what was wrong with me. I mean, I still have a little pride left. He rubbed my thigh under the table. "Finn, that's great! I'm glad that the tides turning for you."

That was a good thing, right? Tides turning means change, and change is good, so, yes, it was a good thing. I nodded at Kurt, who smiled and pushed his French fries towards me. "Here you go, Cowboy."

I bring him fruit in the morning, he gives me fries at lunch. It's totally love, just like Romeo and Juliet.

That thought kept my happy for the rest of the day, even though I majorly fucked up in math when I got called to the blackboard and everyone laughed at me, even Karofsky. Like he was so great. The second time Mr. Ryland called me up there I just crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. The law might say I have to be here, but it doesn't say I have to get embarrassed in front of the whole class. Lucky for me, Mr. Ryland's pretty cool, and he didn't make me or give me detention like he could have. He just nodded and told me to work the problems on my own. They were still wrong, but at least no one could tell but me.

I was so excited for Glee that I didn't even stop for a snack like usual. Since Kurt never snacks after school, unless it's on some weird health food shit that he brings from home. Even I can't eat some of it without gagging, and I've eaten green stuff out of the fridge.

Today it was just raw carrots and celery, though, so I was able to use my puppy eyes to get him to share. Even without ranch dressing, it was still pretty good. Artie and Rachel were up front setting up the projector. Everyone else was trickling in, and I wanted them to hurry the fuck up already. Come on, come on.

Once everyone was present, Mr. Shue stepped up to front. "Rachel has a special twist on our bad reputation assignment, but, before she does, there's something we need to talk about. The matter of the Glist is now closed. The person responsible has been caught, and appropriately punished. I never hope to catch any of you doing something like this to your fellow Glee members again."

Wait, that was it? Tina's head popped up. "W-who was it?"

"That's not important. What is important is that that person has seen the error of their ways, and the incident will not be repeated. Now, Rachel?"

Kurt leaned over to whisper in my ear. "I still think it was Puck."

I still didn't, but I had no idea who it actually had been. Maybe it's just one of those mysteries that will never be solved, like who shot JFK, or what really landed in Roswell. Personally? I think it was probably an alien toilet. But no one asked my opinion, so I kept my mouth shut.

Rachel was chattering away up front. "Though I understand that a motion picture should stand on its own, I do realize that some of you are not well-versed in the complex vocabulary of the filmic arts. I expect that this video will go over the heads of some of our less-cultured teammates, so let me just say I hope you enjoy my bad reputation!"

I'm pretty sure I'm one of the ones that has no culture in her mind. Whatever, I'm still the star, and that's pretty cool.

Except I wasn't. It took me a few minutes to figure out that Rachel had screwed me big time. See, I knew I she was going to do something like this!

_ No you didn't. Face facts, Dumbass, you had no idea what was going on. But don't take it too personally. I mean, Kurt didn't get it either. And, unless I miss my guess totally, neither did Jesse or Puck._

Kurt was poking me in the side, but I ignored him for the moment. It was enough (too much actually) to keep up with what was happening on screen, much less with him, too. I looked over at Jessie and Puck, and they both looked pissed off, too, so it wasn't just me.

For those who can't see what's going on, let me explain it as calmly and gently as I can. Rachel fucked me over! She wanted me to only sing one verse because I wasn't the only one playing Joey. She had Puck and Jesse on the other verses, and this fucking sucked!

The worst part was, I really wouldn't have cared if she had just told me that she was going to use all of us from the start. I mean, it's kind of a cool idea, even though I'm pretty sure that it makes Julie look kind of slutty to be with three Joey's at once. But obviously I don't have any idea what's going on.

I crossed my arms over my chest and slouched down, glaring. Kurt says that that makes me look petulant, and I can never remember if that's a good thing or not, but I'm going with it for the moment. Besides, Puck and Jesse were doing the exact same thing, so it must be ok.

I had the rest of the video to think of something really smart to say, but I couldn't think of anything, so I opened my mouth and let whatever got out first fly. "This is _garbage!_"

"He's right!" He sucks sometimes, but Puck usually has my back. "First of all, I need to trust _my_ instincts more, because I had a _feeling_ when we were shooting that, that it was _not_ gonna be good!"

Ok, Dude, let's worry a little less about the actual video and a little more about the fact that all three of us just got seriously dicked over. But he never cares about sharing Santana with other people, so I guess this isn't that big of a deal to him.

Jessie jumped in. "Why didn't you tell me that they were in this too? I thought you and I were going out! Being triple cast with two other guys to play opposite your boyfriend? It's mortifying!"

Yeah! I didn't say it out loud, but I thought it really hard. For once, I actually agreed with the guy. It _was_ mortifying, and I wasn't even dating her.

"I-I-It was an artistic statement!" Rachel always has an excuse for when she's selfish, and the word 'artistic is usually in there somewhere. It's never that she just doesn't think about other people. I mean, I know I'm bad about the same thing, even though I'm trying to do better, but she's really bad.

That got my temper going again, which is never good. "No, it wasn't!" When I act like an asshole, a bunch of people call me out on it, including her, so why shouldn't she have to pay the same price. I think that's what you call just desserts. "It was you trying to look like you had a bunch of guys fighting over you so you could stop looking like some kind of outcast and be seen as some hot, slutty girl-singer!"

I wanted to say more, but I know myself well enough to know that this was the place to stop. If I kept going, I was going to say something that I couldn't take back. So I got up and stormed out. If Kurt wanted to follow me, great. If he didn't, I'd just wait by the car. It was only an hour, and it wasn't that cold out any more.

Lucky for me, he did follow. I was outside the school before I realized it, though, and he had to yell at me. "Finn! Finn! Will you slow down? Not all of us have mile long legs, and I refuse to sweat trying to catch up to you!"

I stopped, because it wasn't like I was mad at him or anything. He raced up to my side and gave me a quick sideways hug. He couldn't give me a real one, because people might see it. "Come on, let's go."

He didn't say anything else until we were halfway home. "Do you want to get some ice cream before we discuss this debacle?"

"Sure." I didn't even feel that excited about it, and I'm always excited by ice cream. "What's a debacle?"

"This, Cowboy, is a debacle. From the scene occurring in our choir room, I'm guessing that you weren't aware that Joey had been triple cast? That's typical Rachel Berry."

This is the point where I'd usually defend her, but I didn't exactly feel like it right now. "Yeah." I didn't want to say anything else, because I was kind of afraid I would either start swearing, which Kurt hates, or crying, which I hate. It was just easier to keep quiet.

"If it's any consolation, you looked really good in your parts of the video. Better then Puck, and way better then Jesse." He rubbed my knee. "You were beyond sexy."

That was a little bit of consolation. Actually, that was a lot of consolation. "Really? Because I wanted it to be awesome for you."

"It was. I'm telling you, Finn, you're very James Dean." He sounded all swooning when he said it, which made me feel pretty good. I guess that making Kurt happy is more important then making Rachel happy.

He must have been feeling pretty bad for me, because he paid and got me a waffle cone, which is kind of like heaven, but, you know, waffled. It's pretty awesome. I got two scoops of French Vanilla, and Kurt got some weird green thing. But not pistachio or mint chocolate chip. This was really pale green and didn't have much of a smell. I eyeballed it suspiciously. "What is that?"

"Daiquiri ice. It doesn't have as much fat as regular ice cream." He was distracted by trying to get his wallet back in his pants. Before Kurt, I would have just thought someone should wear looser pants if its that much trouble. Now though? The tighter the better, at least on him.

"So, it's kind of like girl ice cream? Less fat and stuff?"

"No!" Kurt as seriously pissed all of the sudden, which is weird. What did I say? "It's like boy ice cream, because I am, in fact, a boy!"

"O-kaaay." I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say here, or how we went from zero to pissed off in .005 seconds. "I know that you're a boy. I mean, it would be kind of hard not to."

For a few seconds he just looked at me, and I felt like backing away slowly, like they tell you to do if an angry dog charges at you. Then he breathed out slowly and closed his eyes. "Sorry. It's just…you know, never mind. Let's focus on you right now."

Kurt always wants to focus on me, because he hates having to talk about himself and I never know what to do about it. Should I push things and risk really making him mad, or should I just do nothing? "We could focus on you if you wanted. I mean, we already talked about my stuff a bunch."

"It's nothing. Just me being…overly dramatic, I guess. Can we just drop the matter, please?"

I didn't like it, but I didn't want to make a big scene in public either, so I nodded. "Okay." It came out kind of whispery. I had to change the subject, but I wasn't sure how to, and Kurt wasn't much help. The silence got kind of awkward while I tried to figure out something to say to save the afternoon.

Then a thought occurred to me. "Hey, isn't a daiquiri booze? They let you put that in ice cream?" I really don't like the taste of it that much, especially beer, but I don't tell people that because it makes me look like a wuss.

"Yes, but there's no actual alcohol in it. Here, take a taste." He held out the cone enticingly.

So this was how it was going to be. We were just going to pretend that none of this had happened, and just go back to normal. I don't think that it's a good idea, but I'm also kind of afraid to tell Kurt that.

There was a little bit of ice cream on the corner of his mouth, and I would have much rather tasted that, but, you know, public rules. Sometimes I wish we could just come out and have it over with. Then I could just kiss him and not have to always remember which are public rules and which are private rules. Because school is public, but the choir room is private. The auditorium is public, though, and so's the boys bathroom for some reason. It's stupid, and I keep waiting to mess it up somehow.

I kind of don't want us to be out, either, though. People already say really mean shit to Kurt, and sometimes to me, too. But if everyone knows about us instead of just thinking that they do, they'll say worse things, and to both of us equally. I know that this makes me kind of a coward, but I don't want to have to deal with it. It's hard enough for Kurt, and he's way tougher then I am.

Mostly, I just want people not to suck so much.

"Finn, your ice cream is melting while you're off in lalaland. What in the world are you thinking so hard about?" Kurt said it like he really wanted to know, instead of like he was scolding me.

"I was wishing that people don't suck as much as they do." I always try to be honest with him, even if I don't always understand things myself.

"I know. I'm sorry that Rachel did that to you."

Yeah, that wasn't really what I was talking about, but, like I said, I'm kind of a coward so I nodded anyway. "Yeah, that's totally it. Can I taste your ice cream now?" Usually if I just say something about food I can get Kurt distracted and on a different topic.

Sure enough, he was off and babbling about the mystery of the glist while I gave his cone a quick lick. It looked kind of like a pale little nothing, but it was a little tart and made my mouth burn. It wasn't like ice cream at all. Ice cream was smooth and creamy. This was almost rough, and it melted in my mouth without leaving anything behind. Kurt grinned at me. "Do you like it?"

I wasn't sure. It certainly hadn't been what I was expecting. But I did know one thing. "I see why you like it."

"And why is that?" We were walking to the door by now, so we could eat outside in the sunshine.

"Because it's like you." Sharp and jagged and tart, and not like anything else I had ever seen or tasted. Something I would have never picked for myself, but that hit the spot in its own funny way.

His nose wrinkled. "Green? Frigid? Filled with calories?"

I could have tried to explain what I was thinking, but I'm really no good at that. Things are confusing enough when they're in my own mind, and they tend to scramble up even worse on the ride from my brain to my tongue. "Nah, none of those. It just reminded me of you, that's all. Besides, you're not green and you're definitely not frigid."

This seemed like a good time to just shut up, so I started in on my cone. I had twice as much ice cream as he did, but I also eat twice as fast, so we finished at pretty much the same time. Ice cream might not solve all the problems in the world, but it sure helps.

Kurt waited until we were back at the car before asking his next question. "So, what are you going to do about Rachel?"

I like it when he asks me what I think I should do, instead of telling me what he thinks I should do. I love him, but Kurt can be on the bossy side sometimes (a lot). He's smart, and he makes decisions really fast about everything. And when he makes a decision, it's really hard to get him to change his mind.

It's harder for me. I think slower, and I have to make a choice, then change it, then make it again. I worry about what everyone else will think, and Kurt never does. Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes its not, but it just takes me longer. Then I worry that I'm making the wrong choice, and I can get pushed into changing my mind.

So I took a few minutes to think about it and eat the last bite of my cone. Then I ate the last bite of Kurt's, because he offered and there are starving kids in Ethiopia and shit. "I'm pissed with her."

"Understandable." He tossed me a wet wipe, because he says I can never keep all the sticky off of myself.

"But I think it'll be ok. I mean, it was a shitty thing to do, but it's not like she killed a puppy or anything. I still kind of hate her right now, but, you know."

He was quiet for a long time, which made me think that he was mad about it. Then he touched my arm. "I wish I was more like you, Finn."

Why would anyone want to be more like me? _I _didn't even like being like me sometimes. "How come?"

"You never let things get to you. No matter what happens, you figure out how to forgive them. Do you have any idea who special that is?"

"Good special or bad special? Because, let me tell you, I've been called both."

He laughed and nudged me into the car. "Good special. You know I love you, right? More then anything else in the world."

"I know." What I don't know is why he has to say it like that all the time. Not that I don't mind hearing it, but the way he says it kind of makes me sad. It always sounds like he's telling me that because he doesn't believe that he actually got me, and because he thinks that if he doesn't I'll dump him.

Sorry, dude. At this point, I'm pretty sure you're not getting rid of me. Even if you want to.

But if I say anything, he'll deny it. This is one of those 'actions speak louder then words' sort of things, so I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. I really don't know what's up with him acting all crazy today. I know men don't get PMS. At least I think not, and I guessing that asking him would be the total wrong move. "But I can still be pissed of for right now, right? And you'll be pissed off with me, because that's what boyfriends do."

He did that grin thing where he doesn't show any teeth and my train of thought kind of blew off the tracks for a minute. "Hmm. So, you're asking me to hate Rachel Berry, and actually get to show it for once? Why, Finn Hudson, that's the best idea I've heard in a long time."

Ok, I get that this is kind of a douchy thing to do. The one who should really be pissed at Rach is Jessie, and there's something about being the bigger man and stuff in there and all that shit. But you know what? I don't care. She can be selfish, so why shouldn't I get to be selfish too? Maybe having a little selfish Finn time will solve some of my problems.

Right?


	69. Chapter 69

Kurt POV

I've been in rather a sour mood lately, and nothing seems to help. My life right now is the best it's ever been. I have a hobby that I'm really good at, even if I still don't get the solos I want. I have actual friends. I'm doing well in school, and I'm confident of being on the A honor roll this semester. My father actually pays attention to me, instead of treating me like the ghost of my mother, and, unlike her son, Carole will not only shop with me, but she actually listens to my suggestions.

And I have Finn. Finn, who is, to quote something I don't quite believe in 'the sum of all things hoped for'. He's everything I ever fantasized about, plus everything else in the world. He's the sort of guy I could wax poetic about for hours. Sweet, gentle, willing to put up with me, hot…..

_Hung_.

Hung. Not to mention willing to do any number of sexual things with me, even when I was kind of acting like a prude.

So why was I so crabby? For once, my life was actually running smoothly. There were no unexpected pregnancies, no lying parents, no manipulating teachers, not even a competition in the near future. I had even made up with Mercedes.

_That's your problem. Ever since you got Finn, it's been nothing but a crazy rollercoaster ride. You and him against the world. Now there's nothing for the two of you to stand together and fight for. The pressure is off, and the honeymoon is over. Finn is no longer, and shouldn't be, the focus of your very life._

As much as I complain about Miss Galinda, I have to admit that she makes some pretty good points. Finn's doctor gave him the all clear to play light sports again, and he's been spending his afternoons playing pick-up basketball or football with Puck, Mike and Matt. He doesn't wait for me to finish practice every single day like he used to, and it hurts a little bit.

Speaking of Finn, he had just reached over my shoulder to snatch a French fry off my plate. I slapped his hand. "Finn! Ask before you just grab someone else's lunch!"

He looked hurt. "But those are my fries. You always get them for me."

"That doesn't mean you can just snatch whatever you want! Try asking." Even when I was saying it, I didn't know why I was being so mean.

"Ok. Kurt, may I please have some French Fries?" There was a snip to his voice that I didn't exactly like, but I had to admit that it probably matched the one in mine.

I pushed the tray over. Finn picked at the fries, then gave me a confused look. "Are you sick or something? Because you're not acting like you."

It was nice of him not to refer to me as a raging bitch, which was probably what he wanted to do. "I'm just tired. I've been sleeping poorly, lately."

"Oh. Do you want to come over to my place and take a nap? Because I can totally change my plans for today. I'll give you a blow job to help you settle down." One eyebrow quirked happily.

"Not tonight, but call me tomorrow." My head was starting to hurt, and I didn't want to snap at Finn.

"Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me. Hey, since you're not eating anyway, do you care if I go with the guys? Puck brought a Frisbee."

That was who Finn chose to be with when he wasn't with me. Boy boys. Boys who didn't have 12 tubes of moisturizer in their bathrooms, and had closets filled with Abercrombie and Aeropostle. The kind of boys that my father wishes he had. Finn would rather go with them then stay with me. "Go ahead."

"Are you sure you're alright? Because I would totally stay with you if you wanted me to."

Great, now I had the pity vote. "Its fine, Finn. I have some work to do, and I'm not very pleasant company at the moment."

_That's for sure._

"Ok. Well, if you need me, send me a text." He lumbered off; still shooting me worried looks over his shoulder.

As much as I hated to admit it, Finn had really hurt my feelings the other day when he referred to my ice cream as a treat for girls. I know he didn't mean it in a cruel way, but it stirred up all the insecurities about our relationship that I had thought I was done with. Somewhere, squashed down where I had tried to bury it, was the very real fear that the only reason Finn was with me was that I had a few (quite a few. Ok, a lot of) feminine traits. That if I were a more traditionally masculine male, he would have run the other was as fast as I could.

It's not like he makes those sort of comments often, but it's happened more then once, which tells me that, somewhere in the back of his mind, even if he doesn't consciously think about it.

And that scares me. I love Finn, and I know he loves me, but I can't help but feel like he loves me in spite of what I am, not because of it. That, given his druthers, he would much rather see me with a vagina and breasts.

Just so we're clear, I am aware that this is probably more my issue then it is Finn's. I'm also fully aware that I'm unfairly lumping Finn in with my father, and blaming him for both of them.

That was when I got my idea. If Finn loved me for me, the way he claimed, then he would have no trouble loving the new, more masculine version of me. I could get my father at the same time, and see which me they liked better. It was the best idea I had had in a long time.

_No, it's _insanity_. It's not about which you Finn or your father likes best, it's about which you_ you_ like best. Also, its entrapment. Why don't you just act like a normal person and tell Finn that it hurts you when he says things like that? You know he never means to hurt anyone's feelings._

Of course he didn't. Finn has a mouth that's constantly running ahead of his brain (constantly running period), and sometimes things pop out. Usually, they're things that probably don't need to be said out loud, but that everyone is secretly thinking. Case in point? Him referring to Rachel as a 'slutty girl-singer' the other day. Was it rude? Totally. Do I still snicker a bit when I thing about it? Oh, yeah.

But if Finn thought I was like a girl, and had said it out loud, that meant that other people were thinking it and too polite to speak up.

_Please medicate yourself. It's not only good for you, but for everyone surrounding you._

She was right. I was not going to get myself all freaked out over a single comment by Finn. How ridiculous.

I jolted as Mercedes threw herself into the chair next to me. "Kurt! Boy, you have no idea what's happening out there. It's crazy!"

"A fight?" That was the usual craziness of McKinley High. "Coach Sylvester dangling some Freshman off of a staircase? One of our many perverse couples caught having sex in the janitors closet?" It was hard to get too excited about any of that, considering that it all happened at least twice a month.

"Please. I wouldn't bother searching you out for any of that bullshit. No, it's even more amazing. Puck shaved off the Mohawk! He looks just like everyone else now."

That _was_ news. Puck tended to that disgusting thing like it was a child. For him to shave it off was akin to Lady Gaga in a sweater set. It was like breaking down the fourth wall. "Did he say why?"

"Something about his mother giving him a bath and a mole and I honestly quit listening because it was getting creepy. That's not the really weird part, though." She was bouncing with excitement.

Noah Puckermans mother still bathed him at 16 years old, and it got weirder then that? "What's the weird part?"

"He came on to me again." She crossed her arms over her chest, smug at my horrified reaction.

"Did you tell him where he could go shove it?" I couldn't imagine her saying anything else.

"I did at first. I told him that he was a jerk who liked getting his girlfriend pregnant and then hanging her out to dry. His excuse was that she wasn't his girlfriend, she was Finn's. You know, Puck was just sleeping with her."

Because that made it soooo much better. The essential fact of the got her pregnant and hanging her out to dry didn't change, his explanation just added him (and her, don't think I'm letting Ms. Fabray off the hook here) being a cheater to the mix. "So that was when you told him to go shove it?"

She squirmed. "Not exactly. I agreed to meet him later at his place."

"Mercedes!" Words could not possibly convey how horrified I was with her. "Do I need to remind you of what happened the last time the two of you were alone together?"

"Yeah. But that isn't going to happen this time. He thinks that Mercedes Jones is fooled by him, but I'm not. That boy better watch his back, because he's getting more woman then he knows what to do with."

If anyone could tame the beast that was Noah Puckerman, it was Mercedes. "As long as you're careful, and give me all of the details when it's over."

It wasn't until she gave me a deep smile that I realized exactly what I had been missing for so long. "I will. Now give me some details about Finn." She must have read something in my face, because she was leaning forward, and dripping with sympathy. "Tell me about it."

I wasn't sure how to tell her what the problem was, especially because I wasn't sure that Finn was the problem at all. There's a pretty good chance that all of this is in my head. "Oh, I don't know. He's off running around with a Frisbee right now."

She knew that that there was more to the story, but she didn't push the matter. Instead she changed the subject. "So, is it kind of hard to get motivated in Glee lately? I don't know if it's Jesse or all the drama or what, but it's just not working as well as it used to."

I leaned back, assuming a relaxed posture. "I think we're too far away from Regionals to take it seriously. This is our time to chill out."

"I guess. But if we chill out too far, we're going to lose the Glee club entirely."

Funny, I had forgotten all about that. Glee club was just Glee club, like the football team or the Cheerios. But she was right. If we didn't bring it and win Regionals, that was it.

The bell rang before I could think of a suitable reply. I wasn't going to see Finn until Glee, though he did send me a text telling me how much he loved me. It was times like this that I felt like a jerk for ever doubting him. Why did I have to stir up trouble when none existed?

When Glee rolled around, I got my first view of two rather interesting things. First, Puck without the Mohawk. I had heard Santana telling everyone that he was no longer sexy to her, and I could see her point. It wasn't the hair, though. I mean, come one, Mohawks are so 1980. You weren't even born then, Puckerman.

No, it wasn't the hair at all. The issue was that Puck's attitude had been completely transformed. Like Samson and Delilah, once he lost his hair, he lost his swagger and confidence. Puck's greatest attribute has always been his charisma. Ok, his charisma and his abs. Good Lord, those abs. But without the hairdo, he was just another guy with a great body.

I could have offered some suggestions, but I'm never quite sure where I stand with Puck. He seems ok with Finn and I being a couple. He teases Finn about it a lot, but it really isn't very different from the way he teases Artie about Tina, or Santana about her boyfriend of the week. It didn't seem to be personal. It was just boys being boys, another thing that I couldn't quite seem to understand.

Except Puck didn't tease me like that. None of them did. The girls teased me gently about it, but the boys said nothing. They were Finn's friends, and the girls were mine, and never the twain shall meet. I feel like any of them would take up for me against an outside force, but even within the club, I might as well be one of the girls. It was Finn and the ice cream all over again.

Plus, the memory of bouncing off the innards of McKinley High's most objectionable dumpsters was still pretty fresh in my mind. So being ignored by Puck was in a lot of ways better then having him notice me. So maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and let him figure things out on his own.

The other thing was that Mercedes was onto something with her comment that no one was really motivated in Glee club. And I wasn't the only one who noticed. Rachel, looking totally manic, was already blathering away to Mr. Shue about how not everyone was participating, and she had the vocal analysis to prove it. I had to hand it to her, that girl was hard core.

I actually felt a little bad for Mr. Shuester, who looked overwhelmed by the onslaught. He held up his hands. "Ok, Rachel, sit down. And the rest of you! Is there a reason that no one feels like they should have to participate?" When no one replied, he went for the tried and true tactic of shaming us and singling out. "You do realize that the 12 of you are in danger of losing this club, right? Finn? Maybe you would like to explain why you haven't been participating for at least the past…" He looked over the papers that Rachel had presented him with. "…three days?"

He shrugged. "Why should I?" He pointed at Rachel. "I'm pissed with her." Then he pointed at Jesse. "And he's your favorite and gets all the solos I wanted."

Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner. If my suspicions were correct, Finn was far more hurt by the perception that Jesse had become the new favorite then by the solos. He needs someone, especially a man, to love him. And I knew exactly what it felt like to be replaced with the better model of child.

"Jesse is not my favorite. No one here is my favorite. He gets the solos because he's working harder then you are." Mr. Shue rubbed at his temples. "And whatever the problem is between you and Rachel, it needs to stay between you and Rachel. It's not fair to punish the entire club for it."

That was a total lie on his part. Finn was Mr. Shue's favorite, and we all knew it. But that was neither here nor there. Finn huffed. "Fine, I'll try harder. I'm doing it under protest, though."

"I appreciate it, Finn. That goes for all of you, too. Principal Figgins is just looking for a reason to shut this club down, and Coach Sylvester is more then willing to help him find one. You guys have already beaten amazing odds just to get this far, but it's not enough yet. I know you guys can win Regionals. I even think you can win Nationals. Maybe not this year, but soon. But it isn't going to happen if only part of you are willing to try. That's all I'm going to say on this matter."

"I have something to add."

Was there ever a time when Rachel _didn't_ have something to add? I blocked her out to give Finn's shoulder an encouraging rub. He wasn't the only one who had been coasting, but he was the only one who got called out on it in front of everyone. I wouldn't have minded. Actually, I would have been delighted for the chance to argue about it, but Finn's a sensitive soul, and I knew that it would bother him. He pressed back against me, asking for more. I moved to scratching lightly while Rachel cued up another song. Really, Rachel? Miley Cyrus?

_Really Kurt? You knew Miley Cyrus from the opening few notes. That's all kinds of sad. _

There was nothing for me to say to that, so I concentrated on Finn, using one finger to write secrets between his shoulder blades. _I'm scared you'll leave me. Sometimes I hate Rachel. I think you wish I was a girl. I'm the one who ate the last of the hot wings at my place, but I let Dad blame you. I wish I could steal your mother for a little bit and pretend that she's my mother._

Abruptly his muscles stiffened, and I wondered if he had somehow figured out what I was writing. But he was still staring at Rachel. In fact, everyone was staring at Rachel. I tuned back in, and finally heard what everyone else already had. Rachel was losing her voice. _Rachel Berry_ was losing her voice. This was like watching the Titanic go down in flames.

She knew it, too. Her eyes grew wide and panicked, and I actually found myself feeling bad for her. She's not that bad of a person, at least when her mouth is closed, and I knew that her voice, and ability to sing, was everything to her. The collective breathes of the entire Glee Club stopped, everyone waiting for the explosion to happen.

It didn't. Instead of freaking out and blaming all of us (and I had no doubt that she would learn and master sign language on the spot, just to make sure we knew that this couldn't possibly be her own fault), she turned and ran from the room.

Finn started to stand up, then sat back and looked at me, obviously confused. He wanted to comfort her, but it was no longer his place to do so. She had Jesse for that. Speaking of, he had just rushed out after her.

We disbanded shortly after that. Without Rachel, none of us had much motivation to continue. Mercedes wanted to gossip a little more about Puck on the way out, which was fine with me, since Finn was on the phone anyway. I gave him the heads up that I would be 15 minutes or so, causing him to nod and wave me on. Ok, that was a little strange.

But I was quickly caught up in offering Mercedes my meager relationship advice, liberally sprinkled with threats of castration and other such genial mutilation if he tired to screw and leave her again. Then she got more creative, threatening all manners of cross-dressing and spreading rumors of his STD's. Who knew, with Puck they may not even be rumors. When Finn appeared out in the hallway, nearly a half hour had passed instead of the few minutes I had promised him. "Oh, Cowboy, I'm so sorry! Why didn't you come and get me?"

I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, which he leaned down for but didn't otherwise acknowledge. "Finn? Are we doing something tonight?"

He looked so completely baffled that I wondered if I had forgotten something. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, 'what do I mean'? Do you have some other plans that I've not been made aware of?" It wasn't impossible that he would make alternate plans, but usually I heard about them well in advance.

"Well, yeah. Your Dad is going to pick me up any minute. Aren't you coming with us?" 

I'm sorry, what? Did I have a concussion? Had I been thrust into an alternate universe? "No, I don't believe that I was invited. Just where are you and my father planning on going?"

"The ball game" My father had appeared behind me, making me jump. "Kurt, we talked about this, and you didn't want to go."

"No we didn't!" My voice did that shrill thing that it always did when my father did something like this. "You never invited me to go do the game with you. How come you invited Finn and not me?"

"Are you kidding me? Every time I sit down to watch a game, you start in on the fact that all the players are wearing stirrup pants. I thought you would be happy that I'm hanging out with Finn and not threatening him with a shotgun. Plus, you get out of doing something you hate. Kiddo, I'm not seeing the problem here."

I hated it when he looked at me like that. Like I was an idiot for wanting him to pay attention to me. "Because there's never an excuse for stirrup pants." That wasn't the point, but it was all I could get out without bursting into tears in public. This was exactly what I had been upset about earlier: I wasn't really a boy.

Or, more accurately, I was a boy, but not the right sort of boy. The right sort of boy appreciated those atrocious stirrup pants and actually wanted to sit out in the wind and sun, getting covered with bugs and screaming himself hoarse. The right sort of boy didn't worry about his skin and his hair and his clothes.

Well, guess what? I can be that boy, too. "Well, you're right. I don't want to go to the game. Have fun eating hot dogs stuffed with carcinogens and rat hair. I'll be at home enjoying a nice meal. Finn, I'll see you tomorrow. Dad, I won't be waiting up." Then I turned on my heel and marched out with all the dignity I could muster. Finn called after me, but I didn't bother turning. If he wanted to chase me down, he could. If not, screw him. You know what? No. _Fuck_ him. There, I could start with my language. Swearing was appropriately masculine, right?

_You know what? Go ahead and do this crazy thing. Then, when it fails, maybe you'll listen to me._

Never. And what did she know anyway?

_Everything you do._

A hand descended on my shoulder, telling me that Finn had decided to chase me down after all. "Well, look who came running back."

But it wasn't Finn. Instead, Mercedes was looking at me with worried eyes. "Your dad is leaving without you."

"No he isn't. He's taking his new favorite son to the game." I wanted to say more, but I realized that I shouldn't. As much as I loved Mercedes, this wasn't about her. It was about me, Finn, and Dad. "I'm going home to work on my new performance. It's going to be…astounding."

She took a step back, and I couldn't quite blame her. There was something in my voice there that was reminiscent of Rachel Berry on the vitamin D. A passion that had just crossed the line into obsession. "Okaaaaay. Well, when you're done with your trip to crazy town, call me so we can pick up the pieces." She kissed me on the cheek. "Love you, Kurt."

My brain whirred at her words. That was something else that normal boys did. They loved girls. I could love girls. Not Mercedes, because that would be very nearly incest, but there were plenty of girls in this school. Girls with long silky hair, and glossy lips, and bouncing breasts and- ew, I just completely grossed myself out. Ok, girls were a no, even if they were something that normal boys thought about.

Besides, Finn wasn't looking at girls right now either. He had been into me almost since Dad had met him, and he was still the favored son. So I just had to be Finn, and Dad would like _me_ best.

My brain spun on the ride home. I didn't have any suitably 'boy' clothes, so I would have to go shopping for some. No, wait. That was wrong already. Boys don't go shopping for clothes voluntarily. Boys just threw on whatever they found on the bedroom floor, or the things that didn't stink too badly from the laundry.

But there was somewhere that I could go to get typical boy clothes. Especially since the owner of said clothes wasn't expected to be home any time soon. I suppose I should have felt badly for stealing his things, but since Finn was stealing my father, I couldn't summon much pity.

Carole was home when I got there, and let me in. "Hey, Sweetheart. Did you not want to go to the game with Finn and your father?"

Of course I didn't want to go to the game. I would never want to pay money to see a bunch of men run around in the dirt for three hours. But that didn't mean I wouldn't have done it for Dad, or that I didn't want to be asked. "No. Apparently I'm not that sort of boy." But I would be very soon.

She gave me a long look, and I remembered that there isn't much that gets by Carole. "There are a million sorts of boys to be, and there's nothing wrong with you."

I appreciated the thought, and I had a lot of respect for Carole, but she was wrong. If there was nothing wrong with me, then why did everyone insist on acting like there was? No, the problem had to be me. "Thanks, Carole."

"No problem. Look, Kurt, I would love to hang out with you, but I have a late shift at the hospital today."

"Oh, that's fine. I just needed to run up to Finn's room and grab a few things. If that's ok with you, of course." I chose to leave out the part where I hadn't completely confirmed that it was ok with Finn himself.

"If you can find anything in that disaster area, you're a miracle worker." She seemed busy gathering up her things, so I took the hint and went upstairs.

Carole was right; Finn's room looked like a hurricane had run through it. I stepped around the empty chip bags, piles of filthy clothes, stacks of video games, and…what in the world was that? I backed away from it slowly.

Granted, Finn is much larger then I am, but he has some old clothes in a container in his closet. I've worn them a few times when my clothes have gotten snowy or wet and I was drying them. They were a little baggy, but that was good, right? Most boys didn't like wearing clothes that were too tight.

I found the box easily and pulled out my choices. They were….oh God, they were terrible. Flannel shirts, puffy vests, old T-shirts that were fraying at the neck and hem. They were not the sort of clothes that you were seen in public in.

But they were what I had to work with. I grabbed the least offensive pieces and bundled them up in a Wal-Mart bag I found on his floor. It was very nearly physically painful to think of them going on my body, but sometimes we have to suffer for the ones we love.

My preparations took the rest of the night. Who would have thought that being Finn was so hard? No wonder he was terrible at school. The poor guy didn't have anything left over to learn with.

_That was harsh. Finn's terrible at school because he as a learning disability. Would you have made fun of Becky for failing? Finn might have hurt your feelings, but he didn't do it on purpose. You're not exactly being overly sympathetic now either._

Yeah. I had felt bad for that one as soon as I thought it, and I was incredibly glad that I hadn't said it out loud.

_Maybe you should try improving your nasty jealousy streak and occasional cruelty before your worry about your looks. _

Maybe she should just shut up. By the end of the night, I had managed to find a T-shirt (one with a Power Ranger on the front, but beggars can't be choosers. Especially when not one other shirt of his wasn't falling off of my shoulder completely.), a dark blue button up to wear over it, and an old baseball cap of my fathers. Add the loosest pair of jeans that I owned and I looked….terrible. Every time I turned around in my three way mirror, I saw less and less of whom I really was.

But that was the point. Who I really was sucked. This new person, the one I was turning into would be much better. At least I hoped so. Because, let me tell you, this was an awful lot of work for nothing.

I was already in bed when I heard Dad open the door to peek in on me. "Kurt? Son, are you awake?"

Spitefully, I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed deeply. I had told him that I wouldn't bother waiting up for him, and I fully intended to keep that promise.

Dad stood at the top of the stairs for a long time, like he was weighing his options and trying to decide whether or not to come down to me. I wanted him, too, but I had too much pride to beg, or even ask. My breath caught and held, but he stepped back and turned closed the door. Before he did, though, he whispered. "I love you, Kiddo."

I loved him, too. All of this was for him. Not for me, and not even as much for Finn, who didn't notice what_ he _was doing half the time, much less me, but so my father would be proud and quit getting those insulting phone calls that we both pretended never happened.

I rolled over and punched the pillow restlessly. Hopefully both Dad and Finn liked the new me. Because I was pretty sure that I already hated him.


	70. Chapter 70

Finn POV

I really need to make things right with Kurt today. I kind of fucked up and hurt his feelings yesterday, and I feel terrible about it. I mean, Burt's the one who told me that Kurt didn't want to go to the game, but he could have mentioned that he didn't bother asking him! He would have said no, because I know Kurt and he hates sports of all kinds, especially the ones you need to go outside to watch, but it doesn't really matter. I couldn't even enjoy that game at all, because I kept seeing Kurt's face when he found out that I was going and he wasn't. It was worse then when Rachel found out she didn't have a voice.

So I'm making sure that I'm doing everything right. Healthy breakfast, with extra cut up fruit for Kurt. I put on a button up shirt that he says looks good on me, and jeans that have no holes in them. I even fixed my hair the way he likes it instead of just running my hands through it a few times and calling it good. I was all ready for a pretty hard groveling session.

Kurt was late today, which was kind of weird. He's usually all anal (hee-hee) about being on time. He says it's something that a gentleman does, and I could take a lesson. Hey, I'm better then I used to be, especially since I got rid of the digital watch that I could never read right. The regular one with hands is much easier.

Once he got to ten minutes, I tried calling. Maybe he overslept or got into an accident or something. Or, knowing Kurt, he's still in his bathroom fixing his hair. I don't know how he does that, since it's not like it's actually long, but he does it.

You want to know a little secret? I love it when he does things like that. I love it when he does things like that. No matter how many times I tell him to hurry up and that he looks fine the way he is, he never listens to me. It's awesome that he does his own thing and doesn't let anyone push him around. Plus? He looks really good when he's done, and it's kind of an ego boost when I'm out with a really hot guy. Even if he doesn't think he's hot at all, goofy thing.

"Hello?" The voice was so strange that, for a minute, I didn't think I was actually talking to Kurt. His voice was all scratchy and low, like he was sick or something. "Finn?"

"Yeah, it's me. Are you sick? You sound really strange."

_Smooth, Finn. Really, really, smooth._

Yeah, I could have probably said that a little nicer. But I was worried about him! If he was sick, he needed to be at home resting, not picking me up for school. I would totally come over later and be his naughty nurse. Except if he was puking. Then I would just bring him some sprite.

"I'm not sick. Why would you think that I'm sick?" He was bitchy all of the sudden, which is the way he's been for the past few weeks. If he were a chick I'd say he was on the rag, but it must just be mood swings.

"Your voice sounds kind of scratchy. But if you say you're alright, it must be a bad connection." Ok, this was…peculiar. That's a Kurt word, by the way. It means strange.

"It must be. I'm turning onto your street now, so I'll see you in a few minutes."

"I love you." I'm not sure why I felt like I had to blurt that out, but I did. It's not that it's not true, but I don't usually say it all the time like this.

"I love you, too." The funny thing was, his voice went totally back to normal when he said that.

I still wanted to impress him, but now I was kind of worried. As soon as I saw the car, I jumped off the porch and raced over. "Hey, Baby, how are you-"I stopped there, because I had no idea who was sitting behind the wheel of Kurt's Navigator. "Kurt?"

"Who else would it be?" Not only was he doing that voice thing again, but he was dressed like….like….

"Kurt? Why are you wearing your father's clothes?" I tried to say it very calmly, and not at all like I actually thought that he might be possessed by a pod person. Or a zombie.

"Certain recent events have led me to realize that it's time to make a few changes in my life. And I'll have you know, that these are _your_ clothes, not my fathers." He sat back, like he expected me to say something.

Normally, the thought of Kurt in my clothes is like the hottest thing ever, but this was so incredibly creepy that I lost my train of thought. "Uh, why do you want to change into my clothes? What was wrong with your own clothes?" Clothes that cost more per week then some people made in a month.

"Everything." He said that part kind of soft, like I wasn't supposed to hear it. Then he got louder. "Why? Don't you like what I'm wearing?"

That was a trick question. If I said yes, then I was a liar, and he would know that I was a liar because I suck at it. If I said no, then I was an asshole who didn't support him. If I asked him if he had hit his head really hard last night, then I was slime. Ok, Finn, think fast.

"I always like what you're wearing. It's just a little, uh, different for you, that's all." Why couldn't I get my stupid mouth to say the right things?

_I don't think that there are any right things at the moment._

"Well, I like it." His words said that, but his voice said that he hated it.

"If you like it, I like it. Here, I brought you a fruit cup." I held it out, like I could fix all of this with some strawberries and grapes.

"Thanks, but I'm really hungry this morning. How about we stop at McDonalds instead?"

Pod person! Pod person! Pod person! My Kurt would never, every want to stop at McDonalds. He won't even kiss me after I've eaten it, because he says that the carcinogens (I don't know what those are, but he makes them sound bad) will transfer from my body to his. Now he suddenly wanted to go? No way.

I wanted to lean over and shake him until he started acting like himself again, but I couldn't. Whatever the problem is, it's not something that I can fix now, on the ride to school. "I already ate."

"Then I'll just get myself something." He was doing this thing with his shoulders that I didn't really like either. He had them pulled all the way back, and I knew that when he stood up and walked, he would be swaggering like one of the hockey players. I don't say this very often, but I think its good here: what the fuck?

My jaw dropped even further when he ordered. Coke, egg McMuffin with bacon, 2 hash browns. You know, those things that he calls The Tooth Rotter, Slime on a Biscuit and Grease Droppings. Al least he used to. Now he was eating and drinking them like they were delicious.

I don't want to be the one to tell him this, especially since I was getting a little scared of him, but he is going to be _really_ sick. Even I get sick from eating too much greasy stuff at once, and I don't eat as healthy as he does. I tried to think of something to say that wouldn't sound too stupid or judgmental. "So, did you pick your song for Glee? I'm not really sure what I'm doing."

He nodded. "I'm doing John Mellencamp."

That was when it clicked for me. Kurt hates John Mellencamp. He won't even let me play the radio stations where his music, or music like it, might come on. He likes Broadway and new stuff, and whatever the hell you call that Lady Gaga guy. I don't mind that sort of music, even though it isn't my favorite, but it's just easier to give Kurt his way on this one.

But you know who likes Mellencamp? Burt does. I know, because he makes me listen to it sometimes when we go places. Kurt was wearing clothes like his fathers, listening to music like his father, and even trying to talk like his father. This was a big old Daddy issue.

So, the good news is that he doesn't have a brain tumor and that he hasn't been bitten by a zombie. No chemotherapy and I won't have to end up cutting his head off. This is something fixable. The bad news is, I have no idea how to deal with it.

I've been working on slowing down and thinking before I speak, so I didn't loudly tell him he was acting like a huge idiot. Especially since he kind of looked like one, too. I love the way Kurt usually dresses. It's fun and sexy and looks exactly like him. This? It made him look like a Stepford wife. And not the hot Nicole Kidman type either.

Plus, he looked miserable. I don't think he meant to do it, but he kept picking at his flannel shirt, like it was giving him a rash or something. I like the way flannel looks, at least on me, but it's not the most comfortable fabric. I usually wear a T-shirt underneath. Not to mention the evil face he kept making every time he saw himself in the rearview mirror.

"Um, cool. Which song?" It was a total stall, but I couldn't think of anything better.

"That's currently undecided. Do you have any suggestions?" He looked in his McDonalds bag and cringed.

Look, I know Kurt. He might be taking a little side trip to crazy town, but that doesn't change who he really is. He doesn't want that food. But he's got way too much pride to throw it away in front of me. He'll eat it even if he ends up choking on it. So I gave him an easy out. "I don't know, why don't you let me think about it and get back to you at lunch. Speaking of food, can I have some of that?"

He's too smart not to know that I was only offering so he wouldn't humiliate himself, but, for once, he just took it without comment. "Here. You can have one of the hash browns and half the McMuffin."

"You spoil me. How about a few sips of the Coke, too?" No point in letting good caffeine go to waste.

I ended up eating most of the meal. Usually it wouldn't be a big deal, but my stomach was already in knots from being worried, and I had already eaten a big breakfast, so I wasn't feeling too well either.

The walk to Kurt's first period was very quiet. He was too busy swaggering (I told you so) down the hallway to say much, and I didn't want to set off the nuclear bomb that I was sure was coming. Once we got to the room, I gave his back a quick pat and told him I would see him at lunch. He nodded at me, and even that was different. Usually he nods gently, like he does everything else. This was a quick jerk of his head, like he wasn't even listening to me.

Not much happens in Lima, Ohio, so the gayest kid in school becoming the butchest kid in school was all anyone could talk about. Theories ranged from him finally growing a cock to his father telling him to man up (way past when he should have, if you believed them), to him nailing a chick and figuring out that being gay was a total choice and he didn't want it. Of course, I knew that he had always had a cock, Burt didn't care, and the only one he was nailing was me, but I just shrugged when people asked me. It was between me and him.

At least until Mercedes showed up. I might be 6'3 and outweigh her, but even I know better then to talk back to her. She's scary when she's mad. So I let her grab me by the arm and drag me into the choir room. By the way? I could have done without a bunch of other guys hissing and making 'whipped' gestures with their hands. Since I'm not with Quinn and not with Rachel, I can't even look at a girl without people claiming that we're together. People would die if they knew the truth.

_No, they would make _you_ die. Or, worse, Kurt._

I didn't think so. True, this school is full of assholes and jerks. They like to tease, and they like to throw slushies. They might even get a little rough at times. But kill someone? No way. That sort of stuff happened in the movies, but not in real life.

_You're very naïve, Finn. How do you think I was able to fool you for so long? Just what exactly do you think those movies are based on? Real life._

Kurt's told me, but I can never remember what naïve means. I know it's not the same as stupid, but its kind of close. Naïve, naïve, naïve-

I was so focused on trying to remember the word (and feeling it slip further and further away from me) that I missed what Mercedes was saying until she smacked me on the chest. "Finn! Pay attention!"

"I am!" She gave me the evil eye, and I had to backtrack. "Ok, now I am. Why are you all pissed of at me?"

"What in the hell did you do to Kurt! He looks like a….a…." She flapped her hands, trying to figure out the word.

The word 'lesbian' came to mind, but I would never say it out loud, because it was cruel. So I went with the less offensive option. "Invasion of the body snatchers?"

"Yeah. Did you say something to him? He looks like a freak!" Naturally, this was all my fault. Hello, I might be the boyfriend here, but Kurt has other people in his life! This one was all Burt.

But I didn't say that, not even to Mercedes. If Kurt wants to tell her, great. If not, then I shouldn't either. "I didn't say anything to him! He just showed up to get me looking like, you know, _that_. Have you heard him talk yet? He's making his voice all deep and shit."

"He wants to be more of a boy." She said it slowly, as if she was just now getting it.

I had never thought of that, but I felt like I had to defend Kurt. "He is a boy! Trust me, I've seen way more of him then you have."

"I do not need to hear about your sex life. I know that Kurt's a boy, and you know that Kurt's a boy, but you have to admit that he's not the typical sort of boy. Maybe he feels like he should be."

I wanted to defend Kurt, but there's wasn't much for me to say. She was right. Kurt isn't like other boys. I thought that he was great the way he was. Different wasn't always bad, Glee club taught us that. "I don't want him to be that type of boy. I want him to be his own type of boy. But if I say that, he'll get pissed off at me because I'm not supporting him or something."

"Well you need to do something! My boy can not pull off the jock look."

Yes he could. Kurt looked great in his football uniform, even though he was small and skinny. He can wear whatever he wants and look great when he wants to. Which is how I know that he's miserable now. He could rock the flannel if he put some effort in, but he didn't. "I'll do something, I promise."

I just didn't know what. She wanted me to tell him to snap out of it, but my heart said that that was wrong. I don't think I should just ignore it either, because he's doing this for attention, and I don't want him to get even worse because no one is noticing him.

There isn't really anyone else to ask, either. No one really knows Kurt, not even me. Mercedes knows part of him, and Burt knows part of him, and I know the biggest part of him, but not everything. Mercedes thought I should do one thing, and I thought I should do something else. I guess I could ask Burt, but he'll probably tell me to do something else. Then I'll have three choices, and maybe none of them will be right.

What I really needed was someone who wasn't part of this at all. Having someone that's out outside of all the bullshit and can look at the situation objectivityly. Like Mr. Shue did for me what I found out that Quinn was pregnant. He didn't scream and he didn't tell me that I was crazy. He just calmed me down and told me what my options were. I didn't like all of them, but I did appreciate that he gave them to me.

But who wasn't involved in this? Before she started dating Burt, I might have asked Mom, but now she knows Kurt and she's involved, too. Mercedes already gave me her opinion. Normally, I would ask Rachel, because she's good at telling other people what to do, but she's kind of got her own problems right now. Plus I 'm still kind of not speaking to her after the whole 'Run Joey, Run' thing and the fact that she ratted me out for not participating in Glee. I'm not close enough to the rest of the Glee club to want to talk about this to them. Burt's way out, because this is kind of his fault, and I don't have any other friends left.

It wasn't until almost lunch that I thought of my brilliant idea. Fretter! He was a super genius like Kurt, he's out of the situation, and he's really good at solving my problems! It's like a hat trick.

The problem was getting a hold of him. Since he can't really move, it's not as easy as just calling and asking if he wanted to hang out. I have to call and leave a message, which makes a button in his room light up. Then he calls his mother or his nurse, and they set up the thing that lets him talk on the phone and he calls me back. It all took a while, so I was going to either have to miss lunch or call after school. I didn't really want lunch, especially since that McDonalds wasn't exactly sitting right, but I would miss Kurt if I skipped it. With the way he's acting right now, I don't think that leaving him alone is the best idea. But if I waited until after school, I might not get to talk to Sean today at all. I hate having to make hard decisions.

Finally I decided to make a quick call, and tell him to call me back right at 11. That way I could still talk to him, but would have enough time left over to see Kurt as well. It rang though to a message, just like I thought it would. Ok, now it was the waiting game.

Frett's really good about calling back on time, mostly because he doesn't have much else to do, so I wasn't surprised when my phone beeped right at 11. I grabbed it. "Hey, Sean."

"Sup, Finnster? It must be exciting for you to call in the middle of a school day. Is it that boyfriend of yours? What's his name again, Chris? Kevin?"

"Kurt, and yeah." I ducked outside and over by the dumpsters. The last thing I needed was Kurt sneaking up behind me and hearing me talk about him with a stranger. He would never come this close to the dumpsters, because he's still scared that someone will toss him in.

"So did he dump your sorry ass? Decide he could do better?" He was just teasing me, and I had to admit that it helped. At least I still had Kurt, even if it was kind of an alternate reality version of him.

This was where I ran into trouble. How do you describe Kurt, the real one, to someone who has never met him? It's like trying to describe color to a blind dude. And if you don't understand what he was before, you can't get why he's freaking me out so much now. "Ok, look. Kurt is….he's….he's like the most awesome guy ever, right? But he's like a gay guy from the movies. He likes fashion and cooking and chick flicks. He screams when he sweats. He even puts on make-up sometimes, when he's trying to cover up his freckles. But all of this is in a dude way, not a chick way. Are you with me so far?"

"I think so. I'm kind of getting a Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy vibe. Is that right?"

I am very, very ashamed that I know exactly what he's talking about. Fretter's the only guy I could be admit that to. Puck would not only revoke my man card, but he'd probably burn it too, even though I only watched with Mom. "Yeah, kind of like that. But hot. He's got this gorgeous body and big blue eyes and I love his freckles even if he hates them, and when he smiles it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I had to stop myself there, because otherwise I would babble about Kurt until either lunch was over or Fretter hung up on me.

"Ok, so this guy is some sort of gay Adonis, and has you completely dickmatized. I'm not seeing the problem here."

That was because I hadn't gotten to the problem yet. "So, he was exactly like that right up until this morning. Yesterday his Dad took me to the ball game and not him, and I think it fucked him up. He showed up this morning wearing my old clothes that I outgrew like three years ago and acting like a normal guy. It's sick! I've never even seen him repeat an outfit, and I know that he would usually rather die then wear any of my clothes out in public. He doesn't even like when _I _wear my clothes. And his voice is all weird, too. Usually it's kind of high pitched, but not exactly girly. It's like…" I tried to think of a way to describe it. Oh, I know, I'd just repeat what Kurt told Mercedes the other day. "He says he has the exact vocal range of a 16th century castrati. I don't know what that is, but does it help?"

Sean started laughing. "Finnster, a castrati is a boy who's had his balls cut off before puberty so his voice never gets deep. You're painting quite a picture of your new boyfriend."

Ouch! I reflexively put a hand over my crotch, to reassure myself that the boys were still there. "Yeah, well, he still has his. I know, because I've been there."

"Way too much info. Ok, so is Kurt acting pissed at you?" I knew that he was working his jaw back and forth while he thought. He used to tap his fingers, but he can't do that any more.

That was the weird part. Well, weird-er part. "No, he's not. He's acting like this is totally normal, and exactly the way he's always been. Like I wouldn't fucking notice that he's lost his mind."

"Please tell me you didn't say that to him. I love you Finn, but your mouth tends to get a little ahead of you sometimes." Sean sounded worried.

"No, I didn't say anything to him. That's what I need you for. I need you to tell me what to say that won't make things worse. Because we both know that I'm a champion at making things worse." I didn't have too much pride to beg in front of him.

He laughed, which always hurt a little. Not because he was making fun of me or anything, but because it reminds me of what he used to be like before the accident. He was my best friend after Puck. Shit, sometimes he w as my best friend before Puck, when Puck was acting like an asshole. Which we all know is kind of a lot.

Girls got crushes on Sean because of the way he laughed. Looking back, _I_ might have had a little bit of a crush on Sean because of the way he laughed. But now….girls don't want to be with a quadriplegic. When he laughs, though, you can't tell that anything is wrong with him. Like he might ask me any second if I wanted to go bowling with him.

"Did you at least reassure him that you loved him, no matter what?"

Of course! I don't really get telling someone how much you love them a million times a day, but he does, so I make sure to do it. "Yeah. I thought about just ignoring it and pretending it was normal, too, but I can't do that. He's miserable, and I don't want him to be unhappy for as long as it takes him to pull his head out of his ass."

"When do I get to meet him?" It seemed like he was changing the subject, but not really. Sean's really good at getting a read on someone by talking to them face to face.

He had asked before, right when all of the shit went down with Mom and finding out the truth about my Dad, but I had pushed him off, then. Things with Kurt had been so new, plus we weren't really out to anyone. I guess I kind of wanted to hog him all to myself. "Soon."

"Have you talked to his Dad? Because it seems like he's trying to prove something to Daddy, and you won't be able to fix that."

See, this is why I talk to Fretter. I never would have thought of talking to Burt, not in a million years. The dude actually kind of scares me. I like him, don't get me wrong, and it's really cool that he wants to get to know me and take me places, but there's always something there that tells me he could turn on me very quickly. Even though he's dating Mom, I'm not his kid, and Kurt will always come first to him. It's normal, but it still makes me a little anxious around him, just like I am around most men. It's not really his fault, but you can just never be sure.

"That's really smart, Fret. I just have to figure out what to say to Burt." Even the thought made my palms sweat.

"Who are you talking to?" I still wasn't used to Kurt's new voice, and it made me jump a mile. I also wasn't used to him sounding so suspicious of me, even if I kind of deserved it for talking about him behind his back.

"Jesus, Kurt! You scared the crap out of me." But I wrapped and arm around him, anyway. "It's my friend Sean. Do you want to say hello?" I held out the phone, pretending like I had been talking about anyone but him.

He took it. "Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel. Who is this?" He listened for a minute, then smiled. "That would be wonderful. I'm always interested in meeting Finn's other friends. Could the three of us meet somewhere?" He listened again. "Oh. Don't worry, I'll make Finn bring me over really soon. It was very nice to talk to you."

Once he started talking, the same thing happened that did this morning. His voice started out all funny, but was normal by the end. Hopefully Fretter heard it, too. Kurt smiled at me and held the phone out. I really wanted to kiss him when he looks like that, but we were still next to the dumpsters, and it kind of reeks back here. It's not romantic at all. I grabbed the phone back. "Sean, you slime! I told you that I would get you and Kurt together really soon. You didn't have to go over my head to my boyfriend." I tried to sound mad, but I was kind of laughing by the end.

"Dude, I had to go over your head, since you weren't doing anything. By the way, I heard the thing with his voice. The end was what he usually sounds like, right? Because you're right, he sounds like he's trying to mimic your voice at first."

Funny, I had thought that he was trying to sound more like Burt. "Yeah. I have to grab some lunch, but I'll give you a call later. See ya." I hung up; noticing the funny look Kurt was giving me. "What?"

"You called me your boyfriend." With that stupid hat on his head, it was hard for me to read his face. I couldn't tell if he was happy or not. Sometimes he gets upset about weird stuff.

"You _are_ my boyfriend. I didn't say it where anyone else could hear it, if that's what you're worried about." I made sure to keep my voice very calm. No sense in waving a checkered flag in front of a bull.

He leaned against me, his head on my shoulder. God, I love it when he does that. It makes me feel like I'm the coolest person in the world, because I got the best guy in the world to be with me. "I just liked the way you said it to your friend. Like it was normal and you weren't embarrassed of me."

"You don't ever embarrass me, no matter what. I love you. If you wanted me to come out in front of everyone else, I would." I might not want to do it, but I would for him.

His smile was tight, not like his usual one. "Thank you, Finn."

"You're welcome." I looked around and saw no one, so I risked giving him a quick kiss. Cause, you know, if anyone needs a kiss right now, it's Kurt.

The rest of the day was quiet. Mercedes kept shooting me evil looks, even though this wasn't my fault. I kind of got it, though. If she had been in my place, I probably would have given her dirty looks, too. I did really well on my history test, which was surprising, since I usually can't remember dates, like, at all. 87, though, that was practically perfect. Well, it was a B, but almost an A. How freaking cool is that? Besides, even a B at this point is really good for me.

I carefully put the paper inside one of my folders instead of just cramming it in my backpack like I usually did. I didn't want this one to get wrinkled because Mom will probably try and frame it like she did on my Spanish essay. I finally got her to not do that, since it was embarrassing, but I think she's told all of her friends at work about it.

There was no Glee after school today, but Kurt wanted to stay and practice his number in the auditorium. I offered to stay and help him out (and maybe do a few more things up on the stage), but he pushed me off. "No, Finnegan, not today. I want this performance to be a surprise to everyone, including you."

That's the nice way of saying 'butt out'. But if Kurt was going to be occupied here, it would give me the perfect opportunity to talk to Burt without getting interrupted. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. But maybe we could hook up a little later? I know your mother works the night shift tonight…."

"Yes. Absolutely, yes, any time, give me a call." I hated to sound too eager, but him wanting to come over when Mom will be gone can only mean one thing, and it's the most awesome thing in the entire world.

"I'll call. I love you, Finn." He gave me one more side armed squeeze and bounded off, leaving me in the dust. I watched him go, dressed all wrong and walking strange, just so I could burn it into my memory. Then, later on when I was getting scared of Burt, I could remember why I had to do this.

My courage was still a little wobbly when it actually came down to it, though. I had to make a snack and drink a soda before I could make the call, and then I had drunk the coke so fast that I ended up giving myself the hiccups.

Lucky for me, Burt sounded happy to hear from me. "Hey, Finn, what's up? Ready to hit the field again?"

Totally. "Yeah, anytime. But, uh, there's something else I kind of wanted to talk to you about." I had to handle this very delicately. Unfortunately, I'm usually about as delicate as the Tasmanian devil, so you can see the problem here.

"Sure, sure. You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Is this some sort of man to man talk?" He sounded really happy to hear from me, so I didn't want to burst his bubble by telling him that I already knew all about the man to man stuff. After the whole Quinn thing, I made sure I knew all of the important stuff. The most important thing? You can't get a girl pregnant in a hot tub. Period.

"No. It's kind of about Kurt. Um, did you see him this morning before school?"

"I didn't. I had to be at the garage early to meet a client. Wait, he did make it to get you this morning right? He wasn't in an accident, right?" He was starting to panic. Kurt's the most important thing in the entire world to him and it really freaked him out that something might have happened to his kid.

I had to reassure him. "No, it's nothing like that. He came and got me alright. But he's acting weird. He's wearing my old clothes and he's acting like a hockey player."

Burt snorted. "Kid just loves you, Finn. I remember when I was in high school and my girlfriend wanted to wear my clothes. It made me feel like a total stud. I don't exactly see what the problem is here. Didn't that girlfriend of yours ever wear your T-shirt?"

First of all, the problem was the Kurt wasn't a girl. Second, he wasn't wearing my clothes to be close to me. He was wearing them to be me, period. Or someone like me. Which I totally don't get, by the way. If you could be Kurt, why would you ever want to be Finn? "No, you aren't understanding me."

It was really hard to remember all the things I had to do to get someone to listen to me. Speak calmly, quietly but not too quietly, don't get frustrated, don't be rude, and definitely don't swear. Especially because Burt would tell Mom if I did. "It's not as much the clothes, even though that's freaky. He's talking really strange, too. It's like his voice got really deep overnight, only you can tell that he's faking it. I think he's really having a problem."

"Ok. I 'm still not really seeing the problem here, but I'm going to trust your judgment. Kurt's just dramatic, we both know that. What do you think we should do?"

He was just humoring me. A part of me wanted to just let him be horrified when Kurt got home from practice, but the nicer part of me didn't want anyone to get the shock that I had this morning. So I pulled out my last card. "Burt, he was wearing flannel and a baseball cap this morning."

"Jesus." That was all he could get out for a few minutes. Wow, keeping calm and explaining things patiently actually worked! I would have to remember to tell Kurt that later on, when he wasn't crazy any more. Hopefully that would be soon, because I don't really like the guy he's trying to be now. "He's wearing flannel?"

"Yep. And it's old flannel, too. Mom made me put that shirt away because it had those little tiny holes in it. He's wearing old, second-hand flannel clothes with holes in them. It's like a sign of the apocalypse."

"Do you know what has triggered this rather abrupt change?" He was trying not to, but his voice was definitely accusing me.

Great. What was the nice way to say that I was pretty sure that the problem was him, not me? "I'm not really sure. He was fine at school all day yesterday."

_Is that true, Finn? Was Kurt just as happy as could be yesterday at school? Because I'm thinking that the answer to that is a resounding 'no'. _

I thought back. Kurt hadn't been acting batshit like he was now, but I guessed he hadn't really been acting like himself, either. "Maybe he was a little quiet. He kind of snapped at me over some French Fries, but he wasn't acting like he is right now. He didn't get really pissy until you told him he couldn't go to the game with us. How come you didn't ask him to come along? I wouldn't have minded and it would have meant a lot to him."

"I didn't invite him because he hates going to any sort of sporting event. He'll go if I ask him, because he doesn't like saying no to me, but he'll be miserable the entire time. He would much rather stay home and work on his…stuff." Burt sounded kind of defensive. I recognized it, because I get the same way pretty easily.

It didn't matter whether Kurt would be miserable or not if he went. It didn't even matter if he went. What mattered was that Burt had pretty much told him that he didn't matter to him any more, and I did. It hurts. "Do you think that you could try talking to him? I'm going to remind him that I love him the way he is, but maybe you could do that, too?"

My palms were sweating again, because I can't stand having to tell adults what to do. But this w as for Kurt, and if I didn't stand up for him, no one would. He had stood up for me when I needed it, and now it was time to return the favor. "I think it would help if he heard it from both of us."

"Of course. I'll have a talk with him tonight, and we'll see if we can get to the root of this problem." I could tell that he still wasn't taking this as seriously as I was, but he probably would when he saw how unhappy Kurt was. Like I said, Kurt is Burt's entire world, and he'll do anything to make his kid happy.

"Maybe you could take just him somewhere. I'm ok with sitting out for a while." Actually, I was more then ok with it. I like hanging out with Burt sometimes, but sometimes not so much. He's not really sure if he should treat me like a second son because he's probably going to marry Mom, or a potential son in law because I'm dating his son, or just the kid with no dad who shares some of his interests, kind of like a big brother/little brother type thing. And when he's not sure how to act around me, I'm not sure how to act around him, either. It's a vicious circle. Or maybe that's cycle. Either way, things are confusing with him.

"Thanks, Burt. Um, could you not tell him that I called and talked to you? I don't want him to think I'm being bossy or anything." Kurt's pretty bossy himself, but he sure gets pissed off when he thinks you're trying to tell him what to do.

Burt gets that, though. After all, he's lived with Kurt for 16 years now, so he knows what he can be like. "Your secret's safe with me. I'll give you call about doing something in a few weeks."

"Cool. Bye."

Even after I hung up, I was still worried. Was this how my mother had felt with my Dad? Like she was watching the person she loved the most fall apart right in front of her and she could do nothing to help or stop him?

No. I pulled away form that line of thinking. Kurt was acting a little freaky, sure, but he wasn't suicidal. This was just a minor thing, and we were catching it before it blew up into something major. This time, love was going to be enough.


	71. Chapter 71

A/N: The next chapter will be the first one involving "Dream On." Usually, when I start a new episode, I rewatch it, so I can keep this story as congruent with the established timeline as I can. Sometimes it's more possible then others, but I do try.

I really was not prepared for how much seeing Cory, looking like our goofy old Finn, on screen hurt. I really thought I had a good handle on the separation of the character from the actor, but apparently not so much.

I have had many emails and reviews asking if both of these stories will be finished, and the answer is yes. Maybe not as quickly, but they will be done eventually. This one has four more episodes, and probably 15ish chapters to go.

Kurt POV

Ok, so I had gotten through my first day as a real boy. My head hurt from listening to stupid John Mellencamp for two hours while I practiced, my skin was rubbed at the collar and stomach, and it took all of my self control not to just throw myself to the ground and scream like a toddler. Oh, and I had actually drunk water out of the disgusting communal water fountain, instead of the nice sanitary water bottle that I usually carried. Before the week was out, I would probably be suffering from cholera, if not the outright black plague.

Much to my surprise, Finn didn't seem to like the changes very much. He wouldn't say anything straight out, but he had been really shocked this morning, and not in a good way. I love him dearly, but Finn's face is an open book. It certainly wasn't the welcome I had been hoping for.

_Because you're acting like a freaking lunatic! How well do you think you would be taking things if he had showed up in head to toe Marc Jacobs, complete with correctly tried ascot and cuffed sleeves?_

If that had happened, I would have probably jumped him the minute he entered the car. Finn in designer clothes? It was like a wet dream come true.

_Ok, let me rephrase this. How would you feel if Finn showed up one morning had had turned into the male version of Rachel Berry? Bright, driven, enthusiastic, and completely not who you fell in love with. How creeped out would you be, then?_

So incredibly creeped out. Not that being more driven and focused would hurt Finn any, but not at the expense of his good points. So Finn could be lazy and distractible. He was also charismatic, a natural peace maker, and a lot of fun to be around, which was more then Rachel Berry could claim.

_Do you think that maybe you have some really great personality traits that you're covering up right now?_

Possibly. But in my case, the new positives would far outweigh what I was losing. They had to. Because I was going to be seriously upset if I had gone through all of this for nothing.

Dad wasn't home yet, so I raided the fridge for an appropriate dinner. Let's see, what did we have? Chicken was too healthy, the steaks were still frozen and I could never be so desperate that a pork product would cross my lips. I scanned until I found a pound of hamburger that I had intended to use to make spaghetti for Finn one night. Perfect, we could make hamburgers. Grilling was suitably masculine.

I was flipping the burgers when Dad finally pulled up. He stepped out of the car with an angry look on his face. "Hey, Buddy, this is private property and you aren't allowed to just…" He trailed off and stared at me. "Kurt, is that you?"

"That would be me, Dad." Was it a good sign that Dad didn't know me? After all, I was going for a complete change. "How well done do you want this?"

"Kurt…" He stopped there, staring at me. Then he gave himself a visible shake. "Rare would be great."

The thought of there being blood inside a hamburger made me want to gag, or at least give him a lecture on the dangers of undercooked meat and all the diseases it could be carrying, but I wouldn't. That was something the old Kurt would do, and I was a new man now. "Sure thing."

"Do you want me to make a salad or something?" Dad was making the same face that Finn had this morning, the sort of look you give a snarling dog while you're backing away and looking for a large rock.

"Only if you want one for yourself. I have cheese and bacon if you want to add that."

He nodded and went inside. That was it? I had worked this hard and all he did was not and ask about salad? Come on, now. Did he have even the slightest idea of how long it took to get ready this morning? I had no idea how Finn pulled it off in under five minutes. Time travel? Worm hole? Lack of shower and other basic hygienic practices? The world might never know.

Dad still appeared rather shell-shocked when I brought the meat in. "What would you like to drink, kiddo?"

"Beer." I had to see how hard I could push this.

"Absolutely not. You're 16, not 21. Try again." The rejection was kind of reassuring. At least he was noticing me for something, since the make-over didn't seem to be doing the trick.

_Manly men don't have 'make-overs'. Explain to me one more time why you feel the need to do this ridiculous thing? _

I ignored her. If she already knew what I did, which was what she claimed, she already knew why I had to do this. "I'd like a Coke, please." Even if the one I had drunk with breakfast had made me nauseated until almost noon.

Once we were both served, Dad cleared his throat again. "You new look is…..a little unusual. What's up with that?"

Oh, good, he _had_ noticed. "I'm trying out something new. What do you think?"

"Is this that ennui thing again? Because I can't think of any other reason for this?" He gestured at me with a potato chip.

"No, it isn't. I'm just expanding my horizons a bit." This was just like with Finn. I felt that I was on the defensive for no reason at all. A sudden suspicion formed. "Did you talk to Finn?"

His face told gave me the answer before he ever opened his mouth. Great, now not only did Dad like him better, but the two of them were in communication about me behind my back. "Don't even answer that, I know the truth."

"He's just worried about you. You have to admit, it's a huge change, and we both want to be sure that this is what you really want."

This was my perfect opportunity to break down and tell him that, no, this wasn't what I really wanted. It had never been what I wanted, but I was willing to do it for him and Finn. Here was my chance, handed to me on a silver platter.

As usual, my pride prevented me from just saying that. "This is exactly what I want. Why is that so hard to believe?"

Even to my own ears, the words sounded pathetic and forced. But Dad didn't

push it. "That's what matters, then."

I couldn't let the conversation fall apart this quickly. If it did, we would be left eating in awkward silence, the same way we spent 85% of our meals. Desperately, I cast about for something, anything, to bring up. "I'm singing Mellencamp for Glee."

It worked. Dad perked up immediately. "Really? Which song?"

The only one that came to mind was "Jack and Diane", also known as the Lima Loser Theme Song. I fumbled for a second, trying to come up with another title. "I don't know. The only thing I can think of is 'Jack and Diane'." 

He laughed a little, his eyes crinkling at the corners. That was it, the look he got when he looked at Finn. I had been right after all. "You may not know the titles, but you know lots of John Mellencamp. When you were a baby, you used to dance to all of his tapes in the car."

We don't talk much about me being little, so I found that tidbit fascinating. "Really?"

"Yep. After we eat, I'll pull out some of my old tapes and CD's. I'll bet you'll recognize most of the tunes and lyrics."

_This _was what I was doing this for. To have an actual give and take conversation with Dad, one where we were both having fun. "That would be great."

I was so excited after that that I could barely finish my burger (and it was not because it was a disgusting, fat and cholesterol filled monstrosity, before you even say it Galinda. I don't care about those things any more. It was jut excitement that had me pushing it away.).

Finally the meal was over. I waited 30 seconds, then started pleading. "Can we look at the tapes now, Dad, please? I need to pick a song, then practice, then do a costume and I want to have enough time to do it all correctly?"

He laughed. "Alright, alright. There are some tapes in the car if you want to run out there, and I'll look for some CD's."

Dad's truck is always a mess, so it took me a little while to find the handful of John Mellencamp that had slid under a seat. I raced them back to the living room, holding them out hopefully. Dad took them and popped the first one in. How in the world do we even have a stereo that still has as tape player in it? "This one used to be one of your favorites."

Almost immediately, I realized that Dad was right. Every song that played was one that I recognized from commercials or movie backgrounds. "I do know these songs."

"Which one is your favorite?" Dad was watching me closely, and I got the impression that this I was about to fall into a trap.

None of them. I recognized that tunes, and I didn't doubt that I had loved them when I was small, but this type of music wasn't exactly my taste these days. These days I was more into things like Lady Gaga and other over the top things. "I don't know. Which one is your favorite?"

"I'm a fan of his early work. If I had to pick one, though, it would probably be Cherry Bomb."

There was no way in this world I was going in front of the Glee club and singing 'Cherry Bomb'. Even if it wasn't about what the title made it sound like, it was still a little bit overmuch.

But I did like 'Pink Houses'. It was in my range (though it seemed like all of his songs were), catchy and would be simple to put choreography to. Perfect.

_And?_

Ok, and I heard Finn singing it one night during one of his X-box marathons with the guys. The ones that I might start getting invited to now. So what?

_Nothing. I think it's cute that you picked a song that Finn likes, too. It shows that you haven't had a total break with reality._

"Pink Houses. That's the one I want." The words came out kind of rushed, which tended to happen when I spoke to my father. I so seldom got his full attention that I always felt compelled to rush a little.

He didn't make any move to either leave the room or turn the music off, so I forced myself to slow down a little. "Maybe you could help me figure out what it's about?"

"It's about how the '80's were a tough decade."

Since I hadn't been alive in the '80s, and most of my functional knowledge stemmed from Madonna and what she was wearing at any given moment, that wasn't a particularly helpful comment. "Ok. I got ice cream on the way home. Phish Food. Maybe I should pick a different song, one that I'm little more connected to?"

"Sure, but I gotta be honest with you. That's pretty much what every Mellencamp song is about. But you know, let's get some ice cream. Anything to help you out."

More proof that my plan was working. So what if I was getting weird looks from everyone? Finn had hugged me in public and Dad was actually paying attention to me. They just needed a little time to get used to things, that was all.

After the ice cream, I put Dad in charge of rewinding the tape while I practiced different choreography. It wasn't as acrobatic as usual, but this sort of song required something different. Understated.

It sucked. I'm Kurt Hummel, and I do _not_ do understated. I do over the top and wild. I did stage lights and strobes and costumes and make-up that took hours to put together in the morning.

But I soldiered, through. I didn't try and sing along, though I stayed aware of the lyrics and tried to memorize them. I would save the actual singing for later, when I had an instrumental version of the song. "How was that?"

Dad nodded approvingly. "It was excellent. You get that creativity from your mother. But are you sure that this is the song you want to do?"

"What do you mean? Is there another one that you think would be better?"

"I think that everything you do is wonderful, and 'Pink Houses' is going to be fantastic. But you don't look very happy when you're doing it. Usually you just light up when you're performing, but not this time."

The fact that he was kind of, well, _right _made my hackles rise. "This is the earliest stage of learning something, so pardon my lack of sparkle. You've just never been around for the first part, or any part of my practices before."

"You've never asked me to In fact, the last time I tried to see what you were doing in there with the girls, you threw me out until you were done. I don't know what you want, Kurt, unless you come out and ask me for it."

Finn never had to ask Carole for anything. She was an awesome parent who just knew when he needed something. Why couldn't Dad be like that?

_Because Carole has raised Finn as a single mother for basically his entire life? She knows him better because they've had nothing but each other. Your father loves you, but he wasn't that present for the first 7 years of your life. Your mother took care of you. Besides, Carole isn't perfect, either. She just seems that way because you don't live with her. I seem to remember her telling a rather obscene lie about just what happened to Finn's father. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, so get over your thoughts of one and accept the father you have. Because, let me tell you, you could have done a lot worse._

"I want…." I trailed off with a shrug. "I don't know what I want."

What I wanted was for this to be done. "I'll let you see it when I'm done. Now please excuse me so I can Google the instrumental version for practice."

Even though I had just told him off, I couldn't help but feel disappointed when he let me leave without saying another word. If he was that worried about my state of mind, why wasn't he fighting harder?

It didn't take long for me to find and download the instrumental version, but my enthusiasm had long since waned. Instead I laid down on the bed and called Finn. It almost went to voicemail, but he managed to snag it at the last minute. "Hey, Spider Monkey! Sorry, I was on the other line with Sean."

Sean, Sean, Sean. Oh, right, Sean, his friend that I had talked to earlier today. "What's up with him?"

Finn hummed a little, and I just knew he was doing that shoulder rolling thing that he always did when he was thinking. "Not much. We were just kind of talking about you and when the three of us might get together."

I had no doubt that they were talking about me, but it probably had nothing to do with when the three of us might hang out. "So what did you decide?"

"Nothing. It's going to depend on how Glee goes and stuff like that. Maybe the day after tomorrow if you're free."

"I'm free." Actually, I wasn't. I had Cheerio's practice every day after school, except for the days that I have Glee. On those days I have it after Glee until 10 at night. Coach Sylvester says we can't be the best if we don't practice 7 days a week. It sucks sometimes, but it's nice to finally be part of a winning team.

But, despite a strong male contingent, the Cheerio's weren't manly either. Dad has totally accepted Glee club, but I could tell that he wasn't at all pleased about cheerleading. He didn't say anything directly, but I could read him well enough to know that he wished I would pick some other activity. So I didn't feel too badly about skipping practice.

"Ok, I'll call him back." There was an edge to his voice that hadn't been there before, a nervousness that I had never heard in relation to me.

"Finn?" I hated that my voice was so small and pathetic.

"Hmm." He was started to get distracted, and I knew I had to get him back on track. God, I hope those pills start improving his attention span soon, because he's currently like a 10 week old collie puppy who sees something shiny every 10 to 15 seconds.

Which meant I had a very narrow window of time to ask my questions. "Do you like the new me? Because you don't really seem to."

He blew out a long breath, making the phone sound like we were in a tornado. "There was nothing wrong with the old you. That was the dude I fell in love with, so it's really freaky to see you be someone else. It's like I'm getting ready to do it with a stranger. I love _you_ you, not weird butch you."

He sounded tentative, like he was afraid that I might blow up at him. "So you want to break up with me just because I've changed a little."

"Whoa! I never said I wanted to break up with you!" He was speaking so quickly that he was stumbling over his words. "I wouldn't care how much you changed as long as you were happy, but you aren't. That's all I mean."

This wasn't a conversation to have on the phone. "Can we talk about this a little later?"

"Sure." I knew Finn by now, and I knew that he was scratching the back of his neck, the way he always did when he got nervous. "We should totally talk about this face to face."

Good, he got it. "Yes, we should. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"Please don't be sad." The words were very soft. "I can't stand it when you're sad."

I wouldn't have used the world 'sad' to describe myself. Frustrated and confused, certainly. But sad? Was that how Finn saw me right now?

_Seems to me that Finn sees you more accurately then you see yourself right now. Or are you so delusional that you actually think that you're happy like this? _

"Don't worry about me, Finn. We'll get this all sorted out." I kept my voice steady.

He laughed a little into the phone, a dry sound. "I always worry about you. I love you, how can I not worry?"

That was really sweet. "I love you, too, Finn. Goodnight."

Once I had hung up, there wasn't much left to do. It was too early to go to bed, even by my strict beauty sleep standards, but I didn't want to go back up there and face my father, either. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, wondering just how I had gotten myself into this mess, and how I could gracefully extract myself.

After close to a half an hour, I was no closer to an answer. Maybe a hot bath would soothe my shattered nerves. Some bubble bath and a good book might help. Yes, it wasn't particularly manly, but no one could see me, and, anyway, Finn was crazy for it minus the book, so it should be fine.

While the tub was filling, I undressed and studied myself in the full length mirror hanging from the back of the closet. The sight wasn't terrible, though I s till didn't see exactly what Finn saw in me. The Cheerios had packed on some muscle, so I didn't look quite as skinny as I had. I moved with more grace and confidence, but I was still just plain old Kurt.

There was a sudden clattering at my window, making me scream like a little girl. There were a pervert looking in at me naked! I snatched my robe off the chair and wrapped it around myself. I was going upstairs and getting Dad and his shotgun. Messier then a 911 call, but much more satisfying.

My phone rang with Finn's ring as I was running around the bed. Good, if I kept him on the line, there was less chance that Chester the Molester would grab me before I got to Dad. "Finn! Finn, I'm in the basement and someone's looking at me."

"Dude, I know. It's me. Come up and let me in." He sounded breezy and not at all like he had just shaved 10 years off of my life.

My heartbeat slowed as that sunk in. The only pervert in the bushes outside was Finn. "It's _you_ out there?"

"Yeah. Now come out and let me in before your father catches me and kills me." He was clearly pleased with himself.

Why Finn had decided to drive over this late on a school night and stare at my through my windows was questionable, but I raced up to let him in anyway. Fortunately, Dad had gone upstairs, so I didn't have to explain things.

Finn was on me as soon as the door opened, scooping me up in his arms and snuggling me close. I kissed his lips, then his cheek, then his neck. "Not that I'm ungrateful, but what are you doing here?"

It took him a minute to reply, considering how absorbed he was in sucking on the side of my neck. No complaints from over here, though, he could keep it up as long as he wanted. The preceding months have taught both of us quite a bit of finesse, and he knew how to go just hard enough to turn me on without leaving even the hint of a mark. "You said we needed to talk, but not over the phone. So I came over."

That was Finn for you. Time is rather subjective to him. "You know, it could have waited until tomorrow."

"But then I would have worried about you all night long. This is much better."

There was a certain part of me that happily agreed, especially when he started nuzzling at my jaw. I tried to get some control back. "If you don't stop that, we're not going to be doing any talking at all.

_Yay!_

"Ok, that works, too." His lips quirked against my skin, and I just knew that the bastard was grinning at me. "I'm fine with it."

"I'm not." I tried to gracefully disentangle myself, but he wasn't letting go. "Finn Hudson!"

"Kurt Hummel!" He lifted me off the ground again and held me there for a few seconds before gently dropping me back down. "Ok, let's go downstairs and talk. How come you're taking a bath so late at night, anyway?"

Oh, God, the bathtub! I had left it to fill, which meant it was probably flooding the basement right now. "Shit!' I turned and raced down the stairs.

Just as I had feared, there was water all over the bathroom floor. Finn lumbered down the stairs behind me. "Whoa."

He jumped through the doorway and turned the water off. "Get some towels, quick."

Once he got them, he built a quick blockade to keep the water in the bathroom, then started sopping up the mess. I supplied dry towels and took the wet ones. Finally, the worst of it was cleaned. I leaned against, Finn, not caring that his T-shirt was soaked. "Finn, you were a rock star."

"Yeah, well….I've flooded the bathroom a bunch of times. At least I know that other people do it too."

This had been the first time for me, but I let him have his moment. "Come on, I have an old shirt of yours that you can put on."

"Or take off?" He was already stripping off his shirt, and I had to look away before I did something pathetic, like jumping him right here.

"Not now, Finn." It came out soft and somehow sensual, sounding more like a promise then my trying to put him off.

He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me against his body. "Can we snuggle, then?"

For some reason, that comment made my eyes sting. "I would really like that."

"Then put something on or I will not be held responsible for any groping. My hands get minds of their own when they see you naked." He made the classic 'honk honk' gesture to prove his point.

'That's disgusting." But it was also _Finn_, so I couldn't put any heart into a serious complaint.

I wasn't until I was sliding some pajama pants and a T-shirt on that I realized something. I was naked under my rather thin robe, and I hadn't even noticed. Finn has seen (and touched) everything on me, but I still disliked being nude in his presence unless we were actively fooling around. But this time I hadn't even noticed it.

Finn did, though. He pressed his body along the length of mine, turning me into the little spoon, and kissed the back of my neck. "You look really good naked. You know that now." His voice was pleased, like the cat that got the cream.

_I can think of some cream he could lick up._

It was easier to talk if I didn't have to look Finn in the face, so I focused on a corner of the pillow instead. "So, you wanted to talk?"

His hand slipped up under myshirt to rub my back. "Why are you doing this? You're miserable, and it's killing me to see that."

The pillow blurred. "I'm not miserable."

"You act miserable." His voice was doing that tight thing where he was getting frustrated and pissed off, but he didn't want to let me know that he was frustrated and pissed off. "I mean….did someone say something mean to you or something? Did your Dad say something?"

It was all of that and more, but really none of that either, so I shook my head. Finn moved his hand up to stroke the nape of my neck. "Did _I_ do something? Because I'm kind of feeling like this whole thing started with me."

Technically, it had, but it wasn't fair to blame him either. I swallowed hard and tried to tell him that I had made a foolish choice all on my own and, yes, I was unhappy but I had no idea how to get myself out of this. If I backed down now, I looked foolish and pathetic and there's nothing I hate more then looking stupid. Finn doesn't seem to mind looking goofy as much, maybe he would have some tips for how to gracefully, or at least with a sense of good humor, extract myself from this entire thing.

At least that was what I wanted to say. What I actually did was burst into tears and blurt out. "You called me a girl!"

"I did what?" He seemed so genuinely baffled that I thought I might have imagined his comment. "You're not a girl and I never called you one." 

"You didn't say it about _me_, but you said that my ice cream was for girls." When I said it out loud, it sounded incredibly stupid.

"Shit." He tried to turn me to face him, but I stiffened up and latched onto the side of the bed. This was embarrassing enough without having to be face to face.

Only I had forgotten the enormous difference between our sizes and strengths. Finn had to sit up to get the leverage he needed, but he was still able to pull me into his arms without much effort. I tucked my head under his chin and tried to calm myself down. It wasn't exactly working, even with Finn wrapped around me like a quilt. His lips were to my ear, whispering over and over. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, I'm sorry."

I wasn't blaming him. "It's not your fault. It's me. There's something wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you. I love you, exactly the way you are." He might not really understand what my problem was, but he was trying hard to fix it.

I loved him for that. "I don't. I'm much happier like this."

"Really?" His voice was sarcastic. "Because you're dressed like something off of a mountain man special and crying about ice cream. You don't seem very happy to me."

"Ok. But _you're_ happy." That was a weak straw to grasp for and I knew it.

"If I was happy, why would I be trying to change you back? I fell in love with the guy who likes dressing up and singing Broadway and bitching at me for eating fast food. I wouldn't trade that guy for the one you're trying to be now. Isn't that what Glee club is about? You know, that being yourself is the best part?"

_Congratulations, Kurt. Finn Hudson is now officially smarter then you are._

"But I didn't like who I was." I burrowed against his body.

"Why not?" He was curious and non sarcastic.

"Because…because…." I stalled out there, because there was really no reason. It wasn't myself I was dissatisfied with so much as it was other people's reaction to myself. "I don't know!"

"That's ok. I can hang out here until you do know." He was kind, but he was also being pretty clear that he wasn't going to let me weasel out of this one.

Finn didn't say anything else, but he did keep his hand on my back, patting gently. After a few minutes, I became aware of a certain rhythm to his patting that felt a little out of place. "Finn? Are you drumming 'Any Way you Want it' on my back?

"Maybe"

Since I still wasn't quite ready to talk about the big stuff, I tried something else. "So there's nothing you like better about me now?"

He hummed a little as he thought about it. "I like the way you smell."

"You like the way I smell?" It was such an odd statement that I had to repeat it.

"Uh-huh. Usually you smell like cologne or body spray or whatever you put on in there. Now you just smell like you."

"So you think I smell better when I stink." Trust Finn to come up with that gem.

"Pretty much. Are you done crying now?"

I could probably force out a few more sobs, but that would just be delaying the inevitable. I sat up and stared at him. "Yes. So what you're telling me is that you want to break up with me."

"We just went over this. I love you. The thing is, I love _you_ you, not creepy weird you. Don't you see the difference?"

This was a perfect opportunity to get myself out of this. Finn was starting to get frustrated, and once he was frustrated he was very easy to lead off course. If I handled this just right, he would be off and ranting about something else, and forget me, at least for long enough that I could get my thoughts together and come up with a convincing lie.

But I didn't want to. I wanted Finn to hold me and tell me again the he loved me for being me, no matter how gay or different. That he would do whatever it took to get me out of this hole I had insisted on digging myself into. "Do you really like the old me better?"

"Yeah. If I wanted to date your father, I would have asked him out. And it would have been really gross."

"What am I supposed to do?" The sheer logistics of trying to get myself out of this fix were mind boggling.

"What do you want to do? I mean, if this is the way you really want to be, I could get used to it, I guess."

He couldn't have been less enthusiastic if he tried. But it meant a lot that he would say it. I hugged him as tightly as I could. "Thank you, Finn. You're an awesome boyfriend. I'm just not sure how to get myself out of this one at school. Suggestions?"

"You don't have to say anything to anyone, you know. Or you can tell them to fuck off."

To start with, I couldn't imagine myself using the term 'fuck off' under any circumstances. Furthermore, it would be inviting instant death to do it at school. Finn's both taller and stronger then I am, and he's already proven he can handle himself in a fight, and he still gets nailed with Slushies pretty frequently. I would be mince meat. "I don't think so. Try again. You know what? Maybe we got lucky and no one really noticed me today."

If I wanted to try and make myself believe that, I shouldn't have looked at Finn when I said it. I love him, but he couldn't hide his feelings to save his life, and his expression told me everything that I needed to know. Yep, everyone had noticed, and I was going to have a miserable time living this down.

"Maybe you could tell everyone you hit your head really hard and it changed your personality. Now the swelling in your brain is over and you're back to normal?" He frowned and shook his head. "Yeah, that sounded so much better when it was still inside my head."

"I know what that feels like." As much as I teased Finn for his impulsive nature, there had been more then a few ill-conceived plans that popped out of my own brain.

_Like this one?_

Yeah, like this one. At least Finn knew a bad idea when he heard one. Still, he gamely tried again "Maybe-"

"Kurt?" To my horror, the basement door started opening. "Do you want to tell me why Carole's on the phone and Finn's car is parked out front? You know that he's not allowed over here this late on school nights, and especially not when I don't know he's here. Finn! Come on."

"Finn is helping me sort out my pathetic and skewed life at the moment! We're both fully dressed and not fornicating."

Once the fear of seeing us naked and mid-coitus was out of the way, he stepped onto the landing. "You can sort out your lives on the phone and not unattended together.

"Like that's going to stop us from fucking." Finn muttered the words into my neck, making me laugh a little. At this point, there wasn't much that Dad and Carole could do, short of monitoring us 24 hours a day, that would stop us from having sex.

Dad pointed. "Now, Finn. Your mother was worried about you and wants you home."

Invoking Carole was a surefire way to get Finn moving. He still grumbled, but he did get up and start looking for his shoes. "I'll see you tomorrow, Kurt. Love you. Bye, Burt."

Dad didn't bother seeing him out, since it's only 10 or so steps from the basement door to the front one. We were both quiet until I heard the car start and pull out. "I thought that I made it clear that you are not to have any sort of guest unless you let me know in advance."

"I didn't know that he was coming. I guess he was worried about me, and just came over. Then I flooded the basement and I forgot to tell you." There we go, a nice amount of truth and lie all packaged up neatly.

"You flooded the basement? How?" This was apparently going to be a long discussion, because he was coming down to sit on the bed. Crap.

"I let the tub overflow while I was letting Finn in. We got it cleaned up before it hit the carpet, though."

He rested his forehead in his hands for a second. "Did the two of you talk about what's been going on?"

"About what?" Yes, I was being deliberately obtuse, but I couldn't help it.

"About everything that's been going on. Kurt, I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. I know that something is very wrong here, and we need to try and fix it. I mean, we both knew that you being gay was going to be a little bit of an adjustment, but this is ridiculous."

This was the moment for me to tell him the same things that I had told Finn, but my voice felt stuck. "I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you."

"Cut the crap. You know exactly what I mean here."

He was right. "I know! I know that I'm behaving irrationally, and neither you or Finn is to blame. You're both going beyond what you should have to to put up with me. It's just really hard for me to see you hang out with Finn and like it. I'm not saying that you don't love me, but you're friends with Finn. You and I aren't friends."

"And that's why you're acting like such a redneck?"

Until he said it, I that particular and repulsive that hadn't occurred to me. But it was a true description, even if it was an unflattering one, and I had to accept it. "Yes. You're working really hard with me, and I need you to know that I'm working hard for you."

_Dear God, you make it sound like a business proposition instead of a family._

"Hey." Dad reached out and touched my shoulder. "You don't have to work, at anything Kurt. Your job is to be yourself. And my job is to love you, no matter what. That, and a majority ownership in a tire store, that's all we got."

"I love you." Now I was crying again. Dad had Carole, and Finn, and work, but I only had him.

_It seems to me that you have all of those things, too, Slugger. _

He squeezed me tightly. "I love you, too. Now can you please act like yourself again?"

"Yes." The two most important people in my life were telling me that they liked me better the way I had been, which was what I preferred as well? Perfection.

_I'm not one of the most important people in your life? Well, screw you, too._

Galinda didn't get a say, because she wasn't a real person, just a thought in my head. Plus, she was sometimes mean to me. Granted it was usually when I deserved it the most, but still. You would think I would be a little nicer to myself.

"I'm going up to bed. If Finn Hudson crawls back in that window, or you let him back in the door, he will be greeted with my shotgun, do you understand? I am not alright with him thinking he can sneak in here whenever he feels like it."

"This is the first time he's done that and I'm sure he's actually going home, but I'll let him know." My mood was already improved by 1000%.

I waited until he was gone to hold my arms out and spin in joyful circles on the floor. Free at last, free at last! I could talk the way I liked to, have the interests I actually liked instead of the ones I was pretending to, I could wear my own clothing- my clothing!

The clock read almost 11, which was nowhere near enough time to be ready for tomorrow. Just choosing and outfit could take an hour or more, then there were accessories, ironing, face and hair prep….a million things. I hadn't even taken a shower tonight, and I was three days behind on my moisturizing routine.

Ah, it was good to be me again!


	72. Chapter 72

Kurt POV

Striped shirt? No, no striped shirt. Stripes were a flattering look on me, but not particularly adventurous. After two days of nothing but flannels and plain colors, I was ready for something different. Something spectacular.

After much debate, gnashing of teeth, and a mild temper tantrum. I managed to put together a white on tan outfit with a cream jacket and nice boots. Hello, Kurt, it's nice to see you again.

I wasn't the only one who thought so, either. Finn was pretty much on top of me the minute he saw me, banging his hip hard into the steering wheel and whacking his head on the ceiling of the car. "Easy, Cowboy!" I could help but laugh a little.

"I'm just excited." He was wiggling like an overeager puppy. "You're back to being you and you look perfect."

"I'm better then being the original me. I'm like Kurt 2.0."

"Upgrade." He nodded sagely and grinned. "Which parts are better?"

I leaned in close. "Smell."

He did and lit up. "You smell like you, too!"

See, I listen to Finn and his input. I had foregone the body spray this morning, specifically because Finn liked the way I naturally smelled. That did not mean forgoing a shower or deodorant, since I'm pretty sure that Finn wouldn't like that, but I was willing to make some sacrifices.

I was also willing to make out with Finn in the front seat. He had barely wanted to touch me at all in the car before. He had been too busy staring and trying not to tell me that I looked like a jackass. Even last night he had only made a token attempt at feeling me up. Now he was obsessed.

He was also trying to unbutton my pants. I started to tell him no for the millionth time, but, you know what? Screw it. "I'll make you a deal."

"Ok." He nibbled delicately on my collarbone.

"We can not do this in your driveway. What if Carole comes out? But if you sit down and behave yourself, we can pull off before the school and have some fun."

"No fucking way." He was stunned. So stunned, in fact that he sat back and stared at me instead of continuing to push.

"Yes." I took advantage of his momentary shock to put my seatbelt back on (when had he taken it off me? Damn he had gotten sneaky.) and put the car in reverse. "Pick a place."

Just as I had hoped it would, that distracted Finn long enough so that I didn't end up getting 'road head'. And, yes, I had no idea what that disgusting term meant until he explained it to me last week. I actually thought it was some sort of hair style, like bed head. Also, I would have been perfectly happy going the rest of my life under that mistaken delusion.

"Pull off at the gas station on Startown Road. It doesn't open until 8:30 since Mr. Miller had his stroke, so no one should bother us."

How did Finn know these things? "Ok."

Sure enough, the gas station was dark and quiet when I pulled around back. "If we end up getting raped and robbed, I will never let you live this one down."

"I'll protect you." He slipped out of his seatbelt and into the back seat. "Are you coming or do I have to do this by myself? Because I've already done that once this morning."

I rolled my eyes. "You are the epitome of class, Finn Hudson."

"Whatever. Do you want your dick sucked or not?"

Well, when he put it like that…I scrambled over the seat, undoing my belt as I did so. "Yes, please."

Almost immediately, we ran into problems. The Navigator is a big car, but there's no car in this world designed to accommodate two horny teenage boys.

_You should have gotten the Volkswagen Van. You could have a mattress set up and everything._

"Fuck it, I'm putting down the backseat. This is a pain in the ass."

Normally all seats were kept upright, unless I had been on a serious shopping binge, but they were easy to fold. "Do it."

Once that little problem was out of the way, I was able to focus on the much biggerproblem that was currently occupying my too-tight pants. "Hurry, up, Finn."

"Bossy." He slid my pants down my legs and tossed them over the front seat. "That way there's no wrinkles."

That's why I love him. Did Finn give a crap about wrinkles? Please, have you seen the way he treats he own clothing? Did Finn know that I cared about wrinkles? Absolutely, which was why he took steps to prevent them. "I love you."

"Of course. Love you, too. Now, who goes first?" He stripped off his own jeans as he asked.

It was a fair question. 69ing was out of the question after Finn perhaps got bitten the last time we tried it. Really, it was his own fault. He just had to try doing…let's just call it_ something_….with his finger while simultaneously deep throating me. So we were sticking with the one at a time theory for right now.

I was so hard that it hurt, but I somehow always ended up going first. "Lay back."

Even with the seats down, Finn's legs are so long that it was hard to find a good position. I'm still not 100% sure of my abilities in this area, but Finn seems to enjoy it, and, anyway, practice makes perfect, right?

I don't know if it's a Finn thing, or if any boyfriend would be the same, but he's very responsive to me. It's not always the obvious things either. I can make him shiver just by scraping my teeth across his stomach. I can get him hard just by running my fingers up and down the sides of his neck. It's a heady power trip, to know that I have control over his body like that.

But, most importantly, it's because he lets me. Finn's body is totally open to me, without hesitations or limits. He trusts me completely not to do anything to hurt him, and all I have to do is stay worthy of that trust. It's really a pretty fantastic deal.

I was mindful of the time, but I had my ways of getting the main act over quickly so I took my time with Finn, giving him slow kisses and tracing my lips and teeth over his jaw and collarbones. He hadn't taken his T-shirt off, so I had to content myself with slipping my hands up underneath it so I could rake down his back and slide up to rub his nipples. He whined softly, his back arching with pleasure.

That's the other thing that really turns me on about Finn. He's so uninhibited in his pleasure. I always feel like I have to be quiet and dignified, even right in the middle of things. He always insists that I sound sexy, but it's hard for me to let go completely, even just with him. Finn never minds making noise.

Which was a good thing, because he was starting to get loud when I scraped my fingernails lightly up his cock. "Ready?"

"Uh-huh." He gave me a dopy grin. "Totally ready."

I don't know why I even bother asking, since Finn has never turned down a blow job in his life. I took a deep breath and slowly slid my mouth down his cock. Finn stiffened, but kept himself very still. I had finally mastered deep throating, but I really had to work myself up to it. If Finn moves at all, it's still overwhelming.

He's well-trained, though, and he knows how to keep himself still until I tell him he can move. The leather of the seat in front of him creaked as his fingers dug in. "Fuck, Kurt."

I pulled back up slowly, then back down. It still took me a few minute to get used to his size, but it was easier each time. Once I had him squirming, I moved back up and concentrated on just the head. Finn's stomach jerked as he tried to catch his breath.

He's hyperventilated on me before, so I did my best to keep him calm. I ran my fingers in a circle on his inner thigh, trying to give him some alternate sensory stimulation. The first time, I tried to verbally soothe him, but that didn't work very well. Let's just say that providing more vibrations when giving someone head is a guaranteed road to causing them to almost pass out. Although, if Finn is to be believed, the resulting orgasm was worth the 10 minutes of semi-disorientation that followed.

I pulled off and looked up. The sun was starting to come up, which gave the inside of the car an almost horror-movie spookiness. Finn's eyes glittered in the semi-dark, the gold flecks sparkling in a thin ring around the foggy pupils. "You good, Finn?"

His teeth ground in frustration. "I was better 10 seconds ago! You're slaying me, Kurt."

"Nice vocabulary." He was manipulating me, thought not as subtly as he thought he was, and certainly without malice.

Sometimes Finn's a total mystery to me. Most of the time he appears to have the intelligence of the average turnip. He reads poorly, speaks slowly, and has the attention span of a gnat. He never slows down and is only quiet after a particularly good make-out session.

But then there are times like this. Finn might read poorly, but he does retain what he sees. He speaks slowly, but he remembers a word likes 'slaying' and uses it correctly when it benefits him to do so. Yes, his attention span is short, but he usually gets what he needs out of a conversation.

Despite my many months of avid Finn watching, it took me far too long to figure out that a lot of his stupidity is an act. I don't doubt that there's a few genuine problems there (and apparently several professionals agree with me), but he's capable of far more then he lets on.

He won't let anyone know that, though, not even me. He's made a few offhanded comments that suggest to me that someone, at some point, had humiliated him for getting things wrong. Finn's a big guy, but he's incredibly sensitive to criticism of any sort. He would rather everyone think he didn't care then have them find out he actually couldn't do it.

I don't know how to bring it up to him, though. No one else seems to notice, but who would? Who wants to be the one to accuse a smiley, gentle, charmer? Who thinks beyond the dumb jock persona? Finn's easygoing nature is his best camouflage.

"Kurt? Hellloooo?" Finn pointed downwards. "It's getting lonely and cold."

"Poor thing." I reached out and gave it a few strokes, making sure he stayed hard.  
"Does he need me to warm him back up?"

"Yep. Also, a kiss might help." He was laughing again, and it made me laugh a little, too.

"A kiss for him or a kiss for you?" Why was I treating Finn's penis like it was its own person? It was ridiculous.

"Both. But you can kiss him first."

"How very magnamonious of you." Still, time was getting short, so I settled back down and licked his belly where his T-shirt had ridden up. He giggled helplessly and his body relaxed, which made it easier for me to take his cock back into my mouth. Since I was going for speed and not teasing, I didn't bother trying to deep throat. I just concentrated on what easily fit into my mouth and used my hand on the rest. I had discovered if I went one way with my mouth and another with my hand, it made Finn crazy.

Sure enough, I had him so worked up that he was breathing hard in just a few minutes. "Kurt, pull off."

It was nice of him to warn me, but not nesaccery. I did pull off, but just long enough to mutter. "It's ok. Just go."

I almost never swallow. It's not so much that I find the thought disgusting as me being nervous that I was going to gag or choke. That would ruin the mood pretty quickly. But millions of men managed it every single day, and I was determined to do just as well.

Luckily, I know Finn's body very well, so I had plenty of warning when he stiffened, and gasped out something that was probably intended to be a word, but just came out as a drawn out moan. I held my breath and swallowed as fast as I could. It didn't really taste any better then it had before, but we all have to suffer a bit for the ones we love.

If his contented sigh was any indication, Finn wasn't doing much suffering. He slumped down against the back of the seat, one corner of his mouth pulling up slightly. "Fuck, yeah. Car sex is totally worth the wait."

I had to kiss him. "We haven't had car sex yet."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. If you give Finn an inch, he'll have drug you ten miles away before you have any idea what happened to you. In his mind, I had all but promised him the sex.

Sure enough, his eyes went wide, any trace of post-orgasmic haze disappearing. "Yet? Because I can get it back up really quick and do things to you that are….like….nasty things. Nasty, sexy things."

Eloquence is not one of Finn's more charming traits. Optimism on the other hand… "Absolutely not. I wouldn't turn down a blow job of my own, though." If I distracted Finn by providing him a task, he would quickly forget the car sex.

"I'm not forgetting about the car sex." Finn yanked off my boxer shorts. "But we'll put that idea on hold for right now. Right now, I have more important things to do."

If I'm unsure about my abilities in regards to fellatio, Finn never worries. He just goes at it the way he does everything else: tons of enthusiasm and an unshakeable belief that it would be alright in the end. His easy going attitude about giving head may be why he's so much better at it then I am.

While I like to tantalize and tease, Finn's a big believer in getting right to business. The niceties are for after. In one smooth movement, deep throated my cock, swallowing heavily. I don't know where he learned that move, but it never failed to make me gasp.

Finn had one had splayed across my hip for balance, though he wasn't leaning much weight on it. Even though the two of us were connected in the most intimate way possible, I had to reach out and wrap my fingers around his, gratified when he squeezed back. Despite having Finn for as long as I had, and his every action telling me that it wasn't true, I couldn't help but feel like he was in this because I would put out for him and the girls wouldn't. When he held my hand like this, I felt like he wanted me for me.

Then he did some trick with his teeth and my ability to think vanished. From there on out it became nothing but a blur of color and sensation, and the feeling of his body surrounding mine. I mumbled and tossed my head, not sure what I wanted him to do, or how I would find the words even if I did figure it out.

I know Finn's body, but he knows mine by now, too. He already had me on the edge, and he knew how to slide his free hand up under my shirt and pinch my nipples far harder then I would have ever thought I would like. The extra stimulation sent me careening over the edge and I bucked forward, accidentally kneeing Finn in the gut. He swore, but I barely heard it. The thought that we were doing something forbidden and could be caught at any minute was an unexpected turn on.

Finn, of course, had no trouble swallowing. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and gave me a lazy cock of his head. "We should do this every single morning."

The promise of a daily am blowjob would probably go a long way towards getting Finn motivated to go to school, but if I gave in to him now, we would be having actual sex in this car before the end of the year and that was not a place I was willing to go.

_Yet._

Yet. I had no doubts that it would happen eventually, but I was hoping to save it for something like Finn's birthday, which wouldn't happen until May. Anticipation can be quite sweet, and it wouldn't hurt him to learn that lesson. "There is no way. But I wouldn't be adverse to once a week. You pick the day."

He grinned, and I fell in love all over again. Finn has the most beautiful smile, natural and easy. No matter what, he always looks like he means it, and he's the happiest guy in the world. I kissed him quickly, then flipped the light on so we could examine our clothing for any…ahem…suspicious stains. None found, I put the car in gear and headed off to school.

A good orgasm tends to be one of the only things that shuts Finn up for more then 5 minutes at a time, and we spent the rest of the ride in blissful silence. I was still going to have to give some explanations for my insanity earlier this week when I got back to school, but I was ok with pretending that it hadn't happened, at least for right now. There would be plenty of time to deal with unpleasant things.

_Plus, something could always happen. Your Glee club is a walking disaster, and you seem to have drama at least once a week. Maybe by the time you get to school, everyone will have forgotten your little insanity. If not, don't worry. It'll be someone else's turn to freak out pretty soon. _

That was comforting, though I really didn't want to see someone else miserable just so I could avoid a little embarrassment. I was still turning that over in my head when I got to school. Finn walked me to my first class and vanished off to remedial math, where he would spend the entire period staring blankly at the teacher and missing every problem he tried. I wanted him out of that class and so did Carole, but the school was dragging its feet. Apparently both his parent and a team of doctors emphasizing that Finn wasn't lazy or stupid, he just couldn't do it, wasn't enough for the lovely Lima school district.

This was one of the days that I didn't see Finn until Glee, which was depressing. He got lunch early and ate it while he was getting tutoring to try and bring him up to grade level. Technically that was only available to the athletes of McKinley, and since his broken arm he no longer counted, but Coach Tanaka kept covering for him so he could at least get that little extra boost. Finn certainly needed it, and it wasn't like he was the only one going. At least a quarter of the Cheerios went, including Brittany, and the vast majority of the hockey players.

I'm glad that he gets a little extra help, but it can't help but miss the big guy when he isn't around. Even though I can't touch or kiss him in public, it's still a comfort to know that he's there and could help me in a pinch.

Finn never says it, but I think he feels the same way about me. On the days that we don't see each other, he always comes to my classroom door and picks me up, rather then just meeting me in the choir room. It's his way of telling me that he loves me, even when he can't say it out loud.

I came to his right side, just like always, and kept up a light chatter as we walked. "Do you have any idea what we're going to be doing in Glee today?" Sometimes Mr. Shue will tell him things that he doesn't tell the rest of us. Mercedes had once accused Finn of being the favorite, only to have him shrug and point out that Mr. Shue told him things because he always asked in the mornings.

"Nope. He was saying something about Broadway, but he's kind of always talking about that. He thinks we sing too much Pop stuff. But that's the stuff that's fun."

Personally, I wouldn't have minded doing a little more Broadway, provided it was some of the newer stuff, and not the same things that people had been doing for the past 25 years. Finn would probably think Broadway was cooler if he was able to sing 'Dancing Through Life' from Wicked, or even something from The Little Mermaid. I had even heard rumors of a Spiderman play.

_You just want to see Finn performing in Equus. Don't even pretend that you don't, you dirty boy._

Considering the reaction to our fully clothed rendition of 'Push It', I couldn't even imagine what would happen if someone got nude on stage. Not that Finn wasn't equipped for it, because he was, but no one was allowed to see him naked but me. Possessiveness, my name is Kurt Hummel.

Most of the Glee club was already present, but they were unusually quiet. Normally it sounds like a madhouse in here, but everyone was staring at something in the front of the room.

"Who's that dude?" Despite this being a performing club, it was unusual for us to have anyone actually wanting to come and watch us.

I shook my head. "I don't know." We found our seats and joined the staring. Whoever this man was, it would be revealed soon.

Mr. Shue (who was looking rather constipated) clapped his hands. "Okay, guys, listen up. This is Mr. Ryan. He's a member of the school board, and he would like to say a few words."

Alarm bells started ringing as Mr. Shue stepped to the side. He was slumped and defeated and I knew that this was going to end poorly. Finn knew it as well, and he tensed at my side.

At the last minute, he held up a hand and tried to reclaim our attention. "I just want you to listen critically, and know that what he's saying is just one of many opinions." He was doing that thing where he moved his hands a lot, which meant he was really worried.

Mr. Ryan smiled at us, and I recognized that smile as the same one I got from the hockey team right before I hit the inside of a dumpster. It was a smile that said you could do whatever you wanted, but you were already sunk. He didn't even bother with the introductions. "Take out a piece of paper." While we fumbled, he kept talking. "And on that paper, I want you to write down your biggest dream. A dream that means so much that you're afraid to admit it, even to yourself."

Next to me, Finn was scrawling rapidly, his writing blocked by his arm. No doubt that was done on purpose, but I couldn't help but try and peek anyway. What was he writing? Was I anywhere in his dreams, or would he move on without me? Even though I like to believe that I know him, Finn is more of a mystery then he first appears.

_He's probably writing 'pro football player'. _

I didn't think so. Finn had already told me that he wanted to be a teacher, not a football player.

_That's what he thinks he can achieve. Mr. Ryan just asked for a dream._

Did there have to be a difference? I grabbed my paper and wrote a few words in tiny letters. _Fashion Designer. New York_. _Married to Finn Hudson. Maybe having a baby?_ That was really four dreams instead of one, but it was what I wanted out of life. I followed Finn's example and tore the piece of paper out, folding it so it was safe from prying eyes.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Mr. Ryan grabbed Artie's paper and crumpled it in his hand. He tossed it in the trash. "Your dream is never going to happen."

Across the room, Mr. Shue buried his face in his hands. "91% of you will spend your entire lives living in Allen County, Ohio. So unless you wrote down that your dream was to work for a mid-market health insurance provider or find an entry level job in an elderly care facility, you're going to be very disappointed."

Mercedes breathed out. "This is really depressing."

Finn poked me in the side. "Old people freak me out."

I couldn't reply to either on of them, because Mr. Ryan kept going. "I'm going to guess that a lot of your dreams involve showbiz. Well, let me tell you: Showbiz dreams are the most unrealistic of them all."

For the first time in possibly ever, Tina spoke up before anyone else. "But that's what I want to do with my life."

He was unsympathetic. "Oh, look. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I'm just trying to spare you the disappointment"

Mr. Shue tried to step in. "I think we get your point."

All that did was turn the viciousness on him. Finn's hand came to rest on my back, but I barely felt it. "Will Shuester is a prime example. He used to have that glimmer of hope in his eyes that I cane see right now in all of yours. He couldn't make it happen for himself, so, he now has to try and convince you all that it will happen for you. Well guess what? His dream didn't' work out. And neither will yours."

Someone started to cry, but we were all too frozen to even look. Mr. Shue stepped in. "Ok. You're done here."

Mr. Ryan wasn't going down without a fight. "You would be wise to show me some respect."

Not happening. Mr. Shue was now coming towards him. "You've said your piece. Now get out."

If anything, that seemed to please Mr. Ryan even more. "Well, Shuester, I should thank you. You've made my decision about which program to cut a lot easier." He made sure to slam Mr. Shue in the shoulder on the way out.

Mr. Shue shook his head. "Guys…." He trailed off; because there wasn't much he could say. "Why don't we just cut practice for today?"

I nodded weakly, the piece of paper crumpled and ruined in my suddenly sweaty hand. Was I asking too much? I knew the odds of being successful in New York as well as anyone else did, but someone had to succeed, right? I knew that I had the drive and talent, but who many other people felt that same way?

_But you already have Finn. And what could be more important then love? A job? Please. All you have to do is not act like a moron, and you'll always have Finn. _

That was true. Finn kept his hand on my back, gently guiding me from the room. "Do you want to go get an ice cream or something?"

"Sure. But a small one." I needed a little pick-me-up after today.

I don't really have a preference in ice cream, but Finn loves the place where they mix candy in the with the scoops. It was way out of our way, but since we had nothing else to do today, I agreed.

Usually I wouldn't do so, so Finn was utterly delighted by the thought. I wanted to talk about Mr. Ryan and what he said, but I gave Finn a few extra minutes to process what had happened. When he was ready, he would initiate the conversation.

It took until we both had ice cream and were seated before he decided to speak. "Mr. Shue and Mr. Ryan totally used to fuck."

I snorted French vanilla up my nose. "Excuse me?"

"Come on. That was totally a lovers spat." He took a huge bite of his cone. "Well, plus the fact that Mr. Ryan was kind of a douche, but it was really about him and Mr. Shuester. He barely even looked at us."

Trust Finn to notice something like that. I focused on the words being said, he saw the person behind them. If the two of us ever went into business together, we would be unstoppable. "I didn't notice that."

"I did. Plus, Mr. Shue looked so sad." He fussed with a napkin, and I knew he was debating whether or not to say what he was thinking. Finally he came out with it. "That's the way Quinn looks at me sometimes. Like she wishes that things had been different."

"Do _you_ wish they could have been different?" I don't know why I keep asking questions like this, when the answer is always the same.

"Well, _yeah_. I wish that she had just told me that she didn't want to be together instead of fucking Puck behind my back. I really wish that she wasn't pregnant, because that's just sad for everyone. But I don't wish that I was with her instead of you, which is what you're really asking, isn't it?"

Drat, he saw right through me. "Yeah, that was pretty much what I was asking."

"You're my favorite out of everyone I ever dated."

I had to laugh. "You mean you like me better then Quinn or Rachel?" True, best out of three wasn't bad, but it wasn't the same as being, say, the best out of everyone Puck had hooked up with. Not that I wanted to hook up with Puck (the potential for STDs alone would be an immediate turn off, not to mention the overly cocky personality.), but it was nice to know that you were the best out of hundreds.

"And Sandy and Zoe." He sounded like his pride had been a bit wounded. "Oh, and there was Alexis, but she was in the third grade. She always shared her glue with me. It was delicious."

_And there's your answer to what's wrong with Finn. Too much eating of the good old Elmers._

"Best out of six works for me." Now I was the one who wasn't sure if I should speak up or not. There were so many things going on right now that…no this wasn't the time. That and I was a little afraid to hear the answer.

"What do you want to ask me? You're making that worried face." Finn reached out and lightly touched my cheek. "Come on, Kurt."

"Can I see what you wrote? What's your biggest dream?"

He colored, but he reached into his pocket and produced the crumpled paper. "Yeah, sure. It's kind of stupid, though."

I unfolded it and read what he had written on the sheet. _Kurt. A dog named Slim Jim. A house with an indoor swimming pool and a karaoke machine and a pinball machine. Mostly, Kurt, though._

It was such a Finn dream. The realistic- the dog, combined with the unrealistic- the pinball machine, pool, and karaoke, combined with the hopeful- me. My fingers trembled and my eyes welled as I stroked the piece of paper. "Can I keep this?"

"I guess." He seemed confused about why I would want it, but surrendered it easily. "What are you going to do with it?"

"Keep it as a memento." I already had a box hidden in the back of my closet filled with little trinkets from our time together. His hoodie that he had given me one day when it was cold, movie stubs, and about a million pictures. I could have a million more, and still never capture what it was that made Finn himself. That's love for you, seeing the things that no one else does.

"Can I see yours?"

I really liked that he asked instead of just demanding to see it. I'm naturally more private then Finn is, and he was usually respectful of that fact. "It's in the car, but yes."

"Cool. Do you really think that Mr. Ryan will cut the Glee club? Because, if he tries, Mr. Shue may need to take one up the ass for the team."

"You think he would be on bottom?" _Why_ was I even thinking about this, much less talking about it? I didn't want to think about my teacher having a sex life period, much less, what position he might assume during the act.

Just like always, Finn took my comments as permission to get even wilder and more graphic. "Probably. Mr. Ryan acts like a top."

Don't ask it, don't ask it, don't ask it. For once, the voice in my head was my own instead of Galinda's. For the love of Gaga, don't ask it. "And what does a top act like?" Damn, I had asked it.

"You know. Bossy and demanding and always wanting to get his own way. Mr. Shue isn't like that, so he was probably on bottom." He sounded rather pleased with his logic.

"_I'm_ bossy and demanding and always want my own way." I couldn't believe that I was continuing this disgusting conversation.

"Uh-huh. And you like being on top, so I win." Finn gave me a look that suggested I was doing nothing but proving his point.

I did like being on top, but I was surprised that he noticed. We've never talked about it, and we usually just switch every other time. "I guess that that's true. So, what does a bottom act like?"

"I don't know. Not bossy and demanding?" He took a huge bite of ice cream while he thought. "Calm?"

"So more like you?"

"Kind of. Maybe they switched it up like we do. But Mr. Ryan is a different sort of bossy then you are. You're nice bossy, he's mean bossy."

I wasn't sure if that was a comment that required a 'thank you' or a quick punch in the arm, so I tried to pull his attention in a different direction. "Do you think he'll really try and cut the club over a silly vendetta? A vendetta is-"

"I know what a vendetta is. I'm not stupid." Most of the time Finn takes a correction or explanation quietly and calmly, but occasionally he gets his dander up for no real reason. Oh, I'm sure a reason exists, but I've never been able to figure it out.

"I know you aren't. But that doesn't answer my question." I gave him a few minutes to gather his thoughts, and raised an eyebrow. "Are we in danger right now?"

"How much do you think Glee costs?" He fished a gummy bear out and chewed thoughtfully. "I mean, with everything."

It was a good question. We had no uniforms, and most of the outfits we used for performances were either rented or put together by some of the more talented member of the group. Sheet music can be expensive, but a lot of what we had had been there for years. It was only the stuff from the past few years that we needed, and that was only for group performances. For solo work we found the music on our own. "I'm not sure. What expenses do you see?"

He must have been thinking about this for a while, because he started ticking them off on his fingers almost immediately. "Room and auditorium with lights four times a week. Sheet music. Insurance. Paying Mr. Shue, but I'm not sure that they actually do that. Entry fees for competitions. Renting a bus. Hotels if we get to Nationals."

When he put it that way, I could see how our club, which only had 12 members, was eating up a lot of money when there was never enough to go around. "I didn't think about a lot of those."

"It's still not that much, though. The football team had uniforms, and mowing the grass on the stadium and equipment, and the locker room, and Coach Tanaka's golf cart, and lots of away games. And lets not even talk about what the Cheerios cost."

I couldn't tell if that was a deliberate dig or not. After that first day, when he told me I could do whatever I wanted to, we had never really discussed me being on the team. I told him things, and he feigned a polite interest, much like the one I feigned when he talked about sports, and that was that.

But I know that it bugs him. His anger at Coach Sylvester has turned from a raging fire to a simmering ember, but it's still there, and I have no doubt that it can be rekindled. I also have no doubt that a part of him is very angry with me for not standing with him and telling Coach Sylvester to go screw herself when she wanted me on the squad. I think it says a lot for his growing maturity that he's been as quiet about things as he has.

_So far. I'm telling you right now, you don't want to be around when this one explodes. And trust me, Kurt, he's going to._

Over what? As far as I could tell, Finn was having the best time of his life right now. He was the star of the Glee club, he had Dad to take him to sports games, he was getting laid regularly, and he was at least getting the tools to improve himself in school, even if it hadn't quite happened yet. What could he possibly have to be upset about?

_The fact that you can't think of anything is a little worrying. After the way he's taken up for you in the past few days, I think that he deserves as much consideration back. He worried when there was something wrong with you, and he did everything he could to help and fix it. _

I didn't want Finn to be unhappy the way I had been, so I tried to take a minute to think deeper. Unfortunately, Finn was talking again, and things kind of slipped my mind. "I think Mr. Shue should just give him a blow job and get it over with. I could probably give him some tips."

If Finn gave Mr. Shue tips in giving a blow job, the Glee club would not only be saved, but have a budget that was twice as large as the Cheerios'. "I would think that that crosses every possible line of appropriate student/teacher relationships. But keep it in mind, because we might need it later."

"I might need something later, too. You know, since I have lots of energy from my ice cream." He leered at me, giving me no doubt as to what he thought he might need.

Being with Finn has apparently turned me into a tramp, because instead of telling him the million and ten reasons that we shouldn't, I just nodded. "Ok. Dad won't be home until late tonight, so we'll have plenty of time."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "First we do it in the car, then we go get ice cream, and now you're telling me we can go to your house and do it again? Am I, like, dying or something and nobody told me?"

"No. I'm just in a very generous mood today. Maybe we could do a little hands on demonstration about the difference between tops and bottoms?"

He gathered the napkins and my empty dish. "Done. Now. Car. Let's go."

Once I had agreed, Finn wasn't about to take any chances that I might change my mind. "Whoa, Cowboy."

He leaned in so he could whisper in my ear. "I could say something about being ridden hard and put away wet, but I won't because it would be nasty."

"How about I show you what nasty really is?" As always, the words sounded stupid to my ears when I whispered back.

To Finn's ears, though, it must have sounded different, because he nodded enthusiastically. "Let's do this."

I couldn't agree more.


	73. Chapter 73

Kurt POV

"They'll get together and say, 'Brother Frexspar, did you allow your wife to deliver your first child when you had a community problem to solve' How in-con…sid-er-ate of you." Finn looked to me for approval of his pronunciation.

"Good." I moved the piece of paper I was holding a bit so he could see the next line. Only being able to focus on one line of text at a time, as opposed to seeing the entire page was a trick he had learned at the specialist, and it seemed to be helping.

We were reading Wicked, curled up together on my bed. I personally, thought it was a bit ambitious for Finn, considering that he had tested on a fourth grade reading level, but Finn was embarrassed to be reading books written for that level, so I had gone with what I had on hand. We had worked our way through the original Wizard of Oz, book, but it was a little babyish for his tastes. He was never going to get better if he didn't practice, and he would be more willing to practice if he actually liked what he was reading. Hopefully there was enough violence, mystery, and sex in this to keep him entertained. "Keep going."

He ran a finger along the text, looking for where he had stopped. "How inconsiderate of you; it shows a lack of authority. You're fired from the position.'" She was ribbing him now, for there was no one to fire him. The nearest bishop was too distant to pay attention to the part-tic-u-lars of a unionist cleric in the hin-ter-land."

I leaned in, enjoying the words that I had read myself so many times. Finn's ready is still slow and a little on the choppy side, but he's made huge improvements from even his evaluation a few weeks ago. I think there are a few reasons behind that. First of all, his medication has finally kicked in. He works harder now and is less distracted by shiny things. Then there are the small changes we've made to accommodate him. Only letting him see things one line at a time was one, as well as letting him do his writing on colored paper. I have no idea why that works for people with dyslexia, but it seems to help.

Another thing that was helping was that we were now insisting that he try. Until his doctor pointed it out, I hadn't realized how much we were letting Finn coast on his reading and writing. Everything was verbal with him, which might be why he talks so much, but it hadn't done much to help the underlying issues. Even I was guilty of reading his homework out loud for him and letting him tell me the answers, rather then making him do it himself. In my defense, it was the only way he was going to have any chance of keeping his head above water academically.

But I think the biggest change has been Finn himself. For the first time since kindergarten, he was actually having some success academically. The boost to his self esteem was enormous, and it made him more willing to try in a way he wasn't before. Not that he didn't still get stubborn or throw the occasional tantrum, but at least we were moving in the right direction.

To keep him from getting frustrated, I had agreed to switch off chapters with him to make things move faster. I was still planning on seeing Wicked in the theater one day, and I wanted Finn to be at my side when it happened.

We had plenty of extra time to work on his academics, because Glee club is still hanging in the balance. I had gone all MacGyver and done some research to figure out exactly what Mr. Ryan was doing here, other then trying to make everyone miserable. My sleuthing had mostly involved spying and listening at Coach Sylvester's door, but I did end up learning quite a bit.

From what I understood, Mr. Ryan was there to audit all of the clubs of McKinley High, and determine where the budget could be cut. Ever since the little battle between him and Mr. Shue, though, we were directly in his line of fire.

Originally, I had laughed at Finn's suggestion that Mr. Shue and Mr. Ryan had once been lovers, but I was now revising that thought. Finn was right: this was a lovers quarrel that had festered and grown over the years. Maybe a good blow job wouldn't be that far off the mark.

One thing I had to admire, though, was that he went after the sports teams as viciously as he went after the performing arts clubs. Coach Sylvester was screaming about having her budget cut in half, and Coach Tanaka was pissed off that he was no longer going to have the fancy bus for away games.

If the rumors I had heard were true, he had gone after Coach Sylvester in more ways then one, but that was too horrifying to think about.

"Done." Finn snuggled in closer and ran one hand up and down my arm. "How did I do?"

"You did very well." I knew what he was waiting for, so I leaned up and pressed my lips to his.

"A lot of these words are really hard. Are you sure that they're all real words? Because I've never heard some of them before."

There were a lot of words that Finn had never heard before, but even I had had trouble with some of what was in the book. "Some of the words were made up for the book, but most of them are just very old-fashioned ones that we don't use much any more."

"What do you think our parents are doing tonight?" Over the past few weeks, Finn had suddenly become quite suspicious of our parents and everything they might be getting up to.

He hasn't voiced the thought yet, but I think he's worried that Dad will ask Carole and Finn to move in with us or, worse, that he would propose. Despite my own misgivings on the thought, and I had plenty of them, believe me, I could see some advantages as well. If the two of them moved in together, I would have access to Finn 24/7, instead of just a few times a day. Where was the downside? With there only being two bedrooms in the house, we would have to share a room as well.

I didn't want to bring it up, though, until I was sure that that was the problem. Who knew, Finn could be upset about something else entirely. "Probably nothing interesting."

"Yeah." He nodded slowly as he thought. "They're going to that old people movie instead of something good."

In Finn's mind, every movie that doesn't feature tons of explosions or sensationalized breasts is an old people movie. "What movie would _you_ like to watch?"

"I brought a horror movie." He grinned and presented me with a well-worn copy of IT.

"No way." I hated horror movies. Some of the gory ones I could handle by telling myself that it was nothing but food coloring and corn syrup. Plus, most of them were so stupid that they didn't look anywhere near realistic enough to be that upsetting.

But this sort of movie was different. Creepy got to me, and I knew that this movie would have it in spades. "Can't we watch something else?"

He sighed. "But Puck wants it back tomorrow. Pleeease?"

I should have just told him that horror movies scared me, but I never fail to fall victim to the puppy dog eyes. "Ok."

He kissed me. "You can pick next time, I promise."

Finn turned the lights down and popped the DVD in. "This one is going to be awesome."

Within two minutes of the movie starting, I knew that this was a mistake. Little kids never fared well in these movies, especially when they were introduced before the opening credits were over. I pressed closer to Finn, who was staring at the screen with an almost hypnotized expression.

Sure enough, the kid had an arm ripped off before we were five minutes in. More probably happened, but I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed that it would be over quickly. Finn wrapped an arm around me and I snuggled in closer, grateful to be able to hide my face against his side whenever I sensed that things might get scary.

I lasted right up until Pennywise the Clown made his first appearance. At that point, I couldn't help but scream and climb up into Finn's lap.

My shriek startled him worse then anything that had happened on screen, and his entire body jerked in surprise. "Shh, Shhh, it's ok. Look, I'll turn it off." He grabbed the remote and flipped the television off.

It made me feel like a coward, but I did relax as soon as the creepy music disappeared. Finn hugged me tighter. "Why didn't you just tell me you're scared of horror movies?"

How about because no one likes looking like an idiot in front of a guy they want to impress? If I said that, though, he would look at me like I was an idiot. In his mind, I had already done all of the impressing I would ever need to, so why keep harping on that point?

Finn slid me off his lap and wandered over to the movie shelf. "We can watch this instead. Remember, it's the first movie we ever watched together. It's like an anniversary present."

Considering the amount of drugs he had been on that night, I was surprised he remembered that I had been there at all, much less that we had watched Hairspray. But the thought behind the gesture made me smile. "How is this an anniversary? We didn't even know each other this time last year."

"It's an anniversary of this day last year, and all the times it was this day since forever. Duh." Finn never gets bogged down by little things like logic or relevance to the situation at hand.

Though sometimes it does make me wonder if Finn is as stupid as he can come off, or actually very bright. In his own way, he was right, and what was wrong with having a little more joy in the simple things? "You have a point."

The rest of the evening was quiet, a small port in the storm that was exploding in our school lives. I think that Finn sensed it as well, because he didn't make any effort to turn this into sex. He was just content to hold me and watch the movie with a minimum of comments.

It was nice to have that brief pause, because the next morning things were weirder then ever. All of the sudden, Mr. Ryan was our total best friend. He had a bunch of boxes in the room and he started opening them and showing off the contents almost before we sat down. "Guys, I've got good news. I siphoned off funds from the Cheerios and I took a little shopping spree through the Jazz Hands catalogue. You know why? Because the arts matter"

Finn leaned behind me to whisper to Puck, who was on my other side. "He and Mr. Shue did it last night."

"Totally." Then they fist bumped. I'm not sure if they had had anything to do with it, or it was just a gesture of solidarity with any man who was getting laid.

"Custom made New Directions jean jackets-"He kept talking, but I had already launched myself towards the offered denim. 'Custom made' had to be one of the most wonderful phrases in the English language.

"-every piece of sheet music from every Broadway show from the last 50 years Everything a show choir needs to become champions."

Mr. Shuester was as stunned as we were. "Wow, that's just amazing. Let's all give a hand for Mr. Ryan." We all dutifully applauded.

Then the door flew open and Coach Sylvester stormed in. Santana, Brittany, and I all reflexively straightened up, and the jacket dropped from my hands back into the box. This wasn't going to be good. I hurriedly snatched it back up. This one was mine, and I was more then willing to fight for it. "Well, congratulations Will. I'm over the moon for you." Her tone told us that she was anything but.

"Thanks, Sue. I'm glad you have a good attitude about your budget being cut." Mr. Shue couldn't resist rubbing it in. Honestly, sometimes those two were less mature then we were.

"No, no, I'm not talking about that. I came over here to congratulate you on your new role. Local director Herb Duncan does the dry cleaning for the Cheerios, and he let slip that you just landed the lead in Les Miz!" She held up a playbill to prove her point. "Congratulations. Oh, I'm ecstatic!"

How did I not know that there was a production of Les Miz happening? Not that there was a single role that I was qualified for, but I would even accept a nonspeaking part. Come on, it was Les Miz!

_That's not true. You would make a truly stunning young Cosette_. Galinda picked up a lilting song. _There is a castle on a cloud. I like to go there in my dreams…._

Small, delicate and somewhat feminine I might be. Looking and sounding like a 10 year old girl, I was not. I decided to just let that comment roll off my back in favor of focusing back on both of my Coaches.

She turned to Mr. Ryan. "And the good news just keeps coming, cause you got a part, too, Bry. The exciting role of townsperson. You got a line, too. Way back here in the second act-" She flipped obstencisously through the pages.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. Shue flinch. Finn put his hands in his pockets and hunched forward, a sure sign that he knew a confrontation was coming and he needed to make himself small.

"You get to say…..'Hooray'." She slapped both Mr. Shue and Mr. Ryan on the back. "Congratulations both of you. I can't wait until opening night." With a flourish, she spun and let the room.

Silence fell. The two adults remaining stared each other down, neither knowing what to say. Then Mr. Ryan grabbed the jacket out of my hands, making me jump.

Mr. Shue tried to step in. "Brian…"

He wasn't having it. "Congratulations, Will, you're going to be great in the show."

"Can we talk about this?" He was trying to steer him out of the room, so this didn't happen in front of all of us.

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm cutting the program." He tossed my jacket back into the box and wheeled it from the room, leaving devastation in his wake.

Mr. Shue sighed heavily. "Ok, guys, this isn't that big of a deal." He couldn't even make himself sound like he completely believed it. "We've had Figgins threatening the same thing since we started, and we're still going strong. We have plenty of sheet music, of our own, and you've done great with making your costumes. We don't need the extras."

Maybe we didn't need them, but they certainly helped. Mr. Shue gestured. "Girls, why don't you guys come on down first today?"

Finn tugged on my sleeve. "I don't get it. So Mr. Shue got the big part in the play and Mr. Ryan only got a little part?"

"Yes. I'm guessing they both tried out for Jean Valjean. He's the male lead."

His brow furrowed. "But isn't it good just to get a part? I mean, lots of people didn't even get that. Why can't Mr. Ryan just be happy with what he got instead of being a huge douche about it?"

It was hard for him to understand, because Finn had always been the best, even without trying. He had the look, and the easy personality, and a not small amount of talent for several things. He's never come in last place or had to take the consolation prize. "I don't think that him not getting the part is the big deal. I think that the big deal is that Mr. Shue _did _get the part."

"Oh. It's still kind of a douche move. I mean, we're still kids and we don't fight like that. Well, Rachel does." His head cocked as he thought. "Do you think she's going to be like Mr. Ryan when she gets older? Except chick batty instead of douchy?"

Not a chance. Not because she didn't have the same obsessive focus and determination to win at all costs, but because I couldn't imagine her ever being a has-been. She was going to go all the way to the top, headlining on Broadway.

_Yeah? But you have Finn. I'm pretty sure that you're still coming out on top in that one._

Yeah, I am. "I think that Rachel is a creature all her own and we can't judge her by the standards of mere mortals."

"I like it when you talk all smart." Then he chuckled. "Even if I don't always get what you're saying."

"How about I just say that I love you?" That usually works for him.

"That works. It's kind of sad that Mr. Shue and Mr. Ryan hate each other now." He was reflective, something I very seldom saw in him. "I can't imagine hating Rachel or Quinn."

No, I couldn't either. But 20 years in the future, which is about how long I'm guessing it's been for Mr. Shue and Mr. Ryan, he probably wouldn't remember Quinn's last name. He would undoubtedly remember Rachel's, but he would have forgotten her atrocious fashion sense.

And where would I be? At his side, giggling at old pictures? Or would he point me out to his wife, talking about his bi-curious phase? Or, worst of all, Dad would actually marry Carole, and we would be stuck seeing each other at the holidays, not brother, and not lovers, but stuck somewhere in between.

_Those are the chances of life. When Finn dated Rachel, he ran the risk of them imploding and destroying the Glee club. Or her moving to New York after graduation and leaving him behind. Or him getting her pregnant and them getting married at 18. There's not a relationship in this world that doesn't leave its mark, whether it ends well or poorly._

The thought actually made me shiver; I leaned against Finn and laid my head on his shoulder. He kissed my cheek, his lips barely brushing the skin. "What's wrong? You were shaking."

I squeezed him back. "Nothing. Just a cold chill."

The school was still 75 degrees, even though it was cold outside, so he had to have known that it was a lie. Sure enough, he looked a little confused, but chose not to ask.

"Alright, great job. Now the boys." Mr. Shue signaled us down, and we came, though not without a certain amount of grumbling. We all grabbed the music that was stacked on the piano.

Puck gave an excited whistle. "Aerosmith! Awesome!"

The rest of us were surprised as well. Artie pushed his glasses up. "What's the occasion, Mr. Shue?"

A dopey smile spread across his face. A smile that way too closely resembled Finn's when he thought I might be convinced to give him a hand job. "I was singing this song the other day, and I thought that if I enjoyed it that much, you guys would, too."

At my side, Finn made a rather crude gesture at his crotch. Puck nodded and winked. Then he raised his hand. "Mr. Shuester?"

"What is it Puck?" Mr. Shue may not always be fair, and he does tend to forget those of us who aren't front and center, but he always acknowledges us when we speak up.

"I'm just throwing this out there, but Finnster and I would be glad to light Mr. Ryan's car on fire for you. Just say the word." Finn nodded in agreement.

Mr. Shue smiled at them. "Thanks, guys, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to come to that. I really can't condone arson, especially not on school property."

What he was really doing was thanking Puck for his support, even if it was rather crudely offered.

"We can find out where he lives." Puck winked at him, which was apparently the bad ass way of letting him know that he got it, and there was no reason to get messy feelings involved.

Life would be so much easier if boys would just talk about their feelings, rather then bringing up arson and stalking.

I should probably also mention this wasn't one of the pretty Aerosmith songs, like 'I don't Want to Miss a Thing'. This was 'Dream On', which oozed with sex. "Puck, why don't you take the lead on this one?"

If there was one thing Puck understood, it was sex, and this song was right up his alley. He was already familiar with the song, so it wasn't long before he had the basics down. Mike had drawn back, and was now talking to Brittany, both of them alive with ideas about choreography and costumes.

Finn ran his fingers up and down on my back, looking lost in thought. He thinks better when he's in motion, so I knew that there was something important going through his brain.

His entire body jolted when he finally hit his conclusion, but he didn't make a sound. I really think that his medication is finally kicking in, because he's stopped blurting out his every thought the minute it comes into his brain. Now he's able to hang on to his thoughts rather then having them scatter like birds, he doesn't feel as compelled to say them as quickly as possible for fear of losing them. He waited patiently for Puck to finish, and even politely applauded before speaking up. "Hey Mr. Shue? Mr. Shue?" He was practically vibrating with excitement.

"What's up, Finn?" Mr. Shuester looked amused at my boyfriend's bouncy enthusiasm.

"So, I was just thinking-"

Puck interrupted. "There's a first."

Finn reached around my back and slugged Puck's shoulder without ever breaking his rhythm of speech. "Does Glee have to come from the school? I mean, even if Mr. Ryan gets the club cancelled, we're all still here, right? Can't we find somewhere else to practice and still be a group? Do the guys in charge care of we're from a school, or just a group as long as we pay the admission?"

That was….actually, that was a pretty bright idea. Much better then anything the rest of us had come up with.

"That's a really good idea, Finn. Hopefully it won't come to that, but I'll do some research and we'll keep that in mind. Way to think outside the box." Mr. Shue smiled at him and nodded.

All Finn ever really wants is to be acknowledged and not told that he's a moron. Whether Mr. Shue actually did anything from here on out was immaterial. Finn broke into a smile so bright that I had to grin as well. There's nothing I love more then seeing him happy, and it takes so very little to make him that way.

Despite Finn's hopeful suggestion and Mr. Shue's not making a big deal out of everything, we were still tense as a group. No one, not even Rachel, had a song to volunteer, and we were prickly with each other. Santana was ruder the usual, and Quinn got weepy for no real reason. That might just be the pregnancy, though, since she does that a lot lately. We all recognized false bravado when we saw it.

I had to give our teacher credit for pushing through, instead of letting us go early again. Rachel kept getting louder and shriller as she kept a running countdown of how long we had until Regionals. For some reason, she seemed to think that she was helping us, instead of making us all want to kill her. Finally Finn took her aside and spoke to her quietly, leading to her bouncing out of the room. No screaming or tantrums, though, which was an improvement.

He came back over and nuzzled against my neck under the pretense of reading my piece of sheet music. I gave him a quick kiss. "What did you say to Nagena?"

"Huh? Oh, Rach? I told her that we needed to be super clear on the rules and regulations and shit before we got too committed to a set list, so I sent her to the computer lab to go look them up. It should buy us a little time."

That's one of the other reasons I love Finn. He had managed to diffuse the situation without bloodshed, and without making anyone feel bad. When he took the time to think things over, he was actually pretty good at this. True, she would probably be even crazier when she came back, but at least he was trying. "Good thinking."

"She'll be back, and probably worse, but hopefully she'll have something else to focus on." He studied me quietly. "This is it for the Glee club, isn't it? Bryan Ryan is going to take us down."

He desperately wanted me to reassure him that it wasn't true, but what could I say? Chances were very good that he was right. Not only were we an unpopular club, but all we had to stand up for us was Mr. Shuester, and he was the worst possible person to do so.

Finn had been right the first time around: we were about to lose our club because of what amounted to a giant lovers spat. I wanted to reassure him by lying, but I knew that he would see right through it. "Maybe."

"I'm not going to think about it for right now. Let's just have a good practice." He was doing his best to appear in control, but, like Mr. Shue, he's a bit transparent when he's upset.

But Finn's also pretty good at wishing himself into genuine happiness. We were all watching him, and when he loosened up and started having a good time, the rest of us followed suit. There was still tension, but at least Santana was no longer making stabbing motions with her nail file behind Rachel's back. And he to give the devil her due, Rachel had a copy of the rules and regulations, along with penciled in suggestions for songs. Not one of the songs was even remotely interesting. Puck peeked over her shoulder and sighed. "Rachel, those songs suck."

Because Puck is Jewish, he gets some slack from Rachel that the rest of us would never be allowed. Instead of blowing up at him, she crossed her arms and gave him a dirty look. "Well, what would you suggest instead?"

He had nothing, but didn't want to lose face. "Why should I get to make all of the decisions? We're not a monarchy and you're not Queen Bee. Why don't we vote on it together, like we should?"

It was a nice save. Mr. Shue smiled. "You guys are full of great ideas today. Everyone think of their favorite song from this year, and we'll go from there."

Big mistake. Everyone started yelling at once, and the room descended into chaos. Finn was bouncing around and yelling random things at the top of his lungs. "Journey! Journey! No, the Bon Jovi one!"

He was the closest, but not the loudest. Rachel was still begging for Broadway, but, again, it was all songs that no one had ever heard of except for her. Mercedes was campaigning for some Aretha and Puck was complaining that he wanted to do something sexy like 'Push It'.

It didn't take long before no one could be understood at all and Mr. Shue was shouting for all of us to settle down and get back in our seats. "We're going to have to do this one at a time."

He drug the white board over and wrote a big number one on it. "Mercedes first. What do you want to do?"

"Aretha. Someone sassy." She crossed her arms over her chest and shot him a challenging look.

"Alright, Mercedes says Aretha." He wrote it on the board. "Matt?"

He shrugged. "Whatever. You pick it, I'll sing it."

That might have been the most I had ever heard him string together. "Are you sure, Matt? You don't have any song that you like better then the others?"

"No."

"Ok. Santana?"

"I agree with Mercedes. This club wouldn't suck so much if you guys would loosen up and get nasty. I'm sure that Lurch and the Catamite over there could give you guys some tips."

Finn glared at her. "You _wish_ we would give you tips."

She snorted. "Really? You think I want tips on how to finish in 10 seconds or less? Please. There's nothing you can tell me that I don't already know."

Santana is a master at getting under Finn's skin, and his body tensed in a way that told me he was about to jump up and say something rude back. I grabbed his thigh and dug in, keeping him still. My voice dropped into a hiss. "Don't do it."

At the same time, Mr. Shue lunged for control as well. "Santana, enough. This is the time when we need to pull together, not tear each other apart."

She settled as Finn leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Yeah, she probably knows all about taking it up the ass."

I hated it when he said things like that. Not only because it was crude, but because it was so deeply engrained in him to associate there being something wrong with the act. Taking it up the ass was funny at best, an insult at worse. I knew that he didn't really think that it was true, that he wasn't even considering the words that were coming out of his mouth, but it still painful to hear.

"Santana also votes for something sexy. Ok, Quinn."

She smiled at him, but it was a sad one. It's like the baby's been draining all of her spark and vivaciousness out of her, leaving a depressed shell in its wake. I know that Drizzle's ultimate fate is still up in the air, but none of the dirty details. Even though the truth has been out for months now, I still see Finn looking at her belly with the kicked puppy look, like the baby had been his after all. "Nothing too crazy. I don't want my water to break on stage."

Wait, could that actually happen? Admittedly, I didn't know much about female genitalia and birth, and I would like to remain as ignorant as possible, but I couldn't believe that women would just start randomly spewing fluids like that. Wasn't there some sort of feminine warning system for things like that? It just didn't seem safe for the continued survival of the human race

Judging by the suddenly worried expression on Mr. Shue's face, it must be possible. He hastily scrawled 'No wild dance moves' on the whiteboard.

We ran through the rest of the group. Mike didn't care what songs we chose, but he did want to be in charge of the choreography. Brittany had no idea what was going on, but put in a vote for something fun and happy. Artie wanted to be able to play his guitar for at least a few seconds. Finn lobbied for something classic, while Rachel fretted that we wouldn't have enough time to polish a bunch of new songs. Mr. Shue dutifully took notes. "Did I miss anyone?

"Journey." It was our quietest and gentlest member, the one who tended to get lost in the shuffle.

"What was that Tina?" Mr. Shue always tried to get her to speak up more.

"I j-just through that we should do Journey. We already know it, and we know some basic choreography. We would have to jazz it up a little, but I know Mike can do it." Her face was hopeful, but her voice wasn't. No one ever listened to Tina's suggestions. She's so shy and timid that she doesn't put forth her ideas with much force, leading her to by overshadowed by the more dynamic (read: louder) members of the group.

But this time, everyone agreed with her. Finn was ecstatic that we were going to do Journey again. Mercedes and I were thrilled that Tina's suggestion was being taken seriously, and even Rachel was pontificating about the wisdom of using a song that would be different and thus more impressive to the judges.

Then Mr. Shue made the mistake of asking which song we should use. Dozens of songs were tossed out, many of which I'm pretty sure weren't even Journey. I'm not as familiar with classic rock as some of my classmates, though, so I kept out of the fray.

In the end, it was our second most unlikely member who came up with the best suggestion of the night. Brittany, who had spent most of the practice playing with first her own, then Santana's hair, suddenly chirped up. "Let's do a mash up! That was the best thing we've done all year."

I had to agree with her. Choosing the songs, then finding a way to fit them all together had been a blast. Plus, it gave us a chance to use more then one song, and thus please a greater percentage of the group.

"That's a wonderful idea, Brittany." Mr. Shuester wasn't quite successful at keeping the shock out of his voice.

Having more choices calmed us considerably, and it only took an additional 15 minutes to iron out the songs. 'Don't Stop Believing' was a given, and Finn was crazy for 'Any Way You Want it'. Puck and Mercedes were both happy with 'Loving, Touching, Squeezing', and Mike was already plotting out the choreography. As unbelievable at it was, somehow everyone in the group was excited about the choice.

Now we just had to make sure that we still had a group for competition.


	74. Chapter 74

Finn POV

Mom's gone nuts again. I've been hiding upstairs all morning, because I know she's going to make me help her if she finds me. I'm not sure what she's up to, but it just seems safer to hide. I even have some homework spread around the bed so I would have an excuse if she came looking for me.

I know. Sometimes I can't believe how smart I'm getting, either.

Something crashed in the hallway, and I immediately felt bad. I'm the man of the house, and I should be helping her. She just gets kind of crazy when she cleans. Lots of yelling and telling me that I'm doing things wrong. So I was a little nervous when I crept out. "Mom? Do you need help?"

"No, Finn. I'm just breaking our things in the hallway for fun." She was all mean when she said it, and I hate it. Mom's an awesome Mom, not a mean one and I don't like it when she acts like that.

_I'm sure you act plenty of ways that she doesn't like either. _Quinn-voice was smug, and I could just imagine the real Quinn making that face I always hated.

Mom and I are tight, though, so I know that she already feels bad for snapping at me. I leaned against the doorframe. "Can I help you break our stuff?"

She laughed and held out her arms. I used to hate it when she would want to hug and kiss me, especially since she did shit like that in front of the guys. I mean, it's practically suicide to have your Mommy be there at all, much less actually touching you. But when I think about how it is at Kurt's house, where there is no Mom, or even at Puck's, since his Mom works all the time, it's hard to tell her not to. Besides, there was no one here to see it. 

"I'm sorry I yelled. Can you help me move some of this stuff into the basement, please? It's too heavy for me to do on my own."

The stuff that she was talking about was some of the little stuff from her bedroom. And the living room. And the extra chairs from the kitchen. I was starting to smell a rat. "Why are we taking this stuff to the basement?" I knew that I sounded suspicious, but I felt suspicious, too.

"We're spring cleaning, Finn." She said it way too fast, so I knew that she had thought about what she would say if I asked.

"It's February." Isn't the point of spring cleaning that you, you know, do it in the spring?

She read my mind. "Oh, Finn. They just call it that. Spring cleaning is for any time that things need a little sprucing up."

"Don't we need this stuff? Did Kurt take you shopping for more new furniture?" Even though some of the stuff they had picked out was pretty cool, I don't like it when things change. It never seems to end well for me.

"No. You and I have so much stuff that I think it's time we did a little downsizing."

I still didn't like it, but I couldn't really call her on because there was nothing to say. "Are we moving?" 'Downsizing' was the excuse that Puck's mom used when his Dad left them and she couldn't afford the house they used to have. "Did you lose your job or something?"

"Of course I didn't lose my job. Honey, we're fine financially, alright? I don't want you to ever worry about that." She rubbed my back. "We're just going to make some changes as a family."

Alarm bells started ringing. "Did Burt ask you to marry him?" There was no way that he would just do that, right? I didn't want Burt to marry Mom, and I didn't want to live in a new place, even if it was with Kurt.

"No, Burt hasn't asked me to marry him. Even if he did, I wouldn't say yes without talking to you first." She took one end of the coffee table, and I grabbed the other. We made it all the way down to the basement before she spoke again. "Would that be terrible if he did?"

Yes. Burt was ok, I guess, but I didn't want him to be my father, or to be Mom's husband. I liked our family the way it was, with just me and Mom. I didn't want some stranger coming in and ruining things. Dad had been dead for almost 15 years, and I would be moving out in another year and a half. Couldn't she wait?

"It's way too soon. You've only been dating each other for a few months." I hated the way my voice shook and sounded like I was getting ready to cry.

She rubbed my shoulder. "But what about later? Can you see Burt and Kurt being a permanent part of our lives?"

Kurt was always going to be a permanent part of my life, but I knew that wasn't what she meant. "Burt's fine. I like him ok."

"Are you sure? Because I like him a lot, too, and want us both to be happy." She was searching my face for a lie with her super Mom powers.

Yeah, I hadn't exactly said I liked Burt a lot. Some, but not a lot yet. The guy is kind of trying to take my place here, and that makes him hard to like. "I'm happy if you are."

"So if Burt were to ask me to marry him, you would be ok with living with him and Kurt?"

This was my big chance to tell her that I wouldn't be ok with it, and I kind of blew it. Ok, I didn't kind of blow it, I totally did. "I guess. But why can't they come live with us?"

She laughed. "Finn, you're already sleeping in a closet. Where do you think we would put Kurt?" I started to say something and she cut me off. "And don't say in your room, because that isn't going to happen. It's not appropriate for you to be sharing with your boyfriend at 16 years old."

I kind of thought she might say something like that, and she really is right. "If Burt asks you to marry him, it's ok with me."

_You just lost any chance you might have ever had at complaining about the situation. Don't come whining to me when this blows up in your face._

Mom hugged me again, and I leaned against her. "How about you help me by getting the rest of this stuff taken care of, and I'll pick up a pizza for a late lunch?"

"Ok." I was pretty hungry and moving this stuff wasn't easy. I know that she's kind of using me here, but that's ok. I don't want her trying to pick the really heavy stuff up by herself.

There really wasn't that much stuff, so I was able to get it all done before she came back. She must have gotten breadsticks, too, because her hands were so full she had to ring the doorbell for me to come help her.

Only when I opened the door, it wasn't Mom. It was some strange guy who looked like he was uber-pissed off. "Are you Finn Hudson?"

Yeah, I was totally going to get my ass kicked. I'm bigger, but I'm really not much of a fighter. "Uh-huh."

"I'm Russell Fabray, Quinn's Daddy."

Oh, shit, I was definitely going to get the crap beaten out of me. "Hi, I'm Finn. It's nice to meet you."

"At least one of you beasts has some manners. It has recently come to my attention that my Quinnie is…with child." His face scrunched up like he had gas or needed to poop or something.

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say something or offer him our bathroom, but I really didn't want him in our house, so I just stood there looking at him. He waited a few seconds, then sighed. "Ones a delinquent with no manners and the other has no brains. Way to choose a boyfriend, Quinnie."

I might be stupid (but getting better!), but at least I knew not to say rude things about someone right to their face. Which is why I'm going to take Kurt's advice and just keep my big mouth closed, since I can't think of anything to say to him that isn't rude right now.

"At any rate, it has also come to my attention that you are not the father of her baby, despite her leading you to think that you were."

That was true, so I nodded cautiously. Maybe if I stalled him long enough, Mom would come home and fix this for me. "Yes."

"Since you are not the father, you had no legal reason to support her or the baby financially. I believe that you are owed a great deal of money." He pulled an envelope out of his pocket.

I had given Quinn every single bit of my paychecks for over a month. Seriously, I didn't even buy myself a Coke, just gave it all to her. It had to have been close to a thousand dollars, or even a little more.

There was no way I wanted to take money from a strange dude, even if he was who he said he was. I shook my head. "No, she can keep it for Drizzle. I don't want it back."

"That's very chivalrous of you, but the baby is not your responsibility. My wife and I will be taking care of things until the baby is born and placed in an appropriate adoptive home. I've totaled what you are owed and added an appropriate amount of interest. The present and future of the baby are no longer your concern." He shook the envelope slightly, trying to get me to take it.

I'm not as stupid as he thinks I am, and I knew what was really happening here. I wasn't being paid the money because that was what I was owed. He was giving me the money because he wanted me to take it and butt the hell out of Quinn's life. I think he's scared that I'll convince her to keep Drizzle. I also wonder what he's paying Puck.

I know all that, but I also know that I don't have a choice. As much as I want her to be, Drizzle isn't mine. I can't decide to keep her or give her away. Puck can, but I don't know if he knows that. Either I took the money and had no choices or I didn't take the money and I still had no choices.

Even though it made me feel kind of dirty, I grabbed the envelope and shoved it in my back pocket. Mr. Fabray smiled, and it looked just like when Coach Sylvester was screwing you over. "This is really for the best, Finn. You get your money back, Quinn gets a second chance, and her baby is raised in a loving, Christian, home. Everyone wins. Now don't tell anyone that I was here, and we'll all be fine"

He turned around and drove away, leaving me standing there with my mouth hanging open. What the hell had just happened to me? I closed the door and went up to my room. Once I had closed and locked the door, I opened the envelope and counted what was inside. $1500. Wow. That's like…that's more then our rent for a month. I could buy a Wii, and a new television, and a ton of games. Maybe I could even buy a really cheap car. This was more money then I had even thought I would see in my entire life.

_This is blood money, Finn. I can think of another woman who was very young and pregnant. She had a husband, but he was nowhere to be found. She didn't have much money, and she still doesn't. I'm sure she was pushed to put her baby in a loving, Christian, home where he could have everything she couldn't provide him. I'm talking about your mother, Finn. How would you feel if someone had bribed her to sell you?_

It wasn't the same thing! It couldn't be. Mom had never talked about wanting to give me away, or anyone telling her to. And, anyway, I couldn't stop them from doing it to Drizzle. If she had really been my daughter, I wouldn't have sold her for $1500 or for a million dollars.

_Whatever you have to tell yourself._

The front door opened, and I was scared that it was Mr. Fabray again, but then I heard Mom calling me. I stuffed the money in the back of my closet and ran downstairs. She was holding two pizzas and breadsticks, but I plowed into her anyway and hugged her tightly. She squeezed me back. "What's wrong, honey?"

I didn't know how to say it without also telling her what had just happened with Mr. Fabray. So I just opened my mouth and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Did you ever think about giving me away when I was a baby?"

"Finn, you wouldn't believe the number of times I considered selling you to the circus when you got a little older. But you were the sweetest and most perfect little baby. I loved you with all my heart."

That didn't answer my question. Quinn loved Drizzle, too, but she was still going to give her away. "No, I what I mean is did anyone want you to give me up for adoption?"

Her eyes went narrow. "What is this really about?"

"Quinn wants to give the baby away because she thinks she's too young and doesn't have enough money to take care of her. But you were young and poor and you kept me."

She pulled me over to the couch. "I was young, but I wasn't high school young. Not to mention, your father was a little more stable and mature then Noah Puckerman. But since you asked, yes, there were people who wanted me to give you up. And I thought about it."

No one had ever told me that before. "You did?"

"I did. And I chose not to, because I knew that I couldn't bear the thought of knowing that that you were out there, and I wasn't the one taking care of you. But that was my decision. The fact that I chose to keep you doesn't mean that Quinn is wrong to choose to give her baby up. It's between her, Puck, and the adoptive parents."

"I know." What made me scared was that it wasn't going to be between Quinn, Puck, and the adoptive parents. I was pretty sure that it was going to be between Quinn's Dad and the adoptive parents. I don't think that what Quinn wants is going to matter, and no one gives a shit about Puck. "It's just had to think about."

"It's a terrible choice for her to have to make. But you can't make it for her. All you can do is support the choice she makes. Now tell me how things are going in Glee club. Did you get things sorted out with Mr. Ryan?"

"Not really. He hates Mr. Shue, so he hates the rest of us, too. We're going to lose the club." It hurt, but I was glad to be talking about something else. "We cam still get together and stuff, though, and Mr. Shue is trying to figure out if we can still compete if we aren't with a school."

"It sounds like you're doing everything you can, then. Come on and we'll eat before the pizza gets cold."

I don't know why I didn't tell her about the money and what had just happened. She wouldn't take the money or anything, and she wouldn't make me do something stupid like put it away for college or use it to buy clothes or anything. But it seemed wrong to tell her that I had sold the baby that was supposed to be mine.

I think that Mom knew that something was up, but she didn't push it. If she had, I would have told her the truth, but I think she just thought I was upset about the Glee club and Quinn, so she didn't look any deeper.

"Soooooo, how are things going with Kurt? And don't eat so fast. I don't know why you act like you're starving all the time."

Because I _was_ starving all the time. I'm a big guy, and I need lots of calories to keep me going. It's not my fault that it takes so long for another meal to roll around. "We're good. I want to do something really cool for him, but I'm not sure what."

"How about a romantic dinner? That seemed to go over well last time." She was still nibbling on her first piece, while I was on my fourth.

She had no idea just how well it had gone over last time, and I definitely wasn't gross enough to tell her about it. "I don't know. I already did that once, and I want to be able to surprise him."

"Well, when Burt wants to surprise me, he does something romantic. Doing something for Kurt doesn't have to cost money. It's the gesture that counts." She smiled as she played with the necklace Burt had given her last week.

"What kind of romantic things did Dad used to do for you?" It's kind of weird, but we actually talk about Dad more now then we did before the truth came out. I think it's easier for Mom because she doesn't have to make up lies any more.

She smiled in that way that was half remembering and half sad. "Your father was the most romantic man on earth. I don't think that a single day went by where he didn't do something for me."

"Like what?" Now I was asking for myself as much as I was for Kurt. I keep every little bit of information she give me because it's the only way that I'll ever know him. I know what he did and how he died, but he's still my Dad, no matter what.

"Most of the time, it was little things. He would draw a heart in the mirror after he showered, or he would leave a flower in my car when I went to work. He never, ever, let me leave the house without telling me that he loved me."

I was fascinated. Obviously Dad had loved Mom just like I love Kurt. It was a pathetic connection, but it was still there. "What about the big stuff?"

"Let me see. I already told you about the arcade. But probably my favorite thing was that we would go for drives. I never knew where we would end up, and sometimes I don't think that your father did either. We would start out first thing in the morning, eat lunch from the cooler, then stop somewhere for dinner. Never anywhere fancy, but somewhere new every time. It was just the two of us, and we would spend the entre day just talking and spending time together." She smiled gently.

Ew. This was before I was born, so they hadn't been much older then I was now. When she said 'spending time together', what she meant was 'having wild monkey sex'. That's what Kurt says when he wants to fool around and be all delicate and classy about it. "Do you think I could have the car one day so I could do something like that?" I mean, yeah, I could use Kurt's, but he hates me driving it, and I want to be in charge of this. He deserved to have something awesome happen to him.

"We'll talk about it, alright? You've been doing really well lately with being responsible, and you do deserve more privileges." She rubbed my shoulder. "How are things going in school?"

I jumped up and grabbed my backpack. "I got another B! It's an 87, so it's almost an A!" I had only failed one test in the past three weeks, instead of most of them.

"Finn, that's great!" She took the test and put in on the fridge. It's kind of embarrassing when she does that, but it does feel good to see them. "You're doing so well."

That made me all embarrassed again, so I tried to change the subject. "What should I do about Glee?"

"Honey, I don't know that there is anything that you can do about Glee. I know you like to fix things, but this is something that's out of your hands." She rubbed my shoulder. "You might just have to let this one go for now. If the club gets cut, maybe the parents can try and figure something out. But for now, just sit tight."

Yeah, I kind of thought that was what she might say. It still hurt to hear, though. "It just sucks. I didn't get to play basketball because of my arm, and I won't get to do football again until fall. If I don't have Glee, I don't really have anything."

It was a little dramatic, but it was true. I liked that Mom just nodded instead of telling me that, though. "I know, Sweetheart. But let's not borrow trouble. Maybe Mr. Ryan will find some extra money somewhere."

If he did, he would probably wipe his butt with it instead of giving it to us. "Maybe."

This is one of the ways my medicine kind of sucks. Before I just kind of did whatever made sense right at that second. I didn't plan anything, because I never really thought about the future. Now that my brain is moving a little slower, and not in fits and jerks like a dying engine, I do think about all of these things, and they freak me out. I don't know how most people do it. When I think about them, it makes it really hard to wait for anything.

I know that Kurt was out with Mercedes today, so I had to wait until later to call him and ask what I should do about the money. He always knows that to do.

"Hey, Cowboy, what's up?" He was all out of breath and giggly, which meant that they had come home and snuck wine coolers in the basement. Usually I think it's pretty funny when Kurt gets a little tipsy, but I kind of wanted him clear-headed for this.

"Um…I really just wanted to talk to you a little." What had happened was so weird that I had trouble just coming out and saying it.

"Sure, sure." He sounded a little more serious now. "What's going on?"

"I…I…what would you do if you suddenly got a lot of money? Like, if you won the lottery or something." What to do with the money wasn't the big problem, since I can always think of stuff I want to buy, but it seemed like a good way to ease into the topic.

"If I won the lottery, I would take you and I on a trip to Paris. I would go shopping while you ate cheese, and then we would fuck in all of the hotel rooms, and the plane, and on the Eiffel tower." Then he was giggling again.

Did I mention that Kurt is a very, very, horny drunk? Personally, I think he's like that in his heart all the time, but he's too repressed and prissy to let it out unless he's toasted. I'm trying to get him to release his inner slut more often, because it's awesome when it happens, but it's been slow going.

"Ok, maybe the lottery was a bad example. What if it was less money? Like a thousand dollars or something?"

"Finn, what's going on? Did something happen?" He was trying to pull himself together.

This had been a mistake. I needed more time to think this through myself before I started asking other people. "Never mind."

"Are you sure? Because I know you, Finn, and I think whatever's happening might be a little big for you to work out on your own."

It was like he had hit me though the phone. Kurt is the one person other then Mom that I thought I could count on to never say anything to make me feel stupid. But he just had. And what was worse, he didn't even act like he noticed.

Yeah, I know that the words weren't that bad. It was more the way he said them that stung. It was the exact same way that Rachel said it, or Quinn did_. Oh, Finn. You're so precious when you try and think, but we all know that you can't do it. Just let one of us take over_. It was like I was a dumb puppy who had just piddled on the rug, but still got patted on the head because I was so cute.

"Finn? Are you still there?" He sounded worried, but still not sorry. "Hello?"

"I'm here. You know what, calling was stupid. I'll just see you tomorrow." I was holding my phone so tightly that I thought it might crack. Please, Kurt, please tell me that it wasn't stupid, and that I wasn't.

He didn't. He did sound confused as to why I was suddenly upset, but he didn't get why. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." My voice almost cracked a little.

"Alright, I guess. I love you, Finn."

"I love you, too." It wasn't hard to say, because I really did. Even though I'm upset, it doesn't make me love him any less.

Once the phone disconnected, I told Mom I was going upstairs to take a shower and work on my homework. What I really did was change into my pajamas and curl up in bed and pretend that nothing about today had happened. I was surprised that I didn't cry, but there weren't any tears. I wished that there were, because it would have helped a little with how much my chest hurt. Even though it was early, eventually kind of dozed off. I sort of remember Mom coming in and getting me under the covers so she could tuck me in, but it was more like a dream then something that actually happened.

In the morning, Kurt knew that something was wrong, and he was trying extra hard to make it up to me. He still didn't get what was wrong, though. Still, the extra kisses did make me melt a little bit. It's not like I've never said anything hurtful when I didn't mean to.

But a lot of what I blurt out is true. It's mean and it doesn't need to be said that way, or sometimes said at all, but it is true. It makes me wonder if Kurt doesn't really think that I'm stupid, and he's just too nice to tell me.

"What's wrong, Cowboy? You seemed very unhappy when you called last night?" He gave me one final kiss and leaned back. "I'm not moving this car until you tell me."

Yeah, like that was going to work. I didn't care if we ever went to school, or if we sat in the driveway all day. If I went to school, all I had to look forward to was Bryan Ryan cutting the Glee club and me having to look at Quinn and know that her Dad was selling her baby right out from under her. Sitting in a cold car with someone who hurt my feelings actually seems like a pretty good trade-off.

Kurt isn't going to let this go, but I just can't deal with it right now. I wasn't mad, I was just sad. "It's…can I just have a little time to think it through all by myself? I promise I'll tell you, but I just need a day or two."

He didn't like it, but he did back off and back out of the driveway. "Ok. But if you need anything at all, I want you to promise that you'll come ask me."

I wished he had just said that last night. "Deal."

Lucky for me, I didn't end up seeing Quinn until Glee club. I'm not sure why I feel so bad, since it's her Dad acting like an asshole and not me, but I did. It's also lucky that she and I don't have a lot to talk about now, so she barely even looked at me.

Usually we're all in our seats when Glee starts, but not today. Puck had a football, and we started throwing it to burn off some nervous energy. If this was going to be the last time we met as a club, at least we would have some good memories. I haven't really held a football since my accident, and it felt good to have something familiar in my hands.

I tossed it to Puck, but Mr. Shue stepped in and caught it. "Ok, guys. Tina has something she wants to share with all of us, but first, I have an announcement I need to make."

My gut dropped and I sat down next to Kurt. This was it. The club was over.

Mr. Shue smiled. "You've all been reprieved. Bryan Ryan isn't cutting Glee."

We all applauded, even though no one could quite believe it.

"Did he die?" I'm glad that Puck asked it so I didn't have to. Because, seriously? There was no other reason that made sense.

"No, he didn't die." Mr. Shue tossed the football back to Puck. "He is, uh, going to be distracted for a couple of months. He's making his star turn in Les Miz. He got the lead role"

Wait, that didn't make sense either. This time it was Quinn that beat me to the punch. "But you got the lead."

"I resigned. That was the price for keeping the club."

I know Mr. Shue isn't perfect, and I'm still kind of mad at him for the whole pot thing, but this was huge. I've seen him going over the script in Spanish, and the way he looks when he does it. He wanted to be that John whatever guy really, really bad, maybe more then anything. And he had given it up for us. "I'm sorry you had to do that Mr. Shue."

"I'm not. The way I see it, I'm trading my one dream for the chance that all 13 of you might find yours. I mean, come one, you can't argue with those numbers. So, let's start with Tina's dream. Come on up, Tina."

Tina was amazing, but I was more focused on what had happened a few minutes ago then what was happening now. It was awesome that Mr. Shue had done this for us, but, at least in my case, it wasn't necessary. I already had my dream right next to me, with his hand in mine and his head on my shoulder.

I kissed him and leaned down to whisper in his ear. "I love you."

His fingers tightened around mine. "I love you, too. You're my dream, Finn and I never want you to forget that."

For a day that started out so crappy, it sure turned around quick. The Glee club as going to be ok, even if Mr. Shue had to take it up the ass to make it that way. And when I say take it up the ass, I don't mean in the fun way, either. It's in the figurative way, which means that it didn't really happen; it's just using fancy language. I have Kurt, and we're going to be ok. Regionals is coming up soon, and we're going to need to focus on that and not little piddly fights between two people.

All I had to do was just keep looking forward.


	75. Chapter 75

A/N: This chapter contains dialogue taken directly from the episode "Theatricality". It also contains spoilers for the book 'Wicked', so you may want to skip that part if you don't want to know about it.

Also, rewatching the episode reminds me just how unfairly Finn was treated in the beginning. Damn, that poor boy got screwed over with the little surprise sprung on him.

Kurt POV

"Hey, Kiddo, do you think we could have a talk?" Dad tapped lightly on the wall at the bottom of the basement stairs. "It won't take long, I promise."

"Sure." It wasn't like I was doing anything but sitting down here and puzzling over what was going on with Finn. He was acting so strangely today, but he wouldn't tell me why. I hate it when he closes himself off like that, but I had to respect his request for a little time and space.

But I hated it, especially because I'm a little afraid that I'm at fault here. My memory of our phone call last night was a little blurry, possibly due to the fuzzy navels, that Mercedes and I had been sneaking while watching movies. But I was still pretty sure that, while he had been upset at the beginning of the call, it hadn't been anywhere near what it had become by the end. So I must have said something to make it worse.

I just wish I knew what it was. The best I could figure out was that it had something to do with money, though I didn't know what. Finn didn't have any significant amount, even if he was saving every penny he had.

Dad sat down on the bed. "I've been thinking about a few things, and I wanted to get your opinion of them."

"Yes. I absolutely think that we should redo the living room. I know that you like it, but it's stuck in a time period that's older then I am." The living room had been a matter of debate for several months, and I knew that I was wearing him down. Usually once I had the idea in his mind, it was only a matter of waiting for the garage to have a really good month so I can weasel some extra money out of him. Dad never really cares what the old room looked like, but he's never once had anything negative to say about my decorating skills.

He chuckled. "It's not about the living room. We'll worry about that a little later. I wanted to talk about Finn and Carole."

I'm pretty sure that he wasn't having the same worries about Finn that I was. I sat back. "Sure."

"What do you think about Carole? I already know how you feel about Finn."

As much as I didn't want to be having this conversation, I couldn't say that I hadn't been waiting for it. "I like Carole a lot. She's really nice to me, and she always makes sure that she makes some food that I like."

He nodded uncomfortably. "How would you feel about making things a permanent situation?"

"Like asking her to marry you?" I didn't like that thought, but I had no real reason to object.

"I know that she's not your Mom, and no one could ever be your mother, but Carole is very special to me as well. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. I was thinking about asking her and Finn to move in with us. If we all click together as a family, then we can talk about marriage."

_Helloooo easy access!_

For once, Galinda and I were in complete agreement. "Where would they sleep?"

"Well…Carole would sleep in my room. I'm not sure where we would put Finn. Your old room might work until we can get some sort of addition up. Even just a small room off the kitchen."

My old room was smaller then the one he was in now. It was also right across from what would become Carole and Dad's room. He might be alright with moving in, but I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want the fact that his mother is sleeping with a man who wasn't his father rubbed in his face. "He can't sleep in there. It's not safe."

"You slept in that room for the first 8 years of your life. Why has it suddenly become unsafe?" Dad was amused and trying not to show it.

"The reason I moved out was because there aren't any windows in there. If there was a fire, I would have no way out. Finn wouldn't either." The best part about this was that it was true. It wasn't just an issue of wanting Finn close to me, it was an issue of safety.

"We'll figure something out. Maybe we'll put him on the couch for a few weeks. Or the two of you could even bunk up temporarily. But you're ok with this? I don't want to move forward if you aren't."

This was my last opportunity to back out. If I said yes now, I would be agreeing to let someone else take Mom's place. "Yes."

"How do you think Finn would feel about it?"

Once Finn found out that he would be able to sneak downstairs and have sex whenever he felt like it he would be fine. A bigger house with a huge television, better access to me, seeing Carole happy. What was not to like? "I'm sure he'll be fine with it. He's pretty easy going."

Dad wrapped an arm around me and gave me a quick squeeze. "I have to say, this is going much better then I thought it would."

"I want you to be happy. In just a few years, Finn and I will be gone, and you and Carole will still have each other." That was really what it boiled down to. Even if things went poorly between Carole and I once we were living together, I could tough it out for two years. Dad had been alone for so long, and he deserved to have someone other then me.

"You're a good boy. I'll talk to Carole, and we'll see how things go." He looked up at the ceiling. "Maybe the two of you could do some redecorating together as a sort of mother/stepson bonding thing."

"Sure." I wasn't entirely sure about that, considering Carole's fashion sense, but we could give it a try. She was willing to listen to my greater fashion knowledge when I was giving her a makeover, so maybe it would be fun, just like Dad thought it would.

"So you're telling me that you're alright with me asking Carole and to move in immediately?"

_I think it might be better if the addition came before Finn and Carole do. There's no point in moving Finn out of his own, comfortable, bedroom where he's spent most of his life, and making him sleep in a room the size of a casket, or on the couch. That isn't exactly fair to him, is it?_

I had zero intentions of letting Finn sleep in either place for more then a night or two. Yes, Dad might not like the thought of putting Finn in my room, but that was where we both knew he would end up. There just weren't any other options.

"I'm ok with it. How long do you think it will take?" My brain was already spinning with the possibilities. "Maybe we could have a little party? Appetizers? Canapés?"

Dad laughed. "Let me talk to Carole about it, and we'll go from there. Whatever we end up doing, we're both going to need to make some changes. I know that you're used to being in charge of a lot of things around here, and I've let that happen, but it's an adult's job. Now that there's going to be another adult in the house, she'll be taking things over."

Suddenly this proposition wasn't looking so good. "Like what?" My voice had suddenly become acid tinged. These 'adult' tasks, the cooking, the cleaning, keeping track of the bills, were the only measure of peace my father and I had had for years. I showed him that I loved him by taking care of things, because I couldn't say the words. Even though things were better and we were closer now, I didn't want Carole moving in on that. "I like doing those things. I'm a good cook and you know it."

I was a good cook, but the rest of it wasn't exactly true. I was used to it by now, though, and I very strongly disliked change. Dad held up a hand. "By next year, you're going to be a junior in high school. I want you in a good college, and not stuck in this town like your old man. To do that, you need to focus on school and not taking care of the house."

Never once had I gotten anything less then an A in an academic subject. Gym class, maybe, but never in an important class. "But-"

His head shook. "It's not up for debate. You can still do some of the cooking, but not every night like you have been. Even if Carole wasn't in the picture, things would be changing, so I don't want you to blame anything on her."

Maybe this wasn't as good of an idea as it originally sounded. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared. Dad glared right back. "Make your decision, Kurt, because I am not putting up with tantrums once Carole and Finn are here, period."

When had Dad become so unreasonable? I looked down at my lap. I was being selfish and I knew it. I didn't really mind Carole, and I wanted Finn very badly. Did I want him enough to be willing to put up with the changes that would come along with it?

_I think we both know the answer to that question._

Yes, we both did. I met Dad's eyes and nodded. "Yes. I want you to ask Carole and Finn to come live with us."

His smile made this worth it. "I'll talk to her today and let you know what she says."

"Can't we still have a party, though? Finn would be so excited and I think some snacks would really help him settle in."

Despite the bond that they had formed, Dad had to be a little worried about how Finn would take the news. I might not like having someone encroaching on my territory, but Finn was losing his entirely. So he nodded. "Yeah, we can have a little party. But make sure there's some snacks that the rest of us can not only eat, but pronounce as well. There's nothing wrong with a bowl of Doritos."

Except the empty calories, artificial ingredients, and high sodium content, that was. I was trying to expand Finn's palate, not kill it. If I present a new food in a non-threatening way, and he's hungry enough (which is usually about an hour after the last meal.), he's willing to at least try things.

But I didn't want to argue with Dad. "Ok, I'll have both some traditional and non-traditional snacks. Can we have champagne?"

It wasn't an empty hope. I didn't care much for booze, especially after the April Rhodes incident, but Dad would let me have a glass of wine on special occasions like the New Year or his and Mom's anniversary.

"Let me talk to Carole about that. I'm not sure how she feels about letting Finn drink." He stood up and started up the stairs. About half way up, he stopped and turned back to me. "You're 100% sure about this?"

"Yes." Nothing pleased me more then planning a big event, and this party was going to be fun. "I'm 100% sure."

"Ok. Why don't you keep this under wraps for a little bit? I know that you like to tell your girlfriends everything, but let's keep it just between the family for now."

The family. The family that we were making. The family that wasn't just Dad and I any more, but four people. It was strange to think about. "Alright."

"And please let Carole talk to Finn about moving in, ok? This is going to be hard on him, and he deserves to hear it from her."

That was a little more disappointing, but I could see why he wanted it that way. But it probably wouldn't be as hard on him as Dad was thinking. My Finn usually lets things roll of his back.

I nodded again and Dad left. Even though I had just promised that I would let Carole be the one to tell him, I already wanted to call Finn. I wanted to make sure that he was ok from earlier. I grabbed my phone and dialed. Finn picked up on the third ring, sounding like he had something crammed in his mouth. "Hello? Hang on."

There were some sounds that seemed like he was swallowing and drinking something. "Sorry, Dude, what's up?"

"Not much. What are you doing?" He seemed perkier then before, which made my heart jump. Whatever it was, he seemed to have recovered his normal self.

"Nothing. Just laying around in bed, eating some chips. Same old, same old."

Eating in bed was going to be one of the first things that changed once he and Carole moved in. Not only was it gross, but it attracted bugs. "I miss you."

"Miss you, too. What are you up to?" Again, there wasn't he smallest hint of worry or stress in his voice.

I wanted to tell him everything that had just happened with Dad, but I couldn't. I had made a promise and I had to stick to it. "Decorating. I'm thinking of making some changes down here." Changes like suddenly having a Finn in my bed every night instead of just a few afternoons at a time.

"That, uh, sounds….good?" I could feel his interest dropping through the phone. Though I suppose I couldn't expect much from a man who was perfectly happy with the cowboy wallpaper that had been in his room since he was a toddler.

At least he was trying, though. "It's ok, Cowboy. You don't have to be interested in decorating. We can talk about something else."

"Oh, thank God." It came out mostly under his breath, but the relief was still there. "What do you want to talk about?"

I smiled to myself. "Have you been keeping up with your reading?" I was trying to get him reading a chapter every day, just to keep his interest up. I was following in my copy at home, so I would know where he was.

"Yeah." Something about the way he said it suggested that there was something wrong.

"Where are you in the book?" If I asked the right questions soon after he read it, the facts and storyline tended to stick better in his brain.

"I'm where they went to the club. The, uh… Philosophy Club? Yeah, that's it. I think it was really some sort of kinky sex club. Hey, maybe you and me could go to a kinky sex club one day."

Say what you will about Finn Hudson, the boy never gives up hope. "First of all, it's you and I, not you and me. Second, the Philosophy Club was more then just a kinky sex club. And last of all, the answer to any sort of real life kinky sex club is, and will always be, no."

"Maybe you'll change your mind one day." He was breezy about it, like it didn't matter much whether I did or not.

"Maybe. Let's get back to the book. What was your favorite scene?"

"Umm…." He trailed off and went quiet for a few minutes. I'm patient, though, and I waited him out. "I…I don't like this book any more."

"Why not?" Two chapters ago, he had been thrilled.

"I don't know." I just knew that he was doing that thing where his shoulders hunched way up, like he was expecting to be hit. He does that every time he thinks that someone is mad at him.

I wasn't angry at all. I was a little disappointed, since I loved the book so much and I wanted Finn to love it, too, but not angry. "Well, think about it for a minute. Is it the characters that you don't like, or the way the plot is moving, or the language?" Finn can't always put his feelings into words, but does better when he's offered a few choices.

"The characters?" He sounded like he was asking a question rather then telling me.

"Which ones and what don't you like about them?" I had to tease the answers out of him.

"Elphaba. I don't like her."

Who didn't like Elphaba? She was the main character and the best one. She didn't fall prey to the common expectations of the day, she never let anyone wear her down, even when they didn't accept who she was. Plus, she sang the most amazing songs! How could Finn not like Elphaba?

I had to handle this delicately, and keep my voice very calm, though. If Finn got the slightest idea that I was upset with him, he would shut down and I wouldn't get any answers. "What is it you don't like?"

He sighed into the phone. "It's not really that I don't like her. She's actually kind of bad-ass, and I see why you wanted to sing her song. She's just like you, only, you know, a chick."

That may have been the biggest compliment he could have given me. "Really?" I automatically started preening.

"Oh, yeah, totally." Finn knew when he was onto a good thing, and he wasn't about to let this opportunity go. "You're both all tough, and you don't let anyone fuck with you, and you're both really different from anyone else, but in an awesome way."

I should have been pushing the issue of what was wrong with Elphaba, but I was too busy getting my ego stroked. "Tell me more."

"Ok. You're just like Elphaba, and Mercedes is Galinda, because the two of you are best friends and do everything together. Except I was kind of imagining Galinda in the book looking a little like that April Rhodes chick that slept with all of the football guys except me. I totally could have hit that, though, just so you know. I just didn't because of Quinn and Drizzle."

There were few things on this planet less arousing then the thought of Finn getting it on with any woman, much less the one who got me drunk and made me get puke on my nice shoes. "Cowboy, you're ruining it. Why don't you back up and try again."

"Oh. You're like Elphaba because you're so smart, just like her, and you stick up for the underdogs, and you never give up, even when maybe it would be better and no one would blame you if you did. You're awesome." He laughed dryly into the phone. "Plus, you're both dating the hottest guy in school."

I gave a rather undignified snort of laughter. "Yeah, both you and Fiyero have egos that just don't quit."

"Why is it that I have to say 'Kurt and I' or I'm wrong, but you can say 'you and Fiyero' and still be right?" He sounded genuinely curious instead of accusing or sarcastic.

The problem was, I didn't really know why it was correct in one situation and not in another. So I went with the old distract and conquer. "Because it is. But let's get back to Elphaba."

"Who?" I could picture the blank look on Finn's face with total clarity. "Oh, yeah, from the book. What about her?"

His focus might be better, but his memory could still use a little work. "You were telling me what it was you didn't like about her character."

"I don't not like her, but she makes me sad." The way he said was final, as if nothing else needed to be said.

"Why does she make you sad, Baby?" I was confused.

"It's just that…in the movie, she was so mean and evil, but she really wasn't in this book. She tries really hard, and even though she fucks up sometimes, she doesn't mean to. But I already know how this ends. She dies when Dorothy throws water on her. That's what makes me sad."

He was such a sweetheart. "That is sad. But the point of the book is for everyone to see Elphaba as something different then just the Wicked Witch of the West. You're supposed to feel sympathy for her and Fiyero, so you've already understood what the entire book is about." Hopefully a few compliments would keep him going.

"Wait, does Fiyero die, too? Oh, come on! Does anyone get to live happily ever after in this?"

Nope, not one. Elphaba dies, Fiyero dies, Nessarose dies, Galinda ends up married to some gross old man, and even the dog dies. But I didn't want Finn to find any of that out too soon. "Not all stories end happily, Finn. But, yes, someone does get their happy ending."

That someone happened to be Dorothy, but there was no point in telling him that. It would keep him happy for long enough that he would get reabsorbed into the storyline. "Oh, good. Hey, do you have any idea what Mom and your Dad are up to? Mom's all giggly and secretive. If she's pregnant, I'm going to hurl. They're too old for that shit."

I found the thought a bit nauseating myself. "If Carole is pregnant, I'll be right there with you. I'm sure she isn't, though. They're less then three years away from us being in college and the nest being empty."

He brightened. "Yeah, that's true. What do you think they are up to, then? I'll bet it's gross."

What was I supposed to say? It was one thing not to tell Finn what was going on, but another entirely to flat out lie to him about it. What was stronger, my duty to Dad or my duty to Finn? My father or my boyfriend?

A year, or maybe even six months in the future I might have chosen differently, but my loyalty to Dad won out. "I have no idea, Cowboy."

"I hope it's nothing bad. Hang on a second." He spoke to someone in the room, presumably Carole before getting back on. "Mom says that I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"Bye, Cowboy, I love you." It wasn't until I had hung up the phone that I remembered I had wanted to make sure he was feeling alright after earlier. I picked the phone back up, wondering if I should call him back. No, it would be ok. He had seemed fine on the phone, and I didn't want him to get in trouble with Carole. I would just be sure to keep a close eye on things in the morning.

Of course, when the morning rolled around, there were bigger fish to fry. Finn had a math test today and was in a mild panic over it. He gave me a rough kiss when he got in the car, but immediately opened his book and started frantically studying.

_Wonders never cease. Look, Finn Hudson is studying. It's like watching a monkey try and use tools. _

Shut up, Galinda. Finn is doing just fine in school, better then ever, and stop picking on him. I was proud of him for trying so hard.

When we arrived, I gave him hug and another quick kiss. "Do you need me to go over things with you once more time, or are you good?"

"I'm good. I think I've got it now." He walked me past the dumpsters, though it wasn't that big of a deal any more. I don't know if it's his influence or the hockey team has just found easier prey, I've slipped below the radar. God, I never though I would be so happy not to be noticed.

Tina was waiting for me at the door, looking like her spirit had been crushed. "Hi, Finn." He gave her a quick wave. "Can I steal Kurt for a little bit? I have huge problem."

"Sure. I'll see you both after school." Finn has long since figured out that when a girl wants my help, it's usually with something he knew nothing about, and he would prefer to keep it that way. Clothes, PMS, and hair were things he felt were best kept at a distance.

Tina watched him amble off. "How are things with lover boy?"

"Tina!" I looked around frantically, but no one was paying any attention to us. "You can't just say thing like that. What if someone overheard?"

She giggled. "Kurt, we're in the Glee club. No on is paying any attention to what we do."

That was true and it was false. No, we specifically might not be that interesting, but the ears of McKinley High are always open for gossip. I didn't want anything overheard that could reflect poorly on Finn.

_ I think that you're the only one worried about that. The two of you are in the closet because of you. I don't think Finn cares one way or the other_.

He claimed that he didn't, but I can see the shadowy relief in his eyes when people think that we're just close friends. His mouth might say he was fine with it, but his body language gave him away.

I didn't want to get into it with Tina though, so I just shrugged. "Anyway, what's your problem? You know I'm always here to help."

She visibly deflated. "Principal Figgins is crazy, that's my problem. He doesn't like the way I dress, and he told me that I had to change it before I turned into a vampire."

That was a brand new level of crazy, even for our principal. "He can't do that. There's no dress code at McKinley High, so he can't tell you how to dress."

"I already tried to tell him that. So did Mr. Shue. Either I change the way I dress, or I'm suspended and out of the Glee club. Suspended I can deal with, but I don't want to give up Glee."

As crazy as he was, Principal Figgins also knew how to hit where it hurt. "Do you want the rest of us to stand behind you? Because we will."

She tried to smile, but it just came out looking sad. "Then he'll just dump the entire club. He's been trying to do it from the start, and this would be the perfect excuse. No, I want you to find a way for me to dress that's ok for him, but still me."

Normally, there was nothing I loved more then a makeover. Transforming someone into the best they could be was like an addiction for me. But it was one thing to make a person perfect if they wanted it, and another entirely if the change was forced upon them. No matter what I did or how I emphasized her strengths, Tina was going to hate it because it wasn't what she wanted. She had a style that worked for her, and she shouldn't have the change it just because one man was on a power trip.

But I didn't want to say that to her. She was fragile already and I didn't want her to see me rejecting her, too. "Sure. You know I love makeovers. Why don't you let me think about it for a little bit, and we'll hook up and go over a few things? We have a family thing tonight, but how about tomorrow or the next day."

She gave me a tight hug. "Thanks, Kurt. I know you'll do a great job."

The rest of the day drug on and on. Finn and Carole were coming over at 5, which didn't leave much time for me to get home and prepare for our party. The appetizers were already pre-made, and the basement at least partially decorated, but presentation was everything, and this had to be perfect.

Finn was suspicious when we met up again after school. "How come we can't hang out? I thought you were going to help me with my homework."

"Because you and your mother are coming over for dinner tonight, remember? I have to have time to do my own homework, too."

"We could do it together like we usually do. Then Mom could come on her own and just take me home with her."

He was trying to read a lie in my face, so I made sure to keep myself facing forward. "Every time we do homework together, it ends with someone naked and being ravished."

"And that's bad because….." He was getting more suspicious, not less.

I wished that Carole had just told him that they were moving in with us last night, instead of waiting until after school today. If I told him the truth, I would be breaking a promise to Dad, but I hated to lie to him, either. "It's bad because I have a major test tomorrow, and studying you naked isn't going to help me pass it. Speaking of tests, how did yours go?"

He slumped against the seat, forgetting totally about what was happening. "Not so good. I don't think I failed or anything, but I don't think I did very good, either. I just suck at math."

I rubbed his side. "We'll keep working on it, ok? Don't get upset."

"I'm not. I used to be, but I just give up. Hopefully I can find a job where I can add up on my fingers."

I hated it when he was down on himself like that. "You'll get it. You were getting D's and F's at the beginning of the year, and now you're getting C's or better. Plus, you can always use a calculator."

That got me a shaky smile. "That's true. I'll bet lots of really smart people have to use a calculator."

"I use one when I go shopping." Finn's driveway is a little complicated to navigate, so I had an excuse to break eye contact. That was a lie, but there was no reason for Finn to know that.

"Really?" He perked up considerably. "I guess it's ok, then." He gave me an enthusiastic kiss. "I'll see you in a little bit, ok? Maybe we'll be able to have some fun time when our parents are distracted."

There was never a time when Finn wasn't hoping that he would get to have a little fun. "I love you, Finn."

"Love you, too." He bounded up the front steps and into the house.

I smiled to myself and pulled out of the driveway, hurrying home. I set out the snacks and hopped in the shower. An event of this magnitude required a different outfit then one would just wear to school. Plus it gave me something to do so I wouldn't b e so nervous. 12 hours ago, I had been positive that Finn would be thrilled to move in. Now the nerves had come and I was second guessing everything.

Dad watched me spin and tidy with an amused expression on his face. "Kid, it'll be ok."

"I know. I just worry too much." My ears perked at the sound of a car in the driveway. "They're here! Quick, run upstairs and invite them down. I'll pour the sparkling cider."

I was so excited that my hands were shaking as I poured. I was moving in with my boyfriend. How much better could it get.

There was banging around upstairs, and the door popped open. Carole's voice came down the stairs. "Step. Step. One more." She led Finn down the stairs, making sure that he didn't fall."

He was pretty happy. "Is there a car down here for me?"

My stomach gave a sharp roll. Please tell me that Carole hadn't- no, there was no way that she would just spring this on Finn like that. I looked over at her, but she was focused on Finn. "Honey, we're indoors."

"Oh, right."

"Ok, open you eyes."

He did, and my worst suspicions were confirmed. He looked from the 'Welcome Home' banner, to the snacks, to Dad and me, his eyes getting wider and more afraid by the second. He looked like a wild animal would as the trap closed around its leg.

I saw the tension building and tried to distract him. "Sparkling cider?"

He didn't fall for it. He looked to Carole for help, but she didn't give him any. Still, he tried to keep calm. "Welcome home? But who went somewhere?" I pushed the glass into his hand and he gulped it.

"Burt asked us to move in with him." Carole sprung the surprise like it was the happiest event ever.

Finn didn't look nearly so thrilled. "And this is how you're telling me?"

Again, I tried to get his attention. "The party was my idea. If you're going to say something, say it loud, right?"

Judging by his face, Finn wanted to say something very loud, but he choked it back. Dad tried to smooth things over. "It's going to take some getting used to, but trust me, you're going to love it. Now you don't have to drag your tail over here every time you want to watch something on the old 55 incher. We've got a lot of food. I think its food, it's some ethnicity that's not ours." He grabbed a piece it out as a peace offering.

It was a good attempt to accentuate the positive, but we had already gone beyond the easy acceptance. Finn took the offered snack, but didn't even close his hand around it. He was too shocked to move. Carole tried to backpedal with him. "Finn, this house is twice as big as ours. It has two bathrooms."

"Two and a half." I aimed a subtle kick at Dad's leg, just to try and shut him up, but missed. Finn so did not care about the bathroom situation right now, if ever.

Finally, he recovered his voice. "I don't want an extra bathroom. Or a tuna croute. I just want my house back." He wasn't raging yet, nor crying, but I could see both of those things threatening.

I had to fix this. "I think I know what this resistance is about. _Our_ room. I couldn't agree more. The pallet here is totally unflattering to your skin tone. Not everyone can pull off Dior Grey. We need to redecorate." Hopefully, he would pick up on the way I emphasized that the room would be both of ours. Together. He would have many, many opportunities to defile me in creative ways.

Sure enough, there was a small spark in his eyes. "Wait, we're sharing a room?"

"Absolutely not." Carole shook her head. "Burt, we discussed this and they are not sharing a room! It's totally inappropriate."

"Then where am I going to sleep?" Finn's voice had picked up dangerous edge. "There isn't any other bedroom, unless I'm moving in with both of you."

Dad fumbled. Despite what we had discussed earlier, clearly he had thought that Carole would be alright with Finn sharing with me. "I, uh, well I guess you could sleep on the couch for a week or two until we figure something permanent out."

"I have to sleep on the _couch?_ No way, I'm not cool with this." He looked from one of us to the other, trying to get some support.

"Baby, I know that it's weird, but it can't be much of a surprise, and, in time, you're going to be as happy as I am." Carole acted like this would all just blow over in a few days time.

"Look, I'll knock out a wall upstairs, and I'll put an addition on." It was a pretty good solution, but I was pretty sure that Finn wasn't going to accept anything short of immediate removal from this house and a return to his own. He was very unhappy, and he was going to let us all know it. "Until then, will this grease the wheels a bit?" He opened his wallet and took a bunch of cash out. "Hey, look. It's $300, have at it."

Finn jerked as if he had been hit. Somehow, he looked almost afraid of taking it, so I stepped in and grabbed it for him. "Don't worry, Roomie, Mr. Ikea catalogue and I will have this all figured out. I am going to put together a palette that expresses who you are and who I want you to be." I heard how bad that last part sounded and hastened to correct myself. "Who _you_ want to be."

_No, I think you had it right the first time. Give Finn his money back, and leave him alone. If he wants to use that money to decorate, fine. If not, that's his own choice._

It wasn't that easy. If Dad had handed the money over for redecorating, he wasn't going to allow Finn to spend it on an X-box or Cheetos. Plus, Finn lost _everything. _I didn't want to give him access to a large sum of cash that might go through the washing machine 4 times before finally disappearing into Narnia or wherever Finn's homework tended to end up.

_Wrong. Right now, your father will let Finn do whatever he wants with that money, just to keep the peace. And if he does lose it, that's his problem, not yours_.

Fine, I would give the money back later. Before I could tell him that, though, Dad was speaking again. "So, Monday night's game night. You wanna play Sorry."

Finn was backed away from the three of us, staring darkly. The look in his eyes made chills run down my spine. It said that someone was certainly going to be sorry before this was over. In his mind, it had become him against us, and that was never a good thing.

There still had to be a way to turn this around, but I had no idea what it could be.

_ There isn't one. You, baby boy, are in big trouble now._


	76. Chapter 76

Finn POV

Do you ever have days when you think the entire world is out to get you? That no matter what you try, it only gets worse, and you can't find anyone to help you out even a little bit? Yeah, I'm kind of having one of those weeks.

"Finn, pack or it's all going in the garbage." Mom stuck her head in my room and glared at me.

I glared back and crossed my arms over my chest. She wouldn't actually toss any of my stuff. I was going to have my own sit in, just like they did during the '50s so black people could eat at the same places that white people did.

"I'm not joking with you, Finn. Anything that isn't packed by tonight isn't making the move and it will not be replaced."

Instead of arguing with her, I fell backwards and laid on the floor of my bedroom. If I tried to argue with her I would lose, so I would just do nothing. She could force me to move in with the Hummel's, but she couldn't make me pack.

"Do you want me to call Kurt over to help, so he can see his boyfriend acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum?" Now she was getting pissed off. Good, me too.

I ignored her again, which just made her madder. If anyone was throwing a tantrum here, it was her. "Fine. You just lost your laptop." I heard her take it off the dresser, but I didn't open my eyes.

Ok, truth time. Part of the reason I didn't open my eyes was that they were stinging really bad, and I was afraid that I would cry if I did. I needed to look tough here, not like a baby. Mom wasn't going to listen to me, even if I did cry, so I might as well not give her the satisfaction.

I love Kurt, I really, really do, and I want to live with him one day. But not right now. Right now I want it to be Mom and me, with Burt and Kurt as our boyfriends who live in their own house. Its not that I don't want our parents to be happy, but come on, this whole thing is a little creepy. Parents dating and their kids dating, too? Gross. Most of the time I ignore it, but living in the same house is going to make that kind of hard.

Plus, I'm not really 100% sure about Burt. He's nice, I guess, but we really haven't done anything together except watch a couple of football games (by the way? I totally blew his son on the couch while he was making popcorn for one of them. That's right, I can get Kurt off in less then five minutes. I am the _man_.) and do family stuff together. I don't think I've ever even been alone in the house with him. Usually Kurt has the girls over because he would rather poke his eyes out then watch football, but at least he's around if I need him.

I mean, yeah, he's nice and all, but he kind of has to be. Mom isn't going to stick around if he treats me like crap right in front of her. She would break up with him and take me home. But what happens when the new wears off of the family, and he decides he doesn't like me any more, and we don't have a home to go to? Like I said, I've seen this happen at Puck's house way too often. Why do you think they've had to move 8 times since I've known him?

_Don't blame this on Burt. You and I both know who you're really angry with, so why don't you just say it?_

Fine. The one I was really pissed off with was Mom. I hate to be crude about it, because she is my Mom after all, but she totally dicked me over yesterday! She told me that I was getting a surprise that I had been asking for forever, so I thought it meant I was getting a car. I especially thought that when we pulled up to the Kurt's house, since his Dad knows all about cars and stuff from the garage. He could find a good one really easy. Mom made me close my eyes, but I know the way his house smells, and how many steps to get to the basement. Plus, whenever Kurt's close, I know it. It's like I have something inside me that tries to find him all the time.

_ You do. It's called your penis._

Whatever, Quinn. Anyway, I thought that I was getting a car. Even a crappy one would be cool. I knew that we were inside, but there could still be a picture of the car, right? And maybe the real car would be at the garage, or waiting at our house.

When I opened my eyes and saw the banner, I didn't know what to do. You know those nightmares you have sometimes where some scary shit is coming at you, and you try to scream and you try to run but you can't do either one of them? You just stand there like a dumbass until it finally gets you and you wake up? This was just like that, only worse, because it was real life and I wasn't going to wake up at all.

Mom and I used to be close. Not creepy close, like Norman Bates from psycho and his mother, but way closer then any other the other guys were with their moms. We needed each other, and I told her everything. But now she made this huge decision and she didn't even ask me about it first. Everyone knew and I didn't. She picked Burt instead of me.

I tried to be nice about it, because I didn't want to look bad in front of Kurt, but I don't want to live there! I tried to tell them that, and I even did in a nice way instead of kicking things or crying. But no one listened.

Moving in with them was a stupid idea, but they wouldn't even let me have a real bedroom! I mean, I guess I can see why she doesn't want me to share a bedroom with Kurt, even though she's totally doing it with Burt so I don't see the difference, but now they want me to sleep on the couch! I don't even get a bed, and the expected me to be happy about it.

And they think that I'm the one who's stupid.

Then Burt had to go and make it even worse. He threw some money at me so I would shut up and behave, just like Mr. Fabray did. Why does everyone act like they can just bribe me and make me do whatever they want?

_ Um, because it works? You took Dad's money, and you took Burt's money, too. Don't pretend that you're innocent in this._

Ok, she had me there. I had taken her father's money. But I didn't have Burt's. Kurt had snatched it right out of my hand. He's my boyfriend an all, but that was a pretty douchy move.

And no one stopped him. Burt said that it was my money, to spend on whatever made me happy, but he didn't tell Kurt to give it back to me. I know that he has to pick Kurt over me, because Kurt's his real kid, but I didn't know that that included when Kurt was defiantly wrong. I don't want to live in a house where half of the adults are against me before I've even done anything wrong.

Especially since Mom didn't do anything to help me. If she won't stand up to Kurt when he treats me like crap, how is she going to stand up to Burt? At least I know that the worst Kurt is going to do is hurt my feelings. Burt's capable of doing way worse. He doesn't hit Kurt, but I'm way bigger and I'm not his real kid, so the rules might be different for me. Either way, I'm willing to risk making him mad.

Kurt did offer to give me the money back later on, when Mom and Burt were making snacks for game night, but I just told him to do whatever he wanted with it. I don't want bribe money. He had looked worried and told me that he would put it aside until I decided on what I wanted to buy with it. Then he kissed me and rubbed my back until I kind of melted against him and felt a little better. It's not that I thought he would really steal my money, but Mom and Burt probably didn't know that, so it would have been nice if someone had told him to give it back.

"Your X-box is gone now, too. Would you like to keep going?" Mom stomped back into the room and started yanking cords out of the wall. "If I have to pack this house up tomorrow while you're at school, you're losing everything. I'll keep all of it, and just give you a set of clothes every morning to wear to school. You can earn the rest of your things back when you decide to act mature enough to take care of them."

Rage surged through my chest, pushing the wanting to cry feeling away. I sat up and gave her the worlds dirtiest look. "That's fine with me. Since I won't have a room or anything, it's not like I'll have anywhere to put my shit. You're really going to make me sleep on the couch just so you can get a bigger house with two bathrooms. I hate you."

I can always tell where I get my temper from, because Mom makes the exact same face I do when she gets mad. "You watch your mouth, or I'll fill it with soap for you. Burt has already told you that he'll put up an addition just for you. You'll only be on the couch for a few weeks. It's not that big of a deal."

"So _you_ sleep on the couch. I'm not even going to fit! Or why can't we just wait until he already has the addition up?" There, that was a solution that should make everyone happy.

Except she wasn't listening to me. If I wanted to make a good point, I probably shouldn't have told her I hated her. Of course I didn't hate her. She's my Mom, and I love her, even if she's not being very nice right now. "This is going to happen, Finn. This house is going up for rent next month. I've already talked to the landlord, so we can't wait for the addition to go up. Now you can make the best of it and enjoy the new family that we're creating, or you can lay here and sulk, but it isn't' going to change a thing."

Fine. If that was how she wanted it, that was how she would get it. She's the adult, so she can drag me to Burt's house if she wants to. But she can't make me like it, and she can't make me be nice.

I wasn't going to back down now, so the only thing I ended up packing was the money that Mr. Fabray had given me. I didn't want her to find it and think I was selling drugs or something. I didn't even bother getting rid of my porn stash. If she was going to move me against my will, she could deal with a few back copies of Jugs. She didn't say anything out loud, but she did give me a really dirty look when she was carrying the box by. Kurt's always telling me to be more subtle, so I didn't flip her off. Well, that and I thought that she might break my finger off if I did.

I laid on that floor for the rest of the evening while Mom packed. No snack, no homework, no anything but peaceful protest. I didn't even answer the phone when Kurt called me about a thousand times. Eventually Mom came in and took that, too. She says I can have it back when I act more mature, but the way she said it was like I wouldn't be seeing it for a long time. I was starting to think that maybe I shouldn't have started this, but I had to see it through now.

As it turns out, though, I wasn't the only one in the glee club having huge problems. Tina showed up looking like….not Tina. She looked like a pod Tina in a hoodie and jeans. Principal Figgins told her that she couldn't dress how she liked because of vampires or some shit. I don't know, I don't really pay any attention to him. I patted her shoulder sympathetically. "This so isn't you."

She picked at her sleeve. "I feel like an Asian Branch Dividian."

I have no idea what that was, but now didn't seem like a good time to say that.

Mr. Shue tried to help. "Are there any looks you can try?"

Everyone started naming looks then. "Biker chick?"

"Cowgirl?" I had tried to get Kurt to pretend to be a cowboy in bed one time, but he wouldn't do it. Sometimes I have to have the imagination for both of us, I guess.

"Hood rat."

"Computer Programmer."

"Cross Country Skier?"

"Catholic School Girl?" That was Puck, of course. But I had tried to get Kurt to do that one, too. He must have seen me grin, because he jabbed me in the thigh and whispered 'No.' under his breath. He's no fun sometimes.

"Happy meal, no onions." Brittany had lost the point of the game. "Or a chicken."

Tina shook her head. "Look, I appreciate it, guys, but this just isn't me. I know who I am, and I'm not allowed to show it. It's like communism."

I thought that communism was like what that Saddaam Hussein guy had. I would have just whispered to Kurt, but Rachel came storming in. "Guys, we have a serious problem. You know I've been doing some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline."

"Isn't that against the rules?" Lucky for me, Artie said it so I didn't have to. Things are pretty cool with Rachel and I after the whole 'guess what, I'm gay!' thing, and I don't want to mess it up by making her mad.

"No, no, not at all." But she was making the same face Kurt does when he's trying to convince me that he's right when he's not. She kept on going, talking about dumpster diving and finding a bunch of boxes of Christmas lights.

That meant exactly shit to me, but Tina cursed and Kurt sat up really quickly. Then it was lace and all of the girls knew what was going on but the rest of us didn't.

Except for Kurt. He gripped my hand in shock. "They're doing Gaga."

Oh, God, no. Kurt and Rachel think that we need to do everything that Vocal Adrenaline does, even though we're way better when we do our own thing. But if I try and say that, I'm the bad guy and the idiot. Kurt started babbling at the top of his lungs, and I groaned inside.

I know all about Lady Gaga, since Kurt's obsessed with her. I wouldn't tell him this, but I would be perfectly happy if I never had to hear it again. Her music is really weird, and her outfits kind of freak me out. I really, really hope that he doesn't want to make me dress up like a lobster just for one song.

"Who's this Lady Gaga dude? He just dresses weird, right, like David Bowie?" Puck had no idea the minefield he had just stepped into. You do not insult Lady Gaga in front of Kurt, ever. It's an offense worthy of having all of your sex stuff cut off for two weeks, even hand jobs. Ask me how I know this.

Sure enough, Kurt practically shot off of his chair, lecturing Puck about theatricality, and boundary pushing, and blah, blah, blah. Sometimes it's ok for a song to just be a song, you know. It doesn't have to break new ground every time.

Then stupid Mr. Shue had to agree that Gaga was perfect, and we should all do it. I swear to god Kurt about came in his pants. The girls were all jumping around and screaming. Puck gave me a dirty look, like this was my fault, and I made a face back. Yeah, dude, it sucks, but what do you want me to do about it?

His eyes got narrow, and I knew that he wanted me to figure something out. Why did that always have to be my job?

_Probably because you have ideas that don't involve hitting people or lighting things on fire._

True. Ok, I could think of something. Maybe. Hey, what about an alternate assignment? There had to be something that was theatrical and over the top and not involving us having to wear dresses.

I stewed on it until free period. If I was going to take this to Mr. Shue, I had to have a good suggestion to back things up. It would probably be ok, though. I mean, he likes it when we think outside the box.

Of course, since Karma hates me, he was up to his ass in the Lady Gaga love. He started telling it all to me, which made me roll my eyes. Trust me, Dude, there is nothing about Lady Gaga that I don't already know. Blah, blah, blah.

Even though it's rude, I interrupted him. "Yeah, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I don't want to do Lady Gaga. And I suspect, with the exception of Kurt, that none of the other guys are going to want to do it either."

Ok, that was a little lie. I know for a fact that none of the other guys want to do it, because I've had to hear all of them bitch at me about it today. Rachel's pretty much the boss of the Glee club, but I'm the co-leader, and if I don't speak up for them, no one will. So this wasn't even a totally selfish thing. "I just feel like we always do whatever the girls want us to do."

See, I know that I'm right about that, because looked really surprised, and then he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."

Really? No one ever told me that I was right about anything, even when I was. They usually just gave some excuse as to why I'm actually wrong even though I'm totally not.

"Maybe I haven't been listening to you guys hard enough. So, let's find a solution."

Why was it so easy to do this with Mr. Shue, and impossible to do over at Kurt's house last night? He and I were working together without any screaming for fighting or someone getting their laptop taken away. Of course, it wasn't two against one this time either. I'm not counting Kurt on Mom and Burt's side, because it wasn't really his idea, but I'm not counting him on mine either, because he didn't help me.

It was also easier because I had had enough time to think about this and come up with a good compromise. "Actually, I already have one."

His face lit up when I explained what I was thinking. "Finn, that's awesome!"

"Yeah! And all of the guys can be involved. Except for Kurt, but he's rather do Lady Gaga anyway." It probably would have been nice if I had asked him which he preferred, but I'm pretty sure that he's going to be furious when he found out that I wanted something different.

But you know what? I don't really care. I love Kurt with all my heart, just like I love Mom. But neither one of them listened to me when I told them that I wanted something different then moving. Mr. Shue was listening to me, and wanted to compromise on something that made us both happy. That was why I was on his side right now.

"Provided you can get the rest of the guys to agree, I have no problem with you doing KISS instead of Lady Gaga. I'm looking forward to seeing what you five come up with."

I know that figuring this out doesn't help Tina, and it doesn't help with my bigger problem of what to do about my new living arrangements, but at least it was something that had gone right today.

Kurt looked really worried when I met him at his car after school. "Hey, Cowboy, how are you doing?"

"Fine." I was a little snappy, but not because I was mad. Mostly I felt guilty because I didn't want to do Lady Gaga, even though I know it would make him happy. But what about me being happy?

He let me pick the radio station, which was nice of him. "Hey, Cowboy?"

His voice was tentative, which means small and unsure. "What?"

"I'm supposed to take you to our house instead of yours. Our parents are moving the rest of your stuff in over the next few days, but they wanted the family to be together right away." He flinched, like he thought I might freak out.

I _was_ freaking out, but I tried to keep it on the inside. No one told me that last night was the last time I would sleep in my little closet room or eat in my kitchen or be careful about not hitting the squeaky step four from the bottom when I was sneaking downstairs to get a snack from the fridge. All of that was over now. "Oh. Ok."

It was just like yesterday was happening again. Mom and Burt made a decision for all of us. Then they told Kurt about it. Last of all, I got surprised. Why is it that nobody just tells me what's going on straight out? I know that Kurt's smarter and more mature and better at everything then me, but a heads-up would be nice.

That didn't give me the right to take it out on Kurt, though. He got to keep his house, and his room, but his life was changing almost as much as mine was. In some ways, maybe it was worse. He had to see new people using his stuff and even getting rid of some of it to make room for ours. That had to suck big time.

He slid a hand up my thigh. "You know, Dad is at work until five, and your Mom is still finishing things up at your old house. What do you say we christen a few new rooms in our house?"

My brain didn't like hearing his house referred to as ours, but my dick was more then happy enough to make up for it. Kurt noticed, and started rubbing me through my jeans. "Where should we do it first?"

He wanted me to tell him a room? Right now I couldn't even remember my own name, so I just blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. "Purple."

"Purple?" He wasn't exactly looking at me like I was stupid, but I could tell that he wanted to laugh at me. Really, though, I'm fine with it. It wasn't a mean look, and it _was_ kind of funny. "You want to have sex in the purple?"

When he turned to look at me, his hand moved and I could think again. Ok, how could I get out of this? "The living room." Maybe if I just named another room, he would go for it.

"Living room it is." He was doing that smirk thing that he learned from me, and it took all I had not to just says screw it and suck him off in the car.

Secretly, I would rather do it in the kitchen, but that would be seriously uncomfortable for both of us. Having sex and being close to the food at the same time? I'm pretty sure that's what heaven is like.

I kind of wanted to get the party started, so I slid a hand over and used one finger to untuck his shirt and trace his ribs. He shivered. "Finn, quit."

Except he didn't really want me to. If he had really wanted me to stop, he would have slapped my hand and started lecturing me about gory car crashed caused by driver distraction. I moved my hand back to his hip and gave my best puppy eyes.

"Oh, fine." Kurt's a little hussy in his heart, which is a really good thing for what's in my pants. Crude, but true. I unbuckled his belt, and he swallowed hard. "You better pray that neither one our parents are at the house. I am not going to be the one explaining why my pants came partway off on the ride home."

Like they wouldn't already know. Please. It's gross to think about, but it was only like 20 years ago that they were teenagers, too. They must have had sex when their parents were out. They probably even got caught. But I got what he was saying. "I'll tell them it was my fault." Since I'm pissed at both of them, I don't really care if they're disappointed in me or not. Plus, it made me look kind of tough and badass in front of Kurt which is never a bad thing.

He didn't say anything else, but he didn't tell me to quit again either, so I'm taking that as the go ahead. I unzipped his pants and stroked his half-hard cock. It jumped right up, and he gritted his teeth. "This is very, very wrong."

"No one can see us." Well, I hoped that no one could see us.

Another hard swallow. "You have to stop when I tell you to. I don't want to get in an accident."

"Ok." I always stop when he tells me, and not because I don't want to get in an accident either. Even when I know that he doesn't really want me to stop, and he just has to protest a little before he gives in, it's not cool to mess around with someone when they're saying no.

My own dick was trying to tear a hole through my pants, but I ignored it. Later, boy, later. See? I'm learning some self-control here.

When it comes to Kurt's body, I know it as well as I know mine. So he didn't have to tell me to stop, because I knew that he was getting too close to drive us safely. So I backed off and adjusted myself in my jeans. Kurt muttered a nasty word under his breath when I stopped, even though he's the one that told m to do it in the first place. He's funny like that.

I still got kind of pissed off when we pulled up at Kurt's house. Except it's not just Kurt's house any more. It's my house, and Mom's house. We all have to live here. It's really hard to get used to that idea.

It's easier when I know that I'm about to get some, though, so I bounced out of the car while Kurt was still trying to get his pants back up and fastened. "Finn, wait. Do you even have a key?"

Of course not. No one even gave me a bedroom, so why would they worry about giving me a key? "Nope. But you do, so why worry?"

"Do you worry about anything?" He slid out of the car and got his key out of his messenger bag. Yeah, it's totally a man purse, but you've seen his pants. There's no way he could fit anything, even a key, in those things. It's pretty awesome, especially for my libido.

"Not much." Except, of course, for where I was going to sleep, how I was going to tell him that I wasn't putting a lobster on my head and dressing as Lady Gaga, and Quinn finding out that I knew her Dad was going to sell her baby and didn't do anything about it.

"Top or bottom?" He always asks me that, like he doesn't care which he gets. I think it's his way of giving me one final out, just in case I suddenly change my mind.

Sometimes I wish he wouldn't do that. Don't get me wrong, I love sex with Kurt, but sometimes I wish he would be a little more…._forceful_. Not, like, rapey forceful, or leather and chains and calling him 'master' forceful, but I wouldn't exactly mind if he pushed me onto the bed and told me that I was going to be on bottom this time, and that was that. That would be so incredibly hot.

Does that make me some kind of pervert? I'm not sure, which is why I haven't said anything about it to Kurt. "Uh, top, I guess."

He nodded and rubbed his hand down my back and over my ass. When he did that, I almost changed my mind. Who would have thought something so gross would turn out to be so awesome? It's like one of those paradoxes. "Do you have condoms?"

Not exactly. I mean, I do, but it's in with all of my stuff that Mom took and won't give back. Apparently she was serious after all when she told me I wasn't getting it back. I think that that's a pretty bitchy thing to do, but I have to admit that I didn't exactly act nice either. "Mom hid all of my stuff and won't give it back."

The cool thing about Kurt is that he knows when to keep his mouth shut and not ask why she had done that. Because if he had, then he would have to lecture me about not acting like a spoiled brat.. "No problem. I've got some of the right size."

It's really cool to have a boyfriend of thinks of things like that. "Awesome."

"I'll get the supplies, you get naked."

That was certainly doable. That's one of those words that sounds like it's made up, but it's real. I'm really glad that Kurt was upstairs getting his stuff, because there was nothing graceful or sexy about the way I tore my clothes off.

It did make me feel a littler better when Kurt was so excited that he came racing back down the stairs so fast that he couldn't make the corner and smacked his hip. "Got the stuff!"

He was so excited, just like a little kid. Kurt's usually kind of …not depressed or anything, but he doesn't show his emotions much. If I'm happy, everyone knows it. If I'm sad, I usually cry, even if it's not in public. If I mad I kick things over, though I'm trying to stop doing that. What I mean, though, is everyone knows my feelings.

Kurt's different. I know, I know, Kurt's always different. Puck says that rules are made to be broken, and Kurt breaks just about every one of them. He talks different, and dresses different, and acts different from any of the other boys. It's what I like about him, but its strange at the same time.

He would never kick something over because he was pissed off. Sometimes you can't even tell that he's mad, unless you know him like I do. He'll smile at me when he's happy, but I've never seen him spinning in circles and giving bone-crushing hugs the way I do when I get a new video games. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and he keeps his inside his undershirt.

So it always amazed me, and kind of turned me on, when he's not in total control of his body and his space. I'm used to flailing around and banging into things. When he does it, it means that he's completely frazzled.

Unfortunately, he was a little bit overdressed. I ripped the condom and lube out of his hand and tossed them on the couch behind me. Then I kissed him in a really dirty way, just so he would know exactly what I planned on doing to him in a few minutes. Lucky for me, he's really smart, so it only took him a second to get the message and start kissing me back.

I started taking his clothes off while I was still kissing him, which isn't as easy as it sounds. Kurt can't just wear normal clothes. There are always a million layers, and he has belts in places that don't even hold up his pants. Undressing him is liking trying to open a really complicated Christmas present, and god forbid you mess up his clothes. He rocked up on his tip-toes so he could he could reach up higher. I got all the little buttons on his shirt undone and stripped it off of him. "Fuck, you're hot."

I have no idea how Kurt can look at himself and not see what I do. He's got a perfect body. Light skin, flat stomach, collarbones that you can't help but bite at. What's there not to like? He didn't say anything, but he did flush all the way down his chest. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't check to see just how far down that flush went?

I had already gotten him hard in the car, but I had to take a minute to admire that, too. I used to think penises were kind of gross (except for mine, of course), but now I know that they're fucking awesome. Much more fun and way less confusing then a boring old vagina. He squirmed back. "Finn, stop it! It's creepy when you stare at it like that."

Not to brag or anything, but, judging by what was going on down there, at least part of him liked it an awful lot. "Fine." I wrapped my arms around him and turned him so he was over the arm of the couch. "I think this is going to be the easiest way to do it."

I was a little nervous, since we had never actually done it standing up like this before, and I didn't want to hurt him. I ran my finger down his spine, just to see him shiver. "You ok?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

I might be totally cool with screwing men now, and I really do like it, but the getting him ready part is still kind of gross. Ok, it's a lot gross, not just kind of. Luckily, we both know what we're doing now and it doesn't take very long. I took minute to get everything lined up right and tapped his hip. "You good?"

"I'm ready." You wouldn't believe how sexy he can make that sound, even when he's not trying to.

The angle was different when I slid in, and I couldn't find my rhythm. Apparently, though, it was a really good angle for him, because he immediately sucked in a jerky breath. "Holy Fuck."

Hearing that was a serious ego boost. Maybe there was an upside to this after all. I mean, it is free sex whenever I want it and can figure out how to sneak past Mom and Burt. See, there were positives here.

They were kind of hard to remember right now, though. Either the brain in my head works, or the one in my dick does, but never both at the same time. It can't possibly be this way for girls.

Even though he angle was bad, the naughtiness of what I was doing more then made up for it. I was not only having sex with my boyfriend in the living room, where our parents could come home and see it, but it was on the couch that the whole family used. Take that Mom and Burt.

_You are aware that you're all but pissing on stuff to mark your territory, right? That's not only disgusting, but it's immature as well._

Whatever. It wasn't like I had any real territory anyway. I nudged Kurt's legs a little further apart, which helped. I always start out really gentle and slow, and let Kurt's body tell me when I can go faster. It's a little weird how I can tell without him saying anything, but I guess if you're willing to stick your dick up someone's ass, you probably know them pretty well.

He's still really picky about me not putting marks on him, but I couldn't help but scrape my teeth along the back of his neck. He whimpered, which is pretty much the same thing as telling me to keep going, only with less words. And, in my opinion, less is always better.

The only noise in the room was our bodies hitting each other and Kurt's moaning. He was trying to muffle it, but he wasn't very good at it. Fine with me, I liked hearing him, and knowing that I was the one who made him feel that way. It was hard work, but I managed to get my hand down so I could jerk him off with the same rhythm I was using to fuck him. See? The stuff I learn in Glee club has lots of uses.

He must have felt as naughty as I did, because he came after only a few strokes, shooting all over the couch. The combination of seeing that and feeling his body tense up under and around me was more then enough for me, and I spilled hard into his body. Damn, usually we both lasted longer then that.

I would have liked to just lay on top of him for a while, but you have to get the condom off while your dick is still kind of hard, otherwise it falls off and that's a bad thing. If I lose a condom up Kurt's ass, he's never going to forgive me. Not to mention that I don't want to have to explain it at the ER.

I tossed it in the trash and came back to get my snuggling in. Kurt had flopped down on the couch, looking all naked and sexy. I love it when he's not all self-conscious and trying to cover himself up. I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him close so I could kiss him. It got kind of heated, and my dick jumped again. Not all the way up, but I could go for another round if he would give me a few minutes.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Really, Finn?"

"You're hot. He likes you." Since my dick spends so much time convincing me to do things that are bad and wrong, I tend to treat it like it's it's own person.

He poked at the cushion and made a disgusted face. "There's no mistaking what that is. I have to get the cleaning supplies."

Oh, come on. Can't he just enjoy the moment? "Just flip it over and clean it later. It will still come out, I promise." If there's anything I'm an expert it, it's getting jizz out of different fabrics. The couch fabric was an easy one.

"That's gross." He had that horrified look on his face.

That got me cranky for some reason. "It's my bed and I should get a say about happens with it. Technically you're all using my room."

Now he was confused. I didn't exactly blame him, since I didn't get where my attitude was coming from either. "All right, Finn. We'll flip the cushion."

My temper cooled as quickly as it had flared. Maybe it was just hormones? I kissed him again, long and slow. "I love you. You know that, right?"

What I really meant was that I was sorry I had snapped at him like a giant douchebag, but I didn't want to say that out loud. Luckily, he got it. "Love you, too, Cowboy."

I knew that we had to move soon, because Mom and Burt will freak out if they come home and find us naked on the couch. "I can't wait until we have our own place and can be naked with each other all the time."

He likes it when I talk about us being together in the future, because he never thinks that I'll want to be with him then. Silly, who else would I like to be with? Sure enough, a smile crept across his face. "We'll be naked all the time? What about having jobs or having friends come over?"

I waved a hand. "Details. We'll worry about that later."

Kurt laughed and snuggled his face against my neck. "We're going to be ok, aren't we Finn?"

Why did he even worry about things like that? There was nothing that was going to mess things up between us. "Of course we're going to be ok. We're like…..total awesomeness." I took his hand and hooked my little finger around his, just like I've seen him do with Mercedes and Tina. "We're going to be perfect, I promise."


End file.
